« Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Part 3: Monica & Jess Love Motherly Advice with Kristen Bell

2020-02-26 | 🔗
In Part 3: Monica and Jess Love Motherly Advice with Kristen Bell, M and J invite their mom to the attic. Using her mother's intuition, Kristen warns Jess on the falsity of butterflies, they discuss the prevalence of blocking people on apps and Kristen asks Jess about the rigidity of tops and bottoms in the gay dating community. She encourages Monica to externalize her sexuality, she tells a story of a friend who leaves her underwear at bars and Monica reveals a recent fantasy slip. Kristen talks about her own dating patterns - testing her partners and dealing with jealousy. The three discuss fidelity, knowing one's value and Kristen assigns the most extreme challenges yet.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Aye aye Monica a miniature mouse. I love boys, but I don't have one and in fact I've never had one. I could probably count on two hands how many days I've been on my entire life- and I decided it's time to change that high arm yes and I love boys too, and then the opposite way of Monica. I can't count all the hands in America how many people have had sex with, and yet I still don't have a boyfriend, and I want one max and I love Monica and just in so many ways. They, have partners, and that is a huge mystery to me, because they're both incredibly attractive so fond so smart and have some offer so we decided to do. It was examined these unhealthy patterns and bring an experts and outsiders to help critique us. Advise us guide us pretty much called.
Shit on us, so that we can find the romantic companion that we're looking for. We started, thinking it was gonna, be just Q little dating challenges that we would go on and talk about and laugh about turns out. It is very hard to be honourable in real time in public. It's a big sire, so loudly romanticize pathological wondered how much you want love God, you can't even get the sentence out. I would just eat around it's a little self, and why do I want something? And then why have I decided to? We must put the chairman, the water, for the sharks to come by Monica like so. Apparently I have to join Riah sweetie legs. You don't even have a kiss a here, any frontal lobe issues in the warehouse brown curls TAT, what you should be doing, serene every night robs to uncomfortable. For this, please enjoy part three, Monica and just love motherly advice with christian Bow, we're supported by athletic greens. We
athletic green, delicious, so delicious so good for you, I feel, like I get a real boost of energy and I was travelling last week and I took out by the greens on the plane, so I can keep my immunity up in it worked. There were people coughing all around me and I stayed healthy even with the bounds, healthy diet. Can be tough to cover gonna nutritional basis through food. Only the athletic greens ultimate daily, all in one health drink with seventy five vitamins, minerals and whole food source ingredients makes it easier for you to get comprehensive nutrition. It's the most complete supplement for a better you. It has pre by attics, probiotics, digestive enzymes, adapted Djinns nutrient and superfluous and more to help support your bodies. Nutritional needs across five critical areas of health.
Energy immunity got help hormonal and normal support and healthy aging. We all want to see a Jane. If you were to take each supplement individually, it would be the equivalent of twelve to fourteen pills a day, no fang glue weather. Taking steps towards a healthier lifestyle or you're an athlete pushing for better performance. Athletic greens takes the guesswork out of every day, good health. Why not just trying to jump over to have led a green dot com, Slash Monica and claim my special offer today to one de free travel packs valued at seventy nine dollars, but your first purchase. That's athletic green dot, com, slash model
tat they dont like welcome too so three of my contract, I'm a gradual move. We have a very special mom on our show today. My mom Kristen Bow, I'm so excited to be here with my two first born. Friends, one younger one older than you yeah, that's how it works. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Aim is irrelevant
ass and in height and hides yeah, then you two are like my children, And sometimes like my parents for sure will cause jet no Jesse, You Montague you're, obviously a lot like my mom, because you're just better at things that I am, but you keep everything on track and suggests. It is also someone that I've gone to and I've had problems and, like I mean and evolved perspective, because I'm feeling, like a rebellious teenager and just always, helps me so not case your kind of like my father, La La. Steady a reality we do so will start with. I guess talking about our challenges from last week, yeah and in full honesty, it's been more than a week, but we did have to complete our challenge within the weak and we both did that
wrecked, just tell us about what happened when you deleted. My challenge was to delete all my dating insects. Ups for five days. I deleted all of them and there's four of them grinder tinder, scruff and hinge. I've never heard of graph Scruff his arm in the gay community, a little bit more older a little bit or Harry or a little about long fares. Is it only gay community? Yes, that's. Why haven't heard of yeah. I heard him they're. All the same. People are a lot of overlap here. So I deleted them pretty scary. One was a little hard day too. Moreover, a guy reaction go into my phone and I got a little easier. I did feel like by the way to go on one date or text, one person or have sex at all for a week. So what? If that's better,
worse, had our Nova that was really funding that it sure did cut off all community given all hookups unknown aids in all all that till it shows the that's. Your primary source of finding people, yes grin and I had seven or eight people in station in Q. On my phone that I've been talking to with eight when eight there's two on three numbers, I don't know who cause I haven't met them, yet they don't get a name and my phone until I medium some talking with a lot it eight when eight number, prison and three one o numbers, but I didn't we charge I'm either and guess what they didn't reach Hudson me either now that's interesting, interesting them, a little bit more present with my friends. I felt a little bit more present with my family when I hang out with them that did catch myself more on Instagram and more on Catan. When I was on my phone, so I think the phone is more of an addiction than the apps. It's grabbing it holding it. It is the phone
played a logic of ten. I hate how much I use my phone and I, if I dont, have work to do Alzheimer's going for him like an unlike you? Don't have any work to do, stop reaching for it, but there are other comes when I just wanna be on it as I wanna be inside my head and if you don't have in your hand than everybody's talk to you, and there are, Still sometimes I use it as a safety net. To where I want to be an introverted. I just want to be alone inside my own head road. Sometimes just go on and like look at my contacts were duplicate contacts. We need them, but because I feel a little like the technological version of cleaning. Your junk drawer yeah, another good hack for that is going through emails and unsubscribe. That's feels real good feels almost is good, is locking people I won't ever bozos. You have em you gonna. I thought I was being nice and my husband blocks anyone in every one and he wishes they care, because I don't want my social channels to be a place
toxicity. So if you're going to be mean your can be a part of it. Yeah up is a big part of grinder is blocking people in its very hurtful and so safe. So much time. Yeah I block often because it's a clear you know you don't have to be friends with everyone is something I've been saying to myself for like five years and it feels awful, but it's also feels really healthy, and I think that you know humans don't like to reject or be rejected, but it is ok, I guess maternity leave in what will on where were you can block texts? Yeah can ever I will do the other night. I got a random phone call. Somebody Kristen. How are you I said good and then They hung up and then immediately started getting Dick PICS those powers. Were they nice sure they were awarded maddened, I don't.
As I do if there were no judge, because if I dont want to see a heinous, it's not gonna be nice. If I'm not in the mood to subpoenas there's no penis sedimentary like I wasn't in the mood but hold on that's beautiful, I'm just like no, I would my answer is no right sure always in the movie, that's the different. Now early is actually the different assignment, a joke like Christian and obviously does not have any desire to see a random persons penis and you always have the well. I know, but everybody's different. I'm sure that there are like I'm sure Jackie would want to see its penises even she wasn't, like you already taken sure it would be like. Let me just grab a look at my hearing only by dogs. I want to see every done doesn't matter. If I'm in the middle of writing my thesis for College Montgomery and deliver that dog, We have a real, quick question about blocking on grinder, so Do you get a notification when somebody blocks you, they disappear sure have a whole chat and then vanishes. How does it feel they get
walked, I'm used to it an egg enjoy about laughed o twenty times. I told Rachel this last time. I dont give my instagram out, and I gave my instagram to someone like I'm gonna be we're evolve and fine. If you're gonna know me or meet me I'll, give you mainstream and soon as I get mainstreaming are blocked. For whatever reason I rarely get my feelings her, because I dont, like not knowing ambiguity you. Like that's one reason I bet I love talking to you about my problems. Just You are so evolved in now, knowing who you are and your worth you have like accepted your bone marrow that you are for some people and you're not for others, and that in the flip side works to some people for you and some people are not for you and I I just yet this whole thing with blocking people's like some people are gonna like you. Some people
you're gonna like somebody will unite. It goes both ways I guess and for doing especially saves time from playing the just game, which is five thousand guys a year. The blocking helps? You know, you're gonna, be ok great on onward. An upward is blocking in that case is mainly used as a like permanent now What they're saying they're not saying you ve done something offensive. I'm blocking you are my permanent, no ok, but you ve, even love getting blocked. I know that you did it. Oh. That was actually blocking that I'm thinking. What are you thinking of the story is that when you went on the date and then he said cop was an eyelash. She got time I'll just say it. We were gonna have sex, I had to prepare for the sex and it didn't work. I had to be cleaned out you weren't prepped. I wasn't. I was prepping and I couldn't- and I was thinking about lying to him- saying something came up or not sufficient
no option to again just sort of like peel back these letters that humans deal with just saying, I'm so sorry I'd love to have sex. I couldn't evacuate, so it's just not gonna be clean. I did you call them, and I find it and he laughed so, let's just gonna date now instead and he said great So that's why, when I got over there, I think it's done little bit more because we weren't gonna have sex, he he cancelled on the date. That's why I was triggered and that's why, went to a korean spa. Fifteen minutes afterwards and jerked often esteem. With a guy, and that's why half hour after that, I went to happy, aren't for drinks and it's all textbook when you ve said it's not a match weather You ve seen them or blocked them or said no to a date or said no to sex. Have you ever thought about what their processing might be like? Having been reject like those that ever run through your head of like oh, I hope he doesn't
go home and you know have have all these regional feelings no I dont have a lotta co dependency as far as other people who, don't you think it's learned perhaps like This community has all these rules and all these abound please, I mean just like the straight community does but very learned and very rule of fifty thousand hours. Tat does not come about Yeah are, but I'm gonna go fifty thousand hours. I feel like from the stories I hear the process that you go through feels so compartmentalized. This is sex period. This is a date, period. This. It's like I'm not used to that. I agree with a straight community. Doesn't take it like that and that's partially because we tell you no girls growing up like don't ever let any one d flower you but be pretty you're. So pretty, but don't ever let any one touch you yeah have sex. You have to follow. You have to harm of which I think is bologna, and I actually think it's kind of a great thing the compartmentalization cause humans do have sex.
Will urges you wanna, take care of them safely and comfortably and there's an ETA too. With the water or whatever? But there are other known me, there's us and then you go like oh I had to do. I had an edge, I needed it scratched. You also had an inch une. You got it scratched and I think the only time that that backfires is like when we're in a situation. Now are you guys might be looking for something that appeals to you in the longer term like if you actually just want to be single, and I think there is anything wrong with participating in that compartment. Zation, because everybody's got sexual urges and you need to get them out. Oakland saying, and I think we you go insane as human beings when we don't let them out, but you decide to make sure it's consensual on safe on the same proposal is aimed age. Tat is true, but then, if you declared that you want something more, you wanna relationship, they gets muddy
If then you're still doing the sex transaction, but you also want that but that's, why doesn't work if you still do? That is the reason Dax got. Sobered dogskin didn't get sober because he missed Christmas. Herb was by a hundred cars shooting at my side of the room. Yet on a girl or always got killed in Hawaii like those things and get him sober. What got him sober as he said? Who? Let me look at the map of my life. If I want to have a wife and a family and sit by a Christmas tree on December twenty fifth- I I probably can't be doing this this drugs and this kind of lifestyle, so I always work from the solution backwards. What what do I want? I want. Let's say somebody wants a completely stable family than you'd than you begin to look for that in that involves cutting some other things. That might then fine or short term or instant gratification, cutting those out yeah, it's
exact Simone. You like I want apps this year will then you got a cut back on the cake and you gotta go to the gym like everything takes work, but there is a result that you on it at the end, its the difference virgin wanting something on committing to something I didn't want a lot of things. I could want to win the lottery and want to be a series regular. I am not committed to doing that than that why this whole thing so interesting to me, because I am starting to make small changes. You no one on a date. The other day and I really said Darwin we're Saxon than the date progressed and he was pushing it. Now we ve, I know, will happen if we go back to my house, let's just and I joined to end this date for times, but then the deed ass seven hours, and we had sex men. I was hey I've day I did cave. I wanted. You cut that date into four
I want to get to know someone on smaller increments. My friend Katie has a fun tally where she says she has to know someone for twenty four hours before having sex with them but says she has to know them. So she has to go to the of dates that add up to twenty four hours before, and that was her saying it's not healthy for me, I'm just having sex too easily and I'm not loving it annuals empty appeals at yeah for her. I think it fell empty and she was like great sawdust. I got a number twenty four five known for twenty four hours to sometimes that's five dates. Last longer, sometimes that's ten dates. Yeah. You know ass interesting. Yes, hems it's one full day where is a great day and then, but that was her marker all, but we to figure out a way to get you capable of saying I'm an press pause now an let's rule. I know what a marvellous next we already know. The issue was its drinking. It's going on these dates and having to drinks three drinks
then the things that I wanted to go into a there are shaved off a little gets a little fire and then I start getting Lucy Goosey. He starts getting Lucy, goosey conviction. Sensing appearing. That's exactly what happened on that one when, you go on these dates is there. Any discussion up front, not that this might be too much pressure, but is there? any discussion, or maybe it's in the app in their bio of look what you want when you start to Sudan and get to know every one You ever say like. What's your end of all like? Are you looking for something you met at or are you just like hanging now like? Does that ever get clarified for either person? That's great question: that's in some people's tinder bio mine is up in the air because I think things happen in the moment in organically what you feel like it's gonna, be I dont like having a whole bunch of rules in, and I do think some people on the APS forces. Sex too much and I do think someone the aps or force
dating too much like I want to find my part and crime long term related only. I want to find my right. I I want to find the guy that I delete this app, for I want to fucking throw up like I'm, I'm only into long term relationships. I want to be like long term relations happen. Then you can't look for them now well by those people are probably been through a long rollercoaster of going. What is healthiest for me. I want this so I'm going to be very blunt and just say: look I have to check these boxes. So, if your in the mood. If you just want to hang out, I don't think I'm going to do with anyone that super strict about whatever it is What how why look at it as strict? Why not look at it as knowing what they were knowing what they?
want charged with like the efficiency of the rest of their life cause. I, for one would like kind of fine that attract honestly, though the skip terms, the really base thing than I battle, with every day, where I feel very superficial if their hot and get my juices flowing in my heart shirts, beating him, I get butterflies, then I would be all over that, but can I meant no crimes remind you of something, though, as your mom? That's not the only good feeling in the world. I think you particularly have become a bit. I should tell you that feeling us and part of that is not far, you are a very bright shiny, light bulb and it's easy for you to feel that and it's easy for you to give that feeling away which is beautiful about you, but it's not the only feeling, because let me Thyssen
immediately when a strip each other's clothes off, like my undressing with my eyes, are the time. No, we ve been married for thirteen years by there are different, more evolved feelings that are harder to articulate the calm with being with someone for a lengthy among a time. It's not the only feeling it Joe the amount of time, it's not the only feeling its strongest, it's actually a chemical reaction in your brain of hope mean and oxytocin being released. Yes and no I'm embarrassed and I'm sweating a little bit, but I will say it's more than just looks: there are butterflies I get from personality too. Combo of the two or so thing: where that person I want to see them again, and I am thinking about that. I am not talking about sexually I'm talking about the butterflies but boggy butterfly
from personnel. I know, but I'm saying the butterflies are what it is. Not the only emotion, gonna butterflies is a heightened, addictive response to dope a mean and oxytocin in your brain, and it's not always the safest way to judge things mainly because neuroscience has proven that they disappear, after three months. So it's actually the one thing you know well go away, and I think I read somewhere that butterflies are basically a kin. Anxiety, it's a similar response as you're going into an anxious state, really it's just a year on high alert. First thing that's gonna happen, and that feels real and allied also going back to us. We are admitting it doesn't really matter when someone hot, but I think you're. I hate that about. I have other should know. I'm I'm gone
we'll personal you're being on our common being, and nobody in this room could deny that someone who is visually stimulating gives you butterflies and you somehow you appeal to them more than you appeal to other people. That's very naturally, human and something we have to fight. You are in a bad person. Could you said exactly and it sucks we should be hoping to bypass that feeling, but we are all knowledge it for what it is rack know: you're, actually more evolved, cause you're, the one admitting- and if anybody listening to this, as I don't have that there are lying yeah, it's exactly but its deeper than that, it's not just like that person's hot, its If that person gives me validation, I'm better, that's what you're actually feeling it's about you it's about. If this person likes me, then I'm worthy of that, but that's why it's actually more stable. If this is what you're looking for
You can get that from people who you dont initially feel, like. You know, in a photo line up warrant the most attractive person, but will give you those same kind of butterflies from their personality, cause they're, superfine That's what I'm doing I'm going on more dates after three and four with people that I don't feel that within I dont think about them when I'm not with them. And that's a weird feeling- I want to miss someone- and I don't have only have three weapons in my life, so just wish. You know that some of these things that you said Doc said is well and like you've dated so many you had such good luck. You know what I've had three boyfriends, my whole life never over a year. So I'm then that's where I feel where it's it's hard for me to even have this. What is it pot to go in or this thing to you?
is this. You never know your manner. I need my medical this trough to take my this thing that you have, which is all the guys you dated, let's say in the five five your relationships of so much it fodder periods and lying. I dont have a lot of that at all of poor and that's, we say no, I mean that's relevant incredibly road. We are supported by ok, you bid, we love Okcupid because they have changed the dating game. They match you with people. You are actually compatible with cause. They ask you these really kind of intricate, really fun. And cool questions like what is your favorite coddling position? Could you date someone who didn't believe in reproductive rights? Do you try to limit your screen time? Slain? They
really like get the nitty gritty about you and then they match you up its awesome and they also have some pretty good tips for us number. One know: what's important EU answers to questions about topics that are important to you can help and form a more accurate match percentage for you number to Peru freed every thing. Typos are a deal breaker. They really really are deal breaker who spoke before me. I, like I, just take the extra sack Emma number three send a meaningful first message: just hey not going to get it over horse and by the way, ok Cupid works. They are the number one dating at mentioned in the New York Times, wedding section. So stop the mindless time, another apps and go to the app where you choose what matters Okcupid is for real. So I don't even have to give you one of those super long urals with the code Download Okcupid today and go on a great date this week and then tell us about that great person you met and we
I come to that wedding. We are supported by best beans Jes. First of all, we love Games period. Yes, that's all we do is plagued by Andrew and I introduce you to best beans, so much no fire right. Yes, yes, we're both sort of addictive and nature wives, and it's so punk as you like, collect these characters and you are more had its puzzles and I love it. It's also a casual game, so sometimes up run run just kind of on it. Casually yeah, you don't like need to sort of dedicate a whole bunch of time to even can it be in an hour- and I was just traveling and I played on the plane because you don't need internet, which is a huge bone, is best beans, updates the game monthly, with new levels in events, so it never gets old. Best means treats the game like a service, further players, so they're always like looking out for what's new and what will be fun for you, engage your brain with fun, puzzles and collect tons of Q characterised trust.
Me with over a hundred million downloads, this five star rated mobile puzzle app, is a must play. Download best means free on the apple, app store or Google play. That's friends without the are best beans how this is just out of curiosity. How long do you date, someone before you bring them home to us, because you ve brought in to guide Broughton? You brought into that, is home to us how long Hendricks months six months them you can introduce him to your for a long time and offer real lotta girlfriends at are bringing like date to over and on what are we doing here with this bozo, but be honest term. He took me six months to bring to you and Greg like. Oh, I want you to meet Gregg after maybe two months or so because look at this shiny object as he was had I'm flowing hair you again
felt sadder, because he were on your arm. Little bow embarrassing and I've chills right now, but it honest though you cannot kick yourself. For being honest, we don't admit what our faults are: will never gonna get through them. It's interesting because what you are saying about doesn't matter if their heart, when you're looking at them and step that's the thing. So my challenge was to get on yields. Could you your show just going to say, have even handling? I was a kid and a dating app, which I do and what song did you choose? Ok, as I was on, Riah am honour. I and write it down Everybody in this was so hard so we are on a Marco polo chain with all of our girlfriends there's like eight of us or something, and then all this honey from the Marco Polo started. End, Monica like angry face like her resting bitch face and she was like so apparently I have to join Riah this week and I have to pick a song
like. Why would you have to pick a song? No, I have to pick one song that identifies who I am that people are gonna see my page, and it was just like Marco Polo bit King about having to pick a song in the new call actually came up with sweet cherry pie, which I was like that's perfect. Goose we Jerry by was that was a great success and I did not use it, but it was a good suggestion. When did it happening? Is you couldn't pick the portion of the song you wanted, so it was proportioned end that portion of that song was not good and then that I haven't cause. I was gonna, choose Lizzie boys and then similarly, the portion was not the party liked, so I chose juice by less, oh, but look, but that there was such a struggle even before that Coppola that was days in like the first day Jes and was like. Haven't we do it now, I'm like now, I can't I have to get into a head space like this feels, so it's like
rubbing my stomach and patting my head like it feels so uncomfortable wrong. I don't like it, I don't want to do it and then I went on another person's podcast and I was like I'm joining riot today and she was like. Oh my god, you are going to love it. It's going to be great, and I was like. Ok and I started to feel. Go then choose like what is your song gonna, be what the fuck are you talking, what songs that you gotta pick a song and itself. One and I was like, but also you look We know you very well. You are this delicious combination of someone who thinks everything is funny and can be be a joke, but also who takes everything seriously, so I just want to tell you, as your friend and your mom that fifteen seconds of song does not have to explain you or identify you. It's just can be something new. You like it doesn't have to be, you could choose, then you know.
Why are there so many songs about rainbows by Carmen? It doesn't matter of in a good it doesn't have to. I d defy you at. I think you- and this is part of my love- you everything you do is well thought out and so conscious you are putting way? too much weight on this fifteen seconds song clip? I know I know that's all true, but it's a little deeper than that, because this app you dont really right about yourself on it. It's just pictures and your song and that's what you're showing to these people as you, and I don't like my pictures. And so I feel like the song and egoism glass
one. No, I mean it, but this is what I am saying when just is looking at the pictures and cycle of that person's hot, they can basely get away with anything I'm. This is not a fishing for compliment exercise. This is the truth. I'm not that person. I am not the person that shows up on the page and you'll excuse all the other. So by the way, I'm happy with because I feel confident in a lot of the other elements, be not see that on these page two things, I think that you don't see how beautiful you are and that's fine. Everyone has a little bit of body just morphia, you don't see how attractive you are to look at and also we can all actively agree. A lot of pretty people are useless because they have a bad person. Now? That is this, truth, you know like if you dont have to work to home,
personalities we like as society, we lift up these people because they give us this instant Joel because their pleasing to look at and all the sudden are retinas like. Ah, but in those people, don't the liver and what we should be valuing is the people who do deliver, which is you, although I will say I don't agree with your categorization of yourself, because you are incredibly beautiful and lovely to look at and also here's a kick in the teeth you don't make the rules of what everyone else loves to look at. So I'm sure there's going to be tons of people, and I are going to be like that girl's gorgeous and you don't
yet to say no, I'm I'm an average person. I am putting way too much pressure on the whole thing in general and that's cause. It makes you nervous because it makes me nervous, and it makes me feel, really really really vulnerable, and I have figured out ways in life to escape that vulnerability in this field, just like head on doing in, which is why it's for me, but really awful. I mean like I've was completed. My challenged by didn't do a very, very good job, like ice cold a couple times, and even we were dinner, the other nine, a bunch of our girlfriends were there in one of them was like, let's all right now and I was like I dont want to and like I'd really didn't want to- and I didn't, but that's the reaction is just like I don't want to, and I also everyone
I can't be peer pressure, so this is a weird thing where I feel like I've. Want to do it, so I'm not going to do it like rises. Stubbornness too, that stubbornness has been eleven year, getting him my that stubbornness is in direct conflict with what you want for your life. Do you want it? That's what I'm coming back to do, so you don't have to want it, but I'd like it as I do. I do I do, but I do want a very specific version. That's The truth is, I am not interested in having had sex bomb heavy Oh no, no, the opposite! Actually, I am not interested in having a person in my bad that I wake up to who doesn't do.
Anything from a war of course, but like that is not. Of course it is not. Of course, I think many people- and I also think this is totally fine, but I think a lot of people Are scared, raying, lonely. Add the innocent like that's a real thing. Loneliness is a real thing and companionship is a real thing and a lot of people just want a companion rend. They want a body that there and I don't just there's nothing wrong with that. These are different, palates, different taste buds and some people want someone. To go through life with and it doesn't and they don't like need to be super stimulated by them. They don't need to be. You know, have butterflies all the time and by the way that wait, that's what they want and what you want is someone who intellectually physically emotionally, stimulates you great. So it's a high bar, but it's gonna be great when you find, but if you never look for you know either by lottery ticket you're, never gonna win and also the frogs she has to
through some yeah I got MIKE. I can't even tell you how many hillocky rods people want to know about all God. I've dated a lot. I oceans a lot more yeah alot of people where I've gone out on one. May be two dates and you spend like absolutely not dollar dial stimulate me like five someone who, like to nice yeah just like the and not an really by two nice. I just mean not funny like if you're not seeing the funny things in the room that I'm seeing the funny things on earth. Are you can't joke about things not in a mean way, but just in a way of lake repay TED paying attention than I just can't. I can't suffer through that. I'm very much like you and it's kind of shocking that I've had as many long term relationships as I've had, but I have definite We are very familiar with that feeling of like sitting across table with someone I'm going this person is such a catch and I'm gonna throw him back as I do not want it. I also I'm ok,
a being lonely sleeping in my own, bear. So there's no way, I'm inviting that person back to my house exists for average converse, asian or no yeah sort of weird funds stimulation. Yet as you have had multiple long term like you had much time just beings no not really. Now you know how long not really like thrilling on like. Never like a one day. We did you back two bucks. Ok, I had a high school sweetheart who was also sort of dating another girl. High school on and off was like three months of me three months of her three months of me, three months of her year with me or with her- and I was just like you know what pass know, but he's lovely and then I got to college and I had a boy from for like a boyfriend of sexual partner. For to me, once and then hung around the couple. People in end of my first year stated someone for two years
and I had a bow five months single- that needed someone for three and a half years then had a bow through. Months. Singled then dated someone for five years and then had three months single and then found acts. So it has been. But I've gone on dates and that's what I mean just you know when your guy in YE. I know that you know in your got like I know, em, I got you and that's ok to be, like others isn't for me, and I have also had one eyed stands and there's nothing wrong with that. Just being like tonight, we're gonna, fuck em, can it be the end of it and it's very great, and then it's gonna be over yeah? I think I would like to see You because I know you're a sexual person, but I dont think you who are inviting people to participate in sexuality
It's not as familiar to have it be a partnership, you not throw it around now. Re like you, can feel sick see and beautiful and all these things, but you don't necessarily involve any one else and then that's true. So what have we reject your boobs on the show, I'm the only one that seen em, that's true you're, the only one as well as men, tell you something- and I know I can say this because I just can Monica boobs are the only jobs in the world that I've ever seen when she takes her bra, they go up Neither is there their anti gravity feed. They actually go up like a half an inch- and I was my jaw was on the ground, as I did they do that she unsafe her brow and they went through a regular Racine. There was any one whose contacting her on right: they are the more a full boobs you could you couldn't draw boob. This good there there most beautifully proportionate gorgeous boobs, ever seen
I'm saying these things not to share them with the community. Although now the community knows I'm saying these things, because I think you need to talk and hear about things like this. More often, I think you have been in a place of against objective occasion, which I totally agree with for so long that now some sat somehow it feels weird or harmful to be involved in that car. Thing in going like I have a body which you do and saying that in your head, you know I look great in this or I have literally the best boobs in LOS Angeles right and then I think, after that, step of you feeling comes involving other people. I have a mom from preschool who just went out with her recently divorced, mom friend and she was sitting at dinner.
And the recently divorced mom friend said Gimme one. Second, all I'll be right back and went into the bathroom at the restaurant and then came back to the table and said I sometimes flirt with this bar tender and down. I often leave my underwear in there for him, but hold I'm all here. Opposite ass, she loves it. They both feel succeed. This mom is like divorced in ready to mingle and she was feeling self and I was like. But yes, if you want leave your panties for some go for it and I like to see you open yourself up a little bit more like that like heavier. Left your panties for someone to find. You know it's like a tree. It's like I'm names like leaving a ten dollar bill on the grounds reassuring, you're gonna make someone's day but ok here. But
you're, just saying I I like this train of thought, but she icy already built something with that bar tender in order for it was, he wasn't a stranger and then she doesn't gave him her underwear like they floor and at some point part of the floor taken was huh. I'm gonna take off my underwear for him, like that's fine, and I can see that. But you have to Yet there, the partners for me is each darting getting to the poor. What would happen if you just left them there what are you guys? You went to it. You can't get arrested for first of all, then everyone at home d, but would be arrested. Ok because people shit their pants all the time in home depot. I know it. Dax comes out of the home Debo Bathroom, having shit his France and says there so many underwear in the home garbage piano ill. So it's not an arrest double offence. I can confirm, but like I'm just saying. It's the feelings involved. You need more butterflies, just needs
lesson. You need more so like what what, if you didn't know who you are leaving him for? Who cares run through a scenario in your mind of someone who could find them and feel sexy about it? I think, she's saying be titillated in the bathroom and take your underwear as a matter for hoots about you, I'm not I'm I'm saying, let's star lighting, Monica sexual abuse, and then we can involve other people. You could walk by the men's bathroom. Just toss me the man was adorned, throw a gas citing. That would be an rather worrying men's room and you saw a pair of gorgeous ladys panties on the ground. Would you be like puke, or would you be like right, you'd, be like somebody's fucking, Ellen Cute today and somebody just add butterfly. I want to check the tapes exactly or would you I call the cops this rest resident, I'm just saying there's
fun ways to feel sexual you're right, because I can feel sexual lull, but that's on the edge for sure, but that still in the category of what's already, happening or it's like yeah. I give a bit you just asked for baby steps. I gave you a baby step and now you're saying it's already happen. No, you need to do things outside your comfort zone, that involve you feeling your own sexuality and what you can deliver to the world. Like one of your challenges this week it is, stand in the mirror and look at your boobs every morning for at least sixty seconds and just be like just take em in I dont think you realize what is attached to your body and how gorgeous it is.
Monica and just love. Boys is supported by better help online counselling, often life is stressful for everyone
and can escape that, and we all need a little help and were feeling down or overwhelmed that we may know where to go or who to ask for it. Better help is available for you better help offers licence councillors who specialise in issues including depression and anxiety, as was complicated relationships, family relationships, sleeping grieve, stress, trauma. Anger, I mean look. All of these things add up to your overall mental health and you need that to be good and strong and there's no shame in getting help. I get help all the time or to her. I just emo my therapist this morning and said I didn't come see you now it's important. You can connect privately with a councillor through text, chat, phone and video calls and get help on your own time. At your own pace at an affordable rate, man again just love boys listeners will get ten percent off their first month with discount code. Monica that's better help, dot com, Slash Monica. Why not get,
better help dot com, Slash Monica we are supported by re con look around its a wireless world, it is twenty twenty. It is the future. There are no wires and re com. Is I think they are really good, they're, very comfortable. I use them every day. You know I go to the gym everywhere, you do I jog and I treadmill and they stay in. Yeah- and you know with awesome about these re con ones, is they started half the price of these other,
premium Wireless Airbus, which airlines are expensive. These are half the price in. They truly are just as amazing, as the other top audio brands that you know and re cons latest model E. Twenty five is their best one. Yet that's the one. I have six hours a play time: seamless, Bluetooth, pairing more base and a more compact design that gives you a nice noise isolating FED its awesome. The company was compounded by Re J and celebrities like Snoop dog hardy be most etheridge. They are obsessed with right cause, so pick up a bare and see what the hype is all about. Now is the time to get the latest and greatest from re. Con get fifteen percent off your order at by re con dot com. Slash! Monica, that's be you. Why are a
Y see. Oh anne dot com, Slash Monica for fifteen percent outbreak on Wireless Airbus by re, con dot com, slash mop! Ok, I want to tell a story that happened yesterday, So I saw marriage story which was good, really good and I'm watching it, and I was like I got Adam driver Adam driver, so cute wicked on drivers only took a sharp owners. Hot he's, an I'm thinking about that the whole time than after I'm. Like God he's so attractive, so hot and then I'm building a fantasy. Where he's mine- and I am thinking about at all day into the night, and then I watches at me. This is such an embarrassing. His story,
Then I watched him on some talk shows and at the end of like the third talk show, I think, is uneven Colbert he was like I would urge you know why much in this will be in the first thing I did after I washed it was Google. Are you married and you are he's a guy. I am, and I was. So actually disappointed and sad by this fantasy that I created that was then crushed, but was never real, and this is apparent I've done my whole life and I kind of like I hadn't done that in a long time and it sort of re instigated that thing of. Oh, my god, I'm always doing this. Always creating a safe life. That's not a he'll live that I live in all the time and I can go there and
visited and come out of it and go back and it feels good, and then I just started crying because Why is this me? We just have to get you to get back out of your had because it exists clearly coming up with those scenarios is so fond. I mean I started doing, though Jonathan Taylor, Thomas NOS ten years old, and it like pretty much, never stopped, but it is incredible. Vulnerable, to bring it out of your mind and put it into real people, but what you have to. Remember, nothing is at stake, so you need some one and you like them more and they don't grey wolf. You didn't have a relationship before you met them. So it's the same stakes. You know like it's ok, to bring those fantasies out of your real life and it might not be driver, but it's like the bar tender.
Whenever, like choosing a real human form to interact with its feels right vulnerable it so scary, but it's a little selfish, because you are refusing to share yourself with anyone else. Any look. You are such an unbelievable catch. It's kind of selfish there people are swimming in the pond. They're looking for Monica was engineered afraid to swim right now, which is ok, but I just want you to recognise that, like I was, you so badly to want to share yourself with the world, because I know you want the end result of that which is like just a stable fun relationship. And you just its there's, nothing more to it than you. Just gotta jump off the diamond board into the pond. It's gonna feel scary and disk. You gotta get over it and what is that? Is that, having a more sexual
vibe, sexual verses, intellectual. No, I don't think her, but because that would be changing her personality and, like I don't think you need to like start wearing low cut tops. I mean I wouldn't where I live. I would assure like I resent that I wouldn't you hate it. I'd like, but I know I don't think anything about your personality needs to change. Your personality is perfect at your actions. The actions there is no other better way to see them, putting yourself out there. I think a really good challenge would be handing your phone number to someone and saying I've never done this before I'm trying to put myself out their here's. My number, if you liked call it and you is that really my challenge so yeah. What let me say something, but let's make this a safe place. First, let's say, he's not interested Can you walk away? You never have to think about that, sperience again. You dont have to ever see them
listen again. There's no stakes. Let's say he looks at the number and he is interested, Then there is a little bit estates cause you gotta get ready for a date, any might call, but there's theirs literally only good things could come out of it. I would like to see you hand, your phone number is physically and it just has to be visual. Like dresses like you just have to. Like what you see like the way that they smile the way that they walk the way that, are interacting with other people could be like a waiter who is just like a guess: who's just bright and you're like up and seems like they might have something wonderful inside and and then I want you to keep a pat him paper in your purse and I want to be able to what you're an unbelievable writer. I know that to be a fact: you can write a couple even right just year, phone number in hand to them. Please put your name down Don t. Do this and then
you can either say I've never done this before, but I'm really trying to put myself out their here's, my number or or you could write that on the paper. But I do want you to hand it directly to the person None of this, like I'm gonna, leave it on the table and hope they find it. It's this planning is one which I mean panties is safer. Safe are much. Safer Cosette involves me not having the inner ray. I think it should be the phone number I was handed to decide and your phone number to one person Did you have any relation to patterns that were negative, that you had to break Leah and before I met Dax I was always really jealous, because I had a ton of insecurity about
I don't know I just had a ton of insecurity, but I I was also confident that there were, I kept the confidence as a sort of foe layer on the outside, and I wasn't secure enough any time. My like boyfriends were interacting with, like ex girlfriend and Dax, actually cured literally cured me of that, because he had a relationship for nine years before me. Earning Bree, her name, his brain she's lovely, and he, catches up with free, probably like I don't know once a year or something and it's like a bower, long conversation and it cuz they adore each other and great. They spent nine years together and she's wonderful and I will meet the first couple of months we were dating when he would talk to her. I hated it I hated that I hated it. I was embarrassed because, like he was kind of involved- and I guess we made likes- add comments a couple times and then I kind of just told him, I'm like I'm uncomfortable that you talk to Bri and he was like why- and I was like just because she's your ex girlfriend so she's, not your girlfriend anymore and he's like okay,
and is she she still a human being on planet earth that I interacted with and then I'd like to catch up with once in awhile knows it yet, but She also has other label and that label is off limits. He sat me and he said what scares you about me talking to breathe and I hated that question. And the reality was. I thought that he would still be treating her on the level of a girlfriend, and I thought that specifically because he embryo had an open relationship and that scared me a ton because he was able to date other people while he was dating Brie and in my head I thought, How is this any different you're dating me, but you're still talking to Bree. This is literally like what was happening in the nine years. You were together and I had no right to say that, as I don't know how they constructed the winner I thought it was sex than dating yeah but in my head I dont girl,
ten not to- and I certainly don't like a go right to sex like I would weigh more rather have an emotional affair with someone. Then I would like a sexual affair. You know, but I think- I said I am nervous. You're gonna treat her like a girlfriend and she's gonna get the same privileges as me and I'm being your number one- and I want to know that I have the focus there and I think I said the example. Like I'm, worried that if you don't detach you're gonna be the first call she has when she has a flat tire at this point in our relationship
now I hope he stops for every one that he sees that to say that so interest rate at all right, but in this is the first couple months and I thought I want to be the only person that you do that for the only girl that you would drop everything for an he was like I'm glad. You said that example, I can guarantee right now, I'm not gonna be that person or I dont think I would actually be the first person on our speed dial and I did trust him because he had earned my trust at that point, with some brutal honesty and basically he'd just two. Talk to me through what my fears about his relationship with Bree were and then confirmed to me that none of them existed, and I was thankfully evolving at the time enough to take his word for it. But I had at a previous pattern. Vat I feel, like my mom also had- and she told me about where, because events
curate ease, I would create these little tests for people say like will. If you loved me enough, you would do this or if he loved me enough, he would call here or he would show up here or he would, what insert whenever answer there. And if he didn't, then I will go well. I was right, exists and my mom's com and I very calm. I do not realise until someone says it to you, don't create tests for people ever My mom said to me at one point: you know the reason your father and I broke up and that you know my mom has had a lot of relationships. She said I spent my life. Basically telling guys while you're going to leave me you're going to leave me you're going to leave me you're, going to leave me and then, when they do well, I was right, told you so and then there's a weird v occasion there, the I feel good about it's, the Torah Keister motion to navigate AEGIS to really. I learned to let my partners be themselves and not judge so much and not relate
every one of their actions back to me, but rather try to focus on my actions towards them. Am I treating them how I think they should be treated yeah, because there is a safety net there when you get broken up with or something if you ve already told yourself that that's coming You feel better causes like that. I was always smarter than this anyway, as yet letting it just like rip from the rug from under emits a yeah. It's a really. We it's like you're, just manifesting your own destiny, so I was very then I stopped doing that, and I learned this so annoying to admit, but I learned the majority of stuff about relationships from Dax about sort of taking yourself out of this situation. Your ego out of the situation and really just looking at your side of the street when I was crying for many many months over Gregg ever know how it came up. Do you know what the best part of my about my wife is.
That to me That'S- and I dont know what, if I left her she'd be fine and I never forgot the hat Never in my life because you're this whole complete person and acts as a whole, complete person- and I just definitely was not a whole incomplete person. Once Gregg broke up with me, and I was in hopes for a while- and I go oh my god. I'm gonna be a whole complete person when actually ship and I'm still not there yet but I'll, never forget that who I think a lot of people fall, into a relationship pattern where their emulates, it's like cliche in quotes of, like looking for my other, have led me like that. Yeah yeah, that's bologna, your other half is a trap. You dont need another half. You are a whole person. You want some one that does make you a better version of yourself, but because of the challenges not because there you know completing you're puzzle, you are a complete puzzle.
But that's where me moniker are struggling, because we have full complete, happy, rich, happy lives. And we are single, so am I really struggle. Is the head or normative thing, which is that everyone needs a relationship to be happy or that this is is going to be the thing that I need to grow old with a partner, and I find it because I believe that because I up in America, but I also I can't make that my holy grail for me. I think I used to tell myself that Asia Thomas up there all the time, really mean that. Do I mean it isn't something that are even really want, and I think that was a defence mechanism to be honest, because I do not need any one to complete merely but Do we want a partner to go through life with yeah? Just that spirit?
special connection to that you wanna tell them everything that they make you better someone who's constantly challenging you'd to be better otherwise just say what I did this week eat a whole box, a MAC and cheese I myself will did do broccoli into his healthy, but yet you know like you can follow so many patterns when there's? No? I want you to have that more than anything because of what I feel like it made when I've been in love two or three times I evolved and I change my became a different person and a better person, and I want that for you so bad just for that experience. It's a whole another level. You know it is a whole nother level falling in love, even those breakups, even though the letters in the text and the whatever it's not even if it's not but a relationship is better loved them lost. What to say
better to have loved and lost the never to have loved it all? Yes, I do believe that I agree, but part of it is just committing to like we have one ride on earth were here one time he'll. All the emotions don't be scared of the bad ones. I mean don't like you cut yourself purpose, but, like you know, Dont be scared of the bad ones like despair and lonely, medicine heartbreak. We are so lucky to live in a place where we have roof over her head, where we have opportunities for jobs where we have a support system in a friendship circle that is like The numbers are, but a drastic amount of the world doesn't have that we should be so lucky to experience. Heartbreak should be sold. It even be able to focus on heartbreak and work through it with our support systems, because there are, like you know, girl,
you married it, the Levin years old mother countries in its forest, and they never gets a like. We, we have a privilege that were allowed to even talk about these things. Right now week we have an obligation to the other human beings in the world, the dawn of this kind of a privilege to be willing to go through the heartbreak. Now that's good just needs a just needs s news, the town against rules, but I did think of one for myself now can't give yourself town or not. We give it you can. I say what I thought about it. I thought about change. Maybe I'll do it appeared and myself here I thought about changing my each parameters for all my apps to only seeing forty to fifty worlds adds gray. I think that's fantastic So I can't even see they won't even pop up younger than I dont do thing, forty cause, I'm I'm forty three. Do you think forty to fifty is good or bad eighty eight for thirty eight months ago now that, like twenty two, are very young har Harleigh, so
would say you could do? What are the age parameters you have on now? around in our age forever, to allow ok amendment, no twenty one, but they I don't have need to be first. How then it's definitely your challenge. You'll just do this. You should Do this on your own personal challenge? Thirty's then to fifty thirty seven. Fifty yeah, ok, I got one. I want you to put some form of looking for our relationship in your bio of your apps, be the people that you you want it to be, like strict as the people that you feel our inflexible, like only looking for my long term right or die, you don't, but that, but just looking for a relationship and see if your interactions change
he doesn't want to do it. My issue is with us. I match with five thousand bottoms every single bottom and allay its matches with me in an You guys can ever sweats right every lotta versus I hate day. This is embarrassing. Also people don't now this are and it's important to talk about, as I would like to understand it not feeling in the dark about one of my friends, lovely Certainly yeah like I know, I'm I'm I'm a ninety seven percent bottom. Ok, lotta people are fifty fifty which is verse bought a people just tops, you don't find out when you meet up, you don't go like who's gonna do why. Italy are all that before you mean ok, like they're, not like deciding in the moment like who wants do what today it right there. That's what happens in straight. Really, I know the result of books. I'm tired make a quick, those versatile, garnish, there's a lot of multilingual outward version
guys will have sex with me, but they won't eat me because, versatile guys, like two, it's called flip. Where youth back and forth, and you won't be atop. I've tried scenario, it's not for me, and this actually should be talked about, because I dont think people are born with what they are. Bottoms usually are bottoms not because they love it, but because they became a bottom because they either lose their borders or get nervous and can't top and- and I got in my head when I lost my Julia Thirty and Gotta had the first couple times I was with the guy lost my boner and that freaked me out, because I dont lose my boner when I'm masturbating, like it's nice and vine, and my testosterone levels or nice and fine. But when I was with the guy the first couple times I lost my boner and then I go nope. I do not like that, so I became a bottom.
Which, by the way happens all railway lines and right they don't have the option to go. Oh, I won't do this now drake eyes to figure it out. They have to get my agro if they do whatever I didn't have to do that. I said all become a bottom So we need you need to open up your operators. Also like there's more than just actual sacks of you lose your boner. Why can't you then, just give him a blow job on a date or a sexual encounters sure, but I'm talkin. A long term relationship that has to be compatible and my last three boyfriends. I've been, and that is something that I would not want to have to familial my whole life. I want that to be like this is on paper, and this is good That's gonna be no problem now. Would you go to school
You go to college. We don't have to think about that stuff, because that part was growing. Ideologies are further, but so are mine, and I love you. What are you talking about? Where do you think about going to college know either? Because now I mean I want to get all that out of the way bouquet those Dick picks yeah, you top probably single? Then we get to the two to mess all when we start I do not know the beloved sisters and brothers and serious question cause. I'm understanding would there be a problem? What's the vulnerability, if you don't work out the top bottom, had a time the comparison industry relationship is like I dont like oral or I don't like missionary or whatever, and I'm just like, not interested in doing up, there's plenty of different ways to do it as there are in the gay community of gun on dates with. First guys, I've been in bed with him a couple times and was lacklustre, ok, I've, so it something that does need to be decided.
Had a time for me- and I were I don't like that about myself lot of guys right, you're, so hotter sure of this or that wish you were verse. Unlike me, too, is my response. It's totally fine! If that's what it is, but it sounds like it might not be the case. You just decided something very early on out of insecurity, us so you might be a closing the door on half the people because of something that you could potentially like but you feel so you feel, is an agreement that feel very insecure bats heartily fine. I wanted you to put the word. Looking for a while and shared right and I are bio and that ages. I really like they just because I hear it here. It is your pond. Is too big, your pond is too small. You need to make your pants smaller. You need to make your pond a bigger Monica, so ass, you need to dwindle out some of these things, because every time you have sex with you,
He comes over that energy that could be spent may be looking in a different emotional area, for a partner is being sucked away by that experience, and yes, that's eight and super, but it's gonna viz. All you know just like when you knock on the door, you go exchange water and then have Saxon any leaves. So it's like why not make a commitment to conserving some of your energy and just for like a little while a couple months put it into seeing if you can find a relationship so put the age parameter on their thirty seven to fifty and put looking for our relationship and to see what happens because you don't have to commit to it forever. If, in two months you don't like, it then put, you know only interested in ages, twenty one to twenty three and no long term relationships. You know go back to that in your bio, where we're ok, Kristen your challenge, what's my surrounding our mob further red.
Divide. Leave me forever all way, I'm trying to think if I had any more dating anything's while I think up something people might not know about me, is that I have had one night stands: yeah, that's nice of you to share that and I dont have any problem with it. Also I had a lot of bad habits when I was younger because I was eager testicle and I was an attention hog and I wanted their focus to be me and I wasn't making room for the other beautiful people, also live on earth, and I was able to see that through Dax and brie- and I was very grateful for because now I realize that I'm not losing anything by Dax, keeping up and maintaining a nice relationship with Bree, I'm actually gaining a better guy. I have a guy move so lucky to have a guy who's, still carers. About a woman that he spent nine years with growing weather.
I like her or not like Bree could be a totally vicious persant. What she's hot she's incredible divide. She could be so my disliked here and I still would feel where I am lucky. The man who doesn't throw that nine years in the garbage. I think that we as human beings, we really easily fall into this caddy syn of owners, ownership and if that person, cheats on you get him out our get her out and it's just I it's not real, it's not deep enough. It's more complicated yeah, it's like, you know, goes back to them you know. They say in a sometimes or things I've heard through the community. You know, let's say we had a group of girlfriends and a guy cheated on our way. We like girl, get him out of your life, and that would be so easy for us to say, but if that woman's husband drove the kids drunk
right, our immediate reaction would be. You need to be there for him. While he get sober, he's gotta have a stable you and I'm like what the fuck are we talking about. I would so much rather Dax he saw me than ever I have my kids inebriated, because at that point he is risking the lives of my children. That's perplexing question to pose to people cause. No one ever ask themselves that, Well, they would say I mean I one hundred percent agree with you and they would say Wiki is risking the lives, not their actual lives but their day to day lives because the costs are risking us getting a divorce and messing up Her whole life, but that's sure, but it's not merely is bad and we all got to come to terms with the fact that that's not nearly as bad and also everybody is different relationships right. Some people do have open relationships, and I think
some people. It works for some people, it doesn't, and I think it's it's but cheating does make you feel old, ugly, not wanted, and unlike able, if someone was Am I a hundred percent Ruth you too, but I do know what my ex boyfriend wanted to have an open relish about for six months, one of em. It was the saddest thing ever and I actually let him go off and get his dick sucked never really was back from that. If it made me feel old, not likeable and not cute as much as the driving drunk is the worst thing. Of course, what that person did makes that person feel that person is allowing themselves to feel that way. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You have to consent to it and on the and the other one we're talking about, as he did risk the lives of the children some drunk there's, no arguing that one is
national argument, one is a factual argument, the factual argument. Yes, it could trigger you to feel old and unworthy and on sexy and all these things, but those you'd human beings have to take responsibility. That comes from inside, and everybody can deal that a different way. Look a few cheats on you kick him to the curb. If you want, you want grade sit down and say: don't you ever do that again slap his face and then be done with it or say to him? Do you want an open relationship. I mean whatever there's a thousand ways to deal with it, but it's up to those people. There cannot society standard of how we should deal with that. Currently, there is there's like these things. We fall into these patterns, where this is how you handle it. There is no. This is how you handle it. Every relationship is different. I think that's what I've learned over the last five or ten Here's the bottom line is, we are monkeys, we all have sure desires, I'm sexually attracted to people. So as Dax, when we talk about it, we don't like come home and share bunch of space,
thanks, but with the other day we were sitting in the kitchen, and I was like how many people do you think you're tractor doom, one of sex with a month and then he was like her, I was like repeated it. I said for me it's like. I don't know. Ten fifteen is like for me about thirty, and I was a great, but that doesn't have anything to do with me. Has to do with the fact that tax is a monkey and monkeys see things that they like? They did a star on. I think it was MAX. They did a study on the Texan. This is part of why we want to look to our alphas all the time they showed mechanics either. A picture of their alpha or they get a juice box and every Sunday love juice boxes every single time they chose a picture of their house over the juice box every single time, just staring at a picture of the alpha in the group when they try to show them a picture of a beta, group. They literally wouldn't look at it. They would not look at it and the only thing that they chose over the juice box and the picture of the alpha was a picture
the female max genitalia we are monkeys yeah for sure when, as other thing, You were saying Jes. It makes you feel, I'm sexy and makes you felt that really is making it about. You and cheating is often cordoned, Esther Perel, not about that person. It's about the person who cheated. I mean it could be a million reasons. Why? But keenly it's about that person wanting to connect to another part of them cell. That's not getting tapped does not thing to do with. You has nothing to do with the partner its connecting to an old version of selves, maybe connecting to and a new version of themselves that they haven't exporting atley- and let me say something even crazier- you we can choose to love someone through even an experience like them wanting to get to know about
of their personality with another person like if Dax cheated on me. I have a couple choices. I could keep him to the curb. I could tell him not to do it again or I could say interesting. Why did you do that? Because he is the thing people realize I've you're, leaving someone if he's leaving me for another woman re enter the heartbreak that socks, but if he just slipped up or something I can choose to go through that with him and say what were you exploring? Where are you feeling empty like you? Can choose to love someone through that all of your love doesn't disappear, because that person was desiring to explore a different part of themselves yet, and there is a collective culture. All stigma on a woman who does that because it makes them quote week, which is so I there, because your sight o strongly to say yeah me too, but that's that's what we placed on it is like a person staying with them and re
What use is there in love? They have a relationship they built, something together entered the role it away, Zactly and by the way, let me say, I'm not shaming any woman who did kick any out of the car gray every, but again, I cannot stress this. Only enough everyone's relationship is different. If you feel you gotta keep kick the person to the curb. Kick him to the curb, but I just I want people to know that there is an option of forgiveness and love, threw it out there. It's that choice. It is all their side bar on the gig communities that half the people I talk to her have opened relationships. You know, there's user, three or five years in it just becomes open its I've, never experience it. I've, I think it's not for me, but who knows what I would be like in five years- a funny story. My had been talking this one guy was a bit
there's a fifty five really hot, whose visiting for the Atlantis crews, so that leaves from allay and the seventy crews. He went on the crews. He came back on Sunday, he came over my house, it was really hard is really fun. We had sex angle how's the crew. And he goes it was amazing. I go how long of you and your husband been together and we had a privilege should be like twenty three years. I twenty three years at so amazing. You guys both had so much fun is like it was the best you have to go on one, unlike so what are you doing after this an ego so we're gonna head back to relax, we're going to go home and to Indianapolis, and I go oh where's, your husband Ngos, always in the car. He drove him. There is husband drove to my house deaf ex with me. And then he I go. Oh in the card is waiting for you again, vat is some evolve. Vat rules should it sounds really controversial to say, but yeah that lawyers compartmentalization of I have an issue that needs to be scratched,
when I do it in a safe, consensual way. I want to make sure you know about it. Nothing is taboo, nothing is secretive secrets or where the thing start crumbling exactly but like it that works for them. I actually think the gay community is probably way more involved in this of saying, like while three to five years in we both have a ton of tests lost, and we would like to have sex or otherwise we german crazy, and so how can we do that? With the variety that we both want will. Maybe we could make this agreement like and then think about the practicality of it, though he's not sitting in the car, he didn't dry them there and then is gonna, be grumpy. The wound Elliot who's buying. I can ask em details, but I bet they're gonna hold hands while there in the airport, they're going to smuggle that night in bed like what I do not necessarily see the harm, and pretty
yeah that was, I won't, come up, join us and I never thought I would be a person that, like argued for open relationships and I'm not I'm arguing for assessing everybody's differences and seeing what really being truthful and honest about what works that work. For them- and I don't have any judgment about it. I think it's actually kind of the how probably the healthiest way to handle whatever their desire for sexual verse yet is, while maintaining a mass of twenty three or commitment system on condoms, of course, which is great Keziah. He is being married, a dozen kiss seed and kiss either, which is pretty woman, but I also think it's really nice, people to hear you say that in context of this whole thing and you as a public figure, whose trusted and known as being an incredibly evolved person that you know, you said your hang up was jealousy and you ve come
so full circle that you're saying this year that leg you can change. You can fix me. That's the point of this podcast. Yes, that is the goal. Is these patterns they feel like there in our blood like. There's just no separating you can't you can and that's where the empowerment comes in. It doesn't matter how your parents look at. You were your girlfriend's. Look at your guy friends. Ok, you! You have all the power, and I can tell you with ultimate confidence. If acts or I wherever to cheat on each other? We would get through it because we have made a comment and a very honest, vulnerable commitment that we want to be on the porch with each other. When were eighty, so it one of us were too feelings for the other person like we ve talked about all that stuff like well, I'm not going any get through it. If we were like, I am not sure if I feelings for the other person like we ve talked about all that stuff for like well, I'm not going anywhere so yeah,
but how are we gonna get through this? How do we re fall in love? How do you handle getting this other person on your life? How do you go to therapy? How do you, if you slipped up in a sobriety, would be harder than him to bring up with his fidelity bedtime? What on earth are budgetary line, for example? I am also not seeing any of these things would be so row easy. I'm saying we discussed those things, I'm saying we have a plan of attack, which is what you do when you are trying to get sober. You have a plan of attack. Ok, first thing about it. No hang out at the bar anymore that'll help me not drink like you have plans, I think they would probably both be hard. I can say with confidence. I would rather have him cheat on me than I would have him break his goal of sobriety, and part of that is because I care more about
him than I do about my own ego, and I would rather have it be a sexual experience that he regrets and not losing his fifteen years of sobriety. Cause he's worked really really hard on that yeah, that's a generous way look at it and as smart and the truth he's yeah, but it's also because I know him and I know the way he looks at me and I know our relationship and how well we have grown to communicate, and I know that even if he sees the most gorgeous woman was almost perfect body who has a toy? durable personality, even if something happens? I still know he's going to want to be on the porch with me, and I know he's going to want to be on the porch with me, because I know me that's the difference. I know what I'm offering him. I don't think people analyze their relationships enough in terms of what am I offering this person. That's where my confidence comes from.
I know what I give him. I know that there is not another woman on this planet who could give him the personality or the stimulating relationship that we have. I know there's not. Another summit has got better boobs than me, someone's in the room he now so in someone's taller than the room her. I don't know. These are tricky subjects to talk about, because I did nothing is nothing's black and why there is no one answer to all of these, but I just important to consider that some things are about you, which is your side of the street and then how your partner reacts, isn't necessarily about you at all, and it's a choice to love them through that on us, a good now to end mommy thank you for coming to help me. I really didn't really help at all. I got you hold a time felt some things ya do. Did you cheer up at all? lying. I didn't want to mention at what has happened and I got chills now and we will
bark on our challenges, it is thanks guys. Bang us so will probably to give ourselves a little longer than we normally do. People we are not just just can change his, file immediately. My profiles, gonna say looking for a relationship and then my can only see thirty seventy fifth year olds. That's that's harder than deleting my! It opts for five days. I would like to see you got you that for two months and dinner do seven days absolutely not now Do we get to one's worldwide eastern panties them you're still gonna. Have your apps you're going to have the section of the pond that applies to you. This is your mother talking, I don't know. If I can do it, you have to use you can. Yes, you can hit me, stop looking away. Yes, you can, you are swimming all over the pond, like a fish on cocaine,
you need to go to your section of the pond to see if there's something there for you listen to me. If it doesn't work and you don't find and any bishop is then you take it off, but I liked see it happen what's through weeks given the challenges here, Jack was much. Are you my son is lippy. I now three weeks December, fifteenth three weeks, I just want you to swim in your section of the pond. This is this challenge is not about restricting you. This challenge is about finding out As I know you, you are very healthy by yourself. You are an incredibly agile, flexible human being who goes from friend group to friend group who has like fulfil and around every corner is this. What an equal relationship, something you actually want, or are you really totally quoth being alone, which I would by the way believe if you were like relationships warm for me, love, how I handle things, but I will
you to swim in your section of the pond for a minute to realise whether or not that is for you. Ok, I can We see certain amount of people, but they can see me so at a twenty eight year old can still say hi to me and talk to me, can he say yes, I want this to be about what you're putting out outer world I'm not telling the world how to treat you, I'm telling you, I guess challenge is how you represent yourself, I want you to look at your bio, when you open it and it will say in a relationship and feel the feelings of what that feels like to put that out there, but if twenty eight year old contacts, you I'm not saying that's off limits, because if that's twenty eight year old might be super evolved than actually might be, the right person for you nothing's off the table, but as far as what you are putting
into the world. I want you to know that that's in their cause, you are attempting to swim to your ended upon and my tender and my grinders deleting my bios and all its gonna say is looking for a relationship. My thing now is very long. What does it say all just a list of things that I am a shit we do that next time make our PETE says yeah we should make peat is our friend Jack. He says: what's on your pizza, what he one on your pizza and you can have liked I want someone who's, conscientious someone who is husband, sty style. Someone is funny whose who's interested and charitable giving like you can have all these I little slices of your pizza to make up your person, but you, as have the The problem, because Monica you have a lot of things that you are looking for and you're putting that out there. What you you have the list in your head, the when you think about dating the first thing that comes to you as the list of things that you want from another person and just
you're the polar opposite. When you think about dating you, go ok, I'm fun, I'm flirty, I'm I'm! I'm you have got to switch, is true. You need to start thinking about. You can offer the world because its insanely selfish, that we are not giving it out to people and you need it- about. What do you want? What does just want to receive? We know what you can get. What do you want to receive now? Well, will report back? Yes, and this was grey. This will be the hardest change for me. We ve had just one hundred percent be the challenge for me going up to her. If you hadn't that you'd freak out too, I would a little bit but once I did, it would be done. I mine is a continuing he's, always competing for his town rise in sea level. Under the beggar, send your dress, I alerted figure. Soon's
right, I'm proud of you guys, and I know you can do it, but I do want you guys to seriously think about changing the glasses that you're wearing with each other Monica. I want you to think about what you can give, not what you want. What what can you offer some one? What are you all of Monica great qualities and guess what you want to receive from some one, what they can give you? I think that would help you guys feel balanced a little bit more. That's good. Where do you get the glasses or you buy us, some guy acquires? Ok, I love you. I love you
Transcript generated on 2020-02-29.