« WTF with Marc Maron Podcast

The Marc and Tom Show #5

2019-03-06 | 🔗
Media juggernauts Marc Maron and Tom Scharpling join forces once again, this time to save not only themselves but the world as well. Along the way, they talk about Howard Stern, movie theater food, falling for advertising, sweating, and Jonah Ray’s influence on Marc’s identity. Also, we get the story of Marc’s ill-fated music career and the reason Sausage Party led to a great awakening in Tom’s life. Theme music by The Tokeleys. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace.

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
This is exciting you're about to hear the fifth installment of the mark in time show- and it's me and my friend Tom sharpening just talking. Gov were couple the fellas couple of middle aged fellows talking, You know Tom scharpling. He is the host of the best show, and oddly. If, if you don't know anything about Tom's background or or our friendship it it's late game, friendship. We we met and became friends not that long ago we were, you, know older fellas. but there was always a mutual respect there, tom I I don't know how to explain it other than I love the way he thinks he makes me laugh he's a great broadcaster, The comic bits that he did on his show are like. all timers like great. If you ever get an opportunity, get that to the best of the best.
Show thing: actually on the air, numero group label, sixteen cds, its emma? It's all the sharply and john lister bits in there. It's a larry's its it's truly hilarious, but we're pals, and we he's got into the habit of every once in a while sitting down in talking as a couple of guys, you do a broadcasting work, like each other's company. I don't know what else to tell you you can. You can still listen to tom show it's on every week, it's the best show live tuesday night, nine eastern at the best show dot net. You can also get that that, on the podcast gassed form getaway you get podcast and also check out. I meet my friends. The friends which you prob you should know as little about as possible before you start listening just know. If other recap podcast or if you hate recap, I guess this is the show for you
So this is our fit. We did this a little while ago. When he was out here when Tom was out here, and we'll will be back to regular format, on monday, with our one thousand episode, but now this is me and at the very funny in very smart tie sharply. I want you know some of Tom is that as a broadcaster he's just great at it he's great at pausing. Taking beats he's very funny, he's great. follow through with stories like if you want to be a good broadcaster, a good Podcast are a good on the mic person. You should study tom sharpening, that's what I say. May I just wing it, but this is a this. Is the mark and tom show? Ah, number five and enjoy the company of me and mister
Your point, like I have the aeronautical, my idea was like you ve got. Your commission does make noise will visit I hear that guy can fucking fine. I think so. Really you think it's just texture If I don't make a big deal out of it, you think people who are listening are aren't going to make a big deal. It's not like eating on the mic, but eating on them The whole other thing I knew I never have done at once. Now I can't do. you know what happens when you do. Don't you the amount of reaction? It's it's like it's hostile, it's like at crazy! What the fuck are you doing I understand it. I guess he want to throw up when they realise with headphones
and now its hands like somebody is eating mediator there. If there are actually can ITALY are in error, and it's like your arm, like the the, sir, what whatever you're listening to this on the subway eyes, like thirty hot and now with I was like yeah. You just hear that like saliva, I can handle it a bit so that you're one of those people that if you hear it you'll just fucking worse, I will never do it because I can't handle it whenever when, when you've done it or anybody out on it, like howard stern, used to just eat canal erp dislike hate, it makes me not. She s lady, he doesn't do very more out. I've listened in a long time. I haven't. I was never a stern guy. I we ever talk about stern. I think so. I didn't, grow up or over there in white people always ask you know like about like there's. No, I wouldn't people don't compare me to him, but then we do a similar thing, but like ee er,
impersonal you're. Not I literally have maybe listen to. One shall be a I. I use the list all the time when your kid, when I was a kid in high school and then there was just a day where I think he had that move is movie was coming out and he was talking nonsense about the movie and then he like worked everybody up and and see words like this movies come out, and it's like we got this thing showing yeah like, we are determined to shows a colleague, a private parts right and he's like anyway. I got worked up into such a frenzy. I'm like like saying that, like my wife, was on my way very like a cable there's like a one o clock, one one of the afternoon shower just like we probably gonna get this. Peter, like one thousand one hundred and thirty you feel like, is this thing's going to be and the hitters, like nine people there, and it's like on the it comes out, and then I just
I think that made me feel kind of like a sucker the bull and then I then I think the thing that I really he lost me when he just kind of became like die when he being successful around across that line to where he's not. Underdog anymore, he's now yeah running things, there's a part of me that lost interest in it, the eye it, sir. That's Turning going, I feel like you like when somebody was out when you went to serious or before before that oh yeah, I think when he when he was when he really got accepted by everybody. I think that is why this this is the most helping thing already that I'm hearing say like don't ever become liked. He everybody cause you're hate yourself like I'm like here. My entire dynamic has just revealed itself to me like a fail it just enough to keep people
feeling sorry for you, yes, exile. If they don't feel like you're a loser, yeah yeah why will I down rough? It just and then just happened. I think I figured the whole thing out right now. Yeah well, I'm glad I can help out. That is the quickest working time show. We've had time to take a nap. I remember what I think. I think, because people are like hey, you like you, hit it off with mark and you guys get along like how, like I don't like, and I was thinking like, I think, there's one thing I said yeah. I said: He like more came on my show by show once and I said to him, you know I could fix you in five minutes. Saying it s a dumb they say, and I think as like. Maybe that That is why, like a little seed in the bag, was areas like this guy he's gonna
to me at some point im pretty confident that the one about like went right in and locked it in. I think it's going to happen at some point. It's it's like that thing where like, but I know when you win feel like you're getting condor or a correct yeah like alright, ninety Nine percent of me knows that this that there's no businessman with all his money, but it's like butchers. What if this is the one like that's how they get your right there. That's the guy, my dad with four that lie ahead, these that guy he's he's very mark that just see what the what is on line health practitioner like and then they'll, send me all the right things where it's like this guy. This guy knows what he's talking about. You know you gotta eat the you know the vitamin d all the time and you know stay away from this stay away from that, and probably never going to have colon cancer, whatever the fuck. It is I use a doctor, so I'm thinking like I do knows what he's talking about his start doing this. But then I go look up these guys that he,
he's believes in and I'm like why's this guy from anyting science on is here. He he like partner, with some guy who, at a vitamin a like this was years ago. I've taught you, I don't think I talked about it to you before by it was called memory revitalizer and it was just big fun, vitamin in this guy and in my dad, was pushing it made me. Take it easy. This is the one and then I met the fuck that created. Some dude is like an office with one guy in it and boxes of the shit that anyway, what's the credibility of this stuff, and the guy was some weirdo right wing, libertarian dude and my dad I guess I know you are talking about that. Guy I make environment. Where he's he's fixing it. He knows the answer to anything else. It is our firm self yeah. No input he's got suckers. Yes, it's it's down into me like it's like what the term presidency theirs
hard me that realises like this is exactly the president. This country deserves some level, because this is the complete. This is what america was built on. You in the bad way Is this guy Julia, you're born every minute. Gaiety barnum's, unfortunately he's a racist fuck, but in any shameless about that. But in terms of how does it make sense? Of course it makes sense, it's the most transparent administration we've ever had, because he doesn't give a fuck No, it's just chaos all the time, and it's just that we know exactly what's happening and no one can do anything about it. Fit phil phil orson, who you know he he said he was in a cab in new york in the cabin was just talking about trump and he's a like. Add this guy's, just a queens real estate, guy yeah, like an actress sums up everything you think about lego
the real estate mogul and queen yeah and you're, just kind of like. Oh that's everything this guy does is just slapped together. rebuilding the aarhus. Never don't even worry about the consequence to anything I just like just whatever it takes to get this next deal going. If turkey, just a hustler, hustle guy, you're gluck, yeah. I don't want to underplay it at all because that was one of the things I want to talk to you about is why I don't know why it becomes almost impossible to reconcile how to get through a day right, and enjoy your life or do what you need to do but know that this Garbage fire is, is ongoing. Yeah like it's making me like there's a part of your being that's constantly being trolled by the very nature of what's happening, culturally and politically and somehow after put a lid on that to just function. do you feel that now I work
work hard at it. One of the things I I decided when, when the two thousand and sixteen election was going the way it did with the best shows like we're not going to make this a political because you can get that literally everywhere else now and it's like people know side of things I'm on, for I know, but he's gonna be let go you didn't talk about the thing like. Maybe he loves trump, it's like now. Of course, I yet own, it's funny that we do that. I do that. Two words. It sort. Should we be doing this and Brendan's like now ones doing. You know you do what you do and if something resonates with you, but you getting into the ring with that shit. There's people do a better and that's not what they show and people need a place to go everybody fighting the fight inside them. You need a place to go where it's like. It's like an ice pack on your head. and as I looked at my I look at my show- is now being the thing worth like you know, what's a good place, you know, I'm not, I'm not
like. Oh, I can't believe I supported that asshole and he's like You know mom on your side with stuff, but you're. loud a break from a also the part of me questioning everything all the time. It's like you ever like to have a thing where, like you'd go to the movies like doesn't matter what I eat at the movie leah language doesn't count, though the count on a plane and are like at the movies I playing around town, even just out of town, yes, you're, just like out of town like yes I'll get the zone that time exactly is are out of town. Don't you have a really good or like what I do is defined. What's good in this place, I can cry sure haha it's hilarious, because he said he was talking about like how he was on the road and he was like you know, he's done with his diet. He'd run his mouth thought and wherever you go, he talked to the problem.
Whoever it was, was in charge of the green room like what's that city known for It was Detroit nosy, some of these dogs, some kind of dogs, and I get there. Coney dogs. I think they are called with cheese and whatever they're hot to us and bird. So I can give me give me fifty dollars worth put, that the green group, That is what he deserved, what they got there, what a special thing hundred dollars worth of that. Just have it back. There and tray, because when I saw mission possible eating. This, like, peanut eminem's, I'm just like yeah the best through It's like I'm watching him like he It runs there's like one part of the movie where he runs as fast as a We can run for like five men, it's the Tom cruise run yeah and I'm sitting there, I'm just like wrong eating this stuff. Until a like felt myself, I just like I hate my stumps Does I literally threw the candy on the floor really just
you're done with it. Like you, disgust me like this guy. This guy's, like it optimal human watching this like this, like machine like maxima, high, laugh and I'm just like shake in the bag of m, and I was just like Luz. I guess I could do three at a time like chase it with some korea exact so that all three its we like, but then I'm just like so so in the middle of the room on the floor. When people heard in the middle of the Tom run rolling yeah It's rolling because they'll roll because they're fully rounded they were still in the bag. They just hurt all AG hit the floor little bag of rocks. I was like yes, that's how I felt in bringing back up somebody. I there's a point where I said I have I had this theory and I knew was faulty about I just like look if you, if you just
drop your shit on the for the movie theater, you keep the staff employed. Yes, your and my leg full, are slobs at the movie theater. They have to hire more, people and somebody good for the it's good for the people in Egypt, my friend Hannah was just like I work at a movie theater debts. As do more. You idiot, like It is about the hire a second person lie. to clean more garbage. Like wavers in the theater. I have one person cleans it do back in the old days when it was like you just like this floors were sticky, yet notice from soda yeah, so rose when you're a kid. That's fucking, theatres, just nasty, beat up seats. Cough quarantine. No, like I can't I am my girlfriend you I just like, insists that it's like she eats it all before the movie starts on purpose,
if she doesn't want to be distracted by eating popcorn yeah. I could just I don't like that. Shoveling, you know it like you, you. I'm looking at my watch, my we ve got we're here. Fifteen minutes before it starts the directives and we're sitting euro popcorn is just it's stupid. It's gonna be and not even like eating it at the movies. It's like desk, compulsive behavior. Let you engage in before movie starts. You're check a check in the box of things yeah, and then you get the large one. You can refill it and that's problematic yeah cause. Now it's just like a quick go, fill yeah I'll, just have to just have to wear your person that puts which should in the popcorn. I started doing that a little bed and there's a guy up. Then I felt yeah. Then I felt I was the literally going, peanut, Eminem and popcorn, and some people directly rwanda rate raising
it's what I see people dump the southern. I wasn't dumb I'll, just I'll, just like literally chases my sweet hand is my salty hand and then they meet in the middle and I just eat like a like a horse. I just kind of feed myself yeah, like a sugar cube, was the what is the one they used always raising it. I think people yeah. I think that's like a that's the classic. That feels like a Dad's is milk tat? Maybe it wouldn't look, that's hardly one. We were younger right now. I don't know It was refresher. Now I that it when last time you had a milk dead sea, is. I dunno. When the last time I had one now that you mention them, I can tell you the next time I'm going to have a milk that is like an hour. from now, as you put it in my head. Do you like them? Oh, like any of that, I'm that's the. I just remember when I was a kid, the milk dad you eat him and it was like he was like you. You had to get through. That karma was here. You know
they're, just soft there's nothing to her yet but like when we were kid, it was like they were going to up yeah yeah. I mean that there was a real thing and they see this is how they just this is how the pakistan, how is that you know you used to take some time to get through a box, but now in the caramel soft, like a fucking? rolo almost exactly going to be going to go right to a box in a minute. I think it's time for you to go back to the counter at the movie theater and be like excuse me me. These. These methods are a little too soft, and they will be like hey. Aren't you, the guy in the joker movie, pay the guy from the joker movie was complaint, that the milk duds were to sign
how how suggestible do you think you are too like advertising and stuff like that I'd, while I'd like to think that I wasn't, but it seems that whenever I sort of landed on some fashion choices that their everywhere within a month- and I don't know what the fuck that's about because like I think they are not trying to be at the cutting edge of anything, but I felt that you know there were a couple of things that I was doing, that that all of a sudden culturally happening shortly thereafter that I I thought me I'm not taking responsibility for them. Because maybe I was just mind fucked by suggestive, something like where am I taking it in? I don't know when I got all into red wing boots like a few years back, I didn't see a lot of morality. I thought I saw one guy with these boots. I always wanted to find a boot with a toe strapped to it. They had a certain look and it was a red wing. iron ring. Endure whatever the hell it was called in,
at bottom and then all of a sudden everyone's got them. I talked about it a lot, so part of me was right and I kind of did that, but I don't think I did do you feel like it was like. If you take a big step back from it, and you saw the the the kind of the time line of those like where armand or you. If there's five steps. Those boots are, you are you at stepped, who we are I that's a good question. I don't know how it happened. You know, I don't know what you know what I just was wearing boots and then in mp like my friend indo re, he's got into your highlights, got a guy macon boots, and then I went to whites boots in it. It was just a boot. I just remember specifically. I think I think I was part of the the the push from two hundred and two ok. So your hovering in that due to three other, was one guy, that every without a few of us are sure the heavy like us, it's yeah and then I I got him that I talked about him and then like it. Then I was. I was part of the push from two to three and then,
After that, you know they got way out of that. Guy if you think that guy you and and fifteen other people saw the one goes back to the one guy. Do you think he goes back to the boot place and just like hey give him a mark. Marron saw the boots are there six hundred dollars, it might be. That might be eighty set out of it, quite, as did my job mightily, the true conspiratorial out of me, I need buddhists ashen. I took down mary, he looked at the boats, ideot back and forth, and your and my few times and I want my money yeah now, if the guy just has to be like I running things like marin just bought some of the boots. That was one of the names on the thing. Here's your other here's, the other, fifty percent of the money you get in here, the rest of the names yeah I get. These hears go, get Josh, brolin, yeah, yeah yeah can get one of the hip hop guys. So
so you you feel, like you end up, but somebody influence, its everybody's influenced by something. At some point, I don't like. I know that my plaid short thing. I can track disposition. The creator joan array and I don't think I told them ok, but I think it like you know, it became sort of an all too kind of new plaid third shirt thing was a thing, but I was pretty much a flannel guy solid, like my my oh two was like an l, l, bein, shamming shirt. Ok that had some where to it that was sort of where I was at an leave. I pants so like that. The other thing that denham thing like like I might my issue, is that, like I'll get in these things in my see, other people are doing them. Then I realized I gotta get out right I gotta get out. Like the Denham thing. I got these imogene and to selvedge denim it really know anything about it. I just thought these were nice pants and then all of a sudden everyone's
crazy that I'm sitting in a bathtub breaking in levi's at centres but and then I'm not washing them and they stink and put them in the freezer. Like I met a I saw a guy, the other night, Josh Adam Meyers, he's kind of a he's, a comic, but he rock n roll thing and his parents who just like shit- indian weird and greasy aha, and I'm like what's up with those pants is, I am doing the thing I haven't washed them in seven years, just doing the freezer thing, so that's just frozen and reheated fucking dead skin. and wait and whatever is coming off your fuckin junk down there. The frightening I'm gonna commit, and I am glad I got out of that- glad not my life is like wearing that one air pants they have washed in a decade that are just shiny from fucking by, the garbage and then now you're kind of like you're known as like the pants, I know I know in and then it's like, where that your pants, what's up with your pain, what happened to the pants are in the shot during the freezer.
Kill all the fucking bacteria. Every six weeks, yeah if you want to go eat like answer in the freezer. Now I kind of can't. I me four. a horse for a pants warm up, but I think would develop what you're saying like that's what usually happens. Music, I think I've have come upon something, I don't really believe. I taken a lot of advertising, but something sneaks in the trends. There's some sort of Well meant a meme moment. I don't know what it is but, like you know, I do know that there's a specific world of my my likes he not wearing hats. You know I didn't I'm not wearing a fedora or bowler. I tried that folk singer, langhorne slim swim. Nice guy, send me a hat, design got me a great comedy bit but go where it just wasn
yeah. What are you do you have? Do you do that without, like kind of like it look at me, I'm wearing the outfit? You know what I mean like right now, I'm wearing levi's, okay, I broke in myself. I put the time in I pulled them back out. I have a lot of different pants. I got high end pants that I got tired of because they're, not here the other, the other heartbreakers like. So these are the ones these are the best ones. These are the ones who will last a lifetime. They don't seems, the stitching goes out, seems go out, they look stupid. You know, like dean, keeps everything clean like what are you getting pants for if you can keep them clean with that way, you can get boots for to keep them clean haha
it bothers me but anita like he, he looks good but whatever, but my point is so come wearing Levi's and wearing a pair of white's boots or I rotate. I rotate shoes try and keep them going, and tom petty sure. From the last concert, yeah and a belt that I bought in seattle at the weather, place in pike's, market, okay and I'm wearing a belt buckle, they've had since seventh grade. This is right. original okay can see. I like, I have a different approach to. I would be happy wearing, like literally like a janitors near zip up well? Why don't you weren't, I'm sure, as they weren't blue here, a blue shirt, rio pants plead all behalf, so not susceptible you're committed I look at his like. I guess I have to wear something so I'm going to wear a uniform he's wearing that extra soy, it's like einstein, so you have just a bunch of blue polo shirt. Just like wearing blue polo shirts, blue pants, a blue. That's it that's kind of what, if you need to wear a jacket
I think, there's gotta be a blue jacket out. They don't have a vote. You know I have look. I have jackets and I have all that stuff, but in terms of me just day to day functionally being on the world. I try- I just really I just I don't have much of a passing foreign and bad at it, and my my wife will help. She fills in the blanks for a real, true disaster if she was not helping me like sure, yeah worst, but it like. She now has, I think, kind of what is waves, the white flag on dislike, getting you to spice up. He is wearing blue, whichever to buy nice button up. Shirt short sweep. She say that downward colors look. I got one teed up here before line, the awaited. I wear that by sea. For me, This is this is how I like twisted. Show me like where you're like yeah, I know comfortable wherein that had around town here, I'm just like that. I dunno. If I were as button down shirt, what's going to happen, yeah people can really hate button there.
it's a button down, hope I can get made fun of or whatever and at times it's like when you we'd go to school with like a haircut and then people would and people like hey, lay a haircut woods in a job just be like. This hurts my feeling so like dont focus on my Do you feel? Did you feel that when you were a kid like the haircut was so uncomfortable. I was so fucking uncomfortable yeah, you know, and it like it was a. It was just never ending like there's always be problems cause if you that guy that so self conscious, yeah something's going to happen you're going to pee yourself. So you know it's just not you you're not made for this world. Of of your judgment, you know when you're that guy it's kind of like? Oh, my god, these pants would have you know? I, when I remember when my dad got my pants ripped at camp, he or she swayed devastating like I couldn't
I couldn't go on the rest of the day. What are we going to do and they had like the counselor at a pinner burlap piece over this whole, so my underwear when show cars like the world ended. I get dropped out of my pants and just like, please, oh god, no one notice and not as don't look in just don't look at me, though god dishes the worst now always got food poisoning camp, and that was the nightmare dude. I think it was like scared of haircut groups also like it just like the like. I, like my my parents were trying to we're all. Just like we gotta get this kittle. Just like just go, see movies and watch tv all day like you have to go. Do some some thing with other kids where they make you do they will? I got went to this like they're like you should go this a track camp and I was like thirteen You guys know who I am it's just like track: camp yeah it's so It was that it was at a at rutgers college, which is yeah kind of near so that, like he, going to track camp and am like, I see like the track
sign up table over there. They drop me off I go and then I steal, like the student center was like walked into the student center and played video games. All day long and then just walked out. Once I get I can at three hundred, I like walk back out, and then the next day I dropped back off, walk right as it stood. the arcade play video games all day. Then, like that, it's been like that night, it was like days and I am a mother's dislike. Are you not going the trick. I got a phone call, it's like did. They sign you up yeah, I would I was signed up and they're just like They don't have a record of you going to track camp. What are you like were dropped
you like. Are you not going to the and have just like and just play, video games? Yeah? I didn't want to go to track camp and I didn't want to do that and they're just like ugh. Then they just like fine don't go to track. What were the games and asteroids? Yes, all the Gallagher defender in all those games, yeah yeah, just every one of those games- I would just be in there all what was the missile one missile command jolla, that was powerful yeah with the roller ball, tempest that hemp as yet yeah the site, click clack, clack, clack of the three d game, yeah yeah, very simple, yeah now, but I was we play space invaders at the bowling alley yeah before the video decades holiday bowl there'd be like a asteroids machine and the snack bar merits asteroids. I remember when that happened. I could see like you like. I I fundamental
we wanted to be around people. Bows fell felt uncomfortable, so I am, but I would I would thought I would fight it out I had this problem, I to render this perspiration problem, but I still I still do, which is but sweat this much when you were in junior high, like I was the guy with pits in june. Your highness couldn't do anything about it. Like him, my dad was a doctor. There was talk of maybe getting. sweat glance surgically removed. There were proscription anti per sprints that we tried. There is like sink involved was involved, sure and it was just like the bane of my existence. Pit stains yeah. I just get it on my forehead and it's just like the batons of spike. I'm not. I swear to I'm not nervous. I don't know why, like I'm like, this, has nothing
do with like for some reason: it's just my body, not my not like I'm hubbub romam hubbub when you die. Let us wtf at the bell house and and was the air conditioner. They are condition was broken and I was just like yes, this is everything. it's going to go the you're all sweaty and nobody's going to know a thing is wrong with me. I'm up here also boy, it sure is hot up here: Hon guys were all sweaty im up here right now. Meanwhile, if it was forty degrees in there, I'd probably still be it'd, be like what's wrong with that guy yeah yeah. I just remember like like I, I kind of played in a band with this kid pee wee's. We knew like three songs. in a word, and I was in, I was, nerdy, and I wasn't like on the pulse of anything until probably my junior high school. This was younger than that. So we you know taking care of business
We kind of made our way through part of sweet emotion, kind of like fumbled, true tush I think we did young blood bad company's version of it are all the big ones. Yeah yeah, when I was in a band a little bit cause. I played bass a little bit angeles like out. I don't have any aptitude for this at all, but here I just remember. We played in like a driveway, I like one, or you just go for the drumset yeah, it's a and it's exactly what we did. Yes, of course, we're in a driveway playing and it was like bad companies feel like making love barney pan I just remember as a kid. Even then I was probably fifteen. I remember thing like looking at like these like for like, losers and one buses like singing about
making him is like what are you like of us I know what that like feel like making love to you. It's like what do you say about any of the? What was amazing is it that age you could find different man and you know- and he didn't have any other talent- and he probably wasn't that great a singer, but now they'd lean into it. They, like there's a certain type of person, this guy damon. He didn't really sing that well, but he he was confident any like you, we on the mic, unbelievable here you think about, like David Lee roth and like like he's terry, like he's If group play it's almost sounds like he's, screaming over like an instrumental track where I just like you, hey, there's this ban.
Three guys who jam out on the songs and he's just like I'm just going to scream whatever I want. It has nothing to do with what they're playing he's a vaudevillian that guy. But it's all attitude yeah. Exactly the front man thing is sort of fascinating and then nobody questions like. Then you start to get that thing like well he's a great free. But it's like he can't sing like yeah like it's like the this requirement, you'd. Think of being a thank you for this is crazy entertain. You know that the nuts sector training, but that's like that gene that he never could imagine being like hey, I'm not good at this, but why watch me they don't watch me. They don't have that that partner who, as you know, is tat. The good again they laid has never been. I like just that idea of, like hey you want to sing like
billy. These are the guys will be like I'm a lead singer needlessly. This guy must be great. He said he was a lead singer. it just like. Oh my god, indeed just when you finally add it up later. It's like wait that he can't sing right now, but that was awesome. Are you kidding? Oh god, and then it's just it's just the thing is: has left station yeah and it's just no no he's the lead singer, he's like like, Those stories about like andrew dice clay, whose almost like the closest stand up equivalent to lead singer ray we're people be like hey, that was my joke and he'd be just like yeah, I'm doing it now. I gotta be famous like there's like a story of him like somebody was like: hey, that's mine,
It looks like your auto and george or something hey. That's my like! Hey man, that's my thing. It's just like yeah! Well, I'll! Look I gotta get famous! So it's your problem, yeah! I I believe I remember hearing some version. I believe that I dunno a guy who didn't talk to him about that, but the equations right that otto and george, the guy with the puppet, had a thing he was very he's dead now, but that be the guy think. I remember vaguely hearing about that. You have a confident seeing tat think I killed music career cuz. Frankly, like you know, I'm playing better now than I ever have, and I never took it that seriously, and I make jokes about that. I'm grateful that I didn't take it seriously, but there was a time. We know I wanted to play guitar you know and just remember like, like I learned that very thing I know, and never never taste in music was always oldies and blues and whatever and then like it expanded over,
I'm still expanding now, but I just remember this one time where I knew like one lake. You know couple of chords I am dad. This ban called the philistines who was in the philistines are like the new mexico's and cut pocket, but they were part of a new way. There are banned ardor and they were gay on the scene, the philistines you. I knew a guidance If he's dead too now he used to play with it, but they were the urban. They were looking for guitar player, some way, I'm going to audition for the philistines, and these two fucking dudes come over and they're snotty and you know I I know already and are at my parents' house. You are in the living room and I have got my telecaster that you know I got for my birthday or whatever my first real guitar I bought it because Keith had one, and I got these two arts snobby kind of music, guys sitting there and I quote: what do you know and might do my check berry thing in there?
Will you do anything else? My I don't like. What are you guys playing? what do you need? Is there other things that I need to know, and Don't even remember how the audition went. I dunno if they asked me to play a song, just kind of played my chuck berry licks and they just were condescending and they walked away and it felt awful and then there was a string of awful things with that music that just shattered my heart and in disable the sweating like tat day. I didn't tell you about that day. I've I've talked about it once or twice before, but we're at dean's house. His mother would charges for fuckin sodas. She wasn't even Why? Like real coke, it was like the happy time. I think here was betimes soda that they hadn T. Is out in the garage and we drink em and then she started liking charges a quarter for every fucking, happy time right But anyway, so girls came over I like a
girls came over friends of bob who is a friend of damon's and they came over to dean's house. There was two of One of them was named Veronica and the other one fuck, I don't remember her name and I'm playing guitar and the fucking pit stains come in like bad, like I'm wearing a button up, pri tucked into britannia pants. and that I might have had family carry shoes on with the wavy bottom and you could just feel it coming like. It was just happening, you know, and then, unlike in I am I'm pretty sure that the girls are can end the embarrassing a fourteen year old? Yeah with massive pit stains and then I'm just like I said, DINA Is there shirt in your room? Can I grab a shirt in your room cause? I can't do this and I went into his room and there was just. I just found the shirt that was like right there and it was. like one of those jerseys that there
economic there, the little holes in them not netted, but they have like a vent to him sure I do usually reversible. Aha, it was it was a putt putt shirt. and because dean was in, and I come out in that you're trying to make it smooth im just going to go in and grab sure yeah, at like why that shirt, that's my ipod put bishop shirt, and now everyone knows, I'm wearing a shirt that doesn't fit right to miniature golf shirt and like. Why did change, your shirt and it's just like it just went downhill from there, and then there was the the music camp debacle that that was the end of it. That was the end of my music career. Did I tell you that sorry, maybe I dunno, I went to music camp for two years up in Pottsville outside of Pottsville pennsylvania, okay, lighthouse, arts and music camp. They let you smoke sixteen years old
rate, sure just beauty. I don't even know why they did, but where I could smoke there, some tea gown do it. Our thing taken lessons and worrying the lake on, like you know, girl and tigerland romance. I don't even know who did that song I dunno
third rate romance low rent rendezvous. It's got a great guitar on it, but I couldn't figure pack and focus, but there is a performance. You know you kind of were encouraged to play with other people, so I you know, unlike Oregon, put together a band for the big thing at the end. Yeah and I just collect these fucking guys, like I didn't like I didn't like. I picked the guys draw problems, aha, which is going to do johnny b goode. How? How hard could that be says? Any fucking idiot you can play johnny b, Goode yeah. The other band of course were like just the nerd crew like there was this kind of a very small dude who was just a wizard on the drums. Drummer was, I think his name was Ben. Aha, though, is Ben and like you know, they were doing pops and then the sky aaron
in some other guys, im guy with red, hair they're, just a full on music nerd crew. They were the other band and I dunno what they were working on. So I get so. The night comes we're in the band shell, haha and mike as we are going to play. Johnny b, goode and they're fucked up the roberts like stone to shit. These are fifteen year old, geyser, one of them drunk haha. And you know I you know- and I come out. I do the lead riff and it's a fuckin mess it that you know. That's a that's a song that can absorb some mess and it's not going well. Then I start I can't hit that I come in on the wrong pitch and I'm struggling to stay and then it's a fucking disaster, it's a fucking disaster and it's embarrassing and there is no way that was good, yeah and I'm singing and I'm in the front yeah and I'm wearing
the tuxedo shirt, yeah yeah, which is now why it took you thirty years to get back into singing to feel okay right, holding my guitar but the other band, the nerds. I think they got up there. I think they play dumb Elvis, costello, mystery, dance sure and then, like entire side of a genesis record and dislike and nailed ya like a mic. upon that, for there were my lot robbed, yeah, just a races yeah, and then I moped in the one sort of like sad girl, who is my like you really good? No, I wasn't They were there already sing like no. You were good, it's like What do you make a guitar like I said we were terrible first like here I believe that is for ever looks like you're having fun their reckless always the heading when a band when a bans bad and like, like you, know the people you dislike, how worried
I think you guys are having so much fun are really in it. Yeah like ok, that was the appointment yeah. It was like cover, you played yeah, there's anything to like to get off or listen where we think those new petals guitar pal. Like today, I posted a picture of me playing lead in the studio and graham yeah do that and like you know, I know that I move funny when I'm playing somewhat get at the common my thoughts, a pretty good lady who takes a lot like I was just in a studio, delaying down a lead track for the thing I did and it was good bye. There was, but like there are people, who is sort of, like nice, p, dance like there's a few of those in a, but you know what I was his honest, I'm okay, I'm okay. I feel pretty proud of there's always going to be a thing just like it's almost like a like a people when they think of what
they see you, it's you holding a microphone right talking and people would feel just as weird if they saw- Keith richards was around holding a mic on stage. Yes, walk around talking, the one expect you'd be like what whatsapp. That's weird, looking like that. That sure is a conflict that I had like a I know I get that and I'm not. No, I'm not sad about I'm proud of it and like I'm, just one in like this is the things I do, and this is how I do I'm I'm okay at some things, I'm good at other things, but there's but I'm getting better at these things and fuck it. You know it's like what do I but few, the guitar thing not something I ever shared and it didn't feel necessary and now I am so now five open myself up to that. So there's a sincerity to it. Also there's like a pure ness if you're gonna play, you come from where you come from comedy where everything is, is yeah take down or a funny comment on what other will do or say right and then
you're doing this thing. That is completely without you can't do sarcastic guitar photoplay, yeah. I think you have some pretty earnest about mentioning some hits young and make a few, but that's the that's. The beauty of music is that it is those people lowering all their guards, and especially when you have like a cool person, then some When they do a thing and they're super sensitive, then that's that's like the most effective thing sure ever when the just like look d. Showing their humanity and then the shield goes back up as soon as they're done with the song. But that's the thing with music. Is your your spoke? yourself and there's no there's no getting around that. This is a state, sincere version of yourself. That's true. Like an hour, that's what I always was so horrifying about it and bite. There's no Wait for me to like you to sing confidently. If I'm going to sing it's going to be like pretty ernest yeah, after decades, in with these,
mutants mutants that you're now suddenly supposed to just be like hey, I'm just going to play, and it's going to just be heartfelt and nothing other than that here, like I'm, not yeah. There's no jokes! Tonight people people Do you like? I got a lot more support than I and I'm not really hung up on it, but it's just like. I was never the confidence in like people who have their karaoke songs, yeah. The fuck are those people. Why do I have some karaoke songs? You do oh yeah, you shouldn't carry I like karaoke, you do sure. Does everyone know this? While people know it I'd like karaoke a lot, but it's a I don't like doing it in a club like if it looks like it just scares me a yeah, I'm not judging people who have their songs. It's just how I like it in a room worth me a few of my friends and you shut the door and you're just doing it for you, it's not in that, not in a club where out of strangers and start not doing that. I would just like a club house, yeah carrie,
If you go on having the rent, a room, yeah I'll, go rent a thing I'll go. there was a time when you rent a room for carry when it's a few friends you go rented there's carry oki rooms merely to tally authorizing room. I was away other six view? Okay, go with roommate no kidding yeah like a studio situate, exactly that's exactly what it is, so you guys would just sit down and watch each other sing us and everybody. He has been in the room here at the ninety six people, six people, maybe eight low pressure, is low pressure, because our consent, there's people everybody's all over the map in terms of their singing ability, and it's just it's it's kind of its kind of a nice way. Would they do its non judgment. Judgment right. It's nice. I've always been impressed with people who can do it. You know, but it was surprising I get like. I have memories of it. It was always terrifying to me and I didn't even know if I would do it today, but like you go to
certain parties in back in the day, yo and there's a karaoke situation going on. I gotta, even though its arms I was sitting in a bye, bye, bye, scott ackerman. I did radiohead, I got, don't don't don't leaving dry hydra as a holy fuck during a full falsetto. I was impressive now I know that about that guy, yeah and then ardwick would come out and do exactly whatever the fuck it was. I saw him, do it two or three times yeah, I thought you were going to say he would then come out and do radiohead know like now another comedian do radio now, but he had a full on fully formed karaoke personality, yeah yeah, which is not surprising. Then he would do it to a show talking about the karaoke yeah and then he would go in the back and yell at his girlfriend. Ah, but so the music, though
I did the karaoke and the driveway while I do, I just don't have it in, I just don't have it in me to be sincere with it. I just feel like I've. I've made fun of too many things too, watch and suddenly I have for me to do. I just don't feel I would. It would just not feel natural to me be like here's a song. I wrote about a thing and it's like, or I would just feel like who, who am I doing a song? and did he ever do you ever think like what what would cause you know, you're in worcester or friends and he's ACA, you know just a monster. Drummer yeah can do anything, but do you ever feel like you know what form would best express your musicality, I think at this point I've always thought I would be a better music man, or like? I would just be like look guys. I know, what's cool I know what I would want to see in a band find some dummy in Julia, completely mould them now like that, I would be much better? I feel like now that song sucks
doing that one change this to that, but never perform the fat right just kind of that way but I would have been much better at that. I would ve been said, but I would have been a better fit for me. What are you listen to do to make yourself feel better in these these times of the garbage fire. When I listen to, I listen to I hate when people ask me that I'm I was I listen into a lot of the o seasonal yeah. This album they desire the other o c s. Album is like this quiet album that I just like it is like a perfect like down album for me to just listen to and it just like. It's like all. This is my head. It's ok easy here tonight, because sometimes it's a flake with loud stuff, it's like everything's loud like there's some version of volume to everything that
we're all like you were saying, are under attack MIA all the time, and it's just like it's okay to be like nice to yourself and it's like yeah yeah yeah. I started like the one thing I did. I started working at like volunteering at the food bank like yeah, it's the best thing I ever did I started it started, there's ways like the rather movie sausage party that was like the oh yeah seth rogen in the supermarket yeah having sex with each other and like I did they get away with some joke and funcom that was like cause. I saw the trailer for that. I'm, like you, couldn't pay me distance like this this move, like presses somebody me that upsets me like a anthropomorphic food, so I tweeted that ass, like how much would I have to get paid to see this movie is like and I was like yeah. I think I need eight hundred dollars to see this movie and then listen is like they will, where we started a go fund me eight hundred dollars,
see the thing and I'm like Tell you right now, I'm keeping the money like if you do it in then people are gonna, be great, give it give the money to charity. You know I'm telling you if you give to this thing, I'm keeping it yeah it's going into my pocket and then I'm going to buy milk. P, that eminence the money comment, the money came and they actually raise the money and then I was like. I can't keep this money. What am I a monster If so, then I gave them money this food bank, in new jersey, the community food bank, in new jersey and- and I like, as I have just and I like, figured out- like match it or what on my own? So it's just like a nice check and then so I contact them on the hey. I just want to give this money and the the like. Oh well, what's the story with this things like well. You know that movie a southern I'm explaining to some woman. Try to get one hundred sausage party right she's like no. I don't
I don't know what that is. It's like! Well, it's a hot dog having sex with a like I'm trying to look just take the just take the check. and I started volunteering there and it's like the most. It's like the most it's. It's a great grounding thing anytime. I start to get like really anxious with the world. I just go there and- and it's just like it's like no, no you're just put your filling boxes with food. the people that can't let go out of their house yeah. You just sign up for a shift and you pack boxes for a few hours, and it's just like it's like out. There we do have some control over the world like huh in the immediate sense, so the people actually on your backyard ryan Actually you spend a few hours doing the thing and then, like you and a group of people who you have maybe have nothing in common with you all packed boxes, and now it's like now. Five hundred families have food
now it's like and what it led me to was. This thing works just like like these shitty people are not the country they're, not the country, they are just They have their hands on the steering wheel right now. They are not right, they are not america re are just driving the bus right now right and that's a temporary willing, yes exact. But it's still just like you have to remember the larger sense of things and it's like there's over there. that are not their world, underneath it all underneath all the noise and the garbage fire. You know there is no people still sort of like having wives, helping other people you're doing the right thing. Your communities and also Mobilizing for political action to vote now, there's stuff happening in theirs. There's people yo showing up for other people and at the end, that's what america really is
really, and it's just like those are the people like the idea that you live in a place and there's people like the other side of the world that are hungry people like a mile away from you, don't have food in the same, so it really sure sit down and it makes it kind of kind reaffirms the manatee for me of okay? That's a great, but I still go there and I end up getting like the book. Some retire guy who's, just kind of like boss, like just like, don't tell me at it. He's like hey, you need to cut the box, like your were breaking the boxes up there, at the thing and put them in that. So I put him in that one, not that he's like Boston me around, like who the fuck are you to tell me. who are you don't work here? They use a volunteer like me, like all lay our readers the day, is like this anger. Active packaging worry about yourself, Paul, wouldn't thing like now. If you won't get those boxes, is you get
go get a knife from that table and it's like calm down. I still is amazing they like in the purest I still find like an enemy to just do rally again: hey you know, there's something you know like those guys who, like are retired and decided they still need to do stuff go either way could go either way either they're, like sort of like a magnet it's kind of like back in the day, guys yeah or there guys who are sort of like nah when I had a store. This is how we did it yeah and that's how Paul was at the food bank I get tired of telling me how to do my it's like look, I'm not a kid or the food. Did you say that now I just sucked it I just was like you, I'm going to do the boxes twice as fucking to show you how grandpa you watch watch how fast I break these boxes now. rise. He's got like some. Some party like say like a daughter or well grandkid sort of like grandpa,
you go help people lacking just sitting around yelling at the tv go help people go yellow, he'll be given boss. Anyone around than a lost up offering us around go vasile. Make people around is so funny at that food bank. Those like nobody, there's every stripe of person is their volunteering, except for, like other, like cool paper for lack of a better yeah. The people who I would relate to is like my scene or I've never seen one person there. That's interesting! I think I like it when I think about myself in that, like I've started to you as I made more money, you know I give to already I give more to charity. You feel like on some level. You know when people get good things my show, cast and they tell me about it that I'm doing service I donate a lot of books that I get sent to libraries, but I don't get into it
yeah, I could just go down to central office and answer a a calls. You know for a couple of hours, you are going to do a guy have a direct channel through through a aim. You know I could make coffee. I could set up chairs, I could go down in central office and you'll get calls from people a boy and tell them where they can go, but I d I don't make the time for, and I think it is there is something about showing up in being selfless at his m. That is good for you not only the community but yourself here, and it really does help if you feel like for me, if I feel like the the energy is just kind overflowing and I kind of don't know where, to put it going there and kind of exhausting myself doing that stuff, yeah it as you, leave you just like www left, something there and it actually kind of burns off the yeah, the the beds here yet its gaiety.
feel like you're, you're, actively being a helpful in human yeah. How's new jersey scrape great. I love it I that kind of wrap my head around. Just like that's where I like being yeah. I miss it and I I haven't lived there since I was six. Does it? Do you go to farmers, market for food, vegetables and there's all sorts of that stuff popped up everywhere? Yes, there's stuff everywhere here got the tomatoes get all of it. Yes, every kind of vegetable you may want yeah, he gets nice peaches, figs, Eugenie's yeah. You can get bell peppers. They've got all mark they've got every vegetable, it's the garden state. It's like a grocery store outside on starve and you're. Eighty sure did we go again. I think so. This is nice. I think we help people. We talk, he fixed me. Finally, ultimately,
did a real service for people like the word hero gets thrown around, but I don't know lot there's another situation where it could apply more than what we did yeah. So so, what's yours oh very welcome for our sir. You are welcome and as great talking and I'm going to make some salmon
Transcript generated on 2022-07-17.