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199 - Guidelines for Retrieval

2021-12-01 | 🔗

The Sanitation Department will now allow citizens to retrieve something they once disposed of but now wish maybe they hadn’t been so hasty.

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Written by Brie Williams, with Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. https://twitter.com/briezillionaire

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
hello, Europe and the Uk Jeffrey Crane, or here with some really spooky news welcome tonight. Veil is coming to haunt you. Yes, you, Europe and the UK. We have some unfinished business and we are so very excited to announce that will be bringing our new life show. The who. thing of night veil to Europe, and the UK in autumn of twenty two. This is our biggest ever UK in Europe. Tour Cecil Baldwin, along with the rest of the night, though cast and crew, will be coming to Helsinki, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, Homburg, Warsaw, Vienna, Prague, Munich, Berlin, Cologne, Utrecht Loo and Paris leads Nottingham, London, Manchester Glasgow, Bristol Brighton, Dublin,
Galway and cork tickets for only shows go unsealed December. Third, with a patriot precept starting right now: we ve been waiting a long time to come, see all of you and share almost fun scary, weird and heart warming show yet and all oh hey! Listen! If you're in North America, we start or tour in your part of the world in March tickets are on sale for all of our. U S and candidates right now. So all of the info for tour dates in Europe in the Europe, the Uk Europe Canada and the? U S is all at welcome tonight: build dot com, slash, live until then Dunker messy talk and stay weird. Why come to the seductive, an unsettling imaginary world of limited capacity as six part biology series from CBC Podcast about the strange and twisted ways we interact with the internet and with each other punctuated with. Dark, humor and surprising twist each episode
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shipping and returns gifts are easier than ever The holidays are coming up faster than you think. Now is the time to knock out that give list and avoid the last minute shipping scramble, especially because right now, Artlessness will get fifteen percent off site wide with code holiday at Bay a way, conduct com, slash night veil, go to buy Ray conduct, com, slash, night, fail and use code holiday today to get fit percent off? tire waken order by become dotcom, slash night fail. It's there, time of year, again the day start getting shorter minute by minute or by our DEC it by millennia. The dark, yes grows even closer and pumpkins ice lattes, our back, welcome to night veil.
We You are a long long way from mandatory annual spring cleaning day the wind is upon us and its time. I'm the stockpile do not clean, do not through anything away, don't even think about getting rid of those ill, fitting pats or your stack of junk mail or that box. of stale flavour ruse. This season is shaping up to be an especially harsh one we're seeing snowfall for the first time in our little community like a lot of snow. These are not the false snows that we have experienced in the past
snow is heavy and cold and ceaseless it block the doorways and freezes the pipes. It makes the air hard to breathe, so keep in mind baggy pants could provide an added layer of warmth that junk mail could be used to feed a fire. Those hard style. Flavour ruse might sustained you when you run out of food, keep everything Our survival depends upon it in Russia. Wants to the extraordinary conditions I have new guidelines from these sanitation department about an opportunities for citizens to retrieve certain items from the landfill facility. As you know, the landfill facility does not and has never accepted physical objects, the land This facility only accepts nonphysical waste, such as memories, ideas, relationships behavior thoughts and regrets.
all items interred at the landfill are guaranteed to be safely locked away forever or they were. Until now, the penetration departments holiday, hoarders special will allow citizens the chance to retrieve something they once disposed of, but now wish. Maybe they should. I've been so hasty. Each person may only select one item and other very specific conditions apply. We will get Those shortly first, the news. There isn't much news right now, since no one is leaving their house and everything is closed due to the storms, but in its play I am pleased to announce a new feature on our program that night EL tree of the month that current three of the month is the creosote Bush. fifteen thousand years ago, giant camels, roamed, the American West. They
recalled camel ups when humans arrived in the area, they began hunting the Campbell UPS, the humans would make weapons out of their bones, and so the creatures would be killed by the sharp and bones of their own children or parents or France they soon extinct, because this was so insulting, but before they all died. They were up Peaceful society who enjoyed lumbering walks through the desert and eating tough fight. Shrubs once Shrub is called the creosote Bush. You know it well. thrives here strangled any mere by species a plant and prevents other routes from forming anywhere near it. Nothing really eats it anymore because, frankly, it's disgusting. nothing at all, like a tasty flavour rule, even one that his bricked from days of dehydration on your kitchen counter.
traditionally a jack rabbit if it's very hungry will eat the bitter smelly leaves of the creosote Bush. Is this because Jack Rabbit has lower standards or is this because the Jack rabbit as the ability to transcend out to our new interned Carol homes for putting together that segment. Care wanted me to share that. They are aware that a Bush is not a tree, but The trees around here are quote really boring for why she pitch the segment in the first place, but I suspect she didn't think it would actually get approved. We care but what you mumble at the morning staff meetings Carol now back to our special offer from the sanitation department. Let me read directly from the organizations press release, just as I was trained to do in journalism, school. we saw you that day who came here alone. As everyone does, you see,
but at the edge of the shrieking chasm careful to behind the yellow safety line. You bring merely one item but a lot of items you had accumulated for a long time that word now so heavy they were, approaching the weight limit of acceptable refugees as a site note, we can technically accept any amount of happiness at the landfill, but for you oh good, you should never let your garbage exceeded eight on our one to ten scale. If, or unsure of the weight we have paper evaluation forms available which allow it was circle, the cartoon animal that best industry the size of your load, it just from small rat two large rat. We also have a scale which translates weight to heat. And you can select from a simmering part to the full of the sun. We also have a blank piece of paper and crayons
You must fill the entire page for an accurate measurement or this green means you are at capacity. as a reminder. Please do not recycle your paper evaluation forms at the landfill. They are made of physical matter and will be rejected. That day, you were Orangist green, the face of the sun and a large rat. You did a deep, clean, you spend a lot of time, collecting every scrap of waste from every hidden corner and crawl space and locked drawer. You ve ever owned, I'm going walk away from that landfill new person. You said to yours offered determination, I've kept this junk out for long enough. It's time for a fresh start. That was what you thought anyway, But you made some mistakes that day in our eagerness to be rid of it all. You acts
Italy, through way something that was very important to you and now you want it back. more from the sanitation Department on exactly how to do that. A message from our sponsor. today show is brought to you by flavour, ruse, after being discontinued for decades, you can once again enjoy the popular after school. Snack made from synthetic kangaroo meet. Take trip down under way. Flavour ruse, peel off them, I stick wrapper and transport yourself to the wild Bush of the outback you're in a cheap it is deeply rooted and are going too fast rolls down your neck as you jumped up and down in your seat, slow down, The constant jouncing causes a throbbing ache at the base of your skull, but you don't want to slow down some It tells you you must go quickly, move rustles. The tall grass
fevered eyes, catch a glimpse of God. What is that the road ends. You are surrounded by grass like whispering, yellow ocean. You have entered its territory. Each single serving package of labour ruse contains ten synthetic meet discs. One cubic into thrusting and up. out of a rainbow sprinkles. This has also been traffic And now back to the updated guidelines from the Sanitation Department quote. You come here almost every day now even though the roads are closed and your coat is too thin for the weather. you don't even have a hat or mittens, you must be freezing, you stand behind the Yellow safety line peering over the edge, just as you did that First day you dont know exactly what you're looking for
would you know is that something is missing after that. First, trip to the landfill you felt great You were living inside of each moment. Weightless There was so much joy, almost aggressive joy. things that you used to think were mundane became sources of pleasure. Driving to the store, was an opportunity to sing with the radio. We, the laundry with sensory feast of color and texture it was kind of annoying to some of the people around you, but they didn't say anything mostly they were, happy for you I had no desire to ever come back to this place and you felt no regrets about all the things you'd left here, not at first not for a long long. While It started with snow when the first snow came, the power went out
your neighbors gathered candles and cooked on camp stoves, but you did nothing. He sat at the dark shivering when you mustard any energy. You used. To weep and curse before you came to the landfill, you were the one taking food to the neighbours or calling the public utilities department to make sure things were getting fixed. You use take care of so many things and people that it became overwhelming because she started doing it. They expected, it grew depended on you to stop, would be active cruelty. You felt, and you weren't a cruel person. You were nice person. Instead, you scented people instead we're frustrated with yourself you We need to create some boundaries and in to grant therapy mean told you but suddenly seemed like or responsibility on top of everything else.
then, thankfully, the landfill opened up. So You simply added it to the pile, though feelings of frustration and responsibility in guilt. But now you wonder, as you watch your breath steam into the air and hear your stomach grumbling did I lose the ability to take care of myself when I start taking care of other people that could be it But then again there are so many things that could be. You got really So many things, maybe it was the estrangement from a relative poured, the shame from flunking, eighth, great math, poor the words you left and spoken to a lover, the one at the hospital in Madrid who had asked. And two Tivoli about buying a ticket on with you to Barcelona, but you left, next morning on your own. If it was that dear you hit with your car on the highway or the Look on its face when you got out and approached it both of you covered in blood and embarrassed.
He started down into the ditch shaking as it looked up at you and hissed. This shall not be forgotten and then, Melted away before your eyes into a pile of bones, as if it had been dead, for years. after you got rid of all that garbage the positive things in your life became ecstatic and the neutral things became positive, but now to realising that the negative things even the smallest annoyances did not Down shift to neutral as you'd expected, but up shifted to devastating It was like you were starting over and each new pain was fresh and harsh and unexpected. you have. No defence is left. No resilience and there it is that's the problem. Isn't it.
There isn't any one single thing you throughout that day, but the sheer quantity of things you nothing to offer you protection or to guide you from experience. You got rid of all the monsters in the closet, but you all The threw away the bravery you found when you open the door. them in the eye. we at the Sanitation Department have seen this happen before we're working on new guidelines for the amount of waste that any one person can drop off at a time where between communication directors, though so it will be a while before that guideline is released, interim director, isn't really up to the job. To be honest, this isn't your field at all? They were the school for Television Broadcasting for writing. Municipal press releases like this one. What is press release supposed to look like? Is this
press release because we say It is a press release if we, were to just release something to the press. Would that be a press release? What about it? Freeing up Pat Cox Deal, I mean, if you say, hey Bird go to the press. Is that exotic avian now a press release we, I have no idea what we're doing, because our interim communications director got a meaningless broadcasting degree. They wanted to produce feel good human interest segments on a local news channel somewhere. Not. a huge metropolis, but now a super small town either at nice, medium sized city, they thought somewhere like Tulsa or Knoxville or Santa Rosa. It seem like such an attainable dream. So how did they end up? Writing sanitation guidelines, press releases in this God forsaken town? How did
even get to this town in the first place and, more importantly, how do they get out? The point is you got rid of too much too fast And now you want to get it all back resort it be a little more methodical and some calculated decisions, but unfortunately it doesnt work like that, as we have stated here, only retrieve one item, so the only thing I can do now. You think as you start to panic, is figure out the single biggest thing I left that day scariest memory The heaviest burden, the worst experience the biggest struggle. I have dig it back out and take it home with me for ever. You think I need
because the snow is still falling and I have to build a fire and feed myself and the snow will soon be the least of my problems. Certainly, worse. Things are coming worse, things always are we at the Sanitation Department took the liberty of adding forever to your thought because that's another guideline of our limited time special. You may they choose. One item you can never bring it back here like never. ever, did you Also here I say that this is a limited time offer the hours Our ticking away. back to the guidelines in a moment, listeners first, as The snow drifts down and down then down the weather,
Why not.
Here now is the remainder of the sanitation departments, press release, oppressed please stay is a good day because I dont actually have to research or preparatory bag. Happy holidays to me. and so made or decision you ve come once again to the shrieking chasm won. T edging over the yellow safety line. The eye You ve chosen to retrieve is large. It's one of the biggest things you brought that day item alone is the size of a medium rat and the heat of a noonday desert. You do really want it back, but you aren't sure what else to do. Don't hesitate, you tell yourself just take it. Take it quickly and leave, but still you do hesitate, you hesitate and you hesitate,
You are standing there still and the snow is falling steel. We can't make any guarantees, but would it help to tell you that items often become lighter the longer their left here? It's not. Particular service that we offer just an observation. We have made many b. find that once their separated from their non material waste for a while, it has somehow become more manageable. In the meantime, even that thing you saw behind the abandoned warehouse and never told anyone about, though you You should have even that's sudden lost the one that felt like you were, being sucked out of the window of an airplane right in the middle of eating or stack and watching a Tiffany had fish comedy, even though a period of time in your life that you already buried once long. Before you ever buried it here. Of course, you don't have to take it
think back at all this. This merely gave one time courtesy from this, notation department, it's your decision and we don't want to rush. You We are here for you. We support you, please Take all the time you need. you have until midnight tonight and thus ends the new guidelines for retrieval that such a night. offer from the Sanitation department, a little long winded, maybe, but I don't want to be too critical eye. Their public communications department has had a lot of turnover lately anyway, I definitely will be taken them up on that offer this week. There's this Vivid recurring nightmare I used to have that would make a rate in empty.
Stay to next, for the audio, only presentation of the nineteen twenty five silent movie battleship, pumpkin Be sure to listen for these six minute, visual montage sequence that made this film and enduring classic, happy hoarding night veiled, goodnight, welcomed I feel, is brought to you by progressive. Have you try the name, your price tool, yet it works just the way it sounds. You tell progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance a day will show you the coverage options that fit your budget. It's easy to. To quote and you'll be able to find a rate that works for you. It's just one of the many ways you can save, with progressive get your quote today at progressive, got, come and see why four out of five New Otto customers recommend progressive, progressive casually insurance company in affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Jeffrey, greener, again talk there
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This episodes where there was a lonely impulse undermine by twin beds, find out more at twin beds, have got band camp dotcom comments, questions email is that in fell at welcome tonight, veiled dot, com or followers on twitter at night, no radio or scream at a tree. What is a tree ever done for you check out, welcome tonight, veiled dot com for info about our upcoming twenty twenty two live tour. We are once again bringing our weird little town to your little town. Today's proverb, sick, be absolutely diseased. Be that be is a way devour the earth. Children.
Hey, listen, there's a fine podcast. It's me how Lublin Podcast Europe and friend and Mean MEG dash manner upon castor and acquaintance, and me Symphony Sanders Podcast, her and friend with benefits. We are happy to tell you about our show good morning Nightingale. If your hip to recent trends like jewel, Cardy being collusion, then you like, we have already started listening to our official welcomed. It might feel we capture. I read about jewel in many ordinary. Why was on the toilet, weekly episodes, feature interviews with the cats and creators plus listener theories? Questions at my exact wishes for disposal of my body when I die, if you haven't listened yet, we understand we also have stuff going on to you know. We are also very busy busy making a pike ass for you about a pod cast. You love just know that we're here for you, when every you're ready in your podcast them and in your hearts, forever yours and found them and friendship of every kind, love you is it jeweller Julie. I don't know, I think maybe it would be amended.
Toilet right now. X.
Transcript generated on 2021-12-01.