A vague yet menacing government agency needs a special message delivered. Plus, Cooking Stuff with Earl Harlan, a mysterious thank-you card, and strange goings on near the haunted baseball diamond.
The voice of Earl Harlan was Wil Wheaton.
Weather: "The Bends" by Doomtree (doomtree.net)
Music: Disparition, disparition.info
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com
Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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say things like pain is just paying entering the body and if
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come tonight, veil, dot, com, click on store and hey. You deserve the best.
There's nothing under your bed, nothing,
we'll go check it all out at welcome to night veil dot com slash.
Are surrounded by nothing. You cannot
skip it welcome,
to night, I have received several urgent facebook messages and Twitter DM from a vague, get menacing government agency asking
to deliver the following message:
write me Dep.
They said that there was nothing secret or important about the message and it is
certainly not related to any ongoing deep under cover operations, but they can only communicate with using code word suddenly buried in local radio broadcasts. It wasn't any.
Crazy, like that they just thing
It would be cool.
Hear me say
Do your deepest smoothest voice, they said
really sell. It really give it your all. It would
I guess so happy, please it's our
Earth day, oh dear,
not mention it's totally our birthday. All right in Europe
fast voice, say it
Brian need debt.
There you go, they get menacing government agency happy birthday. The
faceless old woman who secretly leaves in your home and higher
make Daniels who,
is literally a five had a dragon both former
candidates for thee may oral role now filled
I did a cardinal
were seen muttering together in a booth at the moonlight, all night, diner or high
from was seen. No one has ever
actually seen the faceless old woman, but we all know that she is there. When we
we're comment by.
A nosey person sitting in the booth next to them, Hiram
explained that they were just chatting and were not
involved in any sort of plans. Oars schemes at all
He then held a conversation with himself about this matter. Each
at providing a different viewpoint in five different voices. The gene
still, which was
They were not planning any thing.
Definitely not the faces
Old woman scratched with what seem to be a long jag id finger nail into the soul of my shoe this morning. That's ludicrous
She suggested with a
flickering shadow in the corner of my eye as I walked to work, we
would never she whispered.
From behind me just now.
Moving on another
instalment of what I imagine is our listeners, favorite segment cooking stuff with Earl Harlin
as the name applies, we have my childhood friend and current sue chef at night veils hottest restaurant tourniquet with us.
You're in the studio. Earl. That's me yes,
well all just a few months ago you showed us how to cook tiramisu, and that was the life full of. Please don't coquette recipe
that's me get well Earl. Just a few months ago you showed us how to cook tiramisu and that
Lightfoot, oh, please, don't go terrorism. It is extraordinarily poisons
tell her listeners and me, of course, what you ve been up to since we last spoke
mostly I've been working mostly living.
I ve been spending time with my son,
trying to remember when I had a son
trying to understand the flow of my life and how I don't remember going from being nineteen to the middle aged adult I am now. I was
team for so well sure, that's all
Like fine I'll tell you lately
I've been getting into crosswords just
stop doing them doesn't even further.
Like. It's me doing dumb like it's,
some one else compelling me to do them. Sometimes I pick up
crossword. I've never seen before only to find it's been com
we build in with my own handwriting.
Well, I'm glad we both been up to such fun. Things Cecil think what
here. Were you born? So what are we cooking up today? Earl, ok! Well,
today we are making pulled pork that sounds yummy. It is an
or could not be simpler. To make to start off with.
You will need to kill a pig.
You will need to find a living pig. He kill that pig
probably need to hold down the pig. The pig struggle
there will be blood and some of them will be fixed
The pig will want to move, but you
need to make die that pig.
It need to die the then
You will need to dismember the pig, the pig
would be a fool being, but you
not be able to eat it like that. So
you need to take it apart. There will be
lives and hacking. Skin we'll have to go,
peel back that skin and take the muscles and subcutaneous fact, which is the party will consume Lee.
The bones and skin behind to rot.
slow cook it with some vinegar, some sugar ants in Chile put it on a bus,
and there you go pulled pork
Can't wait to try that
it seems so easy
I'll just use one of the pigs I have at home. I'm sorry if I seem down, or else you so long. I've been going through a lot
who I understand. This has been a difficult.
Time for me to
Carlos is away, and we talk
regularly, but it's not the same as the physical presence of someone you love. You know. I know
that's what we do when we have someone special enough to merit special effort,
I'm proud of you for working through this and I'm proud of you
for dealing with how weird time is: oh
for raising a sign. Somehow
What is your son's name.
I wish I knew well.
In great catching up
I will see you again soon, Earl.
I received another flurry
Of messages from a vague get menacing government agency saying that, well,
thanks for saying those words for us. That was great of you, but it ll
it's like. Maybe it didn't work, what didn't work? They were
publicly asked not important. They were,
plied to themselves.
As we said, that was
certainly not a code word for an undercover agent who apparent
he wasn't listening to the radio when they were supposed to be, which is by the way, their only job, and there
duty and their life's mission to be listening to instructions from headquarters. So now
no biggie, but maybe
just do something as simple as listen to the radio. At the time we tell you to anyway. None of that
is important. The agency
continued, and there is no particular reason where asking you but
the agency continued and there is no particular reason where asking you
hey it's also, our friends birthday. We forgot to mention that. Please say it again, so ok here goes
Brian me: death
Happy birthday to your friend I
hope you enjoy that, but I really
He can't keep interrupting my broadcast with this stuff little.
The coach Betty Loose Zero is reporting that there are strange goings on near the
he haunted baseball diamond her team uses for practices and league games.
No. No. No, no. I know it's haunted. She said
get that you don't have to explain that to me. I'm saying that there is other weird stuff going on beside the usual ghosts. She went on to describe anguished Howells, coming from a neighborhood near by and a red glow at night that made her skin feel loose and ici when she looked directly at it. She also said that the baseball diamond has started to smell of rotten eggs, which is a detriment to her teams performance. As we spoke, an apparition of a grey skinned young woman in a tattered dress appeared hovering on the base line between second and third. I may have yelped a little, maybe scrambled backwards, a bit bud coach, loose, zero, laughed and said: oh, that's, just Lucia our third base coach. She died in eighteen, forty three say: hi, Lucia the young woman flickered out to view then reappeared suddenly inches from my face her pupil, less eyes staring directly into mine. I responded in a professional and calm manner and coach loose arrow laughed for unrelated reasons, not anything to do with how I may have reacted and said: that's our Lucia. She then went on to say that she had a bad feeling about the weird goings on near the baseball field and she probably said some other things, but I was running away. So I didn't hear hers super well, oh listeners, this,
I received mail today I didn't
think mail was still being delivered not after what happened at the
post office, but here it is an
envelope addressed to one Cecil Palmer in neat handwriting, with the address of the station right underneath.
If you want to send us any mail sense, a pair
that is a thing which exists and is working now.
Her address is
Please do send stuff in its always nice to hear from vans, but back to this anvil
Maybe this is silly, but I waited
to open it. Until I was on the air, it seem more fun if we could.
Find out together what was inside. I am I'm.
I get now- and here we go it's. Oh it's a greeting card.
It says thanks so much on the front and it has a picture of a cat playing with a ball of yarn. Well, that's just the cutest, although I
I'd! Imagine why someone sent me this card, I'm I'm opening heads o o
a photo fell out out dang it.
Behind a desk, the
side of the card. Just has the words. Thank you for what
You did printed
and then it signed Erika over.
And over in multiple handwritings hot mummy. Let me try to grab that
oh no, I'm going to have to crawl under the desk
While I do that here,
word from our sponsors
today's broadcast is sponsored by Kobe Beef. The leave then ass. You push all right listeners, I, ah I got the photo and it's it's a photo of me.
At city Hall, I'm fighting off a pack of antique
in front of the mayor's door, but that wasn't me in Turn Hector did that last month he came back with them
eight, I don't remember
ever leaving my desk when the antiques attacked our mayor. What what is this photo? It must be fake, doesn't look fake; no, it must
you think right. Why would I not remember saving the mayor,
or on this later, as I
ACE, my fragile self, and try to understand my own reality?
ok now, this is getting out of hand the
Get menacing government agency sent me a snap checked and several anonymous asks on Tumblr saying
that they were happy about me doing that whole broad casting their secret code word thing before Bud:
that the message didn't seem to be getting through, or
it's not a message that was poor phrasing on their part. Sorry
they're, just flustered talking to their favorite radio host
I meant to say that they have
had the best birthday ever yet and now
there has their friend plus they
forgot to mention millions and millions of people have the same birthday is damn
of how many people have their birthday today and all of them. The agents.
I want you to say that little thing again, just
in your smoothest, deepest voice.
They say that they ve made it. So our station is currently broadcasting on every single radio frequency.
So no one could possibly miss these special birthday greetings and it will finally be the best birthday ever
This is the last time. Ok, I'm doing
just once more.
Here I go and
really try to enjoy this, because I am not doing it again.
Brian, we dare
you're shouting coming from the break roommates at sunset,
There's there's also shouting coming from outside alive
roar of voices stumping feet of a crowd. These birthday
things were apparently very special. I need to go see
what this commotion is about, I'll, be back soon
in the meantime, those with birthday.
Those who were never born, I take you through the weather.
No, no, no, no
on the first clearly whereby one against and one that was being on the wind edge, the broadly dredged in western amendment government a page one month. The Yemen O Brien nation restrain wait a second. How did he seem over himself name on it? They nodded to the train. Is the border with the morning had done through the back door, with Mama sign on the platform silence broken down by the way? What everybody knows it along the coast was more like you, don't make no Batman what people may have a Mahina hammer when the next day no deeply them, I suppose they lost. Where do you bring your customers somewhat by the prospect of a blood from a silver bullet? Holes assumes the pull it when I got the county prices supply a bullet in the wax one sees them. How many came down didn't even with the boys are deemed by giving them the other stricken at sea? I really felt heavy so lightly. Gotta, my wife, my play on the natural, then in a black bodies damping every day, murders brief achieve anybody else was really dirty. Looking for good, I just thought that these products are not pleased as I go away which awaits made of amazement. The raising of naval airborne silence while longer child access by rebounded bigger, bother me at a time when a little longer so alarming the dogs at a meeting with abortion. I don't want them up at the bottom of my boma. You must do their work. Good, nonverbal cream, with oh geez, slightly ass, glad to neglect wrangling over your son went them all. Their memory good have been planned with the wings and a job with the breeze. These democratic, during the keys to the club and, above all the next day, more better than they do by, but us
I'll tell you that was quite a scene. I will tell you right now:
It seems that briny depths was in fact a code word.
Which they had warned me about that for
an undercover agent in the field, unfair,
Fortunately, it see
that it was the code word for
every secret agent in the field, the
signal for all of them to do
every nefarious action that they had been planted years ago to perform all.
We're town people with
Of his friends and family review
themselves to be carefully planted agents
The bear week days
shift manager at the roofs grab the dish,
count, soup, display and carried it
an unmarked van
had been sitting in the parking lot.
As long as anyone could remember, and
drove wildly away, hundreds
of bushes and trees leapt into action
revealing themselves to be suit and sunglass wearing agents in disguise, using clever com.
Dooms that fooled all of
for years, such as whole
being a hand written sign that says I am a tree
Larry Leroy out on the edge of town lit his refrigerator,
on fire bud,
he said that wasn't because of any secret agent stuff. He just wanted to do that. Someone
had suggested it to him once, although he could not,
remember who, in fact it seems that
free single person in night veil
was actually a secret agent waiting to be activated. We had
all been implanted with the exact same code phrase, which is
the kind of sloppy organisation that is just what our government is coming to or whatever and such you know, look honestly
My heart isn't in this reporting
blah blah everyone. We ve ever known is secretly an agent, but here I am listeners
secretly a hero
secret. Even from myself, it was
Hector who saved Dana, but me me
acting without memory or agency. What
is happening to me
not remember something so huge. I I need to talk to Carlos.
Perhaps science can help me saying,
So rarely applies to the real world, but once in a while, it provides a nice metaphor or turn of phrase that makes you think about real things differently. I am I'm hoping Carla's can do that for me
that everyone has been activated as a secret agent and did the one thing they were secretly supposed to do for years.
Everyone has just gone right back to doing what they had been doing before everything
back to normal.
So that we all know we are all secretly under cover planted agents, ear to spy on each other, and since we all know it, we are no longer secret agents. We are just ourselves secretly, listen, I know it's confusing.
But I didn't invent logic. Our extra to rest
real ancestors did state do next.
For all the air being sucked out of the room. Your in we're sorry were so sorry, but this is the only way good night night veil, good night.
Welcome to night veil is a production of commonplace books. It is written by Joseph Think and Geoffrey trainer and produced by Joseph thing. The voice of night veil is Cecil Baldwin the voice
The Earl Harlan was: will weaken original music by disposition. All of it can be found at dispersion, dot info or disposition dot band camp dot, com
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I want my haters thee, my motivators, mostly
They tell me I suck and then I get sad this
the terrible idea.
Hi, it's just a thank my friend, Jeffrey Nigh, created. Welcome to night fell back in twenty twelve, normally were the ones turning our ideas into writing, but for our brand new show start with this. It's you who do the creating
Episode will talk about a topic as the creative process. Then we will give you two short assignments: something to consume and something to create. You can share your work on our membership for him to see what other people are up. Do we want you to start creating one simple assignment added time, because the best way to start writing is to start writing, find it where ever you get your part casts.
Transcript generated on 2020-02-15.