Ok, hey it's mark and dumb. I haven't been too. Available lately. But I imagine most of you know that. That Lynn Lynn Shelton died at about twelve forty five m. Ah Numb Saturday morning is my partner. She was my girlfriend she's, my friend and I loved her. I loved her a lot. Is she loved me and I knew that.

And I don't know that I'd ever felt, but I felt with her before I do know Actually, I did not, I have not, and I was getting used to love in in the way of being able to accept it. And show it properly in an intimate relationship. Oh so comfortable with this person with Lynn Shelton and I and I'm not really that comfortable. Emotionally or otherwise, but I was I was able to exist in a state of self acceptance because of her. Love for me! I made her laugh all the time.

And she made me laugh and we were happy we'll. After what we played crazy AIDS, we could food together. We traveled, we wrote. After our talk more about things we did together, but I just wanted you guys know is the last time I To you, I thought she had like struck throw she thought she had strap throat he went immediately. She went immediately got a covert. Nineteen testing was negative and she met with, doktor on line, and you know we treated it. I strap throat. You know an on Thursday. I said he we got. You know we ve got to go in with God. I dont know why this fever isn't going down it's you, appointment to go in the next day. Sure you're gonna go the doktor for blood tests on Friday.

And then the middle of the night. I heard her perhaps in the hallway, on her way to the bathroom and I got up and she was on the floor words. She couldn't move. She was killed she but delirious a bit. Called nine one one they came it got her, and that was the last time I saw her alive was on the floor being taken away, then the course of the day. There is never any good NEWS she got. There she was anemic. She had loved pressure. She had in time a bleeding. I don't go into details about that day, but age tried very hard to hospitals were amazing, Ed they eventually had to let her go. They tried everything they could. They took her of life support and she passed away.

I call the ambulance at around five in the morning on Friday by twelve forty five, Hey I'm Saturday, she was gone. And I went over there. They let into the hospital after she died to spend some time with her, and I did I told you I loved her. He touched her forehead and I left and now this process is happening. She was an amazing woman. She precedent duration to so many people, so many people loved her. She was very determined artist who just needed

put her expression out into the world in any way tremendous love for people for her friends. For for her son, Milo. My relationship with hers, I can't even explain it, but I gotta tell ya it. No what's got anything bad say about lids Shelton, that's for fuckin sure she was amazing. Her movies were amazing. They are amazing of work where there have everyone, worked with their loved. It. And everybody's reaching out to me now, and it's really helping it. I'm so glad that that win so well loved, because people are like love with you with me a day that guy's ok has as the grey he I do it. So this is what we do here at diabetes

The podcast, when somebody who has been on the show passes away. We repose the episode we take it from behind the pay one reposted notches, you're out of reach, factor in memorial, but as a a portrait of a purse a reminder array connection with an artist. A reminder of of who they were when they were vital and alive and connected in expressing themselves in talking about who they were and how they express themselves. Just that audio portrait of that time and I talk to win this. The first time I met her was in two thousand and fifteen August August is wanted air two thousand fifteen. I didn't know her and she had been offered to beyond the show before. But I was nervous because I knew she had some affiliation with my ex wife and I did not know. If she was friends with

ex wife or what that would mean, or I didn't know anything but I needed it after I saw some removes I wanted to talk to. I was curious about it, so I said: ok, let's try. Let's try it on a talk. This link Shelton, I want it. Meet this link Shelton, but I know what to expect. At the time she was married- and I was with somebody but at this point. When I have this conversation, its undeniable that we connected my connection with her- is almost seamless. There was no. I have no self consciousness really well the third I'm I'm totally comfortable, even in my mental ridiculous The whole arc of me infantile, ridiculous, to come. Dickie Shelliness,

I was just always better. I was definitely a better person when I was engaged with her as a comic as a guitar player as a human. The lover as everything I was better in Lynn, Shelton Gaze as an actor, and she was so great, but this is Oh, you can witness. You can bear witness to this this is me meeting when Shelton really for the first time in two thousand and fifteen August Enjoy it, you should enjoy it

you know. I should be the same ass tat. I, like your movie stay. I do I'm hoping you might know. I do and I watch one this morning, which one touchy feely. Ah I've seen my three. I think three on three Eddie, I didn't see the big shot movie with big shots in it was now now Lynch outlines a big shot, hey area, the stairways. Might you know who is most excited and jealous about me doing around come with me your nightly Emirates, just wondering

are you kidding? I would love to do that. I wish you'd have so much fun. I was like I was were selling out me like what are you going out whatever you know, I know I really would like my operating aid. If the question you ass, though well worth your site, I was wondering what it was a first movie, I've ever directed that I didn't write and I was like. Is it going to feel like one of my movies? You know like what am I doing it sort of new territorial, much bigger budget than I've worked with, although it could have done so much tv? I was comfortable with all the trailers. Tough, but still you know, it's like a different thing for my maybe my babies and I'm here we may be thought grey areas Giving back to doing your old city are things whatever I came from a very, yeah- this is going to be greater than the guy was not done that exactly, but who I think it's dined here. You know young too, oh yeah yeah absolute. What you want to try everything he he's a great guy. He is

Here we are in Chicago you're, taking my special at the VIC and Bobcat was directing it go TWAIN we just call Joe, we met many markets. Are there by the way. I know them added. No, you know you're from Seattle, we ve been around, there might be a company's I've got someone who I don't know you. You only knows bobcat, but but we call Joe and we're like. We want some backstage its mynors near some. Like you just some stuff you around these, like yeah yeah, come down, save a shooting on both you just wandering around with me are being just wander awesome, but ok we differentiate, then between like selling out in and is doing television as all the television you do like on the level of artistic and creative expression that you need, all God and know the tv directing is was always meant to be. Ah, you know as a way to pay the rent.

The bills while I, while I so give me the freedom that I can continue to make Kenya independent stuff, here's the thing: over that television. It keeps me on. This But like I love being on Serbia, I love directing my love directing actors. You do love. I live for that It's my favorite thing working factors, notes fantastic and when I do my own movies, I'm, like you know my my for a long. While there were men, I made six movies in nine years. You know fourteen months between them, that's not allowed time in inserted filmmaking you not a pretty good rule making use in director years. Swan Berea aside boys, making new sleeping camera me with anything thought, but on that, but even so that's a year's over a year that I'm not sat so tv gets me onset and as long as I'm really really lucky, because I've worked and all these shows where people like each other and their work is fun and

good and well, and I get to work with people that, but he I've made that had a revelation. I think you'll appreciate. Okay, we not probably why Ray I like revelling kind of obsessed with a little bit with chopped this show, and you just coming into that kind of, am I'm a little late relate to the party I really yeah. I mean you have asked whatever a couple years we're here, but all sort of binge watch it when a cannon- and I realized Rarely recently, oh my god. This is why I love television because it's like chopped it's like I come in, and I'm given my best had been ingredient, the aisle where I got a script, I'm just handed as wrapped. I'm handed a bunch of caviar years accrue right, you ve, never man. Right now and again I knew not familiar with total yeah lullabies leaves I gotta make the best new rail and it's real it really that really is it it's of integrating and it's fun. But I'm not the you know admiral of the fleet and the captain the ship rise. You know, the writer is the king sure in Tv

and I got to say you know in Seattle. Theirs is great filmmaking community examples where I live, and there are a bunch of filmmakers. All the crew, that of crude my films and all the other filmmakers. Those are my bides like those are everybody that yeah. I hang it with. I love never lived down here now. I just I just you know, come down to my little key Solon, Thea Spencer, working and then go back up your from Seattle yeah, reading the owl really really really kind of obsessive. We love Seattle, yeah and wiser in time there are no that place spend time. I got an act from them. Ah, you relax. Yes, I do and that that's it It makes me feel really dumb too, because I worked with your expert quite a while, they just recently. Somebody pointed out to me that she was your ex eyes. You know I'm not volunteer at an up, and I don't really. I noted the deep google it, we have been in the throes of developing a film and then and now she's kind of going back in

We working really worrying yeah yeah, that's a good story, Mason Amazing story, and you know that whole area did you grow up. In that word, you grow up. I got out. I grew up in a very white part of town. All as I moved around various I mean most. Seattle is very, very white. What part well. Let's see I was right. And when I was in, school. I was living in maple leaf and then Wedgwood yeah and Ravenna yeah, so kind of where is your old man work more glowing or something new oh, no, I'm never had that connection. My dad is, lawyer. Turned into a mediator. He's now been doing mediation, which people that won't even better leave each other economy now like like disputes,

We an insurance company, right, rail and grieved for something like that and at its more diplomatic, it's nice and minded it is interaction. Cheaper, avoids a rod of yeah. It's great instability fills a Israel really good at it and fills really interesting. I didn't think that I had a real connection to what my parents you here until you know and then a real is actually well. Ok. That's like a people, person thing and you know the able to collaborate and studied at it and then my mom set out retrofitted that one day I am like him. I work with many people in a disciplined attic and these revelations come to me a little I'm a little at a late hour, my their trial. If right, I don't like it is actually because there's no, you know artsy Pharisee stuff going on with them by, but his two brothers are, one is a poet and one is doktor actually lives down here. So I was

but I doubt if I strongly with them, you know in my mom is the same way. She's got an peachy and developmental psychology and ended up working in administration, early childhood education funds and all you know have also created after me. It you know it is, and then the psychology thing like those are my favorite classes in cars address, I wanna know how people work and how they taken Watson, I can buy your movies. Is that you're gonna hit our anybody over the head like they like? I always in a crying for some reason: touchy Poleos squirt. Now too this morning, and I then I desire that means to meet Riley yeah, just pious man- yes, it's like it? It's a at first, you like ways you mentally challenger infantile, but then he rises justice, weird kind of we emotional but closed the it's hard to be. Closed off and highly emotional, as it turns out yeah. But but he does it by his chasing after he's a really interesting actor. I mean he's the kind of guy. If you start digging into his film,

failure tends to play these supporting. Character? We as an ranges insane. I want those guys Rio go back, I you know I gotta, namely one by unaware from exactly yeah yeah, and you find these some light of her son. I became really obsessed with him, was MIKE White me. This will be called here if the doll with Molly, Shannon starring in Josh Place his her boss yeah, and he had this rhythm. He took all this time and he had a mite gave him all of this all this room to be that care in character and justice I was so upset. I told him he's a guy that we happen to me. You know in a green room somewhere and he I serve I kind of gun, in gushing about him and he was very deep regretfully earlier and then it came out. My eye was with my editor, amazing, editor near hunters, and he dropped that I had edit. I had directed Hump day, which just

Just seen, and so he know the tables or turn these started gushing gushing, and so we're like what we have to work together. You know and then so I wrote that part for him specifically and the other part fur rosemary. Do it in tat. You feeling any views her a couple times you like Arthur kind of person a little bit yeah? I mean that film was of found this out. You totally feel it was found that was inside of me that I had to make because it it was very proves very personal solemnized I've never felt more vulnerable, making a movie

really yeah. What will we do something like that start? How do you move through those feelings and and and come up with that sort why that story is was so close to where I wanted to do a bunch of things that movie, I want to try to make a firm with more than two or three people. I were I to how Zalm all yeah yeah and I wanted to interweave stories, have parallel headings at editing where you go back and forth between different storylines you'd. Never done that before I hadn't done into my own work. I always followed a straight one straight linear story as yet more control you more comfortable with a new, is just what I did yeah. It was just what I done so far. It was. We wrote yeah railway. The era of the narrative worked for me and so that so tat you ve really was a way to do that and entered the get out of the one location. I'm done a couple movies. Three movies in Euro, actually as my fruitless brilliance as my second ruby, and that was also which one topic in its called my effortless brilliance, vs, Anita, Amazon, Itunes and stuff. So did so. My very first I've met Mason

maybe it's my first one was like. I wrote a script and I cast people and mostly all, in fact, all local actors. In Seattle they were all theatre, actors and I have been in the theater I'd I'd been an actor, and so I just kind of like really made them for them to feel love. And even in the audition process. Like you know, I'd had had been true, ties by going to of me being inside, that'll feeling like shit, yeah yeah, in Seattle when I was young and still and then in New York image in New York. I was or can the ninety sites, or maybe we should go back, carrot and low this up, so we can get to touch it. I believe that the most personal movie made and said talk about it at the gate. So you We'll kid in Seattle, D have siblings I have a brother whose five years younger and then when I was six years seventeen my dad married my stepmom size. Eight, my folks got divorced, and

ended up it's one of those relationships? It's really hard for me to imagine In them together right, I'm my mom and stepped out definitely the everyday. I had my doubts that's too, for they had only feasible. They were one side totally enter. But on the other side total here yet averted very reasonable, good Raising you separately typing, so you know I money because I have only very I dont have, it traumatized memories of the divorce, but am I remember. Thinking grown up things like out. We very it will be very interesting for me to be able to experience these two different environments. You know I got a sort of dont. Remember. They have really having a problem with it and the whole idea of peat kids. You know feeling like. I would therefore like us like. Why would you think was your father has nothing to do with you in a second understand. So you knew that, then I thought I had eight that's right, yeah, that's it I remember being very mature about it and then in any didn't hurt respect. I found it recently that I was

kind of a little shit and we moved into this new Hauser and was the first time may be that my my stepped had moved in with us. I. Drew a map I dont member, thus, but I supposedly presented my parents. My hi mom, instead with a map area where they were allowed in the house to kiss you know they like that right. You know an ideal guy with the new guy here and there at my God, my meeting with early self protective of decent boundary four hours. I suppose by. Why? Wouldn't you be uncomfortable with your mom chasm, some new guy from level I now make perfect sense out of it, maybe was empowered, notoriety, yeah, town and spin it, but you, you yourself as a little shit, you could do that. Thank you that they did therefore the who they were so that- and I will your brother, like save the marriage. Kid hit my brother I think you know my mother told me that she this had a really hard time getting pregnant. So I was a love child. They were really young where they hire me got per,

when they were both Aroun college students and I was really on grass or undergrowth now under Grandmaison, my twenty first birthday present, while my Mama western twenty two year yeah. So you know I don't know if they would stay together. Right had been for me, but they decided to make a go of it and then my my brother came along a few years later and and and then yeah it all kind of how you do. It was all for the best, though, he's great the transportation planter also in Seattle with couple kid. You know we were so. I think we are far enough apart, as you were growing up, that we just never felt I feel, like I've got really close with him. We became adults. Let's get those, not that's good. Now We just gotta nieces nephews and what not yeah younger kids and then I got. I got one kid and he's got a couple of of kid, so it's nice because I only have one I believe that the right head- and so it's nice- that he has my kid Milo has somebody did

a shared history with cars and a may get along yeah Maryanka. Now the same towns night, how people used to do yet they want to live together, but they can see each other enough. Generations are your folks, Dover yeah. My folks are all their might get grants, barricades, rallies and their kids. You haven't got other kids know no notice. His parents, ok yeah my inlaws right, but you grew up before the Tec. Money came in so a sort of like a like it like not that big a deal that city yummy, I take a look at what Seattle used to be. There is a great movie Cinderella Liberty, with James Cons, great movie, that movie, but its very interesting, though the seventies movies really did they. They seem to be totally appropriate for the Pacific Northwest the eunuch is right. Even if you watch vital piece of rain and the road you know I could he had towards the end were just gets on that truck that there's some dark, weird kind of thing. I ve a real emotional. I don't

I can identify the attraction to that. I spent two years and I'll ask as a kid really, but did you feel like you're closer the top of the world, but not a good way, necessarily resort of a foreboding current user or is- and I know it always. I see what I mean at every time, having soussio even looking at in your movie. Today, there's end and city to it. Yeah, there's a residence yet with the big trees in the rocks and yeah shoreline, and all that shit yes and end the skies NEO gray, we have the most be its grey, but it's not just a blanket. I member really being surprised, which I missed the skies in New York. I was there for almost a decade and when he gets overcast, it's just like this- is like they have a lot of really ugly. For that Guy airy right guy right and see how What's never let you it's just like it's, this beautiful texture, yeah, you know shapes of yeah

different colors of gray, abbot, also, no other Hughes, and there that's what I feel I could see top of the world. I feel like there's a way to it off. You know, I don't know, but I feel it in, well, and you also have. It is almost extended EVA in that you get these, who pursue per long nights and the winner and then really long days in the summer, and it's it's like I'm Bryce spent, like all the other, pilot, I'll shoot, a pilot or something on her. I'm here for a few weeks, and unlike oh yeah, it's not it's not like that and here are like that, it's much more. Even you know when you yeah nausea Eventually, just don't like you don't even know time is passing in Uruguay word, I've gone and the other way ever change. You know that you spend a lot of time in your car and then one day you're like while ten years went by day. I'd do anything. Let me look like up sorry, sir, you, this precocious, your parents, Boston them,

yeah yeah debating little early at a fairly nodded depressive. You don't seem to wear the weight of Seattle, our that's! What tat you feel it was actually dealing with. I did go through this period of depression lawyer about five years ago. He I hears it well. I've had you know, like I've. Had my little bout, something I remember there were moments in college when I was curled up in a ball in the back the closet. You know I definitely have had these these moments in my life, but it got a specially bad about how the peak of it was about. Five six years was writer and when I was making your sister sister oddly, so We heard that I was as I was, shooting it and, as I was editing it, the whole time has just gonna go and is this can be likeable, like I can't tell if the Is it good value? That was your? That was your style of depression, not like. What's the point of doing any of them, I will it was that I had that it was. I was quite ass. It was was very shameful for me because my

work ever since I started making features like. Oh my god. This is what I was all meant to do. I live totally and it was. In life, thirty nine, when I made my first feature so everything sort of k, to me in a sort of self actualized, quite late in life and and me two felt its its weight, where's unite. I love it I thought you know all his nose. Gonna be an artist, never thought in a million years, I'd be a limit living at it, and I was fine without you know it all part time teach I'd parttime added I'd whatever you know due to pay the bills and then just keep making my art, and then I have all. Been at my happiest and most deeply joyful. When I'm making my work, so here I am in the most Lomas beautiful places on earth, which is an island. North of Seattle, in the sand, islands- and I I promise not to tell us- I can't tell as the way where we able were able to get access to that location, was by not promising, not adult Zack.

It where it was and in with this unbelievable cow Emily Blunt Rosemary duet, marched plus we have a great you know: I've written eighty pages of it of a script. That word you know it's gonna be a great film. I've got my favorite people my crew up there I mean it was the whole thing was sort of perfect. I would literally wake up in the morning and be like. What's what's the point of this? Why are we doing us? I'm oh right, making a movie? Why, Mean it was, but when I dread, I mean it was closer we are really this bad. You know, and I felt so shall I felt a machine about it because I was I was such a mystery. To me, I mean, like everything on paper is going so beautifully right. Everything if you have your hearts desire and you can't feel with joy. I mean I just drove me crazy and that's what you ve really was was about. You know what is this thing that you

Talk about anybody because it so it feels somehow there's this deep shame associated with it and this mystery but work. But you didn't you were you quick to sort of even in exploring it decide that it was found, like us in touchy feely. These are people that are not following their hearts or or had gotten locked off from them somehow pose to saying, like I've, a chemical endow and so we re experiencing that weird feeling of emptiness when everything is going well is not that unusual for creative people. Now I was new over me, who is horrible Boca those it was new I wasn't used to used to. It was definitely chemical, but it was it ass. I came out from this very you know who I am I've had I've had I had us, I recognized the feeling from the one day I was relieved lucky for many, here is where I have one black day a month a day, but

or my period or whenever you know like this sort of hormonal fear- and I very becoming all great that's what it was. Thank God. You know it's amazing how some women are surprised by that. Every fucking among everyone everywhere on something wrong with man, is wrong. We're going out- and I was right. Ok, you idiot yeah body of irregular like art anyway, but you know I recognise that so I was like ok. This is clearly a hormonal thing, Missus physiological. Let's look you know at what to do and I remember I was like how you're not eating enough What do you need the amino acids to make the new transmitters- and you know it's like- did all this stuff and took my multivitamin, my BP anomaly be com, ex whenever I did all that stuff and I still having problem? And remember somebody telling me you know, I don't think it's just physiological. You know we'll just and then I started exploring in meditation and trying to figure out other things too

You know tat of other ways in like massage the gravy Rodya Laden I've always wondered european. That was my excuse was. I have to do it for research because I mean this movie, where this can we Ricky and saw, was able to find lakes that worried dark when he may touchy feely. I would I was still a sort of out of it so wasn't super in it. Like the peak of it really was your sister sister and then you know only after I actually finished completing making. It was able to say Oh I really love this movie really proud of it. You know I was certainly these animals lighted the work Well yeah, it was almost like I realize I heard somebody document was firm depression once and she talked about she sees this beautiful baby and she saw it was born and was like understood objectively that it was a lovable being and right. She should of it and it was lovable and couldn't just couldn't, feel them

connection to it. It was very much like that for me without fell more and then only later was able to actually did not with your kid My colleagues have postponed oppression. I loved him right away. That's good NEA! Why notice so also in NAM in touch you feel it as its fresh in my head that yet those weird I'm kind of intense, close up shots of skin and then There is another shot when she was kind of tripping, NEO conquered breaking down and- that it struck me as a sort of realisation of temporal the other everything, sort of temporary and decay and in life, and what does it mean yeah and the Canary island into that? Need? No, not at all and the connection. I was trying to draw connection between the cracks in the concrete and the cracks Got a super closer cracks that you have delivered message delivered, thank you

oh yeah she's, you know she's, not twenty. You know, there's a reason that character, isn't isn't twenty Anne and what was going on for that care to rosemary, do its character and touching feeling is that the I my concept, where was that she had been in a relationship that hadn't been so she service been suppressing her own identity and around fulfilment genome nor twenties into authorities, and then was and really healing already newly, which is what they do. While she get, she gets out of the riots divorce alone and goes out. Changes hits the reset button at thirty, six or whatever I going. Massage school and just off point the haggling life by those back story. She, goes out with guys who were younger. She's posted the guy she's with Skype. Mcnair is no young, dude somebody who doesn't have all the cares of the world, you know, maybe your old, her racks is like. Insurance, Asia dumping whatever she said, You know he was who her parents would approve Devon, and this is somebody they wouldn't approve our work if they were sent out, yeah

and so she's really like she's found us she's going through on sexual revolutionary she's really, and she feels like yeah. You know I'm doing it. I've got a thirst for life, and but this depression that comes on is really like: her soul, knocking Reich, oh not by our you're. Not this. All this like you- Know- live in life and stringer boyfriend and right brother. Bathroom and run you hope. You're gonna be a rebel like it's really, not what it's all about like there's other other shit that needs the attended to you now, and so it was a sort of like to bet it's it's weird at a certain age where you realize that through habit and fear that who are disconnected from something yeah why? But let me ask you this year. I guess I have. I there's another interesting part movie. I want to know if he thought of it there, Why dentist? Oh you know I. Think it was honestly a hold over his Josh, and I had in that actor, and I had been talking for a couple

it's about. Ah, ah, I had been throwing around ideas and for a while actually were on the road of making another film and his the character was, can be a Dennis yet, and so we talked a lot about who this guy might be, and you know it was funny idea where he was actually gonna- end up becoming a cold leader and so this is like a little bit of a array. Formation of character, we'd already Brian talking about right and I care for who brought it up as we really we're going back and forth about what the occupation would be and he might have come up with Deniston who mind. If I can't member lino interesting about things like tat, this is one of the person who thought it was a dentist, but there is a passage in. I think John up, dykes, couples and, and about. A dentist, have won the characters and it is a dentist and theirs is we're passage about how the. Media scene and relentless nature of decay is something that dentists have to deal with every day

over and over again the they sort of the debt, what you're fighting like this, that, like you, see it in the mouths every day that this this the decay, They're always struck me as a very sort of weird existential allowed. Realization I I'd try to get it out of my friend is doubtless a dentist pages, wouldn't have it by but I think you're, metaphorically or symbolically, there's something about. If, within the movie that works like that. So if you want to say you are aware of that from here on our well argued stealing that I do it all the time by the way is, I guess I make films on this very got level. You know that you now renegotiate flowery, o totally totally scans and the other thing I think somebody else probably pointed out to me as well, was the intimacy of you know. I mean it's for both at their occupants, As they have these incredibly intimate acts with strange, assure you know here also in your mouth and then open your mouth I'm coming in its incredibly internet? And yet you know there's this issue with a real connection, primacy intimacy between

and you just so retirement intimacy just reminded me. Even though we're not we haven't, we serve skipped ahead. Somehow again, you did airy nonlinear. He hurried away. My brain Doesn't we just establishing your brain works, literally mineral and generally, when I can't do it? I do yeah. I got through the vulnerability that I felt in making that milk movie was coming to my both my crew and my cast and saying I'm I'm like laid Bare made making this. Thing and are what are your husband? What about my has? What about it? Wouldn't you it does. He entered the equation when you're all sad and laid bare with your crew. I mean just did it did you hit him to the issues are yeah yeah, I know absolutely totally, but these on board. He gets in Gaza a page Would you not sat eat? We know is not new

so he is right now he's making furniture in his in our garage and wood, rebuking borders is gorge. It is not a large garage, so he's able to make like coffee tables. Although I think he's gonna make a bed frame in like and then assemble it elsewhere with with, about found, would with wood from salvaged Barnes and things sometimes he's good with the surfaces in finishes near you a really interesting together forever and if you were a kid, well. I would consider, might that age at the time to be a kid I think I was I certainly wish our living together and as twenty four any ending up married at twenty eight. And that was good. Let them go yeah, but that's for years and that the same argument it oh yeah, you're in the ongoing get married terrorism, but the changes that we ve gone through at the time. He was

he had been plucked. His original plan was to get an journey, nearing degree been industrial designer, but then he got so to plucked from the masses and he became an MTV J and one conceal his name. He was on from like eighty nine ninety now, eighty seventy ninety one wrote and I met him in Rio. No, no, he actually from Seattle to so. We were near each other there and then I kind of followed him out as a guardian of work in the theatre to be an actress in the theater. This economic and also figure out what the hell's going on between me and the sky, so he was able to then after parlay that into lake voice over. Talent, kind of way Eric. Crucial RAF who are women. I dragged him back to Seattle when I was quite pregnant and their decision enough work, of that, so we are now living, so we went in there design school one I've in and out in the garage, and it worked in a real actual shop, getting paid good money, but then, when I got really busy In my career, he his that places working kind of went down hill went bankrupt, actually ends.

And he was looking around for a new job, there is real as we realised that most important out, you'd be doing actually is taking care of our kid whose death and who need Zenos like there's going to a lot of different driving under the special school, and rightly so, turns out he's a much better full time poorer than I am gray and yet suits him there, like best friends, he has great it's so great, so I can leave without feeling you know like. I know that you know what you're doing here. Lawyers are burning here, he's only there's another said, so you tell your crew that you're laid bare the ass. I remember the first day we did it. We did at table read of this script that I'd written and there are parts of it that I am as like. I just want to skip over this part made me feel like I've thought goes: gonna vomit in really and those like now Lynn, it's ok like we're gonna do it. You know- and I don't know was it was, and I just was really honest. I said: look this, I'm the red

I had during this in a very deep way: heart the part where she describes losing her virginity right, it's kind of in the house from my living for yeah yeah, I was kind of August. Right out of you. Yeah yeah, pretty much year made me feel pretty see you are seeking closure with this script in a way yeah. I was some weird way. I was a movie that I was like. Ok, I gave myself permission to make a movie that was not going to be accessible or commercial or you know. One of the reasons that I was the editor was that I see it is an editor and I wanted to see if I could still do it, but also I didn't want it. I didn't act, but it's interesting. You would think that because it's got like three happy endings, you have the places it goes and the people are. You know, hard to make a compelling narrative with with really

ass, aggressive or just passive. You know closed off people, it's it's just and it wasn't everybody but half of that is like that sort of a question of some a burly which is on my mind, because I saw any Baker play in New York. I saw the flick this idea of space and not over explaining yeah. And finding the truth in emotion in you know, in space yeah between people, yeah yeah where so aware that no interest in that so interested in not over spelling reaching out like that you know I just gave you a run down on the back story of this character, like that's just a taste of the incredible up the Wazir backstory. Have for everybody in every relations with that relationship with actors, given that its really important for me drew to have them. Have these release. Are really clear sense of who they are so that when you know that

chemistry between them? Is probable or that better than tat ten and from the past, as is right there you can feel it. I know what the audience to know all that crap. They don't have to know all that shit suddenly, if we get a touch a little but he says it's fine both for me. It's all about creating them. When the reality that oh, it's months were were usually or four weeks before shooting yeah. There's a lot of you sought out of him. Yeah words. Lot of phone, I'm up in Seattle, so I'm on the phone with them. A lot I mean, but, like your sister sisters are great example. I mean I developed those characters with Mark and Emily and it was actually another actress before rose like but we can say that script. But I do I do it in a kind of upside down put no, I didn't upside down way where I'm I'm sort of developing the script alongside the development of the characters, because I wanted the characters are, I have to know with characters, arbiter, I can believe ably. You know right what

unbelievably do and seeing how what they would say how they would act the more you know about the characterised the easier it is to write what they would do, because it's like you, then you can just sort of improvise the scene out in your head, because you know who they are right, be nano like to throw people into an improved situation when they, I don't have any about stuff right. You know they're, just like which anyone like a little song in which a lot of people do offshoot. Yeah rise me. I could yeah, now. I think that most people that do that kind movies words loose like that. They don't get that type of backstory they'll get type that the direction you can sort of feel it. Yeah and I'm a night. I feel like our Canada yeah and also like I don't get out here. That's a unique thing for a directive to do to put that much collaboration and and and time into making these character and like most people, I've talked to her where I'd seen they there's a trust with the actor to to do his job.

It is actually- and I don't know- that's always good- it's less fun for me. Do I would because again my favorite thing about making movies is worth me doctor, so the more excuse I have to get in there with them and figure that stuff out. But again it's gonna feed the narrative, but is that because you see yourself as a failed actress, no good at all. We wanted to be an actor, I when I was an actor I mean I started taking climbers very serious. In my you know, I started when I was like a Levin taking classes and doing whatever, That's right, our two thousand sir. I took it how to be a clown class. You did yeah, I was there. I was you remember and urgent. I oh yeah. What I remember is that it The liberation of pudding literally, you know, like I mean it was make up, but it was a mass media like Royal white face and and walking around Seattle Centre on my stilts, an inner

the with people at eleven away on ever and I was like our graduation. Whatever I was away, you know each other like the site, that I never could have done in real life, and so is this outlet is a way for me to interact with people in there. Were there two things that I did like safe ways that I found to interact with other humans and connect that their humans, it was through you know, being I could be somebody else. Politely utterly on a stage and make that connection with an audience and with other actors on the staging of that was just like buzzy stuff is amazing, and then there is also photography so in high school again super I was I was, as some brief period of mandatory bussing. So you know I grew up in white neighborhoods. The reason I connected so strongly to Irishness Mission, I'm down as yet. I was bust too, from six great through high school to the central district, where The african american community was you that was, it was a very the arm it the

Culture was very african merkin of those schools that I went and middle school through high school, and so I went to high school, now: Jimi Hendrix, went to and currency Johnson, careful bicycle and we're a dark room rat and I was darkroom rat, and I remember I would hide behind my telephoto lens of my pen text, two thousand and I would like K one thousand. I would, and I would find the ways, and you know I would capture these intimate moments of mobility across the Jim, with some guy now, and so is it was the safe place to be, but I was still looking always looking for connection like we always are between that and then the acting, which enabled me to just like, becomes He also not worry as free self conscious, you know, choosing, though, that that photography was the outlet did Photography ice yeah, I didn't

think about the same way, because it's not really connecting it's almost like now dealing here, stealing a near observing. You know better than freak with the camera, but I like girl, the camera he adds actually, but I still felt connected. I felt weirdly connected when you can find these moments of vulnerability. You know unguarded moments you feel like. Oh, I dare not say very sure they are somebody. I could you know. Maybe I can have a conversation with some day or whatever you I am yeah. So that was a really important thing for me. Well for me developmentally. I think I'm and three odd, though decease like its and has my overhear conversation la that in March, urged you know. I feel like Come I'm, Violation of some, like is for sure. You know why a kind of stopped making docks, because I was I did documentaries wrong, I'm in and that it yeah that's a on comfort, ozone for me. You know where you're you're sort of fun, maybe your shooting, something that you

that the person is even realise that their rear, exposing cells in summer air, the waivers it's like a high, makes me writer of us. You know I just so there you are you in that zone the photo that fail to act. The failed actress thing so I move. I gotta be a and drama school, a drama at the school of drums. Actually for a year I was it Oberlin freely. When we went to arrest you wash Ing ton vied with interesting, because what you say, because I talked to Sir Ian Mcmullen in Here- oh my god, but he because it was interesting that what we came upon and of whether he did it on my show or not for the first time was that cause, you so heavily closeted, culturally, as a gay man at the time he was coming up that he identifies the Shakespeare acting as a way to to have emotions that their people in. Relationships that they work didn't have to be culturally ashamed of loud here. Have them well said without kind. It is it's like it's this conduit for stuff that I'm here I found it. You know to be extremely therapeutic. Now the ala do and then

When I moved to New York actors after college, you went to First Oberlin, don't I went, on for a year. Moreover, the very first enacting laws, print of writing. I was I had all where I was a poet to actually. My very. I was too hard for you, your gavel, uncommon, yeah, Austria's poems may be awesome. I have only two or three budget that I am present. I occasionally Roper palms. I we I wish. I were alone. I do and really rover it's one of the things I get this went through in calls of the ancient books realizing okay. This is ridiculous thing. I don't need and I couldn't give a single, poetry book away. It was like now than others having special, absolutely always have as much poetry and houses possible. But yeah so I went for creative writing. I got a really bad experience where I found out that that I have even read my samples, but I was dying for had been writing all through poetry. I mean us out through high school and I really wanted some feedback in the directive. The poetry teacher basically said you know,

you can't eat. You know you I'd, never let freshmen in for a reason, but it was he kind of disease. This to my poems I found out later he didn't even read the ones that I supported by another. I care there, some inside way it was. I am, then I stopped writing because of that for, like a really long time so dumb but you had a hard time Anyway, so nice, I beg more, I was an actor. Well have hurt, happened, adolescence. China was number on me, which it does a lot because a lot and fit in young women know there's this buckled reviving Ophelia do not. At this point it was. I was a huge, a boy talk with. Seventy revelations on this showed little embarrassing, but I was writing the script of my first feature, which is really about the way that we are different cells.

Indifferent points in our lives and that the pre and post adolescent selves, where something I was looking back on an with like while that was fastened, causes really polar opposite kind of personalities. When I was in my late thirty those looking back at that and And then I was saying a friend about this script. I was writing issues that we get a red this book and it was like. Oh, I was the only one like as this thing that happens when you become sexual ized for some some girls and women. A lot of them where, I just felt like I was you know: PETE the top my game when I was like twelve thirteen- and I was writing stories- running poetry, painted on them and playing music. Doing yeah acting doing all this stuff and taking photographs in on at such a claim, evasion and a confidence in my voice. And then yeah cuts like twenty. I just

what is that fourteen fifteen? Well, they were like a gradual grinding down and I thank you and it wasn't anything to do with my folks might was always told by both of them. You can do whatever you want. You can be whoever you want your presence during artist, rumours about the culture of high squaring feminist, and it was just it was society really, you know, and this kind of become like I got really. Moves and I was like it's very like people were, I felt I already had the tendency to be sort of self. Conscious, know that I dont think I did. I was very androgynous and tomboy before and I felt her betrayed by. A body like right. You know and have arisen who I am right and felt like. That was the first thing note people everybody notice about me, even though I don't know if it was or not wearing tents and and then they got into this whole thing. Like you know, you can't we talk me no look at me look at you know if that, like Mary, don't look ridiculous, that's a kind about a thing that happens as well. I think

and just the sexual charge I think, of high school for sure. But yeah. I don't know it just really something about that. Really kind of ground out my sense of agency, and so there was really appeared a time when all I really could do is act because somebody, so tell me was like I was a puppet of saying what other people. Turning in all this, we don't attention self consciousness, diminished your confidence and creativity. It did, and so I felt like there is this trickle. You know I didn't start directing feature funds into Thirty, nine. For a reason, I dont think I was capable of a back then, and I needed a shed some doubts of consciousness and gain a sense of maturity and set off sense of authority for ever and eggs from years ago gradually was in Seattle, shoe she's a sculptor, and when I met her in Boston, she she's real, tough Jersey girl and she Did bar tender strip joint, but she wasn't a strip. Britain was not her bag

and anti she quit and I said what she quit and she said I got tired of men. Looking at me like, I was meet yeah yeah It gets a little boring, but I women. I knew so many women who could who could I remember this woman, who was, I mean women, which is relish for their bodies and now and her in us. However, ass in people- and I was just like- I was so horrified rye- my body was it's really. I don't know what it was it just for me. It was really enough, but winding it over, and why the writing go away as a form of expression. Just Gazette Idiot shut. You down, I think a little, because the initial me down and because I just serve have as much to say. I didn't feel like I had anything to say or what I was. You cannot also what we're talking about now, not at all the act as you are aware of it really exactly in it. You know too close to it. Yet acting became the thing so active became the thing

and it was a little bit. Might you know again, MR of Secret, shame that well, as consumers is really the only thing I can do right now, I have to be an artist s new. I want it to be an artist, but you know this is sort of it was down to this like this is all I could do and then, when I moved to New York to do it it wasn't it with other when I started tyrannical living at just was like oh this sucks. Now she did a year Oberlin year than any go to New York and go where I was school visualize, I'm sorry, it was at the school of drama, got a degree in I Gpa and drama at the University of Washington, then moved to New York. So he went back home after Oberon Oberlin from then he went to New York with only agree and drama here to be an actress on Broadway here we're not Broadway, I wanted to be at the New York Theatre, shot. How are they were doing Carol? Turtle plays, and I saw my friend Garret Della Hunt in mad forest, and I was like, oh my god this is it that's what I want. That's what I want and then I found out how much those actors made in it.

No way they can possibly pay the rent. On that. I have my dream daughter ever and I was like what the haughty. I don't doubt how what is this sucks so no longer in New York. I was there the fur, nine and a half years is stuck with, No, I didn't know what I did was after a couple years of doing a lot, and I did a lot of fun, cool, downtown here, stuff and then and then really turned it was it. We have always been an addiction like I did. You know that was really what it felt like. I have. I have to be in a show. What's coming up next, I gotta be a show, and I transferred by addiction to the dark or knows became really serious about photography so at the international european Yorkists? Are you in classes and like yeah and built upon

from the body of work to get into grad school school, visual arts. I went to the forefront hard for photography. Some, I M affair was in photography, reiterated idea, you got it, you, like the chemistry of it all in the light and the project being on a hot and being the look her and not the looked at with much healthier food. It was also a time where you have to know your chemicals and your papers and hurry ass in your stocks. Yeah, although it wasn't a super nerd out like what I love about- and luckily I am probably wouldn't be doing what I'm doing today, if it weren't for the case that this was not a fine print, it wasn't all about the fine print. I almost I D Yale, but that was really all about getting the perfect donor womb digital it was starting, Digital was starting rats, white was called and Emma Fan, photography and related media because they were just starting to write a learned when you knew how to you Minority Ronald Dark. I did for sure and my and I was going in doing you know that Vivian Mayor Mire, forget how to say style.

The girl tell him love it Robin Frank. That was how I was started with street Photography blacklist driven army, but by the time I got out, I was doing it was, like I said, her straddling the line. I don't really know between video word and experimental film, because I was able to take. His classes, and so I started by making me so I started in filmmaking by making easel handcrafted movies that I did everything myself and I like chain of structural aid and lacking in my lap, rumen cracking. With a hammer and hand developing and getting your polarizing it in. He's doing in a really experimenting was pure self expression. I wasn't trying to thinking about an audience. I was really and it to be a serious artist, so you're doing liking a working, the service of the film and all that shit yeah, but also exploring other things. Peggy eyewash was my thesis, adviser, dumb and so like my, which she had hit me to her she's ass. She was out of the super. Eight film experimental film, queen of the eighties, did all kinds of really groovy.

And she was, I restart your mentor yeah. You die tat. They wanted the encouraged you are. They required you define and are working artists that you admired to northeast Pfizer as of right to somebody on the staff. The was great, and so I saw all of her work and she introduce made a whole bunch of other experiments filmmakers and at the time you know. I was also like going to see Bill Viola and Gary Helen, always people and so oh. That was all kind of I was looking for NATO's during omission, own sound design and shooting into figuring out what Don't lie to me, you like me, and I would like with like- I did VHF, but also so is it flooring. Like my first film was called white and I just got married and it was. I was sort of people with that serve reckoning with the idea of entering the institution of marriage, which I had a troubled in our culture, and so I was sort of I made my husband dress up and serve wrapped him in this white paper white. Wedding dress and had him swan around the roof.

Our approach to building and then shot it in and slow it down, and then re Scandal- and I was just you know it's a fucking around. I was just trying to figure out stuff, they both good. But the interesting thing is in your story that you know I don't always here. Is that you know you were committed to art totally and at some point he must have realised how secure. That would be. He has a life I did and it was there wasn't. Even it was the it was. So I there is a transition period. It came out of school digital editing was my marketable skill, and I It will the freelance at it and then on the side I would build up and in part time teach other people have had a digital at it, and then I would take that money and I would go make these little movies, and in the meantime, like I start there topic that I really want to like. My second letter from was about was an experimental documentary about the relation

between women and their body here. So you can see the kind of stuff I was like fucking right, my thesis foam was, like you know, licks looking at different levels of consciousness, but finally there was this one peace that I wanted to make this soon I'm trying to get at it. There is of a topic I to actually have an audience. I wanted people to see it. I wanted them to get it and wanted to be accessible, and that was fond of a hurried over me right so lousy it wasn't like. I gotta make a living. It was more about, like you, were finding your art through a bigger audience, because he has when you doing you, no real experimental are whether its theatre, a film or whatever, and you really start talk to people who have teaching you realize like well. You know if I don't make that the textbooks or the magazines there's really know future in this at all that that in such a small community, yet now it's ok with me. I really wasn't like I have to be Bill Viola and get big gallery right. I just one be true to myself as an artist right, ok and accept that nobody else could make and to explore territory. That was really interesting to me, but

He wasn't until, and I almost had to kind of give myself permission to make work that with the wood each people rhinos amateur again, it was like a selling out thing like selling mean asked. That is right. We will help every, but every create a person does it to themselves they sell sabotage. When will it so as not to make its own right? I wanted to be absurd and integrity thing like aggravate yet it's it's sort of like you know the idea, when you're younger that that you don't want take the easy way, but, as you realise, as you get older, that mainstream there's nothing easy about it and You know but serving yourself was more important young, even if your fucking, your life right- and I was happy to I mean I I Temptin was no separate personal secretary whatever up until throughout my twenties unknown said: ok, thirty! I can't do that anymore and really like made it, but the portal, and was about body here, that was your general you're. One that I wanted people to see was a couple of few thumbs later. It was, but that's when sport obvious, we start experimenting with with them,

I commend airy and your own yo body issues and yeah more feminine, though we have not feminist, driven stuff yeah identifying those very laminate. I mean it was definitely about trying to dismantle showing the construction of gender. Like ought basically said pointing at how much effort goes into making me smooth veneer of feminine image on you know in a brush magaziner, whatever locate. Oh that's just seems like that. So womanly largely it takes a flock of a lot of work to make it look like that. You know that is accessible. Gatt, true yeah, but the movie- wasn't because I dont know what the hell I was doing. So it looks. Ok and the interviews are great but like the sound quality should be. I mean I was dislike right really to sort of trying- without so, but the film that I really wanted like. I wanted it to be on that Pv Series on PBS. Yet none of you ever watched documentaries on that serious, but I saw a bunch inspired by that, and then I had this movie that I wanted to make about miscarriage cause. I was trying to get me

for years and years and anonymous carriage on the way in their journey and dumb, and I felt so like at sea what is it blindsided? I didn't file an acre by them scourge I felt I'd have been so hard to get pregnant that I really thought once I was playing, I felt like I'm in a state of grace lotuses for raising this is magical and then twenty weeks down the length of the late mister to ah, you knows was cramping upness. Like wool I mean that's, Mr De for other people suffer me notices of those national pregnancy no understand like Ireland, this pregnancy, so I was really really really yeah blindsided by it and really just it wasn't. Even in my and then once I had one all the People came out of the work. It turned out a new tons of people who would hide miscreant. I had no. I had no idea and it's like a secret society in other secret sisterhood, and so many people either made you feel crazy by not acknowledging at all, even though they had just days before been saying

I was a baby, you know whatever, and then they didn't even acknowledge because they were so uncomfortable with it like when your father died people know to send your flowers like right, there's a way to deal with it by people. Dont know what to say to them whose how'd it miscarriage and so that either say we're Lange's allies. Really, stated, it was really hard and I know not. Everybody is but for me, and I ve been trying to get bring it so hard and awful and the best thing anybody ever said to me was I'm sorry, you lost your baby and that's all I needed to hear, but people would be like. Oh, it was, You probably wouldn't want to have a baby with a problem or what like real, insensitive things, cod way, gods way of whatever I don't know, just what that's how you can bring retained himself from John Hive dribble this year and shouldering what they should be able to write. You knew you sector what somebody feel funny

it's hard for people here. So I wanted to K. I wanted to explore then help people feel not so alone around through it and also in educate people, and this was area it'll ninth document or knows only it was gonna, be a half arc is PV showed half hour. I excise made it specifically for, but it was really the first time I ever thought about an audience then who am I trying to talk to and an income stay and in the whole it was. I interviewed people just audio and then I made this beautiful. Visual landscapes are poetic Ok, so what I actually filmed interviews Right- I, and so that was kind of my way of saying yet you're still being you still having integrity right with your visualize, the headache and it was like a really was like it was like a radio documentaries at almost every item elder, let's start out there Other issues are now don't cry. Visually radio show be very accessible, but it's not its people, Aki against some poetic visual stimulation,

Actually, while the idea was a visual beauty would help them swallow the pill of this display no uncomfortable topic both, but then that also speaks the year inability or your desire to connect that you are clearly not ready to do visually in the way of of letting people talk down. The camera well knew it hits people on a visceral level. Ok, cinematic language can be really know what the associative imagery actually was, and it was a way to get people to open up, because I didn't want to talk about this thing, Was it what and it made them feel safer to not be on camera? You know, I do acting jobs at this time, No, I think I was pretty much beyond laughter. I went to grad school, I just was you know, I think, although Did I did actually inroads been the middle grad school I was. I went on tourism lesbian brothers, as an island that I would like us mainly relate you'll, be out. We

on our list on various fewer put, so sweet them. So I did do a little of still doing a little trickle here and there I would do you know my friend melanin echo, now Isabel makers. What was writing plays, and I with occasionally do something with her, but I wasn't a pursuing it auditioning stuff that was all left in the dust and the thing that was so beautiful. When I made my first feature, I added at a couple features we move back to Seattle. I was higher an editor, and that that was one when I editor my first feature on emerges hired outpatient, I was hired. That was your marketable school. It was my Marguerite S Skull and because I was in a smaller market, I didn't have to go through years of being a systematic arrives. Agonized, unlike that, its automatic variants taught me cinematic story telling you know negatively there are. You are- and I was like. I think I'm ready to do this, and I realise that all of this what it seemed like a european turn before being an actor putting all my effort into acting and then all of a sudden I'm drop

now being a photographer was like why? Who Europe so fickle? Now, when you have now, is like all acts and the editing- and you know, arrange yourself perfectly for what you wanted to do. As I say, it was a twenty year film school you're right, but but then that allowed me because I didn't go to film school and I didn't I wasn't told this is how you make a movie. You know when I got a new set of my first feature, which I had done, the we're supposed to do it. You write the script. You find the people which movie was called. We go way back agenda, be out finally for it was never released now sort of almost released and then a one slammed Anson got best wait here for you or two thousand and six there. Now it's going to be really shown in thirty five. Have you feel about that so happy at Seattle, be able to move your oh yeah on their still friends of mine who say things so my mom, it's my mom but sat still her favorite and sketches your friend she's. My friend, you shoot anybody.

But yeah when I was making that movie, it became all of a sudden about when I first time on it sets a two things happen I became just felon. Of with the collaborative aspect. Evidently a total control freaks out with a terrifying. That is also really liberating. You know and as you see my god, it was beautiful, as I knew I really wanted to make art with other people and in relationship with its people. But it was hard on the actors who I had like coddled and took care of It's really took him brought the best out of in the audition process. It was just me in them in a room with like when little video camera and then on, sat and we this huge hole. King thirty, five millimeter Cameron, smoke machines, all these bodies and and they were dislike you know in a holding all of a sudden. I was like only God. This is because, as my first time making on sat down the Posada things whenever I and it was like the way. The traditional way to make movies is putting up obstacle. After obstacle in front of them

Most important work on this issue, which is the act because if we act in no matter how gorgeously lit it is, if the acting isn't resonate doesn't feel real, you know nothin. Where is not in a work, and so that and I so then I took a cue you know from dog when any five from the French doing whatever and then my second film, you know I just dejected everybody. From the sat, and it was this me and my buddy dp been holding cameras. We, and I was like flies. No, I developed those those characters for the p. All this in the second movie? Am I a fruitless brilliance and we're? cabin in the woods. You know I'm. Basically I wanted to feel like a documentary. I want it to be so real. You wanted to go Did you all improvised and I got it and got into it- went to all they wanted to do was getting up. I South West. It was in that it was in there be no narrative competition dramatic completion in it. I see bought it. I was like White Egypt ok and then my next movie, which was hump day. I knew ok, I can make a movie this way and what

I want to do with this one, and it was. I wanted the tightness of I wanted the momentum, narrative momentum and the tight editing that puffy cheer had that you plus movie duplex butler. We'll be puffy chair and I wanted to be ye. I wanted to have more of a plot. Driven would melt if I recall correctly, that movie These guys we're going to have sex. Indeed, so it's, but they didn't yeah spoiler Yasser. Sorry, it's been out for. Why didn't they because they were truly straight and it was those what happened. We shot that that movie in order- we all agreed that we would only attempt to This movie and Don't put it, I would only put it that way, nor I once again, while the premises, so these two guys who really bonded in college and were,

Like the same wild. Ninety, where our motion trips in June ever breaking the zoo and just all kinds of crap, weird stuff, and they are going on this motorcycle trip together and that one of the bags out and cut it goes into this. He becomes completely domesticated. Some argue plus character. Is as our house and a wife and their training, arrogant and meanwhile, his buddy Josh Leonards character is got, has just continued trot. You know mad he's an artist traveling the world searching searching, they have told two totally different. On trajectories and in its about ten years later, when the artist nomadic artist shows up on the doorstep of the domestic Dude and nay arm immediately engender this. Like what happens, remarks character is basically oh shit. You know he takes stock of stock of who years you know really interested in that sense of like who do we imagine that we are, and then, when you have to have those moments of like and where it is, I who am I really now shit cause. He sees what he sees himself.

Through the lens of his friend, you re. Oh I'm in the doorway, I'm standing story of this, like nice house, with coffee table books on my coffee table when you know a map, There is literally white pact fence up front and so Who is he freaks out? Is I know I'm not that guy inside I'm still this while crazy dude and I'm up anything and they engender the sense of different in each other like ridiculous, right kind of outdoor? In each other yet and so ultimately- it organization that yeah they end up trying to outdo each other by doing each other, but in other or dairy each other to do each other so that they go to this crazy party like a day later there at this party, with this in his artist, commune and they're all the the people there. I'm gonna make movies for this the porn festival. That is real and dance, Savage founded, pulled hump and and there and the idea of hump is it you're, making alternative stuff you're doing you're, not just making straight porn you're right, you're playing around with the form and wrote having fun without an answer

we are doing something on guard or whatever, and so here's Josh Leonards characterises artist. Unease like want to do that. You know and their let go you I would even a do. That's going to actually be worth you know, putting into effect will like this, and come up with the most out their idea they can come up with, which is two straight Dietz having sex and there you know their drunken are high and whenever and so the next so the whole rest. The movie is just this. This hurry hordes Manuel it's moving towards, did follow Having agreed said the dare inner, basically daring each other matters, I they try, let each other off the hook the next day, but neither of them wants to be let off the hook, as are like hey we're computer who'll. I'm I'm cool enough to do this, but you're the one I think you're trying to get out of this is like I'm not trying to get out of this, and so it's just ridiculous, because if not, they want- and I want to do it- it did like both of them terrified to do it. So it's it's up ray. I remember that I never saw the whole thing in order and you and I had the hoping outlined, but it the except for what happened in the hotel room and the idea was that we would get there and then I will,

I said if you guys, really know who these deeds are, and I'm gonna entrust you too, to really honestly enact the scene, the way would really player so really weird sidebar, that there is a big french production company. They bought the rights and made a real. Think of it, like a five million dollar remake of a tiny micro budget movie. Is it out here? It's not out here has a bond therein. They never cleared the rights froze. I gotta do it, but we re going to get a french version of it and show it and on a dvd, especial dvd player or whatever we like in a fit of people around ever and side by side, so should mine, and then there is in its I mean it's fascinating. It's got kind of Charlotte Gainsborough is in evidence. You know it's crazy was a good. I prefer mine, It's definitely. I've noticed sat there. There is a.

Clara out of its class, but you know your community in your way of life and in the way of lives of the people that you are familiar with our in your movies. It's very its. I notice it is being sort of specific because I notice in jails movie in afternoon delight that you guys know the life you have that the type of people there in your movies are people you would know and have dinner with, but it is serve specific and I mean I'm in that world too, but did you ever noticed tat, though, like a lot of people? Don't live like us Why did you know? We're going even like it's it's there, something about even Ellen page. Making muffins or whatever she was pulling out of cupcake ten that their there there is a sort of in an effort to authenticity that our generation seems to have yeah, yeah, there's a book called reality: hunger. That is about that. Doubtless this hunger that people have to see. You see authenticity and for me I mean it just

I've seen so many films, I mean you, take the wife, character and humpty. I, even though she doesn't get nearly as much screen time as the guys. I wanted her to feel as fully is really important to me that she be as fully sort of fleshed out and three dimensional as the guy's, because how He cardboard cut out wife whether a harpy orator or with a heart of Gaul right or ever we saw them not to dump, But when we saw hang over an ad homes is getting screamed out by his were horrible and say in my husband, leans over means that think she supposed to either patch. Like you know, I mean like hello, you know Gimme a break in, and so that is in general, incredibly important to me, no matter what, if I'm using a script or I'm using in a partially scripted, partly improvise ritual improvise or you have people who like really need this text as the spine of their performance, which many Great actors are like that: you're, not writers, their actors, whatever it is that the method

I always wanted to feel like flesh and blood beings on the screen measure that are and that's good. That's the only way that it really resonates with me. Do you think, you could bring. What you do with actors to appear it peace or to do. Plants, a sort of challenge yourself and the line attached to actually a period peace that each be. Oh, I'm not a creator, but they came to me and asked if I would direct many serious that has an impact linen jack, blacken that was announced a few months ago. I can talk about that, but And I know when that can happen, but one of the reasons it was you. I was really intrigue GINO to see what did to explore that too, Torreon, like I just I actually um I'm going to do with this american life story. It's not a it's, not a young period. Peace. All too little is a few years ago is based on a relaxed story, one of their podcast that will and one of their episodes. That was very popular called the mysterious. Incredible case of the pie, moms and

gazing, crazy stories. Like a comedy keeper, remind me a little bit of Dante afternoon in that it's a real story, but its it just goes everywhere in any way very Exciting arm- and I want you know it's a different genre mom, and I want to continue to see how I can bring that same off than Tuesday and honesty, right and grounded character based on all the humor needs to come from that ground character based place instead of like I'm, not as Mr Jesu just yeah right abroad, comedy that doesn't ino. Both those are heard way that that you it's making something. That's completely unnatural, seem slightly yes up, and then you get like that. Like bridesmaids, I thought was brilliantly as great as that the women were real yeah, exactly as you did to delay, went into eyes on you know there. There's the drying infer vomiting, you know scene but

If I throw out you really yeah, you feel for them. You fill with them because we believe in them and the like their relationships and how old you son he's sixteen and it's so fond start showing him. I mean I've been doing it for a while now, but you know it's so great able to re- live my favorite, because what we do is watch movies right you know, going to see madman. Eurotas incredible, go see all these every action. Media but You know we showed him jaws recently, like oh yeah, you can see jaws like and widened. Seen jaws since forever. Inequality is terrifying aerodromes. He was like you he's a gives. A good movie crystal coming. Excellent, we see some Monty Python and saw he'd already seen holy grail. So he showed him life, o Brien, hadn't, seen again life or brain for ever he's, never laughed so harness lifelike continuously loves. Laugh and it was really impressive. I like I was like. Oh my god, I saw all kinds of Britain

that I hadn't even been aware of liquor in life around yeah. That's great, some relief, such a great commented in he's deaf ears, yeah yeah. He had meningitis uneasy year old. We almost lost and terrifying. It was she who is really really scary. I don't recommend it, but he stuck her and aunt em yeah, and that's what design with at like ours. How is that sort of change, a perception of reach? quality changes. It changes everything though, with the experience of having a and b a key was honor. He became basically the unconscious. He was like on a heart. Breathing heart beat machine for Ex almost a week. And then slowly he was able to win offered, and, although, in the icy you, you know that through nurses, who are just angels on One year olds, you weren't there his one year, the heat they said to has assumed He was came out of it. They were like we really worried because usually become out of it faster if they're gonna. If there

Come out of here, ten percent of that babies that I often gagner ants totally changed our relationship to parenting, like my mom, is the first to tell you as an early childhood educator that a certain amount of benign neglect is a really healthy, you know, because you give the kid a space to explore their world and stuff, but in order to Each a deaf child language like you to all there's no Us Moses, they're, not gonna, get any rang remembering and robbery or the grocery store the zoo. They need to lake. Look right out you and get And so in the howling were yeah yeah, so any whether its interpreting, what conversations going we're here. We know whatever it is, and so it totally changed us his parents, because we had to you no share in that thing. Yeah but also finding out like fury, was this little, tiny, Vienna, subtle, tiny body. There's you know

We started with a very dramatically with firefighters and are in our house all around him. Turning blue and the floor, and I mean it was very, very dramatic. Russia has been all that and then he's there and we have our full time nurse. It's you, it's like a fighter who telling your dislike And then you won't take a walk round the hospital and you see the two month old next door You know and the baby's this big and then you see the parents in the cafeteria and you realize, and you just you are aware that babies die kids. It's it's is he like it. Never is something that you really can imagine, because it so when a natural so wrong, but yeah die here, and and so just to know that you know I mean I still to this day, two years and years years later, and I still I go and look at him sleeping and just like I'm so glad you're. Here man, I can't even tell you I don't. I came across this journal. The editor removed houses and socially going through all these books and just opened a here.

You know my was hospital journals like oh shit, annihilate looked out. You know. I was plunged back into that moment when I was just weeping and weeping unknown. I go over and trying to explain to him look at me like really anyway. So yeah no changes a lot closer and NGO. Does that sensitive. How mortal We all are fragile behalf, so Brad, all this crazy here. So, ok, when I think we're really done now, but will but has now like old, choked up buddy That you worked with them so away never have worked out to work with her. Always I mean we met each other at at sundown. Were there rising time touch severely. Was there without turning delight? Fucking love that movie happens. Light fell in love with captain on more than I already had been in love with her she's unbelievable. Here I would like to work with her

they are an transparent. I think. Is unbelievable yes, we know each other and worst sort of in the same, the others rural online women from occurring on booster club hook up, which is awesome, rum same with ever deeper, nay, and you know it's really nice to have. Actually As I was on the jury one year, Adam Sundance and out and gave her the best directing word for her film middle of nowhere in and had no it. She was a fan, and so with like the two of us can abounded because I was so excited to give it to her and she was so excited. Get for me and I was like are by the arm: yandah she's, she's yeah. There's an amazing community oh good, why yoga mark? Thank you. Thank you Thank you for letting me do this end for crying woman, the point and sat down. Oh it's gone out with me. It's not hard to make me for. I want to talk. Any is really

they talk anymore. Thank you. So much ram me that was led Shelton at me. August, two thousand fifteen June, feel it did you feel it when she left there I called out Brenda Mcdonald, my producer, and I said I don't know which has happened man, but in some I can see some alternate reality that I was with her there is an alternate reality where I'm with that person, I could have been with that person at. Other point in time and that alternate reality became the reality for it like the past year, you know. After I talk to her on the podcast.

I wanted to work with her. She couldn't do the first season of man, but she came in bored honor final season of merit and did a couple episodes. And then, by coincidence, we were on glow together and we constantly are. We always engaged I later up she let me up and I love talking to her about everything about her, so good at everything she said she could fuckin sing you guys. I mean we should sit in play. Occasionally I'll get it shy, but we were finally breaking the kind with hang out sing, songs, ice she had a voice. You would sing every day in the bathtub every day she could sing God she could sing and she created homes were so intimate and so personal, and so she so quietly sensitive to two who people are and how to get who they are out of them. I'm not gonna saying that just given projecting it's true, so we worked together on glow and then she I asked her to direct my comedy special to real

And now she wanted make a movie were made, but we never got around to finishing it, so she created sort of trust with Brian I was in that movie and we do a scene together and that movie, which is amazing, and then she did my last special that's on now and times fun. But I I'd, be honest with you guys going over. I can't get certain things out of my mind. Sadly, the good things are there, but the bad things are. Just to close right now- and I d- I don't even know if I should be out in public talking, but this is what I do- And this is why I am act and there's no right or wrong with grief. It comes in waves. I just oh that this person has

So many lives that when Shelton so important, so inspirational, and so she was so kind and so charismatic and full of joy and positivity and ate it shouldn't mention everyone be so lucky to making have that kind of impact. And so many people so many lives, so many people loved her. For so many different reasons. Strong woman role model, but justly also just thank you basically decent person, a good person to, people she work with, but she was also we focused. And we wish you wanted something she figured out, how to get it to make it work creatively, but again, the outpouring of love and support for me,

for her family has been powerful, and if there's anything she taught me really is that people. Love me that she loved me and that you are there nothing I can do about that. And I realize war, I I. Was learning how to accept it, and I'm accepting now accepted it from her and I loved her and I'm happy you all after. So many people have such a longer history and such different memories- and at least I hope your leaning on those in that there are good in that you, if you don't know where that. Well, you get familiar with her work but the love coming at me. I am its helping me. I've never felt grief like this or this bad. In my brother Kay immediately out here. I had to see

you mean those economy- is a savage going. I'm a brother come over and then covered on top of this in my brother. My have you know what I mean. Sit here alone with my fuckin sick cat, then Helen, was an amazing person and amazing artist, powerful woman, powerful charismatic, joyful presence in the world. It she's gone to horrendous loss for a lot of people. My heart goes to her family into her friends and anybody who knew her and am I guess we'll get through this I'll. Tell you something. You know when was already separated from her husband, and I was still struggling with feelings, and I was trying to my feelings I was still. Seeing somebody in we couldn't really begin anything.

But I had these feelings and avoid good. It not acting on feelings to be honest with you, I shut them down. I can shut them down, but I could I shut down and dumb and the thought of of her son some other part of her life without me? Now but she could. Which is too much for me to handle and and- and I had a good choice, said this to her, I said you, don't you. If I don't try to my feelings for you out. Credit for the rest of my life, and I did what was necessary to try to do that, and it was The greatest decision I ever made.

And I dont have any regrets about it. I'm sorry, other people got hurt him, but now, whatever she gave me. It's it's gonna stick it'll elevate me for, as to my life once they get past this horrendous loss. I know that. She liked my guitar playing, among other things,. Please do out a little rifts. I do at the end of this, show. For the soundtrack of sort of trust in death. She encouraged me, compose a piece, a boost piece, which I did what awoken felled and had a bunch of prostitution guys recorded men was in the in the booth and I just doing the guitar and looking at her watching me is nervous to be playing with

we'll Brandon Hall, you know who is their tune But this is this: how we're gonna go out today? Obviously this will take flight. I can't know. I will never forget all the beautiful things this is new boots