« Bertcast's podcast

# 411 - Rick Glassman & ME

2020-05-22 | 🔗

Today I talk to Comedian/Actor Rick Glassman. We talk about cheating the system, rubbing people the wrong way, bad breath, over thinking, Bill Lawrence, and much more!

Check out Rick's Podcast “Take Your Shoes Off” on Apple Podcast's here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/take-your-shoes-off-w-rick-glassman/id1457648702 

Also check out Rick's show "The Sixth Lead" here: https://www.rickglassman.com/the-sixth-lead 

My Brand new stand up special "Hey Big Boy" is streaming right now on Netflix! 

For all TOUR DATE & MERCH click HERE: www.bertbertbert.com

Twitter: www.Twitter.com/bertkreischer

Facebook: www.Facebook.com/BertKreischer

Instagram: www.Instagram.com/bertkreischer

Youtube: www.Youtube.com/user/Akreischer

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey guys brand new part, guess that we ve got merge at berber, bert dot com, that's right, neuber, cash or right there. We ve got the whisky cod clock dog. oh shit, and we also got the whiskey cock locked on glass. These cups are fucking awesome. Thirty, two ounces dormant with crushed ice little bit of it, and then you can lower a lot lot lot lot lot lot in the pool can break it. These I love these fucking cups. I love these cups and today's podcast, is awesome by the way I'm planning some stuff for the road. I haven't announced it yet and when I do know that is for certain I will announce it were planning big stuff. I dont know it by the by if everything were planning is one hundred per cent safe, we'll see if it happens, you never know anyway. Today's podcast is fucking, awesome, sometimes you're a fan of a guy from afar and you
Im doing stopping and the guy is so talented, but you go when we get along like would we will we like each other? I I I checked out his podcast. Take your shoes off and I watched a couple episodes one with anderson it was fucking, awesome, the guy and then he got, and then he like posted a thing that I loved about like about about podcasters. We talk about that right up front. We talk about it about how he gives a fuck about his podcast. I give a fuck about this podcast. I will tell you right now. I give a fuck about this podcast so much so that we're building a new studio. We just do a lucky penny in the foundation. Today we're, building a new studio that new studio will be up and running. When we are out of quarantine, we will be over there shooting the new podcast and we're going hard as fuck. I care about this podcast, so I love anyone who gives a shit about their podcast. I phone
with this guy he was an unbeatable. I didn't really watch and datable as much as I watched his youtube series called the sixth lead. I think it was called the sixth league and it was something he did on set and it was about him being kinda like the side guy in how to expand. Story was really fuckin well done and it hammy laughing out loud now. Anyone who can make me laugh out loud by writing something funny idea, writing it down, filming it editing it and putting it online. If you can do that, make me laugh. You are in my grace is for ever I'm a writer die for you, because I know that you did that magic trick. Once I know you can do it again, its soul,
fucking hard. No, no one really ever ever talks about how hard that is. I think we've talked about it a couple of times on this podcast and I've said it a lot and the reason is I've written scripts, I've written ideas, I've had ideas, I've shot them, but very seldom really does your idea from Inception turn out the way you want it to and his did and he did it himself. He directed it all himself. He wrote it himself, he starred in it. He cast it and it was all round and datable, which was one of the shows he was on. He is an amazing actor. He really is an amazing actor. He is a fantastic comedian and he is an amazing podcaster and I was I was unsure. How we are going to get along a boy we got along walking off. We really did I absolutely love this guy. He is so interesting. We talk about his diagnosis of autism. I think I'm saying that
up and then some horrible, but and how it was a revelation for him and how he started, seeing that his behaviour was exactly who he is and how he needs to accept his behavior, by the way. I have a lot of weird behaviors that I don't accept and he called me out on them. For instance, we talked about if someone has bad breath. What are you supposed to do exactly what you're supposed to do? thought about that. We talked about what I would do and then we talked about what you're supposed to do and we have an absolutely fantastic conversation, a very open, honest back and forth, There is probably no lie, one of the more enjoyable podcast I've done in quarantine with outside this much, I would say he performs better than I do in this part cast. I'm just open and I think I might talk too much, but he performed better in this by gas than I do
it is a great fucking conversation and by the way he hit me up right after and is like yo, I got those. I got those gummies for you. If you want one, I can come by my house, I'll drop mo through the window and, as I almost took him up on a friday, I think I'd go for a bike ride with girls or something or maybe I was gone. I once had a beer this night, I dunno doesn't matter you're, gonna, love him go see his podcast. Take your shoes off it's on you, dube, it's where you find podcasts and then I would also implore you to go to youtube and find the sixth lead. Am I saying that right? It's the sixth lead right austin! It's this short series. He did based around him as an actor on and datable. Is it the sixth lead, I'm almost positive, wholesome googling it?
by the way. Do you like this hat? I would I'll tell you right now. What had I'd like to do? I'd like to do this hat for bert, cast I'll. Tell you the real hot I want to do. Yes, it's called the sixth laid it is called the sixth fleet, I'm still sad everybody, and I think he just found out a ball anyway. Look at this, wouldn't that be a cool fuckin hat like a visor. You know how hard it is to find visors like this. If anyone can help me find these big visors, I like these old school like big visors this one, thirty km from her fucking dog, but you can help me find those I'd like to put some of those in production anyway find his youtube series. The six lead. It really is enjoyable check out his podcast. Take your shoes off point. a social media. Gamma follow and that's it. You're gonna love this conversation, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, reckless,
oh my god, I just fucking. What do you drink it rick? I have so many drinks you're. My friend I about coffee. A water and my green smoothie, oh wow, and I would love to talk about what everything I put into this green smoothly, but I don't have much time we have our, though the diverse array recording, wholesome you're also are you? I was obsessed with greece movies for awhile like lead literally obsessed out, but I would mean myself sick to my stomach I would put, probably nine stocks of jail in it, a green apple. I'm I'm I'm not like obsessive compulsive. I drive obsessive the boldness five, obsessive behaviors like like to do things to the tenth degree.
So for me, I'd party and over the week or whatever, and then I'd go let's get healthy Monday morning. That would put so much green. Should I feel sick to my stomach and that's your problem. You thought but you could sheet the system by blending. At my girlfriend gave me some advice that I don't off its changed, my life, but its change. My smooth he's never put anything in the blender wouldn't eat right now, as is that I put it in a blunder is good. I would never read it, but in the end now now now. What what are you doing with your greens? Moody's you're, not drinking of subjecting Yes, I was putting in way too many nuts, because it's like, oh it's like it's like liquid. Now I could shoot it and then I was I put in a little. Only green from a little bit of spinach and then I had the college and pro teens. I have my him seeds. I have my bullshit sigh of my water, my ice and barbara lit, But now it's it's easy to drink. I feel good agenda, yeah and I think that we will try and cheat the system this movie does alive. I boys what attitude
That's the way I go by life, isn't real or isn't that, like a fun thing to say note that or will you just I just think I'm copying you because, as you know, You said it you're trying to cheat the system. You like, I said, that's exactly what I do it's entirely. What I do well, do you feel granted them I'm trying to cheat the system on trying to get cram health in the wandering silicon, like kind of like forget my lifestyle, so when, when we drink a smooth ie to cram in we're not enjoying it we're not wanting it, it's not gonna happen. You know I mean like what is not but nothing is about. Ok, this is a really great place to start, because nothing about enjoying it sharing but what I enjoy is really bad for me that that's that's just perspective. That's because bit these I like cocaine and wars and fighting like ok. I also like magic, the gathering and watching movies and jerking off. You know like there's a lot of things like he s up the result
so I got on the treadmill today and I ran five miles. I don't enjoy that. I do it because I feel like I'm I'm working up I'll, give you a perfect example. Sometimes I gone by cries of my daughter's not taken because I enjoy it cause. I don't wanna be oars. That's why cause. You don't want them to be horse right. So I go. I'm gonna put these embarrassments in now so that when they're it or life they got right. I had a good dad. I don't need this validation from this guy in the back of a car, so you think that girls, that that has sex with a lot of guys. It's because their dad didn't go and buy cried to them. A hundred. I think you're trying to cheat the system, I'm always what was it you, you hit the nail on the head within my fucking thirty seconds. I am always I'm I'm right now. I'm eating these vitamin packs, they're called animal packs when others are super aggressive vitamins and I'm getting them.
Every single day with chased by a granola bar, because I'm I'm cheating sit, I mean that's my home maker what have you cheated the system in where you feel like up until this point it worked for you, oh my career yeah, I mean I I didn't go to school. I went to college for six hundred you're! That in fuckin study I didn't do anything. I just party my balls off but being really stone magazine. Discovered me cover the number one party animal, the country, Hale mary, pass. I get a career, that's cheating the system, I we don't know. each other ok right. Not only are we meeting each other other doing doing on on this podcast sought out far down to go into this, the goody goody by I know enough. I know enough of your personal. I love the six led, a loved it. I watched it here
from beginning to end it was so fucking entertaining, and it was just something came up into my bed and I went away. Was this and I watched it beginning to Anna wash your pocket thanks man I saw And- and I ran into at starbucks the other day and with most lie walked away and when I know him and he went that's rick glassman, I went oh fuck. I should have said I am sorry so, for I don't want to There is too much, but even if you didn't know, I was in our view we should always say: hi yeah, you know egg, but I remember we were with who we were that day. You are with Moshe, I was with my girlfriend. Yeah mostly just started it off and I went oh, they must know each other from temple so MIKE we are we didn't maiden temple MIKE and he ever goes a temple, I don't even know your jewish until like a month ago to be out of my girlfriend called me. my girlfriend lives in london and she's she's. Just knows she knows podcast she no less pod
then she's a fan of yours and and our she at starbucks and when I was on my way over to me, she said is there another story, I'm telling you I'm not being completely vulnerable, but this is like are this? Is the outside of like what it is that we do When we were going there, Jake, Berta and and- and I thought to myself fleetly, transparent, superficial podcast way. I was like whom We like, I wonder if I may when I saw you with most shows, like all cool there's an end, but I couldn't execute like I can't I could have these fantasies, but I can't like I used to As a kid I used to, I didn't kiss a girl until right before I graduated high school. I was almost eighteen before my first kiss and I mean like that kind of kiss and my fantasies used to be. I want some guy to beat the shit. I'm not really. I wanna get hurt but like pusher into a locker or you know fighter, and then I could step in
like I couldn't even imagined you're saying, would you like to go out? I was imagining beating somebody like this big gesture or whatever so when I was walking over to starbucks. I remembered me in high school doing that, because I was thinking that about the babies, don't beat them up or you know literally, like she'll come on my podcast, I'm like oh rick. if this is what you hate about everything you do it. I live in those fantasies. When I was a kid, I would bring my glove to baseball games to pro games and I fantasize on the right over a one point, the code to be, like god, dammit we're out of gloves and we need a third basement fun crazier. Crisis and I believe, like my debit card m it. You are right for once you weren't even on the team was professional baseball games. away. All away reasons bring draining would be like we need
child the plate, but it was angels any out, be happy about argue about love where I live and vanity I've been fantasy. My entire life, the reason when I first going to stand up, I would I would go to the clubs fantasizing that they would go. We I need a comedian and we need one now and they go you and I and my dad or my twenty six birthday is like that's not how it works like you, gotta go, introduce yourself yeah your dad, your dad seems like from from just to survive. What I want you to you is not he's not to into what you do is always, I think he is a just, doesn't understand, I saw a lot of anything that you'd understand makes him uncomfortable compromise of his uncomfortable as a man. It makes him a little frustrated right, and and and then him telling you how to do it at twenty six. Was that, like the extent of the support that you got for this, no? No! No! I got support. I got a lot of support, but when I was twenty six he gave me a very
I've, said a lot on his pike s. But a very aggressive speak on my birthday explaining to me or about how he fucked me how I was fucked up, how I would never get right and how I was never just be a party both for the rest of my life and I hadn't. I would never. I know him It was a really aggressive speech the morning of my twenty sixth birthday and it fixed me. It fixed me one hundred percent and it put me on the right path, so it was like the best beach, I never get that. I would argue he should have given about my sisters, but never did I want to go back to that. She cheating the system, shit yeah, if I'm, ah I'm a basketball player, very good, and if I were to cheat this system the way you're saying by not by not putting in the war get school about about me. Not going to practice is cheating.
If the system- it's just not putting me in the best place, to thrive right, some people don't practice that much and are still good cheating. The system would be like taking steroids, yeah so I I just think it I think you're being hard on yourself. I don't think you're cheating, I think, you're, just a lazy lucky, I'm a lazy, lucky person. I really believe that I no. I believe that I I I am always looking for a quick fix when it comes to health, at least one hundred per cent, I'm looking for a quick fix and that's why the smoothie yeah. So if you start enjoying like it seems like you found a way to enjoy fitness, you have turned it into a routine like year now watching you on the treadmill, not because I want you and the treadmill because you're being funny in your answer stories, xo for you and I connected it's a lot by far finding finding some type of pleasure in something that is good for you, that's not cheating system. That's that's
that's finding a way to make it work. You know like an end, The way to do that with a smooth ie is make it tastes, good, don't try and fucking you're all your days, tina there and make a taste good. We are, I hope I feel like I like I I feel like everything I do even even like when, when like Tom sawyer, and I did a weight loss challenge- two years ago, and I I didn't, do it the right way. I just said I'll just run thirteen miles a day for me sea miles a day and naughty eyes as much running oh yeah, I was I I've got, but that's the way my brain works, my brain work in like a unlike. Let's do this the right way like Tom, just diverted and worked out an eight healthy and clean and didn't drink. And I just drank and then would punch. Myself in the mornings and then and then we all know another. Why
I dunno why? But it's so funny as soon as you said, you tried to cheat the system. I was like yeah, that's it! That's it, but not like it say it was sports. It wasn't like with sports sports, I always kind of like I just I. I put in the work I get it but would like health. I don't know why it's with health, like I like always looking for, like because it's boring, Following the german picking stuff up is boring it can anyone can do it. Yeah again. I guess I mean you know, but they don't you But that's my thing. You could do this, no yeah, you treated the other day you just the other day- and I great agreed that I put a lot of work into my just like. I put a lot of work into caring about an interview like baby. That's what I'm you have to you: have you have as anyone could put in work and make something yeah yeah yeah but like, but but
I said this the other day and I may be misquoting you or I may be reading way too into it, but he said I'm not a fan of these but let me refer. Let me just say what I feel and then you tell me if this is what you meant to tweet: I'm not a fan of these big corporations coming and taking a celebrity, stamping them and go podcaster. It's a hit. Take off. We gotcha that not yeah. I mean it's, it's that Is it and that's not all? It is, and I am drawing checking to myself because wisest triggering me so much but the other day, I've been getting up, I We I get high, but I only do edibles. Smoking makes me hurts my throat, and I found these edibles adjust are the best, So I've just been Lee. Sarah, please, sarah, I'm looking brooklyn drinking is my favorite. I have I'm here because I was thinking I might want to pop one in some towards the end, but I dunno I don't like getting high when I just meet somebody, but these things are brought to you by Camino. nope be the way sherry, excite version these
type of high, that, like I've, been thinking like all right. This is why you get high because smoking a joint does it for me, but it hurts so. I haven't found really edibles that really just get me one hundred percent on laughing. Enjoying everything, so I'm super high and just appreciative and laughing and loving everything, and then for what ever reason I don't remember what triggered it expire, something uninstall, grammar or social somewhere, I'm seeing these these podcast and it just sounds bad and it ll. Is bad and I spent so much time editing ice put in thirty hours a week doing too much that nobody noticed pretty in graphics and fun things and animations, and bull shit that that's my obsessive shit and I'm like I have I get. I have like fifteen. Sixteen thousand I'd have barely any followers. These people have Television shows just fuckin work, just something I am. I am
reaching out to people on american idol and interviewing them. So I could find out how they're doing there lie broadcasts the way it looks so good and these people putting on where they have it on zoom, and they don't even the aid no, they don't even have anything downloaded separate, all you're, so there's no mixing and I've just and there's get like eight hundred thousand views and there's were on being triggered. I walk my ass off and this also who gives a fuck. About your audition process from six years ago and a story that you told nine times: it's not injured I'm hungry and I want to- and it doesn't matter, but I am like I was livid and then and now I'm seeing all these people all these. These Well that what used to not want to do t v and then they started doing t v and then they started doing commercials and now they're. Now, I'm in endemic? I better! I better get my old cast mate and talk about how much I fuckin come for an hour.
there are no new, a noteworthy, and my guess is that fuck it up ice, I'm losing eight hundred dollars a week on this thing. I've I've been a one bedroom figure it out. I don't know, I'm right. I tweeted it and I don't like some king badly about people and it's not even a moral I'm better than that thing, it's a I'm afraid that it's gonna get to them. it's not can be my exact words, my group, I said never say last names on a bus or I'll. Tell you something I at once when I was single and girls over sometimes and they would leave and if I were a byword, occur a friend or something I would whisper for another half hour in case there? Ghost was still in the room or something I'm just paranoid about it. So I tweeted and I was so scared like. I don't want to mention any names, but all of em try try. I know it's a podcast
oh, it's a podcast, there's a new and every week. Who cares? I care, I guarantee you, I care, I care, I cared so much when I first started this pike as rick. I put so much effort into it. I used to do reads where I would make them like Adam sandler sketches. We know like my home with his audio. My first when I did was Paul revere going through a village. So I got all the audio fills a horse in the night and running through the words the bridges Coming and I did all the voices it would take me hours, upon hours. The british are coming, especially harming coming. Have I told you about four hymns and the guys like now for hundreds of years, judge prevent, learn more about the age of thirty nine about losing more majority new sketch riah yeah. No one gave a fuck, no one I mean people would email me ngo him. I hope not way.
In your time, on these cars. I skipped through them and I was like I thought I had cracked the code. I would bring advertising to the next level and I would do these sketches and announced tour dates and no one gave a fuck and then all of a sudden, Katie curate got a cast, for I only me was her jane pauley or one of those people, and I remember seeing a top of the podcast list and I listened, and it was her talking on the phone to Benjamin Netanyahu, and I was like so angry. I had by the way. This is what I was doing it all myself and I was editing it mixing. It was reading reviews. I was listening to people when they say the adi was off I'd. Make sure that I ran a true level You're I'd call an unequal it. What do you use to make sure I was so give I so gave a talk about it and then I remember katy yorick and then I remember going to places in their like billig. You know but by the way, not I'm not shitting on him but, like you know, stone, cold, steve, Austin, start a podcast, and I was like yeah that one for, like three years like I, I like I've, been busting my fucking ass on the
And then I head is gonna, be good use it really get on. Is you should check here? I will do what he is doing and I'm like it would drive me fucking nuts, none shitting on stone, cold, steve, Austin, but but yeah I I read your tweet the other day. I've. I've, I can't say despise, cause I you're right. Don't talk shepherd those big companies that come in and just start placing that seventy stars, or whatever into fucking podcast used to outrage. Me like outrage, and you know what I mean when you look at intention. It's like yeah. I guess I mean it's a platform. They want to do something shore, but like juice. Do it the the balls it takes too? sit on the couch and like what you guys gonna talk about. I would just like whatever so People can do that. You know like delete for whatever reason he sits in front of a computer for an hour, and he has that thing. But he's like develop that thing. You can't just sit down and then talk.
not be a funny or interesting person and then just like I have a following and then what really pisses me off his? Yes, you can, you know like Anville, they'll kill it. You know that do great, and that's where it's obviously my own thing, where I'm just a little like a man. I worked so hard and it is what it is and you know I never felt that way about stand up. My step, I'm like I've been doing stand for while the years all of my peers have at least one special you know, and- Just like you know, I had my puppet onstage and been fucking weird. I haven't like figured out a way to the crack it yet, but I'd like I will. I will what how how far into stand up were you when an datable kind of took over montreal? Ah, I started doing it as a and datable books on data bull and montreal within a month of each other and two thousand twelve though I ve been doing it for five years ago, Don't get me wrong, I'm I'm! I love my stand above
right. I really for the poor. Maybe two years now I could say that, but for the worse ten years I was weird, and I and and people still remember me that way and it's like all rick's the guy that falls asleep on stage or Baba baba right and I have no resentment. No entitlement its it'll happen, but for whatever reason this podcast I worked so hard on it and it's, I think by pot guess, is so great and then I hate that were I hate that were recording right now because there's just something and integrate great people, the grape and the greatness very funny, oh okay, and now I'm just putting myself, but let me watch this- I'm watching six podcast a week and adam fuming just cut cut out the spikes that there's pause. It just kite fifty dollars and makes it anyway. I'm sorry, No, no! No! I saw that treaty last week and I was I was there
I connected with it I connected with a bit here's. The thing is, I An you saying that I even remember is that when I was blessed enough to have a, I guess, what no one was listening to our guests, so I got the opportune, ready to do a really shitty podcast right for years, and I do not know what it was and then I mean I I I brought in, I would bring in people and then do no research, or do very minimal research. So do very minimal research only goes on. I dont want to be more merit don't want it to be an reiner view. I wanted to be a conversation about the two people have and I'm curious, other curious person by nature. But I brought in a mixed marshall artist, one time thinking it was a different, miss mapp, miss marsh artist. I didn't entire interview with them asking a question who's, the guy. I never been Brazil, like. Oh it's odd
I wonder why have being so humble he's the gypsy job champion the arm? I it's nice to not look up stuff, because when I look at stuff I feel need to prove that I know something I like you know, I'm a bit scared to say I'd like comes up. I feel like I'm supposed: You know that you have two sisters, but I dont know for sure or soap, but I can't say, do out how many siblings do you have, because I should know that and now I'm in my head and I'm worried. So I just go. Listen, I don't know anything. events, not what I mean is this like by helping like you're doing you have a full ban come out to the pool like that's, not cheating the system that just using it. Oh you have. The in the system is that I have disposable income. be able to spend twelve hundred dollars in a band come in my back yard for bullshit, and so it doesn't work. It doesn't break my bank, you out at the same time the works everyone's like god. That was brilliant. You like not, really it was just. It was just I just go
afford, is nice, but everyone you could find you find assets. I appears my producer. I have always next to me. No, you find ways but podcast culture. has has made me feel- and I think I'm ok with it, but it's when I it's. I have to check it myself has made me feel like high school issue in a way that, like I'm, scared like other people, I'm scared. Asked the do the podcast you're, not really I why'd, I never asked rogan wants and I'll never ask again like I would never would I would I'm always buy more shocked at the audacity of people asking jody, thereby gas like when I hear people backstage at the store, like a doll. I gotta get now that we get on in it. I just go he's at another level down a fucking world like. Why would you ever, I guess,
one time a long time ago, probably six years ago, and he was like, is a get or we can just do. My podcast and millions of people can hear it. I was like, let's just do that, cause it got for our time. It would be wiser to do my podcast and the dog about your bike as as opposed to just doing your podcasts. I was like good call and in my way at the I heard that, as I heard that as I dont like I don't know what he meant by it and now read into a true there. I don't want to do your pica I don't want to do anyone's podcast, be honest with you. I wish you had asked me how about you just do mine in automate, I mean so I just was I cool. I got the note like in my head, but man I see guys. I see guys asking that shitty joan. Oh, my god, it blows me up my mind I don't want to ask my foot- I I I do, but when I was first starting, I was scared to ask friends really friends that have big podcasts. Yeah like go get it
Let me just scared, isn't the right word that sense of insecurity Well. My insecurity can outweigh yours in a heartbeat. My insecurity is so fucking overwhelming you gotta realize I didn't get past. It sure until I was like forty three forty four and so that that I am. I will always be that guy who's, like afraid to go to the store like it. You know just like a simple thing of like. I am afraid that ever superficial things I may have in my career the built up somewhere. Very clear, easily go baby you're, not a paid regular right and I go now does not you know, and I had one that I experienced words one. I wanted my idea and I didn't have it and so on. Let me end- and I was like I guess- I'm not gonna spots and I left so yeah dude, I'm fuckin a rum riddled with insecurities ire
I used to work at the store. Answering the phones and I and I went once and it was a new security guard, so it is what it is, but when I walked in first of all, I looked fifty five, but he asked to check my iD and it's like I'm. What and- and I I was with a friend and the frame- and said, and I think he was joking at our nobody's. He gave a do. You know who I am type of energy and I felt it was. so like so I just whenever anyone it's like yeah here, you go man, here's the idea like I'm above getting my idea checked, but there is a little bit about. I answered Phones here, man like I've, been doing this for so long. Just, let me add at its like it is it is and then I'm not passed at the store. Ok, I used to
answer the phones there. I was the one remember tommy when he was there, the old booking manager were you there and then no? No! No! He is the reason I was terrified of the store. He told me, oh by the way I had a tv show. I had a couple of tv shows. I was a touring headliner. I had two comedy specials and he told me I had one coming special. He told me I needed to work the parking lot. If I wanted to get past the store I was like hold on I'm a married father of two with two tv shows. I'm not going to take my off night and go part cars for guys. That would feature- and that's not gonna happen news. Like will then you're, never gonna work at a sore body, and I was like ok so many waved and the air. While I was about to be passed there, and then he laughed and now I'm just too too weird, I guess for it or whatever it is, then an dot which is it is what it is, we all oliver obstacles and places we can't do, but
I'm in the in the o r, with my peers and there's a eighty people and and I'm sitting in the back pocket seats and when the door guys come over to me and say I'm not allowed to sit in that chair, I was I remember I was once sitting there and I was doing a spot in one of the other rooms and my parents were in town and there's nobody in the back bucket seats and my dad is sitting next to me there and they make us get up and I did, because I remember how I felt when my friend felt entitled to it was like that mean in a way there doing them into doing their job. You know new job, it's just. I know I know that's idling. Also, have you seen my pocket, ro as an and that that fat thing that security I'm talking about. Is that feeling of, like I, don't know the best way to handle those feelings so about. When I ask I asked the leah and he said I ll. Do it right and then
jack? You know them in two months in his eye guy well, and I want to just the way I my instincts, arduous payment is come over. You know just keep doing that, but I don't know understand, my feelings have just feels grows and that thing I dont, like I don't like to be in a situation where I'm asking someone may think there me a favor and I think we're just playing and that when I was kid I've told you talked about this before my pod cast, but when I was a kid a few years ago. I got the way you gotta talking to when you were twenty six from your dad. I got that from an old boss of buying four years ago and it changed my life it brother, is that that guy bill yeah yeah shut up the bill lawrence great guy, while he's a fan by the way, keep going over so much. I want to talk to you about cause. I really was obsessed with the six man sexually. that's really nice thanks man? I just got a notification. I created a this sleep, google alert for years.
go whenever when I did it and once a month I get a alert for it and one hundred percent of the time it's about some base, player or some new, no person, stealing something or never the show- and I got one last night and it would Zack brass top ten I am db things that he's done. That's right, yeah, like logic cool things, and I might add that the six leaders number for em like africa, yea? I forgot how forgot he was in that so so build Tommy this thing, I blah long story doesn't matter, but it started though it does matter does matter. Does matter, I'm dying to know I I I talk about it so much an inverted though, and pretend no inserted living it, has already been said of the gospel, does move one time. That is the egos hey. I know you ve told a these stories before but pretend my people, having heard it does he and I was. I really am dude. I became friends with them a couple of people that are really interesting. People.
heard milner like I'd, never hurt you before so, and that is all too often that taught not the giant book. So tell me everything: if an animal was a great show. Thank you, yeah I'd. I will it's it's. It's also said thing think that for while I was in talking about publicly and then I was and then I was it and I do, and I just feel weird about it because of the conversations that opens but shore, so I mean I'm in this battle game with bell right, and this bet bill saw me at the improv in twenty eleven or so and ah my host. That was doing a well pretty well psmith impression it was. I got it was eight minute set, so I did two minutes and then I did feel the minutes of getting into character. You know my back to the audience the music changing spread over and then turn around, and I did the the monologue when why I you know
I learned how to dry without him, I learned how to shave without him fourteen birthdays. You know this. I know that I meant yeah, we'll we'll give me my first development deal. I know the another. I didn't know that until yeah I saw that on the diem. I don't remember, which was the name of it, but the the the one, the wearer you talk about, that on one of your specials. Ah- and I was like the he's the king he will smith Is- is king and awesome, and- and and it was this weird sat and bill came up to me and he said I like how comfortable you weren't uncomfortable moments, and I remember thinking what the uncomfortable moment. I thought I was hysteria, those great and so like by the way I I Do that monologue, well like I'm, I get there. It's like good, I'm like I'm like look at look what I could do you know, but she started talking about basketball. I got in his basketball game. Eight months in whose basketball game he send me an email. It was me and bread more and at the time we were both in this game and he's do. You want to are. You know who your agents I want to do. Would you like audition for the show, unable I'm doing and at a time
have any agents or anything and he started that was my break and everything and Cut to a year later and able comes out three year, it's on the air and another year and a half its up. you're. So I'm in this basketball game with this guy in these guys for five plus years so furthermore writers on the database. I know em all world bodies and ah I got an email from him- saying: hey man, some of the guys if he did it very well in different than this, but was basically some of the guys that have been this game for like twenty some years, don't like playing when you're there. Ah, and don't some of them don't come when you're there Now this is my game. I'm not going to kick you out. I do think it's good. If you stay away for a few weeks, ah and here's the reasons any game. You list I've. Just you know I grew up weighing it out on blocking awesome. When I, when I start basketball, it was. I was nerdy weird back together, annoying had no friends kid and then all the sentence
play basketball and then I got good at basketball. In that I became confident and peep. I had value I. I did in this specific wait until we got glass like still, we got glass, of anything gets me harder than hearing that thing. You know, like you walk into a german like they know I am, and they want me to build play with me. So I play to show people. I'm the best, whether I'm I am or not. I just go now this game, with fifty year old, comedy writers and stepping over a madame botting em up and I'm setting hard picks- and you know you fucking- gotten. You know what I'm yelling and they just want to get away from their kids for a little bit, and so he you're just too much rick agenda into deadly, I'm in a game, a poker game with awe. I happen to be in this game. Those is this guy that we met through on data bowling and we became friends and Days before that email, I got kicked out of a poker game because I'm too aggressive and I play- I am talking shit to people and, being
and I am very where myself now I'm being hysterical, but some people are just you know. Just play You know I was being. I was annoying, I'm annoying, so I get kicked out of a poker game. I get kicked out of a basket, game. Meanwhile, I think everybody wants me around and nobody does so that was got it inciting incident is something else that I have been discovering, but looking look into it, kind of a long story medium? I was diagnosed with as sd level, one which is basically Asperger syndrome, and I found out that this thing that I am already feeling secure talking too much about this, but no! No! No! No! This is by the way, this dial so quickly and me keep going, keep going. Ok, so found out. I had autism. I was so excited because for when I was a kid I had I had to go into the lorries.
class, and then I had to go to the special class and then, to go to this special school and I had different medication, david diagnosis and all these things, and then I get this diagnosis like yeah, ok, perfect, I'm really good at memorizing numbers. Maybe I have like superpowers in another way right now, walking around like I got autism, you know the best started getting weird, because people were like no, you don't, or this is what autism is and and then I found myself Explaining to people what it was and being defensive and having to give examples of the way as a kid and what it means as an adult in all the different baba, blah blah blah and it started like grossed me out, and I stopped talking about it. So what that did for me is that met made me feel that I it talks about it on stage which really made me like not present with things, and then I got in this big depression, because my
whole life. I've been this funny charming people like me around guy, and then I thought No, I'm not! I was wrong and this is what, by boosting came up afore. I remember I when I was a kid I used to call my buddy David every week every week. I would call him and ask to play in every week or be different excuse bro. Sometimes I would ask you when you blame on his mom. I would have my mom talked to his mom. Looking back, I now know that she had to tell his mom to lie to my mom. I never took the hints. You know what I'm saying yeah I just thought. Oh, he became a stomach ache again or whatever so now, I'm in my thirties and am going back in my life in realising this filter. That is off how many times oh fuck, I was so That's so sad! That's one thing I want to keep asking peep. I can't pick up on these cues necessarily so I start calculating things my instincts that are so good and so aware? I am wrong so now and calculate am. I.
being too much. I remember when I first realises I was talking to a friend and she was tat. The story- and I just wasn't connecting- and I m so what's your point and then and then she told me your point and kind of concluded. The story right away- and that was right- and I was learning this stop and I realized something changed. So I asked her and she's like what you pointed seem like you, weren't interested and my him thinking I am interested. I just need to know that the thesis of this, so I could follow along to all these time I'm saying one thing and nobody speak. Nobody says anything nobody's like do what that was rude or I'd like that. Are I dont like when you set a picture, harder I don't wanna- have to cut through the hoop. Every time they just go complained a bill, and now I have to figure out So now I'm learning tools of asking when people check their watch. Does that mean that you're bored and am sure sham shooting up, and I just everything is the worst. You know so then I spent a year trying to figure out how to beat the system. You know you and then I realized I can't up, for I knew nothing. I thought everybody loved me
then I realized I was wrong and I try to make everybody loved me and what I did, but that in common with can't control any of it. So then, I just as much as do a podcast cast an edit, the fuck out of it so make them here at the way I wanted there. You know, but dont member what even brought this up, but that was that would build an exit, nile and changed. My life tat makes me met. Makes me really I see I could never do a billboards did like I would just. I would just go. oh no more basque, bye, bye, cancel level, basketball, game and billy. Not only commutation, hey, I don't I've. I would actually. If I was delors, I would sincerely resent the other guys four disliking you I would go why're you putting me in this situation right now to reach out to someone who who
I had a tv show with and the tv shows no longer there Y Y you put, I would be I dont like commutation, and I don't like with your put me in situations where they need me to confront things now. I also Also rub people the wrong way a lot and I am oblivious to it. I said to someone I didn't tell you know o web my whole life, my whole fucking life people have said stuff to me like you cast a large wake like I just need some time away from you your lot to deal with a guy, I'm billy guard at one time said Adam he's he was. We were we to think of the james, probably to arm we're all sitting around and they were too and we are performing in irvine an as everyone's talking about the weekend in irvine. What we're on the road and like pittsburgh and actually grown irvine. I hear that there are driving turbine together and I was like
Oh, are we are we are driving in there like? I think it's the burma's. I think it's just us as it is for us on the tour. I go for you. Guys are three guys driving down and I'm driving by myself and they're like it will yeah cause we're going to do dinner, Billy's house every night, and I was like oh and then I went the only. I was, I felt I felt I even telling the story I feel horrible, like I felt like I do
it not being included. I take my biggest the reason I can not drink this whole. This whole pandemic is cause. There's no fomo. I don't feel like I'm missing something, so I don't care like. No one is hanging out, so I don't like. I have hardcore fomo so want to believe or dominoes like him and miss curious as everyone's going to your house. Did you like forget to invite me or something anyone? I can have you at my house, and I said why and he goes you know I got a kidman and I went. I have two kids and he was like yeah, but my wife's, not like your wife, like I can't have you come in and take your dick out and then everyone's like fucking, your shirts off and you're cursing and you're drunk and a mike Billy. I can also be like a regular person. He goes. I've never seen it yeah. I go but yeah we're only on the road together and he was like you can behave and I was like I was so upset by that cause. I was like wait. Who do you think I am, but I think people see me in one way and one I am also like a dad and I can go,
in and buy a house, and I can leg. I can behave it her. I was and I m going to their house and- and I didn't even have a good time because I was so I go and you're factoring yourself yeah and in what's really wrong with me is like I don't know what I do sometimes so like perfect example is like I remember, I went like a perfect symbols. I went when I went to billy's. I went to the bathroom and then I don't even know like I just pissed, and then MIKE did I piss on the toilet, like I dunno, and then they see that no god damned he pissed. Oliver, like I went to someone's house for christmas party one time and I shit in their toilet, like I dunno that that you can't do that, like you can't go to someone's house to take a shit there, I don't. Why can't you do that? Apparently you can't and I went to this house. None of that is that on that, that's that's where it stop. That's on now I broke the toilet like they have to have a plumber come outside of your shit, an end like it got around like birch and the two of them.
I go to people's houses and they're like enter a bar, easy, okay, watch where this guy eats and then you're like. I don't like I'm like a little bit a bull in a china shop. So when you go like bills- and I mean that letter- I go there, so we build it wrote that letter and then there were like I'm just going to cancel the volume of the game altogether. I don't remember to be mom, so here's my thought and on what you said for also. I want to acknowledge what you said and and my eyes guy little watery during that I connect you that so much of wanting to be in. looted and not knowing? Why you're not and then what could I do to fix this in and out you said you you're afraid of computation or you don't wanna habit its it there's. This, like, I feel like computation, has bad pr and, like conversation, doesn't mean fuck, you know, fuck, you it just means it just means establishing and communicating boundaries and a real good it My intention about this is not meaning to plug the podcast, but my podcast gases called take your shoes off and the reason it is because I
If so many things, so many rules and I'd be I've been living in a play, islamic, since I was four there. Just wasn't a pandemic, you know like I, I I wash your hands when you come in and and you can't wear outdoor clothes on my couch and I give friends shorts in of noxious and even on how you killer outdoor closing your. I don't do I dont if weak we went to the am see right. Also. I love aims. He I don't think that's about Peter, that's just wanna go to so I'm! So sorry. I am saying this, but if you know it's crops, this chairs or everyone's is growth, and we're going to come over and we're gonna sit on my couch, were I'm sitting on my shorts that then go into my bed now you're out of your mind. So just either so many rules to either where I have to have people over and I have to explain these rules to them and that's what I this is what I have all learned about. Why I'm so annoying I have so many things that need to be a certain way that if I wash your hands. Don't do that touch this, don't make sure the labels or away I'm an ass. Also, I hide it by going.
Or a puppet wash your hands, you know it's like. I have to do. Jilt, I'm bothered by him, but, like I need to survive, you know, so I would, for the longest time not have people come over or snow like you you think people don't want to shit you're like if it when people come over and p and I'll always let them shit, pests, poop everything, but I have to wash my bathroom now. You know so I have all these things. Take your shoes up is the most digestible. It's a good lesson. Eight, take your shoes, Oh you're, one of these houses. You know yeah, okay, yeah. I I yeah. I so hear hear me out this this, and this is a lot of the coffee talk having fun. I've been wanting to do a pike s you for a little bit so like I'm in, but this is it. This is the thing that change so before I got that agnes. I was going to get this diagnosis. I remember I did love line with doktor drew chewy or three years before this, and I talked to him beforehand and he see got me the information
people it. You see allay it's five grand unlike who are not doing this, but then I am, I get kicked out of a poker. But a basketball game and everyone hates me in on the best basketball player and I'm confused some looking up what autism means- and I see these things of adult diagnoses and if your, what is you know what people say normal typical. You don't need this everything's fine, I'm a comedian, its fight. What benefit? Does it mean to be diagnosed then I'd even realise this was an issue when I started, I guess crying I didn't like noises but those down the face. You know yeah and I connected with it's not just about how you could communicate with other people. It's about how being them communicate better with you and then that plan to seat since I've learned so many tools and so check. This out right now If I have a bigger or something in my teeth, would you tell me no
You wouldn't even tell me that I wouldn't I know, and I have your breast spelled you're flies down. I I I I actually, but so funny you say my body Obi one of my best friends. My whole life idle seem as much he's the kind of guy that would say to you, your breast milk and you may say that to protect you go, you should do something about that we're going to be around girls, your breath smells and it would shut me down. Then I couldn't and I'd be like. Why would you tell me that? Are you still that way? Yep. yeah yeah, it's I don't know, would you rather have bad breath you rather bad breath, or you rather what but not know that you had bad breath. I'd rather apple know, I'd rather I'd rather be boards out behind my back, I mean I know about it, but that's that's that you're, not then you're not invited to houses, You ve been able here's what it is a start. I stop thinking that
you having a booger means people don't want to be around you. People don't want to be around you, because you have a booger and you're like ooh. Look at this and you know what I mean like just take them out of your fucking nose and always fucks me up and tell me. Oh then, Then everything else I was gonna tell you that the car, my high european, aren't you going you're fine, I've, I've finally passed. Meaning because it is a weird I remember hearing a comic: do that going ever been round somebody's got so far by the other. Tell them- and I remember, being at last- aren't you going no out, you ever do that's. Why would you just deal with a few words about I hope it I'm a bad breath and of a grown up. I started I was dating a girl and she were where at two weeks into this relationship and it was kind of fast. So I guess it was a relationship efforts the weeks in were in bed, make it out and her perfume was most political way, I could say that too much right,
I'm kissing her and all of these thoughts happen in a second, because I'd done these calculations so many times I waited on here's what it was. This smell is too sensitive for me. I can't deal it so here my options: be kissing her and not enjoy it not be present and eventually developer resentment, or tell her that this stop- and this has to stop now the first I didn't I don't want to stop seeing, or so I don't have a choice anymore. So and then I was thinking. what would my ala was thinking if I were to ask a therapist and blah blah blah and ultimately was just like Rick just communicate as directly as possible, and here's where it was hey? I think that you're, I think that you're beautiful on your perfume. It is a really good sent. I'm per sensitive, just sounds and smells, and I hate to say this. It's a little too much. You knock it. You can't do it. We can't do it if we in a kiss and subjects. Ok and hears correct and here's what I wanted to tell your. Maybe this work, although I think it won't anymore,
what I learned from realising teaching others to communicate with me. Was this when I said to my friend: what's your point, she thought was being aggressive. It took her. A bit like you having bad breath, and she wasn't there anymore, because she I and a fight it with her. Her Y know to. Let them know it's not their problem right. So so! when I, when I say to her, I am sensitive to smells. It's not that you smell bad. It's that I have a bad sense of smell right. So I I'll tell help you. I tell girls when I was, I mean I'm in a relationship now in, and I think this is the one in, and I say that because I'm scared, like I'm sorry, sorry, buddy, no you're gonna, watches and before you and I was very young and out- every girl in the world had on first dates. I would say to them: Sometimes I could be a lot. I would get high we'd get high a lot that was kinda, you get high and you walk around and you joke and shit. So I would say to me: labour. Sometimes I lack a little awareness. Give me the better. without one time. If
being a little much. I got no eager with this just say: rick you're too out rick too much sought. This is embarrassing and whatever you're feeling just tell me and giving and and and if I do it a second time and walk away, but just like you Let me know- and- and I told her to my friends in my face and now people just say hey like my girlfriend is goes like this. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to hear what I'm saying she doesn't mean that, among my soul is a bad annoying soul. It just means that level. is too high and that any doesn't doesn't change the energy anymore. It's just rich, and I got yeah, oh okay, so and now and blah blah blah blah blah and there's no ego attached to it. So if you could I open before me. I would say to you for that, most of our relationship. I, as you know we go with it. Just tell me tell me my breath smells tell me, I'm being annoying. Tell me the shirt. Doesn't look good. Tell me, I was you know promoting
something where it was. It was tacky like I mean if I were, to tell of my shortens- a gigantic issues are podcasting people. Oh that's unattractive, then you know you. Let me now see I'm I'm I'm uh. I think I think I'm so oblivious to how people are proceeding me sometimes- and I think that is, I think, that's how I protect myself. Maybe I don't know a guy and so like so I'll tell you say your breath was horrific. I mean you're about to see these two girls What are there hour there like today? Have betty racks, really hard blonde hair purpose. Really both of our blood, but one blind ones like dirty by and by the way one I I have such a fucking I was about to start- is driving this girl. It I saw on in surrender.
Last night, that was so beautiful bad the weirdest thing going on in her face, and I was afraid that if I said it should find it and then my because I sent a video of something she does to my daughter knows I. This is a thing you are interested in. This is how you do that to us and then my daughter is like a thanks. Dad than us Wonder if my daughter will ever be like. Oh dad thought she was hot shit that it also happens that she was. fucking. While you are to give it away, and we now get you she knows it's the thing is I started as a watchdog just so anyway, so I say you a bad breath right. I immediately would say like slaves were effect. I go. Well, I don't know what we ate, but we need gum immediately and you'd be like really. I go did both of our breasts and that's mine linked up. That's how I operator.
Could never in a million years, go amen. I love you, but your bad breath. You need to brush her. He needed to do. I would I just couldn't I just couldn't. I would kill me so I one time we were in south africa doing stand up and I came up with this. Do you know a comb, a comedian named Tom or do you know Tom Wilson thinks his name a father? That's not! The guy does a bear from back to the futurism and fucking his name up, and he is a friend of my Tom Tom Clarke, you don't come at them Tom clark. I know I know of of emea. I wish I hadn't said his name now I feel bad, but leave it to ye will bleep it so, but don't believe the first once everyone knows that it was start where there are no other, but we all know which one so I came up with this game because I was hung up and sometimes I hung over my my play. Sugars off and if I have coffee, I get very, very creative, and I
over this game with all the comic there like ten of us. Why said we're doing towards this day is boring. None I just want to really do it. We're hung over. I said, let's see how close we can get to killing tom today like let's see who can get the closest to killing him, but don't kill him but let's you get. The closest I dont understand me like hurt him. No, no just get close to killing him so like say, say what we're on give a cliff arose. I wow look at that as beautiful. Don't here take a look at this and go I to see and he leaned over, and then we go everyone who, like you push him. only in place him, but we just to see how you get closer to killing a cabin, we're really fun game, I mean we had said. Much fun. You know much easier. It is to tell someone you have bad breath, then almost kill a friend. By the way I loved I really do loves how my I get a kick out of them, and then I thought I didn't. I didn't think aiming of it, and this is where I cast large waken. I don't
realize I'm doing these things. I really think I'm having a good time and midway through the day he finds out, we ve been trying to kill him all day and he gets very upset and he has really upset. You don't want to speak to me and I like it was a joke It was like it's not a joke. You are trying to kill me as if no one was really trying to kill you. He was like yeah, but the joke is about me and I went we ain't. He goes by wind, like you should let me in and will know that I saw how a joke works. Now I very stuck in the factory was a joke and I'm a comedian and your comedian, and you have to figure out a way to get past this, and he said I don't. I can just now not like you, because you tried to kill me all day and you had thirteen other people trying to kill me so the whole day I was like you guys were like mock, raping me, and I was like no not really ie, but it was so funny to us that I was a bit you cannot understand and then everyone got really
is that would mean that I yeah. Why would you think about killing someone, and I was like guys were comedians- it's a joke that I couldn't act like I couldn't get past it. I couldn't pass it and then I end up digging my heels in and going brain. No, no like you guys. This was funny like this one guy andrei Vincent took a rope and twisted it an almost gaza fritz at an end. It was like what the fuck and he's like that I mean it was so much fun and this guy was really upset. It really hurt his feelings. I had a hard time connecting with it cause. I was like bill mix You still have our democratically or connecting with that not now not. Now not now now just go now. I just go. I should have never done it. You know like yeah
I don't know, I think what am I? What have you? What, if you tripped when you were pretending to push- and you put him off a cliff the other thing about that? What if what if he puts the thing around his neck in and then and runs? What is this you know like I mean that there would be like me punching you and then you getting mad, and then me saying I'm joking and you like eating. You mean you punched me. It happened. I had a head of a I comedian friend of mine slap me go, oh, it's a joke and I was wasn't a joke. I didn't find a funny, but- and I just forgave him I, like whatever I was I just haven't, I just Yeah, I'm a I'm a I'm a mess when it comes to this shit. That's like that's like this. There are people, that's like um, there's some people that think it's funny and follow the accounts of people getting hurt like per our practical jokes an egg, some people, I I think some people dont like practical jokes, I dont like markets at their expense, yeah I'd only on actual jokes
I don't hold on. Let me rephrase that I like a good practical joke, meaning like a job that pays off in it like in it's that and it's funny by like those, but I I get very uncomfortable pumped always made me uncomfortable to watch like I don't enjoy it. I just get on comfortable. I I was watching your you're something's burning and seen, a few of them, but last night because we're doing this, I watched a few more. That shows awesome. Well, thank you you shine in that show as a as a failure. like me like the comedy bits of like you Emily. By design. That's the title of it. Do you feel that you connect to vat like you could tap into that, because. That's a moment where you're supposed to be failing, you bet your bread supposed to be bad you're supposed to accidently, kill somebody. So there's no filter There's no trying to understand people unders might take on that. Is we
I designed by title understand you, because this is what suppose, if somebody is supposed to be He trying to kill somebody, then that was great yeah you connect with. Ah, like you, take your shirt off and you do these things that are a it's. It's not self deprecating, it's a specific type of thing, which is it's a brand? It's it's an intentional failure. Which I connect with a lot with stand up. Yet you shine in those moments. Is that something to lean into? Is that something that you're? Conscious of that you want to lean into, or did you find that by accident, when I was when I was, and I think I I I I think this is I get to the answer. When I was in college, I was very competitive in sports all through high school. I was very, very, very, very competitive and I went to an all boys catholic high school, so it was like I couldn't you couldn't. Pe was fucking violent, like
it was just very competitive and dumb. When I went to college there was an inner mural football team. in the and I found a lot of non athletes that I respected playing in intramural football and they were very competitive and I found that week. I found that to be a weakness that that they were not good athletes, yet they saw themselves as competitive and they held himself to a standard that really was a false standard. There was a a false ceiling of of what they thought they could achieve, and so I, by default, stop trying. I stopped trying and started being funny, and I think that became my personality and I remember playing an inner mural softball and my buddy Jeff Hartley said: why do you not give a fuck- and I said well, it's easier to not give a fuck, then Do you like these guys who do give a fuck but they're, not athletes? That's a really sad place to live in yeah and he was like that's interest and Jeff. Hartley was
I am always his entire life everything he ever did an amazing athlete and I said I don't know a a it was, was being it was being bill, murray, playing golf, Well, you you were just joking around and if you are good, you always shocked everyone, and so all I think you're saying it said that so so you were we, you didn't You didn't die, have expectation of yourself. Are you weren't you actually weren't trying? I would not I try and then, when I did, try and I succeeded- or I did something that someone didn't expect and I put forth a tad bit of effort. They be like what the fuck, when did bert, learn how to swing a bat and then some of which go? Oh, he got recruited to play like a few different colleges. No way wait, you don't fucking around out there You gotta have a ball behind his back. Joking oh owe, really playing like, I actually is now with the interior. They guarantee the system, be a man,
when I didn't want, is I did want people to see me out there trying. I thought there was a sadness in trying you know. Do you still feel that way? I thought I'd. I definitely do I look at comics. I look at comic sue. I am so fucking obsessed with stand up its unreal like if I, if, if we pivoted- and we just talked about the way- I look it our special and the standards I hold for our special and the way I see it structured in them and the way I see comedy and though, and how someone should work towards and what? But what people should work towards you're you're almost think. Not only was I obnoxious and an elitist but you'd go fuck. Do care less, I think you're by don't share that. Would people guy just want them to think. I take my shirt off and I tell the same story every night. I just want them to think that because then, when it is good, people go
oh wow. Actually bert, like where my best comments I forgot was David letterman saying I watch this guy, he took it up and I was like what the I recommend like thirty minutes later, I was like I don't. Even I don't even care that his shirts off he's a really good stand up, and I went that's everything I want, I don't want you to think that, like I'm trying does, I think see those guys that are like so obsessed with their act and they're. Just not a good and you guess, but your mistake, and you're mistaking trying, with lack of self awareness like but but but but remember, remember, I'm somewhat tethered to a lack of self awareness, like I'm somewhat tablet tethered to the fact that I don't know how people are reading me. That makes sense, I think sometimes I just was like it was safer for me to be I love the term and I it's interesting that you were in the the you played. But, like I love the term, cinderella story is my favorite thing in the world. I love
but more than anything, what does it do to do with Harold ramis real story came out of caddyshack. That no mary said. story conforming really. I do know that yeah don't run a lower line and that movie is fucking genius the bomer delivers. He says on your death bed: you'll get complete and total awareness which is like the last thing you ever one on your fucking deathbed, complete total awareness like a cup of conscious like You just want to go peacefully as about the dialogue, but syndrome store he is like something I've. I've hooked on to cause- I just go, You ever see the guy in the audition room who's, taking it too serious and you're like that's, not who's going to bucket. yeah yeah. I mean I don't I don't. I don't want this makes for good conversation like to debate something like this, but I so connected what you're saying specially. When you see people
doing it. Knowing like me, like that, what I'm doing I don't want to be like when I'm seeing them do but people it that that take it too seriously. I try I start over. I am, I am so attractive people who try it's the people that bet that are trying and not necessarily being the best but think there Oh great, I means going in watching somebody audition undertaking to seriously that system not being aware of the situation. What, like you, should he'll. Try, learn your lines, one jokes but side, you jokes, but but but but but then go in and say the casting director. Do you want this on graph book and the mega well off bugger, okay and then put it down and already be off book already be off book. Like that's the way my brain goes, is come in and be like. Do you like be off book, but have him in your hand like that? That's away you're gonna see that's a little cheated the debris, the underdog to be the cinderella. That makes sense. I get that I because I am a lot and
I go in for additions that are often like wicker mode. or whatever it is. I like to make them think that I miss introverted person, and I we'll go in and I dont make eye contact and I'm just like real low energy. So then, when we start it looks like. I turn something nine, as opposed to I'm just an annoying guy, but the truth is my shaking with I just wanna. Go ahead I'll just be worth a lot. I definitely get that, but I still like put in, so much work before it, but I couldn't figure out how the sixth lead I couldn't. I couldn't peace yet the things you don't seem like a guy would go in and go hey guys. I have an idea about something I want to do while we're shooting this show- and it didn't seem like something that the p well on the show would have green that it didn't. It seems like yeah, that's not it not that it was a while ago, but when Unbeatable was being made. It wasn't. Social media is
what it is today, something like the sixth led, wouldn't be use you I can see and be seagoing. That's not a promotional tool, I'd love to tell you it's! I'm really! I'm really proud of the execution of how it happened so good. And it s like the gent like, like I gotta, be honesty. It there's two things that I have been a little obsessed with, where I find that and then I become obsessed with the guy and end it was one. Them is a come, an actor improv actress Ben shorts yeah will bring us name yeah and then an fucking you on the six lead. I gotta be honest with you. I couldn't get enough of you online, like I wanted more of the six leave. It was so fascinating and it played in may think about things like. Why did I find it so funny? Why did I find racial humour in it so funny like. Why did I find that funny like it? If it made me, laugh hard women answer, I don't. I was in the shower thing.
About it today and I thought I think, because I've, I think, because I empathize very quick people, never going to believe this. I mta empathize very quickly with people, and I find that and I find that one of the one of the tone, deaf things in white culture, is what it's like to be a person of color. this world and I feel, like I very quickly identify. I don't know why, with with what it's like to be a person of color- and I I I connect on that and in it so when like one richer prior would say a black eye walks in ngos damn. I wish you would like, like sitting in my cedar, but many were out I think so my people go yea. I ignore that dont, thereby ok whatever whatever some me I go. That's me I do that, like I connect with thy job differently than I think most white people do it, and so can you connect to that from an empathetic standpoint? You can't do that light. like you can do that. You could see that being you connect to that, you could see it. You
being who they're talking about magnum funny. I can see me being HU there talking about Emmi. Being that part like, I could see all of it like so I've, for what reason I've always been really fascinated by the dynamic of culture. And race? Neither always been very fascinating to me, just the littlest things that the way someone who is raises certain way right now, I'm obsessed with the chicano culture, because I just watch this commentary on mister card mister cartoon and I and steve: oh did you see that is on netflix saw about a l, a car culture and tattoos and really fascinating, but like just the idea that chicano is different than latino and you know like just the little eccentricities that is, We are very much stamped in their culture that why people glaze by I love, I love that things rose fat. That was the hardest. I laughed was when you thought the black guy was a different black. I was, I laughed so fucking
What what I love about? This is not just the same as you of the new wants of it. What I love about it is, is the boat, the mass of of why why the thing itself that exists I'm not talking about racist or homophobia, I'm talking about the things that black people are different in white people. Women are different than men, but they are not. We have to say, you know no they're, not and the island, the math and the puzzles of being able to acknowledge the thing that exists without people think Projecting my point of view on it so just showing the thing and letting it and you know, jewish people could talk about jewish people. Will jewish people could be at thy symmetric, but there's this there are allowed to so finding cheats and hacks.
In ways to wait able to like. We all know that this thing you know for better or worse and that when I watch I love watching black people. Black comedians talk about culture, because it's just free and honest stuff, and I'm not saying I should be allowed to which it I'm not so like finding what, but I mean No, these things are funny weren't. Why can't I talk about certain things anyway? That does it matter. it does. I do understand, because I spent the first probably twelve years of my career, trying to crack that code of I wanted to talk about that stuff and it wasn't So I in a really sad way, just went. That's never gonna pay. My bills, like I'm, never gonna, be that guy, I just gave up on it and went what what what am I entered
I sit in also is me: let's just tell stories about me: let's sell the brand as opposed to like there are so many things that I just found. I always found. I got one there's a very small story, but one time I remember, I'm being on venice it must la an not like any other breyer and I'm a cop. Or like a low rider pulled up next to me and a bass was booming, it was middle of the night like a midnight one in the morning, and I noticed in my tub. I was a comic at the time that I didn't want to look over like I did. I was very curious to see what the if the candy coat paint job if he had what what he was riding on. Was he riding on date, like I like all the things that I'm obsessed with it, but I wanted to look over, but I didn't want to look over and then part of me like, and this conversation fast it made me to have with myself and Emily did over. I looked over and it was a black eye. Candied apple, it was
canada, apple and maybe lagging far that because it was like just like the last thing you expected it'll me to just very joyously eating a candied apple, and I laughed so hard- and he looked at me like like aunt, but it was so funny he goes like in his eyes like. Oh, I can't either candied up also like it was, but like something, like that fascinated me to the point. I have never forgot it like I've, never forgotten it. The not wanting to look out of fear of what the other person thinks of the reason you are looking for is so exhausting yeah. I know connected so much when I, when I first got it, that's what I used to do. I used to calculate how do we I think my intentions are and how do I communicate them before they fill in the blank and then I'm talking too much You know and Adam I this like I do. I was in I when I found. At the diagnosis I was superman for like five months and then for a year I was in the biggest depression of there's, no winning, and I I
communicated poorly occupy over communicate. I didn't communicate it. I just want to fucking, you know. Let me let me just live man. Owen my podcast save me in a way, because I've been able to have conversations that are longer than ten minutes would people to where I it made me understand not a philosophical level but like through experience that everyone wants to be understood, nobody is understood and everybody has their narrative that are forcing on people and there's no way even me doing this. Now I'm becoming self conscious of am I trying to put this out to people that I know about myself. Even if I can't control it niches and I get it also with myself, so I can only imagine everybody else's thinking. You talk to it by the go back to the six may How did I get it, making them all out, so so the sixty onest six lead on on data ball and on that show I booked it, and most of us we haven't done anything before and brent was up was one of my best friend.
is still as well as during it we're in the same level, we're going through now him in valea are doing all these job and I not we do. I only have true at bats per show, I'm have we judging this character, the things that I say rise and make fun up about pop culture and network television. I am now making a lot of money. Having meeting to do that, my ego gotten away a lobbyist for being so judgmental and all like: yellow how big chirac but like in my head there was no level of irony and I'm just as corny wonderment edges hated it right, but at this in time my name's on a parking spot at war brothers and there's a and a maniacs water tower my dreams or come. I guess you know that's like how We make it in showbiz, moved to l a you'll get discovered at the hollywood. Improv like that, doesn't happen, and I did and here I am hating it, and if this was Pre diagnosis, pre awareness in the
Last year I had a really difficult time and the second ears when things started to change for me and I started to can't have become more understanding of. Oh, you know like that is wrong. Supposed to get rebounds like just because She doesn't mean my job. I didn't stand that I have a job. This is it This is my dream. No, I have a job and my job is to come in there and being the annoying guy to let other people have their jokes. I didn't get that and then I started to get it and then out see my friends doing it I became a little aware of it and with that awareness it offered me a perspective of where I was able to see myself in how pathetic this point of view that I had was I had a meeting with bill in real life bill you had fifty shows with three hundred. Fifty eight I'm sure you have this conversation with a lot of people and I know nothing's going to change, but I have these control issues, and I mean if you like it, everything I can so I just want. But you know this: isn't this doesnt work? Here's why I dont have a good
my my skill set. Doesn't allow me to do this thing not yet I wish it could. I can't here's where I shine on better in the paint you know, or whatever it may be. I reckon so you told me, thank you so much, there's nothing. We can do about this and I go I understand this- is my job I just wanted to like. I dont want have resentment that I didn't speak my mind. Also thank you so much for paying my rent and giving me this opportunity and blah blah blah. But you know- and I pitched him a couple of things the ended up making the shell rights as I could, that be was so funny to me because, like here's this, It is worth a hundred million dollars and then here's me who is allowed to sit the bucket seats at the comedy store and, unlike here's how you should be doing right? So I I pitched to him I wanted to do a little video of a meeting and mean that was a ball back in Fourth, because at the time we were about to go live, so they wanted people to do so. Media content in here is my pigeon, but
I started. Having demands, I need another camera. Could we do it? This way and blah blah blah- and I I basically said bill, I'm going to do all these jokes and we do it all this way we've been through years together, I'm asking for one thing: give me a second camera. I will pay for it. I'm not making you pay for it, but he ended have given me a second camera, and then we taped the tape. read. The actual network table read where all embassies in there and I need. This beer all, so I recorded that income in in character, so I am at risk, being having the embassy people see me be this person, but I needed the tape of it, though it looks cork as it is like a real thing. It's a real documented up arch. and then am I from that. I wrote the beats down of the jokes I wanted to do and we did this meeting with bill and die. I mean either fun things want to talk about it. It's would go into long on it, but, but basically I overheard bill, but before that the us filming bills in the writers from of everybody, and I
heard him talking to the writers' room he did know. I was in their setting up with the cameras and he was telling about Joe looks of mine that their cutting, because it didn't, I didn't, do it right and So, and so did a better in scrubbs that you know they use joke sometimes when it just like a small character, they reuse them. building? No, I heard it so we're doing are meeting and doing the jokes and, and then I up saying that thing to bill and he got hot in red and in that darted a real conversation and with it then, we started hitting the beats and build performed at great because it was all very real and it came together grit and that was a very something that I realise and abuse it since in I mean what am I doing, podcasting sketches and whatever, but like MIKE. I want to be a director and something I learned was autism. People's ability to perform is not just their raw potential exam being comfortable or them being paid.
That's not comfortable having them beat our. So there are cheats of getting people in boy solved in starting things before they start in it. Coming together really well and bill liked it and he said you want to do more. Ah, he said I could give you enough money for two days, so we did. Two days more and I were I turn that into four episodes we film for episode in two days and bro. At that point I was made sketches, and I was you know, put things on tripod than I would have to stand in for myself in check the matter now, all of a sudden the warner brothers lot they shut down. they shut down one of the streets and one direction, was doing a sound check and I was looking back so cool, but in the moment like we can have that we have forty five minutes. I need to get this thing and they in one direction and afterwards to make a decision on the visit. The best thing that I got extra in an end date they did set decoration and then they put up the coffee shop, sign and were doing basketball, and and ah they are- I got to film of fake scene.
What we did a native alive in between east and west coast all the cameras are up in the audience is full. I got to film of fake scene with the cameras I'm directing these, for you know pet cameras and belief. I am brandt, enron and bianca christen and everybody. I am directing aceh. in any case it was like the coup thing in a came together so well, and that made me like I, I had craft services I no security guards like this was the dream and bill? Let me do it because he liked the meeting episode and that really like went for. Here's something I'd like to do tat. I need to find a way to do this thing. Now. That's really fascinating such it was. It was well done, it was well done, and I and I I I just kind of clicked on It- then, all of a sudden I watched all them go, and god dammit, I I would argue this was more. It was more connected with
more than on data will dead and I loved and data by by. Ah, I think I took a meeting with him a meeting with the guy that created and edible adams, eagle middling guy. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah. I did take me to go hunting yeah. I took a guard meeting with the guy and he sent me the script and I read the script, but I think before before it was off the air and I read it and I went goddamn. It is a good script and I was like oh thank an endless. This makes a lot of sense and then it ended up watching and datable, but then I was sixteen. I was like this is more what I'm into the subtlety the it's. It's got a little bit of like the reasons that eat your base made me laugh were the same reasons that I live on. That's awesome theirs things, so I guess it the corn. Way of saying it is rewarding but efficient about having these having these. these egotistical, negative, insecure feelings that exist being able to acknowledge them, and then
and being able to turn that into some product and the thing that I do, like, like what you do with not being able to cook weller, burning stuff or whatever it is, and that out host to be that way like if I go into, If I go into the inner or whatever ends, I greeks too much rick's annoying how that stocks are I suck, but if you type that guy comes into event and lacks awareness, while Rick killed, batty did that so well to be yourself up as exceed yeah, and in that way he also realise tightening something either literally or metaphorically, like when you title it six lead, you know it's about a guy who so far away from first it just title links. Something you billboards having the shirt off people know what it is and then I don't have to. I don't have to have that how you doing oh good things. How are you, unlike kind of find it an dom yeah? I just I five, I loved it
and that thing that was the six lead. I do want to talk too much about this because it something I'm working on, but I'm fighting myself in that position. Pod casts, but now without self awareness of just like. The levels and the and the and the bureaucracy in the fraternity and the and the superficial nes, and how dark it is and how cool it is, and all these things I want to do have a pod a I want to talk about. I already did I guess, but like I'm working on this thing, words like there's something so dark, but something that everybody can empathy with wanting more its both an underdog story and somebody being selfish man- that's just a really fun place to let you know you ve been a bill. Bur was talking about that the other day by the way, I'm like so hyper aware of how I I didn't like so aware that I've talk talk, talk a lot lately, some doing a lot upon gas and I'm so hyper aware of my personality
this, I'm not in therapy right now it should be in derby, but I'm picking up on what's wrong with me very acutely. Lucky Because on notice, my I'll catch myself doing it alot one the things it's wrong as I will name drop to fucking three people, three people all the time or maybe it's because I'm talking to them a lot but like bilbil burr, said something as I've. That's. What am I think my problems but Bilbil said exactly you just said: is there is something interesting in It is an underdog story. Everyone out here was an underdog at one point not are successful, and now people are tearing them because they are. But I ask you there are the underdog. You want point new rooting for then we get successful now than they do in their several unaware that they have a nice kitchen I in them and the like I want to this body for charity.
Imagine all the he's like it's so fucking, interesting that that is everyone's. Everyone strives for more everyone, there's something that we're talking about a cheat there's something that that, like you know, people like me I want it when, when famous people success, people you know cheat on their wiser, you know do real fuck. Somebody. The answer they weren't supposed to do or whatever the problem is yeah, but me Could they sing. You know, there's something about that. The cleaner than nice, or the more fair hack too, that thing is self awareness. When people like when people know what they're doing it doesn't excuse them from it, but it does like our I'll, listen to. me tell me why not over I agree with it, but you have my attention and just went when people are that's what backwards beginning about people starting something like listen. If you dont want up mix this and if you want
The quality be horrible and thereby lag. I mean no. It. yeah women. People are unaware and that's where I struggle. Right now, I'm thinking like who cares and now you know I can't sleep. I love, but it's interesting is that the things you dislike about costs are sometimes my favorite things about the part about guessed. What what I love, imperfections and broadcasts I little perfections are differ then doing it bad yeah. Oh I've, I've! How do you? How do you deal with? And how do you deal with it's interesting? You say that: how do you do with online criticism like trolls and stuff. Do you did they work? You up. I say no now, but I don't feel like I'm I'm we're gonna be immune to it
oh no, I'm gonna get I'm I'm very susceptible very susceptible to two like I want. I want to see. What's inside the ark, you know I mean the the the ark as unlike the animals in the ship. No, no, no, again in bratislava, lost dark. When there are they gonna hear she would see what sense no argument! Only while it's not good for you, everything There is a. There was top five top ten lives streams from comics. You have to see now I dont even do live stream guy. I know lives frame that I'm doing, but in that fantasy world I go. I wonder if I made the list So just that you didn't even know it. Nothing bad was even said. You just didn't make a list of something that you're not eligible for mls by the way women do on a minimum riding on the left like this guy, I can. I I
I read, we were doing me. I'm comedy store thing the other night. The live stream to raise money did I'm such a by being super honest invulnerable. So I want to call me on bullshit. Please call me but remember that I'm a sensitive got aids, but I got so upset because they were like up there. I get guess upset just in like I logged on going hey we're going live in ten and some guy just wrote, hey bert, your vessel was garbage and I was like oh fuck. Though I suddenly was doing the whole lives dream, hoping you so
watching and I was going to kill and then this one seventeen year old kid who I didn't connect with me cause I didn't have a great rape joke that he wanted a fuckin. I it's so funny that, but then but then and then I got like frustrated cause. They were like they were like stars like Dave chappelle bill, burr, whitney cummings, Neil Brennan raised money for the comedy store and I'm like I'm like motherfucker. I gave five grant like in my head. I was like you're not going to Let's just admit, then only for what do you want, you want them to write for Christ. You're gave five thousand up giving a shit. You know so fucking, it's funny, because it's funny, because it take I've, been very hard time of creativity. Lately, like now being inspired near most fired at all all at all. You think something what you doing. Two to three of these a week is draining you, I think so. Maybe here
what are we gonna drains and three a week, I'm doing to a day, yet you You're gonna do your thing, but I dont people realize. I didn't realize this until seven eight months into my podcast, the tangible energy that is exhaust They just from a conversation because we are performing and we do care and you're connecting especially now when there's like. For me at least, I have to set everything up and it's just its taxing and and- and I agree with the o, but to do that many a day at the furthest bit I've come up. With this whole, I mean I've had a few times where I recognized jokes that I could put in my fam no place to try them out some kind of just putting putting them pins in them, but the first. Bet that made me giggle hard today was. I was watching. I want to live there network. one of the one about the little tricks
when they do the eye wine at work is a lot of boys sober and then a lot of like stock music fills bright. So today I was watching and I had my guitar, and I said I wonder if I can guess these stock music fills. I wonder if I could play them. And as I gather all basic, I mean they're gonna be gc d, like turtle, they're, all basic cord structure. It's gonna be aid, ie or gc d or a bee like it's not like. Oh wow it was like. Oh my god, I wanna write the rest of the song a minute. Take the first I'm going to take. One of this stock fills the music fills and then I'm gonna grab one thing out of the voice over and then amateur,
like the rest of the song, and I was like I'll do that and then I get and then I just get depressed and I go I I just look like all the thirsty comics going: hey guys, I'm livestreaming, hey guys. Ah I got this quarantine. Bet? You know and I'm like, and then I just and then I'm like. Why would I'm just going to go workout phuket, like what am I you know, it's like almost like a deflating, well that that goes back to the thing that we were talking about of of of in the blanks and you're, not even filling the blanks for you, you're filling them into the other people and trying to make sure that you are invited to the dinner, and I and my thoughts on that night do have to connect to that. Sometimes is This that's not sustainable, is no right or wrong. The only way that I decide I can write, I shudder I shouldn't and who knows, if I'm right this is based on my intention. Am I doing this because I want a look at me and I feel that other people are putting up more contents. If that's the case, then I could easily removed the control and, like that, don't make me feel good. That's what it is that what it is, for they say the other. One, though said the other one,
as a or I'm recording This right now on my camera, bulgaria and the like from behind the tv and, and you could see by puppet and my drinks and bobo. I don't want you to do anything with it, the reason I'm doing that is- I was thinking. If you come under my podcast, it would be fun instead of just cutting to this footage. We can cut to this footage. I don't know what that even means, but I just have more stuff back. She gets me apt up like just want like like we are. I have this. I've talked about this on podcast bribed the theory of every joke exists in the world. We don't come up with that. We just see it you're, not saying you pick it. It's like you have the piece of client we're not we will removing stuff to have something show you know and and when I get locked into this place of, creativity and being inspired and playing and having fun him. I don't know what to do with it: it's not about the product. It's about me playing and that gets me amped up, and then there is no. If people like oh you're, just trying to do this and I dunno, if they ever, would
No, but I'm not know now I gotta ok wherever and then. Let me good, continue, editing and putting a cartoon penises or whatever the fuck I'm making. But when you inspired and your do in your intention- is for craft or for entertainment or to work out. to heal your whatever. It is. There's nothing else. It doesn't matter, there's nothing else to calculate. Honey. It's funny. The playfulness of creativity is what inspires me. The treadmill and am finishing watching this documentary on this guy. Mr cartoons, who did all the touches on all the hip, hop guys like all senses, and it's just the greatest names and hip hop saying how brilliant he is, how he is the best. No one comes close to. He is, and I thought I wish. I had people say that about me and then I went. I could just steel these guys talking about MR martens, just ended out his name and then just make us about me and then I like that's what I do I mused
go on and get every celebrity talking, gloatingly about whatever it is, and slowly habit. Build until you realize I've stolen it so make it look real I look bigger and then have you no Chris hems worth in front of the avenger set no go. It was a real it's like make it so that its obvious that Stalin, it I people realize it and I was like oh fuck, oh and then I'm like sending out a text and going hey. Can someone help me pull footage, but the creativity, the playing and creativity is so much fun. I like to pigeon out that that video, so you you have these things and you treat it real and maybe even start with people that have been on your podcast before or your associates do one degree, and then you build its hems worth of whatever that the girls with huge tit, sir, you know whatever is like the hardest thing: do get her whenever lawn and Oh, it's obviously not, and then, when it comes to our words on you or whenever and then you pull out and then the person that was talking it if you can get hens worth or whatever, that version is get one person and review.
I am in your living room and it turns out. Oh it all was real yeah that makes sense yeah. It was hemsworth, my wife would wanna fuck em yeah, but no disrespect to your wife. This has nothing to with the wife but yeah who doesn't she's, now he's going to fuck her. So it's I dunno, maybe just to get back at me Why why? Why is henceforth mad at you it is house or something what a visa As a vendetta. Does I always idea Think that, like one day, you'll find that there's a been a vendetta like that, I was telling bill burr the other day. I did it again. I fucking, by the way, I'm just giving credit to the person. Speaking do I was telling someone the other day just just just say the name. It's your many is that name dropping bleat, you're gonna bleep, all your names anyway yeah, I alone time ago about almost over well
over a year some guy got a hold of my number and he sent me some very, very uncomfortable texts like really like the way he was talking to me. He didn't know me, but he was just kind of, picking at me, and he was like a bird I got you number is, I know, you're awake I saw yon instagram we back like. It was really aggressive, and I thought I was but mantra of that that keeps me up at night and it it's you think, I'm weak. I guess that's my mantra When are you draw me I've it? That was the one that fact me up the most is I go. I looked at him. No six. We d like that It sounds like you're, my friend, you know my mantra and you did it to me anyway like. Why do you really think I'm weak and he was like? Oh my god, that's like so that's my thing so having been waiting a very long time to fuck with this guy. He doesn't know it's coming. He forgotten that he talks to me. I'm certain!
and- and I had an opportunity to get back at him and I've started the balls emotion, but there's nothing the hate when I go Chris hammers get back to me Sometimes think I wonder how many times I cut people, often traffic. I didn't What was it was belarus? I didn't recognize him, but bill lawrence goes. Accept comic, thought that guy one day he's getting at his feet. Out I mean that's, why you these wave yeah. Chris Where they cut him off in traffic one time and it was like the sun somebody, he doesn't know, that's me obtain a windows by no they're fucking guy, I'm going to find his wife and how fun would it be to have beef with the hemsworth, though you know, ok like trying to figure waste lucky he so much higher than me. How do I get back at hems worth? What are you planning to do? You know? Why do you there's us? Bet that the? U wanting to take people validating this cartoon guy and we're on. You are not
on a third level layer. How funny that is to me and how dark it is that like you're doing that for the funny, but just the truth is all like how bad we want people to say how great we are, that it's funny to pretend that these people would think I'm great wouldn't be funny of crimson cosenza, thought I was great. I don't I your great. Why wouldn't you think you're great? You know it's so dark. I mean just in this world of like this. Is the sole podcast fraternity high school things like, and an amusing this name, because it's a big one b, probably won't, wouldn't do my podcast, that's fine, but you know but but- and this is projection. Theo point. Do my part. Yes, but if I started getting a hundred feet thousand views. He probably would I don't know, that's true or not, but that idea of like is my podcast, not good off it. Am I not good enough, and are we not friends of mine, not funny which,
is an irrational like like when I check it myself. I realize this. This is just what the things are in its fight neo, these these tools, I'm trying to figure out realise o everybody just nobody's everyone's is doing their own thing, but, like this need for people to like us is very complicated, because on one hand it's out of our control, and it doesn't matter, but on the other hand, it's our living and is now sorry to become successful to like as far as standard concern you do this for ten twenty years at a certain point, you can't please every body, but at a certain point and people are coming to see you, you found your demo and now they all like you, relatively speaking, to do that to do that in a pod asked when they're not there, to see you there soon there to see your guest, I now You come over and I dont think I would do this, but I know to be a part of me: that's thinking about it and then even now, I'm talking about it. There is a part. That's like shit
not wear. My like. I think it's funny to wear march. I I have six led march and I wear it all the time then I found out the people thought I really wanted them to buy the dish who's buying a six leader who gives a shit, but I got in secure that people thought. My intention was what it wasn't so then I would not where which was just dark because now manipulating things in a different way, and now I'm not present because I'm trying to control things and it just like a who gives us this is where I am in my head. It's like I'm just I communicate to much of the stuff, but I've gotten so good, I've gotten so good at just being back to where I was pre, diagnosis, just living my life and finding demo and eventually reach her equilibrium- people they like you and you like them, it's easy but then invite people into my house where all this, this episodes gonna get you know close a hundred thousand views. I want this to be a good one and then its game over and its socks, and the only way not to deal with it is to be able to talk about it. But I
I'm here and then I get insecurity like. Ah, such a self indeed, urgent. You know, anyway, Let me tell you something: nothing is said about the EU and I won't. I don't know about the per se. All I know is that Theo was my friend throughout the story. I'm about to tell you is everyone was cool with me when I was like a younger comic, everyone was cool and then I kind of tapped out apple channel and when I got fired from travel channel put out, especially when no one watched it and was and was like kind of lost. It was interesting, I call it. Survivors remorse, because I would go to the store and p born. I know they are personally who were maybe believed there either more successful than me at the time or fell more successful or even maybe we're more successful would look over my shoulder because I was no one to them of ghost. I will I wasn't import
because I didn't have any value to them. I hope they didn't want me on their podcast because they didn't maybe maybe a podcast about examples. I've always been pretty good podcast, but like they didn't care to, they would listen. They would not listen to my story and I felt very lost. I felt very empty. I remember I told the story numbered about coming off stage being out. My shirt off being in whatever dad genes, not cool shoe I wasn't in seeing d'elia and someone. I was talking to them ignoring me was like waiting to talk to believe in the tablet the he had the car that we saw in the outer dillon if he had the one that was in the show room he that was one he was at driving and I remember looking at ally's going. Not only can I not afford that
erosion of that car in the lot. I definitely can't afford that car, but I remember feeling that way being in that skin and finding out who my friends were. You know meaning like like who would talk to me and who, who didn't care that I was. I didn't provide a one hundred thousand views them or I didn't provide any social worth to them or whatever divisible by financial words to them and then, when things changed for me and I started selling tickets, the machine story went viral tom and I started fucking around with each other and whatever, for whatever reason things maybe my neck special. Whatever the fuck happened. Where are the sudden I had worth? It was fascinating who stopped to talk to me and you will never get it you'll, never forget it. Never. Yet it is born
as long as I live and I'll never forget guys like Theo, who always taught me. They always talked to me, like always, both sides of that fence bill would stop and talk to me and it's really fascinating tiffany haddish by the she she spoke to me before, like I haven't seen her since, but like tiffany haddish was very sweet and she was a movie star and which I have to talk to your go. Why you don't need to talk to me like at, like you got a lot of that, has less to do with what value you have to offer and more to do with what people want out of relationships and when we're talking about telling some a bad breath or a book on their nose when that shit happens with me when when others deaths are of ever I say I say right away you that conversation and then at about I light. No tolerance for it. It's it's! So it's it's itzhak, so much because
so many people are that way. That means what's left, it's a slim pickings like the people that the people that I get to be friends with now because of the type of people they are no, I want to be friends with them. Maybe I'm lucky here I mean it's like friends with you, because I know I get not that funny, but like you're, you know your present go many people and arm and I'm not famous by any means a door. A shift happen once a book did that NBC show and then I started to see it and and just as the people that weren't talking that then started talking to me and at first I loved it it felt like you I'm in now and now learning things, I've learned, I'm really looking back, really grow stout, both at myself for enjoying it and at the people in realising like that's why I get so gross doubt about myself wanting people, because I do it's not
I just want people on because they would get views but yeah it. It's it. Yes, I'm not. I can't lie to myself having people on the gate. views is part of the game. I just can't pretend it doesn't exist, I'm ok with it. If I could acknowledge it, yeah I'm I'm I'm. I know that I need. I need names to your views, but I go. I dont need every pike ass to get only every pike ass to be I dont. Neither. I think I feel I look at someone I and I think I better fitted from this. I jus have noticed pike podcast when I didn't definitely get him any fucking view suddenly just add meeks. He was interested in me and he liked me and so
I try to look for that in people find people I'm interested in that I like that, I go while that was the easy conversation and then my thing is I I know for a fact that if so army use a prime example Samara right symbols, a brilliant rogue writer, I've known sam forever. The first time I had sam on my podcast or I'll just use the like- and I I I'll use base- will pretend their youtube numbers say he had like fifteen thousand views on youtube as I go that's great, but he deserves more than that, I'm home again and then I had him on again and then arose. I go. another discover the first I mused funny and then in my head. You go all the people that you are really interested in. You build a relief. she should put them on the pike ass. Your fans to fans know them again that's no neil are or were samara bell or sam tripoli or guys. You are like household names like say,
a guide ziyadi or Jerome Johnson, gilbert these bigger names. You have them on a lot and then then you get guys who you have not only access with, but you've developed an access, tube, you've developed to a kind of a camaraderie of back and forthwith, and it's almost like just bringing on a co host- and you don't have to like is an easy, very easy podcast to do, and now it's like the last one I released. Several was my first zoom and it had tons fuckin views on youtube and I was like I'm so glad that I'm not doing it for sam square. I'm am sure he sees that I'm doing it for his career in some way. I'm doing it for my career, also really go. I can't make very easy conversation the guy. I really like an end, and now we ve built it so that europeans go out sam. We love sam, you know it's so I know you're. So in a little get that that that is a rule I set for myself, because I knew that I found that Big indignant depends on who it is right, but the as far as a proud
it is concerned, not the numbers, the ones that are the best. just like any show that you like, when the relationships are good with each other. So I made sure that you're not you are you try to get a big one every now and then because of the momentum, but my favorite ones to do are like I have. I have arrived on three with my and my cousin- and we just saw all that I just alone later the ceremony did the the second when it did the deadened teddy. The second one is my favorite episode? I've ever done any get such great reaction and, unlike I started up before. I got advertisers. I would cut to my dad. Is a rug store in northeast ohio is oh go small business. That I would I would snap and cut too might be. I do the voice over for his commercial, so it looks like I'm making it for the bad guests at cudgels commercial. Now I have. I have. I mean I have merged for my dad's rug store and ip buying my dad's drugstore merchant wanting them on and having people on that that our family is
is an I want. I want to do a podcast when my mom and my dad and have a separate podcast. It's so much better and p but once they see them on once, then they start to know who they are. I agree with you. I love it. My dad call me today that he read some comments by debt. Doesn't I didn't know what comments were until you know the second time he was on any like I love up people could I put on my instagram. I had been doing it for a year and tag you, don't you name, your favorite guests and so many may my days like, and it makes me feel so good people me and think it owns like that so called my dad. It's getting comments- and this is a bit of a beautiful thing- daddy. You got an email I once it may, they got an email and he just said it to me. And the little embarrassed reaching out I found you guys on round on. Take issues are pod cast. Is the prime cause my dad came and we are doing joke ads and he's you suggest. The certain deal on a rug- and I took him up on It- my dad got a rug sail from this thing like this, like a manufacturer,
we get my dad sales, you know, but I think that so cool is like. I did I did. A read from one of my buddies has a restaurant in tampa to rodriguez rooster and the till, and I did a thing on instagram. The rest are in the tail jealous rooster and the till- and I was like hit me up he's like dude. Thank you. You didn't have to do that like that really helped us out in it. What's going on with the economy right now, people ordered in said they you talk about us on cow had or our and I go and then you go like I'd like I had this fantasy of reaching out to companies that are struggling and sang. It lies in india in places where I know that that my my hot summers are big and go. Listen. If you change the name of your business, to birds, dot, dot, dot and other free advertising, but you gotta make me
and I want to sell merch to use, I guy I wanted to have actually changed their businesses name I wanted to I wanted. This was my fucking brilliant idea. I was looking to find a bait shop in a place. That was doing not great business and go hey. Let me help you. I don't want irish had been your business, but I want I want to add a few business by want to change it to birds page shop. So what I do is I could Johnny. I proceeded failing businesses I would do add reads for them is a very early on in my my way is to change the business. I had so many ways because it would you like. I like the same way when Gary goldman and our young comics, we would fantasize about how we would get on the road and how we become features and we'd come up with a bunch of different scenarios. When advertising was an into an tangible intangible inc in podcasting, I couldn't figure out how that would work. So my one of my business things was: I change these businesses to burt's dot, dot, dot, right birds that I thought all these failing businesses
the argument Riyadh read, but I can tell the merged based off their business. So on helping them. I know. That's them it's narcissistic, hey I'll, tell you what you want your business, a thrive, call it Bert Christ nurse coffee and tea, and I get act. I get all the march and then people, people you're too dry by milk, burke chrysler as coffee, I gotta give them business, it's gotta, be no. It was as if it's gotta be in places where my pocket, was successful. Like allows free calgary. ohio like there was only like, time there's only like a markets I could do well in, but I wanted to just people who go shut up bird started a basin. here too, I may come in a like amen. Bird bert does is based, and the galleria bert chrysler yeah he's a. He believed that mana guys have. I guess, he'd, be bought a sold out there like the fuck I'll support this place, and that was my way of
I was a, it was a night. Why not just like have them have a a chrysler cupcake you know, and then you promote your item in their place without having them get a new billboard. Ok of our wait by the way. How about I did that as well? Okay, like I definitely did that too either have a flip flop line coming out based off my favorite flip flop company- I I I am I I have my daddy's tale told me a number of times: buddy you're good at a very few things stick with those things you don't need to be a bar owner. I wanted to open a bar called rickshaws right on right on a on and we have five rickshaws by the way it's named rick, as in the dude Rick shaw's, it's his bar, but we have five rickshaws on and if you live within a half a mile, we would pick you up in a rickshaw and take you to the bar, and then we take you home at night from the rickshaw and it was like
The resources were advertising? Is there on its ike? Is my brief, brilliant idea. I had so many fuckin ideas. I had an idea when I worked travel channel to open up. I wanted to pare up with some sort of hedge fund and by air beatin bees, birds, birds, birds in costa rica, birds, house and clearer by its house in order so that when you traveled, you didn't have to worry about where you're going to stay, you knew you were going to stay at birch place and I would have all the research it'll be. The rate part of town to live in as an expert on travel general, I would have all the restaurants locked in and then all that would be all the information that you get there and then you gotta birds, place and in copenhagen I my I'd have a car there waiting for you. I have a body who had picked up at the airport job you're wearing the way you getting the budding costa rica pick everybody up from the airport, this guy, Carlos and I met in costa rica, I got. You met one guy in costa rica, whose gimme the driver for your business is why you ready I mean what if we really want to get into this, he also had ended
venture. He an adventure business right, so he would take use lining stuff like that, a jungle so tie, and was we put this under them? great, but called a to pick again in their like. So it's fun to do. Your guard owes me like. Why can t you? dip lining the like? Always those applying so be doing business with Carlos we're teaming up. That was my iron perfect no not at all clear yeah. It's perfect anarchy, Tell you something and I'm not sure because of the connection breath smells unbelievable, hey! we live by each other in summon me too, yeah look right by where I saw you yet need to give more details on this, but yeah ok nicely. I would of that when this comes down, I would love to have you over a went are you? Are you doing just zooms right now, I'm not doing it and zoom I'm doing I'm doing I'm doing too much. I love that you batted your eyes at that that you will it call on one. Second, I care about this bird.
no, no bird, I'm not I'm not doing it and zoom without with a snowball mike you piece of shit. You want out of the way my fucking audio sounds better than ninety percent of the people who buy gas and my set up. I have set this up today. light panel right there. I have all this is look! I didn't hot ones and it sounds. I watch you're not once it looks. It does look good. It looks good in it sounds good right, but can I tell you something: nine sound, better, then or, as as one hundred percent of people have not what use this bob. I But my my pie, guy holstein, nope, talk him today talked him before the pike. You're you're gonna start changing starting after this period. Can you are you paying attention? You should work with with with with ashore. And have a burke creation or microphone. So if you want people to sound like you. They could buy the bert crusher microphone. I'm only gonna do this because I know you would do this and dismay it's me so uncomfortable you're saying,
ass name wrong. I would never say that, like what's the sale of alien fucking years, I would not say that pressure. Crusher yams Alright, that's a no though you don't have to apologize. I already feel uncomfortable that I said that, but I'm only doing it because, because being blood has been, but let there be more there'll be more and you know what now nor, I think- and I will say it right or or if I say wrong, you'll see it again and also in and here's where I just got it could be the copy it like. I just got some type of like oxytocin russia or something can I love that you'd. all right now it now I feel safe bet you could say, like we ve been doing this progress for. However, our only doing what have you what if there is a worldwide like ok, I want to find an ending just say: let's end it like You have to worry about to somebody. You know I'm saying it's so much ease you're. Just tell me my breath is bad start, I'm going to start it. I always looked at the
is standing up for myself as I'm standing up for myself is just being open and telling like they did a thing about hair massages and telling you what the person? What the what you liked, what you didn't like. I was like fuck that I could never tell you what I didn't like. I could never do that. I can only tell you stuff. light can I can I can I kind of open up for a minute, if maybe gonna take a minute. I've been articulated this to myself here, but this this this people pleasing not wanting to upset not want to confrontation, is so selfish, because what you're, what Why say you, but I'm saying ones amy's I mean what one you are actually doing is your true. to manipulate how the other person sees you and it's it's fake bits. Unsustainable drains you and it also doesn't allow you to have people say your name right or have the right, so we get to go fuck this blood in his dirty blonde, big tits niches. You know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you know it tit ladys and
okay, so yeah here's, whereas if we, if we, if you could stop seeing this as like, if you could starts this as you not wanting to say something, recognizing. How controlling and manipulative bet is a kind of changes, a perspective of hey: you're, not wrought units you're, not a bad person, because you're saying my name wrong: you must have not known it anyway. I just have really Here's I I'm really strong stronger, because I wasn't until I was thirty two that I found out that I was annoying. What if we'll told me this when I was sixteen, you know like yeah. When sent me that email it was like. Thank you I now as a person, will also believe that just fuck it, if you can't hear for meat, you a bad breath in your energies. Fucked, you suck. You know also hey man, next time with girls. I- and I now know you can't tell him his breath- is bad Is it changes its energy, but I do
to be around these girls and through association, be a disgusting person, I'm good I have to say to you a bird: listen. We either we don't go see these girls or you figure it out, at a certain point. You get kicked out of an up. ogre games and basque ball games and you can't sit in a bucket seats it's easy to just say, I'm angry do me a favor. Could you put in vienna anyway? I did wrong opinions, and I am very happy that you did it to. This has been a great fuckin, podcast yeah. This is fun we said a man. This is I it's so interesting. I didn't know how we we'll get along watching your podcast. I was like. I wonder I wonder I like I'll drive him fucking nuts, a wonderful connect and dude right off the bat. I appreciate it. Man thank you, hey man and I go on podcasts and I do what I'm about do with you, but you don't really edit these same way zone. Labelling obligations, but in every podcast I've done for the past. Maybe six months I sat my fee
yours and they cut to my dad's. Five second run commercial. Ok, we can do that. Thank you real, quick, we're gonna cut too are. Could you work at westminster if you're, looking for just the right flooring, unique choices and martial carpet, We will certainly find it. I was marshall raw gallery. Thank you for checking it out. Thanks for having me shudder. where's of great and are worried. Guess when gets over. I wanted to your podcast yeah miles. Pardon me wants to just do it. I almost want to do my balcony and have the door like have guests out. There. But I you know what I mean the I dunno we did. We did a couple before when the pandemic was out and it was all social distancing, but it actually tweaked my lcd worse than I thought it would
because I was like. I know what you're saying you're saying having people over during this year. It's been it's kind of fucked, my lcd and and and it and I do and I don't set boundaries up, and I don't my cousin came over, we have issued something, and my cousin was on tour with me drove from norland to allay in the tour bus together. If we, if anyone one, was infected, we impact of each other, we were nonstop together and then we went like two different houses for a couple days and then he came over me. for whatever happened in this couple days. I was very short with him and varied like I was just. I was very rude and I was like short and like kind like getting my space in and he did not and at all and then all the sun. What you'd like Gina, let let me over something- and I was like I was like a man I'm so sorry, this really messes up my lcd nab you over I don't know why, but it just I feel very like when you come home and you wash your hands
It's like I'm here, I'm in my I know I can touch my face now. I don't have to worry about things, but out there you gotta. touch everything and then wash and rents, and so the after, like I feel like I want. I hope that goes away when everyone, when no one with it things out, yeah so curious of, like you know, even one of the vaccine, because it's a virus its and they mute are we like, will it just like every year, those there's flute. There's flew season but and there's covert season and, like you know, there's we could treated but but it just always exists. My girlfriend believes that the way things are already have been in japan, but the new world is always masks, are always gonna, be a thing now I will. I will let it out. I won't be that guy I'll fuckin takes annex everyday and drink and just figured out yet perfect and for people think like you, it might be nice if we could have if you could team up with annex and have a a bird and anxiety pill. in all.
I'm already. I just google, your fucking edibles. What wonder what like about those edibles, because I might get some ok so key. This process is I'm not saying that the only ones who does this but their process is its basically called pressing they extract. Way to extract, and I don't understand it well enough, but the way to extract their we'd is done in a way that to my understanding is top level and then or so of their edibles just work now the strain so they like the best or any of their chocolates, but the gums are fun. It's this any if camino, wild cherry excite yeah and there's your keepers, ok and I don't know what you're tolerances binary low I I am oak hey with we'd, but even these I half one gets me in a good place of how milligrams are they just five, oh yeah, ok, yeah half gets mean a good place and a five gets middle lit up in a good way like it's not too much but like
If I want to get high, I just eat one. It takes forty five minutes and then but at least the way I metabolize it for the next four hours it just gradually goes a little bit like. I never need to have another one. It just goes along little bit more a little bit more love it and I don't cough alright. I gotta get some those I gotta get Ivan. I've been having just sharing with a friend today that I get very depressed. Am I one of the other things. I've noticed by myself, as I consistently tell people how much I haven't been drinking, but I get depressed at like four clark. I greater on now there's a depression, the sittings. I know that all I got left is dinner in a movie. That's it in its wake. There's no. I dont get me reward because normally have a cigar and have a drink and sit back really slow down. I don't get that and I'm cool not getting it, but it depression. Is kicking out around, like my wife walked back in bingo. What are you going to do? What do? What do you want to do for dinner, and it just bums me out not bad, but just bums me out
I've been thinking about eating. Not hundred milligrams, but like keno, finer, lambs, yeah, micro, dosing and just seeing if that will make my knife my night a tad bit. Lighter and jig leader and just enjoy a movie. I get some times. I try not to do it when I feel myself relying on it and will end this in a second. I don't want to because it's a whole conversation talking about addiction and blah blah blah, but there are sometimes I don't do it because, like I don't want to have to do this, but there's something. But the time or in right now and not having these I'm not going side and not connecting in ways that I'd like to be able to connect where I've just I've. What happened wholesome I've. He think he then thing dropped her whole obey. My fucking screen looks amazing, yeah, perfect lighting.
I mean really does look for someone who just bragging about a set up. I really fucking murdered it. One hundred percent till I had a snowball. Oh yeah, we talked about earlier. We said he wanted to know. If you get, I hook up the age sex he's calling me not a sucker, so I realised I forgot to plug my computer and I just did it. I could turn into a pickup just end it or we could just leave it as it is, come as perfect as it is perfect, as it is tell them said. Thank you guys. hey. Thank you very much rick. That was awesome. Man. Thank you thank you and, if you add, since we live so close, I'm happy to throw these over my balcony. If you want to swing by and get some now or today or whatever hey, will you text him? My phone number Austin, okay, tell him I'll text him! Thank you,
there was a great part, podcast think wholesome- is bang in us, some good ones or everyone, at the end of the podcast. I hope you guys have a great day stay safe. God bless alternating to promote nope, alright, make sure you check out that rug place, I'm going to go my wife's standing outside right now going what we do for dinner: fuckin shit, even microsoft, edibles, I I'll talk to you later buddy. You asked and thank everyone for listening the
Transcript generated on 2022-10-23.