Welcome to guys. We talk about what buggers, how you do welcome to another episode of guys we fuck it's the anti slut, shaming podcast, I'm Corinne, I'm Christina welcome to the show. Have you watched our special day? It's a comedy special and it's on Youtube right now and it's absolutely free your head over to Youtube dot com, slash guys we fucked without the? U N, fucked and you're going to watch it. I am going to be MO and I tell someone you know they're going to play in the background on silent because you love your girls, try and get them views. Yes, thank you so much, and I just don't forget if you want more of us, can also subscribe to luminary, where you can get a subscribe.

Episodes of episodes a year, and you will also be able to hear the podcast. It's a week before every one else, an ad free. So there are pics and of course you get our undying le. We love you more and you get a lot of secrets that we are still going to share because we realise how much healthier it was too only share secrets with people who are willing to pay, because not that nothing- money. Is everything but is energy though, and I feel good, giving you the energy secrets, because you feel trusted asked to give us some of your energy yells. Like a certain thing that says like I carry, you are not a care about you enough to pay to listen to you so like I'm, not gonna like fuck you over and fuck your boyfriend. It's nice to think of so much of you. If you want to email us, it's sorry about last night's show at gmail dot com make those subject lines very specific like this one one says my brother, it's me when we were younger, but now we're friends, and I don't want to bring it up. Okay, a female conundrum. If I had a nickel, you know Matt hi

in Christina. Thank you for all you do. I'm hoping you guys can help me unravel this tangle of emotions, trigger warning for some sibling. Molestation, who hasn't been happy. Hanukkah I have always look: Apsu name change. John. My whole life he's my list of three brothers and I always felt like we were similar in many ways and special bond, even though we wanted to be close to him and feel some kind of almost parental love from him, because our parents were train wreck really emotionally Amsterdam. When I was little, I'm not sure what age younger than ten and older than for. I remember a period of time that I don't recall a lot of it could have been just weak or it could have been longer. John is five years older than me. My parents left him to watch just me and my little brother, we played this tickling gay where we would take turns laying on his lap on our backs, and he

tickle us all over that game. Before that we, the neighbour I first it was necessarily inappropriate, if I recall correctly, but then my little brother decided he didn't like playing any more, and I was the only one. I remember I didn't want to play anymore either, but I didn't want to disappoint him. Oh then, over the course of one or two games, things got more inappropriate. All I know is he at least once touch me in private areas under the guise of tickling, and while I at first thought it was accidental when I asked him to avoid those areas. He said something like. Oh, come on it'll be fun, that's a red the most troubling part of these memories is what I'm afraid I might have forgotten ray. I'm worried that I did go farther than not and I just blocked it out. I feel like if all that happened, while it's not great, it doesn't make me feel like serious went down, or even

its Johns fought. Rarely he was young, too and probably just curious, bearing my initial feel. is about it, as I considered it more of it as an adult that I was afraid he felt guilty about it and blames himself He has always been kind of protective of me and I wonder if guilt is why, over the course of growing up and as adults John and I have really bonded about our dysfunctional family I made my mental health got really bad. I was always able to talk to him and feel under good. In a way, I never felt with my parents, he is the only other, liberal and feminist in our family. Who is, trying to do emotional work at a Mimi. I know I felt your fall as the I was like of a man's as a form. Of course the feminist is the molester, and the male feminist is always the most lied to be. That way that says God or any has an awesome wife. I really look up to in a way

closer relationship is what I dreamed about as a little girl, but it feels like an id ideal. Okay, keep going right and like also like some of this might be because you were molested by her right. So again, not a psychologist, but I get a lot of penalization emails yeah, I really do yeah. I yeah. A lot of my focus will come in therapy. People just don't talk about it. It's also sexual exploration has kids is common and then, when it crosses lines like what do you do and it's hard to be like at what age is it like? You know, kids, my brother, not tickled my pussy yeah, like what age is it kids exploring with each other and then what age does it become like? There's an issue know, but it's always going to be tarnished in my mind by these memories. I am sure it eats him up inside to remember what he did to me, but I'm also terrified to bring it up to him was like one or the other like you know, either he doesn't remember and like you're like creating a memory for him or if he is eating him up. It would be helpful to talk about right.

I know there is no rules about whether I have to talk to a former abuser about what he did, but it feels like an elephant in the room for our relationship today, certainly for area. On the other hand, I worry that if I talked to him I might remember more painful memories. That will be harder to forgive him for well that's very b has also played a big role in my sex life because it led me to be really passive and people pleasing in the back, room and opened the door for further sexual abuse. When I did start having Saxon, I hate that it happened, but I dont think he needs reminding to know it was wrong and I join protective over whom yeah and I dont know how much closer it would necessarily give me, sir, bring it up You really want to do a thing. Just talked yourself out of it, my email, I also don't want to risk in our relationship weird today, but if he molested you in a more appropriate way that you're an inappropriate whether you're, not remembering you don't and it's already weird you taking the brunt of the burden of the weirdness on yourself right cause, you're, a woman.

I taught us. We do yeah and you're. You know and you're a survivor. So both of these things should talk about it. Is it a big deal that something like this happened or just classic weird sibling exploration? I mean, I don't exactly know yet. Fifth helix, so he's a fifth in this scenario right, that's what you said you were younger than ten but older than for so he was. He was between nine and teen and oh he's five years old, so I'm you might theirs. It there's a big age gap. There is, if he was nine year, is that that I think, I'll be in niner on those. But if he was fifteen like here and in our home on it'll, be fun that pressure yeah, I don't see a nine year old who sit last. I who knows, I don't know I approve sincerely another confused victim.

So this is completely really pleased is seek the advice with their pisses. Well, this that's really really important someone who's specializes in general, a beatin trauma yeah specifically, because I don't think everyone is gonna, handle this and are in a great way right unless we aren't therapists. But we get a lot of emails about this subject matters I feel a comfortable talking about year by year I mean I think at the very least. You owe yourself talking to a therapist and talk, to him about here, privately yeah, Well, not with his wife and other family members. There you look up to him and you feel close with him so and yeah. I think this yeah, you should bring it up and that's why I'm saying have a therapist that you're already working with, though, because if you do get triggered and other memories get brought up, I think you're going to want that safe. Somebody who really understands and those you to be able swoop enough needed yet cause. It seems that you have this, like fear of the unknown

which makes it seem, like you kind of know, that something else happened and Fourthly, what these things so so rarely as it like one isolated incident you now ripe by you know that the things presented you're like either. You know that you, like always eating him up inside, is it you know. I did you up and so right exactly you don't know how he feels about the I'm your mindset, late you're, not in an angry place, your you seem to be in a pretty level headed place where you ve thought about it and your cock gonna come out with empathy and sympathy. and so I think that you know, especially because you're not going to come in a in a an accusatory manner, even though you have every right to do so, and I think it's like having a conversation about something that's been bothering you with someone that you're so close with like. If you can't have this level, conversation with someone who you say you're this close with and as as somebody who has an older brother, where it was he's my only brother, but he

he's my only sane person in my family is the only person I talked to all my family is my only family member, but he gets. It's so hard and we are so close, that's a valuable person to have in your life- and I know I understand how special that is. So I say once you have a therapist that you've been working with for a couple of weeks, two. I would ask them as long as you understood, like as soon as you decide you like this therapists and you want to continue working with them. I think that's very important. Once that's established talk about having this conversation with your brother, to the therapies and then figure out, you know you, can you can role play how you and vision it to go, and then that way you have a lot of support yeah. You can even write every script like you can write. You can write something down for yourself if you, if you have trouble, I like, if it's making you nervous or something, I also think what was I going to say, I think and yeah think sea, like seemingly, you grew up in like not great home environment. So I also

and like part of it could be. He was in perhaps I want to make excuses for some of the large you, but he was like for he was a raised. I like he was acting out. We all know what happened. Maybe there's something that happened with. You know one of one or both of your parents and ham, and that was you know, making him act in a certain way, because it's like max we're saying he was fifteen years old, so he was still pretty, himself and you know if he was being abused in some way that you may not know about. He was. spluttering. Something else was happening with him. I think you know if he shuts down or makes your relationship weird you bringing this up there it's a sign in of itself is a red flag and it unfortunately that means likes. This person has like been deceiving. You yeah, tough, but ah. it's tough, but you can handle it yeah it's all. This is obviously a big enough. Hang up in your life for its affecting your sex life. It's open, you said you've allowed abuse from other partners in the past to like what is this

pattern that needs to stop now and it's like you know what the root of it as you not like some people, don't even know that you know what the root of it is, and it's someone really close to you so that must be like it may make. You feel fucked up and confused, and rightly so, but you need to have this conversation and definitely, as Christina said, seek a therapist, because you just need some guidance. You need some help, you need somebody, to talk to you who is not part of this situation, who is not part of this home life that was obviously very difficult so low You don't really how goes yeah this episode, brought to you by linked in with linked becoming number one in b to b display advertising in the. U S: you've got a great advantage with their tools. You can and out against your competitors, while nurturing customer relationships and growing your brand scale your marketing and grow your business with Linkedin advertising as a thank you to their customer.

For helping them grow three times faster than the competition Linkedin is offering one hundred dollar credit on your next campaign. Just go to Linkedin dot, com, marketing. And guys come see us alive. New Jersey, Hasbro Kites, I'm had lining bananas, Kommeni Club February, twenty fifth in the twenty six would just in silver feature Portland Oregon March. Third, through the fifth, I will be at Helium Baltimore, Maryland March, twenty. Fourth, the twenty six. Mugabe's and London England may twelve at the Lesters Square Theater and as always, you can catch the voices in her head. My solo podcast, and watch out for a brain, you up a soda multiple times a month on various days on patron and then Fort Collins, Colorado April, 15th and sixteenth, be at the comedy for four shows: total come out see that I'm excited to be in Colorado spring and then, of course, without a country, is my other pod cast for we rose

The news me and Shane Smith and Mass available everywhere. You listen to podcast. Saturday's, including live. Not including Youtube videos. And remember to rate and review the podcast guys we fucked on apple podcasts. We want to keep us in the top chart, yeah been doing such a great job that we really appreciate appreciate, and it just helps. Other people discover us which makes us be able to. You know perform were places, problem more places, meek more content. It's all you know we're all healthy arteries into as its great its land and then watches and Tiktok, because we're gone viral. My voters at guys we fucked without the you in fact, an absolute clips bit She now writes a will. What's up with you casino, not much, you know, nothing's changed him, just that's what we're looking for! No changes, yeah, yeah! Well, not bathtub! I just I've. Just I'm having a it's a it's an interesting time.

In my life I I've logically understood that I've shed a long term boyfriend a best friend into parents. Yes, what I think it's finally hitting me Yes, I'm all like, oh I don't want to say alone, but I don't have these support systems which you know at the end of the day. If the support systems were toxic, I didn't realize it. Then it's better to not have it right, but it's a change through what I thought was ok with and then all of a sudden it just dawned on me that around think I am Brown really what to do about that except cry. When I a cry. So you know that's what now you're doing yeah. We out here crying, I think also a part of adulthood is like, like you, do, have support systems, but, like you kind of really don't like, as you know, it's a I think, people like I dunno. If We like the different people in my life like who are click could be a likely support system. At the end of the day like no offense any my friends listening, but it's like. I really

Being my own support system, cuz, it's like I'm, not, I don't ever feel supported in the way I need to I rarely have this is this? Is this again yeah? You know I you need support less than I do. I think that is true, but it's only been because I'm giving it to myself so give yourself support you, know exactly what I need. You know. How do you know who can shoot me Will you when you something feels good? You keep doing that. So it's like if you're sick of me is so it's like No, you they go down. You like, and it says like indicate a bubble. Unlike a cousin Paulson magazine, it's like d make you feel good and like if you go to the now and then so makes me feel good. I guess I don't normally go towards feeling good.

That love. I mean something you do a drugs right. I know that's got up to that. Yeah. I've walked towards admiral marijuana many many times near, but that's all you re, not as you big thou. You know. I always, I think, think about it smaller, like just so. Instead of trying to capture this whole feeling of feeling good, all the time, try to Catholic just try to capture a moment. So when you're, not when you're sober but something that is making, you feel good and then lean into that if it's blading of it spending time with Kevin, if it's writing efforts playing the piano and then lean into that more and then that usually like that good feeling will lead to other good feelings, and it's like I'm sitting home, feel like fucking, smiling having a great time all the time, I'm sad plenty and but you know I also find a lot of support in other media, which is, I think, kind of you and I have a legal gap relationship.

I like tv, shows, which I think tv can be extremely a good asset in somebody's life. If someone asked me who my best friends right now are, I will be like Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, and everyone like what it'll be like, but that works for me, like writing, shows really did help me and yeah. I haven't binged to tell them the genre yeah. They very there's something very comforting about that for sure. Listening to a lot. Music, sometimes, if really like just start. My Alexa from my bed with a song that lay gets me going? Yeah, yeah, I've tried, music of plain piano and reading reading has been very helpful. Taking law very import ends yeah like a coffee shop, yeah I've been doing that then walk in like it's like I. I have the the feelings of a depressed person, but I'm I'm showering. I'm I'm doing all the things I'm going, I'm working out cause. I know that that's def. a really good for you when you're depressed. I just think I'm being knots, wallowed by exerting a? I know that there is an insight, and I know that all these, though,

waves of sadness are just that they're waves and they'll come and go, but this one this was fucking big. I also think like adulthood is like yeah, it's like getting rid of a lot of people light right. I don't lay all happy and proud of myself to have done that rate. Truly Emmi on my life is so much better without these people in it, but it's just I because you have a child like nature to like it. Think of one like think of, like childhood, its filled with fright. it's so many friends. You give a valentine to everyone, your class, but like adulthood. It isn't like that and you really did like when I met you. You had more friends than almost anyone. I knew especially like outside of comedy, and it's like, I don't have a ton of people who I consider my friends, but I have like people who are like you know who are close right and I think that's like it unfortunates like what adulthood is yes yeah and it kind of like it's kind. It is kind of depressing. You know like yeah. I guess you know like. I I've always you usually people have like at least a person in their lives that they can just text whatever to

over time of the day and is just like a policy. I would do that with a parent or my best friend than I am many more. I don't have someone. I would you that way. Yeah and I got a struggle, no nine you and I should like the only person I ever got. Things might go, and can you please tell me because I'm well my line, I place my property versa things. I think the only person I've ever met, my entire life without Ike attacks, anything to a James. That's the only person then draw any betrayed me them swelling utterly right so that's why that loss was so hard for me because that's the only person I ever met my entire life ray and against so sorry to my friends listening, but not all, but its by recent events, bringing about ham that I just felt completely understood, and I think it's could see absolutely anything. There are people who I feel like I could say. Oh Sorry, thank you, your one right now right, you are my gear, Tommy Paula, my mother, my

my brother, and it's hard to you, you know that end. So that's a kind of like what I'm always manually searching. It's not that I love love or I love relationships. I'm I'm basic out in life manually searching for that that I know that there are. It has some one now that you know that one person exists, that you could tell anything till grave and it's this manic search to find that night that next person again yeah. You know, that's why I ll be unhappy forever with yeah yeah. I mean there's some point like my my best, but I'll talk to any more we leaned on each other too much more. So when we start talking was very helpful, actually lie in a lot of ways, but one of the ways why was helpful because, instead of leaning on somebody, I just fix for myself. It was wonderful. Just and I think me, by like bound Einstein. My favorite day of the year only ever been sat on Valentine's day. Right

If I got matter like I love friendship, I love. I found this great day only limited like. I also would like five days before my birthday and now I'm way this is like me being, and I feel like my is rife in my inner victim- is like just being a bitch like she's. I feel like I am. I think myself and unlike just stop at all my go, don't be doing this but, like I don't want to have. they party. I don't do anything at all. You better excites, didn't. I know that it is put in response to this that I thought we had our party every I will plants at you know I fucking love play. I hang I realize you have for you. I showed you the place I reserve. While I read, I reserve the speedy and my building adjusted. I was about nine and cause I was like. Oh, we do that and then go to a place, but I dunno- I just don't. Have the I don't have the energy to go. Gather friends, I dunno I just don't so. I should cancel the party bus,

Imagine just like someone sat on their birthday and you just drive up in a party, but that's like the worst birthday ever be late. For that now I mean my nature. My natural state is is pretty joyful and it's not Joy like it is joyful like I'm very it's like, and I'm never sad for long. I just I dunno it's just a weird time rather than something about it. Well, I talked to my parents last week just hated it s very, thereby their retirement happens. I always I'm right, not that's not anything new. What is there I going yeah really go. This is not to be a surprise. Yeah yeah I did that I was not moved. He way negatively or possibly, by an ongoing. Yet don't like you, people, that's kind of that kind of progress about yeah yeah. For sure I don't know. I mean I think that the inner victim is interesting, because I think I think I'm when you're like it, when you're doing a lot of self help work. You're you're, going like you're, going

into yourself, you're so often that you got to look out with the b but I saw I told you, Robert Green, that the author- that's right, that's very who was talking about late, glasses on its agenda is sometimes we start going word so March, one we're in the face of finding ourselves in helping ourselves, which is so so necessary that we forget to look outward and even though we still feel like. We have work that still needs to be done on the inside, which we all do forever. Otherwise, the very idea, that's what life it. S like. You always have to like just force yourself to look outward and do something else or almost like help. Seminar Do some re I'll just like thinker like look start looking outward and stop looking at for a second to almost like give yourself like a rests because lake you don't even like it's like you just

aren't, like you, only burn out on self help right, yeah, also that that was the advice that I got for my therapist. When I had my nervous breakdown last year, I was doing a lot of the the soul searching we're trying to we're trying to should try to figure out this bad feeling and make it yacht bad. But she told me she's, like you, gotta, just start thinking of of serviced for the people which I am a fan of so when I was, was home at my parents, place kind of like making sure I didn't, kill myself yeah, I like a man, said my area given the short my parents were like like here by my that, make me chop wooden or Washington Ass, a mere let's, like physical, yet and help Yang at a certain point out, just like the mantra becomes. How can I be service gap and all the time I'm doing it, helps you kind of pull out of that right. I think it worked for me. You have the kind of you like an asshole to yourself like a droll sergeant little because, like January for me, was the roughest month with like reading my died, and I mean it

it's bad! I was in like bed like twelve hours a day, just like really like I didn't I have Sachs like it was just bad and then literally I just was like I have to just set an arbitrary date so February. First, I was like you just have to get up like you have to do it and, like you, don't have a choice and, like you have to get up, and you have to do something now yeah. I can't do anything else, I'm surprisingly really good at getting myself out of bed. I I think it's because my mom was in bed all day everyday. I I the idea of being in bed more than twelve hours like I I can't I just I can't physically. I can't do it, and so I'm good at that. But then I force myself to do this. And I just cry, but do them? I, like that's, ok, bawling, like off my God, stop crying I got sick of my own crying- I was like this- what is so sick? I was like I'm just doing this like a fuckin just for shits and giggles now right, right, dumb and I think it oddly You have so many cool things like really exciting things going,

obviously like I don't do my career to be happy. That's not I don't rely on a career. I don't rely on an apartment. I don't rely on a car or a person for happiness, but when you're unhappy with all the school thanks. It's like me. I, like stings I'll, know well for me, I felt like I I actually like the saddest on the day that we announce our tv show and not today. I feel fine like last night, I felt sad because, You lose people in your life, whether it be because you don't like them or because they died in health, six and one or the other, and I you know it's really shines a spotlight on yeah. I guess I think that's what I like I like, and I was like really missing my dad a lot, especially with the comedy special just because, like he had asked like he had spoken to be assigned a media himself which, like I kind of learned after his death,

in all this kind of wow I'll make some big savvy posts on Instagram, you guys can always milk it up. I like that, he's very funny, but so yeah and and so yeah, and so, I just ended up like being super sat on on those days, even though, of course, like you know my mom and my brother, you know they're still like super supportive and everything, but I was like every family member forget something you know the for my mother and it was for my brother will have to accomplish something else. So he's had a lot of girlfriends cuz yeah, but it is like it is, and definitely a change spotlight on the plea like on the people that you don't have and so, like I kind of just like yeah. I just myself or talk today. I was like I always myself to be happy and gotta enjoy it. Even if I'm am happy, even if you re going for a little mouth, nobody not hard to like region to get the happiness I just rock and crying like. Oh my

I don't I don't know I don't know. I just think that I think that I think like finding out. I was a sperm donor baby like that just hit me. I think I don't know I just feel like you under reacted to that. I was like how it had been pit. I really wasn't thinking about it, yeah that was funny or whatever I remember when we met pissed at arms thought pit, while I'm pissed, because I've been riding the wrong medical history down on my medical, my whole life yeah and I fucking deserve to know who I'm blood related to that's for sure. If you asked me to work on the voices in Yeah. I remember we met and the first yeah we met and like a press, yeah yeah one of those places and you are yeah. You were sad, I think, I mean I'm sure ass, rotate, who sat here, but I can remember you telling me you're like I want to do all these. I have these like fun bits that I want to do, and I have these. I think the things I want to do in that kind of do so. like I'm, going to do this hilarious thing like I really. I just found out that my dad's, not mine,

add and- and you were like laughing about it, I was like yeah, it's funny. What is funny but sad, the way that you were talking about it. You were like it's so hilarious that that's the case and I'm going to like. I have this phone call with him going to like air it and everything, and you really thought it was so funny and just like I was like up, I lay I guess I was you oughta do like all of you. Only I'm not. I was mad about it now and I'm not eyes. I understand and I'm still not mad mad, I'm pissed at my health. information was held for me because that's value by been written down, testicular cancer diabetes, that's the wrong guy. I gotta do yeah, who has bad stuff too, but different bad stuff row yeah. So kind of, but then it's like one of those things. Where would you do with that? You know I want to talk to them about it right I want it is so it's like anger. Just I don't it's

I think if I don't, I don't know how to handle my my feelings. If you want to look at it as a positive, I think it reinforces that you made the right and smart decision by cutting ties with them yeah because they are continuing their patterns of like being deceitful and disappointing. You not treating you with the respect that razor of and so like, if you just flipping, That's a feather in your cap that are learning you are growing. You are getting like wiser about the people that you allow into your life and you setting off he boundaries, yeah yeah for sure yeah, she's, real lonely is all I need if his lonely yeah I didn't realize it was. I mean I think I I had a dependent relationship with my parents. I caught a better relationship with my best friend and I codependent relationship with a boyfriend for seven years and now that although I am like a yacht slowly out here in the street. I know my

wait. What Christina just had that realization me and MIKE are sitting over here like yeah, we've been lonely for decades very well aware. I I really I was thinking about it today. Actually in the morning, as I love being alone, I love it honestly, beautiful gift that all given ourselves. I think like, I feel like. I feel lonely I'm in public just feel lonely when I'm along, as I feel you know, so that its I misunderstood feeling Reiner riot right. So I feel there are so that's why I feel lonely when you're, like God, not such alone. feeling I don't care about bombing like on stage but like what a lonely feeling when I like think I wrote this great joke. That's really gonna resonate with people like human experience,

The going you guys are all idiots static, almost always happens to me when I haven't you promised word so that just like really reinforces how detached from reality. I am living either realign purpose live in writing. This just stand a bit about this. To his shit and rice all relax as easily yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah. I guess I did didn't realize life was lonely. This whole time yeah. Well, yet, What yeah everyone's lad and we are now yeah socks you guys from people who are married, people feel alone. I think that you ask all you care alliance and real, say yeah. I think like if you illegal. Most people like in a survey of everyone would say I feel like lonely, we kind of allied yeah. We could have talked to each other and look at children.

Is there something yeah, but I don't know: do we cause that people are going to deceive you and then you know yeah or you just find out more about somebody, and you realize that you're just not compatible. Oh god, that's my family, like violet romantic partner. It doesn't matter. I want one detail per year, so I just I can't wait until the end of time: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and you work on yourself a lot of times. The people who relied on you to kind of be in the dark a little bit, don't sure, which is that's fine, like I honestly shed the weight but yeah. This is dealing with that you know double Pisces as mother fuckin yeah. If you wanna play my birthday party, you can I don't I just I just don't well. I don't know how to take care of myself in this moment. Give me a couple things that you want yeah. That's that's an inch. That's interesting, though about you, don't take care of yourself, I mean I was never taught how to yeah Don't even know that I was sometimes it's just like a

I owe an error kind of thing. Yeah yeah honestly see just yeah. You keep trying yeah you just gotta, try something until like other things until something sticks yeah cause. I I do know in some respects. I do know how to take care of myself. In that other respects, I'm just I feel like I'm at a loss like my brain goes. Offline is like to somehow artistic way. in stand up about it? Writing his scripts about it right watching a show like that. I feel like kind of mimics what's going on in my life and like watch, because it was sometimes like watching other people play it out, even not the way. I ultimately would yachting how about that here. Yeah I've been I've, been making a point to go, see art a lot lately like I've been buying. Tickets is put things in. That always helps rail of keep do not but yeah yeah yeah. yeah, it's just can't just that is. This is kind of like when you learned like that, you were given a blow job wrong. I think it's just life is lonely know I hate to break exit yeah

life is lonely and we're all continually grow. You know why do you think there's like so many different types of foods to eat and songs to listen to because everyone's so lonely and I just kind of a mascot like I'm, going to invent and I'm going to put a doughnut and a croissant together and see if This'Ll like Cronan to like fill the void in my soul right right? That's why there's so many inventions beyond me? if I'm literally, why music exists. Of course, I just, I think I think what it in another thing, though, is like the whenever its. Is now in my brain and solar. Whenever its it's it's daunting creatively in a way we're like onion concentrate and that sucks, because I fuckin all I want is like citizen four hours or like make a sketch. I have so many sketch from Is to sit there, and I just I don't know it's like I'm at sea, like. What's the word

like he dreamily restless? That's been a very constant in my life since I was a little kid, but the theory that and when I'm restless I can't fucking create art that stinks right. Let's cause, that's always my go to cause, it's so therapeutic sure may maybe I buy a canvas and some paints or something to the start. Another aren't exactly exactly, and I will say when you figure it out, are you doing alright yeah, whatever guys. Matters on happier note were

on the day the special comes out for celebrate. I'm excited to watch the shit out of their show that I cannot wait. I forgot it's going to be great. Listening is going to love it so much you guys worked so hard on the dead. I was so happy and proud to be a part of it. I just cannot wait til nine o'clock, my self awful, like yeah. I understand why also yeah. I also fucking hate when people pretend to be happy when they're not and I'm like guys. Se just fucking talk about it. It's ok! So you know sometimes it's okay. To be sad, I would yeah, I love him people. I have asked for the past six months home. Doing, though, not great- and I bet it's that I know, but we don't need to talk about it cause I want you to know, but I don't want to talk about it with fucking you, the Green room, how many clubs get on the face of Jesus Christ. Let me talk about it in front of a group of strangers for money, like I chose to do with my exact. That's how I like to do it anyway.

Guys, our guests she's, a comedian podcast her and hosts of our I peed diets, podcast she's. Also the co host the Hotmail comedy our Please welcome to the show Emily Lubin. big into my hand, which I use and you were instead of holding in Lyon, Lion say? I'm sorry I'm just saying, just say, but where who chair There have been times in.

When I was so scared. I couldn't move have you thought that it's hard for me to free? save now then hilarity. Oh, maybe you got some other than the. Maybe you think that is not or the you that love so you're, just making it worse

which may again pleasure out of all of this, you can find in some sweet man who's a eulogy annual pain. You in parts of view that can come from China. We are here with comedian, Emily Lubin, fresh operator. You see I so we weapon Didn't I never had a? U I before and then this year I had like a yeast

infection followed by Uti. I it was a a double: oh, my god yeah it was have you ever had both one two punch, yeah big Bay, they travel together. They were right, yeah, birds of a feather and then back to her of a generous. As I heard you during the night tat saying that that's the best it was a cold, freer, pussy, its liking anywhere and get it. I don't think it's caused by sex or anything like that via usually it's like site. Like I mean, I think the common things are like sex like beta underwear, holes, public pool, I sign hot too hot tub, sir, so bad for the vagina and then like a workout leaving workout clothes on too long orders which anyways they'll yeah yeah, you shall be handing suits yeah any amount of stuff is just anything like the the climate of your pussy is different foreign along gated period of time. You're in trouble day, how long did you see I lie lasted all in all, like the whole escapade.

I a week and a half because it was the Uti I and the Hiestand I don't remember, which came first, but the other and then my period ah lie got a lot of times: Youtube dot com. God is such a dick, sometimes horrendously Uti. I expert if you hide in your lane to third, applause sleigh Hegel allow a good amount. Guy gets lake, I got it like a couple times a year. Yours I have a very testy vagina, but yeah and then also a lot of times like a uti. I you'll, get at a point during your period. Just because again like I, like the climate of your pussy, is different because there's the temperature there's there's blood there, you know, and so that's like Uti ice, central and but yeah there's this. powder this cranberry powder that you can get on. I am as on that former gas fairer, Brook Tata, told us about because she had like such crimes.

I sent U T eyes that it was aunt liked. Her body was became immune to the medicine get at the o b g y. Yes, so anytime, I feel like I can feel it like that kind of. Like the moment, I feel it starting. I just start taking this wow you're, probably so in tune that you know like even a little tin going solo, your vagina, it's like you can't concentrate on anything else, it's so hard. So how is your duty I like? How did it feel for you? It felt like death, yeah fell awful way it was. It was the war it's really hard, which I I heard somebody say before. Was it just the burning. While you p it's the feeling like you, have to pee all fucking day up and

not only able to years appeal that that stops deep, be what they could, what they call. The urgency is if the thing that, over the counter he wore- and yes yes, yes, I beg Sailorman yeah, yeah, yeah, banger, really fucking helps while you're. Why are killing? Did you go to the obituary on our? No? I didn't. So. How does you? How did you get you it so it we have. You know we have a portal. I have a close major. With my guide, I sent her a message on the portal like I owe girl. This is going on that she believed you together, like you need to come in and look at. I don't complain. I really don't like I wouldn't reach out and I'm not a hypochondriac like if anything on the opposite yeah. I let things go, and I think that was also an issue because I had like a mini uti. I not it's bad and then it went away by itself and two weeks later it came back and it was way

first anime was like engines later infection PA that it spread to your kidneys. No, it didn't. I stopped it before it got too bad, but it I ignored it as I do that a lot. I just ignore anything wrong and it gets, and it's always gonna make it way worse, cause a couple of days, and you will start to feel symptoms of a fever. If you don't, if you're not doing anything and back pain back ache, That really scared me yeah, but I went to city Citymd and this useless useless locations of all I'm sitting there for probably like two and a half hours before I get to see anybody and I I feel like I have to pee the whole time I feel like I have to pee. You have to take a. and sample so it's out One point I go up to the front desk and I'm like. Can you just give me the cup

Now and then I write walking around the city m D holding my plate appear because nobody dared to take all. I like my own urine in my purse, young for this appointment to start, and I felt I've never felt less sexy in my home It was cloudy it cloudy You know I don't remember yeah right, but you know things are really. There was blood in it being only small amount of blood. This is getting graphic by land based we're happy. I love Sonia of many to know what we go through. The Amis yeah. I want men to know there forty right now, you're not soon. Second Buttonless harangue yeah, but so there was a little blood in it, and then I saw the doctor ask me like: do you have your period right now and I was acknowledged she's like that's, not good. I can see very very clearly there's an infection going on so

had to go next door all these areas, the bank's yeah I cleaned up myself- is Romano Prodi work here so that they write this like fake per egyptian? They send it or not it's a real prescription but like they send it out into the ether, and you never know when it's going to come. I go next door, I'm waiting for another two hours in the Walgreens waiting for the prescription. You know how it is, and then I Even get it that day, I had to waddle home, I'm in so much pain and then come back the following morning, get that medicine and yet eventually went away, but it was a real. It's hardly to sleep. Yes, like you needed to its like your virginity, like there's an aura around your vagina. It is hardly ever lie down near to even relax. Yeah yeah no, it's not great. For future, though, there are a lot of like apps now like good, our action is one of them like theirs. I would just like, if you kind of a Google, a Youtube medicine now that you can

go through a similar portal to what you do with the Ot your ob do, I add, but it's basically just companies that want to make money so like maybe not good for other things, but great for Uti eyes and yeast infections, because that answer questions as long as you know the right answers to to answer to to get to what you need to get through. I mean you should be answering honestly any anyway, but like there there's some questions to try to gauge if you're like. Well, don't say yes to this because then they're going to mega be a bigger deal out of it. You know you're smart, you know you're, bi and, and we'll get you the medicine right away, unlike you, do have to like pay for it like it's like sixty bucks or something. So if it's not like money.

A huge huge you know, I mean who serves worth sixty dollars. Also, yes, for annual every day. That goes on with a utopia. You know like. Don't is better like not to eat for a week, and I think that it needs to move up king here too, no absolutely supra how they are a really bad stomach flew a few months ago, and I was throwing up for two days that was not as bad as the right yet as the Erika yeah yeah, not to know I'd rather threw up any day now. Are you too I yet Craig was mentioned earlier. You start up to squirt I'm in the process of teaching myself our purpose visionary squirted. Yet I still don't know if it's possible for me. I didn't it is because I hear different things. I've like read up on it a lot and some people seem to think that anybody can do it. You just stimulate the right muscles and I've learned like the most, on the motions yeah to do that, but then other people say

yes and women can some women can. So I never know what the right answer. I guess I don't know why. I agree that all women can have allows a government allows us to my vagina, no skirting Lang, a lot of a lot of g spot, a lot of say a lot. I ain't, you know even like a lot of lot of shit anal, yet as unease were no but like, but maybe not unless they ain't sex. I'm saying anal insertion while you're hot well, you know simulation, I guess. Yeah right is usually our times you can get it with your stimulating. The cliff, though Gees bugs outlines the bell. Allow your TED your ears, your butt, cheeks armor.

exactly so. It's like the only people, also the only people that I've heard really push that all women can support. Our men, which I think that's not true about, is so true and that also push that their come is good for you causes vitamins and insane proceed. I can't really believe that it is also good for your skin everything here now. I'm sure I should wait. I will say things that no one, second, now really yeah. I used to work at a spy, know you're, like a rat just on legal does not you believe. Ma's has room the most calls on my face when I was younger heart like more visible acme any did improve air

Were you doing it as an experiment that was like my? I had my longest term boyfriend when I have the most acne and I think there was a correlation which is a whole other story because he liked them young and yes, I had a lotta cum on my cum on my face. He came on your face, a lot yeah. Did you know I just I I mean we? We just did it for five years and I got the Comex to go different places geared towards the hair fate, yeah, yeah, yeah and also think? Like you know, when you're young, you're just like it's not like you just more down from like messy stuff like that now it's like, if you come on my face like I've, gotta get its own yeah, I'm just not like I'm like an income at all. I don't mind, I Mula, let you know, I think. Also now you know ness since I'm less young people to like to come on my ass. I guess, but they don't want to. They don't want to come to seep in the wrinkles. So

unless they reveal your age yeah wow, so so, where? What it off started you off on this, I need to want to squirrel. First of all, I've always wanted to do it. I think it's the coolest thing. Every girl story I mean to me it is. I have I have a friend who can do it, and I asked her one time because Even really. You know that you say squirming, it's kind of like a misnomer right. I was imagining like up right, you're, gonna, wind and times it does look like that right which, unlike what the fuck pussy and I've watched that too right wonder what they sound like a visual I feel like. Maybe they you know those flowers that magick clowns. Have they go to birthday parties at squeeze the water they have that in their vagina, because something sporting looks, although over innocent said, like help like here, I need a fuckin new. for every time I fuck, because I scored Lama like exactly so my friend who can skirt she was. I know it's like it's like two juice boxes, full of liquid

yeah. Ok, it's so much and then back on me thinking like I don't want to have to change my sheets every now also, but where is that fluid living? Because, like I don't, I couldn't even have to have sex? If I had that one fluid in my body because we do it and its consistency. We threw out seven year relationship and did he make and it was like he had he made yeah yeah. We dated a porn star right before me and she taught him how to do it on and he was like, oh sick, and so he did it to me, and I was like oh, it works for me too. So so was more like a drip than us. There was no momentum behind was no momentum behind it. It was just and it was a puddle, but it wasn't, it was like it was. It was very. It was a very thin liquid if that makes sense or no no, not really like water, but like lighter than water, is how it felt, but every every time he attempted it did that, but I but it and it did feel like you

Do you have an orgasm you're like ah like that it felt like more extreme version of that, but it wasn't an actual orgasm. It didn't feel like when you haven't orgasm in your clear, like you feel it pulsate you're like you hey! You know this wasn't like that. It was weird it's very different and their very, very fun. I really liked it. I just it's hard to describe with at least everything all your muscles, just relax at once. That's how I imagine it yeah, because oh yeah, now I'm remembering caught having sex in so long, because I remember when we first started trying and he was like it's ok if you have to pee like if you feel like you have to pee just relax, and I was like and then that will eventually I did relax and then upon. Ok when it came out as you feel european, now, no

and I was putting even feel coming out. I just the only reason I knew I did. It was because he looked to the sheets, and there is also the noise, the satisfaction and if you can't feel the zeal idleness release is a different type of hormone than you when you have a good orgasm other vibrator or work literal stimulation, but it felt like a deep relaxation like I just came out of a floating pool after being in there for an hour with like one chanting, God, Yathrib Acacia, surface frigate. I also I do for a while. I've wanted to pee on someone in the main reason is because anecdotally, I have also heard when you pee on somebody like, let's say or on top pee on somebody. You have to relax all those muscles. So often you end up having an orgasm anyway. yes way way way way way way

Can we live peed on someone, but like what are you you mean like ok, so long, you know how sometimes when you're having sex. This happens more like when you're younger, but you feel like you have to pee, so you kind of tents up because I don't want to be so poorly if you just pay and some while you're getting a while, can you yeah? Oh? How do I even do that you'd have to drink, probably the water and then get on top headline picture? You know what that does make sense, because your urethra is not in your vegetable canal know I just never even like I have never even like her someone be any right. You know I have a friend who did it also insult? Should a lot of other ordered right, that's the best, because then you can live and learn from that yeah. So she p, while the dick in her yet and she had an orgasm, yes and then, that it was like those are strongest. One sees every man is exotic, but so funny all it took wow.

While nothing about that for a while heavy also, it would be so uncomfortable to fuck. Why, well having to be, and also speaking of you have. You have a really like really bad way to have sex because you cleared out a media list. It's not hygienic sterile way. You know for your own pussy know yeah, it's not that bad yeah, because you want to release as much as possible before and after sex like the big thing and never pee. Before and after don't people say you, I do one of the other Ye Hao after more and more and yeah thats, what I thought yeah, and especially especially if you're raw dogging it you know. So you have a boyfriend, we have a partner, I do yeah yeah we've been together. Almost three years we lived together, says yeah how's, it goes so it's going well going pretty well. Is he sat down? You know I would amount to respond. Is he down to try self like this? Like

yes, he is but, and he said could pee on him. If I want to, but you know the prep that into that, like I'm, gonna need to get a rubber sheath or something or like Grena Hotel room with a large bath seeking to straddle em. It's actually bath sing. I didn't I didn't know bathroom, because anyone that's what I've been around the sumac United Tile were right. You want to really if you're gonna, relax your bladder and your vagina well is a dick inside you, while you're urinating, you don't want, in the back your mind like one of right right. He says, he's open to that and usually like anything else want to do he's, usually pretty open to it I mean, but I don't I don't usually want anything too crazy nuclear yeah- so how so you're making yourself squirt, because your friends can do or you have a friend that can do it

making me so much such a follower about now. I know why waver when little was like. I could do to you too, I'm like yeah, please. Actually I just remembered this. A few years ago when I was single- and I was like on the apps and stuff I was talking to this guy- we never met up, but he It's telling me that he like went down to Miami and took a course in how to make a woman squirt one good thing that came out of Florida, I was imagining you know a room full of Hamas, no bad verily operating table like those silver platform tables that you said I doctor's office and just like men with mannequin, it's the or right yeah and but I don't know what it was actually like, but he kept. He was so insistent that he could make any

in square. I guess kind of like you're exploit great right, but I never found out because I was like that's not. We don't lead with bad yeah you're right. I sell their illegal acts criminal, like your your dreams and goals. Dude like I wonder whether the Essen to sign up for a course like, let's think about the legit, guy lives in New York here, applying score apple. He could have done in the Euro zone in sex educator. He probably has a pre register to write. You know you're lying down when I get a good discount course, because that's what you want to Florida, you know so even like you live with flight or even where they are fair yeah. I don't trust. I gotta go you gotta, thereby he says. So there are your. How have you were in what ways have you attempted like finger? yeah. You know there's like certain, yet only with fingers yeah only with fingers. I don't own a dildo. I've never used one, it seems silly

Are you sure you don't own? That's a lie I you know before, but I am like very I'm intersects toys. I love like. Oh, I love about plug a lonely guy like collateral vibrators, like of any kind and really, but I don't really need a big old, fake penis inside me, yeah yeah yeah it's good when you get a get one, the suction cup and waited, and then he put on a stone and feels like it's the guy, but you know you are. brazilian, easier s yeah. You know it s such a cup at the end of a year, and you put it on a stool. I mean why, wouldn't that exist, and like oh, my God, mountains, I think about it more than its s yeah. I would love of full of sex stall, but I get me too. I looked into a dose of twenty thousand dollars and it just seems like not agree investment, not a man of Ireland, for you yeah,

on a binding, but then I like one to say we have to look at how the videos are go. Find me. Videos were, cross dressing are male sex run away from me sex. I just like there's no talking because I was I was like doll. In my apartment the other day- and I am a yoga mat down and I was like you- normally be riding the d soon I can feel it saw as practicing. You know we haven't done while her has been well new year's new year's. I did it, but that was the first time in two years so I never really took a break like this, so it's been very valuable. It's been very interesting, but I'm like it's going to happen for me soon, so I was trying I'm like man, it's hard beyond

got to get fit. He always said that I was like that's literally the only way I have sex and I mean it hurts my legs burn and I squat one nineties. My max on the squat rack is pretty good. She flexing over here one hundred per cent on Flex. I don't I don't know what you're doing, but you don't need to be putting all the pressure on your lie. You shouldn't you're, you don't need to be putting pressure on your legs like that at all. What tips do you have a dick of you unless you're having someone sex with someone with a seventeen inch cock and there you're floating above them? You absolutely don't know or you don't know it should be, it should be fully inside or unless you allow Regina know what's going on here. It is for the people, but it's like this you don't need to stand up on your no. No! No! You don't need to stand up. You you'll need to do that, Chris. No! No! No! No! No! No! No! I I'm thirty six. I certainly do not do it

prejudice for lack of like you're scooting in a charitable for the listeners. Corinne is on her noise. Christina was on the balls of her feet. They can hear and you're on your on your on your on your calf and like your this to go, to go like wow. I've been doing a way to hurt her. No wonder you're so are less than great balls of my feet. No, that's a that's a move, Christina Porn. You could pull this out every now and again if it's a holiday, but you want to go I would also not up and down you. Wanna go! Look more like right now upon you knew. I bade him, I'm just about everything,

well before cause rejected me. I I've been sucking Dick YS. How have you been sucking another episode a while ago, but I always think I need I am not like. I'm not olympic shape over here. It's not that hard. I put. Some I put way too much work in the wrong place, that's so funny that you've been trying to do it that way, crazy. It would be, but that is why I've been watching porn. Yes, but that's fucking! That's! I know that's not real life sex. I know that but lot, every everyone the do you have it, I mean. Uses. The ear you like

if you're walking, uphill and something that there's an entrance on the main floor. You know you might think that is like important. They always show that, but I don't I don't, think I've done it before or a previously done it, but when I did it on new years, that's part of what I did and it feels good for me. Yeah, it's a move. You definitely pull out from time to time. You can read it in a series of different moves for one sexting, but to do that to come. someone's completion Jeremy, in a wheelchair, you know it's not not you're in a hurry, so yeah, alright, but maybe table It's pretty good, it's great it's so I look oh yeah right. I guess none of it's important that this article yeah exactly because think of it like down everything straight or nothing's hanging,

although I will argue the other way. I don't think is unflattering when I'm fucking, I don't care about what I'm like. I look good just enjoy it. You know what I mean like. I don't like how characters with that manner well. Ok, maybe they re guideline, you I've had sex with some pretty fat people, and you can't just now, it's like I said, yeah fat or unattractive or not. Now those are not the same thing now. Right from ever lacks I'd pay people that the latter more weight you got on yet the more fun you are too far out guys, at least, wait, say that again, like I feel like I've, I've fucked some is that, where heavier and unlike this is better like you're, more of a person. so you and you have a partner of three years when you do it. Are you wanta like do you have a job at a fair? if yes, ash yeah well, my favorite position is always doggy style. It's the only way I can come, and I guess I I can come from being eaten out, but I mean like with penetration. That's the only way I can come

We changed a lot. It's like. I don't mean to be like I mean to sound like a dick or anything or but I work both pretty Ledic, so our sex is pretty athletic. My my always engaged it's yeah. I don't I don't like to just lay there it honestly work has on fuels better when your muscles are being you get when you are putting weight on yourself or whatever it. That's, maybe that's why right did Plato sex is like working out. It's like that. I mean for well for me, I'm like sometimes I'm like. I don't really feel like doing this right. Sometimes it and I say there is I start I go, I'm glad I did yeah. That's my real again. This house in the long run that we put our all into the up yeah yeah. Is there anything you want to try that you haven't yet paying but not not anything else- I'm not like what have I done

when a lot of media SAM, but that's like that's mainly because all through my twenties. That was when everybody thought choking was like thing you hi corporate choking, and, unlike you guys, you dont, you gotta respect the choking like there's a method, those billions and think is like very consent, of Mary, it's like the most respectful sex, ironically, is is beady s m. Yes, because there is, there is a power others. A hierarchy is very clear that the sub is usually one in charge in all its of so people are standard. Only just fuckin meet a girl, buggered choker out like this. Not no yeah he's not here alone mean guys yeah, yeah yeah, and it's an that's from Poland to be out there doing it. I mean, because they don't show that conversation than they have before him yesterday horse cause. You know that, but they're having extensive converse right before their appealing assigning ever on track yeah by yeah. was one relationship I was in it wasn't a serious relationship is casual, but

There was like we did a lot of bdsm stuff, but that felt better to me because felt like he was actually really into it and ass. His thing any have like these. These nerdy roundish nerdy about it. He had these and I kind of harming books like this chromium, Sylvie something and she's always on days in a basically so high. I lived for the French and I do hope ups on her but whole unlike artsy way, I was in hot it, but it was never the ground, nonviolence housing, a girl, graphic, novel, erotica, ass, so or value that felt good in that also like, I was submissive, but I did always feel in charge and it was very respectful, but then like a slew of other dudes. You would just choke me out. I would

asking without any indication that I wanted to do that yeah and that's not really my thing yeah, if you're a guy and you're listening to this ep, why? I don't do that you gotta you gotta, have a conversation before there's there, you engage in those activities or you can just lightly puts your lip put your hands on someone's neck and not feel it out. Yeah feel it out because they they'll say more yeah yeah. I just think we're like. I think we go a little too quickly into the yeah yeah. It's the I was called crazy for the wedding night change. It's not it's not always a safe, like you also need to know what you're doing it right, always safe to express right. There struggling classes, there's a lot of like sex clubs in New York and in Brooklyn, specifically I'm thinking of one and they have classes, and I teach a lot of classes on bdsm moves and one of them they have like a classic very popular about choking cause. It's like you have there's no pressure there. it's very late, you're, just putting your hand over like a guy with a big hand. I love that and then, when you

puts it on your neck, but there's no pressure it so hot you're like playing pretend, so we can use a joke to light or too hard and there's no you're right. I'm either like I can't feel anything or like. I can't feel anything before the bad whack, because I'm losing air I'm letting contracts making grand term purple yeah and it also choking. You have to be careful because a lot of people have happened. Violence, experiences or something that like they just don't want rail and it can contributed in their sex at all, so that something I've noticed like that's something that, like several of my friends, have have pointed out that they're like me at us. That's why I'm not into it at all I am moving forward, though, or you have a podcast called R. I p diets- and I know you talk a lot about eating disorders and body neutrality and stuff, like that, so I wanted to get into that because I feel like that's something that's so prevalent in you know, just society fur

but specifically, I think, a lot for women and we don't talk talked about it on this pod. Cast that that much so I thought it would be helpful and inform it to do another episode, the response to body positivity that which I No, my feeling on body positivity, I fucking hate it. To guide you it's! So I'm I'm very careful to call myself body neutral. Instead of body positive end Two reasons for that. One is you're saying that the met the message are the reason why I think you don't like it is that the message gets confused and a kind of like gets caught. What did as this thing on Instagram we're like skinny women, can show their roles and say its body positivity. I buy it for efforts by you and I look see I know, and I try not to

Be one of those people. That's like something that I'm very conscious of, because I do live in a very privileged body and being outspoken about body image. The way that I am, I know that it could be, easy for some people to to be like. Well, you don't actually know like but who might not own relationship with our motto? Yes, of course, but when you look into the positive movement. It actually was started in. the eighties and nineties, by black plus size, women women of color. Who did not feel that their these were being heard, did not feel like there was a space for them. So what's happened right now with you know, thin white women embody. Women has on this same ever major movement adjust it out, which is why people taking over ninety yet not and incompletely losing not giving credit s it yeah. The message is being lost now and then, the original people who are benefiting from this movement, their voices are being

as much and people don't understand. neutral it kind of just it's an alternative. And it basically means I don't give a fuck about what my body looks like means that I don't have to feel pause ITALY about my body all the time I shall have to accept it. Obviously yours and you're not going to wake up every day and be like I fucking of my inner Pfizer like that's not. I guess I just I don't know what I wish. There was a way to properly. Justifiably communicate, how silly is? I know it's easy to get caught up in society, but your bar Eddie are these body has nerves, has blood through it. You have a brain. You have a nervous system. You have a sympathetic, nervous system, you have it like Europe, Does the most in a human body. Does the most incredible things you have your own pharmacy in there there's some

stories of people healing themselves of diseases of all the stuff. You can get a disease from not dealing Sexual assault, because there's bitterness and there's energy work like energy work with your body, unlike and then were so caught up in what is fucking looks like I know you. Fucking kidding me, what a lot of people's bodies are working against them, though, so, even though all those wonderful things are going on a lot of people don't have a body that does all those things for that, but then I think true yeah, but that's even more reason to appreciate it right when it does and- and you know, I think a great example is when I, when the and I'm a kid and everybody was inside their house. And suddenly we have the quarantine. Fifteen is a thing or, saying that there, their bodies are changing their nervous, that their bodies are going to change, and it's in the middle. pandemic, like people are actually die

right and people's health and losing their jobs. Answering the income vs yet forget and and mental health rise. People are at a low point, two but meanwhile we're all so concerned about how we're going to keep ourselves from gaining weight. it's wild, and I wasn't, though, that was like the one time that I in my life that I wasn't worried about it and I consciously gained ten pounds and it was like really going after it, because I knew what I was like ten pounds is what I can work with them like. I know how to get off of after that, like it's a little bit of a spiral, but I was like yeah and it was truly I about it. A lot on here, the happiest some of my life and part of that was because I just It didn't matter and obviously, like eight says, there's a little bit of an extra layer to thinking about your body when you're in this industry, when it's actually affecting your money, affecting the roles that you got affecting our dishes and stuff like that again, about that at length on the show but yeah an answer.

Oh, I, like I loved quarantine from for many reasons, but that was that was while a big part of it for shore that's honestly, really great that you had better. I think it's a better attitude to have them away round you known here. I guess it's gotta be hard, though, if you grew up being bullied about your body or people always commenting on your body, for we, whether good or bad comments like I imagine that. That's it just like that. Lot, don't mean. Don't all women having, I guess yeah, we don't mean when you're to twelve hates you like. Ok, Mailman stop. Looking at me like that, yeah like that's when your body becomes like public prob yeah. I was definitely ridicule, for my wait. A minute. higher life like what kind of things run all instead, like within the family, I was I was I struggle with how to say this, because I go back and forth about like the term.

Overweight and term obese, but medically I was obese. Okay. There was a point that I probably was what you would call morbidly obese, but I have an issue with that as well as that makes it sound death sentence ray and more I don't know dictating this. This weight limit of obesity. I don't I don't know like what's going into that is just to set like I don't know It's too, like these twenty cells pills, usually always had weathers. Actually a lot of corruption in the medical industry and a lot of the the metric

they use are not relevant anymore change. A lot too thing that I learned recently was the bier scale, which still used you now to save guidelines. You are, if you're, in a healthy way that has to so when we say I was hearing, I was hearing statistics like gum you know that the eight used to be that only twenty percent of the american population was bees, but now away Mozart. You sixty year, which I was like that such a big jump at such a big jump, and then I look back at records of how B m I has changed and the actual numbers at which we are considered. Overweight and obese have gotten lower. So that means not only like, certainly are our rate obesity has gotten wider bite

also the scale, has changed so even the metric by which we measure it. Isn't that interesting cause? I I thought that they would have made it a little higher. Just like you know, given some wiggle room, the way like a size, eight is is different than it was twenty years ago. It's bigger, it is Baker, yeah that that's true. That was another thing like I to hear people say: Marilyn Monroe was a size. Sixteen, but really she was a sex. I mean you can just look. You can just eyeball that and look at picture. I said so funny. I was looking at pictures of her. I'm, like you know, a vintage. You know Instagram account the other day and I was like there's literally no way she was a size, ten or twelve. By today's standards. Note there's no way you can even tell from her arms they're thin, tiny. tiny this isn't so nowhere. So how so what was said in your family that, like so. First of all, to set the scene a little bit I yeah I the only person in my family aside from my brother, but if it was dealt differently with because he was a boy. Nobody,

a really told him too waiter even told me recently when he would go to the doktor. They never told him to lose. Weight was unwilling to where I was always yes here by many were similar. We were similar MA similar bodies, but you know four summary, because with boys we tend to think oh he'll grow out of it, whereas with girls we tend to think like what's wrong with her as she not like. Does she not know does she not care, or so I noticed very early on that. There were differences in the way that we would be treated and in a fury ya, know my parents attitude around how much we should eat and stuff like that, also had an older sister who is now we very petite and she was kind? Can we being praised for Ed and weird, and also we are constantly like? Oh you're, so cute all look at your tiny little feet like constantly every Fucking Bay Guy, so

and I was always taller- and I was always you know- I was definitely a chubby kid, but even just body size, as I was not petite, and I thought that was what I BB rise of the level that she was praised about. It yeah. I also have my mom, who is a supermodel? Not actually, but she could be, that's does she know looks like, and that is the only remodeling Christoph wrinkly ass. She she absolutely looks like that, so it did she so, but but in Lisbon we both know her added to what it was her attitude about, that, like every woman treat her looks differently, and so what was her feet? She has always been very image. Very concerned about her appearance, I never I've, never seen her leave the house without makeup or without curling, her hair, right and yeah, so even very young, even things that

nothing to do with weight like beauty standards like I didn't want to tweeze my eyebrows, but my I really wanted me to because they were getting bushy and I were telling my mom. I'm minutes, so I don't want to shave my our I don't want to tweeze. My eyebrows right and she's like hurry whatever and and then later on, like maybe a few weeks later we're watching tv and a preview for that movie Frida comes out. Oh no, and I was like ours I eyebrows her are pretty bushy yeah and I remember my mom being like it's cause. She was a feminist, so she didn't tweets her eyebrows, so she made herself look ugly. number, one beautiful. She changed the world and also those static like her

if there's a woman. I guess she ran her act up in physicality, who is like traditionally like very, very gorgeous, but has this like really dark black a unit brow and dyed blonde hair is fucking awesome and everyone's always like. Why? Don't you tweeze it and, like in theory, understand what it's like, then? She would just be another dime, a dozen hot babe on Instagram but she's memorable and has all these followers, because she has a unique standard of beauty which she created for herself, which is why I love people like leading stuff who lean just like being a little. weird and a lot of a little less traditionally gorgeous yeah, even though Lady Gaga, like did get work done to her face and stuff like whatever do what you want to do with your face. Think, like leaning into like you, know,

weirder nose or like that's to me. I I love an interest like an interesting character: who's fucking, huge gap to love a cap like you're, never going to be the hottest woman in a room like I know her as the end of the day. Sorry, we all got tricked that doesn't actually matter who gives a shit. Maybe you beat you get yes, a little bit more cool, but, like a I feel feel like sympathy for people, like our mom's generation who were taught they were raised, I'm sure your mother's mother, oh yeah, made it very clear to her or society, made it clear to her in some way that you are your looks and as long as you have those in line you're a good person you're, a good girl, you're, a woman or whatever the fuck. It is, and so of course, that attitude is going to leak onto your kids and it's just it's just that. It's endless Michael a fox yeah and I I also kind of feel like you're damned if you do you're damned, if you don't kind of thing, because I'm sure a big read

and why she is that way is because she was always praised for her re rats. What she thought, how are the people who think about looks the most by far because you with yeah you anything I will be like in quotes ugly people, but its people that we will have invest time are speaking about it, so much yeah and an enormous decidedly another. Can you know unattractive people are thinking about it way. Last year has never been aware there people perceive re. Yes, your hyper aware of it, so you have outlined a lot of pressure and- and you know, didn't. Have this life thin body All the women in my family had and so I'm very early on I was sent to nutrition. Is, I was suddenly asked camp were in fact, M was a coffer cable? with the court, then only great loss, camp I'll shut up a campus, can't Poconos trails, gray, bashfully MTV, did show fact camp at that took place up,

why, when I was there because everyone calls evacuated friend who went to fat fat campaign every summer, she would be if you haven't been shot on back. You know thinner, and then to again it back and then go back to fat camp that summer. I could gain it back. So I keep going back is fun because it's like obviously going to lose weight. If, like you're like running all day, he's going to play sports all day like during this whole year to make sense yeah I mean it's, I will say like the nutrition part of it, like the white wire, so many kids in America Obese and then you look at like the cereal aisle in any american grocery store and it's repulsive, it's the you should not be eating those things for cereal, like that there for breakfast, that's insane it's but also to some people are bigger and they're, not they're athletic, like they're just Well, there's somebody by phone intergroup that are cool overweight and they can their fuckin. Do

It stands on their yoga mad and just there very logic and very strong and its lab salute way off. We ve all been fed. This Vulcan lies Lulli. An unfair camp was like very extreme, which so you're right like there's no way you could keep that weight off because you're doing arose. ex, at least at the time we were doing aerobics. Maybe they have changed it to be like trend here I don't know but yeah you're you're, like an army fuckin boot camp. Yes, yes, the wind, so the girls did aerobics every morning and the other guys just jerk off. Yes, there I checked up on her the girl's cases as they came up with very thin wrists yeah yeah. I know they did calisthenics that they basically like you, carry heavy shit up a hill over and over and over me fuckin yeah yeah, deep conditioning, okay, yeah and then there was one day during the summer when you got to trade so like the boys could do aerobics and the girls could do cows, and I

that one day and I was like I never want to fucking yeah yeah, I'm happy, I'm a woman right now, but yeah so that was intense and you also had to follow a strict it yeah there were these wristband at the time I was trying to be a vegetarian, so they had a green wristband and I wore it so that they wouldn't sir mean me at the dining hall, but I discovered that if you turned the we spend around. It was white and a white wristband meant maintenance, which means you got like an extra peace, cake. It means you're maintaining your weight rather than there were some kids who were there not to lose weight, but to maintain their weight, so they were a little more to maintain their. You gotta remember these very fucked up,

yeah Jesus Christ? These are parents who are trying to slap a band aid on that, instead of talking to their children and they're, facing the fact that maybe they're not a great parent at that moment. Ah, yes or you know, I I think it's it's just it's taking the easy way out, because there is no short term solution. I say while the time like I do not think that dieting works, especially not in the long term, and it's statistically proven to not be effective, not an effective form of weight loss. So doing something bad extreme, especially to a kid yeah. When your body is changing so much, I don't think it's healthy and I don't think they should exist just mentally. I mean like I. I do very much think that nutrition is obviously super important and I have like, I think differently they feelings about like so you know, I think, part of what bothers me about body parts fifty is like you know how it is in need. Only is just like I mean

it is morbidly in front of us and like I'm talking like you, know, four five, hundred pounds and descending to theirs there's no way, there's something wrong, most likely mental. And this person needs help and were cheering them on instead of like now that we should be offering them help. But it's just I have a very like weird moral conflict with that, but I just I think there's no like. I just think there is no world in which a child should have to put this much thought into what they're eating, and I think it starts like a really negative path of fucking up Sasha and ninety eight's. I there's this. I don't think a kid should be going to a new, nutritionist or really even being talked to about their weight. Unless there is like some kind of imminent danger, which I think you can word, it differently, yeah yeah and he was- and it was really really damaging. to your point, those people

who you see on Instagram, like the body positive accounts. Many of those people have been suffering with food disorders. Eating disorders like can be fat and have a daughter Her whole life and whatever as we might not know all the reasons, but something led to the being that size based. Old deserve the same respect, Oh of course healthcare. The same. You know common courtesy that anybody else does yeah when you see somebody a thin person, walk down the street with a cigarette. You don't see people shouting at them like you, fuckin unhealthy, or you know, I mean, I think we feel like it's k to say that too fat people, because we think it's their faults yeah of weird the phobia. I even know what it is, but just yeah

do do think that about people smoking. If that makes you feel better, I like that you think such out at no. Nor do I say anything to you. I wouldn't hurt, like I see people commenting on these peoples that council, unlike who has the time and Why? Why we, those or lose a lot do over the fuck you want, but it's just this it's this set legged like you, also wouldn't celebrate one for smoking, as I think so. That's my point. I know what you mean and I I understand that perspective like, and I do think we it's gone way overboard. The body plus I now I woke is seen on somebody's physical appearance, whether it's good or bad, whatever the fuck, you think about anybody's physical appearance. What, however, they look is in a way from one actually matters, which is how do you feel? Yes, that's what matters railway you're, fucking body looks like an that's kind of what I believe is that you need to focus on what makes you feel the healthiest in the PS in that I always mean the lowest weight right right. We

our conditions and just as we need to be the smallest version of ourselves, yeah happy so going going back to like experience. I was heavy until I was twenty years old and- and I we fluctuated there were times less heavy times. I was more, but I was always overweight and and at a certain point it got to a breaking point where I was just like. I just don't want to be we did like this anymore. I mean aside from like the the bullying and I am the stuff with my family. I also felt really like rejected, and not not yeah, I never you know, did anyone. I felt very isolated a lot of in your because of like how my

It was treated like the re being power complementing our or caught complementing commenting on at your family's. Commenting on your schoolmates were commenting on it. It's like that's, not who I am right. It's about who I am, but you know what's funny, is that people expect people in your bodies to act a certain way. They were to be a certain way now and school I remember Let me one time like it's so great that you don't care what other people think of you, and I was like that: you're back handed out happenings yeah, I'm your days like she cause. I was up because I was not subdued or because I was not like acting like. I was ashamed of existing that that was right right. But I by colonel anger toward like that and whole thing. So then, when I intentionally lost weight at age. Twenty,

I lost about sixty pounds. Seventy pounds, something like that and overnight. It was like. I was in this new body, and I was so conscious of the way that people treated me drown. How did you notice? I can only imagine larger criminal shea, like some of the differences that might at the most much more attention from guys and I have never been comfortable that I wasn't. I was not comfortable with it at the time here. I, like I dont, even talk to boys that are not my boyfriend. I really don't I just I like women so much more here. That's how I know that being gay is not a choice because it has it did, I already know I don't like. I would, where hundreds of women, but I'm not obstruct. Unfortunately, maybe next life by yeah. That was like one of the biggest differences and then but I didn't trust it because I I just thought well. This is all about. It's not me, nothing like they mean a thing, and we pretend it means everything and at the end of the day, it's not,

you're not marry some few Mary somebody, because if they are you date, somebody who they are your friends with somebody because of who they are to you, it means no. But we're. So, if all the attention- and I also not like it's what, if we were presented with a picture of a bunch of like ugly, do like we're, not gonna wanna gonna with them, so I have to get to know there is value in at yeah. I don't see their value, but we like to see that we don't care is just like we just didn't hear much about hitting ourselves. Attraction is definitely important. Yeah, it's a totally important, but I think we also we forget the fade and the ran right bodies are also meant to change. Yeah, that's something! I've had to come to terms with his like. I have to be comfortable with my body. changing it might you know, I might have children future writing, I will change right, but that does not enjoy my daddy yeah, but being fat was apart identity for so long that it too suddenly

we, then it was like. I thought all my problems I thought I used to look at them people and if they looks like they weren't having a I'm like what the fuck is wrong with you. When you have to complain about right, you can see right because from growing up from a young age, all We're told is your your body, your body size, your body, size, your body, size and then yeah, and it's like. Why isn't she give a shit about her body? So why isn't she appreciating it? Because that's build into you, yeah vicious yeah and then and then I thought like if I could just have that right. All my problems will go away. but then once it happened, it was like my problems. Were an I'd, because now I didn't carry this. like anger and inner turmoil about my body. So now all these other problems were popping up in and I was like I dunno how to I don't know how to deal with them. Yeah do you have anxiety about the weight coming back, have so much anxiety and and that's when the disordered eating started and and then that continued for about five

years, because I also I heard were you both welcome this already doing where you do at a restrictive eating disorder, a k, interacts here and then, and then that turned into believe me. I learn that turned into binge eating disorder that all my fellow since I collage equally, because it's all control right, it's all! But let's it's like how how do you mend and I seriously I want to curious like what your responses How do you mend the damage? That's been done from the young age cause like your girl's soul, treated in a way that you should never been treated hack. How do you? How do you come to terms that be in a state of like harmony with yourself. it's really hard. It's. It's still really painful, like I yeah. I can objectively say that I had a good childhood. I had many opportunities afforded to me and I had a have a great family? I love them very much, but when I look back on my childhood

The overwhelming thing is stress and anger and sadness, and I, can't remember a time that I was not so worried about my body and so worried that somebody was going to say something to me or or you're always on the lookout in fight or flight, always cautious things. Exhaust definitely also contributed to using food as a choral thing mechanism. Well, anyway, lol get your stress out all the time your cortisol levels are skyrocketing, which also makes it harder for you to lose weight so like if you especially as at a young age if you're under that much stress, I mean stress, is number one, then the number one killer and then also one of the main contributors to weight loss like I have to like be so conscientious, about my stress levels, to keep lake to keep basically in the sheep, that I want to be a yeah, because it's like a huge problem like I'm like. Oh no. I actually like in medically need to like get acupuncture massage meditate to even just

myself in working order, never mind like as a luxury yeah yeah. I know it's important, your your liking headquarters! All levels have a lot to do with the how much body changes or when it changed and stuff like that, but I just have no concept of, the timeline like what my stress and anxiety, caused by the The eating, or did the eating result from my stress and anxiety for dual really hampers the chicken to the actual came first. Was you work size on of on aspects, you were criticised when you should know yeah you. If you wanna talk about like generational. The thing is, I can't blame my parents, because their parents brought them up to be hyper concerned about their weight bright. Also, their parents lived through world war? Two legs I lay preserve food meat was Monday's wheatless wednesdays. Like the mentality around food was not abundance and it was like, let your kids,

much they fuckin one it was how can the household preserve our food and not burdened anyone else. You know so I can the blame on his show whether they were were brought up, but when I was about eight or nine, my grandmother turned ninety and we threw a birthday party for her and this the first time I ever met her. Ah and I met her and then I I like prepared sort of performance it's like some sort of song and dance for her birthday to a spice girls song or something something like that. I loved performing and stuff. So I sat her down on the couch, and I did my little thing and, He just says. Why she has a lot of energy for someone with so much meat honour, bound, says, cries, girl, feared all people love my range of calm and literally they take all the damage that has been done to them their entire life, and they put it

the feather in their hand, and they go here. You go yeah, you live with it, but on a on a certain level, I envy it like. She just said whatever the fuck she want with no damn nah nah, nah ha yeah. Really, I'm really. I mean that yeah. I was stuff like that. Answer your question? No like how do you break free from that? What I did was. I went to therapy and I learned about into which is kind of a moment right now which I'm happy about, but when I explain it to people, sometimes people are a little confused because basically just the way that you would eat. If no one ever told you to die

my gray and meals structure was something someone made up. Turk with lunch and dinner is made up by somebody: oh yeah human. If I eat three meals a day I would be, I would lay waste twenty pounds more. Are you being serious yeah? No way? Oh, my god. I eat like four meals a day. No, are they like literally if I eat like if I ate, for either one hundred calories through your body you eat for your own nutrition. Your nourishment that's really important, because this is another reason why I dieting doesn't work human human bodies are not like. Machines that you figure out the formula and then you just with energy into it and and expect the same result, it's like everybody is different. Everybody has its unique needs. You can't prescribe one thing right, everybody really can't, but intuitive eating is, is basically like listening to one, hunger, honoring your cravings and there's all these different principles which I go.

who in my podcast at length but but first you need to heal your relationship with food, which is you know when you want something. You don't question. Is this good? Is this bad? You throw away all the labels if I want it. It's food and I'll eat it, and then get further down in the principles. Then you start incorporating a movement or exercise. You start breeding gentle nutrition, which is like ocean. Where light as some gentle yeah, I like it noticing things. Where could I be

the happier healthier. If I ate some more vegetable you have. Probably your body tells you when you need a salad at all. We don't need to like you, don't need to force on saying you guys out. All the tools is just people fuck it up by criticising, looks all the time. I guess in such it's such a mind book at such a powerful, mindful yeah. Well, you can be kind of like wiggle room about its union. There was a period of time in a cake for breakfast everyday and gain power, because I just valid eating cake everyday. I was so that you know sector carbon, boring and those that do you. I mean I wouldn't listen. I woke up this morning and I felt like having paid cake. So I made pancakes and I them for rest. I would have never been able to do oh good hearing of the seven years ago? Yeah, that's awesome. That's great! That you're, coming to this place of like really finding out for yourself like what works, best, remain and your sharing that's great. A young alot of people struggle with with food with weight with by image issues, and it's the one, the one. The best way to undo is to talk about it. So yeah,

thank you yeah. I I also I just want PETE more people to know about intuitive eating, because I really think it's for everyone, I mean when I say everybody like, maybe not an issue, you're a dying man on Dialysis Ling, Rhine, let go! You have a very specific health concern. No, but overall, linking all your machine guns ya, like China, relieve your your body knows what it wants. It knows what it needs and it's all about, honey into those things and just shut out all of the external rules that you think are important, like whose Derek for me like no none of that yeah. That's another thing. They, like the old milk thing, dress me also your. But now you are very act like dairy. Really like there was a you know it they might. Your buyer will tell you what's not good, because you just eat. When you go out, I don't feel gonna everytime. I eat onions and garlic. I go, I feel it should. I will eat this anymore, we're just anyway because a lot of like low calorie foods. You know because you're not putting like the good fats.

they're, putting a lot of onions in rural and to make up for the tailor lining arrives me not an especially like that. I also tried to eat mostly budgetary and Lincoln Vegetarian Cooking, like they love doing garlic and onions and, like there's other fucking. By said, while like either of them, though obviously going to deny or fuel, but I like them, I mean you ill for day. They are eager some eleven, my stomach and I like, I, lay a little going down that account like they stuck onions and bit I saw the other day and I was like well this days. You don't eat onions and potatoes. No do we have to. We have to we have to end on projects. We have. We have another in nuclear powers. Where can we find your podcast? What you're social media and what you want, a plug anything sure I have two punkahs. Actually you can find them anywhere you fine podcast one is called the mass comedy our which I co, host with Andrea, Alan and now my solo. One is already dying and you can find that anywhere to and you can follow me Lubin nation, on social media- us

Thank you. So much Emily, really thanks for having me great Chad, this has been guys. We fucked the anti slut. Shaming practice will talk to you next Friday, guys we fucked as presented by luminary, created and hosted by current Fisher and Christina Hudgens and editing and music coordination by my Costco rally, theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Cozen suck my wet ass pussy but Christina said that before, but now, let's keep it. Who cares manage the lots? Do you use me? The pay me to use me to read me the thought of a Supreme Court job the down while you get it the oh me me lock me the.