« Uncle Joey's Joint

#085 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

2021-08-02 | 🔗

Welcome to The JOINT.....

It’s Monday, August 2nd.....

Today’s episode is called “IT’S YOUR FUCKING DREAM!”

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
What's happened you bad motherfuckers, it's a new month itself. walk and no weak and we're ready Iraq. The joint is what do you by blue, chew Joey? What the fuck is blue, blue Jew is an outline service that delivers the same active ingredients as by Agora. Was I allus at a fraction of the cost now fifty eight years old I get a hard on. Maybe you know I got a nice hard on, but but the hard I used to be when I was twenty one. Twenty two blue chew is fucking tremendous. You could take it anytime day or The process is simple. You sign up Would you doc com? You talk to want to license medical providers and once approve you receive you, inscription within days. You like Joey blah. I get a great fucking hot on. Let me something you can never have a good on highlands like money. You can never have enough money. You can a blood in your fuckin dick you want the call again you want them to fuckin tap out and go to work.
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open like the movies and restaurants, but everybody's looking for a fucking job. You want a job, places hiring right now for was magazine, says Jim's old, towels and salons are set to go on an epic hiring spree in the next few months. Millions of jobs will need to be filled as businesses keep reopening. How do you hire people fast here? You go cock, suckers, zip, recruiter, try Ziprecruiter for free joy. Open about you, gonna lose here's a different reject, recruited in a posting, a job and waiting for Reza maize from Jos Mode of thought. The common sippar accrue to has tremendous technology defies the best people for the job and it helps you get them right now you can try zip recruiter for free Joey. Again, it's fucking Monday. You just gave me bluechew pills for free, which you would ziprecruiter dot com press in that ziprecruiter dot com Joey
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What's happened! You bad mother focus its mandate. This second August. Another fucking month flies the funk by Believable, two thousand twenty one is flawed
and the fuck by the numbers are going up, but we don't give a fuck what tight a flock vaccine is in and we'll see what the fuck this takes us. It was a grey week. I got my little heart monitor ten fucking days, but days, I'm ever since they put them on. My anxiety is gone away. It's the story of my fucking life. I can test my blood pressure, hear my pulse three times a fucking day. I go to a doctor blood pressure is perfect. The pulse is perfect. We think Spock Imperfect Once you see needles and shit in my world. Everything goes away. It's amazing! I go. I have anxiety, I can't I can't focus, I go get a needle the thing goes away: I'm fucking whistling in them whistling fuck and Dixie feeling good the whole thing it was a great week. I want to talk to you a little bit about. Tommy today I did Ryan Sickler Podcast a couple weeks ago, and I talked at about Seattle, and let me too, if Ryan Sickler Podcast, whenever I'm Ryan sickly calls me,
call him, and we make plans. Pod podcast, I don't really fucking know where we're at till that day I it's not like. I prepare the story for you guys it tells me the night before and I don't even Think about it. I just show up that morning and work from memory. You know, and I watch a little bit of of is by Josh. Wolf call me- and he goes that's amazing- that you remember that story. It was absolutely true. You know all this shit, but I didn't forget to mention a few things you know about Seattle and I want to talk about him. I have a lot of young comics that follow me a lot I did not notice that a lot of young comics are unpatriotic Alec, comics follow me and they ask me questions. And I still talk to a lot of comments. You know established ones and non established ones. my friends. What am I going to do? You know it's not like. I don't talk to knowledge that was comics They've been telling me lately that comedy clubs
I have not really been really good term lately. You know comedy club. make their money off, establish guys. You know Tom. Ago, a bird Ali Wong. You know shit like that Rogan, but comics are in arenas and in theaters so all that's left are you know? Now stab comics trying to make a name for themselves. Now One thing about me is I never forgot what the fuck I came from, I never ever forgot and if you talk, the young comics I've always been the voice of reason for them. If they have a problem, they call me we'll talk about shit. I liked the established guys but I learn more from the man s lap disguised another stab, the skies are the ones that me afloat. Let me know: what's going on out there, you know I really really want to go back out there.
Too little sets uncle vanish that in our, but I don't know of any and d Uncle Venice is one of the best club owners. You ever do business with one thing: I talk about him- is that I gotta give him props I enjoy play my little couple and when I go back when I'm ready to go back, I'm definitely give my loyalty to Dino either he's a great guy. It's a great club, but I'm hearing a lot of clubs. I used to go to the clubs are turning on the comics Strip, cotton, their pay their fucking take. Way bonuses. You know half of these clubs got big time loans during the pandemic. Some of them in state open, caused a greedy fox and didn't give I thought about you or your family or anybody else, and if you went, I am happy that you still supporting calmly comedy but
I want to do more to stay away from coal video situations and you can watch there's a million fuckin special Jake. A watch of innate the laugh, I mean you know how watch Rodney specials! You know what Fucking SAM dice and all that stuff. But you know I'll one. I forgot to mention in that, about Seattle with secular was how good the scene was to me, you know very fortunate. I was very fortune. Trust me there was a lot of comedy club and one night owners. That was scumbags to me that was scumbags arab. That's part of the business of your young comic VE, already seen it you see how you get treated. They don't give a fuck, it's like being an extra when you start map, you know Jujitsu, choose a game of percentages and they tell you that a lot of people stay in Jiu, Jitsu till they get that blue belt and gets really
after your blue belt. You know now you know. What's going on, you know what's happening, so it's your ego now and a lot of people. Just you know if you make it to a blue belt, the odds are going up or not that high. It's a lot of people quit when they have their blue. I add a stop gone and I got my I just didn't work for me anymore. I miss it. You know my knees, a fuck whatever, but it's the same thing with stand up. If you could go past the fourth through sixty year, seventy year, you're in this for good, it's that four through seven year that gets really hard. If you don't adjust it's going to get really hot. I know comics that been doing comedy for twenty years and never got nowhere. I respect them because at least they went up there and they tried it and they stuck with it. That's motion one thing you never know when that now he's going to turn and when it's to be your favorite, listen I never thought it would
and it wasn't a movie. It was It's said that changed my life. It was podcasting because now people could see fuck, you are not just judge you by your stage performance. you tell them what's in your soul, what's really going on with you and they really, appreciate that. But one thing must I do is. I must die every episode, especially my due account episode I'm going to I'm going to thank the people who helped me. There were some really decent fucking people I got on stage in and the one and I went to college works in Denver, great club and You know in ninety four thrown out of there. You know I got asked to leave because some I just said some shit about me. What have I been really matter? I never Stop loving Wendy I'll, tell you why most people going in our fuck you I didn't do that with Wendy.
Wendy ran and still does runs a great fucking club, Wendy Let me tell you what she did when I, when I first, I didn't really start my comedy career. I started in July of ninety one but I didn't know what I was doing. I really didn't and and and not mad at myself, for not knowing you just don't know you just you're told to go up on state, that's it I read some books, I watch specials. I did everything I can but calmly something you have to do from expense. people could just tell you saw my to thank me in a musician people Just tell you so much. You have to get up there and do the fucking rest. So Wendy did something in ninety four that I'll never have take sides on Monday for Wendy put together. She paid a comic to sit with young comics on Tuesday, knights and go over the material and answer their questions.
I never forgot that that was aces in my book, the guy, the comic who was doing it was named as Matt Woods, daily. He was also a comic that was on stage the headline the first night. I went up on stage long island guy He was the same comic and ninety three that guy my face and told me how much potential I had and whatnot. So he very special in my heart, Matt Woods. Matt Woods. Jimmy Andy Payton, Wendy tied and Rick turns all those comics and, although the when these night Comic she's a club on They really fucking help me. They nurtured me, the whole thing, my feelings were very hurt when I got thrown The coming comedy works. I know a business, I'm not that fucking retarded and I didn't personally a lot of people to taking taken it personally. Talk about Seattle. What I forgot to drop I got to dehydrate what I forgot the
up on the right signal. Podcast was how special there I must warn me, you know you listened to that story? I got arrested six times. You know this the gun. Out of a cop's. How I mean it was a fucking adventure, but The comedy was so high level. about Seattle. One thing I forgot the Santa POD podcast was how thankful I am that scene. I was involved with how thankful I was too Brodie House thankful. I was to Josh Wolf how it prepared Add me for l a it was the next level I know right now you live in Boston, right now. You live in Nashville Right now, you live in Minneapolis, you're, an open mic micro on that cost. This time they get em see spots in the house a comedy. Yet our you doing. One night is around town, maybe you're running your own night. You know you're in Erin, but there's always one common.
the club owner wants the bus she bought. She doesn't like your material and you know what man at that period from four at that period. From four to six years, your ego is very soft you're. Not you still look for an identity up stays. The last thing you need is some fucking owner, telling you you suck which they will they'll. Tell you to your face. We think you suck e and are good enough. You know you're not allowed in the green room they play games like that with you, you look at them, when you go, you know what go fuck yourself I'm still a fucking man, never mind the open mic. I don't need to kiss your ass. I have a thousand situations where I could tell you people told me you're, never going to have a fucking career. If it's up to me and I'm laying right bitch, you down here and fuck in Dallas in some fuckin. Road and fuck in Dallas you're, not stop me bitch, you know there was a guy. from Dallas. There was a guy from Fucking San Francisco that
If I said something to him, he never. I never work in this town again told a modest suck. My dick, you know me, you know I told you Motherfuckers thought to send a blank tapes, the bitches I didn't give up walk. Somebody asked me for a tape. I would say a blank paper, how many people hired me and I caught them in a fucking lie. Your tape was great though it was a. There was nothing on that fucking tape, like I told you Furniture Chelsea handler used to send the porno people of her getting than a washer and dry, yet on a fucking thing from the side. People blown away, they didn't know what the fuck this and then somebody tried to blackmail. Mainly years later, like eight we gotta, table. You haven't sectors like stupid. I sent out you. Work and more unstable. Fuck you up! That's how creepy people, but you know, there was no, you don't have to about a year and a half ago we had that thing. We're rail. Given the tape. Rogan was lapping Joe. We get a blow job in a window when all that shit went down it even hit Seattle, they had been
something going on the a comedy club or something like that. and right away sexual tensions heightened and they will looking for start. Listening I lived in Seattle. I had a fucking girlfriend you guys Gonna had a steady, fucking girlfriend and it was. It was great. You know we had a little fucking situations but even now, whenever I talk to that woman, I thank her. Thank God we talk once a month twice a month. I thank her for her I'm with men see Seattle for the support she gave me because you either It was very fat tender Charlotte Laurie Kilmartin. She was the first, I opened for as a feature act. You know that, I share his those fuckin memories, but the two as I dealt with up there in Seattle, the most were RON read Scott, as a woman Holden car woman holding worked the open MIKE he's, not the guys,
up why stuck up IRAN rate read, but I would kill for you not the fucking car. I would. It kills a car car took me from a to b I got to Seattle ICE. The open mics. I was the number one I was number one. I was the first comic up when you don't have. experience. I honour what you're about they put you up. First, second or third, you get to go up. M bomb and really tell people how bad you suck right. So I did well so what made me do, as I saw myself go on. The list from number one all the way to number fifteen? That's what I accomplished in those eighteen months. It wasn't me I would love to say I was made. No, it wasn't. It was Carl and RON. because after you'd come off stage everything you see how at the time when you live in Seattle. For comedy I mean now. I wouldn't live in Fucking Seattle. I don't know what they're doing up that they got zones and whatever, but back then in Seattle.
even for me, I Carl and RON Reed, but there was a couple women that will begin rooms and data and dig me because my material because of this that we hung out with I never. Never in all my fuckin, you know me: whatever thirty is a comedy and ten years a pod casting. Did I talk about that when she passed away years ago, whatever she didn't like me, she was, I was managed she didn't like but let me tell you what I did. I turned her: like me, for you comic suddenly, while Joey how do you handle those type of people? You know that that fucking mean to you, you fuck with them you know you fuck with them when a book attacks. so tell me you're too. Dirty I don't like your style. I don't like this. You know what that's fine, you don't have to fucking pay me I'll. Do the set for free. And let the club on Decide
and she did not like that. But guess what they actually called her and she said to me, you know I don't want to book, you don't like immaterial. bob I was like that's ok can I do get set and I would I guess certain rooms on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday she would sit like in her glory like I'm, not paying him. I didn't look at it. That way. I looked at it as I'm going to get I don't even know you don't like me. I really don't give a fuck you mean shit to me. You're, just a little pocket of Fucking Seattle in the Big picture you don't matter in your mind, these comedy club. think they matter. But in the big picture they don't, they can control you. They can't stop you. They have nothing to do with LOS Angeles and New York. Nothing if a calmly clone club nuclear bona from many I blister salon in New York he's going to hang up on up from Yemen. The big apple bang up my head together. They stop engine
he's trying to knock down my door and you call me to tell me that I don't want to hire some fucking guy go fuck yourself, that's never going to happen, don't ever worry about that car. the club on a Mississippi off volcano. You know Vegas or whatever they can. Listen to trust me trust, I'm telling you, I told millions but in my open my career, the go fuck themselves. You can just take so much. You can just take so much, and you have to have a certain belief in yourself and at that time I was stupid. I was a fucking junkie. I didn't give a fuk. At one goal in mind: thirty watch a month It's all. I gave a fuck about, that's it. I didn't give a fuck about the antics of the club who The club look at this guy he's got a spammer tonight show that's got nothing to do with you. The only thing on your plate is where I'm going up on stage today and who What room am I blowing up tonight?
even though you're going to go. Bum trust me, call them bomb alerts. Every fucking night I was bombed and once a night in Seattle it wasn't it at the bombs. It was getting on stage getting on stage and, like I said to you, I am so grateful I could Listen there a lot of scumbags you I had the fucking Booker from Texas. I had the guy from Cobb's that was a fuckin scumbag. When you went up maker, they never let you put your name or lest he would come over, to employ one time talk about feelings, being hurt and shit like that, so you would dare the open mic and you go up to home like a gentleman and go hi, I'm fucking, Michael What's you know like to sign up for fucking the open mic and he look at you like you know. Really: okay and you can. on whatever you want. I performance Seattle. I am each year after year, whatever they got their favorite and that at a routine you- and if you have somebody, call let's say you have me coffee like
guy and I get along and I'll call our and go hey. My friend MIKE's going up there tonight to do five minutes, really put you in the fucking ring. Don't put you up last Just because you had a friend of yours call dad cold fuckin blooded, it was in Fucking, Seattle and all the other fucking states. I performed that I remember going from Seattle and having a I was a feature act Davey Florida How I met Jimmy Florentine. It was one thousand nine hundred and ninety fucking seven in Davie Florida and its. Jim Florentine. I worked with the lady from night court. I opened up for her. And I'll. Never forget! I was a feature act. I was doing a at the fucking store the Florida for four hundred bucks. The six shows four hundred. It covers the plane ticket and a gram of blow and your fucking broke, and I did it four hundred
buck's going to Florida and one ninety seven. know what she was a fucking scumbag to me. Didn't care that's what I'm saying about today. That of data I give a fuck thirty years ago about you, can you imagine now after the fucking pandemic, and I don't my whole point of doing this. today is letting you know that, no matter how much of a scumbag these club owners are it should not deter you from your dream, not even at all. if you let them fucking when you're, not gonna, have a fucking career. If you let them get tee. You're not going to have a career whether the rich. a guy in the audience, a comedy club owner, anybody says something derogatory to me- I got I find on it roles. Like the fuck off and I keep fucking, because I know in ten years. I could call you and go hey. Remember me, you said
I never mountain the go fuck yourself, bitch, you know guys San Francisco I talk about here, Fuckin went up to Ralphie may want and as Ralphie May, this is even after I was now l after I was a regular at the comedy store. He asked Ralphie Y Rogan brought me an hurry on the road. He goes I like to fucking bombs, I believe Europe can bring cells two bombs on the road and I ten well, then I went up there one time but rolled, and I pull the guy side. I'm man, I hear what you told Fucking Ralphie, who the fuck. Do you think you? well the guy's, not even the fucking business anymore, so don't ever get like Don't ever let a comedy club on ruin, your fucking dream or something fucking jerk off book of ruin. Fucking Dream. Your dream, a salad. You don't need that watch me when I'm telling you I got into applications. There was a chick that used to run the funny bone, and Idaho had
Dwelling LISA, Loeb Glasses, thought she was fucking cool and I'm in one time I went up there like a ninety eight to open up for Christopher Titus unlike two nights, and I couldn't get coke and I did like a fucking couple of lines of speed and I was up for three days and she came up one day like a fucking Friday, and she was like I got to be honest with you. I don't like what you're saying I'm still. She was very like you. She thought If you or anybody you wouldn't be in southern Idaho. If you any anybody as a comedy Booker. You wouldn't be a fucking Idaho. So do me a favor, take a little fucking thing. fuckin glasses and go fuck yourself. You know she was one of those LISA Loeb, not least allow, but she was those fucking like you know she was all. Do it up. She would wear the shirt role, love to show a little parrot tattoo on her arm, like I'm supposed to the impress you would where different had those The chinese check at the climate, improv.
she was hardly fuck, nigh hearted and fuck that bitch didn't get deck. She was fuck by somebody with a little deck she was the most evil mother fucker in the world. Never forget that b she got out of the business. I'm telling you have. These people got out of business, they don't matter fucking matter if you are young comic, look at them. Go okay, good and steamroller you keep going and you keep getting better. Let them deter you any club start at any club. You start at like abused. Okay for exam. I started in dental, ok, He works like me, I could always it the economy worse than they fucking badly, but there was two other clubs in Denver That was the comedy club that the owner was wait. He recently died about ten years ago. God bless his soul. He gave me well. He helped me out a lot
It was a club in Westminster. Let me tell you about life. I started at this club. Has a fucking doormat I went from doorman to sound guy and doorman the bar back, sound guy and doorman. I did everything for them they love me and I loved them. Until I got up on stage, then they fired me and for you I would call on you. Can I worked the club now we don't like it my feelings will get hurt. Listen if I could. it all over again. Feelings wouldn't get her. Don't ever let your feelings get hurt because Club says he doesn't like it. It's like anything else in life. Four hundred clubs? One hundred clubs aren't going to like you, don't take it personal, it's positive, this one hundred and fifty clubs are going to adore you and one hundred clubs. I'm going to be okay, you know when your world
but you gotta understand this four hundred and fifty comedy clubs, one hundred of them aren't going to like you, okay, who gives a fuck. I still got my fucking dream. I still got my fucking dreams hold the fuck. Are you to tell me I had so many flock and people tell me. I didn't have a career had so many that can be listened to the laugh factory love stays the first night and I love him that he great guy, love, Jamie Masada, back in ninety seven. You got a fucking wait all day. You had to be there at six in the morning and wait till six at night. Richard Lewis. Bring you waters so far. You people talk bad about Richard Lewis, Richard Lou, was about young comics and he would say to us he would drop off the waters on Tuesday and go
wouldn't do this. If I was you guys have a little fucking class, but you're too stupid a young comic. You don't understand where he's coming from me I could do it again. I would have done it again. It was a great while I was to stand out there. I got to see what other young comics would thinking. How can see. whose comics were how. I'll. Never forget there was one guy out there. This is I got there lay on a Monday night. I went to store and on Tuesday morning I was told to go fucking laugh factory, And I waited online when a dear friend of mine from Seattle, a second dad was in L, there's a guy out there that knew everything about everything you know those guys. They know everything about me why he was an open but he knew everything about everything. Ok,. he didn't shut the fuck up all fucking day How I didn't say two words I, kept my mouth shut. I watched- and I listened this
the comedy store the improv this guy knew about every club. Every book I was like wow stopping guy is great. He didn't shut up the whole fucking day loud. guy sweetheart of a guy. We became dear friends later on down the line sweet out of the guy, but that first day wouldn't shut the fuck up twelve hours. He didn't stop that that that that that that that that that that guess, what happens he's like number three on the list. They say his name? He goes on stage or suddenly becomes a fucking mouse. You can't. Even we sent me me me me me what the fuck you out, for twelve hours talking shit all day like you know everything about fucking comedy and you get I stayed in Europe and does he was like returned he didn't say a word. He didn't get a laugh and then he is later used to sell krink glow of trinkets at the store, in bracelets and shit like that nice guy, sweetheart of a guy, was from another country. Whatever you like, an immigrant from another country, great guy came. We ended up becoming good friends. I forget what his fucking name was, but you know all day
he's fucking pop and now it's time to perform any fuckin. Fucking Tibet, the bed yeah I went up. I did ok and afterwards the way. The line to get feedback. Jamie and when I sat down Jamie's, I don't even know what you're doing in L A this is my second day in fucking ally, not even a full fucking day. I just Jamie says to me: I even know what you doing in L. You don't belong here, you belong in LAS Vegas you're, a club back. Do you not a big time act? How do you think I felt people would have folded up their chairs and gone home. After that I looked at him. I said thank you for your input. I appreciate you know you don't think I belong in your club. I can live with that it's not the end of my fucking dream and let, happen. That Friday I talked to fully based pies at the leopard want me to go to the brave bull, Rudy Moreno, great guy, we're still friends. We still talk on Facebook, Rudy wouldn't call
me back, cuz really was getting overwhelmed with phone calls. Felipe said just go down, therefore, and show up and I went down and I showed the fuck up and blew up fucking room. forget. That was a guy named that Gilbert asked about another great fucking mexican dude He pulled me aside. He goes hey during doing on Monday night. I got nothing I'll, probably go down. The story had an acting class. Something goes Why don't you come by the laugh factory. I go gym Masada. Tormenting belong in the last act: Regos fucked him aside, he's not. There are Monday night. I run the show, I'm put YAP, and even though Jamie than like me Gilbert, put me up every fucking Monday at nine twenty five, nine fifteen nine o. I would twenty five hours. I would go next door eat for, like ten bucks, the sandwich place and what was let me know. So. I didn't do spots at the laugh factory during the week, but I'd
Monday nights in front of a fucking, great crowd and not a great time. And guess what the movies I got on my resume. Have two deals. I got half the things. I got with a Monday night at the laugh factory. so I didn't give up. Don't ever give as a comic. I don't give a fuck. What anybody tells you You have a dream, keep fucking pushing, that's one thing I learned that's what I learned in Seattle. that nobody fucking matters in your dream. Even me, maybe you call me tomorrow and go Joey. Go fuck yourself. the balls to say to you you don't Comedy it's a lie. There's nothing Joey could do there's nothing, nobody could duty and if they do what it's going to be some fuckin some worm comic was going to call and say give you fucking work, will guess what starts on tickets. You think the car, you think the comedy club owners give a fuck why
You think I'm so fucking done with this business because the ten years when I was opening up Rogan, they would pull. Rogan aside or they were pull me aside, or they would talk to Rogan and not talk to me and Duncan they would not talk to me and ARI or they wouldn't talk to ARI and Duncan. really want to talk to us. They just wanted to talk to Joe, and that was fine, Your feelings got hurt for about a minute, and then you realize what's going on it and you fuckin run with it and you look at that guy and you go some you're going to fuck me and someday I'm going to shove, my dick your ass and yoga. You are you looking at me going Joey? How can you say that about comedy club on is the truth had many a club owner that said shit to me and guess what Fifteen years later there were paid me telling me how great I was I laughed. I took the check I cashed. It but on the way home I felt sorry for them.
As they weren't really being them. what was a comedy club on a couple years ago: I'm not going to throw him under the bus, great club, great city, he told Fuckin Bert Croatia that this Podcasting was only going to last for a year to that he'd be begging him to come back first Fucking arenas with time now, but he told Bert that Bert told of us. He goes this. What this guy feels about! You know best begun in network now he says office. We all are to go fuck himself, He was all already backbiting already saying that we weren't shit, that the pi call Are you sure you're? Ok, don't worry about, and I can of Course the mapping on the phone I did that your across time and guess what at the end, day, though call you and say that we come to the show when you like that, I'm not giving you free tickets is a great stone region. Florentine. Tell me that that fuck em invalid time. I did the church and we talking about Danny Murphy just died,
but was on the charge me Burton Lee we tell him about Danny Mirror and I the rest, his soul, fucking cock sucker. Anyway, Danny murderer, told Jim Florentine. He didn't want to hire him God rest his Danny Marie's been dead for like fucking five years now, nice guy fuckin. What a fucking puke fucking guy call that guy was a fucking puke, but you he wouldn't hire jump and then Jim went to do a rock club somewhere. And the guy called the mistaken you leave tickets at the door. Gems like thought: no, I'm not leaving shit for you dad, I'm talking about. That's a real fucking comic when you don't give a fuck said the name of this episode plays it's your fucking dream Why you let somebody Piss on your fucking dream, whether Europe Comic a musician, a fucking, had dancer about stripper. It should
knocking dream, how can somebody fucking shit on it and even if they do. Push him, I'm a fucking way that you can't deal with that. Comedy is hard enough. Don't let Anybody make you quit this fucking game. give anybody the satisfaction, trust me when I Would you guys I used to go home at night and fucking cry when I lived in boulder. in cries he had, but a tunnel I got to Seattle, I wasn't crying anymore, I would cry and boulder. because I really wanted it. I knew it Had wanted for the first time in my life, I figured out what the fuck I wanted to do with my life and I, I like to be so deep in it, I wanted to be so good at it. I wanted to put on such a fucking good show. I want every joked about will guess what my dream happened. It twenty years for the fucking happen, but it happened. All that matters of my fucking world, dull red,
Anybody piss on your fucking leg especially now you right now we're still the fucking pandemic, because everybody still thinking like that that still like that when I found out that the comedy clubs would doing the young comics and they talk we clubs are doing it, I'm not going to call listen. Kuala listens of my business, I'm just what new young comics know that it's fucked open season on you guys, and then derail you don't let the money derail you the money. Will come later, do not I first got into comedy there was so many people who made fun of me under my breath like so you do this for how much fifty, hours. If I did, I get paid a lot. More am sure you would. You know, I'm sure you what they can get paid debt, only people. I see I saw even an ally try to fight and say to me so you do spot at the stuff. Came down,
was. Why would you do that? I'm going, here tonight, I'm making one hundred and fifty dollars. God bless you. I blush as long as we going to last how Is it going to ask you not enough tat good did the blow a smoke you fucking ass. That's how it starts. You know, Seattle was such good scene to me, I was very blessed in common, very fortunate, and I'm even the universe. Thanks for taking care of me, because I seen it, I seen people who got out of the business. Listen if you want to be in this fucking business, find the city not that way, not New York small city, where you could grow Detroit to gave great place. He now Utah has a great comedy scene. Has a great scene? Don't move to Texas to try to get on the Joe Rogan experience? That's not! work out fleet but
taxes as a whole to do comedy, you could get good, quick and fuck in Texas. Everything has a time. If you young comic everything has its time shopper two or three. You stay in fact, in your neighborhood, you know when I came to New York in ninety. Three come to New York to be a comedy. Star came to New York to get my head together to walk. The streets had worked as a young man to get strong again to prepare me, for the journey. I was only go on. I knew that why I came back here in ninety three I wanted to New York. I worked a little bit. It wasn't I could tell I wasn't going to stay here, so I decided to just strong, take care of myself. I I lift weights. I walked and I still I lead comedy. I went to many clubs and studied it. Even if the did I I was getting treated like shit at that time. I member
into a comic strip and they were like. Oh, you want to get on stage, have to sell tickets on the street and they will give you a book a ticket. So you had to come back with forty bucks you you made a hundred bucks, but you will keep fifty. You know what I sold the tickets. I kept all the money and I never and brought back there. Fifty thousand dollars fuck them my book cope with it. need to perform the college strip that fucking bad. I took that tickets somewhat. I don't sell tickets for these fuckin joke or are you? Are you from retarded Joey, I'm not tickets? For these please Motherfukers took my money I bought ok. Then it went back to the comic Strip, the New York Cobb was taking care of me old trip, limb was taking care of me. There was a couple young comics that ran rooms that were doing. Rooms and not bargain that was a restaurant, sixty nine street that did calmly like on Wednesday. One Wednesday a month I was going, I found my fucking thing, but I knew I was going to stay there. I knew was gone back the Colorado to try to be a fucking
that didn't work out, but let me tell you something: those eight Martin Colorado, thanks to Jimmy a beta bill, Bauer and thought Andy Paden those three guy I'm like fucking huge thanks because they took me under their wings. They gave me work. I was getting honest, every night and Fucking Denver before I left. that made me leave. Them was my problem, my ex wife. I got a feat or we can measure gonna Joey's calmly club. I met the stripper. I went back to fuck him I made up my mind about my future. She came I stayed with me for a week. We talked about Seattle. I made some fucking cause. you want to see Addle. I, when I use fuckin trouble, run for like five weeks to make money I ended up moving up there with her and I there on a Saturday night and I was at club the next morning, Sunday at Fuckin, twelve o, It was closed. I went back
Monday on the open mic night and I pushed the fuck forward and yeah I had a couple. Some problems up there, but it didn't stop me, being a comic and I'm very fortunate I went to Seattle and I did it the way I did it. I went to boulder. I went awaken the New York of who I was and what I was going to do, that this is a real fuckin business. You had a tough it up with his back in business. This was not. going to be a walk in the fucking park. I've never That company is a walk in the park it look and hide and, like I said, here from four years. To eight is the high? You could push through that you're good to go I became a regular at the store the six and a half years was, I ready not really. Plummeted. What I had at the time, I'm going to tell you what got me. rule. Although she is my stage presence my stay,
His presence was second to none from the very beginning, I knew how to lie. I knew at listen when who's, the stolen credit card. Acknowledging guy's Asian Guy's name like are go and then try to use his credit card. You got to act, Jack in saying you gonna like like Pablo Escobar. The gonna play Pablo White Wagner. Maura would have more Wagner, would have his name. Is he walks, fat, leggy skinny, but he walks fat like he's fat. I've never seen had done before. When I never seen that done before a skinny guy walked fat. If you watch narcos watch Pablo Escobar, the guy to ask him he will fat. He walks, like he's four you're bound, but he's really in fucking shape. I mean towards the end the season two It's Friday, let himself go they put padding on them, but don't believe fuck and hide the guy was such a good act. He walked back. That's like an amazing what you faked, the funk I watched bill. Hicks
Andrew I watch Kennison. I watch rob. I mean I was so many comics and one thing they had was on stage. They did not care, they faked the funk I didn't know what I was doing. I had no idea I wanna dad in fidget I gave you the impression that I didn't know what I was doing. Touch. The MIKE work would leave my abode in God, and I picked up the MIKE if you touch them. don't my dollar yell up? That's you years and security. After years of an experience, don't touch that MIKE. Don't touch it talk with your fucking hands. That's what I did in the very beginning. I just copied that from other people, it's not. Fuckin invented? It is I read in a fucking book now. Nobody fucking told me these all the things that you pick up in the beginning to fake the funk. You know walk in the room like you got twenty thousand dollars in your pocket. Meanwhile, at eight cent and three pennies
I fought them rather than dead and not even though shiny pennies. You know what I'm saying that those brown pennies that nobody wants, even the Hindu is sending a letter, looks at you when you give it to them. Like I don't want this fucking brown penny like that fuck, em Brown, the pennies were Adam. give a fuck how broke you are, or you walking in that network of stays. Like you all that fucking club. you all that Fuckin club DOM ever let anybody like it. People always told me, we don't like him until we don't like that. I don't give a fuck. You know I'm going sell it to you in a certain way. You made like, like my material, I'm going to sell in a certain way and guess what material either, but I'm going to sell it to your time. The sultan you're gonna pay me That's the way it's going to be so again and don't let nobody fucking piss, in your dream, as a comic right now, it's tough out there, it's tough in the world right now, it's tough all! getting a laugh is probably
It was tougher than it used to be. I I dunno. I don't believe in that shit. All audiences are the same to Uncle Joey. I never said you know. In the beginning, I didn't like performing the but who had hair. Like me, like white hair people out we'll go fuck, I hate these people, not going to laugh. I would I would bomb before I even went up. They don't do that to yourself loved, every fucking minute of it as a young cow, get yourself into a groove. Get yourself the listen I was I was Are you fortunate that I had Josh ahead Panem anew had Brody. Add them Some comic said, died from Seattle. I forget what his name is. He won I later on and bought a club and love. He was very good to me. You know I have to find you a little may circle learn from them, take from that, don't get mad at them. You know listen. This is a business, it's not a fuckin. It's not! You know. If somebody doesn't pick you for something, it wasn't your turn, it was,
Your time keep your mind open. for years. I wanted to go to Montreal Montreal Montreal Montreal. They didn't want me, we'll excuses all. Does this with his hand on stage it it's annoying elite my little hand which bothers you onstage. Obviously we don't after a while give up you don't need that shit like give up naturally Give me an example used to be a club catch a rising star to be a Rainbow Princeton, New Jersey and LAS Vegas. The people ran at one nice flock and people. I sent them a tape and I call them every walking day for a fucking year, maybe two years, maybe two and a half I was dying. A work Reno, I was dying a word Vegas. I was dying, FUCK worth Princeton wont. Let me give you a story. Princeton sucked. I got toward an with the fucking guy neck
banned me from Princeton dying to do Reno. You want me to tell her you want to catch a rising star three years. I call that dude and the only thing about me. I will call you do you die, change a number of fucking hang up and hang up, I'm going to call back when I'm looking for Looking for work, I didn't take no for a fucking. I don't give a fuck you me work, I'm going to continue fucking torching, you I'm going to keep filling fuck, em, message box and Emily. Keep mailing your shit fucking brutal when I was into comedy when in that level, all my god you would hear from me Monday. At nine, am at nine. You don't know how many books will pick up the phone, allow Joey ideas here I want to know if you have any availability this week and they would go like oh joy, Did you call me back after twelve fuck? You clock starts I didn't give a fuck. I didn't give fox, whether you asleep and you why sleep and it's been.
in this time. I'd! Never up on myself. I didn't give a fuck, keep calm and keep sending them tapes. I remember when I moved to L A there was just there. Was this movie that market Wahlberg was going to do. and it was a Vinny Carlo turned me onto it was Vinny curdle story. It was Marcie WAR Burg, and then there was no plans. Yellow Dundee was a great story. I forget this Sheila Jaffe. If you look at the sopranos casting in ally was Sheila Jaffe and in New York it was whatever's some walkin. It was Christopher, Walken wife. She cast soprano they Sheila Jaffe was in LA. She was on the biggest biggest in the dog. When I found out about that movie Go home every night from the comedy store. Do coke and lick envelopes and send them out to people. I would lick blobs like envelopes like envelopes, joy, what
like a number of you, take em an alarm bell up. You put your resume in there with your buyer. When you write a letter handwritten not computer written handwritten and had also include two tickets fought for people, come see me at the comedy store. I would send those motherfuckers out every goddamn night, tat movie people casting directors, commercial agents, I didn't give a fuck goal was to send tell em blobs night and on it, forget that Three, my Sheila Jaffe again Need to see me for one of the roles, guys I and then ate a bag of dicks. I'm not allied lie. I in that it was a slow death, but, on the way out I'll, never forget her. Looking out may go enjoy before you leave hold out and she turned around and she gave him back to me and when I say it was a bag, it was fun. can a inches of headshots bios on emblems with free tickets. He goes
I don't need all these. I was like holy shit. She say she didn't. Throw them away. Between me and you collectively that had to be thirty had shots and I would send her a new headshot every time I resume would improve every time I added an extra credit or a claw to my resume. I would send them out to people I will the Tories for that shit. Sorry about that. At fucking, more guy coming Monday morning, early cocksucker, sucker listen to me. I. I just wanted to add on that Seattle, dang. I didn't say which secular That's yadda was probably one of my favorite thought and times in committee. It was. smart move. I was up there two and a half years. I got my head handed to me a lot of times, but. Sometimes you got to give you a head head to hand it to you when you're in Process, I'm very very
grateful to Seattle as a comic. today you know I don't know Podcast. I was saying that or who I was talking. who about it I know when it comes to Eagle. That's not my thing, but, what a pandemic a year. Eighteen months before the pandemic, I was The best that I ever was as a comic, I'm probably was fucked up human being the thousand milligrams edibles and all that shit we're in helping me. I was but ass. I was a good dad, but to be honest with you guys. I was a great fucking comic and I have a hard time. I beat myself up I tell you what I remember just remembered wanting to go out that and I didn't think about Bill Burr. I wasn't thinking. But Dave Chapelle, I was and thinking about all the guys are funny me and all that shit I was. Just thinking about what I was going to fucking do tonight.
I you don't know how many times I was on stage and people rolling And I would say to myself quietly. This is from my days in Seattle. These are from all the trouble runs. I did now starting to see it like. You know how, but God stated How do I learn this season knights. I would do Jimmy Abetas rooms like it was I was very thankful. For all that I suffered through those years and it wasn't suffering it was is struggling. You struggle drugs used. When money you're struggling to be the best you can be and people trying to take you out more all fucking directions and there's people, it's just life. The way like this is comedy this ain't, a fucking you I was very grateful while I was on stage I would think back like where I learned this from, and I would think back to my I'm at the underground. I still remember a Monday night that I got into a
with my stripper girlfriend drew me out. And I was so angry- I had one place to turn and that was the underground heroin, I plans and I wasn't gonna go down to the underground that night, but and ended going down and car brought me up for some reason. Somebody had a camera that night and I remember take my set, and I will again Everything I believed I went home and took a look at that set and I had The first time I learned to go off like I, what stage improvise what I was feeling like Fuk, I got it this more often. This is can amazing. I still remember the sweater I had on one of those fuckin tell us. What is that a white with the fuck him lines coming through it, the last you have it. I gave the rogue and I did decide college filament. The universe Colorado, where I can the guy. The whole thing I still remember the director and they,
Kashina Kessler. And I had there was a short film like a ten minute them so at the l? A the only thing I was sending out was this from Seattle that was a killer fuck said. I don't know what I was talking about: strippers I was talking about. You know this girl. That was date now she threw me out, and I forget jokes, I said, but it was the beginning of my energy like it was the first time I learned about energy like a holy shit. I raised my voice, going out of for four years. Just me the town and then I learned that your voice controls the fucking room that the volume of your voice. I learned it that night from looking at that tape I was like why I'm in the sense that tape to retain a laugh, fast rule. I said that tape to a couple of welcome I didn't get nothing from it. but I remember that that was about that was breakthrough night for me and it was like six and a half years and the calmly so.
I just want to let you know, there's a bunch of guys on page Round Sammy's adore man, and I see calmly club couple guys that follow me on Facebook. There's a couple as message me on Twitter and ask me questions about comedy. It's your world guys, don't nobody piss on your fucking leg and trust me. I know you're going to. I went Lloyd I know what hate is. I know what people wanting you, I know how that Somebody doesn't want you. I know exactly how that feels. Don't let that deter you hang in there. hang in there and when they talk you telling you whatever just think. Are you going to come back and shove, your dick up, their ass and eight or nine years about how they're going to suck it dick and light your cigarette and tell you the funniest person in the world. Even though you're not they're gonna say that they want start selling tickets and can money, you get your first little twenty minute special
I buy whatever is available next Netflix, Bo Yahoo, wait till they come around while always tell young comics when they come to allay they get a commercial agent. a commercial agent. Why joy? So you start looking. I soon Is a club owner or club Booker? What club agenda see you on tv weather, to commercial. Would you dressed up as a chicken, whatever the fuck it as soon as they see you on tv. They know they can't fuck with you, because you commercial and now that commercial could turn into a movie or series or you could blow the fuck up and that's what save me and allay and ninety eight I booked, though, tackle both commercials and all calmly comedy club on his side. I kept booking if you look my baby, looked airily on. Why let them know I was going to be fucking dangerous, because
once they see you on a commercial, a video, a tv show. They. Let me treat this guy differently, because if he did this, he could do that take that to the Motherfuking Bank back. I love you guys. Thank you for watching. Joey's joint always representing laughing I guess when you think about data, you guys been doing great with the laughing gas. Thank you very much for fucking support me. George Perez call me last night said he loves it. People love it. My friend Brett bread wasting jitsu lessons from loves it. It's a fucking weed love. You guys, I'm feeling a lot better. Thank you for. Support and the kind words you guys know. I was struggling for life eleven months I put that shit behind me, like I said I had all this anxiety. They put stop. Bothering me the anxiety. Fucking disappeared, I'm good tip top Magoo the teeth. Ok,
my gums are turning purple, but what you got to do it could be worse. You know nothing this to Little fucked up I've been to a sand. Was last night I started bleeding but this is all going to be behind this fucking soon guys Thank you for your support. Thank you for being on Patreon. Thank you for important the ice cream shop, and laughing gas and I'll see you motherfuckers Wednesday August fucking and you believe that it's fucking August already cock suckers the rent. This do I love you cock If you stay black I'll, be back Wednesday, what another fun filled episode of the joint. Thank you very much for watching on a Monday morning. I hope that helps a lot of young comics? Don't let nobody fucking crush your dream, like I said while they're telling you this you're. Can you seeing yourself to them in the asking them gone. I ride around I'll write you to check I love you guys have a great week stay black. Alright, want to thank you guys for listening today.
Love going back and thinking about Seattle because I didn't mention a lot of things during fucking, whatever during Ryan Sickler, Podcast, so I wanted to go out there and oh there's a lot of comics young comics struggling right now with the clubs and what the fuck is going on. But anyway the joint is brought to you by zip recruiter, listen, people are hiring. You want a job. Everyone is high right now. I said earlier. Millions job will be to get filled as business. Is keep reopening. How do you hire people fast, zip? I don't care if you have two hundred employees. It employees tries recruiter for free you have nothing to lose. Is the difference with zip recruiter? Okay, your job you're, not just in a fucking job, for some and George Modish show up. Ziprecruiter has, fancy technology that finds the best people for the job. I hope you get them at times.
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Transcript generated on 2022-03-20.