« WTF with Marc Maron Podcast

Episode 1383 - Wes Bentley

2022-11-14 | 🔗
American Beauty completely changed Wes Bentley’s life and is still doing so today, considering he got his current role in Yellowstone because of his performance as Ricky Fitts. But the sudden exposure to fame started Wes down a path of drug addiction that nearly ended his career and could have ended his life. Wes tells Marc about growing up in Arkansas as the son of two ministers, turning down Spider-Man, bottoming out in Argentina, cleaning up and getting a second chance.

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
All right! Let's do this! How are you what the porters, what the fuck buddies, what the fuck nets what's happening? How's it going where you act, we ve gotten a d There is a reprieve at hand, but dead, don't get too comfy so I dont be negative when we I gotta get this out because its bothering me I, my age special is taping thursday december, eight the town hall in new york city, the first show is sold out, has been four months. A lotta people about the show is sold out, but it's because there is a second show which has some tickets, its close to selling out, but there's tickets. So you can get tickets to the second show its at nine. Thirty, and it's all part of the taping. That would be the second taping. You can go to wtf podcast Calm, slash tour for ticket info or go to town all of that org.
this. Is another heads up. Please don't don't go to sculpt. Goat the venue site? Don't you Google mark marin tickets go to the new site. There is none of my ticket four hundred dollars these shows still have tickets available, go the venue site or go to w tia pod dotcom, swash tour. Ok, today, on the show I talk to west bentley, now, look man, I remember this guy, I mean a lot. You know him from yellowstone were american horror story, but but you probably saw the first time in american beauty, which was like a break out performer that really had pegged is the next big movie star. Remember that with the floating bag, the videotaping voting bag whatever ugly. You remember. Him went very differently and he got pretty dark and we talk about it. So that's happening
also I reposted to episodes. Since I've talked to you, I think Gallagher is dead and but Freeman died. But Friedman was the proprietor of the original improvisation on forty four street between eighth and ninth in the early seventys, when the first actual sort of how many venezuela's restarted more as a variety than almost a burlesque venue. But then he moved out here and left his wife, that particular club, which I sort of played at during its in its last stages. The final stages. and then he came out here to set up the improve in the seventies here it was him and missy at the comedy store who were warring factions getting of stand up, comedy clubs and obviously the traveling on to become a big deal. He gave a lot of people their their start. He gave a lot of people opportunities
I did my first some of my first to tv appearances at evening at the improv. I never got the feeling, but liked me we had a good conversation after all, was said and done. And he was he was he was there is the pity barnum of stand up comedy the first real kind of vat. Truce of impresario of the craft hosting his own. shows at his own club on his own tv show with his monocle. He was a big goad guy that. really was ultimately no matter how you think about him a tremor this force and important man in in the history of stand up and in giving us a stand up comedy as a wide ranging cultural impact, her impact So go isn't that if you want to hear that what else so
does seem. We ve been given a reprieve on one front. You know we just got You know in these elections we, u everyone's excited, terms of your democratic. People who are not essentially right wingers. We because we just we just ended up losing a little bit those two a lot and knows. We might even data know what's going to happen with the house, but we are neck and neck with fascists. We are neck and neck the fascist. We are now overwhelmed by them, yea right I mean it just seems ultimately that enough, regular people had had enough of the evil ridiculous of the court, We crazy bullshit what I want to believe. They got nervous, they got nervous at the president be right and that democracy, was actually at stake and they I we've they were correct in taking that to heart. I believe that that president, and on the two times that he talked. Maybe you didn't see it. Maybe you didn't think it was
charismatic enough, but the message was clear microsoft is at stake and it is- and it was- and that's that so we gotta reprieve, because it seems that whatever we do, we have here whatever after this democracy it worked despite the the propaganda and despite the gerrymandering it worked, and we got a reprieve and here in California, it rain for a few days, so everything is just coming up roses. This week, literally, we held the monsters a day Climate change doesn't matter for a few days because it rained its in california- and it never does even you- know the song and I'd fucking love when it rains. It's such a relief because this place is just a fuckin it just it looks like it's just going to go up in flames. You're just died from dehydration, and I imagine in coming few weeks it will. Return to a riddle and a tender like again. I am sure that the right
group around some new talking points in the menace will pick up again, you know, culturally, I guess I'm approaching to frontiers. still garbage. I do enjoy the demise of twitter and hilarious sort of down. All of one of the primary narcissists who drive current culture, I mean there's a you, but three them took big hits in the last few weeks: mosque trump, in kenya are all spy feeling like like bad, and I gotta be honest. It's it's kind of beauty. and now kanye. The other narcissist in this sport. Nation has been spiralling for a while on and off The anti semitic version made me nervous. Ok, You know when cairo irving got on board. I became more nervous as a jew, I'm a jew and look.
I've, always known about the strain of anti semitic, imagery and conspiracy within the black com. I've made fun of it. I've I've talked about it to black people. I mean it's in some churches for fuck's sake, I'm just happy. There were some push back because of the nature and timing of what was going on in the world. I got kind of skin that there would be an alignment between the way the white culture in all of black culture against Jews. I get it, you know, I ate it what it seems to be one of the one thing that bring A lot of people together is anti semitism and oddly Chapelle dealt with all that from all sides of this is that he could in his monologue on snl, and he did it so deftly That initially, I thought he was giving Conny inquiry pass and saying, so that their only transgression was saying out loud publicly, something that all blacks know to be true.
and no not to say publicly and where he was kind of saying that, but but he was able to balance disarm the conspiracy theory and the perspective of the black community with the culture at law. And ultimately the cost of transgression, which is real, when we say should sometimes, as Dave knows, and it was, Interesting because the whole riff was the reality of lines. And cross, and then he just crossed him again, but it was funny I get it. I like comedy that goes to the edge for sure and because of his skill and the wake catch two eyes it and the way it was organised? and just his nature was funny. I got laughs, there are smart shit in there and funny shit in there. I'm still thinking about it, but you know, honestly, I may think it's anti semitic tomorrow, we'll see I'll, see I dunno I dunno I may I might have to watch it again.
Ok, so look wes bentleys here season, five of yellowstone just kicked off on the paramount network, new episodes on Sunday night, and it was- We kind of a tree to talk to this guy. We had a very pleasant chat. Hope you enjoy. Hmm, yeah and how for a while, you can move up towards it. You know it should just be by your mouth one way or the how this is good. That's good! That's good, they do you think I'm having a veto any voice. I am aware no not effectively now notice. Eighty are economically not really doesn't count I mean I was eighty are because they then you you just have to talk normal piano I tried I didn't I voice acting, but there's some. permanent voice actors that are so much better than me. Am I not just give it all the time, and you know what they're doing and I was you know,
think: it I'm a good actor, but when you were Try that audio and you fail- you realize I don't really know how to do everything right. It's true like it. So it's a weird specific thing aware I mean I do it, but might it just varying degrees of me going. Why barge overworked just like different gravelly angry aggravated voices. Maybe I can do that then I did try. I get close to one job and it was night came on with the job was, but here it was some creature and obesity. Ripped off animal from the muppets and I got as close as I ever got to a job during. That was one of the things I think what like some people just go talk normal. I did the bad guys right now and fucking rockwell. He just talked to himself and I'm straining my voice on this day go what's going on in regions like a man fuck you
fuck you I don't know like a clever yet put it will pull spin on it with sam he's, always lazy anyway. We always sam he'd have your to them. I did I worked on them on best of enemies. Lawyer was right for the so two thousand, seventeen or eighteen a cameraman came out but yeah you, his guy yeah guy yeas great, has southern action and that so little not sam, he and if we do, the the stuff yeah I mean like atra accents or to how are you at the actions I don't know where I think I'm good in the no one says hey. You are so good in that we accept when they are you doing in action with this one know now straight montana not accent where money being
done. I did English accent a few times a lot better and bolder. It worked out. Well, I dunno I never. I don't pay attention to reactions to me as much as I can, because I learned either feeding like it feeds my ego or feeds my my whatever my week, yeah yeah thought. So I I avoid any kind of reactions you do. I do that's interesting because the feeds your weak thought yeah. Well, I just thought why am I'm more afraid of feeding my ego, like you know, I'm you know I'm not, so I don't get so hurt when people don't like what I do, I'm the one trying right, you're writing about it, but I'm trying to write so I don't really get unless it's a you know. If it's an audience, take them out of it sure why? Don't you get that speed, bourgogne of like a good good, good, good, they're, good post good pose bad.
As good as this kind of ride it out or whatever I try mistake. You stay away from. I stay away from it's also because I don't want it to influence my performance because it can. You know this is a thing that's carrying on season by season what yoga film I let it go yeah and yellowstone. So there are comment boards that you specifically don't do Now I think you know when I was I so I you know when I was deep in my drugs and of that and I was like I was looking for something I was looking for the recovery. I guess sometimes I go online looking for what people said about me now, hopefully they were like he'll be heard again where they are whatever here and there was a bad idea. That's when I started to see all the reality and that's when I did drugs for three more yeah made it much better but, like I like I amber. I member ike early you, I think I saw it. document or you were in on my god now right and not the guys, we're gonna make it. Who is it you in there
and Chad, limburg, IA and a gun in great fuss and bread who shot ride row row row had pretty successful career for once again in tunisia era. Here he lived in the house and he just had his cameras right a direct and he would just shoot us. Do I start right? You know and sit around mostly and then say became, but when I started when I wanna make really hit the that's when he decided turned it into a real thank the real thing yeah. But when it stopped. It didn't show you losing it did it. I dont. You know me, I'm sorry watch the new cause. He recalled it. I worked all along. We all tried to sell it toronto. We are actually the night before nine eleven. We tried to sell it and then in any ways, and then he went back and he recalled it without telling any of us and he disappeared and waiting you may lead Daniels. At Lee in new york when I had auditioned for something and got close to it, and he- and he just brought me in to see if you know VI, he could manage me.
and yet he did yeah and it was wild. I mean you know think about leaving your manager is. He was he had a creative, right, so you really wanted to do. We have stuff in rio. He was invested in that. I love that. Yes, I was all Lee here and we had a good team thing on the anthea derailed. That was two things: and to become a director, and as I was starting to go off the rails, you will to anyone kind of a dragon yeah. I want to explore that avenue of l a different drink enough people do that now it's weird ii, get a lot of people. We I think we don't know about it. It's a real time between the sense it like there was a time where or drugs were really spoken about, as a problem. It was just like when you heard about it was like nah. He had a crony. He had a clean up for a little while now he's back now, it's just like a cultural epidemic. It's just it's like he had a cold
or something like get over the cold yeah he'll be fine, but when people go the way you did, then it just sort of. I admit it's not good. They were not going to because he might make it exactly because it was before that knows before, but anyone any time anyone gets hooked on dope year. You sort of way. Well, that's not casual attitude. I mean I thought it was from hanover knowing me right, but we're going back though, like is, I don't know the whole story. I talk to Theodora yeah. Very I have a few years ago I was intense yeah, bad yeah she's, intense yeah yeah, both in your lives kind of cannon when off the road, Does it see you did? It was intense, I mean it was. It was a lot and I remember talk in her as for that movie, when it came out, we did you and our computer american media. We did a, u S, press tour than we, run all these cities in colleges showing it trying to get people excited about it, and I watched it every single time and it was like, I was really just my
eyes were wide open. I went to see all inexperience all this vs. He felt a little bit like it was making her nervous yeah. She was a headache the general what was coming. and then it was like she'd had some success before there. She was a child actress that yeah that's right, it's and so she she, but I would see her in her eyes. I would get a little worried that what was coming wasn't going to be that great. So where did you like? Where did you grow up? I grew up in arkansas. I I like see I just met someone from arkansas on the road. I just did a show and I think it was indeed us and a few women from arkansas, and I realize, like I've, never been, there exists. It feels like I dont. Even answers a lot of people there I feel like. Are there I feel like it should be. The state motto instead of the natural state should be. You know I don't think I've ever been there. Have you never gonna lawyer here. You ve never seen its Y know what that is well, I was born in it
uncle, John for all, which is an hour from memphis, so that artemisia be delta entering and then my parents are both methodist preachers and methodist church. They move you around every like four years. That's like, I think, that's one of the less aggressive. Oh yeah, it's a it! Well, it was they now they're having the battle we're all having right. It's it's pull Ok, now, yes, oh, they ve had a split within that church, but firm for my from bringing it was a moderate church in my parents are liberals near so yeah little cocoon there that had a little place to like be because state itself was difficult for me, but they're both the state itself, the people stay away. Why me by her, but you knew that early on yo, yo Yeah new owner and knew right away, will see a part of it that I I on the on the in the delta. It's majority black, like my school, was majority black, because my friends were black. My teachers were black, and then, when you move out of their the mountains, you wise yeah. It's not like that. For the rest, the state and pretty nasty and pretty racist I knew it, then you know cause. I worry when he realized
was those probably like eight nine yeah yeah. So first was tugela method there. The preachers for the individuals have congregations yeah. yeah my dad started in then my mom got her sorry, the words escape me geology, degree yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, so she got that and after him and then she started having her own churches. Then they would have a couple of churches. In the area I mean they were usually thirty minutes away cause it's rural, arkansas they're like cause. I noticed that when I was in kentucky at some point that there was like literally churches, every few miles miles, or so like seven eleven yeah, but how does that work? Is it just based on the personality of the preacher? Yeah? Well, some of the churches are, are you know they hire their preachers themselves, but methodist church, like kind of like the catholic church or operation, where they a corporation like a business where the, where the bishop What movie around and tell you where to go so the there's, an animal, can methodist church organization
yeah yeah, the united methodist church, but now it's split. It's going to split into something else, with the conservatives going really that way. Yeah or something, but it wasn't method is what am what made it different from request? I didn't go to any other time. It would go visit, other churches. They would do talkin tongues at some churches. The we didn't do that they would, they would like do. Music moderns did music enhance for like ours. We didn't do that. It was just like it was like the method. Walk in sit down: you'd, listen, you're, seeing some nice songs, maybe stand up, pray and listen to the preacher and you're out of there like the method acting yeah. I guess so yeah like the method christianity. So it wasn't high pressure. No, I didn't feel praise, no confessions, no boots, no, no, no guilt! No s! Why no guilt in a strange guilty lily, yeah he's my my parents didn't preach that what was it about? Really just the idea that the teachings of christ you that service yeah. That's what I got rid of it. You know what I was trying to tell people who who didn't have
church a ringer? They have scepticism with all Christian say. You know something: well just believe in the love Jesus was trying to teach to love each other yeah they're, not even that concerned about him being the son of god or anything. If there was a different message, especially for the I'm. He just came in to see fuck your synagogues fuck, your rules If you stop killing animals here, stop hating each other and forget the money right and just love each other right. So as not to go down this too far. That's what I took from it from my parents from that church year and was held with me. Oh yeah yeah, although it and go to church now, but I'm stuck with you. Definitely so you you feel the presence of god. Oh I mean, I do feel the presence of god in the sense of a church sure tells me, but in my own care a personal connection with god and as far as Jesus is concerned, it's even if he's not some guy, he still had to me an amazing message and yeah and he's not the one who was right in all the things after right, emulator, the one saying here that this or that those gossip is impossible.
However, they want their own thing. You're way here he and he never said, make a church after me. Either. You know these are all the things. People wouldn't be. A became guy just stay a greater sort of a base. it's for a racket, yeah you're right. It's a rico, take yeah. Take this. Take this book and go make some money. He didn't do it empower here, but do you have siblings? Have three brothers really folder two older one younger, I'm three out of four wow yeah. What so how they turn out? I mean I think, great, the other. The other known great, my my eldest brother, is in Kansas city. Has a wonderful family? Are there in my mind, the one after him he works for corporate walmart, which is a pretty big trip from him because see he was the most liberal or rail is a corporation, has for less than a real radical and now he's work in their best.
Does it with the ethics, so it it has some gallon one guy with ethics or you just need one right sure as long as he feels good yeah, that's true and the company going. We got one got this guy, he said you're all fine, yeah, yeah and the other ones. In my youngest brother. He moved out here in two thousand and two at first he was like my stand and then I was gone and for reasons that are you know we you get into later, but that didn't work out and he, but he started doing something, and now he works at netflix around in a pretty big job there netflix some, so he don't gray his family to their great yeah. No one, none the other ones get fucked up, oh no, not we know we had a great upbringing. My parents are incredible. You know I they were. They did everything they could for us catches. Racket now, there's no You know, like some of
I don't have a thing you just I wanted to go, be stupid and it got real stupid, real, quick, but I know grandpa with alcoholism. None of that. Oh yeah. I had yeah my my my my mom's dad, but he passed away before. I knew him really yeah. He was an alcohol, yeah yeah and then my my yoga have other family members. Everyone does sure. That's that's why I wonder if it even when you see it's hereditary, no less of unlabelled everyone has someone sure so do we I'll have it? I don't know. I guess I wonder how close it has to be the right you know get out if you over. I me I mean it doesn't mean you all have a. It means that you all could be activated yet, might have you got activated, I sure did. I would think it was like and activate everyone around me. The same time quarters that misery live company and I want to share the good times. So how do you? How do you get from arkansas tat to acting well yeah in a way which city in art, so did you grow up in time most war? Well, I you know, I would count
some mountain home is the was that real kind of I don't wanna call it racist city, not everyone. There is, like I said. That's when I that's. You know that switch happen via m and the that's my junior high years than my high school years, all happening around little rock and yet uncle sherwood, which is basically part of litera, is that a big city I can't picture I feel like I have driven through it, but every city that you hear of that he's in like a city city that we know they're just like there's nothing there, man yeah there I mean little rock actually does have some cool things, the Clinton library which is really answer again in the river front areas come cool em, but I other than that. I wouldn't say it's like one hundred and I think now it's probably two hundred and fifty thousand small yeah like I was just in oklahoma city yeah, it's pretty small, but that's bigger than little rocks. It is yeah yeah, so There are you: are you acting in high school or what
well? The way I got into all that was kind of church and my brothers and her dad yeah church? I know it well because that's really all you got in arkansas is your church in your school for your outlet right, so they did place yeah. They Do my mom would at its core? she got trouble for later ran to her with a church. Could she put on a plate? that I wasn't on christmas day in the shirt People hated it and we're matter doing as instead sacrilegious and they had her. They they worked to get her removed, which didn't work out. she just left anyway. She felt so bothered by us reprimanded, basically yeah, but I mean what was it. What was the button pushing element of this a radical play about christmas, and it was just I mean just that we It is because really back some people opening presence in there and theirs in their attic. Aha yet was needed. It was a good christian stories like out of the bible. Yet is the way to tell them out, so you guys your mom created widened,
was written the name of it so long ago, and they in this two people got offended and they were like family friends to a oh really has so maybe there was other motives of yeah. Maybe I guess it could be she. You know she was one of the first women preachers at that time it could be. She was a woman, I I don't know nowadays I can look at it that way. Then I wouldn't have thought of that when you realize the power of theatre yeah, get my own mom fire tat. Yes, this is something beautiful where they I guy can move freely. What did you say you played at present opener yeah? Basically, but what really got me into it was and you're going to love this cause. It was the monty python, my dad watched, monty python at dinner and we would watch that way. I ate and we all loved it. Like you know the the the skit show before the movies, and so we would do we would reenact them
I remember the time that Monty python was so fun, yeah, yeah yeah, you could do those yeah and everyone knew them. You know where I don't get. The tech talk, jokes, no way to keep up with that shit not have any idea, but so we did that and I in so improv comedy was kind of what we were drawn to just for fun and and for others to yell yeah. So you do the thing yeah. So we get up in front of people. Do skits and improv stuff and that led to I in my high school they didn't do, plays going to hear how the money we did children's play we're into an actual play here. We would do these competition right go around. Do like a monologue yeah. I don't do it. They got to people and air, and so one of whom was improvin, and that was one of the ones I would win and when all the time in these my buddies, be gone for fun, usually always running. Always in fact, I go later one the juilliard that got me in trouble because I thought that's what improv was right, guess get somewhere, makes him made him laugh here so art, You do you're doing that. Then you finish high school in our
son what are you drinking raining? No, no. I did not hear anything and I was very much against it. I very much judged my friends if they smoked we'd or re rank anything or do you talked about a boy. There are a lot of people, guy mug as well. Remember that guy in high school look at him now are all the things he's said: do it, yeah did heroin yeah got all fucked up. now that our high and mighty anymore he's. I personally think that sure, certainly not mighty So I I yeah did that new kind of became a thing at my school, even aid loved me and my buddy you are, we do skits for them too, and they loved it. launching shit know like on stage they would put up like you know like functions or whatever or like someone comes to you in monty python stuff for saying, oh yeah, we did our own things in writing. Comedy yeah. I mean I even a comedy in high school sure, yeah yeah I'll. Take that Oil is? Are you otherwise? Now I guess them he
he's now in his pencil, yeah he's like german ass? He teaches them tat, Jim NASA and he does security as well for at a show business, albania, he went to the air force, we we we split at high school and on us. He remembered when he decided to do that. Yeah, we'll both of us yeah he like well, but he was going to You- went to the air force. No, no like we both went to. Actually I was going to go julliard and he went there kind of the same. How the fuck do you, like you, know from arkansas you're, doing sketches skits in high school yeah? How do you get into the premier acting college the country, well, my mom says Saint Kavin. Looking at play soccer house, we're looking at soccer schools or that had soccer and a decent driver program like I was looking at western kentucky or like ST louis university, something like that. So she was like no. I think you should try julliard, and I said what's that and she said
in acting school in new york and said: okay sounds cool yeah. They have an audition in Chicago, you want to go, I said joe okay sure I go and you have to learn. experience monologue a what really yeah one you from class but others. I didn't quite know what she meant. So I chose macbeth, which aha, which apparently don't not supposed to do I think that might have caught their attention. Alone, but it was also. I I delivered at such a slow pace that their first known to me was that was great, but if you did, if someone did shakespeare like you did, it would take six hours to finish the playing right. But I dunno I you know I I made a mark. We went up there and I got in I dunno what they were thinking wait, so you that you did macbeth and what other oh yeah. So I had to do a contemporary that I had used in the m. I can't remove now from life and death, a camera, the writer from life and death and from life and death. You from getting it wrong apologize, but am that was my contemporary, and I was really good at that one. I really had that locked down for the competent you just found it in a book
in that you know we had a lot of burma so that you just go from arkansas chicago with your mom with macao then you ve never really taken in shakespeare before now by David, did you feel like me? Your pace was just so you wouldn't fuck it up. Wives dramatically as it is right at me. I thought I'm from the film generation I see stage selves just like I was doing already knew that yeah you're, like I know I got it. I know how to do that yeah and they sit down. Take a break breathe but you know I don't know. I feel, and I really want to know unfair to our next year. Where did you go I like watching other actors, I guess, or on tv he's a little different right, so you're already kind of like just doing the flourishes, and you know when shits I love movies. I mean the movies where my really my draw a tactic- soya. You know that was my influence to get in to that and they end you get in. And I got in there is crazy. It was crazy given that phone call, because I you know I didn't expect that
had a good idea, but there are many kids so, and what was see moved to new york. I did go to new york at seventeen years. Also, seem because of a young for my class. I get turning to unite the first month where the fuck did you. What did you live? campus idea have that the other heavy arms above the you know like on sixty, say by lincoln center and all that and am I a set up in the dorms yeah and I went there and I did not have a clue and I had a southern accent. They hate I'm they hated it women it. I had. I could hear it and I I was good at. I have a good ear, so I could I could avoid it, but not as far as they're concerned. So they had an extra time. You had a voice and speeches at the time. That was the intense thing they're still now. I've talked to people that have been there, it's very competitive and they kick people out needs like it's kind of brutal and there is definitely a system that seems anti. article two, creating personalities in. That was my, u nailed, it thousand was, and probably probably I dunno the people said this, but when
was there. My first year went to the fourth year showcase to see cause I show you know to the agents, will come and see these fourteen. Didn't you guys just when, as you could hear, knew at school year, these right on track. It out. You are working towards right and in All I saw was or heard really was the same voices and dialects here out of the all men. Women didn't matter their ages and what role they are playing all sounded exam in the same way, and they will tell you that's what we're gonna do mean takes a few years after that gotta make it your own. in my head of his eye, I don't want to. I don't think I wanna do thou yeah was rule until I, like you, said, having a personality and making it my own. So well was at first year forty rough rough in Iraq, I spent a lot of ways also amazing I mean it was eye opening. I didn't know anything about theatre history. I didn't really know how to dig into the depths of view of me. Or of the character I mean
I did a little I was. If I did, I had tricks as they say I had things I could do to make. You think I was doing that you're going to have effective, yeah right yeah, I mean now it's I it's hard for me to say now doing this show, for so long has become winter about that later bits, but it's almost consuming, but what yeah stone yeah yeah I can but but- time it I didn't even nodded, dig pass my own stuff right. It's always the sort of kind of question around acting. exactly. You know. Everyone's got a different approach to it, but basically you're pretending to be somebody- oh yeah, the so he has- and I think some to some people just comes easy. Who the fuck knows. You know like it, although it really depends on what you expect out of it for yourself. I firmly believe right, but if you've got the knack and you could pull it off and everyone's like wow, you are really in it and you know like now because What was his name again? I mean so what yeah you know what I mean. He doesn't owe it to anybody to explain that if yeah, if it has the effect that
in fact, I totally agree yeah. When people ask me how you know, does your work style conflict at someone else's work says no, we were all trying our best to get out what we need to do to play this character, so, whatever their journey gray out when they go. Action needs is sort of like you're in a year and then like three minutes later, it's over food and they do it from another angle, her head and then I thought an go in there already at times, yeah now different. What it's it's a bad thing: people specially with movie in tv acting really understand just the plotting pace of it. Continuity to it, and we just no holes are amazing. They can pull shit together. You know often think more actor. Those who went towards or whatever should be, thanking the editor work, often because their rear performance really is the editors decision to be how they put together. What you did. crazy, yeah, that's the way it works in like a lot of times when you doing something you're right now, this can come together,
at guard there's no way they're going to make a movie out of this, I do that all the time only I have no I'm no, no clue. I I've learned that I really bad that I can't when I read a script I don't understand without. All I can see is the words I'm supposed to say but like where I'm supposed to be what's happening, and my someone has to tell me that like when, This one we're shooting today. This has happened before. After that thing we did before after ok I'm tired and that- math thrives, watch out for that placing animals. aggravate. Ok it, but you know you know, early, is just emotions right it. I really want to junior we're just portraying whatever emotion there in that moment anything deeper than that's like you know, it's projected onto a donor. You can, you know you can certainly fill it up a backdoor. If you want, I get my that sort, it seemed to be what you're good at you haven't Beginning, yes, was having kind of like a car wide open. With that shit I was young. I think I was Ambrose more ready to to learn
I do all that then. I think the other kids in my class at Julia because they had all gone to acting classes and stuff, so they had a preconceived idea of what they wanted to do who are they trying to duty and that first year will they. It's a really get my speech down. I have a tongue tied like my love invoked. Is it yes? I like her hope. So it's hard for me to hit the teeth and still surreal have they hit the teeth in itself. It does instead of a tough dude, my els are like w's and may I whisper a little bit and it's just like it's a disaster. I don't hear there, but I know about like a. The rolling alice, but when it came to the rolling elles at all night, I know my eye of rolling out, which means I do with my throat, not my tongue. Oh, oh, it's like la so exciting and there's no it's just. I got a better ones: same, I couldn't get my job closes. I did it so that would quiet the void and they get hung up on that. They got real hung up on that man. They wanted to at least hit me stay after class shit out, go nuts, they will never was a group, they would focus on me, for like longer than everyone else. Really
and it was really irritating, could let me stay after hey hillbilly. We made him. If you can, we do exactly that already give it all just what your pausing we you're, a genius, your master yeah you're, just dumb. Yet I didn't I didn't hear because I accurate, and you guys bought it yeah a full unit or so what so, what else happened? So they did, they beat it at it's. Something must have yeah well, no, I I actually end up leaving so, but you must have like the process. Muslims learn something. Oh yes, yeah sorry, mostly what I learned was, also a way of telling other people is what they do there is they are going to strip you down the first year. You take away all your ideas of yourself take away. All those tricks take they all those plans. You have real come away and they say you're gonna be a blank slate here and I like that
That was right here is something about design rights. Here we a blank canvas for every, but not if they terrorized it out and no they didn t that part they did. That was really easy for me to attach too, because I wanted to go far. You know, like I love stories there, and all of this is entirely true- that the moscow it or they would back in the day they would rehearsal play for a full year before they put it on beer. Thought it sounded amazing to go into that depth, carriages and explore all that stuff, and even if it's hard Oh party was really ready to do the same night duck I wasn't capable yet I was unaware that you know burn thought. I guess I do yeah yeah he did that he was like up in russia doing russian theory. No, I didn't yeah yeah he's like hard core that guy wow he's can I can do their work? Dude, ok, yeah. I talked to him with a sigh. I dont really make the effort to go there. I think I just like I'm ready for I for me, it's not, I was
It is just like dropping all the things rather than adding all the things I needed to quiet all the me quite also your silence, I don't take note and are right, anything down. I don't want you prepare yeah. I never write anything down when I'm doing a chasm. My so use now you'd locked into the blank swayed thing, but I do not like it to process and I didn't like the sound of the actors, the oil blount blanks rates, one thing, but then to sort of why you all to kind of void your personalities yet within and replace it with some robot, some ugly art, robot or just a poor I think you know what we want the kids go to sleep in the theater, so they adults can. Why think they're just ate it sort of like a mammoth, does sort of a take on that? to where he believes that it's all in the lines, and it doesn't matter even whether you can act did you know I mean I can't it's so do it's demeaning almost yeah like you're here to serve my story. Go fuck yourself, yellow light there. but I understand good. Writing can carry the day sure and
get out of the way of really good right s best you can. But now it's I don't. You know, that's not funny. There lay we're gonna, do what happens if you blow up I know your mind and I started to get sick of it and got trouble. I wanted my friend I didn't really are somehow avoided trouble there and eight, but one resorting we there, though, but that I see that was the one that held a weed was one that, because I was I was a tailor made to take it easy. I dont mean I'm not helps like you know what I mean it won't transit, I can see a people using as a medicine, because at the time I had a hard temper and I was really quick to beat myself up. If someone judge me and something about a did- switch that stuff.
and I'm not advocating going down that road. I'm just saying it's. If everyone's going down the road, you can just go, buy it like it's fucking mcdonalds. That's why your postmates orders are all wrong by the way. Haven't we I to be honest with you. I've got like twenty three years, something changed over and that's the one I miss and I'll tell you man, it's like when you see it now, people just like did you like it, it's cheap and you can buy it legally, they're doing it everywhere. I know, unlike you, I see cause there's dudes at the comedy store that met that that are in the business and they bring these buds and shit and like how rare that was when I was twenty three years ago to see one of those budget. Where did that come from, go yelling candidate, Yes crazy. I remember that yeah, especially the new york dirt, we'd, that
I first experienced gone downtown, getting Garnett she had in washington square park. Oh my gosh arabian, oh out of the er, they had delivery services. We when I was in new york that used to be like this health food store. You could go in with a card set. You up, yeah wow I had to. He was downtown okay. I remember who gave me the card, but it was like he was never that good. You just had to find a guy. Now you don't even need a guy anymore. He knew store. You walk in the door, I'm with you, though. It's crazy cause also like they. It's broken down to all it's components and people always tom at all. It's yeah! Well, this one. You won't even feel it, but a little nicer that way. How do you feel that way? Now I know that way automatic on his right gay. I can feel it near tugging, Ike why, because I'm old now and I'm twenty three years sober right and there's the foreign minister like you smoke, weed but I know
smoking everyday yeah for all day, it'll be yeah, you'll lean on it. I mean that's what we were looking for, something to lean on every day yeah. I would smoke it every day and I would love it and I would just be like a moron villa within inside a year. I'd be like what daisy beryl most that way already back to the bliss since, oh sure sure so yeah but how did you get in trouble for being funny over there? You said you, oh yeah, so we would do improv there, you know and like I would try to make a joke out of make them laugh and they were looking for you to explore the character with depth and really like oh improves within characters within play. Yes right or or he just a concept, okay, so yeah, oh yeah, that's right! We would be out of monologue right and then you've gone depth of bright in he did what he does really were. Not me. I was playing John looks booth here, any real, where I should guy he's so funny here as an accurate glassy community area. He he wanted he in. I was right. We fight with him. I was just it was light still so my ideal, so wasn't about the depth.
And he hammered we hammered me until I was there. You know as they say he just let me go until I got there and I did and it was I opened It- was beautiful, really yeah. I know if something I used to this day that now, what he's doing you know I am trying to make myself laugh. It really is exploring the depths. And the realities of a day to day character, really yeah. So I I I was appreciative, banality unequally, do it. He just kept stop thinking about he'd he's, I use a solomon john stacks and you just sit like a little wise. I barely move yeah, he goes, stop, stop stop or be in stop, stop stop and stop and it'd be frustrate. And looking around our body there about them, judge me and he said: well, you have to stop thinking. You ve got to stop thinking here go and it was. I I do it and you start the self awareness in the self guys you he knew. I knew I was in that room. Right is a! U have to be in the room Johnson not being in this room juilliard having been the boundaries but to get burned out right.
gotta be in that room. His life's endangers stop thinking about us raw. Eventually, you got there in your eyes like yeah, ok, I gotta do that yeah, that's something I can you yeah. Oh yeah now is in. I have So how do you leave juilliard? Well, I I saw a friend was wanted to go fishing for rent. In a sort of saying We didn't want go to class that day. So I said I want to go with you to your addition to friends. Use a cattle call outside of Bernie tells his office here, I know that guy yeah yeah didn't he have a little theater too. He might earn. He tells me he was here, but he's I don't theories. You know he's a big man on broadway for casting right right, berth broadway I remember, meeting him at some book, sale of yorkshire, he said yeah. I sent me out for things that I never got. Yeah yeah he well. I got lucky with him. I I Standing in that line outside o another castra had walked down. The line was handing out. she handed ricardo musa comrade for this movie later and as I o k, is it a poor
the arab league, why you eddie occurred there and she said no, it's it's. just come down here and read for it. Who was that merit of jacobson now and You know what you're doing it and she barely was doing it. Then the answer I went and actually get the call back for rents, and that made me feel confident enough to go. I'm gonna go try this addition than my friend last week, so I want to go to the other audition in seven callbacks. Yeah. I got it and kate losses. and it was a tiny little nothing movie here, but getting it. I went and told Also look I'm outta here, I'm going to go. Do how going to go to work yeah, I'm going to go work on this now and in the asked me to stay to the end. Actually, my classmates wanted to make sure I stay to the end to do the project we're working on oh for the first year, yeah yeah, but I wanted to go. Then I was so I was just it didn't feel right, yeah yeah. Did you go? I went out
I laughed yeah. I went for the year now, oh no, I sorry I did save for the oh yeah. My friends were right and it was nice to stay and it felt right to get some closure and like good luck and just be like what happened to that guy yeah very strung out on heroin. Haven't you heard, really made some of its wouldn't ask. Do we take for that? But so so that was first movie in that helped you and then like we, I mean you did a few right. Here I would say that we are we giving agent there and that help me book was something quite river. Kid Antonio Anderson, Bob hoskins out and thou shalt arkansas. So I I'm sure directed it. He had directed em. Who else was in it Antonio vendetta above hoskin hoskin embark in yeah mark in those are big people year was big movies, yet it was great to go back to work and saw where I had really put up with a lot of the boy I'm bullying from young people in india, satisfying to go back and get all these phone calls from those kids.
I'm coming out west the tongue molecular. They were my friend rather I write. So there is some satisfaction that further here you have it in that and then I auditioned for After that I discover american beauty yeah. It kind of my and the door. There was Lee Lee help me just once he's just go in so you that's. When you pick him up that was in new york. After Julia r, o koyo, we I met him through of turkey, directors. Well, I guess your friends silver anzio me, I m ended. We are bad because I was starting to go off the rails and Adam he was. He was I didn't move on direct, so we had a moment there. We didn't stop is nothing worse for a manager than a client, it's fucking out of his mind. While he was down. I said no to everything yeah he was just like. Can we do something like leave. The house like euro exhibiting while lights american beauty, which was like a great movie. Thank you.
We want anyone area, but none of your great everybody was great and if you know the that you know you did, I think you took some community flag for the bag. Yeah yeah, it was great. Now I love the the other. People make the front of the bag, I mean it was borderline. Even for us, you know guys are laughing at it. Is you know it's on the fence? It's like he's your bag. Indian thora was like. I don't get it. Why we shut the you know we shot that scene and she'd kept it after every taste. So I just don't get it I'm given a border crying trying to really make this somethin in she. Now no, I was, I thought, all thing effective, it was the writing. You know, I think I think I know a blew up for me and I, and, as am I, I've had a lot of years to think about this year and I think I'm right. I think it nation, of the great writing. You did a decent job. fact that nobody knew who I was really made. This character stand out via cause. If they can't even know me or other movie
it'd come out. I think it would have less of an impact, because I don't think I was that good at it right now. I think you were. I thought you were very good and it'll be, but I think like now talking to you and knowing like you know where you are coming from as an actor it. You know you are for the part. I think you're right. I felt right at the bar. as soon as I read it, it was. I I just knew was mine iron, doubt my mind. The whole audition process I should have the bridegroom froze the main guy they wanted he's great and with great actor, is so weird Does not the two year delay nineties man we're all doing but he's got, is any he's gone. He scania bad. It was bad at real bad. He was real bad yeah yeah. Did you guys hang during the using times? No, I think that's probably good yeah. I think I think I would admit that I tended to hang by myself when I got to the dangerous stuff that was so all right, so you this amazing movie rehn for his great to those? Yes good actor yeah. So then everything takes
yeah yeah, I'm in love overnight. Am I got sent these facts of what the press were saying about before they were no release a year and the thing was reading bridges, blaanor mine, because it was a level. I never thought I'd ever yeah ever reach some would ever say about me right so yeah and then and then you know or immediately recognizable overnight everything changed. She added unchanged. Fear is hard to discuss even now, because it's like it's every facet of your life so in I could cyclist everything until now. I give the king of the town here yeah. I was here and now that you're not now we would know you get closed wanna buy you things. People want to give you start lights, yeah. That was the we tripped zagreb I'll. Not. with lower melt. We then add a bunch of money, definitely walmart close and kang onto as long as you can to be, then gifted a bunch of stuff like it just
I could see the world for what it was in a moment since they make shoes area taken, pictures o the pictures I hated I hated. I got really nervous about the attention because it is you do a fashion spreads and shall I did didn't. I want you to a time out, new york and all that right away. You Mary, I'm all that stuff yeah was weird. I didn't want that side of it. I think it's like your one, those where people for them, like you, know that they saw a movie star right because you could act and you're good looking guy and it doesn't happen all the time, usually actors, you know squishy and we're looking beg. You know you got all that shit work in their right. This is our gas or yeah we're. Gonna hang close on him. For the rest, I am pictures picture the air there. Yet did that they tried to do that. That was part of my rejection because I had a hard rejects and all this I or tried to push back Did I fight? I let go. I should say it was friendly alike on publicists immediately
like this is not for me. I don't wanna, go running around the stick and strawberries and other girls mouth and with that. I don't want to has pretty specific that here there is a risk that this kind of my line like what are we doing here here lay I- and this is not me, sir. You know that was the nineties to was what we Where can I watch we to be a legitimate. Like have credibility. We didn't we weren't like sell out all that was. We were trying to avoid all that whose way is the nineties actors. I mean in general the vibe, where your peers will my peers, at the time that I was people who are who inspire me it'd be more like nirvana, showier sure, like the right, then pearl Jem. That kind of, like the other things like rejecting yea fame, rejecting attention or money corporate money here corvette year corporate money. It was like a year. If you don't sell out your more unity, they you're you to sell the mean that many. I declined all your brand europe brand, no man they have and a love abbe while I mean so. Where did you start?
feel had come unravelled, who they were in all the pressure of having to decide what was neck and did you get to you? spiderman. Yes, I will Yes? And I don't know the real story, you know I always hear it and I thought I knew at the time Allah understood. I was god to hide the offer, because I was up to me yes from Lee. A lee was telling me yeah. So to me yes or no, and he was constantly pressuring- and I know from the beginning at the time. environment superior movies relate nobody? Was we come off the? and of the bad men stuff, without that the net of relevance in this is that I got to spite me that was the beginning of the whole marvel thing you ever. I have come even free that the ideal kind, but it deftly, was cooler than I became cooler than I expected. He had we not that I want. I was. That may prove maybe say no even more of it. I just didn't want that's it turned down spider turned down. Spiderman is this when you are using, I
starting to use it wasn't heavy until later, but like I was the other, the sun have an influence. In my life so when that happens, every other, It's been so you know, cocaine is canada, first problem that happen when I'm shooting american beauty for some. I tried it, but I didn't do it a bunch. he was kind of maybe on the weekend of someone else had air, but I was open to it. It was the way I was at ninety. Ninety nine two thousand area, yasser cooking, restore around back If you I kinda hiatus, I think they're believes it was definitely oregon, and yet I was all about a day. I heroin heroines coming like right. After that it was still canada and yeah yeah they doing ok, you american view during the code thinking more. We know that and heavy we heavyweight affecting my performances affecting my breath. We I during american beauty, no not at all around now. Oh, not you never got high in the rolls yeah
yeah yeah, not there. That's that I was the. I had some dodged it, starting at four feathers, which has not long after that. I was some of certain section that movie I was doing quite a bit It was now doing it on that, but I would definitely not be off it. We know the effects are still there when you are trying to where you see it, not in that in your performers. I was young. I think I somehow got away in most of its morocco, where I did not do any of that stay. I owe you. The london given that the eu area- game, the game of their wives. Yes, obviously in this period I say no a lot here. You know that what happened after maybe it was basically I get off everything of my age group everything and I had a pair and I was not ready for that- I didn't- I really want to make it at a young age. I knew the girls are common sure, so you know hard for me to pick stuff and gave it there lies a soccer movie. So I was. I live soccer. Yes, I want. Tat kind of push it work. It's gonna go
it's not a bad movie. It's not a good movie. It's just kind of a the story itself, the guys you're. Turning down all these defining movies of your generation, yeah why do you want to be good actor? hold out any aid a bunch of terrible memories. We are here and you start using drugs yeah yeah. So it looks like you said: the wheels came off the decision. Making was gone, I mean I should have, but what? What precipitated was there a thing? where the wheels came off with water, I was in a bad relationship, va relationship, we weren't helping each other and that was certainly of catalyst here, she'd she deftly m made. It okay for me to say no in a stupid way to a lot of things. Oh really see. You're like ok in yeah. I think I was getting a reputation for being difficult, in don't even bother with him any more canada thing in asia?
and no one was really able to get me out of it, not that they should have that didn't work out with the guy from american beauty, yeah yeah, that's it yeah. That was the talk he's You know bust the hour or a cautionary tale as they said at oh, so you start, I feel that I am tired of you. I get some detail Cause offers we're getting worse. The money was getting lower yeah. The tomb Oh, my god, that's who that was an edgar Allan poe was the tombs, must viagra short three idea and they called it the tomb later in the eyes I was really messed up on that. That's that was my low, so those are two movies that are hit bottom. When I'm in a movie called me to tell about that, it was a choice. I won't be able to present. This is a choice so so who the who, Fuck turns yonder dope.
and just people I was hanging around you know so part of it was that, were you smoking it or was it that tar? She? I only smoked it. I know I should say injected once and that was awful. I never liked. Do I never lighter. I hardly lights, cope once started. you're doing it there, and I was also killing pain. I would at this point I was different written this bad relationship. was it was. It was so right around two thousand and five ish yes sick. After the soccer movie, yeah, two thousand and six through eight e r or where my lows that's when heroin was was probably urges smoking it just smoke in it. and I did it to balance the coke feeling. I thought our smart, you know you gotta sweep yeah sleep. I was just desperate to like. I don't think I slept except sundays. Is the only way had done what forgotten even take the edge. Now it was I was I was kind of us is every man I was all week at step all week, I
look in all night for it. It was worth downtown downtown at the time hollywood before the king for everyone on tar shit, car, yeah, yeah, no china, white stuff or anything like that. Was the tar out here, yeah that you from mexico, china white was on the east coast right or australia or australia yeah. I did it once in australia, yeah. That was the good stuff yeah yeah. I know I think I kind of heavy. I wasn't, could just snort that stuff right yeah. I gotta smoke that guitar shit and I did a lot yeah. I did a lot so you so you got strung out very strung out very noticeable. My family were trying to figure out how to intervene. When my brother tried I, I left the girl. I was with and moved in this tiny, apartment and east Ali were like little armenia and I just checked up- did a bunch eggs and made this terrible music on my computer and watched watched too many cuts of my movies constantly I was just trying to heal whatever whether what was the point of watching movies,
made me feel better about myself. Of course, I was really like you know is sheer. You know, guinea and weird and pale anxiety went out why I got like sort of blood in my face and in all I didn't get the skinny some advice on agriculture my eyes are drinking or to a yogurt. We I didn't that's another I didn't like, but did you know if you know if I You weren't enjoying yourself at all now, because It was more of a psychedelic guy did the all that, because that was the crew. I was running red, they went that hard stuff and so on. Once you start, you know I yeah. I did not like it, it sounds crazy, but I like it for three years the feeling of it now isn't that crazy. I mean, of course there were moments where I thought I did, but It's because I was easing the pain of withdrawal. I really wasn't like. I was eleven immediately with heroin. It's all you're doing is trying to ease that withdrawal. It's not yeah. I wasn't. I didn't get that euphoria, everyone can ever the ten thousand orgasms, even the one time you shot it. No now I felt sick and I and I, and I don't like being like drunk and stuff for you, the hanko
Ryan keep your head, I and that's all that did while so you just you- did all these years of hard horrible drug year at a man did all? Is you never had a good time, no, no me. No, I would go dancing. Z, ecstasy. I do therefore we get the ecstasy beer that was kind of the bridge way and that's how I would go dancing. I d data bit no ya like house music, and but like airiness time, you're doing p to leave The ungodly man go Strider YAP was that Nicholas kay yeah and I had a good time on that. Actually, even though I didn't do a good job, I I I really could have done a better job with that. Everyone else is doing some fun stuff, at least, and I think I just was going to try to get to the club and yet rarely
yeah. Similarly, that's great yeah everyone. I know I had a great time on that. One was nic good. Did you talk yeah? I had a good time with nyc yeah yeah, oh, not much. You know he was had a baby. He had a baby on the way he was and he was trying to keep clean and stuff yeah. We weren't we wouldn't have we stay away from that, that's what they told them, yeah, that's! Basically what was written on my forehead in my shirt, because the time stay away from that guy? suck everybody without your girl. So the tomb that was in big as your bottom yeah soon I am moving all we are very door that was saint Owens cadillac that so that that's a stephen king short story, and that's where I started to get the inkling that I wanted that something was amiss. I needed to get clean, so I met a girl on that named Jackie is now my wife and so on, at her fucked up I was why I came into canican carrying carry with me and they didn't have anything out of town sue. So I swear
I had some methadone that I've seen again and so that the east me often enough just Kennedy earlier on method. I why I was not prescribed at all It was some gave it to me to say: lasers, it yeah they knew. I was going to find it. And I would say yes, vocal ida heroin- to get their strung out. yeah I was I I prided myself on being the guy do the maoists and stay alive. So what your daily habit at the worst of it. I don't remember now, I'm deathly more than a ground. I mean fry like come around three rights you a couple hundred a day: oh yeah yeah. Through all my money, and then, when I didn't have money, I beg for more in and then and then the running out of money and meeting the girl going to canada, as will find yourself in you, have positions that were yeah yeah one guy came to my house and kicked the door down. I was, I was afraid one guy was going to like shoot me. I was always walking back and forth to my house here: checking the windows or
I didn't really check into windows? Just thinking they're going to show up any moment, yeah odin, probably one thousand some. I think- and I've worked that out but yeah. Yeah yeah, there was scary and you know, like I said, I'd go downtown. That was scary too. I'd hang with people all day and pick up some one downtown gonna tell someone the ministry. Maybe animal we don't want to go. We have get drugs and go smoke downtown and my cadillac hang on a day like that. What is crazy, you You aren't shootin yeah, yeah yeah, it's I drew a line there for some reason. So it's one of those lines I drew that line too. Did you yeah yeah yeah cause you you heroin as well, not really? Okay, I I I just didn't take to it, but it was definitely blow and I you know I smoked heroin a few times yeah, but it was you know. You're, just when you're in drug worldview and drug world, but I think that was what that was. It My line was because I could I felt like if I did that if I was to try heroin by shooting it, then I did the possibility. I never get out yeah. I thought that too
I thought that cause I saw I you know. I hung people who hung with you who did that and they were just like shit themselves. They were laid out on the couch. They were like abscess is all over their arms as you're hanging out with those guys yeah cause they're also doing meth. They were doing the the meth yeah. When we see were met guy to no. No, I it's. I would judge them as you know, and then by then was smoking crack and making it myself as a you guys are gross and dumb and then they're like you're gross and so you're you're, making your own rack, your your basing and pacing that costs a lot of money to a lot of money, not rune coke I had to do just the learning curve is going to cost you a bit of money, yeah yeah, true, that was the worst, what it would disappear in the water like that was this. That was going to be terrible for days,
insert a to go now on they're going to drink it yeah yeah, that's right, yeah, whatever it takes. Oh, I would dig around on my floor. I had back problems for logs of dig around on my floor for hours looking for holes, my god I was always a real skis like I was not. This keeps getting better and better. I was in Lee drug. I know that say you're hanging around that. Well, that's something! I we say about the thing that you don't hear talk about talked about when you do get so Brazil it's not just the drugs. It's a situation to ruin that become deadly here. Is that, like you, you know yet you can die from drugs, but if you in that life, there's you you're possibility of getting of the exponential growth of every day. You walk out that door. Yes, yes by many, many actors yeah you driving yourself driving buying yeah. Now people getting rodya you yep money that sir yeah yeah
or just somebody who wants to you know throw high in somebody's is feeling like you don't know this personally, who knows what he knows, what they're going to do? Yeah they're going to lose it and you're nodding off right now, yeah, it's it's it well good for you. live in many years, where you out that you I mean, probably was only four years: very regularly, never liked it, but you are free, basing never liked it plans to make crack in that money so like that people like that in my ear, the wounds of it's always the first few times right in the rest of is, is changing. Feeling, and I want to deal with it. We are not. to deal with actually come out laughing. I just wasn't. I was, I was afraid of with it, but if you didn't get the orgasm brain from the dope pry gotta from the base, yet a crack was differently. I defiling did this like that,
We all that, but it's like literally a second and then the rest of it's you're, just yeah and then you're looking for it again, yeah great anything or garbage trash good. I think I did in the bath. Did you did you have a psychosis? Did you get sick, oh yeah, and once I learned afterward what an overdose is. I think I overdosed every day I was I was hearing stuff I sweat and hearing thing that is always setting scenes. Oh I I had softened Written of seeing like but I am a yard or knocking on my back door window in em. Why, what that woman standing outside my door locked is holding arm of looking at being frozen. It was a tree next day, I really think you after it came up reminder that tee I looked over you where we were you, the lady turned into a tree. He heard this stuff really well so hadzic so like is anybody tries
help yeah yeah, I mean button What can anyone really do when you're? That far I mean I was like, like I said, of the amount of interest in this apartment like we're where's all the money from just from work, work yeah. So that's why I would go to those jobs and get messed up on them. I was just Eventually, I, your charlie shining, a gay I gave up on the idea of my career. I got was like I thought once you know that you're still taken shit long is still at an agent ice I need your young in you know, and I know how to drive yeah. He laughed and became a successful drake. And I are you now is hard, but also inspiring, was inspiring because it felt like united You know our last piece of that which I'm not as he now thou but but but pardon me, was like arm attached to him somehow right reared sure. what I mean when you're like delusional fuckin struggle, drugs like that's me, make love to me
did you know just ask you get em gary's? Did you really think you you were doing some with the music was a year? I thought it was cool, though like it, but now I was there. Was this using loops and, like you know, really, did you really that that will guide the solo journey? Man where I was every caricature you can imagine of a young actor breaking through too early, which is well just a drug, attics devil regions or to make alone of celebrating your genius nothing luxury making your music and you get to people who don't want to listen to it. Now. You said, oh sure, yeah yeah check this out. They put it actually two of my songs on a while. They were going to in I read didn't, have they were just appeasing me? I think. So, how does it? How do you finally get help? A couple? This happened like em, you went up to canada, shot emit shut movie man. I, my girl, Nancy down Jackie jackie, and she I left
so is like a long distance thing and dumb and get clean or try to go back up there and I got rejected by canada. Merely You will let me- and I turned round I couldn't go back. I would yet or record yeah had I'd had been arrested right before that movie. I had after he died, who is my close friends, compliment After that, I got arrested for possession and capacity or can't counterfeit hundred. I didn't know is. Counterfeit items are literally out of my area. It could have been egg monopoly money so how when did you meet heath? I met his forefathers yeah how so we had offered away like brothers like we were very close immediately. That's that's how you spend time in Austria yeah yeah well nigh sherwin saw ghostwriting australia when he was their shooting a camera, the name of it here, but he was shooting something close. His career,
watching that happen, while you're in that room, the hiking through your carpet. You know with until you about that, because this is a he we did for feathers and he's. Sorry Lee Daniels wanted me to do monsters ball and I had been. talking to them by do monsters ball apart. Would you played in that they the kid there? One he's played eventually who shot himself in the sun and am I decided. I didn't want to do it cause it's too much like american beauty, and I thought this is too similar and I want to avoid it and saw a they were like all you gotta. Do it they're, counting on you, and so I said well what if I can get heath ledger? Then he came over to my hotel room and I was just begged him and charles do a southern accent. I'll show you he he could do it anyway. He didn't really need my help and real it has a queen. You you want to just roll it. raising it, just think it's too close to what I've done any again I want to do it and it turned a foot. Is rear people. Like all can you know he was sort of more recognised as a wrong com Acta, potentially that kind of actor, and I knew even
the better. He knew something more not in he showed it on that movie and it caught him. Got him going right, so you guys were buddies before you were using real yeah, yeah yeah. We were in and we we party together, but we we he were. We were never like a problem with each other it wasn't like that we had a good time. That's why I was having a good time here, though, when I did all that I went out alone allowed cat and going to after the words I do. You know what happened with him. Did he get strung out more than just an accident that said accident I hadn't been speaking to him less than because he had a kid and I was getting strung out. I was trying to avoid bringing thing is alive right, which I regret. About aids a year that some from one understood he wasn't, he wasn't doing crazy, suffer here, yeah, that's about! It was Saturday that effective. I had a weird reaction to it. I I did dyed it immediately and I wouldn't go to the memorial because I was also messed up, but I I denied it and then
hit me months later happened yeah you're too fucked up to really to process it yeah, I feel guilty on my site. Somehow I had something to do with that or that you're alive do survival. Yeah, that's right! That's why I still kind of have that a little bit yeah yeah as I did way more than him, and I was way worse often him and I just sometimes feel like you know. That's unfair mia If he did, he will. He won asgard in order of eating. I wanna hostaqua post did he went further fur forgotten I right now. He he got closer Eric now get out ninety one. It bear brokeback prows what he should have run away, and I mean all of dark night me blue though the lid off, like other, raising but I really thought brokeback was of harder thing for him to do here and he did it so well. So any I ain't. Who knows where the words you can every? How was your jealousy factor? One hundred and ten like I was off the charts with dark knight because I'm also a batman fan, but- and I was scared for him when he took it. I said you're. Never, you know you're never going to do a jack. Did
and then he any was light is so that yeah I mean, but I don't feel that way. Now. I felt very strongly that then I wanted that so yeah. I wanted that sir I like and so that just added to the shame festival. Yes, he died. He came out. He was amazing, as is a lot of things. Just beat me down. Any conference I had was was at a low point, so art, so you tried to go back to canada and they won't let you come in and your chick is up there yet and- and she was with me and when I got rejected, had to go up and I had to go back it's a proud moment. Did you know you'd gotten arrested in here You know I had forgotten about it until that moments. Until I had voided courts in all this stuff here and I'm so am I and fixed it after that? Okay, so so what what It was crazy, my eyes and answer. I rode back everything. It is like what the hell man
well it's interesting because when you're in a chaotic life, just how much you get done, that's it's worth anything but there's a lot of activity. You haven't heard my music, you don't know what it's worth but does it so much activity, because your life's a fucking, chaotic drama all the time. Oh yeah, they didn't want it not to be. I guess I could have started at any moment and well. I guess you know Well, I guess some things I could have right. I mean some set pointed out. I could be like alright, you doing too many drugs. That eventually happened, but he ain't, but if you're a drug addict is not an easy moment to combat know how sorry I cut your balances doesn't happen like that. Yet how did it happen? It's too with her. I started to think I want to get cleaned up for her, but when I went back to l a I just course fell right back into it maybe went worse because it was was starting to come, I'm never going to everything the girl, you can't get you can't get into canada can't go to fucking,
Where am I gonna run to download trumps eventually added? I now wondering you gotta wonder again now that yeah I got my So there are everyday idea I did it. I was ahead of it so robber down. Junior actually being open about his work maria and how far he went night Madame a few times within jail right here, real time, he real time and he was doing the same shit, and so when I saw him get cleaned in and career could come back. It was like that first thing a moment like you can do that. You can do that. So your like I can peace by still. He understood alarming everybody, an area despite so I'm talking about now. So
If you'd met him, but he didn't, he didn't reach out to you, but you were inspired yeah. It was just his press in just the way in, and so it was like. I can do this and then, after that it was. I moved him Arms house in baltimore, proud moment lose every light three or four months. Three hours back up, thanks myself mom. I did it and back home any didn't. Call turkey, in now he was just random money, was part of it. So money sucker is then ended up just being alcohol, which I hated. Then it was like. I know it's. A combination that was dry me out perspective was changing with the girl, mom is reinforcing. My you have given me some confidence back and I was auditioning in new york- has taken train up there. So he went just went home. You crapped out here. He private debts now idea was that's was avoiding with someone. I ended fix that when I came back eventually
dangerous gang. I he said he was, but you know it's hard to know who really is or not the game, some people just so you couldn't afford drugs and tapped out you're in debt and your nurse scared scared. But you kind of wanted that girl and you and he didn't have anywhere to go so went back to your my here as we do here and and then I was in my dad was in our consignee in. I would have gone to him too, but it was easier there. They ve got divorced at some point. are they, they got divorced right after I left high school. They monsieur she did. You know it's all my fault, your lives on one of my brothers having who did feel that way, those sort of like it's like this happens of sad else, but you you in any way how good it was great, and so in my book, the job there and then, when I got on that job, a wooden shot in argentina, it's called there be dragons there's an actor on their who was sober and he was just didn't. I was some trouble.
I'm sort of dealing with a thin just where I keen and yet hanging our white knuckle. They say and my my future it was with these came with me. Argentina, just a watch oh sure. Yes, she just came to visit be in argentina and which was amazing and issue. What did she do? She was a. She was an associate producer on a television show up in canada and she had been an eighty on a few projects and before that, a journalist, alright yeah yeah legit person here. So she comes with you over there with a sober guy, yep yeah and he starts home. I help you, he was talking about driving a car and looking outside and looking at how beautiful the they was and how lucky he was. to be alive and all that stuff as a gratitude. Tree yes ends in as they say. You know it happens like that, and you just hear it from somebody clicks like. Oh, I want that yeah right. I want that. So I went to him and said, help me and he said: ok just come, the meetings and was great greg summers? Argentina is small, english speaking means like five people get sorted,
if you're like in l a I would have. I think I would have walked right out of those big views. Seen half the guys you used with and your deal exactly is essentially one he would fuck the other one up yeah because our usual sending us. I was like stance of the club, zero people a year. fine, but it wasn't gonna help me. So I I you know going insane going seen him in these meetings and already have a mile. My connection to god Am I or power tat into that shit years? All you do is work in it was like I did. I sent the lady who turned into a treaty that they haven't. I he was looking for me by scaring me jack. and there were few times I got pull over downtown that I could probably thank god for that. Sure I got out of that. The abbot Am so that get so his head? He inspired me so I went in and I got sober and it was like the eternal turned just like that. I don't need any of need any. I it european out all that stuff, a guy and really really happy
have you ever been in my life and worked in that project and I was moving in that's so that that the india all that from four now urgency ended as we don't say that, but you can stay in the game. You stayed in the in the rooms and stuff, oh yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't go as often now sure. As you know, it's been over ten years for me too, so I I you old timer once told me. Remember it's a bridge back to life, don't get don't make a year entire life after a certain time. He doesn't mean immediately, I'm sure I'm sure was scars. Of course, this over time, but yeah some people need it for the long haul, yeah yeah they keep the thing running, which is great because I can then I can go show up luckily, and I also do therapy in a great family. I get a lot of well. What sort of amazing cause you I mean you are really you know it's it's a great story, because Do you have a family of kids? You seem together. You know your skin looked correct, you don't look like you
in permanent damage. You never really stopped working, whether you like the projects or not, it seems like you just kept working. I did yeah, I got lucky. American beauty is still what I get work off of really got this job. Yellowstone do not hidden off a really our computer. How so, I didn't have that possible, we'll tailor. You know I so you know when I had seen taylor stuff and he had stuff coming out. I just like we got beg to get on one of his projects. I really want to work with this guy on something and out of the blue. He came to me and asked me to do this. Yellowstone show and I was like whoa yeah, but when I talked to him he told me that it was from american beauty when he was younger. I stayed with him all these years and he always wanted to work with crazy, like so that way, right impression made him proud, and I even doing this thing for five years, yeah five years, yeah yeah five, is off american view here
but I've years in good rig you I could character, I love it will give us a so. I had a lot of feelings about this because it is by far the hardest thing. I've ever hardest care to have ever late, a bit within the realm of acting. It's the hardest thing. I've ever done and Well, you know first season, he was not, he was sort of it wasn't heavy. The that the sun yeah. it's the one of the sons of of the the the the the main rancher gotten me, the big mega ray John Dutton and he's he's one of the sons of john d artagnan, the lawyer, who kind of keeps the ranch runnin from a legal perspective. Also, potentially a politician. I could help change rules for the ran right so that cept that's his directive by his father here and anyway, I eat it in we got into the second season and it got heavy quick cause of a lot of stuff that happens in it and for for Jamie character ends and anyways. I realized when it
to play at that. I'm gonna have to do something here that I haven't done never before in open myself up to just pure sadness, because he's justice, sad guy I couldn't I was like was playing in it and other emotions and didn't feel that the wind rider that hide sadness yeah. It's right dead. Suddenly there I tell people all the time. Anger is not really an emotional reaction to sadness or as a reaction to embarrassment. It's always a here the shadows regime, anger, angers, guy, isn't all purpose its reaction in year. Exactly could even get reactor beef younger going in when you happy fund can a man god. I love this, but I am I so I realized I'm gonna have to open my self. sadness in a really drop me into a like, like a weird play, now we're but like heavy place, quick and
It's like why? What did it do? What what did it open? What was the trauma? Was it the shame thing or what I don't know if he was, I think cause I have always avoided just pure sadness. You know alive, dealt with it with humor or dealt with drugs or dealt with anger, but I never just let it be where you depressed guy. I know I think so I think I had them all. I think we ve all got that in their, whether you dad becomes a prominent fury so yeah, my my whatever depression had there yet was starting to come in got really heavy quick playing this cartoons and then not only that there is complicated things about it and stuff, so he eats very hard to but it's very rewarding a sub. I went to balances by saying this is what I wanted right. I mean this is when I'm like. This is where I, to go with the actor for young and I've had, and now you ve got your full story, it's not like one movie. You know it's not a one shot deal you got to live in this guy. I knew the character EVA the changes we have received every almost every
Seeing for him, that's trippy! You know, there's allah screen tavern jamie, but I think the ethic four, because every scenes to become some new matic event or some reveal of of sadness. Depression that he has, or or whatever is broken and unbroken is broken and you ve got a heart and he so it's keeps getting any emotional, unlike attard, yeah and an, and he deals with oceans are not that he reveals or shows in, and they over him more than like the cowboys and everyone in Montana parry. recycling people love the show and they have other spin awesome its huge yeah. It is the biggest thing eyes disobedient. I've done the biggest the most when recognized. I got recognized by my voice for the first time or ever I was like you're very close to doing voice c'mon yeah, I'm just trying to get job. I didn't really. I just wanted to tune. I really wanna do that. Hamill got that thing down, but all right, so we I think we did good. You feel good
How do you, kids, my kids, are, what my son's can be twelve next week in my daughter's eight and there there my life man there- everything I I just love being dad. If I I didn't want kids at all knew I was not supposed to have kids and then I had them as soon as I as soon as I knew my my wife was pregnant eyes. This is everything I wanted, whose bids weird It's I would give anything for them. I'd, give up anything or do anything for him what's good. Well, I mean you already have in a way. I mean it's. It's good that yeah, you know. You're present for this shit. Give him he for my son is named after the eye is named after the person who helped me. So here the guy in Argentina yeah he's so he He is his name is my life line here mere beautiful guitar, Emma s great. How can you do this every day? Man? I see why you do a deadline for a meeting
yeah where you can get in trouble or yeah, exactly yeah, you don't want. We've talked enough I was west bentley justinian. What am I a radio working? Why yellowstone season five on paramount new episodes on Sunday night, so you now this goes ease. Just hang out a minute. We're ok, look Here's my recommendation from the archive today episode six fifty three with lord Michael's. It was seven years ago this week that we posted this episode. This special story is presented by amazon and a cask creative folks. I want to talk to you about gift, giving like I'm, not gonna by someone a shirt, I'm not going someone pants by some one. You know a set of spoons, though at that, an interesting give that would be a man, mobile gift bite, but ultimately
it be like I don't use spoons, but semi spoons. It was weird, but those are the marin spoons. They show people. But they wouldn't use. Em, though the point is, I never know what to do. people and the holidays only make it harder. It's a great season to spend time with family and friends. But if you like me, the anxiety of getting the wrong gift can be overwhelming. The ones gift give Experiences stands out my mind as just being terrible. It was my first serious girlfriend I was in college and AMOS Sarah and shoes. Pankey, but kind of him, but came from you know westchester jean grow up like that. No one grows up like that. So far, I have a reason I bought her a ralph lauren sweater. It was not achieve sweater. It had to be a four hundred dollars, whatever it was just a a cable sweater, a heavy sweater like a irish sweater, it didn't it didn't reek of being ralph Lauren. It was like a nice sweater. I liked it and and I gave it to her and it was like she'd might as well have opened the box and there is like a dead rabbit in there.
And it was one of those moments where she's like. Why would you get this for me? do you not know me at all this? less and all hour this, while you might not be able to find the absolute perfect gift, you can take a lot of stress out of the process of getting them, which is why using amazon makes sense for the holidays. The great thing about in ordering things on amazon as gifts as well? You could just do it and then it goes there that you don't have to leave your house or wonder about packaging or anything else, and you can write a note with amazon news other than you. There are things you can do like when I order stuff off amazon. I don't I don't write a note to myself. Kay man happy day, but but is exciting when I get boxes could actually never know. What's coming, that's me so try. Distress out too much with the holidays. Coming up you ve got give shopping at your fingertips with amazon Thank you for listening to this story, brought to you in partnership with amazon and a cask creative sh. The legendary deals at amazon now back to the show, and it worked
I ve been talking about the guy, my entire professional life about the audition I've been talking. I used to compulsory, we talk about it or is it the right word or just I will who talk about with everyone who was on personnel and any like the you know what I It happened in that room was. I was obsessed with and really believed to look. I wrote about it in a book and stayed with me forever and then I talk the lorn and he and we we did it over two days, and I know you know He definitely spoke to it and I believed him. I chose to believe him. Listen I came in here I waited an hour or so crazy. Morgan was out there waiting with me jane. What day of the week was where we were in production? maybe I I wish. I remembered that I you know I decided before I got here. I was smoking a lot of pot at the time, but I thought maybe I shouldn't smoke too much haha.
and I got here and tracy morgan was there in his hair, looked very shiny. This the hair was in very good shape. I waited a while, and I was reading a bruce Wagner book. I remember, and I came in here and he said: he'd been on stage the night that you perform who's tracy. I don't know he was I mean, I know that we want to stand of new york right. I remember anyways men here in my recollection there were books over here was there is probably pretty much the same as always steve Higgins was there I walk in, and you said dumb I was conan last night: did they laugh? Did they laugh you it's better when they laughed and those nice it was nice. I'm scared and you done and you'd duncan, and then a rifle reactor in thy set. Down, and then you you do you
is the zoo analogy: a hadrian's. Have you used that before monkeys? Yes, yeah yeah, so that's a regular thing, but no it wasn't. Regular thing was just by sorta, beginning to piece together where comedian stood in Hollywood right that the the lions are scary. When you go to the zoo yeah. First. First thing you want to see is the lion. Cause lion is the king of the go and and it has its regal yeah and the second thing you want to see at the barest cause of the strongest and the fastest, and the third I see the monkeys cause their fun n occasion and one of them jerks off right in what I say I don't think you're too added the jerk off my ma, because I said his lungs are not throwing their shit. If you get a got, nothing yeah gotta know Lando from young people, I would have gone softer ass. She saw the eye out exactly and end Steve Higgins was I there's not going well. I write a way and did you know steed before kinder, I met
like on the scene right and then you just look me for a little while the hall, and and and Steve actually want lorn, and you said it: it's a it. Bored and work in someone's eyes. You can see a lot in someone's and then I was trying to exude starkly would have some kind right, which did was not successful. You really remember this yeah. I remember you can every w E F episode ad free with the debate. You have put subscription click on the link in the episode description of go to w e, F, pod dot com and click on w e F, plus, on thursday show. I talked to bruce wayne Hu, I love he's. One of my literary heroes of reading his books. I've been with them since the first book years ago, force majeure, in and out throughout all the books, a very dark wizard, one of them True dark wizards, one of the great hollywood satirists and me
and I think I was able to manage a conversation is tongues. I really wanted. I see I've always seen a mrs mystical wizard and I was like: where does it come from? I needed to know, and I think I got there. This right, Amman, eugene organ at the whole centre for the performing arts november, eighteenth bend, organ our theatre on Saturday november, nineteenth asheville north carolina at the orange peel for two shows on Friday December and and and nashville tennessee? I at the James K, pork centre on Saturday December third and my hbo special taping the town hall in new york city on thursday December eight there are still tickets, for the second show go to deputy pod. Dotcom switched to her for all the dates and ticket info. He would go some dirty telecast of music.
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Transcript generated on 2022-11-15.