This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 4/15/2020.
In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the great void in humor we sense as Bernie drops out of the race, how Biden is making the face mask regulations work for him when he wants to smell everyone, and how Trump finally solved his press briefing woes. Kyle and Ethan also talk about weird news like screaming goats taking over a Welsh town and also chat with comedian boomer Jeff Allen.
In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan talk about the latest open thread premium post about Good Friday for Babylon Bee subscribers, circumcision, Mediterranean food. and some unused headlines.
Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!
Show Outline
Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about milk production, goose racism, and word associations. Ethan also gives combat tips against geese. Kyle and Ethan talk about their Easter celebrations in quarantine.
Stuff That’s Good -
Kyle: 90s CCM Albums
Ethan: Best Worst Movie
Weird news- Ethan inspires a soundbyte and a new segment.
Coronavirus lockdown spurs police in England to dye 'Blue Lagoon' black to deter Instagrammers
Mountain goats use coronavirus lockdown to take over Welsh town, video shows
Mum who gave birth during coronavirus lockdown calls child 'Covid Bryant'
Story 1 - Bernie Tests Negative For President : Presidential Hopeful and Socialist Bernie Sanders had his entire campaign derailed after getting back the results from a routine medical exam. Overall he had a clean bill of health but he did test negative for President.
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Bernie Sanders dropped out finally and endorsed Joe Biden!
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Since we may not see Bernie again, here are some Bernie Sanders greatest hits…
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Bernie Sanders Drops Out Of Race To Spend More Time With His Many, Many Houses
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Bernie Sanders Drops Out As Campaign Goals Of Locking Everyone Up, Destroying Economy Already Achieved
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Bernie Vows To Rebuild Berlin Wall
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'80s Movie Night Gets Awkward As Bernie Sanders Keeps Rooting For All The Villains
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Bernie Sanders Hastily Adds Right To An Abortion At Any Time To Copy Of The Constitution
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Bernie Sanders Unveils New Plan To Levy Special Tax On Anyone Who Makes More Money Than Bernie Sanders
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Nike Releases Bernie Sanders Signature Shoe That Helps You Survive Under Socialism
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Bernie Sanders Arrives In Hong Kong To Lecture Protesters On How Good They Have It Under Communism
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Bernie Sanders Praises China For Eradicating Poverty By Killing All The Poor People
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Bernie Sanders Leaps Into Wood Chipper To Reduce Carbon Footprint
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Bernie Sanders's Acme Rocket Explodes In His Face In Yet Another Failed Attempt To Catch A Billionaire
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Sanders Clarifies His Gulags Will Be Democratic Gulags
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Bernie Sanders Supporters Defend How He Always Wears A Top Hat And Monocle And Carries Around Bags With Dollar Signs On Them
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Bernie Sanders Praises Slave Owners For Free Housing Program
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Disheveled And Covered In $100 Bills, Bernie Sanders Claims He Was Attacked By A Group Of Billionaires
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Dems Combine Into Giant Mech To Annihilate Bernie Sanders
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Bernie Sanders Yelling At Kids To Get Off His Many, Many Lawns
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Bernie Sanders Banned From Fortnite For Throwing All The Other Players Into Gulags
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Bernie Sanders Takes Quiet Moment To Seek Advice From Portraits Of His Favorite Dictators
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Story 2 - Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People's Hair : Democratic presidential front-runner Joe Biden has agreed to wear a CDC-approved N95 ventilator mask. However his staff was troubled when he cut a nose-shaped hole out of his mask so that he could still sniff people’s hair.
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This one went nuts. Burned Bernie Bros have been taking to social media to complain about Joe Biden too.
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We need to make a mask that looks like you have a bat hanging out of your mouth
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Is everyone complying with wearing masks out in public?
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Jesus not obeying the shelter in place order
Story 3 - Trump Installs Ejection Seats Throughout Press Briefing Room : After several tumultuous press briefings with a combative media, President Donald Trump has sought to solve the ongoing conflict by reaching out a hand ... and pressing a red button on his podium that ejects journalists into space on rocket-powered chairs.
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Usual characters trade jabs with president at his press briefings with coronavirus task force.
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Yamiche from PBS has been sparring with him about ventilators.
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Mike Lindell the MyPillow guy retooled his 75% of his factory to make masks and gave some off the cuff remarks about reading the Bible and looking to God during this time, the media went apoplectic.
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CNN’s Jim Acosta, another usual character, accused Trump of engaging in “happy talk” and painting a rosy picture despite personal protective equipment shortages. Trump slammed him.
Interview of the Week - Millennial Kyle and Gen X Ethan talk to boomer and comedian Jeff Allen about life in America changing, Jesus saving Jeff out of alcoholism, and keeping comedy clean.
Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback - We get a neutral mail teasing us with knowledge of Carman.
People! If you have stories about Carman, send a short audio file or email to podcast@babylonbee.com !!!
Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:24:54)
Open Discussion Thread; Good Friday
Some Unused Headlines and sneak peak at upcoming headlines in our drafts
Mediterranean food and circumcision
Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
In a world of fake news, this is news. You can trust grilling up hamburgers of truth in a world of vague in this action. Your listening to the Babylon Bee with your hosts file, man and ease and nickel, welcome to the battle on be podcast, the pod cast where we cover the new.
More thoroughly than anybody else in the world and thrive.
Even more thoroughly them, then the stuff they, the coding that they put on magazines and newspapers
Is that pretty thoroughly coding easily this the ink from smearing when you read it to keep your greasy fingers from getting all greasy Oliver? So what what kind of coding is that this move on? I was just an analogy:
but you may coding like programming, no coding, you gotta coatings, waxy courting its authority,
nobody reads: magazines in his Beata sorrow, it's gone. How just trying to tell you, I feel you're talking yeah. You know a rift
are we trying to riff its Monday morning, tired we spent
Where's writing this bit about coating. We did not know it, didn't they even just his brain. I mean
I think if I said that line to like three million people
The EU would be only one who would go to Magazine magazine
it covers the news more than like. If you did,
third already, if I just did, it- worries us asian game, but people unless it thoroughly, and you would be the only one to go yet like magazine, we already thinking about them
I know something that I don't know your man it when your progresses,
jump on your head and you just have not a talent, mine, possums, porcupines right is go with it right. Nice, porcupines, hugging, your father. This is like a pork together. No this only. I saw the connect
connections great now. Well, this is applied cast where we covered the news by reading Babylon be headlines
and it's not it's not a satire. Podcast people,
because your first time, listening
This is hanging out with the Babylon Bee writers, because some weird people want to do that when they see it all time, it's not a mark.
You think that there would be any demand, the authority, but apparently there is,
so weird we understand when I was an see batteries. I like totally get it. I understand we are saying,
but I am shocked at the good ones and are so many good ones. So
riding along on this we're going around
this we're gonna milk, this this and until people figure out the we don't know what we're doing have you removed a puppy working, a milk, this puppies that what I said
we do not make anyone, you can milk anything with numerous Gregg. That's true! That's from something
it is. It is from a non Christian Phil, it's where the meat, the parents. I think why did we pay
cows out of all animals the illegality,
all of their milk Achilles party,
I wonder what is even in our moral and even to stir, take a bit.
Milk from all the animals, make a mixture,
something really awhile. We have almond
is examined, doesn't others there are no others on an element, so I don't think that's actually milk
crushed almond. Yet we really out the milk production to the cows yeah, it's really uneven and then chickens have a bad guys their having to give up their eggs,
constantly yeah there's a big trade. They as whether you Sir said snobs. They walk rather knows in the air. They think o
chickens habit or workers their garbage. Their race is racism. Chickens are garbage of garbage race than an elite. Like us geese you, nobody kills and they should be killed. I'm glad that will bring up the big issues like yeah goose racism against racism early. I do think that needs to be up there more
So, what's our institutional here in the battle Irene POD gases, bringing up the real issues, other people are afraid to touch. I wish we had a goose sound effects. Where does the throw that, in their or through the magic of technology, we can add it later hardest? Do their second airhole gives us fighting in air horn? I don't think I have told you that I used to get picked up
geese like they act like school bullies when I would. But I've heard you ran about jog around this pond and they would be a gathering there like a bunch of bullies, smoking cigarettes, you know a grey taken lunch money in it.
And they wouldn't let you buy
put their their arms out like they're like come on. Bro I come at me. Brother prefer chest out. You
They are two I take it. I get a kick the goose in the face, as I got up and
only in planning and got up unlike a crane kick pose, is like and then the goose said Flop can like a noodle like they cannot control fire hose in a flop around and chased me like it was man he's Demi in chase me around half the pond. Let go you just go and formulate bite my legs, so don't kick a goose and face unless you're ready to leg, throw down hard, and I was ready. I would listen to
one minute, Lompoc Ass, that's just Etons life advise and that's real IKEA that you should not kicker goose in the face
Well, I think what the real issue is. They don't have a lot of like if you kick a person that they still don't have much neck there. So the face stops that there's impact of gravity, but he kick a goose the face that has no impact cuz it just flops around then we'll fill Anyting
it just shake up the rage in their brain, combat you. So where should you take a goose? I
and if I was to do it all over again, I kick it right between the legs.
Up into the air was that they can fly and dive balmy. I think what you should do it you'd stop. A goose
I think we should do actually get. You should grab it by the neck and then slamming into the ground repeatedly like
like a who's, the guy, the railroad track, guy,
Tom, well Bunyan,
No pie he's the railroad version of power. Tom with was a stupid
Thomas than lazy machine or whenever you are right,
trying to take over the civilised
goose, murdering tips.
So how's your history ever get Easter alone in your home, my Easter. So we did dues streamed
ouch we only most of it. We have the most of it, not a thing of industry,
church, but I will do what we have to do now.
My two year old was buck naked. The entire time he's jumping all over us. Terrorizing whole family screaming turn it off and then he was hitting us.
Jumping on us and then finally want again to leave us alone. First, he went into the bathroom and flooded it like you just turn on the sink and somehow clogged up, and we, my wife, looked out in the hallways up water coming out of the hallway, so he had the entire
were I like an inch of water and then he went outside and he came running any goes egg egg and he's got these eggs in his hands ass. He had found the eggs that we're supposed to going for after the church service so that by where it is like cut it off and, like sorry pastor like me,
the pastor, it's kind of a nice feature actually just new to me the past, Europe's there, my bathrobe known, I think we're all gonna get real use that number when we actually go back to turn now ordinary, like our main, can't just meet the past
I gotta wear clothes Yang and we're closed the kids. I his diaper on sister.
My favorite thing was that he he he had never experience
why he Norma hidden remember last year. So this is the first time really like comprehending was happening that there's eggs
and everywhere and there's kandian them in money, and he talks cute cuz he's too. So he kept
he is kept. Walker go like my egg. I get my egg like you going
You think I wanna get more eggs leasing. Amoy egg can sing Amoy Egg Italian in our family was Larry's. We give singing that's egg
in this on that tomorrow that some of the IRA three almost four year old, is getting into the Easter thing, gets damned thing understands what
happening, sir, but he's really loved these really bad at finding exe
their terrible. They walk right by their right. There yeah it's right there gallic. I will point
my fear, will be like two inches from it and he just
look an all round my hand. Yes, so we
the church thing and on the tv and then my wife made a full Easter dinner. I did to hammer mashed potatoes. I made a honey, bourbon, glazed ham awesome as previously did you bring any leftovers to she told him my fridge now you guys can come overcoats wild I but
worth it. For that. Hey ya, good are well on the show. We are going to do some funds that we have a new segment,
This week we were gonna. Look at Weird news, yeah, so
actually happen, but we talk about stuff. That's good! We look we're
Use we read Babylon, be headline, so you can be incredibly informed and then we have a topic of the weaken this week. We're talking to Jeff Alan, whose a committee,
that was on. Like bananas, comedy I've got the dvd, my parents house in Bananas, colony he's.
To pretend. I know that. Is you such a jerk
You are in our guests,
I mean. I've never heard sorry, Javelin, Nokias, Kyle, always reverences thing
christian know about, and I don't know why. I think I had this window.
Its ideas window in the nineties when I became christian around too late in the late nineteenth middleweight nineties, and I was like public a five year period, whereas really engaged in mainstream christian culture and then I kind of lost my taste,
and ass. That's my only reference point the
are there there's jars, a clay there's third day, there's like a lot of stuff there, but like ice,
I missed out a lot of ban wagons. I if you were to use, do have in
I've been diagram of the experiences that Ethan and I have had like the knowledge of christian culture. It would look like boobs
because it's just eat is caused a lot of men to stumble guy. It's just like circle circle and in this small crossover run the middle. I asked what boobs look like. I don't know
so homes growth. If we say that we have to say
Whoa whoa, I mean but covered, obviously unlike Denham, because
I think that it is not now exposed to the well covered, modest modest. Could not forget, God created the Bosom circle
no, I was wearing the member that my point was. We have a very small crossover reads like two circles, but when I think of these objects, we are speaking of the belong, that aren't women's bodies.
Think of the I dont think of a small circle in the middle. That's like what's our circlets like cross, it
like a little all cross over, you know I'll, be home in shaping that's right as yet a third segregated. It's the crossover part. I point
we ve been highly visualize.
So. You got this whole thing from the town. The whole show we're just going to whole show startled out over take to our well. Let's talk about some stuff. That is
good bye. Now this week's edition of stuff that's good around. I want to recommend some nineties ccs albums with Cecy M credence, Clearwater murder. Yes, that's what it is
its eyes. I like to some people and over time we ve been accused of having insight jokes on the reviews before so I just want to say its Christian.
No contemporary, clear, stringently conservative music contempt. Messing up
You want to inform people. Many keep that's contemporary christian music content,
very Christian, which means music. That sounds like it came out about ten years before always about ten
fifty nine or ten priors off from the mainstream exec. Oh you say: exec, oh wait, music that came out yulka ideologies,
like where was popular. Attentive are always a highly, whereas behind my tv, necks were like that it's nudes, evil, Berlin, we catch up. So I put a list up on twitter of my top ten c c m albums and I'll just pick out a couple of years that I thank you
listen to five errand frenzies are newest album ever their best album. What was the big Song
Why are they all learned together? My
the one that went on with
there were one online tv. I think you know what that was handbook for the seller. Ok, it's the one that sounds. It was scar, but it
kind of like they were adding a little bit of Iraq. Sound too will more driving they. I was their biggest like those there made. That was the big big album. Yet
beats and beat downs. They had quantity is job while they had the live one. The end is nearly in Zaire.
Yes rub: Mattie Realms other when they had every day at the end of it, yeah yeah, that's the big blue
or Canada sucker punch
physical Asia place to and stare the singing, listen to every new day and cry so good, a man so good
my brother got a giant boom box for his birthday one year and I think he got our newest member and I got an ex peaks life in general, rip off version of Christmas servitor and then and we traded retreated cities. He realize you didn't like skies. Much did you think it was cool enough for handling this is cool, so we traded he had in space Lavendera, but it was weird. Could we lived in same rooms?
I'm trading you this rough just sitting there anyway to the letter I gotta know stem zoning with Alan Superdome strike back Superman's best Almah was,
never big fan of the sky, with rock star, with rather huge vat are there for a while. We had a song ripped off that significant strike back sung almost like stands for stanza the wrapping at the beginning, and then we had the scar
music abandoned as in different one. So yet, and I had never much loved how added wrapped everything like, as is no white guys. Wrapping was a little we
but it was a great Michael, dubious, Misology Home ammo,
I'm not very early. Nine. Only song is another girl. You have you picture perfect song, you live to be soup, fate has
second hand, error. That is ahead of the cassette tape. You listen to me in my little walkman,
come. One is very. Ninety seven sounds ninety these other.
It's a nice just because their scar, but they don't sound data like sounds like goods Gus anyway
so do I know if you want a trip back into yesteryear. Those are a couple outcomes. Nobby cities is dirty last week, but if he missed the boat analysed yeah, I don't need to recommend Jesus. Rick is everybody.
The guy who, as usual, I am recommending something that is holy unfit for christian ears eyes, but it's one of my favorite documentaries. So there's a movie called troll two of your troll too. Yes, it's a little word. Asthma Lorenz get through the worst movie ever made it like the lowest rating run, tomatoes.
Troll too, as a sequel to troll one, but it has no no trolls in it as this
Sincerely made attempted a horror film with a bunch of it turns at school.
I think a new talent, you Mormons, who would not act
hardly anything this guy from ITALY comes in.
Very serious. You know dark reasoners Isaac.
Curly hair, looks like strong believer whenever from Pinocchio, and he is
thence that he is the most amazing horror writer ever he's written this script in broken English and he is forcing these
small town Mormons to read every line, as he has written that, even though it doesn't make any sense- and so is. This is made for this high level
as ridiculous movie. So best way,
movie is about how that movie
a completely was fizzled out and died, and theatres into mere did horrible horrible movie, then about ten fifteen years later, is suddenly researched. As this cult favorite bad movie, was it because it was featured on mystery site
or something or was it just out of the blue, as is the internet with the internet, is an internet and there is a couple comedians video.
But it had the really was because once the age, the internet came around, these Jim surgeon dug up.
And what I really love about the movie, because everybody gets kind of brought back together who worked on it.
So the main guy, that's in the movie, the dentist with their all these small town people- and this is great juxtaposition of the people who don't take themselves seriously, who can laugh at themselves and then the people like the director and the artists who take themselves all too seriously, still yeah. They still. They still think it's a great work. They can't
bad at their in to me that the fund is part of a movie house, I kind of I really
added to it, because I related to these strange experience that I went through acts. Cop,
like the their lives just suddenly change because of the internet, but I insist
on reading has really been, even if you it does help to us,
all too then to watch this
Both I would give warnings on their swearing in this. There is some weird nudity type type stuff control too. It's more like it's not it's more like a it's like a more like a weird statutes and are some anyway.
Are there any event diagrams risk
the weird shot of a strange side
and I agree that is our new covered in slime bleep word, for though he adds that explicit butter.
Where we must shoulder our kids Mary. I know youngest, but the causes.
Scary. It also areas there, Sir
anyway. I don't spend all of your time. This photo
I want my parents, so I that's very interesting to me. I did finally watch mystery signs, theatre, three thousand and I watched menace,
and the rough and it was her, was rough but tracks.
Image role today was rift racks and it was. There lie version of that, not mr sense, but yeah. That's awesome. I write guys will check out the stuff that is,
This has been stuff, that's good. Every week stories. These are some of them. Did you want to do weird news from ass when we just jump into just just for the fun of it,
There are some weird nude. We have aware news. We don't have a non nuclear yet, but maybe we'll have one that will throw something here. What's a weird thing, but we don't let go I'll wear dues
I can't believe it's not the Babylon B.
All right. So this is a sort of headlines from around too few the world. Let
could have been Babylonia articles because they're so crazy, yeah? So what you got? Krona virus lockdown spurs police in England to die. The blue lagoon black to deter
Two grammars try taken a selfie. Now they this build. This look beautiful
the blue lagoon with black ink just so that insofar would stop taking selfies in front of a problem. Side
What was the meeting really like?
What are we going to do about this? They keep the gathering and in taking selfies like they really should like burn down the forests. What could they put like this pigeon yellows, like spikes participations, can't land? Can they put like instagram respect?
everywhere. Stand there not been bailed out negative instagram respect to get things like the? U S, government blows up Mount Rushmore, so people stop going in taking selfies yeah.
I think this payment is absolutely disabling, giant moustaches on something own deface, whereas the
Colonel virus lockdown continues and whilst town has been taken over by mountain goats,
everybody's locked inside and mountain goods geezer roaming taken over and they sit in the bus benches. There would also be
They, like writing the trains, or am I mean. I wish that the apocalypse would be like zombies too.
Over mutants, the no one
even mountain guts dwell well wealth, grape juice.
I'm sure they live haggis. That's not arise. Gotta Scottish, but their cause
around their right during their haggis cross over here there in the gin,
the city where maybe some topples into they re milder order around that. I, like the idea of Saint Aubert, Haggis, I guess
then the havoc ahead and they have a haggis, tossing competition or sitting where they throw that stomach of sheep lander. Some weird competition,
Yes, I imagine other the towns is over and we go,
were sitting in their homes,
and this is all they hear from outside the streets.
man formula. No now those are all actual goat noises settlement in the middle when I yelled the exact,
through one in there, by the sound of identical to the other one
the only other one, my in the sound really real,
So not only more like a real good. I heard that, and I looked at it always go to this- is it this is the end of this is the third world. Now the goats wearing proper, faced protection programme, probably not make a bet, the locusts in the book, a revelation. That's them
That was what the apostle John saw and he wrote down, is like an economic broke, establishes a plague of goats. Lookest were soon
Pollack heard? So there's another one here, so this must be a UK headline cause it's as mum, not mine.
Mom who gave birth during krona virus lockdown calls child Kobe Bryant. Don't I kept trying to figure out if this is a joke, but like apparently it's really good. She named Jean Michel covered by
well, you know you became spell mom right. What makes you think that we must have good names for their babies?
will that joke not get old hair like
That's like a dead, that's dead joke that is now with you for your home. We ve burned on.
Your child like meeting a joke like
nice to meet you hungry one, then like tattooing they're on their chest and then especially like four
years from now and copy brine.
Like one of those sports people that were popular forty years ago, but.
You know the modern gaelic people don't think about Montgomery what covert way
When will we like a famous sports guys been dead for a long time, their order? It bilingualism guys, like fifties, baseball seemed like
Jackie Robinson or something, and nobody knows about Brett Hall. Ninety here, but I don't know,
I know only the very most famous yet
I only have room a brain, maybe like three or four athletes. Are you. You know you know baby, you know Babe Ruth, because he's a candy bar helps helps.
Anything in associated with food.
Andy, you probably don't do
Now, look, there's no Jane Candy Bars named Michael Jordan or anything. That's when there are thought of that interesting. The more you know the more you know.
Are there any good names. People can name their children of new. In the midst of this,
good names that people can name their children of new in the midst of this Corona Rona MIKE around out of all the wheel on her back, will harm Willie.
You don't have to be because their combining a horrible virus with a recently deceased athlete lustrous, whose recently deceased
It is about giving you a man whose I give William Wallace India will on Wallace look on while a yak in the union's died. Like I corona somethin, I yeah Kory Kory AIM Corona Hame
I got nothing her right now, I'm gonna real stumble now not gonna be able to talk. There is the programme was my head is just going to be
a change in the Amazon Jeremy Camp
already put out levelled in parliament last week. I must go to the real story, went about lobby.
Presidential hopeful and socialist
They Sanders had his entire key
pain derailed after getting back the results from a routine medical exam.
Overly had a clean bill of health, but he did tests negative for president. So man disappoint our rough,
noise. I got all the hopes and dreams. Idols are good at the moment,
bad, I little hunchback, but the only like it's fine blood pressures, little high president negative terrible thing. Yes, sower said so, Bernie is out there. I was hoping for like one one thousand and twenty fourth, president material as we got his dna test back and no,
It is completely negative as disappointing had so did he endorse Joe Biden now he just endorse them right. I'm not guarantee government
damn was going about it. When I came in, I didn't I didn't realize it had happened already. Yeah, there's skyping live, do like a little Skype together Dubai and try to stay awake, Bernice Talkin about seat, seizing the means of production, wake up job.
It's so we now with this like Edward escaping now, I'm like Youtube, other famous people, as we are now watch there. They like they thought of it, like everyone else without money, has been doing for a long time, because you can't trailing less well yeah. So what? Ultimately? This is a very tragic thing, even if you didn't support Bernie Sanders, because one of the main sources of
Cereal for the Babylon envy is going away from the limelight. The hour lose very earnest yokes. We, unless he I mean
what if he lived long enough to bring risen again next, he still senator right, and maybe
get Meda. I doubt, is any advice February before you were vice president. If, if Joe runs in because huge jos always gonna pick a woman, he said he was gonna peculiarity, so you can be a little bit more. I don't know what you think. It's gonna be Tarsi yea. They need somebody young and spry. They pick someone
compliments the strengths and and fills up the weaknesses of the of the main candidates. So they if they know that job at them, the on the very day he sworn in he's gonna retired. Now. Excuse me so they say
Like he's attracting moderates, then I'll fix someone who attracts the farther is trying to get you going to try to get that wing
and if you strong in the south, which I think he is now get, someone is drawing on a more they do it. So
I don't know, maybe more warrants a possibility. She was on the progressive wing, so that would be interesting.
So we just want to take a trip down memory. Lane interests rattle off some of our favorite Bernie Sanders actually is almost all of them. We can jumper
we want to. But we got a bunch of our old Bernie Sanders headlines.
In Memoriam Bernie Sanders campaign, twenty eighteen to twenty twenty rest in peace.
Peace Bernie Sanders drops out of race to spend more time with his many many houses.
Many you say one of our headlines was like when I was Joe Biden. We we had some really big because we jumped on announcing Bernie.
The topic of testing the agreed with the one you read about burning testing, negative yams hued. It was like the third top Bernie article six
Ray and made it may even be the tough now beat out like CNN and, like so many other actual news outlets, yeah actually like of the article shared about Bernie in the past week about shirt about the drop out. It was now number one or number two number three or something like that. So, whenever secrets behind the scenes years, we know we know these people are probably dropouts. We had a time, have articles ready, Kyle's always on the ball, like he jumps on it. So that thing when I as soon as Bernie announced we have those up, it was wild, was crazy to see the numbers. In that thing, I think for a lot of people, that's how they announced that that's how they found out and shared the news. He had dropped all these poor souls who get their news from the Babylon.
Actually. I was a subscriber him very member, nice, good job subscriber wrote that don't remember another one of enemy. Some other Bernie Sanders drops out his campaign goals of locking everyone up, destroying economy already achieved nice, which I like that smoking right now what's happening and explained the joke. I can't be explaining jokes, you gotta
stop that because stop them? Ok, some of the article shared about Bernie in the past year. The number one is from the New York Times. Bernie Sanders drops out of twenty democratic race. The number two is from Babylon,
Whatcha Bernie tests negative to correct the time.
I love the idea that we have a skyscraper some know many times as an old building were dislike. Beating
Think we re in an underground bunker through
three annoying Lanka Dan's, not knowing that is because he just he shut up here.
Why it back there, but he's not even annoying when it doesn't show up daisy, utterly smooth voice, executive, the smartphone, real
quick, these subscriber that contributed to that article. His name is timid, Velasco, the Lascaux giant in our food.
Chrome is faster than John DOE docks him
Should we not that it's? There is real name. It's on public, that's out on its own. The science, as ever higher committee is docks himself. Wait, timid, tat life! Is that like, if you like, to talk too timid tears or something, though, that a real word so our next one is burning vows to rebuild.
Berlin wall, knighted, burning festival, Free Pilgrim, Agnes and Eightys movie night gets awkward, is Bernie. Sanders keeps rooting for all the villains every cover thou before, and I think I love that some Frank, Random England.
I don't get. You have to bring the knowledge yeah with my wife there,
Russians were always the other. I get it. I wanna cookie reduced excerpt from now on
No stop him. The capital is getting away, shouted Bernie Sanders during Rambo first blood, part too, in the tissue character fled, is soviet captors,
one eightys. The movie night seem like a fine idea, had turned awkward after the initiate the imitation of presidential candidate centres
who started cheering on the villains and all the movies. What's wrong with you
good run around them with guns. Fighting people gorgeous
trying to bring them free, ogre. Sender said during radon, then
must have got into them renouncing excellent, burning, Bernie accidents, like you
Sanderson drank views by the movies as each had cared with great economic views, but instead of those views being embraced as his of banned by the Nations youth, the people, what those views were shot at and sometimes blown up with explosive areas. These are sick, sick movies said Sanders as all the other guests just tried to enjoy the films. Excellent great great, great Nike releases, Bernie Sanders signature shoe
you survive under socialism. There we cover Thou ever record that one that was fun one, but that in our midst
pretty well right, yet integrate adding? Well, because I want it's the what makes her awaiting a clap their own Yang, Cardona, linked to Daddy Day, Mister
part of being a father- is regularly referring yourself in the third person is daddy, but somehow just happened
part of being a father- is regularly referring to yourself in the third person is daddy, but in some
This happened to me amongst adult cells, weird daddy, mister,
It don't look changes that contacts like if I were you how's, the new start tying the Calvinistic he daddy, daddy needs to work or known is fine
But then he walks out and you do it and it changes
limitations we instantly
I need you to do that. Photoshop, beef and dairy needs to fix that link,
So these have these Bernie Sanders. The column
Saunders earmarks and they shrink with
as you wither away. They have extra padding per se,
in bread lines for hours. They have a venezuelan flag on them. There's an air pump to constantly pump up. Your wheelbarrow
Should I write a joke? I don't even doing in my view, I suppose you're working in there. You know I get it.
Those adding to jokes to yokes aerodynamic too stupid chase zoo animals for food,
and their completely edible. The can be made in the soup
laughing at her own great data that best
Bernie Sanders arrives in Hong Kong to lecture protesters than how good they haven't under communism. Bernie Sanders praises China for eradicating poverty by killing all the poor people who couldn't gracious job China,
Bernie. Sanders leaps into would cheaper to reduce carbon footprint.
That and trouble now in disease that would cheaper that yet a company was upset, the company was Bernie burdensome picture of their would shiver
so my charge, shippers are not supposed to be leapt into their, not from Bernie Sanders. Jumping to know. They were like very concerned that we had a person jumping into. There would be a bad for public image, so ahead, Photoshop indifferent would Kippur, Bernie Sanders, Acme rocking the so did terrible.
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the failed attempt to catch a billionaire is always frank. Foamy one think of me as Bernie Sanders, lick, cat and mouse chasing is always trailing airs, trying to get the billionaire he's like, while equality with the billions
we ass, I ever Photoshop. He just sitting in the street, looking disappointed in these like little tipsy bill,
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Bernie Sanders blasting off again, or he held the sign with his mother. Please, in this cartoon
dishevelled and covered in hundred dollar bills. Bernie Sanders claims he was attacked by a group of billionaires gambling.
Though I did skip one. Would you get married Bernie Sanders praises slaveowners for free housing programme.
And I was jealous something else, something about free housing in somewhere, Africa thousand been somewhere Indra. Was it Dan? What was Bernie Sanders?
raising for free how's it. What was at Cuba or something it was tongue, and he was going on about a free housing programme- is worse than that most North camera was. He did illiterate
He programmes in Cuba remember their mouths it. I came out here, damage keyboard, afraid, orally frantically typing dims, combined into giant MAC to annihilate Bernie, Sanders
now, he's he's, joined his joined and joined the MAC against himself, I have
at the enemy, and they are me someone with a r us. What party is cuz the h one got a leg and two arms two legs and a head or any of the codpiece.
Good word he's the van and I just wanted to say copies cod peace think it's you
We know where we are deciding didn't rattling em off, oh yeah, Bernie Sanders banned from fortnight for throwing all the other players in the gulags so down those my them now
EL bad needed feel badly failed badly. The failing Babylon be Bernie Sanders, yells kids to get off his many many HANS
Bernie Sanders takes quiet moment to seek advice from portraits of his favorite dictators young. Well, we will remember you burning, remember
I am all the more modern. Let's move on up democratic presidential front runner, Joe Biden has agreed to wear a seedy see approved in ninety five ventilator mask for him. However, his staff was troubled when he cut a nose shaped whole out of his mask so that he could still sniff people's hair
Laughter at its very like a Saturday night, why imagining? What are used to cut that perfectly pull out
seems like he might have. The greatest motor functions is rejected.
There's no such thing an elegant little like mother, face or another.
I'll take him Jane? Don't ask her mask,
but it s pretty nice, because even the voters avenant it worked pretty well look great. Then it really appreciate it. I've been hilarious,
it was like I was like I don't know if it's Photoshop somewhere and I almost texted you to do it cuz I was like I can't make.
I never assume dna and examined it, but from the distance and I we sought nearer the story- the great yeah I d, I figured out how to make it look.
Like, because I realized the problem- was that it was like this flat mask pasted on his face, but you're no sticks out. Yes, eventually have a cut
two layers and one's going out and one on Earth
W W e, which sets the left but overhead,
I've been diagnosed Debbie DVD those wounded, huge, which we mean all these jokes about W Phd.
This waiting. This went crazy man, Christ,
lots of jokes about Biden, Smilin air tons of had just for some reason. He tied in with the corona gets
right. Now, Rhine, the Koran would have net
here and now reposed a single article. Last month we a drought whilst.
Never the good old days of laughter have a series of like remembering the corona virus. Remember like a slideshow yeah with. I will remember you point every day for a whole year.
Oh you every year! So are you? Are you wearing a mask even right now, so I bought
some of these flimsy little mass off Amazon and then, of course, I had one in the car prepared any time. Anyone and, of course my wife moved it to the other.
So. You have certainly having it pulled over nuthin right now and it's like there's been a decree. Please go in his pocket Nancy.
We can't you know when you go out public at all in our county without a mask, Yad is just there's no law, that's just one official or something was somebody's mated critic
they stood out on their balcony decree, hear ye subjects.
You always county health official has declared masks.
Then you better the grocery store. It's weird like it's like everybody's in Antiphon, I haven't vinegar if your store that tramples not to go. But how do you get food in Hungary is a resource to orders. Acca delivery, grocery psycho, I dont, know something's gonna blow up soon thoroughly. Weird
murder here, yet our county. They announced that every head, where mass they were like even in your cards by yourself,
Really in your car. You have enough that's what they said and then they backtracked there were similar.
Currencies and our initial announcement and they pulled back on several of the because everybody was blasted. Unlike what are you tat? Why
Oh yeah, this other joke about Jesus, not obeying the shelter in two mortar Santini, into mortar the roman centurions Org.
And after tat we have all. These is really stories.
I don't have it for me the moment, but it has been a few churches and try to have gatherings in different types and getting giant finds yeah Kentucky. They were, there was police, like somebody put nails in the parking lot was unclear to me. If that was the police are no
I like that's like the bird spikes, so I can do that their banana blue then I guess there's they do to Christians.
The knave we're going around, put notices and people's cars. Your license, plate number has been recorded and you must now obey a fourteen day. Quarantine lose one church, there's like a two hundred fifty person church. Sixteen people met, and they are all part it out. Keeping their ceased strapping amassed scandalous.
Broke it strikingly hilarious, that's just not a girl! Sometimes things break me ass. I guess they gallic two thousand our fires on like that for legislating,
meaning there's. No none of the drive in church that everybody stayed in their cars, but they all met in the parking lot or some like that and
We got five hundred finds cash is that seems like a different country. Demille gets psycho to me communist country yeah, so it seemed to me.
It's bizarre! It's like I mean. Can we all be adults and understand like yeah, we're all key trade you social distance? Most of us are in people are trying to find work around
they really want to meet and like this is crazy.
At home depot at people are just crowded together buying too by force, and then six
people are spread out in the tourist de person, capacity church and they're, getting a giant fine, just totally arbitrary. My favorite thing is how all of the press conferences where these county officials and stop telling everybody to wear, masks and stay apart. There's like twelve people crammed on state Rio Mass
those cops they were walking around Kentucky just walk around together. No many other arm in arm care, burst air lock in arms assist. And yes, I think
churches, if you guys want to gather guessing
at home, depot speak will meet in the sandpaper section,
and will thus have ourselves a little church service right there in the aisle lawsuit church service at home,
Home Depot, wherever Webber's open grocery store. What's a good, a symbol of the browser, the bread section for the breath of life, you guys next to the french bread meet you in the bread and wine section ya. Think
the ran. Second Christians, ransack graphs, wine bottles, shattered, produce, Amene raped. You says: Welch's Welch's, Welch's, shes grape juice.
I will say one or two story. After several tumultuous press briefings with a combative media President Donald Trump has sought to solve the ongoing conflict by reaching out a hand and pressing a red button on the podium ejects journalists into space and rocket powered chairs la system, ejection seat scallon on their asses deject, like this guy's Adeline next question place, there have been some crazy questions: the press,
as has been asking that somebody Tiger King, like what is kinda like that, Mr President Way think about Joe exotic, you as an ice break from all the krona stuff too. So funny you like those that who's that Danny and I gotta see themselves as these heroes interested in their like asking. Some inane questioned
I am all for the press holding politicians accountable. I guess what bothers me is that they never do it with anybody yet whose it in Gaza is like.
What's it like being so awesome, then why the whole press was Chris Farley.
On surrounding the hatred, is he'll bomber. Remember when you were passing Obamacare,
the time you were like the first black president so cool. I was an
do it? Was your idea? No use these Conway wherewith Kinabu Estuary. Looking with alcohol music, lessons to and Obama's again will you I remember that what's your favorite wraps song awesome
yeah and they were getting all mad at them.
Pillow guy, because he retorted factories to do the masks or whatever that's infuriating, and he said some about the Bible. People press was getting all upset. That's that's disgusting, MIKE Lonville. What a gym, gimmick ass to say.
He accused trump of engaging in happy talk, some containing a rosy picture, despite equipment shortages. So what he should have done trumped should have put a giant red flashing light on top of his head. Spinning around what light of doom like the empire state Building did yeah. I like that road read. They were like. Oh this red sirens,
for a health care were honour them, but it only looked. It made New York. Look like a total nineteen. Eighty whore relying the stoop like they should put giant loudspeakers up there with like drowning fools supporters of all parties
In a strobe light, maybe my good, but what is the message
well I'm going to do it.
Throwing me why don't have anything more to say,
So when it was the Emma Jane said, Babo ignoramus from PBS husband, I didn't read that or not. That is
MIKE. Wouldn't sorry, I'm trying to find more well just be
Full everybody that we have the press, that noise is there to point out that have how heroic the presses during this crisis. That's right. Thank you. Journalists, yeah thanks job, so we have coming on the show right now: Jeff Alan Comedian, Christian, in a boomerang, a boomer so low.
Talk to him: hunger, ok, boomer to him a bunch horizons! Do that if you can figure out how to use his webcam yeah
because he's again Skype to work. Let's do
presenting an exclusive Babylon? We interview?
I thought I was gonna. Do I could do it?
Jeff you can tell there were very professional here at the moment,
be this may be the most personal interview? You ever feel better about my last twenty method
He Jeff hear the sound effects. Yes, you know now I can hear and hey Jeff Jeff
Jeff Alan by the way. Who is it? Who is a comedian
How old are you I've sixty three years? Also your boomer.
My group regrets that have been given a lot of the millennium goals.
Kyle's millennium, I feed and Facebook we represent over. Ok, ok,
Well, that's what we wanted to say to you, because it took twenty minutes to figure out a log into the sky, and the Good NEWS is that, lady, what to say
that sets us that if we were on video right now, it probably have a blurred image of like your chest area.
Closing. Let me try to skype my dad. It's like his face in the wrong way. Yeah he's looking around like he's looking at the wrong little circle army machine. He thinks Cameron's really like this. This guy's hear me. Can you guys hear me
genetic certain kinds of lineal and near Boomer, so we represent a massive ok
to my son like get the costs, but follow that there are thirty, five, thirty, two so yeah.
So hopefully we can bring some through. This brief Babylon be episode. We
can bring some healing some cross channel
National healing to the masses of this is there to let people now that we can't converse man right. So what
We each say something that we like about the other generations I like generics because they gave us up pearl jam with I like
the boomers, because.
They can be anything else we got caught yeah. I guess you mentioned
job in my file shut off, maybe there's a little gem livelihoods,
so the answer gets a thing. I fail to see how much the boomers
Give us under the boomers, gave us drugs strew. So
and the day is about twenty one. Twenty one trillion in that. Don't give me that. So thank you for your service boomers. We had we had. We had issues as bombers
perfect Algeria Reed of council boomers right. I don't know if that is the aghast
I'll send the sun
and what else, and then
I was hard. He ever many millennial. Think things you like about Millennials Jeff Jeff. What you like about me
I love your heart,
her heart and inheritance is true. Then that somehow got a cop out. That's a cop out,
united heart, you guys don't do anything right. You know your hearts in the right place
So why am? I am a big fan of the millennium. I released a realist that I know whatever
True, your generations sides we're gonna, be we're gonna be so. I am all for being kind the millennium.
I just wish its this thing I ve been talking about is, would teach math. I don't.
My son's. I had a hard time give them to do it. We had flashcards that's what I grew up with. No, we didn't have cock and my parents would hold them up at the dinner table.
Now math problems. We see dinners calculators. Basically now we can calculate like I basically bragging, but I'm out of put this after that. If I was in retail, I could make change
calculated ah there's about managing its yeah, and I have always said that it's got near the point now I just drop three pennies and the Counter Mcdonald's and I stepped back and watch the shop.
It's just I just enjoy that its and it's fun.
Because I'll ask if somebody does change really quickly without knowing. If I do that and like this, I remember at the end of sixth sense or whatever it is to surround it up
and if they do it right away, I ask for your home school in nine out of ten times and I think
when it counts their change. Back to me, I like feel like I'm in another era there, like their old fat.
Now for a shoeshine next or something
right. Ironing out. They say: oh my god school. It feels like official. Thank you sounds about right there, I'm glad you did that
The top up with this year- I don't know about it,
good, so that a different language
Axes are kind of like the middle child in a family, a three get to the point where you don't even notice the janitor.
Blend in nobody says only my generators, we're very we're. So what
That's actually introduce Jeff how people nor analyses a boomer, so we
This brought a random boomerang,
show the Burma.
Yes, I remember
and we want this early enough in the afternoon work. I don't like. I can take my nap after listening when I've gotten into Matlock or any new. Ok. Well, I gotta look
so Jeff. Alan is stand of comic and
This is, as I have said here, am I
What's got over a hundred and thirty million views on social media.
And so you ve been a comedian for quite a long time decades that right since acting seventy eight since nineteen seventy, eight
I wandered into a comedy club, drunk and said boy. You know that would be fun and I'm drinking problem that I didn't really address,
another! Ten years later. Maybe so, I always said if you, if you like to take maps and sleep, get a job at a mattress factory and if you like to drink it, a job in a bar. That's where I worked.
The actual work at the bar. You because you're, a comedian,
Well I didn't comic stuff. I got lucky in nineteen. Seventy eight by night,
maybe that both the country exploded in comedy clubs knows,
so I was able to travel around be bad at something just paid a few bucks until I learn how to do it, so it was actually a good time to be a comedian they're starting out as a comic. I don't know if I could.
Today were or they bring in your own audience and I'm just not dead ambitious.
So how did you? How did you be alcoholism,
I called it alcoholics around. It was a year in my marriage and basically said you
You got a prey to what I believe in God, damn that kind of semi off an eager search for the, for I got the higher power thing. I always used to say to me.
What look if I make it up a deity that kind of makes me delusional, doesn't it and if it gives you
Africa, that's great for you, but I
my knees, praying in the middle of a storm on the loss of a job cancer does the child. You know life and my praying for some comfort. To this thing I made up
I don't know how that works, so that was kind of my journey, yellow and
I went through all the self help and the new,
AIDS, the Buddhism, the I want. Forty came home, it's all my kit, my wife and put our kids into a Buddhist,
monastery in my dead body and if it took her twelve seconds to talk me out,
this thought in her face, I, but I had a theory. I was full of anger and rage, and I had
two boys and I didn't want them. I knew enough about psychology that, still at the sins of the father, never usually pass to the son of my father was a rage freak. My brother was, I am so. I didn't want my two boys to be like that, and I thought it was the last time you've ever read about a buddhist monk in the rage, road, road rage incident in America.
So that was my theory and she she taught me out of about twelve seconds long and then I went into finding one wind up with Adrian and if I wasn't a Bible, believing Christian, I probably would be an objective is within reach
because she's, no Christian, that at all, but it's interesting see it was our theory on altruism, was basically arm. It makes you feel good, so selfish act As- and I thought well can't deny that it does make you feel good, but does he wondered if God wired us for altruism
it makes more sense to me yeah, who talked about it. Many times show I it's the fascinating about the way life is set up, as it seems
the more you give yourself,
the more your life has meaning and fulfilment
and it's not self evident to people we want to.
Life upset it's all about gratifying, your desires and, at that time that,
pretty miserable life.
Yeah I am I can attest to that. Cosette was really my arm. My
came from that. Nothing gave me purpose or lasting purpose. You know I would I would taste it. I would give you like. I described it as kind of a thirst for something, and I didn't know what it was and then I go to this trough, whatever it was, what it was a new age.
Book or whether it was even tourism. At some point you know whatever. Was it quenched it for a while, and then I would. I would find the holes in the flaws in it that wouldn't last and my wife would look at me and she treat she would say we were loop. Marriage is falling apart at this point and she would say I get the impression you don't care and I go. I don't need she would go. I said you're not crazy. I mean I'm looking at my wife
Let's say I dont care, and I want to know why I fear the relationship is full of acrimony. At least you feel like there's something get, but when you get to apathy, that's what it's just a painful and finally met again.
Put the bottom end. The first Bible sermon. I ever heard
into a twelve star programme,
into a sermon from a pastor and taxes and it was an ecclesiastical
and when I heard meaningless,
meaningless, always meetingplace my heart lapse. It was like yeah, yes, yes
I soaked in the book of ecclesiastics from month to month- and I, if I was king of the world, every high school freshmen would have to study it. Please,
as these and then every high school senior leaving would have their taketh refresher course than solomons conclusions, because that that some doubt my eight years that one sermon- and that told me at a deep level that the Bible was true. Those things-
bespoke that are true and thought it was kind of the last. My last look, I just flipped over that rock. I hope you like seeing hotel rooms. You know I look at it. I never
I'm through it and go? I don't understand why nobody gets out of this. You know how many times I used the market, european summits of the living
Breathing order, God so it open it up and go breeds color breed in general and the bird boy. That day I remember this visit is ever twenty. Some years ago just sit in my living. My wife took the kid she was leaving. She wasn't coming back and
That's just slipped openness day by eleven collect them for a while. So beside me up for church tape, ministry and done anyway, it was
out. There was unbelievable transformation
first read: ecclesiastic is easy,
The Christian, I was blown away by the honesty of it
and I was one of my favorite still as my favorite books, the viable but am
Actually this tells me something about you cause. I remember when I shuddered at the church the first time I guess it's coming over to me- God. I can't believe God use the book of a clean knows for anything
nigger, I got what he talking about man any goes it such a cynical book. I got what you don't know me like you know me. I found exhilarating, lay and exhilarating an
yeah, so on its own it was, it doesn't pay rosy picture and water.
Yeah you're a little crazy experience. When I was actually dishwasher, I had
a guy that I worked with, who I was convinced. I need to lead to Christ, but he had a friend who was
the guy who was getting him to do. Drugs didn't go party and unkindness pulling him away from like this whole life, and
eyes praying and playing with his guy constantly all the time in one night:
not him, but the friend calls me up
as I won't accept Christ. Another no little else to talk to you in
I had been easy asked you so he comes to my house and we use read the whole book ecclesiastics together. He accepted
I stood there and
Why he went unto Lake
Become a way better christian me like he became like a pastor and stuff. No less than it was, is ready to change that man's name was Jeff. Alan is undisputed.
I wouldn't be washed, and this is my car,
they are easily. I guess he was taken back to that crazy, like one of the few times of getting to actually be part of like bringing somebody Christ is
in Vila using exist. I happened to be the one that was there when he was ready and he's things
Christians, who do I this dishwasher guy?
it is just sore point is one of the guys that was the novel right
but you see that's the thing to me is that I used to get into these things with with AIDS.
Friends like any realise at some point. They are beginning to different starting points unless you acknowledge that there is at least a mine,
God or they leslie some agnostic, but if you do
fuels and as an atheist than you just don't spend words at each other, because you denying revelation without the revelation that there is no transformation, so that guy was obviously guided the revelation hidden on that
than to me that the ecclesiastics I still visit at least once a year. As a reminder,
then it's it's interesting. What listening to different pastors take silent units ability?
the internet, you go out and get liberal liberal view, was attitudes and then, here
The fundamentalist views on it now that the items that job yet oh yeah yeah, doesn't give you an idea of where I was that I found job to be actually funny.
As I was read what I did to its value,
the movies that may have that in overtly, based on the book a job, but they certainly parallel job and a very funny movies from us desires. You don't have to live through the hell,
better yeah you're. So let's talk a little bit about nearest paints, a picture, you're you're a comic and you come to Christ.
So you know we all know that Christians aren't funny size
we had to immediately give up your your act and just be scenarios
here. It is.
Here's a funny story. I moved to Nashville and probably a believer for a year and I get hooked up with some up one of those convention thing
What are the column anyway? Were the bunch of bans get together and buyers biome anyway, they wanted some comic site. I got as this park
for this thing, and somebody sees me and now I come back to national and invite me
Are you to call it says what I got a group of people who want you to perform for them it could be, and it could be a nightmare that its twelve people, but the twelve other of the movers and shakers within the christian music industry there was. I headed the doves and dumb
the Board of directors at a couple labels, and things like that. Anyway, he said it's a random with Carmen nor around a board of directors table, so twelve people in an office and financing
anyway, I said sure I don't care man and I used to work comedy clubs for people who wanted to get paid yet to go outside until twelve. Then it's a huge group so anyway.
Guy introduces meet. This is what I wanted to tell
pieces. I saw this guy it as this park is a Christian whose actually funny so
call my manager. The next day was jewish and I said here's what we're up against Christians. Don't think it's funny just because I'm a Christian and that this was the head of the gospel music associations,
so you're right, it's it's a perception that even believers have other believers that you can't be, and I we candid I wasn't Tropicana in Vegas at nine eleven when that happened, and that's when I really
came back and I told my manager. I said I got to find another place to work and I'm done with the clubs that I can't be gone. Five six days a week by wife was freaking out, my kids were:
So anyway I go to my jewish manager. Sid, you think churches or hire me egos, your ass. We were we or the blind leading the blind into the church
again, I was forty years old what Christ captured my art
I don't know context of church yeah at all and what I was got. What I was headed,
to the light and realise that their churches in the north, the dawn, abolish the Bibles authority. I didn't notice, I didn't go and other churches again, it was just you know. Our brain
Outta me- and I just wanted to do my stand up showing that's what I did. We kind of change the way church did comedy there were by a couple of people. Twenty some years ago they were doing club stand up, butter doesn't like I was, but I was bringing
my claw back into the church, the air that would you share my conversion story out. That's that's what I offered in the former ministry. You know it wasn't my fault if they were taken into the,
the ties that offerings of their congregation. They should get something back in the form of Us Ministry,
and then suddenly wasn't in the stand back. I opened the show whether you were anything for me to night. You completely misunderstood.
The kind of show it is
so you might be play a little soft. I
I must say, to ensure law. It was interesting,
Skype delay here! Think
hey mostly done churches. Are you still do some clubs now warehouse year? What you're back in the club full time, while of course now where, with these with these viral videos, I was, I looked out one night
I realise that I was. I was forty forty one
forty two years old and I just looked at the audience it and they didn't get any older. I was the only one that got older people go to clubs or still twenty five to thirty five years old, and I wasn't drawing people in
So I wasn't my audience and that's when I say just decided that
your knees and you got work if this is what you want me to do, that we need to find another place, two daughters and burn out. I really was burnt the clubs and anyway, the doors opened up in the churches. I hooked up with a singer. Bill gave her and his stamp of approval opened up the pulpits dense and some conservative churches anyway, because
of just the fact that he put me at this stage? Where were you when you're resume twenty years of night clubs and casinos pastures,
hesitant to give you forty five minutes or an hour in front of their people, you know so anyway.
Suppose a process the first year. I think I did one or two churches and then I did, though a bunch more and then and then I started doing our recently told me about our reach and I might add
I'm only was some did at least having people other the older people,
all that work, maybe necessarily to clean and church
What the hell is the drug addiction and things like tat and dumb butter, I'm kinder than the obesity,
Vain Improv last summer, and we almost sold it out. It was about thirty people shaping a sell out
and it's like a different. It's a different time now for me does drive our changed my life. It really did I end again, you're being a people,
several years ago when I got out social media- and I was doing it myself and carry on what is this stuff who pays attention to this end?
I finally realized I was talking to somebody. My voice
Mr La used to do bigger campaigns for practice, gamble and big companies like that she's.
I said what did you go through my social media, my my stuff and tell me what's right wrong with it is easy to days later I give it my page powerpoint from society. They spelled your name right.
And the nice, and she goes not it's about. What's it, that's, what's good about your stuff, every
thing is done on the internet now and I sit really saw anyway. I found it twenty eight year old kid other taxes that sub perspective.
Prior to hiring this kid. A big video for me and my facebook was maybe a thousand views and within four days we have,
one over six hundred thousand and then within a week and a have. We had our first million and that within a month we had a couple million. That's just that my staff and then the drive before Dreamer Thirty's
before dry bar. I knew I had
Dry bar in October and was taking it
January, and I and I had heard from friends of mine that it could the it could be very good
So I wanted a team in place. I wanted a policy is play place. They wanted and social media guy and place a prior so that if something happened and dry bar called, they said when I taped it would be six months and the
a month later, not even a month. They call us and said that within a really says, as soon as we can, it's really good. So there was,
two weeks of the release, the funds, the Reagan dams. We were able to book a comedy clubs again ass night, you'll Sundays, Tuesdays Mondays and which is great
Because at least a week and free, I just got a corporate and of detergents.
No just talking to a pastor now about a message that out there that he wants me to deliver
February. So so how does dry bar work like lightning angle? I people know what it is, but I have seen it to me.
Might not have, but I'm kind of fascinated by it.
I came out of nowhere. Man,
standing as they actually have an incentivize queen comedy because the other comics gone there aren't clean comics, but they
right. I believe they post.
Their clean comet archers there, whether they struck
sure is, first of all their audience
their moral guys right. There is more and gathering while
yeah, it's out of Provo Utah, but there
they said to me on the phone, but when I can tell you what to do or what not to do, but our audience will they have a an app that you can add it and they base the pay structure. It's like five thousand five hundred and forty five. If they donated you is four thousand five hundred and fifty five if they had
so you lose ten percent of your revenue just by using language. They ask yourself, don't worry about it. I don't do that effect. I got it. I didn't realize the other there, everyone, its strict editing thing I mean, like. I don't think about my granddaughters burst into a wall, started crying at her nose and a Yo Yo. That's nothing.
They get that goes up and down. I don't love. That's an evolutionary design thing, but it they know when it's time to suck it back up to tell you. I got edited because it's a body functional-
the idea of an evolution. It's a strict, it's a strict sang, but I am. I have always felt that I have to
in the mere. At night I mean I, even when I go into a church, I'd off your lips are moving towards a common argued at all said somebody
so I don't know that's kind of the crux of the Homeric. I grew up in ages. I will get the young, the culture that we live in
And my wife- and I even we're talking about my sons- have become helicopter parents, and I got the idea that one day we did this come from. We did raise you like this. You know
Tammy said you know, yellow. If we raised our kids today, the way we raise them when we deal with we'd loose custody, women, I go to jail, but we would definitely lives.
Customs. Have you ever having to have you utter? Have you ever given out a participation trophy like
it got one. I couldn't believe it. He is dead. Last they didn't went a little league. I couldn't I was shocked. That's what I learned about it:
you're at its heart, because you don't want to sit, you kids go
Do any reserve can't do that, but still
we gotta go. Take a gradually like you, so good use the euro.
It was. It was a. We recognise that we were the costly that we're right at the beginning of all of them, and it was
all new to us to my wife, and I was really all new to us and now it's so stated that the culture that to me it's a joke, said absolute job, so
I don't know who has a millennium Kyle. I can. I can see Kyle across the table easier q talking about an account with the previous generation. He just twitching, you wants to say, ok, boomer reached so hard and acting as a bulwark societal care I get out again. I tell people I tell people my show is that of the type of generation. Another is now ask it's. It's just tell it's just I just some observations. That's all
Therefore we cannot stop there.
Tour? I now called the America and I grew up in the American America, Europe. I grew up yes right,
so and so this it the amount,
you grew up and is not an american now anyway. Now that's that.
You talked about ethnic humor. I remember. I grew up society she cargo and when we started cavity, everybody talked about everybody who talked about a recruitment. We understood what malice was a mean. That's really to me,
what's the intended as a malicious intent and who's gonna
nobody lasted the term just making an observation about the way certain cultures live, certainly definite defined. Cultural differences.
I were funny now I realized about the Middle EAST. The things were changing eyes to do a lot of style, Bci Dre
the drugs I used to do a lot of stuff about drinking, do drugs and then the last just words there by the meant by the late tonight,
Eighty eight eighty nine somewhere, rather than the last words the same anymore, elder finally move on.
And it was also the same with some I used to do generic like everybody did that
differences between men and women, and now the sun started. Getting higher.
The women would stand up and girl talk about men talk with you, so I started talking about my wife.
One night some woman stood up in a balloon shown watched over men with ice on the thai women attend my woman, the one I'm gonna take the data
from a man like you anything up to me
people who stand up in your showin talk deals crazy. Ah,
I was the beauty of got older earlier in every there. I used my
underlying was please, please tell me whatever I'm doing a gave you the impression that I care what you think, because I stopped on it. I will. I will stop there.
Gallagher giving prepared lines for four hecklers.
Come back, get heckled anymore.
Churches you'll get more people to lie recycling, that's the beauty of the internet as well. People who hire me into the research- and they know it's usually a good said
I did. I was the last time I was in Vegas somebody kind of started in.
I mean I stopped and I said, look me and you have to give me a few minutes to get my child's back. You don't like you sit there and sip a cocktail.
Why, when I went to really get my sea legs, backed that's being sad to work and churches, they just don't yardsticks
Stanley, Guy's, jaw drop. You just got slack jawed. Looking at me, cuz I didn't have any snappy comebacks for him. I just kind of talk to him.
That's kind of where I'm at now. Anyway. I just asked: what's your name Baba this great, where you from by the fine? After about a minute and a half you just kind of go, you don't have to work alone now,
this team thing you and I are dawn- isn't working out to work will doesn't there? It's not part of my life much anymore.
We'll. How can we new people and checking colony? Where can we send them while Jeff Alley Cavity that calm and the dry bar Carmody Slash Joe found? I guess they have all the could they have clubs in the end, you to everything that happened now is for
I have here. I don't want to hear anymore. It's I read the feed at the fixed puts people, you he's not dead yummy,
these guys, all these greater some sound.
But finally comedy there.
Since their instagram scissors about four billion ways to spell out and would clarify that it's a l, l e in yes, the idea,
oh yeah chick amount, although we have one final question for you: have you ever met Carmen ever met carbon yeah, yeah
Ah the sad, but this was a pair
swale interviewing? You have yes Carmen.
Carmen was a Carmen was a christian wrapper from the nineties, and we always
of gay jar, our guests on how other no christian culture by whether or not the new Carmen, so we're still trying to find somebody who know compare
Finally, I was a person that steeped in
This yankee aren't can converted to late yeah gagged.
Yeah, that's what we always finds its always found when people convert to crash later they didn't hear Carmen
this, the Karmann train to miss out on the blessings of the Christian Wrap in the nineties,
feeling he's on the internet and hang up one night. We listen demons and carbon so check email at all like being stopped. I love your well grounded. You made me feel you made me feel uncomfortable with the malaria Blackstone care about your feelings. Friends.
So it's right, everybody go check. Our profound stubs very funny eyes guilty. Just gave you the the addresses. Instead he's got you to Facebook on his website. You can check him out. We're also gonna play a brief clip from him after he goes here so check. My thanks a lot of common Angela Merkel.
Thank you guys for having man again, big fancy, you guys
I had the pleasure of growing up in America before the lawyers took it over and ruined and honest then yeah
in my day the kid fill up the monkey buyers and ship the borders. That was tragic, but it was funny than the rest of us surely wasn't reasons to take the monkey buyers off the playground. We all did done things, that's how you are not to do dumping Cs Louis. That suffering was gods, megaphone, that's right,
you dont things it hurts and a new or not to do it.
The world was paid every week. I'll give you an example when I was twelve, some atomic bulging Canada find some dry ice, Poland, the job
but the women
so I say: what's gonna happen is that it's gonna blow up, and I said cool: where do I go dry said Mister, the ice cream and so on? There there's permit coming now, my street, I run our one where mothers canning jars and I ask only dry ice
Can you do with a sum of money?
job. What would the lid on it and it can explode iced remains? Is yours dry ice, the America?
was an excellent conversation with Jeff Alan. There was a lot of fun. Thank you just thanks, Mr Alan. Thank you. Mister Allen, comedian, empty boomer, and so we are doing love. May I hate mail, something now Ria Development, one of its kind
just a well. I found this. It's a new man is neutral male. It's really a review on the website. Nea Itunes Review,
there is a five serve use with love me says, but that the headline is what caught my eye. So what
how this new Tramell here we just need to have a generic mail
We may need a new section for this, just mailed or whether we should caught Carmel cause this person's time Carmen dinner.
Or something out of this person has ended the email but oh yeah, so they have five stars. I have met Carmen. This progress is a lot of fun and listen to it's a nice break from some of the more serious ones that I'm subscribe to little back handed
Let me very serious: I do have a story about when I met Carmen right
so I want to just do a call our right now, if you, if this is you
if you're listening right now, don't dm rice, the M rice give fifty one. If you listening, email us podcast Babylon beat outcome.
You can actually, if to tell the story, Casino
What I would like to do is, I know, there's gotta be other people out here who listen who have
met Carmen Orlando Concert, common concert and just have little Carmen stories. Please start sending them to us a package of Babylon, be that would like to do a story we compete.
Oh and soon will set up a voice. Mail leave your story. Why?
we can do right now we have the technology right, just gone your phone record and audio file and send it and send it to
I don't think you if you gotta catch, you sound like a dropbox link or someone. If you have that gave a story. Tell us in audio. If you wanna take me, that's fine to send us
audio will definitely be yours
If you really want to make sure we get on audio files that are shorter, will probably bark be prioritize easily, like a twenty minute audio files. I cannot but be like a one or two minute, one better chances. Listen to it. Everybody can hear your beautiful boy, Zairean, breathing a whole bunch really deeply like I,
You see, I would want to know how to know your story that your Carmen story, I would like to do an absurd. Especial repeated altogether create a picture of the real Carmen paint, a masterpiece through all of these different angles mosaic. If you will yak our mosaic Carmen Mosaic right may exciting episode. Similar sounds amazing. Let's do it I'll write all this is the end of the Babylon Bee podcast for people who don't have any money, that's right for those of you who are subscribed. You're gonna, continue inertia, Skype
portion? Yes, thanks a lot listeners we'll talk to you next week, an excellent weak everybody. The rest of this far gas is in our super exclusive premium subscriber large. If you're, not Babylon, bees subscriber go to Babylon, be Dodd COM, slash plans for full length, ad free, paw gas access to our headlines for twenty percent of the items in the Babylon Bee Store a gift and more. Please drop us review on Itunes and share the PA gas with a friend feedback and love male go to podcast at Babylon, be donjon, follow Ethan at acts Cobb and Kyle at the Underscore Kyle Underscore Man on Twitter.
Island Ethan. I would like to thank, says Dylan for paying bills Adam forward for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers and you the listener. Until next time, this is Davy Andrea, the voice of the battle on be reminding you to go forth and recklessly by into everything you just heard, without forming your own opinion.
I would, if I was to do it all over again. I kick it right between the legs
Transcript generated on 2020-04-15.