« The Bugle

Have we invaded Bhutan? – Bugle 4090

2018-12-08

Andy is with Helen Zaltzman and Hari Kondabolu to look at Mike Pence's new approach to problems, the Queen's (possible) take on Brexit and whether or not it's better to pretend you're older or younger than you actually are.

With

@HelloBuglersHari KondaboluHelen Zaltzman@ProducerChris

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
For a visual world. You lose and welcome to issue four thousand and knowing see all the bugle forty a newspaper for a world now about to enter its thirty eight consecutive year of being visual, I am and He'S- and you can call me the human cannonball because, like I've been, taken by more modern, newer versions of myself that operate way more efficiently have a much wider region. Don't weigh as much The seventh of December, the first time- and we here in London the look of site I'm joined by well. which not been on the show for quite a long time. Welcome back after an Excel to get to Helen Zaltzman. Thank you and a happy Hanukkah
I suppose it is. According to my Google calendar of jewish holidays, the I do not have you been hanging stockings on a special kind of stick, the second So then that's what you're supposed to do give a call at such and turned into a well. I think the last show we did together was to in the in the states and in my since, when you open the glove dropping brush with death. Yes, that's how I like to do it yeah, take it far away from home, so no one can visit. So you spend what six eight weeks in uh my name hospital. Only three weeks in the timing, helpful Abby felt that long it did feel longer. Here. I learned a lot about my roommates urine, alright college. I was in there with an ice skating, injury. Eighty five still Rick brightness is wow you're. Eighty five years, like you chop, a lot of blood, so that is the staying young and joining us with his trademark but the number eighty five feet if we come
big love in all the way from the USA, it's Hari called about. How are you and he hello, hello, and how are you hi? How are you do you think it was rough? It's been touched many hospital for three weeks to get the online feedback to your documentary. All I we I've taken the hospital at this point. Yes, yeah fewer death threat, the hospital. Oh now, that's probably not the appropriate place for it, yeah. So, just by you not being one of God's chosen but, unlike hello, I have a more what welcome and house a house. London trading at a London is been a rainy and cold. You welcome back. It has been eggs exactly as advertised you seen? A lot of infant chimney sweeps around doing the full Dickens Christmas Bit over the whole thing. The whole thing it's very embarrassing for the nation we voted for when you have a sense of shame, is that okay
I've been performing at Soho Theatre, I'm halfway done. with the run. I don't like you. For viewers. I think this system of reviewing stand up is stupid in its for dummies right yeah. Do it just like a big thermometer on stage during the gig that goes up and down according to how well the check does. I would rather people you know you know I I'm less scientific about people laugh. This feels good. They didn't laugh at that they're stupid and then you, you feel good at the end of it right. Our dog looks good on the statistical root cause. A semi professional cricket, statistician, hello, it's percentage of jokes that then the depth the depth with which the joke hits the volume tone length of each laugh, You can do multi, dimensional graph with that. What do you do when it's a long set up an it's a huge bill? Don't you lose statistically
of that letter is for a hell to measure a slight measuring the true worth of a test. Much innings yeah tried stats. Don't always do it now. Yeah I was the in the exact same thing anyway, this is Google, four thousand and ninety getting closer and closer to that historic. Ten thousandth episode mark and we're recording on Friday, the seventh of December. On this day, in one thousand, seven hundred and thirty, two hopping distance from where we are recording here in London, the Royal Opera House and in Covent Garden, now home with the royal opera and the royal ballet it's a spot in one thousand, seven hundred and thirty, two an instant Twenty seven percent rise in reported incidences of unwarranted war bling. a nineteen percent upsurge in vocalized overreaction to personal misfortune and pave the way for the political failures of Brexit, because the royal our house is also provoked or seventy eight percent decline in the ability and willingness of people to discuss matters calmly, maturely and sensibly. We, I'm making a song and dance about everything. Thank you
December in one thousand three hundred and seventeen just seven hundred and one short years ago, the new shopping banquet happened in Sweden at which King Burger of Sweden, seized his two brothers Valda and Eric and through them. In a dungeon and starve them to death, walk family Christmas, his name was King Burger, King Burger, I mean it has that only sued the restaurant at all his legacy. His legacy lives on. what King Burger of Sweet and he killed ironically, starved, starved his brothers to death. That was an unhappy meal on the tenth of December, one thousand, seven hundred and sixty eight. So two hundred and fifty years ago, the first mission of the Encyclopedia Britannica was published all knowledge in the world squished in
just three books. They were forty pages devoted to diseases of horses but no information about children, which to make that remains the correct way to go about things and three pages about midwifery that was so scandalously factual, that King George, the third demanded they were ripped out of all copies of the book and apparently according to the original encyclopedia vermicelli, is an aphrodisiac. I don't know how that stood up to scientific research. He was then, when you were delivering some did. Did you look up? How to do it in the encyclopedia did did not know. I midwifery is not the kind of thing that you can learn to do it as well give me to call you haven't So I found out that day like perfect pitch ten years ago next week, I just found out I've got it. Where do you mean there's you're born with that now. So, if you're a five year old, and you're born with that you could deliver children, you could so the fact they don't get to,
age discrimination more than anything else, but it is yeah. Is it old labor laws, yeah you're right the b, never think about this. We always think about kids. In fact, he's been up the town to children that could deliver other children yeah. Well, the one The world is full of injustice it was a section of the bill- is going straight in the band this week. We look at humanity. Sorry, bold, future, Are you human? Yes, let's unimpressive these days, you you're getting close to being obsolete. No offense, because I saw Volks coming in in the section again this week we review the latest Electro Computex Hack, modifications to your objectively, anachronistic Lee, outdated human body, including the Alfax atronic contact. Two point: one a chip in your nose. That instantly tells you exactly what that lovely stroke. Not lovely smell is from freshly baked the minion Penguin cakes to the sweet, petroleum muscular motorbike. Then, An instant message sent to your brain with thing
will internet links to where you can buy those precious cents on the dark net, not only that but it's also well known that smell can provoke powerful feelings of nostalgia and memory, and even if that smell means absolutely nothing to you personally and promptly emotional associations with their own life, a secondary memory, fake, a chip in your prefrontal cortex in your brain, will crank into action. Someone else's memory from its online database of millions of recollections. Are you bored I will be able to toast and with your own body. Well that tedium going to be a thing of the past if you have heat elements implanted in the back of your previously on toasty hand, the back of the traditionally, one of the least useful part of the body, at least since parental disciplining procedures of all for the twentieth century, but now toast anything ranging in size from a trumpet to a muffin on your body, Jeff Hand, grill powered by the natural Christy of your nervous system and all personality waterproof gauntlets, Voice for any days not recommended for intimate use and the it's a false alarm using a
as you pioneered for reversing cars, a simple set of cameras and sensors implanted in your folks can warn you if you're about to sit on something or someone that you don't? system. I with built in chairman, chair and bench recognition technology. I've also probably only if your intended seat- contains an extraneous object or person saved I'm looking around for an empty seat on trains, buses and tubes that simply shuffle along until you find a spot where the alarm doesn't go off and bingo somewhere free to sing that section on cyborgs in the Bin, This is where the bugle plays right story this week. Well, Brexit again, I'm still what a week it's playing and in the world of Brexit we've been doing some national open costs, soul searching here in Britain and not install a locking. Well, we've been digging up. I'm Alan you up out of the country full one, nine months, not long enough. Yeah a year,
not long enough. Evidently I knew returns to even more. I often you left it's yeah, it's really cool impressive. The way they keep outdoing themselves to make a bad situation more bad, but it's I suppose that they are exceptional at something. It's a little bit more obligated for me, because person with indian heritage. I really do enjoy british failure an suffering so there's that part of Maine, but as an american citizen, I don't really have a high ground to stand on when it comes to choice is right, but it does seem. very bizarre. To begin with, the fact that the UK would leave the EU, 'cause. They were barely in it. To begin with, considering that you had your own currency and you didn't, sign on to the Schengen agreement, so you controlled your immigration, so you were barely in it. So essentially, this news is like nightcrawler leaving the x men right like? Oh? No, not now
crawler. What are we going to do without nightcrawler, who is going to crawl at night? Now, like it's? Not it's not biggest thing so that already it was weird. But so are you saying well taking back control of things that we already had control of? Yes, I mean that's my expert outsider analysis also, seems like an incredibly good deal like it, not only like barely in that you still have the advantages of it: it's almost like being in an open relationship where only you are allowed to have sex with other people, and then some now for some reason, one day you're, like I'm feeling smothered I'm Athana, Miss being, and I will live by my own rules and then you break up. The person in the next day for some reason you wake up and you're like. I am very lonely, now Is there someone to trade with arsenal goal. Whoever were you with all these similes before the vote? It's been uh,
grilling week in parliament. The government was defeated in not one not two, not three, not four, but three was three three votes in a the first time, a government source, call the dice since 1970s. I also found in contempt of parliament wow for the first time ever noticed in contempt of every human being love, that's just the basic state of political exist. Thanks all governments, but in contempt of parliament. I'm just getting in in how of parliament works, that this resulted from a what's called. A humble address and if I may quote from address Humble address will be presented to her majesty that she he graciously pleased to give directions to the following. Papers be laid before parliament, any legal advice in full, including provided by the attorney general on the proposed, withdraw blah blah blah. But do you think we, graciously pleased.
Additionally, she gives no, I think, it doesn't have that. Look about that. We honest she is well over there. So she's like I'm about ninety two nine thousand one hundred and ninety two, I'm not gonna, laugh ' with this? Well, I you say that, but you know keep singing that national anthem she's going to stay live forever God is not going to let her slip off the perch, So whether or not the nation suffers, she still queen right yeah and you to keep everything yeah absolutely the real full rounds there. She doesn't need to care at all. This is completely. This is other people suffering yeah, yeah, it's a great system. When you go in America, we should go back. I was on the maybe she's thinking there done that. Well, England went and lot of other countries and now it's time to come home and fix itself like better quality meat on, I guess the queen responded with the tradition passed down from history, with the words like what now Meddling should have the motion of illustration. If you want me to actually do something, the model,
but the thing about that before that you chop the noggin off my great great great, great, great, great, great, great, great great uncle, Charlie Nachos, please I've got a pony on the three hundred and forty hey Doc there's a five day debate in parliament. On the way you like things, the last five days later cricket. It is very much like a test match. I would utilize them to keep the interest going for such a long time. I think the key is to have regular intervals for meals and drinks, so you to our debating forty minutes offer the lunch interval to as the biting twenty minutes for today and then two hours, plus an extra off our. If you'd like slowly to Dale, dress the same yeah. I think everyone should be dressed in in white and gold, politely and web pads and occasionally abuse each other out of range of the microphones, yeah, absolutely wear, pads and and genital protectors and hats some also, they should be drinking, and that way it's more entertaining the longer it goes. I think we we have a far more lucid high quality of debate if it was compulsory drinking problem now,
translation of ancient greek democracy in pretty sure Teresa, may looking as ever as happy as a pig in a pork pie, but at least for the pig it's over today, Well, sorry for her Helen after the year that she Had yes and no, I think it would be hard for anyone. to really succeed in the position she's been in. However, I do think she has I'm a worse job than she needed to and has also been consistently terrible throughout a political career and inhumane. So I suppose I've convinced myself that the on security question is no brought to you. I don't know I don't feel so, if or a bunch of, has got that looks very similar to the look of a dog. So it knows you've just made her last appointment with the vet. She just seems to know what's coming and some kind instinct. I I think that Sweet release, it's more like a dog that is being adopted by a family, with a really annoying and sadistic child the dog is only like eight, so they could be several years of this left the debates.
and uh well hotly contested and the nation is essentially split the options all to please. Fifty percent of the people to the other. Fifty percent of the people bought a please by the fifty percent nor the other fifty percent and the option seems to be I'm going to get through parliament. That is the fair choice. There's been some very heartfelt speeches from my various Mps, Harmonicas gravely strange, the conservative MP for West Seattle Bridge so he was a descendant of someone who died at the battle of Hastings and he said we must respect their votes of the now dead, people who are now voting age or at some point via voting age in the future, have only themselves to blame for not faking some id and voting on brakes when they had the chance fecol. try to cut like the liberal MP for Illingworth Raymond said Britain should not rush into it. We should a twenty year rolling second referendum, where people's average view on the EU is calculated on a minute by minute basis. Call amazing. In a result, in the year twenty thirty nine can Bagatelle Labor MP for Glatch, so that we
pretend to leave. I'm hoping no one looks at it too, closely that's the Hong Kong option, I believe it's known and James Bexley said cup. He conservative MP for broken chargers stood in parliament and sang his new song. Maggie Maggie, please come back. Hastings has a kind of pudding right, the Hastings, loading. Thank you hasty pudding that But as a thing, oh, I thought, like a corn porridge, Okay, I thought I thought maybe Hastings head of putting you right in. I was thinking and but we only have totaling putting when someone on the of also Home County constituency, because today, in the news there were playing, divar Tickle saying that are no deal. Brexit could cause major disruption across Kent because of all of the, piles and piles of lorries. The stock stuck in Kent I will just assume over to the continent anymore and
which won't be collected. Children won't be able to take exams, people won't be able to mister for weddings bodies, won't get to the morgue in Kent. Only can't just can't cancel the most exciting place in the world is finally kind of dystopian. Very station re mad MAX feature Scott, the calls for it. I mean the body is not reaching also take away. Deliveries could be delayed by up to fifteen minutes in some parts of the country. I will put some perspective nightmare noodles of go mushy and people could really die. Operating theatres, 'cause. They new long, is stuck on the m20 so tough times ahead, lubricant The first model of crap in the stock market could full thing can and can Icing between snow and feta, one thousand percent train services- could collapse into absolute chaos, thus improving by eighteen percent
shortage of medical and care staff could lead to the government having to conscript clever dogs to be emergency heroes like Lassie works in Peter PAN and TV detectives could get worse. forty five percent worse at solving fictional crimes. The queen could get eight percent shorter An infestation of warthogs, an Britain will be struck from the list of potential venues for the second coming of Christ, so It was still on the list. It's a long list So the possible scenarios are no deal ship deal, renegotiate, less ship deal, renegotiate, even Shiter deal attempt to renegotiate less ship. There will come back with the same ship, Dylan, awkward smile waving, Little Union Jack Flag, referendum with two all three options: a second referendum with three hundred options, one for each possible variation of leave or remain a second, and with no options at all. I quite one is just a blank piece of paper. but you can just write whatever you want, I'm going to won't solve anything, but I'll be
civil war well in the past wars of the roses. culminated in one thousand and ninety five. Just a hundred years later, plus a bit Shakespeare, the civil boat war be with the day the different nations of the United Kingdom Arch that mass of pollen- everyone at this point in time, fight funnel arms. Just look a look of fixed for a british fist fought throughout the country, yep Ok, I all Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales could stay in the EU, but leave the UK and be replaced by Ecuador to go and boot on. So we keep the formation union. I think we'd all be in favor of Bhutan is annually called the happiest place on earth that ranking would go down if it join the UK yeah we can drive any election as Natural cynicism, that's what the empire was all about. We saw a happy world and we thought no greatest export. Let's play,
about crack. Was it mountain and we don't have the skills, will be altitude, abilities or don't answer minutes. Chris is on the boot on research. It was invaded by the British and, of course, 'cause. It's a place in the world. You always trying to get from eighteen, sixty five treaty of Cintula after his defeat by the british Empire, blah blah blah british protectorate, blah blah blah separatist groups, blah not there anymore adults as old as time in America. News Mike Pence addressed Accra uh during World AIDS Day and once again as it seems to be, the administration's policy did not mention Lgbtq Community has the most people affected.
The disease, but to be fair, he went with the if you don't have something nice to say say anything at all policy. Which is a sharp break from the president's being still at all times policy. So that takes courage to make that posting a split in the in. Trump Administration, yeah it's between cowardness Nis and Mean spiritedness. That's that's a huge brick did. He know it was world AIDS Day. Was it just his daily address, in which I didn't mention Lgbtq, plus people Much as his rhetoric is different than the president's rhetoric. It follows a larger strategy. Did Austrasian, is using a strategy were if they don't acknowledge something that means it isn't exist, we've all done that live with the environment. There is no issue global warming so there? Because of that, there is no issue with it. As we said, there is no issue with. We didn't even address it as such.
a simple solution, very simple, so that means that the Gb T community is not dealing with HIV Aids, then they've cured it right because they're not affected by it gosh. So so much simpler than medical science yeah it's Using scientists do not support this with their fake news and fake logican, fake experiments and research. They would strong I disagree, but I mean pence giving a speech on world AIDS Day, given his track record not being in inclusive or supportive of of gay rights and related issues. To me that was rather getting Ronald Mcdonald to give the keynote speech at a slow food conference or Jack Ruby to give an address on the critical importance of allowing Jew legal process in criminal cases. It was MS all at best, oakwood and helpful. I'm Scott Show
much of the Lgbtq Advocacy group Lambda League. HIV Project called MIKE's bachelor going to this is a multiple choice. Helen. Can you guess what Scott Shots called this? set about pension speech. Did he describe as a insightful, sensitive towards open minded and, above all, deeply rooted in scientific knowledge and research body laugh out loud? only genuine belly, laugh from start to finish. Five stars see, oddly sexy or d, adults, autism, biased I'm going to be incorrect. Incorrect was shortsighted, unbiased classic and Christmas NEWS now, I'm Christmas has been canceled and in a by School in Yorkshire, lady Lumley School in Pickering told people that Christmas was off Becaus, the true meaning of Christmas.
Quotes being buried under an avalanche of commercialization. Isn't that the true meaning of Christmas? Well, yes, snow of commercialization, yeah absolutely and also it's not Christmas, that is being buried under an avalanche of commercialization. It's the in the planets, not that's, which which is clearly part, will also- what is the true meaning of Christmas, given that it's a pagan festival, CO opted by Christians it's also an individual's birthday party, where everyone else gets presence, ah vexing very upset. yeah, lucky so generous spirited. He doesn't mind, I know so many buried under an avalanche of commercialization. Yes, but also you could express that a I might have a lot more fun because you know before we have a bunch of commercialization just spend the inside. I in church praying and stuff a roast Hedgehog level, scraped off the road, the road and then hospital of typhoid now presents alloy sure. That's a huge
Freeman for Christmas in terms of Chris as a gateway piece of religion, full drawing paper I'm not going to get kids get kids involved, people with gifts, the class christian strategy, isn't it I mean in Africa? It's you want food. Take this book, it's much the same logic, just 'cause you get people involved, get impression with young people hooked on religion, you get alot present, happy songs everyone being nice, donkey, midwife and magic, reindeer and granny getting drunk and falling asleep in a fruit cake. Are you in Hell, yeah, good, now, Easter, nail em up? They live up in a live up I do center you'll burn in Hell. You aggie to navigate. I thought school was actually on to something because said: the teach that there be no calls no parties, my gifts in the Christmas tree unless the students wrote a persuasive argument about why they should celebrate Christmas and to them, I think, being
made to question this fairly ubiquitous holiday. He's got a good idea is not. That is also you have to ask in terms of commercialization who started it and clearly it the three wise men, picking up with their goldbet flash frankincense new age, aromatherapy voltage and whatever the third one was some controversy the term and the Bible Current School of public. I thought is that the gospel stenographers and Linda was sitting in the corner of the mind you're talking up the minutes of the holy birth. and just as well as my number three was and them as a present baby Jesus did his first ever puke micro, Masonic Chanda forever commemorating the wood. The Alquiler sticking up the main jet think the actual gift was a breast pump. Ironically and of course, nothing will question the commercialization of Christmas. Speaking as a Jew, Yorkshire, as a pudding right, have a thank you,
the citizenship. Is this the most notable thing to happen in Yorkshire since the creation of the pudding. Since war of the roses when do the? When do the ocean filling Do you know what it is? Sorry, no, it's butter pudding, so kind of like pancake mixture that you put in the then, when you're making a roast. meet say and it kind of pops up and you fill it with gravy and we'll see you make a dessert as well. If you so wish, you look a little upset yeah. How do you make it a dessert? You just fill it in with like frosting, I guess or fruit. Yeah, fruit jump, Jim Gray, B jam it's a complete all in one meal plan. have you thought about having a pudding news section of the bugle next time, you're on hiring, ok, crazy. I like the idea of doing Yorkshire traditions with Hari sweet dripping
we got to that Philip Larkin the week off, defensive opening batting. Dazzled by the cluster of ways in which Britain uses the word pudding. Yes, it's so strange because putting his just meant desert my whole life and now all of a sudden you're telling me it could be something as disgusting as a as a meat no could be if I, Now it it can be, it can be a blood sausage. It can be a kind of beef the thing that is so the house, a pastry made with the the kidney front of animals, and this is like when I found out about hi so. discipline is up. I always meant like this beautiful, a delicious sweet thing at the end of dinner and it again another. There's no need for me to net, but yeah just you mind opening across to other options
ugly Christmas eventually reinstated for the children of lady lovely School, but with no Santa instead to keep it real, religiously, they had someone's, makes dad coming to school, dressed as King Herod and slay all the boys. Just the first one c would have been right. I think, everything we do. All the under twos yeah. I know right. They often times the first born in in on that so well, you'll, forty four, so you'd be or another Christmas news, a teacher in New Jersey. Having sacked telling out in the Santa Claus? Doesn't exist, yeah well, people have fired for telling the truth now. No one likes experts truth is the enemy of freedom. This teacher Probably told the children that Santa wasn't real and the parents just buy presents in them under the tree, the children that reindeer cannot fly and the elves don't exist. But she went on to say that tooth fairy isn't real and
and goes for the Easter Bunny. I mean I mean that they're upset about finding that out, wait. How do I find out the motor city is a sham, looks on the faces of the well gonna, be adults in is melting. Also This is an unfortunate position. The children and they have to now show gratitude for their, and buying them gifts and giving them money yep. That is something they did not have to worry about. Previously, no I'm! It was a as a parent of a two. So we we in all family. We should. We got one present from Father Christmas. Our discovered a site discovered My suspicion is not proved yet that I started believe it father. Christmas did not exist, because I got we usually get one present from Father Christmas. On top of our stockings and I went to a friends house and she had loads of presents, I should lose that from Charlotte from Father Christmas was that one from some Father Chrisman, all her presence, was from Father Christmas
huh five year old Shuttle Holmes was, I started to piece it all together. The whole edifice of West capitalism come crashing down before my eyes, you didn't figure out the father. Christmas was a bigot, I mean it is possible. He was anti semitic. I guess there was he's, always got that card up his large. Read slave yeah, one of the ethics about lying to children, call Rick on the Sundays, the possessor of children. I tell him nothing, but the pure Varnish truth. Helen, as you very well know, know that they really seem to have trouble understanding. What is reality and what isn't because you've raised them. That's a good! That's a good skill to have those to not know. What's real and what's not going to help, you navigate the modern world just to assume that I a fully trusted because have a father who is an inveterate bullshitter of set them up for life? Sure I have told my daughter that baby Jesus and that wasn't real, but can't bring myself to tell her
Santa side of things, was he gets a bit more benefit from Sunday because as a material gain where, as was baby Jesus ever done for her part from diver, since there's also slight inconsistency, Hari in the american education system, but it seems that you're not allowed to debunk Santa, but you are allowed to bunk Asian ISM. That is correct. Right. Yes, this is blue. This complete sense to me, I got my phone. I know there's a lot of Santa cakes because he looks exactly like Santa, but his business card says the center to Dave because I think he wants it, to be clear that he is an ambassador for Santa myth right rather than actual santa- and I the Santa, there's also a lot of fonts on his business cards. I'm doing know that Santa Claus is real name is not Dave and then yes, Nicholas Nicholas. I Hulk Hogan's real name was Hulk, was it prove
who is Terry. He went with Hulk Good IDEA is, is, is son, I'm really Hogan know and believe that I am Blair I am. I did you look at, Did you also know it? Now? I was resting fighting ISIS, I'm a casual wrestling fan. I felt bad that I knew it did you feel bad doesn't look like feels bad, pretty shocked. Terry, the wrestler! It doesn't quite have the same ring to it anyway. So don't She can't tell children about the tooth fairy. You can government can tell everyone in America to believe in the oil and coal ferry, but the two fairies out and you can't stick it to the sacred christian cow that is the Easter Bunny, an the origin of Easter Bunny is questioning. Apparently Jesus on the cross Bonnie is with his fingers behind the head of a roman centurion, which was pretty much, is only available form of protest, given the you know ninety slash hand thing.
Many money lei tonight. Maybe I should learn about Christianity from another source, and to question some of these things that you are saying, I'm not sure how true they are. Jesus laying an egg prove that he didn't do miracles last week, don't see vehicle drab event calendar I draw thing for every day of December. Up to the uptown, including the 24th We are picking it up now with your drug vent calendar entry for the tenth of December tenth of December a package, Dale cheese biscuits found open, but mostly uneaten in the cupboard now, four years past their best before date, the top one slightly nibble hello,
December, a newspaper advert, open for orthopedic socks cut out with scissors with the order filled out but never sent twelve of December, Denison Marjorie from down the road a tenth of December. The carriage on a commuter train on a wet January morning stopped out how to dis warehouse running fourteen minutes late, forty, for December alone, gray sock in a hedge 15th of December of ok set of highlights of the nineteen. Ninety seven seniors golf tour: there will be need rapid calendar. If I can be asked to do it next week, Sora and I've been kinda in a supermarket and him to each day you get to and screwdriver heads by Christmas, go full socket set What Jesus would have wanted? It was a carpenter
other news now and so how old you are thirty six, and how do you would you like to be considered legally my up thirty, six, okay right because is our age transformation correspondent, a man in HOLLAND. has attempted to have his age legally reduced. well sixty nine to forty nine? Yes, I believe. That's right, sixty nine good age. but yeah but yeah I mean I think his hope is that they would lessen his age twenty years, but I don't think he took into account that the courts could do nothing for his face. or his potential poor penile functions would seem to be key in this. Also what he wanted to be younger so that he could date younger women on tinder, yes, which, first of all, what better way to start a relationship. Then it's an elaborate lie sanctioned by the courts. I mean
creepiness is not a measurable thing, it's a feeling. He is creepy right. There Nothing you can do about that. He doesn't self identify as creepy. So therefore he does not want us to see him as creepy. He self identifies as a young god. I can have all the girls I want, but not after I tell them. I'm sixty nine right, where who did God need the legal system to stop time. It's good point great gods, didn't think about that. No problem, the laurel over the place I mean they were really not I don't think they were necessary role models. We should live up to romantically for not guilty, respectful of dating truly appalling individuals, also he's saying that, like gender, is something that one could change so why couldn't he change his age in? The difference is that for many hence people that actually believe there they've been in the body for much of their life, and
for this. Man like there is no way that when he was twenty one he was like. I am one I am one years old mommy I'll make an. I have a nipple mommy. Can I this is a sociology lecture, Sir Mommy I'd like a nipple. Mommy click that, court. Like he's a liar, they get. You know something you had a lot of time with one year old. Do they not say that Mon may have like a nipple? My may, not necessarily, in those words the calls that he is at liberty to feel twenty years younger and to act accordingly, which is kind of the once my mom would have given. If I had ever asked for something manage your own emotions did. I would like to consider ITALY Ballygally considered sixty six years old, so I can get a frisson, on a bus. Also, you could much more easily become the oldest person in the world. You could hit a good
like one hundred and fifty and just you know, because you major age? Eighty years older records are echo, doesn't yeah legal one hundred and fifty year old men on tinder would be very funny. Working alot I would just to see yeah yeah. He would do well I believe everything still works for one hundred and fifty slash thirty six. Jackie letting sold us well. That brings us to the end of this week's bugle. How are your own associates until the sixteenth, the six, change the time in Copenhagen and then Amsterdam, then Antwerp
full of european toll. I begin is so. If it's a on the eighteenth of December, I run through the fifth of January, with a few days off for things like Christmas and new, yet to conquer that will will also feature Alice, Fraser Allen. Anything to plug the SF sketchfest on January twenty fifth there you go. Consider that that plugged. Thank you. Listening. Google is by next time we recall we might have an entire new government. We might have voted to join S. America, who knows these are exciting times what we're going to get for Christmas, complete, catastrophic collapse of british democracy, what we always wanted until next goodbye.