Hey prime numbers. You can listen to the vanished ad free on amazon, music download the app today. I think he knew I think he chose it right before you have missing. We took a picture for my mother. For christmas of our families, are spouses are children and, Michael you flew haunts, or it he was very adamant about wearing orange. He was very adamant about certain things in the picture. He was a little obsessed with the born I. Any the movie, the born identity- and he asked me once what would you do if you have called- and I wasn't here- So what do you mean if I just disappear? So I can see in this work. in the door and be like hey. I know been missing for twenty years. Sorry about that, but I can see it

Go wallace was a twenty nine year old massachusetts native living at menlo park, California, with a bright future and full life ahead of him he had granted. from one of the most elite universities in the world and didn't have to worry about finding a job. So when he disappeared without a trace his family had to wonder, did he choose to It was this fascination with a born identity. More than just a dream did he see, answers in a monastery after studying buddhism for several years. We don't, all the answers to these questions, but this is a compelling MR fine story of a bridge it man who wanted to find answers to his own internal struggles for himself and others but vanished before that happened and has not been seen since February. Fourth, two thousand three on the and from wondering this is episode. Three hundred and forty one of the vanished,

go wallace's story. Academy award nominee carry mall again and eminent These are a week as storing she said as new york times, reporters Megan, toohey and Jodi kantor, who together broke one of the most portance stories in a generation, a story that shattered decades of silence around the subject of sexual assault in hollywood and ignited a shift in american culture that continues to this day. The film co stars oscar nominee, patricia. Hark sin emmy winner, Andre brower and tony winner, Jennifer ellie, cadmium war, nominee, Samantha Morton, she said, isn't theatres now, Michael wallace wasn't just gifted. He was extraordinary.

Entire life was described to us by so many as a dream that most people could only hope to experience. He had a close tightly net family who lived on a street named after their ancestors and were among the fifth generation to live in an enclave west of Boston called lemon stir where he grew up. Michael was the third child of wrath and angelo all ass. He had two older, siblings, Gary and kim that he shared close relationships with, along with many exe, did family members, Michael's, father passed away at just fifty one years old after suffering. Us anne and fatal heart attack on April twenty. Second, ninety. Ninety nine Michael's father had been a career fire fighter and his death devastated. The Wallis family, but especially his youngest son, Michael one of the people we spoke to is Gina Michael's cousin. I thank him

dad passing. He didn't understand it. Dad was so young and his god was so healthy. Dad would run every day. Ten miles was nothing to him. His dad didn't put her narcotic in his body. Ever he didn't drink like he was just a healthy, healthy guy, and he passed away early in that for Michael. He didn't understand why he just didn't get it, and I think that took a in his brain a little bit. He was mentally struggling with his dad passing and things within his life. You just don't know where he was delay, because you never did you never knew where he was mentally because we always put on that happy face. We spoke to me people who know and love Michael and one of them, is another cousin carry whose father was a fighter alongside Michael's dad. She told us how deeply his death affected the family uncle ralph death had an effect on

everyone around him. He was such a driving force in family and I mean my uncle ralph- was so poor, out of Michael, and there was a lot of pressure that came from uncle ralph. You know I got away with a lot of things. I grew up no loving, music and dressed weird and had weird air and uncle ralph would always say I love it. Do whatever you want, because at the end of the day. You're, not my daughter, you're, not I kid so he was always the uncle that encourage me to be weird, because he wasn't my dad and then would just look at my dad and shaken and be like. That's your daughter, not mine. You know, my dad. Never really was the same after uncle Ralph died either he was believable shapes a fire fighter jogging every day, a working out in his german. The basement, my my uncle was a massive kind of wall of a man

was actually working at the radio station when the word got out and they they called me work to tell me that he had passed and I drove back two lemons turbine as fast as I could. As soon as I got off the air to meet the family, and everyone was at unavailing, ogle, MIKE's house genus parents house down the street with with any engine waiting for her to get back because she was away, it was just no one could believe it, because uncle Ralph was so full of life. From it. He was famous and lemon stir because he was over it's jogging miles and thousand and miles of jogging people used to given tee shirts, because it was free advertising because he would just jog everywhere. So is it was such a horrible thing that that he passed so young I ran the boston marathon in twenty nineteen and I'm not runner and enjoy it, but I, but I did it anyway and Annie and gave me

some of uncle ralph hat tens that. I pinned on my marathon bab and jerry was, at the finish, I'm waiting for me and care and Gary Annie, and they were all like you know. Ralph would be so proud of you lotta health issues growin up that uncle ralph was always so supportive of. I spent a lot time in the hospital as a kid and so the idea that I would grow up and run a marathon. It's not something anyone would have expect ed and- and I made sure that I had uncle ralph with me when I ran that day, Michael's dad left. Indelible mark on many for sure, but his death impacted Michael's life significantly when his dad died. It was devastating for all of ass. He was my god father. It was my dad's best friend that was a real shock to all of us

and I know it affected everyone differently. I can't imagine how that affected Michael, but I didn't hear a lot before his dad passed away about how much he was actually struggling for the next several years. Michael, would fight the internal battles he had been struggling with for a long time which we will explore. Were deeply later in the episode, but ultimate It was some time on February. Fourth, two thousand three that he vanished and hasn't been seen or heard from again by this point in Michael's life had married and relocated to California, Michael and his wife had separated and Michael, living with a roommate Michael, was planning a trip back to boston but lost his passport. My made plans with as estranged wife to help him get to the dm v to obtain identification so that he could fly to Boston, Michael's mom, and

They told us what she knew of the plans Michael was making immediately before he disappeared, is white cod We talked to him monday night, tuesday was gonna, get with her and she was gonna help him get his idea organize everything to come home and he had lost his passport, which ended up coming back to us a couple of days later, someone found it nailed it, but she called on Friday and asked if I had heard from him- and I said I thought he was with you and that's how we found out the three days later. I think I just went nuts. and I was I was due to the law on em habitat trip the next morning. And I wasn't going to go and the two friends I was going with well, if you don't go we're not going to go and it was their rotary and habitat that then hooked it. All and I went, and I did go whose Kim said I'll go. I want your new going, your trip, so I said: ok if go and help people with habitat someone's helping Michael.

So while Angela was honour trip, Michael's older sister Kim immediately flew to california to look for her brother before the trail went cold, so we attack, I like. I don't know for hours on. We talk forever night before the night before and the next day he was supposed to his wife was supposed to come and help just to get to the rmb to get an id. So he could get an idea to fly home so. You're gonna take the train to the eye, v ger get a ninety and by a plane to consumers. can help him do that and he called cancelled on her elena had come to the house. That night before to give him a ride. He said, no, I don't need a ride. My guess is he just didn't want to see her. He couldn't did by. I found on his bank account that he did by that. And ticket to get him. Those three stops to get to the armed they, but he never went his room had come back in

and I thought you were going to rmb and and Michael was lying on. The couch with his hand over his eyes, and I tried and the ticket to the train was still on the table right next to him, and that was the last time his roommate had seen him. So, a couple of days later, his ex wife had called and said, have you heard from Michael? He said what he wasn't, is supposed to go with you to get his idea in you and I happen to get home. We ve been waiting for that call, and she said now he called and cancel so then we said a kind is phone and recycling and that's when I think it was this I don't know, that's irony and then I'm asleep for weeks, and we just hacked into everything in my husband and I, then just searched every. Whenever we ve seen in his ex wife, a couple of and then waste install along every place that I knew he went into the hall was communities went to Stanford went to Palo alto because that

where his mail box was in every place, I found on his phone recurrent theme. That there any anybody you talk to him. We drove to happen moon bay because there was a house down there. with the name of somebody that was new and his name was while I said yes, It is really we hide a private investigator. We pretty much exhausted all resources, you no real, quick. All he did was take three in jars, his bank account, which is perfectly normal. He still had a lot of money left in there. There was a regular withdrawal for him and nothing else. Nothing else was moved its belief that Michael left his home on foot some on February. Fourth, two thousand three This is to vehicles a porch and an awful romeo spider were left behind at his home. Where Michael was

had. It remains a mystery to this day. However, we do know that Michael took some items with him when he disappeared, including as medications phone and his grandfathers dog tags came, told us more his fallen that he called us on. All the time was missing, we have been able to. Not in it went dead. It was we left messages and then it went dead. So we have never found that I didn't find his wallet and I think that's what All of us all of us want to ban- and I know he loved affordably talk about all the time, so that and the man's like, I didn't, find We have that in the room in his apartment, the roommate was kind of new too. So we didn't have a big interaction with him and his best friend had gone over and packed everything up a couple weeks later after he did am home, so you'd only been in this apartment in seventy offer, not very it also. It was kind of still everything

ray he had. A jimbo that was my dad's that was filled with pictures and in soft like that like important, thus stuff that would have been important to it. So he had that an boxy. He loves, box just sort of like he had moved stuff in there and hadn't really impacted cause. I don't think he knew if he was gonna be staying or what so was sort of just in limbo. He just wasn't a wasn't a home. He had my grandfather's dog tags, which I have never found again, which are very important to him. Two months after Appearance came returned home without many answers, and Angela told us that it started to become a reality for her that Michael hadn't, just fine. off the radar or stopped communicating with his family when it came to birthdays his birthday today after mine in April, I didn't get a call and mother's day I didn't get a car, so is starting to sink in that he, you probably wasn't gonna call come home, so

the emotions of everything of where he is and what he's doing I just don't know depends on the day when I think Michael's cousin carry explained that when king returned from California she did all could do to help from their home base in Boston. I think I've found out from my mom who had and out from from his mom and from cam I had moved out of town and was living Like an hour away, I was working in Boston and I had gotten a call that mike was missing and at first it was like. I wasn't worried the way that you would worry of a little kid went missing because he was an adult, so. I remember calling cam and she had told me that she was gonna go to

california, and I have tried to get the time off to be able to go with her, but I couldn't get it I'm off. I didn't have enough vacation time, or there was something going on at the radio given that I worked out at the time that I was not able to get as much time off to be able to go, because I don't Then she knew when she was coming back. At that point, I just remember saying, like obviously I have a lot. Friends in california, because I work in the music industry. If there's any I can do to help get the word out. I had a pretty good following the radio station. I worked out and was leg just how can I help? I just want to be. involved in any way that I can so just Let me know what I need to do, but I felt really bad that I was unable to go with her immediately when she left to go to california look forum. I know that she's gone out a couple of times and I've done everything that I could to help get the word out over the years

is just through all the different channels that I have available through my job but tom I understanding and knowledge. There wasn't any kind of weird thing that would have tipped people off where he, you know emptied bank accounts or there weren't these red flags. I I just thought it was Michael, kind of just going away to get his head together, and maybe there was a friend are we didn't know about and that he just didn't tell anybody where he was going, but at first the idea that he was missing and that something could be wrong. The way That's something would go wrong if it were obvious that he was the victim of a crime. You know robbery of home. Invasion. Just anything like that. I just thought:

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Three pushing streaming service- has critically acclaim. True crime, doc. You series as well as such did shows that you'll love all with an international twist. I was, watching a series called the missing children, a topic original, the missing children exit discovery of eight hundred bodies of missing children, which was covered up by the church that was response for the children's initial disappearance and trafficking. This true crime, doc, you series is from the headlines of the new york times and washington post and is still an open case Their showed a check out is dark woods inspired. a real life case, dark woods, nereids, a police officers, three decades search for a sister who disappeared the real officer at the centre of the story, was an adviser to the show. Topic also has the classics like eileen, though if and death of a serial killer, the notorious sex worker who killed six men nineteen, eighty, nine, ninety ninety and more altered

they're always warring arrive as it you can watch as me. Does you want whenever you want without a single commercial for one low monthly price of five, ninety nine there's always. They knew to discover new tv shows and movies are added every week, subscriber topic, dot com and get a special. Fifty percent off your first two months with code vanished, will more time subscribe, topic, dot com and get a special. Fifty percent off your first two months with code vanished michael's disappearance is an easily explained because there are many factors that could have played a role in what happened to him. So well. You ve heard a lot of names and events

haven't yet been explained. We have to go back through his life to explore all of the people, places and possibilities that ultimately lead to michael vanishing. When we talked with Angela, we asked her to tell about Michael's younger years from a mother standpoint while it's always ahead? I think he learned from the other two too much too fast. Fourth grade we took on an apple computer to his school and brought a tv in, as he had wrote, a little program that the kids could answer. Questions was if it was wrong and bell have a bell if it was right, whatever they answered. So you know he started back, then he was pretty outgoing, but again he had a two and a half and a three and a half year old, siblings that when he was born at? How will they were accidentally funny that you could have three children and everyone be different personality wise? There are completely different

It was a combination of the two. My daughter is more outgoing, my son Gary. It was a lot quieter, but still brilliant, because of Michael and Kim are outgoing. They all got along. No, that was pretty good. We did a lot lot of sports, keep them busy, so they had started trouble. He liked learning and he loves. You did like a sports. He was on the computer a lot at home. When will we finally got one liked his friends in the neighborhood they played in our backyard. Michael's mothers, family. The amigos have deep roots in lemon star and have lived there for more than five generations Michael's cousin gina, with whom he was especially close, told us about unique community, a family and close friends in which they were raised MIKE They are three months apart, mom and my mama sisters so

the hamon. I grew up together with very very close, my mom and her sister Angela, very close. Together. We live and a community, where we just I got along, which is unique in the large family. But you know you didn't get along that day. My grandfather was wondered. If they get over it, your family, you need to move forward so we is all learn to do that. We all did learn to be together and we lived mike finally on the home on Amigo, which is his name as his brothers, to be older and have their own family. They build houses behind him. Then blue five houses on that street. That was Amigo ev. It is since turned to a different kind of a community where you know loved ones have passed on, so we ve sold houses two different people, we know, but they still within our extended families. We take care of each other for sure, Michael

cousin carry is just six months apart in age, from Michael and told us about the carefree childhood she remembers with him, grow my goal and I in his brother Gary and a lot of the other neighbourhood kids we were those kids that went home when the street lights were on or Michael's mama I'd mother on the edge she had cowbell and it was like and you could hear it in the neighborhood, and so if it was time for Michael d go home or if I were eating dinner over there, when you heard the cow, we went running. We were always riding bikes and watch movies together, member watching jaws with them in a totally haunted. My choice old hood at some of the old. Brothers of some of their kids that we played within the neighbourhood used to call MIKE mad dog, because he was the why child. He was the one that was always pushing the boundaries and he was a baby and his family

he kind of always got away with everything that was kind of what made it fun an exciting growing up together. Is there we always we're trying to get into the open trouble, but a lot of time I was the only girl, so I didn't get in as much trouble as he did. It was just always trying to pull the bike apart, pull now that the bike into willie and jump over some thing. There was a giant sand pit in the back yard that we always were throwing rocks in play. And there was always a tree for it. I remember way back when we were kids that there were old, playboy magazines that got found somewhere that were stashed and plastic bag under some rocks and leaves in the back yard. In the woods it was just that kind of innocent childhood on. you could get away with back then, when your parents couldn't find you they went hiding in the woods that you just had a time you were,

was to come home and it was either How bell or their street lives and don't be late. Michael, was that kid in school. That literally was involved in everything. He was super smart he played football which, in our home town growing up football, ruled above all else he was really handsome. So all the girls were always fawning all over him and even though he was you're behind me in school. I was in between his elder brother, Gary and Michael, and there are both really good looking so in people find out that I was called unquote, related to them because I always grew up calling them my cousins. There was always does he have a girlfriend. Michael was always involved with everything. I just remember him always doing something constantly being busy and while my upbringing was centred more around the music, I listen to and kind of track. We didn't get us

a lot of time together through sports, because I wasn't a cheerleader, but we always kind aside other, in the halls, even though we didn't share a lot of friends, it's not that big of a town, so we we're always kind of each other's business, use a football player or so the cheerleaders were always around, and there were just always questions about does he have a girlfriend, is he still dating so and so, and he was just one of those kids in school that was Joe, handsome. So many got a lot of attention not only for his looks, but for his smarts of athletic ability as well, but one of those people that was able to have friends with a lot of different groups of people in school because he was annulled. advanced classes, yet he would get out of school and be at football practices She caught a everybody in everybody knew him. We also spoke to Michael's older brother, gary

and he shared that his memories of michael growing up centered around sports friends and family his tune out years younger yeah. We always played sports, we did stuff in the yard. We played hockey basketball, baseball soccer pledges, but everything in the yard, with neighbors and other things, but we were in the same age group in a sense that we would always do the things that got together in the neighborhood, a michael's, very outgoing, a very confident and you get along with everybody, he's a good kid very popular, and when we played sports and stuff a a feldman different sports, he was able to played very well hockey football of as a sport they chose later on. He was the president of his class captain of the football team and he get to be a senior captain of the track team. He was captain the basketball team, even the younger michael, was the youngest of angeles, three

Children in Kim came told us that he is the classic youngest child personality. Michael actually is very exceptional, so Michael shone like from from the minute he was born. He excelled adjust everything and he wasn't pressured to he just pressured himself. So he was the cap of all the teams who played on. He was always the star athlete in the one score in them all. Schools and the one that was most looked up to and the money had the most friends and just really really optional harvard actually came to him and wanted him to go there. We up in a very close family. We spend every weekend at our grandparents. We were surrounded by in the family holidays and events. We still do that my husband's actually from new zealand and moved here, because our family is, is just that close and connected I'm going to tell you. It was basically idea link. So what I've come to terms with

now that I'm fifty two is that I was kind of not ignorant but sort of coddled and loved and protected. the rest of the world and in a lot of the a lot of ways that some people are there were where maybe not used to- and I think that's a big part of Make he's been missing for so long prior to attending college, Michael excelled in athletics and clear that he was academically gifted but Kim told us, never really expressed a desire to work in any specific field. He didn't really talk a lot about what he wants. to do, and even when you went to harvard they tested him to see what he should be. So my dad was a fire fighter. A lot of the men in my family, firefighters. You never really aspire to anything like that. He just really wanted to be successful. I don't think it mattered. We were brought up with computers very early in fact, ion and develop running on a computer store, and my other brother works a harvard now and runs their windows infrastructure for the business schools over kind of all door ex. But I don't

Remember him ever really having an aspiration to be anything in particular he just he just he loved research, love, to learn any love to win any love to just be the best means of swedish I ll ever me in there and I still have people twenty years now it they'll com, say all became south me launcher. Oh, I was so am I with him or he wishes. The best guy I mean he's is an exceptional human. He really, as you can by a smile he's just he's just a good guy. As michael approach, the end of high school, weight of attending one of the world's most prestigious universities must have been weighing on him. He was certainly bright enough and was also ethically gifted, but from everyone we talk too. He seemed to feel like he wasn't good enough or that he needed to be fixed. Angela told us that she noticed a change in Michael's behaviour.

But one day shortly before highschool graduation, it came to a head. You see here. Are you not? I thought it was senior right, as in all other kids get a little a little off when they're getting ready to leave high school and go to college or whatever, but one day We came home, sat down and said I can't make it through the day of school. I thought what are you talking about and he was like just I just can't make it through the day. I don't feel like. I can make it I, so I don't know how to help you we've got to talk to. Buddy and then, when his father came home, he stopped talking about it, but that the next day was the only day. It was us psychologists at school. Once a month a psychologist came so he went and talk to him. That's how it started going three weeks. We all went to therapy the whole family, which was good him by himself some time other times. All of us and Michael wanted a quick fix, so he sent him to a psychiatrist who, Michael

right away liked because he had just graduated from harvard and Michael just got his acceptance to have it Andy turned eighteen, the next it so he wanted to go to the hospital and get a quick fix, He was forty eight days in the hospital and address, try a different cocktail drugs. They had a mine prozac and it didn't work so they took life. He had to crash from that and then they stand Amanda well beaten and lit the bid, and over the years he had changed it himself with other doctors. But after forty eight days his whole fourth quarter at school. Doktor teaches us that always done enough in the past high school to learn enough He was fine, you didn't have to make up any classes or anything. The vice president talked at the the graduation and said him because he had just gotten out of the hospital.

He wouldn't let any of the friends come visit him in the hospital, except for my my niece one girl, which was a good friend and his coach and the vice president of his class. Another good friend, who is only a few, that he would lead in. Has he didn't want everybody to think it was that stigma, yet he was crazy or something I think people at schools, thirty will went to a smart class or something doctor told him tat. He was fifty percent chance. He would have other episodes, but when he did, they will be every two or three years at the time that Michael, hospitalized. Mental health was still heavily stigmatized even more than it is today. family, members and friends, were kept in the dark at Michael's request about his hospital stay Kim shared. What she saw in Michael's behaviour I got diagnosed with major depression, They call that nineteen years ago, not a big fan of labels. He showed

signs of mania through the years, and he definitely start the anxiety in the years before he went missing, especially in the path and the couple days we re missing. He really was having a hard time beyond the anxiety when he was in high school. He started to show signs of depression which the time we we kind of understood, because in the eightys we had a lot of suicides alarmin star and wooing early about it. But we hugged July, and it happened in the news- was here, and it was a big deal and three years later, Michael comes along and is suffering from depression, but this kid's going to harvard and he's president of the class and he's captain of the football team he's got all these friends. Why would he be depressed and that in itself that's what I say when I go speak to the kansas is that you know he did. He had no the stigma right away because he's loved his arm supported he's, not jobs are alcohol was imbued, there's nothing, there's nothing makes him the depressed except the chemicals in his head, so that

why we do michaels right now and that's why we tell talk about him and do the story, but behind that we're still missing him and we still been looking for him for nineteen years and it's exhaust saying that you need to do something with the energy, and this is what we choose to do. He was hospitalized then in a pretty good hospital and we didn't we talk about it with other people, but the hospital talked to us about it and explain the chemical imbalance to us and told us about the process of finding meds and finding his balance and how this was gonna, work and I just couldn't understand how could he knew no answer dr, your question and be so brilliant, but yet he couldn't understand why he would be depressed. It made him that alone. He wanted to solve that. You want to solve himself and everybody else. Michael's family was deeply, concerned about his health and what the future look like for him. Gary explain that Michael struggles, didn't and with his hospitalization, but there he

I knew he needed help, sought it out and wanted to find a cure for the mental health challenges. He often battled my father was firefighter and he had good insurance and he literally get help it illinois impatient for awhile. Now we get ten years out of them that never would have happened if he didn't get the help he needed at the time busy. It was. If switch went off right around the new year that year, he just all of a sudden started to. If I don't feel right, I don't feel I feel sick. I feel something's wrong with me. I don't know what it is. I just can't I don't feel like. I can function all of a sudden. I had a conversation with him, came home from college and went to break, and I was talking to him and he was saying this as a soccer mom and dad. Let's see, let's see what this illness, which you can give, because I'm not sure what what's been going on, but he always want to think that there's some reason for it like something happened or some traumatic event happen. But it's just that's what this? What mental illnesses that the brain chemistry just

time just clicked and something didn't or didn't, feel right, and then, from that point on, he had struggles every time he had struggled. It was usually in that time frame that time of year january, through I dunno january through march april, it seems like seasonal. You know he had. He definitely had medications and when they experimented a few different medications between january and he seemed to be stabilise, then he had another bout in his junior year, which was three years later, so there was definitely some times when he he struggled when he first had it people would. You know someone asked him a question like hey. What are you taking project? Like is the case? Don't don't talk about this and that's not it's not something that should be frowned upon, and I guess that I would. I would hope that nowadays people that realize that that is part of the through the support of the people there, everybody has some level of mental health. Gina could see that Michael was so afraid of people perceiving him as unstable or unhinged that he came up with a store

to explain why he was missing school during his time in the hospital. In When I visited him at the hospital, he said that they were giving him medicine to sleep and he was seeing things. So I'm not sure if it was like a medically induced type. Duration, but later on, as we got older- and he was talking more about how we hear the voices in his head commit it didn't sound leg, psych hata cloisters at that time. It was more like people. How can we mean to do things? People are telling me to think about things, and it was almost like extra thought than his brain but now that I'm older and I've done my education around it and all that mental health stuff in my life I realize that he really could have been hearing voices in his head. He was always trying to fix things Michael and I were close. He was you know, captain of the football team. I was captain of the cheerleaders right, so we were.

we're in that picture, her fake, very close family, but it wasn't. You know No, it's not always like that. You know it is always a aside side, something that people don't know right. They only see the surface stuff. They choose the second staff and Michael always knew that he only knew and people sought a surface. So if it looks good, it was good so when he went into the hospital in senior year, and people said he was visit holidays. He wanted that to be the story. He wanted people to just think that where, on that, in colleges, gas and it didn't have anything to do about where he went school or how smart was it was I dont want people to think. I'm crazy cause, I'm hearing boy, So he only let a few of us come visit him. I think it michael D we're trying to make people understand that on the surface it doesn't matter what you look like or who think you are things happen and it's ok to say it.

We can only imagine the pressure Michael must have felt when he emerged from his hospitalization healthy and ready to move to college Michael's. Cousin, carry told us at attending harvard was life changing for all of the family. Michael going to Harvard was such a huge moment for the family. member his parents were so proud. The fact that he got to play football was a huge thing as well. But Harvard obviously does have all its eggs in its athletic team basket that it's such a prestigious academic school that it just was this perfect situation for Michael, where he would be challenged academically but still be able to play football, which is saying that he loved to do as well- and I the year ahead of him. So I had already started college and was going to school in boston already, and so it was awesome that he was gonna be not far away at harvard. Cambridge is a pretty enter.

Plays, and you ve got these two amazing institution. of higher learning right next to each other, with harvard and mit and there's just so many schools. in around the boston area that you've got this kind of clash of college kids that for a lot of them, are away from their parents. For the first time, for my goal, being away from home could be hard being in a big city as opposed to how we grew up in our town where, because our fathers worked on the fire department did his grandfather, so we grew up were kind of everyone knew who we were and Everyone knew our families, and so I could see that being difficult. When you get thrust into a major city, that is filled with millions of people and you're getting exposed to all different people from all walks of life and death out of a smaller town. The way we grew up the size of the pond that the fish swimming in

you know it was a hard adjustment for me and I don't struggle with mental health issues, so I can imagine being difficult from Michael and with the pressure is of an academic schedule at heart heard and being part of the athletic programme. I can see how all of those things combined could be incredibly overwhelming from Michael for sure I and even imagine the kind of pressure that he was under there was just so much optimism for michael getting accepted to harvard it's, not something that was very common. Coming from our town and everyone had such pride in him I can see the pressure of the possibility of food. hell you're being overwhelming for him and then also playing football on a college level and maintaining the the work. That's me

to succeed at both academic and athletic? That would be allowed for anyone Gary explain that harvard is known globally as an elite university. Its form were down to then what most people think we asked Gary, what michaels during his time there organizational psychology organizational psychology is kind of a little bit of a blend. It's not like a one on one you're, just doing psychology by yourself, so organizational psychology would be like someone in hr might be someone who knows organizational psychology, it's how people interact with each other as well as just individuals by themselves. I've been working hard for less than the last twelve years. Yeah much of the mystique is there, but that's it. That's our mistake and that's all it really is the people there are very genuine in their actually half the kids are from public school half from private schools, all the stuff that you hear about it, not really that.

as you in terms people say it is doctors had warned Michael when he was in high school, that it was likely that he would experience further cycles of depression later in life, and this did in fact, happen when he was at harvard, sophomore year at harvard during his exams he went through another cycle of depression it started showing signs of you know real struggles and he talked to harvard about it and funny enough. They completely understood it and told him you need to find his balance of his meds, that they told him don't take your finals cause. They understood what was going on. Take them in a spot fall instead, so he did. He came home for three weeks and we walked a lot when when he came home, even though walking was good for him when he called me too many times, I drive into Boston or cambridge and walk with him and that helped a lot for him, and that was it

out outlet at the time, and he went on he graduated from loud in ninety five with a degree and organizational psychology, jerry told us Michael life, change dramatically when you finish school with two major life events. His marriage their subsequent move across the country to telephone yeah. He had a government a married to her and they moved up there together, shoes from Spain, so she really had no roots anywhere near invests its uses. He just look for a job there. He had a job here. He was working for a forced to research which has an ip research company. So he looked job out there and get a job up there and then moved out there. I don't think he was really worried about getting a job. The harvard degree does carry a little bit of a weight on his wife. He met after college she's very obvious how a fashionable she was young. Like him, she was nice enough. I mean she tried to help Michael. I definitely think that she was and she did what she could album. I don't think she would be used to what was happening to him or understand it cause. You may not have gone up with somebody who had that issue.

You have three graduated college- he moved to san Francisco area because they on the bay area. They don't have really a they. Don't have the four seasons they have seventy degrees every day, because they're they're moderate about the temperatures of the water. He thought that would be the the moderation of the temperature might be. You know help them cope a little bit better, but I'm not sure that that really played into it as much. That's why I say when it's when to say seasonal, I'm not sure it was really seasonal adjustments. Somehow it ended up being that time of year and it ended up being, maybe because of it could just be because of the time of year, like after new years, you start a new year. Things like that, I'm not sure, and- and I don't think it was that as much as the chemistry can leave us a bit more detail on Michael's merits, they met in Boston. She didn't speak any english michaels, very the girls love the uniform, so he you know he's always been, I suppose I'll. You know just a lover. She is very fashionable and we saw how they would come home a lot on the weekends and they came on

for every holiday and stuff. So we would see them but, like I said she didn't speak very good english. I was just sort of kind of broken conversations and we laughed a lot. We have a huge family, so she, elena Is here and they met and they love Boston and they got married at the ducklings and we still talked to atlanta. My mother knows cause my mother talks to everybody cause. That's my mother, but Michael, had a huge problem with the and I have some emails that they exchanged. She I, and when, even when I flew out there she when he went missing, I stayed with her. The first night, because I just want to get a reading about her. We knew but even speak list when they first met and she was like everybody get depressed like she doesn't understand the way Michael sufferers and she felt really horrible for hurting

come on in wanted to help, but he was kind of ignoring her and he didn't think that he he thought she was toxic and really she is cause people that treat people like that are MIKE he's not used to that or wasn't used to that so and really understand- and I remember having many conversations with him, especially in the weeks before you were missing, you love people the way you love people not because of the way they love you. We didn't speak to Michael's former wife directly because my his family told us that, while they still keep in touch with her on a regular basis, she preferred not to give an interview with that in mind, Michael hasn't Gina told us something we have not heard from anyone else that explain Clearly, what was going on between Michael and his wife. what was a visual marriage? It was enough, I'm not sure It was a lovely marriage. It was a good for the show of that. I never was convinced that it was a love thing. I think that in michael sharing with me that she had slept with his

in florida. I don't know if that actually happened or not, or if that was a perception in the brain, I'm pretty sure it did happen, but that's me having that feeling right. So they had like couples therapy a couple of times and could she have said something to trigger him, Currently, I think if he cares about someone enough and they say, coming to him. He takes it and he listens to it. What her words were and what his actions are are two different things, though, because I think she often said things and he didn't act on them, but he took it to heart because again, Michael wanted to know the details like. Why would you say that to me, as we worked our way through interviews and the documents Kim sent to us, we followed Michael's breakdown, leading up to his disappearance through two key events and his wife's.

Fidelity was one of them carry also has distinct memories of Lena that she shared. I just remember thank gang. Of course, Michael, fell in love with it's beautiful international woman and, of course, she finds Michael attractive in he was putting language skills to use, and I studied spanish school, but wasn't very good at it, and I remember being impressed that Michael could so easily kind of speak spanish with her but I didn't spend an awful lot of time with her it. I dont remember exactly when I met her for the first time I kind of remember her being quiet Michael being the louder than life character that he always was irene or you know him, excited for me to meet her because we grew,

together and excited for me to talk about some of the stories from our childhood. From what we learned about Michael, he seemed like a unique acts of an introvert and extrovert all in one. That was something we have earth again when his mom shared with us how he met his wife, so spontaneously moved, and then back into some of the same mental health challenges he had experienced earlier in life. His wife, when he was Mary, went up in habits, queries went up to her said hi. My name is Michael and they started talking and they went out for a couple of years and then got married for the four and then separated you know they moved out to san francisco because it was the only other cool place to live any The sunshine would help him. I knew he was moving away from his support group, which was us back

they get, he could handle any winning. You know with her and they did fine for a while, but every three years you seem to have an episode a couple of times. He it was ok and in the last time there was like Jim said, there was too much nine. We mention two key events that occurred in Michael's life within a fairly short period of time. Aside from the break up of his marriage, Michael was facing challenges at work. Where he was a talented employee, but the dynamics of working at a fast pace office environment at the heart of the tech industry seem to burden him he was consumed by negative performance evaluation that he received hears came when he came home, Bulgaria's wedding in the fall. I think here and even I don't love you didn't ask for vacation in a while, but he came home. I remember being a paw room, even my conversations with making about it. I don't know

the whole. Sorry I just know had something to do with a woman and his boss, and he had these glowing reviews for years and years and years and then all of a sudden, this guy says, gives up a bad review. He was fighting it because he there it was that in just so. He had a lawyer here and even talked about coming back where'd you get his lot agree so that he can find it. So that was a big another big thing for him. They say he had a relationship with a woman his friend, but her partner was a husband. A boyfriend was was the one It left a bad review and it had something to do with that. So it was like a. It was like a jealousy thing, which is. You know, word that we're supposed to be adults now, but you know now that you're an adult that it still happens. So that's what he felt. I think it was sean and he literally I have boxes and boxes of just emails and pass reviews,

now, this stuff. He was looking for another job like you, Is he didn't want to work and in a place like looking one week, corporate amerika rain. He didn't want to work, for we have meetings about meetings in is accomplished as he wanted to be. He ain't gonna work from people that would do that too however, unfortunately, that the world we live in, so we don't know the specifics of what was going. with Michael at work, but in one no kim wrote the following: Michael's fight son microsystems, one individual in particular, he felt unjustly targeted over his platonic relationship with a woman, this man's partner in any ace michael, was building a case against son at the time of his disappearance. One his many stressors. We know he felt very Only about it other documents we were able to of you indicate that there were many factors found in his work environment that appear to be weighing on Michael

Felder. So many of these things need to be fixed in arms. One thing we have followed throughout Michael story, regardless of his job. Michael didn't have to worry about money. He'd made plenty of that and could get a job anyway. Those marriage ending and unsatisfactory job seem to significantly impact his life. He had so many opportunities ahead of him and was soon only in his twenties the divorce and problems at work highlighted. The fact That Michael was thousands of miles away from everyone. He knew best when gear visited Michael. He saw the old pal,

of mentally unhealthy behavior, surfacing again in his brother. He definitely had manic episodes where he would get very high, especially at night, and then you know if he burned himself out, then he. He literally said that I want to stay up as much as as long as I can, because of a from the great ideas right now. I want to do all of it right now, while I'm thinking good while thinking well and then he would next morning he would wake up, and he was just very quiet and very silent Meanwhile Kim explained that there were other factors contributing to Michael's ongoing struggle. He was still reading the loss of their father and Kim had lost her own child from medical complications, and he had been Michael's cherished godson Michael cycles of depression could be managed with medication and Michael knew that, according to what came to ass. He started going through more cycles. Five years earlier, I lost a child to heart problem, Michael

we talked alone. He talked to my mother and I mostly about his struggles with depression. Has he didn't feel like most people understood it? Might new, that he needed medicine to balance, has chemistry simple as that he used to apologize all the time because he thought his depression was a burden to us. He used to think it was exhaust How can you be? Ok, you lost a child because we don't suffer from a chemical imbalance that tells us we want to die and he it for him to try to make that work in it. and just was just exhausting. He just can't you just can't do it. He can. He and he would always apologise if you like. I'm sorry, I'm such a burn. I'm sorry, I'm such a you know and he's out there and he couldn't get home because he had lost his license. The ever photo juncture I'm so he was more defined about that too. So is just like a build up of of a lot of things that happen. before he went missing, but we talked my mother and I both for hours and nights before you are missing the week before Michael's life and disappeared.

May feel like its leading up to a story in which michael takes his own life and he had made attempts in the past, but we couldn't shake the that may be. This was the one case where he did actually disappear on his own, jerry told us what he felt after Michael, vanished and how some information pointed towards suicide. But it didn't quite add up to be honest about the that we'd find something happened to him or something I mean immediately when I thought after a couple weeks. I realized that this may be. If people never had a sibling or somebody that struggle with depression, they may never consider that someone would have done something themselves, but that point I had to realize that there's in my life there's somebody that he might have done something to himself and he would have done something to himself when he was in highschool. Had he not got the help at that point, I did have a feeling that there might be something something could have happened

I also felt that he could have just kind of we got away from everybody for awhile, but I ignored my sister just couldn't find him or his phone was lost, but I didn't know. I didn't have a lot of the details at that point, just that he was. Nobody talked to him since Monday when he said he was going to come home and then he was gonna make arrangements. He was going to stay at his ex wife's house night before and then he called her and said that I'm not coming the next day. He woke up, and I dunno guess he. There were some stuff on his computer, but we didn't find that out until afterwards. So when the computer, there was some stuff about carbon monoxide poisoning and a couple of websites that he looked at so that was in his research recent browser history, he had two cars but baltimore there. He had a porsche boxster and he had an older alfa, romeo spider. I understand the car would be the first place, you'd look! If someone was going to do that and if he was going to make that choice, I would assume he would have done in his own car. told us in her interviews that during the last nineteen years of searching, it's become an instant assumption that I got took his own life and we can see.

we see why it appears that way, people automatically assume momentum. but michael that he committed suicide and he could have you know you. Could It could have been. Maybe we didn't find a body, it's I mean I was out there week later, and I was drawing up now specifically highway in his porsche boxer. and that's where he would driver or you would He did a lot of walking while talk on the phone, but he loved pacific coast highway. So I drove down south from San francisco stock, is when lazy petersen my missing, so we stopped at all the same places that posters were kind of left and we saw mcdonald and pacifica and left it, poster and the manager came running out and said the sky was here this morning he was driving the yellow or he was nothing man egg. He ordered three hash browns I've lost tons of way We want you to make one. I had a lot of discussions about diet and exercising a normal hash, browns mcdonald worth

two points and we watch as they were his favorite. We had many discussions about it. The guy ordered three hash browns and then seemed confused that he had to pay for it. So he ran back to his car. The car didn't have any plates cause. The guy took that much notice of him. So I was four hours behind at that point that we think of the guy was pretty convince, and I know you know where they are looking for it by, because at that point you don't know we don't know where he what what could have happened when we talk about the branch of causing a disservice school. We talked about so many it's just I just don't see it just now. With him, and it's not that I'm just not trying to suspend nineteen years, but I really just feel like he was too to find his own peace, and I think, if anything, he would have tried a monastery before before. That he started studying boot in the years before you, I'm missing, so an end to the left, his ascetic lifestyle, at twenty nine, as while he has books and books about buddhism

He was a low obsessed with the born identity, the movie the born identity, and he asked me once what would you do if you have called- and I wasn't here- I said: well, what do you mean if I just disappear and don't think you talk about disappearing? If you're gonna kill yourself, it is possible because I think he was really struggling and when you're in that kind of nation in despair. I lost a child, so I know that deep despair and that far and he doesn't have a reason right on his brain. He telling helped him to feel this way. He could most certainly have made that choice, but I'm tellin you right now. I was out there a week later and I believe I was behind him and I believe you still alive. Though the siting has never officially been confirmed. Michaels we believe there is a strong possibility that it was actually him Michael's, cousin, gina exe Why this citing stuck out to her so much we head,

and that he had just been eta mcdonald- and I know this is gonna sound strange, but all through high school our senior year anyway, we would skip school, I'm fine. a morning ngo, get hash browns at mcdonald's that would like I think, every friday morning, we'd get hash browns at mcdonalds, we'd be late for school teachers. Would laugh at us, bring us one next time type of thing so when she got there, they were like he just bought like four hash, browns and left. I was like you kidding me like he was trying to give us signs. He was trying to tell us things Michael's family was realistic with us in our conversations about what may have happened to him in remains open to the past. military that he did choose to end his own life. One thing that lead credence to that conclusion was Kim found on Michael's computer that he had searched for informing about carbon monoxide poisoning but carried.

was that there were other things on Michael's computer as well. That pointed in other directions to regret his computer a few weeks after so wasn't right away, and I didn't get to see my sister saw it first then I saw I looked at it just cause. I had the the crunches for it and could look into it and see. My skill set is more in that in that in that field, but that didn't see anything that was too they would give away and there's some stuff a look looking at about a homeless, shelter and stuff as well. That's something I could have hidden doing is just disappearing and then going off the grid somewhere and that's one of the places where she looked for him. I think, if you did something you did it right away, then the only other alternative would

that he chose to go off the grid and or he was just in a state where he just didn't function and they started to kind of lose his wits about him and where he was and what he was doing, and he had watched the beautiful mind and watch the bourne identity and there's a couple of times that he was he kind of almost fantasised about it talked about it. But my sister would think that he did something like that. I'm not sure that that's the case, but I could see him trying to live someplace else in the way from everything and he had traveled to italy right before the maybe the the fall before anyways and he had traveled to south america, Brazil. So there's a couple, big chips. He took in the fall previous year and when he traveled he took like a m thick, a pair of pants and a shirt and then rolled up in a little bag in the I only took so he'd go for the whole week. That way in hindsight, Kim looks back at the months before her brother disappeared and she can see clear warning signs that he needed help. He seemed to be a bit obsessed with things like buddhism and to movies

come out the year before he disappeared, the born identity and catch me. If you can, He seemed to be fantasizing about leaving his life behind and living under a different identity, and this has always his family with so many questions. I know Michael came home, the fall before several times. I think ass. He was struggling and we knew he was struggling. He came home Gary got remarried and he gave a speech a gary's wedding, and I remember thinking He needs us like. He should be home and we started talking about that. Then he flew home to take a family photo so that we could surprise my mother at christmas. That's the one with the orange shirt. Then he was just so adamant about where orange we didn't, so she until later laid out one identity, but that was just so. It stood out so much to us in currency and then you know in hindsight- and I know you look the things I think Michael let all you know jack he's all over the place for us. I like obsessed about it because, as my

other right and, if he's out their suffering, that's all I kept thinking was he's out their suffering. We had to find him and I'm the person, I'm the person to do that, and I knew that Gary mentioned the trip that Michael had taken to europe five months before he disappeared. He had gone on that true with a friend named Alisha Kim corresponded with alisha after Michael disappeared and this is some of what alicia had to say. I think that disappearing would have been appealing to him, even more so than suicide. Also relieve the pressure he was feeling because it is correct- like suicide complete Changing your identity, you're just not dead, but the identity is, and he was so into born identity. Did I tell you that he played our part that movie, while we were in europe only now, because I haven't seen it yet. We will

walking around paris, and I thought we were just walking, but then I figured out his goal was to reach the bridge in the movie. Anyway, we walked Way to this bridge, and then he wanted to stand out in the middle of it for a while, it was the bridge we're jason bourne tells the guy to meet him Then he watches from the top of a building Michael. To stand, there are long enough to smoke exactly one cigarette and he wanted to try to go up to the top of that building. But it was closed. Then there were other things like. You would want me to count my steps from one place to another and then tell him how many steps, like jason bourne, does in the bank and I didn't think anything of it until I saw the movie and I understood more staff, so maybe he's in the greek isles cause that's where jason bourne ends up. You know that he to italy with only the clothes on his back right, I'm positive. It was a test to see if he could live with. Nothing else show who travelled with they only met. If you want

before they travel. So the michael at she really new is this. You know eccentric michael travelling to italy with even travel any bags, the yet a repeat things from one identity. I've tried watching it so many times just to see if this the now verify you know and then you watch catch me if you can cause he's off his also referred to that, then I think that's why he's missing or gone? But I think that's why you could be alive. cause. I think, if you surrender yourself to a monastery, you surrender yourself to different existence, even means surrendering everything that you do love if you surrender yourself to that, then you poor energy into something that may be, can keep you go in and that's why it so plausible and I think, if he's missing on purpose, he thinks that It's because the rest of us are okay and ought to be able to handle, and he is not. Michael's. Cousin

China also remembered a conversation that she and her husband had with Michael about the born identity. Months before he went missing, he came to my husband- and I, like canada, hang out with I say sure, we're not that fun. Anyone married couple that doesn't go out any more, but should hang out the hope He came home from California was sitting with us, then, all of a sudden you like in that movie born identity. You know how to make passports and it was an hour and a half long conversation and you don't think of anything, bought at right. You just think that's michael until you think about it, and then you think he could have made them, but that Michael he gets fixated on something like he. He was questioning buddhism, so he became he in growth in it and we come from a loving carrying open family. So no question that everybody is like: ok highlight buddhism now aright. He thought

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but I always keep it up on one of my screen on my computer. Just so I can not talk myself out of you know the guy had a scar on the same place. Michael had a scar n I have a girlfriend that works in law enforcement. They did a facial recognition. He was eighty six point, two said that it was my girl or these six point, seven or something like that. So we had twenty twenty here. we had twenty twenty out there we had on law enforcement people. I called everybody that I knew just so I could make sure they held over there. It's I was my mother not to fly out their turned out. what the hell am. I really didn't think it was him, but in our hands you know we're think well if he wasn't a shriek as I could see him living homeless, because I can see Resonating with let's just live lifeless, just be happy. Let's not worry about people and bells and responsibility in all these things. You it's totally believe if you knew him more recently, the families gotten a tip about a different person who looked like Michael

in this person was spotted not far from where Michael had vacationed in the months before he disappeared. There's a guy that actual harrison ford in sicily and Michael's, friends from high school while me, and this guy he's in a mask on, but he looks cause I haven't posted about it yet cause. I don't want to blow up this guy's life like we did the homeless guy in california, but this guy looks exactly like my brother and he's a village in sicily and a beach community that Michael visited five months before he went missing and he's a cop and says lay the sky held. Fine harrison's for credit card or something and he's in the picture harrison for now is probably My brother and I've kind of his my fat itself to the fact that is probably not him by this is what we this is. What we deal with, I think for me,

it helps me to remember that people are still looking for him when we first saw the guy in sicily, like this guy looks so much like mikey I was pissed, I was so I was just mad because I thought if he has literally been well enough to make himself galicia and Sicily, then he gets his picture taken with harrison ford he's not calling my mother, I'm gonna, kill him like I was so mad. I thought for sure this guy looks so much like Mikey Michael's, cousin Kerry believes there are so many possible outcomes for what happened to him, but doesn't, stand by michael would leave his widowed mother behind with knowing what happened to her son, the unanswered question is the hardest part. You know the gist not knowing, I think, they're. U, to be a lot of hope that that he is out there and that you know there was this hope that he'd be found and brought home and

be able to get help and I think now the hope is just some clue. You're or resolution, I think every one that knows, Michael, is kind of run through every possible scenario already in their head ends. The idea that, just wanting to know now, just I'm kind of an answer as to what could have happened so that the family can either find em and bring him home if still alive or at least be able to bring him home and have closure. If he's not an Knowing is the worst part of it all you may for gatt and then something some story some it's right back, they're all over again. It's just The not knowing is- and I know what it's like for me- I can't imagine what it's like for his brother and

stir in his mom. I can't imagine what that would be like if my sister were gone on an mike, and I were really close grown up, and you know I think, used about money and obviously in she lost uncle ralph and then she lost Michael and at least uncle ralph. She could more and then have closure in losing Michael there's, just so many questions that each and the french foreign legion and literally create a whole new identity. For himself I mean he was so smart, so well educated, so charismatic, it is possible He reinvented himself in some way. I just until I hear Finally, I have to be open to every in all possibility. Michael's cousin gene

told us that she spent the last nineteen years preparing herself for the answers that hopefully will come some day soon. We ve prepared for a couple couple thing of even prepared to know that he then living on the streets, which I imagine with him unless something medically were hallucinating wise. I happened to him and the other thing I'm prepared for him to say here that he succeeded with committing suicide because it's not like he hadn't tried before. He must have really felt internal struggle, and it makes me feel sad that he couldn't or didn't feel like he could come and get the support that I would have loved to have given them. But over time I mean

it's been quite awhile, it's been. We ve had a long journey of this twenty years and so over time. I realise that it's not him not wanting the support from me. It's him not wanting support from anyone and just being hired we reached out to the same material county, sheriff's office, to request an interview and records, unfortunately, requests were denied came told us that long, spent hasn't done much with Michael's case over the years, which has left her feeling like it's her job to chase down any leads about her brother. They email me every. I dunno how many years and say this is the new person. This isn't it, but they never really do anything. I get it. I don't know you know, there's not much that they can do, but I know that we used to have to have people that we knew traces, so security numbering trace things like that, just as easily popped up somewhere. They don't do, You think the only reason he was on the news and in the papers cause. I was a pain in the ass I've sent his dental record.

Don't know how many times a hundred times name is It wasn't around when Michael went missing. So at the beginning, I had folder. I still have it that has all his dental records. You know my mother and I put together just this folder of everything. So when a body was found, we would send it over. I used to belong to groups They would try to match, could hours, bodies that were reconstructed scientifically with people that were missing Gary also noted that Michael has some distinguishing features that would make it difficult to believe he's gone unidentified.

All of these years. From a forensics perspective, we did something to himself. He had some. He had some signature things he had to get metal in his ankle when his left ankle. He had a couple of tattoos have had skin. Obviously, the tattoos would be very obvious, but if he you know someone found him, then they would find the especially the ankle would be a very obvious sign. He broke his ankle playing football. His junior year in college. He had to get it repaired with a metal plates metal rod, but yeah those types of things would identify him. If, if, if someone had found him and something had happened to him, he had a tattoo on his inner right thigh. was it was the tasmanian devil? It's been nearly two decades since Michael disappeared and Michael's family has decided to do more than just look for him. They have dedicated and miss resources toward focusing on de stigmatizing mental health talking more openly about the feelings, people who self harm experience and create.

the support of community and Michael's honour. Angela told us how this helps her feelings. Doing more than just wondering what happened to her son, the emotions of everything where he is, and what he's doing I just don't know It depends on the day when I think some days I can feel like is rihanna greek. I, with a rich widow. Other days you might have jumped off the golden gate bridge never been found, one of the guys that you wrote it Okey jumped off in a seal earth, see lion held them up above the water until he was rescue. A lot of bones. Hidden, heinz, wrote a book and explain the entire thing about jumping. This was a while ago he's recovered and we listened to

He spoke at one of the functions we went to in wister and he was amazing to listen to and it sounded just like listening to Michael's head for awhile, but who knows that's why we do what we do. We can help some of the some of the other people and that's one of the best things about this is when we went and talked to the schools and after we're done talking king telling Michael story, kids come up to us and say well. I know I support my sister, my mother, somebody suffers. I don't think I could talk to anybody, but now I feel like I can That's all you want to know. Is you helped what one person we do a party with a purpose it'll be in? May and all the money we raise comes back to our town or our hospitals or school. And we have a rainy in october, here's my ass was a really added runner, my daughter so well after the wrong with it

I have a party for my mother because she thinks on the party person alongside Angela Cameron's a non profit organization to provide resources and assistance to people who struggle in silence be relevant. How foundation known at we run a program called healthier minds. You know I've with the child, so I've absolutely been depressed. I know what that fog and despair feel like, but I don't suffer from it on a regular basis. Normally I just kick it's ass back, and so I help other moms and I've done that for twenty seven years, because that who helped me, It's kind of the same reason. We do Michael's wrong because if some, had come along when I lost my friends in the eighties and talked about suicide and talked about depression and not put a label on in savage wrong to it, but really talk about it and get the day. So each person, then maybe Michael, but to come along and said, hey, ok

well here. I am, and I have this and let's let's see what we can do with it. Instead of you know, you turn that energy into something and that's what we do now go to talk to the kids cause that really fills me up lot, but in my mother it makes you feel, like you know, we're doing something positive, but I find that helping other people, with what I have learned or helping other people through Michael's journeyed when you live with better love, somebody with that and they did you like Michael taught us very well. This is what it means, and this is what it is. That's why we do the work. We do now cause cause of him, because this does other people including my son, including you know, a lot of people, everybody everybody has something or everybody's gonna green everybody's gonna need support in where does used to having it and he to a world where he just didn't, feel it so happened and Michael Wallis on February. Fourth, two thousand three: he plans to go to the door.

v, to get identification so that he could fly home to see his family. If michaels considering ending his own life. Why was making these other plants, its belief that Michael, out of his home that day taking justice phone and medications with him? It's also leave that he had his grandfathers dog tags with him as well. None items have ever been found and what about Michael's preoccupied? and with the ability to go underground or off the grid. He seem particularly fixated on two films come out in two thousand to the born identity and catch me. If you can, is it possible that here, did disappear of his own volition, and perhaps to a monastery ass, a sister has considered or does something else happened and Michael, to end his life. We know that he was making plans, but it was those around him that he was struggling, and perhaps it was sudden decision did the challenges he faced first much of his life take over what is merely

dissolved in his job was becoming unbearable. If Michael did used to end his own life Why has he not been found in almost twenty years at the time of his disappearance? go with twenty nine years old, he was approximately sixty tall and wait around one hundred and ninety pounce. He had brown hair and brown eyes, if you have any of them, information about the disappearance of Michael J, a wallace, your urged the san matteo county sheriff's office at six, five, zero. Three, six, three force oh five, zero! If you love are experiencing thoughts of self harm. Please reach out, national suicide prevention lifeline at one hundred to seven three, eight to five five: national suicide, lifeline dot work. Our goal is to serve the integrity of every life and honour the lives of the missing without causing trauma those who may be struggling you can get

you to follow Michael story and any updates on his family's website. Michael's run dot. Work don't give up. Somebody will. it may not be a family member. It may not be someone you know, but there is someone However, we will find that person in choose a different path. You can we all join the army choice in the morning to wake up about one thing at a time you can choose to put the pants. You have on right now or you can choose tomorrow to wear a different size pants if you'd like, but we all have a choice, who choose a different path and find someone to talk to your leg missis so many times, you're not alone, but I mean not to be alone right and so the journey come on me feel like they are. There needs to be a connection

ray away in saying this is business You can go if you want to feel alone, and so fully Michael run has offered that some people, because we we heard from several people I've never This to anyone- or I didn't know that out there or in that room ray. I think it's hard to find the support from time. because you don't know where to look when your google thing. It doesn't always come up clear impact. oh, my god is to create activities where art in learns about mental health and physical and mental disabilities. Oh, I think through that, I learned that education and I've heard many sad story. The people whom I didn't think would commit suicide,

So in my brain I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case if it was michael, not that I want that to be the case. I really in my gut feel like he's somewhere, but my brain has to tell me that to prepare for it, the That brings us to the end of episode three hundred and forty one as I did,

everyone who spoke with us for this story if you missing loved one that you'd like to have featured on the shop there's a key submission form at the vanished podcast outcome. If you'd like to join in on the discussion, there's a page and discussion group on facebook, twitter, at the vanished pod and also on instagram, if you enjoy this, show subscribe now and leave a five star review on apple podcasts, spotify or wherever you're listening right now. Do you want to help support the shop? There are a couple things you can do. One way to help the vanished is by supporting our sponsors. You can find links and promo code in the episode notes. Another way to support the show is by contributing unpatriotic we can get early and ad free episodes.

Be sure to next week will be sure, a story from new york for listening. Thank you. Your job stinks just wait until you hear what it was like to be a funeral clown long before all of human knowledge was in your pocket. People had some pretty bizarre professions: golly, you don't have to see a sin eater or a barber surgeon now, but you'll find out what it's like to get surgery with a shave. Wonder is new podcast. This job is. History is hosted by chris parnasse from didn't. I live and reckon morey steeped in factual history. This brilliantly funny podcast delved into quirky an absurd jobs from the past.

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