« Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Stephen Merchant

2022-04-18 | 🔗

Comedian, writer, and director Stephen Merchant feels overqualified about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.

 

Stephen sits down with Conan to discuss his outrageous height, finding the right showrunner for the American version of The Office, getting to work alongside legends like David Bowie and Christopher Walken, and his newest series The Outlaws. Later, Conan wonders how to capitalize on his natural appeal to kids when he and his team Review the Reviewers.

 

Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 451-2821.

 

For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
This year marks one hundred years of dickies and a legacy they it is both old and new. They ve champion the everyday hero and own their presence as an honest icon vessel. Thank you that makers and where's dickies is offering listeners percent off on dickies dot com. What the code Dickies one hundred years one time use code cannot be combined with another offer. It cannot. That is Dickey's. One hundred for ten percent off your first purchase code expires April. Thirtieth Let's face it with most dating apps, it often feels like your endlessly sifting through profiles. It happens to me all the time and I married but magic. It has a new feature, called expert picks. Actual human dating experts, hand pick matches that's very cool, with expert picks. So it's time to actually
boy dating again and treat yourself to the being in a match maker through the ease of an app download. The mat at today, Sona sounds good. I love it. hi. My name is Stephen merchant. I feel overqualified about being. You know, I have to agree with you re much greater than the fence
Hello there and welcome to come over Brian Needs, a friend podcast, oh I'd, if I do say so, myself, no yeah yeah each low is well low. Our heights. If you look at them upside down by joint, is always by son with session and mad goarly, and I'm gonna start this episode with a complaint. Something has been rankling me a little bit lately, which is ice. drinks? Now we do a podcast and we work with these very sensitive microphones. I don't know what be airing by a this will end we'll see the light of day. I will be heard I I was talking to knock it off. I was talking to a common. I someone who I really a and I was looking for this interview and throughout the interview you were the work
defender Matt you kept, you have what looks to be in an iced a pink drink. What is it just passion, yeah presently, but it's mostly ice and as you talking to this purse, and should be saying something really emotional like eyes turned to this really tough time and then add here he do it and then I hear this I hear them the background look over and you're taking a big old girl? I saw you I get me Oh, I thought that you several times and it didn't stop you well. I couldn't tell if you were just looking to see what that was or you're trying to send me a signal. So I have a request. I know plastic straws are out. We don't want to be killing any dolphins with plastic straws, but I will pay for you two to get metallic straws. Of your choice. This tough thing for me, because when you say something bugs you, I just want to do it more noble and I'd die. No, you have to say this way when we see this. This,
literally we do a lot of. Would you a lot of jokes in what a fun stories on this podcast. Naturally nice, but sometimes you're talking to somebody and it gets real and they start talking about something they start talking about something like yeah. It was really rough for me cause I remember them. I was really close to my grandfather and I'm like ugh, and then one day I went to his room. And that is doing the laundry I just and I'm of my grandfather don't worry? I won't going on and I'm having trouble even understanding what they're saying and I'm so distracted, put a goddamn straw in the drink? Can I say you work in audio when my defense, I waited until that guest drink her own iced coffee before I cannot control the gas okay. If a glass shows up and has an iced coffee, there's little
I can do. I think it might be smart idea and I think you're the behind the scenes, we're putting this whole thing together, Matt you maybe have fought to have some straws here and supply the guests with distrust of at least had the option, but I can't control them you like, I didn't know they were going to be jeans. I didn't even ask for a drink. He was nice enough to David to bring one in the first place David brought. This is David, get in here, David, This is David having because we all know sooner needs and assistance to do the work. She's not do our, dare you David, have a seat right here. Any will that is true is MIKE. This. My car he's not it's not our our engineer, ran away? He's printing your as actually told me to say this: okay, that's great David! You when asked you for icy drinks and you supplied them, while the gas that was on requested a drink and then he saw it I'll. Just get I'll just go there
what Matt Guy Wednesday, so I thought he might want it again, I'm not throwing you under the bus David that was last year. You made it quite always call I always call you I say: do you want any Starbucks that I call Sona and then I didn't have your in my view on the away, have had his number for a long time, and I know what he's up to he's up too was called pulling focused. in show business wants to make it about himself in some small way, and you saw me really vibing with gas we had it. We were in the groove, it was going to be. This is, Probably the interview, that's going to get me a Peabody award and you
couldn't handle it. Could you Matt so you could handle it. It was no big deal literally. It sounds like free lab skeletons falling down a flight of steps. I don't want to make excuses, but this is literally my tenth podcast this week and I'm a bit fried so get off my back the man yeah. You know what Adam brought something up Flash he said. Slash was doing it during his interview, Slash and you called him out on it and how fucking the flash on anything. First of all, I don't care who is oh no! No! No, there are. I don't care who it is, and I I adore slash, I adore slash and do check out that episode. It's really good one by plugging this
as there are no less than you out. There was so much ice rattling really dear sound really did something very technical, just hit him. I was I six bloating all over the place, and so the reason I called you in David is because what you basically did was you weapon eyes the fog cast. You brought weaponized her brought joy. Joy. This delicious, is actually really good. We had never had it, we had it because Matt got it the other day and thank you. Maybe you should just tried to drink, and then we can all have noisy ice drinks on no thanks, I'm good and also I live off hate. I have ass reserve of hate inside my body and I draw on it at any time. I could not eat food and live for a thousand years hydrate. So you don't need beverages, it does everything it hydrates and provides caloric energy and yeah. Just and it's talking about just about six years from nineteen. Seventy two to nineteen. Seventy eight I can live
If that hate curse. Well I'll, be it. You know what it's done. Fine by me and I'll. Tell you something else: David you're not to bring them: okay, not bring them DC drinks anymore. What if we get a straw, then can they it's alright. I don't want to theory Matt Gourley. I do not want to hear ice rattling around and don't tell me you saw me looking at, I didn't let and what with what was that glare like, like, I said I think it was like Oh. Is he just just hearing the noise and looking over to see what the noises, but then it was just a fraction of a second long enough to go. Oh no. He hates me yeah, that's right! Yeah! That's why I hold for that fraction of an extra second there's, a lot of thought that goes into my deadly glares, but it's and your behavior, I notice you kept slurp initially wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. Well, you're wrong. I'm just is Eddie, as you thought I was there is
no more ice, no more rattling ice on this shutting down. Ok hopping next time they want something to drink, and some maple syrup. or has spoken. I guess today is a hilarious writer, actor and comedian who co curated the office alongside Ricky Gervais. As you also know him from such shows and movies as extras hello, ladies Jojo Rabbit and Logan now he has a new series- the outlaws which he wrote, directed and stars in episodes are available on Amazon. prime video, Very excited he's with us Stephen merchant, welcome here, because I'm an enormous of of that's a nice, so nice, you! Ok, you completely your work on the citizens of rice, the other stuff unaware of you. You know it
fine, I do I've been a hundred. People have encountered people on the streets of my god when you were working for the Simpson I just man that show was firing. Also, does I love you? I love this of the symptoms and then they sort of trail. I dont know what became of you after nice, lady I'm not kidding. They really don't seem to know that there has been the think. Oh yes, he'd been dabbling in this other stuff, but when are you getting back to the Simpsons, the other one, the other one could have damned with faint praise is a huge Stephen merchant. I am all yeah my wife's, a big fan, oh god, she is oh, okay, good! Is she here? No rice? Why are you not a fan yeah? I had the other day that the flip of that which will not quite the flip, but someone came at me and said: oh, my god, I'd love to get a picture with you because my wife such a fan and as like sure and I took the picture and went yes such a fan, and I tell you about this new yeah he's
me not so much, and I thought why? Ok, I'm not some maniac who expects everybody who enjoy what I do, but why throw that course is allowed. Is it because they don't see you as quite a human being you your this other thing or your personality, your show began at design reason a first fall. It could just be that he's only need peace because he's got context, he's got good taste he's got a tackle ball to the comedy he went out of his way to say now: Stephen merchant. He uses his words more carefully than you he's less needy as a comedian, and I say I said I'm going to be talking to Stephen in a few days, and he said now that someone I look up so I remember years ago, when Ricky Gervais, I was working with Jason. He first got very famous in the UK and we were
where can we had an office and we would go for lunch on the way back? You know he'd get stopped once or twice for photos. You can have always very gracious and did photos with him and one time where we were, we were walking back and we were kind of a hurry to be at a meeting or something, and I'm too accustomed to a couple of tourists came up and they said excuses, and can we get their English wasn't great, so they said, can we get picture? Can we get picture and- and we and Ricky was like yeah sure and he put his arms around them and they said to know, can you take picture of us that you wouldn't really have no idea who he was, and so we just had to awkwardly take the camera away. Think of one of these that is one of those things is that analogous situation to that which is I've, had someone come up to me at a restaurant with a pen- and I say, and who do I make this out to meaning to Mars to a like. It's the check. Is you just you shrink instantly to
one one thousandth, your size, the pen stays the same size so you're, a tiny little person has a pen, that's right back in my hometown of Bristol, and I was going to that thing where you can in Bristol, where I'm from I'm fairly well known, because it's like local boy made good essential thing. A few people that said hi on on the day wait in a store came out. The guy came running out. Oh excuse me. Excuse me, I wasn't sure what you want me to sign. He went no, you! You left your credit card. You'll probably want to tell me that I'm your faith, no, not at all. Anyway. These are such relatable stories to start the show without ever go to buy a Porsche, and this is something that you're listening. We all been there right and you know you have a choice between the mahogany trim. Yeah, it's easy, how quickly a little taste of a glamorous world or exclusively had quickly what time it tastes like as I can work in a boat, but I give them a little money I tell you my parents from it.
To allay business class nothin? come on, I'm not made of money but business class and my mother. She got to the house, and I said how was the flight and she said it was wonderful. We we we we we got off. claimed before all the ordinary people should never be on a piece of flying debris: the ordinary people. Yes, amazing, how quickly your highness, I love that you are trying to come across as a guy who still understands what it's like outside the bubble. I'd like to tell people that you drove up into bentleys, at least one, and it was I do it for me and one for my Iphone. Yes, yes, because of your high rate to straddle both of you, were working the wheels of both at the same time, it looks like it was very unpleasant to drive to Bentleys at once. I once heard shrines I wish I would love to know if it's true that supposedly bono was you know Tory. He was like in Madrid to his show and his favorite hat hadn't come it'd been forgotten and he had it flown
his class seat. Actually, the idea of like a chaperone and polos hats in a chair yeah. I don't know if that's true, but I would love it also if they gave the hat one of the exits where you need to know how the emergency and the woman says. Are you happy to do this in the event of an emergency and because they didn't say anything she took that as a yes, then the plane had some difficulty. People had to get out and a hat was just sitting there, everyone choked on the smoke, the stewardess, throw it down the slide. Oh, my god, while I have been really looking forward to talking to you, because we've crossed paths, many times. Do your friend, Ricky Gervais is our mutual friend, but I think he really. like you. I think he respects you, but he point of this once he said, my favorite thing in the world would be to see. Thank you said the sun areas and I want to see
you and Stephen merchant fight- and he said if you like, two praying mantises is, and I thought because now I'm considered quite tall, as comedians. Go, I'm six four, and if there is some product my hair six six, You are six seven higher we're being six for Conan. That was probably thirteen yeah, but it is a very in all seriousness. It's very odd because I have when I walk into a room: I've been most people's height at one time or another. In your height, probably most of the people in the studios, I've been I've been through there and carried on going yeah. I would say I speak with confidence here. I think six four is the optimum height for a man. I think he's a great. I think it's a masculine height, I think the problem is, you can still buy clothes off the peg. You can still get to fit once you get to six five six six now getting silly
that's, not furniture doesn't think you can get into cars. May I remind you and six seventies absurd, defies nonsense. It makes life miserable. You have to have furniture, especially bills, but she built you probably like your home. Everything is actually designed. I know you have a if this is well known about you, we'll try. Let's have been there for special, very high toilets than other people can fit on bare unless they have a small set out our yes. It is enough to paint an uneasy and an everything in your life is slightly seen through the am I going to fit. Am I getting beds in hotels very rarely long enough? It door frames of debate six four five now from this six, I think, use high again to two in America and it's not so pronounced in England, but for some reason here, toilets bathroom stalls are not. Wait tall enough, but in airports I find if I walk into a bathroom stall,
I can see into the bathroom stalls, either side. I guess why am I just and of course you just glance and there's a guy just looking back at you, the toilet, Stephen know also here's the thing. They don't know that you're six, seven right. They think that you're on tippy toes period and trying to have a look see, but the problem is that what happens is because I'm aware of that, I then have to sort of enter a toilet stall sort of a crunch I should have. my way in like like really, which looks really weird nonetheless see I was. I was going to bring this up much later in the interview, but people, of you stay in airports, yeah, yeah, you're called look see. Merchant people know that you like to have a little look see over the top of the toilet stall. Very, very different, shut out, what's happening and is hurt you it short you in this country. Is they ve done five and link of the words You guys Sona
false today you said I was look see coming in. I did yeah, it looks the merchant yeah yeah and I said, let's not bring that up till it probably won't come up at all, but if it does come up I'll bring it up, yeah there's a reason I didn't come into the studio. Yeah, that's right, you've been Matt, you were you're, even you were excited until you took be here in person and then you find out that old look see merchant would be here. I really hope you will to listen to this show because that was going to hire. I know no one will you'll. Never hear of this again looks looks higher than me it took a little to the progression know. I had been very excited to talk to you because we both got into comedy I've, always seen you as kind of a kindred spirit. I hope I hope the same way about me, but I'm a big fan of yours. You have a great and- and I love your commute persona. You seem,
thrive in discomfort, which thing, and I in that area, that I just love of always loved in committee, and I know that we have some things in common, my First of all our relationships, our bodies. I've, always I always found my body to be absurd, yes and, and that helped me in comedy, it gave me a head start yet through couple people, on television. Was Dick Van Dyke in reruns, and I shall in any other of course, when, when the python saw were rerun in Amerika, and I discovered John please, I saw these sky. That was very funny with his tall by yeah and almost kind of owned it in a way that was intriguing to me, and I think you had a similar very similar. I mean please actually grew up in a place called Weston Super Mare, that's not far from my home town of Bristol and then he went to college in Bristol. So for some reason I always felt a kind of affinity because he seemed like a local guy done. Well, let me say very tall and I was very impressed a some reason
TAT one day I could speech on. Trees are the where that presumption Environmental well he's a tall guy. from the neighborhood is thus, if that's what they want on tv, I guess I could do that. I would study that life is a currency and that there was a precision to the way used. His body was very exact. I think a lot of great physical comics Oliver Hardy has is well there's an exactness to wear. When Oliver Hardy is ringing. The doorbell he'll sort of flip his hat into his arm and then flourish with the fingers. He buzzes the buzzer and it's also precise and elegant and dedicated- and I just was very inspired by the laser using what's in here, The comic about you, the things which people already find funny and someone said to me once: do you think he went into comedy to control when people laugh at you and there may be some truth in? Oh, that's interesting. I never thought it. this alot I used to give it as I'll
make fun of myself before I get a chance, they gonna be. Ok, that's a very british thing, indeed yeah Bianti, but also interesting. It, for instance, of innovate, extends to kind of career success rise. So when the office first happened, the UK version and recognise what I've got well know there were little plaudits, because it was kind of way. Did these guys come from you know they were so new kids on the block and Are we going to told it and then ass, time went on and we became more more familiar than it was like seems like it's overrated that show, and then when he went to america- and it was like we prefer the american version you need any sort of, and I think what happens is you see it with? A lot of people is eventually you
it's so Elton John had that show through the eighties he was kind of lambasted and then at some point you become a national treasure. If you live longer. Yes, this is what I'm hoping for next. It's just. I mean trust me, I'm trying for that too, but I'm told I need to live to be one hundred and fifty. I need to be the same age as someone who fought in the civil war to be a national treasure, but there's this thing that happens, you guys will do two years of a show and then decide. That's enough was because of the economics. Yes, yes, no money in syndication. There is no such thing. Why are you going to make one hundred and fifty episodes of something it's crazy right, but Fawlty towers? How many Fawlty towers are twelve? There are twelve here and they're perfect. You know the american style for many many years and I think it's starting to change. I think Netflix and and the way streaming works now is trying to change it, but we are in Bing works in this country is the mandate was
grind that thing until it's completely no longer funny and then do another ten years, thats right exactly and that's what that was our system. So I always always looking at your shows, and when I say your I mean UK shows and thinking that you are the superior minds and that you had more integrity than we had. I didn't realize there was just no money, no money points just burn. I there's only two of you can afford a writer's room, so it's like. Why am I doing this again? Let me see somebody also think with the case. In the case of the office, we do a vita in a position to, and I think we thought well, we ve cracked tv writing turns I. This is the first thing we ve done a look at it and we thought we could just keep repeating this success forever turns out its way harder. I think that I did don't quit a hit. I think I would cling onto no with dear life. so it's so looks like it was a great integrity, she's, a
well foolish mistake if only we just kept on grinding that out, then I'd have three Bentleys yeah ooh, there's a lot of light beer out there that doesn't taste like much of anything. But you know what I've been thinking. Yeah Miller Light is different. Now, the other ones suck yup mere light has always been the the beer, that's brewed for people who want their light beer to taste like beer, sometimes I'll drink, a light beer and I think well, you know what is this is. This is like some flat soda yeah. Is this water to turn actually can be water light Brown Water Miller Light is more the taste you love, but with just ninety six calories, and I worked it out that we point two carbs per twelve ounce serving. I did that myself. I have a lab, you figure it out.
How many carbs million point two carbs per twelve ounce serving yes Nero Light is light on calories, but guess what it's not light on. Why taste no way gotcha? What's the point of having a beer, if you can't so in joyous Miller light and enjoy Miller time. You know me away to get together. My pal yeah, you dear you, guys like to get together and have some bruise we like to have some bruise and if we're having bruise to me, it's gotta be Miller light. You know because what I like to do it's Miller time, and I realized once can have no more time unless you're, having more light, that's or with your hanging. If you're hanging out with someone named Miller like comedian, Dennis right. You know here, but that is still not the same. You really want to have you the only time he got to have Miller Lite there yep you just do yeah, sorry, love Miller. Sorry, so don't be telling me you just had Miller time because you are hang out with iconic comedian Dennis Miller doesn't count. I love the guy, but it's not the same. To get Miller. Lite delivered right to your door. Visit Miller, Lite, dot, com, Slash Conan or you can find it.
much anywhere that sells beer celebrate responsibly Miller, brewing company. The walkie was gotten ninety six galleries and three point of carbon twelve ounces, my former writing partner, Gregg Daniels. We got our start together and work together for many years and were still close friends, and so I remembered being worried for him because told me the the the british office is done, but I'm going to try make an american version, and I was worried for him. I didn't think it be done. I didn't want my friend friends getting disappointed in a hard time, and do good God. Well, that I thing is, it was brilliantly done and brightly cast, but
oh god, he didn't listen to you. I know well trust me cause otherwise I mean I will just be so scrappy around doing stand up pubs instead of just swanning around with library, friends. They have not nice. I am not kidding, I am not kidding, someone could fill a book with. So thank God, you didn't listen to Canada because I'm not even kidding there have been about five or six times in my life when I have given people advice, which was you know to MIKE Myers when he he to me wakens workshop for rest about this before Brandon Saturday night alive, and he was. I can't get this thing in its guys doing: cable access in the basement, my city, no cable
access, low rent version of a tv parody, that's kind of been done, and I thought I talked him out of it and then he went and submitted it to read through anyway, and I was like well, this is about to get his comeuppance. Oh my I'm, the guy. Who knows it all? I think smartly, the one thing I let you grow up watching a lot of tv and there was a number of attempts to make british shows, including Fawlty towers into concerns and they often failed and one of the things which into recurring problem was the original Brits are trying to do adaptation and my advice to Ricky I remember thinking was: we should not try and do this ourselves. We don't quite understand America, its dna. Yet, even though we think we do cause you're gonna watching american stuff and it needs an american children or to adapt to and we met with a lot of people, but Gregg was the one who, the only one I think who seemed to spot that it was really a romance at the core of it. It was a romantic comedy that also had funny boss character. Yes, I think he spotted that that that I wrote that romance at the core of it between
the was. What was going to keep keep people people coming back week to week and it'd be rare. Greg is always saying, everything's a Remax. He just happened to be right in that meeting. He I once had to do a rewrite on a Godzilla, VS, Mothra, yeah Creature Battle, Godzilla, hearts, Mothra, yeah yeah. He kept saying it's a it's. A romance, Godzilla loves remarkable and Mothra Godzilla, and you know clearly- and this is one question had for you, because I think you're, one of the few people, could answer it came from this british comedy writing and performing tradition, and you create, along with with see this, this terrific masterpiece of of british television, but you participated a in the American as well. I wish I could take more credit. No, I I would actually in the writers' room I would show up occasionally in the writers' room, but I mean they they were more than they didn't need me there. I think,
I just went there because I enjoyed it because it been meeting me Ricky in a kind of the North London office and we would come to glamorous l a and I would sit in there with Greg, and you know twelve brilliant people watching ideas, bubble up and a rigorous interpreting for me to see that kind of- and I mean this, In this compliment in the complementary, like a factory of great comedy tv, it's it's it's unique attitudes! That's that's my that's! What I wanted to talk to you about a little bit is that your experience in the office was just you and Reiki alone, and it can be kind of feel monastic. Yeah- and this is when I got into writers rooms, real writers, rooms, whether it was on Saturday night, live or the Simpsons, and then my own, room. I just wanted to live there, I loved being in a writers room and there's something about getting a bunch of people together coming up mostly with ideas that could never be right. Yeah yeah and saying things that should never be repeated, but it was just this wonderful world
there's an exhilaration to that. That is hard to replicate anywhere else. I have to say one of the things that I it has changed the way people watch and experience comedy the concept of it being a documentary you know and that, where we're just observing these people, but they they can talk to camera. but that there is no laugh track and I think for so long in the United States. I don't know much about the british tradition, but there was a laugh track on all How many would you note? This does a sure, there's a big influence on me, which is match no interest. In England, when the tv show MASH was aired, it did no air with a laugh track. So I would come to the: U S, I would see it with. We runs, and maybe this laughter but like it seems to be shot like in a korean ministry hospital, but there's like this audience. It was very surreal, whereas in the british version for some reason it had no laugh track so show you don't Arthur it felt like a with dark kind of x. Stan Sure comedy
which these men were making jokes in the face of war and death and is way they could deal with the horror. It was a really powerful comedy drama and then with laughter and what is insufferable. It's like. I want to go, shut the fuck up man just do your medical work stop trying to quit when there was no warrior, he was firing them off into the ether shut, the fuck up guy yeah, and so it's interesting. Isn't it how he, how it changes your your interpretation of that of that, for me at least, not sure what you know to what I will tell you is that the The concession made on that show was very specific, laugh track. everywhere, except in the operating room right so there was no laugh, the operating room, and that was one of the concessions they made. But you know to try and show that sanctity of that space believe that an entire
Your generation are more than one generation now, because the original british officers two thousand one end its I'd like to think. Now, there's an entire generation that watches reality tv and there's no laugh track. There was no, they decide they they look at reaction shots and they see the way things unfold and they see discomfort and their quite happy signing for themselves what's funny, but it's funny how it does take people think getting. Prime and you know initially at least to know what to expect, because I remember when the original british version the office aired. Obviously I wasn't in the show. So people didn't recognize me, so I was on a train. The first place, so did aired on the BBC and was on a train and never to women. Talking opposite me. One said we're friend, hey! Did you see that documentary last night on the news about office the boss was, absolutely hysterical and her friends had only one thing that was a sick home and the firstly said,
While it wasn't very funny, then yeah. So what and isn't it interesting that sort of she was prying? She didn't know what it was right and it was hilarious when she was told it was a comedy honor. funny that and it's interesting sort of. So I wonder if it's like, I dunno whether people, like you say there are conditions now to see, shows without a laugh track, and so they I think they were initially. I think they're, probably a bit. It was a bit odd. No, I think we used to watch. I mean I grew up on, shows like happy days and unhappy, has seen its comedy and was a huge hit, but the funds enter round of applause and he had a whole year until the apply This was done in. Sometimes it was important that he walk in the door and say Richie. Don't do it that man's about you don't think that was a very well it's a bit if the funds would come in and an end this you know. He has to save riches life, but she Cunningham's life here to stand there,
like sometimes two minutes, while people applaud start to say as line then hold some more yeah and you think about it, and that's: where are we like a victorian Canada, Music Hall. I dont want why. Why set? That is also the again you know again, big influences on on the office on an me more generally were included. Roseanne yup, which at the regional pile of romantic and recently and its bullet, and again it has some other laughing the face of desperation and of working class women trying to you, know he per family afloat and it has a laugh track, but I dont why I just ice ill. I was so now, I'm just so engaged by the world the carriages of cheers the same. You know it was so it was classy in it for characteristic felt like a witch universe. So I- nowhere at some point, like you say it became on fresh. But I want to show mention extras because that's when you show up on camera in a show extras which I loved and was
that was the immediate follow up to your office and the difficult second album. Yes yeah, but I I think quite brilliant and and I thought and that's when I first got to see you performing and you were hilarious, and a terrible terrible agent. That is really really the worst agent in the history of the world, and I am very thick about everything, but and you're looking at me right now. You could look like at Ricky's character, which is quake you're, you're you're, quite certain you're, doing just fine with the idea of someone who is utterly hopeless, but incredibly enthusiastic, yes, yeah and we always imagined that he'd had his business cards printed in, like a motorway service station like like one hundred for ten pains right on the way to a business meeting and file and and and the
It probably had a part time job as well. He was an agent by sort of IRS agent in the week and then worked in a in a in a cellphone store at the weekends I do like who can be the worst person to have as an agent. You got to work with David Bowie, yes in a in a miss episode of extras saw and that the nature of the work was you guys actually had to come up with a song that David Bowie Rights for Rickeys care. when writes about, he sees Ricky in a in a bar. I think and starts to write a song about him. Ricky actually have in the sort of music publishing world a song co written with David Bowe. S amazing Boeing is only valid, both the absolute. Never but when I have to say that in a quick cut right pretty well known, singer and I ve met, which is also an you wrote. It also depends on its back. We this is it did it no David, but we hear but
we wrote these lyrics and then we should have sent them off to David Bowie, and then he came back on the day and he sort of took us into a room and there was a piano and he played us the tune and it's sort of extra. It was absolutely extraordinary. Is it funny little fat man funny funny little loser? Yes and he's supposed to be sort of composing, as you say, sort of painlessly, but some it's funny. It was Ricky had said to him. He said what you musically. How would you wanted to be an Ricky said, Rickets hit something like oh, if you could to be like, you know, like heroes and their terrible himself at all, just write another hero. Shall I give you one of those which you know that song you did, that will endure for all documents and another one plea funny, because when you meet someone like that, I never see you ve done it throughout your career, there's a feeling that I've got one opportunity to like fully absorb their genius there majesty that Digicel
and of course you can't because you're with them, for you know for limited amount of time, and what can you? we do to fully understand, but it's like er. This is my chance to understand where his genius comes from him, and I put you cancel you end up just to I mean, oddly enough, I remember talking with David Bowie about reality, t V, that to show that big brother awesome show that was on the night before I'm thinking is. This is a missed opportunity here is, can he do he? I had the great pleasure of David Bowie came on our show a number of times and he was very funny one of the highlights of the Life is meeting him that I always realise. There's no way I can can this man right what he means to me and I've had that experience with Mccartney and and and Bowie Elvis Costello. I find myself chatting with them. I can do it's a frustrating feeling too, because they've heard it all yet I mean they've heard yes, yes, I mean
Well, tea changed your life, but what's the longest running optimistic soaps when the whole thing, but I ended up once at a party at Mick, Jagger's hex, then I did not know I was going to. I showed up at the door and Mick Jagger I was going to a Thanksgiving dinner that my friends that when it comes to Thanksgiving dinner, she'd neglected to mention it was at Mick Jagger's as Nationalists, a good friend anyway, so where there is and it's all it was a very interesting evening, but only at the end of the evening he was suffering from jetlag, because he'd just come back from the states, so he was the party's have wrapped up a little early and we were waiting for cars and cabs and things, and I found myself stood at the door with Jagger just me and MIC, and I'm like this is the moment since I I'm here with him now I can ask him anything about the writing of exile on main street and my only question was on ah jetlag.
I found any way to to combat jet lag, and that was that was my chance to ask him anything. So, cracked yeah, I blame your friend who didn't tell you ahead of time I was in a car once whereas ago, with somebody, and we are on baseball game, and this person said: we're going to stop off. There was a driver, and I was sitting in the front seat, and this purse was sitting the back, so he says we're going a friend along the way, so I say fine, no problem! We drive along, we stop Jack Wilson wow, my goodness Jack Nicholson gets in the car and I was enraged course cause, fan short, and this is taking time we might be late for the bogan. That's right now. I take the wrong tat. You know I was just as we had and I did so what
Did you get any sense of jack? That's the thing and each time I want to understand the essence of the what I understood was used was very highly intelligent He knew how to be a movie star gear. I have never been more anonymous in my life. I'd been doing the late night show for about ten years at that point, and we walked into this a Yankee game, and I I was walking behind him. Nobody saw me yeah, yeahs, completely unarmed, Yes, if you want to be invisible, walk within five feet of Jack Nicholson and but he was absolutely great- he was fantastic and in this old, like almost Humphrey Bogart Way, knew how to be a big star yet had been a big star for so long and kind of handled it with ease and panache blemishes in that as well, because so you cause you ve met a myriad of very
was people, many of whom will show you a deeply respectful of when you meeting someone socially even before you were well known, did. Did you always have a self confidence about meeting someone frigid you ever find yourself tongue, tied or or could or in origin, always eyed and I'd seen its the better answer would be like I would be so tongue tied, and the truth is that I wasn't Even very young and working it s- an owl and very famous people would come in the room. I dont know why I was very comfortable screwing around with pretty frequently- and I don't know why, but since its sheer Eric, I think it's arrogance. I think, a little bitty of a sociopath he yeah. He was also that you did you. Were you not him? Will you not impressed I was very much. I was very american irony exactly where I
standing when I was first told go into that room in Pitch Steve Martin, an idea I'm a twenty four year old vagabonds and he's the greatest comedian who changed I've, as I always get still slightly. I think there's an anxiety about. I dont know saying the wrong thing somehow I was a he mentioned Paul Mccartney here and I was at an event I was in excuse event that I wasn't. I just saw again wind up at this party again said some of it comes to this party going to tell you anything about it, always Thanksgiving or Thanksgiving Party. Oh it's the Oscars. No, it was it was like it was for a movie that must have been nominated, and I was there some friend of a friend of it anyway, on there and like, as you mentioned before, I'm six foot, seven and so tend to be. You know you know a foot and a half or whatever much like above everybody else. I tend to be seen and can see the rest of the party, and I saw Paul Mccartney walking around the room, eyes, met and others
I, like my show hello, ladies, which is by dating, and he and he saw me and he kind of wood, and he came towards me and I was my friend Danielle's crisis. mechanically he's coming over what we can talk about and I was sweat. I just love. What am I going to say to public isolate again and he came over and done any. At a o, L and Stephen to looking for the ladies as I'll always support who Asia he was with his wife, as she can just be noisy as well, so she has a hard to hear and, and we just sort of went quiet. I thought we see my turn to say something and and and so what's say say must be difficult yet have that's why I spotted from across the room- and I but this story, which I told in the past about when I was at a new year's event once it was Trafalgar Square and each of us where, like Times square new year, there are the people that they all gather and it gets very kind of packed, and I was there and just coming up to midnight, and our two women came over to me and they said to are you going to be here for a while, and I said to her
Yes, I am, I saw a weaker they just they spotted Steven. I said yeah uglier for a while. They went great because my friends and I have a re- have arranged to meet back at you. Yeah I swear to God about his past midnight. The girls came back and a bunch of friends and they started gathering around me like a like a spouse, dear Alana. This is Trafalgar Square that has Nelson's column, another well known landmarks, but they felt it was the obvious one anyway, so they all came out. I thought, were there at least, can invite me to a party or some such no? They just drifted off into the night. Anyway. I told Sir Paul the story, but again the music's a little light and I'm thinking he's quite quite complicated and then finished the story and he just goes quiet. The fuck fuck and he said he- I need start, thank God off at anyway. You said dumb and off he went, and I thought that was the best it could have gone,
Yes, you know what I mean he came over. I told him a funny story. He left that was it. You know, and I was just so relieved that I liked it he wouldn't have said better manga. No, I'm sorry. Why are you really think Paul fight? It was fine. I don't have to come, Sir Paul, I'm I'm I'm apartment american and a proud American is the quick, the quick, better mingle. That's that would have me worried. I've always thought it went well, but don't put it in perspective. Trust me. Better mingle was my catch phrase. I've talked to Paul about this general use, battle, mingle and biodegradable woods, which is we did a charity thing and bono. My dear friend, with one of my friends, were my friends were having a baby and they are big Youtube fans, and I said I very rarely this was it. Would you sign this card for my friends that women, huge fans, a very sweet. Message I need, anyway, so I said: okay, well, let's see you later. See you down the road
I thought what a clever line, because I bet there's a lot of people that want to hang out with bono, so they say see layer and he goes see you later. They could go well when there's this guy reside in pass, rushing at some date and he can say, see you down the road. It's like. I look forward to our next acquaintanceship, but I'm not going to make any it's also a little ominous that I'll see you down the road. well? If you say in that voice, it's obvious yeah. I suppose. If you say no, there are plenty of things. I could say that voice and Windsor have a cookie now creepy girls could be something in the better may re bits of things did pulse face, go completely flat when he went realize I want to make sure that I talk to you about your new program, which I'm really enjoying called the outlaws, because this is a show that you, you wrote. This show you're in the show and you direct the show is that correct either eighty three of the first six episodes yeah yeah, okay and do terrific cast
and then I don't know how you did this. You have Christopher Walken, during whose brilliant, by the way and hilarious in the show playing this fantastic character, I know how you snagged him. I mean yes years, you're Stephen merchant, but that still as quite a again it is a again and he doesn't. As you may know, have a cell phone or a computer and is my heart again such we then I think so. My wee wee faxed him the script old school and he read it and he asked me to come up to Connecticut where he lives a meeting. Explained my nervousness big star, so I or I'm approaching the house and he's in the middle of this wooded area, intimidated I was can open the door. It's either going to be Christopher Walken or the Burma in Iceland, I took nerve and open the door and it's Christopher Walken, you know, and I wish I could do an impression of the first thing he said to me was, and would you like. Some of this omelet and
sure you crazy. You put the spaces in the correct. You don't need to do the impression. If you use you spaced it can you and you didn't. I don't think I can you know what you mean, I don't it's obvious hardy and you have to have a mean J. More does the best crisper walk and I've ever heard, but my God, it's such a specific and also it's the rising and falling in the laziness that this will serve. So why go in, and I have some of his reflect- we all knew like yeah and we sit. And there's. No one is nice and we said we sit there and so What's on your forehead, crisper is very calm with silence he's very thoughtful man, very sort of contemplative and So he would ask me a question whether show- and I would answer and just go quiet locate the window, and they ask me something Else- might answer he nickel coins
it was like having a zoom conversation in person. Yes, there was a lack here. There's a lag. I never wasn't quite sure if he was thinking or buffering and I was there. I was there three and a half hours by hour. Three I was so weak from hunger. I said any of the only left and- and he had so many questions and they were really specific. They were really kind of perceptive about the script and about the character and the people. He knew that we're like the character and I'm thinking just sort of getting to know me and thinking do I trust this guy, and does he have the answers to my questions and by the end of it I felt like a real kind of connection with him. Fancy with them and then miraculously? He came to the UK to two to shoot the shop, It's nice is your shooting this in Bristol. It takes place in to which is your hometown, yet mean I would think you're running into people. You grew up with who had left a plan extra who'd want to be on this. You know what the funny thing is that that so the show is about people doing community service, and when I was growing up, my parents were involved with community service in Bristol and they
supervise the offenders they themselves were criminals emanated. I think a cup, in cases where they went straight, but my mom used to have people coming through the ranks that I went to school with. So there was one kid could Dave. Who is the world's laziest thief? Who will always be coming back through and my mom will be like. What have you done this time? David is the will of a broke into a house our statements. He d and the homeowners came back and they what you doing Dave. I said I'm not Dave and they went yeah. You aren't. You live next door and you say the least, like literally just gone into his enablers eyes, he didn't want to walk a block yeah. So my mom would tell me about like people at Dave or by these other people that come through the doors and just one interesting backdrop forest.
And then I want you when I was shooting the show. I went for dinner in Bristol fanciest restaurant and only got reservations on tv and it was inevitable with family for CAN day gap resolution and on the way I said to the Maitre D balky barricade the country on the left is misguided. Values I got out of the last law must be nice to go back to your hometown in an end, We make a show yep. I thought there'd be a ticker tape parade when I got back said that it was nothing I think because it was covert. That's the only reason I could assume that there was no tickets eight for a but some, but it was no. It was nice. It was just we were shooting in covert and it was very tough to see we get to socialize or to go or to visit restaurants or to see people. You knew the frustrating anyway, it's just you just lived in constant fear that you know. Seventy eight year old, Christopher Walken, was going to get covert on your watch yeah and you just waste is, is that main carriages gonna die but being in squid game
because you never know who's going to go next. You know so your your squid game is making a tv show in Bristol it's pretty much the same thing. What's your deal now, do you have a proper size, writer's room, or is this a UK writers room have like to have you? There was about five of us six. So it's not quite it's pretty good for England yeah pretty sizable for England. Has it changed much of the tv writing industry in Britain? Has it become more in the Hollywood mold or is it still there's there less money in it. There's a lot less money, but there is increasingly partnerships. I think with people Amazon. So this originate with a b I see and then and then became a competition with Amazon, and so I think, there's now a lot of things with Netflix BBC or other, so there's a little bit more money coming in that some, the that helps. But I worry that it's gonna sort of that you're gonna get these demands. Not we heard it with this. What you can get demands about such a kind of ironing out
regional, specific, specific studio domain, so that we're going be british but sort of referring to two are beloved President Biden's efforts will find that to be a very quickly. and that's interesting thing as tv becomes really global, yeah it's global. Now it used to be the pythons weren't, worried about the tip or anything other than, let's just hope. Get it to do. So is only someone tell me about that. Show six education that's made in the UK, but apparently they should encouraged to make it quite so it's portrait of a school, but it it has lockers and elements that don't seems familiar to british people as they would to America, as you know, is a kind of almost physical american High School in England right vitamin c. This wider want to decide not, and I'm just I do. I do think that there is going to be more and more economic pressure, for everyone's shows me there.
Look how its change the movie industry feeling at the fast in the furious their people will line up, and we'll see it anywhere it doesn't matter. You don't even have to speak English right. You don't have to know that the dialogue is to like these fast cars, Yet in diesel grimacing, that's right! Yeah yeah, by where I saw the last five, was actually fantastic. I took my son to see them because I said you need to understand the fast and the furious franchise, and so I drove him to a theater watched it and afterwards he said. I understand Uzi pro or well. Like me, I'm not going to say I'm pro they they they. Surely they The filmmakers know that this is silly and the filmmakers know that I think some of the people involved may not know that. That's not my concern, I'm just enjoying it. Just sat there in the audience having a whale of a time go. I want you to walk up to vin Diesel and say I just love what a silly ironic rom see how that goes over I'll. Tell you
it's going to go over will listen this has been. I I truly, you're in my short list of Stephen of people that have just been delighted to talk to, you thank you so much now seriously. I had I'm I'm love I love your work and ethos and I like the way you have presented yourself com. Included the world and I'm a big fan. So thanks for doing this, thank you so much and I feel the same way about you. So it's a real honor and pleasure to be here. Thank you guys. Chris, EVA mending your how you began with the whole color of Brian shield. Well. If I'd you know why genuinely. I dont mean this in a way that is sort of self pitying. I've now I've always assumed people, don't need me as a friend I don't have a light. It's not a lack of it's not sort of an insecurity. I just think I can survive without me. They don't need me in their life. I've always felt that way. I agree with you one hundred percent. I feel that I'm it'd? Be a nice bonus yeah, but then I'm not?
sure I'm a seat, filler yeah, if you, if you need someone, I'm a person, I'm a great deal, because this is how we feel about ourselves. I'm not saying it's true Stevens case may be, but I look. I can't help Stephen with his problem I just tried to relate to him, but no, I feel that way now I think I'm absolutely essential and I think a world without me is not a world. I think the minute I die. All existence ends you're. Just in my imagination, Stephen, that's why you exist and on that note, thank you for joining us does not need friends, don't need anybody, screw idea, let's do review their view, as we have done that a wild where ice sort of calm through the sometimes blistering Lee positive reviews on apple pie, pass and find some that are worth and you like to know what the people are thinking. I dont want
no, you don't. I do. Actually. I have people approach on the street Alla time in talking the Pied cast an eye do enjoy that, but this is it answer me to get outside my little bubble. And find out how people really feel well. This one is carrying on a theme that I'm starting to notice or a pattern, and I think we might want to address it. This is similar to one we've had for the subject is, in cool, it's five stars and it's written by a deed, and it goes this Conan and the chill chumps are cool exclamation mark by the way I'm eleven and I listened slash, watch you exclamation, The third ten or eleven year old Leave had leave a review saying they listen to this show I want to say that that fills my heart with glee, because I've always thought that my target audience was about eleven and I hate figured. This is proof that
then I am correct. My whole career I've always thought there are children out there, who completely understand what I'm doing and but you know four years in my monologue: I'd have oaks and some were better than others, but then I start. Just playing peek, a boo with the I would tell, a camera and lock off the camera, and an early on the caravan would follow me if I walked to the right and left, and I would tell them don't lock it off, don't move it. I walk out of camera and then I'll peak back in an hour would see. You know three hundred years, people in the audience all adults. laughing really hard when I picked back in and I realise that we're all eleven year olds of let loose smaller were six year olds were five year olds. The fact that I buy PETE but even the frame and then peeking back in, would make people giggle, and I thought I
inside all of us or most of us there is that little kid, and so the fact now that actual children are writing in and saying this show matches my into actual and emotional capacity perfectly? That makes me very happy, the show is very visual, and this is you saying things, I I wonder what it is about, how you say things or what you say that is appealing to children. Well, that's a that's a very valid point. It's true. I can understand why the show I would act like a foolish man. What is it how about hearing me. I don't. I don't know do if any of you have any insights into. Why right now. I'm speaking you'd think that that would not make an eleven year old, laugh or ten year old, but I think often in conversations and the voices navigate to some funny voices, but I think maybe
just tell this. Man is stunted developmentally comes up cross out criminal. I think it doesn't matter who I'm talking to you. We had an interview with says in court, justice or my or not too long ago in and I did my best to be thoughtful. and to hold my own discuss the great issues of the day but also I showed terrible lapses into, childishness with some of my question. And did you hear that she got impeached just rebellion. Eyeglass lie a kite, unjust, seated, any human. She didn't even fight it out. The interesting bay they impeached first see introduced. The out of the earth is the first time they removed sitting justice and they brought to Her- and she said this. What can I do I deserve to go? She did the Pied cast an end is went back and started packing up yeah asking why they what she did she said, I'm off to do. Cones, podcast start
packing while I'm gone career suicide by podcast yeah and then, as she said, to one of the the the clerks and that nice ceremonial gavel. They gave me this at two hundred years old that I got when I began Maxim: court Justice- you should put that in the shredder. because I'm not a kind of price bycatch. So our biggest response to her appearance was from ten and eleven year olds decided know how, in eleven year old fines, their way to this pike S? Is it through their parents or on their own? Well, we do. I've tried to go Lots of tie ins with children's products, so yeah- So there's a lot of toys out there if you're going any toy store- and I know that- exist anymore, it's all online! So don't get me there. most, toys now show up with a me somewhere on the box. That says, as discussed on cones on Uncle Conan Podcast, and these are
uncle. Yet these toys for, like three and four year olds, they say be careful. you know, don't don't leave with you know this No! No! No! No! Please don't go down that road. No, I'm doing all I'm doing what I can to make sure get a. I do a lot of Nickelodeon appearances my dermatology been slimmed? I've been slime so many times my dermatologist said that it's eating into my bone I found inside in my marrow so Gotta, stop that and I tour the wiggles for a while anywhere singer: New Zealand tour. everything I can to make sure that I get to very young children so that they grow up thinking. Colonel Brian is De Pod cast oh you're, indoctrinate. I am a canadian okay yeah gotcha. Well, then, why did kid call, chumps, yeah, good question the hill.
He loves you fight. You thinks you guys are extraneous. I think it's because he can tell both of you occasionally lapse into sober thought and reflection, and he knows that I'm the one that never let him down the twenty. eerie clown. I just wanted the ending to rhyme and I did peace out. Eight year olds, mic drop. Yes MIKE dropped nope. We picked it back up. I grabbed the mic and I dropped it might drop. I put a little net above the floor, cutting that now. Dropping MIKE Mike fostered net, my kids floor might drop huge magnet, concealing raises met MIKE back of machine. I have built by scientists reverses polarity of your magnet fires MIKE into ground. It sticks to ground, might gap.
I am involved in a nuclear accident in the nineteen fifties and control the gravitational matter in the earth score. I travel further back in time than you do. I shoot you when you're fifteen years old, I made sure that you cannot reverse the polarity. Might job might can never be picked up again. You don't exist. Children me when you're fifteen. My ultimate plan comes true. Now I don't have to do this by cast
Colonel Ryan needs a friend with Conan O Brien Stoneham of Cecial and MAC Goarly, produced by me, mad goarly executive produced by Adam Saxon, Joanna Solitaire, off and Jeff Ross at team, cocoa and Colony Anderson and Coty Fisher at your was lame song by the White Stripes incidental music, by Jimmy Vena, taken away Jimmy our supervising producers and layer and our associates talent, producers, Jennifer samples engineering. By will back in additional production support by Mars moaning talent. Looking by Polish Avis, Gina, Battista and great com, you can write and review the show and apple podcast, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Gotta question for Conan CALL: the team Cocoa Hotline had three two three four five one, two eight to one and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode and if you have an already, please them scribe, Cardinal Brian needs a friend on have upon casts nature or wherever fine. By cast down
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Transcript generated on 2022-04-22.