« Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Dax's Mom (Laura Labo)

2018-07-02

Laura Labo (Dax's Mom) is an American entrepreneur, businesswoman and Dax's #1 love of his life. In this special episode, Laura sits down with the Armchair Expert to discuss her life story, the mistakes that made her and the struggle of raising a family as a single mother. Dax describes the many reasons he loves her and Laura talks about the recent death of her husband. The two of them travel down memory lane in a delightful and endearing lovefest in which they talk about Laura's bouts with depression, the impetus for Dax's love addiction and the exact degree of ugliness to which Dax was as a baby.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Welcome to the armchair expert. I am your resident expert Dac shepherd. My beautiful sidekick as across from me Monica Patman today is a special day is very very special lotta people have asked for this and makes happy that they wanted to hear this because my number one love of my life is on today More about me, I D swelled up even say you last summer. I love you so much. It hurts and am I just want to say: you're gonna you're gonna hear all the way. I love her she's, so honest and open and brave. You know one hundred percent of that I get from her, she does, about some really gnarly stuff, that she's gone through damn she does it without shame she does it with compassion. Towards herself. Am I don't know that I've ever really heard someone tell their story is honestly, as she does the here today. and it was on
very emotional, wonderful for me and I hope all of you guys get as much out of it yeah and I'm just disclaimer. There's a portion of very small portion with that Dax has to go party sleepy yeah and but we kept rolling and and- and I was talking to your mom and a meeting- I believe it in because she says a couple of pretty profound things during their just. Don't think when I like you hear me get up, I haven't had a heart attack or anything I haven't left on a stretcher. Yet If you some talking boulevard ragged concerned, is all idea. He had ever present droning nonstop boys so yeah my sweet, lovely mother enjoy, episode of Armchair export is brought to you by policy genius. You have life insurance, Monica, never yeah! That put you right in the majority Seventy one percent of people say they mean
I've insurance, but only fifty nine percent of people have coverage. What have you to pass up and you want to leave delta your soul. Make me some money, a couple bucks in. Why aren't you doing a time is too hard? Towns down right yeah narrative it not on policy genius. You know what they do. Is they aggregate all these different insurance providers in they filtered through and they give you a great option in under five minutes. You could do a wireless into this podcast sitting on the can watching tv. It could not be easy liberated yes and they
just make life insurance easy. They also compare disability, insurance, runners, insurance, health insurance, and you know, if you care about it, I think they cover it can cause. So if you need life insurance, but you ve been putting adopt because it's too confusing- or you don't have time check out policy genius- is the easy way to compare top insurers and find the best value for you. There's no sale pressure. There is zero hassle and it's free, pulsing genius, dot com when it's easy to compare life insurance, why put it off. My mom, the love of my life lore, Louise Laval, whose here upon popular demand. I think a lot of folks have more now. I think I've gotten a million tweets asking for me to talk to you, which I would have done any ways, but I just want you know that you're highly desired by armed cherries cause it acts of sound.
Will she listened Julius and mom right just recently, you kind of binge. You been right yet, but I had been listening here and there, but I had a real good binge on the drive up you're busy, I'm not expecting you to listen to it, but yeah you have you had a sixteen hour drive from Oregon to allay two weeks ago. I think to say that I met your number. One family be an outright lie but how many did you plows ruin that ride? Oh wait, a few Ellison for today straight and I drove wow. I got through out of them and I really really enjoy the thing I like most about your podcast is that I learned about these people in a much different way than their public persona. Like I get to hear their vulnerabilities and the things they've overcome and their fears- and I don't know it just seems like so much more interesting, like they're real people,
because when I left when I watch tv, unlike all that guy's a millionaire he's gotta made easily, he wakes up inserts a cheering right. Feel ass, nobly exec. Our problems are solved the in what what we then I was gonna record with you. I did have a little bit of rum thence memory of the last time. I thought one of the love of my life's would be a really easy interview which was Kristen, so I have prepared for fifty percent shot this going up in smoke. While I would have thought you would have hired someone to take me, Michael yesterday, they had them over the past few years, Ernie Grievances, that you have my keeping you from doing anything in the way that you know You're born nineteen. Fifty one you have, you have five brothers and you're you're, the third eldest right, yes, a glaring, on call time, and then I knew then I'll go out. Alger then uncle Joel than Uncle Robbie right, yeah
and, as a little sister, to two boys infatuated with them. You are out there, so you wouldn't it. Then they were so good to me. They were well. I mean I could tell you a thousand stories, not just where they use me as a goal in the basement when they played hockey, and I had a zillion pads on and stuff, they discussed shooting bucks at me, but the Better stories. Are you know my brother's both had paper rouse, which was common for boys in the fifth? he's in Michigan by the way. This is all in Michigan This will allow new meshing, Yvonne you Michigan to nine five, eight, three Macintyre and in the winter time my brother Larry would put me on the sled with all his papers and he would pull me the whole neighborhood I'm taking. This neighborhood was probably gonna gas, a thousand little after the war three men and breakdowns allows yellow bungalows and he would put me on the sled
and deliver all papers, and then there was a guy Rayner. Even in the winter, would come around with his truck that sold cotton, candy and caramel, corn and stuff, and he would always say to me when the truck would be approaching. Do you want some caramel corn and he would reach in his pocket and buy me a car corn, and I would sum slovenly would pull me and then my brother Tom also had a paper out, and he would put me- and they think about this- the time. Even though, is four years older than me. People in the neighborhood thought your twins, because I was the same sizes, real, showing had loved because you're a big girl, or he was a small boy. He was very small boy on health issues. Has look it right An arm so anyway, I would sit on the front the handlebars of his bicycle, which he also had the paper bag with all the papers on this handlebars and he would pedal me all over his route and when he would take me the paper station, he would stop at this little
like a beer and wine store and he would buy me a are sick. In a moon pie, men. I would sit there and watch him full papers and load his paper bag, and I never asked for anything and my brothers just always just where they being coach to do that nice stuff by Meiji or Joel about, are the patriarch of the family. I don't think so, think they genuinely. I mean, maybe I'm delusional by honestly, think they just really liked me. They were just out of the limits of their hearts. Yet we were close. We often did things together, like we had on a shopping centre. That was two blocks from her house and it was fifty seven stores, all under one roof, Wonderland Shopping Centre, which is really big bills of fifty. And they would walk up there with me and we just you know, look at all the stores together and stuff and come I mean we didn't things regularly right. Did you think that made your tomboy, because I sometimes curly, my little sister
your third offspring and I think you know in some way I'm sure were reversed. We damage her by being like the who she was. I want to be like, as I was trying to be like David. She was probably sometimes trying to be like me, so Consequently, she fierce, while on the boss, racy, sometimes get in trouble for she kick that boy in the face. Yes, you kicked him phase knows whether a little vans tensions near really cute opaque, advanced shoes. no wonder you know that was for the best or now put it, but you you can't you play dumb. You played field hockey and shit right yeah. I did, but I wasn't like a tomboy like a, they like doing everything with the boys. However, I loved dolls. I was very much a girl in that respect. How but yeah I guess I was it. You always want to have kids. Always I always knew I was gonna, be a man
Always even now. You are. You are saddled with a ton of child rearing yourself right, because you had three your brothers in you had to do a ton of mom stuff, which you didn't always appreciate. Did you let turkey question? no, I did not always appreciate it. I mean I I love My brothers- and I genuinely did things on my own, that I loved and enjoyed with them, but when I started to get into like junior high in high school and my friends were doing things after school and I wanted to do with them. I did not have the option of going Am I was to report back home because my mom He did help and that I was a little resentful that and then the last baby. She and rob my mom, I'm gonna gas. I think my mom's thirty eight or forty when she had Rob out and she did not recover as quickly
I think she wanted to recover. I think this is really enjoying their the hired hand. Also assured a recover. There might be a fucking seventh child on the wider right. That's very just would not stop gap there. They go man high, very hung at any rate like, like rabbits, yeah, so when I was in arm can think about eighth greater ninth grade. You know Rob was in my room in his career the end we shared room, and so when he came to the house, really is born in August NEWS, a pre me so in September when school started. He was still on a real, every three or four hour bottle schedule and My mother will tell you to this day. She thinks she was very clever, which I suppose she was that when she would hear him,
cry. She would pretend to be sleeping. I will wait for me because I'm not gonna, let him cry so I would go downstairs and back those days it was not a microwave say you heated a bottle on the stove and then use a glass bottles glass bottle. He put it in a pan of water and you heated up in Europe. but changing divers with cloth and rub a baby pins. Yes, and my brother Rob was, he had quite a few bouts with a thing they called rosy alive. Think rose, heard of had bad did. She do Rosalie member. We kept calling it a only in New York last summer, avers shootin will we we did some it was self diagnosis, rosy, our most medical convene our how, though we think it was, she did ever fever one day or she was sick, and then she just had this crate member. Romeo. You got that crazy rat race, yeah, yeah, real rosy, cheeks longer
Where are we had that rabbies to get it frequently line? I looked back on maybe get a couple times, but in my memory is frequently and He would run these ridiculously high fevers and back in those days. The theory was that you give them ice bass, so you would take pan with water and ice and put bath hasn't. You'd lay one bath town on the floor and put the baby and happen. Another ice tower happen. While he screamed and so evil. It was mediaeval and it was the cruellest thing and he would just screaming it's a little baby in so my mom, and I would do that during the night and I'm your school next morning after torch, it'll be a more giving in bottles during the night. So again now I feel like why similarly change many of Carlisle diverse none. Similarly, I know how to torture her with were icy towels, but, but I did have to use those cloth die, because that's what we use and curly was born in eighteen, eighty one or whenever and our boy would
I was very nervous about putting that big safety, Perry memory loss and a thousand stabbed the little baby, and she was so cute enchanted temper to buy an eye, Looking back on that I mean I really have any actions at the time. As you remember, you, David were my support system. However, looking back and knowing what I know now, I feel really sad for you guys guys I feel, like I put you, the same position that I hated being an oh. Well, I have all kinds of things that I looked back on and think could have been better. That's not one of them, and I definitely but you know when, when Christian I brought Lincoln home from the hospital, I think generally, new parents have a moment of panic when leave the hospital, but on you glance in the you go Jesus Christ. They let us leave that hospital with the little human that's dependent on us, or at least I've heard that from a lot of friends of mine who are doubts, I don't have that at all. As I ought not to do this, I was doing this at six and a half years old. I can totally yea genes or diapers and even food nor good. Do you remember how great you guys were? I I worked midnight at the Temple
bring grounds and I would come home I'd get off at eight, and I would fly home I'll, be home by like eight fifteen, and I would come in and little curly would always be dressed in a with leather shoes and tight ruffles on the banana talking very little and I would say: wait you put a little Jimmy's and it was like she's a girl, mom If she would wake up, you know before I got home, they would take her in the inevitably. Babies always fill their drawers, during the night, and so in order not to deal with it like I'd, walk in the bedroom, and there would be the changing table with her jammies from night before an appropriate paper, and there would be like thousand wipes all packed on time. Like the one we take a bath turban, just don't curb lower half of her body and the latter together and then dress. I mean that come on
yeah, I remember, enjoying caring for her, so you are a little bit a troublemaker, even though your nice girl, yet we like you in your nice person, but you also have a rebellious streak in your you're a little you're a vandal. At times less than the eye so you can use. what we would label now is a terrorist attack. You performed in your high schools because you go ahead. Tells you didn't like that? You are expected. Take typing right. So when you say are you tomboy the ears, the things that I was a tumble about? I was expelled. either way we'll get to that. But MA am I. I thought I was just so boring and awful, a nasty that they expected girls to take short hand and typing. It was like like this, I'm never going to be a secretary and am pleased for anybody out there listening. I've had administrative assistance that worked for me that were
far far better at spelling typing in everything and I dependent on them and they are awesome people. But for me it sir, but like going to the guillotine, and I was not going to do that. So I had gone to my councillors us that women. Junior high, and I had gone to my counselor several times and said I gotta get out of this type in class. I hate this type in class. I hated, I dont want to type and they would say you know well in all its middle muster or whatever they gimme some excuse. So finally, I had this boyfriends use. who, by the way, had a sixty one, shabby Bis came Well, that's a great drag race car and he had a foreign painted. The wheel wells, whitefoot little lights in and put little space or so was raised, allows us a great carbon anyway, that's neither here nor there, except for the fact that that was the vehicle we used to go down a Toledo when I skipped school the day before, and we have far too much.
Jerry Bombs, Ohio in those days are no with their stance is now a very liberal. Fireworks policy concurred Michigan. If you want to get the good stuff, she hasn't go south right wrath. So here I am fourteen years old and I have a boy from the car, and so we go now already a great recipe book, India. So we we skip school, we gonna get these cheering them so the next day, of course, I with you my personal who wouldn't carry them and I went in, it was in between classes- and I went in Mr Stoner was the typing teacher and I went in and I was alone in the classroom, and I took out a cherry bomb and I lit it I put in between the keys and it actually bent. This is an old fashioned. Ivory actually meant the keys and blue for MIKE off the desk and, as you know, true bombs are great for sound they really give a lot of boomed further yeah the up, so everyone in the school, her let everybody came running down and I could have pretended that I just ran into the room and sharp when their Mr Stone or came in and said you know he was crazy.
Who did it? Who did it, and I did of course, and really? Oh, because I wanted to get out Oh ok, it was deliberate all intra. I wanted to be throw. You are like the person in a relationship which each just to get out the relationship you wanna get caught, so you don't have a deal. Whilst they use go here that I did this. Yes, in a word you get kicked out, I did get kicked out in my actually a kick out of school that day, which this is worrying because it came home from school. I walked home minutes like noon and I come in the back door of our house. My mother is in the kitchen and my mother turns and gives me that hated, look and she and of course cuz. I was nervous about it. I got kicked out of school. I started laughing that didn't go over well, he looked at me and she said: if anybody asks you your name, it is not Laura level
all he disowned you and she said, go sit on the couch and wait to your father gets home, so I went into a mere was sent on account by the way. That's gonna be a long way. If you got home at noon, heck yeah yeah, I couldn't go to the bathroom, I mean it was. I was I was able to the curb so we my dad came in, and this is happening I know we all have different memories of my dad. In him, and I were conspirators on many things: a great sense of humor me. I was gonna mention at your head over heels on top of your dad ral, absolutely Anna he came in and he sat in the chair opposite me, any but his hand on his knee and in his hand on his chin, like abort ASEAN, he looked at me and said you blew typewriter and I said yeah and he just started to land
and I laughed with him all the wires draw. What Europe means. You must have an American fuller, unhealed, her from the dining room staring at us and tigers he just laughed hysterically in ever after that he would come off from work and we had a thing it are in our family. Like he'd sit at the dinner table, my dad would say no time would you do Nay Larry. Would you do today? You know, did you make the world a better place in these He would always say to be lark to block everything today shows great state for more arm. Chair expert. If you dare. This absurd is also brought to you by audible armchair. expert is supported in part by audible within unmentioned. Of audio book and spoken word audio products. Audible is the internet leading provider of spoken. Word entertainment. We like spoken word: audio books are great sidekick. Some are activities lay on the beach drive and on a road trip.
Although as the largest selection of audio books on the planet which lets you fill your summer with more stories like I'm gonna. Do Walter Isaac sins Einstein Book, because I loved the Steve Jobs Book, I'm listening to assign a lot recommended me by air, nice, wife, ah, ah, verbal helps you listen to more books by letting you switch seamlessly between devices, picking up exactly where you left off, whether its on your phone to your car from a tablet or at home on the Amazon ECHO, you can get through ton the books, hands and eyes free while doing most anything four members get a credit every month, good for any audio book in their store, regardless of price and unused credits roll over to the next month. I don't like your audio book. You can exchange it no questions asked sort of thirty. a trial in your first audio book. Is free, good, audible, dot, com, slashed Dax or text Dax. you, five zero, zero five zero zero to get started. Armchair
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five. Ninety nine. You can definitely swing that Monica yank India. I pay you handsomely. you're only finally number any of the five hundred fifty sleet number stores nationwide visit sleep number dot com forward, Slash do a tax to fine the store near you so you may get the high school shockingly because you should be in a juvenile home, probably from pyrotechnics, but you gotta, high school in you, being a guy who's. Not conventionally handsome is he he's not easy is it's not that he's like them, dashing guy. There is a little heavier than your average. I Jean Kelly type. boy is a sweet car right. What what's the first enraptured a knave shepherd my father, while he was had a great sensuality. I first noticed among the boss. I don't love you naughty stories. My first noticed them on the bus
We wrote the same boss, he was around the block for me. You guys lived one street over, he was out. You say he was a large guy. He was six one or six too, and he was a big guy and he would argue very, very friendly to everybody always, and so he would always sit up front and talk to Barb. The bus driver, and so, whenever Barb needed the door didn't goes well on the buzz she would say, Dave and David. Up and he would close that some way behind it? We fix the door for her anyway, so I knew him from the bus and so one day I'm this girl Cindy. I got caught the Euro s name, but anyway she sits next to me and she says I think Shepherd has a crush on you and I said who stick Shepard and she said all the big guy on the bus and always helps maharanees sparks westward and night. Like I said, I need schooling, football, team and stuff. I knew who he was and
I said really he's got in. I was new, we're just moved in and I said really inches yeah. You want so grazes, tenth, tenth great, isn't earnings, Cindy Metro and he says she sat on. He wants to ask you out- and I sat all really so couple days go by and I'm sitting on the bus and he sits down next me on the bus on the way home and he says to me on. Would you like to go to a grasser, an aggressor? In those days you went to Edward Heinz park in you laid on the grass and you drank An ill is usually happen. I curriculum day we gonna do. And I'd never been one but I'd heard about them, and he said which I gotta Grasser, and I said what you know I've never been one, and he said I'm not asking you. I'm just told you where there is one an early pull the rug out ass. I was kind of right, so then you think. Ok, I guess
on the nose with newspaper learn, but now it's so spring comes an arm. The problem we didn't have a senior class. That year we had a junior class and he was part of it, and so he comes a sits down next menaces. Do you have a date for the problem, and I said no thinking this is to set up quest, gentler, harsher and he says. Oh, I do always is sharing airing than anybody in mind. Right, real damage in their right mind would have said this guy's a jerk So a little more kind of spy- and I had was serving detention for skipping a semester of Jim against Andy Mitchell, comes up to me and takes her if she picks her head into the prince. She's real cupid. She really want to see you pair too. I think your dad was leaning on her ok. So anyway, is he the she sticks are headed the principal's office and says you know: hey, do need a ride,
oh well, I didn't write home. I looked far and this was not the days were. Moms picked pick you up, so I said sure she said The blue sixty one sixty two Chevy Empower meet me out there. She says Mimi out there in the empowered. I said, ok so I go out there in the windows are rolled down and nobody's in the car, but I get in the passenger seat and I think it's Sunday, Mitchell's car will come in a sleeve of your dad walks out and gets in the driver. Seat starts the car and I said, we're Sundays says: oh, she doesn't need right. I I just had to go in there to ask here, so I got a ride home from him. Ok and then to follow up that he asked me for my phone number, but he forgot my name, so he called my dad answer the phone and decide got her home
like the parts are romantic on? Some of the facts are now romantic essay, their relative to sixteen year old, courtship, yeah yeah, thank God he wasn't courting when your brother's, because if he had cancer, let me talk to your son. He'd say who I have five to choose from you. What I mean needed to know. I named FYI that time he was driving that and your grandma yells his car, but shortly after that, he bought a three hundred and ninety six Chevelle, one thousand nine hundred and sixty eight It was with the fast back. It was just like your mother, black role, for I know no, no white on white all likewise on vulnerable Jenkins, the drag racer than then always draw which heavies, so it had in her Craig or mags in it, has a dual exhaust longer chamber exhaust. Oh yes, yes, and you were wild for that car right. Oh, my god, it was like love machine, he put in a little Sergio Mendez. You know what what what
let's just say what it, what a guy who's, what what nineteen sixty eight high school kids Tina Sergio Mendez in a shovel, Zol very weird right and I was very unconventional mammy. Most people were listening to the who, and I would get it and it was eight track. Take action It would literally like sticking to tape deck in his sight For me, the name on the hill, and it's like what the heck is waiting for. You, yeah we're you're drunk did that he was so confident. I was attracted to many things about him. He was ah is extremely kind to me and he was if I even like hinted that there was something I liked or so, and so had this I mean he always work He he would go out and buy it for me, and I don't mean that, like all we bought me things, I don't mean like that. No, it was more tender.
It was more like he wanted to. Please me, and made me happy. I was listening to you very much so yeah, but your father is very very in touch with his feminine, side. This is a man. They could have a conversation on the phone four hours and hours near me to pass on to me both you you in your brother, so things are going great. You guys are having a blast, but this this Sal takes a turn, is what does you wanna babies you on it Eventually, yeah became brightness and twelve grey Wolf kind of kindness. I would say that I eventually warrant marry your dad, but your dad was when I was in twelve grade. He was in the Navy and I had applied to western and I got accepted and I had big dreams of being a flight attendant.
and so I really want to travel you logger. I love to travel. I yeah, that's not start! That's nuts! You have wanderlust, yes, I think part gypsy. but I saw I had intentions of going to college and being avoided her doing all these things and then getting married and having kids wow. came home from Boo Camp and act to say that it was unintentional, is sort of true and sort, and not because of I was supposed to go to Europe that some ride worked at Sears saving money to go to Europe. On the six student exchange programme and so I definitely do not want to get pregnant, but at the same time, at the moment you know I knew I would get pray and I made the conscious decision are also then we'll get married in. Like so can't say it was unintentional, but it
Plan on I've got an organ of dissidents. Your juggling two different goals traveller were contradictory in pursuing both. At the same time, I think this is what you call seventeen year olds. Experience and logic, good decision, yeah I'll iguana, graduated! I was for months and no one knew I was pregnant now, but I will give you just a context girls, because that was Vietnam, how many ground we're getting pregnant my school back then visit like ten percent is at last. I dont know what the percentage was, but in my was commoner yeah and it was common for both males and females. I mean I, there are probably six or seven of us and my senior class that we're married a graduation while as forty while yeah it was on a different time, it was. You know, like I can remember in my senior year, maybe in the fall or not positive, but
in my senior year. I can remember there was a girl in school. That arm, ah, was his name. Dan anyway, doesn't matter, if name, but he was killed in action and she was engaged to him, and so he or she is engaged in senior year, which is not a common. A lot of girls in my class were engaged to guys from the upper class that had gone to be it. and I don't remember being so sad for her that she had lost em and ya. Yeah, that's brutal, yeah, seventeen or eighteen, yes, so dad somehow he gets out of the Navy right. You guys right some kind, a ladder and say no one's gonna support this kid was then I'll, counterwork kind, He went to his regular thirsty night meeting and your dad was quite a salesman and he went up and bold face. Lied, told the commanding officer that he loved the Navy want to be a lifer, and he just really I'd just was really concern. about me that I might lose babies who has never second day the hope
Jesus and ended I said, will listen Dave I'll, tell you what negates the paperwork and he said? Have everybody in your family over twenty one sign papers that they will not supporter and debate we have something happens to look at you and honourable hardship discharge when she has the baby come on back I'll, make sure you get all your time thou yet and he was like you, I'm sure you know I really in a play. Up really good and had a deferment and within days of getting that deferment, they stopped giving hardship to firm all really so he just got in under the wire. So you. David. My elder brother here yet move, yellow apartment, which we had a little house that you moved a dear creature. Oh, that was a few years later I was Ok, yeah we lived an old darted into the air, is a little too bedroom house in at Ford Road, middle belt and garden city. It was when you are helping us so happy you're, you love being a mom. I love
of being a mom, I love being a good wife to your dad. Mike I mean I remember, like you know, I got it would get up in the morning when he was getting dressed, and I would pack him a launch and make him breakfast and our walk him up. The car and he would back the car up and I'd close the gate behind them and when he would come home, I would have bath water waiting for him and I would have dinner ready and it was, I don't know it was I ain't house, I Gaia yeah how long of plain house before you go like. Ok, all that was fun, but A whole lot of life ahead of me. Maybe I want to do more as a kind of happen in increments. His years went by. He became very successful selling cars. He was really really good. At and he made very good money and we bought a bigger house and our thing we had friends that travelled and went places ended things. and how do I say this? It we got distracted. We got this.
Directed by running fast. You know having things in going luxuriating parties yeah and it was just we have lots of pictures of my child. We lived on a couple acres in there were these gigantic outdoor parties, and rather time a week there would be Hey rides and there are a lot of drugs around in their doom buggies motorcycle. Yet some sofa confined by the warehouse retirement is actually, like that, I heard there was very far but we lost track of things and I'm out all became more ever present. Thank as in the early years may we were seven in an eighty, we got married, we weren't legally able to drink, and so we didn't do anything like that, and you know, pot became a bigger thing in weaving, grew our own part out there and then you're a big drinker, but you love smoke important grown. but I was on a social part. Smoker
and so on it. from being like all we would have people or repass adjoin around too then it was a good escape It was real easy if he was high that I could get on the other couch and zone out, listen to music and then I feel, like you know, in between eyes I'm going to college area. Grandma had really encourage me to go to college and it was like others more out there we're out there and I feel like I was lonely for him. I was lonely for the communication at least to have. I was lonely. Fur is gone. He work, pretty far away he work anymore away, any one million hours I mean in it. There can point where I remember you know saying to him. You know I don't I don't care about the money. I don't you know I do I want you to be home with me. I just wanna. Have that and you know it is aren't you know you at once you ve
yeah. Well, you get on the treadmill yadda cool truck than you gotta tell tee than he jacked up the truck. Then he got a great tractor. Then he got dirt bikes. Then you know right. It's all the things that you would they loved things, symbol of success, yeah and again, writing for me in his parents, were very modest of this kind of like the way he had wanted to live. Probably, yes, and so you I come along. Yes, yes, and I'm a hard baby here, the first, the first for five months with you with just because there was the almost killed me right. You there are times when your nurse, let it out like that, don't let that he has got say, shaken baby had been identified yet, but I haven't had ended. moving on to a single. Why mobile home? Yes! Well, let's back up here we had been living in dear Creek that apartment when I got pregnant with you and your dad came home
work one day he had sold a car to a guy named Kenny and he managed more park. Outen Highland any said here which, by the way, is the country compared to where you guys were living. Ireland was the country, the very much the country and he came home and said you know, Kenny says: he's got this repossess mobile home that we can get into four dirt cheap and I really want to help and he said you know get into this really dirt cheap, and at that time it was a lot of stuff on the news about mobile homes. Bernie now really quickly, or they were always blowing away in NATO. You name it. I mean they ve come a long way but anyway. So at that time I was very terrified of that. So he said you on this in the afternoon he says, come on, let's go out there and take a look at this mobile home, and so we get out. the current I walk in the front door. I walk through the mobile hole, I walk out the back door and I go sit in a car and he says he gets back in the current because I don't think you'll be very open minded about this. I say from not living in a tin. Can that's gonna catch fire? You know this is not.
to do that and he said well, if you can afford the rent on the apartment you ok mistake as I move in here. He bought it without me. K, which is his kind of his move right. He wanted motorcycles, you said now I went on a long term. We need a house and then you came out Christmas morning there to motorcycles and how to write it. They were out the party lady said, look out the window, I your presence out there and I looked out. There is nothing. I didn't want motorcycles, unease and it's gonna Green fund any right. It was great fun. once you ve, got ya, got I loved it But anyway you brought me onto a mobile home in your out in the fucking country. In you, don't have a call our eye. There was a recession that that the guessing that was yet Christmas, where you were not at Christmas lights and stuff and oil embargo, and yes, yes, yes, so here upon, yes, your dad's had selling cars We only have his company Carson, I'm literally in a mobile home with a kid. That's got colic colic. That use screamed now
and day it never ended, you can trust, and I didn't know the tricks that you I have put the babies- are reset your right right, the five asses and all that I didn't. I wasn't aware that stuff and I would just walk with you and I would pay your back and I went rock you and I would also you were strongly strongly urged by my grandma yours, my dad's mother, who you worshipped right cause. She was a double masters degree holder in history and saw how she said you do not breastfeed these kids. She said years you too high strung you're to act, you're. You won't have enough milk for them, and you'll be just be tethered to these big eyes. I believed her and I didn't breastfeed, which may we had I breastfed you wouldn't have had our stomach issues, but you were in dire straits, and so they tried you saw Malloch. They try to Vienna this this, this always different kinds of formulas and Finally, we ended up suddenly none the first few months. You're alive was Cairo syrup and water. I mean I just can't be enough
for a baby dilemma rang like all these coming to tolerate any yes was in misery. I mean. What's in Cairo Syrup, justice, sugar, you didn't calories right, I mean yeah and just their camp in Europe We are a collar. I should have been six five, maybe you're screamer, and so they were times that I would get so frustrated that I just couldn't that I would its January. I would put on my coat sit on the step of the motorway mobile home outside, because I was afraid I would hurt you. The crime was just more than make a deal. Yeah I. Finally, when you are really smoking pot, yeah see you, you couldn't have now fired up adieu heads part of that, but I was not obviously York
yeah and I wasn't self medicating to get away from which maybe might have been a good idea, but anyway, but I remember going to the doctor to the pediatrician and saying cuz, I took you a thousand times like something is wrong with him. He screaming bloody murder. You know, and I finally said the doctor- I said I need you to give him something to make him stop crying. If you can't give him something, I need you to give me something, I'm afraid, I'm I heard him and I was dead. Syria, and I was just at the enemy rope is so he finally begrudgingly gave me think was called per goerck yeah it was these little blue drops and I would put one or two he said, Eustace very sparingly. He said For me, and he said yeah. He said if you, because I can't even get a babysitter, I told my can you get a babysitter? Nobody will sit with him. Nobody I mean it was in high. We might go to the grocery store. I would say to his dad. I
need to go. The grossest are needed in the house. I need to get grossly see what they would take that get with the adult leave that gives. So I tell you the grossest Europe and on the aisles screaming bloody murder of boy and you were, I couldn't. Did I just through the part about you not being really pretty baby ray. I arrived, I was a breach, so my head was very deformed: I came out here you you were married with me. I have. I have a lot of our in congruity. Am I fear, you are beautiful person mere carol. Molded knows and you look like some may. You will like it made it some had thrown down on the ground once I was small, it's not an exaggeration to say one side of my head and face was at least sixty percent bigger than the other side right, you're a little rough. Looking at your dad you're born he's ugly but he's hours, but I will take you to the grocery store places. I exaggerate. Monica people would like lift up the blanket and take a peek at his head and they would go he's a big car.
I gotta be where it was funny to me, because I knew they were not Cosette acutely. They would say is the boy? What is it they would search for war is, don't you see here is a lantern. Is it a rhubarb? What is but then, by the time he is like four months he was the huge slow. I was sword. Look you're! My cheeks really came in powerfully right on your website. Now stay too Furthermore, armchair expert, if you dare. This episode is brought to you by cash app. If you have heard, were switching to catch up the ketchup is the number one ranked up in finance in it lets you do most with your money, whether you want to pay people back, buy and sell Bitcoin instantly deposit your paycheck right into the app or receive a free custom cash card to spend your cash anywhere you like, and now the cash card is more powerful than ever with the cash apps latest feature cash boost the cash cards boost.
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But then we moved about a mild on the road or middle row, our house. He had a house which this is David. My elder brothers, you'd utopia. This is the greatest period of his life from five years eight years old in mental rode on property right. Yes, Sir bikes, yet a dad mom everything why, in fact, even now in my current home, when ride, my tracker to cut my grass, I often say a secret prayer to myself and say: don't be an idiot, don't don't blow this this time. This is your happiness. As I remember I, middle road been so happy writing the track. cutting the grass and two little boys. I thought we had a dump cart on the tractor and I put the boys in the dump, cart and I would take him out in the woods and we would find wild, pear trees and pick pears and it was just like Heaven- it was like everything I ever wanted. It was just. I was so incredibly happy, it was perfect,
And then things go sideways. We want to get into that yeah. Just twenty three year olds being married with two kids pressure, he's not harm you guys. God knows what kind of hanky panky or both but suffice to say you leave dad. Yes, nineteen, seventy eight. Yet I'm three right This is a very bold decision. How much fear did you have going into lots either? I would have left sooner. Had I not been afraid I was very afraid of how I was going to support Une David. I was well aware that it costs money to run an apartment by groceries to do things, and I had been a housewife and although I had two years a college, I did not have a degree. I did not have a skill set other than waitresses, and I really didn't know how I would support you and I started sending resonates once a month to the g, improving grounds and every thirty days. I'd send anew in it, and I got this call.
And it was in July, and they said we have our opposition up per diem position as a janitor, and I thought I got two years accomplished on bed chamber and I said how much pain they said. Fifty seventy five day, O. That sounds pretty good for fifty dollars and seventy cents a day. Those chewing gum it was like winning the Lotto oil in my world anyway, I said yeah Now for the interview- and I got the job you're dead call me, he called there nobody said Hadrian of you go and I go really. We're gonna, get the job and he said so you're leaving. Aren't you allow just like that he knew it was in the tea leaves yeah Anna, I said yes, I am, and he said, ok, wow and here's the part that confuses me and of courses? exhibit day when I used to build my case against TAT, my hated him. How on earth
is the decision, you're getting divorced, he'll keep. The house will stay there, he'll sickening three a term also on the already in your move to a little apartment and eighty special yeah, I did. I don't even remember I dont really matches feel like you feel guilty about, leaving and taking the kids and you thought then you might take as cape that house. He had worked hard. He deserved everything I walked away. I took them, but it may be Motivated. Maybe maybe- Yeah I mean yeah, possibly could have been guilt fit. You deserved personally dessert half of every I didn't feel that I felt like he had worked really really hard. I knew a hearty worked gear, bird part of the deal. Was your house slave who cooked all them? was clean. The house raised the two kids, so he got to have a better counting on had cut the grass is life was Turnkeys because he went works or as a partnership, yeah yeah. At any rate, you did it. asked running. I didn't ask for anything. I want that. Just that's always been hard,
made a swallow gazette. Let let us save for what Her reason christen. I got divorced him. She left with the two kids in my two little beautiful daughters, we're gonna go live in a welfare up apartment. I was gonna stay in our house. I just really will never at my hadron yeah, maybe this different times. I don't know, maybe erased you better Neither his parents know their rights data tat. They could not have been proud of that decision. They were written year. Your papa was very angry with him because they loved you yeah, so you start out on your own. You have a job janitor. We move to this You know if it was, though I don't think I'm exaggerates it was the worst apartment. Building in our area is prepared. Yes, pretty rough, that one of the one of the tenants who was crazy, wanted to murder. My brother get drove a car up on the grass chasing them of the car, tried to kill him, yeah
grill crazy, stop happening right now, the gates at those replacing that movie about a boy it is similar to that right is a rough. Go yes, votes appeared, not the boy had. My head is evident. It's the way more heard the idea that a richer link later learned how yeah yeah such remove yet less of the movie. I cried my eyes out, I, oh my god, I'm not the only one that lived this life and she wasn't bad. She just kept making but decision, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've never ever related to a movie more than the scene in that movie were there at the table in that step, dad is drunk We are all waiting to see how bad this is gonna get. I was just like. Oh, my god. I've said in that chair a hundred times, and I know our mandate, if God, that movie just to me watching the professor come up to her her then professor, but later husband.
Come up to her and just be so kind to her and tell her how he thinks the boy is just a wonderful person and, oh all boys, do. This and stuff like that, just baiting her and then seeing her out the garage in him just talking so horrible about her child and then just being slap inner, her and stuff. It's like. Oh, my god. This is my life. My I fell for it every time I've always been dined sensing that movie to talk to him and ask if that was his life. I dont know how he could do that that authentically without having had that experience, it was a great movie. So you now, when you started agenda, are euro start on night shift you you know. I started on day shift and I worked. Six weeks as a janitor, and there was a posting for an opportunity to go into material control So am I applied for that and they had never had women immaterial control and what matter
Control is not only do you unlock trucks and you put parts away but days, a new school, and you learn how to build a car top to bottom and so When you're in an environment that they're using current model cars and that are a mix of future model cars, you're always trying to figure out parts when their near Calais, you won't old parts to create So you have to realise yeah, and so anyway, so I went through that training, so I went from day shift to afternoon shift to midnight shift then, after the training was done, that I was on afternoon Schiffer a couple years and then I was on midnight shift in a midnight shift, then I went to fleet operations and I start working computers in and how are you juggling? Could you didn't? Have babysitters only lived a middle road? Now you have to like have pretty full time assist. That's right! You were gone three, so
you're driving me out. The my little cottage around when you were three went, my little cottage melfort, ah and David went to school and they went to schools that was day shift and when I went to afternoon shift that's when I ended up with the baby sitter cycle, and that was most men so stressful. I, when I think of moms today that work, it's your job is not the hard part you keeping. The house up is not your hard part, the hard part is solving daycare yeah, it's a constant solving their because these are young, hourly employees or their coin, and all the time rider thou not when they don't show up. You know you're arduous, and you know your constantly at first. She start out with these
not leaving my kids with anybody. That's not me and I interview a mixture there really good by the end. You're, like other eyes, were open a few fire stranger on the street that also set up because you gotta be at work because you now you're on probation, because you ve missed days because a babysitters ol man, some sort of dress, it's horrible, so you're also you're at work on. I assume afternoon, shift one time all from one of our babysitters. In what will happen, I hear this from the BBC was rather weak food and she says I need for tax on the phone and I so what's happening. Jesus I'm going to. Let him tell you- and she was literally upset- and I hear this little voice come on you're like three and a half for years old, and I outdoes Asia, and I hear this little voice. I said Dax. Did you do something bad? I drew a fucking through
auto part window, and I am now I want you to know. I did not condone him using this language and I didn't not encouraged this language in so I wait a minute, and I pressed speaker- and I let my co workers here. This sub area and I was presumably first of all my older brother urged me to throw the wrath without a parts window. I have to imagine. He also gave me the line to tell you I mean he must have seen ass it. I say you are a fucking rack through that yeah he and I got. We were really young you are too low, starting to feel that the first part of being unsupervised, which, by the way are some of the highlights of my childhood- is that we were also we would just stand on the side of the road we throw she that cars and
through a man might David told me through this car Matt and hit a guy's windshield, the guy swerved off the road than he chases, my brother left me in the dust of the man caught me. There is, as you know, is the beginning of a lot of mischief. I think suffice to say that I just listen Florida. The other day in my brother Tom was telling me story, about you and when I wasn't around when you would visit grandma further, ah ha in the summer and suffice to say it Nobody knows. You David, would say things behind my back that I'm now learning about how awful yeah yeah yeah they were terrorists. They were tag team and this is in defence of my a behavior, but am why? Because I started saying when you're on day shift, you came, Oh I'm sorry afternoon shift. We were asleep in you shock us awake and you said, come on, let's go let's get married,
Aren't like two in the morning. I knew how you're gone. You have cans of spray pain when we go to a apple orchard, that is down the road from our house in this apple orchard? What'd, the sign say it's a pick, your own apples, and so I encourage the kids we spread over the word apples and we wrote the word, no easier than the very word sad picture or five cents or something, and we but it was like a middle of the night operation on how bout when we took the sign employer on Re Baron store. That said hard salami, because I really was courting that girl only rather than I painted not water tower happy birthday, Even ass, Guelder Fenster paint the water tower spray. Pizarro is in your hearing, lodging by an honest living. There were many many scotch taping that place man.
So now that's one of the finest what my mother always carried scotch tape in her purse. For I don't know why but dumb one of the things we were at an ice cream shopping, greek town in downtown to try, and there were two because one of them was behind the counter. The other one was dead. Asleep. clearly hung over at a table in, guy that was alert, kept nudging him going a man my shifts over five minutes, you gotta, wake up and run the place in the Gaza. Go! Oh yeah, no problem on it, so the responsible and leaves his ships over the other. Guy goes right back to sleep, so where does in this ice cream parlor when attended unattended ensue? Oh, my mom goes all I have taken my purse. Let's make Signs at say, build your own. All! You can eat Sundays, twenty five cents. At the time was they were. There was free. That was a hell of a bargain, so we sat there with me, it took thirty man's. We made big signs with crowns and then we taped to the window, and then we were
across the street and we just sat there in a list we sat on. The curb watched more and more people start going in there right now the places getting very full of people who want this incredible deal and the guy sleeping now, but he did. He can put it better. There's a lot of folks in there before you for the good of the window and tear the signs downward figures out. Why that's a good frank mommy, I you guys are good frank stairs. So we are. Again in my memory, were there for a while, but probably were not like by my now timeline, we're not in those apartments long our in their anglers one year, ok Oh- and I just want to is one thing that was so great what my mom my brother was obsessed with kiss and down She knew he was bombed, that we are leaving middle road and everything is motorcycle, so she had painted murals of every member of kiss on our wall and phenomenal job and was really sweet, and I use metallic paint an ip
and along the wall opposite of the street laid outside. So at night the light would come in An immediate soldierly, pretty, don't ask. Are you writing it you're deposit back because of them now. We then moved we move to. the other main street, which was a step up. This is the store the other day that we have jewish neighbors, and that was the first jewish people I met and I couldn't figure out what was different about them other than that they drove a beetle bug and I assumed all jewish people drove beetle bugs was like Oh, I guess that's what is different about that. I don't really know what is different about them. You were human scab in that place. Get you remunerated. Wheeler yes crashing regularly, but do you This point now you me, we can say his name cause he's passageway. Are you meet? Grew Who is a friend of my dad's in you? as for love quite quickly, yeah yeah yeah quickly, and then you get married and when, you guys are idiom. He has two jobs, very productive.
and then you guys get married and have zero jobs, and then he has. He goes down to zero jobs right and we're not, are too long either right. How long are we at the enemy industry a year a year, and so this this marriage go south quickly enough, I think that you will be very illuminating to a lot of us because, when I have been on the outside listening to women who are caught in a cycle of an abuse of relationship. It so hard for me to comprehend how you could stay in that and you are a very- very strong woman- and so I think it would be in life. need to know what what happening mentally. Ah, when you're going through that cause, you don't take shit from anybody, yet you ended up taking shit from somebody right, yeah boy. I think what goes through is
I had kids again, I'm thinking about one of the things that was an issue with him was He was unable to tell the truth and he was a drug addict, and so I had gone from being self supporting with you in David to marry him and taking on a tunnel that, because he was constantly charging things at a gas station that the gout cash will. He could put it up. His nose and things like that so by the time, I was aware that this was not a good situation. I need to leave. I need to get my kids out of this. I need to get me out of this. It was like how so that. What am I gonna do? How am I going to support this? How am I gonna move on that? was one issue, and that was a big issues again in I'm pretty logical that a pragmatic issue right, but the emotional issue is us brought up super duper.
Ethnic and I've been divorced from your dad was to say sinful and a disappointment to my parents would be an extreme understatement and I saw a lie. What a shame about that, a sinner here I am married less than a year- is a very bad situation. I've been kicked around the kitchen bounced off the floor humans I I need to get away, and yet I cannot admit he had not the FAO. The second a failure thing was so I was so ashamed. Aha, so so ashamed, and it was just beyond me tat. You know like I'll. Just try harder out this. Try harder out figure this out here and it was
a very bad situation. Did you guys gonna counselling earning the first time I was physically abused? Ah, I kicked him out and I stayed in the house this time asking smarter, I kicked him out and his mom called me and really pleaded his case and how sorry he was yet he would go to countenance so. Ok, I took him back and we went to count slant. I'm gonna say maximum two times, and that was the end of the count slain. He was not up for that, and so then the behaviour was repeated again counselling, d we're talking about it, didn't work, and then it happened again when it happened again. I didn't know it, but I was pregnant with curly and
I right away the next day a friend of my came over now year and he's got up. He change all the locks on my Dorothy bandaged me up. He was so nice and I The lawyer and I was sitting in the lawyers office and they sat there, ain't children from this marriage- and I said no and then I started thinking. Oh, my god I get started kind you at that moment, I'm pregnant at occurred to me limbs spirit, Oh my god, I'm late, I'm pregnant, I'm, never not pregnant! Oh my god and I just head this rule, We'll, like oh and I again didn't say anything to lawyer, I went down in the lobby, I called your dad from a pay phone and I said, oh, my god they got pregnant. I just you know I just file for words, and I think I pray you in your dad said to me tell them it's mine. I won't deny it and
I'll, take care of it. This go ahead and divorce him and he said unless you want to have an abortion, and if you do I'll drive you and you know I'll, be supportive, so I said I can't afford three kids, I just can't. I just have no way. I can do this alone right, so I scheduled, I went to the doctor scheduled an abortion? Aha, an arm when I went for the abortion. My doctor arms had let's just see if we can get a heartbeat, see how far you are any put it on speaker, and I heard the heart beat and I believe very much an abortion. I think it's unnecessary option for people at need an option, but for me I could not do it right, and so I decided to Harrison. Then I was sick,
no and pregnant you kids and it was just like. I would- I remember rightly my bike and expert acres and I went right past people's houses and see their lights on and think that they are all having dinner together as a family, and I would cry my bike and say why can't I have this white. Why am I so not good at this? I just can't figure this out. That's awful! Yeah is a bad time in my life and finally, actually I was just so I had to provide him a car. I had to pay him half the house, but but but but that's that's down the road costs. He'd been joins us in terror and he lives there when Carl is born He came back for a short period of time. Again, that's my memories of him being violent is a madhouse yeah, yeah yeah yeah, and he was a very physically imposing guy. He was like oh ass, lady applause, minor leagues. Very there for some
yeah and he was. You'd come home from work in Carly, be crying and heaved carlini show worthless, her diaper right. The worst one was I eat. While he kept the car, so he had a car, so he would drop me off at work. I work after noon. Citys was picked me up at midnight and on several occasions he would get hammered. Not show up, and there was a time I walked from the proving grounds at midnight back to export acres. Jesus yet, and there were times at Nels would be suspicion, so Nels, would come and give me a ride noses. My girlfriend used the most wonderful buddy any way on this one particular time he did not show up did not shop and now and then other girl, my little buddies. They were suspicious and they came back to the proving grounds like at one o clock in the morning and I'm still sitting there waiting for great take me up and they came and got me and they drove me.
And they said you know, welcome in the house with because again now so very suspicious of what would be the situate are we opened the, front door, and I want a brave sweet guy because he was not physically ample. I'll throw him in that situation. Is such a good friend and we opened. The door and smoke is billowing out the front door. The smoke alarms are going off this, oh, is on fire labels shoe. out of the fire, and my children are asleep all three of them. Our sleep in the house and he is passed out drunk on the family room floor. and there's a house is on fire. This. The stakes are on fire in the stove. Oh my god, and it was like ok, so you know Nelson
Put out the fire Diane's help me get the kids out of bed and out on the front line debris in our ha. I guess it was like. That's it, that's very, very chaotic. So shortly after that there was the breakfast apart. Which we are not story, the breakfast well, but there is another there's another moment in that that I think I who considered killing him at one point here: yes, yeah one. I had been beat up pretty bad badly and I was really in bad shape and I was up in the bedroom locked in the bedroom and he eventually passed out on the couch in the family room and I got up because it was quiet and I came down into the kitchen and I had a cast iron skillet that growing else had given me, and I took the skill it and I went to the couch and I stood over him
I was so black and blue all over. I mean my logic. Was I'm going to take the cast iron skill I hit him on the head and I'm going to smash his brains out and when the police get here, they will see how physically beat up. I am, and it will be self defence and it'll be ok and I stood for a very long time and then two thoughts ran through the first one, which was not the most overpowering watch was, if I don't kill him in the first swing, he'll get up and use the pan on me, yeah. The second thought, which is the one that one was if you kill him and if you dont get off on self defense, the kids will be alone. I cannot
My kids, I went back upstairs and locked. The door- and I did not do it, but that's how desperate I was very meat and we saved you a couple times draw your life right. That same rationale were you are contemplating hurting yourself and that kind of was the US. Life raft? Yeah! That's it because I knew because at that time Dad was using very heavily and my family lived far away and it was like. I was literally all that you guys had right you're gonna go you rat Coralie. Dad could raise the three of us yeah yeah. I knew that this was yeah, not if you're wondering why, when I just drawing my mom down this terribly traumatic memory lane, I think what's really powerful. An amazing about your story is, if you are twenty, eight years old, now you're getting beat up in your life is miserable in you. Think, that's it! That's the rest. Your life what's coming is
how beautiful and there's so much ahead. There was so much I had for you can imagine in those moments you felt like there was so much ahead for you. There was so much I was so far in debt- and it was such a myself esteem was so smashed. It was so it was such a horrible horrible time, bad. Looking back, I am amazed that was my life. I'm amazed You know because feels like someone else's or move ears. It really does it really, because you know well then I would say even at seventeen you know being pregnant, and my father was very disappointing. Man made some very hurtful remarks to me and I would say to anybody that is in that sector. patient any bad decisions that you ve made that you got yourself there. That was that decision and-
Morocco is another day and you can choose again right destinies off you couldn't you can choose again yeah. You keep Ricky you're, saying yourself that, oh my god, I've breathlessly you other times. I would never think she'd be that stupid to be in a situation. Now. That's that's the opposite of what I was thinking. I was thinking that how easy it is to get there so each year is so easy and I think it's easy to say why I would never it would never be me. I would be stronger able better like that, in my opinion, such top drawer bamboozles yeah, I mean there's been books that have been written called smart women, those choices- and it's like I know, really. Smart women there are incurred I worked with a lady that she was like my role model and she was really great person. It set herself school
become an engineer than gotta masters and business and just in all sorts of things- and I know to different times that she was in relationships that she just like, would come over a business trip and her husband was in bed with another woman arm I met this guy. Any problems through the moon and all he did was ring of her charge cards and stuff a network and left her and complete debt by air. It happens because we want to believe we want that really exactly. I think people under estimate that power our, but also that I'm sure I would as may be here made after the fact that he was gone. so giving you something you is immense or at some point dead, yeah So there is also that well, maybe that'll come back or that was well. I think that there is there something else involved here that may be No, if anybody else can relate to this, but
maybe it's only the time or the era that I grew up in but being prompt. Cleaner being the head. Cheerleader are all those things that we when we were very young and impressionable- and you know we haven't- got things figured out those things kind of cement like I don't know what to say. Maybe values are criteria to judge yourself by yeah, and so I think that we become for me. Somebody tell you you're pretty and that they want yes to be desired and those butterfly said. You feel in a relationship become very addictive their absolute I may get set too high for sure it's a draw. Yeah and oh, like any other drug. It's like, I feel like when I would get in that situation, and what would happen was the cycle was that get out of a very bad relationship, and so there I would be alone because I'm not gonna be bamboozled again. I just need to protect my kids abuse. My kids, get so lonely that the first person that comes along that suspects that feeds into that
supplies you that drug again, yes, and so there you are down that path again here. That validation, I think, is the most powerful I know in an aim, and while I take responsibility for my own actions, I am. I think, that a lot of our society really sets females up. For that I mean every advertising. is you look hot and then a guy that's how good that allegation yeah? That's how you find love yeah, it's Russell. When I finally met they Barton by then I was so jaded yeah tat when a nice guy came along, I mean like I remember we were a couple years. We had an engagement for me that I just would not accept, because every time he would say out, I'm good at it
yeah, I'm not good. At the end, the pattern shows one things out: I'm a failure at this I'm I can't I can't I dont know how to be married near did it. I finally did it and its support I see that I did do, because even in that country the day of my wedding, David begged me not to do it is. I can pick you up again: mom yeah, I'm sure we'll talk about it, but I met him blind date, Oh I'd never figured out a male seas. It took somebody earnestly. I had figured out of my own. I. I still believe that, like that I should ever date again which right at this moment I have the intention of I would not date without like decks. Picking up the person. something you like somebody. I trust that's how I feel where the one little thing I wanna over before we move off of Gregg in terror and all that is to me. I feel like this is where
My first in action to being a love, attic kind of starts because invite These are my fondest memories alive. So I'm not being critical of this and is aware of it. You work. So much. You had so much going on. I know you were so fucking tired. for cleaning the house. You are making our meals, I sincerely don't know he'd do a Christian, I can barely do it with Carly, helping and Monica helping and everyone. M M having money, I dont know how it's done. I don't think you do either, but- the way we dealt with, that is Saturday's. We would often just given the bed we'd get. It be allowed to come to your room and with lay in bed a virtually all day long. It's not. Is that your memory of my it's my favorite favorite favorite favorite favorite memory? In my whole, if you know how, if you could time travel yes, the moment I would go back to would be those weekends where we would say
in the morning, we would have breakfast in my bed and Carly was little and she would crawl around on us. David was reading David Copperfield in school required reading, and I would read chapters of David Copperfield and we would all be snuggled under the covers. An spend the whole day be like lunchtime, I'd go down to the kitchen, bring more food back up and we would just it was just so so happy. It was the best there was, and it was euphoric and it was drug like and it was so opposite to the rest of the week dyke. I got this Does the Asian with like? Aren't you know how to describe it just like real highs and lows ha his lower highs, lows and not even like I, when I think back in that. There is a period of my childhood, where I do remember being long way which is coming up, but it time? I don't feel that I remember like being friends,
However, and I had all these friends- and I felt like you around enough and then I remember those Saturday's, but clearly now that I have kids and am aware of how much time my job affords me with them, and I recognize Well, there's no way yours could have afforded that much time. You know most probably on my on more than say my kids are or whatever easy I just remember like I was a midnight that I would try to stay awake during the day was curly and that was why I took midnight, so I could still be with curly and then I would leave at in all eleven forty five to get to work, but am after dinner and curly in bed. I would lay on the floor with your day, because I wouldn't have time with you and be with you. So we'd put the palace on the floor by the tv and you guys would watch tv show, and I have one of you on each side of me or my around you. They were such terrorist. I would be so tired and I'd be asleep, and I would hear them they would.
Clapped their hands really louder. They say before I hear them say my mom and I'm half asleep, I'm so tired and they would say we're taking the car we're going up to Kroger. Can we have money? all right and I'd, say leopard Let me also add, on top of all that the jobs in the divorce and everything was going on, David. I were also fucking terrible kids. I mean we fought non. Stop we were recently in a fight between one may saturating us. You are my ten years later we fought non. Stop you can well. Imagine was like that I was young Gregg, you get divorce and then you mean another man will keep him anonymous, cause he's still alive and you ve now I've been through this twice. What what was it that this time around your like fuckin? I think I'm gonna go for it What did you have to talk? Is of any that are very candidly,
I will tell you that we have from my in laws they were. So in the family room, and they started openly talking about how good my two step children were and how awful my three biological children work as we had custody of all five and they started talking about it and I said to them. Marian comes I'm always you speaking badly about my children. I need to ask you to stop and they kept going. And I asked him again and when they kept going a third time, which I actually think it was choreographed by my ex house, and I just stood up and yelled down to your bedroom, desktop, get shit we're out of here and I went in the kitchen and got a garbage bag and I went to currently Spiderman started. Throwing her should end in life it in an we debts came run
not from the lower level with his bag and David ran. I was better with his bag. We got the car, but what had happened just prior to this house It was all in one week in while they were visiting and I was so measures really quick as we skipped over. You met a man at work, an you married him and he had two kids. Another were five of US kids and who had asked in this man had travelled. In the winter time, and so you are often throughout the winter left, with five kids now and also a full time job, and I was going to school at night. right and I am- I did not have a problem with his kids. I actually loved US kids very much help very much like in their movie. I felt bad when we separated that I I had to cut off that relationship yeah. Indeed, you different awareness about how hard it is to be a step parent, unlike prior right has before it is you're. Seeing through the lens of you would probably want Gregg to be a better step that or whatever
and until you are in a situation like that, right, it's hard to imagine what a hard hard fought hard. I dont know how people do it honestly. I I admire anybody that can do it successfully and I I gave my all in fact, I remember seeing a therapist of the time in saying I I just can't bacon of cupcakes to make this right. It just was the hardest you're you're dealing with kids that have a lot of baggage, because I been a battleground for their parents to fight you know their their property and a divorce, and in their day judged and you're trying to blend them with your kids and you have a partner that has his baggage and your kids that have their baggage and its. Everybody living in one house in its just yeah? It was horrid. Well, it's just striking me, as you were talking about this, because I have this terrible chip on my shoulder about rich people that I wish I could get rid of it. I aim to get rid of it. but I do wonder if it was that's where it may be started is that they were perceived as higher classes.
ass. He had been raised, the step that had been raised of a family with money and they were kind of upper class and we were shitty our main languages even reminded no. She even made me comments about how about our English was manners and manners, and our grammar mining is well in, she even said when we got engaged. She said to me. She said well, of course congratulate Nations I want you to be happy and she said. Ah, of course we would be happy. Four Rick to remarry. If he, if he should find a nice girl- and I heard that pretty loud and clear now yet and then his father actually told me one time, those worst thing that ever happened families are all railway and then the fact that we want at Christmas season, we watched them open presence in everybody. S presence, set, my children and curly, was like three years old and curly kept waiting very patiently for her turn to open a present nor, while edges rip, my heart out,
so here that that that go around was very myself. Esteem be a hard on yourself some because this was a much differently now and again what about his name? This was where's, Gregg was physically abusive. This was very many we abuse romance person was incredibly intelligent, very very type. I looked up to him. Yeah you see I rounds in in he jog marathons, any race motors. I goes he was like he was incredibly was crushing outline our neighbours. Look like the Marlborough Manning everything a girl would want. In a husband I mean when you, shopping. You would think, oh, my god, this guy's a deal is one step, from a surgeon yeah. He went. He was excellent and then it became very apparent to me very quickly in the relationship that he was very very tit two to dump out the silverware door on the floor and say that I was paid because I didn't stack the forks in there.
Or the meat wasn't filed in the freezer. As in beef Argos of beef, pork augurs well like chicken. with jacket and I'm a very neat. Personally, I d say sorry clean House Heidi. I was often told I was a pig and on trawling in separate all and yet because I started really believing it. I started really euro trash, I didn't believe I was really trash and low, ran and then how long worry you married him two years again this is something that, in my mind, occupied ass it as their task. Twenty years is like a chapter, but it's not it's like of your failures and also say this tonnes. A great stuff came out of that, oh again, that guy, who you know. I disagree with all the ways he treated my mom and us taught me how to be very present in
I am full of what I was doing in thinking about how is moving through the world and he was so smart. He could answer any question he. He was a crazy good example of, like just the intellectual life and in in pursuing things I completely, and he got what he's pry, why race, motorcycles and race car is physically fit. He believed in next. running marathons and yeah. There were like all it was such a mixed bag of things all. This was saved. The number one thing he gave me is that I am like him in a lot of ways and I will be on the verge of saying who didn't squish the sponge out before they put it back that's how it gets mould right. Unlike that sentences on the tip of my tongue, and I go, I know what it's like to live with. Some like that, it's fucking miserable deal with the fucking molded sponge or whatever thing I want to say is not being done to my standards. I'm
grateful. I had an example of what it what it feels like to be on the business end of that it's it's grueling, it's exhausting and you just can't do it right in you're, never going to do it right and it's so I I think I am right or giving me somewhat of an awareness for that. I get to the point living with him and we were in therapy. Mr Holm marriage, and I just got to the point where I just realized. This is not going to get better and there's nothing. I can do to make it better and then subsequently the next thought in my head was- and I cannot go home to my parents and tell them I'm getting divorced again. I cannot tell people at work, I'm gonna get divorced again. I can not drag my kids or another dwarfs, I cannot do that. The only option is to die, and so I had a friend at work that had given me a key to her house and I told me she I'd never come
I did in her never told her anything. It was going on in my house, but she held on ten, and we were not close girlfriends we were just work, runs and she walked into my office one day and said here is the key to my house. She was single. Here's the key to my house. If you ever need a place for you and your kids to come, you are always welcome in your children. Are welcome as well that I am not so good oh yeah, what she had been a therapist a year: alcohol substance, abuse, therapists, yeah, but anyway she, walked out, and I thought why would she do that? Nobody knows what's going on, no I mean I was so obvious. You I'm angel. She was an angel, I'm so forever grateful for her. I mean there's so much. She gave me yeah and I'm so anyway, I was having just a horrific day one day and I went to her house, she wasn't home, I opened her garage and I pulled my car in two was going
the exhaust and kill myself and I went in and I knelt down on the floor to Africa. What I'm still a note kneeling down, afforded, get something Otis look the tale pipe and want to close the tale point yeah this brutal It is a little I had on white pants and Also, they realize cheeses her worse during my pants dirty. And the absurdity in advance that I myself and I was concerned about my pants getting dirty. I went into a hysterical laughing thing when the garage drawer drove the car out and said now I can fix us you. You can't just run away from everything you have to fix this now, while all that's happening, winches um, The person lives is not is not thriving. You are climbing the ladder at General motors very successfully for someone without a college degree and a woman saw again many odds,
who end up at this point, you're that you're, a fleet manager right, which is a good since iser over three departments so you're a ball or now at Jim you, you ve done very well and they start date You have this wonderful thing for the employees at the GM proving grounds they have a family day and they invite everyone. their family in approving grounds. If you have no awareness of it is enough, since a square miles of every year, all right, it's Disneyworld for cars, there's hill climbs, there's tracks that Europe's have steering wheel, forgotten seventy miles an hour, it just a blast in so you sort of violence. hearings you wanted overtime. If I remember correctly to start organizing this huge event that they would have it. The brimming grounds so you're doing that you do that a few years in a row, I got an end, the lonely pressure yeah that they are not there yet right. So you'd dabbling in this side thing I just for overtime, which is basically event planning and execution. So you
turn offer to go work at an ad agency in Detroit, which is Campbell Ewald, which at the time had the General Motors account. I don't know if they still do or not, but a Chevrolet Account Chevrolet Account, and then you are now working in advertising, which I am pretty miraculous because there's no reason they should have hired you for that right. I started as an account executive and arm all that product information and by the time I left? Two years later, I was vice president in motor sports merchandising marketing year loved that job right loved it gloved it, but drawback was that to be that job you really should be a single person. Does you really need to put in a lot of ours? It was very very hard for me with three kids yeah yeah, an just having left her husband am trying and you saw me also love your pillows so with,
all that going on a divorce, a new job, my mom says: I'm gonna build my own. How always wanted to this is something I can do myself since I read Henry David throw and he in high school and said that it as fitting improper to build your own houses, a bird built in asked, and I said to myself: I'm gonna do that some day and you decided to me I overheard thing: I actually paid cash for the property boy your brother David had given me a stock tat? He was in high school, he was taking a class in school and was watching stocks and he told me to buy. summers, power and I really mean it it when it is it like. I forget, he'll tell you, but it tripled or quarter. Well, there's something! Oh no! I had the cash and I paid cash kilowatt offer Herman. I read Hoover and then I went out and thought because I didn't think there can be any issues. My own house, be my own contractor in. I went to the banks as a single what it was
Euro building Sesar, they laughed at me out right, I'm just gonna stay. There is some snickering, but so I went when I bought the property. Hope said: if you need a building loan, I would be happy to loan to you, but I thought I go to a bank rack and do that. So I went back to her been said. Are you still interested and give me a building Mona, LISA, absolutely and the guy had met me just two? aims while- and nobody just believed in me- and so I took that loaning So while you were doing that job, which has very- labour intensive, Yos, fabulous you then started building a house and we did stuff like run the wire us, kids and my The report is, there is a painter who you and employed that we regularly head go. We knew it bar he hung out at and that he in the most the loveliest man ever, but we would have to go was a family and urge him to leave the bar in continue work on the house rats. He didn't just painting
drafted any delightedly eyes yeah, but you bill a house which was our first really nice house. It was a turning point in my life because I found out that when you build a house like anything in life that you dig a hole one day, you dont build the whole house just down the hall and then you know you can get a book out which now you'd go online, but I had bought a book and the next thing. After building the house, you need a mere pour the basic walls and then you have to put the cap on the floor, and then you build the walls, and then you do the rough plum and you do the rough and I learned that everything was just one step at a time and that you didn't have to conquer the whole thing and then pretty soon you actually about Alison. It was like this huge victory to me. Was this look? I could do it if I could do this. I could do anything yards the climbing, a mountain one for supper time metaphor, but I'd never die
Internal why's that concept. Prior to this, it was really a big big moment. And yet, if you focus on the little steps and not the overall project, you can kind of do thing. I want to give credit where this? Do I want you to know that, while I was doing this, I worked for Brent, Morgan and Brent Morgan. I probably could have done it without him. However, thank God for Morgan has Brent Morgan would give me so many little tips like any new guy oh, you would recommend people and he would tell me in a like it: did you go propped those basement while you re gonna walk a basement. You really need a brace those walls before they do this cause. You know you could have trouble with and it was like her every. So often he would tell me in I'd, say: okay and I got there, do you know about like what a great person to be my I've had? So many really awesome people in my a lot of men towards along. Why are you so grateful
So while you were working Kimberly well, leave now built this house that we now live in into me, weirdly. When I think of my childhood, even though Timewise it's not the bulk of where we lived. My childhood is those three years in jail for Michigan before your middle road. It's my mental road. Totally we had a big yard and a nice house I was so proud of it and half Piping Ryanair weekly, the love, my life? When I hired an account, really well one of the things I suddenly interview was that I was starting a business and that I would need time off for that business out from time to time and they agreed to it, and I was on salaries with them: right here at a great interview and a great there was a real good thing, but what was his name or in call me said: hey, listen, there's a new personnel, shabby Pierre doing long lead, and I bet if you called her, she could really use some help. Put it together, and so I,
Oh jack off and I said hey, you know, I understand you do a long wait. I've done it before and I would be happy to contract and she went in a doctor Kramer, who knew me and thereafter they call me back in the afternoon. I went ahead purchaser and that was the start of the business right, so that was your first bit of business in your first job and this starts- you ve course you a great job- is you're, so competent, it's great you do a great job on that, and that starts leading to more and more shows. And how long are you working Campbell, you old aunt before you decide, I'm gonna, quick, Hamley Walden. Do this full time and healthcare is that two years and it was very scary- when I finally did make the release. It was on the way it was tough. Financially, the first year of chosen shoots, I think I made thirty one thousand gross, oh boy, and so I
pay payroll out of that and expenses and feed you guys it was. It was a little sketchy, yeah yeah, but we did it right, but we did it in there we doubled the next year. We doubled the year after that and pretty soon was a real full fledged business. But you did not heed your others, which was that the Tube stake stake story which he told her. All men were members of the family in he very much urge people that, when you can afford a stake, disquiet, eat steak and stay in your position, don't don't climb up and then He tubes take again right desire at some point each taken in B where Europe, but you didn't follow that any sent we are not to live somewhere. Nice I guess what I'm saying is. We were now or like I'm super solid ground. We would make these leap
never main street to terror. That was why the skin of our teeth- and then obviously this house's by this university. Yet my theory is always bank. I think, because I was a waitress when I was young is if, if I have to bet on me, if, if it's fifty fifty chance of I'm gonna- make it. I'm not gonna make it. If I'm if, on the variable a better me any data, weak jar and that's how I felt like ok areas this business and yeah, I read a lot of businesses fail. But if I've got a fifty fifty chance, I'm gonna, I'm gonna Tipp the scale I'm gonna do. That and so one show leads to another, and then you quit and then you are now doing. I know no six or seven shows a year at some point when I'm in ten nor ninth grade or somethin- Many take on David, my brother as a partner, and you guys start growing. This business on sport Airlines or where it ends up, is that this turns into many many shows throughout the year twenty five years for twenty five, yours you had this business and their purpose shows
where the events turned into a fleet management business, where we would house all these General Motors cars that would get lent to journalists around the country so that we are delivering cars managing fleets receiving cars that broadband rounding. and then you get ass because you do a good job at this to service others zones in the General Motors world and then at its height there was a shop in Chicago. You had a partner shop, down in Atlanta at some set up down and no New Jersey begun. Taxes down in doubt ass you had a shop and at one point you had how many employs a year or two ready to employees in your managing hundreds of cars there was a big big company, it so impressive nothing really really my blowing thanks and I was in the cap. seek. As I was fourteen years old and I went to work for you and I are obvious:
They got way more leeway that give me other than you and I got to drive all these cool cars which is cared about. My whole life is cars, and I go on these. We gotta race tracks and I get to do photography with the junior journalists and- and I was encouraged to get sideways and cars and act like an idiot do doughnuts and it was all the rooms happy them you, you got paid at the end of the week Suffice to say that Artist job I've ever had where you would regularly you turning your hours at the end of a week on long lead in Wisconsin, and I was regularly working a hundred and five do a hundred twenty hours in one we it's almost impossible. You doubling every hours, often I yet when I tell people in Hood River that no me now, as a retired, sixty six year old woman, it I owe my own business and I worked a hundred hours week in other toxic. more than a hundred. They look at me and I think they think that's not possible Eu Network a hundred arrived
that's an exaggeration, but you did. You are seven days a week, so we had a car show in New York this central launch, and we did three weeks seven days a week at least twenty hours a day, and it was this but the Culture in the environment at chosen, shoots with such a party, was so fond of his all young people, as many of my mazarin loved every one of us yeah indeed, I think that that was some b run that many young people for that period of time was like energizing or did it change your life? It is life blood. When I would be, as my show, such its crew, I guess would be so happy. I was just so funny was hard work but we will always joked and we always had stories, and it was just they are also beautiful one of them were so beautiful and they were so invested to do a good job and I don't know I was Just- was like magic yeah near the best boss of ever had any boss,
I've tried to model you when I directed movies, like I try to work the hardest so that your encouraging other they never ask anybody do some. I wouldn't do now. You were always if you had to do with. We were gonna, does in every single night, we'd have to prep a hundred twenty cars and you would do wheels, which is this hideous job. You know whatever it was used at the shittiest job with all of us and you never went home early in euros up with all of us great leadership training for me. But, as the business is growing were in this house. You meet Dave Barton, Martin comes along and he is thus far the opposite of what you have generally been attractive, because our attracted to kind of people who are bucking system who are living out loud, who are attention? Getters, right and here comes sweet man and electrical engineer who dresses terribly drives Van just soft spoken and not looking for attention issues, most wonderful human being.
yes and you, but I didn't know it, it start near. He didn't. He didn't have a fast come on line. He he did He wasn't the fast dancer with the hottest move. Whose and you know I closed- that he couldn't afford charged. Just wasn't that person right, and but slowly he would you and you guys, got married when I think I was sixteen fifteen or sixteen ninety ninety and ninety, I think that's right as it will be twenty eight years this November. So ninety right and now let me just ask you, because you know in a there's this concept of contrary action, which Have you seen the results of your instincts enough times at a certain point? You have to go, who let's try doing the opposite of what feels right as an experiment, or at least that from my experience and I got oh yeah. This feels really right. I'm gonna turn away from that cause. When I do the thing that always feel
right, I know where it ends up lies about was very much contrary action. Whether you are aware of it are not very much. You are aware of it. Yet a new thought. Maybe this might just work as he's the opposite. No, I never thought I would work. I totally went into it feeling that I'm not good at this, never gonna be good at this. In enjoy this moment and not even look Newark gonna go and then you are married him a dead body. He asked many times a high and I resisted because I was sure of it up in divorce right and I just you know it was a whole different thing in he taught me so much yeah me too. He had a an internal confidence, not an external coffin. it's, not a look, how great I am, but he he really was confident in on the service. You wouldn't have guessed that now, but he added-
internal believe in himself and he knew what is, he was very very intelligently knew that he did, but yet he had zero impulse to is the opposite of the donor. Dunning Krueger effect. He would. He would know the most about a topic in just like everyone else, talk about it and not have to write, be the show off until everyone, and I took me a long time. I don't know how long it took. You been took me a long time to recognize what was going on that, oh, my god, he's the smartest guy in the room. That's interesting! Absolutely one of the things that I liked about him and when you say this quite confidence, one of the things was no matter how busy I was with my business, no matter how many things I did. He was never that person like previous partners I had had. He would always say: that sounds so perfect for you go. Do it go? Do it? You know he was always encouraging and you'll have threatened by. He wasn't threatened at all and all the times I was in the road and anybody who worked for GM.
Probably any industry when you are on the road a lot with a lot of the same people all the time. There is much everyone's fucking, yes right, it's much food, and I never ever did because I would never want to have seen his face had he found out something like that, but the thing Is he never ever ever even remarked, lie Dubai. The fool around, or would you ever considered, was so confident with himself attractive right. Oh my god self. It made me even more, so I would never think of yeah. Then a super fucking patient. I guess you were gonna tongue If you don't get on my trying, I regret that now I feel like I'm lucky, I didn't lose him. he was a married man that didn't have a wife after right. Yeah you were kind of. We were watching and John Mccain documentary last night, which we both loved and, I will say, a manner deeds and-
fifty they had a different programme like they just pursued that career and they saw their kids ten minutes a week and that's what it was and dump. But you to try and an unconventional out which is you are building walking business, and I knew we all understood that, like we knew our roles, we knew that you were doing this thing and we were gonna have to be patient about that, and that was gonna happen as if you're fifties, dad and in by contrast, Martin was the one and he never ever balked about it. He stayed with curly and he didn't just baby sit. Her are you know cohabiting with her? He hot, her things. Any was gentle with her and was patient. With her I mean she tested, Mme, nay, you think about a step: child yeah, she's propensities, as Eyeball Tom, you couldn't do the math. I knew he would just very calmly. That's not gonna, be here. Let's not going
work and you need to take a breath. I'd try this again using amazing stepped out the cowardly, ah tadeusz fantastic with early was in outward bound crammed book now in her tenth grade here, which is a thing where you go hiking out in the woods and you can learn self granite. Heads like ie go for a couple weeks out in the woods with a compass and asleep yeah, it's real deal and they do it in March. In the previous year there had been an incident with the camera crew and forgot strand. They got strand somebody frost by the ones that we have a robot. So when Carly went here, we are watching the news back in Michigan and we see that this snow storms in the mountains, and I think about my little five foot, two Carly and she's. So little- and I say today, if you know these are having snow storms, I'm so worried about her she's going to get hypothermia, she's not going to get high
she's going to be fine. If you know I'm not like that, I need to know why she's going to be okay, give me something logical and he says very calmly, she's not going to get hypothermia because her clothes are going to be dry, and I know her clothes are dry because I unpacked her bag before she left and I put everything in individual ziploc bags so that are thing is drying her backpack and I again didn't tell anyone he did they want the credit. I went bring in all day about Ireland got into me. It was like tat because I put a currently closed and zip blocking going on around the male. Hey may, what's your name, I did a good thing. I need to tell you about it actually to me. It was like this is what real dad stew? right. That's it really love their children. Do yeah! and I also applaud- because I found myself in the same situation in lebanon- is hard and back there-
that would have been able to talk to him about it more, but for a man to have a wife who would make more money than him and is basically drive in the ship you gotta go in her direction. Has ultimately it's worth more to you now, if someone's gonna say play some it's going to be me. Not bad, just doesn't make sense for the family and that his dad took me years to get comfortable with and Barton seem to just never bothered him that his wife was paying. four things or taken some vacations or buying stuff. All that stuff didn't bother him yeah ages totally or even when you're smart enough to go out. This is like a nice guy Housing, Bloomfield Hillsboro, even the day that your brother got married. That day, your father called in on the phone and said hey when they do the dance, where the bridegroom dance and then the parents
dance. Also, I wanna dance with you. I don't want you to dance with Dave. I want you to dance with me because he's our sun men and he's our baby that were given up, and I said he said I so well. Let me talk today about it and I said today how do you feel about this and he said promised going ahead. He was so secure whose so gangster never ever got in there testosterone, yellow design. I want to add that where's that one thing comes, I'm so happy that you did was that my dad, you always kept him in the fall He was allowed to be at the house on Christmas night. If you want to spend the night wake up with us, our family vacation whenever I haven't got a sick, its but yeah. always kept him, you never bad mouth em. You always kept them around, and I imagine that was always the most pleasant thing, but that was used. Really nice of all thing that you didn't, I would pray I had enough. Thank you lied to me. It was like you, kids, didn't get worse.
We did right. I never went you'd have to choose bright mouse, nice, I'm ok! So you marry Barton, you have this thriving business. You guys have a pretty storybook life by my estimation from ninety want to do that. Whatever you're left, Bloomfield Hills right, you really found your stuff I'd. You made good money. Carling went to cram brook. She don't want to miss, begin state I was in college. Things were great. You and Barton were happy lives, good. You guys decide to I hear what you d retire. I retired twice right the first time. The first time I think, was in two thousand and two. me for a bunch of reasons I dont really matter. The business ended up crumbling after you retired and then you had come out of retirement and now a phase of kinder.
Just a really long period of pretty darn good happiness. Yeah instability, yes, is your depression at Through those years, can you remember beam intolerable? At any point, I definitely had depression right during that time, but if you realize you had depression cause no right, because in retrospect we could all we'll? Go! Oh yeah! You wouldn't get at Yale LAW Apparent yeah, there's, always things you would do. Well, we ve just seen down like the sudden Wendy goes on going to treatment, I'm an alcoholic and like a hop. Yes of course, you mean Gallagher unwise and zeal that moment you I get you. It took us in the morning to the bar. We hung out there all day. That's not almost that's do with Turkey So yes, so
This can jump when you have to come back out. Every time you had been some really bad bouts with really really bad enough to force you to. Finally confronted writing, yes, Anna and in it. Just like your saying about your dad. It's like. I never really thought that I had depression until I had a really really serious episode. I, the long and short of it is, as I had someone say, something that really triggered from my past being sexually abused as child, and I went into a real severe for severe depression I'll. I honestly went to work in my pajamas for a couple weeks and did not bathed when you you're a business. If you don't have that right, and then I and Dave was taken care of his mother at the time in for but I was alone in the house, and I just got to I mean hawks. Was it you? meta beyond that. When I try to go up again, I tried, but a real serious attempt, it was not. I mean other times. I thought at the time. It was serious. This one
So I did the double whammy I mean I hate the taped, all the vacuum cleaner hoses to the car, to make sure I would get the sixty two and I took every single pill in the medicine cabin to make sure then I would die in by the way I just want you to think of is this is someone who's. Now, both kids are in college. I more came actor. I have a great life. You ve built an incredible business. You have a six. I wouldn't even have children who just I just want to point out that you can have all the indicators then everything it all of herself will make you feel great. You love yourself and have self esteem and all those things and those outside things all of a sudden will be absolutely powerless right, absolutely absolute. It'S- because even are you even building a case in your head, like what you should do this your life's good? You, your kids, are doing great in your ear happily married, so many yeah absent
when they just have no way right. You listen those things and they don't mean shit in that moment. In that moment honest they only I can describe it is it's like if someone took you and put you in a black garbage bag and since the top and you are in a garbage, beg, suffocating and you're, so hot and so miserable in its so black, and so that the only thing you can think of, is the die is, I can't keep going like this right and it in and again, like you say, and all the indicators that my life was successful, but I wasn't able to feel it. I was only able to feel that I was suffocating and that I just could not take another step. I was so tired, just could not taken in you. Luckily, you did not die. I remember gonna call. I was in New York at the time and David call me like this. For real Unita to get sick. We
it's a circle, the wagons and you went to an out patient treatment. I did they wanted to put me in patient, and I did not want to. I did not want to be away from Burton, and so I didn't outpatient programme which lead, I would make sense then, me it was like here's. When the lights really went on is the first fall as soon as they Barton came home and he was a wonderful self He rubbed his arms round me and I asked him to take. I surrendered for the first time in my life surrendered, and I said I need you to take care of me and he said I've been waiting for you to ask and so he immediately drove me right from there to our family-
after we had no appointment, it went to the nurse explained at the doktor came out, told us of a psychiatrist that he wanted us to go to. We left there. I went to this office and we sat down in the guise. First words: were you ve had a suicide attempts. I assume you are sexually abused as a child really, and to me that was, I was so pissed. at him like that to me like, oh, you hear easy going, you hate your mother, I mean it was like. Are you kidding me what a cheap shots and I was sitting there just steaming an ape answer. Two questions very curtly in short- and he wanted put me in treatment and I agreed to go to the outpatient, we walked out the door. I got the guys, I'm never seen that guy again and they said What was the matter- and I got kidding me- asked me if I was sexually abused, crappy thing that has happened,
it feels lazy right around yeah there's only yes like I can take the easy route, and I like you up here, tension of, what's going on in my life right, Zeebrugge, convinced than those moments that it's all the things around Europe right or how right now and then the lights went on and I connected in the car. In that same moment, all this in the light went on, and it occurred to me that the comment that the meat to moment I'd head with a GM executive and that sexual abuse as a kid, the powerlessness of being a kid- and it was my dad's by and I could not tell anyone. Does anyone my dead to lose his job as so here I am with the GM executive and he did it and it's like kinda hijack situation. Let me use my my perch sworder. I can't tell anyone ya, then it was so the dots connected and it was like
oh my god, yeah, and so then I went very open minded late. We share that. Sadly, many members of a family share this expense, for me what it tells you is a while the world's not a safe place. If not people will take advantage of me. If I don't have my guard up and the whole world changes in a moment like you, you are still in power on the plains of the Serengeti. Yes, it's just very. It changes your worldview really quickly that I can be I can be outsmarted. I can be overpowered, I can be outmaneuvered. I can be all these things and then I'm vulnerable in this work and it doesn't matter how small How can you are now that's for me. The biggest chunk of the shame is the embarrassment that I could be out, Marty, outmaneuvered era. We didn't, I see it that I couldn't see it that I didn't realize what was happening. all those things are so shameful to me because
I hang all my self confidence on my competence to me a day, I'm a real, confusing squirrel k to what I want said that two Barton that I need you take care of me. What, in that, the hunger version of that is when I said that to him, I said what Ever everybody else has learned in life. I was absent that day. I can't tell the difference of who to trust in him. The trust I need you to be that person. That tells me whose untrustworthy, because I don't have you set specific broke? I don't have that skill set here and that's how I've gotten mice in a jam of all these marriages and everything else, because I don't have that skill set and in so when you say like that feeling is like so not only is vulnerable. It's like you. Just one keep looking in the back pack for the tool. Everyone else has got to. Why don't I have the tool in? Maybe it's done.
you're somewhere notes not down here. I don't have it it, so it's confusing to mean its baffling in its vulnerable in its horrible it rightly tannin right here, worse qualities and I we share. It is just a complete inability to ask for help. Oh god bright, like our you'd rather fuck, now lead to death and pick up and admit you cut yourself and I we thought it was. I didn't really want to be helped as anyone o someone to help them in return. I realized, I don't think, that's it. I think it's just my may ego in being able to be vulnerable and be flawed and ended, Meda, flawed five, yet not capable yeah. Why can't you take her yourself? Yes, really embarrassing. yeah yeah, I Alina so you and mistreatment, centre in and I'm gonna readers die just as for you, but you want ass, you runaways hurry hurry. You sleep right in you
Didn't sleep ray I'm very hard time sleeping and you started learning a lot of the warning signs of depression. You learned how it worked. You learned about medication, you gotta medication. You learned how to make it game plan right ran up the programme is not just medication. Is that you know you do need it outside and get vitamin d you do need to be walking or exercising so that you can get rid of the lousy chemicals. Your producing and bring in good once you know around It is imperative and also What I've noticed you've gotten great at over the years is I'm in in in this is a mistake, a lot of people making a. I made it my first few times of trying to get sober. Is failure to plan is pointing to fail. So if you're gonna go to a party, your newly sober, you can't wait. Do you get to the point? pretty in the guy. You really want his approval hands. You drinking a map moment. You're gonna figure out your game plan, you're done that's too late. You gotta go Friday and going to a party, as I pondered
driveway. That party. I should probably call someone in AA and just check in and remember why I'm in AA and blah blah blah and then then just expect that that things can happen and when it happens, I'm gonna. I have this plan you, you can't. You cannot expect a different outcome unless you have a completely strategy I'm game plan going into these situations right. Absolutely so Is that what the most heartbreaking thing ever witches Barton died a few weeks ago. We share that together. Yes and going into that, I think all of us, which great because you ve opened yourself up to be checked in with which is wonderful. So all of us are like. You watch your game plan to work out. You know what what's your game plan for this. What like what we know coming. That's not that's unavoidable. Would we gonna be prepared for it so, and I think I did make plans. I think is really looking ahead and it wasn't like. I was planning, Barton's death or looking.
Forward to his death. It was when he dies. What is my game plan? You know, How am I gonna get through this? and I know that it's gonna require a lot of faking it. Until I make it, and so how am I going to do that? It's gonna require you acting your way into feeling right. So you're not gonna sit in your house in just wait for to feel different cause. That's not gonna for us work. I have rules, and rules that I didn't have before he dies like when he was actively dying. We had a lot of sleepless nights because of the pain he was in and stuff, so it was I think it was not uncommon for us to take a nap during the day together, because we had been up all night and right now it's napping and sleeping are their nanos. And that loud I can't allow myself cassettes sliding yeah. I'm not. I'm not allowed to stay under the covers the others like the one for the trash bag. It absolutely yeah,
and so and what great is you got a dog you smartly got it I did that it had to say something was gonna, be reliance on you. If I won't get myself out of bed exercise That's one thing, but I will never. I mean you know if you kids, and about how depressed by was when we were going through. All that when you are growing up, I would get up and go to work to feed you guys. I rode git up for you guys. I might not have gotten up for me, but I would get up for you, guys yeah. So I have a dog codependent the little love my specialty always really wanted sooner and I'm pointed out yet, but you you never met inadequacy. Didn't library, squawking, love, attics, I could find if you buried one attic global hall with a couple million men that we're all healthy. I will find the guy and I will take a momentary to fix them. Yet do you think it's a little more exciting Khazars like an element of the unknown. You really don't know. What's coming bodega bay with inadequate, you think there's some mom there's some relief or there's some
peace and having to focus on someone else's issue that gets you oughta having to think about any of your own issue. This is how the appeal subconsciously, maybe but usually, if you're with an area They have the same. They like the same drugs. You do most attics love the butter. My feeling that drug that you get in a relationship. They love a good codependent relationship IRA. The idea- the singing a lot of my song when yeah, but what I do blood and again is it was worth its own hope. I guess, but you who were very present during the whole thing you were checking and with a lot of people you read books. You um, you felt like you out this experience, a lot of pension and you didn't want to just wake up and be over and have not experienced it yeah one Things are very very grateful to Barton, for is some. We made a pact.
consciously talked about. We repeated it. Often we would talk about in reiterate what our pact was, and that was that we would be one hundred percent honest, even if we did want to during the process and that we would experience it together. As I said to him, I can be by your side and I can be supportive and I will you make all caused all the shot. You call the shots on this on. What you're treatments are and how you do this, and I will be there be with you, but I need you to be honest all the way with me, and I need you to share it with me menaces a man is an engineer. You know not necessarily farming at the mouth, with with discussions on Russia is like you and I write, and so it was probably the very best others in that first months when the butterflies crazy in the beginning, but Polly them.
As part of our marriage, because we talked regularly openly and really shared the experience, and just like sharing experience like a present, see and a burly, never tire. The bond that we were able to forge from that experience is extremely intimate, the very very close and very intimate, and I'm actually grateful I feel really grateful for that experience with them, even though it was living. How, if I'm grateful for it yeah, and it was a long. It was a three year process. Yes, yes, it was a big. It was a big chunk of your life before I go. I want I just want to pass on some of the things I feel like you gave me that are most grateful for,
and one of them, as I realise, really set me up to be interested in Anthropology because Anthropology, at least when I went and sprawly changed, but they were very into cultural relativism where your goal was not to judge or label a group of people as primitive evil backwards. You could look at something like infanticide, which, on the surface, seems absolutely unmanageable. Who could kill a child that just been born? They must be evil, but they didn't have then interest. They had the interest of understanding. Why would that have happened in you can understand things if you're only there to label them in you were this crazy example of that we read about a murderer. Let there be a there, be a murder in a murderer and maybe in the paper in your first line of thought, was always wow. I was a little baby one day right what you're saying tat some day passed
cigars for their baby yeah. You know there was somebody's little boy. There was somebody son and he was loved and celebrated what happened? What went wrong yeah, the tragedy on both sides, the tragedy that a victim was killed and then a tragedy that a life with a lot of potential went down that road that seek that's equally worth morning. then you kind of always had that perspective there be. Let you know kids would kill other kids drunk driving accidents in our town and in town is going on mother Fucker drove drunk about a new and go straight to like holy cow. You he woke up and jails. this morning yesterday must have no coloreds what is paid, aren't you saw that potential and put all this time. an energy into ingest You never seem very interested in just tabling something good or bad or black and white evil good. Thank you that one not all
heavenly whatever the things were, eaten it live in this by now. Thing in your very interested in the new wants, the details in the contacts and all the stuff in its such an awesome weight of processed the world and just very sympathetic, and it was such a great example for you to have. Given me it's very entrance. it's weird you and I went through this Our cherry might story publicly in it in an overlaps with your story and hence a little it in one time. I offended you, I remember and I felt really bad about it and then you call me a week later, and you said you know, I'm wrong: that's your story. You're allowed to earned it yeah. So do you even remember what it was? I forget. It was something that you said to the most. married a lot of times and because I am so ashamed that you know I you know it was. It was hard for me, the odious the dirty laundering in order, do we have to air their yeah? You know
it's weird right. It is but then again at the same time, it's like you know what you went through. That too, I didn't go through it on my own. You kids I'd I'd druggie through it and I did what my regrets, but it is what it is and we got here we got because of it. Yeah it. Yesterday, yeah and yes, I did. I thank you for for forgiven me. You know the the permission to drag you into this, and I bet it's a weird scenario. I'm sure, if Lincoln or Delta, gets famous I'll. Ask you wanna go well, you know what I'm just so. You know not to keep beaten to death and I ve talked about that movie in years, but that movie that we were referring to boy hum when people do art and when people do come out and talk about things like that,
sent that movie yeah, I'm still ashamed. How many times have you married and all the things I went through? However,. That made me realize that I'm not an idiot. I just made some bad choices and a lot of other people may those bad traces too, and guess what they're not idiots there now, its people, and so I feel like if you have your story and you share your story in something comes of it that someone else ears it it's like gosh, It would be great. You know, I think everything, that's good about me as something that you taught me. I think I'm genetically was destined my father, we have the same broken shoulder the same. Missy knock off the same everything the same crazy stupid, alpha amalgamate the card Zalm like one and so much wonderful from him, yeah sure. But I credit you with taking all that and adding your perspective in your empathy in your in and how endlessly having you are in the year. The gray This thing that ever happened to me my whole life. Thank you.
number one, my life, that's so through all that I said I complained about here on the show I didn't hear any complaining. I would not say I can't imagine being luckier than having been born with you, as my mom thank you, and I hope I can. You have the job with four times the amount of resources that you have. So I love HU thank you for coming on. The arm chairs were thank you. He now begins. My favorite part of this fact check with Monica Batman. This is my mommy's backtrack. Yeah! That's right! My boy! Shall I bring you a song, I'm scared I don't really have used. Generally speaking, I have a song here, isolating through my mind all day and then I just
your name into that Nazi him away the recipe sausages. Man can you I'm no signs in your brain is dealt with an honest man still carrying their little. That is the gums tell us all of the facts thing and do they really do she's Honan some papers with some corrections thing and do lots of gas was a nice guy. Yeah in this very special. Most passionate very special episode aims: oh glad. We did that, you really instigate I'd always want? We always knew arrogant interviewer, but you really seize the moment. What use is it at all year has, I think it SAM for one she's super operational and interesting, and she is so in an eloquent and is good at tat.
her life story, and I already knew that so I knew that would be fun and interesting, good, bye, It's all. So it's also so endearing and nice too, to have a look he can t your relationship with her. I did have some anxiety in that, like I certainly know how she talks at the dinner table white quite successfully, she can hold court has never been interviewed I guess you gonna, like once microphones interfaces, she gonna start feeling self conscious, rider Now she grass she'd a great and others, lovely to be sitting here through that I enjoyed it. so your mom mentioned our sea cola. Are de Calais is short for royal crown. Cola is a cola flavoured soft drink, developed nineteen o five five by Claude, a after a pharmacist in Columbus Georgia,
all the way home for years Columbus's, where I went to stay championships. her cheerleading career, correct, yeah, You said you bald after both of those rights I wasn't there you lost now we want both times. Ok, you got hurt, though I got her before the second my senior year. I got a pull my hamstring before the state championship. I pulled it. Did it adding? I was, I am sure you do. Is you are the high flyer I was afraid of war. And then the air and the new? Well, if we knew it was gonna, be very close to us in the and purely red awry. All we do is going to be so cause. They came down to one point among us out how many were reserve of ten
some boys know as I how well I don't know what the perfect score was. You can read like maybe like three hundred two hundred significant events like ninety nine point, eight percent- yes- and I believe, as you know, they were like the birthplace third ace and so then waiting the year whose second place was You ever been more alive in your life now now. Never I truly never, and I never will. Even if I give birth, I wanna hear me and then I dislike law. Control over my whole body? Did you go? We in your sly? Maybe AM, I am bloomer sinner, Bloomiest Brandon rumbles you're grinders anyway on grinders no less now what they should do. I guess you're right and when paralyse that's gonna say it's now They should be encouraging these young girls to be doing, but they.
We should be again Urim and sell some fine, but they are not very careful. Those young girls, that's why well It is why, like I, wouldn't encourage Changes incursion we care for yes, that, yes, now most of my friends who are really careful who we're having sex at that time, just pop on birth control, yeah, you don't You have to be able to give to feel comfortable to tell your parents. How do you can this habit that that require? I'm saying that requires a lot of the fifteen year old affecting our brain is gonna. Think some, You're gonna get a ride me to plan parent. Like it's under a new item. You got to hide its oversea grid, Caesar judges fuck.
It is easier to lock. Is one of these are things that you your mind me, though this this invention, I created at twenty four years old, and I just was positive. It was a hundred million dollar idea in here's mine, without a lot. In my twenties. I was regularly coming across. women who are like a shit- I forgot my birth control today or they would be like gatesmen than at my house, and I forgot my birth control. people never forget their toothbrush known ever forgets to brush their teeth. I'm never rain. Dwindling fucker forget a brush my teeth, this mornin everyone brushes their tee. So I thought how bout the birth control toothbrush they also works on a couple different levels: toothbrush, factors also want you to replace or toothbrush every month, some some at some rate that no one's doing right. So this would be a perfect tie in with like an oral b, because you you get Europe toothbrush from the pharmacist, has thirty pills in it and every
pop one out, and then you brochure your teeth and then travel. You like your boyfriend, says you throw your toothbrush in your purse. It's all right! Isn't that a trillion dollar idea unscathed why would you be Haiti, my neighbour alleviating I? I think it's good you're trying to puzzles. I am I note that there are some, but for some reason to none are popping out it's a solid. I also why why not just in some inventor and Columbus. Georgia's gonna hear this and Here she is going to make large hatch here and there in the next time we see them will be on a foreigner foot yacht in Saint births. suddenly and take mania run straight to the bank, to judge Deutsche Sweet by my, but look also, if you if you get a routine that in the morning I take my birth control before a rush. My teeth like it's the same. You can train your brain
a party guarantee, but less I say, let's build on what already working as oppose a reprogramming peoples is going watermelons hold nor dude brush in the morning. When I put your the thing you need in that thing, you're gonna hold the girls that are coming over, forgetting their birth control, remembering their teeth brush, but their forgetting their birth control. see that to me for me that would not have labour euro responsible person. You recognise that you will have different levels of responsibility are responsible if they're bringing their toothbrush there very responsible further. Yeah yeah, that's incredibly responsible. I am reminded of oriental others. Favorite thing always say to young people. You would always say be true to your teeth or they will be forced to you. Ok, so you said Ohio when Europe a little kid had a very liberal fireworks policy. and you say on about today, so I
No, if they do, I think they can. I think they do, but the top five states that are most eager easier easiest to get fireworks are yeah! I guess I do. I need a go I was one of them now. Bullshit bought like quarters, Dixon, tiny, Knighton, Idaho Manuel Wyoming, all it's probably in so many have are easy, but these young engineer hit me Indiana Railways harsher also abortion, Michigan, Missouri, Missouri Missouri, if you're from Missouri same as I now. I don't want to do that now. Pennsylvania Pennsylvania says TAT House to chaos and, most importantly, South Carolina? That makes those all kind of other pretty much. What you'd expect every like yeah that this
this website it at home to more fireworks outlets than Mcdonald's. We thank ye. That's grave awhile thereby I'm gonna have a great for the July there. Guy we stop in Idaho may wait, awhile mean, and I get these mortar tubes, and I and so much money on cheaply cheap. So one of the things I will just below so much money on is pyro technics in a non organised. A mortar tubes are awesome in your drop in this like pool ball size explosive in the mortar and for its just like your at the Detroit River. I mean it is a disease, civic level, pyro technic. It's great, and I get way too many than I am the whole year than they sit my trail and then I worry about the fact that I have always gas and my way for the whole thing. The black stuff, like that all women on the edge? as bond Jovi said living on the edge John Jovi
Levin, on the edge of a gene, drive eleven on a prayer. We also said that The love bunderby, you dear, oh, my god, yeah Mysel, America, you couldn't be more meryton. You love her friends and John Jewelry I went to the criminal law answer. You did yeah my friend Jean early turn me on to him. And we were also I'm up at them, rare in his rival I gathered from the hard core John Jovi Fans is the thing they are particularly attractive. Doesn't he of infamously bonds is not wanting to see the guy's yeah shows them off. He really always has hi pants as dunams like Taylor, doses, lovely, hair, yeah and abuse for face. Your use, very good, looking do we're not all use my email underwhelming you if you, but I'm speaking, My ass actually dont know where some tells me you might be most
but don't underwhelming in their height, because I'm so short you ask yourself. I know I know you climbing up and I claim you it'll be revealed. One episode we're gonna. Take measuring here asked her parents, my again, Now the story about your dad, helping the boy a stryver was Sweetie, the story all living long in high school. You would help the bus driver was set up front of the bus driver phone and I no wonder I may give you got other ladys. No delta would never help the Pastrana she so social and nice social that you notice when people get new jackets Americans. In that way, I actually disagree shall sit right. Next. To that you do, I do yeah. We hope she does, but I don't think so. I think she's gonna, too popular to sit up by the bus driver like she's, going to be in the back of everyone's going to want to talk to her about her day,
racers with her, my mom said the delta reminds her so much of my dad really as she thinks it's my dad reincarnated just gonna sway. She doesn't develops me with that. I'm nine and never got to meet him. Could have been one of my jewel nails to tat. You would have found a way to Euro found. All of this is idiosyncrasies endearing. I think yeah yeah you're a big, her Ok, I understand that one must. I note your mom's recall of names is as there's two lips swiftly like people she went to elementary school, it's bog had first and last name. She could remember. I was shocked, bristles like a she's, making up names and as it were now,
This is an arms. I hear I almost no her name's more than I know my I mean I have best friends from Junior. I can't remember their name Riyadh. It's crazy, like I've been wanting to apologize for this kid momentary school, we're going to find him a be it on Facebook or something around the universe that I want to make amends for no fighting human like third grade and I keep there's no way. I'm gonna remembers nay. What did you think? I'm on my way back that the photos I have remember there, just like one sheet of glossy paper with thirty kids faces on em, they weren't names coming guy. There are no names in the year blown in elementary. It wasn't from junior high school it could. Maybe you know, maybe my six read your book. I think he went to the same junior high. Maybe I could locate his name there, but it does plague messing about all the time and I need to. We must now. Do you even know my known? We have on me what happened is everywhere in the spring mills. Occasionally
Let us play in the parking lot. I can't remember why, maybe when the young field was to muddy or something, but we was one on one of these days where we were playing in the park, a lot for recess, and I got until it with this kid, and I punched him the stomach and when I punched him, I knocked the wind out of them and he fell down. on the ground and he was, I don't think. He'd ever had the wind knocked out of them and he was really scared like he was crying and he was laying out. Never forget it. I have the picture of my head is he's right on a man will cover in the air in the park. It was so sad I felt so bad soon as it happened. and I just think I got to imagine for him here. Members that was terrible and at the time. I did not think that I'm sure he feels like I was a boy. You're really scared Finally, those rights were fine. Both kid brush up this is he a yacht very scared. Menace
Well, we can all find them in his name is anyone's guess, Jake that's him. Ok, your mom brought absurd your men. There is another thing, your dad, I guess listened to in the car. I didn't know who he was the jewish near his music. I e an areas I did know that one sided a famous version of girl from the name. I think now identify mad. Now, there's a Sancho, never gonna! Let you go and I can't think of how it goes. Right now. Never gonna give you were never going to? Let you go never gonna run around in her too. That's Rick Ashley ass. My search your members is a is brazilian Zealanders overfished, five releases. He plays Basa Nova heavily crossed with gas and funk some. I have some Sergio men. It is cities, I'm alright. So am I
and were shaken baby syndrome. Discussion. can baby began, shaken baby Sandra also known The abuse of head trauma shaken impact syndrome inflicted head injury or whiplash shakes centre all these are near the end. It's kind of its itself explanatory avoided. Is you shake a baby in yeah and before having kids that always seemed like them. Same thing that could occur, but when you have a baby and they won't stop crying in, you really are like in a weird panic. I, although I never shook I gave you could see how people are not a guy. As a man of us twenty years old I was drunk or whatever I could see where it happens. Yanks yeah now oh one thing I wanted to clarify because of because of the structure
just the way you guys are talking cuz. You have such a familiar knowledge base. You like can like hop around and you both know what you're talking about. So I just wanted to clarify at the timeline of your house that not so well and your mom and dad had David. Yeah. They live in a small house, she said, and then they moved in an apartment, my theme in their internal part, man in New York, They are partly yes and then and they moved into the mobile or you were born, brought home yes and then move into the they move into the nice House: Middle Road, yes, so its kind seemed at first like the nice house. Was there and then you were born, but isn't like the place was Confusing said, that's, that's! That's timeline! Europe!
we left the Middle roadhouse. When I was three, we went to those welfare part railway dear than we went to main street for a year, then we went to Highland. We lived in the house for three years. There we moved into unnamed stepped adds house over a year and we moved into her an ant house for about six months. We stopped at my dad's there for a few months, They fought to ban we laughed and then we live An highland, I'm sorry Milford and how she built yourself three years, I'm of backing mightier than I moved back. So I wish we had like you move back in with your dad after the nice House that she built you ES, because my dad had gotten in a head on collision, he needed assistance, and I was afraid that everyone at Melfort High School was gonna murder. Make us how many guys hated me and so What's a dual motivation night, I went to Walled Lake central and took care of him while he was recovering then, when he and I got in such a bad fight and then I moved back in with my mom and 11th grade, but continue to go to Wawa central but anyways, because
that I lived in my apartment, Santa Monica were ten years, then I've lived its current house for twelve years. I do never want to move a young, so much anxieties. We move. So much is clear. There is, I think, your mom mentioned a Christmas were, like continent Christmas lights and I think she arguments, nineteen, seventy nine energy crisis, since time is that makes sense, rape, nineteen, seventy nine oil crisis or oil shock occurred in the world, do to decreased oil output in the wake of the iranian Revolution, they call it the oil embargo. Do you call it that but how are you continue to Gaza you, like my colleague, I think people know a colleague has been just like incessant crying from babies and interests. They won't stop. We're going our. I grew. We're show some videos
them saying here: flash moms tax credits, one of last month when those Olympians choreographed routine, two texts me. now. Tell me how you maybe ere I cried when we wash. It is so embarrassing, why is an embarrassing? It's so sweet during a cab. The five s's for resetting babies, and we talked about that on Ashton's fact check. So you guys can go, listen to Ashton, Kutcher's episode. If you want to learn about the five s's, so you have a hat, you had to look for cyst on a diet of Karo syrup de I mean when she was telling that did you not just that guy, I was thinking how I might even hear me. You cannot feed a baby, fucking sugar, water. I now I was shot to my poor, but you spent so many so much of your little tiny, baby life
would truly be here. I would be six five there's no way that than a shave off a couple inches could have been next Einstein or some I could have been so smart. I had a play: basketball for the distance for sure, Oh sure, one hundred percent no questions Karel Syrup, YAP Care Service has corn syrup salt and vanilla, oh my god, I'm his poison. I'm so proud of you for outliving back the edges, a little This is a little bit a feather. My cap, I could of persevered. I met diet and I now we'll had then want a constitution that little baby. I now because also your mom gave you paregoric cause of your collar, Ok one was that there was an opium or cheese. his cries, no honour recovery. Now I did. I literally thought that when I rather like, of course it's it's a
it's a camphorated tincture of opium. Oh Christ, What does that say here that it's a traditional parent remedy, known for its anti die, Dyer, real thy era, the real and some other things, but it's big! do give it to babies aspect I was on heroin in search of year how wow I really really should be smarter, arriving late woods. You're, pretty smart, I was, boroughs, birth? William, Sir William Boroughs elbow He was a famous writer and in heroin out how it part of the Bee movement, the alchemist. Naked lunch, you shot his girlfriend. There is a great I believe, radio lab.
on him shooting his girlfriend at a party down. Cigani just then deal after the or that killed her now dead, doing like a trick with a gun, Some people say was you your lacks an enzyme, because I was not an answer. but there's all this great taping interview in yes reads a wild story. I hope you down. Kill me by Alex it's not inconceivable right, like you go to the sand dunes with me You ve done a motorcycle with me. There has not been a gun play, but I would you say yet: yeah yeah yeah. I wanna die by your hand, yeah, ok, does Campbell Walled also in you, when you were saying I pictured it see M Bp I'll wait,
Oh, I like the Sioux. Now why I d, like one big hamley, wild to people's names rise and its Campbell e Wat. Ok, yes, great of that law suit. For us, you out, and they don't have the chevalier count anymore. It's gambled, you walk, Two thousand ten General motors, moved out what's important, shovel a business to another agency, the ninety years, nine be more them. That's a big hit. They're up. There is biggest spenders advertisement, spenders you bought a barren weekly, but you didn't come by his full name. My best run out. yeah! That's it the Baron weekly all the time hundred times old friend, his oldest friend, every He always says my best friend errand weekly
I was, I was visiting Michigan. I went to my best Brenner weeklies housing at first. I was offended work as you die. I thought, in remembering TAT, of course, I know who that is. You talk about him all the time, but they're like what then it became sweets forwards worrisome. While I was in Michigan, you would like ask what deltas up to your soul maximum with her new semi pictures? Yes, you pitchers and dumb, and every time. I had done something when my best friend weekly, I would say to you. I met my best friend your weekly at island house, and we have now remember bus rendering it even in it next. I would take the time about my best friend that you did. I don't you knew you were doing until I call it out. I It was not a bit until I once become a bit, but now it's about those very sincere MIA.
So we are now in a nice. I talk a lot on this podcast Bobby Boy love and how much I love people, but just truthfully. Airum weekly, my best for narrowing, I just don't know that I've ever fell to Burma, the human being the way I feel about him. I just I just us: like we have the same cells in our body, and when I see mental me like a year and a half, and I see him- and I just my whole body is electric and we can't talk for more than four seconds without laughing. art, we're gonna cry what a feeling. I hope everyone has a best friend like that, the air, you mentioned tubes day tubes, take as a hot dog. I know that you knew I was. I never heard that that was my baby, they're always call it a tube state. Yeah. I've never heard it as a hot dog and clearly
You ve met and we all know it's not a fucking stake its. I got the hooves, assholes and snouts of appearing. I myself, I dont think happens. Claiming the mistake another one on his head. His words about pride, the worse meat product out there. I love them wrong. You can get a hundred per cent. Beef yeah, be fast Toby has revised proposals. It's not disgusted, doesn't mean it, the Falcon Philemon younger. I know it's whatever shit that they couldn't sell. The somebody asked here, the John Mccain documentary is John MC and for whom the Bell tolls it's on HBO. You can find it now. It's phenomenal you'll make you love em, so much the eye and appreciate ham war. I tweeted the documentary and then, of course got a bunch of my fellow liberals medium, tweeting, Ali's fucking in same things, about what a terrible personages in everything
and the horizontal illnesses is no fuckin watch before you, you jump in Your party line is like the reason I like the document. So much is that I am not ideologically aligned with him yeah poetic. hey there, but I am so aligned with him. As a human being, I heads how much integrity so many admirable qualities, and I think it's a great thing for all of us to watch to remember what little percentage of our existing does. Humans are fucking political views so much more to us. The mat and it's a great reminder it also he's that, like he often now, you know here here the Lahti conviction for the things he cares about that. I may not agree with politically, but he
also votes against his party, and he does. He really does do the thing that he feels is the right thing and doesn't feel like it's for political game. It's just. things is and even more impressive? Is that when he has been wrong, what she's been wrong? He owns which is so attractive. Every single politician I feel, like the I mean literally shit, the bed in front of you and explain why they did Do you know there is a level of ownership over his mistakes. That is, there was very admirable. Absolutely young. That's it I mean I. I also wanted to say that the Her story was full well cheerleaders and jaws and people who helped her and could and saw her, and you know she did so much, but she had people. Man, it's good too
Oh then recognise like those people in your life and that you it's good to be that for other people. If you have the chance and opportunity to do it, I just thought that was for me and I was sort of a take away a yacht. People were especially in times or you, ve lost your perspective as she has to have a network of people. They, you know you're connected to who'll sense. All this is ok. This prison needs help now like a circle, the wagons yeah we'll be aware of yeah You can be an island. I think that the message you guys are that for me rest and I ought to be for life until I kill you play with a guy motorcycle jumping to do moaning about Santa boots, I love you hurry to. That's it.