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Bonus Bugle - Last Post and 104

2020-02-22

Andy introduces a recent issue of The Last Post with Andy Zaltzman and Alice Fraser, and a revisits a classic episode with John Oliver

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
The bugle audio newspaper, a visual Well I'll be. It goes and welcome to bugle issue for thousands, one hundred and forty one sub issue. I wish I knew it. This week for one or more of the following reasons I often struggled I be our final attempt to qualify for the Gb Olympic Freestyle, Skateboarding team see mounting my entry into the demographic policy presidential rice DE joining expedition to try to find the elusive third Paul. It's out my somewhere. I know it and it's gonna be way more commercial exploitable than even the north or the south. A gardening leave some high level, espionage that I really cannot talk about right now so far did you say that if it's true what everyone says about the Moscow Marital Look, I've said enough anyway. Instead of a
a bugle. What you're about to listen to is an episode of the last post, the last post, if you know how it is, we first addition to enormous beautiful new stable and is hosted by Alice Fraser. It's a daily TAT, our show, which has travelled across to us from a parallel universe in this episode, Alice chance with a celebrity gold and these old man about a crisis that has hit city of London, the hidden trial, of Ancient Britain's has been discovered underneath the city and no one What to do about it, hello, posters and welcome to the last post and final word on this. The most final of wells- and today is the 12th of February of the year twenty twenty happy birthday today in one thousand, eight hundred and nine to both Abraham, Lincoln and Charles Darwin originators of both the movie sliding doors and, respectively, the eye revolution, and a figurehead of the nation that holds the biggest number of intelligent design, anti evolution theorists on earth, but only one of them
as a calm aimed after him you're the Rapid Chuck Data is life and telephone fell into was he celebrations lay include national, plum, pudding day, a dish that most of us only know through the vector of fairy tales and you'll guessed it Is Mr Andrews Ullmann recently back from his vivisection tool? I wasn't looking for is vivisection door, just a few incidents on the rose, who wins, Oh learning badges. Yet what was the habit of yours of strapping blades the wheels of your toolbars outta, that's what we voted for brakes, if only about british forms of transport, the bladed wheeled chariot, thing. Of course, one of them coming out will be to heal the biggest bigotry news in the underlined and revelations, but first some headlines, in the news
today in the wake of Prime Minister Scott Morrison Saturday afternoon, announcement that a strategy will be introducing new control measures that will the all non astray travelling from mainland China Bud entry at the border concerns arising that corona virus based chinese racism is not a victimless crime, as proposed oh bans against chinese nationals of cop against the reality of international economic into dependency, in the fact that chinese tourists bring in twelve billion dollars a year to the australian economy. The media is pulling the ban unprecedented, despite the fact that we did have a White Australia policy for a while, a quick sport story, Pelisses Bonanno that sport, but the Olympic Sarah Parity, they're gonna, include online hate speeches, demonstrations, Bosnia, twenty twenty, four, an infection reared. Oh, how will they always call that similar rhythmic gymnastics an ominous a mixture of technical Merton, autistic impression and vitriol, but the thing is quite interesting because the discussion was bought, shouldn't should be in the Olympics.
because I was not really a sport, but it is global, doesn't need high tech equipment, such its quota and equals bore for loss of memory uninterested. Anything I want to be natural and people would love to watch it. So I mean why have rowing, which has none of those things run on which means that rolling does have is occasionally when their standing on the pontoons in their suit suits. They will get bonus at the same time, wrote that some news a lot of running out, I did indeed say your and Mars prison colony worries, as recently Chase Bank has claimed a number of Mars convicts who have been freed, have hacked into a bank from a small satellite orbiting maws they claim it isn't a victim was. I'm as it is only a matter of time before these criminals branch out from big time bank crime to small personal annoyance crime when spam is will catch on and we start having to field emails from Alpha Centauri and princess wedding, Floresville, inheritances and cut price cialis from the Side of Uranus hot signals are in your quarters of the galaxy and they want to chat matters. Your headlines vote today
stunned, YO classified ads now, remember, you can submit an ad by email to the last post at something else. Dot com, Smooth FM, easy listening, radio has branched out too passive. Save some delegations, love love song dedication, but have a handful of loathing download the smooth fm app and, as its uploading, make sure to clattered the dishes in your sinking a really pointed way and, intelligent up design will register your feelings and allow you to make dedication that say I love you but smooth. m easy listening. Radio love love song dedication in Passiveaggressive, some form. What is it good for absolutely everything? Half a glass of water. And that is your ads for today the last post and your top story today. Of course, it's all there. This news in the under London NEWS Andy. What has
happened to London. Well as very dramatic, isn't it and we are. We took a mother that transport issues the other day and will clearly its way out of hand now on them, in the controls have exactly who who these people are? Why were we I've been all this having been there? Harold They bade them. Is that an awful lot of unsubstantiated rumours gang I mean the argument that they are. In fact the picked seems to have been borne out by the delegation coming back with square headed axis broth, bronze, I'm axis will by anyone, can make good how you test for Pictish need your blood shavings. It Robert lots of the british already fortunate and after an early surge in a sort of unity,
on the british people and excitement about these new and londoners being. Potentially, the solution to breaks at trade was your peers. Morgan and Nigel Ferrars have once more sort of taken a step back and have decided that these are a threat to the sanctity of british people, wrote those bigotry of course, surging up among among londoners, an enviable outside London who are not obviously part of this, but to do the Victorians nor when they were building the London underground. That's pretty other filled up all those museums with ensuring ancient stock was at some kind of deal lemme with picture in the eighties, fifty eight sixty. Whenever I mean we do not have the documents, it's all extremely worrying. I think, because clearly that they must have found there was this room only that the De Victoria line was already existing renouncing. That was a picnic tunnel, yellow and yellow ruddy my tunnels with Russia. Often oh, she legislation
to the will of God, but at the time, the Victorians very good at that, and also ignoring things that they didn't, like the thing that I'm really worried about for today's episode M is: is the bigotry that's coming out the fear? You know- and we saw this with the corona virus. People wearing mosques amount chinese people, a man in a strategy, a died while having a heart attack, because people were to worried about the risk of infection to give him sepia and now people are looking at tat, but mosques for their toilets, though these picture gonna, come up through the toilet bottoms. I mean it surgeon these, but mosques and people, walking around in the streets waiting was ridiculous, but mosques hasn't shores, what sort of the new southern cross tattoo. If you know that in Australia Thea whatever you guys than George said, George cross their am, but now it's an ounce of but mosque. What are we waiting for water with me because they also thought whether what will hold onto the Romans of go
and then, but at no point at all, not possible that the Romans leaving and they realise that the runs had left when breaks. It happened right. Mercosur communication issued yeah communication? Will I mean that I wish all were literally the EU left, including ITALY, which areas. Rome with it, ok and that they must have read about it in a discarded newspaper and thought at last brought. We can rise. Here, because I mean, if you, if the way or workin out but over here in conversations in the language the changes the Romans left over night. Is it not so they wouldn't have so much too slow approaches on whenever something about it making whatever we speak of people give easing louder than road student, nay. He knows it rid themselves of the shackles of roaming occupation entirely. I don't like the way that for all just as turn against them, because in a centrally he's been silent, unless you can prove that someone in your family personally dragged bluestone from whilst Stonehenge you're, not really british, and yet they,
how many of them all british than any of us in many ways will this was the thing initially, we all thought that it was can be like a new phase of unity online with people who were Rina, Pro picked sin in this way of cultural exchange and for our seem to be very pro picked in there in their brutishness, but he's taken a step back from that position and says in fact that he never trusted. and he's always been wearing about mask, even under its pats on any money wasted, but that there should be seen as an inspiration to a certain in these kind of bricks. At times, like Minister maintain existence for thousands of years in complete literal darkness, so, and we can do in metaphorical, dealt with vague electoral darkness. We should see that as a matter of the US in the way that we will start a broadly as a society to accept the pictures as as part of us is when some of them turn us they were to go to sport that weaken the bumper national sporting. Maybe they're, really good at flame, was Andy Foger nervously,
here too, it is possible. I mean it is a pretty seek bandages disappear for a thousand years and its trickiest site, because the general troop of E, Inshallah Xenophobe, is go back where you came from, but really that's exactly what I, as is generally the case. we thought you were under these on the least London. Only that's what I've always been. They don't seem to be wanting to come out any time soon or certainly not until we figure out some sort of treaty. Delegations continue to go in and come out better we're not being informed as the people. We are not being informed of these processes very non transparent process, so I think that one of the reasons why people are getting so angry and so worried, particularly about their but health, wrote
he's a time of uncertainty in an confusion, and I think this is very added to striking an unexpected waiver live. One have been poking Mars bogged down the drain in order to propitiate them in case they turn out to be a hostile force, was a offerings of goodwill, yeah events of goodwill in the form of mass barrier, but I'm not, I think, is something I think we should probably embraces as a nation and the others to do too much hostility. Well, nothing Helen! When you find it civilization living on their own capital city than you'd duty bound to were yet and isn't rejoiced british thing having an upstairs downstairs exactly that legislation bells so can summon up snacks from them
news is still emerging from the under London City that we are still figuring out how we gonna engage with we're going across to our report on the same John Hastings, who is standing by to let us know all the latest development, John. What's going on down there, I was quite a time on insider witherspoons. That's inside another Witherspoon divorce, incited Protomonarch CUP inside of an hour glass dressing room where Nigel Garage has just announced that he is back to being pro picked after being against the picks and then pro the pics. No is really sure. What's cause this flip flop, but we all know it's because of his fisherman heritage up. What's that gives no, it gets the pit No one really sure why he's here or what
is going on. But Lord knows it's a delightful distraction from any court. Unquote. Actual issues facing Britain will certainly figuring out how to integrate these people into the societies is playing into Nigel barrages opinion because he was all for them when he thought they might be tory voters and always against them. Now that it's considered, they might be a drain on the welfare system. You bring up a good point. Polish people all across the UK are rejoicing and that there are no longer the scapegoat for every decision. Conservative politicians have made the picks have already been blamed for a lack, of employment and also a rise in unemployment and also arise in hiring within the United Kingdom. The annex, as is already reported, that they need more nurses, and this is being blamed. The pic people's refusal to get into knows costumes and just pretending to actually be nurses pull the map is facing a rampant amount of strain because they're not sure if they are allowed to police underground, based on a variety of treaties that were signed under Henry the
if that had been uncovered in the pit society? I mean that is all the latest happening there down at the edge of the central line. I was I hate to interrupt you, but Milo. Yet an apple US and Tommy Robinson have just arrived and declared the picked people to be the greatest threat to ever face Britain. Ever since the invention of alcohol and train delay, it's very Gary Barlow has arrived just announced that he is forming a take. That spin off group called take picked. Lord knows there benefit concert will be formed soon, let's all hope, earplugs reaches quickly. Thank you so much for the latest on the scene on Hastings you'll be there all week. I hope you're right. I know you have not been sleeping cause. You ve been giving us covered twenty four hours a day, but we will see His knees emerges and we'll talk to you again to Morrow. I look forward to it Alice now. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to have what's known as an open, I sleep, which is where I stare forward into a bare light bulb and not to soil myself,
I'm for letters to the editor today, or rather they were so full of bigotry and fear about the underlines that done. None of them are worth. speaking but will have more letters tomorrow when we come back. Thank you for this Turning to the last post today, you can listen again tomorrow, if you have not done so before, please tune into our previous additions go back for about ten years. You today was Mr Andor, Ozma Andy have you got anything to plug war friends are my first ever underground. Gig in London goes, you do. underground gaze with is this with a jazz all roads were mixture of comedy music and cover for the for the pictures of bridge building exercise. If it goes well. Recording the public's I'll feel I'm gonna handle building just don't know what their sense of humor is, because when oversee british sense of humor is a core call, british valiant hasn't changed since the dawn of time, but you do think Yahoo has being living under gravity thousand years as a civilization change. What you find funny- I might
probably, must have them probably must have done where we have to wait for them to send a delegation out so far the delegations have all been one way, but sir, I'm looking forward to seeing you coming out the other side. I still haven't seen a picture of a picked. Well, ironically, ironically, I mean they just rolled himself light twelve themselves. You can find me on Twitter Instagram at alliterative ale. I t are HIV and my tickets are on sale for Kronos Ellis phrase. Kronos Melvin Sidney in Perth Comedy Festival in the upcoming months. The last post is something else: Alice Fraser Bugle put cost production, I malice Fraser. The executive producer is Kristen De Skinner and assuming the pigs don't eat us in the night. I will talk to you again to Morrow and if you enjoy that do subscribing Apple podcast now and an added bonus, Harrison Vintage Bugle from exactly ten years ago. Near enough, we actually took this week off. Yes, I was well so this is from just over ten years ago. It's beautiful
one hundred and four wheel would back next week until then goodbye. Story this week and while the eleventh of February two thousand ten. It was a very special twentieth anniversary. This year writing on events the world an event people can, we believe, was actually happening, a shock whose off them off reverberates, to this day, MIKE Tyson was knocked out by not me, because that day, Nelson Mandela's loudly jail. You must have thought what power I have an these fists on MIKE Tyson out now, We know Nelson Mandela's walking down the street, though what what you, don't like every mentality, ain't changes, things that Nelson Mandela's release became one of those where we? U moment, everyone remembers work what they were doing when each of us first out for freedom. Personally, I remember watching you are my parents, black and white tv in our kitchen I was at the eyes- were not only did- are realised-
This was a major moment. If history for the world, but I also knew this was probably going to delight lunch. I was have to understand the gravity of the moment quite old enough to handle that's gravitas in an appropriate manner. How long is this sandwich? Gonna be delayed, you think that we talk in thirty minutes or up good. If so, I'm gonna try and ate a biscuit on the sly watch it I was I was being born donors. a maximum effort with princess. I have been outside of Jordan now, what What's she doing John, of course it was Sir special like amazement, my knife birthday and ours for excitement wondering why ones making such a fuss about old man on the telling when it was more special day of out and out compensates by forming all girls.
Group and winning five Grammy awards. Maximus effort with Kelly Roland men of war was doing job. It was a fifty year old boy, John, with south african Father who sir some of whose family had strong links. They answer new Nelson Mandela personally, and I was pleased with anticipation, Jonathan Sir I'm not really Mandela's release, but the fact that the West, these being the necessaries is about begin with. I would like to based on my young life, inglenook gonna, be taken on the arrangements. We have little chance of not being wit, look a naughty boy worth all excited yours works. I was all she was exultantly Mandela released as well. I remember as a watch the momentous events unfolding momentous Leon on the Tele, although of course had a collar television because from a much better family than you are one of the key moments, the twentieth century, the ancient symbol of human progress, a beacon of hope so that Europe disenfranchise people in the world. I remember ass, my father,
does this mean Ingram completion after cricket again in front of the family? Of course, big! Nothing! Welcome! Round chaise ozma anytime! You want suddenly have the book a table what most physicist or how that is a very nice, I'm a big offer. It was good. news for South Africa twenty years ago, even budding use rule of humanity slightly less good news. I would argue for Cricket Andy the first NEWS of all things the big male himself who managed to deliver speeches superhuman restraint after being released after twenty seven years, in that it somehow How incredibly didn't starts with the words were Of course the series, they walked up because the last twenty seven years about grenades above is pay stuff, now paste holy shit. That was a long time. I mean that was a really long time as part of the celebrations this week that reenacted in South Africa, Mandela's walk to freedom, and when I first wrote that headline on your head,
we'll split thought they might jailed him again just how they could re release him? Is that one Lena, very nervy moment for Nelson yeah. Sure I am I'm gonna get in the soil, but let us be clear: this is a reaction right. I just it's definitely reaction is just also we got me and you left me even though we decades well, I don't think I have something on about it. I don't think I'm actually doing that Andella, whose now ninety war, no sixty, four, if you dont county, is that was stolen from him attended a special session of parliament where he heard President Zuma deliver attributes and President Zuma said in the two decades. So the lesson but the above, which is that Mandela's climb. Our country has changed from them. President present Mandela, United, this country behind the goal of a non sexist, non racial, democratic and prosperous South Africa, Moser very noble, thought Andy beautifully expressed, but I'm doing a little hollow coming from a man
who's been charged with ripe racketeering and corruption? Who's been married five times and has just had his twentieth, Charlie twenty children around the he's also said that game It was a disgrace to God and that way bring up. A homosexual would not have stood in front of me out of knocked him out. What I'm saying is President Zuma actually achieves the impossible. He manages to make appreciate. Nelson Mandela even more, but I would refer you to do the whole speech without marrying or impregnating anyone. So let us, if that's true, I learning clearly it of proven incredible man. Mandela reached the dignity and grace shown as a symbol of hope for our stroppy species. looking back. We can now all agree. The apartheid was definitely a bad thing the author unworldly we're at that point. Rude very, very it was impolite the time for making changes, while twenty issue in the space of a year at the end of the Soviet Union, the fall of the Berlin Wall, the end of apartheid, Nelson Mandela freed and Canada
He discovered after long dormant in under a thirty five was all happening at this week. Also marks these thirty first anniversary of the iranian Revolution, although happy following the election of do or twelve last year, gonna slowly differ why they might have imagined seven months anniversary of a different iranian revolution. Instead, in response to the anniversary, the government in IRAN rallied hundreds of thousands. preparatory security forces in IRAN were armed with tear gas live rounds which they were firing into. The air and apparently paint bulls to mark the protesters that system and these solely designs TAT might write, control more funds for the Kyoto forces involved it first. They let them right around. Our motorbikes heading people with sticks and these solely the violence that might write control, more funds for the security forces involved at first. They. Let them right around our motorbikes heading people with sticks, and now they gave them The guns, although Andy Piebald governor
motorbike that is attempting job to apply. For, let me be clear. I do not a grave and what they're doing over there, but even I have my limit. All I'm saying is: if I'm not here next week, you will know where to find me. I guess it is. Once again we're not increasingly fine line between systematic oppression of political opposition and stack weekend interim acute crowd industries to listen. a bugle fibre, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at the latest. Obama he's crazy tool and use this opportunity to use gas their attack of our current land who comply Mandy. You don't go in front of a crowd that big and not play your greatest. While the rolling stones- no plain brown sugar, it is not the time to your new stuff. No are they came. Therefore, in fact we could have just started writing against the West and then held his microphone out
was the crowd and let them finishing off themselves join and if you know the words why villages in the end now, The american flag into that was light. Is now why those flags in the air again Gerard giving great about you're talking like a man who now spigot crowds, escapes then what he lived in England we celebrated by cracking up is nuclear grandstanding. Why not with his country's birthday Walter himself and respond, by giving IRAN as a prison in return, the threat of sanctions, I was very happy day for everyone at the avenues now and Tom is leaving the country on Sunday the heats up, credulous particular walk out from told his family bloody emigrant than the other way therefore putting his pipe under his elbow and is working they were decision residing, but when you know that
the eurozone, but one way for one week. It's a protest that I think will carry a lot of message. We resigning from Britain and resulted from Britain the biggest Tanya guy it's just too hot and cold. The long and short of it is that Tom is emigrating to Australia, where he will continue to do the beagle from its legs meeting the amount of space the bugle is about to cover a just speck papua. What do we do this in three different continent? We are truly intercontinental you doing on different dice. Tom is gonna, be doing it on today. I am only in Australia and you'll, be there. a Friday morning. Here in Amerika is absolutely right, Nicholas does not hear about it. A great sign of how far technologies com that you can do, something very stupid or emigrants to Australia let me assure you technologies have no help at all unless emigrate. That's the big illnesses are very stressful process. Yeah, that's right! There you can watch
you sound like me in Hawaii top there's that base divisive. Oh God, give me strength, John, you view emigrated before what do you mean most about about Britain. That's a good question. Do you know what mince pies? Yet we don't have mince pies Christmas, which seems to me and with particular so from his post Vienna. Locked not me, yeah thanks a lot, Are you giving you with immense point down? They wonder what about the times we used to play computer for what you said, and we had a deadlock, something nothing do my sound to Mr Davis. You deliberately Johnny get place of God. She loved that in yet Look around you loved me love the two for the challenge. What is it about? People are working
moving to another anything, you guys. That's all right give me you must be dragoon people in Tripoli, Sunday, immunity studies and some deodorant both Tom and I just can't bear to mean the same timezone. Is you. Yeah you gotta go done, I'm going to France. This man was six months of the year, so it's always leaving this kind. Railways, lowest ebb, maybe not its lowest August. Sir indignant about the Normans, often great when the vikings are giving us a lamb bam. Thank you, I'm only without the thank you, but when the black death is walking off the population, the fourteenth century, that gonna be most from oil, kicked kicking the bull by the Romans, and while I don't forget that the civil war is country power and a king, Charles being forced into a national one. Had no heads trick. Poorer
when it alot Germany, my snake snake second well worn out for the lower. I know we have a lower ebbs, but the point is he's off. These off is taken is australian. Why and his english daughter with him. As a result, I will be back very soon on the end of a phone tired out of my mind. He s speaking to you probably gonna, say levels you guys little girl catering, this action. Really we can and we remain on just just wait till we get Australia, it's gonna same even more frustrating. Well, you ve, robbed me of my Friday night destroyed my social life and young friends. Without me. Yes, some years yet not wait to see what you gonna do to me and said well so much more to this mission Tom, so much more than a completely break you loved her too that's: that's what will be the big wages action now Valentine's day, alms- and I owe you
Valentine's day on Sunday, the fourteenth of February damn, it's been marked by a very controversial story: hedge ominous, yet again told Britain. a part of everything in a primary school in Somerset as bans pupils from and then cards to each other. To save him, the quotes, emotion, trauma. A thing rejects, I think it's a very bad moves and because it is important that children at the earliest possible age, have thy heart tremble to the ground than their souls crush. You work out. building on this estimate for the real world are about to enter died. They need to learn how to deal with a rejection, because rejection John to me is the basement in the balloon eyes of life. Without it, it lacks depth and texture and Think of emotion we about achieving the rejection. Ever since they emphasise that's it. It's over Britain, I've had enough, and Britain replied. I could show
Just give me the jobs of promising exploit you again ungrateful bridge, bitch boys voluntary, thank God I ever had and giving us around noise years old and there was a girl who gave me card which wasn't so much affection as it just had a ten point breakdown. Why do you not like me and those ten ten point argument, which is pretty advance for Non euro to it? While he was? Was we? I just don't see the point? view yet are even though yet appointed. Will I just don't get the point? Where is she now? I don't know about that, I shall call even remember Mary Monday's said what you listening. Didn't I tell you all I would like to know, and if the This girl, I ever loved, was out folly visa Gift, Sarah Constable and are loved because you had blue glow.
cs. I remember and very shiny black sandal shoes. Ok, I thought both those things were very cool, shallow bastard, the head of my time in terms of how rapid already put Bosnia and I'm not a big fan of Valentine's day, but evil I wouldn't take as far as Saudi Arabia who, on Thursday laws a nationwide crackdown of stores selling. Items that are either read or heart, she height any other. Why allude to Valentine's day, which is that of officially binding red? hold your heart. Show gardens are legal, apparently other terms of years as very important needs. They become completely contraband of Saudi Arabia, boy. They know they never cease to surprise, not just how intolerable, like particularly the diy the butter easy. I think is this missing my rejection? A learning to accept rejection is, it is very important. John and
Is your lunch deal with rejection uncle rejected their number times? I gotta get to apply for a job to be a substitute for the item, processing international magazine bucket naughty naughty seven, I wouldn't you couldn't but I like how much out differently Molluscoida turn up turned out. I've got a job, colleagues. It is viewed with best potato processing raw a whole tire firmly believe that purchase think by now. You know more about a move, sideways work on it says the publication, potato storage international that was launched in two thousand and four clearly guys. Please tell me that throughout this truly scarce, going places job Maybe they ought to be looking at one of the publishing houses, other Marquis title, such as Asia, Pacific Baker for European like a who knows I boy analogy, argue credible too many times and they don't believe these exist. what could be the Randal first of business to business trade magazine specializing in the starchy food industry. Instead, I had at this
Alpha showbiz monks, Martha Rejections, John offered to do a free because the communist or magic for December, two thousand and eight was rejected. Pretty volubly unanimously plot requests adjoining the cricketing rejected for the coastal plantier must go to lodge a nuclear Weapons programme rejected Copernican asking to teach of China and the black hole for Kent and demand for state immunity from prosecution. In return for information, my hook in the Queen mother, rejecting Francesca autumn psyches, lonesome