Andy Zaltzman introduces six more huge stories from the year, including Trump and the truth, David O'Doherty's guide to Anglo Irish relations and a Mark Wahlberg inspired look at the day of a regular Bugle host.
Featuring Andy Zaltzman, Nish Kumar, Alice Fraser, Anuvab Pal, Matt Forde, Tiffany Stevenson, David O'Doherty, Felicity Ward and Alex Edelman. Produced by Chris Skinner.
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Audio newspaper for a visual world
to the viewable review of twenty eighteen part to its episode. Four thousand and ninety one sub episode. Wait for bloody hell! Thank God. This year is nearly over, I am, and these open you might know me from, for example, this introduction and this week all magic
people time machine will take you back all the way. As far as almost six months ago, as we begin our
restriction of twenty eighteen, with a bugle highlights from the renowned month of July. There often we will delve
quarrel, guys for August September October November, to find more of the pure
of premium grade audio historical documentation. This podcast has become rightly renowned for throughout its five
Could you history that have
company scope to the antarctic,
go to the moon
Tory on a first date with Albert and Shakespeare on, is how to write a play.
close London evening College of Amateur drama December
suffering is something offering and something yet and as yet Unpad casted nugget from one of our December recordings, which you can open
like that. Last present you find around the back of the Christmas tree a few days later, no one got around to opening and turns out to be that babe
Terrapin you'd ask for by now, but somewhat angry
baby be terrible, displayed no terrible,
harmed in the creation of this similar simile is not entirely valid. Do not give terrapins as Christmas presents without reading the instructions. First, terrapins should not be wrapped up and put under trees. Terrapins are nicer than terrorists. Do not give terrorists as Christmas presents either. Please on with the show. Next week, in the first year of twenty nineteen, we will have a full bugle and give you all the details on the forthcoming Bugle North America tour in late February and early March, and hopefully be able to tell you more about the future of the bugle. As we attempt
make sure the show continues for another five hundred years, but back to July now, and this
I also had some rather interesting me
with her majesty the queen of the British Donald Trump. Clearly in terms of being head of state, they seem quite different people to be for very different
and some abroach experts '
managed to pick up on some super attached.
Well brooch work by her majesty, who or three different brooches in her meetings with Trump in which is very important. He didn't so much break protocol as.
sledgehammer Protocol into one brooch was a gift from the Obamas one was a gift from Canada.
was it a diamond to drop, which is not as many think, one by monarchs of personally killed. Someone, but lately love he's the type of culture led to
little mission. You could ever seen journal of with, as MIKE my God, this broke his dog with warm famously, but the queen her own father's few readings of that will you will all ended well. Other people will, which is that we would basically make a comment on the inside death of a yeah. She had. We talked a little thought of wearing a do not grab me by the broach disappointingly did not whether commemorative brooch given to the young princess Shallow Custer Wells in nineteen fourteen to meet with british burning down the White House. We should credit
outside the right. Next to it was a personal too, and it was done so absolutely sterling brooch by sturdy, Kadang days, like a made in many ways either some
such people, say so, what's the monarchy, for you know how does it represent modern Britain I mean that represents bottom brain absolutely perfectly. Being passive aggressive through the medium of brunch is really british
this distilled if the queen was also how much sixteen points of Wkd she
I truly embodied everything that is great about this nation. I love
that she did it, but there's also a part of me that was like
do you really think that Donald Trump
who is not known to pick up on what women really think of him, going to respect
a ninety year old women insinuating that she is mild distaste via the medium to the selection
It's also such Brits sober like Michelle, so british, but it's also so upper class to be like. Yes,
hello him. So that I don't like him by wearing the same jewelry, I have worn in times of sadness,
that'll show him and Trump had some.
One was about the cleaning said that is
beautiful woman twice
twice. She is such a freaking crazy, yet to be fair to the queen. She
Did she buy parts?
divide brooch? She did.
It does suggest he knew where his eyes would handle a Womans God
even in the role. I think this is the best above said. This of this vote goes, but there goes the night had
my God, Piers Morgan gives him the out to, and he says he says, she's beautiful and then piers Morgan says yes
she's, brilliant and Trump goes yes, but also so beautiful, like
That's the highest compliment. Donald Trump can pay anyone
Pornstar, his daughter, the queen of England, is beautiful
doesn't matter nothing else, matters she's beautiful, not for ninety
she's beautiful so
I guess like we're on summer break now, so what I mean, what do you think is going to happen to try
between now and
in next vehicle in an older, slightly more worry about. What's happened to trump since we started recording this phone,
and many more invited Bolivia or something I don't know. I think, Alex
The American V Watch record. What's going happen well,
I think Putin, is going to be head of the Environmental Protection agency. Not
I was deployed mode. No, I think it from pro it it's an upgrade. If we're being honest, I feel like the reality
nothing's going to happen because at this point the Republican Party is now supported by racists people who don't want to pay tags and racists who don't want to pay tags, and at this point Trump could take a shift on the Lincoln Memorial wipers on the constitution and then dry hop in the statue of liberty to completion and his base is only comments would be what was the statue of liberty wearing? Maybe she was asking for it. Oh and Lincoln can suck it. The confederacy losing the civil war was the worst thing to ever happen to this country, and also does this mean the tax cut is still on, in which case Shitan Mister President
and when asked to walk back his comments, he would just go. I meant to say not at the end of that sentence. Thank you. July
we'll. Let you know if your application is successful full month of the year in due course, next candidate placed on, let's say, welcome, Org August August. Sorry. So so what have you got
yeah. This is Paul straight into a top story. This week, all the president's men going to jail and the Donald Trump is not a another tricky week. Sorry, let me just start like this data
Michael, how it is love top lawyer, I'd fix that has pleaded guilty to charges, including campaign finance violations, directly implicated trump in the harsh money that was played to various women. He doubled for alleged affairs with on pull medical. The president's full campaign, seven was convicted on charges of buying a tax fraud and two of eight children it was in. You can do a straight knockout of fun. Not your favorite shows straight to the call for and some complicated rubbish system you would want to even more alone. Sixteen. This is the this this. This summary the situation has come from. This is a direct quote from the guardian newspaper. The outcomes also raised grave questions about Trump's judgment since his election, his national security adviser personal lawyer campaign Chairman deputy campaign manager on the foreign policy, I all admitted all been convicted of crimes, but my question to the is is not really the thing that's raised. Grave questions about Trump's judgment was its decision to claim Barack Obama wasn't born in America. I put a string of universities whose motto was: does anyone know the latin for north of real universe, Miley Dog and it was predominantly feces any decision? Donald Trump has made any point in his life. It wouldn't surprise me if invested in Lehman brothers, though some some phones, the blue, blue up, I'm the Kevin Costner film to world. It's absolutely extraordinary on the big question now is: will Michael come in flip, we flip on Trump Willie. We did it, we we don't. We mean for stuff that he's done if you go to, if you get a flip well I'll, let you be the judge of that. What I found out this morning that Michael Cummins lawyer told to and peel- and that was almost directly a question whether he would consider being pulled in by the president, and he said this Michael come
and would never accept a pardon from Amanda. He considered considers both corrupt and the dangerous person in the oval office. I'd say Michael CO in it is going to flip to the same extent a gymnast on palm tie dye. It's got a flat, absolutely from the Nish Andy. I had a quick question. We in India read through the manifold judges and it was a shock to
we didn't do any of that was illegal. What is an ethical campaign manager
This is the everyone involved. How is slow sketchy because even technically buckle covered, as he does about sort of acting like he's about to do it out to public service, but he's just set something up a cold. The Michael Coventry Fund, which was a go fund me page with the goal of raising five hundred thousand dollars, so that Michael coming can afford to tell the truth found in unrelated news. I'm setting up a fund to stop me from shooting in the streets and the the Nish Kumano ship Fund is available on starter right. Now I mean do we think I'm at east is tromping in genuine troubling because it seems he does seem sort of but
proofs I've only when there's that famous old sayings in there, if you throw enough shift at wall, some of it will stick Aristotle.
I believe it was yeah, it was Aristotle, but not. This is work with Trump. Is it because of the problem with Trump? Is? He is not a wall he is
a volcano of schitt and if you throw shit at a volcano of schitt, what you end up with
on the indiscernible e larger volcano of ships, and if people wanted to sort of their happy living on a volcano of ship, then so many different so yeah I mean it's hard to think
what he could do at this point, she would have defecating on the declaration of independence and they're trying to tidy up by masturbating on it again, so many apologies too and his family at this point he also tweet also at the proper trump. Is that he's so obviously guilty because of all of the things he doesn't says,
he's called judge people and what they do in Spanish. This is exactly this is exactly the type this is exactly the tree. I was going to talk about how he's doing it. If anyone is looking for a good lawyer, I would strongly suggest that you don't retain the services of Michael Cohen, said, I'm pretty sure his next tweet was in unrelated news. Does anyone know the number of a good lawyer, because I am in next level shifts
and in fairness to judgment uh it is uh.
possible point. If your lawyer is imprisoned, you're, probably better off, with going with another lawyer who's outside all. Above it's like meeting John Grisham you're, a legal experts. I guess I should be like going into a hospital to have a major operation and having a surgeon who just has an open wound in their stomach that it's gushing blood all over the floor. It's a bad sign. Basically, it is a bad sign. I mean. Did Trump lie
about this, yes City merely tell one hundred percent right about everything. Did he merely telling might of truth? I mean I mean I don't I don't know the the question is now: will this
need to Donald Trump being impeached, and the answer to that is quite simply now, because that would require some will or action from the Republican Party if it require them to actually vote him out, vote him out and also, I think I've said this before, but at the end of the day, what about the Trump presidency so far suggests that this is going to end conventionally? What about the Trump presidency, where, even if they impeach him, he's not going to leave? But why do you think he's going to be like fair cop
fair result, except it referees decision, is final offer. This does not end with him sort of standing outside to have like all other presidents, but this ends with him like King Kong, on the roof of the White House as a phalanx of biplanes flies along the Lord of one thousand, six hundred Pennsylvania Ave firing indiscriminately with Milani are in one hand and him just screaming. I regret nothing as he goes down well. His lawyer gentleman did have
let's see what the definition of truth. Yes, so this is, let's we'll. Let's get Rudy Giuliani back up on the screen there long term, a bugle favorite to do contribute.
Who is two thousand and eight presidential campaign if you can never say, never, never give up the hope, let's the light of hope shine on um. So, yes, I know explaining this summer. This recording impressive truth has taken an absolute abs.
You can come in or think that's out really tough time in recent is truth. Nuance nuances, take
you can absolutely kicking in recent years. I think I mean it's.
The news is going to stop promoting itself almost strongly in stridently or a reciprocal just fade away into nothingness yeah. It's really truth. New Orleans women and black papal really copping the brunt of the from president of your number shows, and
well August as sure as dinosaurs become chickens, but quicker ended her mere thirty to thirty, five days after it had begun? I like to ballpark these things must be on the safe side.
up yet again for at least the fifth year in a row, probably more it was September,
this scene, the that mark will books daily schedule has been. I believe that was gone viral this week. Well, we offer you an alternative, buglers daily schedule. No, and I am Wakeup nine thirty five am gets up. Nine. Forty am go back to bed ten, fifty five,
M wake up again, one thousand one hundred am put the cricket on the telly one thousand one hundred, and one am remember, the cricket already finished yesterday go back to bed, one thousand one hundred and forty five am wake up. Watch. Yesterday's cricket highlights on a laptop one hundred pm lunch interval. One hundred and forty pm afternoon session bracket skip three hundred and forty pm T four hundred pm get up, invite Mark Wahlberg Round for biscuits and Scrabble act, disappointed when he tells you he's doing his four hundred pm workout
so we can have his five hundred pm shower at your house. Call him a prick when he hangs up after saying who are you and how did you get my four hundred and fifteen
time to seven hundred and thirty p dot m general hanging around four hundred and thirty one p dot m ring mark Wahlberg again one minute of his scheduled bedtime.
so you'll disappoint. If you want to come out to the pub quiz, because it's past his bedtime, ask him if he's got his special snuggly blanket in the bed with him, he's excited about the tooth fairy, eight hundred and fifteen eight hundred and forty nine p dot m at nine hundred and fifteen p dot m and nine hundred and forty p dot m
bring mark Wahlberg with questions from the pub quiz repeatedly saying sorry, Bergman, a fickle you've gone,
because I thought you were an adult
one thousand and forty five pm ring mark Wahlberg
it's lost orders in the pub and is he sure he doesn't want a cheeky points in a game of pool reply,
is operating his schedule as, if he's living in the UK's time zone. So yes, that is why your kids school was confused when he turned up at seven hundred and thirty am to pick them up. One thousand one hundred pm late nights bought watching. One thousand two hundred am sacrifice, talks does use twelve one thousand two hundred and fifteen am to three hundred am general time. Wasting three hundred am bedtime. Three hundred and fifteen am wake up. Look up. Some cricket statistics online five
the four am bedtime again and repeat so: there's there's your bugle daily schedule right, I'm September them
How October, according to the ancient Romans, was the eighth month of the year turns out
completely wrong. It is, in fact the tenth. There are
David. Could you from a life of an egg running this one? Please explain a little bit about the history of violent Chris
Jupiter on a Youtube clip called irish music. Sad
Ireland was founded by Footballer Stephen Ireland to three thousand BC. Ireland's indigenous people, where the leprechauns for
patients as nobody's ever called him, but they died out tragically, owing to the fact that they were all mail
I never existed. Nothing kills the people off quicker than never having actually existed. Your next major character in irish history on Diaz said Patrick the patron saint of strangers. Taking
behind the wheel, even in your front garden, is how he is commemorated for one day around the world, Saint Patrick, got rid of all the snakes and so thorough. What's he got rid of any archaeological evidence of them? I'd ever been snake island around the first millennium, so the arrival of the Viking they're. So, unlike any scandinavian people, I've ever met today, it's like one day, the most a broken up and gone hey. You know, that's not right. Let's anymore, let's invent social democracy I KIA and that go on. Then nothing happened in irish history for six hundred years until the arrival of Oliver Cromwell in sixteen forty nine,
and he he absolutely wrecked the place, although seen as a Modernizer in Britain still seen as that today in Ireland, he is
in as a genocidal pad potato puts Harto who calls the population drop off that some experts put his high as eighty three percent. Eighty three percent of the irish population thanks
I mailed you a barrel of rancid wangers. Excuse me if I occasionally visit the British House of Parliament, where there is a statue of you to take a ship just in front of it, Cromwell was eventually defeated by Conor Mcgregor at the Battle of Cromwell in eighteen, proper twelve, with his rallying cry. You'll do nothing
you can prick, but Mcgregor was interned, defeated by Queen Victoria out of
I was in LAS Vegas, where he had motivated her by criticizing her family, her nation and her religion, Queen Victoria loved to Ireland and left us with her greatest legacy. The shop
Victoria secrets on Grafton Street short for
Toria Secret was that she wished she she done more to prevent the irish famine. One thousand eight hundred and forty five to eighteen, forty, nine,
like shooting fish in a barrel in front of these.
there's, always love to crazy from the line dancing to Yo Yo. From time I got cheese to the policies of it. They tend to come and go. They say you only play this town twice in your career said the Pope in Dublin on. Is this be back on the other
seven people in the crowd check all that rosary beads and shook their little bags. Although nominally a republic of Ireland is still a mystical place ruled over by and yet I've never met, and yet, but apparently you can re create the feeling of meeting her. If you put your Peen Slash Lady Peen in a Dyson Airblade, if you feel something crazy in the listening to this podcast, that's Irish,
presidential election mania for some reason, a reason nobody can quite remember: arland- has the tee shot
or prime Minister and the President is a non
political role, the idea of which is that you do the gig. The prime minister doesn't have time to do such as shaking hands at the rugby and apologizing for institutional atrocities. The prime minister, as good as it, the runners and riders, have assembled for this once every seven years, the vents. What a group does the incumbent, Michael D, Hagen, Wizards Powys, negotiated the tricky events of the last seven years with the palm he hosted the queen's,
first ever visit to our lives without giving her a wedgie, I'm commemorated the seventeen of the nineteen sixty arising without mentioning that he'd love to give the queen away job done, so he should get to do it for another seven years and everyone wants them to, with the exception of five people, the five other candidates who are running for its job. There's no reason to mention the other candidates, because you'll never hear of any of them again. Suffice to say that most of them, three out of five, have been dragons on Arlen's dragons DEN, and they look like they're only running for president for a prank. They lost with one of the lots of the golf club. The other two are, ladies and they hate science. My
Michael D Higgins, will definitely win
of another sweet, seven years in front of him or his main job will be to commemorate the centenary of the war of independence in nineteen two and nineteen, without giving the queen away
on the centenary of the civil war in twenty twenty two without saying he wants to give Michael Collins. Slash Ayman, devil era awaits see it's a hundred years and we're still not over us the whole Arlen's who said comedy Colby, educational just to
wants to go down in this review of the owner, who should pop up on the back of October, with thirty classic days of fun,
look for the planet but good old November, but she has said that the cabinet has now agreed a draw brexit withdrawal,
agreement to fight said so he's going to present it to parliament tomorrow, but she said that they've agreed it not just to be clear right, even if they have a great day. This is only haul off of what we need to do right with the other things that we need to do, replace all the laws that currently help govern our country and also make trade agreements with the. So we all not even halfway done and is almost also they have had as of Saturday, eight hundred and seventy six days since the brexit by I don't know what they've been in doing that we are in a position where they're not finished. Just to give you some context. In a hundred and seventy six days, you could have completed the principal photography on the Lord of the Rings trilogy twice. I'm not saying that you don't you don. The effects that took another year put the film in post production, so you'd be left with a lot of footage of anti so he's in a green ones, a sour on being played by a massive tennis bowl, but you'd still have done principal photography in a time in which we have done the square root of premier foods of apparently started stockpiling provisions that the owners of the stuff-
and they stockpiling raw materials are due to fears of what may happen after brexit gridlock, and so what we basically have here,
It's a symptom, less blitz
I also wanted to start hunkering down on the shelters and just I think, they're very clever, because, if
It breaks is carried out. The one thing that
properly tip the UK over the edge.
sorry, I don't know what it apologize you laughing
right, it's beautiful he's, like the words worth of bullshit. It's like the word worth of work.
I just I think it's very
clever stockpiling Bisto, because if we all go insane once Brexit is actually happened. The one thing that's,
Typus over the age is of,
and gravy shortage like if you can't have gravy after breakfast, what is the
and I'm leaving the young? Also, you never stockpile things,
a good reason. No, I know it's like what you're up to all of stockpiling B. As from my house Paul, a light, no one's going to tell you to stock pile seasons, greetings for Christmas,
to reason. My more breaking news just said that the withdrawal agreement is a decisive step in
the to move. The decisive step that captain Oats took see connected
little wonder. I'm laughing at
but I have no idea what that means? I don't know what I do is Shadab for any dumps in the audience. Like may hey,
president didn't go to uni, no surprises! There see what you've got that she's a thing you got here for issues that you are australian.
I mean you don't need to say that, like a burn, the tone on the Australian suggested, even if you had gotten university in Australia, he would have really helped equivalent. I think what we've learned is sort of different in the way we look at our country's history is Australia. Tennis only look back on the triumphs
'cause. We in Britain we like to remember our income,
captain hooks was part of
Scott's expedition to the Antarctic that got a creditable silver medal. Unfortunately, then indulge in a fatal lap of honour and Antarctica. Well, look. I don't want to pay top Trump's here, but one of our prime ministers drowned an we didn't look for himself. You can take it
somewhere over the entire t. Good for you, sort of winning culture you've got here is obviously a loser. He can't swim back to shore. Didn't our captain. Oats make all the cereal that we're now stockpiling Christmas started, bringing his own puns to bugle, get, let's get to say, a lot. People Grover Still- and I was like it's gonna- be a long night for you.
with the everyday lives with about couple of another by a couple of weeks for use they so there's been a. There was some developments long,
this week, when the Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab reveal,
but he quotes hadn't quite fully understood the extent
of the reliance on Dover by the United now
as an island, you would have thought I'd be pretty. Can crucial in her life has been been prized in the guardian today. They report that he's he's quite well full of in Brussels because they said he's been in. The city was Brexit Secretary noted in London to Brussels, but like a more active approach, the generally last life at David Davis last life, then of course the call in french expression, meaning lazy, but if
So do you all know, surprise the w well didn't know about the pulled to die, because I only have actually had a run in with the many grow up. When I met him on question time and he thought I was Gina Miller's brother side, Dominic Ralph,
I can't tell Asians apart why on earth? Would he if he'd been in,
I around to my aunt's house last Sunday for the body or as he calls it Ramadan, they would have been an old soul to confuse the been booking up to every single persons like nice to meet you dish before eventually exclaiming. Well I give up. This is basically like trying to find a brown. The deal in a chocolate heist
but we just got back from a second people have been watching a door for two hours tonight and I just don't think we touched on that enough. People have watched it footage of a door which is still less wooden than watching Theresa may. Who do you think took us along reckon? She just couldn't remember they moved to Macarena
to polish this turd, somehow or maybe just finally, her whole teeth fell out. You know how she looks like she's. Just trying to keep him in, like she's got two loose dentures at all times, and she,
just trying to style it out.
Like I don't know. If you know this show Mister Ed, but it was. It was an american shot. I'm not comparing her to a horse at all. I know that's very sexist, but what they used to
because they used to give him a molasses or peanut butter. Give it to chimpanzees too so their mouth would move in a Hollywood films. So then they could voice over what? If they've, just given to raise
a whole bunch of peanut butter and she's trying to keep the dentures in while someone's throwing their voice from another world. Am I wrong, and
bring us barking and meowing all the way to December, and here is something you have not heard before. Unless you,
we've already listened to this compilation or you're one of the people in it, and I know you're not me so that reduces that probability. Even so. Well, that's it! Well
I mean by the time this is put out on the airwaves stroke internet
everything could possibly have changed. Who knows who knows who
the mobile revolution. What we found we will have to pay a huge
but I sure needed after this entire podcast through after everything,
a revolution by sensible people. That's why you're never going to get
Put, the frustration is the way british
Publix is I'm sure international listeners share. This is that it is the sense,
people that are in retreat, yeah? The idiots zealots
The fringe elements are now in charge, so the souls people usually march on now in control, right and the
we don't usually march? Everybody should be marching, but we don't march there's a lot on the telly,
well, not much marching or like stuff is just after this person. Stuff is really bad time for the next series of stranger things and the Australia India tested dropped. At the same time. Can I admit to when the women's March happened for the second
I'm guidelines as after b when it? So I will call we don't have a seasonal march guy, so so not to him carnival type thing yeah after the, so
yeah, exactly the problems in the summer, people feel happy as well. We have general elections in the summer
it generally think it will favor the governing party. So we will come out there. Somebody out there, though they're not so bad, but feel good on the way to the polling booths. I love the pier behind the curtains that you get with map. It's just a peek just really
Well! No! No! It's not sad. It's really interesting, but also it's
deeply cynical, I kind of want to cry like not you but politics, great things about this long as we respect the democracy that God gave us when he drove the
x from this land? The scene slang words, as you know, goodness, if you have known me, use taking so high that you reference little the rings all styles needs driving from
existence to be fat,
along with them glow, yeah
by the way, just thanks,
and that's it
from the bugle in twenty eighteen enormous thanks for your ears and your support this year. As always, we will be back next week to start digesting.
Our entire year of events and related issues, lookout for the Beagle life
in North America in February and March until next year from Chris? Why
Intel Escort of B will and juice and Bastet the patron dieting of the people, goodbye and happy new
get your sincerely and his ultimate.