« WTF with Marc Maron Podcast

Episode 1041 - Juston McKinney

2019-08-01 | 🔗

Juston McKinney’s story keeps coming back to New Hampshire. It’s where he grew up, where he lost his mother at age six, where his father was a homeless alcoholic, and where Juston became a cop. He tells Marc why he joined the police force in the first place, why he gave it up for comedy, how his background as a cop made him a hot comedian with TV deals and big money promises that all went away. Through the career ups and downs, Juston always finds himself back in New Hampshire, for comedy purposes and for his family. This episode is sponsored by Good Boys from Universal Pictures.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey folks, sort of trust will be opening in nearly fifty new theaters this weekend, including my hometown of Albuquerque NM. It will be in more than seventy five theaters across the country this, again and about a twenty theaters total by the this summer so go to sort of trust, dot, com, we weren't playing near you also, if you're in Raleigh North Carolina come out and see me at Goodnight's, comedy club tonight tomorrow and Saturday. I'll be in Portland or next week at revolution hall: go to wtfpod dot com, slash tour information and tour dates. Let's do the show
all right. Let's do this. How are you at the fuckers what the fuck buddies, what the fucking ears, what the FUCK Stick, what the funkadelics, what the fucking fuck that kind of drove that into a ditch, deny that didn't workout. Did it haha? No it not today, on the show. Justin Mckinney is a comic that start a little bit after me in Boston. He's new comedy special Justin Mckinney, Peru, really challenged. It's a on Amazon, Prime in Itunes. You can go to Justin Mckinney Calm, but I remember this because years ago he used to be a cop. An years ago he had one he was with my first agent, show biz talk and You had a couple of deals and he did some stuff and he was a cop in
and she had another guy who was a transit cop. There was a couple of cops, doing comedy, but story. I didn't know it, but I'd run into up in New Hampshire when I played it there and we talked for awhile, and I thought it would be interesting and it is so he's on. The show also wanted to tell you people in San Francisco sort of the movie that I've been talking. Ad nauseam about because I'm in it- and I think it's funny what I do a lot of things. People and I think you know me by now: There are times where I won't plug myself. You know why 'cause, I forget The theater there in the Castro Father, I know it's, not the Castro, that's a cache of fear. The rocks is just, I believe. If it let's see, let's play this game does mark, have memories of San Francisco Ibu if the Roxy is somewhere on six N, Valencia. In the mission ish, that's what I'm thinking guy gets
so I guess I got to check hold on a second yep haha in Valentia, yep six. I did it. My memory worked. Oh my play. The music play the music memory is not so great. So that's on the fourth and eighth August. Fourth and eighth at the Roxy theater is only screenings and it's a nice little theater and Just give me the heads up to go get a lot of good, back to the movie, proud of the movie. I think it's funny, and it's not just me that's funny. The whole fucking thing is funny and eventually Stop talking about it in this will face. Of my life where everybody, excited and there's fancy reviews in the new Yorker and the New York Times, Washington, Post Chicago Trib variety, just everybody raving about this thing. I'm from now on I'll. Just
like none of it ever happened, but for the time being, I would go see it go the third season of glow, which I'm on I play a role on that show. Glow drops August. Ninth. And you know what else happens. August. Ninth- I am twenty years sober am I gloating, maybe a little am I do in my humble about it not really twenty years I I yeah, I did it, but it's not done daily time and I did I do in all honesty. I do get a lot of emails from people who are struggling with this stuff. It is possible and life does get better. I'm dealing with the end of the world- fine, I don't have to drink over it. I I can eat over it. I can jerk off over it I'll. Drive all over the end of the world, all over it yeah. That's how I win, but ground Adam to drink over it, ok,
you gotta, do what you gotta do intentional and if dissonance some people call it belief. Yet it's very difficult it's difficult to know. What's going on, hey if we had you know barely breathe out here. That's alright, things are okay, just go to the gym, The intentional cognitive dissonance there there's something rich about that area of thought. Where you're aware of the horror, but yet you still I have to have a life folks. I can tell you from my personal experience all summer, seeing a good comedy in a movie theater filled with other people, is always a great time in audiences have been loving, good boys the guys some of the great r rated comedies of recent years, like super bad and sausage party have made a new one. Only this one twelve year old boys, it's the whole. This new movie good boys, which follows three
over their heads, six graders as a Skip school one day to do whatever it takes to learn how to kiss before their first old school party, but their complete. We clueless about all the inappropriate situations they get themselves into along the way you know When you're a kid you get into all kinds of trouble. You cause a car crash or two you accidentally get involved in a drug deal. You use sex toys is numb chucks, or at least these kids do I don't know where you grew up, so maybe your experience was different I've never seen a movie like this before people? It's super inappropriate but also sweet going to really like these kids at the center of it all ever since My southwest early audiences and critics have been raving. Good boy, saying that you'll laugh for ninety minutes straight they're, calling it rightfully inappropriate, wildly raunchy and undeniably sweet check out good boys in theaters August 16th, so tonight I'm going to be in Raleigh. North Carolina
I am here, but I'm not really because this is like a day or two before just a way. This is going right now, but I can tell you I'm excited because I'm renting a car in North Carolina and I got sing for pottery. I think some of you know that. I just do I don't know what it is? Maybe it's an old hippie thing. Maybe it's a and authenticity thing, maybe it's just the the sort of fundamentals of of craftsmanship and indeed duality of the process and the sort of ancient art of it all. But I, like nice pottery, it. Just practical party. I just wait pots there, by hand or mashed and made any I just like ceramics and somebody hit me too this Area North Carolina called Sea Grove. I know nothing about it, but they're just sort of like you got a good to see grow for pottery. I did a little research. It seems like a Good deal of the handmade pottery coming out of the United States comes out. This area. I don't know why I didn't
That kind of research. I don't know if it's the the clay is good there or what, but I'm going to take a trip out there. 'cause I've got this dream folks: I've gotta pottery dream. I gotta revision. At this large cabinet, my house, that is a glass front to it. It's an old craftsman built in and I think at one time that might have been used for China or fancy stuff. But in my vision it's filled with kinds of uniquely individual pieces of hand thrown pottery cups, large bowls, maybe a stack of plates, maybe a picture or two that theoretically, I would collect over a lifetime, but I don't know if that I think it's a little late for that because I have been collecting pottery for a lifetime, but I'm going to buy a lifetime's worth of pottery in Seagrove North Carolina. That's my plan. I don't even know what they have there, but I you might in my dream, I'm gonna go from place to place, maybe in ninety, so
in places. Ninety two, maybe maybe six hundred and twelve. Nineteen and go to a 20th, but I think I've got enough. I played that out. I figure I can get a lifetime's worth of pottery and even make up a big. Why about my experience, accumulating it over a lifetime. From one trip seagrove. So if you're, a potter in Seagrove. Let me know and I'll come by and check your shit out. Because I'm going to do that, I think I'm probably going to do it tomorrow. Friday. I don't know, I don't know I've got some. I got some touching emails here. I got one It's subject line two of us hey mark. I just wanted to reach out to you with a story about my dad. Hopefully you have time to read this I'll, try to make it short, don't This isn't entirely random and it involves you too. He passed last winter and today would have been his birthday
along time ago, in an administration far far away, I started listening to ETF, around episode, four hundred something I enjoy the way you often approach interviews as a fan and try to figure out where the fuck people come from around this time. My I was getting older and as a complication of diabetes, his vision started. This hearing duty cataracts, since the health care in this country, was and still is pretty what the fuck it took over a year to get him in for the most routine surgery in America. So he could see again during that time he was getting pretty bummed out not being able to drive work anything. So I recommended this cool podcast. I was listening to you. Don't know what a podcast was, but he did wreck is your name he'd always liked is a comic. I got him set up and he had peripheral vision to navigate the app and go on neighborhood walks. He bid in Mark within a week. He had subscribed and was chewing through the catalog telling me stories from episodes I missed and spend
the day walking around with you in his head, Mood was massively improved by getting to engage with you and your guests. It was a looking for him in that moment, and I got to share something. I was really excited about an experience it together with him through here's we geeked out about big celebrities, like Obama and Julia Louis Dreyfus, and we would replace some of He would replace some of the showcase songs on repeat when I went through his phone one, last time this winter I saw he had also still been listening. He to hear your interview with Sir Paul, who is one of his favorite people in the universe. Anyway, I miss my dad. But I thought it might brighten the world a little bit to remember a time when we all made each other happy thanks, Mark Justin. Thank you.
Austin. Thank you for sharing that, because it's important these are important things now. Try try to. In like in this is come from me, those who have been listening along time if you're, old and you're parents are still alive and there really old. And you're holding on to something, if it's not, that bad get over it and and try to you know appreciate the time they have left. That's all this one's funny little dark, but I think I think Donna would appreciate it subject, line thank you would ever come around God Makes me so mad with Donald is right about this sort of shit still glad.
Did come around if I was still alive. I'd love to be on the show cheers the ghost of Walter Becker. If they run come on, I did get it. I think it's it's pretty funny. Ok, Let's get on with it I'll be in Raleigh tonight. Go to W T, F, five dot com for our store, there's a lot of dates. Coming up, Austin, Houston, Dallas, Detroit San Francisco Dc Atlanta. Any uh with Chicago a Nashville Philadelphia lot of stuff coming and even mention some there's more look all right so Justin Mckinney, as I said before, I knew the comic he started a little bit after me, the generation after me in Boston. He was a cop and it's you know it's it's the evening sorry in I ran into a new Hampshire. I did a gig there a couple years ago and we decided I would do this and he was here and we did it. It's got a new comedy special called Justin,
any peremptory challenge you can get on Amazon, Prime Itunes, tunes you go to his website at dot com, and this is me talking the New Hampshire zone. Justin Mckinney does Justin do you spell your name peculiarly? What is that name? Just within oh
it says is that today, yeah when I went to Google's happened just in like a regular spelling normally and then it comes up just stone, yeah, it's it's been a curse and I've been I've talked about it on stage because it's such a cars, especially now with social media. Well, I got mark with the CD, I know I know, but at least, if you say in part of what I talk about is, if you say mark with a see you know with the sea gulls right, it goes at the end of your nature. You go Justin within now. They don't know where it is typical. J, o s t I and like no one knows what the supposed to go right. So I really have to say Justin J. U S, t o and I have to spell the whole name. What is the history of the Justin within when it wears? come view on it all honestly, My dad about I, twenty years ago, five years ago. This is huge pain in my ass and he told me he. This is a true story. Because you were born just on time I swear to God that he tells me my dad is like trying to be funny.
And I literally so onstage I'll talk about I'll go. It could have been just in time. It's the same dumb joke like he got the joke wrong yeah, and he did that to me and it's been a nightmare. I'm not even lying like if I say the people follow me on Instagram. If I don't tell you, spell my name and you search Justin with an I like you on Instagram. The instagram search will not find right. So if you see this all, I was going to get on. I really gonna find that guy. Let me write why again right, one gonna try twice right, so it's become a law. But I really believe social media. I would have fifty percent more followers. If my name is spelled with an I and we couldn't have four. In these problems. No, he could not. If he could have- You know what the world needs more easy. It's not like, they didn't give you enough. Obstacle might deal with now you now the name bites you in the end. My dad text me, but he'll spell it with an eye it drives me. Nuts is the spell check. I don't know if it's because I'll check yeah, of course alright. Do you think it's correct? I don't know it just it just annoys me now, of course, spell check? He just doesn't
It's hard way on the texting. When you want to correct spell check it's a pain in the ass right. There's. No, who uses. The word ducking that much the right when you put fucking in It's always going to correct the docking which, like that, no one yet why you just put fuqing- and I think you can program your- to use the words that you want. Can you learn? I think so, but I don't know how to do that either. So I'm trying to figure out when, like you my generation of Boston you're, like the one after me right yeah. I started with like Alboran, Patrice O'Neal, Yeah Gary Gulman, those guys were all kind of down there mid 90s, ok, yeah, because I was there in eighty eight I started working. I second in the riot in eighty eight, and you start, what it was like. The really at. I mean the first time I ever on stage forget how the earliest gold, I'm like an old guy, the weird thing
Boston and, like I think it's a little different than when I started there is that there is. A like. I don't know if it's not the word, the, but there is a regional comedy network business where guys to they never leave there yeah and it's always been that way now- I'm not putting you in that category or saying that you chose to be that category, but it is a real thing that there was, I think, it's really the only place like that. Where or you could go when I started and you could make a living doing comedy at one nighters for life. He used so there were guys like you know, that's how I started, but I think it's the only part of the country where that really is the case. You can live in Boston and at the time there was, like God, maybe a hundred a hundred and fifty nighters we can could go out and work work as a comic I think it's really hard to make a living now, just doing the Boston scene yeah a lot of guys have
in jobs like along a lot of the headlines that are headlining the one night and stuff a lot of them have second jobs. I've been lucky to do. I do theaters up in what's with music call. Where are you yeah night in Portsmouth? Last, like that's one, that I did, though, so I try to do some of those which make it you know work for me. There were. I don't need another job, but it right, but it's tough to do it's not like it used to be we. You know we joke that the money in the middle money back on the day, which was more than headliner money now, but there wasn't even middles when I was coming up in Boston. It was a two man show you go out with a guy that you'd have to drive usually or meet there. For half hour. They do forty five in your out Mcdonald will juggle angrily and you're gone. George Mcdonald. Oh my gosh, still love. When you take out those balls 'cause, you know we don't want to take up as bears I didn't even know him. I didn't even know we did the balls. He does when he used to when he had to do forty five, he do about thirty. Five
material, and then you take that little bag out with the balls, and it wasn't even that spectacular but it was just sort of like I gotta close with here. Come the balls. I've got a judgment, store really nice guy. The greatest guys it got a great guy. I was when I had just started my dad at night and I didn't know we we might have got and all this, but my dad was a homeless alcoholic for we're gonna, get into that yeah he was, you know, was the town you know I'd drunk right here is that is the drunk guy in town Portsmouth NH. I lived on the streets in there so you're still there you stayed there. I was well yeah, so one night, I'm just starting to do stand up. It only been two or three years and there was a show in Portsmouth this place. I was in the middle spot and George was headline boss. I don't remember bars, I don't, but maybe this. Why didn't remember balls? So I do my twenty minutes, whatever I did and I knew that everybody in the room where I knew everybody came, you know 'cause, I'm from there and show went ok, I get off stage while George is on my dad, who weighs one hundred
forty pounds? Long, gray, hair, gray beard. You know really skinny walks up on stage and tries to grab the mic out of George Macdonald. Faced should the yeah goes to grab the mic. The bouncers come up and grab my dad and drag him off and George Mcdonald just looks right over says, looks like and that went on a binge this year huge laugh bigger than any laugh. I got and I live in that was, but that was me starting stand up. Please tell him, it was your dad. They all knew, was my data because they know me they knew what was my dad like that was. But when you say, George Macdonald is like if you're mediate Lee, that's immediately. What I think I mean that line he came up with was great now yeah. No, I had to laugh, is to get to know. You know what that you know with my dad at that would annoy me and always worry about that happening said. That is something that highly annoying due to a Georgia gun used to host the open MIKE when I was in college at stitches, it was called comedy hello and he was the
Guy, that a lot of us first started doing open mikes with because he hosted one and it was just it was just a nightmare of a show. He. Great now, always nice and supportive, but Randy small audiences and it would be called a comedy Helen. He would play it up. That was the first place. I was onstage stitches. The original one in the paradise or the one. The one near Fenway that place was terrable that one near Fenway how is it used to be another place before that? That was cursed that little block right there across from Father's too it used to be a fucking horrible bar. Went into called the ark and you just walk by it. I lived there. I was in college for four years. I never step foot in the fucking place. I could goes in there and then it becomes stitches. Oh man, and he had to walk all the way in the back in there. Is that back room it seem like it would be nice from Tony there's some about that locate. So in Fort Smith, I feel like It was a gig up there when I was coming up with that
maybe Robin Horton booked. What was the gig imports, I know there was a gig there. I think you're thinking of a man. I just had it in my head, the one imports- speak, easy, yeah, there's a roller skating, rink, that's it! okay, a one nighter there yeah that's what ice. I actually sorry Joe Rogan. There was opening for Vinnie favor Retail, all back in the day. That's it that was it that, yes, he does he leaky easy was it was it called that I don't remember skating rink yeah, that was but that isn't a good comedy. I think, on the off nights, maybe in the bar area. Yes, yes, yes, I mean those were the gigs. You're saying that, like it shouldn't even shocked me and it doesn't tell you as a roller skating rink, that's the point I didn't and the weird thing is, I don't remember it being a roller skating rink, but I remember there was a gigabit fuckedup but that was how we did it back then. So you start, so now, ok, let's get into the
'cause, I don't know Portsmouth ports mouth. Is it ports Mouth Portsmouth, Portsmouth, it's spelled ports mouth, those yeah It is yeah yeah yeah, so I don't like. I know New Hampshire and I a in I know it from driving up there and it's pretty, but I remember like I, I I'm pretty sure like there were a couple of cops you and Joe duress that Right John John derives arrest. Yes was a Boston cop, he was a Nypd transit cop. He was in there. We are New York, but I transit cop. Yes right, he got a deal with my old agent Ruthanne Secunda, who was my old agent I wish she was the one she was. The one that would get you the first deal and then then that was it She changed my life and ruined my life, so you were done You are a cop, so you're growing up in Portsmouth, like how like, what's the situation, how many siblings you have three brothers really older one younger to older yeah.
And my dad and my mom passed away when I was six, oh really yeah and when it when I was living in points that I was going to elementary school there so wait now, you're others are older, two older one younger. Alright, So this for you and your mom passed away, mom passed away what happened brain aneurysm- oh my god, yeah just out of nowhere here. Do you remember yeah, because I was with her. She was volunteering at a school fair, It was when you know when they have the balloons, the tables almost killed, games, yeah yeah and she just collapsed and like started, holding her head and was screaming and yeah. I was right there and it it yeah. They put her in the ambulance, yeah yeah. It was it. You know, two months so I went back to that elementary school just out and I haven't been back well, I've been back since left. I was there through fifth grade random back since I've been in adult, and you know the weirdest thing is: I go to see my mom's grave and from the grave site, the school
right there by. Could you see the great at the schools right right there? So I just pulled. With the school and I just walked, hasn't changed. I just looked in the window. I can like that's the spot, you know really. I haven't since I've. My whole life is the first time I've gone back and it's right. It's in. No. It's right in town gets its just off town a little bit, but it's just that. You know the lobby area I just was the doors. Are locked right and I kind of looked into like that was the area. The tables were that's what she fell in. I don't know drew me to that. I went to see her grave and I just saw this school. Let me take a right over, so it really yeah. That's so it's sad yeah yeah it and my dad. You know was left with. You know the four kids yeah. What he'd do that general he had a telephone answering service at the time, which was you know before pagers and cell phones. You know the old, switchboard kind, sure sure so like, if it Doc was on call or something yeah yeah after hours yep, he ran that and he was big and he was buying real estate.
Portsmouth yeah he owned a bunch of at one time. He owned a bunch of properties and he could have held it together. He had worth a lot of money. What happened in the properties he just lost them all through, not Imagine it not paying taxes, I mean he lost the house. I lived in. You know I mean I mentioned this, so it just went. You know when so alright, so you guys are doing okay for awhile. Well, my aunt move in my mom sister ends up with my dad, like ended up in a relationship from the get go or just like she stepped in help the kids down there to help in in you know, and she definitely cap things together right the glue you know to make sure we have power yeah. You know I, like you, know. Versity in water and all that stuff? and they ended up in a relationship How old are you when you knew that was happening was probably like eight eighty nine seem natural or was it weird or it was definitely weird
I mean. I was aware that I was living in a little bit different than my friends. You know yeah, wasn't the same. Did they get married? They never got married it, but it just sort of happened it, happened and what my my dad drank and she drank, and they the fighting in the hallway, so I drinking was always Parigi was something I used to joke that you know having to you know. Alcoholics is like having two dogs, they keep each other company. Right a lot of times they were fighting so they're, actually given away together when you go pick him up at the shelter yeah. If you didn't take the man you gotta take his wife is they they belong to, but you want to yeah you gotta have to address me. You're gonna want to of the war. I don't know it. No good, no good because drained all family do they beat the out of each other and it works out yeah they distracted, yeah, you'll you'll. Thank us yeah. So So there that's going on right away. Your dad was always Boosie
I remember it from the time I can remember. Yes, I believe that losing his wife she's twenty nine years old, having the I mean I mean I believe that didn't help right that, probably so he This is a catholic situation. Now, just just they just kept coming the kids yeah, it was just they did. You know in I don't know this, but I had heard that you know birth control might have been what caused you know the dose. That's one of the side effects blood back then it was like the dose, and I think maybe really. I think I mean I remember hearing that one point so so I think they wanted. I think four was, and I think it was smoking in birth control pills. Like you know, what did she smoke? Is she dead yeah? I think she did think I got, but you know we could research this, but there's no time now, but I mean it sort of sticks in my head that if you smoked uncertain birth control with that well either way it's sad. So your dad he's broken up about
in the drinking, got worse right away or was always kind of their what it was it was there's like you know. I could remember every night you know had sit and sip out of little shot glass in the dark kind of find south one of those guys, listen to the police scanner, very paranoid, the police scanner yeah. Well, they were, and again I would get in trouble a lot yeah, my dad, but but then, but wasn't he. When did the business started? When did it all the fall apart. I mean I mean you are things are ok right. He had yeah, I think, but I think there was. You. Can then too, from what I've heard of my, I think was still there. But, yes, things definitely started to go off the rails. After that the business was, I don't know what the how well the business did after fifth grade, we moved right over the bridge and Kittery Maine right after I met three school yeah, so I just moved. That's already been six or seventh grade he got mad at the bank for not giving a loner so yeah, so he went down and
Well, the day is through a brick through the front window of the bank. So it's like that kind of stuff like through my childhood, there's always worried that was going to embarrass me like there was that I lived with a lot like. I don't want my anyone at school or friends to know and true story. My friend Alan lived across the street from the bank, and he called me up in like saw it happen. He goes your dad home and I'm going. I think I just saw him throw a brick through the banking where it is at an end. I do in a literally in the joke. Part of me is goes to yeah. He said he had some errands to do yeah I mean you said right around, but he was but that the cops would come to the house. It would look for the one tended to raise the drawbridge because it was the over the river like so that he wouldn't escape to the so there was a lot of that growing up, so he would say, drink alone, listening to the police scanner to see if they were coming to get it? I believe so. And, and he would go up if you heard thought he heard his name, he would go out the back up in the woods. I remember that happening really was a
yes- and let me just say he he's been sober for eleven years now. I gave this chip is ten. Your chip, I just wanna, say that now so yeah you mean he's So is there listening going? You know, I I you can say: possible to recover. I mean he was. We thought he was going to die on the streets. There's no doubt about it. So after I got out school. We lost the house and all that and left my aunt. I mean I think he did ever do jail time You know he went to jail a lot yeah like just like a overnights protective custody and that kind of stuff, like you know, drinking and driving he was arrested for drunk driving at eight hundred in the morning, while on his way to court for drunk driving yeah, like that, I mean that kind of stuff. I just yes hiking this morning and I was coming down the mountain. This is clock in the morning and I saw two dudes one of them had it. Big thing of water, the other one had a six pack and they were heading up the mountain at eight hundred in the morning and I thought like well. You know we do not dry the indian army. Yes, if you're going to do in a morning drink you make a make
they may come in and take a hike it I'm in my dad's, like he didn't, kill anybody, and that was a huge fear as a kid we were talking, I mean he would have a screw driver in the cup holder like in drop, right I mean you know back in it right. Then they drink and drive. They would actually drink and drive right. They weren't even knocked it would just drunk they drinking while they drive it sure. So that was just so so when you graduate high school, then the what the relationship with your hand falls apart and more yeah. Once all the kids grew up, he lost the house, he didn't pay the taxes it was boarded up for a while. It was literally on a bunch of c derelicts are almost all living in there with him doing drugs and Oregon was he. There was still there yeah and it was. There was a fire like in one of the bedrooms and they just took. We had this pool. That was in the back that had been open for years and they would scoop water up with buckets and put the fire at them,
never called the fire department. It was really still living there. He was still there and this is what he was going- definitely down hill on his way to homelessness. This is what it was so, but, but this is, is a small town. Like you said right through the of the east, Torias, I mean you know the guy, they love them and everybody loves it really, all that down all of them. You know people would bump into me your dad's, the best you know you does it in the back of my head. Is a little part of me going yeah, you know he I I love my dad that is my biggest fan in the world. Now any? Well, I think he always was the right man, but it's just. It was just it's a disease, and I you know when I I try to look at what he you know the four kids and being left with that and that trigger it and then this all goes, but everybody turned out all right. I mean how did it how many yeah, I think we, I think, we're doing good yeah. I think we're doing good yeah and whenever I got the bug I know I I a I drink socially, you were on you. If you go the other way, did you go the control freak path? Hi?
I went the other way in the sense I became a cop. You know I mean he, didn't like cops in part of the reason that made me it's such a good cop ray was because I treated it when I I think this but in my interview when I got hired at nineteen by the way to ' I do have youngest cop. I ever hired up there and I was really mature for my I've been in the interview I gotta be when you're you're living in chaos, hi yeah, you got to go pick your dad a bid to jail. I add to it was it was. It was, I remember, saying to them that you know I tree everybody. Like your mind add in my hole in my whole family by the way of all runs with cops anyway, like you and you don't like cops? How I want to change your mind like that was really how I went about it. I never had that big bags, the
or never had that. I was always deescalate now mind you. It was in rural Maine, though a2 of us for five hundred square miles, so you had no back up When you have no backup, you will learn to deescalate. You know you didn't you know, but also I would imagine that most of those calls are domestic issues right, yeah, lot of domestic and you know my dad would fight with the police like he saw him get pepper sprayed. I mean right in our living room. I mean this kind of stuff. So when I could remember going to domestics thinking, this guy is going to attack me and then very few people attack you it's very rare, like I thought that was the norm. At least one of them showed up right, yeah yeah, like you know, to de escalate. They probably wanted to de escalate. I would think a lot of a lot of times yeah, but but what c impose a mean? Do you remember when you decided to be a cop like he, I mean I do what what what what drove that well, I definitely chips was like my favorite. One of my favorite shows growing up chips. Sure, and I had such an ethical mind that I used to not like punch because he '
to flirt, and I used to think that was like a you know, he's a cut. You know I like John, was like the professional, so I really was like John right right and by the way when I would watch chips like, I would be watching an episode of chips and the real cops would show up at my house like I'm, not even lying to use, totals in and they would come in. I remember one time the dog was loose in the neighbors called the police about our dog being loose. So I let the cop in and I'll never forget, this cop was the nicest he was so nice to me. He's talking to he's asking about stuff on his belt. On this to me was like oh policeman. He was so nice. My dad, is barreling down the stairs going to get I got out of the house this caught like at the back. And like shut the door, get you you gotta get your dog in it was, and I just saw that and as a little kid I end up, I thought to myself my dad's wrong here, what's going on here, like who's right and who's wrong, and I didn't get it so that was my dad's
what drove me to be the the the kinda cop that I was because it was just. I didn't understand it like. I really looks so what made you become a cop, so I was gonna, be a private investigator in high school and I and I asked my guidance counselor to set up a job shadow with a private investigator yeah and they couldn't find one so they go, but we found this police officers Kittery Kittery Police, officer this officer to loose was his name and you want to go shadow with him. Do a ride along and I, what I'll do it because you set it up I'll go do it, but I did not think that I was really gonna be a cop and when I left that night, that guy screw he watching this guy he was. He was really professional, great just out there talking about how you know if anything have things like he's the you know, he's the one who's going to show up right and I looked at him like they save the day, like cops for good. I've, always looked at it through my Lai eyes that way and when I got out of there just that whole idea of serving and being out there and helping people when he was how going on calls- and he said when watching am. I just watched that
'cause, you know what I think I want to do, that you know what I mean yeah and that was that? Was it so I went to college and where your brothers were they in all this are you, sit around watching tv in historic every did they would it would do they get out of the house because they were older. What yeah? Well, the two that were older and kind of laughed and on the younger one was still there and things really went down house. So my aunt brought in to her kids too. So the really six kids, two cousins might you know for where they add seeds, or they are right on everyone kind of all right, but on two of two of my brothers and Ben and they're great now, but two of my brothers have been arrested for resisting arrest the fight with the cops they like to fight which I never understood this. What do you mean? They grew up with it. If it weren't behave exactly they go, they go right so, but my aunt my aunt I remember one day comes home and I'm probably nice. She goes. Oh, my god. I kicked that cop right in the nuts- and I remember thinking
Like I mean this, is these stories like we're all they all? You know my brother. It comes with the enemy, the cost of the enemy, and it was just and- and that was how I I grew up in- and you know so. I I in my own little way tried to try to change that you know it, but it's interesting because of the nature of it being a relatively small town and everybody knows each other. You know the the the cops to beat the shit out of your dad no name, you know, and they were sort of like this- is that this is the local you know drunk lunatic. They would have to pepper spray him on like. I said you know, and you know I could remember one of the pump. Into a quite a lot of times. I would bump into the when I became a cop too like I would It calls over the radio. We have a warrant of arrest for your dad like that sore,
I'd bump into a guy. We I get your dad for drunk driving. He couldn't even get out of the car you want to come. There would be so bad that they had to arrest him, but they had they had to arrest him and then you'd be good on the way the young going. Alright, I'm coming yeah well, sometimes yeah. Sometimes I would get him and when there was a war- and I had another guy, you know another deputy go over and get him. I would get her I get annoyed that you can't serve your data warrant, I mean I could, but it was like. I just fell. I went over with the guy. I just let him take him. You know it was like because it's just I was you know there was. I was aggravated with him at that time in in you know, I couldn't hear. Understandably, I can see if you don't feel bad about that. In my home, in the town of Kittery right now was was living with a high school. I knew I couldn't be a cop there because I would be dealing with them every day, so I got hired at the sheriff's office which patrols the York County, but they Kittery isn't one of their towns because I patrolled the small towns it didn't have their own people. Did your dad say when you say you're going to be a cop, I mean
It was funny he didn't go to. My graduation, like at the police Academy, is like they're going to be cops there. You know, I mean it was just. He is a funny guy, I got a lot of. I got a lot of humor on a and b right. He is a funny guy on so when they they hired me the county. You have to go before county commissioners, the chief and told me that one of the commission is brought up. The fact that you know his dad is, this guy, almost like that, was going to keep me from getting hired. So I found about Africa? Actually that's kind of stuff. It's like right! So, and here I am a cop like he's kind of getting in the way of that- and here I am going to be this really good. Cop, like you know, I'd be an asset to the meeting that almost to me from doing that, and then, when I become a stand up the whole George Mcdonald story, we talked about right, he's doing it. So there was AG. As much as I love my dad, and I it's seeming, but Josh turn you, but you know it was. It was the annoying suv it was definitely aggravated, but so when you hum a copy. You
how long before he becomes like this homeless drunk it was pretty because I was nineteen, it was all you know. I could remember getting a call on one night. He was walking over the bridge from Kittery into Portsmouth and he got shot with a pellet gun. Someone drove by and shot him with a pellet gun, and I remember saying to my partner I'm like the only drive by shooting, never inane, and it's my dad is it's my dad. It's a look at how it's done, and to this day you know my dad thinks that it the mob. The thing using pellet guns. He thinks he was tide up with the mob. He still thinks it was some guy in the mafia he's telling me was doing the real estate deals and all that stuff in there. Some shady characters needed siding, aluminum, siding back in the day he's been so this is sort of like the way your framing it it's sort of like it's. Like Mayberry is dark, as Mayberry could get do you know what I mean like it's pellet gun counter. Drugs police scanners, like there's, still an element to it where it's like it's a sad story but
not a horror story. No, but it ended well What I mean it did so looking back now, we can laugh- and I gotta tell you just a month ago, where I, my brothers House, for a party and me and my brothers all get around and we just talk and stories about the growing and about how we had big rats in the house and my dad yeah, my dad would say the good thing is: if you have rats, that means you got. No mice don't mean that was his right to take a look so we're going back and forth with all these stories. In my dad right laughing the whole time he's such a great, a great soul. We release we just laughed at the whole thing and we're all laughing it. We all love them and and then he just goes he does look. Hey, just say this and we just stop and look at him. What's he going to say right and it comes in, he literally says it wasn't as bad as it was. Can we just bust out laughing like all that should be the title of my book. It's like it wasn't as bad as it was. It was like that's his any makes us laugh and he does he's. He really is a foot in it. Now I mean the wall in This house is all me like
rules, I mean it's like he looks like a stalker, so when ok, so you being the cop your dad's in and out there I mean yeah. If he's eleven years sober, I mean it's pretty long run. Yeah yeah the long run and we thought it would die on the streets. We can't believe it, but what is the process That's your copying, your dads, this homeless, drunk and there's nothing! You can do you can't get him into a shelter. You just have what you can't there's you can do it just was the way it was right. I think it's like you know he for a while and I'm not. He lived in my brother's closet, like walk in closet for a couple years, but it he beat a couple years or a couple. You is your brother know. Oh yeah. That would have been great if he didn't oh yeah, he knew yeah. He just got a little mattress pad in there and he's, like literally, was living there for us, so we always offer it to them like to take him in, but at the end of the day, if he did, he had to get to that point where won't help you know when he went into rehab once and fell off the wagon, and then he got back in, but everybody would serve him
town like the new on the audio, Graham with with the with the begging for money and everything? He wasn't a beggar nope you the bigger, but everybody loves them. Everybody like them, but I could remember in the newspaper like this- is the kind of stuff that you know as as his kid that you'd you'd see they would put our. There was an article in the paper one day there was a line of fans waiting for Jimmy Buffett tickets. In the all dot the apparent hasn't yet right. Yeah then Terra had seen there's a my dad with his you know: homeless. Bag he's, you know, he's been in the newspaper he's. You know cover the paper about homeless stories. Yeah he's got this bag on his back like this, and the article said something like the headline was something like a parrot heads get tips from a pro like on high MIKE it's camp outside looking only they basically were calling my dad homeless in the local paper right like that kind of stuff. I will you know I mean it's like you know. The town Drunk USA was
yet in I remember when my sister in law was in town, we were out drinking in Portsmouth one night. It was about one thousand two hundred and thirty one in the morning and there's my dad sitting on a bench, no shirt just his pants on a gallon of milk. In like a scarf and he's just- this is like Josh Dad, because I go there because the only happy go happy drunk right. Why is it? actually always little wise asking here, and my sister literally goes who's that and my wife is like that's Justin's father, like it was? I mean he was that guy that you would see just out and he lived in Hey toilet at the parking garage. You probably parked in the garage again you with he lived in the paper when I play the speakeasy. No, no! That's the other end of town note. We, when I did that for us with music calls right around the corner from the points and he was in the garage he lives in the pay to but I mean how does is there? Is there some element of heart all of it I mean like I mean I guess he was a town
thinking he was a happy drunk and he was a character, but I mean it. Must've been sad, is held for you now, or do you just get over that? He just sort of you know. Look I mean I've gone to see therapists. You know in two thousand ten or eleven I would see the first one is definitely stuff underneath with what's going on in my life. That I know is there yeah, but you know what products? Why became a comedian red humor? We deal with humor, we laugh at it. When did you decide to do that? I've been a cop for a few years, and it was just something I just wanted to try it now. What happened to your hand she still around now on, but she they just kind of you know they. Broke it off. She gets over um she yeah she's older now? So I was like oh yeah, I don't I don't. I don't think she's drinking anymore now that you mentioned that yeah yeah, I don't think she's drinking anymore either. Is the family still close to some degree? Yes,
yeah. Well because they don't talk. They are your own, you know yeah, they yeah, they don't talk, but I just I just saw her and probably talk to or for five minutes, which is the most I've talked or about five years yeah, just a couple, but everyone is gay, like your old man's got a relationship with your kids, not scared yeah. My dad now is like I mean my kids, who are now nine hundred and eleven years old. Don't know him any different. He shows up at their birthday birthday with balloons and my dad and when my dad was first in rehab for the first time yeah he had an index card and he said to me, I went to visit in the rehab and yet he wanted to know my date of birth and my phone number yeah like
and, like any had me and all my brothers, he brought it all on an index card. Like I mean you talk about the birthday right, you know to me like. Is he didn't, even in and my dad in this funny way, people ask how old your kids now he'll say. I it's hard to keep track of changes every year. You know I mean that's his come. That's right on you know, but, but so now my kids. He shows up and he's got the balloons and he he used to be a karate black belt in karate. My dad really yes, so he teaches he teaches my kids now karate lessons he'll come over and like and no kidding how old is he he's. Seventy seven now wow good shape. He walks every day, he'll still credit hill credit. The fact that he walks he's always walked in when he's drunk. He was walk. We've only walking what's going, but he made he got his walk in any one that he was hit by us. He going bathroom on the side of the road he was hit by a snow, plow plus like that that you ended up in the hospital like yeah, that that was part of what got him sober. Was he almost died? He punctured along. He got hit by a snow, plow yeah
it hit by a snow plow on he was actually and I'm not making this up or he was going to she's, taking a dump on the side of the road in a snowball came and knocked him over an embankment, and I want no, I and I can't take he now he's it and he even says no heat in there to get her. That's going to get hurt that back. As I said in my go, you are right because yes, we're my puffy coat or something he said right, but he could. He felt he got hit by another begin. Go hit a guard rail, punctual. He was walking on the punctured long for like a day and a half in the doc said. If you didn't get any today, you'd be dead. And not so that that was the first time. I think, and you know and yeah we thought is gonna die was it's amazing? Do you think like Do you think that likely you're being a cop in your trying resolve this. Obviously it's antithetical like it is the literally the opposite of your father right. I mean I mean he obviously didn't look at you as the enemy, but it you know
in he had a relationship with the customer. How much it was. It It was in my mind. It plays out like this comedy that it was just the the dynamic was, and they knew him, and he to them, and this is the way it's going to be. You know you see this stuff on. My cop shows like that. Guy is this. Guy again So you become this thing that completely separates you define you as your own person and is completely opposite of your father. Somehow or another that didn't quite help you process You know whatever it is that you were trying to process and then at some point you comedy you know like. Is it positive? Do you ever think of it in those terms like well, I gotta tell you so I could remember- and I don't know if I've ever said- there's sort of my dad remembers. I could remember my dad watching the tonight show one night, I was a kid and I remember making a comment as to you know I could you know I could have done this or something like that. I could have done
right- and I remember it being like like like be in show business like be like you know, I think these cars guy person was doing his monologue right and I think that's he remembers that, but I always remembered that in the end here I am thinking well, you might have, but look at you know your drink and, like you know, any whatever you and there was always a side of me that you know back in junior high was the first time I thought I might want to be a stand up so yeah. I just didn't know how to do it. It's just how do you live in doing that. But I remember that's the first time I what what on? Why the who do you like like what was it the major on while Carlin and Ed Murphy, where, like you know, yeah the big ones yeah? That was a little older, more like in high school right like rot, Rodney, Dangerfield, yeah yeah, you know, and but I could just remember thinking funny thing like. If I would hear something on the monologue, I remember thinking I had that thought right. That's when I thought I had a mind for right now. So how do you quit being a cop I? While I was still a cop, I went down and did stitches when I didn't know
MIKE that was oh yeah, that first time yet rolled down and just tried it. And then you know, and then I just went back and tried it again and it was it your jokes about being a cop. They were at that point. First time I went down first time I went down. I didn't tell anybody yeah, I just just me and one. If I, you know bombs right now, I do want. You know that motive in it yeah but actually went surprisingly well, So, when I went back, I signed up again to do it like four five six Lue is hosting a member who is hosting. I think it was Vinnie Favorita, yeah, Vinnie, Favorito, yeah and so the second time I went back I to everybody 'cause! I thought it went pretty well, he was probably nervous. You are a cop forty. I don't know if he knew. I don't know if we knew so, he should have been right, so he still around
he's back in the Boston area, yeah back in the Boston area, so the second time I go back, I tell if, like forty people, come down, they come down and try it right. I went up. I had this suit coat on, never forget. I had a sport coat on and I left the tag on 'cause. I was going to try to work it into my active. They left the price tag anything they supposed to take off on. So I get up there. I start in an it's not going well right, so I start dropping F bombs every every other! Every fifth word is now fully on sweating on on bombing, hey, and I know every forty people there, I'm bombing. Okay, video. It is the you know, it's a crutch to use the F word right, someone I'm throwing it out. Everybody comes up grabs the MIKE and he says: hey Justin is like next time one. Try throwing a few fox in there. Maybe that'll get him right, huge, laugh
and and I hadn't, even I'm, still on stage and goes what's with that? What's what he points out? Mychal tag on the code goes: what's with the what's, with the cold there right so and then so I try to like, spend it he, it giggles jacket on when we had the giggles, the girls jackets, the giggles here and I go watch this code giggles and he just goes yeah it's a place where I get paid to tell jokes. Another big laugh. I walked off. That was it. That was my second and I almost mark felt- I can't go out like that, and I think that's what motivated me to go back to so here I am in the back of the room, and I know other comedians have a very similar story. 'cause I've since found them in the back of the room. A guy goes on next, who I saw the last time I was there does the exact same jokes he did and I was like you can do- that I did a whole set my second time. I didn't know that I could, and so I I was like you can do that. So that was that's. That was it and that now that I knew that I could do that yeah work on it. Let me just go to the best of the first three yeah you know mix but if I had anything funny in the second three here I mean sure and that's how it kind of started. I guess that is a big
moment where you realized, like you, can just work on these jokes you're, not paid, yeah. There's nothing here, you just trying to figure out how to get laughs so easy, that's how it starts. So when did you when and where? So, when did you stop being a cop, and when did you start doing the material? Well, being a cup I'm right around the mid 90s I'd gone down to I move down to Peabody Mass with no Peabody. I do I do. I know someone is from Peabody every Gallman right, yeah and so on. I moved to Peabody because my uncle at a place there and I and ice, was part time still as a cop. I will go up and do shift, uh I would drive up. There was only about an hour and a half drive, so I stayed on as a cop in case the comedy thing didn't kind of work. I could go back. Right without having to go to the academy again, I still have my certification here. So at that time I started to work and stuff about material about being a cop was getting on almost every night of the week. You know as much as I wear on on with necks and
there was the common, I think the comedy palace around then a couple other ones. So is hammering away and it's it's started to feel good after about a year or so, and the move that got me to New York was on this committee. A good friend of mine out the show room. I know AL yeah at least that I've done road gigs about who's very funny. Yeah I've seen a couple of times not too long ago yeah. He was very funny great guy yeah. I did a lot of gigs of the of the shop yeah yeah yeah he's been doing it for a long time, so he he what he so said to me that there was a guy in New York City named Kerry Hoffman who had stand up New York, yeah and he's he's a manager in Alcon for people want. You send them a tape, so I sent them. And he called me goes hey. I want you to come down here. I want to talk about managing you so that opened up the New York door. At the same time I started to do call right. So I went down to do Jeff, college convention- yeah nah Convention, yeah yeah, so if you, if they like,
You could get a years worth of work out of that ship right yep. You do twenty minutes and colleges like you. You can get one hundred schools right, yeah right you up, so I had a really good set of this NACA, so it made my agent share mentioned me to her friend at Don Buchwald down in New York, yeah Kristen Miller. Yeah and so Christa Miller reaches out to me and says: hey I want to. I want to come out and see you in New York. Where are you working and I go well, live in New York. I'm up there was I'm not working anyway, 'cause I'll, get you a spot at the comic strip? Okay, so I okay, so she comes to see me at the comic strip. Solution was and I had a hello Jersey, yeah. Well, I had it is she who- and I didn't I I see no until after I got to say so, I knew nothing about the place. I knew nothing about how hard it is to get on these places how hard it is to break in. I do my set for her and I get offstage and Lucien tells me that if I feel moved down there, I can start putting in for spots wow so, but it helped because I had
someone from the industry yeah. I guess in the spot, getting me the spot. So then I had a meeting with Kerry Hoffman. Where he's like. You can start working this club, New York. Anyone to manage me, but even- and I said I didn't know yet- you know I'm still sort things out. So I got in at that club and then this is all before I moved down. There what's this mid 90s yeah. This is like ninety six. He said like ninety seven like ninety seven now so you move so I move. Yeah and now has a new ending and I lived in Astoria Queens and that's where I met you for the first time because I was living there, you were, I wife first met you walking down the street I'm like thirty Eighth Avenue person. I would one of those we walk in one day and that you know not a happy time mark. It's you know it was. You were nice to me yeah. You know you're friendly, that's a good story, your friendly and well. I mean you. Are you hey what you know, but I just remember: you were like one of the guys that were there you know Louis and yeah, and you and I Dave Italo yet eyes were like New York yeah my mind, you right, like the cool New York Guy right, you know. Yes,
and so how does it like? How does it transpire because, like I guess, why Ruth Ann, I mean my thing with truth and that it happened in like you know, I didn't get well, I mean a few deals here and there, but she was still in the racket of getting guys big deals. You got John the rest of the other cop. She got. Him is big deal yep. So when she wanted to come see me now I on she, she want to come and see me. I think, was kind and Josh Pollock. That ring a bell yeah? I was your system. Okay, these are actual asian. Now I think he still is here. He had seen me and said you gotta come see this guy. So she comes down to see me and at this point Cruzan's coming to see me yeah, I had all the New York managers taking me out to lunch, wanted to management what cats cats- often yes, but I Dorfman Door, yes, but no but also Dave Becky rose Garden,
rom yellow it Bruce hails from Montreal yeah managing people. He was managing people and it'll. Never forget it because people say hey, have you done Montreal right and I'm like? No, I had lunch with Bruce Hills right and I was going to in Montreal every year for the rest of my life and then I didn't end up going with him ever going with I've, never done Montreal weather. I did Aspin and all that, but never gotten. I've never done Montreal, and I don't want that. Something to do with it or not, but I did you can still get in there yeah. I don't know. I haven't tried in years right, but so what Ruth Anne told me was. Why do you want a manager You want to just going to get you a deal. You want to give away, one thousand and fifteen percent for nothing right and at the time sounds pretty good on. My cats are good point. Why do I need a manager in hindsight, wish I would have gone with the manager because then, once the deals don't happen, they form through you go back to the managers. Hey, remember you liked me
years ago. You know the name. So what happened so like what you like you you go in for even listen to Ruth Fan and she gets you. What a deal who yep with our I was meeting with a bunch is like a bidding war, a big deal, yeah yeah meeting with CBS Warner brothers. It ended up coming over Brooke Wilson, this company. I think those are the three that were a cop, show yeah that was about me back where I used to work with just about my life, the dark mayberry. She wasn't dark though, because they were it wasn't, it would wasn't really dark. It's got, Afram Seger ended up, I picture runs and it will all the show. Runners, yep CO wrote it with them right wrote the pilot. We ended up going with Warner Brothers, studio, a lot of those politics where, apparently, from what I'd heard heard the head of brothers just got a new head of the guy became head. Warner, brothers, different guy and less at CBS. They don't get along and from
right here on the last thing they want to do is make one of his. You know this guy comes into the Warner. Brothers were going to make one of his shows right away. So there's a little bit of a political thing. So you got to deal with Warner Brothers and then all of a sudden they changed guards an who invented, doesn't have anything to do with that guy. So you got stuck, it's always something that was a rumor. It's always something so nothing happened, but I didn't. For Moon Vez. So no I know where is that kind of know Should I met him? You'll find somewhere, I'm sure he's got money yeah, but that so the first deal goes. No worry should a pilot. Why didn't shoot the pilot only wrote the pilot yeah? I bet I would I've been there twice three times: yeah yeah, so there. Ok, so you got no manager, but you got like half a million in the bank more! No! No! It was three hundred and seventy. I am numbers. Will I wasn't looking for numbers, but I don't wanna know any by you and I the reason I'm gonna tell you because I know a lot of people at the time were probably like all this guy get the deals. You know a little jealous or better whatever upset. We usually was a two hundred two fifty deal, but it was what you got.
For those development deals that we were in a hot property, I ended up losing it all. So, that's why I don't mind the number, because it has. It has a sad ending, but so you out here you get the d o any stay out here after that should go south do do you doing stand up. You know in New York. I will never move down. Move to Lai had delay at the first deal goes nowhere, that's when Ruth and gets the idea pair me up with John Diresta. Oh, so that's the second deal Well now has his Shogun S yet or this first show on UPN that went s yes, so he was going to be. New Gleason and that didn't it didn't happen it didn't ups p n I to they gave us shot. If you were, they do twelve or so I think you might a season yeah twenty episodes. Now he's down and now you're, both Ruth Ann clients. You both cops so of course Ruth. Thing is Ruth, and I ran into her recently.
W me and she came to see me- do something she'd been at I and it It was weird because she went out and should I knew it had to be about something we caught up, but I really haven't seen. I don't know what she was up to Anne. She talk in to you know going with. I see him and I was it w. I me, but I was a little You know I wasn't happy and was what she she talked me into going with. I see them, which I did I'm with the they got one big guys over there and then she quit. We should do it anymore. I don't she's doing she- I think she went into the other side development- I don't know, but I, but I was still I think she did she. She pulls me away. She got me twice if I can read- Thirty years apart, I mean I'm very fond of her. I have such fond memories because she changed my life. That time. She believed in me and she liked it and she was going to bat for me and she changed everyone's wife, and there was one thing that he did too, that I wish she hadn't done, which would be the third year we'll get to that. If you want me to go back to the second year,
yeah. What happened with that? So so so we John and I here now we have the show I moved down from Maine. They become a cop You know, you know the kind of cop I am on the good cop overrides the world. All right change. Everyone's opinion on force meant, you know. One person at a time here on John is the better you know. Does he want the job once you get hurt on the job, so we collect version just doesn't want to eat in public. Doesn't the public to see him? It's an odd couple. It's that he's not he's not a immoral copy. Just the guy, the one on on moral he wants out. Hey, wants out yeah exactly okay, so we have to pick a show runner and we ended up taking all and Kirschen Bomb, oh yeah, I know I know yeah Alan. He did that Anthony Clark show he's passed away. He did who was he said he was definitely roman sunrise. He killed himself right, yeah, yes, nice guy, though a nice guy, and we write it
We pick Alan, we all right it together yeah, unless we write write it yeah and CBS says you know the people out, because this deal is right. Let's see the US, the quote I'll, never forget it because you don't forget these things. They're, like you know this, is our favorite show this year, which will let you know this is our favorite. You know, and I didn't get that first year, so you never heard that is good, Israel disappear. So I'm know article in I'm thinking paper. This could be it yeah. Are you this man shot anything headshot, anything right, ok, so we're just waiting your last to read it yeah, because I get the less yet in the trades we see that Alan Kirshenbaum sells the show to CBS called yes. There was the same here same here. He was doing it. We didn't know he was doing another show with cds, John and I were both like. Can you help me not good? He? It's probably not good. So we get a call, you know, hey yeah, you know the show I'm doing, but you know what, if anything happens with this show, if it doesn't make it doesn't cast, we want to make yours, they held us.
Longer. They held us a little bit longer, just in case to give them time to see what happens with the Sdr. This is how close this one got to getting made long story short, yes, dear stays on rest, history are show, nothing ever happens without show show. Business is the worst so, but I got a story Let me mention our cars yeah, so that pilot called the finest sat. My brothers I was in LA so my brother had boxes for me that he was keeping in his old house. Yeah calls me up. This is in two thousand twelve. He says hey, I got some old boxes here. He says: do you want to come over and get you know get rid of this stuff? Are you know because I I you know- I don't like I'm moving on sale now, yeah, so he drops the box is off. I opened the box and right there's the pilot, the finest that we were all right with Kirshenbaum with Kerr yeah. I
read it I'm just sitting there in my driveway, just read it and I'm like man, that's pretty good still holds up. It's a pretty good show right, it's just you know. I put it down the next day, John dresser I haven't talked to in five years. I have not talked to John in five years before that. Still calls me out, because did you hear Alan Kirschenbaum just killed himself? It was the next day I hadn't thought or seen that pilot. In twelve years I just reddit yeah and that he was so for but yeah so sad, weird, so sad and yeah. If the one I know I don't like yeah, so I don't know what happened there. I don't even care if you want it, you all the money in the world. I know that just goes to show so so there are two down to down They made money on that. Second, one two yep see save some money. I had some. Are you married at the point yet nope it still with my girlfriend is dead now, wife right, my wife. So on that danger fields-
he never went to LA you're. Still in New York. Your danger still in New York on the danger fields, is a guy there. That's a waiter yeah the part time, stockbroker yeah nineteen. Ninety nine okay tells me, goes hey man, I'm you know. I do this on the side stock markets going nuts with your member. Ninety nine yeah, you were in a or at all stock markets going? Not those ones? I didn't have any money and give me some. I did you know what I wish I didn't yes, this is where the story goes from the best thing to have new those deals, and it was the worst and in hindsight I wish I never got the deals right. So I see this guy. He too I given ten grand. He doubles it in like two weeks right. Then I give them fifty grand he doubles back here. I'm give them. I give him what he doubles that is like on paper mark. I am like he said. I never
look at the quality setting. He goes I'm going to have you at one million dollars by the end of the year right, I'm saying million dollars in it right. This is the waiter. This is the waiter cut too the market crashes right, the big crash of two things, two thousand and two thousand big, crash of two thousand. I didn't realize that I had kept like one hundred grand in cash. One hundred gram was in mutual funds, but didn't realize those are in tech funds. Right so that was all gone. I didn't realize it. When you sell a stock in less than a year. You have to pay the government capital hands on that fifty percent. So all that every time he was doubling my money taken out doubled up today, I owe the IRS yeah. So I had to take all the money. I had the one hundred grand that was my safety net. Let's be smart, let's not do anything stupid. I didn't. I need to give all that to the government. So I ended up with ten thousand dollars. After all of that, and I couldn't even look at, I was in such depression and when I tell you, I bought a leather
back and I'm not lying. I bought a leather jacket and I was just looking. New car Honda, Civic yeah tree fell on. It said a big dent in the front and I pulled into the Shopping Center INC. What's this, what was the supermarket in Astoria Queens off the May drag, there was a call bonds. No, no la no ask Mark yep path. Past sounds right. I polling the Pathmark, the s I don't know, and I think they're mexican or hispanic- I don't know what they should, but they come up to me and they're like do a picture copy, she got and I go. I don't they stopped the drill right into the side of my car and they just right there that the party in a and they just stuck a drill and they populate it out. Yeah, I didn't even know they paid in ice it didn't even match or anything. I threw a few bucks and I'm like I'm going to get a new car, and but it was like right when it crashed. I stayed I kept that car for another two years ended my leather jacket, that was it and I ten and that literally went into like a retirement thing that still that ten grand I still have but what did you I mean? What's the lesson there? Maybe maybe you look stock brokers, dubious
the waiter stockbroker, maybe not the best Mark town embarrassed to tell the story. It's it's. So this guy, who I hadn't from a few years. All of a sudden out of the blue calls me up. He goes hey, I'm just first name with his last name, because hey Dan here I'm like hey, what's up Dan and I'm in like deep depression is like that: a lot of big things then I got some stuff I to tell you about in the MIKE. What is like companies. I really think we're going to move on like then I have no money, I go. I've got wiped out. He goes you know, because that was a tough stretch for a lot of He goes. I would because I moved back in with my grandmother. I swear to God. I'm living with my grandmother now and I'm like so he called call showed couple times the MIKE and I would joke you know. I said this is a joke. I said he went from being my stockbroker, my broke stocker a I. He just kept him, I'm like what do you are you I go. I got nothing left to go at this guy meeting him like ruined I didn't buy property. I lived in a two
I have family in Astoria Queens, the one that I yeah I I could've bought that like I could. I could about that for cash, it's worth like one point, five million now so just if I would've bought property, but I didn't so when it. When you talk about you know, you know I I get. This windfall is lucky to get it, but when you get, I had my account says: there's people jumping out of buildings yeah cab is bad of a case as you have it losing money like that. I still do this day right off, like three grand Here of my losses for the rest of my life. For that yeah, it's like I gotta, wish my development deal was you know what we can give you much money, but every year you can write three thousand off your taxes. For life, I would like to sign me up it it. So that's the brutal man in the eye I mean: are you doing comedy through all this? I am, but it was it was. It was tough. It was a depressing you know. I I got Jay Leno and I did learn over. The
in two thousand and two, which was my goal when I had set out? If I could do that tonight show that was the one thing my dad. You know we used to watch it. If I could do that tonight show I was so depressed when I did it like. I can't even do alright. It was I thought Okay! They had me back yeah, it was good, but it wasn't good. I wasn't myself right. I watch myself. I I was like there was this gloom. Doom and boom underneath me when I watch it like, I could see it in here. This should have been happiest moment of my life and I like just literally I just wasn't even myself and like who is that guy, I would love to do that material again, no is a tough when I moved to LA in two thousand and one that's when you came two thousand and one I came after I had lost exact some walking around in Lai mean like the sun was out, and I was not that's, not the we can only come when you get the deal and then you kind of lose yourself and I think it's all turn around, but you lost everything and you're like I'm going to go there yes
make the most depressing situation. I can imagine yeah so you're here, you're broke you just doing it tonight. Show you had three deals, your your We are well trodden territory and what are you doing but well, I had two deals. The third one this one's got Ruth Ann. Will Smith's company offered me a deal they were. This was in two thousand. This was in two thousand part of why I gave the guy almost all my money, because I knew I had another one coming from Wilson S company right the last minute. She says you know what I don't think we should take it two hundred and fifty grand yeah 'cause. I don't think take it I'm like really yeah they haven't had a show on, yet they haven't gotten a show on there. I think it's a bad year. Let's wait a year that I'll, never let so I never got. At once, so that was there. I never took it because I I was thinking I let me get this I'll buy a house yeah with that money, yeah all of this money in the stock market. You know that every other half everything was going your way, then. So when two thousand two, one thousand and one now when I move there, nine slash eleven. Two thousand and one
and he moved away. Yes, I moved to LA in January two thousand and one and then nine hundred and eleven changed well, it just changed. The I put up my one man show at the HBO workspace. You remember that sure I did want map shows. I've had desperate attempts at please help me that. I should call all my shows everything I did to one man shows there subtitle. Please help me yeah, so where it was so what happened. So I put that up. I I think it was September. Seventeenth, two thousand one. It was a week after nine hundred and eleven as well. My book came out around nine hundred and eleven. My first book yeah, that's not a good sad day for everybody. It was a sad day and I mean it was weird, The I got asked in that year. I took the one mentioned that was the year announcement: nobody's buying reality. Tv had just come right, survivor, big brother, so that was that exchange fear all of that, so it just changed so now bye. Too.
Writings on the wall. No money, I blew it. I was all set up to do what I came to do. I was a gift and I blew it. So that's why I had to live with for years yeah. I don't think that, but you don't really feel like you blew it. I mean the show Business Party didn't blow. That's just the nature. Show business I mean you're, giving your a waiter two hundred grand, not a great idea, but I mean sh the job with the show business mark, given the waiter to know given away to, it was I had a if you don't buy any trade mark yeah lucky penny did you know lucky brand dungarees yeah? I have the I the trademark walkie anywhere and I sold it to lucky brand dungarees for four thousand dollars lucky anywhere lucky anywhere. It was just a trademark. I had
they bought it for me, we would what what it? What did you read? I was going to do close. I I had this clinic. Yes, this was in mid to late nineties. Sit down was doing stand up at a clothing line. I bought the trademark to suck it up was like a sports line here, Bill Parcells WAR, it crash chilling with the bloody sock like had might had on before he pitched with the living No, no. I didn't make money because I'm a I'm a horrible businessman. Obviously yes, the the waiter doing my stock stuff in the foreground. That lucky gave me fast rate. Mark I found out later from a patent attorney goes You only got four grand he's like who handled that case. My buddy was a defense attorney was the a waiter No, it was worth with a differential here. Trying to keep me out of jail. He's does othewise DWI and he handled that so that, like literally so, that's what you talk about bad decisions. I've got we're going to go to jail. Just saying, as a defense attorney
well he's worried. He just is trying to get his iraqi. Wasn't is area, and you know having a waiter to my stocks in the defense attorney handle my patent trademark thing. So I've got the you know to me into those mistakes. That's what haunts me a little bit so yeah yeah someone here mark thanks for having me what we, so tell me about the day, you decided to leave LA where re working out here. We yeah right, so you know you're on the high side. Sorry to do the to put yeah, I was doing I passed. You know the the funny bone in the improv's to headline I I was headlining, all those all guys. Are you working? I when did the audition, but it was the thing where now I've got to go out of town all the time you got. One eight. You are a road com. I am a road comic to try to make money now to buy a house. He had kids, yet no, no kids, so the real estate market here is going up, I'm trying to make the money. So I could get a down payment on a house by a
round two thousand fine. If I had done that when in for again- and he acted four so by five, we go look at places. It's two bedrooms. One hundred thousand dollars here here here, wife doesn't like it here: yeah she's, she's kind of misery. What does she do? She was working at a staffing agency, up in the valley like in Woodland Hills and she I wanted to be back home, you know we got married in forty thousand one hundred and four at the wedding. I saw the writing all the friends like when. Are you guys coming back? We can't wait you come back when you Everyone was saying that? Oh, my god, this is going to be good. Because I didn't get it grow up, yeah yeah once they give up right. When is he going to give up on this company the fine line between grow and give up that's uh see, I never really thought of that. Yeah wait when you get a grocery leaving give us right yeah. I know it's your thing, so it's okay. When did you give up? I mean grow up on so bite. So by this time it was like. Oh five was we're looking at property was so expensive here that we, finally
six and bought a house and but the irony, the sad sick irony when another sad sick irony. Yes, the I know it's horrible, the House I bought in New Hampshire was the same price that I could have bought the one I lived in in the store. Queens near we got a letter. I know I I'm awful I'd, so I will I will I just didn't go to therapist. Until I was in two thousand ten Levin. I I'm actually doing better now mark that it was just even to me because we just got a yeah. I but you we just a cauldron of resentment in self pity or yeah yeah. I know your wife wants to go back. You know you realize you can't talk her out of it with any sir anything on paper. There's no, you say like I guess. I can do the row gigs from there doesn't matter where I am 'cause, I'm like I'm on the road all the time right, sort of defense. Sure it's like if you're going to be gone all the time I want to be there and it kind of made sense. But in my mind, I'm thinking well, then I'm never I'm out of the game. So I moved back in oh
and I gotta tell you the first three or four years were good and the fact I had a lot of stuff that I parlayed. I got one slash two hour comedy yeah while living there right they get a one hour right. I did the blue collar tour. Next GEN. I was chosen for that and I had to deal with comedy central who else was on there, that was billing, the hosted it yeah and then it was Reno Collier John John Rouleau, yeah, Jamie Kahler and myself, April update. You see him all the time, and you know I was just in Vegas in he was He'S- got a residency there. I guess I actually did a Showtime special with him with Rob Gronkowski that, like a year and a half ago, he was on that. You know how to do that. Ok, so I just saw him. Oh so he's out there doing in Africa, yeah you never know what guys are up to, but there's so much to do alright. So you get that so it's a good few, you and you're living in New Hampshire. You have a kid yeah. First kid and seven right away. We got back sixty your dad got sober things are different. There hadn't
sober yet because that was seven, so it's been yeah just shortly after that yeah, oh nine or so that's good yeah. I got the wife got the kids you know I had a few. Oh, I shot a show about a volunteer fire department that Dennis Leary Apostle Song Serpico call the same time you get so the same time that was on they. They were. We sold this one to IFC. So it was all done from New Hampshire. So you know part of what I'm trying to do is stay in the game and stay relevant back there right. So I'm you know the last few years I've been out here pitching with different people and trying to sell shows. I mean I've got now that I'm working on so I'm trying to stay relevant here has been the challenge but that it didn't end up getting picked up. But it's like I wrote that pilot. So I've had some stuff happen. As every year goes by. It feels like you're further and further away. That's why to be an old getting old.
And that's why I mean to do we all are due to do your podcast is is great for me because, I'm being completely honest, it's relevant because I'm looking at the I'm like if I was out here and be doing these podcasts tonight, you know you know I I every scrambling to everyone scrambling yeah, but but you know you do. You're you're still doing a lot of comedy still do all right up there. You turn over an hour every year. What's what's your process? He yeah! That's the that's the process that stresses me out
yeah hold you know, in order to make decent money, you got to do the theaters right. In order to do the theaters, you got to turn over the material get to the same stuff. You don't. The set whole thing right will come see it twice, but if same stuff that I can see if they're done right, you know so that's been the battle. So the battle is there's not places to get on and work during the week. There's no scene, I can open MIKE. I do every Tuesday I try to do. Seven. Eight minutes hope that to those two three of those minutes make it into the weekend sure, and then I just try to build my year that way yeah on, but it's it's doesn't feel sustainable right. It does not feel this way about any. You know just to the Rochester Opera House a few months ago, and I show couldn't on data? From my end and after I looked bombed out, I guess in my day guy opens for me. My good friend Jeff was like I said, what's wrong when you look bummed out- and I literally I said to my goal, when we gonna do next year- yeah like I find get this stuff to where it needed to be where it was all working. And now it's like I've got. I can't do you know a new guy come up with a new closer. I mean it's, you know the work. That goes no, I know, but so it's
why? Just because of that one Giger, you just played it out getting a chart. I do I do them. I do the same. Theaters are less same time of year yeah. So as I do one now, I'm already building for the next time. I come back around the next March and do that then you again to have- and it's not all that you know what I'm star they do something now we're on I'm going to start doing old stuff like at the end just because I can't do I can't hear you need about a year and a half and you can't turn over licensing on retired in you feel bad people come out and and and and it's not ready afterwards ready, it's half baked and us eight that feeling yeah. So it's just so so that's kind of the the struggle in what stresses me out now. Yes, I can't sustain this one of my going to do yeah so that yeah, but you're, okay, families, good kids, are like yes, KEN. And it's like the family working she works. She has to work, I mean that's, you know, but it's ok, health, insurance, yeah, it's ok,
We should like to not work yeah. So what I it's nice up there, the rate it's nice and it's a great place to have a family. And it's you know it's it's once my kids were born. I even stop doing Vegas because it was the seven nights. I don't really do I'm home ninety percent of the time now I'm trying not to do so many Wednesday to Sundays, because you leave on the Wednesday about on the Monday. My kids are at that age. Where it's you don't want to miss, I don't wanna does for you, that's where you can generate the new yeah. That's that's the problem right! That's the battle! It's like your lawn! You miss this every week, there's something at school. You miss all. It's a plane. It's a you know, it's a there's, a make your choice, yeah! It's in this presentation of the science Fair, a we'll see. You know I mean it's like it's just like, saying about all these guys, you know like, as I recently talked to Bill Janowicz from Buffalo Tom, the band, and I don't like you. You know I've I've sort of like change. My two My thinking on that, I I don't know what my skills it really is, and I sort of you know walked out with some persistence in good cosmic time but it seems like you know, if you
I can live with it. There is a way to find another life. You know that either supple do you know what I mean like yeah if you thought about applying your skill set to something else, wrong side of the comedy, or is that just too much of a fuss I mean you know I go buster, it is a little bit, I mean there, there is some of that right. It's like what we want to do like I even sell in March, like I hate I sold one sees like years ago what what couple weeks I'm like? What am I doing I, yeah, I can't do it. I can't do it. I don't want to stand there used to be this a share drive with three boxes of shirts and stickers. It's, but right after the last set your run out there hey and then they feel awkward, they don't buy and they walk by you. But that's when you say supplemental income that could make a difference. That's nice
I give you the best thing is posters are good because they're easy to easy to travel with the sign of twenty bottles. If it nobody would want one. This is the end in there poster poster anybody yeah, but so have I thought of anything else. I've thought of doing things in the speaking realm right. You know that realm a little bit you know. So who knows if that'll happen, yeah, I mean 'cause, it seems like I mean I tried to do some of that yeah. I don't know if I'm the best candy but you have speak about like you know how you know my my journey, you know, but it's hard to be. It's You know on both sides of it where you going to go and tell them. You know some sort of success story, but It was not planned man, it was not going, you know, there's! No. I can't give you an ab equals your success. No, it's a fun. Perhaps you right in the shady business and who the fuck knows what's going to happen,
your head, that's what you're thinking you almost feel like you say it. Yeah I'll, say it it's like you know you guys keep the great mass everyone. Everyone can do, podcasts, but don't bank on it. Good luck! Thank you! I'm going to say you feel a little bit like a fraud right, let's do it, which is why I'm not getting this speaking engagements. Ok, I can't do the fraud thing that well, I gotta be honest. Well with me, I was doing it drug and alcohol and motivational thing and part of while I'm doing that, I'm like I blew it I blew my you don't mean, like I don't feel like. I should be here. You know I that is a little bit when I had really going on yeah the underneath of it. So you work in your salt I water, your dad sober We got good relationship with your family, your wife yeah, but you still some still stuck. Air. How is about to say you know, Mark I never looked at it. That way be great yeah, hi, Mark I'm better, I'm better! Today, I just I started. I know you've talked about this, a meditation. How is
on your podcast. I haven't done it. If he doesn't do it. Not only have I done it, I can't recommend it more and I think you were talking with Letterman yeah and you were asking whether you should do it For me, where I was, I wasn't sleeping every hour on the hour, I was waking up, I'm still the reason I ask yourself beating the out of myself: it's the stress, like all this stuff yeah how you gonna come up with this. I can't do it. I can't say that I can. All of the stuff was just really killing me and I bumped into my body this Boston comedian. Dan Cronin enough now. I know him yeah help in for me Dan Crohn's, great guy yeah. So he saw me one day at night and I think I looked like I did hit by a truck or beat up. I hadn't slept, I told him he said to me: you guys gonna, try TM and I go, and I've heard of it concern to talk about here. Here's number Check out the meditation transcendental meditation go, GI goes changed my life, he goes. I accused it's nine hundred and sixty dollars. He goes. I would have paid ten times.
Is the money so someone you notice, it would pay ten times the money he goes. I did it for insomnia to help my sleeping creatively, so I went and did it just not even six weeks ago, six weeks ago I went and did it because I knew the course for days in a row. Ninety minutes a day over four days, yeah, and I do it twenty minutes right. When I wake up twenty minutes in the afternoon mark I haven't needed a nap. I just it's. What does your brain gets in this rest state of rest, for it does not get when you're sleeping because your brain, when you It is all fire and all cylinders. So when you learn how to just shut it down completely, it's like it's like charging your battery. It's like a recharge. So my energy, my mood like everything, people, friends we of all have noticed a difference in me. Started doing this, so I I for me it just was the right thing and in looking at you don't get any for. If you tell someone it's not like hate to mention my name they'll, throw me under about too bad. He selling! Well, I'm telling you for Maine. It's just
I can't live without a way to go with it. You don't have to do tm but like there's a lot of ways to approach meditation, but it's just getting into that place. The thing that TM is which I didn't understand, it's nothing to do with the breathing right for every app I have is breathing I've been meditating for years with the breathing really tm, I don't think so. He says angrily the fuckin' breathing, I'm not with the breathing. It's not working and also breathing, it's time, not informing markets. So what this is, is you your mind? You think of this month? in your mind and your bring your breathing almost stops. You know, you're a cook. Every in your body. Metabolically goes way way way way down and eventually the mantra disappears and you have nothing and then a thought comes up that stress, getting released and that's the thought and now you come back up to the circle top of the circle. With the monitor you go back and you just keep doing that and you get better and better at getting to the
we like all my god. This is it. It feels amazing, with the thoughts don't come, there is no thought in there's no mantra and you just prayed as you shot down and you think it is so hard to do. Do you have to think all? I Can you shut my brain now? I can't do it. No. I know well I'm fortunately for me, as I get older, I'm forgetting almost everything so I hope it's not Alzheimer's, but like it's a little easier to quiet, my brain down, because it doesn't seem to give a shitton otherwise this stuff that I used to. What are you doing in town? Did you do anything? But this I actually on my way out here for this other meeting. This other show I'm trying to edit actually fell, fell apart. It's turned into the conference, call yeah. It's turned into a com, in school now? So, if you ever meeting- and now it's a compact yeah damn, I don't fucking miss that things like when you come in from New York, I know she. I know I know I know it's cut, but I'm I'm happy to do it. Trust me it made you meditate of I meditate. Just let's see, I'm a different person mark. If I did this two months ago I would be like a sucks. Well, it's good to see you.
Thank you. I'm glad that there is a leak mentally you're, doing okay, you're doing better. I'm happy that your dad so over that too, that's a hell of a story yeah. It is. You know I always thought mark that you always think you want your parents to be proud of you I think what I really wanted was to be proud of. My dad know. I mean I think, that's what I've realized like in life, and it's like, I couldn't be prouder of him. So man, that's that's great, but a happy ending. Alright thanks man thanks Mark wild story right right. I remember when, like those out shows coming out of an interview where I'm clearly back where we started I was so worried about the transition, and I want to do for you guys, like it was seen with, like the guy just laughed at some point, a MIKE Young they're, not if that doesn't Justin, we can the new special friendly challenge.
I'm trying Itunes and go to Justin Mckinney COM, great story, the right. You know what this is. That's the sound of my mustache coming back. I'm rubbing the beginning of a mustache on the mic. It's coming back, people it's coming back. The stash is come trust dot com. And WTF pod dot com, slash tour and now I'm going to play at first two chords and now I'm going to add a cord. And maybe one other cord and it's going to have an echo on it. And then I'm going to stop playing guitar.
Transcript generated on 2019-11-07.