« WTF with Marc Maron Podcast

Episode 917 - Neal Brennan

2018-05-20 | 🔗
Nearly seven years after doing an episode of WTF that never aired, Neal Brennan sits down with Marc for a conversation that is probably the one they should have had all those years ago. Neal and Marc talk about how the two of them have changed since then, especially in light of Neal’s recent comedy special 3 Mics, which mixed heavy personal stories with jokes. Now that they feel better about themselves and each other, Marc and Neal try to figure out what they really want next and whether they should be doing more with their lives.

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
All right. Let's do this: how are you what the fuckers, what the fuck bodies, what the fuck stirs, what the fuck and ears what the fuckers, what the fuck is, that the same is not what the fuck knows. What the buccaneers idea doesn't matter how's it going a mark mare- and this is my part, gas. W e f with me- mark marin, still out of town, so long, one so long trip about doing the work. I can't be Think about the work, but, as many of you know, I am in alabama and it's been we down here. I've met nothing but nice people and that trend seems to continue of a wood, but I've met more people because we're working in different places, and we feel that people a generous they're they're pleasant. They they how bout they have stories and they talk a certain way, which is a very, very charming,
I I'm I am I becoming southern. Is that maybe maybe I'm just kissing up a little bit. Not really it's been a great time by the way Brennan is on the show today, he's got a special there they put out a while ago, called three mike's by like many of you. Listen to this show for while know that neil this I can time needs been on because neo is once before and he didn't want me to release it I'll, explain it to you later, but we had nice very good conversation this time, but There is one in the in the in the vaults that will see the light of day I'll try to give you more insight on that in a minute, so I'm down south. I told you guys. I had to go to new york for two days, but I was down here doing. Doing the work for four days, and I was strung out. I was getting a little high. It was too hot out for me, even though the work was going good. It was just like a guy, It was a little swell. I didn't joined the four days, but I had to go
to new york to do to do some press for glow and I flew into laguardia, which I don't usually do usually go to jfk cuz, I'm flying from the west coast, and I had can't remember the last fucking I flew into laguardia, but it was, it must have been a a flight. I remember flying there when I was in college and stuff on the shuttle, I believe, used to go in a good liquidity. But what hit me this time really was? I flew in an gordy. It doesn't look like it used to, but you do take a different flight path in that the airport that I flew in all the time when I was growing up in new mexico, and we would fly back to the east coast to see grandparents or c relatives or whatever, and they drive in from jersey to pick us up, and something just hit me about that. Yeah I was flying in. Flying from a different direction. There was something was just happened. it was a familiarity that was
little older than than recent memories or even decade old memories. I mean these were forty. If the euro memories sort it hit me and- and I got off the plane walked out and it wasn't, but it maybe it was pacific to laguardia, because laguardia feels like it's actually in the city somehow, but I got off and I got hit with that weird damp humid coolness, it wasn't hot, but they was humid it was cool, but there's a witness to the air and he could just sort of smell the exhaust and the tar and they're just a hint of of ocean to it and it's a very specific smell to new york and something just it my brain, just kind of it with some familiarity that that is as deepen old as my life on this planet and I've never been that excited in recent memory to get to new york, and I don't think I had maybe a little bit. deal with being in the country for four days, but there was just something sparked up in me and
a few times. I've been in new york have not been that thrilled to be there. I know how to be there. I I liked being there, but I am ready to leave usually, but for some reason I just got locked into an astounding mode or an excited mode. I stayed at a new hotel. I we had the moment where I'm like that. Can I live here. Should I should I move back to new york and then it sort of stuck it's stuck for the three days I was there. I got there. I got I I into curly mansion was way I were also at the hotel there are, the show runners for glow hung out with them. For a minute I admit, the brenner mcdonald came in for lunch touch base were brendan, we know each other a lot. We talk to each other. What not only my producer business partner but friend you got to do so. We'll have some face time with your friends, get caught up and then later that, My buddy sam lipsyte, the novelist, the writer, the the bard, vassar at columbia, sam lip and I are old friends, good friends and I don't spend a lot of time,
good friends. Is there not a round? You gotta spend the time worlds on fire. Things are coming to a close search. Changing, maybe not for a better lot of people are dying, people are getting shot, shit is not being solved. Things are painful they may feel out of your control. You do what you can, but you gotta lacking with the people, you love and focus and feel it because this is it this is it. Man. It was just good. It was just good to see. Everybody was good to see the city felt like an old friend. Did some press allison said dell and I and wiz and carly did a panel for the tv academy. They showed a couple of episodes. we did a q and a that was fun than the last day. Man plain left a little late, fucking fuckin went to door cafe to have the air leumi eggs. Mats weeny was good. street got him down there. Then we caught up, and then he turned
I haven't talked to matt in a while he's been on the show. Now this is a fucking thing that blew my mind. Alright, look, I know things bad for a lot of people. I know things too scary for a lot of people, but it's okay with your life, you gotta, so I'm talking to Matt and he Me, like I, don't I don't always know my friends are up to, and I know map plays with everybody in these always got tails to tell about people is blame music with an eye I that he went on the road with the iggy pop ag post pop depression tour
Now, here's the thing. What I didn't know I didn't know that he played bass on it number one. He told me that they recorded last year's performance at royal albert hall. Now. The reason I'm telling you about this is that three people that have been on my podcast we're in that fucking band and they were all separate entities when I talk to them. Josh tommy from queens of the stone age matt sweeney playing bass and I m an eighty pop right, so I immediately like I downloaded in on the plane. I watched it and I I told me what I was in for in a way he said you know, I said: what do you play any point any where what what what songs you said were playing that post pop depression album, but we're also doing most of, if not all, of the idiot and lust for life. These are. These are seminal beautiful, perfect ag
records, where he's really using his voice in their dark and moody and beautiful, and I was like get the fuck outta here, you're playing those you're playing those and I watched it and I it was just it was spectacular. I mean because the band is so tight. Josh is such a like a so on top of it, it was teasing, like I mean it might be. The best fucking concert movie I've ever seen in my fucking life, and I in single out of, and I and I've talked to others like iggy was thrilled and he was in such perfect voice and he remembered like. Why am I saying that, like he? Wouldn't he did he's got to be like almost seventy and he just is everyone in the band? Is so fucking tight and you could just feel watching it that it was one of those so we're never going to happen again and he looks so thrilled and it was just beautiful because he's is anything or singing the great old songs lust for life? Sixteen china
o night clubbing success. They do draw their through draw their those ones the ones. If you have again you, you know, you know the ones I'm talking about. But what is this? great because somehow or another is the stage diving and about like your order. The way in these bleeding, somehow it he's got you Getting from his head and you don't you you, you see it and you're like, of course I mean thank god. I mean that's what he does this If he's not bleeding from something, is not a good iggy pop show, I dunno how it happened, but it's in your blood the side of his face, dripping the entire concert and he's just so thrilled you could just tell, He was having the night of his life and I m watching it. I tell you man, it's a fucking, it's just an egg concert, but I got choked up man. I got choked up because I knew that debt fucking thing: that's that was never going to happen again worth it. It's worth checking that out by the way, I should tell you guys to glow. Second season is
Premiering on or tit dumping it can all be there. Twenty ninth- I should tell you I didn't that the iggy pop live at royal albert hall, post pop depression? Whatever it is, you can you can rent it on itunes or by it, but I loved it. I loved it so Let's talk about neil Brennan for a second, can we so kneel, and I I go way back when neo I saw you know. Neo comics on you know, he's a co creator. The Dave chappelle show used to write with David movies with them half baked to be, but I knew him as a the kid brother of a comic I started with, and a guy that originally started his career You're working the door at the boston comedy club in new york, and I think that at the time we did the first interview he He thought that I was condescending and I might have been that you know when you meet somebody when they're young you, hold him in that space, and I dont think I afforded him the space to be a grown up in our first in
you here. I think that pissed him off and I'll have to to that. I mean I'll have to cop. To that we did in it. We did the interview in two thousand eleven and a few weeks after doing it, he told me to shelve it and that he didn't told me, because I didn't show him the respect. You too, didn't. I I don't if I got it for awhile, because we did we have a big blow up after that, but then in two thousand and twelve he was on alive, live wtf from vancouver. and and we we hashed it out- and you know, as I said, that the problem was really him. Thinking that I disrespected him that you, I didn't respect, and and then I thought that he was initially thought. He was being hide old and projecting. This is ears, equip format episode of us resolving the problem that the best we could at that time. The truth was, I didn't, feel a respect for,
yup and I'm not saying I deserve bucking. The fucking rose petals one of my feet, which you that's where your head goes. Your head goes this mother, fucker, that's not. I was like I just felt like you've. Had this pocket you told me you were going to put me on it very early and then you're just having fucking get, and I love the podcast use have guessed after after you get for an issue not to same wonder now, but I'll keep it open this is for insight right, okay, but there's a whole layer of you. Shouldn't have gone when's. My fucking turn yeah. You should know about. As a guy that's tried to get on tv, see now just just listen to just we listen to what he says he pushes out there this. This is part of the issue. I've heard you talk about club owners who wouldn't book you, as quote unquote: evil cock suckers. So
I know that that's when you're, when you're being excluded from something you know, there's going to be a visceral reaction to it. So don't act like you're magnanimous like well: no, they make their choices and we're all adults here, you instantly go to he's a fucking evil cocksucker. I try to wait a few. it's no. I know. Get getting better at that now so so I'm sparking listening every week, I'm like, whereas this book and invite come, and you have our comes, then we live while ago in the show- and it's like the aid. This thing and the kind of like throwing me scraps the biggest yeah, I guess that would happen a popular pie. Guess no fucking insanely popular way beyond where it should be popular. If you had known me as a fucking little kid is like a seventeen year old. I have more like abstract respect for me. So I felt like I was.
Was, I had to somehow overcome our origins of our relationship, but you weren't, dick of a kid I mean you are. I mean like that, like it wasn't like as, like others, ecu guy that I used to like so much. I mean you were a you know like advocate. Didn't you think was a dick, though in the nineties I dunno yeah. The list is: it's a fucking lot of dicks and like three good people, and I can't even remember them exactly three hundred people, most of whom he married well. Ok, I can take it. I can take it out of every I've. Never I've done two hundred and fifty of these fucking shows how many of the people did, you think were dicks at the begin. the interview most of them now I dont know there's only after the arc of the show. This person is a dick. Please welcome so, and so now.
Then by the end you go, you know what you're not a dick, and I invite you go, but next week's guy total dick applause brain there's got away from drove through it. Now they will on taking hits for everybody. That was that. But this is this. You know new and I since then even have gotten closer sometimes, but we, a mutual respect. We have a way of communicating. It was right for him to set me straight for sure I, and also I do want to Jeanette Niels, embarking on a national stand up to or called here we go with dates nationwide to the end of the year for ticket and you in fact go to kneel. Brennan dot com and also there's there's a lot of conversation in this. In this talk about Niels netflix special from last year, three mike's, which you can still check out new, should, if you don't know the concept he had three microphones,
up one he used for one liners one. He used for regular stand up like a regular stand up set in one he uses as sort of a confessional mike personal stuff. It's pretty brilliant it's it's worth watching in this is me, and yo brennan. This is actually the old garage, but it's it's a great talk so here. We are back react against. I already feel, like our tone is better yet, and I think that's why I wanted it. That's why I have wanted you to eat the last one in what's retail outlets and waited matters, its wait. A few years lets us. Both development people as art is a
with that, are nagging at a sober. Did you say to me the other night work as it was resident, but I dont quite remembered: it's like I said it, but it's nice to see you get successful enough to do act outside stage. Oh that's! Basically, no! No! No! I mean when he said about talking to you, it's like I'd like you to talk to me. You'd need like LAO right. You I, like you know as opposed to maybe whatever idea of me right, which is very difficult to shake early idea of somebody is very difficult to because you knew me as an eight in your old doorman at a comical ilo, but but I think I was thinking about it. I don't. I don't necessarily think that was all that. I think that we both had an attitude. I not think that I necessarily was putting putting. I knew knew your successes were, but I you know you know you it's other side me being the guy who knew you as a dorm and yes yeah. So was paranoid.
Suddenly you're like you're, going to be this fucking guy? You know he doesn't have any respect for my journey fuckin another day. Another dad in the other than to wish you had no generosity spare it about cause. You are on the same track and you would criticise me for damage. It is like buddy you're. You have the same thing. How are you shooting on me about it when you're literally were in the same swamp? Why But my like, I watch your special end, the difference between the amount dad and your dad is my dad was insanely needy was not. You know, there was not a. It was not a one. Sided shit show. Yes, you know it was a. It was a show and and then contrition and then sadness and then I me back in the obliterating my boundaries and just zorbing, my sense of self
So I got a different. It's a different dinner narcissus yeah, my dad had the the add the the added by polwarth egg. So he was now cystic, but I need go completely yo into the darkness and then was to you to start a rescue, I'm or he would have pot. He would be become Oh yeah, I used to write. I used to do a book about a bit about that about how it's how I started doing comedy my mom would say your dad still in bed once you go up and do some make a left, They were not the only one that can make him laugh myself lack, that's cute, but you ve gotten better. Since I last talk to you yet this show was. We can start from there because you know it is interesting format and it's in it and it seemed to work if you balanced it, but but isn't there so you avoided the the negative arts of doing a one man show being maudlin. What you see I just
that narrative words like I, you know I don't have to be funny. This is on his yeah. Money should all be resonate with right, emotional journey. We I, king yeah, you are able to avoid that the weight of that yes by it's a trap to make us. I don't, I think it's like it, the shows not that good or I maybe they're good they're, not very funny. It seems like a a trick yeah in they're, not around anymore. I think it was a way for people to to sort of showcase, the whole spectrum of who they are It's also a way for stand up. Sue you know, are not succeeding. More or or you know they're out here- would have done everything they could stand up. Why so now it's like. Maybe I need to infuse more of my sadness this, People really know me, yes, and a lot of them are just so sort of like weighty yeah, rough! There the period in the amid to early nice, for it's, like everyone tries to and at it yeah. I still think Colin Quinn,
is as a resentment against me for something I said to him many years ago. Ah yeah this has been you'll leave even before he put me on tough crowd, stuff cause. We I spell detention, but there was one time where he when he was like doing is his first one man show at the sour sitting with the ombudsman, and yet he stopped at the table, and he said he was doing this. Woman shone out again can hack it on the road anymore her. and he- and I remember he just looked at me like bit his knuckles says you don't know me well enough to say that yeah and I think that I think that was it. That was it for me and colin for life. Yup. Can you see, yeah, that's sometimes that's all it takes. Is one thing there. I know her strength. That's your really! That's your that's your gift! I can't do that if you can end it in one. It's like a game show where, like I can end this relationship in one sentence: yeah Second little information about your yeah, I guess I did do that, but but
when you were working on that thing, so one mike's through the jokes and those That was interesting too, because the one liners there are great, but you know be because the wave evolve. There's a comic you couldn't you don't worry. Do that type? A joke? Now there were tweets, basically a really does good tweets right. There were tweets and I was like I can't you know, if you have an act and you're building out a hunk in the area, then you'll go like hey, there's a one liner for one there they didn't match with anything. So it was like. I had all these excess things. and then I had stand if you listen to like the moth or whatever right, and he got I feel like. I could do that sure when you didn't feel like you can integrated understand now now. In cause. I don't think the stories are joke enough right, and I think it's too sad they're a little too sad or or slash real for a club right for a now may show.
They are. I think that they aren't so I mean your stuff with the even dad or your tension with relation? well, there's always a lightness to it. Yeah and I wanted to not now light yeah yeah yeah. I wanted to not be light. I wanted to be like I wanted to be like I remember it took an actor ass once and the guy was like you have to be real are, and I was like I will be so. Sad that this theatre, well collapse year anyway, try it and I did it and it was. The scene was great. I was like kay so I wanted to do the thing that I didn't want to show people, right. That's what I wanted I wanted to like show parts of myself that it was like these are not for public consumption. What's the worst thing I can say about myself, starfighter, okay, mummy cover let me come you know like in. Why am I doing that and like shit like that or depression or things that I didn't want to reveal. I was like those are the things that are worth revealing, cause there there's pray reason why I don't want to, and I'd like to talk about why he right, and entered to what end for yourself or did
it ultimately I mean the specials been out a while were a little late on this, but it sort of lives forever on netflix or as long as they keep it up there. But are you finding that those parts of the special where you share Family dynamics, depression, your own Cummings. Are you getting fee back on the lines of like me, I like people, the visionary biogas at first. I didn't want that stuff. Yeah and by the end I wanted it more. It was funny cause the applause like the everytime. You go to the one liner they'd be like. Oh thank god, oh fuck, I know, and it was like literally like, and then you get to the stand up and you're like fuck enough well enough with the glib Some like it really was a you would get tired of the thing when it is time we got to do with the one thing. The one hand you played was that you know you definitely saw you know, who you are as a persona young and who you are comfortably talking about real emotional stuff and then just the detachment from the one liners cause the writing good right
I get anyone could read those and get a lab, we go right. Will you I think, that's it. It's brave and but it's also. You know, like it's kind of weird that, like right When you go from from telling the sad stories that also envy out there Jimmy and they move me. I choked up a couple times, but when you go see see the way you just said that felt like I, I defy india and someone know. Do I like tat. You re one hour. Are you going to talk to me like you do in the middle MIKE now have I have always wanted to talk to you, like the mental nightmarish, like I've always been ready for her I've been in here, waiting to talk to you like people. Are you hurt people worthy ok? So let me tell you my issue than white. Why that tone you mistake is being condescending or dismissive. I guarantee you ninety percent of the audience, who just heard that remind it, tell me that wasn't condescending
Well, knowing where you are now knowing now? Let me tell you like, like what what I just told you about my father, who has who is also depressive, and now I know you are. You are depressive. I didn't know that so so, when I that which I have an empath for that she s so get around people that are a neatly depressive, you know I m going to self protection oh god it because, like in an ill just sink me, it's a trigger. Yes, so he is not even a trick engineers and well. That's interesting that you didn't sense that that you didn't sense that I was a depressive night in fucking, really wow, that's funny! That goes a cold board superior know that no that's! Why that's? What that's? What I always sense and that's what the problem was yeah. Is that, like If you are Wilmore weepy you like I don't know, highlighting cry in the fuckin middle mica me what how could that was because I couldn't me like you can, because you might not stop you, because the show what
I got it at once that way, and it was the end it was. It was hard like it's hard. It's really hard to come back from crime from red from crime and aerial than ever, not talking about emotion in area controlled way right the actually experiencing. emotionally. I got on stage at carnegie hall and I literally had to stop for a second, because I was crying just because I was opening a. I was onstage at carnegie hall. Shining in it took me an hour to get him, I think yeah I bet all knew me yeah, but yeah, but that I think that innately what I do is like, as you know I don't want to, I don't want to get choked up either too depressive together. You know- and I don't I I'm not willing to call myself a depressive. I don't know that I am I don't. I don't think I don't figure, I'm anxious the anxiety products and defensive, but I think more than condescending is okay. I can give you a compliment like that was very moving. I did on myself that touched like I related to its right, and you know it, it chokes me up a little bit and
I you know I was. I was impressed and happy and proud of you. Thank you all. I wanted that's all I want to be like from any binding for coming back. I should get out of here you validate, so we I go without the crying thing so yeah you do. Did it a couple of times where you da and you just can't even at the end of the show the when I do the cop one liner and and then I get applause and everyone is standing and all that stuff, and I the the interesting thing was, I would get standing ovations when I first started doing it and I would just go like I gotta get the fuck here and get off stage and that someone like you have to take that the annual version which I didn't realize you have that's not for you, that's for them to talk to you would right. Ok, that's an interesting that the even if you look
the I do, the I'm getting a standing ovation on Netflix and there's zero joy across my face, yet I'm still fucked up from four minutes before telling this like really heavy story, but do you find that, like one of my problems is, is that. from having the similarities. We have as I don't I don't I'm not graded experiencing joy, more alone, I yeah, if at all right or letting love in or try, adding it or again, oh, like I don't know like I've gotten better at being open and then I can feel it and it like I I'm getting older that my emotions, they become harder to t been, and I don't know why I'm keeping it in yeah, but that that's a that's a real issue. It's like I'm not going to give this that I guessed issue the way right. If I'm not gonna, let these things happen now yeah. What am I went?
and because then I now when I bet you can relate to the idea that you ve had this external success laugh every most. Your dreams are goals that give accomplished. and you kind of got okay. So what was I getting that? What was that? Why am I doing all this to experience some to expand? joy and he go well. I didn't quite get it with that. So I was a clear on that: will you clear on that? We use because you say that in the show I've only gotten more clear that in the last year and that I really feel like? Oh I'm, I that's a good three months is a good thing and I have done some good stuff in my life and career and like I don't I'm less, I'm less like curious about like am I good or talented, I'm like? Oh I'm, good and talented. Now what yeah so now, what what I'm getting at like? What do I want to experience and that now you stop
I try to hang it up. You know but differ like what do you do? What do you do? Where do you get? Where do you find the the joy well? Well, I I'm when you re when you accomplishing externally, then it becomes like languages. It's cute like his former I came in here cute again. It sounds kind of funny, but it is it's it's don't it don't take that kind of thing, yes, you were smoking, are here and playing a tar. That's always in my thing: yeah, that's it I find join that yeah. The act just standing in a room and adult man standing in a room by himself in Iraq by himself playing guitar ya and like with your naked. Was kind of resounding in the neighborhood guy. I find join that, but here's the thing for me is there for me the happiness joy thing was never the goal, relief and I really like that joker doing about.
Getting married, not because of le you. Just one would it be? Okay, if I really love that joke now it or member the joke it just. Is it like it? You don't want you want. Kids are just going to be: ok, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, like that, is a real. I think that's of a real force, a lot of people, think that's the reason why most people do most things yet is because they want to feel like. Oh I'm in the pack and I'm not abnormal in any way right and please I'm okay right, I'm, okay, I'm okay, I'm doing another joke now. Where did that thing? I'm saying about how people that, maybe you told me you came to the show and said that should be fun that will be fun. I've never said that I've never ever said that wouldn't even never out of my mouth, my version that is like, where is it yep? That's, correct, Do I don't want it? I was just in chile and they were
I was in santiago, chile or something and they were like, let's go to Valparaiso and I was like no. No, I don't want to fucking. Do any. Let me just get let me just a safe in my little core, I my little thing that I do and I'll just do that. I'm trying to do take this to everywhere to chill aid Tokyo. You know what I mean like I like your box. You like your. You can go out a little bit, but but it's look. You have a good time when you go out to but most things I don't I don't. I don't like most things, which I think may comedian thing like most things, just don't work on me. I don't like when there's a lot of people involved, expecting me to like it like, I don't like showing up or it's like a we're all going until all you and what are you and then I got to react to your reaction. I got like if I decide
a lot of times. If I go with my girlfriend or I decide to go, see jazz or whatever finally glitches, like I'm money, let's buy ticket to the thing that people like yup and all I get yeah, I'm I'm like a white. Why don't I do this more often? Yes and then, for another year yeah. I have a few things like that. We're, but not just the egg did the idea. the idea of transition- it's like when you travel, you know that converging on the point you getting to the point: the other all day. I m the way you build up in your head as this nightmare, and then you, if you reach, I read it, takes eight minute yeah yeah and then what you're there. You're like okay, I know how to find the fuck is wrong with me. Why? Why did I imagine everything is worse than theory than it is in practice, but I know with you, and I don't know about me, but, like I notice like you do this like I do this thing because I have a you know, body dysmorphia and, like I'm always poking at my fat and feeling like the density of it. I notice you poking at yours too. Oh that's, interesting! Yeah. I have love handles. Okay, that I find
infuriating I cause I'm really skinny and all I weigh one hundred and fifty pounds and I still have love handles with just skin dude I tell you that have you had a girl tell you that just skin yeah but it's a aggravating that all I would have to get to like a hundred and thirty eight per lying on a long it was announced with and even then, and then what neil you get rid of the love handles and then that's where I am with everything now like. Ok, you wanted to do a good, I shall end, then what you wanted to do was and then like What am I getting at? How old are you forty four five ten years on you Well, sometimes you don't like you know not to speak like some elder by later, but some too. I think that what you do with the three mics in cause. I know that I realized I like miss, can all the specials now with him. The three you know like there is the values that is, this can be approached with? No, I think that the attempt was for you to become hole.
right at all and integrated being so young or evil to separate these three things, and I think the ritual of that war ensuring that affect itself. That day, you will. You know eventually feel more comfortable speaking openly about things that are are the root cause real pain for you and that you'll probably be able to integrate more of that into your regular act, and that you know that you know the one writers are always going to be what they're going to be, but I saw it as a ritualized attempt for you to sort of own your whole being yeah. I also think it's a ritual yes, it is a ritual that it also is no accident that it's, the most successful thing I've done is helped by yeah. I mean I mean about it, but I did it with Dave said like the most successful thing, I've done by myself by a factor of huge, oh and in terms of exec executing execution and the way it was received, yeah and- and that's the so.
interesting and was it made me? it was more about feeling that the ban is was I the acceptance from the outside made me feel good mia You know with bad news yeah I know, but it's like a successful make you happy and all that stuff and it's like well, it's good but see what something like that: something that you have ownership of one thing I noticed about in where I I'm sort of you know us getting off from you on this sort of. What next thing is that the one thing I noticed about doing this thing on my own terms and then everything I've gotten since this yeah he'd, been on my own terms, is that it was for the whole was you they there there's the whole, but then there's also the the the real issue of self esteem. So so the whole reckon with that. However, reckon with it, you know, you know compulsion whatever, but self esteem is achievable by steam of blacks and also by taking ownership of your thing of yes
health. Yet the one thing they did happen was that you know I'm better a lot better in my skin yeah. You liked it the deeper stuff that I just morphine eating disorders right, but if that parental stuff, but in terms of I don't know that I ever you know. I think I am somewhat like you I didn't have the level of success. You did to get validation, but I really that, like what I started to feel was like, I feel, okay with myself, I think you had. I think this is a very successful thing. Yeah. I think the thing I think you've had more success to get validation than I have personally yeah cause. I don't they ve got all the points on right, but you know you made a lot of money and you had the media result like this is only successful, because I do what you did with three mighta every day, every week that way right, so I spread myself out made made myself wholly available for the most part. Yes,
and used more of yourself right and that, and that thing of like that, I have never heard that the idea that gets of esteem by doing simple thanks then it becomes. Why is it esteem of all? In our cases, it's because we made integrated pieces of art right yeah and we worked hard and we know our talents landed somewhere, yeah a you know that, like he now has an effect. You know it affects people's lives. Yeah. good weight affects the way people look at you, which affects you. I mean, and I do find that a little not disrupt disappointing the wrong word, but it is it feels it feels like. Capitalists are a little. You know what, if, like, that direct and effective like? Oh people are nice. there too you here, because you did a pod cats. yeah. Now everyone treat you differently is a bit me. I it's a bit of disappointment in human nature like I wish, I could have gotten that just for being a person
but, like I don't like I did, they treat me differently, but it's more familiar. It's not they're, not treating me nicer, like you now, is that certain people who have the relationship with me, because they I talk to you, twice a week now out in the world like marin, the I am like, that's better than indifference. Oh yes, ever indifferent surrender sure I'm sure it's always, but there's a cut. Kindness and also showing up in listening to people and having to sort of train myself in empathetic. Listening now, I just by nature yelling here, a very good area, europe than you ve done some interviews. I was a boy, oh boy, that's a fuckin, really good observation and a really good insight into that person that they probably never heard before or things that I've never heard ass plain in the way of his way. Yet all its Why am I seeing my pants through a experience in whatever, but like the one thing that like I, I think also that you and I I I don't know that you- you know you like
cause of what you come from a you, you're you're, a little tight right. Little go on of control freedom which you'd never liked. You never liked that about me, which again, why, Why does that bother you that I like control, I'm from chaos, I know I so why? Wouldn't I want to be a director and have things just how I like, but I'm not judging your choices and evolved where there's always been a little something about again you mark, you can take your, take the processor, the marin processor, the microscope. You can point at people, you can deduce things that I'm a control freak and you would judge me for it with no generosity like. Why wonder why that is? I know exactly why it is we act about it night. You know, I know, like you know the asia way issues and now that I know, but I know what it is but like for me, they're they're like I think it's, because what is it and it's not as you?
like in the one thing that made me happy about? The special is that you are able to sort of as much as you could in a public forum you know what go a little bit. You know like terms of like when you're talking about where you come from right? There are modes like that's. What was the issue with me I dunno waiting cried. There was part of me sort of like. Why is the squirt out a few? This kid, you know, is forty four year old kid yeah yeah, because even though you know that I am I lie. Also like writing me. I know you don't have mainly I like saying things. I love writing things. The way they're supposed. I like precision like my Favorite comedians are all pretty precise.
You're going to reign liar. I respect their accelerate like listed on your wiki pages. One europe dave, just cow is one he has very funny, might think just go as far as you do. Parity under my abiding had never no influence and I really have no. I am flowing. Oh. I have because I use it when I was in high school, I go to new york ia and hang out with care my brother, David tell my career and dave just garrett. Edison in the eighties and sky was fuckin funnier than all those guys Jessica was really funny. I guess cut you like it, what it is and what you're feeling again is really a just our personalities is not being me being judgmental. Is I'm I'm kind of messy? and you're, not messy and there's part of me of like. Why is he get messy like are on stage it's like he said like you, know, everything's precise. It's like I want to see him fucking lose it. I do. What I mean there thought I d crowd organization on me like. I can see that, but I I so I'm not my version of wanting you did. We have joined yeah, but that
your version, adroit, IRAN, Iraq. I guess that's again: there's places where it like the other night. I said some really funny shit off the governed state, yeah get. It was fun, yeah, good, I'll, get get tape, tape and, like It was fun, but it wasn't more fun than writing a great joke nowadays, a correct. I will and also I think, there's envy on my part, because I don't have I dunno. If it's discipline, my process is my process and it's it doesn't involve. Like a joke for me, oh evolve over six months, I get ago seat, but I would counter because there are guys like you who go like I don't anything I just damage is gonna and fail on my you. Do it the same way every night, whether you realize you're doing it, and I'm not saying that in a way of like dismissive, but I've heard guys talk about like yeah. I just go up there and feel it. So I don't say it the same way. I'm like you always say the joke. The same way, yeah, that's a, but that's my process right until I get, but sometimes I'm like I'm tagless,
oh yeah, so you know when you go up there and when he read it when he wrote it out, you're like this is going to start here and it's going to end there. Yeah, like you, know, I'm like ill start here. I don't really know which over here yeah. I know it's funny enough in the middle yeah to hold it's own yeah and I'll. Wait till the thing happens at the end yeah. I almost feel like there's a not a danger, and there is a danger that in that like now, but it's also, I don't want feel like that that part of the show's, yet no no I'd I cuz? I know as I'd rather get to I wanting to be good and then I'll add tags to the good thing right instead of like, let's see what happens cause, I don't I'm not charismatic enough performer to go like that. Fucking go up there drink in the persona of a little bit like now, like these things have to work in on paper very gus. It that's a different, so their yeah,
it's the way you are, you don't think you're charismatic enough to wing it. That's what I found a lot recently as people are I've directed a few and worked on a few specials of other people. Yeah people are really afraid of bombing and getting heckled like people, you wouldn't believe, are like really afraid isn't gonna can handle it. Yeah like they just our net. They don't even want a moment of silence. Really yet people that are really like. I don't like. No, I don't like that. I want to like king down. What does that tell you that people we'll have people or paranoid and their defensive, and they have they have the worst. They think that the worst will happen, but I I and relate to it. They are. There is burned me, that's like now. Every fuckin screw should be tight, oh yeah cuz it you ever got on a day to day basis when you're growing up you didn't know what was going to have yet no idea to get heckled at any time. Nowhere was going to come with these heads. Brothers are dead, didn't know who was where it was going to come from the sky below above you didn't know because, like
I try to do that, but, like there's something about my nature, on more later, I literally got I had to deal with something when I walked out on stage. There was a woman who was talking to me. She was drunk and it was like right when they brought me out. That's is where are you happy that happen? I left it in yeah, but was it like? Were you did you had you forgotten about it? Twenty minutes later, meaning like when you did? Was it like? I I find there the I I like things, I, like things that are undeniably you know in the moment the you know, like a lot of us, pretend like we're It can shoot up when something really happens in the moment. and there's a reaction to it, even if it doesn't involve somebody else, I'm I'm so thrilled you know that I'm that present right you know in that, you know was witnessed in that it happened like a lot of times,
doing an hour I'll, walk up, say one line right now in my new stuff that I can't wait to do, and I don't even know you know it. It's just like. I am excited about one piece, one layer and the like a lot of times when I write the way I write, because I think it's part of why I do it, I do, it is to make sure that you engaged in alive and I'm not just right for laughs, that having an active, neo conversation with this. with me in them and in through the audience yeah. Well, that's a different There's a part of me that wonders not like what's the value of that, but it is the its nourishing for me yeah the soul. thing. Yeah. Do you know what I mean like, even if nobody ever sees it, even if one door guy comes up and goes, he did a thing. The other night and I'm like oh yeah, okay, yeah yeah with yeah- I just I again- it's because I like
crave control like, and I would like that. I I again put do enjoy like both crowd, work thing or so. My mother said before that. Just comes to me, that's fucking super satisfying, but I also, I guess I don't pursue it, but if you go back, you know like this idea, like you know like the the with my nature, is with control is that I do have an innate desire to bully them. I left a weird instinct and anticipated. I just want to see them, lose it all over you, I don't know why cause then I then I can connect with you. You know what I mean. You know I care you get your shit tightened together, but like yellen's, he was in there. If I, if I don't feel like I'm connecting because someone has healthy boundaries- oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to keep poking until I wake Whatever I act as I see do that on on twitter, sometimes, unlike what is he doing, we'll just go and pick a fight with patent or someone? I like what
what are you have again out on ten, but I e the that's me as like. Why bring that sort of that is immediately fills me with like bad chemicals that I don't want. This makes me feel like that. You have never really bad, never one. When I did that and never one when it it's just stresses me out so badly, then I had a thing that you at the party the worst party likes to pursue. We had the conflict of of of of like starting the drama of some kind or a shit. You know what I mean like I, sure why I do it you know, but that their certain types of people where, like their their control thing, is just so like a like, have access right and I wanted, for whatever reason either I want to connect with them. Are you I want them to see? Me is probably what it is and what you two fucking reggie upset you That must be the? How is that manifested itself in relationships with women? well, that
that that whole thing that becomes more like if I can back in the day, where I'm not in that now, but where, if I met somebody who was equally, you know afraid of intimacy, but a drama written that we? You would cause things to cause problems to avoid just opening getting higher being there yeah. If you're constantly control in contrition or drama. You know it feels like it see when you're crying and apologize it's hard to get yeah, and it's also hard to get out of that. It's hard to get out of it, but It is exhausting very one: Eventually, I ever now you yeah, but I'm so yeah eventually get out of here. I'm thing it's hard to train your body. did not have to do that. A really how I'm doing it now- and I bet you fight boredom it's it's not so much Well, it's like it's more of a sort of like you want to put it on the other person. But it's not them. It's you. It's it's it's it's it's only! It's not. It's more of a sort of
I do like wow, what is the feeling it is. There is a it it it's it's it's more tension, you know I I don't. I don't feel like. I feel not bored but kind of like. I know I gotta step up to this. Like I know it's a matter, unlocking. Something in me do you know what I mean, but then, then what happens is right to I to unlock unlock it with this person. Do I want to unlock it at all? You The thing that I liked that other joke that you've been doing that I like, which is the thing about dying alone, or you have like this? The great fear yeah like what's one how is a nurse yeah yeah? it's better than then with your family and all that of light, and that's the thing of like it's people acting from a place of like I don't want it Many things have normal. I want to feel ok. The thing that everyone does is you die with somebody and I think, but you dive with love by the way the natives into people don't die,
with their love right, they die in there. You know, have work yet or yeah yeah or the other person dinosaur them brio that that doesnt work, but but I think the thing that we share is: is this fuckin horrendous fear and trust of loving and being loved right. So you show that Why would you want to have someone around when you're at your least controlled when you are, when you have no control just so vulnerable. So you know needy you. Why would you want that to be witnessed? I don't even know what the thing you're talking about the. I'm afraid of love or being loved. I don't know this. my only I'm not like you and I don't even know what you're talking about. Are you don't I make set play? I dont know if somebody said Amelia afraid. Love and being loved might know. I'm I what I think I'm doing. I think I'm looking for a connection with somebody that I like.
I just like being with them more than I like being by myself and I've had that for periods with people and then it something happens. It had evaporates. I'm looking for that long term, so the idea of like loving I want to not being loving or being tendered. I I am tender I am like. I can also be super fuckin, cold and dismissive, but I can so be tender and loving in there. For somebody president listening and all that stuff. So I don't know have got to the point with my fair, but recently where I'm like? Hey? What? If love, If a love relationship isn't the goal of my life, I spent most of my therapy going. I gotta be a better boyfriend over a random invariably, where you're like, maybe it's not gonna, happen yeah, it's really like, but why is that?
this like radical anyway, I died. I have asked the same question and why? What what is the benefit of me? Trusting somebody yap how much better as my left gonna go, will take her like a gag what is it's even word a word. What do I get out of this, showing my vulnerability to Somebody I'm in a relationship with yes, yes, but there's also the thing of like there is a cost to being a relationship which is compromise and some level of like doing shit. You don't want to do and- and and what's the benefit, but that's my point is that you know in your special you said doing service is supposed to give get you some good feelings, yeah, but that's the same. Is that you, in the sense that you're showing up for somebody else, you don't open way in an empathetic way and being supportive and loving you
we are doing itself was Lee. Yo is is supposed to feel good, and yet it has a history of making people feel harm. You better, but you know workload in, but when you say in your special like not might you know like I don't I, my parents were not nurturing, they were, they were self involve needy people fine. They did not know how to love. They did would not have said what your father said, which is the anomaly yeah, but my other did say to me. You know when you are baby. I didn't know how to love you and I'm like the right. Well, there's the puzzle piece. I was there, things are going so so I get that and so what? What do? I have for wiring us if If I was not trained in nurturing- and I was not true in being loved by people who are capable of a death? How end would yet they said they love. So whatever was come in at me, which was was like completely.
some will now be allows member. I would probably not love, manipulative and fear inducing yet that's what love in my vanity, though yeah, so so, knowing that that was in it. So all of a sudden, I know that I'm a guy that you know was not given love. It was something else and that I don't trust it and and then I don't really, I'm not completely sure how to do it, even with my cats a little hard on them. my dog when I go out of town yeah, the woman who sarah who takes care of my dog gives my dog a better life than I give him. Cause there's it's like she's above fun, mom, fun, grandma, right and like can go to meet her foot just that, I'm like nah man, yeah. We don't do that here and that so yeah there are times I wonder, am I at our you am I in terms of getting to this being this loving person. Are we just spitten in the way
we are always it. Is it too far a distance to travel in the time we have. We have now, even if we even let's say we have left even if we started at fifteen if they're from fifteen to ninety. Is that enough time to get to this this this hypothetical place. I don't know that many people that are in relationship romantic relationships that I envy you don't remain their heart that many relationships that I'm mike. yeah. I want that, even though we think about that. I agree with you, but a lot of times like as I get older, I realize I I don't know what their life is when there alone, you know what that guy's tellin me now. I know what they do in public, but with that of their crying or I don't know what I'm doing we you're talkin about the good ones could be bad in the balance can be better. You think I would add that good ones. No, I do think that we don't know in what we talked about with our friends is blown off steam a lot of time, you know, like you know how people act with each other. You know
But you know when you, when you talking to a guy in their like that forever. You know that you might just be the valve? goes how many feels great yeah. You know event like he needs you too. We are here that shit, so I can judge. But my question: is it What I feel now and what we're talking about it. I I know what it's going to take. You know. I know I know what needs to be unlocked and I know there's probably a process to do it now. What the real question is, do I want to do the work. I We don't know. I know we don't know what the siren says is freudian, maybe maybe ok, I think it's like it's completely you can track it. Don't you think you need freud. I think you know what I just said about my parents. You could say about whatever you were brought up with an end in the truth, is we survived Yes, I'm how came out with you over time a sense of self that functions and that we can be comfortable
but we're emotionally hobbled because of very cognitive things. Snap right there? It yeah did not only to speculate like have to do all this work. I, like I've, got a fucking seven year old in me. That is pretty. You know obstinate and you have doesn't trust grown ups and in that's what, driving you emotionally. How much have you changed as an adult? Forgive give yourself percentage wise in terms of what, from the age of twenty five to now just in terms of like my personality, I would say the most I see people change in a life is, I find people in twelve step groups, maybe change fifteen to twenty percent and the most that's like fuckin people
meetings and work with us cause, you you take out this horrible thing this this monster, that you are possessed by yeah, so that that's ten percent right. But it's still like a- and this is an every day thing you can maybe all to yourself fifteen percent. I think that with age and with experience, whether you acknowledge it or not, and with this sort of like natural kind of, for we not giving a fuck about things that used to be really drive your life, that a certain change happens. I think there's a core thing. that that might not change, but I know that you know that once I I argued out on sort of bitterness and hostility and hurting myself and and sort of being self pitying, that you know I was able to get back to something to sit to start back where I did enjoy watching people getting laughs and listening to people like you know, like my higher galloping alot, more generous spirit in the last five year right. The other
and I think that was a return to something that you I stopped when I was maybe you know in college. You know when I start get my heartbroken and started getting the the shit started coming down a little bit. I think I just locked in and I was like fucky fuck, you fuck this. That's what I wonder about with this love, this unlocking the love thing. do you think that we might risk r d? want that kind of potential peace? I don't I don't be here's the thing. The thing I was going to say is that, with the the people that are in good relationships that I know it's, you can tell before, because they're they're kind of if go lucky people yeah you and I are not happy, go lucky. You and I are cranks when people go like you guys are all communities you don't you have one, I'm like. No, mostly what me and my friends do. Is we call it?
other and fuckin I go crank and they may go crag back and that's what we ve been doing ferfitchkin twenty years and like maybe that's what my life is and there there's a part of me that thinks that this dream of becoming a quote, unquote, integrated person, that's capable of love and being loved, is a bit like mate. I'm going to be a pitcher in the major league. Baseball league really yeah, that's part of it. It's like, I don't think it's possible. I I don't I can get- or maybe I could get there from here, but maybe not maybe it's a waste of time I think, maybe not like yeah, it might not happen, but what? What is a waste of time? Your do his or his or like some steps that you know about the? U S hasn't been laid out to you why me my fair was sort of kind of imply that there is a thing that I that if I came more often- and we could do this thing- but I'm
I don't. I don't know man I dunno I'm looking for I'm really looking for, like some sort of magic bullet yeah in terms of that stuff, and I don't think it exists yeah, but fuck yeah. It would be nice to feel like some to just be it's like that line. The chair that that, to Jason alexander says seinfeld like I just want to be normal yeah? Why can't I be normal? I dunno that anybody is really yet, and I dunno that we really want that yeah. Yet really I mean I you know yeah, I and how do you? How do you balance the crank that generates jokes and the? How would you do that and be this peaceful happy person? I don't which speaks the thing earlier of experiencing real joy. It's really. It comes down to like as a strange boundary. Think as I think that you, like you, know you the way you
robin in in your thing was you know you had to put you put armor on where Like you know, I just was a sponge for garbage. You know I I it all permeated in my neediness. You know just new bat nodes knows no bounds innately. So I had to start slowly understanding you note for myself found resolve and in honouring them in others and try to have them for myself. It's like that. That was something I had to learn. So do you respect people's boundaries? Are you don't need to know. I don't I don't like it. I like when I'm in the process of like you know, we are creating new, jokes and stuff like lately I've been a little snippy. I've been saying some shit about people. You know a little old mare and behavior. I know it's happening like I'll. Take it added did somebody like. I don't am sorry that you know where I'll talk it about somebody be to somebody else and like what am I doing unnecessary and that comes from just to you know the the insecurity of creative wagon smoking cigars, I'm going a little nuts, I'm trying to
some new jokes together? So there's an innate thing that happens when I need to create right right. Guy got it. I gotta start hate now myself about something bigger way for me to get to where I need to get to the truth of whatever. That is because, if, in terms that the crank thing it's like the- The thing with other people are with a relationship is like. If I'm open, you know it feeling good about myself. As soon as walks in the room, a mike exhausted. Do you know I'm sorta like now get it now what I gotta deal with this, even if it's just hey how's it going. Am I you take on their energy, I take. I want our whole riding at some part of that right or her life force yeah. It's that's. It does standard codependent problem but, like you, okay by myself, I'll nap, a little more, upright jerk off you know during the day. You know great great glad to hear
but you have, but then then there's that thing is sort of like no one gets to live like this, and I'm like this, a prize when yeah, no yeah there are times where I go boy. How much better could this be going? You know where I'm like fucking, but cranking in my head and I'm like what is what could have what okay right, so there guys that are funnier than you yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So what do you get? So? What What are you going to fucking just park on that all day, so you're like is ruined cause chapelle in iraq better comics and like what is. What are the odds? You still do that Let us wait less well, I guess it's just like it. So what going to let that ruin my life. Might my thing more, it was is like with you, like. You know, I'm doing this bed that I've I've had around for a while and I kind of chip away at it, and then you have a line on mike neff suck yeah. That was the line that Neil got the line, yeah god dammit it
I would invite my joke five years ago at a much better, someone will does beat you too whatever it is that what the lie like a guy's, think that their opponents just gonna break out at any time you everywhere they got a porn site. That is, that vat, where you I get a hotel room, there's a knock at the door. He liked he we got here would go here it is, you know it was how you knew I figured it would come to it and some cash here. That really is, that's him level of stupidity in guy, but it's like a hotel room, big too, when I ass a legally year like yeah, when you are when you're visiting a town like they know, I go into these fucking like comfort, inns and there's this weird work, people there who are doing the right things at work and you're just walking around like this is a swingers yeah. It is. Well, hopefully that pocket absolutely. I am going to go everyone's fucking and sucking each other. It's going to be wild and it's never that nice to see that. Never never
while never opened a door in hollywood and seen some weird, no eyes wide shut thing in a far more human and It is definitely so all when you go back at like what have you like when you talk about your dad. Have you reconciled this shit. I mean like the like yeah, I dunno, what you're doing I gotta say. I think I I I I think about my dad actively very little meaning like it, whether it's resolved or not, if you there's something pretty clear about hey. I don't think you love me and then pursing owen yep. You are correct, use guy! is very clarifying and I don't have to be curious or one or question myself or go like, but a he.
love me in its. My the fault lies with me, could hide in integrate nope but din. Yet, as oh, it's it's it's really, it was kind of willie. I think how free yeah. That's the same thing when my mother told me that thing yeah, the that yeah, I did not you as a baby. It is like it's horrible bear like of that explains it yeah. It's like what you'd find out the reason you got fired or or or the reason. Why would you break up with you yet the moment they go cause you? When you came out of the bathroom I was like I'm never fucking up hurt or whatever you like, but it's more deep than that, because it's sort of like Well, this is why I am who I am yes, it's in some ways. They like this, like my origins, store like my on the ocean. All origins, Stuart eminently is comedic origin story like that. our all. This is who I am can imagine just being the tenth. I don't understand cause I like why I always like I'm not it's not naive, but I I realize that I'm wrong. When I talk to people in here and just
you're wrong when you siblings it's like white yeah, I want odds. I mean I've got one and we are ok yeah. You know, I don't talk to him all the time, but having ten in this idea that disagree, I tell you all good yeah, it's yes with the amount of that happens in family and there's like what's the age difference between you and the oldest sixteen years, so the amount of so my mom had ten kids and sixteen years was your mom good to you yeah my mom the thing of like I did my best. My mom actually kind of did do her best like she doesn't have the deepest well, rail from right, but she she truly does like making she hustles because, like no. I know to your brothers and I knew him when they were you in the younger. I mean I didn't know them, but I got a sense of who they were like. You know Kevin whose comic, was just erased
doubly angry, yeah and and and just compressed in in and quite honestly, a little frightening like difficult to talk to you and danny was like you know, completely kind of like no kind of just sort of like when I knew him at the at the strip when he was a bartender. He just he seemed different than both You too yeah just sort of like a kind of young not as smart and but but you, the us or open it away. Yeah like seem to have a pretty good. ability to lie Giles idea like not burdened yet not prejudiced, yeah his own like he didn't. He wouldn t make us assumptions here. Is that still the case I dont know cause? I don't see him you don't talk to him. Now, I'm not like or not like, I'm not mad. It's just like a hey. We don't have to there. Those guys are mad at me, which is you know. Oh, they are yeah, okay, so but like it, but just the idea of of being the tenth kid I mean
there is like when I talk to other people like that, there's almost no attention paid to you, I mean I was a bit of the mass got, though I was like a little while beyond my years here, like cute neil tat, but put a button on this yeah like I was, I you know yeah so I was like. I was pretty you're engaging the ones that were around were having a good time with you, yeah yeah. They were all my brothers and sisters were great yeah growing up, yeah, fuckin, really all to a person really good older brother, when your parents were together yeah until probably the two years after moved out. Three years after I moved to oh yeah, then they became then they realize this smoke cleared and they were like. Oh fuck were gone. Hold on for nothing I mean yeah like that. So so I was sure what a bad relationship look like. But what what
your dad do he was a tax attorney, oh, like a your tax attorney and a drunk not like a stumbling drunk just like a three drinks, four drinks every night when he got home and turned into a different person, yeah transform into a bully, yeah and thought he was like he up. He said like James cagney was like a guy, but he really admires right James cagney, but you're you're like stuck at home the longest with him like at that point, Has he retired and I was too slight face to face with this fuckin, so he had no buffers or fear. Or buffer yeah, then add your people are like really get up close with my parents. So right so, like as the day went on? Yes,
smaller house more, it was just more. Ah, it was close up magic as it were. It was. Do you know what I mean like it was like blackrock, invitation like that it was very yeah. It was a small, it wasn't a table of ten. It was a table of like four or table of twelve. It wasn't. He could drink during the day. At that point, yes, thankful that his schedule opened up so yeah. He could drink during the day and he would like put. You know: vodka in seven up cans. That kind of thing yeah yeah- so you just you- just never knew what was going to happen, yeah and dislike. What are you and yeah well you're? Lucky that you didn't turn out a drunk yeah, I haven't no in my family's really a drunk. I think we all were like now. That's amazing. I now we really ask is usually somebody, as we have other we're all
well. Why not all? I should say all, but many of us have a pretty severe anger issues right, but no drunks, no drug addicts either as it's all like irish catholic. Like you know it it wasn't. It's not you know we just didn't know one early drank, but that crazy. That's, like rare, that's like easy, but you should be a case study yad. Usually you got three yeah, a ten, no one out and openly gay. There are even like seeming. Maybe get anybody still practicing catholic yeah. He added maybe for their kids right by right ends. There can never released. It was some of them than the air nephews out here, but there are some more like thirty really gap cause there could. Might you know, then those be nice ray
I like. I have a better relationship with some of them than most of my sibling, brother and sister share, because it's just easier yeah. You know what I mean it's just like a very clear and it's this thing: where I'll do things for them right my brother's used to do for me. Do I mainly right get them tickets for shit or like get you the hague sent a money or, like it's nice, to be able to just like yea. I hear of fuckin get my uncle's eve roma today. Those guys can be, I dread. So how like we talk about father, we talked about. relationships a bit and you know you go to You know you do the recovery thing terribly thing. I do recovery and am been a little lax on the theory. I've been I've been lax on recovery. No, really I mean not. I just haven't been going to meetings but its relations are now you do. I give you took a year off from europe.
Yeah. I haven't been one in the area yeah almost more than a year. Is it alright yeah, it's the it's yeah, I don't it I'm not especially lonely yeah. You know I feel like I'm so behind on, like these fuckin hulu shots There are so many things to read and watch, and I, like I as a the the curse of fuckin being a comic. You never feel like you're writing enough jokes. I don't like ever feel, like caught up. No really ever I never had a habit of Adam have that same ethic widest feel, like I'm constant, like you, don't have a you. Dont have a full out like the norm. I heard on their anger. You have that ethical you'd just bright, whereby I guess I don't think of it. Like I gonna write, jokes too, damn sort of like headway stretching out. When am I gonna yeah? You know what I guess it's the same thing, but but what about like I think the last time we talked in you talk about in the special about how this idea and we called star fucking by things
you're being a little hard on yourself. I think your nature, you know, go to be in the background or you know be part of something other persons, doing not I'll be around the more charismatic person. I used to do this thing. I you don't mind. If I use you for my battery for a while dude warmer, my hands off your fire right right, right, yeah, that's right! That's yeah! I noticed that that was the dynamic that I was a draining needy person. So it wasn't goddamn thing yeah, but I'd be like you know, I would dare you I'd be I talked to charismatic people. I'd like be around charismatic people because it would sorta. You know: immature suck and feels good man yeah. But I mean I I don't know that many stars and I I certainly had the one, but even the people that I was doing them. Chevelle wasn't a star for the first ten years of our religion. It was just like this fuckin hilarious charismatic dude yeah that I was happy to just be like I stand near you now. Have you guys like cause? I know that, as you evolve into your own thing and you don't have
you guys, you know, are you reconciled or are you at the former yeah we're reckoned yeah like? I just did a bunch of shows and then I see them a lot. Oh yeah we text and was it ever downers just time never had a specific. post mortem. I don't think we ever will cause. I think, there's a pretty big gap in terms of under standing or interpretation of thing or wanting to talk about things in that way. Yeah yeah, he has been doing a joke about me where It's like you know, I'm going to write a kneeled, resolving self help books, but I'm thing about. I'm going to write, one called. Why don't you just drink?
if, like that's just like that's like he'd seat, says like black people, don't black men don't need to be emotionally available like there's? No, that literally, does not exist in the black vocabulary of relationships of like emotionally available like his sister said to me. Fifty twenty years ago, emotional availability went out with slavery for black men. So, like the I, but having said that, like we have mandate have, like you know, say we have a significant, a very maybe the deepest emotional relationship. I will ever have right, like my ex girlfriend used to call day my my wife write like this if the divorce yeah unsaid, sad yeah, your anger or love, like aha, said to me a few weeks a few months ago, he gets just. He goes when you're on your deathbed, I'm going to you're going to think that I was the
your wife. Now he wants that by the way he cry you jerk, that on our death bed I want. I want him to say his last words be meal was right. Twenty one guys that I get to a certain level of of starting this that yeah their natural egos here. They don't know that getting larger and I do know yeah. They occur it's so these regulations, like that yeah in their disorder, like they write, you're right, that's a normal thing to say he actually did say, though it's like, I told my wife that you're one of the loves of my life, so it's like it's it is. There was like an equality, yeah yeah. I know there is a thing I don't think he's wrong, but it's a weird it's I think it's fairly unusual in terms of two adult men.
B, you know what I mean. Well, I think that's why he doesn't you know I I don't. I have a hard time but like I always assume that I have more history with people than I do and more familiarity than I do like. I always approach things sort of like. Oh we're just you know, I knew you know you. I dunno and I I don't know people you do that I simply hearty when you start when you spend five ten years with somebody in a fuckin dungeon in the village. I think you know the are certain things that, like you know it. That's the the great thing about see an old people, from new york in the niger you we are you, someone could be literally like Kevin Hart we'll do when a rina visa and if you go back stage it still the same guy from the boston or the seller leah. It's not that debt.
There. There is that, having with a little differently not write like night and day, not like a movie seen words like so what I ve been doing. like you know like this thing, where there's a million you know he's getting makeup done or whatever getting some ivy years in the united, mainly out that there is a certain element of just like where peers were he'll peers. You have it in a moment I, member years ago, before I was doing well like yeah, I saw george lopez at the airport and day you know in where weight on the curve like you want to to get my women with me and I'm it get your ride home and I'm like some in the window who welfare through, I don't know that well, but I know him from the from campus and day. He has the guy like a drop him off first madam president, so you'll take you home. and I'm just sitting in georgia as women going. I know that yeah certain things yet like jets. Roared. Yet,
type thing. It is like a that's different, but all that stuff gets pretty human. Pretty quickly right, I find you I just by so you guys are good, that's good, and what now? What? What's the focus? Now outside of jokes, I mean: how do you do on the road good? Did you get I'm around to go out and see a c? I think I'll do. How does this yeah, yeah and hopefully I'll do well with a new hour yeah and- and so I hope I think I'll do well, you do twenty eight, as I ask and that's kind it that's. The thing is like I got a pilot that will save it gets picked up behind some directing yeah. Do I direct commercial still like direction commercials, its short term like a day or two work, really good, no movies. I point now now, as I liked worked like you, do commercial takes good money. It's fast. The ark with like amazing people here
like I wouldn't work with. Otherwise right and it's like you know, stay fairly, sharp here and there, but I like again. Do you know it's like? What do you wanted? The good thing about being a comedian? Is you can just go out and do it? You can also just walk. life can be walking around and talking like, socrates, it's about its walk into the know? Pretty amazing yeah. It's pretty amazing! So, like this idea of doing all this other stuff it gets to that question of like for I like what am I, what am I trying to induce in myself? What feeling am I trying to induce cause? I find that having a series of some kind, I just did a pilot and it was like. Oh, this is so stressful, like it wasn't fun You know like isn't likely, and I understand you're saying cause I I relate to it but like it seems that.
It seems like okay. So, like there's this element of of we stand ups. We do this immediate gratification thing and it's tie in the sense that you know we can just go walk around with our notebook and when we travel we have one bag and maybe the openers, a local guy. Whatever you know, you learned not to do that, but, like I keep hearing from like directors and actors in people like there's this idea of, why don't you have the storytelling element? worried to tell why get a guy like I can't separate myself from my creative output. I can't say, like I'm, going to write a story about a guy named Ralph who works at a copy shop. I don't. I don't think that way: right, but you had experience with yeah. I also think that yeah, but I think that I have those out I can go to the site, live and write us any weak. I literally of an open door, so I have a sketch idea. I go. Do it there go to the daily show I did set might like theirs. I know all these well, I can go there, Don't just say I got an idea, you you want it
were all right it and the other for the week in russia and what are my did when dave hosting they did with his ease hosted, and I find that I don't I've done it and I find it fawn and size via just find that the gratification of stand up is way more direct. Like I interpret the things that I like to consume, I've like sketches, and I like late night comedy I like monologues, I like desk pieces, I like that you can do in a week yeah I just like. I just naturally like that stuff. I don't watch any series. You ve, got a movie and yet even find there like. By exploring these other elements yourself in managing the darkness, publicly yeah, maybe there's a narrative that has some human.
Indian and emotional heft to it, that you might want to, I don't see that's the thing is, I feel, like I told it in the right way. You know what I mean like I say. If you know I feel, like I told them the right way. Here's the other thing I movies are, you're spending a year or a year and a half on something that may not work. I know I I hear it all the time. I don't know how people do and and if you're doing it with people, you don't know you can just not like them that much like getting like fuck right and- and I just find it's such a crapshoot and it's such a is it really overtakes life and it can be thrown off by, a star or a studio, jackets. Fine, just these weird things. Now it's it makes it such a big emotional risk for not much of a payoff to me. I'm not. I always think that when I outer, unlike when people right now, six years on this thing, yeah I didn't get into the festival. Yeah like
man, I'm really sorry! I was point like imagine if you made a movie with a dolphin and then it fucking bombed you to go to a fuckin pool everyone and get the dolphin it'd be scared like just the fucking, you don't even get the yeah so like I find that the things I like doing are short term things with people I like so I'll work on you know, dave, has higher level work and am a help rock with his special like I dislike to ensure in all right, my only have broken the new special. Yet while the punch up the little boy but mostly just more like style near like what he was sort of what he was doing and structure structure little bit. The apple more performance in and making the sort of divorce stuff mean some cause at one point, it was kind of russian thrown out
do you want to sit in the feeling that- and I was like- hey man- you got a you got a fucking, you got to do it yeah. he also has the thing: if he's done five hours so or six hours ass, like I know the rhythm I know the rhythm, I know the difference. Yeah I know looks like yeah. You might want to evolve it a little bit yeah and I think I I think he did a little no good so and you get paid for that yeah but like yeah, but it's yeah, but it's not just sort of like it's a that's a service, yeah yeah yeah it wasn't it wasn't it was. It was based born out of friendship, but just like yeah you're going to give me some money, I'm a producer on the special it's good, but but yeah like I disliked doing as short, I just don't want to get super invested in a thing. That is a failure cause, not my fault yeah. It makes doesn't work cut it for because,
someone else and I know, and I can go fuck the was it like. You know right and also be I find that the way media is now there's so many show was that unless this thing is amazing, I even take it out of the barn. Oh yeah yeah, because I get how you're going to find audience. Yeah yeah, like there's so many out there just out there that yeah there's so many people, stan you go and you want to go, I'm never get. I I'm happy you're working really I'm happy before work, india and their use in all their faculties to write this thing, and I don't have the time or interests to watch it via like eyes, I'm very sorry that's just not my thing and it's a big it's just. I find it kind of diminishing returns for a huge you know. Doing a series is a huge. Physical, oh yeah and mcgann. I lied wine that deal that wasn't watched them
and now on one that is watch, but I don't have the young Where you don't have to worry about one: have men yeah, you don't think about. When you leave you, I wonder I hope they got it of the garden. I care what times my call them or yeah. I got a day off, grant the fantastic yeah, I mean yeah cause. I see you get, I see you get applause from the show and I might never fucking watch nature you're never going to watch it. My show glow yeah I never. I never wants the other one. I just don't why don't like? I don't I like it. I like the car, I explained, and I like document are so be way more likely to watch documented than I would have serious the I am I dunno, what to watch always but yeah. So that's the thing is I'm like what do I I the thing when you do something like you want to be big, wanted to have died, but you also wanted to fuckin mean somebody. I I put all this meaning and do it right, but a lot and the thing that you put meaning into is this. I think you put.
is more meaning into this than anything. You do well sure yeah. That's and thankfully me you got the right cultural breaks here and you got. The adage is low that's a real and when it doesn't yeah it might t2. You know I mean those are the things it was always the thing and then they did fortunately sort of feed each other. You know I was able to build an audience and like I can that's the other thing. Ultimately, this thing like you know I I love it and it's it's king today and I like talking to people and in its it's a great thing but like I can. I know I've gotten better at this, but I can also see like I know my last special was the best thing I've done like. I know it yeah and I can see that like us like it, We came down to sort of taking responsibility. you know not, unlike you do, but for me to sort of like I hears a set liked it for me to crunch in on this like I didn't like coming into it, I'm like what the fuck am. I always have. This idea try going to scam scrambling, but it's like when it came down to it.
from an hour and a half to like seventy with callbacks leaned it up. I know how to craft the fucking yeah and I'd. Never really like. I didn't coming into it, unlike what the fuck am. I always have this idea like onto scum scrambling, but it's like when it came down to it and why I put it together again and that national that's going to call back there it's the my love of precision right. I buy something really satisfying about that, our relative to your age. We all have our red fuckin linked it definitely yassin, and like that's just to me that this long term a better thing. I definitely feel better about that and I think that, if anything were both saying is that we worked on time things and we're good at them. Now. Yes, yes and isn't it, it is really freeing it is. You know I d always use the word unfortunate, but its very freeing in that, like the thing it use fit, having one
three mikes yeah, you think more of me. Now. I think more of you yeah. You know you better yeah. You know me better and good. I always watch know. I always watch you. I know you're good, okay, I mean you know I always were respect your jokes. I laugh Adam I'm jealous of em. I dont have never had a full marin spectrum. Yeah I yeah. I got em all when yeah you got all of the reaction. They got all the mare and mics yeah yeah yeah, let's see, but that there was a time where, like that, just that one porno line where I would have been like da fuck him, god dammit yeah, fuck the dead, like, would have been like it's kind of my job, He thought yeah yeah. No, I wouldn't blame you, but now having done it in vr, it's like everyone talks about porn. I talking and we're all going to hit something, but it was just that that was the beat that beat was the beat the
You know, and I can appreciate it and tell you. I appreciate it and be like that. That's great and laugh at it and tell other people that think it's funny, as opposed to like the fuck new york and he's got this joke. wanna talk about it, but yeah yeah yeah, look with that is. We are good at a thing and it's it. It allows both of us to relax a little bit yeah and hopefully be nice nor can we are. I may be the other joy, let loving thing: yeah policy yeah, that's a lot of other here, Thanks man, got one more show here I got one more show from your. Maybe two I don't know I'm hot sweaty talk to him. I want to remind you that the pod swag dot com is the new. hi sweaty, one more show here, I got one more show from you. Maybe two I dunno I'm hot sweaty chubby, but it isn't going to stay. That way
things pass, boomer live the one
Transcript generated on 2022-07-19.