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but it sounds nice, you can sleep over with your cousins, be truly great if it doesnt end with Mcdonald's breakfast and no one. It was more like a heroine Mama dad coming home with happy Meals, Mcdonald's proudly, sir? in communities since nine. one sixty five visit, your neighborhood Mcdonald's today hi Tracy, Morgan and I feel great, I feel great to be here- Conan. Oh, that's so nice you're supposed to say you feel you know great to be my friend, but you you skipped over that. Well, I feel bloated. Really I was going to say I feel bloated. Is it gas

Gas is girls and about the goose girl has fallen back to work and pay their hand welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend the podcast that aims to please I'm just trying out various slogans that one that came into my head. That's no If we don't really aimed to please sorry about that now the water, resistant and safe around children know what the pipe captive I don't now let try again yeah hey there and welcome to Conan of I liked that episode Sorry, I thought you were doing more slogans. I

and I was really going to start again. I thought you guys wanted me to know. We are just play all I liked what you were gonna, try again alright. Well, I will shut up. Let's go, don't tell a woman to shut up gourley here we go sorry and stop doing a Kona impression. Huh Regular, hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend, the podcast. That gets it right every time, wow I've sure the statement. Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I do sometimes think we need a slogan or something- and you know the New York Times has all the news that's fit to print, and I think we need something like that, because I think a recent study shows that most American, turned to contraband needs. and for their news? Oh so now now I didn't even know the New York Times had a slogan. When was the last time you saw a newspaper your generation doesn't see newspapers right. What no fate It says all the news: that's varying princely yeah, okay, most used to have a slogan. You know like

titanic. He can't sink me. yeah, the hindenburg I'll, never blow up, things had slogans and and- and I just thought- hey- welcome to Brian needs a friend the sooner the pod cast it aims to please and Urim will help you. You know you ve actually use the slogan before, as we did a segment where you talked about how it aims to please and pleases to aim. Did I had at ya? You really want to please, but I dont think it it's working. come for Matin Sonar stay for cone, come for Conan stay for a man, so a how about Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Where are the show? We got the goods this has to potentially on where they hold on, why that was terrible, not sound! You had time to you had some time, you don't. I

do is promised something vague. My favorite thing here when I was on a basketball court is a kid was to say this out and take a crazy shot and miss completely. I thought that was funniest thing in the world. something with great confidence member. I see that all the time it's in the office all the years we're making late night tv if buddy had of football. I'd call for it and, like I thought was a really cool, confident way. Yeah, like hey, you know, go on go on down here I am open and then they would throw it to me and I would complete flail my arms and miss it badly as I could and act like Khadija Goddamn to watch it and That's just always made me laugh, no one else, probably but me, but I like that. I like coming the latter confidence. Color O'Brien needs a friend, the podcast, where you can

the pod wean cod. Ok, let's try this again, I'm kinda three and I want you to come in with so much gusto and then dont think of a slogan. Whatever comes out comes out, one two: three go hey there and welcome to Konrad Brian needs, a friend. If you ve got corn, we ve got cheese and its if at all the way, that's put it on the modes. Yeah you've got corn we all know that's brilliant, because it tells you about the past in and brief and it's the way kids today it has shut it. I swear to God. I just one of the things think has made me such a successful. Recording artist is that I listen yeah I go places. I listen to what's happening around me and just absorb it. Even at my advanced age and I'm constantly hearing kids sale, Ok, you ve got the car and we ve got the cheese and its chatterer the way. That's something that's happening, there and I'm just reflecting like any great artist amber thing back what I'm hearing. Where remain. You heard that at a running

fair and a man in a corner who was dressed as a night had just heard of varied, whose having stroke. He was fine, they got him. They got him something psychological and serenity. Just out of nowhere said you, we ve got the call on its chatter all the way you know he. He couldn't even say it right at that but he's fine. Now I don't want to say I'm he's he's better in fine and he's he's now an olympic athletes, Oh, my god? What is it say that that Matt was like? Don't just say it and you said just complete nonsense: be concerned about where you that man, having the stroke and a suit of armor, you should be concerned. about me the way they were concerned about Picasso. Okay, cuz cheapest. I'm sorry Intra who's on the show today. Well, someone who

Probably wouldn't tolerate anything that I just said. We have a terrific, my guest today, is a hilarious actor and comedian hilarious human beings, I remember on Saturday, night live and starred in the hit NBC series. Thirty Rock NE can see him in the TBS Series, the last o g. I am thrilled to talk with him today. Tracy Morgan welcome. I gotta say there are very few people that make me as happy I see them in person as you, you always do, you are so crazily funny and it just comes off of you It's like sunshine. It makes me happy now. I don't know what that is. Another member, when coded first broke out- and I started to have to do in of use on Soom member thinking, this

would be terrible. These interviews on Zuma can be terrible and you are one of the first people to come on and on a few remember this, but you are in front of a fish tank shorting, a shark, I'm sorry, I didn't mean thank you, it's a shark tank for, say, a involves something you win at Coney, island? Okay, I got a shock. Yes, you got a thousand gallons, it was the twentieth that you were any end was a senior house. Where is this? It's in your head? You have a shark in your house in my back room or term or pool my my whole poorhouse yeah. It's a shark tank and aquarium. Okay, So I'm huge you did this interview in front of a shark tank and you were so funny and I was laughing so hard. Pieces of lung pieces of our aim- and I thought, oh, my god

Zuzu interviews. You're gonna be great, and then none of them were that funny again that you you're the best one year united. So the boy you were the first and you were the best and for the rest covert. I was yelling at gas Are you serious? You know Tracy Morgan and just shout that at them hey, Meryl, Streep! What's the matter, can't you get it up to tracing Morgan levels? She was very offended, a man. We was doing some great stuff that day on that show yeah you yeah, but this today, take it even higher. First of all, I want to know how are you doing how are you mentally physically first, our guy by Trot Prairie Dermot. So if so he's that today, now don't blame me trot so you're saying it D were hit by the truck, and that was your excuse for awhile and it would generate excuse you guided by a truck, but

The pandemic came a hit us to air, and so what was worse, getting hit by the truck are hit by the pandemic. The pandemic because told people was out of the window yeah, you could say affected the ghetto. They didn't always thought of paper there, and if you didn't, to be reused. Brown paper bag. I should note that that's a back up plan your. Why why? Why so you're saying during the height of the pandemic, when none of the rest of us could get till it paper, you say ghetto the ghetto. They had no problem in a newspaper, I'm a new Yorker I'm a new Yorker, her friends. Sarah

well, the onions are we never eat sitting down, but never judge a man by what he drinks only how he holds that? Okay, oh okay! This is good wisdom. This is how he holds a ba. You all drink, every one drink or various brand new right. If you get a drink, write down a showdown weren't, a podcast trying to explain down by the hip hip means you're cool. Yeah. Now tell me: when I drink, I hold my with both hands like little raccoon paws, and I put it up near my face and they usually usually straw, a low key. I have a straw coming out of my beer. Sometimes I'll have Bee Euro drink beer with a straw. I know I'll. Never do that. You gotta be on the corner, strangling a court court. Old, English, English, eight hundred okay,

as we. I learn how to handle my liquor old English. You gotta know how to handle your liquor. Okay, then I got on Saturday Night LIVE in England. Oh English turned into champagne I became an alcoholic. The cheer Saturday night live turned me into alcohol. Is that true? Yes, can I say that that goes to parties? You have live tv shot out of a cannon yeah guy gets shot out of a cannon and then there's a party at her parties were entirely too late to the party, because you was on the show, everybody you see and Miko. You want me to buy you a drink. I started drinking so you went from old English, eight hundreds of champagne champagne. He never went back to old English quit not another. Then I quit. I got seed to Diaz and I quit good for you. for you know when I got my de was he said: the, and I looked at

covers, cannot Curzio yeah. I looked at the cop out walking a lie moment. I'm not! I make you take the lines I have heard about the move, your foot, mother fucker. You say that The cap is giving you unless you I asked. He told me, I'm u go down stream punk, not a good move, again add to a meetings, you guys, are crazy. I had to get a drink after the Amy. You can't say you don't do that shit where you drink when you drink, fall, asleep. That was cracked, you burn that Fucking house down. My guess. Is they probably escorted you out of a a 's that writing me out? You didn't exclude and they kicked me out. They kicked you out. I tried to put a nice spin on. I I just my name always coming up and everything. You know. Okay, His name is always coming. They storm the capital. My name come up, you can tell. Obama gets pregnant, my name when a hold on a second.

I don't think your name came up. My game is coming up two girls in a cup, my name's coquet, okay, give them a piece of paper and the girls put doodle war, know: okay, okay! I then gone as game. Oh, please, purport of numbers you're responsible for the two girls in a cup they tested on, MRS in North Korea, man named come on. I don't remember the lamp and when I get out of a k, so you're saying you get older, can you get blamed for a lot of stuff everything everything everything You get boy. Sadly storm capital yeah, you wanted. Eight hundred thousand white people go crazy. Look at that! There was one black dude. He was even down with it. He just wanted to steal a tv yeah Palacios offers. You were not you are not there. You are not there at the storming of the capital. Do you promise that you might have came up on my name,

really well hides elements. Storm gamble, Will you hang out with them before and were you hanging out with the people that storm? capital before talking about it. You are in that group that we had a little campfire with that as a storm, so you were camping with the guy that storm the capitals and you guys were just shooting the shit in the guy with the paint on his face. Yeah yeah, we were just talking about you would just talking about it. as storm. Anything right you may be talked about- maybe go over there because storm the grocery store, the delta, the deli yep might a storm the capital, okay. While then we cleared up that one, you know I'm gonna, be President one day right, you can be president. He think I could run you could run for as a rolling tray room- is that what people tell you when you see a lotta people to really you think, with your background, you could run for president. Presently got a felony.

President one. I think you Actually a lot of presidents got misdemeanors and felonies. They do. I didn't know from a sniff No, I don't think he did. He said he didn't see. A sickly like eating. He didn't do it enthusiasm that lie. He would, parties, was amazed at all, and I got a sniff near he didn't those yes agreed, it's good to approach or recreational activities with enthusiasm, everybody got a life of forty, become moody, become exactly yeah and you quite a life before you became a mortgage. Yeah did a lot of stuff man yummy, As I got how many kids you got on the books or off, let's go off the books, all of them about thirty, three, Well, you got thirty four kids, I'm a good daddy man! I haven't come back to see them have a couple of years,

do. You know all their names water. What are you talking about Talkin about women when you were ok and you break them out a bright water, cut him bill courts, there's just what I do for a living. You get paid, water! In a cut in the local court, you get paid to the cuddle book or even, if the Kidding mind, I'm their cotton. Oh, even if cut child is not yours. What I'd do professionally ways so someone we having a baby, and there suddenly Tracy Morgan. come sliding into the room and cut them. Do you bring your own lotta dazzle know how to do it so you don't even wait to be asked you just come on in I'm right there, I'm a professional vehicle called cuddle. You're. Does you bring your own scissors yet a golden you have golden scissors? Okay, Professional, umbilical cord cutter and water breaker

thus the title of my whole job? Ok, we also know that many people looking at ideas it look at em. You know I gotta say Tracy, I've known you, time. We know each other a long time, and I know that you who have pattern of your comedy after me. You learned everything from actually cause. Everyone says people look at me all the time and they go Tracy It's completely ripping you off with his style of comedy to listen to. Let it go, listen, listen, listen! The student, the master as me, you master the student. I'm like Bruce Lee see that yes, I saw I can take. That was just you sort of horses monkey crane. It's that's what I've learned from you to crane. Do you feel like I'm, your your master, that they taught you this amazing martial art, what the master taught the student, the grain technique of comedy.

The monkey technique of style. You haven't said one reasonable thing since we started talking You have not said one, sir, only reasonable thing. Everything total bullshit? Certainly you are professional and cutter Michelle Obama's pregnant, but if you storm the Capitol look at the stuff, he's talked about her sitting right here I'll come to cease and jumped a man times is beautiful. It was a beautiful thing, absolutely yeah I'm going to need a transcript later to find out what happened. Absolutely you always need that with me and I think at first Bet you miss your late night omission. I know I've done a lot of late night in my life aka on the they say Duna would choose the best more tank, you I'll always look for. It was ass, my problem with someone what I'm going to do, Conan

you and how Sir and ask them to our love working with. Well, that's really nice about. You was different. We get to a thing, We would always get into a thing and one of the things I knows about you that I loved is, you would come out and you'd be outrageous, and you would make eye contact with me? You know what Europe, We're always- and I asked you once hilarious, but at the time. You'd say something: you'd look after the side and then you'd look after the Usher loved it. I loved it, and I was doing I left your world. I know- and I would say to you afterwards what what are you doing when we talk I don't look at me. You look out at the crowd to the left and then you look to the right and you look left and you're hilarious, but it's funny it's completely unique to you and you said: I'm checking them out king in with my people and I'm checking out what I was doing was going back to the ghetto and get you. You can trust nobody, you gotta, keep your eyes open and that's what I was doing in

on your show. You would come on. I show and you would feel like I gotta keepin cause. I had watched a ban on new that dude the guy planet please. I knew him MIKE Merritt knew MIKE Camera out on the streets. I knew my MAC on the street is to keep goodbye on him, but it was funny because you such a natural, comedic rhythm, it's just You, you didn't, learn it from anybody. I know you have you have. Oh, you did a girl months as uniform my dad my dad this day Like I said in Vietnam. He would do comedy it to stand up. My dad have more talent is then I got my whole body, my father, Dialect in he was incredible, so do stand up comedy in that environment. and it was such a citizen circumstance isn't

crazy, funny, Richard Pryor for me, so I will be up under my dad. I wasn't learning nothing for my friends. You know just as much about anything cuz I do, but what I was under my dad. I was a roadie and his band at a young age so watch him and the guys in the band talking, and I thought it was incredible- I don't really know there was talk him out, but I just knew with incredible. I got that start laugh in it, and I will just watch everybody and I just got everything for my phone to make a modest could sing ass. She was funny to write my most Larry's mammals. We saw Jones nor each other. All the goods mama jump in their everyone asks me, and I tell him, and I don't care where you from, Your background is, but you learn comedy when you're a kid. You could be the one at the table. That was getting. Everybody laugh in the most of you aim just since EU mad uncle you got him laughing is absurd. Everybody else starts to laugh

that leaves so stand up. Five thousand people, six that what What I notice is it it doesn't really matter like feeling I got if I made four thousand people go, see it or laugh vs The feeling I got if I made my family laugh at the table kind of the same? It's the same feeling Michael Jack his great but my goal. He could form in front of me people on it, and it was difficult one on one B101. You seem right. He claimed he started talking like this, But when he's on stage the dynamo could that's his world, nobody could touch him in his world has to say, for me, you yup, when we in front of four or five thousand people why could touch us? We in its own, we in a world where, in the world I'll feel what I did just so I mentioned because we just gone through I coming up on it's hard to believe two years of covert and it just

down life before men, and I can't imagine you not being in front of a crowd. Have you gone back yet? No one that this weekend did you. talk to anybody before you went back out there and just my process I don't know what ATF I don't know what your problem with nobody else, but this is process and I trust it talked to Eddie Murphy, you guys close as Ma Dude, who just talk the other day. We women were me Eddie. We like Eddie is the smartest man. I've ever met my life and his photographic memory. I mean he holds the sign alive. I want soon? Sousa aims are glad honeymooners, like I do my darling Ralph puts me to sleep every night for the last couple of years. Yeah I love the honeymooners. That's me because of my life it's not all funny. It was really sad yeah. So had a go from funny to this yeah Ralph cram

and when you think about Amazon friend, look at the show every week is when he looked at his wife is a baby you're, the greatest yeah I'm watching his next week watch it. But you know you look at it. You look at that tv set the the apartment on the honeymooners, it's the most depressing set in the history of Tele. I was in the fifties. Lorne Michaels told me, but also galore about it. One day he said they didn't have ice boxes in the fifties. The average rate of sprite it in intention Lee as drought. and sad. Looking is possible and nothing. Ever go and rang Ralph crammed in, but it's hilarious. So to me we ve tried yeah and of you at the last? Oh gee, that's what it is yet one episode for season, I'm looking at Tiffany Teflon, I'm talking to Tiffany Haddish and as a baby you're, the greatest I was older Ralph I wanted to say that on tv solo,

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still values families over singles. Even in this modern era were not. Everyone has a family yeah, and I was thinking about this night- manages got my go to got me going. and I got me thinking about visibly see, enter visible. The carrier that gives you family plan savings without the family, I always think about visible yeah I do and and what I'm saying is, unlike other wireless carriers, visible thinks being single is some! Otherwise, you for being single with this. You can get a single line for as low as twenty five dollars a month nice no dealing with kids as parents are literally anyone else other than yourself yeah. That means no sharing a plan. Data are worrying about splitting the cost. So you have to start thinking about this as member used to be single yeah, You got these twins and got that husband and your dog again you're playing this whole family

plan. You know yeah. This is a reason to want to be single again. It's stress. Free money, saving Is this how wireless plans should be? I I got a family just so I could save on my wireless plan. So I'm I'm leaving yeah You should leave your family now. I wish I'd known about this back then ditch your traditional family. get wireless for as low as twenty five dollars a month. No family needed no family Thank you, plus unlimited data and five g or included powered by Verizon for data management practices, learn more visible dot com additional terms, apply you know it's amazing to me. We tell you one thing, which is that I want to a comedy heroes is crazy, but Bob Newhart Bob Newhart. I love Bob Newhart

alright, so so as Nellie's and crud he's absolutely incredibly smart and and and and really revolutionized a of comedy in his own way. I asked him once who was the best? and if you ever saw without missing a beat, we said richer prior and it's so fast aimed to me that and, what's amazing, is how it just drop. It jumps over every barrier. You know I always wanted to be like that. I on it come see me not just black people. Everyone comes right, laugh and laugh I pattern myself. After was but who didn't you did? I did didn't, but he bombed. But if you look still smoking in bombing subway in New York in the seventies and is the he's doing up ever see. Why think watching? A really good comedian bomb is all airlines, goodness, there's nothing on forums murder Mary Mary Mary Day and I'm take your pick

with me. go down with me. It is so funny when someone's bombing, because he was for my life yeah, exactly I'm all right here is going to prove whether you will become something the night you got fight for you, Mom idea! Conan! I'm going down you going down with me, when I first got into show business I would get on stage and I would see the skinny dude in the front row and I would say that as skinny dude for an all these people, if they don't, at my shit, I'm gonna fuck you up yeah. That was me that was me how much a polar bear weighs know enough to break the ice. And then I got an answer now and I seen where Ferrell will Ferrell gave gave me my fearlessness.

I gotta take my shirt off. He was fearless come the pitch meetings. You know you were there, it will come to Lorne Michaels in Lawrence. New Eden is popcorn and just let me tell you that Lauren has a ritual where he eats popcorn out of a ball. It has no ear and- and he takes little mites and you're you're, pitching him your idea and he will come and have four Ahmed sue a steal for forgive. Up like a night is started from the page. Here and I learned that started doing funny right pitches and it goes at the table and then it goes to the floor, and then it goes to a dress. Then it goes to air, that's the evolution of it and all your characters and all stuff he did on SNL. My favorite was Brian fellow the Natural S, olive Diana? And it's such a? if you had always into this imaginary fight in a feud with the animals that have done anything but

So you, because when I learned a long time ago is start some kind of conflict get up there, but you were getting into these arguments with these animals that hadn't done it and you was so fantastic. I love doing those characters, but the one was closest to me was Woodrow yeah in a sewer, got the girl boy boy girl. Good girl boy loses girl it. It was that was my. That was the closest one. He was we close to me as he got the girl, then he lost her interesting, because what you basically just told me is that I think of you, as being completely fearless, and you said when you got to ESA now, you are inspired somewhat. By will feral because Will Pharaoh would take a shirt off, will throw I mean Wilson it has those he has those dead eyes. You know, I've always said to people the secret to will, in my opinion, he's hilarious and he's a brilliant his eyes. There's he can make his eyes go completely dead and I

start laughing, so he would come on my show. He came my show once, and he had a big bird like Could you on his shoulder and the end? He too, I mean we're not talking about the bird, so I try to have a normal interview with him and you know him with the dead eyes and every now and then the bird would go Scranton ago, like you know about the bird he'd, say we're not talking about the bird Conan. There is less yeah made straight place trade? Will you please trading did fall out that I think that something you have this. Great energy and its ability to you. Clearly one hundred percent believe in What you are saying and what you're doing in that moment, as sir, as it is so you can go on when you Tired. I dealing with this dude base. I'm happy his conversation with you, but I'm dealing I'm keeping my eye on em on the bay. Player and made the yeah I wouldn't worry you. You wouldn't look at me and then you'd take offense things that no one would take.

it's too and you'd be suspicious of things that you know, and now just like this is fantastic, and- and this is one of the reasons why I think Tina Fey, whoever an enormous amount of respect for, for so many reasons, but She figured out how to that you be you one. Thirty rock my sister, because the guy We're really writing for me on Saturday alive and then, when she came, she said wait. A minute is a diamond right here, as she figured I would judge jury. It are the view she started casting me in any sketches, is she saw when everybody started writing for me. I came up with give me a soda bitch. I came up with that. I knew Lorne Michaels is not conflict sure he doesn't like the conflict, and so one day me who was in an elevator by ourselves as me, I'm going It's! He was standing in front of me.

behind among smiling, and I know he felt that and I felt the Tanzania so do I want to pay And I pinch give me a soda bitch because it was short black do when I did economies of free cause we're some. If you call your boss, a bitch, you get fired night, so talk on couldn't I thought it was funny that winter dress. I wonder where soup, I spoke with at three in the morning on a writing night, and this is Lorna caught up about this. You know saying give me love law. Nor is like my dad near a little call him up by pops. Yet you know me I came animals it out that accident, a column daddy and for the means of people. A loving you, like, I love my daddy so here as a lawyer were where I come from. If you call your boss, a good fight in law

damn you should know, I'm not really a bitch we're doing this scourge, and I must add that unless I was, as you know, many on Gaza blessing yeah down, I did it. I want all up. While I think that the thing that Laurent proven time and time again as he knows how to let people he's not give their first. You years, yeah approve: your cell phone is set well. He used to. I used to pass him in the hallway and he'd say still with the show, That was his way of letting me know what this Easter, with the show. I thought we let you go, and that was his way of, and I knew I was doing well and getting a lot of stuff on, but it was his. And then finally, I'm a wise abaft about a year and a half or so he drifted back and even came into my hands and act as he come. I shall write as is of course well the pigeon West Coast Oregon is good or that He knew we were under tremendous amount of pressure to perform it. Yet His writers are his writers share. Those are his babies. commercial way before you come at us now. You did you.

and is famous accident terrible accident. You were really you don't really want that. You really in bad shape with the doctor. Tell you it's me. It's been a really. He said, are two biggest accidents in the world was yours and princess. Diana's, that was war, at the time. Walmart was the third biggest corporation in the universe apple. I bought Mobil Exxon, Apple and Walmart. Now is the four because of Amazon, but that's why, the turnpike? Looking for Amazon Truck Man, where you're trying to get hit by an Amazon drama, be sheer- and I just we go so long picture this you're sitting on the side of the highway in a beach chair

you got your sides of that will be a bus survive it I'm a bean, I'm a billionaire okay, so and then they, your doctor. I know you I too, your lawyer, but I tried to go to your medical condition first and then your legal condition. I love how I say so: you're the EU like forget what the doctor said: mail bowls eel, but will you got your met, a brain injury? Oh that's, oh, you must have some is mine yeah. So when I came back. I didn't even know how to eat not in the no. I didn't I remember that, like it was yesterday I'll, never forget it walk and allowed to sit down at a lower how to do a lot. They, I was really bad. Really bad. Did you think you would perform again now? I was afraid I was scared, I remember being home, in my words you're, watching the fortieth anniversary cry

forty then receive us and our very afraid, incline special. I can gave that speech about me. I just broke down brought down our remember before the vote we will talk about what we going where me, and my wife, the lawyers mutual warmonger, where nor did he went home. He came back the next day said we not going my wife woke up. For tomorrow to say you're, going to what no you're not All they need to do is see. Tracy Morgan was pretty wife, wave then, a moment how I see they use, Your lawyer didn't want you to look like you were to help that I was bad. He didn't want me to be there period fuck low Walmart. He didn't want me there like that. I don't need nobody me see you liked it. So said to me: you want to go via satellite, I said! No, I don't want to be a part of it then, I can be dear no yeah swim black, so then you

up hosting you. My daughter was only two months old. She was just learning how to walk, but I was she was scared of me. When I first came home, I stayed in a bed for two weeks. I don't even remember that I stayed in a bed for two weeks then my daughter will me because scattered wheelchair here and really at me that really hurt meme woah. She learn how to walk at fourteen months, and when I see her take a few steps. I got to watch him away screaming. No, no no, and I took my two steps, so me and my daughter learn how to walk together while my baby best Costa ever she's, all in the last, so Jesus through the whole season, a best Costa ever how when you get back on stage after something like that. How do you host CERN at live? I remember when our whole, when I first went back on days after the accident, I was hosting Saturday night live and we were at rehearsals. And then that night

let's go to the cellar and my boy was like what so, let's go to. The seller does good to the seller, and I grabbed my regret might remember in the fossil good, as we welcome back. It really did a day. I think I was ever going my phone again a date, You had real doubt that people added let's go work again. Meeting us look walk again and I do not just for our food come out the coma I see my daughter in a coma say: daddy, come back two months old and a fortnight. Tacoma, I just want to be better.

I want to be better. My life person. A better human being to others. That's all. I wanted to be one. I know you spare my life for a reason: my four reasons. So now I get to those who those less fortunate I give our food are just gave out. Like a month ago, we just came out, but a thousand keys with the fixings, I'm partnered with food banks of America and Amazon is on board and I'm given out thousand dollars to five families. In thousand to any organization and that's what I'm doing this summer sixty I'll be doing it and a my mission a good man in the funny man any day. I don't give a fuck about that now when it comes to being a good person, I'm building my house Conan I my house on the bridge, because life is just a bridge

I've been a milestone on the side of Bristol Lances kingdom. I got some way to live among those always open to you. Could you my brother Carmody my comrade this will mean you'd together did we not to do it? We do it together, I'm not doing this shit by myself, and I know that I know I came, we assure wasn't going to be by myself. I know once I get into a thing. You were right with me and it turned out to be beautiful. It didn't matter even when there wasn't an audience when we did it at my house and the front of the sharks I mean you did beautiful. You know how to be funny with me, about celebrities either just about other people there how to do it. So if and you the same way if, wherever I am, if I'm, if I may, Who's got that thing I just want. Be funny with them. Civilian means allowing I was and we trapped in it. for my own. My mild and my light we cry of the late. We came

We and we start we get you. you know you were going comedy down, there are no I'm getting him pregnant. That weight affect your at the bottom of a mine rat and you're trapped, you're going to get the other guy pregnant is no way to get out. Oh he's done he's done Dana. Why did you go? There are no women. We were in the bottom line. That's really going to stay at the bottom of that mind, whatever admins in the mind stays in. I thought we had a really inspirational thing going. You were in. You were in tears just a few minutes ago and now you're, getting a guy of mine. Does our great captains the minute you done that one minute and you know what's crazy. I was thinking about this too, which is, I have met so many

one I've said it myself, which is that comedy was my survival mechanism. I think you more than anybody. I know literally used it to survive flying old age. Your life, you gotta, understand my oldest brother, Jimmy Chin. More. The oldest by two years order me he's the oldest the second oldest here. born with several policy, so he know his is. He was always crippled, so That was my rage. I put my brothers. My a brother that way see my the Forrest Gump braces on not being able to walk so when I was in nice who play football born or mad track so well, because could never do it. You will never know what it is to walk, regular like me and you he got when kids, I mean his legs might be. We ain't nothing wrong with dangling. eleven kids, but he's crippled so that was mine there's nothing wrong with his ding, a ling,

it sets out a chart. Is that's that tell you, though your legs are compromised. You know a lot of studies and the MRI shows that when there's nothing wrong with your dinghy back but I do agree. You know when I got bored school couldn't one run home and get my big brother you come back, Eddie send us not true you funding of God, give you that is a gift to More time. I thought I was funny because I couldn't go, get my brother. If I got bullied, I would just make the bullies laugh right right, keep them more for me like to keep a morphine really funny in the ghetto that way, Eddie said no you're funny, because God gave you that just doesn't it doesn't have to come from a dark place in those guys. If we can make fun of our joys, We can make fun of joy lot of people say that comedy comes from consumer.

I said no, it doesn't that's not true, because we make fun of our joys so yeah, so it doesn't just come from being depressed and on it doesn't we have joy in our lives. We wouldn't be alive, you'd be dead. So I never believed that I'd talk my kids and they bring me joy. I won't talk about them prosaic, but I'll talk about things that children do not children and not they dislike in Wales and children. For me, shit, That's how it is when you get up there on stage how much of it is worked out beforehand or is it shockingly little because you're very know you get a lot of it? Is you so you have like a skeleton if we are going to work off of, but I know you come up with some great stuff out there in the moment and that's the best stuff yup. That's the best stuff. Across the lawn a lot. I do that. but I have created a zone for that, meaning you know that people seeing you they are aware that that's not really you you're you're, coming out from the same angle, the actual work that made a war

when, in that lane, when I'm on your show, be allowed to do it before I even get out there only going to be there. You can hold me down and we going to rock and they going to have a great time, and the laughter is just an appreciation for me and your sense of humor. We have out, since you know, without them, but then after just shown an appreciation for it period. I love all stand ups. I know how difficult this can be. Just don't quit. Are you going to do once and then don't do it again? You can't do that. This is not something you could jump in and out of Snow people come to me and say: I'd like to try comedy No, you don't rock Armitage right, you don't try it you, don't you! You just is nigh yeah. Yes, it's a humor when you get Nablus is all with a sense of humor when you're getting angry Now- and I don't know, I don't want you to think I'm getting they're getting very angry, I'm mad at them who's that you're, pointing at the

behind in the south in the control room. Why you man and sees what you do I'm right here across from you, we ve had an amazing out. I look around me corner. That's Adam sacks he's. Why are you looking at me like he's just trying to figure out a way to get a part? cast as long as you could keep him in check. It does no keeping out of sight Jack Enzo. Yes by yeah you, you ve, been staring down the people, but there's a glass may explain to our listeners as always we're here in New York, NY talking to him were in person and there's this success. Glass then there's some technicians, there's Adam Sacks whose upon CAS whisper, we gotta on the side and he's looking at me. And I don't know why he's doing it to you suspicious of him a little bit and they all have since a humorous, backed you didn't if you are just more in touch with ours, that's what makes us comedian not what matter Adam Sandler

makes him who no one's ever mistaken, Adam Sacks for Sandler by the as acts yeah. Very just keep. I almost got those due to had to watch him while over gas grenades other. I think they may be in a good mood, together, moving and grooving. If you know what I mean you haven't looked at me once this whole interview, arts and crafts. Okay, keep looking over here, I'm right here. I want you to look me in the eye. I want you to deal with me. I'm not dealing gave him, but I got see if I get beat up because he snaps what happens to me. I protect you if he hung you question. Yes, if shit got real, we were in trouble. Would you trust me physically attitude. You think I could physically protect I'm going to see two places in a it's brutal or in the precinct cause we going down a rabbit, hole together period, That's where I come from Brooklyn Bed, Stuy,

do die. Take the girl kill a guy Jesus as well from not the Brookline Massachusetts. This is essential to me. show is attached to me: for showbusiness. I was making guys that came home that just did twenty years in prison life right. So, if I make them laugh. This is essential to me. I've never changed who I was Whenever you saw trade, that's we is that's what he do, I'm only different with my children. attended this with them. I did very tender were much shows you're, not talk in his craziness with children. You not San. my daughter is just my daughter's. Do my show she's funny joke. But she's, not when you go Your kids are to be able to know my kids who they really are. I don't want my kids to turn it off and turn it on with me. I'm daddy! I don't want that I want to know how to be themselves, If you going to showbiz Arie

stonewall, guarding I'd. Rather, you be a doctor or a lawyer or judge, I gather that can't you something. Let me ask you something. I'm the same way. I want my kids. Gonna show business, you don't want. Your kids gonna show business, no one whose aim show business wants their kids in showing disrobing lie because you not difficult it is a you know. Everybody can do the door closed in their face right. I don't want any my kids feelings to get hurt. My feelings had been hurt a thousand, but I wasn't gonna quit with us it's not in our dna me and you going to quit, be going to come hard up in front of you. Funny. You never call you couldn't you seem alarm. I was still on. The show must be would equate near. not make my motto is: do or die you gonna blow of Saturday night love and sat in. My love is show business. That's what a best go.

And I ask all my god how comical Jackson never decided alarm he should. It would have made two small really. we made em too small, just make. You would imagine bigoted tv right right, Michael. He got bigger in America. He kept performing them. Woman in America, you can't do that watch in a moment to reckon both for Michael Jackson, but I want to see Michael Jackson, Assent, sat in the front row and the moonwalk shooting as a woo woo cause. We already saw it. You booed Michael Jackson, moonwalk I'm in the record books were born, as he has done it one sees something new. Why is this Michael Jackson doing are ready, Joshua at all nor material. You wanted him to have another move where he went forward instead of backwards. There you got it yeah, you got it. How did the

react. When you boot, Michael Jackson, do me they try to jump you T shirt is that what about Tito. And all the barriers to free little Kim. Ok, now, listen to me about Randy, who cries for ray. Who cries for Randy, I cry for Randy you, the only one. That's actually set a couple of things today that I believe in their heartfelt and they're real. That's amazing to me because most of you say, you gotta admit- is complete bullshit no one talks crazy long. The judge buys it the glove, don't fit. You must acquit and that's That's your long has just allows eyes it yeah, I'm free yeah, You seem good. I gotta say you seen you seem,

happy. You seem centered and you know what you smell great by the way I hugged you when I saw you what am I smelling there? That's amazing I dunno, but my dad always told me a man. Must have fragrance on cause women, love fragrance I love when a woman go. That's you smell like that. That's my way in or One time they got The shoe's and that's the conversation. That's how you that's why I got all the kids wait. Wait! Europe met, at the meeting, women is to leave your shoe untied. I can see that and women would just say, tie your fucking shoe, keep walking! That's why you're going to hang out with me men as well. We gotta hang that that is your secret. Is you just leave your shoe on ties, smelling, good and smelling good? What's that, what's that fragrance, I want to know, I don't have. I have a man of fragrances of the house I'll pick one up you know I do I loved you. When you came in and I swear to God.

Smelled so good that I went back in time eyes. I saw linking it shot. I send mean everything was incredible. Amazingly views lying there would my baby. I'm almost did I wanted to have high, no use you smelled. Amazing. You smell incredible smell. Like a monk, I smell a smell like I don't know that I like break gun these. As far as kids are concerned, have a lotta gears lad. He had thirty forty, I don't know. if you're trying to break his record, I know the old frog Eddie's record, gives his area ten try to break Bob Marley's record, choose strange records to break You know like if you're unjust, just think about it, comedian and of course, Eddie Murphy's incredibly talented, amazing, powerhouse community, but the record you want to break of eddies is how many buildings here, babies, you mention a few got that many kids will relay call you make brains, Jesus, I'm all

cool man! I don't pull out It's cool prison. When I come in or come in Amemiya are many and I'm doing life. I'm writing this. Do a life is about my children. I gonna write does married no point now: you're you're shouting at the people again coming in a sound. Well, our woman, you just We have black, have white wow, beautiful, Just like her mama, a girlfriend toll males, that's my thing which I, like old women, the old woman, how old seventy five? Eighty, what you like as seventy five to eighty year old woman, see section- is this? Ok, for God's sake, my thing that so that's you like an old woman yup, that's my thing! a breast, his weight area about fires. You like that it turns. You will love it. I love it Tina Fey said she got some tig old Bettys to matter Tina.

quote: are you know I'm one old woman, because our young girls, normal meanwhile, could all women don't leave you? They just die. die, you don't want a woman who's going to leave. You you to be left again. Still leaving you just in another way of you did she die uses to fit, the flowers are funeral freeloader gray, my and then people feel sorry for you and then that working for you, plus your shoe's untied. So you got the shoe's untied and your technique with these gods right here. Listening to my technique, he going to leave his shoes on ton yet soothing to listen. Listen out of that. As an excuse me, your shoes and time doesn't work. I try. I'm gonna try! today, I'm going to go

go to the I'm staying here in New York. Here's what I'm going to do! I'm going to put the wedding ring in my back pocket and I'm going to untie my shoe and no one's going to say shit to me. They will know they won't go commissions and that doesn't go much shorter wants is his years into why What's Paula Davis She sang yes, I told him that you know what it was. An School are use a comedy for the girl I snuck a zing, and I use a company for the girls girls, love me eyes, cool and then one hour Odin turned into a business, but still do for the girls, because women no comedy before men do men have egos. So you and me

the unfunny in at him, but women know comedy from the set up. I think you're absolutely right. So if you get the girls laughing, the guys are going to soon follow. That's just it is where I come from when I'm on your show and I'm being away. I am women though that's hilarious. They know it's hilarious. He asked specious and don't trust as well areas. I knew right away, so I must have a strong feminine side. Yes, I know you are funny right away. I knew it. I knew it we have for that. You got to the joke and when how you I mind to have your baby, I think I have a very strong feminine side that is getting stronger me. I knew all of that. You knew you knew about me. I'm a good common now, one in there we go along way back. We do. I don't know why you fix your hair, like that, you are so distracted. I know I'm so distracted and look at you. He you know what you are and this interview when you're going to look at me,

my glasses god. I want Jeremy. Why did you do that? I want you to look into. Why did you do that? Look at me. I just took my glasses off. Look at me deal with me, I'm right here. It's not about them! It's about you and me, you and me when we retire from comedy we're going. We live together. You wouldn't be here will want to do that. I wanted to that. You want to live with. I wanted done the two of us together in an apartment I wanted done, but then you're probably going to go up to my Walmart money like a piece of it am I sharing that with no one but Conan, what was I going to say just now before you distracted me going to say Conan the best you the funniest, and I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world. Absolutely you said it just like. I wrote yeah,

Tracy. I love you. I really deal of emu. Conan note the best thing about me: you what we always gonna be friends being would shoe. You taught me a lot and I was optimal cause. You were right or as an out so you came. You are literally my lomna, that's true! literally it's like we were in the army together. At times, but yeah. I think everyone at SNL Drill was yeah happy to be here now. Are they going to hang out with you for the rest of the day? What are we doing to sangin whatever go to times square. We just hang out Well, my boy runs the big apple circus. We can go over there and watch him walk to high wire doesn't matter. I think people get creeped out if you and I are hanging around the big apple certified

would go to Benny Hana's. Oh, I love Benihana. As I know, Binny and with eyes go a big bang. You know bring your camera. Did you. Gm was a light stuff on fire. Was that you don't meet your training on a game that Derek Tracy Morgan on a new one. I hate to let you go. but I got to let you go cuz. I don't have other things to do but I'll be back the algae doin. As Albert I will talk to you and I have a lot of stuff to talk about an you know. I'll tell you I will talk to any time. I will learn very little. Most of what you say is not true, but you also. Would you don't talk to everybody? Now I don't just don't I don't I think, by doing this show know your Goodman we're shaking hands right now. I love you Conan. I love you too. Man he's tying his shoe right now. That means he's not going to get any IRAN know want me

We need to discuss something it, sir. It is well known if your regular restart the pied cast it so, is, I don't a moral person mine, but it has committed many crimes. You ve confessed on the tv show to your fast in the past five years. Pastor, stealing things in stores and before a covert We actually wanted to shoot a remote where we brought you back to all the different stores where you've stolen things? Had you admit stealing them and then return those goods or pay the cash equivalent and we were gone to do that. But then I think this is the biggest tragedy of covid we weren't able to shoot remote that, of course, the loss of life, but but yeah one biggest tragedies of covered- was that we didn't get to shoot that remote, but we were

chatting and soon started to reveal another of her heinous crimes. Okay, I felt we weenie, to record this, because I don't even understand yeah explain this again is as thrift to talk about in back in the day when you would go to an all, you can eat sushi place, continue. Okay, so the first it's not a heinous crime, think it was call it despicable because principal. Thank you. Why don't we let the jury decide the jury being our listeners, of course, me being the judge, so I can overrule the jury in this weird Kangaroo court going tell us about this scam. So You go to some all. You can eat sushi restaurants, some people over order and then they end up with a lot of extra sushi so because a lot of people would over order these sushi. Restaurants will charge you for whatever sushi you don't eat right. Yes, they should, because it's not like they can give that sushi.

someone else, Ryan any know. It's there. She it's not like you're going to have to face in lake. You know you're like piling up your play, your ordering sushi that people are making anyway. So it sounds like a very sane and rational was ok. My my friends and I we would go to these. Are you can sushi restaurants any now? How did you know like you? Are you drunk you if you know how to learn what you it yeah? You have a lot to drink or have a massive three relevant brain bleed. This axis flowing the supposed flowing, and then you just ordered two might and what would do. Is I wait when the waiters weren't looking? I would shove off? all of the extra sushi, which was the lot into one of the dinner napkins and then play like hide it in my shirt or shove it in my purse and then I'd go to the bathroom. Throw it away you even need you only you take it home and he is

is just no way do all you can eat meal. Why would I want more sushi and why would somebody somebody who could eat it? What kind of creep takes out sushi from their purse wrapped it huh? Apparently no, but I mean first of all, just imagine for a second imagine that you are a tuna. and you're swimming in the sea and suddenly you're snared internet and hold up my great purpose. I'm going to be some sushi. You think for a second well, my It has been short, but it I see that there are taking me to a sushi restaurant and for I completely lose consciousness lease myself. I will create happiness, my flesh, we'll go to sustain and other species. In this great mystery? life? At least

Give me some short way. Was their charge me now. Ok, I'm still somewhat alive somehow accordingly? It was some rice high on Bilbo, the rare octopus, bringing me over to these ladies Well at least I'm just kind of I can't believe I'm still kind of alive, but I am I'm able to see what at least going to go. So the mouse was shoved, now kill my entire. corporeal form my body, she taking me maybe Sorry to give to someone who has no food weight. that the ladies room shut. Dylan Trash. Mary and Joseph Catholic, tuna fish Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we rest our case. Yeah, that's awful

the worst sort of that's the worst thing. I've heard op worse than that guy. That was trying to People that are faking vaccine cards are making fake cove id, Sir that don't even work current worse criminal than em you through fresh sushi into a lady. room trash can. How recent ago is this ago undermining psychotic sat there's a separate trial, girlies trials coming after they lie the way you know why it weighs. I was working for counted. It was within the last time language or something you did when you work steel or similar from watching my dad seriously long time. I a long time ago twenties. Maybe working for me. Wait! Twenty late, twenties, early thirties, late lane, twin Is I don't feminine war?

criminal, it's not court! Why are you making the restaurant all you can eat sushi and encouraging me for the extra just it's a normal sushi restaurant. What's the boy you're, you do have a point there. They will pay. Well, you know, no, you have no point leave it. There pay the price, those octopi gave their lives and we all know those are very intelligent creatures, they've written books, they play Octopus, the man this they have. Brains of, like I think I've done. Studies octopi have the brow. like twenty, I have your old graduate, yes, someone who went to Brown University, that's how smart they are You know, that's how smart and and gave their lives and you're like. I don't want to pay for this, as a documentary called my Octopus teacher. So that means the octopuses are like certified. Tenured teachers. Also did you see, did you say,

watch the credits. You know who directed the movie the Octopus right. at that time you know who got the funding for other octopi. That's how smart veil are well and that's how smart they be sorry. But if we're talking about seek, sure I had to go a little bit into a pirate sonar. You are undoubtedly the worst I know I am getting now where I'm looking. I have a device here that, me to see the listeners and yes over, welcoming Lee coming in people think that Europe monster man you into custody right now, straight from the court room. You're being sense, you know and you now we're gonna go back to that all you can eat sushi place and you have to hang on and are going to bring the lot live fish, those rest vice. How bring live fish to those restaurants. gonna, going to show them what you did. They'll be kept alive and oxygenated tank, sir, and

They will and you will confess to the crimes at that restaurant and then we'll leave the fish there at the restaurants they can be butchered and thrown out by someone else. Give this punishment really bad at punishments. I was about to say that so you want me wait. You want me to bring fresh fish to associate restaurant and then make them make me sushi and they are not great. At punishment has hey but sonnets Disagree with me. I'll put shoe in a jail cell made of white chocolate, and You'll be for your white differ. Spoons seasons, one in three. That's your punishment! Spoons! I don't even know what that is using over Sylvan overs drove Europhile get here on time, and I watched sober, strokes and different set of silver strokes is what you're having right, yeah you that I love it. When you meet that is my indeed. I am you're all right

I mean you look bad, you know on part, you know what I did ha. I switched it around on purpose. Everyone out there and their morning commute also giggle. I don't want to do this because I hate hate when people do this, but it's not octopi. It's octopuses, it's greek! referring to Octopus is that had been grown up and put into a by which is referred to as an occupied at this? Oh, that's what I was referring to, what you are talking about, but I'm correct, went off to personal chopped up in Minsk, input and apply it to buy, your honor. I rest my case. Sauna guilty goarly guilty ushers the verdict for Conan o in US and and gets a nine hundred dollar credit Bob's big boy course. No! Well trust me! judge jury and sex executioner. What a way to die I,

Colonel Ryan needs a friend with Conan O Brien sodium of session and MAC Goarly produced by me, mad goarly executive produced by Adam Saxon, Joanna Solitaire, off and Jeff Ross at team, cocoa and Colony Anderson and Coty Fisher. At your was theme song by the White Stripes incidental music, by Jimmy the Vienna taken away, Jimmy our supervising producers, an layer and our associate talent, producers, Jennifer samples engineering by will beckon additional production support by Mars moaning talent. Looking by Polish Avis, Gina, Battista and brick com. You can write and review the show and apple podcast, and you might find your review read on a future episode, got a question for Conan Quality Cocoa Hotline at three two, three, four five one, two eight to one and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode and if you have an already, please subscribed to Colonel Brian needs, a friend on Apple podcast, nature or wherever fine, by cast down

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