« Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Zach Galifianakis

2019-10-28 | 🔗

Actor and comedian Zach Galifianakis feels cautious about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.

Zach and Conan sit down to talk about the showbiz cult of ego, mining comedy from miscommunication, phone calls from the president, hunting for clay, and being inspired by a professional whistler. Later, Sona and Matt Gourley surprise Conan with a Halloween treat.

Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 451-2821.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
My name is set out the and I feel cautious about being. Gunnar Ryan's for you didn't know my lessening Conan, no Brian, I could remember and don't take a self satisfied swing, whatever cool child tat, your having fallen back then walking on the fence, hello, there I'm colonel brain- and this, of course is my podcast Conor, O Brien needs friend I saved, worse, because your hearing me not seeing me so you know it's the podcast.
Sadly, many people prefer me in this format and I don't blame them. I'm joined by my trusty assistant on camera by so most s son. You have very nice today. Thank you very much for your life going great yeah yeah. I don't have anything to say you everything's, really good Coca COLA I'm glad you prepared yet for the past with that little now get it's nice, It's ok services using one I ll get something put me on the spot present when no learning at all. Really, oh, I learn you in here like you're, an animal carry and then I put phone and had set on your knees and thinking it was going to happen if you said, prepare something like a story about your life. I'd be like ok, but now you're, just like hey tell us something about your life. What What am I I'm begging the office again for the third time you ve been watching the office for the third time you do. We not at work, argue yeah
if you ever, do you ever? Do it and be honest, you ever have something that is kind of important that you need to do for me, but you finish enough and absolutely office. First go! Yes. You asked me this before in the answers. Always yes, because nothing is that important? So yeah, that's that's when that's where we're at, and you know that, and you know that it's not my You know that you think you have you the correct priorities and that minor skewed You want me to put these things out there and I have said yes nothing that you want. Is that important? You think it's important. It's not that important, so yeah The priorities are fight, begs yulka, you're, welcome you! Thank you. Wow a while. You came in hot. I did not. Yes, you did. I did not. I asked you about your day. You said I got nothing fucker
and you know he lets them ass, wherein right now, but anyway, there is a medication. You get me that keeps my heart beating every day. I want you to know doesnt really true. It's not like. I just wondered if there was but we would get a formal man goarly you're here. That's how are you I think I wanna leave why mommy and daddy or finally, when there was a real fight like see. I shall you should see us man when we really move again incredibly by Maginnis, some point that may happen, or will I see that I don't know is a priority so anymore, first of all, as soon as in a better place. Now, that mean no. Does that mean in a better place?
maybe you're in a better place. No, in the same no come on, you met the love of your life, you're happy, it's all good, so I wasn't happy before now you were happy or fines or good. Ok, I just made that up in my mind being difficult couple years ago, you have always difficult you're, still difficult, no k this, and this is not just stop folks. The pike ass. This free stop. You paid enough for this step. Just start continue. Last word: ok, what's press ahead it? Surely you save the was one of your grip, oh God, Hague Great Sunshine. Today, it's great son. I have a question for me. I have a question for me and you can pull stuff up into. Maybe I will use this section. Who knows it's up to you, Mr Mann? I have a question. I didn't grow up in LOS Angeles yeah, so I'm not familiar with this area have spent a lot of time here, but is this
way. It always is in a fires and fires come, and you hear but maybe you have to run away from your house and grab one thing each but then it doesn't come, but then it might come again tomorrow. Is that the way it is? It's always been a problem, but not like this. So this is this. Is this? Is the alarmist but change and so have the seasons. When I was a kid- and it was this time of year, it fell a little bit like fall like you, Halloween was a tad brisk. Now, it's just like deathly, hostile right, though you are in the global warming camp. I why I think every second distant person with common sense scares me yeah. Now none of this guy right here I didn't think so. This show a disease raise a science. Is a global warming, denying shouts science for Saddam, announcing that I am one of those guys who, every time it slightly snows hours you guys February, it snowed. Why measured now
I saw a polar bear on the news. Yeah there's one laugh, lawyers It's feels like the seasons of shifted two months back, so I want to move Christmas to live. February, so it feels right. I missed the fall, so my you do that I want aware a I went away like a peak and I want to wear a scarf argue that I ask personally dress in it, kills me every time I do that I do I were heavy coat, but I also like to see my breath so its mandate, he's out, but I started smoking, but just as the one I exhale I see my breath and I feel like it's the fall yeah, and I pay children around me to rub their hands Asgard here, hundreds of dollars worth it? such an area where we have an amazing show today? Am I as a hungarian Akron comedian who started the hang over movies and the ethics series baskets, he can. He also seen in the new Netflix movie between, ferns the movie based on
very popular funnier, die series. I might just it's a joy to chat with it: elements today have known him a really long time and he is absolutely Hawaii the very talented Zack galvanizes is with us his act. I've known you for a long time used to come on my late night show. You started like in two thousand coming on the late night. Just about right, honest about right, exactly uncommon after you hard with glasses. These are now p. Thanks. A lot of people in this house know that I wear glasses. Isn't I might take, might take me seriously. Look that you have there's no glass in these these events,
please at those glasses, rob low, worn eightys to make em? You know, look like he read books and stuff, but no thanks for outing me is having to wear glasses knowing and have that surgery will they shoot lasers and your eyeballs. It looks good those glasses, a girl, you they do, it is too late. They make. You look shorter, their works for me. I like that. I hated here every second of this I've known you. Long time. I know you to be an honourable man, a good man used Come on my show and play the piano induced. Stand up and you are always hilarious, always always hilarious, and then I heard that at some point before everything blew up for you in a good way. You were thinking of getting but the businesses that right the bears, moved the wicked listen. I just called the birth because
a core, but people in the know how the beers I'm so inside. I call it the book. Well, I mean it, sir, the lonely existence, sometimes to be a stand up, comic and about seven. My actor had a bit closer, the werewolf world, little orphan nanny outfit, and I was doing the road a lot and I was forty Gerda Office supply stores and by awake. My glitter from my shows, like magic markers, could always wrote these Bob Dylan tape. Flipped chart yet I remember and yeah. That's I remember being forty, you tell your category around a country with my little orphan Annie, dress thinking. I don't know how long this last and not thinking- and there was much of a future Do it yeah you so unjust, picturing you're coming? stage TAT Mamma when you come on stage and you catch a look at yourself in the mirror and your dress.
You I'm doing the cocaine, of course yeah yeah. I can't hear the laughter any more you are looking in the mirror and you you were dressed his little orphan Annie at that level. Was there, it was the shows we're going well. It was just the fact that I think it was my late 30s or forty early forties when I just kind of I didn't expect to have such a gypsy lifestyle ripe and that gypsy lifestyle just kind of been wearing little orphan. Any trust your play, the University of Kentucky right everywhere. That was the last college I played, and I did a pretentious culinary they're just eat up more time in this kid stands up any owes yeah. How your your cookies. Does it take for you to play our college. Back. My head was a cadet really funny, but I eviscerated isn't that really mean because very mean, and what that nerve will then everything explodes
because you do the hang over. I told you this. Walking down where ethical in vegas- and I don't know Vegas a lot. I really do try to avoid LAS Vegas, but I had to be in LAS Vegas, and I was fucking along and there was a guy who was professionally dressed as our and your character in the hang over and he looked at, Conan Corner, look right! I'm am in and I thought you were from that moment of playing this college and having a guy insult you and you're, dressed as little orphan Annie, and then people are present ending to be you the way they pretend to be spider, man or Michael? tax in or whatever is now I mean that's how you some Erika, I kind of that's America. That's what's good about America! That's! What's good about America, something like that can happen Why are you crying? I'm not crying? You are you're crying nails years or blood. Yes, actually want
saddest room in Isaac, close friend of mine here in here in california- and he was trying to be a cop and he was miserable. He went and took his test and and he'd been picking at a scab like right by his eye for a while, and I've been waiting for this letter to see if you were to be a cop or not you can be a turning point for his life. Any open up the ladder- and I see his face and his reads. It is rejected letter and ass soon ass, he his face fell. He said crying blood now. It was the most amazing timing of any I've ever seen That is rejection letter. You cannot be a police officer and blood came out of this cab. Just start bleeding right. At that moment, it was amazing. You said crying. What made think of you. Can edit announced that a great noise like a bond villain, Yeah there is a bond villain actually you'll know cause you're goarly here, as you know, knows all this kind of stuff the bond movie. Where I wonder,
okay, the sheep Oh, you know his name. I just want to know the movie Augustine Uk Absolute Power I've always known to be a very authentic man, unchanged by your success. Never this formal in any way you're so funny I don't know why. But we talk to like Michelle. Obama has always and I'm very loose and at an away with you come in I'm a little bit of Zella egg I of evil. We have you always have this like to see you and then I doubt that too, like I've always known low energy low energy and also you are not a man of any. Tensions, and so then I just into this guy who's. Talking to you right here with us, accurate, like I've, always known utopia, fine and a good man, a man of quality inability. Thank you, Conan Brain.
It's o brien about by sea, oh edge. You don't like this whole Hollywood town and you have a healthy, healthy suspicion showbiz folk, don't you know? I don't. I think My whole thing is: is I've observed ego, in this town and what it does, and I find it very interesting and I think that how we got a celebrity president near worship of it right that's my only beef, that's it other than that. We're gonna. Do you notice how many times you saw my name on the way up to the podcast studio or my image, my grave in the US that I dont chagrin as at the right term? I don't think so, but when the public school
what was that like? Do they have food there? I don't know. I also went to public school. I would permit the alimentary and publicly school. Yes, I don't know. I just imagine you are your private school. I was not. Went to our public public elementary school, her public high school. I was incredible: jock! Ok, that ports, not true, there was not a jack. Did you play in exports? I ran track we're half a year and then decided mutually that that should no longer continue by raising in general or by trot, who you really mean it was. It was actually people even outside Massachusetts, weight in and said he should stop running. It's not good something about my lungs failing. I would imagine would be, and I mean is like the gate of an ostrich
I am my team, as my back here I'll tell you what the problem as I have a very and I've talked about this quite a bit, but I have an unusual body proportion I have very, very long legs and then a very, relatively short torso. My waste is up where most people's shoulders and my throat is connected to my green, and the whole thing's is a mess. I would rather have that body any day, then, as I've always talk. What I think my by looks like is a fifth craters body who look like he swore, the a penguin, this greater swallowed up, dangerous one gulp in this kind of stuff. You fight, because I'm small everywhere else you just turn is still rife. Penguins struggling to get out and like my feet, we have thirty
here's my family and then it just like without the looks I've known a store. I looked round my cousin stuff, everybody's really good looking and then it all drops off it just goes to those two part really quickly yeah. That was of my people to we. We we we clean up. Nice and then keep saying we're sort of like these junk trees. You now that grow really quickly and then fall apart. And make a big mass and you have to get someone to come in with a chainsaw and cut up the pieces are both of your site. Irish. Yes, I would imagine what would you say that? Well, it's just explain yourself. It seems very what it just seemed very irish, all of it there's a lot of there's a lot of owe me me there,
MA am I'm half like I'm mean yet so you know it's good half means your mix. I think it's good to be a mix. I really do. I think it's good to have a bland. My wife is a land. I am a one hundred percent solid shot of. Of Irish Tito It's not good! Why don't you get it paper says here: now you live meant. This would do directly back to you. I see what you're trying to do You know I've been interviewed by you on between two ferns. You eviscerated me, you tore me apart good nature rubbing, the good natured ribbing. You think I do leave my room for six months after that, you that's what I love so much about to firms is the pauses the discomfort you That is your in a sum this work in clay, some work and oils you're, so good.
With discomfort and passive aggression. Is that fair? I tried to read in real life. No, no you're, not that in real right. I know I'll make that very clear. Your very nice person, miscommunication me has always been funny. Rudeness is always been funny. I don't agree with it, but I've always laughed at ruinously at a left with it of left at it, because when people lose control, my father, who is the greatest human error, but he had like sometimes get a temper that would come out every two years and we like to see him lose. It was committed to me just now, but as far as the long hours is in that kind of stuff, I think the dynamic of it is because your there was somebody like us have let you know a person of prestige and quotes and too de them in that glamorous moment? Yes, she is somewhat refreshing could mean I mean if you explain it either
about what what what makes what makes it so great is you're, just not afraid to use the anything. I mean obviously the greatest example of it of all time when you did it with the most status person in the world, President Obama. It was so fantastic because I don't know and I would have had the balls to citizens that with the president United States, particularly this. This really well regarded in the time, was hiring but man in eggs takes time and we're being so rude and you're. Being your petulant and she played it. I thought beautifully nervous before doing so. Yeah me, I tend to be nervous, very use, nervous energy. I don't try to get com, I try to get it it because it is.
Adds it adds to the character of it, but with him I think what happens we just got lucky and he just rolled with it and made me feel that I can really say whatever. I want, and before we see our dead. There was this his speech. Writer was helping us and I it said. Has he seen this question, which was what's it like to be the last black president which was read my a guy named TIM, He turned and looked at me and said let, but he did not believe him. Whatsoever, I dont know if he'd even seen the show I mean if a prisoner Obama knows it Does that say about you and I hope he doesn't know it is my hope, and then you talk, story once where, after he had gone on line and as viral and everybody loved it you're walking along by yourself and kind of a deserted area
constructions. Eurylochus tell it's. This is really Gaza contractions, I am. I was, I remember, sitting next to traffickers and he called must my phone. Which added your phone rings. My phone rings, it's your cell phone and you're in a construction site, and you open it and just what splits take it and with this issue What are you here? Is he right? There is a voice was Valerie Jarrett NEA had was there on the phone and she said: if you she was being nice and thankful about the video and then she said if you hold on a minute, somebody wants to talk to you and I said ball share. Well, I hope a horrible it alone and then he said: hey Zack. I hope this helps you rear and I almost said I hope it helps yours this point was: ok, we'll do. The video will now be nice person. I know
reach out and back and forth? And then I, I think that he probably is used to people try to getting emotional around him, because he is the Presidency Rights Data leader there was getting like I'm kind of proud of it work. He just cut me off is like ok I'll talk to you later brother. In those last thing he said- and I didn't know what to do for this moment. So I just this construction site I just serve in the chair. I was sitting in a just a picture. This shit. The chair next. This memorialize the moment for myself here. But yet There was nobody around to tell her. You know that the president was calling, but I thought it was pretty classy of him. Tat to call me certainly doesn't have to do that to take time to do that really nice yeah. I just thought you ve, never called me after have done your show wax way. I had my assistant sooner try and placed the call, and she felt I'm
my fault memory. What I've been Emory to say every time I've said get Zack on the phone, going a column and she says let me try and do that and then call Zack Efron. Oh, we have very similar numbers in the first names yeah and then I time that's wears off. I go on at length about Zack reference, comedic abilities and is equally comedic away. I think I'm talking to you. And you often doesn't say anything is handsome guy soon again let us act, though the looked you like I dont discriminate. There's a lot of. Looks like, but I saw many subway sandwich shop when one and he looked at me and his eyes, pierce through my soul, yeah the same experience with Josh good. I just love said
I don't know what it is is also he has eyes they just eight hundred three like referencing. He really does so you just throw him in anywhere. It's always Josh gap is no. I hope we will mind. He could use my name like that, but I just like saying his name, your Am I keep seeing this about? You you're a man they enjoy the wilderness, you like to go into nature, wacko clay, honey. What the process route like real clay and get it and now the process it S. Just What I you time about, what you mean you you go and find clear is that this is spot near me. I wouldn't give them information away Canada. One alone is called an art supply story with you. Find clay from the earth. And when you say- and you don't wanna say where this clay ask us everyone's gonna want some of this claim they. I don't want anybody that isn't that constructions, no eighty it's! This is just a place that I know about nearer near where I live. Ok, you got a hall it out. You know it's have
Ok, you got a lot of clay Aiken. If you know what I mean is to bring that up. That was my whole point. You know you're, no, no! No! No! No! You walk away from playing you walk away from now on clay ache and but you're gonna show business officially to show these guys you're their success. We no one will ever asked you to do anything again. What way. I can guess out. There could come He called my mom's house once you looking to distract from what you did anyway, better I do go, get clay out of the decision. You said you process, clay, isn't clay, just clay yeah, but if you so, if it's a little where you gotta get it a little wetter- two, so you can start out making stuff making stuff or you dry it and new millet down like sand goes.
Comes in huge blocks and then you add water to that. Ok, I just killed the whole pod cast with that, but would you like to make two? Would you make with clay? Well, I beg bricks I'm starting to learn how to make bricks, have travelled a lot of places of another says, but I'll always have loved to watch how people make native brick. I'm in Africa Tyler oh no. I seek out brick makers and for This is not at all interesting now, ok, they. Actually. This is interesting to me, because you you, You share this passion with Winston Churchill, Winston Churchill used to meet these to manufacture brick at his home, his country home chow. Well and he was really into making. And then laying the brick. So a lot of the walls around his home were made. When he's mean his prey.
In Asturias. Fighting world war, two he's in he's. Making bricks and building brick wall is sudden very satisfying about just in and now I'm not much of a thinker, but I do my best thinking when I'm doing something with that kind of thing: yeah earth related, you can be more in the grass, could be the grass you mean marijuana. So what you're doing you just did it you just mind? Talking knows it we chopsticks assurance you're doing this, and I hope this is in a very little of it. Free zone in your cheeks and Sean kind of humor is: did you ever listen to them their arms yo yo of one I was much younger Evelyn would head sped Redding Course DE remember that I do I don't know, I don't know that bit. It sounds funny. I thought. Maybe you would have a vast knowledge of comedy albums. Seven these also old. Also now, while we were the same age, I don't think we are. Seventy four years old, I was more than seventy. Four we
nineteen seventy four hundred and seventy I'm gonna be fifty and Greek. I I am six years older than you hope you shows, I mean wisdom lies with the more wisdom. Wise back to how you're really nice guy and realize, because what the fuck was that no I'd? I try to moisturize my face, but my head is rotting like a pumpkin, November son. It there's nothing I mean what do we do about this? Nothing. Thank you, Sir Are you taking anything orally for what is your Espy s It is above a hundred hundred and ten and I actually My son screen fires light back at the sky. It's actually. My son screen is so powerful. It's a source of its own light. I son has your complaint. He has you're good looking kid. He is so there s criminal We should in your head, no
listen. It's good. You know like this and I like the way it's going. I do I do. I think, I'm a very ethical I'm a solid, be minus fanaticism, and I was thinking when I was climbing stare there's a long stare, will meet all our audiences along stairway to get up to the podcast studio, and We often have to defibrillator people when they get to the top sigh honestly think the walk here is a little suspicious cause. It seems like it, it could be a murder. You have to know behind. The sat well yeah as the young lady there was helping me, but I don't know. I just started following her. She could have me too, like some He also or something back here. Let me tell you something: it was a fifty fifty proposition with me whether I interview you were Orient killed off or I mercury. Well, I would have on four either one? Will you fellas However, one of the idea you you, yes, I was walking up the steps I love ever told yes you- did a few and aid
Museum of Television in your years ago. You just got your show and you spoke to the audience and someone, and there were a lot of comics like open MIKE comics. That's what I was an hour. Member. You said that it could someone it as your question the prompt you to have this. This answer in the answer. Basic was the hardest thing about what you were doing or this endeavour in show business is rejection, and if you can figure out how to manage that and not let it get you too much that I think that that's it that's a battle that do you gotta figure out. I remember that in it I'd, never I'd never forgot it, because I
got rejected a thousand times after I heard that and I just kept going because I believe that what you said that it really is guide as it already is talking. I just wanna, get what they go for many people, high schools and embarrassing time of life. It can be embarrassing if you had that sooner. I did not. I was an incredible jock. What no captain of every team, every single sports team. You can't change the narrative captain of every single team by ice I feel like no one would believe that lost my virginity fifth grade. Ok I was just incredible, so I don't know, but I told it, people have a hard time of yeah yeah, I'm sure with your awkward body see, upsets supper.
You seem sorry, usually when people feel really sorry, they laugh so hard. They can't catch their breath. Okay, so now you win, I had some difficulties in high school. Yes, you know I'd it. And all smooth sailing. What yeah? Ok, that's really funny yeah. I guess the jokes on me yeah anyway laughing at you again. We hear nothing when upon Castillo here, no anyway, this new show a new show called every things gonna be ok, and heard the sun they show up. It's it's quite compelling, sir. I think a key character. Her dad is dying. Her gay, australian, half brother moves in two razor end of the show is called everything's going to be okay and it's these two characters, Matilda and genevieve- and this does not sound like your typical sitcom Matilda has autism and Genevieve is just as someone who's dressed up like a quote child whore Widow- and these
characters, I guess, have all these adventures. I have a half brother Nicholas, there's a funeral. Everyone shows up. Apparently they he's got a little off the hook. This may sound depressing, but I'm told this show is really find a watch. I'm sorry, did you see a little off the hook? Yeah! That's that's all! That's always kid say it sounds like it could be depressing, but then it's off the hook. Now, although I used to correct ok, yeah, so maybe you're in Kronk village. Why I'm quite content- and I use that equally way where a I don't throw a hazy over. There are oh, my guide, everything's gonna, be ok, that's the name of the show out of here- I just turned eighty mecca- premiers january- sixteen thirty, eight thirty, seven thirty central on free form, that's right, watch. All my entertainment free form check it out.
No. It's funny. I have the famous writer III b white, you know Charlotte's web his and then his essays unjust. Can wide elements style and just thought like this is the greatest writer of all time. I realise when I was about seventeen that he was living up in. I think North Brooklyn main. So I wrote a letter to him and I don't have that letter, but I sent it off to him and when I have is he wrote me back and then I think he passed away like a year later. I think, as a result of my letter, but our noises I gave a tender, I compliment writers and then I also tried take him out of the picture, but for me this letter back that I still have in its framed, and I see it every day, but it soon sing to me because it's like from nineteen, seventy, nine or one thousand nine hundred and Eighty- and it says Dear Kona- and I really,
you know, I really enjoyed your letter was really well written and and then he said you say that very concerned about you, but you want to be a writer or do something creative, but you're, very concerned about criticism, because you, your thin skinned, I thought, isn't that fascinating? That's what I was worried about when I was sixteen was Oh my god. I really want to try this, but what? If someone is me? What if people are mean to me about it and am going to speak, to withstand that end. Then he says I never much mind criticism unless they got their facts wrong now and then he says, like best wishes, he be widened. It's it's one of my favorite mean if there's fire, get the family out and then run back in and get that letter was seriously. That's like how precious it is to me in there was Betty White system. No, it was easy way out here to say because she didn't Rachel its web.
I opened my soul to you. Not my chest cavity in. I showed you my beating heart and he could dump on it. There's no feces says you're. Feces is on my our unbelievable while I'm sorry, but that's exactly what happened on my heart where's that where's, that is it your office. Still, though, the EU be white letter is framed framed yeah, it's not about you re near the kitchen cause, So this he added some recipes heap. He had recipes. I can chili recipe, Chile recipe. It's easy whites,
ass blow in Chile, and you know why he added I got so. It is because I just thought that was a poem of starting a poem in any turned into he realized started upon any realise. This is actually a very good recipe. Christmas super hot ass blown chill. So that's why smear the kitchen? The point is, in its but a theme that you like to get too in this podcast. Is that there are these people that I know like yourself who were incredibly me and make you impression, if someone saw between two friends at your bullet proof that you don't, but I I've always known that you're an incredibly sensitive person and net. You ve had your feelings, hurt a million times I grow very. I mean I was very sensitive kid and I think this humor thing is somewhat. Me? I think the serious typical things to say
its armor in can, I think it is part of it- is too hard on yourself just get through the day, and now that I'm older, I don't like talking about as much cuz. I think it was always kind of guard about talking about real things that I used to cry all the time. Every night is a kid too bad. I dont know I mean I know kind of what it was, but I was so sensitive. Not necessarily about my on feelings, because my brother and I had such a tumultuous, relationship, and that was confusing to try to figure out and he's the greatest human now like eleven the death, but there are just things I just didn't understand about how unfair the world is to some kids like it's, it's cruel and so Kids, just have a hard time dealing I can imagine now kid like if our. If our kid now mean a bee grinder, this part cast right, but I think that that sensitivity for
some kind of weird comedic absurdest thing in me. I don't know if someone can be really funny. If they are this good looking, Of course, it goes without saying: I dont know if someone can be when someone comes along, who had a perfectly happy childhood and and since incredibly anxious or incredibly sickness oversensitive were fair. The world was unjust. I always wonder how did they the comedy that haven't How can that work out? Well, being where's the rocket fuel. That's what I always wonder. How do you get the rapid? What you owe you a race properly like you do I mean? Do you think you are raised by loving parents? Yes, but I, but I also think I was hype. Incredibly hypersensitive the end, and had periods of a lot of anxiety when I was a kid and you know and had issue
with getting very depressed and very down and hated school hated school. So wasn't anybody's fault, when people too about my childhood and just how much fun it was. I don't know what you're talking about, did you ever that way when people like our man, when I was a kid that was the best time in my life, I dont it doesn't it. Being an adult better than I liked being again. I had a preacher happy childhood there were. I mean I think everybody will not just makes me look like an ass. Well, I mean my family was funny like my cousins, my brother's very my sit. So there was this like a lot of like nursery of laughter. It wasn't like this hardship. Type growing up a like laughter was real important in the way we communicated does he has made a yoke said. I agree with you as everything. This is. How we communicated still is how we communicate and We are always will defend humour because we live in and stick times now, where its talk of Albion
sensitive we eat where people say, hey we're, be insensitive certain words, and you know how do we as comics, adapt to that As far as growing up my parents were like very supportive, and laughed a lot we used to do sketches for them. You know in, and they were just support. They nurtured it yeah they saw that it was a thing and Even when I decided to move to York by I mean month, I was going nowhere fast. But there was a? U go up, there. Try out There is always a support in in one get to know a lot of comics. I realized that was the case for a lot of people that Syria type of growth I've a weird environment in past is. Is there is a reason there is the stereotyped for that right? Why Agree I had parents said really. Way. I could really connect best with my parents, and even my family was to make them laugh heart. So that's what I think I became a junkie you
like oh. I love that. I want the palate, yes, the hamster that wants to little pellet of cocaine. You know I would watch my cousins do it because they were older than me, so I would watch them make my aunt knuckles laugh because they were, you know ten. They were too I've ten years older than me when I was Philly being affected by now that big family laughed at reunions, that's where everybody showed off that would do the robot for money. May I was five right. You know there's theirs, of all dancing around in earth like his earth, wood fire that actually to show Philip Bailey. The leads Ziegler of immigration is great. I tell you what I got to meet him. He came to visit but this tv show there had and because he liked it and he knew one of the actors and he was worshipped in my family, Philip Bailey. I tried to tell my earthmen in fire. Was ever
thing, and so I got to show Villa Bailey, this sketch my cousins, just lip seeking this great earth within fire song? That's what s great about and how do we respond cute? You loved it yeah. He it's never gonna get better than that right, but is it very as it can Action to like a child had thing I mean, because all they got on think anybody decides to be comic at twenty noticing that we really can born in sit on it. You know that that's what you wanna do me from early age. You probably know right. I knew that I want to be an entertainer and I I can make people laugh and then I put that away Because I thought I live in proclaimed Mass my dad we're in a microbiology lab. We I've never seen anybody in show business. I show business is never happening for me. I just decided at some point. It's not happen. So I'm just gonna buckle down
and grind it out and be a really good student and try and be a man of important matter, Recent affairs completely went off. The rails the college and they have a humor magazine and bang. Then I had the bug forever you once you do it in with you taste that once you get a taste and once you yeah whence you realize, oh, this is a thing that adults to value. I thought it was just a kid thing. You know people is one of my big mom, when I was a kid, was the guided whistled, the Andy Griffith Two elements Rees go and whistled for let whistled for a slight- and I remember thinking, oh my god, you didn't bring anything the work. He just showed up and whistles and it made a big effect on me cuz. I remember looking at the kids and they don't have the Mauser than staring at this guy and holding their their attention. We put what else did he do you can't just whistled? He just whistled the Andy Griffith theme.
Mostly it a lot of a lot of Radiohead. No, no. No, there was other sounds very whistle, but that was what he was known for us. What there was his draw, so he say was about a thirty minute assembly and I just thought well that was done was very. That was a big her. I remember that day very. Well yeah, because you actually were in the room with somebody who was make, who Those entertainers come through. Where I lived. They did, they were Whistler's. You got all the whistler's here, so no hurry. I didn't have any connection to show business. You don't owe me like you. I know that actually what you're told? No, I just didn't know I'm recently, meaning people that got it show business and say oh how to do that as well. You know I grew up in
Monica where I grew up in the valley and my dad. We offer worn a brain owing and so you think like right, you you were near it and you saw it. I didn't see anybody. I never saw a famous person, never saw there was now. For any show business related thing that happened near me. Other stand ups from around that area, though he, but I wasn't as a kid I wish. I were injured and yeah. I wasn't tuned into any of that. I I was watching. You know Mary Poppins, being re, run and thinking you now. How can I be Dick Vandyke in Mary Puppets You still do that. Pussy, a lesbian joke was say that again,
Do you still do that policy where less appeared joke? Yes, I do all the time. Ok, because it delights everybody. Sorry, why are you talking about? It is the opposite of Dick Bend, man. Yes, that's that was my you're used to do it you're a bad guy you're, not a good person. You know that rat com is the best, is the best someone told me: am I say that it is a success? parity guy in Boston that used to seeing our sitting on a cock, as I'm gay fear, instead of sitting on the dock of the bay I'm sitting cock, because I'm gay right and he sang that is, is closer right. I don't know we can do that anymore, poor now's, the time bring it back. Also just now
No, no one also just sounds so not erotic. It just sounds like its flash it and you're just sitting on it like it. So like deflated log, that's how I sure, but I always thought it he's just looking for something to Syria. Such it song. I mean it's outdated as, like six months yeah I stop listening to its six months ago. Wow. I didn't know about that guy, but he's on next week on the fine he's on the podcast Do you think you ve learned anything from this session? Has any good come from this? You must the damage has been sitting here thing. I wonder what the traffic light go back to Venice are talking. No, no, no you're, not yes! I am yes. First thing of this has been a pleasure. Actually sit and talk in and have real, like without the applause. During that you asked for all day long
is a plus sign in the podcast studio, but no one. We can't seem to keep it working No one you know is a great format is what I'm saying this is it's it's it's hard to get real, sometimes on these talk shows it and you are such a great talk, show host that. I feel: why I like this is like When I watch you are yearn for more new ledges last night. I do. I gotta know this other side of you well I'll, say why. Love most about this, that I really enjoyed as those I come into work today and I am doing the show, but then I know that that you're gonna be here now Xanax coming and another we're gonna sit here and talk for forty five, minutes or an hour, and I was told I was gonna- be four to five minutes. That's it we get people when we're going along. We say
forty five and then when they get in here we stretched out. But No I've I've always enjoyed talking to after the show the show that format of six minutes break six minutes it? It doesn't, no there's a big business to two too late night shows that does it allow for intimacy some. Yes, yes, and I still love. I like an audience. I really do have audience, but I also love not having an audience and I love just fine playing these little weird eddies an rivulets little tributaries and keep saying variously outwards. Thought of you know why of water that have broken up into small branches, eroding creating shale magma, I'm having a areas of small strokes,
after some I would to do this again. Some time Europe come up by the moral seems that seem soon does evening later This even sooner, actually, yes or no- I don't Who do you have? Who do you have lined up as guest you? This is something you advertised. You have a lot of a week at people. We're getting Josh GAD is, is a big guy he's going to be coming? You know the date of that one. That would be think it's been about three weeks. You should be here when Josh God is here, and you should know Josh gather your referencing him a lot. I actually hope I hope he doesn't mind because I just like his name, It was doing that for while I did, some stand of, shows a cry. This great nation of ours and I just people the honest would always ask who there was one who's, the celebrity I dont like and, of course I don't want to say that right, but I just decided to tell them
the FAO, because who wooden you, don't mean it so left field is rising willing to follow man to an end. We're like he asked yes, we're getting the tea on and then always like no no no know before I go. I have to tell you he's a cunt the professional and has always been a fleets in me, and I totally made that up just now. To give you a name, and I gave it to you, but I just like your you're with Josh GAD is for you willing to file. Is here I just get likes. That hope is ok with us referencing him. Sure, is willing to follow guarantees of quick or do we have to leave? moved to New York. I was reading an article about the Wooster group, which was his theatre group and as well ground so who saw assigned is Wooster GO. I just read an article about it. And Willem the foe steps of the theater, and I say to MRS Twenty five years ago. I said I just read an article about
still it was one of the rare look and he gave me a tour for an hour to this theatre, and this is guy that I've been telling audiences yeah is a prick. He I know he's a good guy I've. I've noticed a good guide, interviewed him and is always seemed lovely eyes. What is judged GAD done for you nothing. So you know we should switch names. Does you should go after willing to phone? I should go after Josh GAD if that going after just rather things are no margin, I thought it was omitted. I dont speak Spanish. This is true Hosty. I apologize to everyone who were spent valuable time. Listen to this. What is the listener? when something like this. I guess what in the podcast world This is nonsense. You know it we're gonna screw around here. I had no, I expectations they told us when we started A good. If you could do two hundred thousand, you know.
Like a goods respectable, none bang were over a million. Now, yes, don't say no to me I'll say yes to you. Why did I wouldn't have come on? I had I known it. Had this cut a listener, ship yeah? What look I thought were less- is more with me at all, I don't wanna overload the audience with this this will be an issue an exaggeration, the most popular thing you ve ever done, who really Yes, this will be heard by more people, then saw all of the hangover movies cut. I more work than just hang over quota, in a minute now there's a clue. On tv show called passion you watch all these things shows you have to have people come on. Let's talk about now I let there's people I like. I love you and Louis Andersson on that show a bit and I so I watch your show, I'm very good at saying. Oh
many people talking about to show wonderful buzz unreal that you don't usually code for. I haven't seen because you possibly can't watch. I can't I can't I'm too busy. Looking at my own show yeah watch. My own show religiously I've. Never she episode of my own show you watch it out at night. I watch it. I make my children watch it right, you wake him up, yeah I'll get up. Let's go. Diana Daddy, we show it again and I say remember what was the line daddy, hardier bang I know I don't watch my own show and much don't watch if they don't, they think I'm a real ter you think I'm a very a successful realtor. Well, you don't well We urge all well I'm moving a lot of my great houses in what is your neighborhood the colossal park glue? Asshole park. I know what you're gonna do these dirty out. I thought you said no, I said Glasgow Park was that so unexplained, glass apart it Glenn, Dale Adjacent, did not with Glenn Deal
Why so far, the way everybody lying there s a lot of armenian people live there well, a lot of people. I know in the business It's lovely there what's so nice that Glinda is beautiful hills, there's its pleasant, neighborhoods, there's, trees, tat, is really hot. It is we're going to run that section. I think you should it all started with that. We're gonna start with that before we begin a new segment, I can soon I talk about Glenda with Jason properties. The pros and cons are going to end this now, but I want to say it is an absolute honour to know you you're one of the funniest people have encountered in my kooky life, you're also one of the nicest so there you have it. Thank you very I think you have a me everybody. Wherever you murderer,
murderer. I like to accuse you of murder just no way. I'm like well happy Halloween! You too happy Halloween. Now I believe that we have a little gift for your comments. Are you don't give gifts on Halloween? It's a treat and this is something that came up last season on the pie cast sign- you mentioned you had your childhood, I dont room. I have no idea listeners what this is. I have not been briefed Adam and I hunted this down based off a fan suggestion I think this is destined to your special in life changing moment? Where would you like? put more pressure here. We go, I'm opening this box, there's some brown paper and this looks like one of those boxes that sound like a true crimes, but he has his little leg. A bomb was in a bar. You know hold on. Lot of paper in here. Oh my god, yes,
This was it. I think- think this was it it's an uncle. Sam Halloween, Mass and hopped about this last year, oh my god lasting then Cooper YE ass with the final. Oh, my god, I'm yes, this is it I'll make its in future? what happened. I think we have one was murdered in, as that is the shape of American. I owe my so sad. I just it's. A plastic smiling Uncle SAM and Mask just for those flat plastic masks that you were hateful aware and then yet a hurt and their uncomfortable and your sweat condenses underneath them and they smell agent orange or some kind of chemical. It was he's, been warfare, and then this thing you put on overhead, which is Uncle SAM Smock and my mom got for me one near to where on Halloween and I think, was it the height?
Nixon's president's there's, Vietnam protests, various people have taken to the streets and I went out as the symbol of Amerika at its most patriarchal most imperialist do. The image of Uncle SAM was was created and like world war, one in its just associated with crushing other countries it get in the way, and that's how I went out and my poor mamma I just one I my mom is- is still with us and I do love my mom and I feel I was it pleasant. When she handed me this, she was trying to do the right thing. She grew up. Patriotic era, my
I grew up in the thirties, so she, you know she didn't think anything was wrong and she didn't know I was such a sour was about it, but I did where it- and I was attacked by Hippies- will put a picture of this on the episode web page animals. You gotta see this and you have to see the condition of my card. Look at this is this is really wretched. That is you got within this. Is fungus or like a crime happened. No, no. It really does look like this is that you know the boy It was recovered after missing for three years and it was a very killer, put it in a ritual uncle SAM Costume and we took the body away or what was left of it mouldering. This is horrific. Its age is forty six to so its tiny, so it feels really muggy. I think I was older than that when I was. This bite. Yes, that is, I remember that very well. I remember that that face a member looking at that and thinking shit.
Have to wear this out in public little on Birch society Conan over. You know what it was like. It's like that the Chris story. Television show we as to where the pink Ralphie has to dress up. Is the pink bunny rabbit two rabbit and he's mortified, that's that me: I was Uncle SAM symbol of American, my that's great. Who did a fan, find his yeah? I'm sorry I can't member who was, but they tipped us after this auction on Ebay, two hundred dollars. Oh my spent two hundred dollars universally, oh great, it just came out of the park, cast our profits. You moron I adorned with black ass money gone. Some that's fantastic! Its side. Stop soon you look of genuinely upset, I'm I'm not upset. None is kind, they stared, meaning. It is really weird says a man Colonel Costume for Halloween fun with vent. Baited mask
it just means it has. I horse and its open in the back countries is to temporarily retard flame temporarily temporarily. You have been Cooper, who's been Cooper, he's the guy that would make all these things are only got a bunch of licences like star wars and all the super rise and everything right. Well, I hope He was tried for his crimes like pol pot. I hope feed paid for this. Somehow Cooper wherever you are you guys dressing up this year, I am going to an alien party and you're going as well. I want no. I wanted to go as Gwen De Marco from Galaxy Quest Security weavers character, but I didn't have time to get. The costumes area is going as an astronaut. I think shortly after might have been this uncle SAM Costume killed costumes from someone who, if I made a sketch, I of being in a costume. I love having a fake. Must Africa, if I'm doing something bits, comedic performance? I'm fine with a costume
dont want aware ace, Billy costume I dont want to. Stop on Halloween. I just I always had a really strong reaction to it to pressure. Pressure and I always thought what I've got going. I naturally is enough: that's not by this. Oh, yes, people probably dressed up as for Halloween I have seen whose people have sent me pictures of like their kid, with a big rat, a talk show DES strapped around them, walking down the street and I think that kid just getting pelted fruit Her kids get no candy luggage me, I'm an ironic irish guy held Pellets flap lab sad. There was one of those masks, but they didn't licence your image and it just said talk show how is no worse than that. It was right after the tonight show thing happened and
you know it was a huge story, and There was a mask you could buy. And it was clearly my face, but they couldn't say it was me for licensing purposes, and it was this and looked like me. If I had been in a fire and been burned a little bit in the face. Guy but not on purpose just goes through the mass together so quickly the label was exe. Show yes, acts. Talk, show host like well he's gone. If you Vienna like no I'm not I'm actually starting, I'm I'm still around no you're, not you're Ex talk show host city.
Have not brought that up. Well, if you consider this package to be a very honest form of therapy than yes, you should have ok, you're welcome. I don't. I thought that was you guys think. That's too painful how I know it. I know you love it. I love you lucky! I do love you love that my career has been filled with children spills. You ve done all right sport. You really have you ve done fine as they have. Yes. Thank you. Have extraction steal that story there. How William Shatner Mask was turned into Michael Myers for Halloween serious? That's that's! What the mask is. It's a William shatter method. I've heard that yeah they took away. I think William Shatner STAR Trek Mask right. Yeah and turned it in and then that's what they use for Michael Myers yeah. So that's kind of like what happened to you.
Maybe someday people will use the mask of me as Ex talk show, host the murdering slasher murder or when they reboot it having ex time they'll use my face. I'd go to them. Yes, let's get out here
really. Gonna know Ryan needs a friend with solar, most session and Conan O Brien Asthma Self produced by me, MAC Goarly, executive produced by Adam Saxon, Jeff, Rasa team, cocoa and colony, understood and Chris Ban and add your worth theme song by the White Stripes incidental music. By Jimmy the Zenith. Our supervising producer is blamed and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples. The shows engineered by will back to you can write and review the show apple podcast, and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Gotta question for Conan call the team cocoa Hotline at three two three four: five one to do: a? U one and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode and if you have an already, please subscribed. Conan o Brien needs a friend on apple pie, guests, stingier or wherever fine pod casts are down
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Transcript generated on 2020-01-09.