Radio personality Howard Stern feels badly about not being Conan O’Brien’s friend.
Howard and Conan sit down to talk about Howard’s new book ‘Howard Stern Comes Again,’ the punk rock element of radio, the stigma of psychotherapy, and the most painful parts of publicity. Plus, Conan recalls his childhood pets as he and his team respond to a positive review of the show.
Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 451-2821.
This episode is sponsored by Heinz Mayonnaise, Mizzen+Main (www.comfortable.af code: CONAN), State Farm (1-800-STATE-FARM), Roman (www.roman.com/CONAN), Best Egg (www.bestegg.com/CONAN), and Fracture (www.fractureme.com/CONAN).
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
My name is Howard Stern. What is this a piece of paper? My name is Howard Stern and I feel blank about being Conan O Brien friend. My first of all,
there's a blank here? We're not friends, we're not the problem that I have with you yeah that our friendship would imply that we've actually had a conversation off the air or maybe a dinner
or maybe some sort of phone conversation. So another one
hi. My name is Howard Stern and I feel badly about not being Conan O Brien front. I feel you would be a great friend,
but your arm intimidated by anyone with a Harvard pedigree back then walking on the fence? Hey there.
Conan now welcome to call him o Brien needs a friend,
the podcast. It's really a scam, more than anything else
where I get people I
just really want to talk to to
with me and have conversations have always want to happen.
So far I loving it and I'm joined by my trusty assistance, some assessing Osanna a high
course era: terrific,
pretty Sir Richmond Column, mad Goarly, I,
So why are you doing? Okay tat? I met your yeah. Ok,
scattered calmness out or something
You're wearing a t, shirt today that says what to say:
what does it say? We forgot. It is worrying. That is what does it say? It's a surprise, I'm drunk surprise, I'm drunk
ok, here's your parents do. Did you see your parents today? I didn't. I now have worn as to see my parents yeah. Ok, baby
for that that when they pay now now they want to be clear that surprise, I'm drunk now. Ok, I'm not, though no you're, not
you're, you're, doing all right so far as early had a truly still regards wearing it.
Episode is going to be different. I think they ve all been a little different, but this is a super sized episode,
of Cholera, Brian needs friend, so long one, and I think
it needs to be age.
This moment flew back.
New York City,
where I was interviewing this gentleman
in his serious
and so if the quality is a lot better than mine, you'll know why they ve got real microphones there anyway
of course he's the long running. King of all media is a new book out called Howard Stern comes again. He has, of course,
Many many many fans in Spain
strong feelings for those people who probably like not a lot. I don't know about Howard Stern he's, not my cup of tea. I will say this
whatever you're feeling. I have always found him to be an incredibly original mine.
I have long considered him to be
the best interviewer
He is naturally curious, sees voraciously, curious and
I've been lucky to speak to him on a few occasions and really felt like we connected, so I was thrilled that die. He
agreed to. Let me talk to him for this interview
ladies Gentlemen, Howard Stern you're, like you, but you're, not the harbor thing doesn't body for real. Now, I'm very ambiguous about. I wish I had that kind of intelligence. I wish I had that ability.
To understand math and
and was a better rider, even though the English, the command of being assignment. I kill people go to Harvard a privilege, but let me try my best
my name is Howard Stern and I feel aroused
about being Conan O Brien Sprint
really three inches hard right now I can say off:
range or something I shall say it. I can see it from now. I'm excited about being your friend. You know, I believe potential here we ve talked. I think there is great potential. There really is really really is, and maybe the fact maybe
The fact that there is potential is because no one's tried to force it
yeah. I know this is a thing that has been in the business. I mean you've been a busy a lot longer than I have, but I've been doing my thing for about twenty six years now and I think the fact that I didn't
it I didn't show up and say:
hey? How a man? What about me? What about me, you would have hated me. Five gonna put your beautiful guy. That way. Priscilla me ask a couple of questions before
restart the lower into it. This is
This is it where it is going to rise it s. This might be my first podcast, they think magnanimity
yeah I've never done what given Denmark Marin. No,
Mark Morocco and you I I have you know this is weird I.
I was doing the show the other day in radio show and
When I'm doing the show during the commercial you
the guys come in and you had just been
I shall again- and I said to other guys- I said I m you're gonna hate this story. I said the guy, you know a Conan is such a great fucking gas than such a great guy. I may every time you and his on its is great, and I said you know it's weird that
never done his television show I'd. Never ever did it. I should have done it. We might have had some
Ray chemistry and then
Gary goes, oh, you did do his shop yeah and I went really.
I did Conan shall I go. I assure you. I remember that if I had done it while sure enough
had approved to me by showing me on your show. I had no fucking
collection of it. I don't remember so much when G20, Jerry or by died. I remember
saying to someone can why I love Jerry Orbit. Wasn't he great I wish
and we have to show a few times. I wish I had a chance to do like a serious cop scene with him right.
The person said
didn't, I said not to know,
I swear to God. If I had it. If I had done that right, I would know- and I said I mean a real great face to face cop seen and the person said that it was for Israelis,
you: did he left the room? He came back and I put a big three quarter inch machine in. I
but a whole scene on the set of his,
option rear. He shoved me up against a wall. It was a cue punk
and it was this. It was a comedy bed, but we played it real.
Inches from my face and I had told someone if only that had ever happened to me, and I did it so, but you ve been doing is so long that you have you have tons of that. I know I in fact, Gary's biggest job is to remind me of what I've done. I want everyone
set out to write this book unlike
Gary. You need to be there the first name of the tape stuff. I'm going to talk into a tape recorder. You got to remind me of what I've done right and that people wouldn't understand that, but I realize doing
going on the cardinal branch or going on the tonight by owing doing all of these incredible things. I've done never
fuck me or
much to me in a way I didn't and allow them to
and I guess I was just kind of ploughing through my life-
doing whenever I had to do to make a living, but
really allowing for these moments to be big, because
people which I had such a big moment, but I didn't feel
it's not an arrogance. It's now,
being an asshole. It was just
be going out.
Just one more thing I have to do. You know it is to its volume but telling you that
when you ve had your job is to meet a different person or for
becomes in every day. You talk to them and you
in it in that moment, you ve also had these
where you ve, been in New York,
mere of your movie mass
crowd, but you're in that moment, and you are for you in that moment, you're getting through it I'm just.
He threw it. In fact, when I wrote my first book there was this weird thing that happened. I've said I got on the air and I said: hey I'm in a sharp appoints a noble.
I am just go sign some books and because
I had done it impromptu, like that. The police in
real. They were just kind of aware that I was gonna Barnes a noble, but there were no barricade set up or anything like that, and if you ever see this footage, if you look it up on the internet, I mean this crowd. People lifted me off my feet, it was it was,
that's right and afterward. Someone said to me: I'm a guy that must have something and I
I realized. I was like oh just an exhausting day, was very tiring. I did the radio show that had signed like tender.
Some books in one sitting. It wasn't
like. I was impressed with myself or thinking that, like somehow I was the greatest thing on earth I mean just
opposite. I was like, oh god, I gotta go home figure out. What can I do to Morrow to merit that
a couple of things number one. Yet when we start the package, we shook hands. So I gotta yeah. I got it.
Put some wide, I'm telling you you really should I gotta put some of what he called his Chisholm
it's like a reason to go blue? There really is no reason to go blue. It's a few row if you're right, you're, my wife and I call that Jerusalem
Yet we go hey. Do I go? Do you have the judges in your pocketbook? Those are the lovely little things a couple has over time, so ready to hear a threat and what China, while you hold your Alex resume and then the other thing I think people listening to you have any indication of people are listening to your part. This pod cast is millions, is no God now another millions in Pike S, but it is doing extraordinarily well. How do we know this? We know it because they tell me oh you're, like the number one comedy pod cow in you know the pod cast space of nice. Now, that's, including some people call their by cast comedy Pike S, but is it really comedy you know, and you know what I've noticed too, but none of them sitting here you have
Different approach on the pod cast like when I see you on the show on the tv show your kind of like debts,
I'm more so I used to be more that way right and you did Ange. This is something that happens is where I want to talk to you about right, and this is my clever way of turning its back on you good, because no one wants to hear about me. You in this new book,
You do something that I I think might be unnecessary.
I would say this as your therapist good night
you denigrate your old work,
to put it down? And you say
I'm so embarrassed of some of that and I am
love this new way that I am now, but you you have a kind of this
Dane or embarrassment about your old work
and I'm telling you that's not necessary and I'm telling you that as a potential good friend of yours, I think
That's the wrong tack to take.
You know what it is at. First of all, you know I mean, I don't know that you have this, but most people
They look at old pictures on themselves. I look at old appearances on Letterman people say: oh Howard, your appearances on Letterman were legendary. I can't watch them. I cringe
my delivery is different. Now my add up,
older guy, you know I'm sixty,
back in five years old, and I looked back,
thirty Year Old Howard on David Letterman and I go yeah. I see me work in a little too hard a little too desperate, not owning who I was. I critique it. U K
Go back and watch old
radio shows you know when we did him on tv, given wee wee wee them simultaneously. I can't
back and watch that's up it there's no shame or embarrassment. I was trying to entertain an audience right trend. Make people laugh was stuck in the miserable existence of commuting and and
successful added. I had one out of every four cars in new
tuned into me. I can't say that that's not a great accomplishment, although I would
that there and look at it go why the other three not tune that I miss Alley show. So in the
it's the ball of this, and in some reflection it's not that
for me to go back and look about stuff, I really too that I have some of young comedians now tell me. Oh, I grew up watching you and the weird stuff you did late at night and you did a thing.
Millions now tell me: oh, I grew up watching you and the way
stuff. You did late at night,
the thing and ninety three or ninety four. Ninety five- and I say we talking about- I was horrible them right. I can't look
but I dont ineffective someone's playing any of that stuff from that era. I can't be in the same room right, I'm not a step. You say it really is painful. Its painful, and I want to say this to you is your therapists. Now
I've heard you many times? In fact, you ve told me, you tell me this is why I love my the interview I did with you you
said to me. You know the reason I stayed with embassy and I didn't take that offer from Fox. You could have gone up against J Leno would have been very different sort of history. Here, you're you're driving force wasn't money to driving force. Was you wanted to at least have access to your archive of material? Yes, so that you had it all, and when you were talking about that, I said you know be careful what you wish. Fourth, I
what when CBS suit me less mobile suit me personally
at the end of it all, I ended up owning my archive ion
Everything I ever did in the, which is a tremendous comfort to me. Yes, but also it's a tremendous curse because some of the stuff now when we go back, we have to go, listen to it, because we want to put it on a radio channels. Here, it's serious and
I got some of an initiative. I don't want to hear this on the radio again and I dont. I wish I could just burn the shit and it's not that it's bad,
Edward. Some bet it's just not me, and it's not you now. That's right, but
You are you now because of what you did in
the eighties and I'm just a little thousands and that's the thing that that's the only thing I want to come in right away. I must focus on a mission to re there
everything felt very manufactured when
came along and you were
in people and you were going at them and occasionally I was on the receiving end of it. I still fought. This is great
this needs to happen. This is someone who has been told by a for survival.
With publicists, where some
unto me and are we the notes that Dave they ve talked to the person beforehand and the poor?
I must say telling me this amazing stuff on the notes, and I can't wait to talk this person and then I get out there
and the music playing, and why this increases will come up and leave. My younger cut out,
one two and three, and that we talking about
it's the best stuff and I ll see another here republic is killed. It
the person likes it put, the publishers killed it because it's a little and I
one of the things that you TED was publicist would say how we can
ask about ABC. I want everyone, and that would be the first thing that you would ask them right now. Sometimes they would walk out, bite
It was a compelling
you were the only person doing it, and I think you have no perspective on how that was,
didn't. I do have some perspective and I'll tell you what my perspective is. I was like
guy coming up from the gutter I wish you know I was in Nowheres veil, radio I was working is w, are in Dublin. Then I had to go to Hartford Connecticut. I mean I really had a play all
these markets and work out my my thing and what we do,
Always my universal truth was there.
Radio is really doll.
Could be a great medium HIV phenomenal. It could be so instantaneous that people would people
television would be jealous that they didn't have a radio show that, with my
what a core value of doing this thing
I really believed in the medium of radio. The problem was the people doing it Irene
being on the radio in Washington and I would tune in the local of deputy O p in Washington was the all new stuff.
But they had opinion shows, but who had the opinion people in the audience the hosts
not give their opinion yeah. It was all very soon
And so, when I got into radio I felt like I was like the version of punk rock fuck, you fuck
every bang I'm gonna
the unleash dead, I'm the interesting experiment would be. Could I just?
blow you away by letting every dark thing out of my mind, happy thought so:
thought you name it. Don't worry
we analyze it right just say it, and it is such a dangerous act because it's like walking a high wire. I could have it any.
Point been fired for anything. I said I could have offended
the people who are probably, when I get off dear said, oh shit, I really don't even want to say that that with the thought I should have kept myself, but I just did it anyway, because I thought that process would be revolutionary yeah. I thought it would be like mine blowing driving in your car and there's this lunatic, who sang everything that perhaps we think
No one will say out right, and that was me.
Protein. I make no apology for that.
The problem. Is it wreaked havoc?
personal life and everything my life, I've wreaked havoc and also
It didn't even allow me to be fully honest in a way because I
two negative dark places, and that's what I
scribe in the book about Robin Williams. Yeah I mean I love, Rob Williams. The arrogance me
think that Robin Williams can't come in on my show
deliver some sort of interesting funny thing that the audience would stay tuned for the only
That was any good was me. I hate him
get my audience and I have to just, but that's just that just sucks for me right,
So the reason I I wrote this book is because I thought well
what is it? I'm really proud of a came over to serious exam everyone
activated just interview strippers and have women naked running in here. Maybe people even fucking, I dont know what they expect, because here there are no rules, it is the way
West of radio
I could do whatever I want. I could talk about. Do you know
people eating each other's assholes out for four hours and that's what
I think everyone expected, but I looked at this- is like a weird.
Unbelievable opportunity, but here's what I thought I am such
I'm a pariah
Publishers don't want to bring their guests in on my show, but wouldn't it be interesting,
because I'm that guy what if I could get really great
As people move accomplish things to open up and have
a conversation with me and,
because I have no limitations in terms of what I do I
an hour an hour and a half. However long that person would sit there.
And we could just keep. It is real. It would be like it
you got invited to a dinner party,
an I showed up and there
who's, Gwyneth, Paltrow sitting there. What would this
this guy, who you listen to four years, segouin of petrol,
be interesting to hear a real conversation and
Answer was yes, and so, when I wrote
look. I said what a great summer read a color.
Some of these conversations that I've had with people some of it.
Are really deep yeah. I don't think anyone expects that the region
it shows you for my favorite interview in the book, and people were David. Spade still can't get already very upset. I have a letter that they act like I'll talk to your best ass me every night you talking to a better environment. I always stay. I don't even know Conan really. I have we had a moment on the air ass. We so fuckin incredible to meet the not maybe not to him, maybe not to any one else in the audience.
I have never heard a better talk, show guess you came in and we got into a conversation. You opened up
the story about Bill Cosby and what you have done in Harvard to get what we want in the funniest best story. I heard on a talk, show and then suddenly, you said something, and I heard something in your voice and we started talking about that. You suffer from depression him I knew was so wrong, honest about it than I thought this is like if I did have a dinner with you
and we end up doing no microphones. They're gonna go
my God corner. I had no idea suffer from depression. I didn't know how upset you were in this state.
If people dont think of you, as a human being the only some guy on tv right, blitz attack on let's com,
fuckin asshole, you know all the trolls on Instagram or wherever it is. We have social media. Some guy said in his basement, hasn't taken a risk hasn't said: fuck it all.
I'm gonna go
you had a Harvard education, you could have been
a very safe job, but no
took a chance because you want to entertain people at the end of the day. I think you will look at it be enrich. I
You really want to make people laugh trip, and so when
I sit down with you and
can somehow creative vibe. Where maybe we forget the microphone to hear you can't fool
it's never gonna be the most full honest conversation, but it's the closest that I can get to you and sitting.
And hear about this incredible climb, how you
you know how you wrote for people how you got this bridge.
And you go on tv and then after you go on tv. Oh, my god, I've! U one wants you off the air. You couldn't get a thirteen weak, fucking psycho contract from embassy every day was a cone he's gonna be fired. I had forgotten that an updating. I do my item, a brass but with, but this incredibly story. I hear yet hawk about here in front of millions of people,
in a way the art of conversation is dead,
I guess everyone has a podcasting. Yes, everyone's talk enabling us, but where can you congregate in front of millions of people and have a
the conversation and yeah,
Then it s people fucking, weird questions, but you see to me the mistake,
people can make is they can think that the strippers
and the vibrator is and the
little people that that represents
pushing the envelope and what they do
you stand. Is
yeah. Sometimes it can- and there was probably a time when it did bite.
A certain point.
Sitting down and having a real conversation with someone is edgier,
and if you had sixty five strippers, come in here right now and each other out right what you're doing and its? I see this mistake all the time people will start a new late night talk show and I wanted to be edgy and I've had some of them come to me for advice and they ve shown me. I had
when show me tape?
of their new show an edge taped to pilot, and it was just
damn coming out hard rock music come out. They spray pain all over the wall. They kick something over. They their wearing half, let a jacket there,
there's no form they interview, someone the audience and they throw cream pies and someone interviews them. Dense shit comes down from the ceiling, and I look
and I said
doesn't feel edgy
doesn't feel revolutionary cause you're, not
The funniest thing in the world is give someone restraint, you need
create restrained. You need to create how engines work, you make a confine space and
you create all this energy has got nowhere to go and it pushes the car forward stupid.
Explanation: Huntington works by the way by
I don't know anyway, how careful anyway, you need what you have here. It we're we're sitting right now. Is a small space few destroy
actions, and if you can
get a person there. You can get them to really open up that. To me
is edgier bananas. We need to set the rules first, like a basketball games, exciting, because there's a court and there's two nets and people have to play by the rules. You just sit into the essence of this book, because Here'S- what I thought was when I
on terrestrial radio. I had the government and I had
largest groups after me, every single day
and you know
I was a horny young man and I want to see naked women, but the
a thing. I was also think it is well look at the response from getting it's almost like when you nag your parents for
toy when you're a kid and as long as you nag, you become the noisiest kid in the room. You eventually get what you want. I thought it was unbelievable like I was this revolutionary com,
A guy who was sitting there. Go you, don't you say: nudity is bad. You fuckin hypocrites. You say
at the sexual equality is bad fuck. You
I'll do whatever I want. I was
but tantrums child- and you know you pick display.
That you're in two
to satellite radio. We can do everything and do that is just utter horse shit. It's nonsense! Who cares
at least that was railing against something the government was finding me. I was
the bad boy of radio Blu Ray
Just groups were
screaming. They would send out an newsletters. You must send money. We have to get Howard Stern off the air course. I
would go on the urgency to send me the money directly and if you give me enough money on we'll get off the air right. You know it was kind of like that,
terrestrial radio, and that was then I'm on satellite radio. I can have strippers running around nude here. Every day I mean
sitting in having a conversation?
With someone like even gwynn, of petrol walked in
and in the old days when treasury I just would have been like hey, you know it. Did you give your husband? Do you have to blow your husband you blow your husband laugh. Do you like to give fellatio do blah blah blah blah? Okay
say that something.
The person runs out of the room. They don't answer. The question, as I point out in the book was totally
petrol and we are having this deep conversation about what was like to win an Oscar song about the death of her father and we're just going
we're going all over the place with other people in Hollywood about how Brad Pitt
hunted Harvey Wine stain on her behalf is just fucking great to hear about and put bread pit in a whole new thing, and then she goes you know. Sometimes when I am arguing with my husband and her husband's Chris Martin call playing. She goes
I suggest you to blow the guy now that way more satisfying to me, because it's coming from her right, I'm not forcing this woman into a weird dialogue and just
pounding her with with sexual questions, because it will titillate the audience
way, more satisfaction, sitting
thinking about Amy humor.
Amy, shimmer, really funny person of great stand up. I love her stand up and we're talking, but she had written a fairly serious book
and she educated me that day she said to me: you know everybody wants rape to be perfect and stop me my tracks
What do you mean? What do you mean by that cuz? I was thinking about all the guys in my audience. Listening to this, who really need to hear it, and I said what you mean by the perfect right. She goes well. The perfect rape is
you ve been raped in an alley by four guys.
You know they take a seaman sample. The whole thing: that's the perfect rape
You can get behind that, maybe even bring it to court and all that, but the real problem is in her case she opened up about hey. You know I was with my boy,
We and we were messing around
and then he just gonna top of me. I haven't given him the green light ahead, even the ok right but the who is that
in a way to get a simple you were naked. You were in bed with em know, and you know
the guy's need to know that guy.
To know. I
where'd. You have said this on the air. If you're inside a woman- and she says get out you get that
fuck out. You know it's just the way. It's gotta be the way we have to have on when they go. For many people, high school is an embarrassing time of life. It can be embarrassing that are a few had that sooner I did not. I was an incredible jock. What no captain of
every team, every single sports team. You can't change the narrative captain of every single team by ice
I feel like. No one would believe that lost my virginity fifth grade. Ok,
I was just incredible, so I don't know, but I told that people have a hard time of yeah, I'm sure with your awkward-
body high school is really see, upsets supper.
Now. You seem sorry, usually when people feel really sorry, they laugh so hard. They can't catch their Brad. Okay. So now you when I had some difficulties in high school. Yes, you know I'd
and all smooth sailing what yeah? Ok, that's really funny yeah, I guess the jokes on me yeah anyway laughing at you again. We hear nothing when upon yesterday.
No laughing anyway, this new show a new show called every
he's gonna be ok
and heard the sun. They show up it's it's quite com,
allowing sounding there's a cow.
Character. Her dad is dying,
Her gay australian half brother moves in two razor,
end of the show is called everything's going to be okay and it's these two characters. Matilda and genevieve- and this does not sound like your typical sitcom Matilda has autism and Genevieve is just
as someone who's dressed up like a quote child whore widow and
these characters. I guess have all these adventures. I have a half brother Nicholas, there's a funeral. Everyone shows up, apparently
He's got a little off the hook. This may sound depressing, but I'm told this show is really find a watch. I'm sorry, did you see a little off the hook? Yeah! That's that's all! That's always kid say it sounds like it could be depressing, but then it's off the hook.
I use it correctly: ok, they're so maybe you're in Kronk village. Why I'm quite,
Carson and I use that correctly
anyway, I wear a
I don't throw a hazy over. There are losing oh, my guide, everything's gonna be ok, that's the name of the show.
Out of here. I just turned eighty mecca: premiers January, sixteen thirty, eight thirty, seven thirty central on free form. That's where I watch online entertainment free form check it out.
Ok, we're back without stern, but those kind of conversations to be a way more satisfying and an that's. Why I like this, I mean that's, why I said. Maybe what you were saying before was addressing that that I
should be proud of everything in my career.
But this is what most proud of
conversations I mean when
Talking to John Stewart, who, I think is terrific, you know,
none of you know impersonally or not yet not not super well, but yeah. I dont know him personally at all, and yet this in a similar way like when I spoke to you, I was like I just wish. I knew Conan conjure seem so evolve. John had come in the day
that Louis e K jobless.
Only charity benefited does it every year. He book the chair
benefit Louis UK, as the is one of those guys on the line right. The whole situation had just
broken Louis UK and all these sexual allegations
John, was going around promoting the charity of any sign. Some like the today show when you
on the today show their hammering were questions. How can you have Louis UK why, having Louis UK waited at another? He was. He was France.
Comes you know my showing sits down on the couch when we start talking about that, because on France would do we see K too
I know, Louie we really well and I was going through die.
I think what is my relationship with gloomy? Why do you? No Sir John
sitting down and go in man, and this is in this is the book. This is why the book is good. It's not anything about me. It's about
people right is the first book I've ever written. That's about other people, John sits down and start
to do a self analysis. He calls it
by buying it out right- and he goes
If I had known, Louie was doing that. What I have spoken up, what
I have said something Louis, but I have
something out loud. How do I feel
Louis doing that. How do he said you know
you didn't know one that moment on the today- show how I felt about
Are we doing the shell
I didn't know how to answer, because why do people assume I have the answer? I don't I need to think things through and then why did
feel close torn in this conversation. If I, if I had been any we're having this conversations that conversation I want to have with him, if I was a Hollywood insider and I could be at a party with John Stewart- we started talking about how every
but when he was doing the daily show how
everybody in the audience the right wing audience the Fox NEWS guy whenever they wanted to get at him whenever they want-
to attack him. They go were
yeah that John Liebowitz. They start Columbines
named John Liebowitz and homage
and he's a Jew, and we know exactly what the fuck that means right. They China shame you for being a Jew mother, fuckers,
When John said it, I feel closer to him that I dont know this guy and somehow were able.
Get rid of the microphones and start talk
about this shit, Anti
amateurs amid the crap that he felt and then the true
be told egos. This is what
oh great. He says
why I change my name from Liebowitz, you might think
It was because I was ashamed of being jewish or was it a showbiz name
He goes it was my mother's maiden name. My father had abandoned me. I didn't want to be sure.
Maybe I don't want any of the liebowitz name
my mother's maiden name. You know, that's that
the power of the book and I think the power the book reflects server that that store. You just told
My experience is that we have a culture where people have
decide quickly, who you are Rand
so they put you in a box very quickly, so Howard, Stern,
represents certain thing and
Maybe I represent a certain thing and John Stewart represent certain things and they
dont know that you're a person. So when I go to my my therapist
many times. What I'm talking about. The ways in which I have experienced, pain or hurt
sense of betrayal or just just life
the stuff that everybody feels and theirs
how many people that I think the
there were two dimensional like a like a sticker like in a movie. They dream, because you're rich, I'm rich, we're rich shut the fuck up, and
They don't understand how you got there. They understand what you did to get there
you think about your life or how complicated it may be that
is no that that's
word or that's corner at John Stewart, fuck em,
You know, and you have an interesting thing, just saying: I'm rich yeah, it's like that is such a thing
king problem for me, because I get so angry when someone says you so lucky one.
Have to be miserable, that you're rich
Oh do you know you know? What do you think
Kennedy somebody just handed me a bunch of fuckin money dude, I, how do you do
and you yourself and say cause you're saying you rich, like you didn't, deserve it had
defend yourself and say you know, it did
I got into radio. I just wanted to make two hundred fifty dollars a week. I want
could it be able to get a shitty fucking apartment, so I could entertain people. I didn't give a fuck about money.
Cared about it,
I just had to be on the radio. There was some so much deeper in it for me,
about radio. My father did
pay attention to me at all. But why
by my father, recording studio and a guy, got behind a microphone that lit up
my father's eyes. The world was important,
guys were important, but he
a dime or Larry Story, Workin behind a microphone and is recording studio, recording Tennessee, tuxedo cartoons
Father had a look on his face
for me, get on the radio is a bigger thing. My remaining college was in six year, Med, brilliant
most brilliant guys. I know any still, my friend the sky, a doctor Louis Wednesday
and I say to myself: why can't I've fuckin? Have that I q, I would love to be a doctor and not have to go to
if they go to a radio station and somehow get people to listen to me and not fuck up
whole career was filled with annexed
it about money. For me, money was up an employer
The thing for me, because I just want to be of a support, my kids in support my family and be
able to have a house.
I don't know if I could do that,
no one knows my struggle. I've and the audience doesn't need to know it, but don't fuckin sit there and troll me about money.
Talk to me about how I'm in it for the money you fucking piece of shit
that's where my anger comes from some of this stuff.
Even writing this book with this book represents to me
is a collection of my best stuff
conversations that unbelievably somehow happened right.
C, O Donnell is sitting on my couch. I have access to rosy o Donnell and I get into this heavy conversation with her and I never felt
Closer to her- and I love sharing this with the audience to having these moments she's talking,
but the pain of losing her mother when she's, five and taking a baseball, bat and breaking the hit her bones in her hand and and and just wanted to feel anything
but the pain, a losing your mother? No one
to explain that to me before
was mine blowing I'm sharing it with an audience, and now I have it in a book. I have that
that's my time, capsule! That's what
most proud of which
was talking about she'd go
the school nurse with a broken hands and the woman would be putting bandages on her hand
warm compress and warm bandages.
She was getting muttering
should have a mother to do that. So she went.
The school nurse and broke her own hands, fuck
as I tell you that that heavy stuff
and to have a conversation like that with rosy O Donnell are sitting on my couch man. That's why
that's what I want my legacy debate
he's conversation, what's also interesting, because before you had that conversation with her, you might be,
guilty to bury Ambrosio Donal is just she.
That person. I owe you hole and are you controller? I was told I
is to get on the radio and I'm not proud of this, I would
fucking out of my mind,
I would slam rosy o Donnell, and why was I- and it took me using therapy to realize
She was a successful broadcaster comedian in movies.
And my little stupid world, there is no room for her.
Supposed to be listening to me now and
with a jealous, angry asshole,
I don't hate rosy. I don't know anything about rosy model
and she miraculously
gave me a second chance. I don't,
She found it within her
but she somehow did- and I said to her- I was out of my mind-
to become very close to me. I did the view yesterday was promoting the book and I talked about rosy and afterwards,
got a text from our. She wrote. I love you each. As I just said man I was,
hope, fuckin crazy? I might have missed out on knowing this woman and she so
open about even stand up. She was
talking to me in and again this is Baeza the moments. I love in the book
as how did you figure this hurt girl this this girl, who is in so much pain? How do you
I'm a comedian. How do you get up on the stage and she says the first time I got up on stage. It was unbelievable at all my friends in the areas I killed a killer
I knew this was my career. While
reappearance after that she sucked Richie Man
men ovine at the local,
how many place on long Island turned our union and was like what happened here and
she went and watch Jerry Seinfeld on TV and
he took his entire act. She thought stand up.
It was like. I know, there's about yeah yeah. She didn't realize that the whole point is to come up with your own stuff. She didn't know she, but it was like a cover. Bad, like I'll. Do Jerry sidelined commending to go into any? She starts to talk about this stuff and we have a real conversation and the
profound around but they're kind of not there. That's awesome, I mean
and I didn't even know if I should write a book about this, because these interviews have been on the radio, but they took on a different meaning as a collection, and I got a chance to say how much you meant me in
let her men and even the Harvey Wine Steen Interview near unlike man. This guy is open.
Piracy is completely pointed out in this conversation in the book. I sit Harvey. What about it
testing couch in Hollywood. Does it exists to use all Howard? Oh no,
course, not right
He goes Lama producer. Do you think if I was sitting there enforcing myself on women, I could do business like you get inside,
this guy's head, and now you read it in retrospect. In your like this, I you all the right things to say. Oh yeah
not like moister is causing a sociopath. It's called me in a sociopath. You know the right thing, but you just say in it. You know,
it's all revealing, there's something you don't bring up in the book and I think it's
to me anyway, it's
turn and I know how you feel about it:
but nine eleven.
I remember a nine eleven
oh comedians, none of us were on the air. We couldn't be on the air for a while, but you
narrated it as it happened in
time and reacted, and
the thought of you as you you're not,
A CNN broadcaster,
not that kind of broadcaster. I think of you is more of a late night comedian. I thought the Howard
like one of us
and you are reacting in real time to it and you are
thanks to its incredibly honest and I
but you ve subsequently played on the anniversary and it's really powerful and it's hard to listen to possess such a painful day I came was, but
I always thought that that was a moment where
against your will
be prematurely, maybe you were ready for, but you didn't want it. You were forced into this situation that you
had to take us all through that day you were on the air and you did and it sort of
Pre it was it
they have to look at where you were going. Is that seem like it's possible? I don't know. I know when it happened.
We were on the air. I think, if I remember correctly again, I haven't listen back to it, but I think we would
about PAMELA Anderson, how hot she was here,
we were really graphically going until we know what it is we might be doing with her or whatever right and that's why outside attacked at a sigh funded by your own. You actually have the other viewpoint of Al Qaeda, had strippers and likes
clubs and porno
wouldn't even be outside Qaeda. Our some of those countries had that step in that freedom they actually enjoy living at exert. I just fuck. I think I thought our reaction to nine eleven eleven should also to drop porn right on their fuckin countries, so that they would some of these.
What would be a little less repressed right, but all joking aside, it was a horrible,
hey, I'm sitting there on the air. Someone comes in and says
how could a bit I go to clear day. This is active and then the second planets and more.
And I didn't have any thoughts of like you know, I was helping any
through this. Whenever I, which again I win the morning, I am using the moment reacting to what I saw and Amy.
ITALY said to Robin
explain how to go. This is an act of terrorism in it and everyone
like now. No, no, you don't know that you know could a bit I go to clear day. This is active and then the second plain its them more
and every one in the Tri state area starts calling me people who could witness what was going on and suddenly I was
real reporters, were calling in the sense that Peat every
a people who were sitting there were able to report on their feelings and what was happening.
The all shared this together and afterwards some people work for me said I have to lead the building I gotta get home. I didn't put any trip on them. I don't think, but
but you don't boys, I fainted have all you so brave to stay in the building and I wasn't
I was a brave at all. I was just sitting there
and I was sharing that with my audience and it didn't feel
right to leave in the middle of this
LT? I should just sit there. We already done like a four hour show, and I we were on the age old. Then like noon, we didn't extra two hours, but it
occur to me to leave it just
unlike the right place for me that I would be the most useful by an
honestly Cardono sitting there in shock. I was
and it was really fuckin angry with these goddamn terrorist- and I wish you know- and I was reacting- we gotta go over and blow them the motherfuckers up. You know we gotta, that's
I felt, though, amazing is that that's a document now
That is a document, and I think it
probably one of them. For me, one of the more compelling documents. I can't look at the footage of that day. I don't think a lot of us. Can I still
lived in New York. I was watching it I'll unfolds from my apart
when it was how I was happening not to do with much debate Europe,
show that day is a document can offer
real time document of an
miss persons reactions as things are laid out and because
exists and, as I said, reporters can't say the things that you say you are reacting as real person and
I always felt like that day and I think a lot of us felt this way. I know a lot of
felt his way. Oh yeah, Howard helped us get through that day. You were on the air as it was happening
the rest of us. None of us could lower back on the air for a week two weeks, you
because through that moment, and so now it's a document of how a person felt as it unfolded first plane. Second plain
in calls shock, anger,
speculation to me that
by the way when youth. We do you get me thinking now. I remember thinking at the time,
Why are the late night host not going on tv? Why don't they just break format,
down with America and say were all grieving right now, right and and maybe even just instead of what like open,
up to the studio audience behind him say how angry they were. I would it
the tricky, and I know that, because it white might have then been seen as maybe we're taking advantage of the hours situation. It there's a lot of thought. It is also no. There was no of network time available. Everyone is just like flights. We were all grounded neuritis on the air and I get that out, but I was caught in an actually. You made me think of another thing to things made me think of just now David Letter,
did call me into hey. Can I am this was like a year later, whom I don't know I I've. I dont say what what company did say. I'd like to hear your broadcast, I heard it was great, and I heard it was good.
Very proud of that Gilad Dave wanted to hear it and the
the thing you make me think tree. It would have
like a natural place, I'm a little disappointed myself. Mightest
like a natural place for meat,
to inject some of my thoughts about that.
When I interviewed the comedian Steve, I always get his name runs deep Red ran his Vinci or some
do you know it? You know I'm talking about Steve naive for years when he was a stand up, comic,
who got busted by the New York Times. He had always told everyone that
He was at nine eleven Yassin gases. Yes and yes, I didn't last that's. Why put Stephen the book? I actually were quality of sixty. Would you mind if I put you in the book
as I know it's very painful for him, but he said please do I want people to understand. I told a lie and I am trying to get I
I don't know what I'm looking for, but he said I wanted to come on your show and explain myself
I almost didn't have remembered I'm glad I did, and maybe that would have been a natural space for me to write about my reaction to nine eleven and being on the air, but even that feels a little
self serving right, and maybe it's just best. I didn't write about that, and
it to me anyway. Now it occurred to me that
I think it needs to be in this book now, but it
fell to me that that was the
first time that I heard you in a different way.
I think, a lot of us are you in a different way and-
you could probably go back and look at that day and see some of the catalyst possibly for you thinking. Ok, maybe there's more than
Yeah, you don't you ever is in and PAM Anderson and I dont think I drew that parallel right. Think really were that started to happen. For me- and this is what I do explained in the book- is psychotherapy right
They'll think psychotherapy has a tremendous stigma,
Most guys. I talked to
you know they went a little and it
me five years
suggested to me
I go into psychotherapy,
by guy named Doktor John Sarno, who had healed me back pain. He is wonderful book if he is now yes, no longer live, but it's called healing back the yes and other my body prescription and- and I became a dave
day of his, but he said to me
you got to you got to go into psychotherapies important so for five years into the name of somebody in for five years. It's out of my desk, I just did was not brave enough to go. Confront myself and as Bill Murray says in this book and my book he says you know. Sometimes we don't want any self reflection, because when we really dig deep, we find the person inside isn't all that at
is really ugly, and I love that Bill Murray says that it's good piece of wisdom in the book by term. I know from me I will, I just didn't know what it meant to go to psychotherapy. Nobody'd ever listened to me.
No one. I know I never had an adult who listen to me. I never had a teacher that I bonded with. I never had upon an adult male role model. I didn't
I didn't have any one. I'd ever really had a conversation with who heard me and as a result, I
and a shut down. I
didn't know that you could even have an emotion and think about it. My parents,
had such a tough life. I never wanted my took to burden my parents would any of my problems. I
she didn't know from that.
When it goes in the book intention that you went to therapist and you you ditched. You did
jack you. I did hold jokes, you performed for the therapists, which is hilarious, because I could only relate to that all thing about my parents. I was in there and I, like you,
How, when I raised, yield
doing your job, which is I've, got an audience. I've got an hour, you gotta you gonna, entertain in that our yet, and the sad thing for me was, I didn't think anybody would care about me unless I kept them laughing now. You know I spent a lot of my mother was a very depressed woman, with good reason,
so I'm in the office there and I'm doing all these be retained for the guy. I thought that's what you do. You go, you sit down and you tell me about your parents, and so I did
in a funny way. Also, you weren't, you were doing your job, which is I've, got an audience. I've got an hour
You gotta you gonna entertain and that our and the sad thing for me was, I didn't, think anybody
care about me unless I kept them laughing. You know I spent
lot of my mother was a very depressed woman with good reason,
you know she. She lost her mother at nine and she went in my heart. My grandfather try to send her into an
if an age that there was no room, she and her sister were.
Sent off, and so he set off with relatives and shouldn't have her mother. She was never even told her mother died, she didn't know anything and my mother really went through a whore
The life of my father's might be. Equally is bad, and so the
very traumatized individuals, but I didn't
stand any of this, but I did no one. I'd come home on my mother said: I'm gonna commit suicide. Her sister died when she was in her fortys and I was becomes intent great and I saw very depressed woman. She took my going upstairs. May be doing herself in
I know she was for real or not, and maybe we just
kind of a stick. Is it my family? No one ever did
which is kind of words you just kind of talk than people laughed and and so
found one of the things I could do to cheer. My mother. I was really good at standing up and do
impressions of all the mothers and fathers in the neighborhood I
take her on a tour of all my friends houses and start to do these routines.
And there was one mother in particular who was a complete phony I'd here
yelling through the door at her son and she be like you know, of its column, Bob or John
or whatever you join your mother factor, yeah
son of a bitch, you back and then and she was rather obese? Would you always were a nightgown like a negligent,
and then all of a sudden I bring doorbell I'm here and might have factor fact Yale and then the door would open up. Oh,
hello, Africa, how run
Johnny he's right down over his name of Rwanda, disguise Bob's, right down, stairs and he's playing with the dog. I know- and it was this this and my mother- there was such joy and laughed when I
we're doing these impressions of the neighborhood mothers and the hypocrisy she loved it.
And to see my mother smile and lap, and it's one of the reasons I was interviewing us Stephen Colbert,
that's why I chose to put him in the book.
Another one of these moments that were so great because Colbert lost his father s two brothers in a in a plane crash.
And we're talking- and I said when your mother, your mother, must have been a very sad woman, a very depressed woman. He started talking. I said: how do you
delay to women now when you only see women as people you have to cheer up. He goes woe he stops in his tracks and that's why I want people to read the book he stops
I can just. How do you know to ask that question?
and we started to have a real moment.
Because I had a very depressed mother- and I had a cheer up and his
The action to cheering up a woman is different than mine is you'll see in the book. But
it's those moments where, if you can, you know because of therapy because of an a therapy
got in touch with how much I had cheer up my mother. I was even aware of this stuff about what
what the burden was on me to get what I had to carry on my shoulders, but that-
Europe is sitting on a couch stripping away. All my fuckin bullshit and hearing
and knowing my? U dont, knowing my children's names,
standing what I was going through after being divorce.
Really hearing about whatever my pain wasn't in life.
It blew my mind and I said what, if I could do that with the people of my couch. I mean
when I'm interviewing the car dashings while also put in the book it's more about anal and who you know what do they ever fuck
guys as it should it. It should be. It doesn't have to all be heavy,
you know some of this stuff is having some of its lighten it's kind of a gamut of what it is ideal and were back with more Howard, stern. You know it, but there are things I have always said.
If I could change one thing about myself, it would be too not care so fucking much about what other people
I think so it's not mine is small penis
Number two. Ok, but rarely have. I you have a big piece. Stop it! I
look at you, you reverting what we know is nice and eighty five we needed a lot. I got into her that maybe we put some people I ve Linas is is better than you'd. Think which is put at that
I got it. I know it's no Liam Neeson, but it's better than you'd thing, but it's
damn Lebanese has what happen lava
of what you have said about. Why and I don't want to hurt my hand, you see what happens on account of your soldier penis into something weird, I
interviewed a guy who claimed the he he put his penis into a vat
cleaning. You know that day that the kind that's in your house, the area you exactly what you're not the dice in one when they arrive, and unlike you fucking more on that,
people lose their penis there, like you, are you out of your mind, it's worth it
but you would have a boiling that you did. I would challenge I myself. Is I've always cared so much about other people. Think now which fascinating to me is that
I would probably said to a therapist may be fit.
Ten years ago,
I wish I had more Howard stern in me.
Cause he doesn't care and I care way too much. I I really do care about not hurting
whence feelings. If someone doesn't like me, I want to know why how I can fix it, and I wish it could have that peace, my brain removed, and what fascinated me about the book. Is you
get clear that you do really care about what people think about you and you haven't securities about it which shocked me now? I wish I guess I don't make sense. It also makes sense because you're you haven't, you are an empath who
when, in the nineties an early two thousands you're trying very hard to maybe hide the fact that Europe's empath, but the reason that it worked for you is that you really are an impasse. You are paying attention. I knew due care what people think you're in a way I somehow turned out off, because the greater good was hey, you
and afford to show that insecurity, because
this Ober man that you ve created this guy who says fuck you can't
and let me tell you it- was not easy because I am in secure. You know I cared too much.
Our people. Gonna go see my movie, our people gonna think it's good.
Even to this day- and I admit this insecurity. I've said I won't do it, but I'll checks twitter once in a while, Conan you'll be on, and we ve had this incredible interview and I'll go. Oh, I bet
The people are saying this was the most incredible radio and you're reading. All Conan was so great Howard Conan bubble and then some guy right there
fuckin boring out of turn it off the ape man. I'm fuckin cross it. You know, I can't believe I have a rule. I have people coming
me all the time you say such
that's one really well, you should check it out. You should read it tonight
I don't read anything
the plague and I don't think you should be because we live in a world where,
if mother Teresa had been on
Mr Graham R shipment,
Twitter and she was
Are we cleaning the wounds of the lepers up and then she-
in check that what people thought should feel unity. The fourth comment would be you're a whore rhino aimed unless we are talking about small tat exactly and it's like, but she didn't by the way, but when
when you think about it. You
come paralyzed by that stuff, because
when I was on the radio, and I was really bad for a lotta years on the radio. If there had been
twitter around indigo. The just heard this guy Howard Stern, on Wrnw in West, Chester and sucks. I think I've.
Being crippled inside. I am crippled enough inside
you know. I love that John Lennon Song, you can't hide
You know I mean I really am and that's why had such
skin on a year because I am so crippled inside. I am so afraid of what people might say and in fact they with the promotion
this book I did an interview with the New York Times it an interview with a Hollywood louder night, and
I guess I should read em
I don't even want to read that I know I don't need to know. Look let's say Gary came in and told you this new at Times thing came out. This is end and its,
greatest peace ever written about anybody now says the sentence.
Finally, I was horrible for yes, I would say this. I gotta with all this book promotion it a lot of people. Contact me told me: they love the book.
Very famous guy, wrote me and said hey. I loved the book and
but the peace they did on you annual CBS Sunday morning and
I said. Oh, oh, I'm gonna get you. I did a couple of pieces on CBS Sunday morning and they fuckin annihilated me while the scummy curious. So I gotta go watch these things, so I googled it and I looked at
they were, the most glowing pieces I had ever seen on this guy. There were wonderful.
I wrote. Oh my god. What are you talking about a gazelle? It's probably just me, gotta pee
suffer from a lot of people have a prison.
In front of their brain.
Whenever light you shoot in their immediately refraction gets twisted, and so it too,
Its women talk a lot about body. This morphia and you'll. See these
very rail fin women and, if you ask them to trace their outline in a mirror, they'll
Raw, a really fat outline because
that's what they really see and I really know and its heartbreak and I in its it. It's a heartbreaking, sad fact that that
they actually see. I think many
people in our business have career DIS Morphia. I really do unalienable joke that you can lie
get your career and yourself and you
who see criticism you see pain, you see failure. Anybody sees that
People don't see that they're saying what are you Talkin about and if so, if someone gives me an article, I don't read it and they'll say no, I'm telling you it's the nicest thing ever written and what I do is I give it a lot. I ask my wife, or I can just read this initial- tell me it's really nice.
But she doesn't say you should read it. She knows that if I read it, though, be one line, that said, you know the hosts to annual sticks. I struggled in ninety about why why why would I am right now it's higher I, it was joyous to have a new book out doing
Publicity is the most painful thing and I give you an exam,
also George Steph Annapolis, who I know
I know his wife ally and we we can have dinner together were friendly. Unlike
Maybe this is what you know we we go to dinner and
Maybe our relationship is more pure. I don't know this is, I think, is pure happiness is pretty good right now I learned it yeah. I guess I love you. Why have you gonna? Have food brought in guiding lower you so much right? I've just been thinking to say, go, got Conan steep and he gets it needs such an interesting guy, and I got this is a side of you, I'm glad you have applied caskets inside of you. We don't get to see right,
we by sea and I come out right there dough.
What I am doing, what you would do.
Have so many people now to say. Oh, my god, I love the podcast because, and I think shit I
pasted. Twenty five. You do. You know what I'm saying this
just another side of yes: yes, yell at night. That's what I'm saying I'm saying to you, because I know that that paranoia ass. We I'm saying you man. This is such an interesting cite. The medium of network television doesn't allow. You know tat. I have these kind of you, I'm takin seven breaks by now right and wouldn't have happened. We wanted it yeah yeah that happened to me on the view. I did the view and they had to take a break him. What he was about to talk to me about something- and she said, almoner- ask you that when we get back, we got back and she didn't even have time to ask me about. I was kind of a sweet thought and it's the same
back to this thing with George Stuff Annapolis. So I did an interview with him for good morning, America and dumb. It aired
and everyone was call me all you and George. We so great together global bubble bluff and I think people think sometimes this is an act or something
I said, I'm not gonna watch that my wife a text to me. She was, she was out of town and she said
Did you watch good morning, America? I said no
one: oh I'm having a good day. I dont want to watch it. I don't want to have a bad day. That's what I wrote. I said I plan on painting today I want to forget: every funding
thing- and I know, there's gonna be something there, that's gonna upset me and I'm not
like the way. I look, I'm not gonna like the way. I sound, and I should have done this and I should have done that and I'm sure it could a water and she
two, three, no I'm telling you it's safe to watch it there's nothing there. I said there's something there and- and
trust her enough. That is, she gets me. She knows have fucked up. I am, and she loves me anyway, I'm lucky man, but it took
life for me to watch it and
used to read about Letterman's insecurities securities are be throwing things after the show and Anna And- and I would
planet. I said why do the same fuckin thing I'll
when into be this- is why I loved when, in the book I'm I'm name you, as did my favorite interview, because after all
I wasn't upset when myself somehow I felt like we had just
hit every single I market, niobium Christ like yeah, well
I don't know what it was to me. It was, and you know the spade, can joke about all you know your buddy Conan highlight rabbit right. It s just worked and they
I found myself whenever you were a guest on a talk show. I don't know you had done a series of shows later on. I have to watch now
to change my whole fucking perception of you.
Scotch created shale gas and it was funny. I don't know what
was the tonight show. I saw you on recently or call bear one of em. You are absolutely on
I don't have. Did I write you a note about how good that appearance? Will you set it on the air? You talked about me going on coal, baron and people came and told me, and I was sent TAT nice to hear phase, but it was completely different. You at obviously prepared a couple of stories you are, you are in use own. It was all comedy pure comedy. It wasn't like what we had done right, but yet it was equally is fucking great.
So you know I, I hope people
of my guests in this book were great, but for me
with a special connection between us. You know, there's, no, just was
yeah and I have always made
when something goes well. I then don't want to ruin it. So
I always the end. This is exactly why I went back to witches, and I said it when you talked me on the air recently about when you name me that your favorite guest, I
That afterwards- and I think I said this to you- may
the feeling is we'll go to dinner.
And you'll see oh, I see
and I feel the same way ass. Exactly I shall I say to my weapon: people go to dinner in their very disappointed to me, and I
have gone to dinner with people, and then you never hear from them again and, unlike on such a fuckin bore, and I
Now, of course they don't.
They don't enjoy me. You know it's weird. I got friendly with the steam
noise MIKE Mike gravity, hero, Mozilla Meet area. I go I didn't fit.
My career after radio guys. I want to be like Steel Martin, who arrive book. I want to do a movie, I wanted it do it
all I was excited by at all and he was a guy who could do it? All
My perception of Steve was like oh shit, he's just a super funny. Guy was so easy for em again you fall into that trap and when-
These came on the show and that's why I included him in the book he's talking about the straw
though he had, it is.
Slowly mine blowing to me that he was a writer on this mothers brothers and couldn't even write an intra for them when they asked him too. He couldn't come up with anything funny, so he calls his friend, whose funds
and he says, can I borrow that joke of yours and give it to the smothers brothers- and I was like oh my god-
deep Morton couldn't come up with a joke. He has to work as hard as this at this, as I do as every
none of us is to make people. I was one of the first revelations to me. The first time I get into big time show. Business was sound alive and I was twenty four
and you get to know every three right in the deep and am I showed up kid still
Aren't you puberty, I think an aid. They said that going and Pitch dean Martin
I know that your ideas I go into this room, he sitting there.
I have only known him as my idle and the guy with the arrow through his head, and the extra ver username, whose me and the guy who changed comedy overnight and I went in
to the room- and I saw the most serious, almost seemingly depressed
pressure like professor, like a profit soil kinda like, and I just was.
That was my first education,
people- are not what they seem and,
that some people I got to spend a day with John Candy once and he was John used. The John Candia wanted him to be, but Steve.
I at that moment I saw oh I do.
Understand anything if I'm listening, I'm just beginning to get, and he was an education but he's a letter by my experience, though they are going to his house for dinner. I
that there and I went oh, I shouldn't have come here, Steve, so brilliant steep was being so fun. Everything he says out of his mouth
you go out that should be written down and preserve.
And I'm sitting there going
I'm not worthy of this yeah. You know I'm just not. I'm not good
nothin I met Jimmy Fowl.
Was are more likely was Aaron and all these brilliant people and psycho. Now they
you who I am now they say, because you know I have to work really hard, Putnam stuff together. It's that you know, but
but then I learned everyone else does to its it is it is it no one is
naturally, and everybody is
looking at you the way you're looking at them, Rio,
there are. Thinking, has an
you're stunned by that you think now that's support
because you have,
your cameras been going since you were born, so you went to your childhood. You had many many years of no one knowing who you were. When I give me shit sprite, you went through all your different pain and so
feels like an accident. It feels like
I'm here. The rest of these people are supposed to be here and I'm not, but I'm not, and I saw that you know you started this interview- I'm going to wrap this up in a second cuz. I want to take you too much your time, but
You started off by bringing up Harvard and that's that
I at least like people knowing about me. I wish
to go back and people didn't know that I went to Harvard
The truth is I busted my.
Asked to go there, I'm not a gifted. I was
the terrible bath
a bizarre interesting. So I was not. I was not good at math my math S, eighty and I can prove that I took my honest. They teach him ass. As eighty sacked night approve yeah yeah, my verbal was good. I didn't
he'll, smart I've got a brother he's much smarter than me and I felt unintelligent. So I just
grounded out in
many school and high school and
in a very unappealing way. I worked like a dog was you're going to get out of. My goal was to get into a great school and so
a ground it out and I was creative, but I just I just worked and worked in work. I would memorize textbooks. I do I had to do so. I got in there
When I got there, I immediately felt like I'm the fake, I don't belong here.
Common feeling there.
Everytime. I would look around and it took me years, but I looked around and I thought this law these people
who have no emotional intelligence right. They
we know how to tie their shoe. They'd
know how to talk to people
I dont know how to interact and be in the world.
Some are brilliant, some really art mile and
So I get out a Harvard, and then people know that you went to Harvard and mine. When I first got into comedy,
there was an assumption, amendment
he's got a late night. Should people thought o the only thing they funders car Brian, a weird name me Workin, the Simpsons went to Harvard and people said. Oh, it's gonna be like a Dick Cabot kind of. I thought no and then
can reduce you. It's one of the easiest ways to reduce someone you went to Harvard, which means you probably come from a really rich family re end you pro! Oh you just were always smarten. Nothing was ever problem for you and I'm guilty that too, because I would think about you and I got all my kind of coastal fuckin smart and it's like.
What is that really saying? We almost like the eurobond even being com, it yeah yeah, exactly used together member once they think sixty minutes was contemplating doing a piece on people
from where from Harvard that went into comedy and it was gonna, be sort of like you know, you can't
it would be cured right now, if it weren't few people- and I want to say I would make a terrible cancer research or you should have automatically been successful in comedy. If you chose that because you so fuckin smart, I added comedy equates with that kind of gas or six actually elegance exact. It's all. It's all its. What kind of crazy yeah yeah and I could see I could see where people might even just look at you and you have a chip on your shoulder because you went the Fuckin arbed. Who knows right? I knew no, but but I think that that that's, what coming full circle as a young they had is let Howard go. He's done a fool. You ve been working out there.
One morning. I let you go, but I think what is
really nice. For me,
as a long time listener, longtime fan prayers rate. I'm listener, however, gather is that
there's this nice evolution. I thank you.
And start the beginning of your career and your career has been studied and will be studied, but
people are going to go back and they're going to look at the stuff. You did in the 80s they're going to look at the whole art they're going to look at some, the late seventies, all the way through they're going to look at the Ark and this book
is a really nice place in the Ark.
But the whole arc is a thing to behold. I think
you should own that. I think it's good advice. I probably need to hear that. Thank you for that, because, again,
it's my own ship.
I'll have fans who say you know that was your best radio was the eighties or this or that are the right thing in and
I can't look at life that ways I say in the book it you have to evolve. I point this out
the average age of our audience, the
audience that listens to serious exam. There
seven years, although listens to me now
thirty, seven years old
I can the nineties unto Russia, radio
ruggedo my audience thirty.
Seven years, and that to me means the show passed to change,
it has to keep people's interest. It has to change with the times. And all of that I don't it's not that
stuff was, but I know what I was out to do. I was out to entertain always out to blow your mind. I was out to be this. Unleash did all of those things
and I do on it. It's just that. I can't stand the year yet, but you know what it's not your place
you are the worst.
Judge of your own work in some respect. It meaning
it's, not your business as we started on the beginning, the conversation saying
Your job is to be you and do the work and love the people in your life and feel what you're feeling and this
is your canvas and you ve done that and that's your job. It's
yours so much your job to say this is the
stuff. This is the bad stuff. It's just. This is what's resonating with you now, which is fantastic funny. You say that
recently I had to make a well. I changed my will, and I was thinking about all this stuff and I said to suppress, get rid of all that destroy it. That's my well just get get rid of
all in shows everything just fucking most proud
I mean at some point right, but you know maybe make me rethink that some of its important me some of it is, but I guess, has a whole. It's been won
hell of a career, yea and increase year, really really husband, nuts, and I don't think in this whole world anyone's banking on me,
they be sitting here.
How can a you are, or perhaps
becoming an announcer that had some success and then went on to this big Hariri. They made a film of is like a just. The ages is unthinkable, but this is a snapshot, yet
right now, if I wish to say to you,
you didn't you never heard my show and I'd say Conan.
Here's a book, Howard Stern, comes again right. This is what I have been able to do it serious exe.
I've been. This is what my life I stand. Most proud of. I was able to
but you need it yeah yeah. I got what I needed and I have music.
A business. I other people and say to them. Hey, I'm gonna. Ask you every question that I've been cure,
too bad, and I revealed myself and I reveal these people right and I think
it is a glorious ride, and yet this is this is how I feel right now. If I could just take this and handed out every person, I'm
because this is what this is, who I will make? No money if you handed out so my advice, you know you're, like my publisher yeah, he would sit all. Nor is it not about time. Are you ok? How did you get what you need? Yeah yeah? I got what I needed and I have a technique I use about show I'm interviewing someone goes on its long and everything.
Okay, listen! We got a rapid up, let's review everything that has happened in the interview and then they feel like the interviews over were revealing now and then the bishop,
comes out here. We because now we're not in the show anymore right now
revealing what happened now, let's really, what happened? What did we do? What did you? What is your take away from this might take away
Is that you don't lie when you say your german fob rise, you you put the lid
Jeez on your hand. Immediately. If you want some jerk now, I'm I'm I'm happy to have your germs. Knightleys lines are now. He came up with the Jews that goes on your hand and protects you up to eight to ten hours, as he proven that accepting about his word
So educating I, which shit my pants when I walked into that building was gonna live another day, light and you're fighting in this. If I could just do it over and understand, if, if I could have understood how import
That's you know I mean I didn't understand education. I wish I could go back, don't you want to go back now, because I would love. My sense of history is zero. I lived in a horrible neighbourhood, the idea of education,
you just survived the school that I went to was locked up by the government. It's the only school in the entire country in the United States that has run like the present system is run by the state and so education.
I would my pants when I walked into that building was gonna live another day, light and you're fighting in this now? If I could just do it over and understand, if, if I could have understood how important it is that
history. Now you get busy things you can do it all playing catch up. I have I went to an english teacher. This is funny. I met a guy who was talking to and he tells me that english teachers would you give me a syllabus. I want to learn about first start with war war, to everything leading up on a given my son, and he stopped. He started me bookstore it and I was like white, an eye wandered away so much time
I feel like I wasted so much fuckin time it so negative. That's why I am so don't I'm when I'm wrapping up with you is to say that what I have taken away is everything has a
negative. I wasted so much time
I didn't know I thought the US.
Wish. I could do it again. I end, then,
I'll get you as your therapy. Your second therapist, when you don't pay, I guess
you to say what a career
what an amazing ride
so proud of his book. I wish I could you get you get there? Then you immediately.
I back slide into I wasted so much time. I didn't reuse Rio. I wish I was under view yesterday K Perfect example right before we were about to take this. I was taught
into well Murray who's. The head rider, Alyosha and
We say a man he says ask
in the view, and I was really funny and global bubble blind came out. You start to talk about Westerly Chen Moonbeams, hey I loved all. I said I but I fucked up, because what do you mean? I sit well at one point,
I'm sitting there on the view- and I now
all the answers there, except to have one new agenda and I'm talkin to talk of opium talking the joints goin while talking to
Center Mccain's daughter therein mega Cain and they get this new woman and and she starts attacking a little,
I'm gonna handle it. I said I should have gotten up from the table walked into the audience
at down next to one of the guys they said. Ok, let's take a break, a breather. What just happened so far, I've got Whoopi.
She seems to be on my team and they know negative face. Is joy Behar. I think I have her eating out of my hand by Meghan Mccain. I complimented her father she's in love with me. What's with this one, she's attacking me wait a second alright,
collect them thought let's go round to like Mohammed Ali likened the rank, and I was thought myself well.
I done that old broken through the fourth wall. I would been talking to the
Hence at home I would been analyzing. What I was doing right would have been great fuckin television and I blew it.
Blew it. I saw the whole thing to helping suck now so that at the time- and I relate to this- because Power Davis, whose came with me because she's shoot them with me. Twenty six years, Hollis Davis Davis, how a Davis's your biggest fan and just she came she's back she's back. There is little may do. The pod Keswick know now that Saddam of session, whose my my real life assistant, whom she or Power Davis's a book or on the show and children with me and she's a huge fan of yours, but I will
talk to her every day and she says: oh, my God, the riddle
was negativity in your own with and she says to me it is
unbelievable and I yes, but
It's gonna, be I see my purpose. When are we gonna fuckin help me here? Well I mean it.
Don't get me wrong, but don't see why don't you admit that you know I would say if you want to analyze what we ve looked at here, you want to wrap it up. I would say that you,
I have to accept in some way that d
negativity and the pain. Some of it is the fuel,
Maybe you live like that. You
but you're figuring it out. I'm doing you're fired by the way. Are you found you finally about my wound, ass? You found you get on your you. You know that it is the opposite of me by is just like coming cheating a doctor, but but she said to me
I've never met anyone so dark, and I said
But how can you love me, then she costs, which is due
now. You know, and a brave just makes me so grateful, let's
But he could care
she was watching again. She watches the appearance and Jimmy found the other night. She was watching it. She got himself,
happy for you is such a celebration of this book and people
seem to really be getting it and enjoying it. My level biota consequences,
but he's happy for me like she's, genuinely happy for me.
Just like you know, a lot of people are
don't know you don't know. Well I'll tell you people either. I spoke of books jealousy we're just one hundred on work where we, who, who is a power they will do you think she's listening right now, she's a single she's back there, she's, Osiers, yeah and jeering sheep thinks this went well. You want to get a critique, but
that is again being in secure way. Might Abu ALA. While I can't wait, wait a second, why can't we own that this went well,
I think it went really well. I was very ill. I was. I had a blast and I know that but dollars Allah will be this pilot David, Paula bipolar. She is she adores, you did he go well Paulie on your bathing. Amazing
will you tell our that every day I come into your office,
I make you laugh really hard and then what do you say? I say:
What's the noise in your head, I'm not going down this road relentless! Did this to you what happened? Yes, I got ya while that solemn poor no end, it is every day all says the noise. I'm not going to do this with you. You want me to hate you with you and we're not gonna. Do you think everyone has this nor their head? I do think everyone has it that they write a word that we're not unique we're just exposing a year. You guys have higher stakes jobs than us, normal people, so I think
noise might be a little bit louder and a little more relentless. But I've come to believe that we all right
because when I was a dishwasher was the happiest time in my life I loved washing dishes. I just never really felt like I was, I feel actually better.
It is a really good job and then I went home right now
he's. Ok with that yeah
I think that with what you have done, paul- and I think power has given us the button on this- is yes, she
very emotionally intelligent and I
of pollen she's been with me out, threw up through the highs and lows in
it doors you she so good. At least
people in knowing people and she has sort of help me alive saying you know.
Tape you do. We hate yourself and- and I listened to you now for an hour and and and plus this is theirs.
Undertow it's like a wave that crashes and you almost accomplishment and then it pulls yet that is what
I hear in you, that's what I
feel in me- and I think that's what politics up on you, you are. You just made me think that it is wonderful woman who runs my company Marcy. She,
once in a while, when I get really fucking nuts among when this book was coming out. I was like I'm goin, fucking nuts. I have to go on all these shows me to go and be chosen. Men have disappointed rumbling on Conan Spike,
this went anodyne followed by you? I just horrible negative thought and she wrote,
a series of brief frames, which
never mind. I thought I have. What is that
started. Reading your she said you
especially remind me, you wrote this book because you really believe in this, but you love, whereas the love that you had for this book, you want,
to talk about all these people in the book
started arena when I went.
I gotta hold onto the area. I got a knock. It serpent alien guys and their problems. Are you gonna wrap it up?
I'm gonna wrap it up by saying your job is
to continue your journey interesting here, you're dive
doktor current issues, the harbor, thereby showing off the your job, is to continue doing what you're doing, and I think, if I think,
You have moments. I believe you have moments. Were you on,
stand how much you ve evolved, and you can
even if it is for us a millisecond, you can say
job, Howard, nice, nice job or nice job,
like an end on it, will end on that nice job out
and by the way job well done today
I like that. I know you do. I know that means. I know you do. What does that tell me and I've seen you do that before? That's what usually, when you have a hot female guess, guy got it's the last thing it still ok and the meat to error here, let me go can do that. You
you can still do it. I always thought it was a bit much like a when Howard Stern selling it back. I makes women uncomfortable Howard. Thank you. This was an article rejoined here. We re luck with the pod cared. I love you and God bless Lacryma. Do you wanna? Do some more review the reviewers sure this is from Renee?
Katy. Eighty seven Conan is my dog knots,
When I was eleven, I would sneak into the living room depress record of a vcr, so I never had the missing episode of late night. When I was twelve,
gotta, homely white cat
of two more than anyone in my family did a named him. Conan love the podcast
that's nice. Of course I was gonna negative.
Boy, you you, she named a homely cat after me, so anyway I humbly white cat, probably way the cat. I had a white cat growing up. What was its name pebbles and I named it.
I named pebbles and I got the cabinet was four years old. Was that your cat, or was that the fears we my cat? I want
the cat and my dad tells a story that
I was maybe three and a half years old and he was driving in our one thousand nine hundred and sixty three Chevrolet Impala and he was driving me somewhere. When I was
small that my feet just went straight out. They didn't bend over the universe seat, but few instead
and then I said, do you think I
but maybe possibly one
a somehow have a cat
I put all these. He said he was amazed that I had all these conditional
he started screaming at me.
Being that ensued was memorable now my dad got me to carry whew into a shelter and they got me a white cat and was my cat, and I remembered really just thinking wow
I mean is massive family and nothing
really yours, when you're in a big family, but the cat was mine,
I saw my cat, so an advocate for a long time did anybody else have their own pet yeah. We had two dogs, and was
funny. It is really tragic, but they are caught. They work,
always the first one was rule and he got out of the house somehow and took off and they were we. We lived right near a highway, ran right under the highway and got killed in front of a Duncan doughnuts, and then we
placed him with another dog holly, and his name was wrangles and
when he the first chance he got charge right to the same highway and committed suicide. Just like the first one had, and it made me think. Oh my god. At the time I thought they were
rather die than liveth. That's what I remember nothing ass. They would rather died and live in this crazy family yeah and both in front of a Duncan doughnuts terrible you haven't fifty. Can you have the appropriate response that I welcome the very special Conan over now. I just told you something about my life. I had a cat. We had two dogs, it committed suicide in front of a Duncan doughnuts rather than live another day
your Brian House,
the turtle that ran away and it felt like hurdle in their original can't run away. It was in the middle of the street, I wouldn't get any rules or no. It was just in the middle of the street, walking the opposite direction of our house right anywhere, but the Gorlias yeah well all night pets, we're happy. Who did you working to press it? You have. I had a hamster. We had two dogs, you don't ever know if a hamsters happy, they can't do anything there like in jail and have taken their bill and there she was aware they can't in her life. They do say you on the cage and yet it s a! U dont know there to listening to all the armenian mad is going on in Europe. No, that's! Ok! I'm just saying your families
damn sure allowed we're, let God you were very loud
You came from the house with six kids, you are allowed to. Probably you make more noise. You alone. Sauna are louder than I think
anyone. I've ever met there could be true, I mean
soon it will be on the complete other side of the office and we were in a big building
a sound stage, and I hear her talking so loudly NEA and that's your is that everyone here from your death, everybody in everybody's loud, but your dad is not allowed. My dad is not love. My mom is allow as she's ok, relax.
When I first met your mom for the first time I hired you when I came out here too, in LOS Angeles, and you brought your mother by this set of the show-
she said something I could wish. I remember what it was. It was sweet, but she said I want to meet amazing american entertainer. May I remind you rock tat. She said something like you rock the USA. Here I want to meet ya Wanna meet shoe you rock the USA. I sat at something Miami reminded me of know. How Hank on barrier thing here is that you know you rock the USA.
Let me remind you know that I know you did she lover. I do she thinks you're jacked. Sorry, look
time that they saw you they were like cone has been lifting weights. Guy do really I workout. I do work out a lot of you know what this has been a theme on the show many times whenever anyone
to comment about how I'm kind of sexy or I look sexy. You guys
do your mom
actual me in her mind line. Come I ll go too fast, my mom dude.
I want just saying, she's coming home and she seemed to your dad heeds chat
Get out to the gym, where ticket Junior traded fanatics, why the Argo swords in order that our mom, her mothers and I sense, does she not not like that? That is not my mom's. I get to get
steady Jim, I got you rhegium do the job. Yet the chopper out there's a German, the chop up.
Let's hope. Zoom inside the chopper considered it deals Gilmore Sassy in getting the regimes. Are you jack, like all right? Isn't that sort of what it sounds like you're out an undesirable in the corner, trying to make a noose
you look round secured keel itself, like Collins, dogmas
she would go home all to our one home that we live in. You know there are hot coffee house just for you. Listening before we all live. We live together and we sleeper nay stacked bunk bed, her for a half a cripple bunch of end mommy snore. It's in unison, like the three students we get up in the morning. We all get out at the same time and we go crashing to the floor and then I get up and I'll come on. You will, like brains, are: let's reckless to our house. Conan o Brien needs a friend with solemn of session in Conan, O Brien, as himself produced by me, mad goarly executive produced by Adam Saxon, Jeff, Rasa team, Cocoa and Chris Patten and Common Anderson at your special thanks to Jack light for the theme song incidental music by Jimmy, the Vienna are supervising producers, Aaron, blared and the show is engineered by will backed you can read and review the show, an apple pie gases and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Gotta question for Conan call the team cocoa Hotline at three two three four five one, two eight to one and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future embassy and if you haven't already, please subscribed Conan o Brien needs. A friend on apple pie casts wherever fine, I guess or download
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Transcript generated on 2020-01-10.