« Fireside Chat with Dennis Prager

Fireside Chat Ep 72 - When Adult Children Dont Speak To Their Parents

2019-03-11 | 🔗
In this week’s Fireside Chat, Dennis discusses the issue of adult children who decide to stop speaking to their parents and some of the root causes. He goes on to answer viewer questions. Topics discussed: • Young people not receiving wisdom • Adult children not speaking to their parents • Who and what inspired PragerU? • When should people marry? • Will Trump be reelected?
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
I everybody, I'm Dennis Prager this Dennis Breakers house, then its previous fireplace and Denis previews ideas since the weekly fireside chats. This is very important to me. I travel a tremendous amount. I still try to make the time to do this and we I was told Miss a week, maybe E. When I do my annual crews with listeners. I think it's the only time. It's almost impossible, though I have to figure out maybe a fireside chats from Germany. That would be fun. Maybe maybe we could think about that an advance any virtually every week, my home to yours. It's all spontaneous nothing scripted, it's a real good chance to release for you to get to know me better and when I stand for and ultimately Craig University stands for, but most important, it's an opportunity. Just talk about life and I
I am happy, if your mind the eight and you're watching I'm happy and if you're, eighteen and your or your eight I'm happy. Having said that, there is a very large number of you who are quite young, and that is very poor. to me not because you are more valuable than someone who's. Ninety eight about, because you are the future, it's not a cliche, it's just a fact. So I have never been a youth worshiper. Even when I was a kid I remember I was now twenty one years old when they made the vote. They change the vote from twenty one to eighteen, and I remember I say to my girlfriend at the time I dont know why they're giving us the vote. and I don't know why said it, because when I look at the date I wasn't eighteen, I was twenty one, but
Be that as it may, I remember something saying why they giving me the vote. I dont know anything. In other words, I knew- or let's put it this way I truly believe that adults were wiser than I was by the way, is a very good thing for young people to think, because if you or seventeen, and you think who are wiser than adults, if you're right you're in really big trouble. Ok, let me put it to you that way. Let's, in fact the wiser? You are at seven themes, the more you realize. A lot of adults are wiser by the way, a lot of adults or not wiser Missis, one of the worst realizations you make when you get older and if you set You will do that to me. This is one day It will hit you baby when you're forty at you, you will think. there are a lot of damage. You were forty.
or even more frightening the law. A lot of forty year old, who aren't adults? You become an adult when you decide to act like one, you don't become an adult because you turn a certain age. That's one of the great rules of life Big One about rules of life- that's called wisdom. I am, I will say when I was a kid. I love wisdom and it was both innate. I just loved it personally, but it was also a big part of the FAO that I had a religious education and that's what religion at its best is about wisdom and it's it's. very rarely available outside of religion. Part of the reason that universities are are as an aid yes, liberal Harvard professor Steven Pinker put it. They are the whip. The overseas had become laughing stocks.
And a big part of the reason is unlike the way they were founded where they were founded, rooted, deeply in studying the Bible and the end and the Greeks they knew. There was wisdom of the past. You don't have that today. I didn't have that either I get any wisdom at college. I got knowledge, but I got no wisdom So that's worthy by the way, that's worthy of other, of a talk, the wisdom issue, but I want to talk You especially those of you actually Those of you were younger, but actually this might apply to you if your fifty not just necessarily if you're eighteen I have I have mentioned this- I know I don't know if I mention this fireside in the fire, besides chat, but I mention this on. My radio show by the way if you enjoy this just now, I'm on every day for three hours, all over the country and all
the world on the internet. See it's very easy to two were to find me on the internet. If you, if you can't tuna local station. And I ve talked about this very often on my radio show. There was a terrible crisis in America that nobody I don't know anybody talking about it in in large numbers, other than myself. That's not a boast. It's a complaint. Its two sad realization and the number of of adult children who don't talk to their parents. This Is a crisis in the United States? I have audiences, raise your hand if you know a family that way they don't the be self conscious. It's not necessarily about them. If I said Your family people would be embarrassed to raise their hands. So I asked if you know a family members, embarrassment. If you
our family, where in an adult child, does not speak to one or both parents raise your hand and I'm telling you it's never less than a quarter of the audience, and it's it's very often a third, sometimes even more than a third of the audience will raise their hands. That's incredible! It should be one out of a hundred, not not thirty out of a hundred, and when I get calls from parents I get calls from men who start drawing on the radio I match pretty rare. You know me don't cry that easily and by the way, that a good thing just for the for the record to never be able to cry is is a problem, but to cry. easily is not masculine. To be honest, ok.
There are exceptions. Winston Churchill cried very often if, if your, but there were never about Winston Churchill, when Winston Churchill cry it was about tragedy that he had seen. In world war to warn world WAR one, and so that's different- the few cry for others I'll give you a pass on that that that that can be certainly in keeping with healthy masculinity. Anyway, these fathers will we'll call up and cry that that they have a daughter or son whom never talk to them or haven't talked to them in fifteen years. Their people call my show tell me that they ve never met their grandchildren.
I gotta tell you I I almost cry to be honest: it is it I can't think of much in life that could be more painful than In some ways, look there's no pain like the loss of a child, but the poor of the loss of a living child can rival it. Few had a child, you loved you and then you had cancer at fifty, its horribly painful to lose that child. But you have all that love and and bond bonding as a memory, and you have presumably our children and grandchildren, but to have none of that. So what is going on here? It can't be the parents of the last generation were so awful that there,
all these kids, kids. I mean children, adult children from eighteen to fifty eight who I've been so molested and so abused. Unlike the past that all of a sudden, we have this eruption of adult children who don't speak too apparent. It can't be that the parents were worse. Something else has happened here. and I think there are a lot of things involved here. One is narcissism. I I just think my generation, a baby boomers was shared in a narcissist that has not escaped since then. our parents generation was the generation of world war. Two, and I wasn't born then, but my father forum it- and this was a
A generation called the greatest generation. It was known for giving of themselves that leg country call they answered, they were heroic and then they produce the most narcissistic generation that doesn't mean everybody, my generation is endorses. Obviously generalizing, because its generalised people. And then Narcissus produce narcissist and so on its formal. People, not all everything has exceptions there Sometimes if your parent is been evil, that's I will come back to that. Your parents is truly been evil. Ok, you know what most parents are not evil their flawed. Almost every parent is flawed as it human and as apparent but evil
There's something else that has happened, and that is this is my theme. What has happened is the most secular generation in american history compared to all other generations. Before it was my generation, the baby boomers, and now it's even more secular. You know you have religious and nuns, and no any s, How many millennials will say there are none that mean no religion, the nun and oh any. But my generation was the baby boom regeneration. The post world war. Two generation was the mole secular least religious ever am, I think, that's the biggest single factor so want to give my own example as the example like many people, not all by any means. I had issues with my parents when I was in my ten years
and in my room and my early twenties, but though there was first day that there was never a time I didn't talk to my parents if it ever even occur. to me I'm gonna, stop talking to my parents, and I ll explain like is that's. The punchline but not only that there was never a time that they even really knew. I had these issues because I would I treated them with honour and respect at all times I left my parents home at the age of twenty one permanently Living on my own, I called my parents every week of our lives till they died at the age, ninety six and eighty nine respectively, there wasn't week that I missed it was just a given. I would call them up and why
even even when I had difficulties with them, why did I do that? There was a reason. I know the reason they were to reason The biggest reason was, I actually believe that God gave the ten commandments and in was ten commandments? Is a commandment honour, your father and mother. It doesn't say honour your father and mother. If you really like them. Your father and mother of things are going well it all Doesn't say: love your father and mother. One of the reasons I'm crazy about the Bible is back to my first theme. Wisdom There is a commitment to love your neighbors yourself, to love God and to love the stranger but the no commandment of your parents. You dont have to love your parents, you, after you have to show them respect. You have to honour them infected the only.
creature you have to honour the word, honour does not appear as a command to any other creature in the world, just parents, that's how important that is. now. Ok, so you say well one of my you know my father molested be sexually raped me boy or girl for them. Ok, folks bad. What is it? What is this? What I want a lawyer say bad something bad laws are better. Donation or whatever it is. In other words, you can't make. It any law, if you have to include every possibility, my best Examples that to do with law, its seat belts, save lie, well, you'll say but wait a minute. I read about a case where somebody was killed, precise. finally because they wore seat belt, which I have by the way it happens where in a crash it
Julie gets locked in to the the the buckle gets locked into the the fashion or whatever it is, and they they they they die of smoke. Inhalation are actually get burned alive in the car they can escape the Ciba. Does that mean seat belts, don't say, live seatbelts, save lives. You gotta your parents are there are exceptions, just as there are exceptions to the seat belt their arcs. I understand that, but it's very, very rare, as I your parent has to be evil, not knocked mistake. Not weak, not flawed. a whole host of other things. I believe that I believe that there was there. I still believe this there is. There is a God in the universe who makes me, all demands on me and if you don't believe that that's a problem because of it,
If God doesn't make rural demands on you, who does you? Ok, I don't trust people nearly as much as the secular trust people, because I know human nature the too well. So I think it's better to feel that there is a god. good God adjust God who makes commandments of me than I just have to answer to Dennis Cake is Dennis coming. If you like, Dennis all he wants, but the other way it's much harder So the combination of narcissism, everything revolved around this generation. That's what the parents of the of the room were too crowded. The groundwater parents raised the. Ex generation, where everything while the round them to a large extent and its even worse with helicopter parents, and you know we know, you to walk alone at the age of ten in west you you be attacked and can only create a narcissism
this. I should talk about. This wants it, so it would just be in to those of you who are quite young ghetto teenagers and those are union twenties and thirty. You would find fascinating v difference in the way kids are brought up today You were brought up, everyone, I know, was told by their parents very infrequently. Everyone in my generation, we were told by our parents very infrequently. I love you, ok it was very rare. My parents never came to any of my basket boy. They came to one excuse me one. Plato, Madison Square Garden. Once I grew up in New York and I played about where fifty six seconds my house, Team played a game before the nicotine and when we knew that when the coach realized
mathematically impossible for us to win. He put me in which he was right. By the way I was not a good player. I was just so tall that they they put beyond the team, because I could actually move but anyway they never came to any of the games. I never expected my parents to come to my games. The amazing thing I actually didn't want them to come to my games, because I wanted to be MR, Dependent and and not somebody's son- you know, Mommy's watching me. I would have felt funny there's my mom I'm saying you should feel funny, I'm only explaining the differences that existed and but it was a child centred world as much as it became later, but it was more so than mine, Tat which was complete, non child centred,
though, the narcissism and the elimination of religious demands like honour, your father and mother, that has resulted, I believe, in in this phenomenon of people, not speaking to their pay. I mean. Never Otto mean less frequently. I don't. strained relations. I mean no relations, they play a basic, we have said. I died was actually there was a man who called my show just a couple of weeks ago, who told me so very nice man very nice sounding guy agree with me on everything. Pershing. He happened to mentioned to me that he is, He and his wife was so angry at her parents that they have never spoke. They must talking to them in item twenty years, and they. Ever seen their their grandchildren I ship! Well, why
and he said well because they they wanted their daughter too leave the marriage early on, and I am big mistake. I should have said: why did they want that? I made no usually make these mistakes on the radio, but I was amiss I was so annoyed with him about Dyson, I don't understand what did they do not deserve? Let's say they were totally wrong. They wanted their daughter to divorce. You ok, let's say. Told you what say they would totally wrong. You are wonderful, She is wonderful and you have a great marriage and forces crazy, irrational reason they wanted. a daughter in the early years of your marriage to leave. Let's say all of that is true. I would like to hear their side always aware radio, I only here one side, but let's say It's true, they still don't deserve the faint. They got an if he was not a religious guy, and he did not feel that God said to him: honor your father in law,
He was just so annoyed with them. They never. To see their grandchildren seems to me that that's overkill, that It's like you know, shooting the proverbial mosquito with with a cannonball. They I ve been told off, they should have been told. You know this is an alienating thing. Nevertheless, when I came when we're not going to become an over every year, every Sunday and so on, but the map you'll never To your grandchildren in almost may be think, maybe the door. Maybe the parents were right. Maybe the daughter should elect this guy. If My wife were super duper angry of her parents. I would still, I would tell her how honey miss still your parents, we can't we can deprive them of their grandchildren or for them reverse a woman called me many years ago, when I first began raising this issue on the radio,
from Santa Monica California. Those are you know Santa Monica this is they didn't shock me. the lot of wonderful people in Santa Monica K. I know that, but there's a lot of narcissism to anyway, She culture that debt. I saw you, U S, people who don't speak to their parents to call him. Twenty five I don't speak or twenty eighty was in her between twenty five and thirty. I never speak to my mother. I got really did Did she abuse you? Oh no! No! No! She never abuse me Jim, to physically or sexually or virtually. No. No, no, in fact, she really loved me- and I remember thinking, there's something wrong here- her mother loved her and she doesn't speak to her mother ever so. Of course, I posed the question. I set out on this thing: your mother loved. You showed you love and you'd. Never talk to her
right. I said why not ship, because if I let her into my life, she would dominate it she's dominating woman. So I said you, you don't talk to your mom, ever because she has dominating personality. Isn't the answer? Don't let her dominate? The answer is not play dead. Is that like overkill and then for me the punchline came mixed. I
Am I correct in just a shoe me that you discuss this with a therapist? She said. Yes, I discussed this with my therapist alot em I'll bet you, your therapist agrees with you not to talk to your mother. That's right! That's one of the examples I have of where therapists actually do harm, not good. Some therapists are great, most them up a good therapists which try to reconcile the daughter and the mother not say all. That's great, never talk to your mother. So something to think about and by the way, stop selfish grounds. If you ever plan on having children, maybe what goes comes around. Maybe if you must treat your parents, they might do the same. After all, those kids
receive their grandparents are gonna grow up one day. and they're gonna wandered cheat. Why did my parents? Never? Let me see my grandparents. That's done a good model to offer your children ok time for Q and a thank you megan our Patrick sixteen years old, Ventura, California, one inspire you to create Prager you to be precise. Well, I guess I did created it wasn't my idea. So, yes, I created it with him, but it was not. My idea was completely alum, Esperance idea and almost out of out of nowhere, he just suggested. You know what I think we
start prickly university. We were actually on one of my listener cruises somewhere in the world when he said that and since Alan never never tells jokes, never again, never means never. That's not his personality. He neither tells them nor laughed at them. I love ribbing him. Anyway, Alan that's me so since I know he never jokes, I thought okay, islands, it great idea. What's not pray, literacy and I nothing will happen, but Is a very serious man and we are we developed it and What inspired you D created so now. Let me answer that part. You get no wisdom in the vast mature,
already of elementary schools, high schools, colleges and graduate schools in the western world, not just the United States, a lot of you watching outside the United States. This is all true throughout the world very Very, very rarely. Do you get? What is the most important thing you can get from adults. The most important, not love, not facts. The most important thing and adult adults can give you his wisdom and you're not getting any way to the unwise, can't give wisdom the wise give wisdom and they were deprived of it from the sixties on the post World war, two generation has been troubled in this way, so we want to give you wisdom about what what is life about an undue. I regret open unduly.
Damage of the universities and the high schools five minutes at a time. We are now have four hundred to five minute videos. Up with for former prime ministers for Pulitzer Prize Winners, it's the biggest award in Amerika for journalism, professors believe it. From Stanford Yale. Harvard you see allay you see. Berkeley Stanford and other universities. We don't pick them based on prestigious name, just giving you examples and you. You really really learn a lot. You should watch all of them a few times. We pack a lot into five minutes, but it's like changing stuff. It's an life enhancing
on every subject other than the natural sciences and math we're not gonna teach you neurosurgery in five minutes were well aware of that, but but the meaning of life and its associated issues can learn a lot. Five minutes. Well done. Mario seventeen Carlsbad California hallowed Dennis what is the right age to get married soon, as you find the right person, that's the answer and the sooner the better. In my opinion, the right right people don't grow on trees it's easier to find, especially for a woman. I know we see whenever you make a distinction between male and female. The unwise will tell you that sexist
notice. They never say it's not true. I care what true I don't care for sound sexist. I care. If it's true, it is the opposite of honesty and wisdom to just label something instead of dealing with it life distinctions between men and women. It is easier all things considered for a woman to find a good man at twenty five than at forty five. That's a fact not an opinion is justified. you could find a forty five. You could find it. Seventy five, it happens all the time, but it doesn't happen as much as the other way. so for both sexes you meet Really wonderful human being with whom can enjoy life, and I always mention that enjoy life. Values are critical, but they're, not enough. You could share values with somebody about love them. He could share values with somebody
enjoy them. You have to share values, but it's not enough. Like oxygen is necessary for life, but it's not enough. We also need nitrogen, and if you need food, you need a lot of things. That's the right! That's the answer to your question. What is the right time when you meet the right person, but you should look for the right person when you, start looking Caroline fourteen Georgia. I assume the state of Georgia, not the country of Georgia. Do you believe Trump will be re elected and in twenty twenty I never make predictions. Do I believe he can be re elected yes, and given that the Democrats will Currently nominate someone who is a socialist who does not understand the basic rule of life, that only capitalism creates prosperity. Only that socialism,
spend the money of capitalism. That socialism is not concerned with liberty, but with just a re of be the economy of a society. I think he can win. I I I. I believe that the Democrats of so called so far radically left. You say: well the republic. have gone radically right, but that's not true. You can't give me anything any example comparable to what the left is done. The conservatives have been concerned with David adopted new position. the new positions or almost all, on the left, I mean whatever you could be an atheist and be repulsive the Virginia law, the New York State law that
any reason, aid that a woman wants. She could aboard a child up until it through the ninth month through through the day of delivery. That's that that's radical stuff, most american, most Americans, including many Democrats, think That's morally. Morally troubling. My Martina Navratilova, one of the great tennis stars of of the last generation. Is a game When it was one of the first openly gay women, it was a champion and tennis or any sport so, she she just the she just announced that it's not fair. When someone with a male body competes in tennis with somebody who has a female body. She doesnt deny that there were
there are men who identifies women and are now transgender woman. She doesn't ever an issue with that. just an issue with their competing in sports. It's just not fair and that's happening more and more, and yet every Democrat Mommy agrees with that. Yes, of course, let em El body compete against women in sports cars that considers herself a female, I'm even saying herself I'll give you the respective, like of identifying what you wanna be identified as but I have respect for the women in sports who worked so hard at ten. Sir Volleyball, were basketball and Why is there women sports because they can't compete? male bodies, that's the reason so mail, Please can compete in women sports that ends women sports. Doesn't it. But there was one Democrat running for president who would agree with I what I just said Matthew
in order to lower the lifelong activists for for gay rights, has now been kicked out of the year, the algae BT community, because, he said that it's not fair to women. If male bodies compete against them. That's that's how radical the left has become. What's our timeframe, thirty, two I guess so. I have to say good by them. Well, everybody you want you want with. watch your videos and read my explanation of the Bible. Most the wise book ever written school, the rational Bible volume to was coming up shortly be five volumes of the first five books. If that doesn't touch your life,
much will it's it's very important stuff. What we're doing here is really important her young you're lucky to be to me in because the biggest gift, any adult myself or any other can give you is, as I said, wisdom. This is what life's about young person We ve seen it thanks for watching I'll, see you next week, I'm Dennis Prager. Thank you for watching. If you'd like to keep these fireside chats free, please do by donating to Prager you.
Transcript generated on 2020-10-21.