« The Bugle

Bugle 4043 – Questions and Answers


It's a LIVE Bugle! Andy is joined on stage by Helen Zaltzman, Anuvab Pal and Producer Chris to ask questions about India, North Korea, gravediggers and of each other. Most importantly, we get the latest from Andy's attic.

Recorded live at the London Podcast Festival.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the London boggles Festival for the launch of ancient most beautiful episode. Four thousand and forty three lie from a festival, celebrates the medium that has lasted more words directly into people they drums than any other medium apart from bibles festival that even the great gang is calling himself could not stop happening but festival, but has Glastonbury quite king in its muddy, muddy boots. Woodstock of the third millennium, am I told you something much more courageous cultural events illustrate shut up at the vis. Is the latest visual version of our most Leslie Audio defended Joe? Please now welcome your host current world record holder for most appearances, I've bugle port cause. No time winner of the british snake fibre of the year reward we face of London Fashion week. He's got sorry, that's that's a russian acts or lie in Rio, the world's top right for our mentions beds. At the cost of desolation Elapse Zone newspaper a visual work I'll be. There was wondering Chris told me not to do before the shone with talk over the bed where it says you did it. You did. I told you what I may now to anyone. Expectations. Welcome! Welcome buglers how I all
excellence. Welcomes the bugle live here, the podcast questionable to end all Porthos festivals, by which I mean I'll, probably be an even bigger one in just over two decades. I am, but let me just check my details: Eagle Alexandrovitch, Strews get sore! That's my work. I D Marilla. I'm Andy's wholesome real, hey alive kings, price, London, London's glamorous things cross area. This is the seventh bugle life. Show doubling up as people. If you four thousand aborted, coincidentally four thousand forty three, the atomic number of recently discovered elements abuse William. just found out the back of a certain large hadron collider in Frank, Switzerland, now thought by some scientists consign the essence of truth. And others to be made up. You be the judge four thousand forty three also by coincidence we know
people who actually ike the food and the fading into five thousand. of the set out five thousand crowded, the thirty idea, Galilee Festival of MAGIC, storytelling and metaphors come to see Jesus H, Christ, studies headline: that's not an fifty seven of them actually pissed off before they now roberts. Evidence of efficient sandwiches made out to the cheap seats some left even before the stage was invited by the owner of a large berger that ports outside who shouted. You just put me out of this She do getting hipster. Never, water into one. Perhaps you can turn my five thousand Anita and workers into hold cold hard cash. I've got bills to buy, and not all of us have daddy to pilot up directly from the gospel according to Saint Louis Sean. I welcome welcome to you, the people so who here has listened to the bugle before who has not. What
you're doing here our this sum. Now that's become something of a hostage situation, work, and we are recording this only you have done That's right! When you come to these cakes, it is the seventeen December. December. Seventy five September near enough to to prove it. Has anyone seen today's newspaper? That's a turncoat few anniversaries to go through. As always, the fifteenth of. The sixteenth of September, nineteen. Fifty nine
was the the launch of the first ever photocopier, which is tragic news for artists specializing in painting, realistic, looking backsides simply can't compete with a spade. Inconvenience abounds, acknowledging Rembrandt Gonna, pull my trousers up now. What do you mean? You don't leave capture the lot yet I think would miss the moment everyone's got onto the bloody nightclub. You have ruined my office party again Rembrandt.
On the eighteenth of September, nineteen, forty seven, the creation of the CIA, and just two days later, the renowned dutch botanist and geneticist Yon Tina Thomas died in suspiciously Monday in circumstances at the age of seventy six join, it does people she was about to blow the bloody let off the whole genetic makeup of Chrysanthemums Nicaragua we're all over again, but more so with plants and them on this day, the seventeenth September, seventeen eighty seven was the signing of the american continent.
Do you have any american tat? Yes, fount of a constitution. You ve, never met. People seem to argue about. Is an awful lot watermark, this historic, two hundred and thirty nine averse to revive a special offer exclusively for our american audience. Members here and listening at home, your chance to add a new amendments to your constitution: juice from the right to bear fruit votes for the dead. A reduction of the maximum presidential term to forty eight minutes. I think that we now have a lot. Yes, I do not have a proper framework for that. The prohibition on the manufacture of any more relevant in the chicken, movies because, but of an alcohol guaranteed version of health care for all, regardless of your income,
all your health just operations for everyone Also re operation a year like it or not, less, some equality and healthcare why's that only the ill who gets benefits the schedule. We mapped out by Congress subject to approval, of course, twenty eighteen it can be the year of kidney transplants, twenty nineteen America's vines, twenty twenty Syrians for everyone, twenty twenty one, a sympathetic to me to remove short sense of social sympathy and twenty twenty two, the forehead down, lift to make America frown more so and also a hundred years and is not a fact in the chauffeur pillar mean more history show these days hundred years to the day since the only documented use of units cycles in warfare
battle of the clowns on the western from famously ended in a style might when two hundred german clowns got stuck in the same tank under an outburst of heavy rain, not only lead to the allied clowns, getting their massive shoes stuck in the clothing mud, but also dissolve the custom in their custom, pie, seller and another out of us really. Can anyone in this room tell me what happened on the eighteenth of September, two thousand and four anyone in this room, yes, that's not the honor of got here. Darling right. The answer I got here is it was these Africa? We were these cricket much champions appropriately, suddenly dropped by right. Has we finish the following day? That's who was that voice.
That was my wife rather than the nose and oddly large amount about me speaking, which gets coming on later on what does no credible anyway. So, as always, I say always be what is going strikes just this week. this week, London fashioned week in a ban, is anyone's one thing: a London fashion we get I just don't think there is much of a democratic cross over to import gas fashioned fans oversee I'm fashion I come, and so for those of you hope. We can't see this service great visual extravaganza is the law Google will now destroyed for order
of you as a home. Exactly one more increase symmetrically. Adze today is wearing assurance Athens. Some time these accession, these with socks and shoes, Trinity and on points as away that section. it is in the bin at this time now to makes all get jingle for bringing together all year which, when you bring it on first, I'm gonna bring Helen on first. I think I've got it all wrong. Just needs reduces the. U S So are you ready to meet offers guest house is the correct answer: well done ten points and offers guests keeping it in the family, so keeping her in the family. So I went to an old boys, private school programmes for normal things, often lifelong struggle with anyway she's
They were isn't right or wrong. I don't jerk me it's anyway. She's epigrammatic, idiosyncratic largely normal classic occasionally undiplomatic she still living in my attic locomotion. She simply each knowledge in Belgium it back up was broadcast. It's the quibbling, sibling, the etymology larger, the bounds of always to be always active bulk. I know of listening all over with a poorer port classic flow. It's me
so tell me hello. Buglers knows I was somewhat your best work. Thank you very proud of this meeting. My twitter It's gotta keep it with me, wherever I always jaunty what you are about. It's hard to sleep. You you're about to go were travelling around the world, not yet meet the music at some point. To get you out of a tight spot was mexican drug lords. Were you just put on American instantly like dissonant? Let's, let's put our differences aside. I dont know how drug logs work done and I would ask you, as the person, even less qualified, to explain a difficult drug. Lord situation, beginning
Each cricket experience you could drawn an awkward interpersonal exchange yet loads. Trying translate that into a much more violent context are safer. How are you saying, mexican drug lords alike, village cricketers, one just trying to think of the most identifiable thing in your experience, which is, Really limited to that and nothing thing anyway, it's time to meet our second guess also joining us maturing, considering
I stand I with me and other sibling is here as well, so you do have the three sultan sibling Linda right. What gets out of often stated that this is not a matter of introducing now, partly yes, let me stay and I bought it because he's been taken blood transfusion from a shock to make himself better swimming, also Helen. If someone who might never be sitting next to intimate wells assembly rooms when he has absolutely annihilated his knapsack. This again at least not yet up of domains. Maybe you should take him to the Panther this year and to see what happens How old is either time? Three months, not six? isabel if it had been windows like ten and that would have been embarrassing, like brass band, music. Judging, I think
One thing I like to do much all away for a mom by India in Britain for a short time only to reclaim a size, chunk of the British Museum comedian, screenwriter, inhuman, encyclopedia, POW Wendy Hollow running about you got you may majesty so much. She was literate, heads so lost. The last time we spoke you're not die, said your basic clinging to a joint polystyrene statue of such intend Dhaka floating through mumbling during the June, the recent floods.
That's correct under that's. Why I'm a little nervous! This wasn't a plan trip variables. He came into my house and washed up on our shores. You guys went the other way voluntarily.
top store this week and more rockets another week. Another rocket launch this time, any guesses who thought it was at once the man described by Donald Trump just today as the rocket man in an unusually sensitive tweet from from from Trump, and I find it there was someone- that's that's him. Men with a little Domini does Lovell weapon. It's our money back even enjoy NEA in India. Not how long have you been a joint, pretty close to the many join NEA nuclear nuclear brinkmanship? Worthier, here's the thing indeed, and it has to do with attention, for I think that, if a trying to grab the world's attention having a nuclear bomb helps right because you could always fire it and say, look at me and then we live in and it's not big enough. These ties a bigger one right. That's always good and we got a few of them. Ok, but you know, I think, that
never needed to use it, because we have enough problems I get out into the world. We have a flood or like pots of cities collapsing, so we don't need to launch anything else about just to comfortable that they have to create a little attention. Yeah yeah, it's gonna! Now, where do you think this is especially reassuring? Haven't you you're about to travel all around the world depends if it still existed, in a few months, it is above all, this is happening. India and Japan were hammering out a crucial trade deals with a very exciting development in history of indian railway. That's correct! We a lot of the railway since you left your welcome. We laid the groundwork indicate in that region. But the trains that's already left. The trains we haven't bought in nutrients, which is fine couple hundred years, is fine. Not much has happened in the railways and the time, but now we decided to buy some trains from Japan, some bulletins and one of the good things.
that's not how I got you a lot of good things useful. So we had we had some of these, and now we agreed straight to the politicians. Now last month we had for train accident on these, so only four year, only fault but we're getting that we're getting competing with some of the best. But now we set up a bullet trains which is good because if you can't ensure safe, At least you bought speed. I don't really know where people are laughing, because I think that's a good infrastructure love them to send it I must either or choice you gotta have doors or not some traditional, and that would be abandoning
It is a traditional. We don't it system things that you see in the western hemisphere. Your very particular about certain Venus roofs doors tickets were not when you ve got a billion people you're just a scam, it couldn't be better at what am I to indian submarines. Same attitudes, yeah pretty much pretty much we which is why we haven't thought an evil war ever basic logistics. So now. Obviously the muddy. It said that the new bullet train line, yes issuing from mum by to your providences home state, do is hometown, it was how just house jealousy so we're not sure if it's what commuting offer a quick getaway when think tat rough in New Delhi were not sure
and he was also the news this week because hundred and sixty thousand, risk ills and each Ophir dash of had to open today Sunday because it is Prime Minister, Motorways birthday and that's it's his birthday. schools, are open on Sunday. I am shocked that that's not the custom in your country, I'm shocked, you guys have lots of greatly those boys Johnson, for example. If he had his birthday, I'm surprised, there's the if you for a whole week, but yet school, schools are open, you have to go to school and that's what true democracy. This is but They have to go into a cake, even if you can't read or write it. You have to do that, That's, basically, the main thing on the engine curriculum appears to be birthdays. A famous people because I was a local politician from each operation complaining The two hundred and twenty day academic session had been only a hundred and twenty that is due to public holidays.
caused by marking the death of famous battle birth, a famous people. That's great! You got a long history, we also thirty three, thousand gods, that's really hedging your backs. Isn't it so? You'll have to really discriminate If you want a bank open That sort of thing, so we re very good. But this guy went for it. He decided to just school call on all the holidays, my school used to give us ice cream on Lord Baden Powers birthday have founder of the scouts, which is in February, so we would be lined up outside in the sleeves waiting to eat a cold thing. It was quite an old fashioned school. So course they made a celebration seem like a punishment This is the english way. So stories of my birth, I come here in two weeks: the first of October,
haven't how I'm and how do you think we should be making a student. We should be forcing children to just go in and weep into a bucket to stare, send them to take their own grapes. I can guarantee you and me a hundred and sixty thousand schools in India would still be closed. We just have for a little bit more Asia history, news, Japan Emperor deposed atop, Mt Fuji that was hi coup It's really early for that matter, but dismounted times like this Andy, but I'm not sure. I'm glad you gave us the english language Let us move on to the grave digger of the year award,
Hell. You are our official grave digging. Correspondent, yes, Finally, my ship comes in yes, the red carpet report from the sixth annual oscars of the funeral industry, which is just been awarded for this year's good funeral awards, two thousand and seventeen to place in Bournemouth The winners received a statue in the shape of the Egyptian egyptian God of embalming Anubis in a minute Chicago coffin and I was quite excited about grave digger of Urundi because for once a woman was nominated, but She did not win so my hopes progress. Das again, but they have categories such as the anatomical pathology technician of the year, the most help A funeral advice websites coffin supply. Are the best death related black engagement event and
This year there were five exciting new categories, including most promising trainee funeral director, and I want to with the ashes category and somehow arrange an international cricket. Tournament did not win. It well wishes. historic moments. That is the first I'm Helena's voluntarily mentioned cricket, I'm in in terms of the is this the winner fist yesterday I d come in so beyond Looking at this, they dont have it'll, be really rewarding flair. I will not tissue bog standard, rectangular, steepen, rectangular, waster weather there are some atomic tightening the art form forward. Looking lot legs in arms akimbo cycle Sunday Sometimes- and I won't god- thing winds best film and sometimes it's just a plotter. maybe this I've got conventions. They didn't want to have to award woman
one female directors ever won or lost. What does not? by way of the points of view That is the moonlight of grave diggers. Look at you in a minute later that Lebanon watches, I think still people tend to want convention in the funeral arrangements or at least accept convention Andy, so maybe a to foot a grave just didn't work. Due to its incompatibility with the current human body, but with re. We could get there in time some in what what article coffins what's the pop period Duncan to sporting references, one more and she will explode it's your birthday soon. I'm not you weren't! We what's the future now, with the pressure of being undertaken out, grew figure of the year,
come on that's hard to deal with, isn't when he's gonna, Only the system of the old bit of spite work as a bit is not quite straight and offers them, and can you can use to sustain that level of performance year? When Europe atop the only way is down a shot, reflects especially digging ground just want the army's polygon we big money transfer. Can we bore by some russian oil tycoon and maybe we'll start digging swimming pools. We, I guess it's quite transferable scale, does much more. So if you ve been digging mass graves rather than individual Gaston scale economic. a quick bricks update now and you breaks fans, gimme a chair. If you voted, remain majority voted leave well,
there's. This room is not entirely a hundred percent representative of the United Kingdom as a whole will reach beyond our wildest dreams at the latest was good news in one, well, cohesiveness folly: woe delusion! I don't know which, while as long as that Britain is falling, delusion is bringing us three hundred and fifty million pounds a week, according to no less a source in the ruthlessly objective foreign secretary, Boris, Johnson, who now. now, according to the Times newspaper former sister publication, he's later, Boris reviving the bricks, its dream team get any, old gang, but together for one last job, my
who go jaw joining, upsets and unease so that we can get this three hundred fifty million pounds a week of pretend money that was plastered on the sides of of buses I love you. You show me that what I have a question about the Mdgs as an outsider, I'm always quite fascinated by economic. written down in buses so ever growing? No, I really just doesn't outside. We don't have that. You know be enabled think you could you just extend that general economics could you? What's that says, this is supply economic interests right, etc, and I have a second question about break it. I don't know much about it, but it just seemed likely to some to do with the years. I've I've known you know, but we ve known english people to be explorers. Yes, so generous term two hundred years ago you showed up in just two sports just other sound a bit of an explorer
no harm? No file. Appointing turbulent was isn't going there that we should know that toward the English said as well. Wasn't I never wherever my privilege takes me, so you get all the way the two hundred years ago, by the way by the town I'm from Coca Junta. There was nothing that absolutely nothing villages, some seventeen fifty lots of naked and you build a massive statute Queen Victoria and a love locals, were confused. They were walking on two issues that lady we don't know she's important. None of the country is the great british. What you put up a massive statue somewhere people will pay attention to repair the damage that work for the Romans She was holding a staff of some sorts right, so we thought those important flags of those great. So you did all of that Israel, and now it seems that that there seems to be some hesitation to cross the english channel.
yeah, maybe we just got out of our system differentiated home, comforts of it more precisely, so it just seems like from the voting patterns older people voting, so I just didn't as outsiders. Because I was thinking- maybe older people went to the world- realized shit came back. Instead, we save young people the trouble. What basically it was breakfast was the aftermath of a communal national gap. Here we found ourselves and didn't muscle like what we found Are you saying that believe voters were two hundred year old colonialists cycle? quickly. Yes, now I get it But Boris is insisting that breaks it. This is great news for room by the way I will allow the United Kingdom to be quotes. The girl just country on earth. which is also nuth. Did he provide tricks
This is always a problem with the greatest country on earth. Stick is quite hearts My heart's approve, I'm instruments has been negative on these restricted. It's just was typical negative politician This will be the greatest country in the universe, but also I thought we were because Tony Blair, said so David Cameron said so so what did we dropped down the road from selling dense part to stay at the top. Andy wrought grave digger on Britain, the the great problem with judging how great a nation is, as you say, is that is the matrix and the United Nations insolently introducing a new scheme, so we can probably If we judge what the greatest nation in the world is, and they are learning from sport chosen built structures for furnace, so We will send looking gymnastics, doggie lose the best and worst marks from from
scores an average out the rest can meet us that to judge how great nations off now on a country will lose both its worst atrocity and its greatest achievement and then average. The rest of on how greatly. Also, under this new scheme, Spain, for example, will lose both the system. after the extermination of indigenous peoples in South America but it will also lose the siesta. what the castle been so good, a painting of eminent, probably Rusticus? Wouldn't and also under this game, Britain will lose both the british Empire and the British, so, and also old this directive or something old friendships with Commonwealth countries be renewed friendships for Fraid sums in it. The friendship or two nations have enjoyed completely fair, balanced feminism is Ernie is only got like me.
the changes to the way we conduct all our global. Ships you'd like to see this time round? Let me open forum slightly fuel crowds. confines places all still. Grain. I think it up just. I just think this time, If there's some sort of commitments that would be nice either you're staying or going, that would help not coming would help as well. Ok, I'll just as always imo is always welcome aside. There are some friends you just glad, but they don't come to your birthday party and stay back in your house and pay the don't leave on time or they don't turn up. Was that's it might be for you Well, if you live in the middle of a family dinner party.
is it not for the EU and I of course well. Yeah went off, let's say let's Chris we're gonna do an audience. Q and I question also session which those powers be like shows and might discern what difference weakening. The questions, and you have to answer them. So Helen of your question for the audience. When do you, us cry and why wow wealth gonna write so who who's gonna put their hands. To answer that not know what no one is you just gotta pick someone in the crowd Chris the train. Try athletes are this is this. Is this is safe one in five. Please I've. Five Socrates, now walking to the fifty he's just gonna sit down
what what did you lost run off to the question release the files a common belostoma heartless be alcinous because you ve raised it. I listening to a moth absurd and with work forecasting what did you would be now? First, only on the inside you have a question for the I'm say: well travelled origins. I'm always curious to know, those that haven't been to India if you'd? If you go what's one place, we want to see and why the gums, the currency of the river yeah, like dirty, but welcome its low. Still, there are still there You got some water left. The good thing is that we pick follows doctrine We don't believe in climate change, so we just let it get DR on its own, but it still, they feel if you come by next week, will still haven't
it will take some questions from you. Ve got. You ve got a question for the panel today when the next parliament when's, the next Panama couldn't possibly site, couldn't couldn't possibly yes cushioned on it Have you signed a lease I believe the least was signed in genetics when I was born just reneged on the first thirty six years of it and then took opposition governing Nora Supply of Armageddon food will be keeping up. this New Europe proper, That was a sensational move. What are we giving that poorer artistic impressions remove Andy them run out of Friday ethics when the council championship the first time in twenty five years, despite contained, they wouldn't be relegated, is
another sign that the apocalypse he's coming our work Chris Chris here heart or six cricket Van The answer is yes. It is yes well because the last on ethics, one the championship, was ninety two. Ninety two and there were blowjobs pocket she's not around them? Well, did we follow the exchange rate mechanism and ninety eight? We basically is the harbinger of economic catastrophe. So thank you. six and I join in the late eighties. Our eldest brother Rick told the child that was me that the world was convened in ninety ninety suspect, nightfall years, ready petrified, never heard. You say that before its ammonia just now going to terms with it, You said the world rather than your world. That's absolutely critical enough centres on capital. We would like, but this is what this is, what he trains for. We have but thought through the geography of this building. If the use of food by
is a sign of a fully functional and marvelous society. What else is the Tories gifted tell us. Can we say that things are going brilliantly? Well, food also, I think There is a great pity sense of irony that people who would be left with nothing after going click, their food from organizations named after the institutions that essentially created the catastrophe that is a ruin their lives. Which nation we are hot I was just your food banks and in that way- organization about. Oh, I know at times a british history. We did basically use India as all food, but that was there was quite a bit coming through. Yes, you do I think that the big about empires complicated relationship, but I think the main thing is that we will really surprised because when, when you can show that first, you don't, you said: dump we'd like to
We were just shot that anyone would does anyone have been stuff it initially willing go ahead. You build role. Go ahead, but then, when the food started, leaving those problem majorities regrets. We hear Turkey's bicycles right. Next to the Kingston some pang crustacean, which of course, both The record number of difference was a record number of if in London, London Underground lines going through it, six entailed lousy total of eleven, and this, of course, is a hundred fifty fourth anniversary of the tube system. Opening, and massive parting. I went to recently in the provinces hosting it, and we just got chatters bill goods under so just making conversation about the tube and stuff and well, can you tell me a favorite food short selling, cold meets and cheese,
the reason I said I cant do very kindly thus gone Piccadilly. there was this there was. There was a colleague of mine, famous famous tv Sattler suicides. Nine could be embarrassing. Sorry, but you just started, does not set rising stuff. A disservice party optically reality based tv, real politics, he d strictly then than really started going after ancient fairytales and sofas, he Hammersmith in cities, stations are that are under its own. I owe this is still not getting out of here. It's just that you blind mean paying attention has now. I ask that you guys are fighting on the phone number of tube lines and I dont know they're not there's. This is infinity amount of putting about two blinds unjustly
two more and I wish the French had invade. However, ever was pointing dead people, though Sarka this party was there, which border the right reproach had revisited. The former leader of the velvet underground and even from the ranks of the allied, the actor who played by bureaucrats in the eighteen recently knighted, of course, by the Queen Ferry services to fill pitying ever was there from Waterloo Answer Tee, what form a formerly MR too, of course, the notes on the exhibits. This exhibition, Merv or interesting, though, did not allow all right justified for no reason it would be better left justified like normal text, although I prefer police, buddy disorder, the middle I like to central line and I had
a previous winner of another reality. Tv show the great, but a spike off who made this amazing take in the shape of the first ever toiler from the London underground with a well. I never thought you anyone bake aloof from his father. making competition found. All I know gonna be that we want a clear Victoria, three three of my wasn't. Social issues are jubilee, so yeah yeah. I certainly do I'm sorry, we are becoming a bollywood film, the earth s surface tat, were you ever in nearly done. Why do those women that you bill? I'm somebody for far too long wearing efficient body stocking by mistake. Reminded of data. I said yes I'm matter appalling reporting, a metropolitan metropolitan
I don T believe you're lucky because I didn't around soon the northern one one. So now the nuclear threat is really being put into perspective, driving or do not want to go over ground covered falls. Well. I've been here three days and I think I just saw your city. Goods and if so, what does it mythology blind spot in the northern one making their own for that? The current one is authorised thing. Madrigal strains gathered favouring the story about the others. The air flow on the pet walking path. Next next, so we throw personally, I wishes passed while you Scotland right by your feats, but your dog land slight way way right, it's we can get him thought in numbers.
Both my guests are about to leave the country, so I think this public functionaries becoming haven't genuinely distressed, and if we're you re like a Christmas, I will I forgot about this, but we need to do now. I think, I'll just be scarring- still it Chris, nothing you'll still be going at Christmas. It's not. This stops when you're, not here on you're in London for a few more days. I am but I've just come to be. Is that a large part of the british people know a lot about your private life. It's been great great, Ba
if not you kings baseball having us thanks, which our appreciation boil: yesternight, Hellenes, Elzevir, out of our power, brisket I've been uneven census