You know I'd like people having virtual happy hours these days and you know what guilty is charged. I do a tale. Yeah me tell you, know: I'm home, we ve done them together, sometimes have called you opposite. Hey, let's do a virtual. You know. Happy Hour and you said ads, and I really want to show you where, if you're not fun, yet you mean and ice make you do idea, but we have a good time. He sure well guess what If you're looking for that perfect drink that virtual happy hour, you're gonna have ok, look no further than screwball, peanut butter, whiskey, vast rice, screwball peanut butter, whisky. I think

in the next bond film. That's what James Bond drinks they're, like you, want a martini shaking. Not sturdy goes no! Thank you! I'll! Have a peanut butter, whiskey, it's made by a husband and white Duo, let's stay with american whiskey and guess what peanut butter flavor the end result is the blend of whiskey and peanut butter. It's savory, it's creamy little touch of sweetness. You know I like. You can take it all by itself. They sent a sound condemn. It tastes like let really good whisky mixed with peanut butter guy. That's tastes like believe it or not. Screwballs tastes, amazing, all by itself. It also elevates practically any cocktail. You can put it over ice pleading your coffee! No one knows you're drinking at work. Commons on, say that too late I already dead or top a scoop avail ice cream with it. I do that sometimes MIKE

say I want some vanilla ice cream and I say sure things kids want me to put some whisky on they're like no we're, not old enough. So I don't because I'm responsible- oh that's, good yeah, plus through screwballs, screw covered nineteen campaign color. The founders of donated to several organizations, including this is nice. Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars United States bartenders guild foundations are a tender emergency assistance programme and thousand dollars to children of restaurant in place. That is very nice. That's very cool! That's cool! That's people who are hurting right now and they need help. You know me, I'm not a hard drinking man, yeah and you're, not I'm not! But if I'm gonna have a whiskey, I like it to have a little something in there. You like it a little with some flavor in it yeah, that's some straight whiskey yeah. I don't like straight whiskey like like a real man's man. I like a screwball peanut butter, whiskey, that's what I like! Yes and you know what goes with

great with it jelly you just drink the jelly out of the jar. I just what I do is. I have a jar of jelly. I do a shot of peanut butter, whiskey and then I stick my tongue in the jar and get a little taste of the jelly. So it's like that peanut butter jelly hit. Then I put the jar back in the fridge without telling anybody yeah I'm an asphalt anyway screwball the original and most awarded peanut butter, whiskey of all the peanut butter whiskey. There must be a lot of them yeah. They want an award as the best peanut butter. Whiskey available near you. Seventy proof enjoy it need on the rocks or in your favour cocktail screwball at your local store, gets eleven today ready to tag, get

screwed, go to screwball, whiskey com for more info and click on buy. Now, please drink responsibly said the people at screwball. No, you should drink responsibly, I'm serious it's just funny. That's such good advice is coming from hashtag get screwed yeah I drink responsibly. Get screwed reasoning was my hours. I've made by screwball spirits, Ellie Elsie, San, Diego California, whisky with natural flavors, thirty, five percent alcohol by volume- I guess that's illegal thing anyway: scruple you said that you, by state farm now, obviously is the pickaxe states I could use a friend have accorded somebody observes. Good friend is still are defined in these times, but What is it hard to find what actually easy to find great coverage and surprisingly, great race. That's why I chose stay farm. They ve got around the clock, claims service. They go

bag man. I want you out for me. Oh you know I like the guy from me, and I can't find a friend to go with me. I'm still covered that doesn't mean if someone from state firmly I was made as it ok colleagues people state farm. I talk to you Baker. My state farm rap, one out restaurant avoid always eating alone from other diners. Now a neighbour state farm. Is there my name is Rory Scoville and I feel great fall about being Conan no Brian's best

friend back to walk in the fence? Brainier welcome to another episode of Konrad Brian needs, a friend these

podcast, slash, scam, where I get people way really like from afar. To talk to me, and I forced them to be my good friend here and soda you're on your phone. Why you and your phone when I'm is everything? Ok, everything's? I am taking instagram. Where are you just seriously? We heard shaping? I like you are getting paid a don't you, I think so I hope not what's asserts that you do what we are seriously checking Instagram yeah, I just wanna. That's how much you regard, but we do here now.

No, the hold on hold on excuse me garlic's on his phone as well. Yeah. Excuse me seriously. Why are you guys on your phone? Well, it takes you a while to get into it you it's always like hey guys, it's con in, and I like doing this, and this is that's a part that is as vital as any other part. I know, but I know how it goes so I just am like okay, I should just check my no. No, no no up front is sacred that it's like a prayer it is that is, that is as precious as a prayer. It is us holding, hands and and saying a prayer together. It's us holding hands and me saying: welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend and you're checking Instagram, yes and girly over here is trying to buy best Truman's upper dental place. I got it on Etsy, I got it, you got it go seriously. I want there to be a new commitment to the podcast because I feel you guys are taking it for granted. I never do to hold on I'm texting or text. Okay, I got it. Okay, that's funny we're doing the thing he said. Let's get out of here. That's great.

Everyone has her a little fun time, you're, just sad Gernot included. No, I'm not sad, I'm not included. I am deadly serious about this podcast. It's become. I'm saying this as a man with two children and a wife. I think I care about this podcast more than anything else on earth. Oh you do yeah, okay, I think it nourishes me more and I have more or long lasting love for despite guest within for anyone, I'm related to its own. Oh, you want to come over here. Yeah. Can I leave now and go to match house. You don't know where Mass House is say: do

man lives in that little village where and when Caesar hands less, he shouted painted a different bright primary color. He pulls and at the same time anyone else poles in a wave to each other. They go inside your wary. Whenever Edwards user sands moved in when you, when you're wife brought a man, but eventually it became, he started doing stuff in the boat, the bushes and he became like a real part of your life. Oh yeah, we really love em. Now is a fixture in the neighborhood. Well, you'll end up chasing him up to a castle anyway gives good hair cut. Listen. We got off on the wrong foot today. He I think you are both of us, an apology. He I'm sorry that both of you were testing and looking at Instagram? While I was opening when many people consider the milestone podcast of the twenty first century,

if they're a podcast magazine- and I want to be on the cover. No, we should start one. What if we started a podcast magazine and just put me on the cover and get one issue, it's like Oprah, yeah call Oprah magazine, it's called podcast magazine and I'm on the front and that things just says: Conan he's the podcasts. Would you one issue and then we get that frame? I love it he's the podcast is of them all. We can just take you to like Sears and you could do a photo shoot me it I'd like it to be. I want it to be a magazine, that's distributed to at least fifteen people. You want to hire staff for one issue and then close. The magazine so then it's a trivia question, name the only person to ever grace the cover of podcast magazine. I know I know Cornelian anyway, that's something we could do well, we'll get our people on it. We don't have any people. Well, we don't have any magazine. We have no people. This is it this. Is it it's the three of us I'll text on about it? It's like we're three people in a lifeboat, and I said: do we have any water and you said and I'll check with the rest of the crew, and it's just the three of us and then you pan out and you see where a tiny dot on the ocean I'll check with the rest of the crew and then you pan Way out- and you know we're all gonna die and son is just pouring fresh water over the side. Son is washing her hair son's washing her thick beautiful

armenian hair with the only fresh water we have. You have incredible hair, so I have great hair. You have great hair and there's a lot of it, and I could see that if we were all in a lifeboat, let's say we were all the three of us were taking a cruise and the ship went down and everyone else perished and we were in a lifeboat and there was, let's say, ten liters of fresh drinking water. Yes, I think within the first hour girly and I would take a nap and would wake up to a splashing, sound and you'd be dreaming the last of the water over your hair, washing it yes, yes, that would happen because it does take a really long time for me to wash it it's important for me to wash it with clean water right yeah, and then we would be so mad at you would be like we'd try to strike you and you would beat the shit out of both of us and eat us, and then you need us and then a rescue ship would come instantly and the total time in the boat eight minutes. So we guide for no reason. We never needed the water when you said that we take a nap for some reason. The image of you and I spooning in the little the life raft came to that's what we would do. I want food with you, you know what would do. I would drag your body slightly over mine to shield me from the sun. Oh god, I the first time I met you. I thought that's the human sunshield. If I ever I've seen one first time I met you, I went there's a human sun victim, so that makes sense. Okay, that's really funny to make fun of a terrible condition. I've lived with all my life called my irish heritage. I loved it in the eight minutes we're on the boat you nap immediately when we get on the boat destroyed right now. The big boat thinks I said, everyone else perishes well clearly, if the whole time we're in the water is eight minutes, we're not even trying to help anybody else, we're just tired and they just immediately soon with gorly pulling his limp, smaller body over mine to still be from the sun and Sona takes the only fresh drinking water washes her hair. We wake up where the two of us are angry, that you did that we rush you, you beat the crap out of us, we're rendering us unconscious and then eat our bodies, and then the rescue ship shows up yeah, eight minutes total. I

you have a veracious after sight for human blood, yeah we're terrible people yeah and then the camera pans over to with Sega and the Sega looks into camera and goes what what a world all right? Everybody! let's get down to brass tax. That's a phrase: I've never understood gorly. Do you understand what that means? Brass tax yeah, it's a furniture upholstery term like let's take off the upholstery and get down to the brass tax. Oh, I can't believe you knew that. Of course. That's unbelievable! That's great! Well, guess what I'm glad that you knew that that's cool! Let's get down to the the non upholstery layer of the month, yeah that flows, oh my god, that was awful. I think, there's an air bubble in my brain. It was so bad that was terrible. We gotta get started those this gentleman's very funny. My guest today is an absolutely hilarious comedian. He joined me on tour in two thousand and eighteen. He also wrote and started in the comedy central series Robbie and now hosting new podcast for team cocoa, titled dads the

cast a very funny and also heartwarming show with new episodes every Wednesday. to brag, but I was the very first guest and that's a huge deal too most nobody, but anyway you don't want to miss. It really enjoy this. Guy very excited he's here very scoville, welcome,

I got to know you very well. You done some brilliant stand up on my show and really inspired and silly of on guard stand up on my show that I love and I look at those tapes all the time, just like a white male tapes and an occasional you're in them pretty way bites. Then I went on eight stand up tour with you and we traveled sessions of the country where I am allowed to go. Yes, where there is no court preventing it and- and you are in insanely funny man, you're and twenty four seven I mean it doesn't stop. You are funny all the time, and so that's why I thought I gotta talk to this Rory CAT, because if I can capture some of that lightning in a bottle I saw their many people would start to believe me. That worry school is very funny. I want them to believe that. I appreciate you saying that I I I feel like you're probably builder, relate to this just the fact that were comedians, that

need time someone compliments me. I think it's a trap with. If you don't, I always waiting for. I know I wouldn't say I think it's a trap when I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Have you ever had someone ask you what they know you from, but you kind of think they do no, but they feel like if they kind of do that. Like a widow, I know you from filling they take you down. A peg

spite the fact you don't care that they do or don't owe you a fun come back, is, will you go first? I dont know you either. What do you do ass? You like, I know you are or what you read out. First, I don't know you either guess eyes my Marilla state agent. Oh ok, I'm never mind. I do know. You worry I'd, love to bond with you on this. I don't know you thing, but I can't have. I can't go anywhere in the world and not be known. I mean literally, I've tried as a game to go to this the deepest darkest jungles in the most remote sections of the world, and you know Zack frogs are like. Oh, my god, yeah you took over four Letterman

and then you know and then used organisms. As I mean I'm sorry, that's the level! I met sympathy, but these are frogs said. May people find had gone extent? Do I want to know. Is that you must? new, obviously, are very recognisable, very famous. Do you hate that? Do you eight being famous now No, no! I'm sort of way. You man, I mean son of a bitch, I mean well, I mean you know at the exact same disastrously in time. Also, what's your perspective, I think you'll, love, diamond I'd, be honest. I'm actually say something nice, you love your fans, any love, interacting with them outside I think you really enjoy it when people come up. Do you know who you are now I shower? You have caught my eye.

I am not one of those people, so so fine, because our people that got into this business and they ve had success, and they seem irritated that why you people coming up to me, and I saw it what's wrong with that. I Miami I'll people person I live.

the phrase I just invented. I think if someone recognizes me and says hello and I like to try and make them less sometimes if I'm not getting, I don't think I give him a material I'll work on it. A little bed now stay there as category I see them. Looking around like I gotta go in to chat and believe me, it's bizarre. I ran into you remember that they gave him an improvised excuses. Ireland embers something lassitude, she'll live in name my crow waving. Colleagues, I should go get well today. You are so good at not stopping when you don't want to and they still feel like they got some of the magic ratified. I was still in the casino in Atlantic City. People just would yell that definitely wanted you to stop to take a picture not that they set their just say: codeine and you're. Just like yep and who has kept going I'll, never see anyone be like

screw you. If you don't want to talk to me. No, I give a very cheerful because there are some places where, if you stop in a casino and are you drinking out of a jar? Yes, what was that? Yes, my wife, my wife, bought all these jars to jar stuff that she doesn't make. I think I think she had a dream- and

it just that dream became water like they like. Do I know that you are. You are southern gentlemen. You are from South Carolina that is correct, Greenville. If I remember correctly, who said reading office sheet in front of him. I know I know that you're from the south, but I really do feel like you're pushing it with your whole jar. You just relate and just gonna take little sit or masses wait day. I was that I see no, sir. No sway drinkin grits straight out of your way and you you know one of the things I've seen you because I toward with you, I saw you perform

so many times and end always just enjoyed a wise, because you might be one of the bravest people I've seen do comedy that is not a compliment. My thanks now give you grew up a lot with your risks. You really have no business, you really have no business, be there, but you're going out of there being showered with acidic disapproval. Very you go. Can I tell you something? I have wanted to ask you this when we performed in Detroit. I don't know of your ministers at the the Filmore in Detroit and I could not help but say something about the flint.

Drinking water in a defensive way of saying it's insane, that there still not adequate drinking water right. You are sitting up here. You are you. Are you knowing knowing it will get some people booing, which is bizarre, that anyone would not who what human is not on the same page about right will have access to water. They, Then I said something about caper neck and other players kneeling during me in the national anthem, knowing it was gonna stir the pod a little bed- and I remember this evening this stage and I couldn't really tell how that show when And I went outside with the Marina Franklin, also very funny, comedian, on the tour with us, picric member asking here: do you think cones gonna be mad at me? Monsieur people s work is shown, it didn't go you so it like. I think I did ok, but I was like.

Oh, this is a really my show. I should kind of keep the show funny, but because I brought I just couldn't help myself right when one half the crowd doesn't agree with me with something that I think is very easy for everyone to agree with ideas have to push it after push. Anyone further away, who, I think, is not on board. I have two, yes have to push them away and I have to let all the people who know who agree with me that it's an invitation for them to get even closer and because I did that at the film bore in front of more people than I've, I've ever performed in front of the masses of Theatre Ivan. I went outside and I think, however, the show was was finishing up I was just like. Should I asked Mr Marinos action? I not have done that. Should I have just done some jokes and gun off the stage and out of it was well. I love a couple things. What I love that you side we'll Conan be mad at me, because I,

I never think of mice, and that too, I did not think of the bed. I was the boss, I mean I think I'm not be like will lose out in my office in these troubled saint reference. I think I am a place of knowing that. It's not my tour. It's not! You know when you're that when your name is on the ticket, you fail You, you dont, you don't get that way, but you know sometimes, if I'm the m c of a show or if I'm the feature of a show, I feel very, like timid about. Turning the audience, even though I really want to turn some of them now, my god, why you were, as I said, your share fearless throughout the tour you used to do this bed. Sometimes

which is where we wouldn't know, which way you would go. Every night- and it was really fun for all of us to be backstage and we'd wonder what Rory are we going to get tonight because sometimes you'd work, clean and sometimes you'd work less clean? I wonder that so we were. I remember this. We were at the Beacon theater in New York and it was a big show. And I for completely forgot about this, but

my old writing partner had from years and years ago had his parents, I'm just show they. I forgot, and these are older people a very healthy handsome. You know energetic couple, but their therein there there their golden years and they came. They think they brought aghast- and I just completely forgot that- and this was a random night and we were all in our best behaviour, because it's the beacon, theater and its New York and all these near media people were in the audience. So all of us God, your Stephanie, were wondering what

Rory. Will we get tonight and you went out and you started talking about you, how you saw a documentary and did you know this folks or was it or what's the name of the whale tilikum too? You start talking about the Blackfish documentary and the whale Tilikum, and then you start saying: there's one part and they feel bad for the whale. But then there's one part where there's someone whose job it is to masturbate the way. And then you start doing this long, crazy, jazz like Ref, about what it's like for the

people who who do that for a living and how does the whale feel about it and how? What are they doing? The explained somebody who's come to take care of the whale that their first job is gonna blow them masturbating giant killer whale, and then you get to the point where you acted out. Angie there are banks it out like here her be you know, sleepy and dark in the from from snow white with what whistle, while you work and you start whistling while you work while you're carrying buckets filled with whale judges of lumping all over the place, and you do this little Skippy Dance and the wood, the buckets or slice, where backstage cry right, crying fry show's over the energy and the beacon. I'm your way up on the top floor and you're gonna climb those stairs, and I completely forgot when Sonya says: oh Conan, your guests here and I'm thinking cause you're an indifferent city. Each nine am, I guess what I go.

I just said. I see my old writing partners, parents who is very distinguished looking older people with checkable east side of New York taste and they have brought with them. Someone who looks like Ts Elliot he's wearing a three t suit and horror rim glasses. I think he's probably of our esteemed paleontologists and the three of them. Look like

the three of them looked like they crawled out of the rubble of a building that blew up on top of them and they were just, and I kept, I started to say, oh well, I hope the show wasn't too and they were very oh, no, no, no, no, no very nice show oh, what a nice show always lovely. I was lovely. We've got to get out of hand. I realized that you had you went on with that. Well, she is routine yeah

which is really become a staple of your out? It's the whole! It's it's my it's my hotel, California, s actually seeing you do stadium shows where you come in and you cannot for the ongoing you go. You know. There's this documentary black fish and progress is going down ground out like oh, my God, Libya, he opened visual field. You know the only comic I know who does the big twice and the granting and then after I finish, should I go any the any requests and we will do it just do the hope that they do it again way I'll. Take it easy, satire, yank it easy. I will say when a crowd is not enjoying that bit, and I know all you listeners right now are like what are you talking about. It sounds like a golden gm. We would like it. I do

it's so much longer now. I know I know I know I dont know, there's. I think I hate my side or know why I do that to myself. I'm like you don't like it will get word now. It's the only thing word did well, I have to say I understand exactly why you do it, because I know that all someone has to do to me say I really love this rift, you're doing or really love, or maybe we have heard enough of that. Oh fuck it then I mean it's in my house, even if only those ok, I think we ve had enough or a soda right. My guide, if you say I think I've had enough of that aim. That is also me. A sign from God has to go on forever. Challenge. Yeah. If I mean, if my wife is like, can you stop doing it? My goal is then, why? How now long will it take me to get you to laugh at you like we're gonna turn you

there are many they again due to turn you to think that this thing is funny, even though I agree with most of the time that it is wildly annoying now it so you're not doing great we're having a tough trust me. I am very well aware that a papers have been filed.

We are in it just just exploring what it cost us getting a divorce, seeing our options before where you are now a compliment. You again, you are funny in a way, this very unique to you that there are some their people I meet sometimes in company who, I think, we're nationally funny, but then they learned watching others how to be funny. You Rory are someone who's. Just you are funny in a way that I think you are probably you are probably this guy some version of this guy, maybe less confident, but when you were eight like this, which this was who you are. This is how you are all your eyes. They re watching you. I think you ve learned nothing. Now other people have learned how to refund. You have learned. Nothing. Can you know nothing of comedy? I was definitely a class clown, the whole time and

I used to be get when I would get labeled as the class clown by my dad. Who would be very upset like that. I got it. What are you going to like my grades are always bad to be like what are you doing been there be in the class clown I used to be like. I don't want to be a clown, but now that I turned it into a career that pays, you know for houses and things I know em like well. You know clowns pretty good. I think I'd turn it into something great, but yeah. Eight years old, my my whole life people told me there, like I beg of you, were just in a room with nothing but a pencil you'd. Still, to yourself and be just fine and that's not entirely untrue. Right. I food no ice. I would be all right. I mean I'm the same way. I dont know what I know that I could force myself to do something else in life, maybe something that's more beneficial to humankind. Yeah. I guess, as I got older, I realized like. Oh, I don't have to

do it for attention. It's actually something that is there that I can't turn off anyway. It's not even something to turn on You know. I mean like even when the ashes to your age for stand up. I think that's what I like about stand, people. Like my stand up. If there are people sitting there going man, this whale come bit. His is grey like when people truly fine that funny It feels so great because it's really something that I think is funny. It's not at all something. I wrote because I knew that equation would work I know that this set up and this will be a surprising bundling. truly something that to me- feels like the absurdity of an observation that I've made and I think I kind of like the idea that this I think it's funny is so absurd. The challenges can I sell it. Can I actually make other people see why this thing

funny and I knew when you say like taking risks, instead, I think that comes from me just wondering what the thing that is so bizarre that I think I can may be cell Do I need to do a bit that I feel like I should bring? You know this pandemics gonna just make me start microbes completely over, but I used to do a bit more. I said this is in an impression of an elderly woman. Looking for her dog and the dogs name is spicy. And I would do just for extended periods of time just go spy and I would walk the stage convinced that this is a bit other people will be like. That's, not a joke and I'd be like no. It is a

probably a lot of people out there want to earn their degree, but they need a universe because it works with their schedule. Right my university didn't work with. My schedule now may said Julius and do ass, your better. Do it see near and I'd say well, this isn't for my schedule, then get house yeah, that's talk to me in my school. Well guess what at Wgu they're Programs were built to be flexible, Wgu offers a quality degree program, that's affordable, which is very important these days, flexible and even impossible possible to graduate faster. You can earn a respected, bachelors or masters degree for under eight thousand seven hundred dollars per year. Fees, including you would have liked us, then I wouldn't. I took me thirteen years to pay back my college loans des true me. What

asked me to help you out all right. You did, and I didn't you see. No, I can't give that coffee and you throw it at me anyway. Let's your experience and dedication and help you earn your degree faster, see what W G use competency based programmes can offer you know that long in times, twenty four seven access for most course work flat, rate to wish and covers. As many courses you can compete each term. So the fast you learn the mortal safe. This is great. You can pass most courses and w G you ass quickly, as you master the required skills materials so that something a very good deal. You know

I think you should have done. This should have wasted a lot of money in a lot of time. Get your sixty five dollar application fee waved. Oh, you will get BC, waved a job, w g you. I should go there because I can't leave like generate anymore. I love that I'm telling people to go get some degree now it's time for me to read with nature. Sixty five dollar application fee waved it w G, you Don T, you slash, Conan, that's w g, you Don T use last common fear. Sixty five dollar application fee waived. Well, I always say you sooner: small businesses have unique need yeah, that's pretty much. All I say yeah despite the current uncertainty wanting remains unchanged. You gotta have the right people on your team boy. Don't I know it. I welcome oh yeah

anyway, when your business should get a small business out. There is ready to make a nice higher linked in jobs. Help by matching self executive Why? I am danger,

Linkedin jobs can help you by matching your role of qualified candidates at the right person. You know Linkedin has been around for a while. Yes, it has yes and you appreciate Linkedin yeah. I sure do appreciate it. Do you like the different features? I have linkedin. What do you like? I like the features where you can link in there as you with the right paper? Yeah it networks you with it, helps you find the right candidate. Yes, we've had to find certain candidates once in a while and you can use Linkedin and they match you perfectly right. Now America is looking for the right candidate. That's good it'd, be nice. We had Linkedin for that. A good process we've developed over yeah, it's Abraham, Linkedin, exactly very nice, very nice and your prior. Thank you. I appreciate it. I deserve it, but no it's true Linkedin is an active community of professionals. Guess what guess, how many members they have worldwide, I'm going to say. Seventy seven well you're slightly off six hundred and ninety million members worldwide. That's crazy! It's crazy! It's a lot! A screen! Candidates!

but the hard and soft skills you're. Looking for. I don't know what that means here. I just I'm sorry. I've been a comedy I've, any companies for so long I've. Never I it's been. I don't know what that means. Yeah whatever I know there are hard and soft skills and both and no get him. For you know your job posed in front of quiet quiet place our job post in front of qualified members. Every day so that it seen by people looking for jobs, just like yours, the one you're talking about linking jobs can help you hire the right person faster because we need dino. Time is of the essence these days, uranium faster. So when your business is ready to make the next, I find the right person with links in jobs.

Pay. What you want you get the first fifty dollars off now. That's something I've arranged personally on your bath. Oh you talk to linked in there all the only people. I do talk to talk to my son in three years, but only when I'm on the phone on its I'm saying I love you. Can I it's linked in just visit linked in dot com slashed Conan, that's linked in dotcom, slashed gonna get fifty dollars off your first job posed thanks to me terms and conditions apply terms and conditions apply. I saw you announced before in that you were going to do a complete our improvised. A stand up with no ideas, and I was talking to you up until the second. You went on stage and you had no concern at all- and it was a pretty good sized room in San Diego, yes, his last summer during COMECON and you went up and it was so much fun to war- I'd you

get into trouble or back yourself into a corner and then get out and then at one point you just it's a wireless mic, so you just walk through the club and then you see a door and you just said when

this goes in. You left the clan and the wireless. I don't even know if you knew it, but we could hear you walking down an alley and then you found a guy limo driver. You found a guy, you brought him back in and you we ve back in through the club, and we ve heard you the whole time you enticing the guy saying. Can I talk to you young doing I showed you come in. What's your name, Tony of Tony? Is it ok if you and you bring him in and then you bring em up into the you bring em up into the club and you start talking and it turns out that he is a limo driver and then you, so what are you doing? He said why I've drove these people to this club in and you find people on the audience that he drove in you get him to talk about what they were talking about and the way they anyway and the whole thing was. This I was really magical into me. Sort of the essence of what a show like that.

Should be. I was again you are taking foolish risks, risks that could have gotten us all killed. Frankly, some somebody killed that night. People or kill that night. You're not related crimes, but you were. You were some blame this yeah there's something about you where there are moments where you don't have fear when I think you should yeah it's like you and evil and evil. You just managed to pick something that doesn't shatter your pelvis yeah. I will say I fail a lot of times, but I think what what stand up mostly is. Is that getting really good at failing? I think it's. I I think to get really good at then there's can in no way to avoid it, but I think when you get in the comedy, the sooner you learn to not care. If the audience likes you or not, is gonna led to more fun. It's going to lead to a better career in and more fun on stage, and I I think I've

failed so many times trying these absurd stupid things that now I am. I am not so afraid to fail a used, a fierce add when you don't give a crowd a good show just because it Albert S who, as we all know, there is a lot that goes into going and being in the audience of something whatever it is, and so you want near time to have been well been well spent, and I I think I've just I've just fucked up so many times that now, when I'm backed into a corner, I'm like, I think my brain just goes well. This wasn't as bad as that time in Maryland, keep going and so you're right that what happened in Maryland, a horrible me and me, and a comedian, Justin Schlegel, went out and did a show in the middle of nowhere at a seafood restaurant in Maryland and it was packed and I

think they paid us with like snow crab or something I don't think we any money, and he and I were both supposed to do forty five minutes and ten may I went up first in ten minutes in my set they hated me. They truly hated me, but if there's one thing I can say I will always do my time. So, despite the fact they hated me, I did the whole forty five minutes. I brought him up and, as he's going up, he looks at me like, oh my god, I'm so scared like they hate the show. They immediately love him instantly and so were very relieved. I still go and set the car so that we can pull out of the parking lot very quickly in case they turned on him, also but yeah that that was maybe one of the worst times I've ever bombed. If you dont show any sign that you think the show is bad, they

you think it's there, it's like in their head there like will. Why does he like it? If we all hate it to one of my out that I love, I have all these outside compiles over the years from my failing moments and shows, but one of them is, we have to show, isn't going well, I I how the crowd be like you know what let's take a break for a second, you guys don't like the show, here's the thing: you're, not you're, missing. Also don't like the show. So the thing is we are on the same page, the same stuff, because we all hate it right now and then I'll be like all right. Look, I knit you it's there's a fun element of them being like all right. Fine I'll! Do my smarter stuff. Obviously you guys are I'm

I'm a jerk. I misread the room. You guys are way smarter than this. Here's some smart jokes and then, if they don't start laughing, then you've now switched it to where you're like. I guess you, I guess it's cause. You guys are dumb and tell you and now there's enough people in the crowd that will enjoy the fact that you are now mocking the crowd for not liking your bad. I now it's their fault. I say you did AL, you guys just start smart, and I saw you every now and then he soon will get up and leave the show. And,

quite possibly just cause. They want to use the bathroom or sometimes maybe because they really, they can't be a bid, the show or the or you're you're rubbing in the wrong way. But you will say: excuse me MA. Am man tat spanned? What is it? What is it man, man? Is it that you know and you ve had I see that its there's just electricity in the air, because I don't know, is this woman gonna turn around this man gonna turn around and say no, I don't like to show or no I'm just going to use the bathroom, but then you engage them on what what they need to do in the bathroom and like all my God, this is horrifying. Slash, delicious anytime. Someone will let you know that they don't like the show. There are people that tell you that, because they want it to, they wanted to bother you they wanted to write. You hurt your feelings, but I think Sometimes they don't understand that as long as long as you're putting Would on the fire, the fire,

keep going. It doesn't matter what type of wood it is. So if someone is like actually, I hate the show and you're not funny. It's like well now, you've given me five to ten more minutes, just from that beautiful offer of knowing that you don't like it and you're, leaving also when they're leaving it's like well once you're gone, I'm obviously gonna talk about this for a long time. There was one show I did a fight broke out in the audience, and I mean a full on fight to where the show stopped people were screaming. The whole audience turned watched four guys who looked like they played professional football. They were that big get into a fight that slowly almost like the Simpsons. It somehow just move from the crowd and like a rolling tumble weed out into the lobby and disappeared, and everyone just sat back down, and I ll never forget this woman right. As I pick the microphone up. She

good luck following that is what do you mean? Good luck. I was like we all have the same questions and we're about to explore them together. Right now. We all have so many questions the little the little gifts. I know what you're talking about that show in New York that woman, when she got up and left, You said you knew her her, you hi. Why turns out? I know a lot of their hats, the secret here when I taught Conan as a personal connection. That was my father. You will like, what's with you all, timer I've also really like to win back in the days early Letterman, when, if Steve Martin went on Letterman's late night show, he would have thought out this conceptual piece that he would do or if he went on Carson, he would have thought out a conceptual piece and you done things like tat, because I think so few people do that anymore, and I remember was, I think,

you and John Door remember when you guys you guys worked out this bed, where and I was in on it, but I bet I basically say what is low awkward we booked to comics. We made a mistake. This must be indifferent nights, but they both showed up to now. The same night we think are Booker, made a mistake and the day, but basically did they have agreed to both. Do their stand up together. He s right and it was you guys doing stand it doing different stand up acts at this same. Sadly, yes, staggering next to each other. You know I had people you you sold that introduction so well and me it seemed like a truly was an accident and the show felt so bad, in your delivery of raising the heart and they will think it's real, so much so much so that the people

there are people who couldn't realize Conan's intro is the setup. The punch line is the absurdity of the thing that he then brings out onto the stage people go. They were like hey, that's kind of messed up I mean that's like a professional show, double booking you guys and you just are those you're like what are you talking? talking about, because it was both of you, you weren't doing anything in tandem. You were both standing there with your microphones, doing a completely different standup act and not acknowledging it. The other person which is insane you couldn't make head or tail out of it. It reminds me of the time Mr Danny Mcbride. I think one of the first things he did. He did this movie, they sort of brought him to fame called was it foot first way used way, yeah, yeah

and he is he from South Carolina North Carolina. I see see I think North EAST Lima yeah bit. He no one knew who he was. This is before he became a big deal and he to promote it. He was gonna, come on sort of as that character and and

bring these kids out in you, know, sort of karate uniforms and then have some of the kids real kids and have not do it that way and have him loose his temper, and so we committed to it a hundred percent- and I said these keys here I mean He'S- got a movie foot fist way and no one knew he was a kid. People didn't know him yet right and he came out and I've talked with him about his answer, but he came out and he really committed to being dino dynamic riders. Would, moreover, the characters. Name is energies, their knees with these cares and they can't do any starts. The title is in his patience and yelling at him, and then he goes to do it and he can't do it. I can't break the board and though, and then the kids he starts yelling at the kids in some of the kids cry and run away and he's in the whole thing falls apart and I committed to looking really upset and walking out saying. Ok. Well, that was we committed all the way for end when it was over. The ban starts to play these young people Maeotid. Like far call you what the fuck happened, I thought it was so bad and I didn't want it seldom the whole things a joke, so I just went. I know it's really bad. I don't know what to do. Then we had people saying saw the show that was messed up, who? How could you let that guy on the air and then Danny said he heard from people like he who dare to you yet let this course the kids are all actors they're, all it everyone as soon as he can't break the border like wolves. That should be the retention release like ok, it's clearly a bit. He carried the board, I love,

people like no. This is real and these are bad people, the mass outside, a bad, a purse yeah we did a bed who's, the famous famous gymnast, and she was America's sweetheart Mary Lou Retton, Mary Lou Retton. We had Mary Lou Retton in the show. We have several posters, I can see them. You die hard, Mary Loretta. Is that, like super patriotic were incredibly creepy, you be the judge. I vote creepy patriotic. Well, we did a bit where I had to Just called for me to completely lose

on her and I committed to it- and I just was totally screaming at or as part of this thing it she's in on so then I think shortly afterwards, I'm a guest on Howard, stern and people were calling in their alike. with you the way you talked to Mary or n. I just go for this country, yeah people. This people were calling in and they wanted to kill me. She did the most summer salts of anyone in the eighty s and you I wish I could have given an exact olympic date, but I haven't done my research on this. I didn't you do a bit where I use a bit where you you're someone's doing stand up and so an end, someone hackles you.

oh you think you can do better than that was when John and I came back on the second time, he did stand up and really sold it for like two and a half three minutes until I played here in the audience, I played an usher and I was trying to reseat someone and he said sorry can we cut like what is going on over there and I was like oh she's just in the wrong seat and he's like well? Can you do it later and I'm like it's kind of a tough job? I'm trying to do this and then he's like it's actually not that tough job. I was like what what you do isn't that tough of a job. So then we switch, you switch jobs. You go down to do the stand up. He goes up to be an usher, and this is all like I swear to God. It was played so real that people watch people in the audience think what is going up. Why would they allow this? Why did they allow this, but you switch and then you start doing stand up. He starts being an usher and then I forget there's some twist where I get involved, and you say something where you're like. Can you guys stop you can't just do this? We've booked John you're, an usher. You can't just switch and we're like oh con and just sit at your desk and that's when you're like you think my job is easy and then then Andy goes to do stand up. You become an usher. John becomes to stand up. I become an usher. The whole thing flipped around I just those are

Those are just really magical. I mean yes silliness. I think one of the reasons I'm such a fan is you're, very sweet guy and you're, a very intelligent man, but you are, I am sure, your intelligent, don't just through the night. I got it, I let I can sell and I may ass well when you point glasses on examining the book monitored the right all right. What I'd article by I vow at the altar of silliness. That's just my boy. I want to

eternity after I leave this earth, I want to go to a silly place and even if it's some- and that might be hell- I don't know, but I would go there. I will go to this. I want to go to the silly place after I go right. I want to make sure I talk about your your podcast, because you are a very funny guy you're, also a very perceptive gentleman and you have a new podcast called dads. That's right, and I want to make sure that we talk about this because you are you're just first of all, you got very soothing pipes. I like what listen to this is the voice. I do for the podcast when I'm a guest, I go screechy because I don't want other podcasts to get all the numbers. I see when you're a guest on the podcast you're screechy, like sort of like oh and yeah. Yes exactly and then, when I do mine, it's very hey, folks, jazz singer, just come on into the Vegas Club. Let me Sinatra over here: yeah

it is, and your tat you talk about and if not it is not applied cast for dad's, necessarily because I think non dad's can enjoy s right. What is non dad a term that you guys use non dad. We, the we use non dad's, we feel like we ve narrowed everybody into two groups here it you either a dad or a non dad thinking, and that's you know, so we have people on and- and you know what I we- talk about what it's like to be apparent. What it's like to everyone's different individual perspective of being a dad and now to be a dad or or apparent in general, you're a non dad, but also the relationships that we have had with our dad's. Now, that's like shaped us in some way, because I think think in everybody's. My everyone's relationships are obviously very different, but I think some people think about their relationship.

relationships in general with a mother, and I think everyone kind of pictures sort of like the perfect scenario of relief relationship with a mother and even though most people don't have that they still picture that. However, I think when most people picture relationship with heads- it's it's always tattered and slightly broken. Even when it's working just and everyone will be like oh yeah, my dad are, you are you and your dad close and people people's response is always like yeah, I think so. Like you don't even know, you don't even know where you stand with your dad yeah, it's very complicated right. It's very complicated yeah. You know and it's It is interesting like you,

think of all the great renaissance art was always its mother, Mary and baby. Jesus like mother and child is sort of. You know, there's never like a there's, the Father and the Son. I don't know. I always reminds me of nor Mcdonald's line I think he had a line once years ago, which is now I went home for Christmas, got a little,

awkward cause. I accidently made eye contact with my filer started, like yeah, really loved your dad in the eye for lack of time. I could do that with my mom if by really locked eyes with my dad, I think my skeleton would run out of my flash. That's that's the painting of the the father and son. It's like no tell they won't look at each other than that so funny, because it so strangely related bull and yet do we wouldn't whenever step back and are like. Why is that's who you know? Why set so universal this this weird and I think it's a lot of Vienna. We talked about it when you were a guest on the show which you know it's too there's a generational thing. With how dads are with the kids and in their children and in the thing that kicks in for at least for my wife, the motherly maternal thing that naturally kicked in for her from Michael.

In fact it was so beautiful to watch app and I was like. Oh my god, like I am seeing this natural just intelligence, my wife's brain lighting up with knowing how to keep a baby alive and I'm over here truly gaining no knowledge of anything of the entire time. Always

to the point where I was you know I felt I was like. Do you guys even need me anymore? Are you guys good? Do you know that you guys are best friends? Should I get out of the way? It's been made quite clear in my equation that I am not needed. It's by unanimous, my wife and and and and my son and my daughter and whenever I come in, I am the sit, come fool, so I come in and they're just like. Oh look at old and in the idiots home and then there's a canned laugh track and you trip on your way through the kids. Yes, exactly and I say things like well, so anybody did you. Have your computer club computer dad. Is that what do you think it's called computer class and everyone laughs and then I go like? Is there any? More? Is vegetable and my wife is like? Do you know what it's called and everyone laughs and she's like? Is that a fruit? And they really laugh? You probably don't even know the capital of Illinois and you're like I, don't you really don't? You know now that you say it like that? I think maybe your family's just abusive in a weird way. It's calm, abusive. They are

They are going to use it, but the ratings of the roof, whether we can achieve a guy I had known, don't fix it up, is not broke

Rory. I'm gonna wrap this up. No, I would like this to go thirty. Maybe forty five I'm in quarantine. So, however long we can go okay. Well, we could go another. I think twenty four hours. So that's what we should do. Some time there have. You listened to Conan's new Marathon, Conan's Rory School of Marathon tune in Kona and Mary end up discussing well come nine different times. They leave the subject and exhausted of all of its comedic fruits, but only to return two hours later and find more later on. You just listen to them. Watch the x files they're, not talking they don't talk, there's no commentary! You just hear them watching the show. Rory are a good man and that hilarious man and I get excited whenever you're around. I had happy because you make me laugh so, let's hang soon when we are allowed to, I would love to even at a distance I. I know people can't

See this is obviously a podcast, but I'm in a van outside your house and have been for several weeks. We didn't yeah. We've had questions about this. There's a very it's, not a good fan. There's it's not a good one with just spray paint. I wrote cable company on the side and that's not specific enough to really use that and then company with a k, and so there were questions and there's apparently no working toil. You just cut a hole in the bottom of the van and human waste trickles out. The bottom, yes

well, I mean yeah. I mean it's been two weeks. If I'm still here clearly enough, people are falling for it. So a cable company is well all right. Rory go in peace. Thank you do good works. Thank you for having me on this. I didn't want, you know, didn't know. Well I paid I paid to be here, and so it's good. The first guest is paid twenty five thousand dollars to appear on the show the money came in seconds before we went on. Are you serious? I thought for twenty five k. That was the ninety minute package. That's just! No! No! I didn't pay the extra five gram to argue. I didn't pay the extra five gram to fight you on that. Okay, Rory be well. Thank you. Obviously, I worry a lot about SEC security. I'm an international figure figure known throughout.

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you know I ran into Sonya the day soda, who really liked the episode where there are many in and they really love the episode were you and I went to your home country Armenia. We went to European, yes, we did and I swear to God. I mean more people me more armenian people that, unlike gonna end, but I have- and I noted, go each bus egg and illegal love. Em. That's all! I know that's good. I did. I have I end up hugging them, there's so happy about that up a sound which was shrilly a joy them have fun. I bet I haven't stool alike, as you ve been so many countries. Now. No, it doesn't know owed were very angry and I'm gonna. Let me I think that was there not Eustace, you know they were just very happy and is a very this massive armenian community. Here and now in LOS Angeles friend, I cannot walk five feet without having them say. Oh, we know you went to Armenia sewn on this kind of stuff, and I tell him that you you you're gone. Oh, that's really nasty was nice soda. You should accompany him tired and D. I mean you of Acta, where I'm from view things where you're from you ve done it all up. I already, and I are land where we didn't episode from Ireland once a bunch of years ago, but I didn't really go to work. My people are from specifically my dad said of the family as from this place called done, Garvian, which is a South South EAST, a Waterford. I think- and I went back there once because I wanted to go and see them garden, where my great great great great great grandfather

I think, or something like that is, is from India. He was a bone setter. They lived in done Garcia last year was a bone setter. I think his job was to break your leg with a stone and then set it, because there was no money in waiting for someone to break their legs, and we would do that. But anyway, no idea was, I went back. I went back a bunch years ago is now on television. This is just a real life experience, but I went back and decided to go and find a town of done garden where I'm from and everyone's like me, they're a dead guy, remarked and garden then got February century story. I was once driving in as driving in Ireland with my girlfriend at the time? So we stopped and I get out of the car and someone I asked someone is worse done garment and they said this is done garden.

you're supposed to kiss the soil. So I got down and I kissed the soil and then someone else was like no. No, no! No! No! No! This is not done Garvin. This is I kissed the wrong soil and I actually had soil in my mouth and I'm not getting it out you know what I mean and then it was like. I sit with my grandmother and it wasn't my grandmother and then I had to drive for another forty minutes and I had the wrong soil in my mouth on dirt and I was like that. Is you do an open mouth kids with the soil? I did and I gave it a little tongue yeah, you frenched it yeah yeah. Also, here's another thing that happened to me in Ireland. I rented a car on the western part of Ireland and my girlfriend, and I were driving across ireland-

and we went into this. You know these magical places like you, you can be driving along and you can just find this magical little like you go through like a little forest and there was a single. There was a little tiny house, a very small house, with one single gas pump in front of it, and I pulled up to a gazelle needed ghastly in this lovely old woman came out, and she was like. Oh, and how are you? Oh? Where are you from? I said my book from Tiger? Oh you're from Dun Garvin A and you've got to look. Oh, you got to come up of Ireland on your face. Oh thank you. Thank you very much. You know I tried to cream, but it won't go awareness. No! No! I and then she's pumping away and fills the car and she says yeah. Well. I wish you well on your travelers, I'm gonna say a prayer for you tonight and he said she said I'll say the whole rosary, and I wish you well and I said thank you and I had had tears in my eyes. We hugged it was really nice and the old lady went back in her house, and I got in my car and I drove about maybe

fifteen minutes and the card just suddenly made a weird noise and just ground to a halt, and she had filled my Car was these online and it didn't take diesel. I got up and I wanted to run back and I was waiting is like- and I just see here in the middle of a rosary in her cottage growing season, agencies from his colleagues for their work in her nose and drivers for the young man could semi door smashes over it. I just start throwing around the room I was waiting. Can the story was so sincere and unless we cannot stay this well, I think I'm gonna go wrong. You know, I hate it. When you fill a rental car with the wrong gas, you gotta first fall. I walked this. Is Ireland too

welcome to a strangers house in America to see how that I walked up to a random house like into fields and why up to the door and the woman was like come on come on, and how can I help you? Would you like a cup of tea and I'm like? No, no, my car, as I call my husband and he'll call you know famous and famous and famous famous, and so they came and they took my car and they literally have to like put it up. They have to drain the car completely and it was a rental car they had to drain and I think they have to pick it up and shake it and all the bad stuff out of it. Then cost double because of that woman who was so busy page

well. I don't talk that way about women that bitch, but man. I you on this one yeah. Oh, isn't he a nice boy and she probably knew because that's the Irish to there they like to, I probably went over then she's, like oh goodbye, goodbye goodbye same not gonna, say a second row. Will teach you to talk to any random house. Think you're in the coming back you kiss the wrong Sawyer. Did you get? Second? Is the wrong gasoline there there you go of your gasoline, you you're on Telly in America. We release in of your second day. I didn't have time to make a bomb to put in the car like to kill you to watch your burn alive. I don't even know you, I don't even own a rose. I've never had any worse than the fucking break. Oh there is no God, oh my god. Oh my god, a scientologist! Oh my god! No, that's what happened that lady's awful! Well! Oh man, it was pretty old then, and this is a long time ago, which means

he's still alive. As the Irish live forever gonna know, rain needs. A friend was soon obsession and Conan O Brien ass himself, produced by me, mad coyly executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitary off and generosity, cocoa in College Anderson and Chris Ban and add your wolf theme song by the White Stripes incidental music. By Jimmy the Vienna, our supervising producer is player and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples. The shows engineer by will backed it. You can write and review the show, an apple podcast and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Gotta question for Conan call. The team cocoa Hotline had three two three four five one, two eight to one and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode and if you have an already, please subscribed. Conan o Brien needs a friend on apple pie, guests censure or wherever fine broadcasts are down,

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