Let's do this: how are you what the fuckers, what the fuck fix, what I can't, even when I'm on a mountain, what the fuck it Alex. Let's leave it at that. I'm on a mountain. I just high two hours to the top of this I got very little water, I'm not saying that then gonna die or anything, and I am not going to be over dramatic about what's happening here. I came to joshua tree for two days. Try to clear my mind, which proves to be a little more difficult, but I soon then show brine. Frazier will be back in the garage, god forbid. Lasting. They find that I laughed well. Maybe it would be bad will see our goes. I came up here yesterday,

took a while to get out of the house just come up for a couple of days to try to do to try and be o k by myself to try to aids I like a long term thing, but just that even to just go on a hike by yourself, just a travel by yourself yet granted I travel at one idea perform but just go and like all right, I'm going to hike up a mountain in one hundred degree heat with the open, a water by myself. Oh there's a hawk, see that I would be beating me. If something went down and out my heart stopped her. I just decided not to ever leave this place and just wait it out Imagine someone would come find. The rangers would find my car, but would it be before the hawk ate my eyes

hawks even eat eyes? I don't even think they do. I think they, like the the thrill of the hunt by some other horrible bird, would eat my eyes hawk, be chasing lizards, scuttle more pride than that maybe depends what the food sources are. All of a sudden. I'm a scientist why the cynical negative kind of like existential darkness, why does this I'm going to lay some first rate top notch navel gazing on you? Because I am a top notch: first rate naval gazer fuckin rocks what, if I've even author snakes up your here's, the points How do I start the day? What am I really looking for? I just want to clear my my very hard goddammit people I, u can dish rooms a joshua tree. I gotta do showrooms, no man, no I'll, tell you what I did I made some melon balls before I left l with my grand

call these melon bower, so that connects me to that past. I got up this morning I ate the melon balls and some blueberries with some yogurt in some coffee. I got a map to this high that I'm on right now and I did it and I'm workin it's fucking beautiful in joshua tree. I can't even imagined it. I could imagine it on mushrooms, I guess, but income pass at. I think something else has to give. You know want to be okay by myself and just be okay to sorta sit and be ok with myself, I mean, I know what it's like to overdrive your synapses and make them like shoot. Electric waves that reach out past the collective mind into the big

big old quiet way up there. I've been on this room. I know what it's like. I know what it's like to do just feel yourself hit the the atmospheric cranium. It's yeah, that's where I drew the line I sort of drew the line at space cause. I I don't. I don't have what it takes to live out there. You know I'm telling you I've jangled my way into a sort of I braiding enlightenment, of which I think yes, some of it stuck. You know that residue of profound awareness, it you know, you are not, in everything and very little lasts very little matters, citizen moments unit as you're staying here is what I jotted down. These are the notes. that I jotted down walking up the hill, yes, is, like I said,

my life. A lingering on hard aiken mundane to dues. Yes, sir, knows decisions, choices, thou choices and panic and worry good decisions, bad decisions, but that's it! That's it! Yes, no, maybe gabby careful and may be so maybe maybe if it may be, is not a part of a negotiation or fuelled by some passionate curiosity. I believe it is the language of inert. fear you just landlocked her stranded within yourself, it's posturing. So these are the thoughts and I wrote down on my way up here. They still seem they'll cynical, even I'm looking for spain,

surrounded by dinosaur plants. Looking out at this, like awesome, fucking terrain, this beautiful empty desert did not even cars. Man I mean Josh tree national park is spectacular sister, a billion years of wear and tear from spinning around a sign in fissures in water and shifting plates and whatnot, who the eighth, oh fuck, there's a wizard, there's a wizard that buddy, what's up through the ants lot of ants, appear speaking to ants speaking a bugs. I am, I am sure I try to save a bee arches b. I was sitting in the the spa mineral water tub naked by myself in the middle of the day. Yesterday, maybe as the afternoons the afternoon outdoors

as always, be wandering around just outside the perimeter of the of the tub there of the pool, He just wandered he's walking around walking and he just walks to the edge and just pops in to the hot water and and then add those thoughts like what to be and then as right, but it's life, but it's a b. These things happen here. I freaking out. This might be it for him to sort of a. I dunno. Why, whatever I dunno what was going on, but it was flattering and I'm like fuck it. So I took my glasses off and ease my glasses as a spoon and They took the b and I put him back out. They start seeing him wander off now got back up I got back in the tub this morning, when I woke up and the the was floating in the pool.

So I am really know. What's going on, climate change, ram is physically or anything else. but I I mean not only are bees dying but they're killing themselves if the bees are killing themselves and that's a much worse problem than than them just dying cause that that gives them a lot more consciousness than we assumed and maybe just a collective mind, maybe just a fragment. That's the end. At the edge of the collective mind, she deserved the type of the top notch navel gazing thoughts, having at the peak of this letter, shiny rock, while shiny rocks? I fear I d come to. I got things it do you know, but this was good. Maybe I relaxed who the fuck knows. I let's go. conversation with brain frazier right frazier. I want

stay. I watch it. caroline comedy out from ninety ninety, god. Why do you do that? To remind me of the brain I knew yeah remind me of the brain I met in Boston, ass, a toothless and nineteen fucking Eighty nine may be one. Probably yeah Eighty six, eighty seven, eighty eight I was living in an alley next to an indian restaurant right like downtown riah yeah. Like marlborough massive yeah yeah, and I remember we did a gig together. Some horrible gate, where you stand on four with ed sport, shadow, a big shoulders bethesda, and I remember that I never felt we like we got along really. Then I think it did you I don't either of us got along with anybody else. Really I can

I know we were both. You know difficult yeah yeah. I was probably more difficult than you, but I didn't. I didn't realize it yet. You always kind of I think in your head, New who you are, and maybe yeah, even though you have problems getting along with yourselves. I didn't know who I was told about ten or twelve years ago, just recently, yeah yeah, why member that you're, like you, were very intense, you very yo me quick, awkward, yes and and the icing very healthy. I always felt that you were some sort of beacon of judgment. they like you, did good that I thought you had the controlled good life. And then everyone else's crazy. I thought that every I was crazy not because I had to control the good life, but because I was I was crazy, yeah yeah. I used to think that that chaos, followed me around, but then I realized, no, I'm the fucking chaos

you know I can turn anybody it. You know I I basically I can turn anybody my chaos onto anybody really. How does that manifest itself like what? What would you mean by that? And I just felt that while I forgot to explain the past to have to jump ahead a little bit because up until I took until I was prescribed, zoloft yeah by a dermatology of all things yeah. Ah, my hands were itchy about a couple months. Before my adding and dermatologist said the problem is in your hands it in your head. He prescribe he's all off that wasn't depressed And I get you how I gwig tingley. Now I like literally scratching mike, I was like what are your cats ex scratching my hand, so he prescribes all. oft, and I said I'm not gonna take the shit. This is about depressed and I decided to you now take it. and within, like forty eight hours, I realized I was a dick, really yeah. I realized I was a dick

gave me this com, video right a picture is in our campaign. I try they get involved with promoting all ongoing realize your idea now as I was a dick. I realise that like like looking back, I mean I always kind a girlfriend friend I which had friends but remember you grow from whether she waitress at the comedy connection you care and I still am still fresh their she's married a higher carrying coming sneer. yeah. I just remember that you were very anal to me. Like you know, everything was meticulous. Your hair was always in place. You dressed well, you seem to be exercising allied your comedy I do like one thing I noticed and watching that equip from ninety ninety is that it was very abstract. It wasn't very. and what was completely if it wasn't just you know, cleverly joke drive It was completely absurd and your sword- working that angle of like I'm, just a guy telling jokes, and no I'm really. We now now don't jokes again, yet one of the problems as I started comedy it like twenty or I was making living like twitter.

One or twenty to lawson like a around around doing those one day- ass, yes, but so, but you always had a perspective. That's the thing, that's one of the reasons I like watching you here. I never had a perspective and point of view, yeah no point of view whatsoever, because I One. The reasons that I started to young- and I didn't know myself- you haven't we Do I mean what did you I'm from where'd. You grow up long island yeah, weird, because I can never junior jewish guy yeah, but I never. I could never associate you with being a jew like, even when I saw your one. Man show him like he's still not reading jew to me, even though everything is a place of everything. He's told me into That is a jew. again I get it I get hung up on now about the my parents are jews. In fact, Michael Lee called me: hitler's favoured you already make early zack. I do- and I haven't talked him in twenty out here. I think so I don't know where do you source to probably do brothers and sisters? yeah of our brother and two sisters, but I saw sir problem to my mother.

Let me are you, you claim that young after being Scribes olaf for aging hands is you're having a psychological stress reaction to the fact that you're getting married right. You you realize that your problem was what then my problem. Is a lack of perspective. I I mean my problem was probably a chemical problem in that, but was it anxiety? Was it panic? Was it you know? How did it manifest itself and when did you first start to feel that it was happening to you and your kid? Oh, when I was a kid I, anxiety from probably My mother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis around when I was about twelve or thirteen so probably started, then, because member in pain, all the time and always yelling and throwing things and shouting, and because of that, my father had to take care of him. there and also because of my father, take care, my mother, I grew up. I literally grew up on fast food. My father come home from work. He was first grade teacher and say picture mcdonalds

so literally seven days a week I had shitty foods. Eight ate halloween candy, like three hundred days a year area. There is no monitoring for my parents. They were too busy is that liking and what was your responsibility and in an outlet always siblings, older, younger old brother or sister and younger sister? So how did the out Household work around somebody who is cause b. I imagine when she first got issue still functioning, correct yeah, but my older sister and all the brother were cut out of the house are really through you're. Like a weird younger kid, no I mean I I were like five or six years apart, but when I was thirteen or fourteen or they were off too in college, I think they were exposed. my younger sister, was like eight, so everything affects you in different ways, depending on what you know how old you were when a hit you MA saw their ways like I grew up with stress. You know, want my mother got ill and the shitty diet domine favours and the fact that I couldn't

candy and do whatever I want it to where I know, but it, but it's I from that. Emotionally I mean what was I mean you you, you, your mother, can really parent or what she could or was it a system. I mean how ya know, which is tough, It was very tougher apparent. She actually continue to teach for a few years. and agitators well yeah, that's what I'd first or second grade and then after while she get all, she was determined she taught on a couch in and the key astro me yeah. after awhile was just. It was too much. She was actually a great teacher. I mean she really. I can honestly say that both my parents were great teachers and I you don't never raise their voices to to anybody and they were there yeah. It was. It was great in it, it was good to have both of my parents schoolteacher yes, because they had steadying com and they were always home at in all three thirty right who I was never like. Our wines dad coming home. It's like nine thirty hours are functioning family units. Just muncie on this head had everything became the everything

collapsed, yeah and in europe as your ensuring food every day you know at a candy your mom is yelling. All the time he's uncomfortable in pain from your father's trying desperately to keep her comfortable, Imagine yeah, my father was a while still is a saint. He really like you know at her beck and call on you not to hours a day did not get better, not unless it he made been bitter internally, but nothing out loud yeah. I liked stories any to hear the story of loyalty and commit meant no self sacrifice. Yes, in fact not a hub Bring a damper on the yadda, but today is the I haven't seen you, but my mother died a year a year ago today, which is ironic that a year ago, today, a year ago today, yasser see lasted a long time. Yet She was ass. Seventy eight, I think, oh my god in so she died of that illness. She died of, she was getting demand,

she was. It is really really really bad towards the end and were you there for that I was in Dallas. I was trying to get there, but I'm glad I didn't I'm glad my plane didn't make it when she passed him. Yet boy you in touch with her in any in going to see her was she. Where would you have me? They moved to florida elsewhere in Florida she would go to florida, yeah yeah entering So they moved to florida when you were how old, when I was an adult, maybe ten years ago, We spend time down there. Oh yeah yeah, yeah yeah, it's a horrible horrible place. Why say: thou wishest, it's horrible, it's like sometimes in our my wife, I go down there. We have like a little game. It's like every time. You pass a store, that's not that bad beyond or not a chain. You know you give somebody a dollar. I mean it's, it's just ridiculous. It's what populous, fort myers to her yeah. It's I'm not even going to get into the standard ground stuff, but here is a is

father still down their yeah. He still doubt areas yet a girlfriend and whom he met her on. a date how yeah, yeah yeah he's the happiest person. I've ever met, and I can't believe you father now or else now, it's unbelievable. Why imagine that you know when you give your life to somebody in you and used in you stay with that, you don't run away that your? Sadly there is probably a little relief if someone's ill at the end of that yeah. Said that the euro- he promised god that he would they are till the end and get her through it and all this stuff real yeah and he is like I said I wish I had a tenth of the happiness he has and if he passed away to borrow a bit like, oh my god, he he's had six months of pure bliss that I never even thought. He'd have one day of bliss

and you know you became you- became very sympathetic with your father's plight because of how draining it was to deal. Oh, I thence. I was sympathetic for years. I could not believe he taught if, if my spouse treated me like that, I'd be out of there, but like once she was ill yeah, but she was ill, but who is vicious. She was violent army, illness or just because he was bitter, for probably both like it's, not a symptom of the illness, but her lot in life had had caused her due to recruit, be angry. I mean my father, which sometimes have to move on from you know, she was in a wheelchair for the last fifteen or twenty years for her you'd have to get her from her, like our hospital, that it all in the house, in the house here too the wheel chair to the bed thrown out of the wheelchair and onto the toilet and back sometimes fifteen times a day

and, as my mother was being inactive, her weight balloon. She probably way close to two hundred pounds and was because she wasn't moving at all- and you know my father is not that big of a guide to transfer somebody like that. You know that many times and she would scratch his arms and it was he'd have to wear like fly. Could she was? mad she's. She was getting crazy and she was aggressive and and and violent. Oh, my god- and he saw this he witnesses were you hired about it. I heard about, but I mean I would see scratch. My father's arms, then sanely, chaotic, but yeah. The tragic thing is: is that you can just dismissal

as you know like well, that person was crazy. She had she was ill. I know, and so it's a hard balance to make emotionally to try to keep that perspective. I know, but I I she was told by a you know my niece and my brothers and sisters. It's like he got a treat. You know dad a little bit better at venus is really and she would just yell at us for suggesting that really yeah and she would say, and again it's purse, it's all percent, If, because what soul off did for me, I see a lot I know would have helped my mother and I tried to commence my mother takes all after to go on a pill like that, because I think that there is a on in in hers. Well, that was creating this. Like saint and everybody around her that asshole well, I mean, but that that is in the indian. I think you're probably right, but I am no psychiatrist by. It seems to me that the other Are you a story that you and we should get into? Is that you have that? That's it. That's kind of a control freak disposition,

That that sort of, like perfectionism men and that weird sort of like your nobody knows how to do it right. You know, I know better than anybody else. Why can can be the way I want, and it seems to me because, like having not prime more than I admit, but I know you used with the hypochondria in that to me in retrospect was really a way to to simplify the world, not to turn tat light. If you focus on one party, you, if you it selfish, but it's also it's like an eating disorder like you know, I'm dying, I'm dying primary, I'm dying. I have the it's very eaten it. It's a wave control I mean. Did you ever think about that shore? I mean what were you diagnosed with ultimate? Let me I know you're you're, you're you're praising How often I appreciate that they, I think it does turn down the noise and anxious, chemical imbalance, but I mean

Were you ever say. Did anyone ever say? Look you have you have massive anxiety? You have to depression or bipolar one two. What what did you get? No! No! I got none of that, but one of the things which resolved in my book that I I still do is might and that's why I brought up the halloween candy before and the and the and the bad food and the big mack center near heater and the one I have. too much sugar or when I have the wrong foods for me that really like it still triggers really herbal horrible feelings and horrible anxiety. So I went to an area of ivy just yet, which is when the chapters in my book and basically they look at your tongue and they take your pulse and they give you a variety of you. If you're either a peter, what is it what a vodka and they give you a diet based on your energy levels and pay? It sounds kind of

wait you, but it's really not I've been around along in a way. It is the only way you, but it's opened its hundreds of years and but little things like you know. I had had a banana every morning for breakfast horrible bananas, a horrible for me, yeah yeah. What happened there just bad there just date, they spike sugar and it makes me aggressive- and it makes me a little crazy, so anna a banana yup, which you figure it's all natural. How can a banana hurt me here I would go back. Ok, so when did you like you winded things start getting. You know at hand for you here in what form, what do I do now? I mean you said anxiety, but when did you start the sort of I When I met you, I think you are still by building a little bit know a lot Actually, that's probably when I started a compete when I met you, but before that,

if you are a comic, but you are also yet a gym in your living room or you didn't you have like weights or something or no. No, that was me. I may be, I'm I'm adding. I know you are ripped by and that was a problem for me. Yeah. It was like to fuck. Is this guy doing? Well, it's a it's weird to be the euro a body building comic. I mean I would always where big. Are you worm? Because you don't want you will now at him one and everybody to know, and when I was at the jam I would never tell a joke at be totally stoic and people at the gym didn't know. I did stand up and be. what stanhope did no eve and went to a gem web was the hypo contrary for the body building the hyper country, Probably happened around the same around the same top! No! Well I mean I was diagnosed with. I got the zoloft when I was probably thirty, seven, thirty eight and I started body building when I was six in some wended that when when were you freaking out about your health constantly? Ah, I think I've always been freaking out about my help.

in that you know my mom. You know you see somebody that's not healthy in the in the adjacent bedroom. Also, once I got the college, I was the only person that actually thought them. Food at the you know at the college, cafeteria was great to me- was the greatest food ever because you to go from mcdonald's two up. It's basically like up a level, like oh, my god, this food is great and you can eat as much as you want. So once I got away, I started to realize that the while it was a good, it was a good thing to go away to college yeah. Well, I wear when did the like? The panic start there? started. Probably fourteen fifteen I had like nervous ticks, and I would that's one reason. I never could really plain a ban because you know to even play guitar for three minutes not like scratching my nose or like rearranging my oh yeah. I couldn't I couldn't make it too. I didn't

but a studio work, but I could make it through I have an eight songs on a stage without like having a stop and we're in it's just a compulsion. You can't you have to do it, it's well it it's all based on the food I'm putting into my body but but but but wait. I me, I know you can come back there, but I mean you're in an environment that was chaotic, it wasn't supportive. There was. There was always a menace of of anger and and and a little bit chaos I mean write. Your brain must have been doing it couldn't have just been food based, well the food. the food really, if I was eating a healthier diet, and it would have been. ass, the pain I was in reward, or some of the other things you went through, that you know that you signed attention for us just to bodybuilding, really I just loved lifting weights yeah, and I think because it was just a solitary thing and I it felt like I could. If I kept my body healthy cause, I didn't even really start to drink till. I was like mid twenties your arm. If I could keep my body healthy, then you know, maybe I wouldn't

have. The same plight is my mother right also, that was that was the reaction that and also because baltimore eritrea, Jews and you know we had most of our family, specially my father's side wiped out during the holocaust. So if you grew up with that, I grew up with yeah. My my father would wake up all the time having nightmares about nazis. He was there. Now he wasn't there by us. His grandparents are now is grandparents were made it over before, but he lost a lot of relative on anyway. So, like I felt like, if I can build my body up psychologically, then maybe I wouldn't get die the nazis, wouldn't get me so that was your agenda was to serve like become near well, fortified on all levels on all levels. Yes, I personally am physically now What was that now? So how do you start competing as bodybuilder you're? Eighteen, sixteen now I started competing

again, one of the reasons I did this is so I could document like in case my health took a turn for the worse. I want to say by building also did natural competition, so drug drug free never took a stare at him. I never thought about taking the right, so I thought that you know I could document that I was healthy encase at some point. It didn't become healthy and it also gave me a goal to strive for. So this is all really you like a complete panic response to you. mothers degenerative illness, probably yeah, so where how did how did you start? How did you start competing? I mean it was eerie completely myopic about it like it was all you did and I wanted to do like I said I wanted to just have some kind of tangible result, because I think the thing about like a lifting weights, if you lift weights and you you could lift weights for two hours a day or two and a half hours a day like I did yay for

five years and then, if you stop lifting waits for six months, nobody, even those who lifted waits so you're, not building up earlier skill is a true. I mean you kind of issues. It turns into a sort of well defined, fad yummy. it's muscle memory, but for the most part, it's not like taking judo or or playing the violin or something that, if you put two hours of the interest into almost anything per day, you're going to you know when you're, forty or fifty or sixty years old, even if you'd stopped for a decade, you'd have somebody show for it right to you lifting weights, yeah, starting in your late teens, two hours a day, three hours a day, two hours a day, six days a week, never missed a day, haha yeah, and when did you start competing, probably a while. I won my first contest in eighty four So are you proud of that? inside you know you look at pictures. We, like I'm fucking idiot what the exits crazy, yeah yeah Why? Because you thought it was a useful skill, really yeah I'd like

said if my mother was sick and it also I like having a goal and that's the thing about without the competitions, its ok. Where does this end? I'm just like I'm just a hamster wheel, just never it just never I trying to hold my maintain this body. I should create that's why I don't that's why I don't lift any more it's just the maintenance is the maintenance is insane, but what when did you snap? I mean how how high did you get where you ranked here? How does it work there's a rant. compete in different competition, iron may magazine wanted to do a story on me and I just thought it was weird I didn't that backed out of review. You had some shame around it when you start doing comedy. You know May I one was miss stearne natural knowingly. Nineteen. Eighty four was. This is all for memory. I was mister southern kid runner up, MR southern connecticut. Aha, I think night, ninety one year. I think I finish

third in another context and eighty five, the new york metropolitan. When you, when you're natural, do they test you and unity test you? Yes, you can sort of sea. in a body whether it steroids and I came out whitley here yeah I mean there. There were body fat thing in the definition of the muscle is different. It almost looks like there's: it's just filled with water yeah there. There were quite a few people that do that failed the test, but because they brought a lot of people to the event they let him slide, which is ridiculous. Did it given the winner, maybe in writing on the other. They let him when they did here since a corrupt system by which ridiculous I so okay, so now you're you, mr natural new england, nineteen. Eighty four near you doing comedy right you in this you're reading. This great life of a guy lives, waits right, professional, so what was that transition like? When did you hit the war would stand? Let's say I was probably thirty one thirty two. Ah I used to be booked like nine or ten months.

Vance, and then you know it two or three months in advance and its two or three weeks in advance, and then it's just that the gigs were started to thin out Did you think you that you, MR breaker eating you weren't? What are you a tribute, the this sort of yeah is where, were you know, you're good friends with louis back in the day right we are all friends, we all knew each other. I mean you are part of the crew when you weren't way. lifting it. Wasn't like you a parting with us or hanging out as much because he had a secret other white style. But but certainly I know from from being part of that and having my own disappointments in life after a certain point with stand up yeah, you gotta think of practical things, and what do you think that what do you think was in connecting about you. honest onstage me we had just in the curry chose. Oh, it wasn't connecting because I started. I see they too early? I didn't know myself now if I the the one man show that I did. I felt that was the first time

even though I've been onstage. Two thousand times I felt like my one man show is the first time I ever connected with the audience, and that was about a lot of stuff. We were talking about yeah, it's based on my war, so I I was coming from my perspective. It was stuff that only I could actually say on stage and it was. It was true. Wasn't the you are an absurdist, you know stand up right, so you are hiding behind this other thing, I don't those hiding behind it. I don't know if I was aware or that you knew necessarily how to make your life funny in that way, because the context of a comedy club, the very specific right and it takes a lot of weird courage and balls to sort of shape. You know painful memories. You know india, something that other people and enjoy at a comedy correct right right, because I saw you it sure is great. Thank you we're. So what the most trying time then go in terms of like ie, and there must have been. You have

the body building way. So what did you realize? What that? How went out when did you put the weights down and why I put them it's down a little bit after I put this. I put the stand up down because I felt like this that I do there very parallel in that I always to have an end game and would stand up, unlike ok, I'm through one years old. I just got it job on mad tv out here here, but I was, I was filtering my my way down anyway. My way out of stand up anyway, because, unlike I'm getting tired of all your writing format. Arriving from anti be at the first season with none and blaine house garage and op. I just realized that I didn't want to. Couldn't see myself in that in your twenties stand up is like the greatest job imaginable, rhine authorities, it still pretty good, but I was out seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm like uh do want to be forty. Fifty

sixty years old out on the road I m getting burnt down on travelling, sometimes on. I was on the road for seven or eight weeks, and we owe an you know. Same thing is bodybuilding. Unlike do I really want to put two hours into even in our into my body every day, and it's just what we're just getting me and when did you meet your wife? I met my wife of writing off bubbles on the tv show a blind date with roger lodge, for that was when you're writing jobs yeah here, so you His writing job was mad tv was writing job out here, yeah yeah, so that's a pretty big break really. yeah it was, it was a great break. It was greater, come out here and and make some money I wrote on all of the time green show back in new york and I wrote on the ultimate fan league, like a sport, show out here like a zigzag back and forth between here in new york. Wherever there is, you know a gig I kept. I keep myself even though I have a house now, a keeper

self, really mobile and really light, and you know in case you have to jump to right. Yeah yeah, I mean my wife sk as she's a sick comrade or she got a gig about six or seven years ago, a manhattan and we packed up and had no idea how we began for and it was easy to be fifteen minutes to pack, and when you, your wife, how your wife, both riding on both thing, we were both riding thought bubbles on blind date and we kept it secret, may I call you should go out with Nancy and why I don't know I just I was just living with somebody for three and a half years and in fact we got fake email address. As I was Paul. Seventy five hundred and she was Zz Zz. So this way could we were in bullpens. If people looked over our shoulders and saw that we are writing to each other all the time they put it together. So not only did we keep it a secret, but then we went to Brazil for three weeks and then we came back and we bought a house and they gather together.

Yes, the same house were still living in and then we went back fur and others the blind date and people still didn't know we were in seeing each other. Why did you keep it a secret? It's like sixty hour weeks, and it's just. I didn't need the extra pressure haha yeah and then you don't have children. Kids now, just a dog, and you did you don't like it now. We afraid of afraid of anything I don't want to. I want to it. These go down swinging and know that I did everything I could to do this shit creative. Should I want to do I don't want. I don't want to relive. I don't want to teach a kid. How to spell or drive a kid around to guitar lessons, and I don't have the energy for that year- so now. Let's go you're back up to the point where this moment Were you realize your dick. Because we are wended. This tell me about you, repetitive process that

it takes all our ferrucci hands, reluctantly right and then it gives you some space in your brain that you never before to sort of see your life and you- south in a different way. Yeah, slows down whatever it stops the spinning right, sir, what is the journey from that point on two to sort of change everything the joy from then was I wanted to. I knew that zoloft had, I think, the maximum doses like two hundred men, grams and I was on fifty milligrams and after about fifty for awhile. You know the fifty felt like I was on nothing, so I had to bump up to one hundred and one hundred fifty I needed to find some non drug way, some natural ways to kind of retain does all off com this, because this aloft, you know so before, If you are just freaking out all the time,

freaky out. I was very, very angry. I mean that the amazing thing is, I'm still angry, but I am like twenty percent is angry, said usually louder than manifests itself. So when you have to wait, that's I can see that's a very effective way to treat anger and I can oh see how stand up It's weird wait. I never really framed it that way. When I, when I think about you, did I watch that That's what I remember you we were edgy but like or even the stand up there there was a sort of. There is definitely a rage component under their now do. Did you, I have outbursts of anger that were of that made. You feel shitty Horrible, as far as I mean what do you when you say you and angry person, what were you angry at? I couldn't I had no reason to be. I mean Maybe you could tell me. I noticed you off. I could say that it all- maybe I was Maybe I was mad at god for dealing. My mother bad cards

you were pissed off at everything. What triggered you the most like any data? Wife, if you can't self angry right right rub road rage, oh yeah, yeah raw harm Road rage- and I can't tell you how many I don't when a call high speed chases, because my car has a is an old volvo, the others not really would hardly be ace. People really mean. Then what I don't know you just jason. And he would would you stop and get out of the car I have and what you do nothing he just got out of the car but yeah it's I can stood there. Yelled we're yeah like what the fuck is wrong with you, yeah stuff like that, and then you get in your car. You terrify person yeah, I'm for doing what changing lanes and front you or know firm that mean

It's happened so many different times. I can't look at only what the the the the what was their tranquil with their transgression. What was cutting me off in traffic? Okay, sure we have one of those yeah yeah yeah, and you follow that person yeah. I look. I've been followed too, as well. You'll have to justify I'm just telling you it's not like. I've never been followed, really yeah wow. and I'm gay guy. As I get older, I'm actually getting more shitty as a driver. She what and in what way I don't pay attention as much as much in parallel park is effectively as I used to. I don't know. What's going on real, yeah, I know I don't stop it stop signs the I don't go through them, but I just swallowed down. I've got three tickets for stop sign stoplight violations not blowing through them. Like I'm, not I just. I don't stop completely so case eu you, you chase people in your car when they cut, I think that this is what I'm looking for. Oh that's, one way, the younger man. If that's ok, I get a starbucks with Israel that is what the fuck now

I don't really attracted going to starbucks effect I can help it, but yeah, no long lines that in general drive me crazy. The way. Okay. So at that before this olaf, were you the guy going like? Oh my god. Yes, yes, I was, ah ha ha ha, yes, see you, teeming with rage all the time. This is something I understand yeah and the weird thing is that the the a carolines or whatever clips of me that do exist television shows I did that. Is so toned down, and so placid so mellow, because I knew that my rage did not translate into being on a tv show, so I would die weigh down on promoting with that. But but but when I was in clubs I mean I was so aggressive. Sometimes I can't tell you how many people not enough audience. I called comments or just how many near fights. Abba

an audience member after or because you weren't getting over now, because people are taught that's the thing that drove me crazy when people chat. front, and you know you ve done more- shows you. You know that nobody is hearing it, except for you, and maybe three people around era and everybody else's think thinks it you're overreacting, because it can hear anything so you were driving hundreds of miles sometimes into the new england wilderness, to do one night as it shithole right and you are, is teeming with rage, the whole fuckin time absolutely now you have chosen. It sounds to me that ok, so your less angry now without You ever spend time in actual therapy, no just for religion, I have a lot of religious issues. So what does that mean? I cannot go to church temple or any house of worship and law, for more than about ten minutes I'm going to a wedding or anything I freaked out my bag yeah. What

What do you mean you freak out? What I I freaked out, I have to physically leave if the like lay down on the path from floor. What happens in your fuckin body in your mind my mind? Is it it almost feels like I've never had a stroke, but it feels like about to go blind. The room becomes pitch white, any type of house of worship. Yes, that was A man of my brothers wedding and I ain't it because of that. Yes, we were at a temple no. That was the religious sir. I was of interfaith ceremony and you can. Ok see you in therapy for that? What is at trout? I was more, we would find that out our relationship with god. So really so that's spiritual problem? You have yeah, but it's also connected to my mother and it's connected to nazis and yeah. I don't believe in god, and sometimes I call myself an a stick agnostic, I'm not even sure from shore of yellow around and not an atheist

get it? I'm I have the same position, but I mean both, but you have a physical reaction. Yes, two houses of warship, yes, general speaking, I Do? I mean and she and I gotta weddings all the time and we sit in the back row in case you have duly yes. What no it but I'm trying to just get ya, tell me at what point does the feed? It happened. Is that when god's name is invoked, is it when you see Jesus up there or you look at a stained glass window or star David or what and it would depend on depend on the ceremony if, if there's like biblical passages- and if it's really get off is just like it just I'm a generic survey. I like a justice of the peace rather than that. Doesn't you know that doesn't now are you now, but I think another but which I haven't my rabbi that permits for me he also be converted and became an episcopalian minister like two years after he bar mitzvah mere two weeks or two,

something like that shortly after right, so that also put up, you know, sent my brain into a crisis, like what were wisely switch in teams. Yet not only did he switch teams, but he cannot with a book which actually found on amazon called. Are the answer to your question? Is Jesus Rabbi and by Christ alive publications, really, yes, I have a copy across me. Will you angry adam, oh yeah yeah, so you so the Jesus was nigh. You know you're on team. Your way right and Jesus was, as other thing exactly day, the other people. I gather a competition, have competitive spirit about that guy. I think right And he jumped ship, did you they're, like what? What day is my bar mitzvah valid exactly at not only that, but I hated hebrew school so like like to tipp physically make it hebrew school and then have roy pulled out from under you. I mean not just devastated me but by you wanted to believe, I want

two yeah yeah, I'm going to give it a shot, but it is interesting to me, like you hear that you can track those feeling she said to me that doesn't strike me as a chemical issue, That is a sensory issue. Its again, my god, you're calling perspective a perception that something triggers a fairly profound psychological effect and physical affected ryan when you're we are witnessing talk, Bible talk and you don't know what it is. I think it's just up ultimately gun to my head right now to say it's a fear of god. It's a fear of god, and therefore I goes back to your mom to Gaza my mom. It goes back to the relatives in the holocaust. It's just ah, but did you think that your mother was being punished for something and possibly yea, I'm at but possibly for being jewish. I don't know, I don't know yet a thing liking away the Jews. Yet why am I jus

you're gonna get you at yourself hatred of your ear ear, your anti semitism towards yourself right was deep. did you. Did you re ashamed of being jewish? Ah this weird to me, because I I could never I thirty you never fit into my am I jus abacus- are you- are fighting your bead position? What, while my my parents change while my family changed him twice so basis he has no might make if, if nobody changed their name when they came over from poland, my last name would have been dom but spelled d a m, so I would have been brian dom which again doesn't sound jewish. So my grandparents came off the boat from and then they saw guy selling fruit. So they, name: they are set themselves, fructose fracture, so my fee I grew up with the name, samuel fructose and then ass, my mother, to marry him she's. gal, mario, but we gotta do something about the name, so frazier completely made up so right

gauge he's like I'm, not I'm not taken that you have not taken a third area fructose, it's horrible, Was your mother ashamed to be jewish? Now I don't think so. I don't think so and I think my father's wealth he still alive he's. I think, he's proud too to be a jew. So I don't think that Any of the dignity practice. Yes, when they get older hat, he goes a congregation yours once or twice of a once or twice a week, yeah Torah studies in a hot stuff. You have you ever dealt with the field, the army. I know you're sort of your kind of boxing this in a chemical imbalance. But I mean anger, is a sort of broad mass fraud. Other feelings sadness, fear you all that stuff. Do you

did you ever tap into that to try to sort of experience the grief of it all, and I think sadness wouldn't be the right word. I I everything goes back to fear. I think I think in life most people's problems are fear anyway. So I think, I think fear based would be more of a more apropos plus the other thing about about because you mentioned that lifting waits is a good way to get rid of anger, but at the same time, via your when your muscles are tight, walking around like in algeria that you. How can you feel that that's why practice yoga for five times a week now on all of weights, but the yoga has helped like immensely really you because you are your muscles or long instead of you now tightened. Yet beware! But what are you? both on a day to day now what what are exactly your struggles that your need easing yet I live at eleven, a cul de sac answer where the houses are pretty close together her. So I trouble with noise.

papers, yeah and like nobody clean up after their dog shit, and the weirdest thing is when we bought the house Johnny knoxville was our next door neighbor and not only was he so quiet greg, but he cleaned up after his dog every single time. You know he's a good guy yeah! No, but I mean he was. He was quiet polite. It was great, and now we have these these people with like three kids, I swear they've never said that the parents have never said you know six thirty in the morning you you can't just yell in the cul de sac, so I have a lot of I have a lot of you: noise issues, but you're still in a day to day struggle with with control issues, enrage, absolutely yeah. I, have a very very have a ah I'd range of awe up a wide margin of error in my life You know I'm not an alcoholic greater. I don't have any other vices, but as forest Age goes yeah,

and in the need to control. I think it is due. to control your you're right. I started doing on medication and that this new thing called head space which, on I've been addicted to the last two months in that's, helped also an that's kind of what it says it's like you know when your listing the noises when oil do like what noises don't you like, and why and yet so, control could probably. toby be that you have a hard time with the idea that- and I guess, if a guy back to the god thing that you are essentially the horrible realization, about being alive. Is you have control over almost nothing? That's good! That's existential a fact? I know it's hard won the rapid rate of that yeah. You know if you, even though you can control what you put in your mouth and hopefully what you can do with your hands but- and I imagine yeah. I don't usually get into this much speculating

or analyzing. I imagine that to watch your mother slowly lose control of every part of herself without a choice had to be just fucking brutal. Yes, but here's. What and again this has gone back to control I think she did have a choice because net, not that you would have had a great life, but she could have had a better life. She didn't really care about fiscal there. p or doing experimental give up. She gave up yeah buddy, even simple things like. Puncture, that aren't you know crazy things, but she could have had a much much much better life. She could have gone to physical therapy. She could have gone mental therapy. She could have had it all gone on some medication that I have helped her mind. She could have had acupuncture. There are a million other things that she could have tried through editor yeah, not doing that and just beating the shit out. Your father knew he actually yeah, so I we through the path. Ok see you tap out on so off right and-

so that's no longer an option or you are a no, no, I'm still on I'm still on zoloft off, but you maxed out. No, I I got up to one fifty and then I went back down cause. I I I didn't wanna. I went up to one hundred and fifty milligrams back down to one hundred and it's still working it's effective. You know what I've tried to go back down to fifty and I feel myself slipping so go back up to one hundred whipping into yeah, just I don't want to you know: go back into or have a rage full state. Did you ever rage out at your wife? Never never However, at a woman ever even even priests, all off at the world, but not a woman at the. Never at a woman, nope people- you didn't know yes, an oak. or take me through the other thing, so you went to the I veteran the eye, vedic doktor right, so you still honour that eating. I honour it as much as I can, but it's it's it's pretty strict and

in a place like l, a which is yet are the easiest place to shop and and find good foods, and it was a you know it it's like anything else. You really have to be. You know when you go out to eat, you know you have to either bring stuff. You know, I'm not gonna bring stuff with me mia, so I do the best I can the tongue and what other, what other sort of actions and and if involved yourself with the level off and I'd, say that the things it help the most are meditation yoga, which are, is not enough. Isn't that like or trap people are like wow, really meditation and yoga help, and all that the I or beta stuff, the stuff that didn't work? How desperate did you get? I went to kabbalah the for but the two levels I went to level one on level two or join. I learn that there's just enough for level one I learn at level. Two is just like stretching as if that, if the mill act is just

like that. The headline it doesn't show up in somebody's stretch stretched there's nothing new. What were you going, therefore? Would you think you're, fine god, no just some kind of other way to us to look at life. You know I mean I wasn't doing it as a gimmick. I I anything I do or did either for the book or for anything else I really believe is gonna help me. I really believe, like the next thing is gonna. Just help me sure. That's that's answer! You see their cabello. What else I did karbala did ricky medusa its. I know a kind of Besides something night now they trying touching pull entered energy. Out of you have put good energy back in. back in I could do that. recommend that I went to cranial sacred therapy which actually helped if all these pressure points in your head. Yes, but

The problem is the guy's also at the same time sticking his like fingers in your mouth. She had a gag reflection, threw up on him. You did yes, I throw up on him. I saw him like I didn't drop on on the first time, but I mean I probably one there, ten or fifteen times really yeah, but but its interests there I have too many craniosacral therapist, but yeah. It definitely helps it's pressure points pressure points on the inside of your mouth and on the inside of your head and and on the outside. At the same time, Yes, it's pretty fascinating, haha yeah and in order for that to help you gotta go once a week or where, once or twice a week, something like that. I see threw up on that guy yeah the reiki did not succeed and point the energy and our nordic about you. Do you did you learn anything in Kampala that change the way we do things on yeah there's something called the bread of shame which I have some of my fridges, sound, that's how they have this thing

the bread, a shame. I think that's what it's called rio air. Basically there's all you! You can't expect things to be handed to you here that that's that's suggestive it. You can't you can't you have to expect to do to get good things it there's gonna, be you know if things are handed to you, then right. Sir entitlement is out and sort of inviting good things into your life and working for what you get you gotta, earn it yeah and there's some or some other things that were that were kind of interesting likes. You scanned you scan these letters, even though I don't read hebrew anymore. You just supposed to scan these letters and it relaxes you a little bit that it's a big there like fifty two letters or something on your emanated board, and you know that help. Maybe a little bit

any sort of focusing vr saw eye to eye vedic got a little help at that kabbalah. We learned that your don't be an entitled asshole reiki, nothing, yeah, a cranial sacral therapy was nice nice to be touched, yeah, yeah Zoloft. worked. What other one's meditation yoga worked up. Meditation didn't work for the meditation works now, but back then didn't work. I was I went to arm and a weekend buddhist of meditation thing and I think it was eight hour saturday and eight hour sunday, nea frolic, seventy box or something ran. I made it for nineteen minutes. Energy like I left, and then I went back in the kitchen and ice. I stole my back out of the thing like sorry about spending seventy dollars to sit on my to sit down for fucking nine minutes so yeah so that those a combination of things you must have looked around it where your ad in the people you are with me, couldn't just been. This doesn't work well

it was so I felt so constrained and on that really claustrophobic, but I felt like get all I felt like there's no way I'm gonna make it this whole. The and also the it's the people that were around you, like everybody, has like a gray ponytail enemy, as it was Keeping me out, I I had to get out. I had to get out so you like this. It is a desperate journey. Yes for relief, yeah for relief, yeah. The thing that that probably helped me the most, which was purely accidental, is a my dog yeah yeah. He is ah,

Nancy and I look for probably two years for the proper dog, a proper dog yeah. Well, we didn't want to get a dog that was too big or too small and had to have the right energy and the right temperament and she picked him out at about a pound and I'm like I thought he was deaf. He was so calm in the pound, unlike there's something wrong with this dog and when we clap and back of him and then he would like just turn very slow. Yet oh yeah he's the calmest dog and two stay. If I I drive with him almost he's not with me today by a drive with him almost everywhere and before I can have any road re cheaper,

bleed their smells something in me changing or he looks at my posture or he can just sense. It he'll scratch me with it's paw like a full co, op buddy yeah, but a full like three or four seconds before the eruption occurs and I'm like he's a dog, I'm not going to like disappoint him, so he completely mellows me out really yeah yeah. He gets very irritated at me. If I get. If I get irritated as this, would you considered a service dog? Ah yeah? No honestly he's been on a eighty five flights with me, rio and you've always registered yeah service that yet he sits on my lap before your anger problem, yeah yeah, he sits in my lap and I'm completely com. It's almost like it all you would you like a new girl for something in your on a first date and you don't wanna like you're able to, the dog unconditionally right and I want you, don't want to have an have a miserable time show you

We a codependent with the dog, yes gas and it's healthy. I it's it's working for me that the fear about that dog passing every day. How old is the dog he's a he? Levin, but he gets an hour of exercise at the park. Jason ball every seven days a week. And then like another forty five minutes walk in the afternoon like using green shape or how are you at at at sort of future? Projecting I mean: do you panic about that? I only future project. You do yeah, I ten not to live in the past. I attend to live completely in the future and always bad it. It's not great, but yeah. No, I I looked way too far into the future. I wish I could live in the present and or even even the past is sometimes better than to always be looking ahead.

the future casually. Your brain doesn't let you visualize a good future. Necessarily. It's always crisis management? No, no! It's a it's, not really crisis management. It's a it's! Just! It's just looking ahead and it's not taking advantage of the moment. Yeah! It's not like! Oh! This is going to be bad. No, sir, like I mean my dogs, ultimate outcome will be bad, but that's that's a proven proof. formula in all of our outcome. Yes, exactly some, vision of bad yes, and do you think That is why I now I'm I'm not worried about artillery now I worry about it at all. If somebody said oh, you can you can live forever sign here. I be like I'm take the piece of paper away from me: fucker yeah, yeah yeah, editor long way too long. Wait too long, ike not interested in living for my wife wants to live forever, but I'm like. I don't want. No now

Where does what are you looking for? The word is happiness plain to others. I am looking to just say what am I look, I'm looking to, save some dogs, lives and and just work with animals and and maybe make life a little bit better for some animals and I'm looking to be ah creatively stimulated that that's all I give a shit about. Have you given up on people? No, not at all? Okay, not at all, you think there are good people around absolutely no good yeah yeah, I'm not always one of them, but yeah. No, absolutely there's good people around yeah and you're in good shape. I yeah I'm in okay shape yeah your health is good yeah everything's. Everything is good and I am I said doing arm around you ve seen on the website? Do it my father we are. We ve been doing a cartoon a day for about two years now

yeah right now? He d he's a former artist. So Ah I sent in the text, and you know description. He draws it with the cause. It's called a frazier edged outcome in the book is called what hypochondriac one man's quest to hurry up and come down, and we covered a lot of that. Yes, and what's in it about. The new book is called over under and it's like gay organs run type thing about ages, em, it's basically to different societies. Once you hit forty you're in basically a different, a different area of town, so it's like segregation fur over. Over forty in under forty and what's what was the the impetus, her kernel of creativity that push hollywood you're, probably huh What everybody's lying about the euro are not allowed to tell my wife's age, even our friends, to switch just ridiculous, and I understand he's in tv and yet all but

You know it's not right. Nobody! Marble! I find myself almost emotionally Chris. Around the elderly, you know because I'm so scared you know, but yeah. These are the people that know everything. But, like you know, I get into a panic like they they, okay. Are they going to be all right, it's taking a long time, and should they be too I get overly sort of like I get nervous like an in. What's it question, do you get nervous? I talked to a lot of people in their eighties or nineties. Sometimes you know Carl reiner young mel brooks is very vital. I was recently with Harry dean Stanton and I was embarrassed because you know for some reason. I for an hour- and I was likewise any talking to me and because he's eighty seven and you know I was not able to adjust to his pace because I no longer know inward to really have an experience with an older person. You have either be close to your parents.

maybe you're the one hopefully still alive in in in in having that relationship. I don't live close to my parents, I'm not in constant contact with them. I don't experience in the the elderly. Very often you know just children have children, so I don't really quite know how to function properly, instinctively kind to do by. it's something we should all be on. It should ever be a second thought there should never be like. Oh, my god, you have that purse. Is really old. I'm nervous, I mean that shouldn't be mighty the reaction and I think, because of this sort of Segregation of the elderly. You know we are cut off from an amazing resource of of wisdom and sir I will tales in hand and practical knowledge about life, but our eighty doesn't encourage it right now I

I agree and one of the reasons our society doesn't card is because it's not a segment of the population and buys thing. So that's another problem. The ilo, advertisers, don't give a shit about them and you know tv shows, aren't gonna put you know old people on a harmless. It's just like one small role, but yeah. Now I I I totally agree. I think it's a, I think, it's crazy and unless you're like a gymnast or or a baseball player, where your, where your livelihood has a an expiration date like I'd rather have a sixty five year old accountant than a twenty five year old accountant know, you've been doing it that that long and you're not going to make as many mistakes. That's right. That's right! It's just an, ostracised once you hit a certain age, it's crazy and it's not just in hollywood, though that's that's the sad thing north everywhere and there it is perfectly clear, of all people of a certain age, they can't get work only because of that, because people are uncomfortable with it. Yet people are uncomfortable.

Sing, wrinkles in gray hair and it states very sad. It is so nice a year. Is really addressing that in a satirical way in esoteric science fiction, yet yeah inspection vonnegut. He Kurt Vonnegut to novel it's a novel yeah which is so much two more challenging than a memoir, obviously cause I'm writing it in a third person- and you know the other three, writer she asked? Are you you're right ear? Workin on that second book, you don't do stand up any more at all, run ever crave. It now I don't craven at all. In fact, any time like ike's, I see somebody, you love me santa FE, I feel I feel bad it all I've kind of been there. I've been through it in yeah, hey. It was my biggest fear in the world when I started this podcast you that that I would be an irrelevant. comic and ai weiwei, I wouldn't I couldn't have done it I don't know what I would have done, I don't know what I would've done, but it was not the life I wanted to leave. How many weeks a year. Are you on the road? Now ten

I don't know, I mean you know it is having an audience and being So if you tickets is new to me, I think the first significant tour was last year but I try to go out. You know fer you. If I can one night at you know, and if, if that, if I can't do that just for friday saturday, so it's not that kind of like wednesday through sunday thing. You know anybody work done work and fortunately, between the tv show, the podcast and you're the things you I do. Ok, You have to rely on that, but he answered. I should go out and yemen in in performed for the people that like me, but I Don'T- I don't know yet right, maybe to Adam I ain't, you is it I dont have any scan. I don't pay attention. The idea to me calendars, like our shit, I leave tomorrow you I don't I'm not a big future thinker. Yeah. I wish I wasn't a big future thinker. Man tolerable

somehow or other, I think, between sobriety in age and also yet just having some success at this late in the game. You a lot of that stuff. That panic is, has gone away, so what else you doing with the with the EU making comics what your dad right or not not to write on reality shows I imagine yes and what else you got the rifle esquire and another magazine. When I started a a video game company called our time suck media really. You and me, are you a video gamer, not really but on I've I gotta mind from college. Like the idea and we ve some money and in silicon valley, and we have this great gamer, ah, whose behaves like thirty years experience how to work for pixar we ve been working on for about a year and it comes out in a few months, and editors hits the market for what play station in everything else now works or what now it's like. It's like angry birds, fur

I found an ipad really android will no doubt yeah yeah, so yeah enter the marketplace and see what happens to the marketplace in your hustle, and you hope you get me at all plugs on board. lying or other have one of those things worth it's like the kids dig. It goes exactly and you'd be feel confident, yeah, really good about. You want to talk about it. If you can now, I could talk about it. The first, the first game that comes out is called on. So it's time, stock management and the slogan is there's always time to suck. Ah, and the first game is called the you suck. You suck the game, and it's just like this. This vacuum cleaner that sucks up you know sucks up all sorts of stuff. Yeah. All bogs are lobsters and it has like a looney tunes feel to it. So it has some like comedy in the actual fun to look at yeah yeah. It's really it's I I think so. Alright yeah they they've done they've done a good job north you're, never diagnose hyperactivity. Right now,

so you never one ritalin now, never never on a drug until zoloft do you feel like you should have been no I felt like somebody should have told me to stop eating all the candy. To be honest, who died the amount of the number of grams of sugar in all this stuff it put into my body, and I dont think that you know if you're eating candy ass, a teenager. I think it builds up in yourself if that's quite so easy to get rid of the book really journey. I take you through the journey of of living with your mother, with with the empress and and then the relationship we farther than the body building and then comedy and then they hitting the wall and ended. This sort of anger problem in all these different tat. Some of this kind of picturesque journey through a desperate attempts at at at finding peace- and you end up at your dog, pretty much yeah yeah My dog is aids. He saved my life. are a lot of ways you really as her yeah. If I, if I

and I don't want to say, discovered, zoloft because I I certainly didn't, I think, Tommy's hole off, discovers all authors at his name, Sure tommy's are what a guy. Now, if I hadn't discovered zoloft, I probably would reach a good chance was heading down the road of our being dead in well. How did you picture that happening rages of some? You know somebody pulling out Shooting me bad end of the year. The bed and complicated rage or a country again do a physical fight. Now I have not been in a fiscal fraud, me. Neither is not where these extra funding on you such an asshole. that you know. How is that possible that no one just punched, you in the fucking face not since high school, how many fights highschool, probably three or four uh huh yeah, when you were big and not that big I mean help I was never be at, but you had that you had that muscle in an emotional memory of this fighting, oh yeah yeah, and I even have that yeah- I'm not asking you to keep my guys, I think we're under

through our charm and our diplomacy when it comes down to it and just shit luck, yeah good luck, aids, all it's all lock up! I agree. I mean I also went from five three to five ten. which is about what is how tall I am now in between seventh and eighth grade. So I was always very tall from an early age and I still have a kind of it inflated. Ah and inflated opinion or inflated vision of how long DE I am or was, and in a five ten I mean, I think, that's what the average. An american male is now it's like. I'm certainly not big, but because I was a towered over people when I was like in high school and I think I'm a lot bigger than I yeah, yeah yeah. I envy you, your big, you have a big attitude by you, swear it about rages it once you enter it, you're not making.

Visions lot on anything other than that, following the rage, yup as dangerous place to be yeah you're completely you made, will put on a blindfold go yet No, what is in front of you or or there's? No right Really, I feel at coming up in you yeah it like a lava lamp, it's horrible began its in that its very d. Of moment, while I'm glad you get your dog man, oh my dog, is, is the best thing for dark and thanks that's. It puts a walk down the hill. I hope you enjoy their brains, tightly wrapped, but he sounds good, throwing a knife. It has an interesting relationship over the years and I'm glad he's doing. Okay. It was an interesting story. I'm glad

Yeah fine. So what do we do? Man wanna, walk a little bit with this rig here. Drink from my water puts things into perspective. I am not a mountain all this stuff's going to be here when I'm gone. Swear, we change over another billion years, maybe sound. We stand here like the wild they're, just an ocean of ice here Burma lives