Actor and comedian Kevin Nealon feels obligated about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.
Kevin sits down with Conan once again to discuss his new book I Exaggerate: My Brushes with Fame, the upcoming season of Hiking with Kevin, living in the moment, and who he thinks is the funniest of all time.
Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 451-2821.
For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Our money.
Kevin nielson and I feel duped about helping carnal write
tell me: how did you will help me with being content o Brien friend, subliminal? I many was given the alone and I feel obligated. Ok, you know how you feel that way. Do you really feel like you do? Have no friends? Ok, we'll forceful, that's a terrible thing to say:
no you'll, take it back eventually more print on here, every step away from you phone back to walk and fellow cardinal Brian here. Welcome to another instalment. I call them installments. Occasionally, that's nice, comma brian needs a friend and wonderful. Show shrimp sitting here was matthew, be goarly enough. No! No! What does your mail initial every time I knows is like the time you want the initialling j b. I wish.
conan, b, O'Brien. Well, I'm afraid to hear what you think the bee might stand for, for you yeah, oh well, brigadier I'll. Take it down! Okay, what about for you? It would be bestest of all. I know, it'd be conan Brian O'Brien, Conan, O'Brien O'Brien, and you know what my middle name is was to start with it's a c christopher. That's right, the one in Christopher O'Brien
Conan Christ, complex O'Brien, please, please, that hasn't been proven. Only nine doctors have said that I haven't gone to a tenth. Yet
did? I was in a writing class.
As a young man and this woman,
but to me- and she said you why you should be a writer and your name should be conan crew,
defer
She kind of has taught me that my last name, sucked in other, was just an end. I know it's a very is such a common last name year for the irish it it basically is whatever sir it's like the smith of ireland here
so she was saying
becoming christopher, so this could have been conquests, christopher needs friend
If I had listened to this woman, that's interesting
I dunno conan so rare that it kind of cancels it out. Yes, that's what I always thought and it allies with KO nan, no brian, my dad actually thought about
things a lot. He wanted all of our names to allied eu because the last name was O'Brien. He wanted it to end on a constant yeah. This is the kind of stuff my dad thought about. I get it yeah if you will never fed us, but avoid is my first and last name. He allied thanks dad, but what's he got against alliteration because of your conan christopher? That's got a nice ring to it as well yeah.
conan O'Brien. It just flows right through your KO nang, no one n into a seed as an isn't as good as one and into and oh yeah conan O'Brien secretly,
The only reason I have had a long career in show business is because my first and last name of flow
That's the only reason we ve looked into it. People
don't like my car and they really don't find the amusing I'm an irritant, but they're just like on my god com,
right name when he really taken on its own. Doesn't quite prepare you for
you're gonna get right. Yes, actually exactly. I mean animal
sounds nice, you know, and then you have one and you're like I don't ever want to do that again and Paul Croteau sounds horrible exactly and beauty. Yes, yes, sir. This is one for, oh by the way, if you're wondering why this conversation is so boring. No, why sona is so quiet because she wasn't able to join us for the intro to the show she's on her way.
and she's gonna be here for the interview, but she
it'll be here. I don't know.
She's up to yours could have very different life. Now tandem,
We also don't hear crinkled bags.
cs user. Has these quickly bags of snacks? That's true. Can they make a non crinkle bag for five gas? Should a cotton
so you're eating fredo's
card number. I should add: we should market because you know there are so many podcast susie.
Hundreds and hundreds of thousands of podcast every.
eating snacks. We
could market bags that you put your snacks in their made of a very soft cotton?
It's not a bad idea, and you know what else is a good idea. We mentioned jennifer garners pouch food for children and that's a perfect podcast food too, because it quiet and you can adjust suck it like silent, green, yes, yeah, sorry
more backed by the way, the until you goarly, I don't know much, but
No. This is a money making idea soft cotton pouches so that pact.
Ass hosts can enjoy snacks while their podcasting. Without that crinkle a little snack purse a little
purse that we market and let's face it,
No one elses can be able to copy this idea. No one else can make something of cotton that holds no chips or fritos patented. Exactly will patent it. It's a bag made of cotton, it's brilliant! The government! U s! Government! The patent office will back us all the way and we we do is we put the conan O'Brien needs a friend logo on there, and it says you know official podcast snack purse. Yes,
These will be available soon. If you see someone eating out of a cotton, bagley doesn't have the car O'Brien logo on it
you know that gets a bootleg
get out of. There has make it out of her hand and then physically attacked them.
and don't worry about someone who seeing you do it, because no one will hear you do it yet until they won't you snapped when you smack ace,
this soft cotton bag of someone's hand is gonna, make the sound
It is a severe enjoying it again here
what I didn't hear anything you bastard
wood, carbon bag. I'll show you that was
grandmother's diamonds? Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were eating. I thought you're eating corn chips out of a bootleg kono. I was eating diamonds, you were eating witness. Why are you is this marathon man just the ending of marathon? Why are you eating diamonds out of a cotton bag?
problem and your grandmother's diamonds. Yet
what kind of sick freak? Are you a good question? You know I've never thought about it. I have a real problem. That's your improv question. I've never thought about it. I've got a problem you're right for pointing it out. Appreciate that. That's funny I love it. I love to see what an improv show and that's what you do. Every time wait a min!
and I have a telephone that is really a banana. What are you doing? You're right it never occurred to me. I have a problem and seen curtain comes down. Why would I try to call someone? I know it's the ninth schedule in a row but you're right. I have a problem. The world is upside down. Alright, okay, we gotta get into this. Oh, and I should mention we had a lot of fun in this episode. It went long, which is a good thing. It's a good problem, but because
We will not have the usual
banter with Sonia and goarly did so D
its america and
parts of norway.
and the rest, the netherlands are well, let's get started. I'm delighted this. You know we say conor by needs a friend. This gentleman is my friend and I've known him for
time than I adore him. My yesterday is a hilarious comedian, a good friend of mine. He was a kid,
member on Saturday night, live and start in these showtime series weeds. Now he has a new book. I exaggerate my brushes with fame he's been on our programme before
and he's a favorite, so I'm so throw these
I'm so excited easier. Kevin Neil well
listen to me.
you, you often
come to me and asked me for vapours, and I always do them banks. Are you
It is true that is true. I every time we ask here, he's gonna draw the line here he's here.
I'm going to do this and yet time
time again. I met you in the woods to to shoot you cat.
new and takes a walk. Its hiking with cabin sorry
cause subliminally. I wish you would take a walk up to shoot this, your pocket
You have me me too early in the morning and
You tricked me all around the place and I thought I was a broken sport about it. He attains stop sipping what he said.
Tell me something I don't know: ok did you?
I think, I'd you use a good sport. You use me you
my uncle John you men use you act as if you your obligated to be here on the pod cast today,
mac like it. I am. I will give you know you're here, to promote your book, I'm
hoping you guys brought a book cause. I thought you would have been nice reading material. I dont,
No that you're a good friend. I honestly don't know if they are too, if you don't feel agreeing. Ok,
We're gonna get to the book, because I have some problems with the book, namely,
It's all these iconic people in television that you ve worked with, and so can. I was doing visual bits.
Let me just a visual that you're having drinking coffee where they draw why you drink water,
a glass is not really play this you're here, it's audible sloping sought a hustler
come on. Let's get down to an airman, you know you
if a guy gets they her already. Now I don't think so. I don't think you should stay.
Although you are you gonna hype, we appreciate that the shows I hiking with cabinets preparing October twenty. So
is the new season for how do you think our upset when I'm an edit it? Yet but I'll fix and impose fix it. I thought I was frantic
stick. I was so glad you lag behind a little bit. I recall her while you kept making me stop, because you had a drone that you brought that you operate.
To get overhead shots. You kept making me stop so that you could
unfold and then apparently, for the first time work. This fucking drone take overhead shots of.
taking a walk, because everyone wants to see the top of our head. While we walk through a forest and then you'd say, stop stop turnaround.
come back this way. Now that now look like you're looking to the right now look like
looking to the left now come forward
and we
on a public and it's very clear that you're not allowed to have drones in this area. An old ladys were coming by on their morning. Hike
and you say, watch out what out watch out?
a hawk, not don t movements
come on. Let's go ladys, it was the
the pleasant hike I've ever take. How dare you
dare I went. Am I out of my way to have a high with you, because I feel bad for you.
You have no exercised no
The drone is really a great addition. That's like you having a mike for your show. I dont see
I'm not gonna drive and urged worthy of you know what the effects of the drought?
drone is amazing and it's amazing too.
to watch an editor of serious about this, because the guests,
the standing around like a second class
cause you're bali them, but you take a look. You take a look at you, see the increase, value and dumb attraction to the show from the drone. Ok. Well it stop
we got every time we got a nice conversation going, you would say, hold it stop unpack. This metallic see.
case unwind and on you know. Four round nice conversation you talking about
nice, chats going on. I thought I thought we had
this committee will go in and you kept stopping. Yet I think when I will, he said good body tat. It was a nice conversation.
Well said thanks this'll do
turn on your. He eliza thanks this'll burly, the missile. Barely dear that's right and then
Thank you went and I'd coffee with the drone. I thank you.
drawn. Is that drawn is right now, where is in some dumpster, because it crashed it
I started to a tree and it was like a high tree and was falling having france by branch and thinking
stop, as is falling? Ok, my
be ok, it'll, be ok, there's one iraq under that treaty, one big rocketed and that rock and it scattered
beware here what we should do,
It's all hiking with Kevin. I can with given said terrific show noisome
had ratio, it's a great show, and you know I am. I get different guess like yourself and I think when you're hugging outside people, whether guard down
they're, not u thout, but most people at their god,
down and their worry. You know forthcoming yeah, I troll putting my guard down because they kept dodging the drone, as it got very close to my face. You in here
story. I was finally yeah. Okay, forget it now: let's go
You know I was how he would kill Basinger man. I almost flew the drone into her face. God, can you imagine if I'd done them?
how fast I would have been running portland here. The thing I think you're insane
shouldn't have been to run. It would be to help him in that moment then give her eye. Color chemicals were close your eyes.
and name a storm not close with so many people do you know I ve ever counted very few. Now you ve been everywhere.
I've been everywhere and I've met everything you
What do I know? Who do I know who do I really know? I mean I've met a lot of people but you're, not that friendly.
Are you looking at?
I thank you,
think I one minute look. I think I am a friendly fellow really do sooner championed you think I'm a friendly fellow
Wanna take Kevin, you know we're gonna, do! First of all you not a fellow we're going.
two we're going to just pretend I didn't frauds
There is no way we can edit vienna, you sure are now higher. Why did you think I would turn out differently? I dont know. I think I am a friendly chapparal that really need your good listener. I didn't hear a word.
I notice that you get me this
drawbacks are fantastic. How good memory! I think I do share aright
I knew you'd. Listen, I'm a guy!
going to you. You date, okay october twenty seven year, two thousand and twenty two. Yet what's happening that date, that is the date
That you are doing something to help you. I guess it's not just me, but other people as well I'll explain: ok, go ahead,
What was the date for the next day where Kevin Nealon
do a lot to get his own name out there in the guise of helping others.
What is it you're doing that I dont know honestly
I us are. You know right now to benefit
hiking cavern, clearing the four seasons. Yeah, that's why you are even bother to hear him out again and we can draw daddy now. Ok, because I want to make sure you just like
and yes, I do like with people that are very nice to do and they don't complain or make me feel guilty and its helping them took us exercise and I've. I've started so many people on hiking, you'll pay
say hike. I canceled my trainer to go hike with you and standing in a forest.
while you assembled and disassembled drought, so I got less exercise with you than I would have had blown off the hiking with Kevin show and allison people.
I right now we're thinking these two, don't like each other, and I want to make it very clear, my god not not merely sense
I will make a very clear. I look at me. I love you. I love you.
I love you more. If you should die today or even tomorrow,
I will wait, isn't today or tomorrow. Unlike then, hopefully now getting, I love you and I would really I'm lou.
certain about you, because I was
I'm kidding around. I said who is it
How did the other day you remember
I don't know I was thinking
call him and he just doesn't stop what does you running from or what are you running to? What is really to what is it?
you're trying to do what are you training? What kind of void are you trying to filth,
this is it look at me incredible, I'm looking at you I'm looking at you. I think that such an incredibly deep question, I think it's fair question. I think, like.
A lot of us. I have things to work out. You yourself famously dont connect
you often don't look at me over the years.
you are a guide and internalize is alive. How can I look at you when I read about you all the time, and I see you everywhere, posters billboards adopts dickers banks, he pictures of you on the side of life.
Known, broken down buildings. Well, first of all they put him up.
Calm down buildings because they re son, if you put him on but the citibank. Yes, I suppose I've become somewhat of an iconic figure.
I do? Actually you are iconic
and when you die, which may be soon
it's either they day or two more ice. Were banks he's gonna, do pictures of you everywhere. I hope so and I hope so and you're going be a legend one day, not now
people say that I'm a legend right now, don't you have to be dead to be a legend
I can be legendary right now. I think he'd be legendary, while you're still alive be a legendary but electric, you think sure yeah, and what also, what all guys take another sip. You know it's a
it's a vision. This is a audio, medium and you're. Doing visual stick out another give laughs.
behaviors, as I would have you know in front
I click legend. I am. I give you every opportunity,
try and connect with you I'll tell you one thing you do that I do find very revealing you tent. I get text from you cause. You live around the corner from me and the text say: I'm hiking past your house right now.
Want to join me, but I dont get the tax in real time and you give me no notice, so you refuse to make a plan
to take a non filmed hike with me, you'll take a hike and then you'll text me as
you're walking past my house, it's our films, but
You have the wrong with me
but I'm curious about that. I think it's because you don't really want to take a walk with me. You want to look like you're making the effort, but you text as your passing. I don't think you can make a plan to
social. First of all, you say: I'm hiking past your house, you make it sound like we're in the woods and you live in a cottage. You know open some trail, but no I'm just,
king by your house, gas each said rightly will happen. Now what's happening. We know that was I had gastric bypass morning.
it's morning here on the wielder who kept this appointment to be here. I was three hundred and fifty pounds when I left my house today, but I know that they took the walls down out.
Hey what about those people letter, those plus sizes. There
get out of bed nets rough? Do they
the house around them is that how they get in there? Now? I think the idea is that they gain the weight while they were in the house. Oh I see yeah, I don't think a contractor comes in and builds thou surround, don't think that came with the vicarage and like every you know, I
seriously tell me about yourself.
Brian. I first met you
Yeah saturday night lie: yeah you're very nice to me, I'd famously told lorn you're my favorite cast member. I not renewed yeah, you did. I told you that and he fell.
and the famous cast me for my way: you're my favorite cash member customer or stand up now. You're you're. My feet,
asked member on essential. I told Lauren that he said
Just what is your favorite, and I said I I think I like Kevin. The best causes, some very take it easy I'm getting there
you can't. Even let me compliment you. I said a lot of
I think the honourable I feel uncomfortable in someone's talking nicely about me. Ok,
We must go back ways. I writer
I'll tell you why? Because deep down, you know you're not worthy of it
so true, yeah yeah you're, just a bully
But when I came here
Why can you interrupt her while I can so I thought to myself. This is a show I am worthy for yeah, even though everything else yeah, but you finally found a bar low enough good for you, you have the most upscale podcast studio.
I mean these cameras on the wall near to a mere over there who knows whose behind that homer, whose it's a jury of your peers sitting behind.
If you ever do jury duty, I've tried, but they always asked me to leave really yeah and what, if you're, what, if you're the defendant and you leave now you should advance you have to stay there to find another bit.
with the straw heavy colonies bids. Haven't you done, jury duty,
No I've tried many times yet they don't like it. When unknown person is on the jury. Sometimes I think it's distracting.
you did jerry or no, I tried restart.
times in new york and allay earnest shown by
you ve done our unity and you may rely either. I love it hasn't been on a jury twice really. I once was a hungary. The second one was guilty and with its fine you, you
an hour and a half for lunch. You could leave it for thirty. Three now get mad.
Ten thirty. This is what they had in mind when they set up prejudicial system was soon as comfort and a snack schedule.
I ran into a cop once and I said, is it true? If you get a ticket and you don't pay, you say want to go to court. The cops usually don't show up.
Special, a holiday or coastal holiday sob
When you get the idea. Do you I last time you should keep that in mind? What happened
where did you have you just tell him a mental? I think so
Snap right there. You are not only not haven't you.
Yes, I don't care.
You didn't tell him you're always make fun of peoples in an act of inadequacy. I am now this is your your phone apart you're an atm on the french? What
happening cabinet. You haven't a rough day
I was driving over here. I think I can't wait to see. Conan of change.
When about that. Why is it that every time we come on you're just back and forth? Why can't we just feels like a marriage now here, not speaking of which your wife right is love ass. I am isn t
Oh so lucky she wore marshall unifying funny, beautiful, talented, talented, she's, a supportive. Unlike some
Well, I know:
I know my wife never helps me our colleagues. I was that we're timer. We both married
well you've, got to admit we both did very well. We married. What do we call it up? We married up up here. Both married up were too
guys it? No one would probably want to hang out with for very long. I'm sorry, I'm, including myself,
Do you think you're in secure? Basically, I'm serious right now, you think you're, the guy, I know you're being serious, you're you're shape shift, I'm not stuttering. Why? What's a good tell
screen secure. I think I have been in my life, I think less so now, then I was maybe earlier in my life
What's a daredevil doesnt, plus I d
the worst therapy listlessly room down here?
now you know why it lets you why I haven't seen the dare devil account disney blotches called their double. Ok, sorry, I haven't seen, dare devil undefined,
Well, that's like saying the superman yeah or the batman await that batman, because I ran out of titles anyway. Let me out, let me tell you why asked you, but the daredevil I just started watching my son got me kind of daredevil daredevil.
Tv show is about
a guy who was blocked,
it as a child, but he has all the other senses. I like increased in a super,
That's. Why are when you asked me? What was it
I await vices he's able to tell of somebody is nervous or scared of listening. You can hear the heart rate and at what I did before, when I really
So what was the timothy love this?
disaster. You terrible you and I love it. You interrupt
they were never internal german window. You lost
no, if you hadn't happened. Yes, why don't you really help me? We ve been talking for about twenty minutes and I defy you. I defy our listeners to find three consecutive.
Minutes means anything with it has any
continuity bit
any conclusion
If you have been listening to me, you would find a lie.
continuity, but no you
often read about the drone about me, stuttering about continuity issues, you're, not listening, not you in your own little head,
I would try you again. Why is this date so important october? Twenty
when designing with Kevin premiers? Yes, yes, all you,
to get you what about? Let's talk about you have is
look, I know you're talking, my dog
you you're quite a good idea and, I think
did a series of really fantastic. Did you see the sauna there
we in time seeing them an earlier. I'm an amazing their amazing. You tell stories, you write these sort of essays about all these people. They even countered in show business, and these are really fantastic.
Christopher Walken, so nice, what I'm sayin!
for what happened before what I did you know
from your happy when I'm familiar hires really iconic people in here.
since this is audible. Conan is looking at my new book. That's coming out october, twenty five conan
it is called. I exaggerate my brushes with fame. It's a collection. I started painting well done multimedia started a couple of years ago and I've always loved to draw you're. Actually, in the front of this I saw him
sketch and you didn't you didn't.
can give me like a real portrait? No, I didn't
I've seen a lot of carriages of you and I've been into your office and there's somebody pangs over. He won't even appreciate thus how I live, but look. This is one
did of me in nineteen ninety two young. So this is before I got
late night show, and you did this castle-
The front me tat is right. Here's my cold!
as another, one of you in there can you find it, and I remembered no. I don't think there was in the front huh yeah. It's like one of those
anyway. I live only see one I loved
Is me write the page back, a beautiful woman back back, ok, Jesus, I guess
come on! Go foreigner now, there's no other one! I mean it's just that one might have a back again can go forward. Ok,
no way so so let me you ask me, I want to tell you I started. I ve been
as most of my life in ice
doodling people when I was a really young kid and then, when it s an out on the table reed, I would sketch people on the marginal
script when that I wasn't in and I didn't care about and was sitting across from could be Farley Dana and then I started sketching people on our plates.
You'll see similar sketches at the beginning of July. Exaggerate brush of a fan
and we ve plan that I looked at the book. Here's a coup
think about the book counted, it's gonna make a great gift because it comes out around the holidays, but check with you doctor
so there is something I would like to ask a worry. I jump into you guys noticed that he's complete
incoherent when we're just try
talk is normal human beings, but the minute he's promoting something
you are the most eloquent speaker since Winston churchill,
Suddenly you are this great statesman, every thought nuanced and packed with me.
in the book elsewhere, has an address, painting and learn their little anna does the kind of relate to the person that I've drawn
called anecdotes. You keep saying antidote. Note antidotes anecdotes, this medicine in there.
what I'm saying and is a story that relates my history without person, my experience, unless they don't know the person,
I e freddy mercury
I e meaning that is,
and although I efforts are freddy mercury type, I will just right.
it is about being in a garage band right
people here. You have obviously garish handling, who you were very close, and you know it's nice, you reprinted you're, the
Would you gave forget, I did, which was really beautiful.
Funny, and touching one of the best I've ever heard, and and so it's nice,
The deaths in here you ve got an amazing howard stern. This christopher Walken air
Thou and jumped out at panting is absolutely fantastic. He looks like a pharaoh owl
It looks like a troll doll. Almost yeah you've got schwarzenegger who, of course, you worked with back in the day with HANS and Franz
my firm that that is correct. We wrote the hunter france movie, the musical yes,
there never was made. I have
no memory? I remember us, I think, being on some lot
in writing it together. You kept coming in
at the time you are only drinking health shakes. I think you came in
retain. You spend a lot of time, mixing powders and a giant like baby.
bottle really and then he would slip out of them and you wore attract suit.
That's, what I retrieve the olympics, that's right! Yeah yeah! I never had a.
so my life, you dead. You are tracked you anyway.
when I remember you were lying on the couch with your short time or maybe they're briefs
and you had no shirt on sketch. Do I sketched you?
its triple shoe, and I was worrying. I remember this. I was wearing the lock it that kate wins, it hasn't identity and that really well. It is true as a member and then we wanted to put it in a safe and they don't
went running through the ship together our young irish meat, at play here all about casually. I need cash badly. I'm kinda made of
however, when I made some battles and bad people, I don't really I'm not I'm very comfortable, I'm in life. My wife is from old krypton. So
There were able
You are such an ass,
even one of my favorite moments on our show that was spontaneous where you were out on the wheel,
chatting together on the show
your paneling you're talking and
So there was a low and the conversation things got quite for just a second and you looked around. You said
Where is our waiter,
I love that knows. You're. So good with silences
I guess you'd have to buy my. You know no kidding around. I'm used to silence and as a stand up, comic and a seasons. Stand up comic, I don't mind
silence as you starting off silence is bad cause. You're insane.
Here, and you feel you have to keep going. I've been silenced for like half hour on stage
people on savings. They know I'm formulating ideas and are becoming back strong with something or your mind is,
I I'm just like an yeah, because the most common region-
as we see today, yeah that there could be issues
so we were. What do you really want to comment on being really serious? Are you happy with this was a package?
Webster is your programme.
Liquid cod idling. My hiking show errs on youtube,
back. Then we can talk about you tube,
channel. I you to channel, but are no oh now. Congratulations. Are you happy with that very happy,
if a very happy, are you fulfilled, you should be here, I'm not one of the funniest people. I know you have, as I said, a lovely wife of a very good looking funny intelligent son. You ve got it all right. Why do I come here?
well you're here to see me because I know you admire me. I know that you think I'm one of the all time. Funniest people you ve ever met now that says you you really hello, you can you really have to
to assess the situation.
I have everything yet I drive across down to come here,
because I worry about you know what he went about stress you stress level.
Have you had like your what your blood pressure, my blood pressure
very good, I don't know the numbers taking like twenty pills right. No, I don't have high blood pressure. I went to my doctor a couple of days ago. True story. He took my blood pressure and this is what they always say: wow
yes, that's would be doctors. All we say about my blood pressure. I have very good blood pressure.
Bad about you. Well, I guess my intentions, my plans. How is your cholesterol clusters?
Ok, it's pretty good you never while nice about them. Now I don't hear one I just eurostar, allow now I hear ha ha ha
I have my when I was on the simpsons, wherefore applause. Ok, I worked on the simple
They had a cholesterol, a van came to the fox line and I ve got a freak.
protest rebel. Everyone went and got their cholesterol and I got mine. I was sitting twenty four. It was so
Hi river, the nurse offered to walk me back his office yeah. It was like practical.
Three hundred have been wiser than I I think I just I was very funny. It doesnt really
I think, runs in my family
so they and then someone told me that stress
now you remember me back in the day I was a tightly wound, retiree taiwan guy. Who would rub the my fingers together? I was I was burning. I was burning coal. You have no fingerprints anymore, you've rubbed them. So maybe that's why I've committed so many successful murders,
but I believe that stress was a big part of it.
Don't a much better! Now
much iron islam, genetic now, not against genetic.
running your family. Now I said that earlier anyone listening
what is the age?
Talking about life in this he saw not just cut springing indifferent topic on you. What is the age? Were people don't ask when somebody,
is what happened in? Oh,
plays an eighty two. I think he gotta be
well into your eighties? Now people live longer
everyone says what happened:
Brother neil will say what happened. If you know now
and we're just turned a hundred. If he lived
another seven years and then passes away quietly in his sleep, and I call my brother neil and say norman lear passed away at one hundred and seven yields gonna go what happened? Oh he's, like the only person, does that he does that. Every time- and I say well, he was on his motorcycle, ran into an exxon tank and it exploded
I mean I urge not to nobody wants from me, but he always says what happened now.
And could be ninety five. Ninety eight one hundred and twelve happened, who I think maybe eighty
five now so essentially you could kill somebody already five, you can murder them and nobody will be investigated.
Not true, don't I'm, I wanna be run a lot of my experience and l. I wanna be responsible, pied, castor, and I want to say that that's not the case that when,
the police show up.
eighty eight year old, lying there,
The train saw halfway through their head and a note that says I
they got. You ha ha
enjoy hell they're going to investigate.
Haven't you ask us all natural causes right, very natural gas. The note is not in the victim's handwriting
It disappear
It says I love to murder. I could be a comic, ok got it,
take a break up her back with you. Ve met them all you ve met. You met John,
carson, obviously it in, and you got to be a guest on Carson show. Of course, the lot of you
people they don't understand the significance of that, but that was a very different time. If you went on Johnny
carson. It was a huge deal,
Oh and you are short of anointed a star by just might be
on his show I'm here. I feel funny because Johnny carson accusers johnny
prison was like the guide. The the talk show king. He was the only one really validated you as a comic now and you'd have that on the top of your bio, you know and then, as
when by the law
down the list of things you ve done enough.
Can you take it off because a date you and so
Carson is no longer on my resume. Really.
on forever.
If I do
I decided to refresh it every day, eight by ten yeah. I have the time or always ready to go. I have one in my trunk of my car just in case things hit the fan. Who was the first famous?
celebrity you ever met or saw but see I won
say it was teams coburg, which I think we talked about the sun and earlier episode of thine eyes and listening o the I was a kid and he was sir James coburg. Here's the
Was shooting a movie right now he was shooting
it was going to help you you're, not really, and they were shooting a scene outside my dad's hospital and my dad brought us all down to watch and
We should then hospital janitor always get a career there. That's what he had done.
yeah. My dad was in the hospital clinging to live, saw James coburg, here's the dragged out of vague himself out of the hospital.
And and made us all come and then went back to his operation.
But anyway, we watch James kilburn, he had to walk up to a car and I had to do was open the car door.
and get in.
But he went to do it and the car door was locked
then get in, and then I watched the crews spent forty five minutes with a coating or try to open it, and I thought this is the best
This I want to be a. This is magic.
No wiser not really have become good. You know somebody
Your question. They really want you to ask them why? No, I now!
I don't care what you know in a play along like so many, sometimes somebody who sent away I get to it. Some time
Somebody will say to me: what are you? What are you if you can improve anything with me? What do you think it should be what they really
when I say as I like to improve some things about you ask me, you know asked me to
what you like
celebrity I've ever seen.
persons, John F Kennedy, believe it or not. How did you see john F Kennedy? I was probably seven at the time and we lived in germany and he was er. I guess on his way to berlin and he was to give the famous speech yeah,
he had been in berlin area. Why do you keep interrupting wind
see what goes around comes around,
I I'm so so we're at this air force base because we knew was going to be there and everybody was there and he drove by in that lincoln that convertible lincoln. He was waving and we actually have a movie or an eight millimeter of him. You kidding yeah, color or black and white. We colorized it nicely done nicely the creds
If now. Let me finish, second, did you say crowns crayons, crayons trans know what's wrong with you.
Its crayon. How do you say
have tea. In often after him
oh it's off hand, no
So how can I be crayons? And that often ok
A second syllabi I saw was care cary grant at the
J of k use on the back of a golf cart. I thought you said he was
facing J f k. I thought
so, as you were listening again, I thought only of k drop by an unclear and carrying out running behind every nice download men at tat time. It may take to dig jilting, give a lift, pretty good impression. Her
was the first impression if you did think it with you
trying to finish, I'm going to pick
do something it I've never done before.
Eduardo? I want you to step in cause you're a neutral observer here, and I want you to do. I know there's more to come, but this gentleman,
the new and because they have given you, I want you
Give us like the forensics on what's happened
you're so far like an autopsy seriously
oh yeah, I just I want, because china is gonna like its she takes very soon. I think it's all continents fall gimme a break,
and tell me what you think has happened here so far today, a beautiful train wreck. This is a mess. This is a nice unit, but wait a minute. This was not the eduardo. I know I bought a right. Am I right about this? I mean it's like where you're going down the freeway and the accident happened on the other side of the freeway. You just can't take your eyes
You know you shouldn't be looking, but you just can't
you know this with one of us can do your job. Maybe
when your straube, its single type,
just blame you both of you are, I have real following your folks. I waited MC guire defensive. I have tried several times to bring us back to
a you haven't got it all, and yet I tried hard to both their suddenly you're with solid when we concerned about my cholesterol, who show he should be in control your right. This is this is an absolute jackson. Pollock there's paint splattered every,
but someone's gonna, offered a pay. Thirty five million dollars for this: let's go back and tried again and be serious. Ok, how I have an idea on I'm fine. Thank you come here. You know I love! You want me to ask you that question no two which question the one. How are you know, as you asked me that I know you're not here. I realise the rail link you. How are you you did that? No, I haven't. I did not do it
you're, nothing, I've done to see if there's any
here that I can ask you right. Yes, all a waste of time. I have through not only that of what are now because there's no point within the funniest part of my day today, because when Maddy handed me a note for cabin guy, I'm no calving, neil, that's like here! So here's some several questions. You could ask Charles massing. He believed he dropped down.
If you have a sasquatch on the half shell yeah, so anyway, you were born in minnesota, even about firefox flew on climate action lifestyle. So that's what I'm dealing with I'm dealing with
total. You are a random ionized,
molecules zipping around. I don't know what to do. We give you two days october, twenty five,
Seven october. Twenty five would be the release of the book. We are what typical that's called
exaggerate. My brushes with failure. However,.
Available everywhere. Yes, you can preorder now, as a matter of fact. Why? Wouldn't this also signed editions? Go ahead? I've got a free one. The hiking is your premier october, twenty seventh, two thousand twenty two to see, and
sure drone shots.
You're, gonna, Brian turn and kevin kneel and taken from, I think thirty five thousand feet. So if you can survive last year and if you stick around they the drone crashes, because it's up,
It by the star of the show, which is absurd.
I don't know why you don't have someone helping you wanted to have someone helping you. I am sad to say nothing about you why you have somehow
Her help
renewed hell, surrounded by out
now when he might like Eduardo said he considers you.
Iraq a car right now.
What he was talking about you- and I were not what I meant
what do you want from these convert?
Ok, that's more will like I want to hear from you. I want to get down to it. Ok and finally
cracked, the shallow about. Ok, what do you want from our friendship
We are friends, I do care
you. I want more time with you like every
the call you to go for a hike, our walk. Will you call me the last minute, but you do you have to admit you do contact me
as your walking past my house, why not
it'll give me a half hours head notice or the night before, because I'm spontaneous that's how life is you live in the moment if you're living in the moment, you can't plan ahead. How do you make restaurant reservations if somebody else do it for me
we live in a moment.
so you can only live in the moment. What, if you had your lovely wife?
the plan and then you could, I could be standing out.
Ready to go on the walk from we both live in the moment? That's why we're right for each other
if you live in a moment, you would be available.
Can you tell me not home? I walked basing your truck out there that hasty truck that you drive. I,
that was, you know that I clean pools on the side
got a lot of things going on. I've got away,
Businesses guy was a first job. You ever have
I remember as a male model, now sixteen etc yeah. Yes, very
Looking when I was young, very good, look, what happened
Firstly, what happened I think,
job was. I was a camp counselor when I was like. Oh that's this gene. I think that's a good job.
That's! Ok, I don't love it. I didn't love at last. Standing in the sun, which isn't good for me. Smell like some was cooking bacon.
and looking after these kids, who seemed ungrateful
whose less surgery you ever
Personally, I think on my appendicitis
My my appendixes removed, probably nineteen, seventy five, some of them- I was seven. What am I removed? I live in germany at the time you said germany act F, k. I moved. I just have always dash dash fail in our yeah. I will add: remove the sap abandoned
I returned to the car. Caroline was gone. Ok, I don't know what you're
let us remember that album her the first, the family with each other.
I'll go down in the dock or major farewell waters keys,
so I was in german hospital thinking of vine meter that correctly famous right now, so I said
and unusable. Has his on your side pay and if any resisted, and
they took me to german hospital in back, then they didn't have anastasia. They gave you either
They put a mask on near any breathing the ether, and I can still remember the smell of that.
how horrible was when I woke up couple hours
and I was in bed and they had newspapers under me cause I was still kind of like losing
fluid and blood donors have,
lunch or anything. I don't know, I'm not getting you lunch for that story.
So you had your appendix from wood and they gave you ether powerful either. You know a side effect of ether. Is
long term inability to complete the no idea where I will tell you this. I went for a physical a month ago. Who cares about the time scattering ivory?
becoming? As you know, the other day or yesterday I did on tuesday last year. Nobody cares about the date. So getting back. One of them
say before you interrupted me,
I want to get a physical and you know when you get a physical, you sit the doctors office and he
so the computer, but
the elm
You ve had over the years and surgeries I'm telling you. I sat there like a half hour, he's going. Ok, you had done torn by set muscles hernia appendicitis you
your hip replaced, you
benign tumor your neck and afterward. Ok, that's enough! I can we just stop right there you go
lot. To be honest, I found you ve had a lot of stuff. Lotta health scares happen to you.
I have one or two health scares cause,
mountain climber, rock climber, seller, priscilla and dumb
then he goes archaeologist check out the medications you're taking. Ok,
same thing like a long list of doping,
Oh my still alive you take away.
we'll be right back then taking a break. You ve had a lot of health scares. You have firstly from you nuts, not true.
That's not true. I'm gonna give you one track. You ve. He brushed up with mortality many times
I have an the risk. Do you just get sick?
what you didn't take any risks and you're, not a mountain climber who just your body is falling apart, all the time, then they stitched back together. I thought he was serious and now he's not a mountain climber. He says Eduardo. Did you know that he was lying? I thought you know you're, not a fucking mountain climb. Why do you expose me like this? Why are you exposing the embellishments people are listening to this? I think of myself as a journalist, so wow here to get the truth. Does anybody else think of you as a journalist? Not yet, but in time when I go to journalism,
cool. You am I again you're only the referred of therapies,
yeah. I guess it's ridiculous. Save those who loves you know jack,
as at the to keep up with loves,
not really. He did call me a couple months ago because we have talked trying to aim to colony. I say hi, that's good or that was schneider
I was rob schneider younger. I don't do it
the real love. It's called you as schneider. No yoga. Sorry, sorry to be
so that wasn't quite true who do you hope calls you.
Who you disappointed that doesn't call you not to ask
hike as I'm walking by your house, but just to say, hi how you do I do the lightly they'll call people out of the blue and say: hey man. Just thinking about you, it's nice yeah! I do that. Sometimes, when
I do I do when I'm driving actually, when I'm driving in l a as a really nice time to just say you know what I haven't talked to.
person for awhile and and say sipping
every time, I'm real it's kind of it's a sabotage. You guys every wheel, real straws. Every time I try to be real. He does it big exaggerated schouler who gets the coffee yeah. We see you've been doing nothing, it's a metal straw. Why don't you have something like that is not metal here, because we're trying to save the environment? What about the metal
the men can always be melted down later on these I'll make a bullet worry about it
happens when they met the metal. It goes into the air, the toxicity, I don't know what,
Talking about- and you know it frankly, you don't know what you're not the last time you are tax.
I won't do it anymore. I wonder anymore. Some point went, I have think of yourself as the referee. You can step and at some point- and you can say enough
we're almost there that, because this is your year,
not just damaging as me is Eduardo. Also, your driver. Now, what are you talking about? What a bead
how could you have people on the show? There's nothing to do. What do you want
when there's nothing you have. Georgia is a eduardo set up this studio
beautiful studio. He is a sound technician engineer. He did a beautiful job. Constructing this place that works beautifully.
We could consider a big deal that we could conduct. We could conduct cohesive culture
An interview with try one right now is truly tried. I've dry, you haven't right. I've been trying, since I got here, we should put. You goes on the clock safely. To do three minutes
time has seriously Kevin. Will you try emma
the try. I will do. Ok, you're, not a clock there. You have the mark against now. Are you know it?
You ve known a lot of funny people kevin. Tell me
some of your who do you think, was the all time. Funniest I mean
so there you have a very close together Shan laying willing to meet carson.
and Steve Martin who's, your all time, one person at the very top. First of all, thank you for your question.
It's funny. You should ask the closest thing about a joke that staring myron hendelmann. Did I used to follow us
stanley marin hand, and
I unite solely comics growing up, I mean comedians growing up. I wouldn't like they become my favorites for a week but
everyone from a
What's his name, and I love this guy.
king is have Zeb
darling. I will write to promote an alligator
Are you ok, you figured about these twenty complex because they really it was me our brooks yes d,
sure
partner, mark martin, Steve Martin, your friend with him, see partner in king who's. The guy
this guy I'll kill. You makes me laugh alike, elaborate right out of your not having a nervous breakdown and you're saying you're laughing about now. Go it don't go there
he's right. There you were there, you attacked me, you eve
you attacked me. I asked you a very straightforward. Simply. You stated that you see Kevin. He thought, as he would tell you, you're not kidding, ladies and gentlemen, because you're trying to do over three little bit. It's very likely that you actually had me at. That was a great question. That's when I lost you, you you, you can't do it. I did it. I tried to do as you attack me
it'd be very hard on usable usable interface, pick up where we left off. We leave on time, but not much time or less finished, and ninety six crying. He has tears around that. I'm allergic to you, though, isn't it let's get back to god, how many people? How many copies? Do you need me to name? I don't know. I just was curious. If I tell her that you load outs, yeah, I'm going to stay for you,
with Steve my anymore Annie
often martin journalism, your favorites, and you don't even know. Why are you talking to me again? These needs your favorite like real step men. What is
I don't know Eduardo who can do it wonder one thats me laughing at how easily he attacks me. He did he get back on track cash, cow stomach. He pounced on me you're one of my favorites of all time. Thank you very much. I didn't mean that I absolutely mean because you have such an agile mind, I'm being serious. I I
if such an actual mind you're so
rhythm, is so unpredictable and hilarious debt.
I think, you're gonna be all time great. I really do appreciate to
You do well to do our eye for yourself. I love. I love your style.
I mean you, I am I I'm I'll be honest with you, I'm surprise and I'm not attacking you.
rise to what a night
back back. You surprised at what I was going to pass with you. Okay, I'm just surprised
and happy for you, yeah
rise not once far her.
Had ads you. Maybe you you follow
me saying that I think you ought to be autonomous trade with thirty nine million apprised only made it far. You have become so
there is a certain
I don't know how you do it you become this legend of
I was sue mediocrity because I think I will say that yeah, actually it's more than that, not a lot more, but it's
You know. I love you right out,
I know now I'm starting to almost cry. Look. I'm surprised, you
price. What I mean is this: please don't attack, we do, but you beg you gets cynical.
Follow me:
it looks. Let me just continue how much time in the world- oh my god, this will be the tiebreaker. If you guys can end, I campus
but you are making a mundane for. I cannot lie low hack on high interest, I after I or so smart area. I, sir I'd and tribe, no surgeries. You have little problems at all in life and you really may allow yourselves. I think so
I love you. I can't say that enough. I really are you influence may growing up. You asked me about a comic you
we will see a growing up when you are.
Older than I are you laughing me. All I want is considering how did your room and when you are a boy in German I didn't say when I was a kid who ok you and fills me when I walked in here today
not the way you have everything together at the cons really got stuff together, because why you took wipe seriously, then you planned for the future,
and I'm sure you had big plans. Some of them
he didn't work out. I'm serious I'm trying to be seriously today. Ok,.
I want you to tell me about yourself why, above
but we're at a time. I really were at a time, because
you are, and I I'll take some response.
Well, maybe but you're not going to do I'm going to take twenty five percent yeah I'm going to take.
If I were sent to live out authorities, not bad, no, not out of thirty.
No matter how many hundred I know I'll think of our responsibility that you are a little bit of catnip to me. I do reactor
in that way. I get low giddy, but
ah you are a not just a wild mustang that can't be tamed, you're a mustang, that's been drugged, calf unaided
and had a rocket shoved up its ass,
Those three are correct.
what happened in that. I don't know about governmental, but down
can I ask everyone who listen to this entire forceful? I think it's gotta be a prize for any one that listen to the whole thing. I don't know what do I say that, because even on the ultra, you cannot be serious and though I mean quite serious, I think there should be some kind of
maybe even a cash prize for anyone who can prove that they wasn't at all. How, and why do you do that in the middle, the zones and then at the end, if any one sees that continuity here that I dont see or a thread that I dont see I'd love to hear about it. That is your fault. You are the captain of the ship,
Why are you if he's gotta control said the torpedo here that
Pino yelling at the captain able to torpedo, makes changes your captain.
It doesn't make changes and that's the problem. You're you're you're going of course, okay used to evoke flight. Please take some blame for this yeah. I did. I took twenty five percent. Well, that authority does not.
The book was talk about the book on the way home and stop it. I exaggerate very talent, and you really are a great artist
I think what you favoured favour paid in their my favorite, drawing,
the bus aldrin story. What's that I do
I have a little thing there and bizarre, and I looked at it quickly. Yes,
Was aldrin second man on the moon? Yes, and he used to go to a lot of hollywood parties. You meet him at and he would always show up wearing kind of a crazy outfit. Yes, second man on the moon. I've met buzz aldrin several times, yes
what will my story them?
go ahead? You out match me, no I'll get buzz aldrin. I was in mexico on some kind of a celebrity junket and I see
on the beach. I got to my go bust children area. I said. Oh, my gosh
such a pleasure to meet you
a man on the moon.
and now I said to him: will you
worried that you wouldn't get off the moon when you're their cases. What he said to me, what your wise guy,
tonight, I'm a scientist. I was curious because if I was on the moon,
fraid, it wouldn't be able get off and he knows why
maybe I was wrong, he's a rocket scientist everything's plan on a paper. Second guess already:
I say: well. Sometimes I get in my car. Doesn't start spoke about a dozen anita,
Well, we do actually get the lunar module. There's a little few sticking out, so we called used in research.
again said: ok, ok, and then I saw him his car one stone
So he said is a few sticking out, maybe
now maybe wiseguy a wise guy. He finished all your finished
he was the second man on the moon, but the first man too far on the moon. Ok, ok.
Launch was true and that in my book
Would you like that? But great idea, you're looks good. You love your book. It really is I'm variant.
By you're a growth as an artist
We drawing all the time we're running, writing hans and, yes, you drew all the time you you mostly you. I have like six sketches of you
be nice, he put him in a book, that's what we have
I would like you to do a real caricature me some day. Oprah would trust
then I'll pay. You a treasure, cause. I've seen you seen solely caricatures of you in your office with a big tall red hair, not by you you're. My friend of meat from
I get a great caricature view. It may really good and I think you just put it
did not see me at all. Remember, though, shorten oh Jesus,
others. Name is the great illustrator, I'm just a lot of land magazines, but anyway,
I'll do one of you: ok, you're, the next book! Thank you. Here's! What we're gonna do
I'm gonna end this interview, we're gonna put you! You call this interview a of course of him.
Ask me what christian units me one!
have you ever tried riddling? Have you tried
anything or how about any drug that might focus you
what about enhancing hd drugs? Have you tried any of those though, but my wife thinks I might have a deal.
she's right. Let me finish or the
always signs of dementia right yeah so because,
I believe the stole my once in a while
if the car running, because I'm electric car makers hybrid
we're barely any by
In our view of the treaty,
like your car off get out of it
and the hybrid sometimes cause you're so you're getting on the electric or another.
I had a hybrid because it's quiet ants running on.
What am I gonna and walk away? Thinking it's off, stove, car and corky,
Sometimes even do me a favor because we're ending this now I mean I have to end it. I just have to end this, but I want you to take this when I get you a copy
and how much it play it for your neurologist, ok,
What are you so my Heaven relatives you're going to have one? I'm making employment than you are without come with you to the religious, mean all drive. You then yeah. You know I'll wait for you to make our own food from nine thousand feet. No complete. I wanted artist, you talking lay this
for a neurologist and I want to buy a specific died,
was this after know, your diagnosis, gonna me be. What's that it's to be MR nielson, either s little bit, mister o Brien.
you need a lawyer for you need a lawyer
attacking cabin so much that's collins, interview. Ok, that said, the book is called. I have my russia's with faint. Now you not have your. I haven't got your I'm. Will I'm the one that has I love the time for those you do you I'm throwing you out of the by catch studio, Kevin despite everything, people effort.
Day. I do love you and admire you. You wanna funniest
we'll ever and if you don't stop fucking around with half stress my
come on. Tell me why you have made fun of my health priorities. You'll get. Will love
like a break were never coming back? Conan o Brien needs a friend with Conan o brien stoneham of session and mac goarly produced by me, mad goarly executive produced by adam saxon, joanna solitaire, off and Jeff Ross at team, cocoa and colony anderson and coty fisher at your was lame sought by the white stripes incidental music by Jimmy vena, taken away Jimmy our supervising producers and layer and our associates talent, producers, jennifer samples engineering by will back to additional production support by mars moaning talent, booking by polish avis, Gina, battista and great com. You can rating review. This show an apple podcast and you might find your review read on a future episode. Gotta question for conan call the team cocoa hotline at three two three four five one, two eight to one and leave a message. It too can be featured on a future episode and if you have an already, please them scribe to colonel Brian needs, a friend on apple podcast, nature or wherever fine, by cast down
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Transcript generated on 2022-10-25.