Andy and Alice Fraser look at possible cheating in elections and cricket, the mass congregation of Dachshunds, how Pauline Hanson is like Nelson Mandela, and how a flat earther is using science to prove science wrong, but it's not science.
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Audio newspaper for a visual woe, four thousand and sixty four eagerly waiting for its issue. Four thousand and sixty four for the week beginning Monday, the second of April 28th,
you're going to be waiting awhile for a year with that number. So please do enjoy this olympic year, four thousand and sixty four, so we're just going to be a good one. But according to my predictor
the weather is going to be awful. Britain will
still be all going over. Whether or not brexit was a good thing, an an talk to go. It's going to be the most overpopulated continent in the world. I am Andy Zaltzman and
I am in my house. I was going to be in my shed
Actually it's raining here in London and the roof of the shed when it rains is not adequately soundproofed, but you know so unable to do my shed introduction, which include
Lee saying: welcome to the shed rose and
tell you about the other great works of art that have been created in sheds, including Shakespeare's hamlet, Prince of Denmark and his magic golden right, Jane, Austen's shed and
Damien Hirst, the physical impossibility of death in the mind of someone in a shed
also known as a shocking shed and the system,
the Sistine Chapel ceiling, which of course began as
existing shed sailing produce. The second just wanted someone to keep his power drills little little mouse and boy does he have a little most, but he liked it so much. She thought so I'll. Make this a special shade of gold or chapel. Is that right
now joining me this week by the miracle of modern technology, an not in either my house or a shared, but from the hemisphere into which I will be catapulted
imminently for my shows at the Melbourne Comedy Festival from the tenth to the 22nd of April Sydney Comedy Festival on the 23rd.
And the New Zealand Comedy Festival in Wellington on the 30th of April and Auckland on the first and second of mighty all their details on the internet all the way,
from Melbourne Album it's the flaming
so flyer herself Alex Fraser.
hello Andy. I am preparing the ground for you as we speak. I
Cleaning bullshitin to passes by his face is in order
bear them for your imminent arrival. It's going to be great kind of John. The Baptist of Bullshit
yes, slash monkey! Whatever
lets. You should flinging bowed Andy
at the Melbourne. International comedy festival begins what back?
basically roundabout, now, doesn't it tomorrow? I open my show ethos at the Chinese Museum, which is exciting. It's literally a museum, and I am doing comedy while being
head down by a terracotta warrior, and it's it's a thrill.
It's really, unlike any other, and I mean just just just just the terra cotta warrior. Like your stick
Laura, this is pretty deadpan fair last year. So, if he's come back again for another year, the museum he must've must've enjoyed it then,
for their loyalty. The terracotta warriors.
a coating on Wednesday, the twenty eighth recording early this week- because I will, as I said before I go out of my head- was fair short,
so apologies if all of this is out of date by the time you listen to it, and everything in the world is either fine or completely destroyed. This
Coming Sunday April, the first
Easter Sunday and also April fools day. Not the
last time. Those two dates have coincided if I may refer to the very first edition of
I'm I'm not I'm not too. I pearl full go yeah. What locals Easter! You know very prominent the festival of job with eating. We,
discuss the origin of the Easter egg on the bugle before
There is still some dispute. It should be said to the all of the all theory is, is not canonical as gets. The latest theological experts suggest these direct, my in facts not speedy, symbolic jungle, glove you
of Christ after all, but instead the symbolic ping pong balls from the last supper when Jesus
Judas in the final using bulls which Judas complained, Jesus had turned into unpredictable oval shapes. He didn't
at all? Well, not at all controversial format. Of course, always already thirteen people are in a tournament. Jesus put him in it himself and his top three rank the cycles automatically into the quarterfinals and the remaining nine at a playoff in three groups of three with the winner in the best place, loser on points difference going through to the quarterfinals
of course, further actions, so you can see where the whole thing started to fall apart at the Easter Bunny. However, we've never looked at the origin of Easter Bunny before Chris any idea was it. Jesus is secret wife,
but no one ever one from an egg on the mountaintop, a
It was, of course, where the origin was explained in the gospel according to Saint Jack, the most arrogant, coffee, St Jack Patron Saint of France and seafood of course
the Easter Bunny was a little rabbit. Who will pay appeared during the crucial fiction at Golgotha
top of the not very happy Jesus on the cross and said hey. What's up dog Jesus schools, known as doc, voice Willow's due to his incredible skills, alternative medicine, with, of course not a qualified doctor? Jesus failed his exams because in the practical
He turned all the other students into vodka into vodka. Jesus replied
Okay, what's up my biggest friend, I'm up? That's! What's up anyway, the Easter Bunny scuttle off and brought it back, carrots which is, but he was. It was spotted by a hungry centurion who shouted Septimus. We found ourselves and and
and, just as the rabbit was about to be spread by the Centurion Jesus, a miracle the Easter Bunny into a mud covered rock, hence the tradition of eating chocolate, rabbits. That is a fact, Charlie legal. They got, I mean. Is it a fact dandy? Well,
I mean who knows been when it comes to the great thing with the history a so of it was a long time ago, and
get that the f that fine line between I mean it's hard enough to find out what is a fact or a law.
From something that happened yesterday, something that happened two thousand years ago open
and to make section of the vehicle is going in the Bin. In fact, an April fools day section.
Many newspapers new shows like to sneak in a fake story. On April fools day, classics include the BBC in nineteen, fifty seven covering the spaghetti harvest in
select. That said this,
the internet in one thousand. Nine hundred and ninety six Taco Bell amount that they had bought the Liberty Bell with one of the iconic artifacts of american history and we're going to rename it the tack,
liberty bell. In the year five hundred and twenty eight eighty, the daughter of Emperor Zhao, making out of a northern away
late emperor as a male at of the by the
first, I would, but she was the
and replace the very next day when I was about April fools in it, yeah yeah emperor of hard luck,
the empress dowager. Who who, what
uh not widely recognized, but the first female monarch in history of China will be only for one glorious, validate,
I mean that's better than most destroy them. Politicians manage good luck to all America. This is this year. On April fools day,
working out exactly what the heck is an April fool and what the heck is just actual news. My
one was the news other the queen. This was, I think, back in nineteen sixty I was being face,
with the propeller on her crown, naturally quite literally right over us, but the half a cup to such as early and never actually came into existence. So but somewhere
in this audio newspaper for April fools day is an actual fact, bugle,
see spot it anyway. That section is going
top stories this week, crickets
not often in the bugle. Well, I have read with crickets as it as a top story. Despite the fact, the cricket clearly is universally known as we the greatest thing ever invented by humanity.
uh this week. It's made the news around the world
and there's only one way. Cricket makes the news around the world, and that is when people have been cheating after and this week, much to the delight of old England Cricket Fans, a particular to go absolutely spanked in all regions
visual Australia. It is Australia have been short caught cheating and it has led to probably the
S. Single crisis in the entire history of the australian nation. Alice
I know you are technically not a cricket fan, for whatever reason I'm not going to
I mean man, you are you looking at the end
close Bondi Waverly, most improved player at this point so
but yes, indeed, australian cricket has been rocked by a cheating scandal which, under Al Sporting nations, reputation for being a sporting sporting nation which is part of our national identity. According
my dad my dad, often says daughter. He calls me daughter, daughter.
Australians, have a reputation for play apart from indigenous massacres and more famously the under
I'm bowling incident of nineteen eighty one
with the dust of the affair in which the list could chapel brother didn't under bowl, which was technically legal but very rude. Like movie spoilers old, leaving negative reviews on point help.
But nearly much research did you do for that. Any research is too much
Forty years later, the newest player on the australian team Cameron Bancroft, was caught on camera, dropping a piece
gritty take down his pants for what people are leaping to assume we're, not innocent sexually perverse bowl skipping purposes, but in fact,
where is game related bull scuffing purposes, Bancroft,
and to to hide the taping, his pants and my question by now, but he said he was just wiping the bull I mean we've all done, let he who is never put a bit of gritty type down
his pants cost the first stone as some now
Well, Andy! The nation is in shock. Clearly I mean, even even your prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull, has
his moral limit but being caught, cheating and then compounded as Australia by admitting cheating,
being caught, cheating, which is the first rule of cheating at sports, never fess up to they load
nothing from Lance Armstrong, never fret up or colonialism. Yes, yes, when, if you start admitting things you've done wrong in countries like ours Alice, then that is a floodgate. You will
struggled to close. As you said, the cheat for cricket fans what they do they were
to alter the condition of the cricket ball, which deteriorates naturally over the course
Several hours, not bicycle. You haven't. You know new people pretty much every every picture, so it's quite a crew.
But if you can make the bold move,
more in the air, that's better for the bowling team, not really trying to do that by and there are legal ways of doing it. You can shine it on your trousers. You can rub spit in it. You can sweat on it. You can look at it threateningly you can abuse it. You can insult the leather.
how it's mother look like a cow old fat guy bucks, but it's also it's it's it's innovation. It doesn't always work
and will Australia's hits before think I'll. Hang on
one, and we get I player to get a piece of sticky type cover it with us and rob the bowl on the field? Now
uh, for those who are unaware of of cricket is a sport. Cricket is often filmed by tv cameras when it is being broadcast on television. This it has in common with, for example, many other sports
basically the whole of life itself now, but will so. I think this is what why Australia is
so bodies of this. It's not just the fact that it's cheated, but
in fact that I did it so unbelievably badly and they passed a message out to Bancroft that he'd been spotted on cameras and he then tried to hide the evidence. He said by shoving it down the front of his trousers hard as he
later claiming just wanted to send your lumpy junk, I mean he could have put it because it was just this yellow thing. You couldn't tell what it was on camera you could have claimed. He was merely feeding a conflict to the lucky team hams.
Ethel Jeff always keeps hidden in the jockstrap of the junior has denticle since work on drums hamster back in nineteen, twenty one, of course, so they had no choice really but to to fess up. After attempting to fly a lot of the pause by pretending to get what he was using, something different
Well. It's also that the idea of a fair go is endemic to the australian character and cricket is
is a symbol of fairness in our society. The reason that
in fairness, go hand in hand. Is that
idle colonial gentry, who gave critic cricket it's incredibly relaxed attitude to how long the game should go on and how exciting it needs to be basic
He invented the idea of fairness, and then they apply
made fairness as carefully and topically as a hemorrhoid self
which is to say that they used fairness, mainly for rich arseholes and not so much on the people. They were murdering or stealing large swathes of land from or poor people, but, of course, that wasn't against the rules, which is more important right. I mean how many people, how many murders apply hemorrhoid ointment to there
victims Alice, not many, which is the point it's just it's just not
so yes strikes on social as well the great thing about it from an English perspective, it's not that just that we lost to Australia. Recently formula we
and now basically say well. They were obviously cheating if they haven't been cheating. We have one five mil. Probably whilst this was going on
England were suffering. One of them
most humiliating defeats in that in their cricketing history, bowled out for fifty eight runs by NZ. At one point, they were twenty three for eight hundred. Only two, two batsman left
porn on cricket grounds set for the worst score in the history of test match cricket goes back to eighteen, seventy seven. They just avoided that, but thanks to the glorious, cheating, Australia,
That's basically been forgotten about. We can just brush that humiliating. Thrashing by
use England under the carpet, or maybe that's why
related- and I Didn'T- did not want new any getting any glory
it's only what we're going to take this on ourselves. In other australian news now, a south australian woman has been captured some baking on the picturesque portal along the beach. Well, in in
mid wedding ceremony took place at just meters away. The victim was captured by
hello, Adelaide resident posted to the shoot, Adelaide Instagram page which exists.
Woman who took the picture, told the daily mail that she didn't think the woman notice, the wedding saying she was Just-
major away. It was pretty funny
but I think it's a very brave of her to stay in the waiver wedding 'cause. The last thing you want is wedding tan lines, but it's just a little outline of what statistics seem to indicate is a five thousand and fifty coin toss on the future happiness.
Maybe she was playing the part of a metaphor. Marriage is about dealing with the unexpected sunbathers in the pristine sands of your life, beautiful wife, but again
but I guess you know she was there. First
I mean, there's a number of good reasons why she shouldn't. I mean if you start moving for weddings, then where will the end global chaos? Clearly she is a product of the trumpian error. Actually moves for that wedding, then, frankly, the entire population of MAX
is going to invite Texas by the end of the week. It could also have been a protest against heterosexual wedding in Australia
it remains legal, even though a homosexual wedding's now
being legalize, you would have thought you know, there's only room for one sort of wedding in Australasia. My beats her her little boy lost against that. But I think a further question is
But with these people having a wedding on the beach for
Yes, they all hardline Poseidon worshippers. I mean all.
Dangers of it. 'cause weddings attract Wales.
This is this is well known, who sing this played out tragically in Australia,
Files were notoriously romantic creature. They just they just love a wedding. They absolutely love
I mean that is all whale song. All whale song is just them doing, gregorian chance yeah, so it could have been tragic repercussions, there's only six things you could do on a beach. For me, Alice, I'm not a beach fan. My skin tone does not respond well. To the
set of sunlight? So for me, there's only six things. You should never do on a beach one play beach cricket, officially
to try to scoop the water out of the sea to counteract rising sea level. Three scream shock shock full scream boy.
plastics get back here you little bastards. We've all gotta do orbit, making five you should get off the beach or six. You should get divorced for me.
a base is a much better, much better location for divorce, then than a than a wedding. I haven't really thought through the leave, the logic of that, but I guess you know it's that it's that you're not Barry between the the cold polished of the sea- and
all fertile land of the future? It's a liminal in lawless space, the beach you can send them off into a riptide, testified
And Pauline Hanson NEWS now embarrassing redheaded politician, who won't go away. Pauline Hanson
has announced that she is Compara Bulto. Nelson Mandela, which
This is so ironic, given that she's famous mainly for racism, but also for being the whitest woman in the world.
what so, what what drove her to make make this comparison.
feels like she is a politician who standing up for her beliefs despite aggressive,
responses by sane people and people with compassion and non racists and so she's also she's also been,
How long was she in jail for
Well, I I don't know not long enough is the answer. I said I'm just looking at eleven weeks from memory it's less than
twenty seven years. Isn't I mean that that is the long march to freedom right? They do have other similarities, though, to be fair to to pulling other than the fact they both spent time in in jail. Nelson Mandela never sang backing.
calls on a track by the american heavy metal band Mtley Cre office. Nor has Pauline Hanson. Both
Pauline Ann Nelson have at times utilized a bench. Neither Mandela nor Hanson of ever had to wrestle and angry alien live on global television with the future of the planet and humanity. At stake, which is lucky for everyone on both counts, neither has ever met Napoleon Bonaparte,
well known at times to blink, using their eyelids and Nelson Mandela. Sadly dates Pauline Hanson Dad
on the inside. So they have. They are very much
Political pulled, we can only hope that
Pauline Hanson's funeral? They have excellent bad sign language interpretation. Yes, there are differences, I guess a long term, I'm going to I'm going to confidently predict,
long term. That Mandela will have more streets and public buildings named after him than
but Pauline Hanson is doubling up with the famous
boy Band Hanson. Yes, it's a even those two combined still think has the edge
in other cheats news. It turns out that there's
it's only cheating in cricket, but also in politics.
Who who would have thought it. This country's been rocked to,
I foundations by the allegation by a former employee of Cambridge Analytica turned whistleblower. That's the vote.
Leave campaign to might have cheated to get around
spending controls in the brexit campaign run about six hundred thousand pounds of funding could have a used
call Julie now to our american listeners, six hundred thousand pounds of spending in an election campaign that is, that a drop in an ocean of ship, but could the leave campaign of suede the brexit vote by cheating to be honest?
bit for us to start giving a shit about that, frankly, flagrant bull,
more of an issue than a little bit more of election funding. The fact that the league campaign- one
Vote through the lives and dissembling, surely far more important than a few one hundred of extra cam
funny and as a reminder fan? Who is this a?
into the lies and assembling of the remain campaign were far less effective. I find that completely unacceptable and I guess
I with funding. Is you want people to be able to fund their bullshit and lies equally, so
Michael Gove, God rest his soul. He is claiming
it was free on fat into both such a free to lie as much as they wanted and it was fat and it was equally badly all cute and prepared for by both sides if these cheap,
allegations are proven, though, will there be another referendum? I'm not sure there is the need for that. I think the way technology is going. We just need virtual reality headsets for everyone, so we can live out the european future
we choose to live out of all world is ninety nine percent perception anyway. We might as well just fully embrace it besides. It's it's politics and cricket is far more important,
there are levels of behavior and ethics expected in cricket, but politics, you know it's a results. Business solution replay the ashes then, after all their balls hampering no well. To be honest, I'm not sure I could face England getting thrashed again without that excuse, let's just cling to the excuse. If you do not think all sides are cheating in politics in some way, you
not been paying attention for at least the last two one slash two years and years. I like the things that have come out of this story that I very much enjoy is. The first is that the Cambridge Analytica Group apparently chose its name in order to emphasize its close ties to Cambridge University, with whom it has
official deal and as an ex
Cambridge alumna, I'm mostly angry that they haven't used their evil powers to convince more people to buy tickets. To my solo show yeah
which is at least as much against the long term political instant interests as brexit. If I do say so, myself
and the second thing is that Cambridge Analytica said that played no role in the brexit referendum and said Mister Wiley had no direct knowledge of its work after he left the firm in July, two thousand and fourteen accusing him of quote Pedley
false information speculation and completely unfounded conspiracy theories? Continuing that's our job! It's a yes! It's very hard to separate that the ships from the slightly less shittin in such matters,
Still it's not that long to go until the end of time. So,
just seems like pointless frequent.
fictional and weaponry news now, young anti gun activists in the US are fighting for their rights not be shot, but also doing it with
one of Harry Potter placards and they
facing increasing criticism from the right
So using Harry Potter, analogies in their protests, speech is an placards mainly on
We are calling out the young protesters for taking who you he, who must not be named name in vain, reminding us all that Harry Potter is a work of fiction and not a blueprint for how to organize your life.
It's. Everyone else says yeah da at least it's better than organizing your life with reference to sex and the city. Whatever was all like, oh my god you such over, and then I had to pretend to know who Maranda was I
in running your life according to a long running, serial work of fiction is as good a way to do things as any, though I'm not super keen on the current trend among conservative politicians to choose as their guiding work the Lord of the flies which,
well a seminal coming of age. Novel and brutal reflection on the nature of young masculinity outside the confines of civilized society is not a great mode that full, for example, healthcare funding. Well I guess it's the that will the Bible, which is similar, long running fiction and
some ways, though the huge marches in America, the March for our lives across America. Hundreds of thousands of people marching in favor of people not being gunned down
they go about their daily business, and it does seem that America has finally reached a tipping point. Where there's a generational shift, where in
people now do not want to be gone down as I go by that day. Business and that's now started to critically out mass those who do want to see all the.
Gun down as they go about their daily business and simultaneously be able to protect themselves from marauding dinosaurs. I guess there have been similar marches before in the past, but perhaps this could be the moment when America finally has some vague vestiges of sense blasted into it. The gun lobby.
Or the pro death lobby is there also known quite literally, won't go down without a fight
as, and you have a fave, you hear them chanting outlet that catch phrases. So U S! I us USA, for example, which stands for I'm believe
the Stupid in Akron is of I under. I do understand that it, it is, you know it's a local thing, you know. Historically, you want to respect the founding philosophies of the american nation, the eternal truths in wisdoms all the amendments school. Just like my old.
I know of Mendham in one thousand seven hundred and ninety one, and you don't want to abandoned those nation defining thoughts but at the same time you're not entirely comfortable with the deaths of innocent people. It's kind of a killed twenty two.
especially if you continue
ignore. The obvious answer I mean
then for me, is that the Harry Potter books for that
bandwagon that everyone jumped on that made nerds and book reading cool- and I was the kid that was nerdy before it was called to be nerdy-
you know I read books in trees like an Enid, Blyton Arsehole, it's not cool when becoming a nerd becomes cool
when you're a nerd, because then you lose the one thing that makes nerd life tolerable, which is feeling superior to the idiots who bullying you. I also
I also just missed the him, my any windows. So when I was a crazy head, no it'll who can keep them out shot, it was less cool. Emma Watson, hash tag, I'm with her and more, let's throw sandwiches at it.
section now will be
now. It's a terrific planet in many ways for all its flaws, but one of the great questions that continues to dog this planets is: is it flat or not
we are still waiting for confirmation on this, and the latest piece of scientific research has been conducted by a man named MIKE Hughes in California, who built his own rockets, a steam powered
it himself six,
meters above the desert then plummeted back to the place which he was researching, suffering cause serious injuries. He survived thanks to deploying
a parachute. He says his mission was to prove the earth was flat. He didn't quite get high enough to to prove that, but I think six hundred meters no one's ever been been higher than that before they
from from memory, but some of these this is heroic. Someone to continue to do the research to other people, shy away from
I mean my favorite quote- is his known as mad MIKE Hughes, and he wanted to prove that the earth was flat. Saying quote, I don't
believe in science.
He said, I know about error dynamics and fluid dynamics and how things move through the air about certain sizes of rocket, nozzles and thrust, but that's not science,
just a formula, there's node,
I mean what does it mean?
I mean his main sponsor for the rocket is research flat earth, a group of people around sorry across the world who believe that the is
I'm also suggests that Australia is a myth which, if it is, I need to have a stern chat with about twenty five million of my close friends about where we've been living. All this time,
I mean in some ways it is a relief because we can stop pretending, kangaroos a real, and we can send you Jacqueline back to the factory. He said
I believe the earth is shaped like a frisbee on, believe it
I know for sure no that that's why I want to go up in space
Unfortunately, every single airline flight he could have got was fully booked now and the end of time
so we have to make his own make his own rocket, but you know, I think it's good people, you have to challenge or
proxy. That is how science progress is. That is how
you know would George Stephenson have invented the train if we'd gone
with the prevailing orthodoxy. The time that the mechanical eight legged, auto donkey was the few
transport, you would know- and you go, but
Galileo. Would I have discovered that the earth was round
my kids said this is great publicity for him. Here. It's got a bunch of story lines. He says of the garage build thing, I'm an old guy, it's out in the middle of nowhere plus the flat earth, but he had
it's been since there was no footage of him getting into the rocket summer.
questioning whether or not he actually launched saying quote
problem is, it brings out all the nuts people questioning everything it's the downside to hold, because
Chris frankly, so if any buglers can confirm whether or not the world is round or flat
I do email us in to help you lose at the people put cost dot com, particularly if you have conclusive proof that if these studies flap of sir so the politicians wanting to believe
around 'cause. I get money out of it in slightly more positive news for humanity as a species.
We've always been defined by a constant restless quest for new boundaries to break
home schooling, a new achievements to kill off into the pages of our history, and that is why, for example, we went to the Moon Everest right to the South Pole and invented sports this week, another great landmark in the history of human on,
Box was marked on land, the largest meeting of sausage.
Dogs in human history for the first time,
stocks smash smashed Tony, let legged away through the five hundred sausage dog barrier.
People thought it could never be done at a meeting on a beach in Cornwall six hundred
sausage dogs, Mets
simultaneously and it showed that we will not let the forces of hatred when
track that ISIS shut these six hundred one
L Douglas up your arses UW gathering, hating weirdos. This is how little chance you have of winning over the british public. Ok, I should shoot persuaded us. We've come round to your skewed idea of bloodthirsty premium medieval caliphates of slaughter and miss
Well, I'm sorry, we've got a real problem with you. Not letting
Try to break the world record for love, it largest gatherings of specific species of dogs, some right now, but we're not. So we don't take anyone
and it's an incredible thing. Andy sausage dogs came together from all over the UK, allegedly debate the record that actually to unite their political power towards a more sausage dog based economic policies and what is being called the Bilderberg Conference for the world's most sausage dogs. Please,
little legged long point plutocrats padded along the sounds of pier import Beach. Smoking
any dope cigars and discussing brand integrity like many folds, five hundred wealth management moguls, but heaps small cute,
reporters gathered to glean scraps of information about from the owners of these low slung business dogs, hoping to find out what the future holds for the stumpy industrialists and they don't. He agenda, I mean
I think it's a nice thing that they're all coming together
You know an evolutionary dead end. The disenfranchised wolf descendants constantly confused by their own stubby failure to embody the true Wolf Spirit and they continued existence is powered purely by
Steve invading people's desire to take cool photos on Instagram and revel in the glory of owning a life form that shouldn't really exist. I think this is a message that was paid for by the
citation again it sends a very powerful message to the world. I think we've got to me approach. It shows that we, we are not scared of you in Russia, which will gather,
dogs on the beaches, grams usual gather a little dogs in the field and in the streets in the hills, and we shouldn't have a sausage Lee surrender. We have a just one other piece of world news that is just come through this morning. Actually, Robert
a more dangerous than terrorists. In some ways it was far from pages of ice front, page of the day's news by that's, because the rubber ducks so filthy, they can kill yeah front page of the newspaper they rubber ducks, also filthy. They can kill, they grow, trees, fungal and bacterial aids some and that that scientist grow up scientists today, ten weeks.
Berman, found that rubber ducks can be extremely unhealthy, so does suggest that wrote all definitely more danger from terrorists. At both time. Yeah. Over a few of prolonged periods, the the dogs can squid can grow these collections of disease miking bacteria. Where is, if you leave a terrorist and a ball for ten weeks, it just gets cold, wet spring
an interesting Lee Demotivated could work, but also rubber ducks are poisonous if match mashed up and eaten in little pancake with plum sauce. So I guess the question Alice for all parents around the world. Should you make your child bathe with
A real duck instead or with a rubber Andean Condor, ironically, be healthier for your child to play with as a non aquatic birds, just ominously
cycling over your child's cults. Before bed, I mean
I think all children should be given terrorists to play with, because what terrorist isn't soothed by a child. That is not on to that question.
Competition results are now, and will this now goes back quite a long time. We did have a competition to win a place on the Bilderberg group if a couple months ago, now and well because of the high level, make sure the discussions and judging panel is taking awhile to get some. The elite cabal of high level operate just together to decide on a win at the competition just to finish the sentence. So when you places when the most influential behind the scenes operators in the world, I think it is best if the biggest decisions affecting
planet or conducted covertly by an elite, Kabbalah bankers, politicians and oligarchs, Becaus, dot, dot, dot and well. Thank you for all those who sent in uh sent in entries for the competition. This came from Tom page. He
Becaus having it done, overtly would be like watching the sausages made before you eat them. It would be the worst idea ever so much to Crow bar in a sausage bun. You are talking to the right show if that's your way of ingratiating themselves with the judges, that's very much the bugle competition equivalent of
ice, skaters sticking that put behind towards the judging Panel Place Cape
it was from Maryland, lands says, I think it's best if these decisions and covertly bodily
Well, because, as a white middle aged, anglo Saxon mail, I think they're doing a fantastic job, though it was at last. I want to standing up for us
but dean from Lead says because they all the group with enough resources to great. I Jurassic Park style, museum of hotties from history, Clones Ali A there's, a lot to be said for that and the the Gerry Smith. I think it's better the biggest hit in the face upon conducted covertly by-
unlike a ball of bankers, politicians in oligarchs, because you that's why and that or that's not so much about you know in an entry to the competition as a bold starting of the status quo. So I think that probably qualifies as a
To be honest, unless we're going for is between that and the the one that had a pun in it. Would you recognize you can be the official judge? I like the one with the pun in it.
oh you to Tom Page
You are now a member of the Bilderberg group. Do reports too, I'm sure they'll be in touch so just report to whatever secret
location, then it held in- and please please be merciful- do keep emails coming in to hello?
those at the beaglepodcast dot com,
That brings us to the end of this week. People don't forget that you can for the next. What free,
cialis phrases show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Alice, give it the proper plug
I'm doing my solo, show ethos from the 29th of March to the something of April, and I'm also doing my trilogy.
The 21st of April at four hundred pm, which is after the bugle I'm doing my last three one hour. Solo shows in one three hour, solo show which will be exhausting over ambitious and quite possibly an enormous disappointing failure, and that's just for the audience. It should get some
Daniel kissing, sounds a lot of it's being recorded for the ABC in Australia, so I've already been having nightmares about doing three hours of comedy to too deeply unimpressed people both of him on my dad so come along to
peoples come along to the trilogy also come to the bugle on the 15th, I'm in it. Yes, the light bill on the fifteen.
features. Alice and David are Dougherty that I appear on the 22nd of April features Tom Ballard AN,
Dt Michelle, my one man show right questions wrong
How much is all new for Melbourne, two thousand and eighteen runs from the tenth
22nd, I'm on them doing two shows in Sydney on the 23rd and 24th as part of the Sydney Comedy Festival,
when to New Zealand's, I'm in Wellington, on the 30th of April and opened on the first and second
pull that off that we have the radio topia toll ready to be alive to, in which I'm doing the joints. Bugle illusionist match up as part of the show with with Helen Adams, Lloyd People dates in America. The fifteenth of my at clubs in San Francisco, the seventeenth of my at the Alberta, rose in Portland and the nineteenth of my at the net June in Seattle,
oh hosts, to be confirmed, but do come along through the first bugle life shows in America, and we have to come to the EAST coast and elsewhere later in the year. But that's all for this weeks. People were having a week off next week because of the holiday with the family before heading to Melbourne, but we will put out some prime cuts of classic bugle.
my stand up and then the the next full bugle will be the from the live show in the fifties, Michael with Alice- and I would I don't see you all that until I start