« WTF with Marc Maron Podcast

Episode 1061 - Jackie Tohn

2019-10-10 | 🔗

Jackie Tohn is the co-star on GLOW who Marc feels he knows the most. Not because they knew each other before making the show, but because they share backgrounds and upbringings that make them very familiar to each other. Jackie tells Marc about growing up on Long Island, intent on pursuing an acting career, only to be met with heartbreak after heartbreak, from pilots that didn’t go to last minute casting changes to an American Idol bust. Jackie explains how a disappointed friend helped snap her out of her funk and how she’s embracing her musical abilities in her comedy today. This episode is sponsored by SweeTango, The RealReal, Intersect by AWS, and Pepsi.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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I'll, be at the Merriam Theater in Philadelphia tonight, tomorrow fry the October 11th, I'm at the Kennedy Center in Washington DC and Saturday October 12th, I'm at the Shubert theater in Boston for two shows. So there there's a few tickets for all those. You know the second show in Boston. You should come to that, even if you don't live there on Friday October, 18th I'll be at the James K, Polk Theatre in Nashville Saturday October nineteenth at the Tabernacle in Atlanta and Saturday October, twenty sixth at the Masonic in San Francisco go to W T, F, pod dot com, slash tour for tickets on the show today, I'm gonna talk to Jackie. Tell Jackie tone is that MEL rose on glow. She worked with me on that show. As she's on you know, she you can watch on all three seasons of go out. She's, also a stand up comedian,
I did go to the premiere of El Camino, which is the breaking bad movie just by coincidence, I've been watching all over the breaking bad's and I just finished him last week and I got invited, I guess 'cause, I'm on a Netflix show to the premier, and I rarely go to those things, but I'm I I want to see that movie, so I got that I said yeah I'll go and they sent a car which is exciting. I was never one of those people that would take the cars that they suddenly I'll just drive. We have a car live in LA. What do I need a car service for because it's great how's that for a reason they just pick me up and then of take me home and I to find parking in Westwood and wonder yeah. How do I get into that? Where, where my tickets, where my can someone help me amidst the chaos drove right up? But then you got it like you know you have a choice going to take pictures. Do I want them to take pictures of me on the red carpet because part of me sort of like not my movie? I'm not. You know, I'm not
and why would they want pictures of me? But then you see pictures of like hey look, Mark Meron came to the movie. Why not? I have a couple of those pictures out there. Why is Mark Meron in here. He wanted that thing to the cool thing. With the cool people I dressed down a lot it though 'cause I knew in my heart like this, not my night, so just wear denim shirt. Why am I telling you this so stupid? Isn't it cheese man? It was fun though so I go. I walked the carpet and I got an email from someone. You know he I yelled hi from from the stands from the grandstands, where the people are where they let the phantom fence and you I said hi in a very unenthusiastic way, and you should really appreciate your. MIKE. What what are you talking about? What I was taking self These were people I was waving. I was saying hi to people like you must have the one moment. Where probably would happened. You know probably happen is
I'm wandering around the red carpet area and, oddly there's a lot of people weren't in the movie wandering around the red carpet area- and I saw Jonathan Banks- is it? Banks are bank, I think its banks, who plays MIKE I'm breaking bad and I just found out from a friend of mine who I grew up with in Albuquerque NM, that MIKE is living in the building. He lived in and they'd become friends, so I thought say hi to MIKE, and maybe he knows who I am he said hi to Mike- and I said my friend Dave says you guys powers in Albuquerque 'cause, that's where they shoot and he's got a place there. He goes yeah Dave's, a good guy, and it was at three minutes into my conversation with MIKE, where I realized that he's not MIKE is Jonathan but where I realized, like he's gotta know who no idea, who I am some guy on a red carpet. I've got nothing to do with anything, and so there was that great moment, but then Ed Begley hug me so made up for it bounce it out, but anyways my
point is. Maybe you caught me at that moment where I was sort of like what am I doing here. Why should I even be here I maybe that was that not not like some dismissive at dude? I have perhaps Having one of my own insecure reflective moments, but I did get to see yes, I ed Begley I'll say it twice. He was very nice and I got gotta, the theater, and I said I do a lot of fans did a lot of selfie taking was enjoying myself in my denim shirt, my new denim shirt that got sent to me from the ship, John Guy Cranston, Bryan Cranston came up, give you a hug congratulated. Me said I was doing good and I said you're doing good and we had a moment. I felt like one of the people at the thing. But there still part of me, like I, don't know what I'm doing there and I'm very excite the celebrities. I saw Aaron Paul and I was almost going to go, wander up and just say: hi
Aaron Paul, it's his night he's the star of the movie, but I don't want to risk another situation where, like who's this guy on the carpet, you know- maybe I'm projecting that I don't know. My point is- is that I'm still excited by celebrity and truly the most exciting moment from just 'cause. I watched all breaking bad recently. What's his name John Carlo Esposito's, at his name yeah, he there I was excited to see him. I didn't go talk to him. He scares me a little. But I saw like I heard. A voice was familiar and I turn around and tank Hank. Breaking bad. And even know his name, I don't even know the actors name and I'm like well fuck, there's Hank. I was so excited to see Hank and he's talking just like Hank, I couldn't believe Hank was there. And even know the guys name but my couch, but that's Hank and I was happy. I still have those feelings.
I didn't go to the party afterwards 'cause, I you know what am I Do you know what am I going to do? I saw Cranston. I saw Ed Begley the ice. Jonathan I've always going to the party, maybe be there. I could explain to him who I am not just some weirdo from New Mexico wandering around the carpet, but what am I going to do? Go feel awkward at a party come on. I got hugged by a bigley. One more can you ask for from a red carpet experience, and I saw MIKE Chick- was briefly leaving come on I saw Walter Hill there. We had a nice chat with Walter Hill who been on this show the director that was great. That is great, but Hank was there. I should find out what that guys name is, should I should have done it before. I did this, I'm a big fan of the guy that plays Hank hey. I want to take him into here to announce something big. That's coming up. Ok, intersect Festival presents
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Aging and Aaron Paul's great these are great characters and he's in it. I saw I saw Jesse Plemons, the I played the psychopath. He was there. I love him. Then he was in black mass he's been a lot he's great he's great he's with Kirsten dunce. Are they married? I guess there Mary We had a nice chat, he's in the movie Jonathan. Things in the movie Cranston's in the movie and flashbacks, but the movie really picks up right where breaking bad. Ends of the guy who plays skinny PETE. I met that guy. He's not like that in real life, I I'm still amazed. Skinny PETE doesn't like skinny PETE in real life. Badges Matt Jones. Badger doesn't act like that either, but he acts closer to badger than skinny PETE Axe, the skinny PETE. I am
it's your fan in this show apparently so anyways. What was I talking about. The movie starts were breaking bad ends and it's basically Aaron Paul. It's Jesse story, and it's it's great. It's great to revisit those care. Vince Gilligan was Eric he's been on the show Gordon show that Bryan Cranston One, because I for the fucking life of me could not separate him from Walter White. I was go deep into the show and I'm Cranston in a MIKE. Do I don't who you think you are, but I need to doctor Walter White. So we make that happen. I don't know what this story is about I'll come in the middle, but it seems out of character for you, Walter, I'm, I'm I'm learning I've, but I still have a sort of. I still have a thing right, look
folks, are a lot of things to celebrate these days, especially when enjoying movies tv shows, sports teams and music Do you, love and Pepsi can take all of your pop. Your celebrations to the next level- well here watching the new season of your favorite, show your favorite director releases a new movie or your favorite band, dropped a new album when it's time to celebrate it's time to crack open a Pepsi I celebrate with a Pepsi when I'm doing stand, it's true, I don't ask for much from then you want to do is stand up show, but one thing I have in my writer is diet. Pepsi, in the green room. I don't ask for much just some veggies and hummus almonds and diet. Pepsi and that's truth. That's true the gets. Jack! So I'm gone when I'm gone on stage at the sweet down the diet Pepsi and am ready to go. I'm like juiced. Now, that's a to celebrate right come see me do do the work that die. Pepsi has a little part of that, so
for whatever celebration you want to have whatever moment you want to share with family and friends, have some Pepsi on hand? Ok, Pepsi! The official sponsor of the NFL remind you to always be celebrating yeah our shoes that either Hank hey. She decided Hank Hank right work. What three this email real quick, because I think I owe people an apology and it's weird, because I thought about that when I said it, the subject line kid Haver, a kid Haver, mark. I love you in the show, but please, for God, sakes. Can you stop with the whole world is going to hell and I'm so I don't have kids routine, I'm one of those kid have the people who is fully simpatico with your very honest and realistic world view- and that's I too, have a serious sense of dread about climate change and the fate of the human race. My eight year old
daughter is currently in our dining room. Earning some extra credit by watching a few, I'm a change news clips and it's breaking my fucking heart. She is still so innocent and has no idea how tough for life will be one day because of all this we all do our various daily tap dance routines. So that can put one foot in front of the other and not let the weight of it all prevent us from going to work and living our lives hearing the no kid slash end of the world thing just takes the wind right out of me. All means be happy, you don't have kids, they can a pain in the ass and it's often a ton of Neil boring work. I mean there isn't a parent alive who doesn't occasionally fantasized about be child free. All I'm saying is that you often mentioned how you worried about the
children. You didn't have much less the children you could have had. I would request that you channel that feeling when you're about to go down this road. I think it will give you a sense of what the parents and your audience are thinking and feeling. Thanks for all you do, love all the guitar dork talk. Please keep it up, Matt all Matt, you're right, I I realize that I'm not even going to be flip about it. I know it's hard. I know it's heartbreaking. I know it's. It's times are dire and scary and noted noted no thank you. Yeah, I feel the impulse to the account is to appoint an exit, but you know I don't have kids yeah, I'm not gonna. Do it, though, even though I just did it by catching it in the I could have done it. No, I did it, but not in the same town,.
You know how that works. Sure as to the point well taken- and I actually did- I did realize that after striking a know. What am I doing that for? Why am I saying that stuff, there's people that are trying to deal and I'm just sort of like just me? It all ends with me and I'll, be from under before it goes bad, okay, fine, but I don't have to you'll make it worse for people. I understand, look Jackie Tohn, is here I enjoy her. We have a a we have a connection that goes back centuries to Eastern Europe. You, Jews, You're. Yes, this is you talk there will be June Jock. So that's enough for you right, I'm out then go fuck yourself, you coming down the Pike Mean Jackie Town,
part of being jewish is saying your June. Talking about g stuff, you can watch your in all three seasons of grow. That's on Netflix can seek out her stand up. And you can listen to us, talk right now about her and choose. How do you roll these mister? Those were left there? I've had people smoke weed in the in the in the podcast. There's some people that I I'm someone must have brought that at some point, sir, like I don't, I don't stop people from doing things. I've had people come with coolers of beer because I can't get through fucking one hour in the morning that
and then and then you have a couple people who smoke weed, who is really just Kevin Smith, really really, I think does he has to. I think I have a kleenex, but I think he actually has to. I could have handed you the box, but since we're friends I handed you individ, I do. I think he actually has to yeah actually? No, but I mean does he think he has? To probably is it a d? ingrained habit. I don't know you know. I haven't seen that guy in a long time. I have no idea how he's doing right. How are you doing Are you alright? Well, I mean you know it comes and goes I saw on Instagram. Yes, a girl, I didn't know posted a video of the last thing or mom said before she died and I took a nose dive. The rest of the day was over. Why do people do that? Why did it well I mean the actual footage of her dying right before her mother was going. I love you and I'm going to miss you and I'm even getting choked up now, and I was like man I just like. Went off it and then my whole day, I was just like. Oh my
God, the last moments, this girl. It was a disaster, but I was having a great day yeah like that, but but it was footage which, through I don't know why people I know I did she do that I mean is. That is that is that. Is that a positive thing that that we can do that? I don't know what it was is she was like listen. I am grew evening, and I want to share my grief and people are probably reaching out to her. I'm going like hey we're here for you, we love you this. You know whatever the improv community or to you know first, so you didn't know. I was random that I ended up on her talk about addictions and all that Blake Instagram. Are you really and I'm figure out how to do stories correctly, like I'm, I'm still a novice, like I kind of. Did you in five minutes yeah? I I think I've. I think I've departed Twitter for the most part. I never really thought Twitter. I was always more of like an Instagram person, but I'm I'm not on it that much yeah, because I try not to be
But then I also you know. There's this weird thing: I was just working with them: curling yeah. How do I know her? She director yeah yeah yeah. She was just saying that she was pitching all these actors for this new show, she's doing yeah and all the executives were just asking a their numbers and all like these people that follow Instagram followers to Betty about it because she's off, but she took the other wrote which, was like hey I'm going to have none, because I don't want to deal with any of it and look at her Emmy nominated actress with no followers followers, but it's this weird thing of like every time I go like. I just want to leave it. I don't think that, like my happiness law, as in like I'll, be on Instagram for twenty minutes, then I'll just sort of look up and realize. I'm on it. I don't remember, opening the phone. I don't remember, opening the app. I don't remember going in and now thirty minutes of my life has passed yeah and I've learned that a stranger's mom has passed away and a lot of peop
interactions with their food yeah a lot of people picture to their food, and yeah. I feel the same way, but I find that died in different level, like I think, if you and have an instagram, no one would give a is your merit and we love you with I'm like building and apparel one of these very pertinent building blocks is an enormous instagram following I don't. I guess so I don't know if I'm like at some level where I don't need it, it seems that people enjoy it. I just have to figure out what exactly I'm doing on it, because I don't. I don't think it in terms. I don't think in terms of branding right, but I do like it is an audience and I liked it when I like to do it when I was doing my stories and walking my dog and writing fake songs, hearing this bullshit, I'm enjoying that, and I think yeah. You know when you're enjoying yourself people are going to enjoy it and all that, but yeah the the like pressure to have to do is when I start to like reject
it, because I'm like I ran this market ship yeah, I don't want to have to also you don't be annoying 'cause like you're, already a little you're, not kidding yeah and, like you too much you yeah, but it's it's funny. 'cause coming from someone like who's, never annoying and always sort of kind and calm. It's weird that you take. I was also wondering if we would talk about the times we've gotten in fights to be sure I mean do it well, I just thought it was. They were just like it was just bitchy, Joof I, but it wasn't like they're, not real fights. It was when I first met. You are, I think I was right all this is what this is. I know what this is: this particular long island strain of symmetric neediness and and then you looked and then you
in my eyes and saw mirror what different kind of thing a familiar familiar, because I feel like motion. We were probably somewhere but you're. Definitely different strand hide you a hundred percent, but I think when you I'm I'm familiar with it and I have in my family when things I do annoy you. I think it's 'cause there, because there are things you either do or how to do or did like when I got out of that elevator at Arclight, and you shouted at me in front of all those people. I feel like you did that 'cause you were mad. You couldn't get out of the elevator. I meant to talk to you about this in my right, I'm trying to think which part this obviously resonated more with you than me. I because that it's not at the tip of my brain yeah, you got a lot going on what happened. Our quest doesn't come through my daily life when I'm sitting across from you and having this conversation like this is a thing We were in an elevator at love this. I love you so much. We are quite in Hollywood. Yeah. We were right. Sure an the elevate said MAX and I already listen. You have my.
Are you know I'm jewish he and neurotic, and I'm not going to deny any of that. I don't love an elevator. I would have been happy to take the stairs in the fucking art like, but here we are in this elevator and we're supposed to go up and it goes down, and it says six people max like fourteen of us in there and I'm like I don't need to be yeah, get all hot, only rain here yeah and also go up. It goes down and then it does like a like a down up, yeah yeah. So when the door is open, I just go I'm going to I'm going to get out and I'm going to walk and you go, Do jewish enough shouted out at me when everyone, but I was feeling sensitive 'cause. I was scared and then downstairs. You said, oh you being real sensitive today yeah I saw I felt that can take. It said well, yeah I just was. I was scared, but I love, that it's all very familiar to me and- and I you into it, but there but also, I guess it is somewhat of
projection. I know what's going on, I know when the jokes are coming. I know when you're there one scene in grow where I was actually mad at you. Where I was I'm talk sing the whole group of you and you said something, and I said something back and it was real. I was like shut the fuck up enough with it. You know it's just like any. It's the it's the thing where it's sort of I think it. I do have a an import, a new posted to do what you do, but I somehow stopped it along time ago. It's like oh look, there's a little bit of open air with nothing being said I'll I'll check opportunity, an idea, yeah. Well, I'm so is it it's partly. Are you come on you're the Codependent one. Well, I'm running about it, but I think it's 'cause, I'm finding out now had a boundaryless childhood, that's what I identify with I mean that's what I feel anyway. I guess I fight yeah. So maybe I'm a little more ahead of you in
knowing things about myself, yeah shouting age yeah, boundary listing. I mean that must be it. That's part of it, but you seem to like adulation and attention, and I pretend like I don't right, because that a yeah I need to fight for it. I need to any people to feel a little uncomfortable before they give me the attention we do that all yeah but but I know you're familiar to me only because I have family, in where they grew up. I have long island people, you know I come from my families from Jersey, but there's long island factor effect and then you know I grew up like I want Barrentine tour, so I go to the improv. I think we did you not funny. Yeah all those years. Now that I remember we did go there. I've been up, I've been doing shows at the improv, so it countless times- and I'm like this- is not appropriate for the sixteen year olds. Who are
Did you go on a team to no but I've performed at the improv? All my jewish friends went on teen tours when I was a kid, but I moved here. I moved from New York to LA when I was just graduated from high school. Well, let's go back then, so you grew up where which part of the open Oceanside long island. Now? What part is that it's NASA county, so yeah sure, right by Freeport, Baldwin It's not five. Townie, though it's not tony, is fancier and believe it or not, junior. What kind of town was that was, working class. It wasn't. Jewish was the catholic Irish, yes, exactly where it was all of that, so there was like a jewish Factor, and there was also like a big puerto rican and dominican factor- oh yeah and then yeah. And there were a lot of italian kids in a lot of irish right and it here the how many kids in your family, thirty two big brothers and then what a day in a surprisingly I'm the baby right. I still on your New York, Bruce Springsteen fan no look fit like dad fans, fish fans, yeah
like maybe there's still mushrooms in their lives in there, like our 40s right, like maybe my brother, cargo, shorts, sandals, one hundred percent, and maybe the day after my brother's son was born. He like when did mushrooms at Madison Square Garden. Maybe she was Christmas Eve and, like that's the big fish yeah, ninety more that's over! Isn't it I think so. So those are so ok, so you're, all kind of creative, hippie, kids. Well, weirdly enough, my brother, like my big brother, has like an Ebay business. My middle brothers are personal trainer and may so my dad, the musician, a singer songwriter or was, but he was both. My parents are fizz Ed teachers really high schools. They were they're, both retired, but your dad dream was a musician thing. My dad's dream was to be a musician, his singer, songwriter playing piano, think about RB play any of his songs. No!
Well I don't as much well I don't really play like as much straightforward, music anymore. It's more like my stand up in musical comedy and that kind of thing we're writing songs. For so lots of right turns, but I'm writing songs for a cartoon, I'm doing for Amazon, oh good, but all right! So you were. It says this is like a pretty working class families grow up. Like you, you know five county jack, be your see that you're not you're, not like a no, no, no you're, just a kind of a meat and potatoes to void with their rare they're, rare meat and potatoes. You know there's a lot of it is like I never heard described it to me in detail by me. I I know right yeah I mean I could think of like we could change the food sure yeah, more of like a sort of brisket in Kanishk sure yeah, but that was because that it's definitely different. Then the other ones right. You knew when you were growing up the class difference between Jews, you
I knew that I was not the Jews that like went to sleep away camp, but we went, but my parents worked there. The only way we could afford to go is my dad. Just like the head of the kitchen and my momma true can't mommy up for how long for a month for two months for the whole summer, and we went our entire lives, our entire lives. We were like sleep away, camp kid. They they had the gig every year we had the game every year, so you like the regulars. We were, staff kids were called staff, kids right so, but when sometimes when the Jappy kids would come back, they'd be like well they're, not really right and I knew that I wasn't with the kids who could afford to go there for eight to ten thousand dollars. A sum right. I think I may not you too, sir. So were you the cool one we were. You know I was looking for. I was cool in not like. I was always a weird kid in an actor in the theatre. Kid you don't say for your plants are too at that time. I don't think it's hard to. I was eighteen, so I was after camp, which is great, but I I was like I dressed in thrift like it was part need,
part was that weird kid. So it wasn't like. I didn't want your fancy things. I mean I did right, but I lowkey acted like I didn't and then was like a thrift for weird kid. So all three you went to the camp every summer, camp sleazy with the term it sorry the camp. Where was it upstate New York Camp, Locanda yeah? It was totally juke do camp and for services on Friday, night I know an alarm Sharmila everyone does. That version. It's where there are different Sindona Lemon the others aswell of slow one that I grew up with. Do I need it? What is it Donna, Mashian Momma, move her ankle Yasir, never think, maybe that picks up at the end and they switch it. Sometimes I don't alone alot Machinima yeah. I forgot. I knew that one yeah. This is a full on middle class, can see
to do this is going on love it. I haven't done it's funny, though 'cause I mean I play so jewish on on glow and I'm obviously very Jewy as a person, and I quite like that about myself, but I don't know any. I know very little about Judaism, the same of all of us. We know that song, that's right, but I don't even know it saying I don't know. I don't know what it's saying and I don't know when the holidays are or what they kind of know, they're kind of uh. I was born on coal nidre so, like I know that rush John and you know, get for going to be around my birthday. I could soon I did. I didn't stop really drifting. I didn't start drifting from that too. I was older, like I would find a place to go when I was in my twenties and stuff, I think so too. You know, but now I don't yeah it's sort of sad. I hope so too, especially now that We just want to go home. You know it's like it starts like that. Were you like? Is it? Do we need to go home for the jewish holidays? That seems crazy right right by Thanksgiving, maybe you'll go home for, but they rush out. You know so then, over Christmas, like not even a Hanukkah, it's just, like course, not
but like blowing to find find other Jews here. No one ever invites me to savers, really know they. Might you won't do it? I know you telling you what no I'm saying like. I know people that do cedars right. I am. I actually love it. When someone goes like hey come for this, come for shabbat or come for Satyr like I, don't really do them, but it's it was super nice. I think that people are nervous to invite me- and I think, that's probably warranted, but I'm pretty good like I get nervous too, I give someone invites him like what am I going to go over there, but then I go and it's fine I know how to be a guest. I don't freak out one hundred percent, not I don't know. I talk about this on the show about not being invited places, we got invite people to be invited. I think is the thing. I also think yes, I do, but I also think that there's like a vibe about a person- and you give off a vibe like you, don't not that that you don't want to be invited. Like you, a vibe like? Well, I don't. I don't need to do this. I don't want to do this. You do want to an, but I think I I personally
Maybe I'm reading you wrong, but I see past that, and I don't think that of you know I don't think like. Oh, he doesn't want to come places. Yeah see, I think that's our prob maybe you see past it and then I have to go harder to keep you out of me. Hmm true, so real it took me a second for it to like really get into the folds. You can't get her out of me and she's in class, so all right, so you're going to camp every summer, we've parents we garance and then I had to like be really sort of behave at camp because my parents were there so like all the girls are like seeking other. Thanks and making out- and I could do any of that. My parents are there but to my parents and give a shit going to make out with you make outlook, and I was so prude until I was like eighteen years old I was I was so no I mean. Not that I'm not anymore, but I was so neurotic as a kid yeah. I think it's coming out of camp you have to, but I think, comes from the boundary list. Nature of my childhood like
Who is that, though I mean your parents were teachers, you just mean like what form of boundary list now I'll tell you like. I didn't, have a curfew, because everybody else had a curfew. So my mom was the cool mom. That was like what are you going to do stay out by yourself right, your friends have a car. You're going to come back at some point? Did you talk like that? One hundred percent still does here. Wishing this one. I got this one. Do you want us to say? No, that was crazy. That's identical no like it. Would that not but that's the subtext of what she's saying what you want to do right, right exactly yeah, then I become the adult yeah it's terribly and then I would have to choose. Also with my brothers had sporting event stuff, she would go. What are you going to come to that? You don't need to come to that yeah and that we never had family dinners. We never had to sit around the table and look at each other and check in and really together we never had to, and then, when I had my performance is my brothers: never came never like a family unit. Vibe 'cause, my mom was like the boys, don't want to come to your singing
you want to come to their sports except you, gotta go support your brothers and you got to support your sister like I love the idea of, and I'm not making your kids but everybody, has family dinner. Is it just felt like a lot of floating and in mom's brain, she was being this cool mom and in my brain it was like grasp sing, for you want some definition yeah now yeah. I was. I understand that one yeah, but I think my Two were needy people and self involved people right. So what I've determined is that they were not that capable of sort of self list. I have unconditional love stuff that you know I was just. I was just sort of an extension of their worry. You know what I mean like I wasn't in my that was never around. So like we had family, we didn't really have family stuff 'cause, he was sort of not you know. He was working
my brother was a tennis ski school in tennis camp. We both took different paths, so I guess I never really thought about the unity thing. There wasn't no, but what's funny the say that about your dad, as my dad asked me in my twenties or something he was like, you know Sorry I wasn't around. Where was easy, when you were a kid I'll tell you and that wasn't my experience of my memory my dad we played music together, so he'd sit at the piano and we'd sing into harmony anytime. Anyone came over me and my dad had our little duo performance and my mom, and I always had like of the Stiller and MIRA Shtick and we would do it was always like right, Jackie, go and didn't notice that I was sort of being put on display because I liked it and I think, wanted it yeah, but my dad also had these trade shows he's a postal historian, so he is,
fill out a list. My name is singer song, writer, the gym teacher camp operator and now he's a philatelist which is a postal historian. Yes, so he buys he used to be just that sold them go after them, like they're by the bisons. And trades, and so there wasn't time how much you sell the business for he did. Ok, I think was worth like three hundred and seventy five Company sold still people that do that. Well, he didn't get that because each piece individually would have been worth that, but he sold it for I don't want to go right now. I know I'm just curious about that. The interest is still there sure ok 'cause their actual things. Yes very big book of stamps with lofty year. The little sticky thing that you stick it in the book would and the little wax hello because there were envelopes which are called covers, which depends on MRS truly full sheets of stamps, but it's not only stamp any postal history, so people collect things.
Randomly went through a post off of those upside down plane stamps he we would have been very rich if he, it was that was the one stamp we all knew about the grail, the when I don't even know if existing ground steak, some guy made it up with eighteen years ago, so he was doing these. He did thirty five weekends a year. I worked all day every day during the week. Yes literally never around, and I don't remember that I remember like playing in singing good hour of connection. That's true, you know will transcend you know a few weeks of absence, sure for sure it's really about the connection. I think, ultimately I think that's the one thing that saves any of it, yeah that you know I do feel connected to my parents. I know I I don't think I'd rely on them for anything, but I do you know I know them. I would have relied on them like now. I
will do, but they got so much of their own shit, yeah and I'm having to constantly be like. Did you go to that doctor? Please, please don't eat that, and a friend of mine actually told me um that I need to stop with fighting with my parents, about what they eat, what do they eat in the rat, poison, really it's the it's. You grow up with. Well, my dad has had like a heart attack. A stroke in all it has diabetes and he's can I I want to, cheated tonight. I had a little bit a french day. The sugar covered french toast would decide to bake, and I'm like what what are you doing? Wow sugarcoat, but then he sometimes- but I'm like. Why are you telling me to let you know yeah, of course, always at a diner Ford flake, with its flagrant jewish deli? They needed in Florida there and for the Waco, it's where the house, where that we're in Florida, it probably but what lake worth their Boynton Beach or
jewish town, USA? But it's weird like you know you always think like who would end up in Florida, but then like something happens to you as a Jew, when he start visiting there, you get older and you liked up badly nice, but there's a weight to it that it's actually relaxing, and I don't even know how that's possible, given how densely populated it is and how, but there's something about it, going to be those old Jews that went down to Florida, but all that yeah like not us forget it would never go in there down there. They have more of a social more to do. Yorkie, who said they were never going to go to Florida, this surrounded by them because they're all there and everyone that's like them. Went there like minded Jews, they love it yeah. They just sit in circles and complain about they did what they didn't do, what they should do and how much it cost at that place. Right the doctors, the
and, though, and the two restaurants that everyone for you go to, that place is still good playing with him, delicious flavor of chips in the life of used to be down on my mother's con. I like. Why did I grow up white guy? I grew up. Here's the thing I grew up like envying people of your ilk, white to me, the jewish sensibility was always comes from people like your like that long island people broken people Real New York people. I was from Jersey, but my parents moved away early on, so my idols comedically, It was Woody Allen, a Richard Lewis or Buddy Hackett, the New York sensibility that only I genetically from Jersey, so I had to sort of aspire to it, it's so funny because they sell and you know I know I felt like I gotta reach for that, but, like you are already it's yeah, it's in me because, like Jerseys Jersey, but it's still, but they were just my
as always the old you right right and I did in college, I did don't drink the water and I played you, know the old Jewish, the Father uhhuh, and it was like you know. I, of course I can play that. I don't know where it came from, but it's in me I don't know how it's in a very still, it's so good. It really is it's in all of us. It's really bonded on. Well, I have a weird thing like when I am like. I met this, my for his friend the other night, and I I couldn't it was like such an instant. It was not. Our ob is clearly a romantic connection, but it's just such instant fusing of like brains and like sternum. Even it was just like I get this person. It was just like. I mean cultural issues, him he like a studio city gym. He is can I see trim like you know you get into sephardic or into more like there's some jeez. I don't
like I'm like you're due. How is that possible? Explain to me. I see a Qaseeda minimum, you don't look like and you if you take off the hat in there, I don't know. What's going on one hundred percent, it's a mystery. It is such a but those of us that, like these cultural ones, just culture find eyes, russian, polish, I'm gonna, say Sturmbann yep, yeah, eastern European Jews, yeah and then the the same Madonna Lums. At the same time, I've met reform Jews in a MIKE. No, no, I don't know what's happening there, so there was a guitar at the synagogue and I don't wow you telling me the ready was a woman now come on get here, but it's true right, it is, is weird. Right. So how does the so you're playing songs that your dad and he's collecting stamps on weekends? Your brothers doing sports, your mother, your mother, have some sort of stick. You do so when does when do you decide that you need all this attention
that show business birth? I? What about your grandparents? Are they no my yes, my it's funny that you brought that up. So to answer the question about when I to go into show business, but there's two, the my grandparents now they're not around my dad's dad died when number when you were a kid with They were in that with my grandpa or my they were my real, everything. Now: okay, everything to comedy to everything. Michael my mother's parents, when I grew up I'd stay there out when it goes in my grandma goal, the that was it she was a. But actually the best thing that Jack in gold is the two best names I've ever heard Jacob and Goldie. Oh forget it yeah. I have to name my kids, jacking Golding don't be weirded out. I want to go ahead, so you know my also there frozen in some somewhere in Encino, my kids so now always called them Darby and Michael my eggs, but now I'm going to call him Jack in Golden. You sold your eggs now that frozen for Maine, but now they were
Darby and Michael, because those are the first names I thought and I froze them. I said, be gentle with RB and my a took them away. You should now they're gonna be jacking gold, it's too cute. What would white White is one freezer eggs wine Easter. I froze tags because I was in a relationship and I was like thirty two and I realize that I had done the exact same thing four times in a row which was day really awesome charismatic comedian, then there's like I need to fix. I need to work on myself, but I also definite want kids and I want a and I have not a lot of examples of women who can do both. I think it's really challenging yeah, and so I just decided at at the right before that relationship ended. I was going to freeze my ex and I just went and did it. So then they become plantable yeah.
You can play those in the ground. You can have a baby tree, it'll be pretty good. That's the! Did you find a yeah, then, once you get ultimately, I have still of an age where I can have children naturally, but I want to continue my career. I want to write and produce and do all the things, and and be in front of the camera and it's fucking on her body on your talking to like about women having an expiration date, and I think since was never a non jinu with less of a less of a deal for me, like I'll, just grow up and be a craggy character. I have action to take anything like you know. It's really just relative to you know a very specific kind of like being in front of the camera trip in certain way. Yeah. I totally agree, but even like with you yeah. I don't want to trivialize it's hard for women on all levels, but you know what I mean with that part, but I also
to be able to even if it's not about what I look like. I want to be able to take the time to raise the kid and yeah I do, and I don't want to lose it laughter here. She is born four weeks later, just be back either producing right. Whatever the thing is, I want to be able to take that time and right now I can't realistically I get a nine months to be pregnant in another year to be with this child. To make sure they feel nurtured that I didn't just pop them out and hand him up to a nanny write an I don't have those two years right now, while I'm on this, like sort of run of my career at whatever level this is you know, I've been I wanted to be successful. An actor or as a person in this business yeah I star I was nine when I got glow when I was thirty five, so it's a long, fucking and now I'm like in these baby, making prime baby making years actually the end of the baby making years and and in this, like cool
making a show on here and there and work on all the time for babies, no man either in the life I'm why do I have a boyfriend? I have a boyfriend if we start with been dating for like six months, but this is not one of the four comedian knows yeah hand complex. What is that that means stay young forever with yeah? I think it's this lake and the dudes that I you know we'll be intercourse. Is I I'm literally I was I've. I was too neurotic and selfish to think about children and it wasn't- and I never thought I was gonna stay young guys. He is it's not too late, and that's what people say, but it kind is with my life, but it will well that's a choice about paying it. I'm guy, I'm not watching. My cats is what we do, because I I can't even handle it you I can handle the heartbreak of just a kid coming home from school, not you know needing you anymore, no, but just something that doesn't work out like it's like I, my boundaries are so shitty emotionally that I just can't I couldn't. I don't I
and I couldn't handle like? I think that was another part- was a problem. My mother, too, is that my pain, EVA most mundane where she could have just said this happens. It was sort of like oh that's, tearable, like immediately commiserating. Oh, I thought you were going to the opposite, which was like you'll. Be fine, no, no, no old, like so looking into the pain with you right, wow, that's fascinating, and I think I have that like it. Just like you know. How do you She didn't have any way of making me feel better other than Jake's trying to experience the sadness and then just resigning to that whole. Just so, he comes really hurts whatever. So that's that I don't know why. I start talking about that. That's why I don't have kids and I don't regret it, and I don't really think about it that much I just really am too neurotically fired panic. It just words. I know it doesn't seem like I am, but
No, it's moved totally. Doesn't you're really you're, really fooling everyone. I had no idea. You felt that way. I I usually just make it anger. That's the public face my panic and we write the anger in common to friend, yeah yeah. I don't. I don't love that about myself was to shore. When I got back, We were at your grandfathers, so your father's father was not around like he died. He had a heart attack. When my dad was like nine teen, oh so you don't know any of your ground. I didn't know. I knew my mom's parents are holocaust survivors were there no longer, but they survived the holocaust. They moved after in the early forties to Paris, and then it's fucking busy and then not camps. Are they got out, not can survive? My grammas, the rest of my Gramma's family, was in various camps and grandma, and my grandpa were miraculously like just one step ahead and there,
as you know, this may new. When you get out they they've Bob, they didn't know, but I guess no. They knew that the occupation was coming and they other people knew too. But you know it's hard to think that that's going to be real, you go like what are they going to come living in it? I didn't want to say that we're living in it and sort of like you know how bad is going to get really. You know, people don't think it's real and there just like. They think that it's fake photos at the border and it's not real people- are really like what that staged. No, I don't age by the left. I don't of those people yeah, but I mean that I I think people know it's totally so people know everything moves everything quickly so quickly. Now people don't latch on to it for long enough period. Exactly right through another mass shooting and then the next like when random acts of violence become defined by a certain ideology. You know it's
so random anymore doesn't mean that you it's you know, but it's coming from an ideological place that is share by many people. So when does that become a bigger problem that we all have fear, but then, but because it's so common the bigger problem is also this, like weird grey wash over the whole scene, and you don't even see it 'cause. It's so prevalent your so in your everyday life and that bigger fucking cloud is just there again. Well now, it's an actual cloud, its actual fire, its actual like weather, that's beyond anything we can handle, and you know we're starting to see that stuff. So it's sort of a race between the in the actual, and the actual world events right and it's ablaze so my mom so you knew them. I knew them, but my grandpa, only till I was like ten. And he didn't hardly spoken. English and chain smoke cigarettes and he just sort of was around, but they were in Florida and we were in New York and
then my grandma, my mom's mom I was closer with, but also they were so far away. Right, yeah. I think my my were too, but I think it's nice to have that connection. Your grandparents of its and you know they they didn't, but they don't really tell us. You know stories out yeah. I was a kid and they're not going to be like listen to these atrocities, but you knew you they had these grandparents and they just to look at him. Sometimes that's in I agree and they were around and I had great conversations with my grandma in high school. I filmed her and ask, for questions about World WAR two and which was crazy 'cause. Then we got to shoot that campfire scene grow and glow. It was nuts, they listen. Carla had some, you know aunt whatever they had Sarah and I asked if I could change it to the name of my mom's aunt pestle, who was my grandma's only sister that stayed in Poland with parents and they all got. I will say, exterminated, that's what happened and I was choke
and that word like do, I need to be dramatic and it's like it is fucking dramatic. That's what happens right, and so they let me change the name of that story. I was telling to pass on the memorialize my great aunt. It was that's great just who weapons that's the nuts get to do that beautiful clothes, school, definitely cool all right, so all right, so nine when this is show business start well, when I was about ten, where is old, I know you almost almost a child actress. Yes yeah. Well, I was a couple episodes of the nanny. When I was twelve but my mom had a friend who I think she took lamas with when she was pregnant with my brother, In this woman was an agent and she worked in out of her back house in in Baldwin Long Island, her name is Aggie gold of fresh faces agency yeah, and she was a Volvo
done. This woman would call anyone and everyone- and she would say things like. She. My client is a star. You have to meet her and if you don't like her I promise you. I know you don't know her from a hole in the wall and she's never worked. But if you meet her and you don't like her, you never going to hear from me again and then I would tell I told my shrink that she goes well with the print there. She felt so awful leaf. Yeah she's like the little child in you knowing those store, Is your whole life. You been telling this is this positive story, but the amount of pressure was on your shoulders to deliver that day, when your agent was like you'll, never hear from me again, if you don't think this person who I'm telling you as the stars, but did you know she was saying that when you were kid, I think so yeah I think so,
okay can absorb. That's how I felt- and I think, and instead I delivered yeah- is that I was like. Do I have a joke for you? Yes, I wrote, I was writing stand up when I was a teenager. Is that true? Yes, I don't know how funny it was, but we didn't do stand up. No major, I did a little like. I would go into Nickelodeon and do like five minutes of like impressions and jokes about an easy bake, oven and my boyfriend in elementary school in this year. Like stick, I was, it would stick. How do you go about? How do you my mom but we're not in her people. However, he was she. I mean it was a natural or 'cause. You sort of this timeless jewish thing that that. I always recognize and I always feel- and I think it's at the core of all of us, but it's like you know it's almost like fan. Price, or so you feels the and then to Joan Rivers yeah. It was a tough, any price, but it's like, My idols growing up were Gilda Radner, Joan Rivers and Bette Midler right like when I saw them. I just saw myself yeah. Maybe I'm give
some too much crap, but I would just would go like now. It's back to it, yeah! That's what I want. That's who I am I want to. I want sing and I want to tell jokes and I want to be magic and I want to host stuff, and I wanted fashion police and I want to be, but Miller's Broadway show yeah. Just these are the things that is interesting. You never try. You never thought to do stand up as a younger person, because it was a couple of people that, like teenage stand up phenomenons one of them, I think, turned out to be in order to anything lying. Get her name, it was kind of a controversy I want looked like she was like a teenage. I have an It wasn't that good, but I mean the angle was that she was kid, but then churns out she wasn't really care. Was that the two of them kept doing it. You come in that created felicity yeah. She said she was like twenty two and she was like thirty five or something I mean I I get if you're blatantly lying. That's not ok, but also this business is this like you have to be young, and you have to be this and it's like that's
people are lying, saying their younger. I don't say I'm about my age, but I would you say, I'm younger 'cause. I give a fuck, I say: I'm young. Could you give a fuck yeah 'cause like people hiring actors yeah they don't. If you look twenty nine but you're, thirty, nine! You want the people, I think you're. Twenty nine 'cause that weird their brain out for some reason. Even though we're actors- and that's the point yeah I don't like- I played a guy recently that was supposed to be- I I wasn't it was based on him. So there's no way. You're gonna make me twenty eight right, but the real guy was like in his twenties and you have. They played put cast me in it, be a guidance forties and what what I don't give a. Put the wig on me. What do you know gives a fuck you so you're, nine you're working with friend Drescher my voice, eleven or twelve one that one? That was my first job that I got and I just wanted to act and my mom knew this agent like on long island. I mean, I know it's close to New York, but it's not like we were going. Meeting agents in all just sort of happened in a really lucky way, and I was
Should I buy my mom, I begged and begged. Until. Finally, when I was like ten or eleven, she was like. Ok will go so we met with Aggie the long in the long island, Medium yeah, the long island agents- and it just happened an should. I start going on auditions pretty immediately, and that was in like probably middle school, new city, elementary school on so my mom, which web you in on the train on the long island, railroad Anshe. Let me around and ultimately it was, was cool. You know I it was. It was a lot because I have to miss school and make stuff up and I wasn't being obviously home school, but a lot of characters were, but I wasn't working that much at that time. I was just going on a lot of additions, getting Marshall. What were they? They were in at teaching at the school you're going to either of them that weren't as no okay. My mom was actually teaching at a yeshiva, but then she had to shouldn't have to, but she chose to stop when things started
going up with me, yeah, because I was coming LA for development deals and stuff, and you in from my with cheese, yeah and doing yeah what happened. So you get the the the man, he was the first job yeah and then you you, you got decided to move to LA. Not so I sent in a tape for the nanny and then I found out I got it came out to LA shot. It was the coolest thing ever and then finished out high school. Did you meet Fran? I did meet fans, you do scenes with her. Yet all my scenes are with her yeah. She was amazing and actually I played two different characters on. Many you guys must have really hit it off. They were like a miniature drescher. I know they wanted a mini Fran an I was. I mean. I don't know that many twelve year olds were running around being like this shit, and so when I was twelve, I did one and then I was fifteen. I did another one played a different character, 'cause they needed in many friend again, and they were like that fuck it just hire the access. Why are the girl that already did it yeah? So ok, so you that you come back and you like, I want to go to la my kind of, but I didn't even really know
so that I want to go out there once a year for the pilot stuff and did you do more? It wasn't even once a year it was like when things would come up. If there was an opportunity, I'm going to LA. If I got a commercial, your mother will go with you. My mom would go with me, my momma, going so then, when it really helps with this was in New York, like I did an episode of the sopranos and I was just doing random season one where the US soccer coach is with the girls. Is it the one episode Tony didn't, kill the person out I'm trying to member much from all, I played Silvio done his daughter, Heather Dante. Okay, but what's crazy is I did one episode, yeah and then Silvio's Little Steven, yeah and then David Chase. The creator of the show him daughter, dropped out of college and then my character disappeared and my name is Heather and then is new meadow had a new best friend name Hunter. It was like a sort of a seamless like there were two Darren like it. Just was this random yeah thing
there's a bewitched moment, and then I just did it damn it. I know, but that was that, but that was again like I had so much of these like? I was supposed to be this recurring character that was just going to be on the sopranos and belittle see his daughter and then it just haven't once and it didn't happen again. You Bruce Springsteen fan, I'm not. I mean I like what Noah Bruce Springsteen I like, but I'm not like a following crazy. Who are you you like? Who are you people I love. I love James Taylor and Paul Simon Joni Mitchell. I was into like that singer song, right, Serena, Paul Simon. I just love. I would lose my mind with Harry. I think I'm trying to teach myself how to finger pick properly have been fighting that for ever you got to do it. I mean I'm not a great
your picture. I have like my two or three patterns. I do and I do 'em right and I sound and I can trick you, but if you, if you go like play this song in this pattern, it's not like. I just can right right, yeah. I gotta change. Taylor, though, is take grace guitar player. Yes, yeah did you know Billy Billy, okay, the joke. That's it see! That's the Jersey, Springsteen Long Island, village. Ok, that's it! That's it! Ok! You going back and forth LA then. When does the commitment come? When does the music start happening? 'cause like you're? Not when does the comedy start happening, you're doing bit pieces as teenager on these shows Is there long island, girl or whatever? But then you kind of come into this musical comedy trip? Well, I so I was doing all this acting stuff and then, when I graduated from high school, I went to the University of Delaware for one semester, but Delaware is set up in a weird way where, like school, you mean yeah, well
the how they do semesters so MID September, MID December like December tenth or something yeah? They go on break till like February tenth yeah, so there's a mini mester in there and me and my mom and my agent Aggie gold came out to LA. I met this showrunner tv creator, Danny Jacobs and her crew ' mad about you and used to show, run Roseanne marker picture guy and he was like, let's make a show and I dropped out of college- and I said, let's make a show, Danny Jacobson 20Th, to sign me to a development deal see in nineteen. Ninety eight. How old are you one thousand eight hundred and eighteen, so you got a development deal. Development deal quarter of million, can no one twenty one, twenty five nice and love you and the US so that was I was a teenager. I never obviously see this kind of money who had- and I got this deal and I dropped out of college and I was like let's go and then the we never even made a pilot like there was a script
maybe getting that maybe got who writes injure Danny? There was a script that maybe got messenger back to my hotel. Once or twice, and then I was like I'm not in college, I'm not making the show, then I went to the tv Guide awards with my friend Ben who is on Danny and I met Jessica, Biel yeah and, he became which is so fucking pretty right. We became the we instantly friends, it was like we had known each other forever. The same age is she's a year younger than me, and I was eighteen. She was seventeen and it was like we were the friend we'd always looked for yeah and and I was going to go back to Delaware. This was still on that break. The development deal just below the whole thing. It crapped out on that breaker that you waited for that, like you can crap out on that break right that it was in uh for me to be like. Well, I'm not going to go back to school. I got this deal. I got all this stuff going on and Jess I was like. I don't have anywhere to live. I don't have car issues like will. Come live with me, so I move and with her and her family in Kalabasa's, while she was on seventh Heaven yeah
and I was like: ok, goodbye, Delaware, hello Development, Dylan, celebrity life and then now nothing happened for, however, men. Okay, so that development deal it mated to script, but didn't need and should not right and and and and that was over and then they hear re upped it there. I think the other end yeah gave you know the year on the same alarm. Another same deal he's like we're gonna make this show yeah, and then we never made the show. So first two years I lived in LA I had I had like money and I'm living at bill's house and I just was like, but I could I still friends. Yes, I mean we're not as so says we were years ago, but got a whole life and kids University, and so so this is like this one. Stories where you immediately feel the rush and the weird sort of loo falling off of like. Oh, this is how show business work. It hasn't, it doesn't just happen, you get, you know the this is it what's crazy is that this was my third deal from this Danny Jacobs, and it was my third day
This is where the other one my I was fifteen and I got one at at Warner Brothers with Nell scovel rated. I mean, I know she's also an interview is a so now all I did my schtick. My fifteen year old stand object. They said there was a break and they came out. That said, we're looking for funny teenage girl, yeah, I came in. I did my stick. She signed me to to a development deal at Warner brothers. I came out, I this pilot with Alan Thicke and all these rad people. I was fifteen years old, we shot the dial it and it was called pretty and Judy, and it was mean that's really one that all happened. So that was like AMA, you know and a live studio audience on the star of this show, and I mean the auditions I'm fifteen years old in the auditions with the other girls, their reading against me to see if there came right works with me, I mean you're almost a child star, yes, is very close, your child and then a couple years there I got the same deal and Nickelodeon when I was like seven hundred and sixteen. So that was, I think, one thousand four hundred and fifty then at one thousand six hundred and seventeen I got this nickelodeon deal same thing.
We're doing a spinoff of the kids sketch show and now that all that all that so then I had a show called, and now this all that now this is going to be the second half hour, Rosie O'Donnell, who is hosting me. This whole thing going. We made the pilot they aired it. Candid there were like. We don't need to see your attention to his. Like you know, yeah I mean my first kid was a rice, Krispies commercial, that I was so so excited to book. My first big national commercial. When I was twelve and then I see it on tv, I come running home from school. 'cause. I hear it's on the air and I come running, I'm not in the fucking thing. I shot it women, leather jacket, dice, laying out eating rice, Krispies and I'm just not in the commercial This has been going on, for you know, ten by the time the Jacobson deals went south in it, but that the difference was is that he still had a life at home. You you know in parents like school and stuff, but now you've moved
out here. On that day on your twenty, it happened again. Three strikes you're out, and no, you don't even want to hear the fourth strike. The fourth strike makes me still cry. What happened? I book a series when I'm twenty three called regularly and with bill. No, no be so. I I got my own apartment at this point and with that awkward, can you leave yeah? I asked her if she could head out. I said I'm going to stay with your parents in Kalabaw Sis, but can you sort of take it on the arches honey cute by the way, A3. I go so weird. This still makes me emotional, but I'm twenty three, an there's, a pile, but called regular Joe written by David Lee, who created king of queens and I'm like well. This is, he loves. Leah Remini is going to love me. I mean uh, I'm in a little box. I get it, let's go, and so I go and I meet on this thing I book so they tell me there recast
the entire pilot they're firing the girl, who played the daughter and they're looking for someone else and it's being picked up to series, but they were placing the daughter and I book the series MID season replacement. This is not a pilot now. This is my chance to be on tv on ABC at eight hundred and thirty. This is by the last thing, the height of fucking tv right people, imagine that eight thirty on ABC really means anything anymore, but at this time this was like all there was was network television, yeah HBO was like way whatever, and so I book this series and it's the biggest thing that's ever happened to me- were about to shoot the pilot. My parents come out, they fly in from New York and they asked me to come meet with the producers at the at CVS, rad I'm like ok, sure forget my parents in the Carmina show in my dressing room, I've taped everything up. I got a rug, I got candles. I got the whole thing. I pull up to my dressing room to drop my parents off before I drive over to the production office on my life
a man is paint rolling, my name off my parking space and I'm check being choked up and then I go and I'm like what maybe they've just moved my dressing room. I don't put two and two together I go to production and the reason they have called me there is to fire me. So my parents watched my parents, my mother, who gave up her life, so I could be an actress is catching a man paint roll, my name off my parking space. I would it's such a fake if the fake Astoria ever heard right, except that it happened to me. Why that what was the reason they were read the studio and the network were five thousand and fifty split on wanting to fire the girl on the first place and they brought her back fuck yeah. So then what you do I was so depressed for so long I was I was dating
a musician at the time an I poured my life into his life. Uh huh. You know that Jason Maraz Guy is a musician. Guy was dating him and my life became his life when I got fired. But when, when do you start to take things into your own hands, not all my 30s really so you're so you're twenty three. When that happened, two thousand three hundred and twenty four and what then then I had just and fired, and and or had these huge guys. That then became these monstrous low you're not performing on your own yet? Well, I did stand up as a teenager. Like I wasn't doing it, I wasn't pounding the pavement every night like you know you were, but I because my mom would have to take me. I was a child like I wasn't, hitting the pavement as a salary. I was young when the few times I did Caroline's in the the times I did the seller gun MIKE's need not even thanks. It was like either shows where my agent would set it up, where people knew that this younger person was coming
So why do that when I brought a teenage comedy, see them do it? Because I wasn't. I don't like to say that I was this person that was like trying to be a comic right. I was a little bit, but it was a means at that time. It was a means to an end of like I love to do jokes. I love chick and I was more doing comedy in rooms. Get development deals like in meetings, so wasn't like album perform yeah. I wasn't out every night right, but I was occasionally and right when I got up there, I had bits, and I h Dick and I did and guitar to straight no guitar just set up yeah learn to learn. Guitar till I was twenty. You know that actor Brad Renfro he along re overdosed on here yeah. He taught me to play to play guitar. You know him. We did a movie called Deuces Wild and it was a Scorsese produced and everybody said it was a Scorsese movie, but it wasn't an of I was singing and he was playing. Tar and he was like you should play guitar and it just I mean not that it hadn't occurred to me. I just was like ok any
and the guitar and taught me a bunch of blues chords. There you go now. You need three course at the time that we all I needed. Okay through all. This is now in place in the failed many times, if any, which is like being a co dependent musician girlfriend I mean I just can't think of a time where he on his music video here and needed a bite of his sandwich and just came over to me and wouldn't neither of us spoke yeah and I just on wrapped the sandwich and put it in his mouth with my hand, and then he took a bite and turned around and walked away and went back to the set. That was what I but twenty five wow, so twenty four, so your confidence is all shattered. Your sense of self is all garbage, but I did I wasn't cognizant of that because he in his mind, like I, was still funny. Fun in route like I was walking around like moon, kicking a can, but I wasn't asserting. Myself and I wasn't trying to do comedy and I was still an actress. I was still going on
and trying to do things right, but I wasn't making stuff. I was writing I wasn't in that sort of came. I got really back into stand up when, like in my early 30s, I was like so for five years. You just going out doing waiting, wondering and being bitter that and not be happy for my friends being in like look at all shots and they can go and, just being like you know, my friend being on something that everyone celebrating them and then meet. You know quote having plans that night not going in, and I a friend of mine actually called me out in probably one of the most dramatic turns my life is ever taken. One of my best friends called me out like in my probably this was what changed. My my life ultimately was She I was being- I was going to be a musician at like when I was create or something I would made this record and it cost me so much fucking money. I had no luck. I name yep
This album now record no just music, because I was, I also have this other career as a songwriter like I was on to Bmg another published songwriter and I wrote for like when was Katherine, Mcphee and Christina Aguilera and stuff the late how old are at the time like thirty, so this sorta happened after the musician boyfriend, stuff yeah yeah. So then I was like I did american idol when I was something twenty seven. So then I was like the song writer and being a musician in calibrate from that, was the change right. So like so after the acting thing, the musician boyfriend, he started to write, songs and perform songs in your late 20s, and they were on american Idol and you're writing songs. You thought, like songwriting, seem like a good racket to get into the worst rocket. Take it into what, if you deliver one now, if you wrote a song you're, not kidding Chris, what Iraq wired, so what ended up happening was that I was like realizing that I was spending all of my time and energy trying to write writing these songs in hopes that some
we would like one and it just didn't. It was so not fulfill. Your friend call you up. Well, she, made a record of sad piano, songs in her closet and it zero dollars and every single one of the songs. On Grey's anatomy got in movies, got everywhere and remember. We were all at a party once and everyone was huh congratulating her some huge movie, her delicious beautiful little piano song was in this monster, fucking movie yeah and everyone was freaking out, and I think she by to me to come see an edit response, something Harley right and then she said you know, and I was like she's never was talk about, seeing it and I was like I'll. I haven't seen it yet. You know, and she just sent me an email. The couple days later, it was like an up to say this without sounding crazy? I don't know what to even proceed here with his friendship, because I feel how not happy you are for me yeah and it's repugnant. I can't
I'm having trouble being around you when I know that what you feel toward me when all I feel for you is love like when you were on american idol. I changed I like. Why did a grassroots pain for us all to change our names on Facebook to your name. Just so your name would be everywhere. All I've ever done this of or we could try again, all I've ever done is support you and love you and you cash. Really can't watch the episode of Grey's anatomy, where I have one thing going on, and I was so disgusted with myself and I didn't even I wasn't cognizant of that. I was doing it and and uh and my heart pounding- and I just was like, oh god, what happened to me and I like said I'm coming to your house right now. Please open the door and she opened the door and it was like a high, a hug fest in Cry FEST and she was like. I can't believe that you were this responsive to this. I thought you were just going to save It's not true you. I am happy for you. You just can't tell but you're showing
right now and that's what I kind wanted you to do and we fixed it. But I was like a rotting sheep the version. I've been trying to do the thing for twenty years yeah. I couldn't get any action. I know, and I know you do an I could and I just couldn't enjoy other people's success because you so hated yourself hated myself. I was so disappointed in my ELF, you can't get out of it, then, when you're in it- and you try to be polite, you Know- and it's like I don't know. Well it's good that you worry both her well. I was baby shaken out of it. It was like in less I know, but that friendship meant enough to you do that you know like if you didn't have that like, if you don't have people that loved you or that people that trusted and loved, I mean You could have stayed there. I would have. I mean I don't know how I also would have gotten out 'cause. I couldn't see myself yeah because what's tricky about being comic or being us
that we're in in this craggy state it's funny bill. I know, but I mean that, like people still like you when it's not like, I was walking around and everyone was like. Well, she turned into a real cont. Right was just one. I would like stab someone re, a slightly or just act out in a way that, like was really showing my true cards as opposed to being? a loving human with an open heart, which is what I want to be instead of like an angry craggy. You know not enough space for everyone, yeah, yeah and yeah. There is the word right and then you raise your you resign yourself and you think there's a truth to it. And you know I guess you can make that funny. I mean there's an intensity to it, but it's not. We to make it funny, I just mean like inherently your funny right on so it's like when you're doing this thing. That's like that funny when I'm bitter maybe not when you're bitter, but I just went crazy, but that's what you're saying when you start kind of poking people like that,
you know how to do it instinctively. So, like the Is that moment where it's funny, but it's sort of like that was too much like. I was always good at the little much meat. Thank you. So hurt people and it's duct, and but I don't I Didn'T- have that money. I can't think of any other real times in my life, where something I'm think I'm using the wrong Ste change on a dime. I was literally craggy angry, not happy for people and the next day I'd rainbow, shooting out my asshole. I was like after she called you I was I was like it was like a film got lifted off my eyes, but what was the american idol experience that you just lost another Is another epic? I an epic epic low where they want,
eighteen thousand. People tried out that year, yeah and I made the top thirty six yeah, but instead of doing a twenty top twenty four and then one person going home each week to me they did a top thirty six and then they sent twenty four people home at once and went directly, do top twelve. So I was in that Imas massive chunk of people that went home. It was well, but I had given at that point. I audition in August, and I didn't go home until March and I was like sequestered and I was like in another planet right for. Eight months and then they owned me from the march from the date of my live show for twelve months, I was owned by american Idol for eighteen months. What at the time felt like not but I'll tell you something more weird little fun magical has come from that and you can imagine, but I'm still on meetings and like this, some guy that runs some enormous company. It was like I you're here because you're
name came across my desk and my loved you an idol, and then we couldn't do anything with your mouth on, like it was a singing petition and you're like roasting Seacrest to his face, didn't notice. We had to edit everything out, and I knew at the time like this kid. And then he got on glow and I was fun and now you're here and up for other thing, but this guy was like a p, the editor low level guy on american idol. So we remembered me all that, so it's like these weird little. You hung in there. So you things change. You became a good person. That friend is still your friend yeah she's, one of my best friends. Still, let's shut her out her names, Beewolf, yeah and she's, a beautiful musician so from that point on what that's, when you start, focusing on music Morin doing comedy. Actually I at that similar time my friend also great name, Jess Saddle Burger. We would always do bits and she was like why don't you do stand up and I was like I speaking of telling yourself stories. I'd always do
stand up comics. I know you went on Kyle. Yes, how always dated comics- and I was like I don't know it feels really negative. It feels really like it's, not you really born again love first, I was like well, it just didn't feel like a happy thing to do. I wasn't even born again lovey. What I was doing was telling myself worries in giving myself what seems rational excuses to not do the thing. I should so clearly do that. I was scared of right. So, instead of being like, I'm scared- and I have to start from beginning- and I right so I was like I don't know it's negative- it's dark in there. I was at this club, the other night. I would use comics name that I saw who was like so drunk, which is true so drunk passed, on the bar and like people were fans of his, and he would just look lift his head and Riv
that. Somehow you get on stage, do a perfectly cogent set in your eyes like that's not for you and I was like you know. This is but I but again that didn't have to be my experience. I was just writing this story. Just keep my heart safe, so I didn't get hurt by trying to do stand up and failing or whatever it was yeah, and so so she was like. Are you really should do it, and then I joined this writers group. This like stand up writers group where you get together with ten comics yeah and you just go up in a might at at a MIKE in this room and then people just pitch other jokes yeah yeah it but so positive and so community, and so loving and cool, and that when and there I was doing stand up and then people in that group were like coming to see me do sort of straight music yeah and they like. How are you not doing musical comedy- and I was like I don't know- 'cause I kind of roll, my eyes at it, I know I kind of was like I don't really. When I see a comical, so I'm like. Ok, let's see this hacky bullshit, but I think but then you look at Jack Black and
feel that way or you look here, an Adam Sandler. Does it and there's ways to do it that are not, if you don't do parity yeah and I don't, and I don't- and I know you open for me so I'll do that anytime, I love you and that crowd was so delightful, very nice, damn it and so Then I started doing musical comedy and then it was like all this is not only is it the school unique thing that separates you from everybody else, but it just so it's so just clicked yeah and now that's pretty much my job. I hardly do any street stand up anymore. Sure to schlep packet are around. So what happened was I am I The glow and then I'm making this animated preschool musical series with Kristen Bell. It's called a in me I am and where it is, let's three singing birds who are best friends who go on this musical adventure, every episode and we're doing a fifty two episode first season, and so
and I'm keeping it and I'm writing all the music for it and voicing it, and so I'm I'm not the thing that had to take a backseat. Currently, while making this show was not going to the store. For the improv in there trying to do two shows a night I just so that part of it. It was the something I could go like that can take a back seat, hey for now, because I can't it's just it's also such and such a night time game. My only to do I mean but that's exciting, doing animated stuff and writing original music for it. Hell yeah. So that's thing you're doing now and go out we're just sort of waiting on going when you great Anglo we've had a good time. You don't annoy me as much yeah. It's true, you don't know you have each other I'd love you so much! You don't annoy me as much either. I you never actually annoyed me annoy you you're, the annoying one, that's crazy, and now is that
it's true that on the annoying when I I don't deny that, but your the craggy one, so you don't annoy me but you're, like you know all avoidant. I you know. I think it's an interesting thing with you because don't know if you're gonna like when I see you and if I may get a hog, I had not or be treated like the person with the petition outside whole foods, but I can't I never know what it's like. What's maringa. Do hug me give me ahead now. Ok, I need some consistency like it shouldn't be that that kind of you shouldn't have to feel that, just because it's only based on my day what I like, I don't- I don't feel the Good NEWS about? That is that I don't know you care 'cause. I love you, but I don't feel. Like fear, an egg tivity around it just go like now. I don't know what this is going to be. I like to tell the story really quick before I go that one season, one when I would see you in the morning. I go hi mark. Can you go it's a lot?
It was a high mark and I'd say to you. You know on the time it took. You say it's a lot. You could have just said good morning, you fuck and then I would walk. That was like our first interaction. Ever it's a boundary thing. I love you. I love you. Alright, we good. We done It's your show and I'm so fucking. Happy to be here, thank you for having covered a lot of stuff. We did it we're done. That was Jackie tone and need talking like we talk. Well, I on streaming on Netflix three seasons will be back again next year and don't forget there. A lot of things to celebrate these days in pop culture and Pepsi can take your celebrations to the next level of your favorite so returns for new season. Your favorite director releases, a new movie. Your favorite band route new, album or, if you're like me, you're about to go on stage
whenever it's time to celebrate its time to crack open a Pepsi Pepsi, the official spa. For the NFL reminds you to always be celebrating, and now I will play some droning guitar for you. I saw Hank.
Transcript generated on 2019-10-11.