« Uncle Joey's Joint

#083 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

2021-07-26 | 🔗

Welcome to The JOINT.....

It’s Monday, July 26th.....

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
What's happened. You bad motherfuckers its Monday to twenty six July. The joint is brought to you by really bad. Did you know one third of Americans regularly suffer from nausea. listen man, I don't really have nausea, but when I had the surgery after the surgery when I got the nausea from the Impose I didn't know what to do, but before I got my surgery I got in Ochsner mail that was relief band listening I even know what a relief band was. I thought I'd take the doctor's office. I everybody? If you send me a really bad, I called babbling as nobody knew who sent me really bad. Then one day my agent called me, she goes hey. Did you get the relief my god she's. Quite how do you know I was gonna have so you because I didn't. I just said Do they wanted? They wanted you to fucking, read their lines on the shelves. I was like. Oh my god. This is tremendous. I put the fucking there. If band on and I was excited as fuck no nausea? During my I like to
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you fuck is welcome to a beautiful Monday July. Twenty six weeks one more week left in the year and out of the year walking month and that's it
This book in summer is cooking. Motherfuckers like I know it. Would I knew this summer was going to move just think about it. Next Sunday will be tomorrow, What's the release at a fucking sopranos so move in fact, and fast. It's real and its and cock. I've been having a great time lately. I feel good until this afternoon, when I go back federal left side, they're, going to fuck in the rip it up and whatever, but Like I said, I'm getting, I called him up and told him. I was traumatized, somebody I'm get a little fucking laughing gas. Thirty. I don't smoke before the dentist. Don't forget! support laughing ass. You guys a fucking. It's almost done was done, the New Falkland stock will be out in ten days, but please support in seeking the wheat is fuckin tremendous. I was telling MIKE I'm starting to get fuckin blitzed boy edged fraud. A fuckin night, my wife and daughter went out to affair.
I got home by six thirty. There was no dinner. You know I'm like that. I'm not really that hungry go. You know what man having get me I've been getting to the point I mean and so fuckin stone that night, they ought to be honest with you guys. I fuckin. I go stories on Rogan about the fucking, the fuckin, these doodles? I would I I couldn't stop eating them and wake up in the morning and then be fuckin pirate's body everywhere, I'm not eating the pirate's booty, but I'm fucking at night, not big meals. Now I got ways: sandwiches is no salami. Does no prison, I told my wife not to buy no cheese not than it's apples. Protein bars. It's sire. fucking Friday night I had a bagel out. A cinnamon bagel would but I was so fucking hungry, so I'm not eating like meals, I'm just eat a little something to go to bed and I'm sleeping like a fucking champ. Look at me I'm losing weight, I'm still on the fucking
at nine more pounds like a fight in the? U can you fucking believe that nine more pounds I'm to seventy conform. I'm squeezing that one of the time but who give the fuck My gums got swollen again over the fucking weekend, so I don't know what the fuck is. when my health is good. I'm feeling good I want to talk to you guys about is something that I've read lately a lot, I'm getting a lot of messages from people spend been a long time, and I knew it that this ban because I went through it a lot of people, picked up bad habits during this fucking pandemic. We discuss. Just a few weeks ago, but wow, I'm getting cold Alstrom, dear friends of mine, When clean now telling me what they went through the fucking pandemic, I had a buddy from Colorado, who I speak to who's been clean name from cocaine longer than I have, and
fucking relapse during the pandemic, like met last November, Just called me about a week ago and came clean with me that he had to go back to a fucking, rehab cuz. I talk to him like a tree: weeks he's a dear friend of mine from when I started comedy he's never been on the bad gas. None like that he's a fucking out with tradition in a body with their friends. I love that that, but when he fuckin told me because he is the one that tried to help me get off the fucking Coke, I got off the back in two thousand and seven. You know he was you can me some music issued and want to go to rehab. Reality was captain rehab at the time. By the way, you know dudes that fucking get clean and go all in. This is why I'm in fucking shock, but I guess this panda fucking, just Jesse said he was bored. and he went to our kid's house that he should the ban on his house and the kid whipped out. Some coke
Instead, they watched the guy, do it and they thought about it for two days. It's fucking weird, because I'll tell you what somebody hit me up the other day and was asking me at this whole period I've been going through, whatever I was going through that it was a good time for me to do Coke was I doing Coke did I consider don't coke and I'm like not at all, was the lasting. On my mind. Do you know I mean and he's really hot my dtap, no there's been nothing. No what's a bit, you know when I got off the coke, I got off the coke. They did me a fucking favor. That was twenty eight year itch that was fucking destroy me and you know what like people say to you. Have you keep doing this lesson? I was gonna die. There was no. I was jolts in my spine I was doing a bunch, it was I play my addiction because it was a long time ago. I downplay my addiction, but let me tell you: after I got clean about eight months. I talked to this guy.
Byron and Ally is he's a drug. certification type guy. That helps like fucking actors people with a lot of fucking money get clean. I met him at the comedy, store, and ninety eight ninety nine and then we you know he was like when the ral fees and I met him to Ralphie and after I got clean, he reached out and he's like a man I always knew you are fucked up on something here. I could see it all over your face and stuff, but I didn't know you know You were doing what at the lunch and told him the amounts I was doing. He he he was like what were you doing? A grant I was I got down. I was play G just to open up. You know once that wore off in an hour. do a gram in one fuckin lie so What's that wore off in an hour
would sometimes hold off, but sometimes I get another fucking ramp, and I would do it other Fuckin NOS one shot deal too. is the end of my fucking before I got clean, I was a mess. There was heroin involved, there was cocaine involved There was an off. There was none. There was no pills. It was just basically go came and when I was going back and forth in between the both of them and nobody knew one person about the heroin he's dead now so he can. Let me know he was the one that was mailing it to me and my friends. No woman is not some that you could tell Rogan Autumn Cigar row. I you know buddy. I wasn't saying shit to anybody, but what funny is that even my buddy in Colorado was like listen man. I had to go back to therapy and I'm like What back it was that bad and he goes yeah. I was doing a couple of eight balls on the weekends and shit like that, so yeah
asked me he said: did you go to therapy when you got clean and I was like? No, I just I went online and I looked for withdrawal, symptoms of cocaine and whatnot and it really any. You know I read up as much as I could. There was three aspects of the rehab and that's the mental defense. the goal which rolls and then you spiritual I know that this is all things you gotta cover it again. I'm not talking about fucking a a and a and nothing like that. That's always there. That's always going to be that, but I'm talking about the fucking, how therapy has helped me now, like. I never thought that I would be here can t you motherfuckers about thereupon. I'd guy I would never even think about it. I got thereupon one time I went to terrible
one time I'll be strictly honest with you guys when I was a c t c at the halfway house. one of the stories I was telling on Ava was that when I was a BC tc one of the have forget. The drop on you motherfuckers is that I got the hot you ways I gave when I was telling you guys the store the other day, what they did That made me go to an outpatient place. I forget what the It was. It was like six weeks and between me and you it was a fucking rip off like I never I looked at that rehab and I was like that. Rehab did nothing for me. Don't think it did was aggravate me and make me snort more. That's what that rehab did that read was just like a fuckin band, they didn't do anything and I think that there be that there were using was good. Me flocked in Height the lady there was. It got to the point where I wouldn't even say nothing. I would just go
they're at night was like from six to nine with a little breather in between, and I they're from the halfway house. We would go outside in between the fucking break, take a hit, fucking, joint from town, time she let me like a little monkey and she'd fucking. Give me a fucking holder, unbelievable. In the middle of fucking therapy, would walk out to say we're going to go smoke a cigarette and even smoke back fucking man. So I didn't smoke I thought I didn't start smoking until I moved to L in ninety seven at a complete different. You fucking worms, but I never really liked therapy. I was like what the fuck whenever they would. The I didn't mind the group, the fucking group, because you have to say shit, you learn more. fuck em listening. I dig that shit. I didn't like the one on one with her. She would always pay cash shit and she would instigate stuff and she would bring up stuff that nothing to do with the fucking price eggs. It's like. I was watching the the Sopranos years ago, and you know it got to the point where Dr Melfi was telling Tony that
maybe you wanted to fuck his mother, that door that that's when you lose me. When you lose me, when you start bringing your mother- and you start, fucking talking about. You know that I let me know, that's things are on your mind and this things that are in front of you. I don't like picking shit like I don't like somebody saying to me: well, how did you feel about this two thousand and one that that's dead. I don't think about that shit. You want me to dig to deal with it but does not deal with only one think about it. So why my dealing with it You sound just to say the people are well, you know. did you react to losing your daughter into? We acted by someone get my the pain, went away. That's what happened. The pain went away. I stopped getting on. I move the fuck on that's right thing. Fucking happen. I don't know what else could have happened that that you just the painting no more than assess these not dominate more and I stopped doing the fuckin cope, but I didn't think that me
going to talk to somebody was going to. I thought that it would fucking aggravate me. I thought I would just get fucked may boy was. I fucking wrong. You know three months, do two months ago, when I was going through my thing of the past. tax on whatever somebody recommended to me that I speak to somebody- and I was like it's it like a month to think about and I said you know what a lot of you- I've gone to mental health issues during this pandemic it's just not me. You know for me not to fucking address this. That's the fuckin felony. When you don't address it. Let me do what I need to do. You know I. I read the but cycle psychologist, and I read about everything and I just wanted to start off with a simple at best. I didn't fuckin pick my brain again, we forget upset. I was just I just wanted to keep it fucking light want to go to anybody's office. I didn't want nobody, you know
so one on. But I hope, by the help that com is fuckin, tremendous somebody refer me too it a dear friend that was going through a similar situation. She told me to all contact the certain therapist. I want online, I paid the fee. I think it's fucking eighty dollars a session or something like that. Sixty dollars a session. It doesn't, If you want an extra session a week, it's twenty five bucks it. It's not bad and I went into it thinking and I ought to be honest- I am here today because of that fact in third voice I turned to a lot of friends of mine. I turned the people who really know me for help, but I wonder and biased opinion I wanted somebody who didn't see my face when we talked the Tommy what I was gaunt random wanna get for him to get fuckin my videos from stampy- that I didn't go in there with that. I wanted to talk to them as a normal.
Plain Jane, as I moved on with the therapy I opened up, about comedy and what was going on and blah blah blah and now doesn't know what the fuck I am it caused me Jose. So that's great. She calls me Jose that She doesn't know who the fuck I am, but I've opened up to her, not about like wasn't like the therapy from fucking that rehab not at all this has been. I do The talking she asked a few questions and I fuck in that you not do their homework. Give me a little bit of homework. I write what things down. I you want man, I feel about certain bad? I got it off my chest. Whatever I'm very vocal with my wife, like how I used to be very vocal with my wife I tell her whatever the fuck is going on. I tell her what I'm thinking, she knows about
fuck and everything I came clean would have before we moved here and once we moved here she helped me, listen man. What during the pandemic was this and for me it wasn't the booze or the reefer for towards the end. I saw what happened to me. You know nobody had a place to be, nobody had a place to be during the fucking pandemic. Think about it. This is what happened. Nobody had a place to so you started drinking at five, which I got the love for you, this I'd ever thousand friends that have rules, I love you for having those rules, the same rules I have but people who get a five last ought to drink and at one. They had no one to be taught. did the same. Pumpkin thing you know I know what a bee what's wrong with certain getting something should the nasal ice so much so much during this fucking pandemic. Forced me to fucking quit like that was the fucking like. I couldn't even like this again.
hi again, that's how high I was during the pandemic. I didn't want to feel I was just like you guys. You know This man, I put my pants on one leg at a time like you, motherfuckers does not inspire about me. I smarter than you mother that I'm not more educated than you, mother, fuckers. In fact, I'm more street than you mother. I just don't That said, it was just the only thing available to me was the refer. I didn't I didn't drink. I think I had three. Drinks during the pandemic. The first drink I had was on Rogan on when I did the July, the fort Podcast with him on the shot of whiskey shadow whisky drink, but my smoking was totally out of control. Forget about the edibles. I was Malibu's, I didn't know I had how is eating Albu eaten two thousand milligrams at night at night. No, no! I was doing a batch, the daytime and a batch, when I got here. Olga
I paid last year I got here with a jaw. I had a in the of a b x, two hundred that he just sent me. It was just the jaw, still remember, eaten for them just to go to fuck poor when we went Somerset, for That's a hundred milligrams, eleven o clock just to go fuck and swimming and then at night I will come back from the pool, go fuck and look for furniture. Whatever before we moved into this house. I was eating six hundred milligrams a day, a fuckin, He see. I was smoking, maybe an eighth a day and I was probably doing sixty football is a day of the rules and X. The appraisal am whatever the fuck. That is that's not fucking good, and I went off those things. Let me tell you something when I got here my wife said something to me
my wife says German: go listen between the edibles, the falcon an ex can refer the fucking anxiety. I cannot take it no more is why I had the surgery a lot of people, the surgery was for me to get clean from the xanax. So I the fucking. I I knew I was going to get surgery. I fucking did it perfectly. I think I got my whole life together. I think I had a long talk with myself. We maybe December 17th we went out to dinner one night. and I realize how high it was during fucking dinner. When I go, that's it just goes to an end. This is done. I came home I called my man Byron the Byron. I forget I started knows those little fucking footballs and I could kick him like. Can I could kick him
When I went online they said you could die Xanax and alcohol the whole up and have a reaction and die if you just quit a cold. Turkey and then I heard from a friend of mine a check that she quit. Annex and one day she just passed out in the kitchen I gone to the hospital. They told us that you have to taper, so I got what they said. I called my man, Byron Byron. said this. Is this could be really easy to be really hard. He goes I'm going you your plan, and I want you to stick to it to the t If you can't control yourself, then give the close to your wife and I did a tapering plan with him. He got me. Some me do acids you don't what is more mean, oh acids and autism com. Whatever How to order a couple nutrients, he put me on did exactly what he told me to do. He told me
going to be a ninety day. Taper. and he goes you're not going to take em at all in the daytime. That's why started meditating. That's why dont little fucking here we're stance, as you know what I had done, the police on the church and they have done the police on there, because I didn't believe in breathing or meditating. You know the piece that I have that, from bus route upstairs because I use it before I go to bed at night, I have a mouthpiece from boss route but I've been using just do for my, do you know I started using it for Jiu Jitsu and I realize that it helps me out for everything you know. Sometimes I hit the bag and I put the mouthpiece in its flight. And tat to do. It takes a while to get breed. But now, since I lowered my smoking debris- is tremendous, but I just read on Yahoo that, if you breathe through that piece for five minutes and take your blood pressure, lowers your blood pressure. So what did I do? I fucken tried it. I got the fucking thing
the blood pressure machine, I did the blood pressure It was one forty eight, the first time I fuckin breathe for ten minutes, I got back on the blood pressure machine. It was twenty eight hundred twenty twenty fucking, so breathing is key here when I put after beliefs on that show a lot of people like that when you put not the police ledge- and I told by your- I really. We believe in the benefits of just breathing breathing correctly, Why had the surgery on my nose yeah, I wanted to remove some of the old coke rocks that were in there. Not let me breathe and I was also addicted to Afrin, but that's why I no surgery, because I wanted to get back to breathing. Naturally It was very interesting that we we breathe only too well, I got ten years and then we break away I look at my daughter's breathing. My daughter run for fucking two hours that little fucking Kid could run for two hours as she's
breeding mouth breeding riot and she just just living a fact of life. So I need a breeding part of it was important and the anxiety I had, I had to learn how to just deal with it with breathing, and it was tough guys. It was very tough. not going to lie to you. To come common here and do we're dogs, coming here just said: the lights off and just breathe, and that help me at times but when I got off the fucking xanax I just stuck Byron's plan that was it. It went from He goes forget about doing six anymore, let's get back to basics, why you eating these and at what time I go as soon as my heartbeat beating goes now. I want you to breathe it out. The first time was. What we're gonna do is this. When I do any three in the afternoon
and then, if you need one pop one and then or do not one pop one half he took me back, and then he goes at night. I want you to eat a half and just keep so I started with. I went from six to maybe two a day and then after two weeks he cut it down to one and then he kept me on one. Even though I didn't want my dog, I don't even need these no more. I was finished. A fucking prescription finish it. He goes. I want you to finish it and goodwill, half and then a quarter. stayed with a half like a month and I think I stayed with the quarter until MID December. And my goal was new years and If I got off the fucking xanax, December eighteenth December nineteenth had my surgery January eighth cause I didn't want to cross the xanax with the fucking pain pills. I did my foot
work. There was no way I was it ass. My san ex addiction, what the pain pardon and that wasn't happening. What I I do want also was upping my fucking now I said fuck this edible shit in the daytime and a fuckin working slots, Donna midnight. That's when I was drunk and those teeth, I got bogged down those these the nine hundred fucking Amerika. I did this correctly for the two guys. call is always thinking if you're fucking hooked on What gets you off it's going to be I always told you motherfuckers, that with those aid extinct. He would get off any fuckin opiate. I told you motherfuckers this and I proved the tea. I proved it to myself with it. So I start, in taken larger amounts. I mean I passed. What can a b x? I was probably doing sixteen hundred milligrams. I was doing the whole fuckin syringe and a cup,
fucking edibles. I was putting melatonin in that motherfucker. This was, Michael Jackson, T to the mother Fuckin but this is what I had to do to get off the van die. I didn't want to get a stroke, I didn't even need this annex, no more. I didn't want to get a stroke and I kept popping up recorder recorder. And I salute, let's see what I think I saved like: five of them just in case as I pointed out, eat one of those things, so I got back from surgery, I needed, one one day before fucking pity pt but that was the only xanax I had that cross with the fucking pain pills, and I did the same thing with fuck him pain pills once a painting I started cutting them down. I fuckin zipped up the edible intake writ and fuckin. That's how I passed out at night. You just fucking go down, you don't even remember the Xanax, you don't remember the pain pills, the oxy, you don't remember shit and that
was my recipe to get me all that shit, but I still had a little residue in from the fucking Xanax addiction and I'm a take. Some. I didn't even had no idea tat. I started talk Can my girl over a better help dat? and we started talking. She knows what else has been going on in your life. Why did Don't you want to do stand up and all this shit? This is my main when I called help? It wasn't for drugs, it wasn't for Attaboy. It wasn't for weed, it was none of that stuff It was just to help me comprehend what I was going through. I didn't know what I was going through. I didn't know if it was, the fuc The move I didn't know. If I was unhappy with my new surroundings. I had no fucking idea what was going on. I wanted somebody push me in the right direction and from talking to her, after about three weeks, was like okay. I have to accept all these new changes in my life.
A thousand new fucking changes from where Chinese, to where I go to the gym, how I shall how I fucking p floor. I go on. I used to shit with an open bathroom. Now I ship bathroom with no windows, big difference, I get anxiety in the bathroom with no fucking windows, so I d upstairs to shut upstairs? I you know these all little things I had go through and now eleven months later do I feel fucking comfortable in my own skin? Yes, I do Do I feel comfortable my home? Yes, I do do I feel comfortable in my new life? Yes, I do. Am I happy about not doing stand up. I am I was thinking about this. Game on Saturday morning, woke up Saturday. I came out. My daughter was watching tv downstairs. I usually I changed. My whole life around, like one of the things I definitely had to do, was stop getting coffee and jump around the computer. was fuckin ruining my day
I had no idea just getting a cup of coffee and sitting in front of the fucking computer is no Bueno for you. I was getting so what I started doing was getting a cup of coffee. and going outside Wayne snow shine. Sleet, I'm out there ten degrees, I'm out there at all smoke weed in the morning. I go out there with a cup of coffee and I just focus on the trees, and I thought this breathing and that- Why come up with the five things I'm grateful for today? some days- is the sun days as the treaties. Sundays is so little red bird I see in the fuckin tree, I'm always four percent is its ever since I read told me to do that. That's helped a ton realising what you're grateful for every day and every day, a grateful for something different some days a grave.
Whether you have a big dick, some grit. Some days you're grateful, thank God I got a little dick. I would have slammed my dick in the fucking door. If I would have had an eight inch dick. You know you gotta, be. a little things. It's not your bank account It's not your car, it's not a piece of ass, It's the surroundings! Jesus! It's a beautiful, data, be enough. Can't say that enough to you, mother, because I want you to know how many people I hear, call me today was a bad day. Listen! when you really think about it It isn't really a bad day unless you get hit by a fucking car and fly eighty feet in the fucking to think about how bad had a bad day. Did you have your newspaper? Didn't? Come you don't went on me. I did they sent me the wrong refrigerant. That's not a bad day. You ve got the fucker. You're a euro, I mean we have to defining what a bad day is. Great day is this is the same? Should I was doing you all fucking doing this shit bad. I'm a fucking deck was
bad enough. For you to fucking go, have fifty fucking drinks come on. Give me a fucking break. Breathe was I bet now you just had a hiccup in your your day, pre or to have these beautiful fucking days, they're not going to all be beautiful comes I get up in the middle. Might stub my fucking tall and the wood goes between you're fucked, untold fungi, toenail that pain and even then I don't fucking cry about. I just go fuck it. It could have been worse. it could have been walking down. The street in a safe could have hit me in the fucking deal. It's It's always something! That's worse! You know for you, forget, lose your mind. I was. I'm from the same fucking school of thought. You know I've had bad days, days, but lately I've had a lot better good days than bad days and it took we fifty eight buccaneers, realize realized shit that you good days every fucking day who gives a fuck so this guy was late. Who cares It's not enough to ruin your fucking day.
A day is finding a mother on the floor dead with purple. That's a It's a day ruin a right that you know what I'm saying can somebody shit in your mouth, that's fuck somebody sit you down and shit in your mouth, that's a fact and bad day right there. But you know that the others came the day. I was like my open. can blew up about two weeks ago, my wife cook and enchiladas in the oven went down so right away: you like an oven, we're going to fucking be hit there we'll have to rub sticks. In fact, in another, you can order a fucking oven. My wife found a place that had ovens in stock. She goes for starters, show me what's in Fuckin, stock right so we were panic and on Friday the was coming. The ovens come and we can't do nothing know like gown, woe. You got the world, something was going to grow to fuck. You want the others not come in the oven They gave us that the window from two to six
how I was going to you're like a bumpy, I go go run some errands I'll sit here and we'll switch. You know, then we, my wife, had plan she's, like the others, naturally come to you because What are we waiting for a package of always comes in that last book and window? They tell you tend to You're gonna, get that tend to fuckin. Do you gonna get at ten minutes to do it's not tend to that. Tell you tend to take a packet, to know what it's going to be here at ten to two that's what you thought and try to tell me. So we waited will like one of this fucking oven comes six o clock. Well, then, you fuck my wife. This fact we got a call. The oven came a fuckin for a clock. At the half hour, my wife, with an eye on MIKE it's not going to ruin your day. I was just going to ruin your day. It's just a bump in it. You had the morning do which had a do. You have the afternoon to do what you gotta do we have to stop recognizing what the fuck Craig, as I was at that
for you to get anxiety and these all the things that this therapist helped me with these it the little self contained she didn't come in over all my life. What Tommy, corn anymore, you know these people, you can't eat what the fuck are you talking about, we was beautiful, my life, I just had a little fucking, hiccup I pushed through and contacting somebody and talking to somebody I gotta be honest with you was best thing I've done it is, I feel a bit I feel lighter the medical They put me on seems to be working. I'm not losing my fucking mind, I don't I like killing myself. I haven't even had a negative fucking thought in fact I'm addressing next. It is thought better. I recognize them when they pop up. I know how to fucking deal with them. and these all the tools, they just give you coping skills. You know it has such a fuckin, Stig stigma
It has such a bad stigma to it. Even though I had to add a bad fucking stigma, but after a few weeks I used to get anxiety waiting, on the phone with her like waiting. I and get on the phone with her. I would get like a little bit anxiety and then I told the lunch. I pulled a rat angle. You know my getting zuyder before I talk to you. She goes do this. this. This. She told me what to do now, I look forward to fuck unseen. You know I was getting beyond them. still having a little problem with. This is social anxiety and still have my problems at that. The numbers have gone back up now. The fucking doubt the variant, the chinese variant, the cuban variant they're to I don't want this fucking thing to go away so You know they want everybody to get back sedated. They don't want this thing to go away. I still have little issue socially, he had all I come. looking forward. Guns and roses on the eleventh and towards of September eleven
okay, how many people there if somebody has tickets for will affect that met life. I'm not saying I'm not going to go, but I'll consider going. I think we have play. That they already, but I will come at going stand up I'll, tell you what guys, I was a little burnt up on stand up. I was burnt what it was. I recognized about the stand up? What was getting to me and that Been doing a lot of fuckin right, the last I months I've been doing a lot of writing between notes for the book if Erica you know, looking into my life. and they want a lot of fuckin writing and One thing I've noticed in the journaling one thing that kept me alive has been the journaling and making new discoveries about myself. You know, and one thing about the stand up is
I wrote out all the things that bothered me. That what was going on you know. The thing that bothered me the most was this for two thousand and twelve two thousand and eleven before I popped upon the board. You gotta remember guys had been a comic already for thirteen fourteen years. Was there any success? Yes, I have my bright spots. You know I had my bright spots as an actor. I hadn't. Me bright spots as a comedian. I felt Nobody really wanted me as a comic. But I also felt that I wasn't given a hundred percent of what I could do MIKE. will you change one eye? went from singers to storytelling. I became a better comic, and I had more my mind it was more involved in it
a good writer I'll be the first one to raise my hand and say I'm not a great comedy writer Anthony me Rogan Bill Burr bill mine for comedy is brilliant. As a couple comics, John Mulaney, I'm a fan of their writing. I've no been a fan of my writing. I am who I am, and I'm proud that I have my own style, but there were things that and appoint a green with me. I think the number one thing that was bothering me was waking up. Hotel room on a Saturday morning. I didn't really dig that no more, I didn't dig the you know. I like fucking, eaten breakfast out. I fucking love that I love going to a different town and even their rest or like their local restaurants, not a chain but like family restaurants. I loved all that shit but I hated waking up in a hotel on Saturday mornings. I hate it
that whole fucking day. You don't I don't and that made me it forced me to travel on saturdays, which was interesting at first, but after a while, burn John, a lot more taking those. If you I take a play, on Thursday. Saturday and Sunday, you fucking burnt by the time you get back on Sunday. Your back feels like because you've been sitting for three fucking day, You flew there you know you either drove to a gig like we did New York. We had to get up the next morning at ten and beyond shopping for our train to Boston. By the time I got the Boston. My back was fucking wrecked. You know, was just bumped wrecked so all those things I didn't like I didn't like how to do Saturday's? No more. So if I do I I to do it differently, I didn't like saturdays anymore. Think I could do a late fought and show on a Friday and Saturday at ten o clock, show that's dead. So if
get back into comedy. It would have to be during the week thing. An early show. You know two shows during the week, Tuesday and Wednesday. it's not my life anymore. It would be a hobby, it would be a hobby I would start off strong with it. You know just to get my material back my half hour, my forty five minutes, which I have making notes by the way, do you know anything about me? I have no, Ass lost my sense of humor, you know and I'm not lost my saying shit. You know, like fucking dirty things to myself and write them down. still one of those dudes I'm making no temper. I looked at my calmly. The day I probably got twenty two minutes of material once I write it all out, but I'm not in the mood, if I can go out there yet, when I'm in the mood, I'm ready you'll be the Where's the fucking know, but that's this all little things that will
attributing to my anxiety and I had No fucking idea till I spoke to somebody so. What am I telling you today on a Monday morning that Listen guys. We I'll have fucking little quirks going on with us and now more than ever with this pandemic, you know We forgot how to act without acting right right now, a lot of people acting fucking, crazy planes. You read, bother you hear about it. I read about a fistfight at a the fucking nice restaurant, the other day, a friend I told me: was a restaurant fuckin lady got up at smacked away it's right here. In fucking, northern New Jersey, a friend of mine, was at but I mean it's just It's crazy things. You hear my war going through a different things and it's going to get worse. You know the rent fuck, things are coming to an end or the things in a lot of people having a hard time, listen man! I. I'm the type of guy that
Doubtless, should all my life, I moved slowly this pandemic fucked me, up a little bit. I mean I've gone through the mill I've gone through it with my mother. was the addiction I you know. I lived in a rocketship, I mean fuck him back to Hell back, but this pandemic fuck me up a little bit admit It showed us things that we didn't need to see, It showed a lot of things that we didn't need to see. I became an only child again You know I was raised and only child and then somewhere throughout life. I had forgotten all about that. This pen remind me. I was an only child. It got me back to talking to myself and thinking to myself, but in a good way. It got me to open up my eyes. A lot of people have opened up their rides. How many people are not going by. flip flopping jobs? How many people just saying and I'm switching careers. yeah and alone in a way. This is what happened to me. Also. I just wish really I like part casting. I still
like acting, but the stand up just whole thing wasn't rub me the right way. I needed this break. There's nothing wrong with taking a break, there's nothing wrong with coming out of the fucking closet nothing wrong with coming out of the closet and that's what I did. Out of the closet, a gay man. I I define as a man that doesn't want to do comedy. No more. I don't want you mother, fuckers to think Joey just said he came out of the closet. Now I'm not in that closet or I would. I will love to be gay, I can't hear what saying I would love to hold a man's hand. come in the eyes. I say suck my dick, but I still I haven't come up with the heart to do that so far I know I'm not coming out of the gay closet, I'm just coming out of the closet that I was unhappy. I was unhappy about a lot of things and I didn't fucking norm and I'm happy. I made the fucking adjustments. You know
So what I'm trying to say is I'm happy. I started talking to somebody if you're going through something, listen, man and I've looked. I just adjustable prices for your income. You know why you write down what you make a year and no work with you. I'm sure If tell these people you're on unemployment, they special unemployment rate for you, you dollars or whatever the fuck. It is just ain't going to put you out, but it's not worth going to live twisted for you not despair. twenty five bucks, a talk to somebody for ass. I am and is only half hour. That's it. I can't. I can't talk, somebody longer than that far when that spoken it you know we're gonna, be. in covenant a half hour, I usually jump on the phone with a Monday's. You know like this week is nine hundred and thirty in the morning. On Monday, I'll be off the phone with a b n, and I play the conversation. I write down my notes it gives me a little homework now when I on Monday. The homework will be ready.
I feel a lot happier. You don't couple people, my friend Derek couple of guys have said that mice. Just coming back on the podcast, I got to be honest with you, I'm feeling it I'm feeling I'm feeling change, come and ask me so I won. Thank you guys If I had my back during this whole time, you just gotta turn your back on me and the lottery is dead. A lot of use knew, I was a wounded. Fucking deal and you said where's this mother going to take it. You saw me go to my changes myself. I didn't fucking just sit here and wait this on me. I did the work You know, I know how to quit. Rifa I quit the reefer. I restructured, my edible fucking game. You know I came out with a new bag of fucking weed, which I unite the different things and then have t you know, I'm writing this fucking book. You know what Erica this You know! Writing a book is fucking rough. It's rough to drag the to the mud, but I'm doing it what it may be that partly anxiety. I
I care I'm doing it. You know I was no hard time going. Guitar lessons some weeks later. That's how I my anxiety was now we talk all the fucking time I play IRA I mean, though, let this shit way you down, and you know if you're, not right, like. I knew I wasn't right. I knew since, started the podcast MIKE. I knew that a piece of me was missing and I just had a you work through. It you know I wish there were times I wish I didn't do the podcast unlocked no them. In December. but I needed to get back to where the fuck I was gone and little by little I'll, get all my fucking pools back to Beyonce, I'm at ninety five percent. Now I feel that much fucking better and it was the gonna fuckin programme? That was, I didn't, do nothing spectre. I haven't got any fucking rehab, in Ohio, a fucking. What do you call
was a sober buddy. You know I didn't do none of that shit. I didn't want to go to any of that shit. I did all myself. I got myself in this mess. I'll get myself out of this muck a mess. You know I sent Byron. A couple of bucks didn't want one they wanted fucking. The teacher it's in shit. So he wanted to make a trade. So when I call them- and he put me on the plan the fucking. for this annex. It was the best thing in the world because he made me jump. Well, you know He told me some shit. Do that kept me from jail after allege that I had no fucking idea, you so I'm happy this all worked out? How it did I'm happy? I I can start the pad cas again I'm happy that I'm here fucking talking to you motherfuckers twice a week. Happy I'm happy, and I want you motherfuckers to be happy and like us If I got caught up in the fucking Annex and if I'm aware of a lot of the stuff, I can't imagine what some
What did that aren't aware? How fast things? For me, the Falcon Fucking Z, I'm just happy that I didn't get into alcoholic Oconee, that shit and that this was fuck him easier transition. That's it mother! his it's Monday. It's going to be a fact. great week, I don't know how I'm going to look on Fucking Wednesday Menu Cox Yes,. this afternoon there about the pan me fucking, open again on this side. Here I'm dreading it, but what am I gonna do I need this infection to go away, so I could be happy AMD. I think this is affecting my heart. and it needs to be fucking done. I'm scared go out of respect for you guys, I'm saying you just can't talk to talk, you gonna, walk the mother, Fucker walk, so that's it. that's that I'll be back Wednesday with you, mother, on the job. Wait for another tip top Magoo session,
today was a little fucking weird. I wanted to talk to you about this and get this out of the way. Because I've seen the amount of people that have reached out with them. from one guy on patron says, he's been sober for nine fucking months, that I helped them and he had a baby. So you know things like that. Fucking always get my dick that somebody actually got sober. You know we talked a couple times. I talked to a couple of guys: Patreon that were having a hard time. happy. They used a dear Abby thing and we got all out of the way But that's in that that you bad motherfuckers. I hope you enjoyed yourselves on Monday I'll be back Wednesday few you fucking going under the ice cream shop and protests, sing lapping gas. It's good for you, weed- somebody asked me to give it a review. The other day it'll be as long as I can with you know what the review is. It's good fucking shit. I'm really happy with it. I will to come on him break it down. For you guys. Well that periods it listen. It's good shit
telling you guys for years that I smoke ray shit and I can't believe the ice cream shop and they keep put stocking strain together. It's tremendous! I love I love what it does. I love how it works and I'm fucking proud of Wiki, I'm proud of Joe proud of the ice cream shop and what we're going through this together, but it can go, What? What are you guys and you I believe, in fact, in my ouida, you guys know when it comes to roofing fucking around. I love you? Motherfuckers have a grey weak and now for a word from my mother, fucking spots Jack. Are you bad motherfuker? I hope you enjoy the podcast today. I don't know fuck, I was talking about. Maybe you guys or figure it out its Monday and that's what happens when you get to fuckin stone that night? but I love you guys and that's all that matters that I check in with you every Monday and Wednesday. So you know that life is tip top Magoo. The joint is brought to you,
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back Wednesday, Workin tip top cool there. Still some refill left over at the ice cream shop they still some laughing gas sign. Pat laughing gas that calm, we stores that it's getting sold as it going to be up on the Instagram page I love you guys. Have a great Monday have a great week stay black and will be back Wednesday. If you go suckers go wash your pussy. I love you The the the the one the
the the the the the.
Transcript generated on 2022-03-20.