This is happening here this week. We talk about how to get yourself to go to sleep earlier and whether you are in a senior or moderator when it comes to resisting a strong companies, I'm gretchen reuben, a writer who studies happiness, good habits and human nature who lives in new york city and with me, is my sister, the same elizabeth craft, whose my happiness, guinea pig Well, that's me, I'm elizabeth craft, a tv writer and producer living in our lay and gretchen. it's me happier even if it's against my will we're gonna start with the suggestion you can try at home a small, manageable habit. That will actually make a big difference about how you feel each day and our suggestion this week is too

an alarm to signal your bedtime, I'm guessing this would require actually setting a bedtime. Yes, this is a sneaky. Try this at home, because it's actually two things. The first is to use an alarm to go to sleep. Just like we use an alarm to get up for a lot of people who have trouble going to bed on time. It's very helpful to just hear an alarm go off, there's just something about it: it triggers a behavior you're like oh The alarm went off. I guess I have to do something, but, as you point out, if you're going to have an alarm go off, you have to have it set for a specific time and for a lot of adults. They don't really have a specific time. They just kind of go to bed whenever they're sleepy in a were adamant about little kids having specific bedtimes right, but we don't give them to ourselves and here's the thing. Research shows that most adults need at least seven hours of sleep and so do the math. You know you, you know when you have to get up. Do the math count back seven hours

and and set yourself about their. Nor do I have a time, ten. Thirty. What you do have a bedtime. I do not have a bedtime, I you know at midnight. I start thinking hey, I should think about going to bed, and you know that I have this goal of waking up at six a m to write every morning. I did it ass. You mornings and I was traumatized the rest day, so I have not forgotten that the uk you to get a better. I those because I wasn't going to bed earlier and so then I was exhausted so

I am thinking you know, even though it's totally against my whole being to set an alarm to go to bed. I think I might actually do this. Try this at home myself with the out put your money, my husband's, going to think I'm insane. He goes to bed about two or three by the way. Oh my gosh, but so here's the difference between you and me, I think, is that for me, going to bed early feels like a luxury. It feels indulgent to me to go to as soon as I'm sleepy and to wake up in the morning. Naturally, I feel like that's that's like a treat and I feel like for you. It feels like the opposite of a treat. It feels like a duty. or a kind of an unpleasant chore to go to sleep earlier. Is that is outright well, it's true in the moment when I'm actually deciding to go to bed and feels like a chore, but when I sort of wake up throughout the night and then it's only one, a m and I've been asleep for two hours. It feels great. So if I could just hold onto it feeling and remember it, you know midnight or

even better eleven p m be able to follow through my problem is every night. I forget that I wanted. I woke up wishing I've gone to bed earlier, but you that's the thing about setting an alarm. Is it then you don't? You know we're yourself to have that thought like something goes off and it's like. Well, what do I want to do right now? I see that it's eleven thirty. I see that it's midnight am. I gonna stay up pass my bed time or am I gonna use the alarm to come start that downward cycle towards bed- or I will I'm innocent my alarm from eleven thirty at eleven thirty starting tonight is down then with the eye is effectively I guess I my realistic. I think it's semi realistic, because

The goal will be to move that back even more. You know to get to my six am wake. What time do you wake up in the morning was seven thirty? Oh, what will so midnight is actually seven and a half hours of research would suggest that actually midnight is hurting. This is a pretty decent bedtime for you great, because I think what happens to a lot of people is they they get in is kind of wired but tired state. Where They check their email or they turn on the tv and they get the second wind, and you know they feel it will. I not tired. I dont need to go to sleep right now, because I'm completely fine or they have a snack or they do so.

A second glass of wine is rightly can attest to an end, and that gives you that second, wind and and the second wind is deceptive, because actually you're, exhausted and you're, just you ve, just giving yourself that's artificial jolt and say you persist in staying up in thinking that you don't need to go to sleep, but actually you're really are short and here's the funny thing about sleep deprivation wins. A lot of people will say things like well. I've I've train myself to get by on five hours, but when scientists study these people there quite impaired, it affects mood memory, immune function, but the thing about sleep deprivation is we adjust to it? So we don't realize how far off our game we are. We think we're fine. We think. Oh it's! You know. Yes, it was hard to get out of bed, but now I shall fire.

but but if you're wearing a lab and a you know had stuff stuck to your brain, they would be saying this person is not find. This person is not where they would be. If they'd had a good night's sleep, that's when I'm sure a lot of accidents up into one effect. You know there's fewer accidents when the time changes each year, because people have an extra hour sleep. It actually does affect car crash, while okay, so you're you're on your on the record you're going to do Okay, try this at home on the record came on the record. I am doing try this at home. Yeah excellent get well. Let us know if you do try this at home as well as elizabeth and have setting an alarm for specific bedtime works for you. You can send me a tweet at gretchen Rubin, connect on the gretchen Rubin facebook page or drop us an email at podcast at gretchen, reuben dot com, no one is slowing down in this hiring race. For the right tell it that's why principle wants to help you stay competitive by providing a comprehensive benefits package tailored to your companies,

your teams needs because having the right benefits may help you reward and retain your team, so they feel valued, motivated and ready for the future, and that makes all the difference for your business from large. operations to small and medium sized businesses principle? Has the retirement age group benefits plants customized for your goals, your companies future depends on its people, give them the tools they need to succeed. Talk to your financial professional today about the right benefit plans from principle principle, life, insurance, company, doin, iowa, for important information about our products visit principle, dot com, slash disclosures unless have now it's time for a quick

just to help people know themselves better. I know that this question are you and abstain or or a moderator is one of your favorite dama. Yet I love this question and I I recognise the abstain or moderator distinction. When I was reading one of my favorite writers, the eighteenth century essayist, Samuel Johnson, and when someone asked johnson to have a little wine, doktor Johnson said no abstinence.

it's as easy to me as temperance would be difficult meeting. He can say now, but he can't have just a little bit. He couldn't just have a little wine and when I read that I thought I just had this thrill of identification, I thought that is exactly what I am iman abstainers. So what is an abstain or what some moderator said, abstain or is someone like me who is kind of all or nothing? I can have the whole bar of chocolate. I can have the entire bowl of ice cream, but I can't have a little bit. I can't have just one or two bites and I find it easy to give something up altogether, but I can't have just a little so that I do better. When I abstain from something that's a strong temptation, then there are moderators and moderators or just the

visit. They get kind of panic in rebellious if there told that they can never have something or they can never do something, and they do a lot better when they can have something some times that can have a little more than the lights, and so they do better when they indulged moderately. So when their managing a strong temptation, they don't want to tell themselves no. Never they want to give themselves a little bit, and this turns out to be really important, because a lot of time, some were trying to make ourselves happier when we're trying to manage our habits. That comes down to. How do we deal when we're face with a strong

patient. Now I'm one hundred percent in abstain or illicit. What are what are you? What would you say you are well. I think I always thought I was a moderator. I always thought why I think it just turned out. I had a great metabolism, so I could eat whatever I want, and then I always resented her about that. Then I hit twenty eight and it turns out I'm an abstain or- and you know a coup. I really sort of embraced this a couple of years ago, when you know my downfall or french fries are your kryptonite and absolutely, and I declared myself free from french fries. I just have to just let them go leave my life and I have not had a french fry since that, and that includes sweet potato fry, so this is a serious sacrifice. we have and we pretend of rise than your doubts, abstain or that you have no fries. No,

eyes, and you know it and if it helps me know that I haven't like if I have a fry, that means I will have hit rock bottom and I need some sort of intervention in. Oh, it's, my it's my bottom, but the problem, I will say what this is. I think other things can come in and take the place. For instance. Now I feel like I. a prisoner to potato chips, because, although I do I used to eat yes, I now I'm eating potato chips. So I think I also need to let those go, but I'm just mentally are not there. Yet but it's real

it's true. It's easier to have none than have a have a feel and that's true for almost every one that I've run across and it's funny because people are a mix because, like I could be a moderator as to french fries, because I've never I mean I like french fries, but it's not. I don't have that same kind of like oh, I want to eat every french fry, I mean if there were. If there was a serve there, I would eat them all, because that's just my nature, but I don't have the same. I'm your assault, the I'm a sweet and- and more about you know how much hollowing candy could I eat at once sitting in and that sort of thing I will say great you. I don't know if you remember, but you gave a cheese in college, so I think that

at the beginning of europe, stainer was the thing is, I don't think I think in our culture there is such a everybody, values, moderation and you're supposed to be moderate, and it's like use the eighty twenty rule and be good eighty percent of the time in adults, twenty per cent of the time or have a cheat day, and I it took me a long time to real. Until I read that johnson quote, I even when I kind of realized that it was easier for me to give things up altogether. I still wasn't really doing it because I felt like it wasn't the right way. I shouldn't just give something up altogether when people think about abstaining, they think of it as being really hard and that only people with a lot of self discipline can do. But the funny thing me: don't you think that actually it's the easy way, it's a lazy where the lazy lonely give it up. Yonder not until we have this we're tired and you don't have to make the decision. No decision get out of it as a ready made food, but it is also protect knowledge. I know a lot of people like they can't play

your games for fifteen minutes that I love. That makes sense to make, as I have on a candy crush person- and I have said, is the biggest you know obstacle in my career is candy rush I play I will sit and play for three four hours, I'm buying, still lives and I just keep playing I should take it off my phone and I live for thought that before you shit, let's take then Should I dont know that I'm going to I say setting the alarm is all like: I'm do that for today and then I'll ponder the candy crush. I wonder what you call me. Happiness bully and then I do things like this. If I'm right is like you'd have to go. If you took it up, you have to go back all the way to zero. So would be like really that zero us would be serious cause I'm on level four hundred and thirty seven. That would be a.

I would be major cause it. We have. I changed my mind and I put it back on and I was a zero I would I will. I would just be crying at being around amazon or work you get out. I know you can sleep later in the week. I would end. You know I would read novels. You know I would do no reading. I have a friend you gave up who deleted russell piggish. She said it was interfering with her with her reading literally she's, like I can't read, novels and play Russell, I have to disappoint you delete. From all her devices that I admire her and that I'm going to think about that. I'm gonna! That's gonna, go on the back burner, so let us know if you're an abstain or are a moderator and we're both abstainers of your moderator. Let us know how being a moderator works, for you send us a tweet at gretchen, Rubin or at elizabeth craft. Another way to reach us is to leave a voicemail question. For me and Elizabeth at seven, seven, four, two, seven, seven, nine three, three six, which is seven, seven, happy three, three six!

on upcoming shows will be answering some of your questions. But if this is such an early episode, we don't have any calls yet. So instead were answering a question posted to us from gretchen facebook page. The question is which, and what was your biggest misconception about happiness before you wrote your first book about it. Well, here's the thing I was doing all my research about happiness and I kept reading all these studies. All this research that said that novelty and challenge makes people happier like even something as simple as going to a new restaurant makes people happier, but I thought the usual rules did not apply to me. I am one of these people who does very few things all the time I eat the same food every day. I never leave my neighborhood, and so I thought, okay for someone like me, familiarity and mastery

are the secrets to happiness, but because I wanted to test everything out and see what worked. I started my blog something and ride it was incredibly knew it was very intimidating. I didn't know how to do anything like that. I felt very stupid and incompetent, and you know flailing around, and indeed my blog has become a huge engine of happiness in my life and a big part of it is that was so new and challenging that I got this tremendous surge of a feeling of growth and confidence and learning and a whole new world, and it's I. I really have become a believer that novelty and challenge really does boost your happiness and how about you had what do you? What do you think? Well, I mean like you. I think that I like to do the same things. I go all at the same restaurants, I see the same people, etc, etc. But my you know that my job as a tv writer means that I actually you know, have a new gig. Basically every vhs it could be six months. It could be here. It could be in three years for me as a lifetime

each time I have a new job. It's a whole new said people. You know it's a new neighbourhood, it's a new set of politics. I really enjoy that challenge I will say I have my writing partner. Sarah, who comes with me to all these jobs. So I have my security blanket there. Oh well, that's interesting! So there's a thread of familiarity that you can kind of hang onto which I think helps, but it is, I find it exciting and thrilling, and it's like adrenaline rush to stir. A whole new situation, although

it also. Obviously I live with a lot of uncertainty. I also have a lot of excitement. You know, as Sarah says, to me once in a while she goes. We must enjoy this because we can't doing his acute. But that's a good point is that novelty and tell the reason I think people shy away from them is a lot of time. There's there's a period of discomfort where you're feeling, uncertain and and and anxious, and you feel stupid and insecure, and you know frustrated because you can't just like do what you want. You don't know exactly how to proceed. I bet, if you can push through that, then you get to that that big happiness, boost and gretsch tell me: do you still push yourself to do new things or have you fall back into your sort of old pattern of not doing new things while we're pushing ourselves to do a podcast, and so I think that's a great novel and challenging thing and I'm getting it's making me very happy

how about you good, yet absolutely outfit novelty and challenge pod casts excellent. Andrews list is now angie and they made caring for your home easier than ever. You can still find top local prose for all your home projects, sea routes, things interviews and compare quotes at no cost? We use they Angie. All the time Should we needed someone to help us hang wallpaper, and sure enough, we found a great person analogy. We could read all the reviews and she was fantastic right because there's nothing more frustrating then having some issues, some projects and problem in your home

and you need somebody to come fix it or deal with it and you dont want to waste any time. Now you can compare upfront prices on hundreds of home services and book one instantly, all from the arab. You can even get angie to handle your project from start to finish. All of that makes angie so much more than just a list. Get the Angie app or visit annually dot com to get started. That's a Angie! I dot com to get started to wrap up the show Elizabeth and I are gonna, get even more personal First, one of us is going to give ourselves a happiness, dem merit for a mistake. We made this week that affected our happiness. Then, so we don't leave you on a down note. One of us is going to award a gold star to something or someone we think deserves to be recognized well. My demerit starts with the fact that I have its flew season in LOS angeles and despite flu,

accedes? You know it's it's getting many of us and So in my house, my son jack, I flew my husband Adam got the flu and our nanny cynthia all got the flu I'm of the twenty three percent. That's actually the slew shot worked for me, thank god, but anyway, so at our son is applying to kindergarten right now, which has its own rocky. How yeah? Exactly and we had an interview scheduled one of the schools for a friday now on Monday, Adam was in the fall throws slow, but we thought well by friday. He'll be fine. I didn't want to move the interview, because the truth is, I just wanted to get a dime, so I was I was nervous and stressed, and yet one across about the list, so I shall leave it he'll be fine by friday. Will you know that he's pass and although he isn't contagious anymore, he's still felt horrible. and this is a two week flu for sure

and then yet, as the days passed, the closer you get to something like a kindergarten interview, the harder it is actually change at a more disruptive it civitas. The more you look like you know. Para exactly so we by friday morning. We had to go through with it and what I realized, as we were driving to the interview. Adam was chugging cough syrup hand now blowing his nose. Was there I should have just chain the interview when I knew he was sick but it was just my own selfish desire to done that kept me from changing it, and so I need to like the basic You know, step outside myself and think about other people. Is this this dinner? I gotta stay in your place. I would have done the exact same thing, because I know that feeling of just so desperately wanted to get it over. That is like nothing is going to stop it. You know,

it might be your eternal thing, but but but I'm not proud of it, and as I was driving, I thought. Oh, this is definitely a happiness to merit, not a highpoint. Okay, let let us turn our attention to happier things then and like do the gold stars, that's more fun! Okay! Yes, I want to go. I want to give a gold circle. Mother because low had a brilliant idea, the update so listen, I you know we were home for our high screens were five years, a parts or on the same high school.

indian schedule. So we were very convey more of us mom dad list of gretchen, and my mom was thinking about a thing that many people have observed, which has this weird phenomenon. Where somebody that you see every day, you have a million things to tell and to talk about with that. If you see somebody more rarely you're like what's up nothing, you know and the right thing to say and she was like well so why don't we just try to keep each other in the loop more like just really very, very regularly just update everybody on something, and we all agreed immediately that this was a brilliant idea. We decided to call it up. We never really decided to call it updated. Just we started calling the email a day. That's what we are

adopted and the motto of update is it's ok to be boring and we just write the most boring things that are going on, but it's actually daily minutiae daily me. It's amazing! It's great and I have been amazed like something so simple that takes no time or energy really has made me feel so much more connected to everybody. You know because you just know those little things that are going on and then, when you do talk, you can act. You say oh well, what happened with that inner lapse, you know, is everybody over the flu or how was that service that that memorial service that you went Two or whatever, and it's just easier to show that affection in that engagement, because you yeah I'm with you yeah, I love this. I think it makes it feel, like our family is very alike, dynamic and yet

I mean you know evolving, because we're all in each other's business a lot more and it really just takes a minute, especially if you truly let yourself be boring, as we all do, and I get to tell you what the weather is in l a when you're in the polar vortex which I enjoy. You do rub that in I have to say, I don't appreciate the constant like. What's your amazing weather in l, a with I sit in new york, and that makes me so happy to see the light when I see it in my inbox, it's like a little something that I'm intravenously and that's it for this episode of happier. Remember, try this at home set the alarm for a specific deadline I'm not the alarm and most important turn out the lights are producer is henry milan skin. Please let us know what you think of the show grudges on twitter, aggression, reuben and I'm at elizabeth craft are,

will address his podcast at gretchen Rubin, dot com? If you liked this show please be sure to tell a friend and subscribe to us on itunes and remember to leave a voicemail. It's seven, seven, four, two: seven, seven, nine three free thick that Dublin, and happy three three until next week, I'm elizabeth craft and I'm breton ribbon thanks for joining us onward and upward.