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Alex Easy, flip three five g, it Samsung dot com- show everyone had a live. This life, five g- Connection and availability may bury check with your carrier check with your carrier check. with your carrier. Let's do the show all right. Let's do this, how are you what the fuckers, what the fuck buddies, what the fuck nics what's happening? Mark Marin? This is my part cast W Tap, welcome to it I hope, you're holding up hope. You ok, get in through it muddling hope. You not sick hope you families all right. How is your family have kids how's, your mom how's, your dad did he, it out those tests turn out. Ok, what's going on with that is kids foot, ok,

did, the fever go down where we add, is that soup? Who are you what happened to you? why you talking to me like that voting Do you think I am? Who do you? you are it is a sad weak nor Mcdonald, has passed away of cancer, which he had apparently for a long time didn't I didn't tell the public about it. Nor does it see me told many people. Close to him. I did, ask around just out of curiosity. If five if anyone knew that he was ill doesn't really matter, he's he's passed away and its tragic in horrible cause. He was too young and not unlike every time a pass guests dies, we post The episode we take it out from behind the pay wall imposed the episode

as we did with Norm day before yesterday. You should know that the talk with, I was one of the best talks of Let's talk I've done on this podcast in at the time. I was so thrilled about. It. because I don't really know norm and I'd made assumptions about norm from the way he handled himself publicly and onstage. so I do not really know what to expect, and I think I expected it to be a difficult conversation, but it was loose. It was funny it was deep. It was smart, it went off, over the place. We talk books, we talk comics, we talk down, spirituality. We talk TAT, God, death We talked about it all and I couldn't believe it happened. member calling my producer and just saying, like we gotta get this up now as if it was urgent, because I thought it was so great and so surprising and so

connected and now, tragically in forms of why we are re posting it. Why it's getting attention again. It is still all those things, I think it's a rare glimpse into. A part of normal he didn't share much and I'm just so. I am grateful that we have these episodes when people that people love pass away you're, even if it Do it almost immediately upon hearing about the passing cause it reconnects you with that person or connects you for the first time, in a very deep way in a very human way, and in the midst of vat, grief of losing somebody that term we walked up to or you loved or or from a distance. Obviously a public person it's nice to have that balance? So you can really a kind of inform your grief with the

manatee of the person in hand and have a moment of sir operating the life. You know what I mean that's up also I on Monday, we put up this amazing conversation with TIM Reed. Who was originally and accommodate in Vietnam, Dresen back in the seventies, the first her black man and a white Man comedy team, he went under the endemic. Kay our P S, Venus Fly trap. India, also up Frank's place in just hundreds of others. It seems tv shows, but did you dont want to miss our conversation either was there was a great I'm rotation life stupid in sad. Ah, but We keep wagon away down. We stupid in sad today on the show: He talked Melanie Bessie she's a comic, and also like she would. I didn't really know this. I guess maybe I did she began I did or podcast she's a promotional consultant,

and I ve known for a long time and she has its part. ass, promotional rescue which I've been on, but when I met her, it was like way back. Right. When I got sober, and she was just lit up man I think she got few more years in me, sober wise. We talk about it, but when I first got more than and ninety nine those me she just was this- would all like she was bouncing off the walls. Man. She had this blonde mohawk. My recollection. She knew My ex wife, my second export I forgot my cell Burmese, China and Russia. you just part of the crew and I've known refer for that long it. So it's odd man how you hold people in this place. To where you first met them. You know- and I do a time she moved out here.

I think, a little before mission I moved out here she to drive around this fuckin smoking, the bandit type, a Trans am with the fire bird on the top emission was driving around in this old Pharaoh, just kindness swaggering chicks man but the whole thing holding someone in your memory in and not taking into mine, that they had a entire life. Even when listening to ignore Mcdonald thing and talking to nor mcdonald- and I didn't know him You know we had met a couple of times, but that was the first conversation we never had, but weird we. I was with him when his first Letterman aired, this hotel room because Caroline re who knew him from Canada. I was hanging out with her and we went up did you see him and you just was fake, down on the bed, as he did his and upon television. For the first time on David Letterman, and I remember that so clearly that was the first impression. There's something

my brain that holds, though, moments of of the first time you meet somebody or. or see somebody when its memorable that first impression people just stay there and we ve all had like it these five arrive? Since then, I mean, really think about the live saying about the who the fuck was that guy, who was, I D, ever think that when you think about things you ve been through in your life. I don't know how all over the place your life was. I guess that makes a difference, because if you, if you did travel allowed or move toward a different places, or do I different things or go through a lot of shit. I guess we all do. Sometimes it does like some other person, did that yeah hey if your fee depressed or struggling with relationships are just feeling like you can.

get where you want to be better help offers online professional councillors who can listen and help help. Hope you know from listening to this, show that people from all walks of life have, times it and never hurts to ask for help. I do it all the time. Sometimes with guest on the show, but also with train professionals, and I and tell you for sure that it makes a difference better help is not a crisis. Fine, it's not self help. Its professional therapy done securely online fill out a questionnaire so better help can assess your needs and matches with your own licence, professional therapist schedule, secure, weekly video phone or even live chat appointments, and if you need to change therapists, it's easy and free to do so. This is a more affordable option than in person. Therapy and financial aid is available. Are listeners get percent of their first month at better health, Dotcom, Slash W p that's better eighty lp dot com. I'm Flash W e f yes, so many lives like any.

time. Anyone asks me about when I started out as a comic. I do not know how I did what I did. Do not know how that kid that angry sweaty fully compose save out of his mind guy at twenty one and twenty two drove around in did one nighters in New England. I dont know how would I do know you but it is an I'm just thinking this now because our thinking about it about you know what happens middle of crisis when people do superhuman things, one people when you just office whatever is happening in the present so devastating but require immediate action and attention you just do it when he thought. About. Could I do this, or could I do that? A lot of times like I could never do that, but when the shit goes down, you can do it because You don't have a choice I think I live my life like that. A lot of times, I'm pretty good

the crisis? In terms of like showing up, I don't freak out. I freaked out thinking about a crisis. But I don't freak out in a crisis and I just think that most of my life early on that I was so filled with fucking fury and panic and the compulsive need to do so and up to get places and to try to to figure it out that I did it and I bombed a lot, but I showed up- and I did it so think that's why the memories are weird. I think that's why, sometimes, when we look back and we're like who the fuck was that person that did that, while he was in full fuckin crisis all the fuckin time too five out of his mind and throwing remit cell phone stage at pubs, in bars and grows and hope, a ball rooms. all the New England area for four locals. How is it

just talking about that. I'm like oh, my god that gets me. Sweating. Just talking about full trauma all the time full on panic, but was in panic. It was just fear. I forced myself in Horrendously uncomfortable situations that I can embarrass myself. Proof found. Almost every night. That's my training. so. How does that not feel like another person, and I think that for the first probably twin. Five years of my comedy career, I lived in that zone constantly, terrified of rejection but pushing back on that fear with fury and trying to build something entertaining out of that. Angry fear.

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get the delta, I don't want to get the delta. I dont want to spread the delta. Sir while my nose today, a natural. The conversion to it. I panicked, that Saint Louis, I panic about Missouri, because an angry about the country but tat the last eyes. I I there I didn't nice time it was once a glorious city, one of the great american cities, and I guess some level- it still is by dare more, sure, what surrounding it, not great, not great so Melanie vs is a comedian. I dont know when she became a comedian. I will talk to her about that. She was an actress I can't believe I've known her since I've and sober a twenty some odd years and here we are. Isn't it wild when he known people that long ever stand of special. As called wild animals on Amazon, prime video and her podcast us

called promotional rescue, and we're gonna we're going to get into it and it's gonna get deep because, that's who we are. This is me and Melanie Bessie Life's dealing with all of us, permitting staff histories of any restaurant downtown, and your house know it but apparent is like a real deal now, yeah Tell her. I think it's a racket on some level, but it's you have to do it. Yeah what did she do away? Where is gonna be like in the fence in the new fancy part arts district, and it's called Detroit Vassals, which is your name well What's her name, she took my name right. I saw her maybe try while her middle name it really it's a family man. It's crazy family name, monsieur Michigan, do know so

in the seventies my stepmom changed her middle name to Dena Detroit somewhere. There ok yeah engineered my dad's, she became Dena Detroit Messy really at my brothers. They were Nick Detroit Bessie Joe Detroit Bessie. When I had my son, he became Harrison Detroit Bessie there, and when I married my wife, she became Aaron Detroit Bessie really so when we were deciding on all she was deciding on the name of the restaurant. I was like let's do something really unique, but kind of cool in Detroit Bessys really kind of popped out and so That's gonna be the name of ok. She took your name when you got married yeah, I'm dead. Do I'm a fucking and the fact that that bet that we always do yeah equally sure, even with deeds, I'm the dead, yeah yeah. If I can It's a lot of work because I remember like I I was trying to say When I first met you- and it was- I feel like

it's in and around the second. second street meeting, and at that time you, big blonde mohawk. yes, not yet, when I was a hair was blind but not about. I didn't get a mohawk until after I moved to Eleazer true go here. I may be very sure you may be felt like I had a big blind man. We're not just remember. Like I remember movie, you cause, you knew you new mission from the the places. Yeah from one she'd before she knew me. Yes, little bit yeah sure we're So what is your story? Is I member then, like I've missed big of it. I remember, then, that you were an tres you'd been in a movie, but then you got. damned or shot tat shot right. Ok, so where'd you grow up, because I will I saw you when I was in Detroit yeah and you're from it Originally, I really like you

open to a suburb of Detroit called Royal Oak, which is right, there's a there's, a theatre, their idea, no great and and marks Common Margaret Lease Comedy Castle is air me Sugar in detroit- has a great seen for everything has its cool enough, where people get really good at what they do, but not interesting enough where they get distracted into doing other things. Like rate musicians, great comedians, we re great people come out of me again it and you are right, but I mean every time I go there and I have gone there in the past. It didn't seem like it was a great seen and I we seem to be the YAP which I love. My love, a greedy set. Sure ass, you know, people learn their shit and usually move out, but would you do I go? So we was your dad and automotive business now my dad awhile, my doubt my parents are divorced like before. I was like one years all it was it was. You know early seventies they were, probably too young, My dad was a photographer, so you the youngest I'm the only of my mom and dad.

then my my other brought my brothers are half brothers, my dad and myself mom Ochre and then my dad moved to New York City photographer yeah, ashen, tabletop beautiful staff here he's a genius. I think you guys would have gotten along famous. Would you like us, seem guy, also very India, like music, ninety play guitar. I think you guys would have been very good friends in yeah yeah. I really doubt was so using hard photographer so like we know, whenever you're, whenever you see product perfume, bottle, nope sure things like that you those this year and then I wanted to be a dancer. So I left Royal oak and moved to New York dancer yeah. You grew up without him you're out of your step down like three brothers. No, the brothers were born after I moved to New York. So did what dad? dad instead mom had to write

Let waylaid us I'm twenty one years older than my brother, Joe and I'm fourteen years older than my brother neck, I was essentially like an only child for a super long time, but where you are, like where it is the disaster start I would have to say around five. I feel like a five I came to in the trailer we were living in amount, Clemens Michigan. I had a serious moment. Clarity knows about it, I've! U, r alone, like good luck with this like a leg, it's almost like I came to like in a dream. You know it when you realize your dreaming, and I was like oh, this is gonna, be rough right and then kind. Why did you? Why do you think that I just known for you yeah, because the situation per se it now. I think the situation was its own challenges in the area where action, while my mom you know, was married, you know many times and you know there's a lot of turbulent. You know, stuff there. She had a kitten. Nineteen, twenty and you know ya.

and then she it was like. Was it when those situations where we're dude Oh, my god coming and going refused dad I don't even remember, but one amazing step, Dad Stephen was fantastic. She wandered one by one good one, but he died at thirty saw them. He just drop dead one day. Oh my god. While they were married, no, they got divorced. It's it's like it's like an hour Nigeria, like just so merger drama, but that's good I mean it, but it's good story sure how no great stories of due process all this lotta processing, still the oil processing, Julia process. I don't think so. I think you should keep processing. I also feel like I'm starting to wonder I mean maybe right now I'll be fifty and a matter of leg, I don't know our fifteen day, alliums layer not actually- and I'm really too

the point now, I'm I'm stopping trying to fix that idea. It's mostly just acceptance that like this is the way that it is now yet and also I started to realize, because I've been dries fuck and but I'm ok experimenting with the door, I fancy I like that. I don't have the obsession to drink, but I do know that, like you know what I'm dry up, my brains, pretty active shower a solar someway I'm willing to make that tradeoff, sometimes Bryce there This realization other day that if you didn't feel good, if you felt awkward in your childhood ripe for whatever reason, bad parenting, wonder, If you felt uncomfortable being you, every memories gonna be trauma based every memories. Gonna be shamefaced, every memories, gonna be embarrassing. You're right on, you like, I never saw it that way into an act. Of course, I'm like. I think that in the first one of them and so on, should apply it to treatment.

You're like Google. I got all the worst guys we're right on the book, because I've got something to add yeah and I like it, really blew me away that, like it so and In addition to that, in terms of light processing. It's all trauma ass. They all be processes trauma. Yes, right, yes, Marcus, and it's funny because I got it so so funny that you're saying this because because I think I'm realizing how much I act, they do suffer. I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD right because I have childhood trauma, compounded with adult trauma, as do

right now- I mean traumatic advance. I never get shot, but you had a partner who died. I mean you, ve had another thing: that's real fucking Jeanette, also like very like emotionally fucked up abusive relation sure I don't you ve had friends die and you know from what I know of outside. Looking at your eye, if you have adult trauma. Yes, compounded with that, that starts to give you the symptoms of PTSD irritability, able to concentrate on what you know. You know tat having a hard time I guess focusing look at even having our time focusing now. You know they mean Liberia its and also to everything, is coloured and- and I think that's hard. Sometimes, when I talk to people is that like, if I look at my life. I can. If I look at the pictures, I think that's, why take it out of pictures of my life- do you I can see from the outside and like bitch, you lived, you had a great time look out, but look at that hair. Look it back to me registering in my body, I am, I cannot usually access joy. I can't I can't I can't I don't and also not great, with the

excepting receiving lover or giving it doubtless whose aim same scanner have a beautiful alot of acting as if going I've, a beautiful, wonderful amazing, fantastic gorgeous wife who loves the fuck, out of me, and I believe you got an amazing kid. I have two sometimes be like, except there like I have to like the let it come in error. It's it's not that the thing for me: we now I I I I built arguments for myself at the towers, somehow rationalize or defend a position around like joys, not necessary, it's like is overrated. That's not a real Marianna deserves the you have what its uncomfortable you like lightwood. Anybody want to know. You realize that does not come to losers. Yeah yeah also do I feel like for my identity, I've

my fear, sometimes of even giving up some of that stuff and becoming like the hole in the donut. So much of like what Would I be so funny, though, liking after how long you been sober, twenty seven, so you're still worried about the hole in the donors. Sure forget that fucking nuts, absolutely there's not my brain is fundamentally, and I don't save us to be like I'm broke and like budgets broken leg eyes, superstar the donut, all things that no longer applicable get fifty unite link. It's just maybe, like you know the fear of like I'm gonna lose my edge or I'm gonna live. But what is even that mean? I mean that's a weird thing I mean you but what's gonna happen. As some of us yet the evil is important, like your edge will not be so coordinating. Oh no, I mean I have my really good friend. Molasses, like Melanie being cool is going to kill you like fucking snap out of it but yeah, You know, I think it's just old ideas,

concepts that once kept me going and probably kept me going at a point when he wrote it it to her and then those things don't work. However, it's my opinion that I have never been able to get rid of them. There they are may pop up. They become like you, I'm gonna get their two bullets. What's fill in some lying so you're you're going through a parade of step fathers, one good when he died so great and then you move You run away d run away our now. I have when I, was young. I wanted to become a dancer because I saw Pinky TUSK Darrow on happy days and for but ever reason I was like. I want to be her. You know it's been good for dancers, Tik Tok. I think Oh my god. It's amazing, but I mean I haven't danced in years and years. I could- and I have done some kind of dancing to the rocks at that, but I've always wondered who the fuck would be a dancer and why and now, like Tik Tok his answer that question like, but because, like I know, there's like it's when these things are gonna be dancer, but every time someone says, unlike what where's where they using dancers. Other then

Vegas or what? What what a job. Is that you work at You like a ballet company like a modern downs company, Alvin Alien, Martha ground Acacia. That's like your ten people, do you're right. It is I've only chosen very specific careers too, which are almost impossible to succeed. I will that keeps the wide, but I did well. You know what I mean I won't. I is truly like my first and greatest gift room. Were you a natural yeah. It is when music comes on its very difficult for me, not to move its very difficult for me not to feel about from the UN's during oh yeah, I went to Juilliard, I danced United, but in an early when around when he was alive, I got to see Alvin early like working with Dance or what you well, how would you like nineteen, nine when I was at early and I was probably like wolves, twelve thirty,

team, really yeah when I would go in the summer's I erika, then I went to the interlocking arts Academy, which is I went to the camp and the school, which is the best hand down here. So I, like your mom and various step, fathers force or you re. Real Davis right does what she wants we're. Make it happen for I supported it. When you I mean I it was it was. I would I got like kind of like an athletes, their life was like dances, the most important thing we don't care of you. can read, write in I'm also, genetics. Parents weren't really like around your Irish. They weren't home, they would come home. Take me to dance clause right and then they were doing there. Oh, my guide very much there thanks What was that? being absorbed in their own concepts, I've dreamed, Boozer. Drugs of both sides of the family have a lot of addiction

yeah. I mean I don't it's weird when you have to raise yourself, yeah think that it's a I feel like it said it is. an asset. Its made me very focused very, but what I do admits making the incredible made me incredibly driven defect, however, is that the control and being hyper vigilant is horrible to the humans around jail, hyper vigilant light up with just like a super aware of everything and pushing really really hard towards everything to the point of exhaustion, to the point of you know madness? Just saying you tried to her. Of course DR sit here with orange hair up up up when I saw you have a car like what are we doing what's happening when her? Now it's always a page turner here, thou geez, yeah I mean it but

like I said like that. It's a defect, but I also see it as an as an asset sure it's a survival thing. So when does the day its crap out those who you, but you can move there. When you were twelve, you gonna, let you did you actually go to Juilliard again and you for how long two years one year and then they kick you out EU wow ash slang. So unfortunately, by that point I had been very ensconced in New York City Nightlife and that was very attract. TAT was eighty, so eighty nine aid and ninety so, like you know tunnel and Nels aunt em K. How long you were you like Mars, I remember Nels. I had a bad night free, basing with a guy who is in advertising executive, wonderful, terrible, big bang. Just remember the creeping up, because I came back from God, but you're out time. Oh yeah, From the time I moved to New York City, I went to my first night club when I was fourteen. We are happy with

it was. I found my people which won. My first A club was called the saint and it was all about all ages, night and like here. is this: is you were resist, it was on the lower assign you. Can Google, the saying to the dance floor? Was this huge? I mean it was like a football austere and inside the ceiling and just being like it was? You know, your first time with anything swept away by the music and also to was like I was validated people thought I was cute and fun and beautiful. I got someone like their attention and red ropes would part would be like me. You know what I mean so vat happed into all of the, negative spots I had inside of new. Aren't we weren't satisfied as a child over the drugs

I would have to say that I was like a maintenance person like daily pot smoke, ordinarily drinker road. However, I am also and Alan on, so I would pretty much do whatever you're doing outward meant, whatever whoever I was dating whatever their drug of yours is, I was doing that do so, just a guy burbage had but a boat not crazy junkie. I never did Heroin Heroin was a total. Yet for me, and then after I got sober, I primarily dated heroin attic women because of vat, is the hardest thing in the world, but the snoozy women more. They were all soberer, so they just meant that there was this extra. Where are your like? Ninety ness that very early activated Moran, both the one that can never be satisfied again? Oh Lord, like trying to hold a fish out of water, you know what I mean just kicking in blocking. If I'm gonna fuck and be the thing if I could get there,

to pay attention to me than I will have won, but now There never was there, it is when the so Juilliard there had enough for you or how there. So I think by the end of that yeah I was away or modern. When I was a modern dancer, because by design I could never get thin enough to be a baron. I even though my true wish was to be a ballerina. I love the structure. I love the tat. I love the two to really gotta be a type it is. It is predestined, etc. Nothing you could do to get near that skinny. Skinny yet strong like their ongoing and it's like every your very, very difficult and then I was always pushed to modern dance. But it's me and to two and a toe shoe is always what it's what I still want. What, if a growing, I think there's still time. I could do it don't talk

I think that there are exceptions to you, that's what you were well when we do the follow up interview. I gotta get out of the car, just with my like my feet in first position like flap. Why? If why ploughed myself? I'm ready, you should do short film today. Do Tik Tok eyeing you I'm fine, I'm telling you! This is! the serious career, I'm sure your did. Our yon ticked I've decided the tax and do the thing it does. Therefore, for attend. Oh yeah, I'm ready and resolute, but How does it, how does the dance dream diminish? How does that tumble into a stump? I think that at that a point like once, I left kind of being under any one's home. I really are usually wherever I wanted to and I wasn't able to sustain being up at night,

the clock in the morning: do an adagio across the floor and I just wanted to be in the nightlife. My roommate also to a Juilliard way ass, an accurate, but she decided she wanted to leave to become an actress, and I was like, oh because I've never had a sense of self I've never like I couldn't can, backed with. Maybe like dance may be, wasn't the end all be all, and I was like while I want to act to- and I felt like I was closer to my two, my dream of being pink. it has got arrow and so I went to acting school and I went to Stella Adler, but it's weird because, like with me and in its praise him are you in retrospect This idea that we have no sense of self is is: is faulty yeah. because in a whatever the hell, it is that God through our lives is, is in a sense of self. Yes, we don't give up much credit, but when I look myself, like videos and whatever I might that on the same guy

yeah. So I'm the only one that didn't itself really. I knew there was a piece missing, but as an emotional component, but I wasn't like some weird nebulous neo boundary was nerd, no tat was like an alarming on the people, and I dont think people would look at me and be like. Oh, she doesn't know who she is like. I clearly look like I do. I wouldn't its nerve, atone connection that I don't feel I don't feel I think this also may be a part of the addiction component of me if I want to feel it, but I don't feel it all the time. So, let's, keep doing it until we fucking you here is the problem. Maybe the self consciousness is You shut up, maybe the vigilant liking. My feeling it is this happy I like as it were, is as kicked and yet call your guy man call your guy guy associate this. It's bound Poland's total more and then your face down over there.

ongoing over their dealers, messing about dealers anyway so no sense of Self Stella Adler. going to give it to you. Oh yeah, yeah, who is over there when you went over there see what you were there, school in New York. Yes, you just in addition to get in who is teaching over there the amazing Alice Winston, whom has passed the incredible Jimmy trip, who I believe is still alive, and I said, Stella Ground sign link was running the show over there it was great. It was wonderful, it was probably, I was sober by that time. I got sober twenty two were you dating when you decided to act on what was that So, let's see, ah, I think around there. I think I was a little bit kind of free will and now

I had a boyfriend who worked at George Armani, beautiful beautiful guy arising. I've had wonderful amazing. My friends here I ruined I've made a lot of a man's just want people to now. I have tried to try to relieve us of Israel line to the immense is to men. Just I'm sorry, sorry about the whole thing top to bottom top to bottom What did you do to him it was a ruthless selfish girl. Who probably should have been. with women here, but I didn't know that about myself until I was like twenty five or twenty six year. Also, when I asked you, if you were out, you didn't know you you took out his meaning out in the world we are out in the world. I am now I didn't come out until I was twenty five. Twenty six years really know no girls before them. Well, I will. For a long time, it was like, I would add, when I would be out drink

it would be a lot of bathroom make out swim. You know my friends girlfriend framework. I also never connect your girlfriend's friends, yeah you're, that girl scorpions they just for everyone's golfer, because I was garbage, but you know, but will you I mean yeah yeah I would. I would get with your person because I didn't have any eight morals. I, if I was loaded there was nothing off the table. Sure I would if it was I wanted at, I would fucking taken. Both is now part of the fun why making ass. yeah ass an I e mails that share good for you, mail that, unlike get your shit, we're leaving the fact that Hamas not yeah. It took me a long time to figure that out. I didn't even understand that, even when I was having sex with men that my rose

You know I'm not having fine well, not having an orgasm ay and then be when they would get up to take a shower, and I would jerk often thing about women I never even connected that. Maybe that was you we're thing to do. You know what I mean you're like this is what all women to business. Just how you do it no Yes, yes, maybe, yes, I don't know whatever's right for you listeners and whatever is right for you, I'm judging. That was my experience and then I met my first girl brand and it was like as a flag, twenty six, so your three year sober and that is at the cop. Yes, since you're. Ok, so now you're enacting score you down with it, I'm done with acting skull. By that point it was like. Truly. There was. There was a very short period of time I was,

oh bird finished, acting school start working actress, really what you do see, that's what I kind of like I'm I'm I'm about to enter the picture. Yeah fifty as he has asked, because, like you were in Jim, carry movie yeah man on the moon, bout, Andy Kaufman right. That was the one thing I heard about it and they will all that's the bait. That's the big! That's the big ticket I yeah, but there was also like I'm the law and order and homicide and its embassy, pilots and right, you know, and just was like on, like I felt so good and capable, and ready? I felt like I was fuckin ready nothing was in my way you're no drugs or alcohol. I was fucking on fire. Araby. I turned my mom and like a cover, rolling stone, just fucking get ready or just fuckin ravaged this evening on its ah and then that was brought to a grinding halt by the fact that my you now. I well here's the thing

in my opinion of why I think that happened. Wording shot was way. So you with this cop how'd, you meet the cop so I was here. so they I feel, like a storm I don't know where she is re also and do not want nothing to do with our harder for obvious reasons, it fell. Divine meeting her I had an ex boyfriend who was an artist who I've had bumped into on the street and he was like I've got. Some pictures of me things of Yonah. I wrote down my number. This is before cellphones. I wrote down my number in a piece of paper. Three days later, I got a call from a New York City, police officer from Bellevue Hospital, and he goes do you. but this person and I go yes, I do Ngos. I need you to.

When I done to fight him- and I was a shit and I was like no he's not dead- he's overdosing on cocaine right now, but he held hostage so he's in trouble, and I was like ok, I'm on my way to go help him. So I hopped in a cabin I went up there and he was handcuffed to the bed and and it was something like I walked into his little paper a frown and he was lowered juicy snagged painting any it was you I should probably ask them where they are. They probably are worth something in this area is a pretty big earnest so, and I and I walk in and he was like, I was at a rage or allows bitch you're fucking interoperable, and I was like I'm a little talk with these police officers over here. And I will be right back and, as I was walking over to this group of police officers, it was like a movie and I was walking over to them in these outside one's peeled away, and there was this latina

the lady copier standing in the middle of them here and I had an out of the experience and I was like that is what I want like in the most of us, are aware of your friend bank. After that disappears everything becomes yeah. I know it's. My daddy's finally thing where he pushes Andrea Ali is gonna forward, like the whole thing is a further, and that was that and- and she became my first girlfriend, and that was challenging relationship on a lot of levels ah then she became an undercover narcotics officer and broke it off with her because she was by in selling drugs all day long, and I was like I'm sober now like I was in the house, no no, I mean, for you know, for the New York City Police Department here no, but it was one of these things where it was like. I knew that at some

why someone was gonna, put a gun to her head. Like do these drugs and she was trying to be sober as well are associated yeah, and so I broke it off with her visa and then a year later she called me and she was drunk. She came by my howison. It resulted in her shooting me when the leg whom it was a fine. so this is where it gets kind of like complicated area she had no sooner you yeah. She had asked to come by India. She was armed we were sitting having tee an she pulled the gun out, and and then I was like what you put that away and there she pulled the trigger. So it One of these things were it's like. I don't know why this happened. Yes, it does that makes sense or doesn't feel I get hard to define it as an attack, it's all. So not an accident right, because Y Y, you so

Oh it fell to me in the end, this felt cosmic. The stoutly for whatever reason- and this is the way that my brain media has gotten a hold of- it- may be in a fucked up way, but that the universe want. This to happen, and what Andrew immediately after that, like em, did she say fuck and call the cops her well. No, I mean it was broad daylight. It was outside of a cafe laying on the street bleeding and you know the car I came here and at first, they ask me who shot me and I at first protected her, because I am I now and on here and then the cop was like. Will. Where did the bullet come from Melanie, and I was like I dont now and then the cop was really God any like got down on all fours. He put his fucking face in my face, I'm lying on the street there. No to really like trying to get my shoes. I dont know what she was

the I dont know I'd she was there. I don't know what happened to her. At that point, I just was like. Oh my I've got to bloody holes on either side of my legs and I'm just going to lay down right now on the ground, because I don't know what's going to address, or they were worried that that's what happened so they essentially like if you don't get trauma pants on and four minutes to push the blood up into your heart, like that. Yes, he read her back with their yeah vessel through through the inside of your leg, and so oh this cop wisely Melanie on all fours, yeah, and I literally of mine for one second, I, like clocked eminent close, my eyes he had like all gold bars and all the ship is it. I was like a season New York City Fuckin Pro Cobb. He was like Melanie. I know you know who shot you, because I guess that's what people say. Oh I don't know, I'm protect my fuckin stupid friend who just fucking shot me. You know any. Maybe he goes if you dont tell me Melanie find out many screw. My face, I met, find out Melanie Amateur find out and, as I got some ex girlfriend

the cops you shot me it's funny now, but it was like not funny design. Oh here's, the spooky power. So when they took me there, put me in the ambulance and they took me to them. Urgency room at Bellevue Hospital where I met her and it was like It all came weirdly like full circle. Ah, and I feel like that feeling that I felt when I saw her was actually the danger and my body being like this is a bad fucking situation. Because I'm wired backwards, I mind right and I shall love is hey. Hey is love. I perceive that as love at first sight, and it was not now I perceive those feelings as like your endanger girl. I perceive them slightly differently here, but why? I feel that juice yeah it takes me back to

Emotional instability that very exciting. Yes, so it's that eleven hate but I know that it. Cannot end well by guy I've been the story recently that by guy This had this situation where I was texting with a woman, you Know- and I now is not great shape, but it got kind of saucy per he quickly and there were just some tweaking the tone. I already knew that it was a trauma bonding and yet naturalizing I knew the horse, but there were some tweaking the tone of it were. I just remind me, like a kid. I went through five years with a borderline yeah that I had to get restraining order in many ways, some just texting with his long story. Longer. Yeah energy, hit me like. Oh my god, if I I, I never met the person, and I was If I meet this person and we do anything it's gonna. Take me away five years to get out- that's all I need like that was done.

the timeframe yes like. If I engage this five years, minimum yeah of trying to Hook, that's exactly like why, velcro Tine at a time like yeah right, you're, fucking going through era yeah, I am really I mean but I mean I'm. Obviously this was yours, I'm just talk, you got that impulse in. Like sort of. we are assessing the moment because, like I am weary to diminish every electrical current that goes between me and other people as being something negative because a lot of times like having how do I join my life? I can look back at some pretty. You're amazing shit that happened in the midst of horrendous drama, oh yeah, so we have got it but give myself a little bit of a break. I totally here that I My situation resulted with me like it right.

And my life in ruined my career. It cause I couldn't a healing. I couldn't wist like what that the trauma of getting shot did, to my mind near it, ruined my ability to me contain my career, which is everything I've ever worked for it's over. I dead that's nothing. No, that is not nothing, I'm very, very proud of that. I'm incredibly proud of long term. Recovery However, I know now that I can fuck up my life without a drink or a drug, no problem, I'd have a name for mine. Ok, You know our way No! I just mean, like I got so and I latch on to I you know like hers? Oh my god, of course I mean there's, no, you know you can really again you fuck up. You live and you're awake for it, yeah! That's why?

I feel like for me the Alan on Pre dates like the Alan, problems, predate the drugs and alcohol. I was able to get sober at me too pretty easily, not living in the home, with any of my parents and getting farther and farther away from that and maintaining recovery. That's why I feel, and also to the fact that my sober story is more traumatic and more challenging and more damaging than my using story, a work differently. in his hands down like I just never really understood what and a code Ended bottom hitting was like yeah. I was clear right yeah. I am clearly I've been cause. I we saw myself as the qualifiers. Yes, you know, I'm the bag yeah like I used to will I get that when I go to double winners meetings at the idea of the bad, but then I I like I'm such a fucking co like like in the worst way like

politely willing to negotiate everything away, but I only get it like. I didn't notice it with me because I was out of my mind, hosting just Neue sober by when I finally notice it I'm like Y yeah, and then, of course, everyone knows right near. We knew might well thanks for stepping up, kind of like that mental. How would you like we do want to you get and get involved people's personal life. It's like I'm, your friend and he replied. I could say, that your house in trouble? I think it's the difficulty is, of course it has to be like for you me. I think it's hard to hear you know I mean when you're, when the students ready, the teacher appears type situation like when you're ready to hear your fucking here at and its also tailor made for you to hear a short you, but you want to be talking to a cop When you want, when you ready to hear it might hear this year on the ground, bleeding yeah, but what specifically about The recovery from that gazettes, shorter I came in to your life. You were still limping ya, know it

so funny, because I remember I was speaking at a meeting and I were literally looked up and saw you and me and you sat down, and I was like all that's hurt new guy and I I still had a cane frown right, walking from being shot, and I was bringing my message to the people that you can stay sober, no matter. What look at me, I'm amazed and now I'm like bitch is, has been hard I got a hard road, but still that's that's that thing that you are talking about that kind of like you'd. Do Yet I am going to do like that. Fortitude in that ambition that night YO how does survived that becomes sort of a liability. As you get older has tried to our thing. Probably helped. A lot of people say sober in

it's that you at an obvious? We process your feelings, but you knew that you needed to go to the thing I'll MIKE. I talk the talk tank. I right, however, though the challenge- and that was I did go to a you know after that and what handed happening, is a lot of people talking to me about my trauma in these bumper sticker phrases should watch which it was like gods got a plan for Yo Mike. It's pretty fucked up plan badge about Lapland sounds pretty bonk, enone mean or like they were kind of sometimes put the blame on me, and I'm like I'm telling you like this isn't whatever you're saying to me right now. It made me turn my back on programme and also to on any sort of higher power which I had created an I mostly had created Santa Claus. You know I mean We have created a well

a bellboy. Unlike go, get me my share for now. You'll understand this gift, the gift of the cane. I didn't well and I and I don't think it's a calf now I mean it was, and I think that's also the hard thing to sometimes about, like speaking point of traumas, that sometimes people are like it made me stronger and, unlike I think it really. Can fucked me up would make you calloused. I think it made me, I am currently doing a lot of reading about like evil queens and like why people become evil like, as I'm like as the years are kind of historical Windsor. Ordinary men like like like villains, unlike Disney Movie, you know what I mean. I got Whistler, I'm reading the fairest of all right now about like the the queen, the of snow white unity mean only on how these women become, evil and its funding

because I I feel like in my heart as things as I'm aging, I'm just totally like. While I can really feel like a darkness in my heart like as I'm getting older, but when we held the manifest like what is the impulse out of the dark heart can do what I think it's the two great every They would negativity to greet everything with like this, isn't going to work on and it do have. I do have a lot of reference that if I, if I move forward with something that positive things can happen, but I'd there's just been I think it's probably also to the pandemic. It's like coming downwards ending area, but the budget but it is interesting that the darkness it you see at the core of potentially future evil disposition is still fairly. tell flag joining Europe, lighting up I'm going to kill like eight me, yeah yeah yeah, oh yeah, now, oh yeah, I know abso fucking. Lately

doesn't help anything. You know what I mean like. No, it's just I don't know it's like a couple of things like this sort of like never adage talk of a its that's. Why that's worthing? Bout recovery is that everyone's got these talking points and there hard to say them in it does enable them to engage, but ultimately if you're really spiralling and you need other help, you gotta go get other help. You know one hundred percent, but people are just trying to sort of like this is what I am trying to do in Europe, and sometimes all you need is some understand. I can tell you that you have to indict like I'd neighbours who I didn't know before coming over to check in on me six feet away just watch. Me cry, and it was all right yeah. you know it, they messy and it can help you throw your man. I mean you know you want witness. Yes, you usually but dad did, however, like an eye- and I do need to say this- that, like I feel like the dumb shit, that people say so damaging, and so I always just want to say this that, like if your

talking to somebody that's going through the thing you don't have to figure it out right. I have a little script that I have repeated. I just say why, It sounds like you're facing a challenge for you. That's all you have to say. If you have the energy, you can tack on this. This latter part, which is what can I do to help you, but if you don't have that too, like cook for them do laundry or of drive them somewhere or help them with anything. That's fine you just say it sounds like your facing a challenge that the damage that people did in trying to figure this out in blaming me and telling me that this is what God wanted for me that ruined a relationship that was like literally the one that saved my life and so now you're talking on specific at its feels, like hundreds of people have said these words, God I don't need to get your eye.

what I really struggle with that as well, because it was like it's our first order of business when you get so birds. I owe you ve gotta get a god, and it's like I've really struggled with it, because I I dont have a god of my understanding. I've gotta, my not understand I go with you. I know it's not me, group of drugs, good, orderly direction like this. I just like I, you know I'm willing to dissipate it to the the miracle of the universe here. How for I because of that. I don't because I felt like the way but everything went down it felt like it was oh choreographed from above it fell. like the universe, was making this happen. Why did I need to be there? Why did she need to be there? Why did that need to happen? It felt like like all of these dominoes. It reached

Cooper far in each direction that got me there to that point that IRAN's actually know what that's like motor brain. I mean like you feel that that's what you felt then begin. Can you at least now just go like this fucked up? You have to frame it, at some sort of historical event. I think, what's hard is that, like I've had to frame it and re frame at so many times because it was like, I would put it in a frame. The frame didn't work, put it in another frame frame. Didn't work, put it in another frame, framed in popular, incomprehensible horrible yeah. I've used who the fuck knows. I now that Michael we get through every day that more people you interact with the bureau get lower That's why I always have a god of my not understanding I dont get it. I don't understand so I ve been doing working something on stage about like how this like the one thing I stuck with me after Lynn, passed away was at someone said to me: you know people when they die, their energy doesn't leave, and I'm like that.

I get used to the human for years now. Just abroad are now the old now she's, just here yeah I'm on like your cooking, for somebody else. Do you know what I mean by that? Does it's nice, Emily you'd stuck with me and I still kind of YO yo you talk to whatever you do. but but so how so you rain. It seems like without hope, the domino thing they. So that's how you spun out yeah. That's what that's! What crippled you? Yes, I felt untethered I felt completely unfounded and it was almost like. The universe were replicating the parents that I had who didn't care about where I was I in what was going on earth me. So how long but what do you do in this period because, like I'm, trying to think what years this is so you an act you're not going on additions towards value in just being depressed? You medicating! What's happy! I tried medication. Mediation has never worked for me, and

I moved to allay to jump start my career again because after a year of not working I, then why didn't have come quickly see you can hit the wall gonna while and I wanted I wanted to die I after a year after I got shot, I was totally like. Oh I want to die so I then check myself into Saint Vincent's hospital cause. I was, I think, I'm gonna hurt myself and then, You put me on medication that medication seem to be working, but I think it was a total placebo. A fact like. I think I just wanted something. Your work free I moved to allay being like Badge ally. Let's get a pilot out well

if I did one more movie- and I was like- I want to stop trying to like fit in to this life that doesn't may be seem to completely. Why hard for Marshall, absolutely I'm like you're gonna, look so specific twenty years before it's cool again, and so good luck with that when you came to our house Yad eye to eye. So if someone I remember that night, I was literally way overdressed standing in your catch it. I was. How do you like a bathing suit and some like four and gay bees. The top of my Ras Crack, was probably hanging out where you are cooking some salmon and arrogant. You guys just seemed like power couple, and I was just totally like the fucking wild animal that was then you're living room high guy, like I mean now, why, like she'll calm down, do you know what I mean and its remit missionary Fierro? The fear? Why had a trans am? I am familiar with the bird ah fuck.

bad out or you're driving, the Fucking Trans am in your smoking in the band, and I was flying Mohawk. Why was really like a fuckin? Like the other thing going, I was kind of reliving a teenage life that I never got to have because I was was dancing. I wasn't I was no is allowed to go to school dances. I had a kind of look look and be a certain way like bid. You know what, if ever has been trying to kill me. Why don't I just fuckin unity means. I was like Trans Am T, tops, mohawk queries, let's fuckin Ganem, let's get a year ago, fuckin went gray. I was a good. It was a good time. I was totally suffering inside of it. I wish I could have enjoyed that time more. However, when I look back at the pictures and like bitch, you look awesome

and then during that time I have. I moved out here and got like of yet another heroin addicts girlfriend who was amazing and wonderful that at some point it was Us Astro Berger and I was like its mere the heroin and she goes its the heroin and I mean she said those words there. That's not it like a fucking fun metaphor: she was like bitch, not you got on her orange Harley and drove off, and then I said you know what like, if a b I just I find it to be with crazy people like you, I don't. I just choose love and care of its dues arguments, girls, girl, it doesn't matter area, it doesnt, fuckin matter, right, I'm trying to figure out how to leg, keep my feet on fuckin planet here, so I'm mountain fell over the fashion designer and my baby daddy and I got pregnant with my son and then remember, that guy do yeah

I mean we have you here's the thing I started doing comedy in Mohawk phase. Yeah I I was such a shit about that there might not now she's doing comedy, of course, I say that I do core. I don't know if I registered. It was more of a story telling gay gimmick again right here cause. I think I was mostly process at the exact, and so it was last night you now you. I got full on cocky, stricter I think it was like workers, be someone came up to me and I, like your really funny, I now people tell me I'm an area and then he was like, Well, you know, if you want to compromise, Where were you performing at the Bali Roman in at the comedy store was the first place I ever did comedy Oh, a great first sat and I was like oh hi hello. This feels really right. So yours, two thousand. To occur.

so that felt really right, because for the first time I think I had my own voice like dancing was like. Telling a story silently than acting telling somebody else's storing comedy. Is me telling my story and I have been given a big one. I was fuckin on fire here, and I was also kind of a little given oddity. The people were performing and mohawks back. That radio was like, I could mean I'll, be up there. May leather pow out where you onstage. Pretty out at that time NEA and then got with my baby daddy and then had to reaffirm that. However, I got pregnant legs six months later. I met him and then once I had my son, I couldn't maintain comedy because I didn't really have the support to be out every night and you can't just like drop in on comedies over ok, so you get pregnant on purpose here and you're just sort of what what was the imposed their mail

I think when you got your answer and mohawk, your kind running around. I lay like a baby. That's what I need. you got a veil and no no, it wasn't like that. I think it was like it's always been. The search for love alike in a really deep and an eye, but I've never been that girl. That was like. I need a baby and let me watch your kids. I've never been bad remaining. I also had like whore mountains. I mean my. I could feel my fucking ovaries barrier at funding. Motorcycle arrived just like lets you now and but a dude and I was like I haven't- used birth control in ten years the hour I would like to have a child, so I'm not gonna use birth control and he was, I won't, have a kid do and it was like great, too EL, the animals Gub Gub Escher, and then I instantly got pragmatic as you just have to talk dirty to man. I fucking up pragmatic, and then a whole new chapter started with being apparent,

is he still in, though I grant you MIKE heads with him every we gown Gran, always yeah. Let's go, the guy's got along issue. I mean I do a lot to maintain co parenting. We developed a coup. sixteen. The big guy here are some beer. I do a lot to maintain co parenting, which is very challenging but we're almost done. I mean essentially sure centres is on his own sowed. He's such a great. I hope you, I really really locked out he's a great guy he's really really great you'd love, he's. Awesome he so right really and music like like Conny age dropped his album music gotta. Listen to this automata Ye Isaac, Europe with headphone, so unlike Lang, Innocent ragged, headphones and my yeah, I'm la like I'm like those moments like I wonderful chefs casts Union Amy interact. Have that where you, if you're grounded in the USA, we were able to spackle the idea

I will ask you and I do because I fucking put a lot of fucking hard work into myself to make sure that whatever happened in my childhood will not replicated with him. That's great a lot of fuckin hard work. Yet why mean you know, I think, I've known people that do it instead I'd have their child right, so they there, like I'm gonna fuckin and that's wrong attitude, because you get out from under unless you get out from under yeah? No, I mean I think that can be a little bit like the wind many of your wings, but can be like bitch no unity area. However, um I think I had like when so Jeff and I broke up. Probably like a you're in a half two years, so he went on project runway and one, and that was kind of like the flashpoint of like the end of our aid. We do yeah the of our relationship, because it was like the same fate- adding to any sort of situation can make anything really child. I join my know this guy,

sober guy, ok around- you- can remember YO, YO and dumb, and I ended our relationship and I was like so devastating, because you have to understand like it was like getting shot and then, like. I couldn't make my career clear again, my lad had died and now I'm like a brand new mom and like, and then it was fame was happening in our living room and not necessarily in the good way and like it was like. I can't I'm just getting like hits, hits heads and then I was like think this is why, in this is my opinion like? I think this is why sometimes men grow up to hate them mothers because there, if grieving women, which is sometimes What is not attractive? it's very challenging- and I didn't want that- I don't want to be that for Harrison. I do we want him to witness me. So even in the past, when I had fallen apart, you dont have a witness or you can just fall apart. You can just fucked,

ever you want eat whatever you want, whatever you want, switch it up back and forth up and down what what? What who cares earlier in the press a child. It got very dear friend and I was like oh, I need to get it together more through. I put the that's amazing that you stepped up. Yeah big, as like. We come from selfish people that rational, I say the difference, stepping up in lash analyzing and not realizing Ivan rationalizing for a decade yeah into this person's life. Yeah, you know, is the big deal yeah, and so I got some real real help with relationships, and I got some real real help with finances. I realise that I had like some money stuff that was like I felt like. I was repelling it. I wasn't. Oh my god. Even my partner gets a hundred thousand dollars, and so now I fucking hands up broke like I was like how it is that this is a real gaff, two billion only me Andy,

I just did a lot of really hard work and also to like with a child. What happening to as also to your childhood is is being mirrored. Your watch an remembering what happened at that stage here and why we were just a blue background. We were saying at the beginning of this is like when you see everything through a negative light. I remember all of the birthdays that didn't happen, all of the challenges that worse a struggle and I'm right, yeah and then so you're having to relive it. So I feel like sometimes what happens is with parents. They either really can click it and be like ok, eggs. I see how I can make this differently, or this is gonna repel me so much and I'm an about because I can't fuckin hacked and I feel like in the presence of it. of a child I feel like that is sometimes can be the truest grew both to really he all that childhood satouriona yeah When did you meet the current

Why Aaron AIR Bear Aaron was the kid he was five and in the gutter awhile I got ten years were merry where we ve been married, seven together, ten and dumb, I had absolute lay given up on marriage or relationships, even said to myself, this isn't gonna work for you. We ve tried you put and a good forty years, you're done right let's walk into a needle feel safe needle up off the record, and I said to myself: you know what just have lovers Who cares yet lovers? You ve earned it be very clear here that I dont want persons. I want this, you scared the hell out of under or thing I'm gonna get married. I want a relationship that we should have some fun do other latina. Let's do it and I saw errand and I was again I'll start with you-

and right out of the game, oh yeah, and why absolute we started with her and she turned out to be the greatest human that ever came into my life would be for storing. I now she's up in a restaurant you. So how did the comedy career begin to unfold? How did you see evolve into this this sick. and if we don't know what I wonder, how we want to frame it. Kind of power top. under cover taught in after comedy with we Harrison. I then moved into writing and directing and wrote and direct like for short films, screenplays and you're, not that they had their own little kind of like good success felt very good. Indeed.

And went with air, and I realise that there was some stability in my life and I was like ain't. I didn't quit comedy because I was like I'm done with that noise like it got taken away. I was very bitter about em. I will find a way to make the brook well and I couldn't figure out a way to like someone. care for my child. While I'm, you can't do things sure with the point. You know there's a child there and I That's got to the point where I was like this isn't done. For me, I love doing this and my wife and my kid were like go we're fine near, and I had the freedom because you a winner apparent your kid comes home at three o clock, you make dinner and then I'm out the door or to go? Do comedy in my mind that also kind of triggered some ideas, that of like what an absent he parent would look like, and then I was scared. I was like my abandoning him in art: is he gonna be mad at me for this and my wife, it make it look to me in there like bitch go literally or better when Europe, doing what you love yeah. So

about, like I think it's been five or six years now, since I've been back to committee, and I just called everyone. I called me that when I first I don't call, everyone was right, where I left them sure forever. Anybody out there who is taking a break every one is right. Where you left me, I don't worry about it, you know any mean, and one or two people have those one or two people that now have Netflix CESS nationals and won't fucking pick up your colleague away, but fuck them away. I hate shows real value, an down and then got a weekly show the comedy store and was like boot came back into the fucking tranches there and then recorded a special and there I saw them. It's been like happening and words, but what are you doing now? Aren't you involve at some other new show yeah, so I am I booked part on the tv, show, Dave and add shot. Of season finale and was well received? Yeah, I mean everyone, you you're pretty groovy, it is

really good? I really I didn't understand who lil dickie is: I'm, maybe not the demographic that there may be come in through his music, but the show is pretty a brilliant, in my opinion when it comes to like the creative process, the creative process with partners the creative process in allay really fucking nails that also there's a guy on their called data, is amazing. His journey with being bipolar, it's it's a pretty can a picture- and I was already a fan so when I got the audition I was like- while this would be really great to nail thus and then got to work with Andreassen teen own, of course, Dave and produce good, really, really fucking great causing crew and really awesome young will good. I'm glad that everything's good, you seem good you aware, super better ash. it's always a struggle. Does it have to be now?

one or two percent it does I. So what do we do it literally just hang on day by day I mean just doing the best possible. If we were to stop the struggle, I haven't been: successful with it I mean I've Sounds that, like I've, I've through all of the like work on relationships and and and and sobriety, and all of those things, have found that I have been lucky enough to create a peaceful life. My partner is now a challenge to me. If anything she's an asset, although I didn't get into that for her to be an outside a kid is good. I have figured out how to have a career and have it maintain and not have to constantly be. You noted down, which control or pulling out because the relationship thing is going crazy later, that's the thing about having all of this trauma and reacting it. It's all to get in the way of the thing that I really want like when you, I went

when you were, I saw you at dynasty typewriter or you are talking about your mom and how, like the dog, in the behind my? What a great way to does not have to do anything to enact. Oh you and that's it blame everybody out what a fucker, what a fucking lunatic. I do not have to Look at myself. Why, I'm doing all that, but at the spot latest is on me now, because it's just me and everybody else is doing their own thing like they're, not there to complete me you're, not too, like I am. I am partnering them through this year ever leave, it seems like because of all this work and because of like your understanding of how playing how you ve got yourself. Some space, yeah, yeah, You have to wake up me. I don't fuck here this goes. I find that anxieties. My my number one problem with that I am always in I have to I have to tell myself not in a hurry like five times a day like. What's it would you doing yes to stop it yeah, but I gotta you have to in joining nobody's waiting nobody's having their town. Nothing yet

it's interesting as I and I work with artists with my company all the time and I'm constantly branding company the promotional rescue yeah. What is that? What it lacks is now due to podcast roads? You did my vodka. I had no idea what it was about. A promotional rescue talk show. I talk to people about how they promote themselves, don't go. The whole subjects sounds harm. I know, but that's what I wanted to talk to you, because you have been successful in what you do. However, you ve got a challenge relationship with an I'm here to feature that it can be fuckin, rough and fucked up, but just fuckin, like hang in there keep going here, some ways to make it a little bit better. But, like you, don't really perfect at it. you have to be fucking your dream: in saying let our millions law and you don't even like their hold the brand idea, but you have a great Brown solve log off yourself. I hope it is very little effort into I know, but you know that, because I wanted to talk to you, I put that there's a fine line between just you know what people call your brand sites. Are it's like

I think they hang on. You know somebody, you realize self regulation, ok, so, but like it. Whatever my public personality is just came by. Virtue of me press. forward and it's not it's not the greatest one b as there is a lot on the line cause I'm too young to public, and I'm too I'm too in that way, of the brand is that Europe is not. As always, faulty brand, but the Ets is relatively authentic

but I don't see it is a bit like a move in this. You now to me. No, I totally here what you're saying, but it's like even Maria Ban, for whose, like a client like her last special, is called weaknesses, the brand I feel like it so bright and it's so helpful onwards over a quieter. What used would I built her website? I run her social media consulting service, all of it, so I consult people and I actually like implemented. So if so, this, the major bread is the major money source you I mean it helps me affords me to do whatever I want and be my own boss. Workin might once it has promotional rescue promotion rescue dotcom yeah people can go there guy. I need help yet, and they can they'll, my services. What are they build your website ignorant or social media. I can talk to you about. You know Europe strategy and how you want to do it, but I'm always coming from a place of like how can you get this done not like trying to make you into something you're? Not I'm not interest that long

its work it out, for you know I mean it. I really is an interesting niece in the show business word the modern show business were. I think it came really, naturally only because you know I started promoting night clubs it when I was you know a ten years old handing out fly personnel at at the tunnel and Mars, and it's like I have always understood promotion. I've also just be one of those people were it's like. I know everybody amiable, aroma that girl all your own amen, Melanie somebody wrote, I'm unnatural producer, sure I'm unnatural project manager, that's where the like the defects become an asset where its light being out the need to know and understand everything, that's fucking happening now. People pay me to fucking. Do that for them or it's like. Oh, I can make that connection. I can help you put this altogether. I can see all the details see it through to the end, because if you have the an idea for your movie or your special or whatever, and you can't get it off your fucking hard drive, but also to that

promise of artists, they don't want to talk about themselves, and then it comes to a fucking finding hall, and I know that that in the end, My own career coming to a grinding halt is one of my greatest pains, so I would do anything to like help. Pinheiro get over that bridge. Do you call yourself a publicist now that's like traditional outreach to pay. I get placement. I just call me of promotions consultant, but what I do is like way: deeper, sometimes are talking people about their resistance around being visible, it's very challenging for sure people and they feel very vulnerable there. Like I got married ferocious. I mean your reaction is exactly the reaction. It's the brakes go on you're, just totally like onawandah, loyal ally and all I get her off twitter and me. I understand it all bell. I come you do it, you knew you how, DR landed like I'm not like. I don't sit at home thinking. How do I get

or flowers or any legit. You know it and I'm I actually want to pull back, not because of self sabotage. Just because, like I want this space, we are in it France, space of people that when they come to me, they usually are still. going with it and they have a project, that's either about to launch or they wanted to get lost, for they launched it and are not seeing the results one and there like. Why- and I am like ok, I can see this from the outside. Give you a fresh perspective on it and then also show you systems second work, and I my main thing is to teach you how to do it without feeling grows like if you feel gross or weird about those we're gonna have a hard time How can we find a sweet spot, so you start from. I always feel gruesome, weird now, but you do it anyway, I like it in the face of it. I've gotten very good at them,

and now you have people to help you I'm sure you ve got people that make their w e f posts for you, and I know you do yourself sure it's amazing Iver producers just to us that's great idea, but all that stuff here and here you know- I mean I'm oak- the gross weird thing it's yet it makes it makes me. It. Dialing growth, which is which is the like you ve, got, shows that you need to get buts and see it's your essentially like it's their big brain shows you gotta get yeah, but they seem to come now that will now some people why your highness Bryant there were three as our you, thanks for Talkin arrogant, thanks. So much for having reminded Melanie Bessie. I think we got to the bottom of some stuff for Stanhope Special Wild Animal is on Amazon. Prime video and her podcast is

promotional rescue and a reminder right now. Right of people feeling, gown and emotionally out of sorts online therapy can help better. Health is not a ISIS line. It's not self help its professional therapy done securely online you can start communicating and under forty eight hours, wherever you are in the world, better help is committed. great matches, so it's easy and free to change their it needed. Have you to have it, answered by better help online therapy and our listeners get ten percent after first month had better help dot com, flash dummy, yeah, that's better. Eighty lp dotcom, Slash deputy. I give matched with a better help, therapist and get started now. Let's play guitar let's play the telecast through the Damascus, had sent to me my friend J Maskew S, cool guitar, whose cool guy very grateful four friends that have signature guitars in the willing, your will,

the throw me a bone, rugged guitar in this case.

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