Once a thought is in our heads, we can't suppress it and trying to only causes us misery. Dr Laurie Santos explains why our brains work in this way and hears from real people who have confronted and overcome disruptive thoughts and bad memories and found happiness in the process.
For an even deeper dive into the research we talk about in the show visit happinesslab.fm
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hello happiness, lab listeners. I want to tell you about a new pod cast, I think you're like it's called the last archive and it features one of my favorite new Yorker writers. The Harvard historian Jill Acquire Jill asks the big question who killed truth. She looks for clues and events across the twentieth century from a brutal death in Burma to the invention of the lighted actor to the relief
of the polio vaccine. The last archive is, unlike any podcast you ve heard before it brings history to life with archival tapes, intrepid field reporting and old timey radio drama reenactments
The last archive unfurled, like a classic nineteen thirty mystery but takes on the big issues of today
Wouldn't you like to know who killed truth then check out the last hour have brought you buy. Pushkin industries have included a trailer at the end of this at the said you can subscribe today on Apple Spotify or ever you get your pot cast
back in eighteen, sixty three, the russian novelist Dostoevsky, gave his readers a challenge
one which I'm going to argue, has a huge impact on happiness tried to poultry.
Of this task. He wrote not to think of a polar bear.
The next few seconds. Let's do it, let's not think of a white. Bear ready, go
how'd you do. My guess is that
You know you are trying not to think of a white bear
your mind immediately when two thoughts of a white bear
what Dostoevsky realized. He warned
Then, when you try not think something you will see,
cursor thing come to mind every minute. The Harvard
colleges DEN Wagner was
this, didn't these effects, which he referred to as ironic processes
cases where our minds, ironically enough, go to the exact play,
where we don't want them to go with me.
Edited of those cs, keys, polar bear challenge as an experiment with college students. He asked them to speak their stream of consciousness for five minutes.
Flirting with my boyfriend right now I didn't have to
Sunburn, they didn't wanna, be out in the sun wielded quietness, which makes me a little bed next. He asked them to repeat the task, but explicitly tells them not to think
white bear. If the bare does pop into their minds while babbling. I have to say why I asked my students to repeat the experiment: here's how they did
worse and now has told me not now now I'm thinking about how long do you think about thinking about it? Man
turkey than I thought
funny to hear so many bells ringing put everyone. Does this on,
people in Wagner's original study and bringing the bell about once per minute.
Things that we don't want in our heads seem to come up all the time. Just think of that song. You can't stop him
but sometimes the thoughts we don't want to think about
are alot more serious than a catchy song or a polar bear. Image are dumb minds also spent.
Initially go to lots of yucky thoughts that fight with our spouse. A few weeks back
or that mean comment from a coworker. You can't shake even
Really traumatic memories have a knack for popping into our heads when we least want them there, which raises in imports
question: why can we simply get rid of all these unwanted thoughts?
What strategies should we be using not to think of White bears ear
shuffle memories that hinder our happiness.
Our minds are constantly telling us what to do to be happy
If our minds are wrong, what if our minds are lying to us, leading us away from really make us happy, because
is the understanding the signs of the mind complainants all back in the right direction, fearless
to the happiness lab Dr Doktor said to.
So golfers whenever used. The word when even
wouldn't acknowledge it, but
There is no question its well known
or the grace period in the history of game, get it Collins she and played for the Gulf team. Back in the nineties he's now the head coach Collins, a friend of mine,
which is the only reason, he's willing to talk to me about a topic. That's usually verboten for golfers to speak of the apes
the EP is like, where you're putting and then your your hands just
twitch and you're in
a position where you no longer and control the club it flicks it did.
You are in control of your of your hands and then there you are left are broken the yet
happen when golfers totally psyched themselves out when they thinks
much about not making a certain type. A mistake
they end up making exactly that mistake all the time, and it's not just a one time thing.
Ships can return at any moment and that fear plagues golfers. The idea of it
sort of happening, or than it might happen, has always been a thing for professional golfers, and so you kind of lived in a constant dread of this idea.
Because today, gonna be one of those days. We can have a bad yep stay or second arena be fairly easier and
get on the course- and it may not even be on the first all and then
It can come at any moment.
And it's it's nerve in Aspect- it's an it's embarrassing aspect: it's humiliating its its dreadful
But what happens when you hit a golf ball? Making apart
involves not only thinking about where you want the ball to go
but also where you want the ball not to go this act of thing,
of the unwanted action. Whatever you do, don't hit it to the left,
seems to make that unwanted action more likely, not less. It's like if your
during a glass of wine over someone's new white carpet, and you think, whatever
Do I shouldn't spill this and then, of course,
Recent research shows how common this phenomenon is polished,
told not to think about a particular person before bed and dreaming about that person. More often and soccer play
told not to shoot a penalty, kick to a specific location, tend to look
that exact forbidden spot, which is a problem since players tend to aim where they look ten.
Agnor, who devised the white, bear experiment. All
study these ironic effects on the golf course he had his
and possible towards a target. Some subjects took the paranormal normally, but others were told would have
You do don't overshoot what happens people than do
exactly what their told not to stay over shoot. The ball
about twenty centimetres Wagner
experiment had found a way to induce Thebes, and
wasn't that heart, just how golfer
hell themselves? What not to do- and you have a recipe for Disaster-
if it's a lovely game and it's a cruel game when its goal
be devastating, but the most
overstating thing about the ips. Is that they tend to stick around.
One bad shot follows another:
whole ruined, becomes around ruined a bad weak stretches out
and to a bad year calling explained
this decline without end was
firstly, summed up in a classic art,
by Henry long cursed the great british golf essayist. It's called once you ve item you ve got,
because there's almost like the ideas, there's not a cure, or maybe some do.
There will be the great to take a pill. It was at this point
interview. The Collins suddenly turned a bit quiet. He was wrestling with something he stammered for awhile
when talking about his glory days, I played problem
dusk off my life from the time was about twenty five to forty,
about a decade of my life, Rosa plus one handicap as
and I loved plain wellnigh- I did it without practicing much and then in the last five years, or so
game started a struggle and it went from being just a little bit of a tail off to almost say precipitous decline. I recently told some
and, if you wanted to read about my Gough, came it's over in the obituary section, one of my yell students had told me
well, it was an expert on the eps. I assumed his expert
she's came from coaching, so many amazing young offers but has come
continued. I realize
Collins knew about the yips because he had em
and once you ve had em well the crazy
was the common was now confessing all this to me in front of us
I've MIKE you get
One really wonder like why me what what did I do
could pursue matter whether the golfing
Why that why did they pick me in writing?
Catholic, nothing like it can get everybody out there. It's true parliament really
spoken about his struggle with the apes to anyone by his wife and that's common for golfers,
because when you ve got em, you also want to hide m which makes the Europe's a former thought suppression overload.
Not only are you trying to suppress your thoughts about what not to do on the golf course, which is bad cognitive Lee?
We are also trying to hide. You have the shameful condition
everyone around you, you don't want
well to learn your dirty secret,
and even admitted that his wife had pulled him aside before he came to the interview she S.
If you assure that he wanted to talk about the awful, why word on my podcast
whether you wanted to admit it so publicly
his career suffer if everyone knew about it. In the end,
when decided. It was finally time to confess- and maybe there needs to be an opportunity for offers come out about it, because I'm doing
right now we ve always been sort. I see a kind of power, the stresses. How does that payment orders? I feel like this is a great place to do it in some,
Is it just be like on the first day, I should just enter
myself. Just let me preface by saying you might see some horrendously bout shots autonomy and it may be that would that would I,
that might help
I cannot stress enough how biggest sporting taboo Collen has broken by talking so openly about suffering from the Europe's and the golfing world, bring up the subject it just
isn't done. One way that the absurd perceived as that its cause, your mentally weak players, often think
it can be overcome by just working hearted to suppress them. Just tell me,
self more sternly, not to lose control of your grip on a club mentally keep telling yours
not to make a bad shot. Golfers, don't take
finally to the suggestion that all this mental pressure won't help them beat the Ips, so everyone ends up suffering and keeping at a huge secret
which makes the next story calling told me all the more unexpected you see
back when he was a young golfer com
a chance to meet his hero
for the golfer magazine
six months in my very first assignment to interview a pro was Bernard Lang Earth the rye Hilton
twenty two years old and there's per hour Lang early to time
there's champion waiting for me in the lobby,
and I left in our early- and I was still late and courses on time and he
gracious to me and we sat down. We start the interview and
going wonderfully niece crankiness
answers and I'm
I'm sliding follow ups in it's going. Wonderful that was
when call and made a huge full PA in front of the grid.
His player on the planet, I felt like I swear
had a moment or I could ask him about his Europe's a typical golfer might
walked out of the interview right there, but how
zero wasn't the usual golfer and he just go
into this answer? A nineteen? Seventy nine? I had my first about the apes and then a nineteen. Eighty two Eddie
did it. He did a perfectly, and so I realize now in hindsight,
there he was doing the opposite of trying to obscure the fact that he had it and it only pay dividends fur for him throughout his life.
Was forty three at the time and he
continue. The meteoric rise just by disclosing
to some twenty two year old kid to kiss her. It can't hurt, he wasn't he clearly we didn't have a
problem acknowledging and minimise, and I think there is there
perhaps those who s in their current right
is a lesson here,
It's really important scientifically Langer was one of the few coffers who was willing to speak openly about his hips
and that meant that his mind didn't have to harbour a shameful secret. It didn't happen
worked really hard to
the dreaded. Why weren't hush hush,
meant that lingers mine could relax a bit his brain dead.
To put so much effort into tee.
All those unwanted thoughts concealed because his hips cat
was finally out of the Gulf bag, so to speak,
and what was the result
Langer had a lot more mental energy left for doing what profession
golfers need to do, namely play golf.
Langer was able to develop new techniques to improve his game because he had finally
freed his mind. He had
go of all those ironic processes and his golf gave skyrocketed yet again coming
who's here. Just how powerful that release can be not just for bad golf games,
from life. Changing events here was this big secret? They ve been keeping their whole lives
and here is this opportunity for them to organise
experience and too,
put it into words, and where did they never done before the happiness lab we'll be right back criminal case?
Sixty one turn a general against adult the Son of Adult Carl. I managed fifty four
historians, argue that it took the world nearly twenty years to appreciate the true horror of the Holocaust
the jewish people an offence
section one of the Nazis and not just its April. Eleven nineteen sixty one and eight off Eichmann has just entered his bullet proof. Doc.
At a special tribunal in Jerusalem. Offence Eichmann was facing.
Fifteen indictments for his role in sending millions of Jews to their deaths, nazi war criminals.
And publicly tried before, but this time was different. This time
television cameras were beaming the story to every corner of the globe, and this time
Jews who had seen and survive the genocide, we're ready to take the stand, prevent accord. Please quiet in the courtroom. Do you speak Ebro, Sir? Yes, please placed this
Cap on your had made, the witnesses had never spoken publicly about the horrific cruelty they endured. It was my younger sister and she wanted to live. She prayed
the german police interrogator Michael Goldman Ballade, had helped build the case against Eichmann his own parents and sister
had been murdered by the Nazis, but, like other hull
survivors at that time. Michael had never
spoken of his ordeal, assuming no one would trust his account. It was impossible to believe he had said because it was so horrible ass. She went up to the job. I note with one of her friends. They were embracing each other and she asked till this bad standing bag naked, looked into her eyes and shut the two of them. They fell together in there
embrace Michael, had bottled up his experiences for twenty years. After listening to hour after hour of awful memories pouring from his fellow survivors, he realized that the trial had
come a watershed, historical moment. The Eichmann trial he said, opened our mouths again.
But unlike those who taken a stand against Eichmann many Holocaust survivor
We're still felt they had no acceptable way to share their stories
You know it's hard to talk to your name.
Saying how did I tell you all about my hope, couch experiences. They learn nobody wanted to hear about it. It was just too threatening Jamie Penny Baker. Is it.
Ass, her of psychology at Uti Austin, an expert on the power
expressing our emotions by
mid nineteen eighties. Many holocaust victims had kept silent about their experiences for for whole decades
Jamie wondered what told us had taken on them and what Bennett
its they might receive by sharing
stories instead of suppressing them. He join a project that
vited survivors to give videotape testimony.
But they had endured at the hands of the Nazis and heresies.
Opportunity for them to organise the experience, and
put it into words in a way that they never done before and
they came in. They were interviewed on camera,
and the average interviews about an hour now and have the films at the interviews Jamie conducted.
Captain, a university archive here at Yale.
I arranged to see some of them. It was tougher to hear- and even I expected to begin
could you tell us your name? Your maiden name
for my name is Sir Rosalie shave. I was born and cackled Poland,
and I am a holocaust survivor, Jimmy
asks Rosalie about the appalling things she endured. First
in the ghetto and then in the camp. I am struck time and again
just how determine Rosalie has been to suppress the details. I tried saw had the force their memories away.
You think you're free, successful way out of your mind, telling you the truth
fighting with myself is not good to start something like this and not to bring it out.
For nearly two hours. Rosalie patiently answers question after question, occasionally wiping
way, tears having so
pressed her memories for decades. She finally opens up to recount horrors which seem almost unimaginable to me,
Those were covered with lies were beaten
had to stay in the camp on the rest, completely
like any mice, and they
should every minute somebody ass, it was
credibly hard video to watch. Every act of violence perpetrated by the Nazis is more d,
brave and distressing than the last that at one point,
Rosalie describes watching the ss slaughter in it,
higher orphanage of jewish children in a frenzied massacre that left
the street, outside awash with blood, was very hot,
we ve done in talk, murdered, outstanding job you, where I won't play the worst parts, adversely testimony. I had to stop the tape several times and just get up and go for a walk, but Jamie had to listen,
in real time it was the most moving experience in my life. I it's hard
put into words. I had no clear- I am not a clinical psychologists, and here
in these stories was
really hard on me, and it was almost though yourselves a traumatic experience for me.
Yes seen the depths of the horrors that these people had endured,
you know I had nightmares. I was now all of a sudden, a victim of my own research, but completing the interviews was only the first part of genius work. Jane
wanted to know if the process of sharing memories would have an impact on their survivors
whose lifelong mental strategy had been to tempt down those thoughts and lock them away, but we felt was the experience. Had this proof
the effect on them. A lot of them were self reports in terms of the cave
greater sense well being and happiness.
And also we had some health markers that showed improvements as well immediately
after telling these awful stories survivors felt better
survivors who share the most traumatic memories, are the ones who reported feeling the best.
They had the lowest heart rates and the lowest levels of emotional anguish. Talking about the worst possible things they ever experienced made survivors feel calmer and happier
He asked. How are you feeling and have you been to the doktor recently? He found that survivors who disclosed lots of details in their interviews were healthier. People who evaded talking deeply about their traumas,
survivors who disclosed lots of details in their inner views were healthier. People who evaded
talking deeply about their traumas, went to the doktor almost twice as often it seemed that getting those awful secrets out in the Eu
made survivors, less sick, even a full twelve months later
hard to do really. Control
experiment, because we didn't have another group of Holocaust survivors who did not come into
the control study, it wasn't that impressive, but as a
hey study. It was a profound really was a profound experience by become entry
with this notion that if you have some,
It's bad and you don't want to talk about it. You probably should think about
in about it, or at least writing about it after his own tough experience with Holocaust survivors,
sit down on paper. How upsetting and unsettling he'd found the interviews he found.
Writing process so helpful. He decided to test the
facts of sharing bad memories in a more controlled way, so I thought well, we just get Brendan College students who are taking introductory psychology
even to the lab. They were either wrote about superficial topics or about traumatic experiences for four consecutive days and those people who wrote about the traumatic experiences it was.
Found experience in they wrote about things said.
Anybody would agree with a traumatic experience they weren't kind of the classic.
Some somewhere, these huge humiliation somewhere,
things. It sounded superficial death of Europe of a person's dog. I remember every night
I would go and read all of these stories.
Nay blooming away both sets of students,
the ones who written the stories they had so move Jamie and the groups
set down more mundane thoughts, granted permission for their medical.
It to be tracked for six months and those in the experimental group. Those who wrote about traumas internet point the doktor about half the rate as people in the control conditions when
but were asked right about a deeply troubling dramatics
It's her up, saying experience that they headed talk to other people about it was associated with better physical health that people, when the doktor less dear me in system, got better something that has always stuck with me.
I remember in the months afterwards, as happened at least a couple of times, a student would come up and said
you don't know me, but I was in your experiment on writing and
in my life since June,
initial research back in the nineteen eighties- many
Scientists have the same effects of setting traumatic memories down on paper. There.
Are easily one or two thousand studies that have been done since in across these studies has been associated with reduced,
in simple depression and post, traumatic, stress, disorder,
there has been associated with people, prefer
we better on creative task, doing better on a standardized
like essay, teaser M cats there there mentally healthier and debate.
Illogical markers and been quite an impressive in terms
changes in terms of improvements
damn solve our thrives, mule disorders and cardiovascular changes and so forth. We often tell
solved not to think about events in our lives that are painful. We
dwelling on stuff is not good, and so we see
those bad memories down, but the science of ironic processes
Why that's about idea? It takes work for us to repress those bad thoughts.
And that cognitive work, winds up affecting things like sleep and blood pressure and how
well. We can concentrate on a standardized test, letting those bad thoughts out
and getting them down on paper. Finally,
are tired brains, relax, it's like
opening our little mental pressure cookers to let out some surprise
steam, but there's a
Reason that writing down our bad memories makes us happier writing stuff down, helps us makes sense of things our brains finally get to process and work through some really be
Stuff. I've always been fascinated how people
actually deal with upsetting experience. You know you're almost in a car wreck, you
home. You tell your spouse, your friend, oh my god, you we're not gonna believe would happen by
green and upsetting experience into words. It forces structure it
forces and organisation theirs.
Beginning middle and in hand is now
blowing off steam is not some kind of venting, Gordon Ward. The way many people think about catharsis instead
you are coming to understand the
and also yourself, better writing about your painful emotions, can help you
guys. Those experiences you finally having
she has to make sense of them, cause they're, not bottled up anymore and one
makes sense of upsetting experiences. You
finally get enough perspective to grow from them, and this is something
I find interesting about adversity. They very often adversity having the thing that such negative certainly sucks, but by the same token it has
the potential to be healing and to make us rethink ourselves and rethink our lives. Having what's that,
film of Rosalie ship breaking her
that long silence about the Holocaust I found it
to put her out of my mind. I decided
back down, it turns out she passed away
just a couple of years ago at age. Ninety one
But as I read her many obituaries, I was struck by something Rosa.
You devoted her final years to telling,
we telling her terrible story, she even help to write a book about her experiences.
She and her husband told reporters quote we have to talk about. It rose
We had tapped into an important psychological truth pudding
Painful memories into words can give us the perspective. We need to grow from those events, whether those events happened yesterday or even fifty years ago, but what
there was a way to process those painful events, while they were actually happening. What if we did,
have to show the tough stuff into some mental memory bank- and more,
the courage to deal with it all later, what
we could just work through the pain immediately just feel
All of those bad emotions in the moment and accept them
This might sound like some Zen Jedi master stuff, but
search shows this radical approach to negative. Emotions is possible for every one of us. The Doyle,
simply said to us. If we can also stay,
In a calm mind
any emotion can arise and fall and not be destructive or hurtful.
The happiness lab we'll be right back.
I'm never going to get rid of emotions, but I think I've gotten better at my recovery and I returned back to a call mind a little quicker. I would say yes, Eve: Ekman is the director
Looking at the greater good science centre at you see Berkeley she's, an expert on her
people feel their emotions in the moment and can tackle them head on. I remember very well a friend and call
of mine in the UK and her mother said to me it sounds quite
interesting what you do, but why aren't emotions just better? If we don't talk about them, I think most people believe that, but
Who could never say it to me and with that stiff upper lip that we associate with people in
UK. I think there is an assumption that
the more we metal into our emotions. The more trouble were making so can't we just leave them as they are, and hopefully they'll just go away on their own. Many people
rather just shut their negative emotions off before they happen, but science suggests that may not be
possible. I think the million dollar question that everybody wants. The answer to is how do I stop right in the middle of my emotion and too
I have not found any one. Who is able to do that and eve. His even studied,
the best emotional regulators around
Even in my work with his holiness the Dalai Lama, he describes the difficulty of feeling angry
in responding to anger and he is a
to have anger, come and go, but not to stop it right in the middle
can shut off or feeling midstream not either
the Dalai Lama, the problem is most of us, don't get that we don't realize it's impasse
and so we try really hard to shut off any bad feelings were having in the moment in what does all that
oppression. Do you guessed it ironic processes kick in and make
All those unpleasant feelings even worse, I think, but we know from researches when we are
pressing our emotions or trying to clamp down on them. They actually
a rebound, that's even stronger at a physiological level, meaning it feels more
tensely in our body when we're trying to not show what were experiencing and trying to not fee
he'll what were experiencing. Let's take a closer
look at the science of this rebound effect, an effect that region
there's a found. Clever, though sometimes disturbing
ways to induce and laboratory settings the stand
you're. A scientist James Gross, showed his portes subjects, graphic medical footage of a patient's arm being amputated. Some yours
told to suppress what they were feeling and not
Any outward signs of emotion is the horrific felt play. What did gross find the individuals
tried to follow. This commission were less
We d scrunch up their faces and disgust when watching the videos, but gross also found
that they showed much larger internal emotional responses than the ones who just
Watch the video normally their heart rate, spite they sweated more and they even showed signs
their blood vessels constricting the active trying.
Shut off. Our feelings on the outside makes our in
Colonel arouse a level shoot through the roof
Researchers see similar rebound effects when people try to suppress physically painful experiences. In one study, subjects were asked to stay
their arms and very, very cold water, for as long as they could take and then rate the experience on a scale from
Euro no pain at all to ten maximum agony. One group of subjects was told to ignore their pain. What happened,
they put their hands out of the freezing water. Almost a minute before subjects who are just explain,
the pay. Normally it be one thing if these rebound effects happen,
We and weird psych studies that involve creepy videos and painful tasks
but researchers have also shown the power of these emotional rebounds in everyday situations like in our family life.
Say you have a stressful day at work and you come home
your family still feeling a little worked up,
our minds often tell us to be good to shut those feelings down.
Make sure your spouse in your kids don't know.
You're feeling, but as recent
Your Wendy Bury Mendez and her colleagues have found out. That's pretty much, the worse
thing: we can do men
brought moms cards in their kids into the lab and had parent stimulate a typical stressful work of it? They had to pitch an idea to thereby
who immediately crushes them with some withering criticism. The bruised parents were then,
to play legos with their kids. Half of the parents were told trial,
behave in such a way that your child doesn't know that you're feeling stressed what happen those parents
it certainly took it out on their kids. They were angrier and more upset. They were less responsive to their kids
give them less guidance and behaved less warmly overall,
bad mood deteriorated even further when they played with their kids, but, what's worse, perhaps not surprise,
finally, if that Mendous found the parents rebound effect, also took a toll on their kids,
These kids had less fun and it
on the task just because their parents were trying to hide what they were feeling
so at the end of the day in which we ve been suppressing the entire day,
feel emotionally exhausted, drained depleted, we ve been effort.
Our way away from these emotions. He thinks that if we just felt the emotions rather than trying to suppress them,
we will not be as burnt out after all emotional response
Those aren't in themselves bad from a psychological
point of view we would not want to get rid of emotions that would be
unsafe world for us to live in. We wouldn't have the signal of fear.
Or feel the motivation of frustration to change things. Some of our more do.
Call emotions we'd, rather avoid can sometimes be, of course, our greatest teachers. If we're willing,
look at them and if we have the tools to manage them and a first
to managing them seems to be to deal with negative emotions as they arise, so let's
today I go into the office and I find-
My office is actually occupied with a meeting and my
experiences, a little bit of frustration, but I
to avoid that feeling and I, instead of looking for other places, to sit
do my work, but I'm doing so in this kind of pinched.
Pervaded tight way
So later on that day, when I find that maybe the public transportation on my way home is late and
become very upset. I can't believe that this train is laden what's wrong with
city and then
question to myself. Why am I so upset about this?
and maybe I can trace back to not having really been with a low level of frustration that happened earlier in the day. If I could just accept the fact that
it wasn't the way I wanted it. The rest
of my day would have felt better than I can
have done the exact same thing, which is fine somewhere else to work, but without
this kind of heaviness, or this out this kind of
ongoing residue the process describing here the act of research,
hunting rather than reacting to our emotions, is one that scholars have
preaching for thousands of years way.
Before modern earth was around take Buddhism, for example Buddhist.
Measures have long argued that we're not gonna be able to get rid of all the bad stuff in life. The stress the pain, the occasional negative event.
The Buddha himself realise that these
not going away. In fact,
the continued existence of pain or the Buddhist called Duca is so important that its considered the first of the four noble truths
The Buddhist also realise that our reaction to the pain is some
I can go away that something
can't control. To illustrate this concept, the Buddha told,
famous parable of the second era in the story.
Explains that when something bad happens in life say We
stuck in traffic or get yelled at work. It's like getting hit with an arrow. It sucks
but when we respond to negative events, we also get here with what he called a second arrow. Our reactions we,
magically get really upset, and then we hate
were feeling, so we try to suppress it, which
If things even worse in life, we
always control that first arrow, but the pain from the
Second arrow is totally under our control, whether we freak
or try to suppress what were feeling that
like an arrow, is optional. It's on us either
got a really good at avoiding second arrows.
She even had a one off before
started our interview, so actually, but
where this call I received a pretty confer
email this morning, one that made me feel kind of frustrated and annoyed
and I knew we were going to talk and I wanted to feel more clear and less can have triggered emotionally. So I did it.
Short meditation for myself and
meditation, I focused on
the story of why I'm right and clearly this person is wrong, but I focused on just the felt
station of what it was like to be triggered into feeling, frustration and anger. So I think if we
and start managing and working with our emotions, the opportunities Dar Boundless
mind thinks that the right way to deal with all the unwanted stuff is just a push it out. Just don't do it, don't think it don't feel,
but science shows us
it's, just not how minds work, avoiding
thoughts and emotions causes them to come back with an ironic vengeance, the most effective way to deal with the pain.
Life? All those first arrows is just to let them sting.
Decided to meet again with calling Shin, my friend, the Gulf coach who confessed earlier.
His golf game had gone to pieces,
I and says his Frank admission about the UK's could only have been beneficial, but did Collins golfing form improve
I admit I wouldn't go so far as to say smashing very definitely fell I've
improved. I can pretend to look like a two or three any cap now by confessing he had they yet
by putting it into words and getting out of his head call in was
able to golf better than he had in years.
Maybe I should get a bumper sticker. I had the APS hopefuls game, I think
could have a nice cottage industry of of having golfers with the apes come and pay five hundred hours to sit down for
if an hour might my little finger, Spiller Guts, podcast, recording Hoover Golf confessional off the pie
ass doesn't go anywhere. I know, have another career, I'm kind
hoping that I don't have to make a living counselling, golfers slut, if you
joined, the show and found it useful. I'd appreciate you spreading the word
tell your family and friends and even total strangers, and if you
I came to share well, for me:
this is one time of suppressing your thoughts might be okay, so
whatever you do, don't think about. Listening to the new
episode of happiness lab with me,
The happiness lab is Cohen and produced by Ryan Daily. The show is
next and mastered by Evan, Vila edited by Julia Barton fact, checking by
original music was composed by Zachary Sober special thanks to me all about,
Curly, Mccloy, Heather, Fain, Maggie Taylor, Maya Caning and Jacob icebergs
the happiness lab is brought. You buy Pushkin industries and me doctor lorry centres
a strange thing happened to me in the library, while back I needed to pick up a few books.
This was before the quarantine, a question
was nagging me
It had been nagging me for a long time who killed truth
this truth problem. It isn't just bad. Its deadly
It's also way older than it might seem. This mystery its historical Angela for
and I'm a historian of Harvard and staff later at the new Yorker husband,
out of time, trying to solve mysteries like this one
So anyway, I was at the library
everything seem normal, hum swiped, my card
the elevator down to the basement.
Report volumes of the shelves and then
I saw it
something I never seen before down here.
At the end of the rope.
Hidden in the shadows,
green door. There was a sign on the door, a tarnished breastplate,
We barely make out the words. It read the letter
tv and radio confuse hello
hello. How are you,
no one's there,
the voice from the past
places great. We waited very firewall, heralded the discovery which assured and want to ban time granted it in here
these long before Karuna Virus a congressional debate about the government's role in developing a vaccine. Is there any other term for them as socialized medicine, hold horror movies therein here to punch cards from the forgotten history of the National Data Center at work referred to as being that work is now operating in records of records
bird songs, considered America foremost Songbird, hermits rush
all these voices from the past sound
Nobody is heard for decades
Maybe somewhere in this vast last archive this corridor of the mind, find what
an answer to that question.
I decided to start a podcast, it's called the last archived hotel.
a hundred years, a history of America and our army.
It's not truth and evidence
Have you any order, found Mimi back here I'll leave the door unlocked. The last archive coming
brought to you by Pushkin industries,
Transcript generated on 2020-05-26.