This is a podcast from the bugle part com. Audio newspaper for a visual Hello, buglers, add welcome to issue two hundred and ninety one of the bugle for the week ending Friday, the 24th of April, two thousand and fifteen, with main ally, joining me from the city so that I'm taking New York City is the last remaining threads that keeps the moth eaten will on the parents of the Trans Atlantic special relationship from completely unraveling. It's the police sergeants, are political shenanigans, the detective chief inspector of dickbag charlatans and idiots it's superintendents after himself that one man Comedic Colombo, that age John Oliver

Put your house recall you back your walk away from the punch line, hello, I'm very! I love you guys. I'm the this week was a strange one full may he always for best reasons, no to them names. What Time magazine's one hundred most influential people in the world, which is clearly terribleness. For time magazine the people the world in general and the concept of influence, my presence on that list, and that he is canary in the coal mine for the planet earth and that canary is dead and he didn't die recently, the best the best byproduct of this for every abomination is the fact that on Tuesday night or not to attend dinner for the names on the list. Now, not all the noise people with their Andy and I'll, tell you why 'cause two other people on the list will flatter me. Putin and Kim Jong Moon, suppose, you have to say name still make more sense. Big on that list. The mind because that's not the point, the point is it's a shame. 'cause, I'm very

which would have liked to be sitting between the within a functioning mused, Muse, filling in an extremely angry sandwich. It was it was strange noise perfectly and inexplicably catch piper comments from Kanye West, who performed like a man who not only felt comfortable being named one of the hundred bucks, influential people, but it also seemed that he was number one after after watching it. Actually, I think, in terms of just self confidence maybe the Anti County I west, I'm so easy. If you will, his wife is, of course Kim Kardashian and in a moment, So I can only describe as brief she is walking walking fast Maine and a photographer asked for photos of us together. She gestured with a hand for me to come The did the mule who previously seen on the queen. At events. She had no interest being at the photographer to one single photo and at the moment, The flash always thinking

This is no I'm a the world needs now. I haven't seen photo yeah Andy, but if anyone ever does, that is the overall I'm confused ice. It was to put it grande a strange evening. So I was so named. Only a hundred most influential people living on my road instructor. So it's been a pretty big week for for, but it means that means it means as much under both both of those things are entirely subjective. This is regal. Two hundred and ninety one, two hundred and ninety one, of course, the ultimate best of total. In the coin toss series held by Hillary Clint, when deciding whether or not to wear a run for president again when she went to a thousand forty hundred and forty five up

it was, might also two hundred and ninety one, the number of turkeys who voted for Christmas. The last time such a referendum was held. That was back in one thousand nine hundred and sixty eight. Only two hundred and forty eight voted against Christmas. So Christmas remains to this day the rest of the world's estimated three hundred and fifty million turkeys. Are they didn't register to vote or pick their ballot papers to pieces? So they can't complain about the results and weekending 24th of April two thousand and fifteen. I mean it's twenty five thousand years to the day since a caveman inadvertently invented breakdancing, whilst trying to maneuver his way, quick, have a slightly undersized cave whilst avoiding being bitten by pack of scorpions, so historic, historic day. So how is your happy birthday? John? thank you and that's the most historic anniversary of this week, 23rd hateful one thousand nine hundred and seventy seven. The world was introduced to both Mister John Oliver and Mister John Cena, the so two sides of the coin.

MIKE this is the same age as well, exactly the same yeah John yeah, wow wow. He became world Wrestling Federation's champion of the world and and then there's also Maine looks like in different paths with our life: hey, sister path of physical dominance mine is supportive. Relentless apologizing, did you we tend to to try and pretend that the time hundreds most important people in the World Party was actually, but they felt sick of this and the standard guest list, yeah sure sure that's right, let's just whispered in a couple of people, there's of course it's my birthday in two days and they Pretend to hey in Alton. Look over my shoulder and move on to someone more interesting. I was always a section of the bill is going straight in the Bin this week, a special historic wearable tech section

as we've had the long awaited launch of the apple watch uh. It's amazing to think John, that for one hundred and fifty thousand years now, species waiting for device small enough to wear on our wrists, but finally spares us the logistical tyranny of having to carry around a device small enough to fit in our pockets. So I can only say, on behalf of humanity, thankful for the apple watch. It's a massive step forward for the watch. The apple watch has a battery that lasts check this for an anti, a dot. Eight, no tedious wanting this baby up every two or three minute slot, with an almost all mechanical watch that had broken, but you can bring yourself to throw away for sentimental reasons. No tedious having to replace the by for every two three or four years, not with the all new apple watch. You just need to charge it once every in four hours and always carry your Iphone with you. This is actually, if step change in watch tech, it has a digital touch feature.

That allows users to tap the watch, face to send customizable bosses to their friends wrist or even transmit the halls. In real time and in terms of social media. This this is huge and I gotta be able to keep your friends up to date with whether or not your hearts is still beating I don't know, I think Eric might be dead either. That's how or if we got to take his phone with him better call an undertaker, just in case, of course, isn't very great danger in Tecla. This not working will investigate that. They reckon Hoff of all ISIS recruits to just people who set that sat nav wrong and ended up driving to homes hum and they're already stories of a man who spent three years in a swimming pool. Just because you can get a Google alerts to get out, split, ended up growing, gills and marrying a turtle, so it wasn't all bad. We reported previously on the bugle on Apple's developments of apple eyeball that still, on course, replace all human eyeballs by the year. Twenty twenty eight.

Intersection business week. We're also reviewing other wearable tech that as soon so hit the shops, including the Samsung cravat. Only 19th century gentleman's neckwear of choice. The some Croat receives real time updates from absolutely everything when news breaks the records or to another alert you by constricting around your neck to slightly asphyxiate you, a warning on fast news days may cause fatal strangulation We also look at the Motorola sock they must have to accessory for today's fitness obsessed fanatic, the Motorola stock. Sure can be fitted on either a medium. Some more permanent basis is program to bleep. Every time you put your foot on the ground, so you can keep real song track of whether or not so you'll moving and if so, how false and the hope of socks and in some up place, you'll face. But h. So room can see with a walking joking sitting around all fleeing for your life from there all plans in place a ripper right, free, Motorola Socks to anyone who lives within three miles of an active volcano. So when will the thirty percent of those where Symbol Tennessee start sprinting scientists will know the full kind of

most likely erupting and also we review the Nokia prince the highest tech penal I sing in human history, the employee. I will automatically alerts your up, but so different from Toshiba to miss you the series of customizable buzzes to keep you in your Wang, fully up to date with goings on in the world of news, finance and sports. Receive. Email, tweets, Instagram, product release, carrier, pigeon message or stock market updates, the NPL inform you ball, mildly electrocuting, your as the Germans call it flesh and controllers grout. It will pass two hundred percent more vigorously. If that communication comes from a person or commercial organization that you secretly fancy and it is fully compatible- into that section. In the back top stories this week, Uk Election NEWS Britain's prepared to go to the polls or not many many will not go. Many won't go, but many of preparing not to do it and the, as you know,

far better than I uh the Uk General election takes place in just two weeks. There's been almost snow coverage of it here and that's understandable, because the USA, is to invested in their own election, which is taking place just a corner where they're not going to is over eighteen months away, but I can only imagine the it mode over there on the facts. Let me imagine it now: is it a mixture of stands as a pricing can ponder the resentment of pessimism because that's the inspirational, I must be at all, remember. It said pretty much the outside. This is simple for usually the most and least eagerly awaited election in living memory that there is a mixture of total uncertainty as to what is going to happen and complete and utter resignation over whatever the outcome. Finally is well. That's that's the interesting thing, because this election may genuinely go down to the wire, I believe the current polling, as both the concert lives on the labor policy at thirty four percent, with uh, with any advantage well

within the margin of error. It could be a photo finish, Andy and if so, it would anybody that John Oliver and Kim Kardashian version of a photo finish. Two people back and neck, who would ideal world would not be the next leader of a country, although the close to of this election, Is it many ways what MIKE it so interesting it because I it also could be what makes it problem Magic is under the UK system. The election could end up with uh huh, in parliament, which I believe is called that 'cause MP, just hang around old. I getting absolutely nothing done. Is that a fair reflection on three of wall? The system would turn into a yeah. That's that's! Basically, basically it above politics is found herself in the public eye and whenever that happens, the public, basically just attempts to get out its own audible out with any available implemented by just sticking broach pins into its all eight of us

dole just anything to stop having to look politics directly in the face. What we've got here is a massively unpopular government versus an equally on popular opposition. The complete irresistible force against the easily movable object. It is a life threatening class, still throwing as you In the polls, the polls are scarcely moved at all for the whole campaign, despite the party throwing all their hard earned and not particularly hard earned cash at the problem and what I say cash is not cash in the way that cash is thrown at an american election. John, I mean, I think, the sums involved in british elections. I don't think any. American candidate would even break wind full frankly, in Britain already should bodies are restored to spending for entire year before an election that can spend up to thirty thousand pounds. I can't even say This sounds for each scene. They can test, which I up to around nineteen point: five million pounds if they fight every constituency that Andy Isadora.

Electrical policies here spent on the balloon budget, just balloons that in no way counts any confetti cannons that extra on a lot extra most UK election in twenty ten cost. In total, eighty four six million pounds to administer. That's it that's good, Itamar Grundy, I'm pretty sure we spend that much staging hall for Wrestlemania. Well, it was a really affect, but with Eric in the am they are currently it will cover your sins. Can we can we collect tolerance? Yes, The current USA election campaign- and you can be referring to all elections 'cause they just don't stop now for the rest of time and

so I don't. You think the way the american companies going by twenty twenty eight. All it will involve, is one Democrat and one republican standing six inches away from each other screaming in each other's faces, until one of them pulled over on a winner is declared, I'm not so six billion. I think they're expecting this one to close to twenty years. Sixteen election box mean you might. That is a lot every America spends. Seven point: nine billion dollars on Halloween yeah, but I think that is simultaneously both extremely uplifting and completely fundamentally, terrifying others already a great deal of scare among what in would actually mean now. The conservative policy have argued that, potentially a lot worse than getting nothing done it. Scottish people getting a side. Things to the only party giving scottish people represent. Representation of democracy is like

the horse and Ipad. It just makes no sense. They have no idea what to do with it and they'll probably break the thing completely. So no one else can use it. What's the first rule of electoral politics John, when the going gets, tough, the tough get bull Shiting and a survey of Britain's leading scaremongering firms revealed it. I think seventy two percent of all scares in the average five year- political cycle, among God within three weeks of a general election- and most of them in the past week involve the apocalyptic scenario, some form of possible labor, Scottish National Party Dale off the election warning of disasters, Kyle even could lose John, it's been a while, since we had a proper queue in this country- and I ended up with a moment with his head on a spike. So I'm It's reached the point where our politicians are no longer bothering to encourage people to vote for what they want, but trying to frighten them into voting against what they most don't want and short of David Cameron dressing up in a white sheet and trying to haunt people through their bedroom windows with spooky economic projections is hard to see how much more

Alicia. They can get if your democracy found the Tories wanting to old tune to flavor. The s and p team up like this woman that we're all doomed if we talk about how what we might be All the snp continues to spread its terrifying, apocalyptic scare stories of investment in public services. Building, long overdue houses trying to keep pensioners warm enough not to Diane. Above all, the truly old, ending scenario of letting women have a at frontline politics. It's absolutely terrifying! John people can barely sleep in this country. The moment there are a few little details, the? U lecture awful, well to one of my favorite things h election is where people, Charles Devotchkas Polling stations in Britain, basically anyway, electoral state that they should be just iaccessible identifiable and provide The all important privacy for voters are there also be the right size to meet the needs of the local electorate. I know I queue of people to flow through. And that's pretty broad and that's a good thing. 'cause at least it's being cast into one

demonstrations of electoral interesting. In the village of little bardfield votes, will be cast at the cricket club is pavilion any english sequence of words, voting in a cricket pavilion in a village called little Bardfield could not, any more English without having Charles Dickens turn up and throw an offer, not you, but but it doesn't they're all the polling stations will be set up with the EAST Hall Boxing Club and the swell table tennis center in Middlesbrough. You can also vote in pubs which so you can vote and get us tiniest points the dolphin in chilling the Red Lion in Belgium Alton and that the from in Rochdale among many many others, and if they set up polling station inside your local pub and still don't vote at that point. I think knees to accept voting is just not for you

It's not your thing. I've been to Gillingham John. I used to go watch football there, Anne frankly, you're going to need a stiff drink before voting there, because that is a town that democracy and progress has forgot. The only thing that could make that process better is if the bomber himself, folks, along with your older thanks Todd, he could not get so far as a band out of all the forgeries of my out of pocket pulled scratches. Please actually forget the vote for to raise just got a third point instead, but what when it comes to luxury voting and If you really want to make a die of your democratic duty, you have gall to head down to the pole station of the Royal Chase Hotel in Shaftesbury. Why I'll tell and the it has a spa on an indoor swimming pool? That's why vote I hope in your heart and a pair of cucumbers over your eyes. That's what the ancient Greeks had in mind, although for sure

convenience you can't go wrong with, and this is true, the ice laundrette, its own Goodall, still road in Oxford. They will once again be a raging polling station and a vote to let her that's why we clean your shirts is not the slogan there, but frankly, if king should be, but finally, for the intimate personal experience, eight boutique voting station, if you will look no further than that in the home of Peter and Cristina Hodgkinson in Rochdale, who, for the last four decades, have turned there dining room into an election booth said of the area that we live in a lot of people come and we have a natter 'cause, we don't 'cause, we do see them one year to the next. So it's like a social gathering, so there you go just pop round Peter Christine's and vote, and not to write you, I'm honestly atory scalar stories

the Miliband Sturgeon conjunction, which ironically, was and I'm a medical condition that into was Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin suffered from in the nineteen thirties. He could barely sit down at times. It was said that David Cameron, the professional prime minister, I'm not on general election. Described as a match made in hell. Now, I'm things on the hell might be slightly losing its age. If this is the best, it can produce a slightly fractious potential negotiation between two political parties. On the same, out of the political spectrum meeting that was an article by London, mayor, Boris Johnson and the Telegraaf in which he said talking about the prospect of a allowing the s and p power in Westminster. He said you wouldn't get King Herod's to run a baby film. Would you under well? No, you wouldn't Boris because well, first of all, how does be now the by became for quite a long time? They probably wouldn't be any good anymore. Modern farming techniques of moved on from two

as mode years ago, when you just have to deal with you mind, caliber down again. What was so? I still if you are going to run a by the film which is generally much fresh, and by most legal systems around the world, the very low thing you want is a high profile, celebrity appointments that is going to get you a lot of press coverage. You want to keep it out of the spotlight. It might be a heart warming story of how former celebrity biblical first borns, lair and King Herod is found redemption, growing babies on the phone, but just keep Kingston about the king by the phone. It is at best unlikely to get an EU subsidy and he continued to say. Can someone tell me why, in the name of all that is holy, that there are some apparently rational people who are contemplating the elevation of the Scottish National Party to a position of affective dominance in the governments of the United Kingdom, an entity that they are form to destroy. Well, I can tell you why that is Boris is because those apparently rational people- you have such disdain for the voting public of Scotlands

and the reason that they want to destroy the? U K is because people like you, keep telling my cannot be trusted with a voting pencil. So it's it's a fascinating election. The S and p said a lot of six or eight percent of the seats in parliament. From about four percent of the national vote, twelve, the less than charming you kind of penance, faulty and the and the Green Party between them could get about eighteen percent of the votes, I'm less than one percent of the seats are

well, I guess all the screams age. That's Oracle system simply does not work. Google fridges, which in now and it's soon George, it was on your birthday John Course Code. So it's with some George's die the die of all national in science. You show your birthday with them, and yet you still abandoned your country and its arab nations. So what? If? That's what it takes in a time times to one hundred well no interest, I'm I'm by the more country on the and I lost a ton of a difference. We were hoping that some jobs going to come on the show tonight, but it's is pale person, the monorail to MIKE, as he was sadly mounted in the a three hundred and three a day after refusing to worship in on christian gold, but he's a great symbol for the modern british establishment, a from a well to do family and he's eligible for non. Don't tax status up. But since

looking at the different versions of the central story fortune, one if so Dragon slaying legend. Is that villagers try to distract a dragon that so they could reach the spring for which they got all their water. They distracted initially by feeding it sheep and then, when I run out of sheep, they started feeding it. Instead, young women maidens basically walls was not really the best plan, but he would not does show how much it is a man's world chilled I'll try to eating a shape to the any other holidays. Yes, my items: what about Cal's no mightn't directly must've of mines thanks now he's jewish jewish dragon, the other, mostly all given lighten up MIKE, is kosher. Yes, is I don't live in a shell of what the barbecue on not now my knees were drawn by lots of power in the code of the store. No one batted knowledge. Mrs Pancoast did you dine vine until process was drawn out by lots and then

only then did some George Spring into action. So this is classic british behavior obsessed with the monarchy and prioritizing the upper classes. He is the best buy translates week. People complain that so you know we say, he's not a never came to England X and also that he's express himself pretty Finney's listed on Wikipedia saint or joint patron saints of thirteen thirteen countries, including Moldova. Could we be doing better than this is also translator skin disease sufferers and syphilis suffers busters, encouraging a benefits culture, people sitting back and expecting some George to kill them roughly getting out there and killing themselves thanks in sign of all ages, which, I guess more explain, the government's after each was outdated military equipment. I am all of us to the stories they

just title: reptiles indiscriminately flew into a rage whenever he saw anything even slightly scaly and the day he killed. The dragon had already slain an entire colony of eighty five newts and he can neural gecko in front of a roomful of children. It just happened to be passing by when he saw the dragon jumped off his horse sweetie. I think it was called he inherited from his sister when she went off horse riding stripped down to his, but shorts and scream to the dragon. You owe me big, lays Mano a mano before head butting, the confused face to death. Well, it was midway through its morning, snack of an onion sesame seed bagel with cream cheese and might in some other session is that it didn't actually happen. But it's all symbolic this in Georgia, as a symbol of the church in the dragon's, or something I'm not sure what possibly birth control and the other option is that as a positive spin on a slightly embarrassing story from two seven, nine hundred and eighty, the Future St. Drag queen, now. This one comes in from it. Yet in Denmark who says I recently discovered a packaged on is

only nation in the world that does not recognize all media, as a country they've never been to war, had any serious disputes Parker's on just doesn't fit. Like recognizing all if this something that comes can just use auto mark to recognize what used to be new Sweden and is basically a part of Delaware and now I'm, but it turns out that was a swedish colony along. The lower reaches of the Delaware River from one thousand six hundred and thirty eight to one thousand six hundred and fifty five keep that fire burning. Geopark. We pronounce your name right. The official ministry of Foreign affairs of the Republic of Armenia on its website says diplomatic relations between the Republic of Armenia and Islamic Republic, it's on are not established? So I mean I'm going there any countries, John, that you just flatly do not recognize this existing. And that is what we got. That is a more invested.

Monday, mine fields, and they I upping, do knowing to most of the wiles exist thrown with ultra tough, could get killed if university. Yet the it's called a photo is fine and the ones he was a bottle. All remember. The battle is windows that fighting for your site against the at the five foot. Four inch alley: GM person israeli of physical bottle. So if there's any countries that you think should not be recognized, then we as twelve dollars yet Chris is going to head in his hands now actually sets in the for all year of british policy, that is a dangerous road to go down that you had the problem. The problem is, you are walking, I will specialist with a big stick with this call, wouldn't all throw this question out to be a little kids the whole world has a lot of opinions of a country that shouldn't exist and sadly

The offices are often very anti semitic. I think I'm the officially finished I said since our world yeah I would give this is why the possible. The other. You must take your comic premise: Declaration of war here, it's always such a phone line, Australia, but go out, but we go with that. Just just just for the duration of the of the english cricketing Sama, I'm I do. I do Gary must coming into info acts. The bugle pot costs to kill me thank someone sent in a picture of a poster for Boneless goni, the musical, which should probably be the logical and points of all western civilization so seen in the streets of Copenhagen. Also for very Dent Denmark have Let this section this week I'll keep them coming to involve the people, pull cost all come down to get to have a look at all sound cloud, page Soundcloud, DOT, com, slash the hyphen bugle on

get the bugle much at the regal podcast cost adults. Dot com a quick update. Now only Bugle appeal, um Michelle, and her family are now hoping that they will be going to Philadelphia in the extremely nephew yeah- well, I have further updates, hopefully within within a week or two, and it's essentially been made possible largely by your donations buglers. So thanks very much for that, and I will have more details, hopefully in the couple of weeks. So there will be a sub people next week and we will hopefully be back with a day after the election bugle Special in two weeks time, in the mean time to british nationals, vote hard vote often so we can't complain about both apathy and electoral fraud. It shows professional commitment to the process, so good luck, folks as often honest

mostly as you possibly can induce the british white until next. On the goodbye,