« The Adam Carolla Show

Kyle Dunnigan and Teresa Strasser, Live from the Houston Improv (ACS May 26)

2020-05-26
Adam opens today’s live podcast talking about his amazing steak dinner, and his last couple days running basic errands around Houston that he can’t do in Los Angeles. Bryan and Teresa then join the show, and talk about massage therapy porn. Kyle Dunnigan also appears as ‘Governor Cuomo’ and shames Adam for bringing together a live audience. ‘Sylvester Stallone’ then learns about the upcoming Presidential election, and ‘President Trump’ schools the crowd on Obamagate. Later, the gang plays a Coronavirus-themed round of Blah Blah Blog. As the show wraps up, Adam takes suggestions for a round of ‘Adam Carolla is Unprepared’. PLEASE SUPPORT TODAY’S SPONSORS! TommyJohn.com/ADAM Geico.com
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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For a live show and nobody hits The ball park like a countdown against God that guy's funny so be prepared to laugh and then the three Strasser back again as well. Of course, bald. First, the tale about Tommy John, you wearing your adjourns you're at home, you're moving around here all over the place up and down, reveal that dog ball. The toys off the floor or Tommy John knows you're up down in your where now Utah. Began underwear, so they get somethin smart, they made them New Tommy John Underwear two times two times more durable, more resilient than even their old pair and right now, for all my listeners in all their customers. You get twenty five percent off site white folks. Get the lounge so comfortable, but the underwear says you know you won't go back what you're currently wearing you just won't it's the bass, and especially
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live from the broad and used in taxes in front of a socially distance audience. This is the atom Corolla Shell Adams, gas. Today Kyle done again put ball Brian on sound effects and to restructure feeling in for news now in taxes, because the CDC recommend staying six feet away from other people and as far as fucking possible, from LOS Angeles, get it on got to get it on a choice: we're gonna men. They get it on Saint return. It in great should come out tonight. I try to pull the lid off the water back they're gonna little premature, I duration go and we're gonna bring everyone up in a second edits when they were take a few minutes and talk to you guys before we started the official show a thank you guys were coming out tonight.
I do I do appreciate it. I got two things went out to dinner last night at masters and had a day I really felt like. I was in prison. For the last ten years. Really really felt that way with this sitting in a booth got the tomahawk, bone in time. Ah ha, the martini the guy was shaking at the table by the way. Could? agree on one shape for the martini. We had two martinis red one guy up here. The other guy was going to fall gonna, throw That you and kill you, but at the martini, had the stake had all the sides had deserves had just just watching people out in their name.
Habit, tat being free and you are coming from LOS Angeles, there was a novelty. Obviously I sort of I think of it. This way, and I think of it this way when it comes to the states that are locked down, which is in its. So it's it's a little bit about it's. It's an example, but I think it's fit, which is when you do something like when you enjoy yourself like. If you injure yourself snowboarding your doctor will say how did you break your ankle and you go snowboarding and then the doctor says
no more snowboarding for you, which is fine if you're a dentist- and you were just snowboarding over the weekend by if your professional snowboarder you're fired So in California, art governor and our mare of LOS Angeles says you broke your ankle, snowboarding, no more snowboarding for you. But we say we make our living snowboarding and we have a tournament coming up in six weeks and he goes. I dont care hid the sofa in other states in other cities. They say, you broke your ankle. Snowboarding we're gonna point a play in some screws in it, but
have you up on the mountain in ten days in you can pay, because it's your fucking choice, whether you hurt yourself snowboarding again and that's how you feed your goddamn family, You might be don't tell me never to do this thing ever again. Tell me how long it's going to take to safely give me back up on the mountain which doesn't mean I won't break Welcome ankle. Again means I get to die. Try anywhere receiving a stake. Last night. I got a massage today. I didn't even know I didn't know part upon. I didn't know the massage was on the table. I didn't know. I was like think it a shit. I could
do when I went to taxes and I had get a haircut Edith stake, my eyebrows wax Kyoto Lens craft and get a new a prescription for glass, and these are all law, goals when you're from ourselves, I get to go to a lens grabbed, there's instead in line this is by gaining huge what I was walking. Only yesterday in between gettin eyebrows, wax and get a haircut, and I saw a massage places that were open and I was like I don't know how this works when I'm in so I went into the massage by the way. There is no difference between the highfalutin four star hotel, massage in this, more massage! The only difference is sixty. In its go in your fuckin pocket and It's trying a little harder to please.
So I went in and got myself a Strip mall massage. I gotta tell you this. When a fifty six year old asian woman says the do somethin, I do it. She site get naked and get on table like ok, she's like first you We in the bathroom round. I like ok, she does she want all bear bought acts of ever had this before she pulled a sheet of sheep got on the table with me. I've never had that before this relationship hooker, was on the table. She was meeting. My ass, like Brad, like she was going to put it in the oven like she's working it and she I don't know if she's, vietnamese or Taiwanese, I don't know she was, but she wasn't from an
Herr Centric community. My ass, The hair on my ass was probably more than the last seven hundred and fifty guys she dealt with combined like beating my Harry ass. She had heard it between my legs. I had like some weird. I didn't. I wasn't a ban. Zack situation was below bottom, so the hat Nelson sack situation. She was dealing with at sea.
A lip overburdened offer me the towel suicide. For you now flip over like over, and I pulled the towel over myself, gingerly workin on my ass. It felt it felt good. It felt good. I had the had the hair cut. Had the brow wax at stake last night. Had the full rub minus the tug know, though, My feeling is, I don't like the Robin Talk, but I would take the talk and rob thing is, let's get it over with and then let me relax and get a massage like the whip. Grip on the elderly asian women. Then, let's see, let me see what I had written. Here. Are you ok,
all right. Shall we make Spanish we bring in or our gas, we have it Brian interviewer Teresa Teresa Teresa great to see you guys tile will join us opposed Hayes where's, are went out right where you are now I'm so keen the palm springs. Area of California, it's hot like ninety six grace here today, but my students and pool action Teresa where you and I'm feeling Arizona, and I just wanted to say is not just that you are eating his thick with. You are helping some people,
indeed out there in Houston, because the show that you're doing tonight and all of your shows in Houston benefits of Houston food Bank- and I know you said so- I just wanted to say thank you. This weekend shows are going to the Houston Food Bank, where it sits, you're, probably not giving this steak. I got last night the browser dented can of didn t more steer. Whether your time comes before you rob Roy I'd never arrive on our stake dry Rob, never had to even potential for the rub and tug. I didn't know what to think. I was like. Oh my god, this is happening right now. I don't know what edicate is. I can't get to my
Will it from here? My foot was like trying to get to my pants, I didn't know. Have you guys Come close to a Robin tug or something that was a massage like I had I had a friend who want your chiropractor in the guidelines: Digit on here, yes, Walter problem. Here's the problem with dropping the digit or the or the Robin TAT you think. Well, that's insane. I would never go for that or I would pay extra for that way. You know What happened to you, but that's you standing fully dressed like eating breakfast and talking to a friend now. Naked in your face down on a pillow in your face, is through it dona that Cynthia a pillow and your boy naked in a stranger you never seen before,
his loved you up with Greece, it is working. Your loins now may seem a little closer to them how Teresa's anything like that ever happened to you, Ok, I just have to admit something: I'm I don't usually what a lot a poor man. Orangeade has been? You know have ties I didn't see this in a porn recently, where The woman was getting emphasise, besides therapists, gave her a bear special the size and I will say that: I thought about it later. It was a good scene porn team
I've seen of sea that brine anything for you anything come close real, never know rather pleasure. Now I did. I don't believe you the woman got on the table with you have a massage once and very exotic massage, the japanese woman job is saucepan after assumption, japanese up on me stood on me and like held a like, like herself to live, walk on my back her whole uttered. Why God little my back, this is holding a bar walking on my back. I walked into the room where I was gonna, get them and I saw the bar on the ceiling and I took to be a good omen. Because it was sort of like those bars they use for the veterans to rehab. It said it was on the ceiling and I thought is she going to use this bar at so I did. I did happen. I didn't happen.
It is that, although it didn't look like OSHA had approved this sad, it was to buy or on its edge with a couple of light dowells you'd have achieved motel in the closet and that was across like, but maybe maybe it's what you want it's like a fail safe, like heavy waits, need apply to this job like like it be good? For you know? because when the plus side scowls come in and they go head like a job at the Robin Talk, I'm sorry this ceiling would cave in half. They re really wish we could accommodate year, but the whole ship has come down. If you got up on the table that, tables raided two three hundred and seventy five pounds are average gas is one. Seventy five year go into a corner, Clearly, the math is not going to work so
guess the point is, is if you want to get yourself a little bit more than a massage, you must go to a massage parlor, that's in a Strip mall and as other weird businesses. Next doing, if you go free standing place, you're in a hotel or at birth Williams, or something like that. This place naturally with sue she and others either. That was like a pet store, so you knew or no You knew urine for good time. All right, Sure we bring Thailand where's Kyle. Can we agree upon him up and backs panic? We bring down my white monitor just a little bit be good Kyle. It's time I took over I'm doing Kyle's today. Sorry, that's global governance governor,
Chrome, or what are you people going there? What is this a governor karma were in Texas, ongoing alive show. I, now I got here virus knows no borders, ok, you're! This goal diaries doesn't care where the world, while others rulings, ok, travels through the air. You see right. I travelled through the air to get to taxes. We wanted to come here and do alive show with the people. I know not wearing a mast right now. I just feel like it. Important at some point to open up the economy and to get out there and speak with the people. It's about you snowboarder one very simple solution: ok, this no border! Ok, just these the girl do. One of his bank accounts kick out of you, a thousand dollars.
We on vacation, for a few words I would see it is my example. Governor Cuomo New York is a profession snowboarder. I dont have enough money to retire, so I need to get back up on the slope. Now it's never be without risk. I need to mitigate the risk and then get out there and compete again, because that's my I ve heard So you have no money as a snowboarder guy. What you do is you got your parents, you say, give me a few hundred thousand dollars to get me to these months. Commish they pay I'm italian, but a lot of people don't know what you're capacious means rather like it means you understand, but see. I think your play. To save. When you lock down the city
New York for month after month, I think a place like Texas. Did it right? They have their social distancing. You people shut. You shut your mouths, listen by the power of the state of New York. I command all of you to get up and leave. There is an listen to me, listen to me I never arranged a freezer truck. We're going to a freeze. The whole audience between is until you're right governor. You understand. First up, you don't have jurisdiction over Texas. I know you have jurisdiction. Here's the problem with the New York and with LOS Angeles, the folks that run those governments feel like they speak for the entire nation unit. No that there's a whole group of people that are on the coast that make there
decisions and do what they believe is right for them and their family. You can't command taxes to do what you want to do just got here from New York S question, That's all you're passes in passing on passing earth and I look, everybody is social distancing, everyone is being responsive, all save II. I mean You know the one time where the Asia woman was crawling on my back earlier today. Other than that we ve been key with what we have quarantine her. She is in our custody. At this moment You ain't even suits. Found her in corn younger, we have radiations frozen. Yes, I know
I know your brother's beloved news anchor on CNN and I understand you guys have an opinion- that's probably different than many others in the country, but I feel like you should be able to live and let live. You should understand that not everybody subscribes to your particular type of governing. This look. Look, look New York in California, that is America. Ok, these middle things. That's just a little! You know what I'm saying rise like the Oreo cookie about one you open it up. You have the two sites. Ok You look out the middle. The trash and then you have a nice cookie, the New York and LOS Angeles. See you sound like a leaders when you say that you sound like a double stuff leaders when you say that you have done then what you think of is fly over country, other people
the debate is their home. Look we're middle We're gonna go wait in it. A great who is this the skies hot? Bulgaria disgusting. His look, it's very simple: Without the New York and the California there's no America, there is a a big try, cheap landfill in the little rosy. This is the leaders of this- is why Donald Trump as president, you guys around in there or you don't realize or other people in this country, and they both in its not just about the code, is not oppose. People are waiting to get into New York. Those people are waiting to get in California. Nowhere
Look it's happening now with all due respect. These people are fleeing New York in their way in California because they don't like the oppression of those places, no one to go somewhere where the cost of living is cheaper worthy. Go out and make their own decisions where they can go to Strip Mall and get half a Robin talk, and I have the governor are the mare telling us how to live their lives? There people are fleeing New York, Governor You are now under arrest, sir. I believe you know the law fire in a theater you have your nonsense in a comedy club and you are under arrest. We're not in a coffee club where, at the Houston Brow we're safely. Distancing era when the first look at this is an example of these now is to buy
in the first row. They're, not bikers. Isn't that used to be that every disease look at these Roupell? This is what you hang out. I don't think they have diseases. They looked very robust and healthy. To me, I don't think I'm your man you're, not even there, they have I bet you a million dollars, they have a bike and they don't helmets because after man is their attitude, there's no helmet laws in taxes, brain damage. That's the problem over there governor. You would not be good in Texas, they don't. They have. I know subway system and no helmets these guys just ride their motorcycles are free to make their own decisions about their safety two weeks that whole audience will be dead with Colbrand. This guy has onto worry about this. Guy's got him.
Healthy many pitcher Pierre Accord my calculations. You could just ordered two and a half prayers, but instead you got a minute major beer pouring its own beer and is in charge of pouring his own beer. It s a little suffer called beer sovereignty and that's the way he likes it stopped laughing. Lab, begun, you worship and ruin well now, now? Are you a single a year single man right, governor can't you get the nipple rings. You have nipple. I like to get a playful into bed room. If you're not only light, I didn't, I did not know that about about you. I love Elevated Olivia talking. I know you are you single? Are you divorced? What is with young children watch your status? I'm single to mingle.
Not with any of the trash there. In that he's. Gonna for he'll, I'm going he'll Adam! You have these these these. People? I know you disagree with them politically, but after all we're all americans- and I know you- you want what's best for after all much you're. Ok, I don't know excited I maybe we could talk there were Sylvester vast Stallone because I feel. I feel like Sylvester Alone- is a loss Angela at least that's where he resides, and I know I know, that's the Stallone wishes he could get out and have a tomahawk steak and a rub and half a tug at my right side right, Adam. Let's go out in two weeks who was that last year
up there in Beverly Hills it go on Three. Are you working on a movie the expendable, for what do I did its Benda Booze nineteen, We added, though, the movie drive through it. I told you about this. We do in Dr Entity dispensable. I believe that thrive and then I think I think the movie or think about as the expendable you keep saying that spends undervoice. Ninety, now you're on more displayed the boy. You're doin, the expanded bulls. Four are not that this spend double its Kobe nineteen. It's not that this spend about ninety crew fuse. You know, there's someone in numbers, common rights, Do they expendable for run was fool, yeah we're on rocky. I dont know what any more what rocky are. We are
why sixty two rocky year running the next grip rocky. Tried to move some furniture is doing less than that stuff. Syria okey, then we got Rambo. Rail boys movie into an old age home, and some spies from Russia, then he's got a defeat. Please do to in a game of bridge I was gonna play russian spies in old age home in a game of brain, yeah, there's a nap in America, the member to have those emissions interventions, yet in the we're gonna have debt about fifty two a little nap in the middle.
I know. I know I last time I saw your word. Maria maneuvers is how stewardess hang it. J D. You do does yeah, by the hot tub Maria Menounos Ass for Regina reduce, does why her name is Maria. That's a common name, your mommy Maria those yeah. So I think the problem. Is you run them together? You know you go Maria Manoeuvre, Ozma DVD, said Maria pause manoeuvre, as I think you could do it. Try Maria cause, get out. I'm sorry, Let's try this again I lied when we do these guys you're the captain learn your beauty, Russia. Maria DA area
let me just Maria pause. My new douse, Marina paused, monotonous yeah but don't say, pause, does the pause? What you airports this meal- you know- I don't say it was intermediacy- was what you say and different. What's a case So I am sorry that you went out. I'm saying of me, I'm saying it out loud. It's like when someone says repeat after me right say repeat after me, you see repeat yeah, but don't when I a pause. You pause, but you don't say pod guy I've got Maria pause, my Nunez, Regina, Nunez, ok That that was pretty palazzo so about that part No don't say pause about, nor did pretty
that is really going to tell you definitely definite Zita Brian knows there was good. So when we were at Maria manoeuvre US ass, I was talking your lot. I didn't know that you had, you know: Sly has horses, he raises horses, he rides horses. He and his wife make love we'd love to know who is now No, no, you said you loved horses, you didn't love to the horse dies. That is now You said you said you loved horses that you and your wife loved horses do for yes, but not you, that you made love to the horses whatever you call it boss? we're talking a little earlier about Donald Trump and I know
that debt Cuomo and Trump probably don't see eye to eye on many issues and probably a little more than the coroner spark part me when I say the corner of toxins El Sylvester alone, I don't know whose corner quarter you and you're in trouble, Corner Cuomo Corner Let us be honest with you: already followed, follow the news, if you can believe it I don't really read anything so my arm in arm Iraqis corn, you know you, don't would meet that's my philosophy. You, don't watch the news in you. Don't read. I don't know go back to the US The president is Donald Use president. I sailed what what raising of what you know those many kinds of presidents you know yet resident, company president we always what
right. I should be more clear. The president of the United States of America is Donald J trunk. How'd you get from the ok, yeah yeah from the apprentice yeah he's from the apprentice is now present resolute These have grass with this. Within its been well over three years now Will you know doing my movies? Working out is hard to stay up to date. On current events, yeah. I guess you're not staying when current events, but I feel, like you, should know who the president will I do now, boss done Ronald drop down. Tromp is the president of the United States beautiful congratulations he had the money.
People at ten his inauguration more than any other president attain beforehand. So Silly you don't pretty good the pretty good scandal ree so far he suspend certain assailing. This is gonna, be sailing through the first three and a half years. It is turning the coroner looking for more so the raising their easier, probably never heard of them, as he's been kind of lay low budget line under the radar here on business, yeah, Daddy's, quiet time. Keeping right he's all business is not one of these blowhard sit sit up on Twitter. All nine easily
camera shy, you'd, rather pushy experts out from all he's shorter in the back quietly making policy so We forgive you sly, for not knowing that it is the president of the United States, but desert didn't catch knows all you got it now size run against Joe Biden. You know Joe Biden. No, I do not, sir, he was there. President of what doing I'm sorry, I'm not being clear Look I'm sorry when I speak about the President or the vice president them always speaking of this country. I am not speaking of Manila Mcdonald's zone of this. He was the vice president of the United States, Brazil, go. You remember here is who Obama what's a Iraq with Morocco. But what is it
the president for eight years of this country. In eight years. I did catch the eye, this I feel like I, he made some news and it seems that first african, american president, this country has ever had we, a black eye yeah. Oh, how data I know gonna call me off guard to, but I just meant it was fine and he was a ears. Here's a to term black present, of the United States, who does not for weeks. What is that? No, to its four years, each term, so he was eight years. You may get a pen all die. You talking crazy numbers right, so he president first,
term for years is four years: five Brian and then we re elected him, and so he one another four years for years, redirected, employee right. So we take those two numbers here, combined us two plus two. Ok swore plus four times, foreigners warned us like twenty six now. Can I too twenty six years, sly, yeah, there's this guy cabin living here, was black, but he wasn't really Carl Weathers black rubber language. Wasn't clubroom lay black, you know what I'm saying: yeah. I guess you said you is get, there will Smith Black. There sprang yeah it was it was.
It was a slightly lighter, slightly less and in a weird way, black than the club or Lang. Our APOLLO creed type plan, I have been a little. He was in wider than draw go, but he was somewhere between draw go in Calabria lie like you, Ve Club Lang had what sex babies Morocco bubble. Why on earth? I had never thought about a downright Yeah I think, goes to meet when you sick. Now, that's accurate when you think about it. If it is always, you got you scratch pad out. I think you could probably figure out the club or lying and Rocco Then they had a child could be. President Obama merging the numbers here. You know in the numbers and that's what I'm getting right, so
it was the last eight years and then we had three and a half years of Donald Trump go up to date. Thank you the day and then pine was Obama's. Vice president. We go So he was vice president for four years ago. It is not again the FAO he's your running for president, so he said he could be the president. After about a half, or when went when we vote again where's his audience, Dick than anyone, They don't want like Joe then like Joe, maybe I don't know it's president trump around your house's somewhere and I think he might be somewhere
house Second, is this guy? Maybe we get the get my hair it's your hair on. Yeah! This is like Nineteen, air, diplomatic, baby, global guy right, yeah present interrupt nature joining us Andrew Cuomo says he doesn't think it safe for me to be in Texas or out on stage he doesn't like people showing up without we're ailments doesn't see devil, loser pussy, rather governor global sexual is, of course, those circles. Good, that's death, do anything you need me
Now, there's a lot of obviously controversy, swirling around here I hear the term I hear you Talkin about Obama gave all the time. I don't know exactly where it is what it is too late, You know what it is about, a game so terrible right but a lot of people don't know what it is. So could you explain it? As you know, it is that's how you now that's it did President Trump forgive me, but you would be a horrible math teacher, because this do. Would be like. I don't know how to work this equation out and you would say do you still with rights We keep saying what is Obama Gay and you keep saying you know what it is, but you never really is right. It's that it's a barber gate certain
but you don't want to get round the outfit set up by the gate at the gate, terrible that you get the water. Ok, What is nice, but their father at the gate, devil town So so Watergate was the scandal with Nixon. And now we have another scandal, called Obama Gate, and we just again Obama's last name. It put it with gay. That's right to terrible eggs. What dreadful, terrible bright backs There's no way down did Obama Gate a we want to stick around will to reach Strasser will do some news and you can Canada, Japan and crack wise and hang out give your opinion.
What should we do? Little overdue blah blah blah? Oh sorry, I didn't know that our we're gonna do blah blah blah versa. It's time for blah blah blah again what we asked the celebrity with their retarding online. That's why we, point out to the audience that, back in the day when we started this game, truce, Strasser was just unbeatable she was a legend of escape yeah like Sylvester Stallone, like I mean the convalescent home Lang Margin, I think I ll ask my stuff, but will see if you still have your friends walk head dog that there would be still best is allowed to me. All right in all Pandemic edition of La Blob long. It's not. The time for denial we must
this seriously and shelter in place, it's time for nesting, reed, being cleaning out closet, doing something you ve always wanted to do. Write a book, learn an instrument or language or learned a code online lot draw or paint going through those cooking and reconnecting on a deeper level with the people you love, I find hope in the generosity, love protection and care. I see and feel going throughout our country every day and my heart goes out to everyone directly fact it or simply in fear we will get through, and I bet you our humanity will shine like never before This is a totally caesar, Is it when the pelt role, when it pal trees, Witherspoon Rays,
or a Lissom Olano, first things. First, they headed monster And I dont want to day how to construct your blog. Why do book and clean out? Your closet are things you ve always wanted to do, get a little daylight between clean out your closet and do things you ve always wanted to do. No one is always wanted to clean out they're fucking closet. By the way most people don't have a clause it that you use a zip line to go through. Most people have a fucking clause that resembles a closet, so I could kill you my closet in fourteen minutes, not ours ties, my shoe collection, but ok, this Pavlov. This is this new world order. I don't know, what's going on what happens to people where they just fuckin talk in
then comes out of their mouth, nothing. That was three paragraphs of fuckin zeal, meet Jack shit. Thank you independently! Well be person. First, schooling up the poor people on what we could do with our fuckin closets and learned a blade flamenco guitar. It's tough. They all talk about nothing with great certitude. Going to say. Gwen us! yeah are sometimes is obvious. Somebody go with quiz. Also the nest thing jumped out. We nesting yes,. You know I'm lost my star was staying with the basics. Metaphor. They say that she was born on third and thought she had a triple I'm gone with one of his well
Have you seen Alyssa mulatto lately yeah, she's Alex's, forty seven but she's? No longer ass, apparently donuts, doughnuts, thereby at now she's trials. Doubt at she said attractive whirlwind. Drop you right by the way year, morbidly obese, you can't be making myself, man's below that your morbidly obese UK we make in front of Elizabeth Llanos Weight, but she's a those to be tidy your wait a minute you're saying men can be more readily obese, but women can be more than four percent body bad men. Get me my barely a base women have to starve.
Those are back them up. I get it you just playing by that. Didn't make it a judge bed right down at our camp. This I'm lookin for clear how? feelings when I do did you have any words were Nancy Pelosi who called the morbidly obese seconds. Tell that lady to looks she's dead, I'd circle dives I did you. Did you pick Did you pick a lesson? Mulatto yeah pick the fact, I don't think so wrap, but ok Gwen are three: is it three glands one illicit MILAN up here we go. The blog belongs to. When this pile Donald, the ever go on her web page goop.
A jerk well. I was a big about that. I'm thinkin about just being audio visual today now. What do you think he goes on? Therefore? Yes, I read, except they get touristic about now, we side boom. Yet our year, you're definitely known for your candor. You don't you candor means right, yeah care there, that's where there What does care derby? It means you're, honest. You speak honestly: shooting yeah right here. That's right! Ok, that's! Why does it? I think that fear can spreads so much hatred and figure can spread so much negativity and fear can spread the disease even call.
Then the disease can. When I got back to allay, I notice that the fear was heightened here. So I wanted to empower everybody and I wanted to. Let you guys know that we have the power. You have the power. You have the power to eliminate here is my Larsson. On a groan day or less, so why That would require a span of the roulette wheel. Would it not president God look at this group here no fun whatsoever be had with these girls, yeah, I know Lizzie I've seen her to working on the beach. You see her to working president. I see that their God.
I know you and I donno their little old fashion. We prefer thin Lizzie too fat lives. Is that correct look there is, though, this girl? It's actually takes buds damn straight, it will be hard argue there. So Ironically, the girl Napster, whose last name is grown day, is given away a hundred eighty pounds through a check. We have less, but our So we have captain marble over their Sheikh Miss America. What is or what is, or what does she captain? the marble you guys who we have her hero fake here? Ok, girls and room is very relevant now since we're all wrapped in one year
like your room now and locked in a shared movie. She is a while blow hard, is an insane narcissistic, blowhard, separable, insufferable blowhard, I dont think lives owed talks quite, but why What you just heard is a fucking hamper full of nothing. So, finally, I like that Here spreads the disease faster than the actual fire is spread. I hope none of these witches Try to pilot an airplane, other captain marvelled, no movie. I'm going to say I'm going with Pre Larsson because he's such a blow harm. I feel like this, things that Lizzo would have a theme of like live without fear, live without fear. So I'm going to say Alyssa. Can ok
Recent gonna go free, I don't think lizzo! I follow her on Instagram. She keeps it pretty light with a lot of picture lever booty and not that much fear talk. Ready a we get big poop We get bad picking man, lady there I better go I realise it is just an inseparable. Disgust dig grows superhero! Relaxing the blog belongs to. Less so I knew it guarded bride wow. Steer you wrong. It was a hundred worse than that bitch. What do we got one? I got one in one right, wasn't one atom in Teresa. Have one Donald Trump zero
come on for here, Riga, rigged figure What you say is a baby. You're staying, save, spread, loving kindness, not Rona is wills. Josie small at. Or Gabrielle Union wait a minute were spreading love and now what round. What's wrong, How are we covered nineteen or we carogne pay Donald Trump? What are you? What do you like? The collar? Your china? You what's your thing, The chinaman disease That's what I got it. You don't get you don't go covered. Nineteen does that
that's right, everyone's calling it now. The corona virus covered nineteen. Look at Cape China, the jaded! There's a man started it. China, man virus, what very accurate. But what about that chinese reporter who was talking to you about it and he kept saying China to or don't you Were you saying that, because she was chinese Elect in when the Chinese and Angola They scariest, Godzilla movie, getting rather rabbits hilarious. So we got. Will we got Jesse and whose the third. Oh Gabrielle, union man he's pretty. Oh hearty, I would this pretty simple, but what's
smaller doing in this group. I'm going Gabriel Union now wait wills I'm change after Wilson We may want to change it again. Design gone well, smithy, always too he's just so on controversially, once said, most the Miller honestly monopoly ever some say Wilson, Wilson, I went in terms of your reasoning, I thought calling it Rona might be to light hearted Farewell Smith. I think he never wine to be controversial. We tried it maybe Have a little more groggy task, I'm gonna go Gabriel Union Donald Trump Avril Union says she was fired from America's got talent because she was a black woman. Do you agree with that? yeah, probably once the controversy now the controversy issue.
Fired she was a black woman right? The checks out Now, I think you're kind of missing the point controversy is it's yours fire, because she was a black woman appearing to thanks use packages, black guy? That's what They make sense that you're saying this other word: cod very sea which is a sort of Canada. With what I'm saying is. If you have a job and you're fired because you're not doing your job, that's not controversial by it. Fire because of the color, your skin, that's controversial, either way Honour Rosa, accuse you of doing just that resident. It's right, she's, a bridge.
Look, I love black, the blacks and of the way to the judges, but if she said this competition- and she was big black that happens. That's all I'm saying I'm not on either side. Both sides good both sides, a guy Grandpa energy. She did she wasn't being black. She is black. That's weather big black! Isn't it Well, I guess what I'm saying: a child when she comes Asia is don't thank me. She wings it up in the morning she's black. She doesn't go into work and become black. That's what I'm sorry, I'm sure fired from home is what I'm here for you, do you have a guess? Mister president, I better go with us. These raised, the insufferable children
So I would say that they get terribly good like this. His kids did grow up quite different than I did good lied. Dawson log belongs to join. See small directors direct. President Trumpery familiar with that story where he was there and Chicago ethnic cues. A couple of guys we're in Manga hats came up to a woman. Yeah gotta respect our audacious The ally was pretty sweet you say complementing him on his. Why that thing about, but a girl. I bade there, but that news out his death is not the right right. It's crazy, crazy story.
The thought I respect that he went very Dick is stupid lie and I respect that ay said the assailants were wherein Magna Hats Magda. Let's get a wide dollars for every gap. Soul oh dear, what do you do? You have some sort of foundation a chair near the Donald Trump Foundation goes back to my luck, it while it I'm sorry, you give the money to what Foundation may data. Foundation, wallet let's do one more does. What do they do? Give a disturbing kids, Durban paper. This is a natural thing. When they put whew on China in quarantine. They were, brain shit in the streets
They were knocking on each door taking people's temperature say that I have the corona virus right now. Ok, how am I supposed to know, got it. Is it Vanessa? Hudson's does not again it Cardy B. Less or rosy o Donnell, boy. That is another tough, we'll spin. Isn't it Donald Trump Rosier downloads like what Elvis would look like if I did. I know you I know you and rosy didn't get along great in the past. How, ironically named, is rosy o Donnell. Is there anyone less rose? A the Romans
rosy at all. If her mom named her bitch content Steen, I would say you didn't go far enough. Go part. Vibrates sub, like that, so I know I have you buried the hatchet with rosy present drum now the girls that Very ok! This use to me like Party B, because part Cardy be speaks, directly and simply law. A seven year old with a learning disability, so I'm going party be dealt with. First choice, but in the spirit of gamesmanship who's, the first through the first person Vanessa, hutches been enlightened.
Currently the right answer. You goin Vanessa, wrong. Just words new scheffler. Otherwise we take the same ones. Are justice space it up on governess? Ok, barely two a very stupid person at the coming to go with the Arabs. Joys gotta, be priority, be. The blog belongs to come. Be harder being rang away right. Let's do a typewriter. Next to me. I know this can be hard really hard. I join community. My hope is that you feel like you can take Me, anytime about anything always here's. My number thirty three
three nine six, nine nine to three is it rose Macao Alyssum, Olano,. Or mark rough alone. Donald Trump enjoy. Martin was work. Another good, but Repellor movie, you always looks like you just got divorced it does have the luck. Did you like the incredible hulk, oh yeah! I love that by myself I could have showed a rage of the White House like that ripped my shirt pants off right around brakes, yet our. I got this draft, that's that's dear the grab that I give a shit smash, it's a drug Likud may that it really is up by, but right now, Scrooge
I promise I'll. Let you go first same version, so the yellow rose her gown. I Teresa. I think I'm with unless the MILAN. Only because he's come up twice interesting technique, President Trump above that job shove, job yeah, that's ironic, jails and rosy. I can job is to go faster, LISA when we heard you go of thought. Kit That's one person fabulous, oh frat, I'll go Mark rival. Here we go for the win. This tragedy strategy paid off
Blog, belongs to listen. Milan Teresa Strasser Teresa Strasser. Let's bring it up until next time. Keep your fingers on your keyboard and your heads up morasses. So we can play another round, blah blah blah right. I think we're going to close The show with some Adam Corolla is unprepared, so I want to give some plugs out or plugs, or do I Kyle done again, every body Kyle not again Comedy Dat Instagram at Kyle done again one and twitter at Kyle done again as well
Teresa, Strasser, podcast easy listening with Gina grad Teresa Strasser Strasser the tv series the listed is playing on stations across the country to find it nearest. You ball. Brian, thank you guys were heard again and figured what do around an curls and prepare you guys, are going to raise your hands. You're gonna shall one word and I'm going to do a comedy bit around that one words. If you have a word raise your hand right here, sector me Oh yeah she's, one full Kuwait aid on vasectomy. You wanted to get a sector. May I like
don't know how the vasectomy works. I happen to like the tubes being tied more than the sector You know what I think that I do. You know how they have those new parties. Were. We guess these acts of your baby. We take, ball and we put either pink powder and aid are blue powder in it and we toss it up to a major league ballplayer and he smacks of its paint, gave a girl. That's blue! You have a boy we should do so. Version, that with this the me versus. Tied. We should have like a pin. Yeah in my opinion, should be filled with butter milk aren't you
tube socks tied in a knot. And we should have to figure it out because and also, I think you can reverse you're vasectomy by the way which It seems like, like a job to me, to come in reverse, that by the way, if I were surgeon who specialise in reversing the sect, amaze I'd have a very interesting conversation with the gentlemen who came in which runs Jesus. Ten minutes ago, you loved fucking and not having kids. Now, if your wife rolled over on your young S or your middle ground in the pool, I'm all ears, but if you just decided you wanted, is shit out a bigger prude down with that. And Do you know what I would be pitching if I was? If I was the surgeon,
you came in and you wanted to consult and you're like I want to talk about reversing my this sector me I'd, be like Happy like one of those you know those people who stand in front of the the planned parenthood. The religious people who stand in front like hey like you would take this pamphlet come on. Christianity is like happy that is a doctor except for my religion, would be blowjobs it cut you open its pretty risk or you get a nice homer rack, and drive my custom van here today, Let's just anybody years it, but maybe you and MRS could blow off a little steam in the parking lot get your. Please come back, still Gung HO for the reversal of the sector. Me
How much is of a sector me. It's like eight hundred, how much. Five hundred is: is it covered by insurance? It is. You know my feeling is when I'm in charge I'm gonna be signing a lot of a sector raised a lot of fuckin do in this land- it is a good sign. It means you have a healthy relationship, it means you enjoy engaging in sex and I also hear that after the vis sector me the floor, Time, that's the charm, that's the big one! That's why I've been. About gettin of a sector me screwing once go back in constantly being in flocks constantly living in that place of the
press load of ever drop because I'm coming off the vasectomy yeah. I think I would be I would we pitching blowjobs? If I was, if I was the doktor in church of the vote, active me reversals and if you got a little like offended, I'd be like well fine, but there's a greek doktor down the hall. That's pitching are completely different plan You think you're pissed now talk. I think we should split the coin right now. I think we should decide the two tied verse, the research sector me. I know you want him to do that and I know he wants to do that. I feel like if we flip that coin right now, the coin because would tell or that's an interesting thought. Oh, we
play rock paper scissor, because the Sesar is like the dairy sector over their heads tales either one we don't need the respective it now hold on your heads. We don't have a coin. This is weird: we we have come to a place in life. Were people no longer use change? Someone is gonna, find a coin. Aren't we will get what it will get your coin, yes, I'm right here, heads: over there tell so heads the sector me sorry. I wait a second. Let's put, it is right: its tube snide reset? there may be described. I feel like Fucking Steve Harvey in its Airbus universe, competition.
Fuck this up royally. This is worse than a Kimmel at the Oscars. Heads too, hi tales, vasectomy alright there. We go its official Why did it land just like I did on the ground this quite away. This is why the terrorists hate us it's on the ground. So what is written so this guy knows no two out of three and a half a year ago.
Perform surgeries, but I built a lotta model airplanes come on. I don't see a huge chasm between the two endeavours Let's do another one ends up. What put your and I ve got one word for me to do a bit. Hopefully won't we just did didn't we You got another one come on. We got one there. There go you're all right I, like I, like your crazy. It lets me know what part of the country or from some from North Hollywood. Nobody says your people this, and then there are other parts where they say use guys, which seems like a lot more work than your, but I like that you come again here. I like tat and
It's also code. Do I'm a little bit races, so I usually have a couple: a Jew, jokes, chambered and idle. I keep him close to the vast, but if I hear someone say your, I go, hey have you all ever heard this one before. Let's do another one. I don't have that much on your right there. Straight ahead. What's that, I'll do love line a sex she's. Raising her your hand, drunken guy in the back, sir I'm gone, I'm going up, yes you dick our I can do. I can do dick I was thinking about it. The other day is a guy with a
very average dick. I have an average dick, it's not small, it's not big its. Nothing, to write home about by the way we did have a huge dick. Would you write home about dear Father and mother? I This quail and parts read too. Make you aware of something that I think you should know. I have a super big dick, but I thinking about dicks. Two days ago I was in my bathroom the kind of think about that stuff like so much is just short of random? Luckily draw like you know if your guy in your hair is thinning? Are your girl? Some girl, have a big, pose some havin a cop like it's all your nose, your high its it's all random right,
it's all right. We give everyone credit for everything. I could look at her. She so beautiful. She so tall. Look at her cheek bones, but it's we just cosmic role that dies right. It is in Europe dick size, the ultimate cosmic role of the dice. If you think about it, I've seen enough porn to know that the guys Excise has nothing to do with male pattern ball. This are as high as biceps hours. Prank counters fight goes score. Some due to just have a big, dick and other pay. Their deeds. Don't have a big dick, and I was kind of thinking about what is Maybe if you just have an average back- and I thought well, it God doesn't care about you like
when God is handing out the decks and not that he's physically handling taxis, not gay, probably farms that out to one of his lieutenants. But what I'm saying Is- Is handing out the deck- and it gives you a micro penis that is a pox upon your loins in your family, but It gives you a huge hog, that's the greatest gift! God could give you It would be. Gives you an average sized. Dick is basically the same moment along like the bouncer in front of a club with the collector and its half capacity, had just a big black guy in eternal neck, with a huge dick, just gonna keep Goin, God knows. I think about myself. I think, are you blast our you lucky? Should you Judy
cash in and take it all the vaguest just put it on red and spin that roulette wheel, and then I look at my dick and I think, don't leave the house Sometimes I think about bungee jumping and then I look at my dick and go not by the hand of God I got the booze then in the Dick Department move it along. Also there seems to be no correlation between the size of your body and size. Your dick you, women could problem We tell me, but I once I once was. Hosting love line on MTV. And I was sitting next to a young black actress at the time and I dead on the air. I said something like Well, you know maybe the guys
doesn't have a small dick, but maybe he doesn't big, maybe he's no shit, Shaquille, O Neill in the lines and iron laughed and then we went to commercial and the young black hackers leaned over to me during the commercial break. It said I bid was shack. It ain't all that you don't see that the general commercial there by the way when a hot blackjack says she seen shacks Dick, you don't go fuck a liar. Let me spell your hand, you just go and then there's that next thing that washes over all guys. We go oh good, now theory about black men in big dick. Well, I mean it.
I've watched copious amounts of pornography. I've seen many white guys with average size dicks in poor Nagasaki. Maybe they know the director, I dont know how they made it in quite. By the way you think there are any guys who worked like they do say, and I mean it. I think it's probably about thirty percent of guys are like piss shy like if they go in Ball Park and they're trying to take up is there's a dude standing, Text John, like I can do it with this, standing here. Do you think there are any mail porn stars that are piss shy, because that would be very complex in terms of their why're. You just
up the loaded, this chicks hair with eleven people standing around then you wonder the bathroom and the guy holds the boom. Mike was standing to close to you and you won't come on dared. I can't care focus with. You That was a tangent. My point is this:. Black guys in porn lots average size. Why do Dixon porn? I get it always black deeds with huge hawks and porn, so because the air American is only seen the brothers Dick pornography. It's not like I play football, a rambling was in showers, just surrounded by black eyes and their debt. The only black Nick, I see as important and are always huge, and I think it's not bad
their necessarily bigger. I think poor discriminate and the let whitey in with a medium sized honker. But if your brother, you got to be hung like a rhino and ordered a break in in a business and when I'm in charge, I will put an end. I will be upon stage. Have tomorrow, hairs on one side of me in poorly book or on the other. We look in ride into that camera. Nation is la bow ties we talk about this. Is God What was the question? What was the debt dicks yeah yeah next time, fellas next time,
think about going to Vegas or happen on that motorcycle without a helmet or doing some little danger is sir. Passion now start your own business look at your junk, If it ain't huge, you might not be lucky All right, let's do another. What do we got right here? get a lot about takes that's my job. I was requested to think about debts. That's my job. You guys probably been you been with one of those guys. It's got a little English on is like. Sister. It starts out going straight than head stored MECCA Paul Peronne is disease. That's right!
I dont know if there's any therapy for that, Dick, what I've I've doctor you ve had that bent dick, yes my feeling. Here's my therapy. If it to the left. You gotta be off with your right hand, it's just it just sound medical principle. If it goes through the right, you gotta do your left hand if it goes down. You gotta get the nanny to do it because I haven't work that went out you? You ve, been with a guy that had had the curvature yeah, the You got it now. Did it go up? Did it go down? Did go republic in Democrat down, went down the air,
I talk to that. Dirty seller is fine. Before imagine his, he said it was good. Now you know what he said. He said my dick was like an orchestra being in the wild majestic running free. Then I got with this, which anyone full black fish just tipped over on me. No man of herring or pad could ever get it to go straight again. You seeing those movies. A book in shampoos is going in a circle, all bummed tank to small, no freedom
longed for the majesty of the open sea, where he can swim, really live again, going in a circle with his rent, dorsal deck. I guarantee Susie hit open water and when I say open water, I mean a twenty three year old receptors Pannikins Dick Straight ride. Out again You weren't, for God, is ass. This your story paper. I wish I was making it up. I may never say that again, it may have never been said before. But who is this guy's gone. He's long gone.
You got a twenty three year old with a straight dec. Nice are good. Your last name. Is there oh yeah I was once more oh way hit a spy. Let me let me really regain my composure here. Yes, that's right. You need Otto insurance. Everyone still in their part, these days guy go. What's you know that their they're going to share some with you Geico ever give back programme, fifteen percent credit on car and motorcycle policies for current new customers, because Geico committed for the long haul, the fifteen percent. At last, the full policy term visit guy Kodak com. Slash get back for info.
EL, they all! I let's be one more right. Back there. What do you got? What is it sweet? Oh queen, come on! I'm a christian Dare you It's that go out on a weird vat noise. That someone say taxes, taxes, I gotta say somethin where I grew up in California. I didn't know what Texas was Texas. All I knew from taxes was the beginning of the Beverly hillbillies. That's all I knew about taxes or Jed play.
It was shoot at some food and up from the ground up who incur oil that is black taxis tee God. What is is weird plays. It seems too hot and jet play a bit was fleeing taxes, the go to Beverly Hills. I North Hollywood. North Hollywood is seven miles away from Beverly Hills on, like all I gotta do, is get from North Hollywood to Beverly Hills and then me in jail in early May, and MR dry stale can all have fun and our see men pond, which he called a swimming pool. So I thought all I gotta do is get from North Hollywood to permanently hills. Now I made
Beverly hills and I'm thinking how the fuck do I get to taxes, because at the end of the day, all I wanna be is left alone to enjoy my freedom, which is why we all came to the United States in the first place.
And maybe the loans STAR State is the place to do it. Maybe I'll just move into the green room they ever leave again. I want to thank Karl done again for carbon out here. Tonight is, and you guys for coming out with a great crowd tonight until next scientists, Adam Pearl, twice a stress or Paul by how much is broadcast Youtube darkened Flash Adam Pool free order, atoms book, I'm your emotional support, it will get it now. Adam corroded.
I'm not sure exactly what I want to study and I just know I want to make a real difference with the title campus of fifteen hundred students and eleven to one student faculty ratio and are legendary dedication to research and self discovery for scientists is big enough to expand new horizons. Small enough to feel like home. My first year, seminar, professor, helped me learn to make connections across majors to start finding my own pat resign. His college, nay perfect, fit visit us online at U R s eye. And U S got EU frigate.
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