« Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Jake Tapper

2021-05-17 | 🔗

Journalist and author Jake Tapper feels cromulent about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.

Jake sits down with Conan to talk about hanging out with the Eisenhower sisters, journalistic credibility (in superhero films), and exploring dark Hollywood in his new novel The Devil May Dance. Plus, Conan and his team consider the question of unseasonable horniness in response to a listener’s voicemail.

Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 451-2821.

For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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I have opening all those tat year. Open tabs. Just get my goat, you can manage, it came better yeah I like to manage my team and the do. It is Monday dot com there, the best discharge, free to trial, gotta money, dot com, that's m, o n D, a why dot com I made up a jungle. They probably wish. I hadn't hello. My name is Jake Tapir
and I feel chromium lines about being Conan, o Brien friend. Ok now I got up crumbling. I've been working on the fence, hey they're, welcome too the brain is why you left us. Why why I don't know your voice always gets tube. cause. Can I say something what happens? I think I know you're gonna say when I'm just walking in the moment I myself yeah, but whenever you guys say now, it's time to start the podcast I get in my Edna, go well Why do you want me to do in an oi, Didn T, open keel? You knows ok,
So tell me we're gonna start the pike, ok, you're, Conan now and I'll be I'll be mad. Parliament's put down my banjo He felt tat. My best Truman don't go over there and then Conan. You should probably start the Pike S now. Silence, silence, quiet, hydro. Finally, say: why do I say: murder horizon ok, come on country when you take like I'd, say third, Secondly, you just go quiet and still like your meditating and then you finally come out of it and go eight. registers deeper than the normal voice. Loader welcome to come bring his friend. Is it that bad? Is it that bad? I'm? Not only the password I can't people into my pride and then you emerge dear sir, because it takes me yeah it takes me a couple of it takes
Oh, I know it's not bad, no idea what I'm gonna do about it. Now it's a moment of time. No, I know it's that thirty seconds you take to think about it. Where you go into odd, castor mode. When you just gotta, be old, cones it'll be Rhine and get out there. The b I don't ever want to be around the I'll, be right. You're right I get into my head and I think what is this we're doing now and then I look and uses giant microphone in my face and said a few items for professional and I go hey contribution,
and an immediately. I know I'm not being my authentic self and then soon as something it in enrages me and I say: murderer silence, silence yet and then suddenly we're back to this normal voice, trade. If you don't think about it, one two three go a gardener Brian here Ryanair Fran were seen a lot of traffic downtown on the fourth day, unheard of one or one make sure you stand. The left, layin we're gonna sit, chicken is Scotty, Joe, is getting to know. What's going on here I got my parliamentary crinkles level. packing with you guys latest gotta show Mr Wriggles here listening to see I'll, be in the chair to kill job the jewels
If we go from the pod cast into that, that would be so fantastic. You know they would become a retro vintage, it might just beyond. Would it be cool again and and you'd have to talk about guys that are hot zone? I M doing here you do in some guy, you in some guy is high out yet tell us all about it. We did it view. Ok, that's almost a sexual sexual conversation. I've ever heard of my life many guys hot we're doing it, and then we did it and then it was done yeah. It was done thing that had been done so when families, yet I'm for sex reminiscences on the set up day and if you're trying to get to the one. Thirty four just pay aware these many large melted shit she's spill over the highway.
Rushing brains to that site immediately to mix them in with the cheese might chopper is now descending losing altitude quickly. I forgot to gas it up beforehand. This is my final broadcast in that year. The helicopter timing, the guy in the hell out of hearing stew. You have been ok, I've crashed, I am now in my mired in, she is jeez on the one authority, for I have to tell it was kind of a sharp, too sharp chatter, I believe from the taste of it wait a minute. That's my blood, seven minutes after the our time for another sex remembrance firms, so bad you with another sex, remember our make sure you're putting some helicopter noises behind me goarly late around. If you do it now, you don't do it now the man saw alive, we're going, why you re I'll, do it chopper, chairperson?
diver, another addition of sound effects, the theatre, opera, job or chopper. Oh now, we're going down to sir crash. Listen, that was a terrible openness I am I am going to do from now on yeah from now and I'm just gonna launch went into a kind of Brian and you're gonna hear that other guy who's that other guy. I would really there when you these guys. I don't know just do a. U do. I didn't mean to make you all self conscious about it's just it does you do lake, it's it's silent and those injure like high. There so funny I home! I if I say something my wife doesn't lectures shall say, wait. What did you say? I say: don't worry about him. He said create high. No us they worry about who- and I go you now college is being that way and shall say wait, you're comin how go now and it totally gets me out of it every day That's pretty girl- and I realize I say so obvious talking to her so you be
Eliza now just say something like what could we eat sooner light coming soon? You know, I don't I don't worry about him. He's just you know he is he's narcissist and it's all at him and has shown is podcast and just just walk away from him. Can you know what you're better than him, and she said who were you talking about? We, yes, who are you talking about Trust, Lee Conan, just a dick? Sometimes, but you know it and then I ve become her confidant. Whose good guy who's aligning with her against Conan, look a fantastic that without really harrowing try its view. Very healthy when my children look at it and they leave the room and biggest cry. Ok that may arise, and they know that hate I I gotta get going with our guest today fantastic. He is of course, in its chief Washington, correspondent and host of the lead with Jake Tapir, which airs weekdays at four p m Eastern he's. To a New York Times bustling offer his new book. The devil
a dances available. Now, I'm very sorry is with us today. Jake Tapir, welcome, Chrome, Yolande Matt, you know a cry: we want is hell. No, I dont know what a prominent is and I like to try and know what words are. Is that mean your crime well in meaning that you want to- either a successful revolution in England as Allah Cromwell. I think so there's a lot of debate about whether it is a real word or not. Does it come from the Simpsons guess the council must also. I never know, Simpsons Trivia ever I dine, I know, but that's the thing is when you work on a show, you dont know this stuff and people are always coming up. Tween saying so and Mr Plough and I I I don't know what you're talking about what this Cromwell it the nonsense word it along. with the same kind of a noble spirit in begins, the smallest man
and so somebody's asking about the word it began, and somebody says something something already injects to it in this process at an alliance of perfectly chromium word, and that's ok I set off, receive simpsons fans will be delighted and other people just fast forward through this action, which I think is a good thing as allowed. You know, Jake our listeners don't know this. Your eyes. You and I are friendly in real life, as it were loaded me too, readily ex friendly, we're afraid we are going to say we're so friendly one could even qualifies as friends. I mean I think, as literally slept at your house that doesn't count year end. Your house. You remember that debts. Another thing I can, I bring you,
I spend somebody or what happened at the houses of late night hosts. You may know you might be it. You might be when those late night sluts that just moves around sleeping. You know you to buy house and then its Fallon Gordon's. You know you just might jump from late night house too late night, I was found, remember most than exiles. Those are just rumours, he's never had much. Listen! Here's my what what I remember you who you you were in town, and I very kindly offered. you stay at my house. I remember if there was a guest lovely not- and this is why I was learning how lovely guest room to this is a true story. So I'm sleeping sound asleep, and then I just you know when you wake up used, aware something I woke up and Jake
standing in my room looking at me and he was he was dressed in a suit. He was dressed for on air on CNN true, and he was just staring at me and you looked at me forbidden I love to you and then you just walked out of the room and I brought it up in the morning and you denied it and then I search your luggage in you had no suit. So I dont know how this was possible. Its passage Will you dropped it? It's all the same the scandal Eliza that you know you dont was right. Araby, I mean there's also stuff all sorts of possibilities. With a monopoly of Iceland to your house, I have a lunged if you and your wife with my wife, yes you're lovely, life. We were the flintstones and the rebels in. I don't know I mean to say you were the flintstones when we were the rebels to give you that you're making for my feet
I was giving you the alpha rank your average it that's all you're making fun of me for having friends whinstone feet. No, not at all. Although you do start your car, you ve cut out the whole browsers, but is also the issue. You know I think we became friendly and I think the cement is that we both love and have this insane in obsession with financial history and american sort of our can I you know I just will. First, while you often send me something it's available on E Bay, why bring it as a gift for the show? So everybody who knows you who listens to the show knows that you have a lovely mug. Why Eisenhower mug I believe these in uniform. It's an army, joint eyes and any advice, its. I think it's it's Circa World war, two young and its allies in our modern. It's been on my desk. He was on my desk at CERN alive and then it was my desk at the Simpsons and then on one,
The time when I had a late night show someone said war what's gonna be on your desk and I just put it on my. ask if they are on the first episode and it was therefore diminished Twenty eight years. I've had that that this fence, ass. Whatever on whatever desk I have, and so you were kind enough. That's a genre of collectible, whereas these old mud So I think one of the first times I came on your show. I brought you. I believe, a general Macarthur. Yes, go with us, and then I came back than its timing was nowhere to be seen. On the contrary, it was night. Meanwhile, I wasn't going to respond. If I was you gonna, not even the eyes in our now world, where how else could be friends, weren't friends they both had will Macarthur had a crazy ego and didn't get along with Eisenhower, and I knew that that would upset Eisenhower. So then I brought you maybe eyes in our mug the next time around That is why our next time came Michel also still not. There still
I do not real. I didn't realize I took those mugs home. I wasn't going to that's a bad precedent, third time, because job gone right, the british British I've ever the General Walker and keep my mind soda He never like. It never appeared again. I never saw it was not in his office. It was not at home in my House Jones. Aren't you have not it is these are at home, but what I want I'm going to do is led the man on the desk because then ok care, top comes on the show and leave some put shattering, teaches aghast and avowal leave them and soon its previous playhouses. I can't do that and and also
the Montgomery, General Montgomery and all users are going. That's right. You know led british forces Isley, you know, fought the Germans in North Africa and then led the british european forces in and indeed hated patent, just actually hate you I die, and now, but anyway he didn't look like Montgomery. He looked like the dad on different straw was terribly. Was it China being caught yeah? He was Bain Ass, he was pain like and Macarthur was headed either by the way the Macarthur. Now that Macarthur, like really wasn't good use, hideous. Frankly the guys in our story is, and this is causing this. This is how sick we are go ahead and Jake you if you want it you're enabling, like I, have a sickness when it comes to US presidential, his history and an american history, and then
and twentieth century history and you unable at you. I had now Agnes so love it sells already what you did. I got a random invitation and email, and I get a lot of these. I'm sure you do too common did. I will I too have dinner in New York was the seventy fifth anniversary of the the day landing. It was something like that it was some historical night having to do with world were to end the Eisenhower granddaughters we're gonna, be there lovely Ladys, probably in their sixties I would get something like that. Yes, the eyes on our renders, and did I want to do that and it turned out. I live in DC. You live in Ireland, but both of us were in town for Warner, media or maybe with CBS whenever it was whatever apparent company was at the time weeps week, so we both I knew you were going to be in New York and you and I have gotten together before
during that weak, and so I said this is going to sound crazy, but I think you're, the only other person in the world that we want to do this with me Do you want to go? Has staked celebrate? Seventy fifth anniversary de the landing General Eisenhower's granddaughters. Yes, and what I love is that the text I hey I lined up good night view me in the eyes and how assistance was so funny because it has suddenly. It was like Lenny squeaky dating these two sisters, now look again the eyes and our sisters could not be lovelier there there of empty. Then there there granddaughters of of the great president and generalised and our and they could not be. A lovelier, but it was just so funny because was all couched in this as if it was finally going out with, like you know that
leather tested, airline, Pinky Target area, silently and so, and so we show up at this thing and of course, their delighted to see you because, This is we how we're an odd couple You are a legitimate figure pop culture, so you walk into the room and the Eisenhower granddaughters are saying: oh, my god its Jake Tapir Jake Tablet. So good to be here- and you went yes- and this is Conan o Brien and they were trying to be nice bad thing. They could not take me out of a police lineup zoo about, and at least one of Em Susan, I think knew about the mug undertake. you are, you are, you are perhaps the most prominent fear of David Eisenhower alive. Today I can't think of why I've worked hard to get the word out onto ideas in our among this slacker generation. Aunt, you know
he's punks today and to try and still a sense of history and responsibility where this generation, by the way, that's like that, such a David reference you're, actually referring like we are technically the cyber Jane always is it on we're. We're slackers generation, Z. Things like that. that's like you describing the baby boom generation like thinking that like or the greatest generation these young kids today, the greatest generation. No, it's funny and I'm doing something that my dad does my dad. is so, was I think fifteen years old when World WAR two ended so he's too young to to be involved in any way or fifteen or sixteen. But he this is so in love with I know so much about world war, two that he now talks as if he fought in the war- and I think he's convinced he's watched so many of these documentaries and so many of history channel things that I
He really does feel like that pain in his hip. You know is not of these in his nineties. It's that he took shrapnel. You know it you, oh Jima, and so he found the Pacific, though we need all the penalty for both areas like it or not, and not one and then the other. In his mind, he probably believes now that he was he was jump from the european State or to the Pacific and then back again uses constantly commuting between these fronts. In the war and and I was I think, I've read so much about this history that I'm starting to feel like you punks you, don't know what it was like a rough words you can. I give you generate age. You came of age in the nineteen eighty zero tonnes of cod. Are you writer near a comedy writer, and yet no one? I was writing comedy. I took some shrapnel when, when did you take shrapnel sketch show I was working on air was tossed kids. It was tat, you were.
With John Love, it seems easy. You want a lot of cake and we had to get him his case. Yeah. Just really real foolishness, I've always been so I think, anyone listening way now. Consents disappears ill affection here what you want only friendly and we collect, though we can we revisit this again we have established now and everybody listening knows where France, no, maybe you're embarrassed to admit it or maybe now something and you don't know you Jake, you would know now you legitimize me, I'm happy about ends. If I come to LOS Angeles, I let you know I'm coming so we can grab dinner. I mean this happens. yes, I know explain what happened when I said with friendly, I was: the first one to make the statement, and I didn't want to be wounded. I didn't want to get even one of you, you thought I'd rejected. Go. I thought was possible if I said hey, we're friends that maybe you know you'd make I'm snide comment and then I d,
whilst you sure every so felt ashamed. I think what you sense. There was me being afraid to really open up. we do not want to be vulnerable. I dont want to be vulnerable in front of Jake Tapir and you served in world war to both because it's my question. I served with my father, which is very unusual for a father designed to fight alongside each other when one is under age and the other is not borne yeah about you. I fought with my father in both theatres of world war. Two and I think you punks today. No nobody knows you young generalizers. Getting back to. It was really fun. We had this dinner through sport labourers, Eisenhower granddaughters were there and then I think you and I and it at some point. I think we got put it its table. I don't know where they definitely didn't put us at the good. You know is there. I mean there was such an elite clientele and definitely Conan. I were not put it, they had table, but there was who is the guy who
Jackie Onassis has yes, Maurice Temples men was there, a belgian America is businessmen and diamond merchant, is what yeah cities as border nineteen twenty in he introduced himself to me that way. He said, I'm a belgian type diamond merchant and That was the kind of party we were in this super insane bubble of kind of important people and they put this little card table, which are mainly made the right call tooth stooges european television, the end is about Maurice temples meant is like he's so successful and wealthy. He doesn't care if we know who he is. I think that's the reason we have the kind of search for his name like he. Doesn't he Jackie Onassis because, like wow, that's like the greatest woman, he could you know in his social circle, but he's lying I out their dying out on nobody cared like you too. You know, maybe he so successful he doesn't needs.
we on television and get approval the way you and I do yeah and we kept throughout the dinner either. One of us are both of us, or sometimes in unison, would shout we're on television, and I think that's why we gotta put it that smaller take up, and I was trying to do better since I was trying to convince people I had. I seem to have a bad habit of showing footage of my show on my phone and the eyes of our sisters. They they weren't having it. Please sit down now more than ever, it's important to eat local, thankfully over each can bring your favorite local restaurants, directly to you? I know little thing about liberates. Yeah, it's been very helpful. during these times when we have been able to go to a restaurant- and I really I hooked on it and we must get a little spoiled cause. I want this incredible food. I want that incredible food may bring it right to your door. Yes, I mean it I've had a lot of cravings. That's
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it was just came in- and you have this avatars I dont have that Occasionally on my show, I try to say this: stand in. Some important news is evidently see it's the beginning of a sketch sugar regime at offering lower vine helmet. I am, I am, I think, I'm mildly amusing for four or a news ankara that I think that's what it is. I guess I got like I like it. A dog they can catch Frisbie really! Well, let go it doesn't matter. Does our heads of ours now compared to men but dialogue? That's pretty good! That's what I'm like with like you like it. I will talk and, like you know, maybe one thing I'll say: fifty Munich conversation is is like you it's a smile out of you is that you know, but I'm happy for that, I'm happy for, but I I miss. Your aim is serious person, generally speaking, which is why I have a gravitas as it were. I think Something in the region may be. I said friend Lee was said about France and I
going back to this house, for our I've always been slain lay jealous of your romance with Paul ROD year you, you are very tight with Mr Paul Ride and yeah, you think that on occasion. The three of us have gotten together. As I always sensitive, you guys are happy to see each other than you are to see me. Then I get in my head about that guy. I guess I'm no Paul road, because I'm actually aging, like a human being. What I think is frigates idle. I do not even understand like Y Y, you looks the exact same now. when I met him fifteen years ago, like it's quite do, which is I found out that he has a chamber that he sleeps in that would beg us, availed its filled with ponds. Facial
cream- and he just lies in its face down- and these little straws go in his nose and feed him oxygen, and so he marinate in ponds cream all my long, that's a true fat like bill heard and altered states. So yes, so, but you have to admit you its threatening to me, I'm threatened by your your closely. with no new. All at all is Paul is just on this level of rarefied air like every now and then hope, he'll come down and outside in, but then we'll go back up. You'll. Remember, though, the three of us going together in New York. You and I were hanging out at a bar at a hotel bar in and then I told Paul I was in town and he asked where and when I told him and he came in, he met the three month to us and where he just come from remember this, he had just been playing ochre without the China? Now my guy, like that's no life, that Paul lives, Paul list, early, has stories about like Paul Newman,
making him salad like like not eating. This grand bottled Newman Zone he made salad dressing for so yeah? That's the life, he waits yeah. and an we didn't have anything. You said: oh yeah, no, I just played hungry hungry hippos with Wolf Blitzer Command. Politics. I remember he rolled his eyes yeah and that I think- and I said I have a Christmas card that I got once from Pee Wee Herman. I try to produce it but couldn't find it. He was different level and then Thou was pre. at man Benny
I'll get it he's a marvel hero. Now he is reached now. You want returned peacherinos fungal if it is by the way. So speaking marvel of whom your fits. You know I've been out of the car, the on the ethical, whether the bad bombs, the Lahti Mass at all. You anyway, that's Paul right now he will never speak him again, so you know so. Have you watched all the Marvel movies, because I am now. I waited to watch a whole bunch of stuff for MIKE is to be old enough to watch it with like that Harry Potter movies, all the arbiter of movies, and now my kids are eleven and thirteen. They could not give a shit. They do not want to see superhero movies. They do not want the very bottom of his they could
they couldn't care less. Now, I'm watching the by myself and I and the various about I'm only up to a civil war. Avenger civil war. So I still gonna I gotta ways to go if you want them all well outside. Something! My kids are really into it and eyes and they say dollar an inner there a little older now, but when these is couple years ago they were really under these movies, and I was watching with them and I forget vendors movie- it is it's somewhere in there were there trying to assemble, the fragile rock. It turns into a glove, get what it is via consumer here only rifle by trying to get the stones together, and it's like the second of those of the first of those, and I had a revelation but I'll show As you know, which is at one point, the sky I opened up into a portal. From another universe and monsters started coming out of it and they were. There was a giant rag in and there is different and everything came out of it.
Portal, and there are no rules like they were gods that came out, and so one of them could push Thor and hid go flying, but then Captain America's just a strong man, well we'd punch one event elsewhere, but yeah I mean area is straw. He's a strong is like three man he's. Basically someone who. Yet if you hire any mover moving company and he's always lays only now, is basically just like the rock but inadequate eyesight too he's he's he's Dwayne, the rock Johnson and yeah. Ok you're like really impressed that's great you're right fit if there's a meteor com. I think I've got an issue like sorry rock yeah. He again exactly that's right, and so is cats do you want it, and I have a poster sellers Jacob her. He ass, he sickly yeah.
listen! Here's my point. My point is appalling to another room and I have for God's sakes. I walked out of the screen I walked out of. You know this this movie and I went the lobby in my kids like what's the problem I went. I cant do portals like movies where the sky opens up and anything can come out. You don't know what the rules are any more in the movie and that you know that the script writers just go? Oh, what the hell have something open up in the sky and that will be at three and stuff comes out and everyone is fighting everything and everybody happened: Injustice League to wonder in the Deasey yeah yeah yeah, guess what I'm saying is that I'm portals if animals? This is it. I'm on notice to DC and Marvel stop it stop having. Sky open of work within the framework that you ve created and make of viable universe and then follow those rules and stay up late and figure out a way for you hire dietary, don't open
a porno in the air and like a look, it's a creature, it looks like a giant. You know Corn Cobb Right shooting a beam, that's made of jewels. That then, too, and into french begets like it's just started, but as I say please, for you know, superpower games of Simon put them together than then he asked yes. Can I just say that this discussion did not go the way I thought it was y yeah? Oh, you thought we'd be talking about. democracies in peril, it is literally see it is really not talk about it. That's what it's all about Algeria exactly you know a man. First of all, all that stuff going to straighten itself out rubbish to somebody. What's gonna happen list, Jays management, gonna get us one. Amendment Lionel is miss. My book is going to be just about. destroy voting rights and he's about to be he's just about to do it when the sky is going to open up and a bunch of crazy.
Characters. You gonna go down, people get their quickly, sorry Jake! So all I want to say so, I'm watching so I'm catching up all the on all these movies. Now, watching by members Superman because our I visited, Snyder cut, I started watching and unlike ocean. I need to buy expanding interested me at first and then I started thinking about members Superman oh shit, I need the wise man of steel first and then I'd better as proceed in Batman versus Superman. They have seen an anchors that have cameos, I think Anderson's in Indiana bash. Isn't it damn you I remember this is amusement became a tinge of ten years ago. The spoiler theirs there's a scene in which they frame Superman makes it look like Superman caused a terrorist attack in the capital to members did. You watch me? Ok, it's not that long ago. I think it's like five years ago boil a movie but anyway, that the point is serenest frank. He didn't he didn't do this. Been anyway Dan is in the movie. My colleague and friend is in the movie. Based.
Finally, on television, rigour, educating anti. Superman talking vice like life. No, I mean I couldn't I'm like. You know: you're allowed to change this script. If they give you stuff that you don't want to say I mean I get like you know we were, we would get out, we got ass to do it and I put I wanted them to say yes to anything like that, it's fun, but- and this is the only way that your kids, like is our get to see me- do anything but but definitely not like why. Why are you on television reading, like Anti Superman talking point Superman's, a good guy Like you know, you know that Superman's good right, she's again you're saying that that damn, you think, hurt her journal stick credibility. By going,
ass. I superman which they would do on Fox only I'll only on the draw only in metropolis, but yes, only less. But yes, he's. Last year's three credit metropolis, exactly like Ebbene, she should have, she said was yet there is a whole scene that she did where she and Lois Lane played by Amy Adams. We're talking in that it and it would have it would have you know her. Character would have come out more, but it didn't make the cutting enforced and she says: yeah, that's species like they judge Janine of members is Superman's is like saying nonsense that we know is not through its various Zaire. This is happening. I love it. I loved it see. This is a side area. I want everyone. This is the real Jake time here. I know that you have. You have all the stuff you have this credibility and and and people admire your respect you this is but it's really about yes and is that you are spending most of your time. A critiquing Anderson Cooper prefer
My son's fat man of E Superman who, as you know the other thing I'd like to say, is the other thing I would like to say- and I think I think I'm getting behind your aunt- I portal position all right. I'm a hundred percent behind I'm total anti endless. I'm asking my listeners to contact Marvel Contact DC and say enough with the porter sky. Stop it. I guess I avoid is like that they need to have a reason to have the whole gang together and so what what it could possibly be because we know that there are strong enough to defeat any army, so we instantly from report by don't buy, get more create. I don't know it just say it stores birthday and everyone's getting together. You know, that's some Norse restaurant up on the upper West side, violence and and that's when they attack in their altogether. That's all you haven't you. You don't have to have a portal now behind a people get their quickly. You know that's the whole
I will quickly get to the battle quickly. You know you saw our lady Throckmorton, I I heard you and you know it. You know you aren't all you're a portal apologists, that's the worst kind of person you really have to carry on one side or the other. You can't straddle l or or proper dorians. I bore all you have to be Y yeah pro on proportional, ok, well days on this, so you trying to say the sauna, I'm some Aren't you right now that I think around
July. Second, I'm gonna make you take a hiatus. That's my do day, my twin. You can say that if you want to save face, but as of around July, second, such as you are banned, ok from being with me for a while, so I decided earlier hold and low for babies, please name them Leopold allow the hawk. Ok, what do you want to know a little bit about Leopold? Love! No, you know we're guide, no variation. Talk about democracy. We want to say is that the marble universe there you have to have the ethics and the and the strength to not then go into the DC universe as an actor, and both you can't be J, Jonah, Jamieson P. farmers bombs and, in turn around in your commissioner Gordon for about me, you can the EU Do I Simmons you
do it you can't affair than can be. One is an evil, rambling, efficient and them turn around and be the green goblin fighting could decide your man, you can't you can't be dear level and that man asked why you have to pay a so. I am actually and unapologetic ass, likely failure. I don't care what anybody says. He's got his batman, but I'm sorry. It was daredevil. First sorry, and that ruined his batman for you didn't it just like how can the first area, and how can we all? Have you learned? Yes, you have to make a decision in some points which super there? You are going to be and also, have to choose Marvel DC. Jumping from bed to bed is just disgusting exile. I am totally with you on. Thank you, not nearly as passionate about.
I have one issue which is no portals your thing. Is you want actors to line up and commit to a role and stick with their way and also yet I find him into a role and commit to a universe. You can't do DC and also marble. You have to choose one or the other and whatever you pay. Are you ok with you? it with Ryan Reynolds being green land but then later on, being dead, ports or less interesting. No, although Really I really like green with the green lantern. He admits totally fizzled. Doesn't that I mean he gets other try? It was viable dead. You know he's really good and that boy he's great and dead. Those movies are so. What I'm saying is by your logic, Jake you by your very own logic. Guess you think that Ryan Reynolds should have been barred from playing dead, pool b, because he had already a role playing God,
lantern the nobody saw cared about. Yes, I submit to you so that you are wrong. I say to you, sir. I submit that there are. I professors at one makes for principle is that is, I would say, I mean like it's. I don't know why. I don't know what you're talking to principle has had no pray. I mean that's. What principles are you you? You uphold them, even if sometimes it's inconvenient right, like you, honor democracy, even if your candidate loses right. Yeah here. We go very ago. You did a beautiful job of bringing in it brain around the circle, but still want to frustrate anyone whose tuning in to this podcast to hear you say it all issues running in I wait. What do you mean they may that is now this far they ve been was I'm the one who's made it? This far, maybe should be rewarded with a toaster, something real. We're gonna go
I said that I wanted to make sure that I I give you props on your second novel. Your book came out, the devil may dance. You are very kind, and to send me a copy in advance, and I did read it and I told you how much I liked it and then it gets this bill The full rave review in a little paper avenue much about called the New York Times less believer, It was a graduation eyes, sincere, no congratulations and then but pitched I'd like to make some words you, because anyone whose listened, if you haven't noticed- and I said this before I Jacon our boats obsessed with sort of especial we midcentury in America and American, the nineteen fifties and sixtys, and your first book Hellfire club sort of takes place posts. Or nineteen fifties Eisenhower era, but then the second book Devil may dance takes place in nineteen sixty one sixty two and every page is packed with like three
for a famous historic figures and all the stuff that happened at that time is playing out in real time on the accurate dates, and I was pitch myself for the audio book, I'd like to play both Kennedys well possible, The audio books already been done. I regret to say now I was going to ask you about. I will say this: I did the audio books for the Hellfire Club, the one that takes place in fifty four. They didn't. The publisher did not asking you to vote for this. One was the devil media which I took, as an insult to me completely brain, but why so? They want you to do the first area book and then they set were heard on the second wanted. They did but I will say this. I would like to haven't Kennedy off with you, because I didn't do the Kennedy voices for the first therein there as us. John F Kennedy and we're Kennedy, his Ino, who worked on the set side for their money,
Yo Mccarthy's commission there there their characters in this book to obviously, because, though the president's an attorney general. Now when I was young, raggedy, Andy S, none right rob candidates kind of up here, but when I do Jackie Amity, it's a little lower and a little slower thoughts. So basically, your jack. Kennedy is Bobby Kennedy. If he fell in a well at how it happens, it is a sea, so Robert Kennedy walking along it and at these asteroids up here Mr Jam and he's a little reading and he's up here and then he trips on Iraq and evolve and then he's down here a little more gravitas, Tom TOMS, that's exactly God only little girls laughed and giggle Mr Gee and Ghana. Mr sturdy
I want to make sure that I I do get the word out on the devil may dance, yes, so eyes that really the book is by this is what inspired me. The true story- and you already know this- I'm sure- because you're such a history above the rapid came out for Kennedy in such a huge way. Nineteen sixty and Sinatra even rewrote one of his songs. High hopes. And all that they did you're, all ball performance your ball, and they were friends, there's an ad in Wines Sinatra, what was the matter was expecting to President Kennedy came out to California. Has president he would stay with him. And his Ranger Mirage Compound his estate, their mere palm springs and he had built and he had brooms out of your telephone lines, install the hell yeah. All true but and about again and the attorney general was investigating organised crime, and somebody pointed out to him that his brothers
brain Frank Sinatra was friends with a lot of people in organised crime, including Mr Gee, in Canada. So then they Bobby Kennedy had a dilemma. You know does he not the present and stay with this huge supporter and insulting. or does he let his brother, sleep in a place where monsters had literally slap while battling organised crime, so that True, the story and also the premise of the book. The inspiration for the workers and I had my met my main characters, Charlie Martyr, whose republican congressmen and Can we Eisenhower realm of revolt tens and, as opposed to the mat gates, room and Margaret my wife was whose, as while just go out and investigate to see us I was really mobbed up or if it's gonna just a bit and that's the promise of the book and what's a real true story, as you know, is that the decision that the Kennedys make is that Jeff K will not go stay with Sinatra. He'll go and stay with. I was ready stayed with being cries. It is dealt with in the sense that this is now
really a spoiler for the. the bodies nice, but no, it's nice Willard offer the book it's but yeah. He still if it is the spoiler I apologize so, but what Important now is in real life. This broke. after his heart. It really work is already destroyed him, and one thing is very seldom pointed out but like in May nineteen sixty two- and this is the last chapter the book May nineteen sixty three JFK has his famous birthday party. Square garden, that's also a fundraiser! It's when Marilyn Monroe sings happy birthday, Mr Perry. Tomorrow at others use. You know. many things are so sexy, she's stone. Out of her mind and like mushrooms from dying, that's right. It's it's really sad Sinatra's, not part of that celebration, Peter Lawford, their other members, the rapporteur, there sure playing, etc, etc. He's not there and like that's it
they broke up and it really broke Sinatra's hard. It really was, I think it destroyed and laid him later in life, Sinatra's a hard core republican, and so it's this big schism for him. You know he was an and that's why I like that you that is the centrepiece of the book, or I would citizen peace by what everything is all right. It's like the smasher, the chronological hotter, but this There's a ton of other stuff gone work going on in terms with mine. Stir in the church of Scientology is there and sort of young Ladys and of misery and murder so tell me she's going to read it to induce labour which I thought was a strange strangest thing to say, but to give one is going to come out,
talking body and the other will be down here. Jane being I didn't know, so you know you're representation and out. Oh god, you have your google and you have your gag is what I have to say about. That. Please It is with loving he's a little guys came out and I'm out mother? for no reason at all, just because Jane, suggest to my friend, mad clams, a brilliant writer of affection writer, and he here I were hanging one time and the stuff amuses wives, I will say I will. I will not let it so we hung at once. This is ninety. This is two thousand four were hanging out and
he just answer, and we were nobody. Was we weren't drunk? We were high, there was nothing going on, but we do decided to spend an afternoon talking as if one of us all carry and the other one was President Bill Clinton trying to give him advice. What John? What do you do for your convention, where you, John you ve, been to Vietnam right. That's right! Mr President, It is about the girl you know just likely is. It was always like Bill Clinton like introducing some serious subject: junk files, GA, Mr President, and then and then boycott, and we just like swimming disaster, crudest grows,
We do for hours, and I swear to God our wise one on one on many walks. What we thought it was very yeah yeah, the wives give out of work. At birth gonna walk. That's real funny that carry glinting going. It's funny! You see when six hours, when this unsettles I I'm gonna, let you go, I'm told you have real things to do, which I can't believe this is a joy. I must Fan of this show you three give me much pleasure, and so I thank you it's called a nose. I listen because, like I will, I will text hematoma ones politically, girder a. U texted me once that there had been a mistake that we should look into during you. Re ran and aware of that and add re ran and it was somehow it re ran incorrectly and so I come into the meeting at the view of the package people and I said
I think there was a mistake and ever saying, there's no mistake said no, no Jake, upper sent me this thing. You should look into and they went well Jake tapirs insane and they came back and said yes, something went wrong address. Writing. It was what it was. I was obviously commercial that you do right. You you're getting you here and that it was as you did it twice and, unlike that, they didn't mean forget. Every ran at twice. The accident lay the exact same one. I've asked for now, but I love it just so everyone out there knows the quality control on carbon needs. A friend is Jake Tap for listening tat, every episode and now I know why only note I've ever the only yeah. No, I am I just was very happy. For you to do this because I do want people to know I'm send their seeing it now. You're, your books are very successful year, you're novels, but I wanted to show this other side of you, your very tight. What a guy you're very funny, you're very thoughtful, you're a very good cartoonist and I just saw like
oh I'd love to. Have you on the podcast were we can shine a light on this part of you that doesn't always get to come out when you're doing the news and our world is collapsing. So I was very glad you could do it was. It was an honour and a pleasure like a son of a future and either first, no retainer at presenting? No, we fad will ever care O Robert corrosion Michel, also about your here Robbie era here our girls, I stopped Reimer Cairo, Michelle Obama, alright layers, of course, of moon and so unfit anything that areas be immediate issue yeah, so I take it as an ethics in areas councils in arid areas. Of course, you feathers, major political figures. I apologize. I should have known that we should measure in truth of the matter is idle. When I leave work, I very seldom listened to,
anything that has to do with my day job. I that's exactly what I do. I dont want to carry us declare your head: That's why you're, in some dark room. Watching Batman, envy super or vendors number. Seventy seven yeah saying no! No, no! You can't play Doc Octopus. You also play it adds the riddler you guys fifteen years ago is no. I think it's a good principle and I think you'll have funds that are going to say. I agree with you on the portal and I greatly tapir even stronger on the Jews Your diverse choose your universe. I guess like I do want a lot of entertainment, whether its comedy, but I also wanted drama when I get home, because I just I do want a clear my head of the news, even yeah and I've been watching mirror of EAST town that yeah
I have not seen a yes, but I've heard it's good, it's good, but it's also funny because on from philly- and they make a big effort to do the dollar county accents the in an asshole are not what notes it's good, it's just funny to does up to those it was from the region because I love it like, for instance, when I hear the first lady Joe Biden speak, you're such a fairly accents she's from Willow Grove, which is a suburb outside she's such a fairly access to me. It's like music to me like a melody, but for most for some it is he who gives you know it's not it's not it's not funny. It's not a sound or presented this year in and year reduced. That reminds me of one that movie the perfect storm came out all the actors decided, we're gonna, do Boston, accents and- and I think
excluding very wisely just said Emma doing it, so he just dinner, for he was the only one that did never Boston accent and then said, People when really wake up. The core on the Boston, accent, and what are the odds The film is, is is she's watching the storm and seeing where it's coming. She said looking at it on tv and then she knew Those were that boat is their Oliver friends, IRAN and she goes some assess. Are they headed towards that storm, and she just looks at that personal goes therein It's yours and mine staff and I stood up in the theater. I remember what I had in my pockets, but I was thrown and so every now and then I'll just be driving. You know if there's a slight rain Huey away, never rains, but like three drops on me, like I'm Jake tapir you're, a scholar, your gentlemen, you're multi.
I wanted to end the devil may day is alive. It's a lot of fun. It's a good red and so go and get your copy right now run. Don't walk face asking for the great work all of your little disclaimer here. This is the ad copy I've been given their clearly go in for a start saying here and I'm just going to read it want to feel your best put some nuts in your mouth. that's weird, I'm reading the same one and it doesn't say that in marking nuts, as in it's true it so Is it right here? Don't lies its own and then it's not funny it that's what it says nuts, as in all means. What were you thinking? This is the copy, and I am I a I love almonds. I really do, and I love not, but I, when they go low with this fourth grade humor, I just don't know, but that doesn't care
me from loving almonds, I'd say: you're almonds are good, clean natural energy pact fuel to power the best you stay. On task snack hopes you focus on whatever it is. You do some snacks, you stuff in your face like a ring, ding or something and you get a sugar high and you get a sugar low and crash and you're a big mess, you have to call an ambulance well now All means a handful of almonds has just about everything. You need to kick your days, but handful of omens has guess how many grams of plant based protein Xyz sinks, six grams of plant based moving Sony. You lose it and it's an excellent source of vitamin e and magnesium. I Sundays. Unlike man, I got no magnesium and now and then I might grabbing almond who doesn't love by me I'm telling you this creamy almond milk for smoothie, sweet, I'm in butter for smearing and, of course old, is the omens to get your current John. I learnt Ireland. I always keep a couple of almonds and my wallet
in case I'm running low and energy. I can just pop up in my wallet, a few options in their charm, charm, sharp and suddenly I've got my magnesium levels right where they should be I've. Energy I've got pep. I've got joy of my step, Anyway. You want to eat a moment's or natural fuel for the very best you pay go at the best Do you not? The worst before your almonds own Here, every day, every day, just ass, a really good time to start learning a new language yeah. We ve had this year and soon calls in all the southern nonsense and just doing it's time to travel again soon. I would love to learn a new life. Rosetta stone you're, probably wondering where I'm going, I'm telling you now rosetta stone, you can binge. something good and get access to on limited languages for just one price register
mixed learning a new language, completely doable. A lot of people are intimidated, learn new language no, I get intimidated by yeah detail. I have so many the possibilities but learning language whenever one of them just let me get away with that, will do just that. One sentence necessary: ok anyway, it makes it completely doable to learn the language. Teaches you to speak, like a local by using we'll world situations, not the man and has had the hat is on the man things you really liked and pay any the bathroom hey. I need the bathroom like hey. Can you please tell me where the bathroom is, but also say in colloquial Wagner? Excuse me, I got a bathroom here. I gotta go that you know the way that people really talk, no games. gimmicks, no shortcuts resistant Entrusted for more than twenty five years, because their method really works and you get unlimited languages for just one prime you can learn online or download the Rosetta stone APP on Io S or Android to take your language learning with you. Wherever you are take
break from the stream, marathons, endless scrolling and binging and all the nonsense. We ve been going through an Spencer Samothrace at a stone. What language would you learn? Armors edison cause. You know what I've checked it out and it looks very intuitive and it looks like it would really work quickly. I do you know what I did. Try it out. Eight I've been trying to learn a little bit a spanish cause. I you know I live in LOS Angeles Ola. No, now, ok and its true. They they teach you in a way. We can. It sticks in your brain and ok, no, no and then you, you know you have a lot of your you're able to use whatever you learn right away, fierce important that no now this stuff, ok you're voting. It was a yoke as important. They come a suitable place. Yes, I also with some spanish and I believe in razetta stone. I think we do a very good job and I believe in learning other languages, yes visit, razetta, stone, dotcom, slash, podcast, binge life on a limited languages for one time pay. a hundred and seventy nine dollars. That's razetta stone, dot com, slash podcast!
Let's take a voice mail from one of the listeners in here. What people have to say what you guys think sounds like we have no choice in this, as we have decided to do, and we have to let me rephrase that, we're going to take a voice now, goddamn lessons might William from tell so Washington I, my fellow heal, handsome ginger person as you yourself, nice Morgana complete. I haven't there's been assembled gas than I thought would say something when they say I am X, Y about income brains friend. I've been waiting for someone to say I am seasonable funny I think I'm gonna break his fine. So I don't know if you can make somebody or a right it in large families
I heard on the porch ass. I think it's funny, but another time. Well, I think make brings up a good point very few. do people, I don't think, I'm facts. None of the guests have confessed to this. encounter with me being erotic in any way, and you just go Bloom had like a sonic love session. Yes, yes, I loved right, ok, Jeff Goblin, but he can that was a ham on rice sandwich Amelia, he that's a guy who anything you know he gets into an elevator in and hits is both hisses floor and easy? You know a he's, everything's erotic to him, so you don't any points for that. I think what MIKE Williams is is bringing up here is completely. Said some people now. Why is you say unseasonably horny, because I don't Think of her. I mean yes with wildlife, I guess there's seasons when say this, sharp rises. The flower opens, but but
What have you humans have a season? Do we have? sexual season, I dont think I don't know- I mean I'm not the most sexual person, but is there a sexual when he says unseasonably horny, that's part. Two through me a little bit. I do mean that literally urges means Ike, unbelievably horny well yeah. I don't know, there's a season to be horny, why MIKE. What now listen, he shouldn't worry sees in haste from Kelso Washington and maybe that's. It gets cold and rainy there for a lot of the year, and maybe there is a time when the clouds part that low ceiling disperses that cloud cover. and suddenly there is a season of raw sexuality, and maybe that's what he's talking about mean. They say spring than wherein it right and yesterday mad. Oh, my sex council, you know My mother always used to say spring, has sprung the grasses raised. I wonder where the flowers is
Is that what she meant that the torrent season? Now they don't stop it, I'm sorry what the hell Are you doing now? As you wasn't that way bring is horny season? Then you set a poem about spring. So I just remind me: I'm a sainted. Mither she used to say to US spring has sprung the grass is raised. I wonder where the flowers is, and I thought all that's it little did he Marvin and should have us all do ire, step dancing? Keep your legs really straight, I or why no one has ever say, make them and see me. I saw it ok, you're out of your nice and laughed good one. So you look like a fool. Has anyone ever said you make me seasonably horny now nobody's has risen You make me horny. Look! Ok, that's great! That's great
everyone have their nice little chuckle had gone his expense. I just think it's weird MIKE wants you to make a guest say this about you. I knew I will first of all, if a guest wants to say that they may that's up to them, but I wouldn't want to make them say anything else guess we know listen to this podcast. So maybe, if there's a future guess listing, they should take note and come in right out of the gate with unseasonably horny yeah but then I know it's not real. and what, if someone I find very attractive and then one of its like Abner well with it as nor, I would be very happy if I may add as honour. And ceased complete horny. That would delight me. I grew up watching Lou Grant and our sexuality is it's a spectrum? It's a continuum and I'd be very happy. to make as nerd delighted in that way? But my point is that I don't force again to say anything or get in there
heads in that section of the show. I wanted to be a free expression of how they feel in that moment now. If future gas want to say that I am there, I'm their whole pass my down to that area that they find me, will you mumbling? lay signalling. Whenever I get Simon, says it's kind of a right, sir muttering Mumble will cover making me unseasonably and that everyone that that's my sexy talk as a gesture of any can't quite hear what I'm saying whenever I've tried talk dirty in my life, to a potential mate, as our going, What are you saying, what happens is sometimes in the past performance. It a journey to me. I got, No sense of
Did you like it? That's what they would say, sassafras and won't. You speak up powers, you need help, sir. It always ended with empty, is coming yeah, it would be mistreated, people would say always heads something's gone very wrong with this man and I would later on say: look I was just trying to dirty in Iraq moment I was overcome, its frustration and anxiety and I started soft mumbling things: words like sassafras and corn cub and That's why it always south. I dont know MIKE. You got the wrong. I you know what measures do you do got the wrong guy money. Allied cast people out there that are sexy and a guest might say that it's not gonna happen for me. It's never gonna happen for me and it shouldn't happen. That's why people I'm gonna brain is a friend. You know
This is not an it. This is not an erotic, throw ride. Clearly it might actually be the exact opposite erotic. Throw right that I can promise you no one has ever been aroused by listening to this programme. That is guarantee it's impossible. It's absolutely impasse. Yeah, I think we have talked about that on the show before that it was a boner killer land. You know you could have done. You could have made the choice of I'll call in uniting too hard on yourself in your ear. and some guy and there are people out there. You know you could decimate debt, but you didn't you double down on oh yeah. Remember owner killer near member. That you like it. Ok, that's nice I'll, do it I'll do it.
No you're right now, it's just like accounting, commanded, yeah, there's so much raw sexuality seeping added. I know I'm getting all hot gathered now get out and bothered now. What are you doing? Commissars sassafras guy for minor cure, Madeleine Sassafras, Conan, O Brien leads a friend with suitable session and Conan o Brien, as himself produced by me, MAC Goarly executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitary off and generosity, cocoa and colony, Anderson and Chris Ben and add your wolf theme song by the White Stripes incidental music by Jimmy the feed, our supervising producers, player and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples. The shows engineered by will back to you can write and review the show apple podcast, and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Gotta question for Conan call the team cocoa Hotline at three two three four five one, two eight to one and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode and if you have an already, please subscribed. Conan o Brien needs a friend on apple pie, guests, censure or wherever fine broadcasts are down
this has been eighteen, cocoa production in association with next up, scientists have tried to figure out why the vast majority of switches switch back into just one day but other states which for far far longer get up. You still me- and I knew you freaky frightened- reveal always happened. The theme, in fact we have heard it so much that, frankly, it worries me continue on then it says which freaks leave now or die that feels threatening you. You think how many days and switched no one hundred and eighty
I never would have had sex with our daughters boyfriend. Had I been in my real body super helpful mom of the year I made you are urging all right, my beautiful Ladys, I'm hearing some Fiji, thirteen language in their audible, origins and team. Cocoa, resent tunnels which show.
Transcript generated on 2021-05-21.