Audio newspaper for a visual world You are welcome to issue four thousand and three. All the plan is leading chronicle of the history of the twenty first century, the vehicle all I I'm I'm these This man hit just approve, prove his my audio id Zaltzman Andrew United, adam- and I am live in London and joining me from across the pond in the Independent Republic of Trans Atlantic full he's full to perish on the bugle, putting him in joint third place in all time. Bugle co host appearances to lay alongside all time number one and he's, of course, any comedian actor New York comedian an five time, Wimbledon Champion Wyatt Synak? Thank you very much, hello, buglers. It's

feels very good as a five time Wimbledon Champ to to be here with you all, not sweating. Did look at your your Wikipedia page. But then I remembered I preferred making things up then no one's actually true yeah that one, oh sorry, didn't make that one up that one is true: I've won Wimbledon five times and you'll be on pork years. Yeah how I won Wimbleton and in what category that you'll after discover, but I've wanted trust that I've wanted five times. Ok, my mistake: yeah it's good to have an air of missed. Yeah. So welcome welcome to welcome to the buglers great great Have you you view what was with John Oliver later this uh this parish for several years on the on the daily it's good to have you stepping in to to his his his voice, the the void of humanity. He leaves

and he's like well yeah. Now, whenever there is a John Oliver sized Void it's uh, it's good to be thought of as one of the people who might be able to fill it. You prob give me a John Oliver impression to get things started, sure you could have well, I did say if it was easier for you and easier for the buglers have worked with John for so long, I no his mannerisms. I do a pretty good impression of him. I've! Actually you know some. I'm taking phone calls on his behalf, so I'm happy to do the show as John Oliver. If that's, if that's more comfortable for you Delphine buglers alike, need to do. The whole show was as John, but and you can give a little a little taste sure

I mean, should we should we redo the intro as though it was yeah? That's okay, yeah yeah. All the newspaper for a visual world, ladies and gents, would welcome back to the bugle after a long Titus. The John Oliver Bugler's turn over so happy to be here. Yeah, oh man, what's up, Google give me goosebumps bringing back flashbacks. I love Liverpool Soccer.

Also, how is it one hundred and forty team? I think that's pretty good- that was strong, very, very strong, very strong services, Beagle issue four thousand and three, the third to the issue of the phase two for the week, beginning Monday, the seventh of November, recording Friday, the fourth of November amazing, to think. If a christian I had I'm here right here in London, just four hundred and eleven short years ago so an we'd, been members of parliaments or monarchs think shooting down the road to Westminster a mile or so away the next day for cheeky little opening of parliament, we could have been just twenty four hours away from not being blown up by Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder gang twenty five years since the cage BB went out of business in ninety ninety one, and to commemorate this, we present a new translation of the KGB collected book of poetry.

There you go hope you enjoyed it as well of the people, that's going straight in the Bin this week, music section and we look at the growing nursing home rock movements that is taking music Bist home as an older generation of colleges and Caja Rhett starts bursting, throw we review the new album from cough in dogs. That's called pissing in the wind's noble and the metropolitans, with new, album, deathbed splatter age and will be looking in particular at the single coming out of deathbed splatter from my number in the Necrose AA side. They will. Firstly, I'm going to fantastic postindustrial, Barack influence crime, Scag approach, funk stylings of change, my bag brackets or I'll haunt you that blend seamlessly into the Biofield granite House, shit, metal, fusion, anthem of intergenerational animosity. I'm past the point of caring, you stupid young. We also look at the big single this week door in dodges death with her

stopping don't unplug me until I've told me my grandson is a dick the Angelina, the Aquino Magenic Derek's feed me to the worms most of environmentally aware murder grunge, with over two teams of 1990s Detroit urban grout, rockers, filth. Danes. Also, we interview professor wrinkle in the drools, the famous disco blues, outfits famous, of course, of their chart, topping I'm Stef your stuffed and talking to their new lead, guitarist Enid Apple Woods, reminiscent of a young, Joan Jett's and she's playing alongside old basil, hemp wick. Also known by his stage name of doctor liver spots, that section is going in the Bin along sides are micro media feature section with the world reeling the news that vine, the social media, video sharing, app that finally finally enabled Hume t to share six seconds, video clips and evolutionary first finally, quenched so forty thousand years after came and started on a painter little six. Second, video

types of animals on the inside of their caves. Vine is at an end shadow done. If you ever used vine, why it it's slightly to 21st century for me Some I'm sad that now that it's dead I've never gotten the chance to use it. Life life is full of regret. It really is yes yeah and I live my regret six seconds at a time find finally, at an end and it's many trillions of users will be forced to return to making five hour long, art, house movies and twelve part documentary series very sad, but we've always known this show. The future is all about audio knots. The passing video fad and was vine may have gone the way of all social media flesh here in our special micro media pull out section, which I'm afraid and then we look at the hugely successful one syllable nano podcasting, app grunt, recently valued as being worth one hundred and twenty eight point three billion dollars in a potential stock flotation. Slightly more than our new hosts radio Taupe

here are some of the recent highlights from grunt from the new. True crime, Nano podcast hack, This is the episode of Scruton Malvan's new food, Nano POD, chump jump in which Malvan tries rap call patio this from the right wing shock, Jock, grenard strife and his his one server podcast. I and uh. This special interview from Hillary Clinton's campaign manage a that section in the Van top stories this week and hang up your stockings people. As we record it is only four more sleeps until the presidential election day for harrowing haunted,

broken sleeps punctuated by waking up in a cold, sweat every hour screaming how? Because it come to this, why it's? You are our correspondence on the ground in America. How is how is the nation coping with with the imminence of decision day. I think at this point it's exhaustion and the I think, It is that sort of no stretch of a marathon where you can see the finish line? but you can also see nearby, there's Starbucks you're trying to decide. Is it worth finishing and getting that silver blanket, or should I just walk over to that Starbucks and say you know what I tried if it was,

presented to America as a nation that they could just just cancel the election at very short notice. Does the Starbucks option and just have uh a pumpkin leftover from Halloween, as acting president for the next four years, You think that would mean that would actually be more popular than the the options on the ticket. Yes, a rotting pumpkin. I think at this point. It would probably appease both sides, Obviously there sides that approach from their sides that are pro Hillary, but at this moment I think. The dangerous thing right now is, like everyone, kind of keeps talking about yeah, whoever wins the still going to be half the people who are really upset and depending on how that goes? If it's trump, it's a lot. People who are going to be really upset who are going to stop making tv shows and movies and then

vids and just take those to Canada, and if it's Hillary Clinton, it's a allowed people who are going to be angry and upset and they're going to buy a bunch of AR fifteens, and maybe I use them, but just reply. Everyone on the highway summaries are pretty optimistic, future painting for the United States right yeah. Oh it's rotting, pumpkin everyone's, like hey, it's a rotting pumpkin like kids. What's going to happen like it looks like that that that little creepy half have to smile it has it turn into a frown. All look at that alright in pumpkin how it's got flies now. Look at that reaching across party lines. It's got flies. It's got roaches raw bring pumpkin really is the great uniter this country needs. Well, I mean that's yeah, that's what I rambling can always dreamed of yeah replaced by a slowly decomposing festival. So I mean the two:

options. Clearly, I'm in I mean Gary Johnson doesn't pay to have left his charge slightly lights as the libertarian party candidates. Trump has come in in the betting. This week, alarmingly he's now uh. Now, two to one we recorded last week, he was about five to one, So we is now two and a half thousand times more likely to become president. Unless the city were to win the Premier League table, look, they did actually win loss, so that's close to a racing certainty, whoever wins what it does. They all set to be America's least popular president. Ever within about North pole two seconds of swearing: the oath of office on the 20th of January. True you, Hillary Clinton, who is a politician like she's a seasoned politician. She knows that she knows the game and there is a transformative thing of it could be the first female president.

But there's a sense I feel like where people are like. Yeah we want history, but could it be, Could it be another person we like she's cool but like what's like? What's her daughter doing, is their daughter available or is Elizabeth Warren? What about her granddaughter like we do want like? We want to be a part of history, but. I don't know if we want her and. And I don't know if it's I I don't know if it's, because she wants it so badly, but people are now finding like fault dinner of like just wanted to hard. Is there somebody else that we could just root, for, I feel like become the TIM T of Press Jill candidates, in that, like we, people who, just like TIM Tebow, was such a polarizing figure as far as I know, he's a decent football player,

but he just wants to be a quarterback so badly that there enough people that were like no, no, no, no, anyone who wants to be president should also the rule themselves out. Yes of being President yeah. If you want the job you should, you should not be given the job or be to run for it feels as though the way president should be determined in this country is given day at two in the morning. Someone will knock on your door and wake you up and say: hey your president and you, sponsor will be wait a minute. No, I I, Mcdonald's, yeah I know you've done a great job there, but now your country needs you I mean to me was that would that would not be

any worse or even any less logical than the current system for deciding presidents which is essentially to have an absolute of money- and oh shame whatsoever right, yeah! No, it is two sides of the same coin. It is, but at the same time I bet you if you will up Rochelle from Mcdonald's at two in the morning and said put on your hat, put on your Mcdonald's Donald's shirt, we're taking you to the White House you're. Now the president. I have a feeling she could do a good job she's going to reach across party aisle. I think so. I think she do fine cuz. At the same time too, she probably will say they look, I'm not going to kowtow to lobbyists, but I know how to make deals I'll give you

I'll give you some super sized fries. If, if you guys would just be willing to talk about gun control, you'll miss out, maybe the maybe the that level of simple negotiation is what is needed to cut through through the many batteries in american politics. It's amazing what you can get done with french fries. You can can get a child to shut up in a car with french fries. How much have you done for that long? What children that these children to do research at to just get in cars with children offer them french fries and it pretty well like as a scientific experiment works very well, as MR thing personally in my for my criminal record is not particularly good right. Yeah, I'm not we we're where we have a sharing economy. Now, that's that's still not logically, that far away from from, but is it you have just forcibly getting into someone's call with a back

if bag of fries yeah, I'm just saying like this is no I'm starting an app called prior and I just bring fries to children to shut him up. You're welcome. You know, I think ninety nine percent of all parents in the world would sign up for that instantly. Yeah we just made a nap and e did John Oliver ever do that. I didn't I didn't. We formed a hard over here in Britain on on quite the depth of loving for Hillary Clinton. There is in America because, objectively and without you know, following her career too closely, she seems quite an impressive politician, as you say, quite impressive and well qualified candida. Is it a question of over familiarity, breathing deep, deep visceral contempt?

no better the devil. You know absolutely nothing about in Trump who apparently also knows nothing about Things is that is that the why America seems to be going? I think it's. I think it's a mix of things. I think there is a huge part of it. That is she's, a lady. No, if you know the sandy, but in this country, don't treat. Ladies well, it's just it's a thing. It's a thing that we've been doing for a all right yeah. It seems that most Republicans see Hillary is some kind of cross between Al Capone Landon. The emperor Nero Anne's Beelzebub himself Box, three mile, so even worse, I know I'll have to check the status will not. She does have Why, over the average number of ovaries full a presidential candidate, the average, to date,

full serving presidents is zero ovaries per american president. There were rumors about Calvin Coolidge, but nothing was ever proven, but they seem to seem to think that Lee if you unscrew the top off of Hillary from the bottom half. She will split apart to reveal a little Mikhail Gorbachev. I have a little Leonard Brezhnev, so I do have a Stalin inside then inside it will be a little Jeremy, Corbyn, sorry landing lane. Almost in those two mixed up a judge will newspaper subscription the M B. L a your muscle. This week was a was kind of strange. It basically director James Comey, just got just got kind of come pain to be out, Trump was well behind and he just thought himself. All the democracy fans want to see a contest, I'm going drop. Any for of political, you trusting intro and things up for the last ten days. That's the thing

fact is starting to just it's starting to get predictable. Why not yeah? Why not throw just a little extra a little extra climax into this movie? There was some quotes, from anonymous FBI agents in in a newspaper article, I'm one of us said the FBI is Trump plans, I'm a water theme park of that would be yeah unless, unless you're, a woman as a and another FBI agent was quoted, saying that MRS Clinton is quotes. The anti cry persona, personified to a large. Why of FBI personnel I mean, is there any evidence for this is a she genuine anti Christ. This is this more more scam during the FBI clearly wouldn't like something like that up. So you know they have access to all the information in the world. Yeah I mean name, I would I would try the FBI and they say, she's an anti Christ and specific,

an antichrist which means that there's a bunch of Dick cries out there, the franchise yeah there you know, a note do we know, is at three the crisis is that seventy is that with two million Antichrists world boxing championships. Isn't it I just kinda proliferate. You know who's who's really good one yeah. I miss the days when there was just one Anti Christ. That's what I want to go back to. I want to go back to that America when was just one Anti Christ, and we all knew who it was cap in Kangaroo well, we the people have never shot away for investigative journalism, so we have to find out one way. The other is Hillary Clinton. Actually, the antichrist, so I spoke to Fox News- is medieval. All text books, Freston glow Ross.

The professor Gloria. Thank you very much for talking to us. You are an expert in medieval religious art. You say only that is correct and you I believe you have evidence that Hillary is, is the antichrist and the. If you look at the fourteenth century, first killed by the great italian prodigy, also in the Ian Greg Intro Chapel in ITALY, somewhere or maybe Australia well, you can quite clearly see that the devil in those pictures is obviously Hillary Clinton. It is not so professor Use MD, it is unlimited, it doesn't look anything like a. It is so local now looking ahead, this is some session work with the first hundred days of a new president and chief this time the imagination runs absolutely wild as to what Trump may achieve for the world one hundred days from the 20th of January, one

takes over. I mean how do you see a potential Trump presidency hanging out in those first three and a bit months I mean, I think, his first thing he'll do is- is repeal Obamacare, as he said over and over he's going to he's going to get rid of that. My guess is: he'll, probably replace that with foods around the country where you can woman's vagina I think they might just take hold telephone booths Ann. You know he'll see that is growing the economy, that he'll hire women to sit in telephone booths, so guys who aren't his famous as him? Can I feel famous and just walk into a booth and grab a lady in the vagina and then go about their day mean that that is, protected by the second amendment. Right, isn't it in the small print, yeah and so that'll be hill? I think that's a

he gets rid of Obamacare. He use that money for job creation, giving jobs to. Ladies vaginas, I'm sure on some level, he'll see that as some kind of women's care as well feminism gone mad. No, I think he's as he said he's you know he cares. Women he's just to put decline in jail. I then, in a hundred days, she'll not only be in jail, she'll run the yard yeah she's a doer. She gets things done, she'll be the boss of the jail. She will be running it fairly. Sufficiently should have a bunch of teardrop tattoos. The prison The prison will be running in a way that hasn't run before

and Trump will take credit for that that you know. Look he female prison reform happen. One thing that we didn't talk about before with FBI as well was who would have thought that the FBI, an russian hackers, would both be sort of on the same page as far as their presidential pick, but they say at this point to be working together, so I feel like at that point in the hundred days, maybe that just gets brokered totally and it's called it and uh it has been an old marriage Doesn't the FBI and russian russian hackers? That's like some kind of hip hop duet. About 2pac, Shakur and Madeline Albright like to be Keith and Nelly it just it's kind of like it. I didn't really need either of you,

but I especially didn't need you both together. You just put peanut butter in my jelly fish, I'm just one am computer simulation. Actually is, though, what will happen if, if Trump wins is using official United Nations Software- and it does suggest that by the twenty first of January, the dial for the inauguration makes so we'll have built a moat across the entire border with America, a two mile moats protecting it from all the fleeing Democrats? The Un Security Council voted to replace America with Luxembourg just to come on the planet down. Vladimir Putin will have been admitted to to well in Moscow after high fiving himself, so hard that he dislocates both wrists are that's a shame and The last surviving breeding pair of the near Extinct, Somerset, dreads, rhinoceros, is found dead in an apparent murder suicide with a note. Next to it, saying we are done with this planet is there. Good for that rhino. A Trump acceptance speech

is something that I would I mean. I think it is almost worth even as a trump skeptic it is worth. It is worth America voting for Trump just to see what he says in an inauguration speech in J. I mean it could be one of the greatest moments in the history of human speech. Donald Trump do giving an inauguration address. That's that is something for the whole of humanity too. So Multani Aslee enjoy an be chilled to the core by yeah. I would hope, during the course of it he would just get out one hundred dollars bill and handed over to Ben Carson and say I lost the bet. I did everything in my power not to become president and none of it worked seriously absolute everything, apart from digging up Martha Washington and masturbating over her dead dead corpse.

This was nothing else he could have done. How is he still in the running? What I don't understand, why you are you don't either it is? It does feel like it really says something at this point. I think. Masturbating on the on the remains of Martha Washington he'd still it there still be people who says yep. He has a chance like he's. He could. He could do a hit and run and just like, kill a bunch of people with his car, and somebody will still say yes, but he's going to he's going to fix the system it he'll still and those p probably deserve to die. He's only doing with all new Americans want to do to cues of pedestrians yeah. We all want to live in a Westworld, and he just wants to bring it to us on the

the computer simulation of the inauguration speech that I've just run through through the UN software Trump delights us Portis on the 23rd gen, by announcing which female world leaders he intends to fuck during his first four year term announces plans give the statue of, but he breast implants by two thousand and nineteen. He also announces a plan to rid the world of nuclear weapons in and scheme, use it or lose it and which nations have to either have a more get rid of them and pledges to force. The four thousand to hide dormant hawaiian volcano Mount Mauna Kea to erupt by two thousand and twenty two will be dismantled and sold off for scrap. There's no point having volcanoes drum will say if you don't use them I think the other question with Trump is how soon into the first hundred days, does he divorce Melanija yeah you were. You were. Apprentice host hot, like

you are apprentice host, wife, hot, not first, lady hot enough? For me, I need to go younger every year I will bring. I will have a new first lady, every six months to a year. I mean this Paul because he's going out before the voting. I think that might swing it. That's all I did that could swing in favor of Trump. I think the american public woods would love that they sick of the same old. First he staying in the White House for four or eight years, yeah, even the tender age. What president should should reflect that, but they're not representing their people yeah a president of then, should be ready at three hundred am to get the three hundred am phone call or just be down to bad true. Well, we all assume that three hundred am phone call is about you know, sort of war or some sort of military exercise. Maybe it's

sexual one, and when try keeps talking about. Hillary Clinton doesn't have the stamina. Yes, that's. What he's actually suggesting is that he he has the stamina at three hundred in the morning. If somebody wants to somebody wants, get down and get a little crazy he'll take quick shower if you want him to oh, this is conjuring Some images that are going to be extremely hard to shift from my head you're welcome yeah thanks now. I appreciate that. Sleep news now, and a study of thirteen countries has shows that people living in the United Kingdom are the most knackered of those people a third more than one slash. Three of british people feel they do not get enough sleep. Thirty, seven percent. In fact, what I wanna know is who's,

but the other fucking sixty three percent. I have never met them, they're, hiding away in their bedrooms properly, Americans with the fourth worst sleepers on that list following Islands and Canada, and I can understand that I was Canada right now. I would be struggling to get to sleep when why it's as a as an American, how many are you? Are you a high quality sleeper? Do you? Would you like to stay awake worrying about the future of the in so planet? I tend to like to stay awake. I mean I. I think I apparently, though, not enough you guys, you guys are crushing us. I feel the little inferior as an American. We spend so much time trying to be number one at everything. I thought for sure, but we'd be number one at sleep deprivation and here were not you guys. This is still congratulations. This is empire,

You guys use it as a as a torch technique and we've used as a lifestyle choices. Essentially, why are you so tired handy? Well I mean that's a mixture of a number of things, largely due to the fact that I made the strategic air of having children that was grievous. Oh this mistake they don't listen to the podcast. Do they uh? Not yet no alright, goodnight yeah. Maybe? I haven't already said to their faces, sure yeah. Well, then, that's fine, yeah, that's fine! It's fun! There's a quote from male school. That says some the essence of the problems that british people see sleep. I was just poseable the thing to do after everything else. You've done everything else. Explain why we are so cranky about everything in particular Europe. Now this week, Um here in London, democracy has come under threat as never before

the nation is in turmoil. It turns out we might as well as well have weighed the Luftwaffe down in nineteen forty and made them a John CUP of tea, because some of the highest judges in the land have decided that the government has to run a mile the piece of legislation through Parliament's now this has been portrayed as a full on assault, only fundamentals of democracy, freedom and everything we hold dear as a nation. These are strange times that lack sleep mode- explain why we are so cranky as evidence in the aftermath of the article fifty judicial ruling, in which three apparently massively traitorous Joe, which is some of the highest judges in the lambs. Decided against all the principles of british democracy. That The government has to run a piece of major legislation through parliament's. This

action has been shocked to its core, as you can probably imagine democracy under threats from within the nation in turmoil that the democracy is fighting itself in the face. We will have more on this next week. If Breckenridge still exists as a good luck, I hope you're still around it not looking good at the moment? To be honest, I mean the reaction of a lot of our newspapers suggests that essentially, this is a front for or the Nazis. Inviting again, I think so. We are basically just watching this guys carefully at the moment, because that seems to be what this whole brexit thing is all about, uh more emails now an well. There are no your emails because I haven't yet set up a new email address after the previous email address appears to be infected by certain internet issues,

but some of you descend into each set up a new email address and tweets out the dates I see. No, that would be awesome for trouble, wouldn't it anyway, but look. We got so many die request. Last time we can. We do see an email address out, but not tell anybody. What is right? Okay, you and guess what it is, but do not use the old info at the Bugle podcast one, because that is frankly suitable. Only for chemical warfare but we had some interesting questions. What Johnny Davis asked? Why is done Trump refusing to allow the english footballers to wear poppies in next weeks match versus Schottland. So if you follow there's a big controls, the FIFA tried to stop the England and Scotland teams wearing commemorative puppies as well on the remembrance day to remember those who died in wars and FIFA decided. This was an act of overt political protest or something

and uh presenting now that that Johnny there is blamed it on Donald Trump I mean is: is that is that fair? Do you think is just Trump's tentacles. Just come over here with his golf courses and stuff. Is he with basically running the world? Now? Isn't it? I feel like there's two things that work there I feel like Donald Trump is: maybe somebody who is very much against remembering anything. I think if you see just this current campaign, it's remembering things that gets him in trouble, not him remembering things, but other people remembering things about him. So there's a lot to be said for that. So I think there she on one hand you have that, on the other hand, I think, he's also he put his name on so many things that he doesn't like the idea of anyone else being able to brand anything

about him getting a crack at it, so that Trump popping yeah so that we can remember, remember the sacrifices maids in the first and second world wars and other conflicts. But at the same time also, I tribute to the world's leading him. He just wants you to have a quality poppy, a Trump poppy. Come this question coming from Andy right, who asks? How do you feel about the World Series of baseball once again being dominated by the Americans will play everybody in the world? It's just that. You all keep Ford hitting your games, I was pulling, for the Cubs, but also because I was pulling for the Cubs, because it was a good story, but also because I feel like worse than the curse of the Billy GOAT, the curse of having

incredibly racist mascot. Oh, that can't be, it can be. What this country gets. Is. Congratulations, look at how far we've come with God, weird super old racist drawing that is it going to be on every newspaper and olive for tv and being sold as sports illustrated commemorative memorabilia. So, oh, I was really. I was really. I was rooting more against racism. Then I then I was against history. Thank you for the there will be no do send more in next week when we have the an email address. If it's set up my tell you what it is, it will be at the bugle podcast, so I'll tweak the what's better the word, but not the entire email address, because that appears to be the way to an inbox full of filth

and that bring as to the ends of this week's people thanks, what's full joining us of, and is there any of you any gigs coming up, we will come and see what, if you're in New York, I a hose to stay, not show every Monday at a place called Littlefield. The show is called night train, it's uh, fun time, John Oliver has been there. Yes, I have I've, been there a bunch I enjoy it. If you're not in, Brooklyn New York. But you have access to Amazon, we We filmed the season of the train that you can see on Amazon on through the digital streaming service called see, so they consider that a plug thanks very much or a joint. Hopefully, will some point in the near future we back next week with her from the blue returning to for the autopsy

on whatever happens on Tuesday. Good luck, America vote hard and vote often what I hope. You'll country still exists for us to talk again in future, and I hope yours does too. Let's just meet on a floating platform in the middle of the Atlantic and just rebuild New utopia there is that garbage island that everyone keeps talking about Alto. I start with that LISA Good starting point. Are you in interested in sponsoring the bugle? Of course you might be if so, please email sponsor at radiotopia DOT, fm to reach an audience of the world's most discerning people, the bugle a proud member of radiotopia from Prx made possible with great support from founding sponsors, the Knight Foundation and Mailchimp Cela,

but in creativity, chaos, an teamwork! Thank you for listening googlers until next time, goodbye.