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117 - eGemony, Part 1: "Canadian Club"

2017-11-01 | 🔗

Part 1 of 3: A case of Canadian Club has been hidden in Night Vale.

This episode was co-written with Glen David Gold.

The voice of Hugh Jackman was Hunter Canning.

The voice of Missy Wilks was Lusia Strus.

Weather: "Lost Everything" by Mary Epworth maryepworth.com

Music: Disparition, disparition.info.

Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.

Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.


This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey Jeffrey Grain or here do you love this show and want to help us keep making it check out our membership programme now on Patria on our members, get awesome exclusive rewards, like directors notes for every episode, exclusive bonus track from our life shall recordings entire bonus episodes and maybe, if you're, really interested in a brand new character named after you on welcome to night plus we'll be posting. Surprise rewards that I can't tell you about just yet because it would ruin the surprise so appealing and no. It does go to welcome to like they'll dot com and click on membership, to sign up and hey thanks in advance. The suffocation of the ego eternal silence of the boy faceless yet screaming, and EL serving Orange. Why on tap, welcome
two listeners. We have a new sponsor Our show is brought to you by money when purchasing items. Please consider using money, it's changed universally in place of transactions with actual value money. He is available in handy ones, fives, sixes, eights and now twenties,
money, baby, habit, forming symptoms may include avarice, lack of introspection and frequent substitution of the phrase intelligent for wealthy. Please ask your doctor: if money is right for you and not with considerable vigour, when your doktor asked, if you think money will complete view, we have a visitor I'm just now learning about I've been ended a note by my new interned Gustaf. Gustaf says: spatial management has ordered him to bring this guest immediately to the studio Are you missing an eye Gustaf? nodding. Ok, let's see the note says it says to please welcome. Oh what wow I mean wow. Gustaf. Is this real, Ok, it is my honour and my privilege to welcome to the show Hugh Jack men. I wait you're, not the
few Jackman right, I like to think I am yeah you're not, but my children think I'm the real Eu Jackman. Our children are wrong, but go on mister who drachma and my name is you Jackman men, but not the issue. Here is my card use business card is a hologram he's projected straight onto my fingers, says is these senior vice president in charge of dream flew in saying at each Emily, its pronounced Egypt So it sounds just like head. I'm here solve a funny little mystery. I just now to open my briefcase here? Take a look at this That's a playfully magazine, yes December. Nineteen, sixty nine, it had the pictorial on bond girls. In case you don't remember. Oh, I can see that oh and there's also a feature on architect means of end up. Like your word, for it Mister Palmer. I only replay boy for the advertisements like this one, the one for canadian Club, ok, listeners Mr Jackman is showing me
Full page out that features six people hiking in dense, looking woods and two of them. Are carrying a sling of some sort and in the slaying is a case of canadian club whisky. Aha, the headline reads: on October: thirteen: nineteen sixty nine we hid a case of canadian Club deep in the Amazon Jungle. Here's how you can find it. Let's see actually quite entertaining the recluse maps and is then acrostic it cross. Dick, very good, Mister Palmer. It's a clue to. The case was buried now from Nineteen sixty seven to nineteen, seventy three Hiram awkward, distilled spirits db. A canadian club ran a contest where they had twenty one cases of canadian club. Whisky throughout the world from the dense. Is Alex of De Carta to the skyscrapers of Manhattan. The cable car tracts of San Francisco
cobblestone streets in London under thirty feet of water in the great barrier reef they re and adds with clues about how to find them and find them the People of the world did ever every single case was recovered. That's remarkable, Mr Bomber! We had a case under the ice caps of the North pole and people found it. We dropped on on Mt Everest mountains. So why do you think people wanted to find them so badly? As far as we can tell it has to do with people's desire to have alcohol ironic, it sank, the contest people weren't buying canadian club. They figure that it was wage cheaper and more fun to yeah and sail to the Cayman Islands and snorkel under the security fences of the International Monetary Fund, and then you know like remove
a case from the International Monetary Fund's moms poolside refrigerator, and that's exactly what happened to case number seventeen so sales plummeted bites later high. Walker, merge with Gunnar Hammond Warts, which was acquired by Bacardi Constellation Brands, which is now and acquisition of our little tech start up. Each ammonia No excuse me, but what does each moaning? Do we dream fluids got it turns out. There is one further a case of canadian club? It's been. For over forty years right here in night veil, here's the ad this is the November nineteen seventy three issue of playboy? No one read it on August.
Pretty we had a case of canadian club in night. Here's how to find it, but Projecting the rest of the add is black. We at each when he, after some internal discussion, believe that be why the case was never found. Must have been some kind of event. The printers that months brand liebowitz his interview with progressive rock band. Yes, keyboard is Rick. Wake. Men is perfectly fine for its first thirty seven pages, but then falls into a series of whom louts lit Annie, fine, generally, a light, hearted seven pages, but then comic Strip was just of louts little Annie, Fanny, generally a light. Hearted roll on men's gulf pants? I know you're not really sure what happened there further you'll see. That every cartoon as the in punchline- oh God,
Here's a bride on her wedding day and her mother is telling her it's under Cecil That's the punch line is on page twenty three with a desert, island and page. Seventy four here, the two cowboys at the saloon. Under Cecil's desk and is so odd, so missed Jackman. Why it. Does each ammonia want to find this case of liquor thought it would be fun and I look on your desk, why the cases Do your desk yet, but this desk wasn't even here in eighteen. Seventy three so you're telling us me! No well! I'm telling you to ask station management: oh I will I met me. They'll make you ve got a form and they can also peat fire with their minds. Also, they ve eaten p It will be for four way less a gust of. Come in here and show you what station management did here. I owe,
Is sitting were look? Ok, that's enough! Gustaf! Oh, I am prepared. I'm familiar with your station management and not afraid of them. Venus Lily, Agora, third markets and Jack had friends of mine who have you never learn the names of your supervisors? Mister Palmer! You need team. Building retreat I'll be back. Seen last me: you will you weren't, even the real you Jackman trust that man, Need to figure out what to do next, we'll be back after this. Life is meaningless. There are no guiding principles. Nor rewards. Now. We're punishments for how to live, just flashes of pain or joy, which
our only neurotic messages, not actual experiences, even pondering. Why we exist is a rudderless journey. Consciousness is a means to no end the sheriffs secret police would like to acknowledge that hearing. This will ruin your day. However, they are further authorized to announce that nothing. We have learned about nature described A process that occurs without purpose weaken point Two officials in understand what function. It serves a monkey spur us our fishes many arms, the acorns in your uncle Simons Branchy Beard that explode outward as stabbing bristles whenever Uncle Simon experiences. Fear
All serve a purpose, so it's possible that consciousness developed for a reason, larger than consciousness itself can conceive of the function of your mind is literally beyond comprehension which means that awareness pursued to its limits? only makes you aware of your helplessness You are without power in this life, except when you purchase items by using money This has been brought to you by my knee we're back and I'm in a jam. I mean it dont trust this huge Jackman nor his company? I mean, after what strikes Corp did to our town, I'm wary of any business conglomerate, although,
each mony does seem different friendlier. But what is this thing with looking under my desk, I'm not I should even look under my desk and me what if I find it, but if I don't find it every time, I've hidden under my desk. I closed my eyes and for good reason, I'm sorry Who distracted. I lost my notes, and now I dont even know what the news was supposed to be and Who starve went to go by some cotton balls and antibacterial spray for his missing? I. Well I mean honestly, I've never really low. Did any of these magazines. Before I mean Playboy was for other boys and girls, interesting listeners. Did. You know that Playboy magazine has a bunch of pictures of women across various careers with in depth profiles on their lives. I did not know this and others
pulled pictorial. This issue of all the women who have ever played James Bond in full ass dooms. Oh my god, look at these art taxes and pistols, and one of those on a motorcycle in the middle. Magazine there's even a fold out photo woman and cover roles and a hard hat Lee being a volunteer construction crew whose building houses in a hurricane ravage, Nova, Scotia, oh and on the other side of the full doubt there is up they meet questionnaire, would see. Turn offs include impatient people and tick bites. You know, I agree with that. Her turn. Ons include groovy, people good food overwhelming feelings of dread. Chanting. And all EL, the glow cloud all hail. The glow cloud, yes, the play.
Its name is Missy Wilkes, Missy, Wilkes, Cadet Missy Wilkes, who lives over on Kastler Street here and night fail. I mean they do Miller Eyes, tendrils. I wonder if its power simple that she knows where the case canadian club is well, it's a. None of us ass. Why w? Ok, that's allow hello! Is this Missy Wilkes! This is Palmer from the radio station, it's a little hut to explain why I am calling, but have you looked under your desk? Oh not yet, should I mean I kind of don't want to catch up. I've been waiting for this phone call for over forty years. You must look under your desk. The future of night fell depends
Have you been doing anything else heard in forty years? Well now not relay raised a family shot a guy once, but your stalling six. I'm not stalling what, but you know we really should get to today's weather
just when slack how much
and back have you looked under that? Did all I've not looked under my desk come on sea, so we Why does Mr Jackman want this so badly? Each mony recovered them after they bought all the other parent companies of canadian club. There
to send out one of their corporate prize, contested Sweepstakes Buzz marketing street teams to dream fluids. Anyone who stands in their way each a moaning finds in before you do. They will shrink night. So much the same way they ve drunk the soul of all other cities with a mixed up Since recovered a bunch of these across the world. Are you saying that Manhattan? San Francisco, London, the great barrier reef and the Cayman Islands. Don't have souls anymore, safe. Right, ok, right, going to look I am looking under my desk. And I'm fine, nothing there's nothing under here. Wait. Only when we would push been red one
and its holding an envelope to the underside of the desk. If Manila, yes and its addressed to me There's a there's a letter inside it's written and you can tell it's very old because it's written in cursive. It says dear Cecil, how are you we are fine, we're sorry we didn't write earlier, but we were unlearned our destinies and learn so many things. Small steps, then larger ones, then larger until we were almost flying, but flying because we had to undermine our expectations and then unlearn our limitations. So we gave up on time because that turns out Work, regardless of your expectations and no matter what you more so We learned what we needed to We learned so many essential things. He saw about work, love and complaining about work and love and we took the case of booze. If you want to find us you'll know us by our sign, and then
it signed with the smear a boom, this isn't just any foam its hold on Chino oh, my goodness, I have to tell Miss Wilkes that still here, oh Miss will I know where the case of canadian club is where it's in the cave outside of town. It's been taken by the Burmese. The worst possible news. The bereaved are no match for bus marketing, street teams, the bereaved gentle people, soft of spirit and jolly of countenance whose dreams are only influenced by the purest loves, now more outsourced manipulations, the bereaved does a rosy and innocent they gamble like Lamb. So you ve got the war
That I will I will thank you, Miss Wilkes listeners. This is terrible. I dont know what to do. I don't Like warning people about things, I mean warnings linked to consequences and we all know how much I avoid consequences. In fact, one way to be thoroughly insulated from consequence and that's too acute late enough money. But I don't have any money A station management recently switch their payroll protocol from cash to twitter followers and grew ponds for local spas, screwed Cecil think think think think thick state do now for the sounds of chewing amplified to the threshold of pain, good night, nine veil good night.
Welcome to night veil is the production of night they'll presents. This episode was written by Glenn David Gold with Joseph Think and Geoffrey trainer and produced by Joseph think. Voice of night. Veil is Cecil Baldwin. The voice of you jack men was Hunter canning, the boy some Missy was Lucia, stress original music by disposition. All of it can be found at dispersion, dot info or at. Inspiration, dot band camp dot com- this happened, those wetter was lost everything by Mary find out more at Mary upward dot com comments, quest hence email. I sat info at welcome to night, fell, dot com or follow us on twitter at night fell radio, or I have a dream in which you get a paper cut and a rich Starks we'll pours out check out. Welcome tonight felt
com for more information on this show and the twenty seven city book tour for our new novel from the world of welcome tonight, veil, it devours, which is currently happening right now. Today's proverb people always say before I die If they haven't already begun, the process. High above Paris near that very top of the Eiffel Tower here in all new adventure featuring this janitor, I can come. These stage have petitioned and this drunken out of control. Diva flattery, look at nowhere except my dressing room
the orbiting human circus in naughty ten new. You listen now found TAT N Y, see studios a nightmare, presents. Trx.
Transcript generated on 2020-02-15.