« ID10T with Chris Hardwick

Drew Carey

Drew Carey exists in Second Life, Chris uses a robot toilet, Jonah demands the whole show be in 8-bit and Matt likes the Dave Matthews Band.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
No, I mean nearest star com or would have alerted blood. Does that presided over here with met Myra Jonah re theme song by onawandah gucci? I keep forgetting to credit them. Now. I have argued amazing views on one appear, that's exactly. I asked him how to finance their name and if it's like, I'm on appear, they see whether wait another voice you here talking is Mister drew carriage. How are you applause there's like now? I got it. Thank you Are they really reduce your allows
crazy crowd here than you hear the canned shows, like my regular applause, Richter, really wish, where we get the idea, applause from my Thyssen's punch and he s game and then just use that as the crowd noise everytime, I guess is right. You would have totally Jodo you, whoever you digital. We want to go I just I want our voices to be an ape it I just want. You will have to read what we're saying Jonathan Magnum this guide, to improve with entertain me for about ten minutes superber weekend doing he does impressions of eighties video aims that has very specific yeah like a video game noise from the eighties from those older Yang undue than teller machines in Burma. As a credible government of up giving Michael winds those picked up in the air? Will you deleted pack, man like Is it really good or is it? I know it sounds just existence if I got there. That's for this
But for everyone in the world, as we just showing a second life yap for a and that the reason that I have avoided. Secondly, because I feel like it will become my first lifelike will not do anything else. That's part of the danger for a lot of people for some people's like well. This is really dorky. They never go back and they see undergo. What's the point and then other people are like. Oh my god, I can create things and make them and it doesn't take long fly our homes fly, and so it seems to me like a lot which is of more involved sims right away, more yeah yeah, because you can literally make yourself to be anything you want, you can buy anything in evening. You know there's a little bit gambling there's a lot of like. Sex stuff in there. If you wanted do people making a living selling second life sex gear GAD there. After making zillions re like that they make money, probably not making zillions gather making like
people make money insanely most we want second life make like you know, a hundred bucks a month there doing something. You know we're not that something right veto for loving UNESCO charge when you charge anything now my thing you're talking about it. What it is that I want to ask me but yeah, I'm gonna have. I have allowed islands and I don't mean use half of them. That's the thing is problematic enrich, I guess I support his bite island, but some my friends use em, even Nicholas Cage of second life for your buying multiple
yeah. I guess so stupid areas when you're in and have a second life account is gonna, be like drew you're broke. You can't afford no they're gonna. Give me another house. I know it is gonna buy another forty, nine big cars, this we you work it out and you can go to his opposite. He's just started little virtual folk where's, my virtual checks. I need a seismic virtual national treasure. You gotta kick their virtual drug problem. Man. You don't tell me how to virtually run my life there's a virtual drugs combined. Second life actually would have it in Amsterdam. We gotta Amsterdam save a virtual Amsterdam, that's very popular and got sold at the time. For light was really a lot of money for forty thousand dollars or like a guy and there's, you could buy virtual drugs there and like there's one, it's a mushroom- and you hoped the mushroom gets put in your right hand, said this giant, pink mushroom. You carry around me right, handling, walkin and then its programme to randomly,
which already and animation and any chew on the mushroom, and then randomly you fall that everyone knows that you have your own mushrooms when you have a mushroom in your hand, and then your wireless nibbling at that everyone's values go talk to somebody. This father, that's like the feeling of actually get on mushrooms, as is the fact that one's look at you knowing your own mushrooms. So it's kind of a real and you occasionally is far too easily fall down slightly more, but it's really more of a prank mushroom and it is a drug because he suddenly they drive. Drugs is for your avatar to make him look like using drugs. And then there are to make a cool yeah you're gonna be all in older and more mature, its funded a party when you talk to somebody on the russian revolve around its really funding, a lot of yellow tightened up and also them in greener, Japanese Heather's one. It was analysis de, I think its analysis anyway, I tried it once it was really funny they, your whole
greed discussed, was taken over by these this pattern of color and you can't see anything and I'll years, I got this weird sound and takes place for like ten fifteen seconds Vienna, where thou you are what's happened. I feel like I would have the same experience and second life that I haven't real life, which is, I would take some sort of virtual drug and then I would have to convince myself, but I dont have to focus on keeping my heart beating what now what always happen to me like the couple times like smoke by my livelihood, contrary to my heart is going to stop. The same thing will happen and secondly, I have to do is log out. Is gonna log out more connected man. My avatar dies. I die,
I am going to sleep by a virtual reality. Headsets. I really thought they're gonna make it by now. You know a lot more man. I just watch lemme ran in the night bs and hold up and held up as a Toby, and yet never it did not. We never had the foot the fully at full immersion, really those eleven. We would be sleep. With various because of the limitations of wifi really I'll, keep it as soon as eighty and he gets bored YE network going gather, forging network will help and if you have a little while the column doggerel that yet the like. It wasn't like your regular internet, yet cities in the wifi that so much better for second life. You really need that yeah, you do you do so that everything renders quickly and yeah. That's the problem. Processor speed, I think you know, just as we could have it. I think it's gonna, take it at eighty, eventually, guidance, ass and second life that they must have such a better experience with a simple you. They probably don't have any leg at all, never crash.
Kosovo's APL, so because it because you IBM has like twenty islands on there. Not really have to walk around and second life you can fly. You could really just be a stump get upheld. What I get my fine yeah there's people that live is like crazy things. It's like life, and I would imagine if someone someone was, this number We surprised like there's so much less like what can you do and second life that would shop people, and the answer is nothing at all like a good does no crazy costume. He could, where there's no crazy apparent, you can come up with or anybody would go like. Oh, my god they would just go hey it's pretty cool like where'd, you get that Have you formed a lasting relationship with a real human, this network that that does not come here? It's not gonna, be out. There was an article in the Wall Street Journal a few years ago. Can look it up? It's probably pretty easy. Easy, Google search a quasi, fraternal second life for some for the only second life
about the decimal such enough. It was silly of some guy was in its fifties, relate fortys and he little butter. Grain is beard stuff and he was in the second life, and he had my clubs, and you know he had like strippers workin form and dancers and staff and whose building their clubs any use it like. It will undermine, or, secondly, any met, somebody in second life, another avatar and court, to the article like he said something. She really gets me and understands me and they get married in second life at a wedding ceremony in second life, the two avatars weddings, actually, a big businesses, so they had little marriage ceremony, but the problem is he's married in real life is somebody else, and that is not the only good morning. Legal trouble logs on the second life and he claims to his real wife that his second life thing isn't an affair, because it's a game right but tells report of a gag
After about anything, she really is. If I can't tell my old lady with its an emotional and it's a game where you don't you keep things from your wife and a higher pay at the game game. His wife was like those avatars. He looks like him when he was twenty years old is ridiculous and that, while the report was there, she brought him a sandwich, and he was in the second indent, even notice, and what's got called because it was you a virtual sandwich that is his hombre. Yet people make virtual food here by a dining table. You can sit around the ritual, the upside is sense. The upside is that is virtual. Life is probably not a lady and it's probably not other pictures. On the other hand, they met in person. Now but really the yunkers I'd, be weird. That would be weird unworthy where I've gotta, not wrapping up. I've got a patriotic, I'm drunk nobler relationship. Now you want to see him and was something happened recently where there was the lady from I think, Detroit and a kid from the south and they met on world of Warcraft.
And it happens. A lot still choose their thirties. He was sixteen fifteen. And she drove down raft visit him because they it will work rather doesn't matter does not always, but she she broke the rule she went and saw. I was now at EL, that's real announced at an issue got arrested. You just want to reveal that bus So the rule is her. Art can fuck his your life, but in in real life compared to other nausea. Ironically, though they do look like other own characters from the game people have had to listen to it like their pets like you, so I would like your avatar arboreal. We look on my avatar, you doubt now, but my avatar looks really cool. It's weird, it's like old man, cool, it's kind of address Thompson Gammell than the guy you would see it emerged. That has now is cool.
Because you know you ve been through some share very as a great elm collection and he's got a great I'm collection. You ve got a really hoarse voice. Thanks a million and a half cigarette. There's a guy. You hope used to be a producer for a band young her to her manager, something like I used to be. Those are the rolling stones that tends to be there there too, or managers I was yeah. You still used to go on the road winger. Undeniably, something happened I gave up. The music is saying that it amoeba. Whatever Winger I well they, you know winger lingered. Actually, the truth is wingers trot, try to break break free and do different kind of music test Kip as Kip Winger, and I think it didn't cloud
What was going to call the ban was article the winner, Ghip Ghisizzle yesterday. I hope he has kept a totally different style coffee ask as economic isn t going to our citizens, the copier style, Braden Monotonies MAX Cherry pie, copy outward all your favorites of thinking about you replied makes you have cemetery play over the counter. It's made right everything you do and like the guitar caps. Tat, I heard of it on the very faint purifying repercussions for his hairs, pull back so much as much. When you're going back to rouse, where your wife's standing up it shows anymore. If you can Mellow have fills a kick your ass with hard won ago. I saw winger, knows warrant or where it was
The good record show I saw Vegas my friend Jeff Davison. I drove from all objectives and one day we drove from, we were in Vancouver and we fluted Seattle and drove the vague on a day when I got to see poison, I think it was winger and Cinderella. When you're started, we are weren't I warrant winter is just one guy really you have. It was a ban and they weren't any rock. They were despairingly genes in o shirts. In other words like us, they said to give a real or distant they were the opening and then poison came on and were like poison, yet was wholly. It was fantastic and hilarious in everything all at the same time and then Cinderella came on and just knocked, or so I couldn't how great they were like.
Was no job was Cinderella. You do too little. Guy alone was banned, the pretty good ban, cinderellas ratio, many areas as all about big rock and also has been energetic, but I gotta assume was Jeff the only guy in a suit and the entire chosen wearing a suit. Now, what's he wasn't in a suit phase? At the time of the second phase is going through a real change, but he would it was like Cinderella were so good. Really, oh, my god, you're just a great rock n roll ban and I really cared about the music industry, making a connection with the audience like all that stuff. We. The advance big ever since they had like another twenty years on top of the eighties to just get better, a lot of hazards, better musicians, and they were like vc any ban now from when they were. You know that's like at least classic rock bands. Whenever any go see him the way better musicians they were, they were over.
You're not on Heroin, yes and their home other families, and that's why they're better musicians but boring people, the other new songs on his good heroin, songs related matter, but technically their mechanically around there was shooting out with. I notice that every like rock and roll bandit that that's torrents resurrected new record once what they get their fifties whatever. If they were property like it when they had their fifties, all the songs or bout how much the world is screwed up like the Erika ahead. Do it about it when they could have? party all night like even when, like Tom, petty road examined me yeah, like that, was his version of that even those good song, but aside you know, take back all you're like this. Just like an old man bug buy stuff Well, I don't know what was that the last dj just about ugly data is not playing songs. You like the the radio and all manner of about details Blaine. I know them
the politics of radio, but still or if your Bob Seeger, like every fuckin song, is about how was only also manoeuvre. Teenager by the way he was a rock star when he was older, so why? why was this life shooting when he was older in, like every song, is like wherever they are in turn, when I was thirty one, it is all about how he was a teenager resolve these are so I see the world yet to grow up and to try to communicate that stuff. He does turn a shipment That's when I turn to relay realise I'm not getting out of this. You can force it down in your awesome, robot toilets that are at their word, drew his house and drew his robot toilets and freely awesome from Toto Freaking awesome: I have these japanese toilets that when he stepped in front of the lid raises automatically- and it is a remote that you can use to fight and flushes automatic anyway, But it has, if Europe, is, it knows, Unita to flush. You can make it
yeah? You may vary disease around the flesh, putting it and then initiate second flush. That's what you had to say what I said. I could just medallion myself in my number. I never knew a double flasher meant that insult from when I was a these keys, a double flush four flasher watch that many times yeah you such big piece of shit, that's only time to reply, but I would have liked the that he's these a double pleasure for Fletcher. Now I never knew what it meant. Way later. My light like ten years ago, is like a car. Finally got it does make sense. Is nobody uses anywhere now? I I only was able to go number one in your robot toilet, but it does water at you. If you sit down on it, so I'm I'm almost gathers. I have to go to the bathroom cleansing wand, fur front and rear, and then a dry and cleansing pleasure cleansing we want to make that the breakdown for that is all the term
had it cleansing wine. I was right in the rear, Axiom promo video for their toil. Really found in found footage best man every has where poor pretty hot areas. We are drawing up to it, some time that those that are the Odessa else gets were given the owners of the lovers toilet and would like to make it less at the same time together. Yes, almost that grieving and as a drawing what thing too little dry off. And even if it ever need to use paper, that's the theory you should, but sometimes you really should hunting on you die and you can't just yeah, just whip! The cleansing want out just start grinding it to clear up the area. Now What's that yeah, I know it's. An imperfect toy kittens can use the remote to adjust it like foreign back and you just a pressure, and after this the right spot
and this is now I don't know- I don't know it- doesn't use. It- doesn't use some type of light grid to some type of laser grid, the measure, the dilation of your. So you can it's an isolated we're not through the singularity we're not area, whereas we are almost. There were almost as a main there's a comfort you does it go or someone like a puppy, yes would be awesome. That really would be who you should see a doctor just like the second. It hits the lottery. That's not good, and it automatically calls your doktor Athens him movement, chemical composition of your waste, yeah mix again again that without that would be the future. That would be the future when we toilets will send our doktor direct today, right to their mobile device, and I can now be like going hungry. I reality home in on on the toilet Secondly, how comfortable renounce the know how to link this number? One has one. If we take our share of God,
do it. Every name is just what we do is radioactive. Whatever letter, whenever a radio, broadcast anything. We say we're doing we're doing. That's right now. You know when our shitless, Karadzic and each other than a theatre of the mine. So You know we were all by the way where huge fans of your hair issue, huge man I mean like broke so many. Kind of rules, wealth Alex you broke a lot of. You broke a lot of stuff, sitcom rules, that's exactly you know. I mean just like with the improbable versions of shows that try to have a live and three times I was dying from man, that's insane for years in a row get your point where you live
they ask you to two different. You just pushing and push now. We just did because there's a lot of it was Bruce Helford idea you now these together, it was the driving force now to get what cell in shown created with me and stuff, but he was like the Mean manga and Like he added, we did what's wrong with this episode special because it is a big comic book. Family members comic books do in that rewrite April's fools of things right. Does he have to send in like we're in one in one panel, you define like oh there's, no dog in this picture, but there's a dog in this big yardstick. The whole issue of things that, like you would know from before, would be wrong. Superman would be confronted with cryptic slept and the issue It's not your kryptonite equip today note like write that down here, I'm not including the complex works. I was proof efforts in what he said. I wish So we would do it and then, on the report
we would show with little bubbles are approved, we only ever Papa and they would come up and tell you all the mistakes and we have like hundreds element, people would be really gotta find there's. Also a treaty episode that we had a treaty episode. We had at the three. The episode was a network ordered one. Elizabeth Treaty night that they were going yes there and all the shells we're gonna, be in three d, and so that was there. We have to do a treaty episode and those kind of forest, like I just remember yours, I remember This shows that we did a the second dance. Are we dead where we went to New York and Donald Trump was in the episode of stuff that was cuz. The network wanted us to do another dance number cuz, the first one was such a big head fish. If you have to do another one, and we like follow no again
really was getting ready. Arca leaders have it's crazy, stupid idea from Estonia networks. Don't ever they don't ever really take the creative process into account. Like just do this really conventional numbers good on first? Why do again exactly the same attitude deputy? Do I mean they were and if we were to set there is absolutely no way they would have David David, a cave then the area in other again, do you have a date with aid to pay the bills and stuff make him happy, I get a time they ordered extra episodes. We would just doom, like we never said like wound. We burn out, they would say: hey we get. Three more episodes are former others as we go. We multiplier pay by four, Yeah that absolutely really really want a little boy. I mean yes, it was one of the last great shows This stand. Ups getting sick comes out on the lad. I was the last of a lot of things. I was the last stand up to get killed over the couch, Johnny Carson Couch, now
I stand upstairs to have a big each it with us, like you that there is a wave of- and I was on that wasn't the last one on this account, of course, but I was on the last and the end of the trend. Amazing that Europe has a duty to Ambrady yeah Jones. This documentary called. I am comic, and it's really great and into sort of its just all these comics together and into sort of inner cuts with you know what their processes are and what it stand up in. What is you know, just kind of breaking down gravity for people in its really funny- and this is over working story of Richard at China whose, like like planning on making a comeback? they really it's through a great but allow people like like Fox worthy. You know he was talking about got a little emotional talking about when Johnny like waved him over and its of it it's over. To me that just the way media is now awaits consumed. Now that Doing. A television show like doing tonight doesn't really mean what it meant at that time literally. Would change your life? Do you have
always ass. It drew just brought over the picture of. Can I take a photo of this a little, but it sure put it on the blood for easy to use Maybe we got married, drew in it I see my reflection taking the Iphone picture there, that's better. I just watch that last week on the dvd set US arson said: if you notice us like the only slowly, I have my whole authors and is it may mean that show really was the one that we show really made people's careers and there is not there's nothing. That anymore, like there's. No, I was there are different that you felt after the show. Oh my God was like this somewhere have talked so this before another interviews, but when I was in now not a lot,
When I was a judge in junior High, like twelve or thirteen, I went to a friend who went to a panic us a church. He invited me to as youth group thing not save at the Picasso Church and was very emotional experience, and it's a real thing that you can feel like going through your body and talked in tongues in everything it it's over. It's it's a real, powerful emotional moment and the only thing I can prepare to as when I did I challenge on it caught me over. It felt like that, like I could feel like my whole body change in every like every molecules like ok, it's different now and I was like floating the whole time I was like. I was dreaming it and I dreamed it than before to the exactly what would happen to get division out of my head over and over again, where I couldn't sleep I was in Chicago working, even though I lived in a way which cover working, I had to get up even it get dressed and walk round the hotel to try to get to sleep, but I was imagining myself
through my own eyes, walking around stage during my sat word for word to time and then Johnny call me over and we make a joke to ethnic man, which is exactly what happened. That's insane tax I've been on the stage before Kevin Pollack suggested that I go to the stage. I was talking to him once in thy said getting any vice and he said TAT go there and visit the set before you're doing here before a schedule to go referred. Colleagues that call you sometimes that day and so he's just go to the sets I went to the set and I went up and down the damned visited the set Larry Miller was doing. I sat and Jerry Seinfeld Speck stage. I was his visiting and I said a maturing Seinfeld MIKE. It's pretty crazy her, and he goes this. What it's all about within just better relevant we non placed by the lowest level. No, he was therefore would you know he was lit. Larry Miller does to hang out with them later
we're going to set a jury. O Jerry was performing, he was just now. You should say now is Larry Milly was doing to settings, is coming out with his friend and watch his friend to a certain extent, this what it's all about doing spots on its nature and, what's going on? Mind at the cause, I know that I got to walk out of sorting out to walk at sea the stage when it was empty. So I knew exactly what this presence was like you now, so me imagine you. My head was just like that in those we're, so that so cabins vice was great and was good for you to see the advice. What what's going through your because I didn't mean it that not that I'm saying that it was, the same thing is doing Carson, but I just did the John Oliver Chauffeur Comedy Central and it was so fun, but I was I had done How many I've been doing shows like every weekend for a few months? So, for me, I just felt very reflexive throughout their were you kind of in that mode of you What kind of on autopilot or were you were you did you? Were you aware at all of what was going on in freaked out? What was the experience
I know I have my special. I have my notes framed third storage right now, but I have my framed in a frame my notes, midnight and I have any for every every single job timed out while cause. They said who's going to be seven minutes, but they could cut at the six. You know- and you know I had- I had to be able like drop individual lines from the thing and I had to be ready. So everything was timing. I recorded my act and I knew just what I was put my tonight shall set night when I get the word is caught in Chicago those doing this. On Wednesday like that night, and I think that night Thursday night, I did my teacher set in front of my act and the discussion comfort to the racks. Those like me, that's your co, author of the document, yeah, so
so I had all that in the piece of paper and on it. I had that vision. The night before I can get my hand, I slept only on the plane on the way to allay the candy Elaine. I've got a hair cut. I was mad because they hurt, but was too short and want to like a super cuts. My hair cut solidly was a buzz cuttin. They couldn't like. I was like that so short way
short and I went to the embassy was really me. I've been looking at this piece of paper does like going over the thing in my head, and I thought I was the third for some reason. I thought I was drawn on last Peltier Miller was on after me, and George Seagal George Seagulls ants are dirty goals on right before me, so I thought I was on after Penelope and Miller and then they came to get me and I go where you ready and I went down, will be talking about because well you're on next and I went well. I guess you don't need that. I have my notebook. The page was still in the notebook and perforated off, yet I don't know, I don't need this, I guess I'm just tossed it meaning you could get a chance to look at it for one shall I stood there and then they open the curtain and that, from that moment on it was like a dream state. I'm telling you I went out. I did everything just exactly how is supposed to
looked exactly like it did my vision, and I remember seeing like to see an admin like Johnny Carson was hanging onto the DAS. China follower that's insane. He was. So hard. He had a grab the desk ass. He was going to fall over. I'm jealousies pounding I'm jealous because there I feel like four comics now, there's no there's no parallel experiences are so there's no analogous experience that we have, that kind of ever be like that they wished. It was so crazy and then he you know was dont go on like this and I would like me, and he went on in a member docks Emerson laughing like the guys in the band laughing and was like, It was like being saved at a church and then I went to the improv. The cool thing is: I went to the improv that night and it was like that's like the tradition was to go to the improv and watch yourself on tv
so they shut the music off they put tv out? I did my tongue, I shall set and remember the whole place like bursting into applause. My cats huge, is packed ia and but frequently sent over a bottle of champagne, and then there was a Friday. So then, over the weekend I was like my agent just got caught. My manager rather does get coffee call and intimidated and then, on Monday, through Frank, flew back Sunday and then Monday night through Friday night I did set at the improved showcase sets for agents. There will ass, I me and when I'm Tellin, you like the head of the agency, would show up like they would send an agent over. You know, like Marty, Klein from APL came over
so I have actually sign with these the head of the aid to see that you come over to see me and now meet twenty three William Morris agent shut up there, the hair, I feel bad, even Thomas, because in that way more, but they had. This is like crazy for new that at the head of their literary department they had of the commercials. They had other tv, the head of you now movies, like all these agents. Twenty three of them came to see me do a sad and then they sat upstairs with me at the improv for forty five minutes. What can we do with you, this guy I'll? Do that the scale do that you know, and what for Remember that night gimme another bottle champagne? Could it could believe exists handing over something like them as life was incredible? Well, I remember one time this was probably nine would say nine years ago, when used to do those things Improve, shows analysed with fine right there,
phenomenon, because it was that those are the best shows the weekly you could get on drew. They would do the improbable stars at the Hollywood. It was the cat, it was the cast. It said I with a cast of education. It was just a castle, Jakarta yeah. That was my big fucking. Every other succumb, that's life. In my head, and so I thought of the times, I thought, like you know, We were never one number. One of the ratings ran like that. You can show that we win our time slots of those about it and then Numb- and we had like you know really broadly runner show. So, as you know,. It wasn't. It is received as well as I know, the shots, but I was thinkin myself. I must see that fuckin shows get upon the improved with their cast in the writers and make up a show. Yeah, you know so tat would be Mean Cathy and Ryan and Dietrich good. These do they prevent the iter and quick first and would show up those are always the best shows they would always have a couple stand up go on before you here and those
swedish spots because the iranian crowd rooms were packed and people were jazz. Did it. I didn't set before Europe from one one night and then and I had a really good set and afterwards. You came over here like him and he's really funny, and I not sleep at night really home. I guess I was really funny I to be fair was really but it was really like it still does blooming away like I was. There was one of those moments where I'm like. Why can't we Is my life right now in two thousand one that I know that I just stand up and understand that I know and respect would come over and be really nice to me everything it was really. It was a really great experience. We shall people if I think their funding it, but it's nice and they could then so you young comics, really appreciate it, because it's those in August like it's, data can be sometimes only of rewarding, is I'm getting but doing it part of a process, and so you know it those little I'll stones every once in a while kind of help can kick you didn't
yeah that, because you use of sort of your validated, I think doing now too, especially after Carson's off the air there. That was that the signify moment to say that you are officially a really hand of communion. I'm her. When I started up, I always thought well, it doesn't feel real does feel like I'm actually stand of meaning and well. Maybe when I get on a good show, I like, like an actual booked show valve say I feel, like you tell your parents. Look I'm doing this. Yet the thing at the NATO. It's an actual living a malaria just had never, even not even after. I did on common central even after that neither does still doesn't feel. There's no real signify moment these days. I think that were tonight shows that man yeah careers today or made, I think, by the sum total of just an enormous amount of appearances like EAST. I feel you constantly have to punch
people into play on the place to convince them that you're there it's all jabbing. Now it is our job in this house. I wanted it does not that one thing the jaded martinis any Carson was the haymakers man and if you could get called over the calves, that was my ass. I was in show business the next day and my whole career started that Monday. After I did the thing you don't have. What would you do it done like the rounds of Like the Carolines and evening at the improves the idea, we believe that the end product everybody down like it was at the point where, if you weren't I'm aiming at the improper what the hell's raw I also feel that live again. If you got a guy who couldn't get anything at the Improvin, your work with a million when God this chemists even get an evening at the emperor like they do, they just run on a comic there haven't guys around like three times I may be the province stuff, he doesn't want to save reduced. That was the credit when he had now you could now. You could tell me on the road you can do it and I shall I thoroughly time that's up with. It would probably barely effect your career comedy tonight. Third, shots
I do like Jane, Jane Austen. I show constantly, and no one really knows about there was a guy at the time I would say his name. He works of fiction but here I was with her. I was with him at the improv like the week after I did its nature and people, let me go and he the weak and complex again. I feel great, really good yet, just want to know what's it like, as it was like a big blow up and was these are real and jack. Collins's name, you know, Jack is works estimation
and there was another comic sit with us and Jack Dataset. You know and now we're talking and goes the jack on and I had the same manager which has guided Now- and I suggest you sometimes you double tomato Jackson, like lots of fifteen sixteen times dummy tons of times, and it goes he wasn't meaningless and this mother fucker, one time fifteen times nuthin. This motherfucker does at one time it's a whole world. Later this feat biggest attacking us. You know what your problem is it your management. I wonder if your manager begins to very different calls from clients the next day the rejected so, but there is also a laugh- and why was it was funny to me to read in instead Martens Booker born standing up? He says he hated. The tonight show a shit
times before it? Finally, I saw only watched, I still only watch the nature when he was on or nice, yet a mixed up with shit. Who was it but Mark mom, and I said I see Martinek our gotta watch the microbes. I would only watch tonight if there was a comical sidelined or if it's a new common sense of others COMECON. I watched nature of thought. I wouldn't watch the nature. Only watch tonight, joiners COMECON seem like all the time. I would look at the tv guide you have to stay up tonight and Ce Mark was on. I always wooden door. Go. I love that guy, I know it's there watch him this deadly, simply the common thread like a lotta comics, I mean I always I always was the same way, I would always seek out. I watched every comedy special. I would only comics given now you can find everything you want like an hour instantly, any can get beaten, get a collection of and then the new set, but when I was watching it, let me that was it. You didn't catch him that moment
you never saw either becomes a genuine recently started about the doktor, the mental show, and I love it up and loved active demented. Came on Sunday night. Maybe s where I live, semantically once an appointment. Radio, if you may have an event that week it was gone, nothing would get a black, nothing to talk about at school and you can call it did you get it can. I can you just send me fundamental like no one had its eye, a Europe in Hawaii and they didn't they didn't play they played at once on my favorite gestation. Just tried out no one apparently listen to people plain, so they never to complain. People complain what a wise of dumb place I am a board hawaiian and I want to complain about this form of entertainment. Did you not comedy about you know making fun of different nationalities known and who I wanted to hear. Boys and girls so long very trees first suffer really get to hear it. I don't take burying sand, but eagerness assets and dig
but without stop do demon just up here and that opening theme song and stuff it's great, endless know it now, I'm in once once the internet. When I guess I can't go back and listened everything and. Got. You know he put out the twentyth anniversary that's thousand when I got to without a compilation of songs arms his arm. This tape that eyes vines fish, heads billion extra money. Funny. How would you like, when you have when you have the kind of comic gene which some figure out if it's a gene defect or if it's an enhancement, if even maybe a defect, yet it did. They think it's environmental beneath her to make people that you don't know like yours is a fun youngest in your family or some I was I was an only child. They'll do, but it was. ITALY, but that's, but like all those little beacons like doktor demand, tell you just kind of failure rate Argo, unlike oh that's, a thing that I need and then you just you know we're like that. I loved it man. I never like. All my shows that I liked when I was a kid I was cancelled, but what am I
your chosen. I was a kid. Was a summer replacement show these to do that and the like. Shows that had a short run that they didn't used for the regular season they would show in the summer they call them summer replacement chose and they would put a mafia like six weeks. You know ten weeks I wasn't one was called that can very well. Show Oak and bury I have so called the while shows Friday show of Comic, sketches and stuff, and me my friend would talk about it constantly at school. He did a thing. You'd give out an award at the end of the chauffeur like some stupid reason, but he would try to give the order. The guy and a guy would why anyone Chasen like Benito like did it at the end of the shell and its whatever it is? It's a wartime in the guise of come out, tuxedos with their arms or has any This allows never wore times, excitement and fuck me, my friend it at one time that all the way through our lives like never stop saying a wartime, we would decent around drinkin voted for a laugh. You just say one thing for your password
Safety is a mere like police glad. You know every show like everything else, older Gaza unpopular. Remember, before. When you saw really neat, show and commenting on tv and then you would have to describe it or acted out to your friends the next day to tell talk about it and nowadays it's called there's got to say the link doesn't really. You can see what your eyes brain yeah I will do is show is space man and he travels in time. We took man even an travels with them. They must look. There was a show, that's what is that it's about time. Oh it's about time you every! I know it's about time from what my tv theme song says about tired when I was about space, it's about time for the union residential. It's about that. Joseph Replacement shows Ramos just kind of like bridge tv, we're just six episode and they were done. What was it like chosen in making the we're gonna get cancel. Man show em you now promoting the summer
combating orbiting just rights away in some kind of failure, vault underneath Hollywood yeah? Now they have like twenty? Four hour, like they ve they programme a gull. Europe too, is really no there's like repeats in the summer, but they really do try to have fresh stuff in the summer. Some the cable channels, Geneva, that's a weird. They would get the summer's now time for tv for allows shows. That's why pitched yeah? That's how I pitched, whose line at first because I was like you- gotta have a show- you do now, in the summer, and I said you should really have stuff on special in the summer of his showing repeats and suffering through this. That's ridiculous to let the Nielsen company Troll you I could understand. I never still do understand why the meals and company controls. I think it's fair, that a thousand families presented California, everyone in the country, its Craig, I mean yeah plus the company, says we're gonna start this. You know, may first, so that's when all this may sweep stuff comes out. What can they?
take samples author the year. Am I gonna? Do somebody better ways to do it like the networks is certain to come over their own ways to go against the monoplane on? That's like the stupidest, thanks. I think that such as no but the thing itself about it is that if you're gonna screw me somehow I just going to get that mission. We should be talking like this. Only to have a show observes that ordinary citizens by tears running your message. TED Nelson. I give you a hundred million dollars run the company so call back. If you have been on a pod gasoline, obviously be the opposite of what happened at Carson Ziad of it I've talked about, I talk to somebody that was, gonna show whether at a meeting at the network and the guy corrected the guy the network, to me the gate, the network, at a name and actors, Nay Mixed up- and he said it so fuck. Maybe it accepts the amnesty for the guy was split that so you.
The little girl had it and then they seven they got back to the effect of the production offices. Human reproduction offices, Ray bones, ring in people. Silence up no foul ringing nobody, hustling back and forth, heard round the having to be fair. That's very satisfying moment for us to hear about it, that's a great for that guy yea! Could it has been polite and said MRS it up, but don't worry just let it go That's it is Carl EAST would favour the arrow. Everyone is agreed with them, the others at the job. As a joke, we can put enemy thing like that, like to producers, meat and who's, the guy, the Joker her really apologize to the guy too. By the way, if he's listening, gonna hurt his feelings
Once again, there was a Matthew men and a baby done so it now. Your Gutenberg delivered at their southern Paul riser if he wasn't it reminds you dad. I get multiple fathers confused, so the judges to producers are talking in one producer says, so it is up to the other police desire that british best movie coming up can be great, whose directed at Eastward Clint Eastwood no car wastward his brother, Athens, really good. You know that pocket than irrelevant who wrote it Esther ass Joe S, droughts, Nano bill, Esther houses, third, cousin, it's gotta, be great out, he's writing runs in the family who starring in it good. He said, Stephen Birgus, yeah, guessing STI Gutenberg does not listen to the pan, cancelling gonna be so maybe I mean if you are- and I apologise that you know that can happen. Anybody not beholding
who is my home. Is the characteristic police academy? There's another joke you put in like me: what'd you do like knock knock. Their Steve Gutenberg did good. Do that show business like you told me once, but you put anybody's you'd like including mine, proud. You don't want to get another group or your friends and you guys just tell each other clean jokes. This fascinating to me, because I will want to clean up my act because the first place my mind goes right to the growing. No, it's just like all these old Putney jokes, like doktor, the invisible a man's here too, the visible and in the lobby Tom. I can't see him right yeah. What's what was wet and tastes like red paint blueprint Then I just wanna Jefferson, not not with their Mary
credibly rude interrupting cow, Marina. It's fun always funny. The fault lies lighting up because they began to question for drew through its TED Nielsen. What the fuck do so pro TED Nelson adjustments, but say it had the best joke. Having said that, whenever drop names, Deniro Tommy, that Bob sang, it also has a website, it also has one of the most disgusting, but one of my favorite jokes were he said: I am, I think he tried it on stage. I remember. However, he said
had a pitcher, my mom space tat you to my asking kept my dead from, but fucking me up up up up up up up up up scientific above that is above Zagat Joad. Yet hotel us watch online, easily clean family shows odious, think like while we they just knew his stand back or so, thirty environment people see it. No like what will now he did ass, he did especial where he was on it, but I've been off putting but years ago I would have gotten a laugh. Factory went with him and he would, and he would do is said and then just like people's mouse. They just didn't. You know they just didn't know like the guy who is talking about like fingering, the Olsson twins yeah. I know I was never really sure if he was when, after a full house where's my summit as if he was trying to be more filthy to make up.
The lack now I've known you always went their way in he just was. They met a girl, I'm nuts over she's. Only this is a joke. I used to love watching his still. He was one of the comments that I have I loved watching the eighty in the eighties too, because he's heavy super in fact, is rib. I've seen him do. Isis seem at the clinic comedy club on ice to go, watch him as far as to withstand it, but I would go every night. He was there and see my three times four times a week and just to see him and pay money in I've he would do. I've seen him do two hours yeah he wore standing ovation like nobody would let him leave while inadequate coming back and doing another fifteen minutes. Another ten minutes use. The slaughterhouse and, in the end, the unifying some videos in full.
So the antithesis of his comedy yeah day they just made em like them. It emerged that anything like economy is taken away from some success. He would have had as a stand up. I asked oh yeah yeah, that's like because Eu Canada Way his personality, maybe but you know, look at me, look at it look at it from his point of they played to his face, but not as precise someone someone I'm not that I'm offering you show in their offering you a shit and money and if your comic, especially at that time, the edges you wanna be until the whole- and I want you know our data sledges. I think in hindsight, though it just because now it's his Stanhope is almost a parody of the fact that you know he's not like you he's, not the clean guy. It's suicide is trying good for you, but you know what it's it's like. I think EAST was satisfied there.
Is he is a family man. You know any like the. If you can put out like I'd like to prices right, isn't exactly my I'm doing a writing, get back and stand up now. Some do in writing. Exercises the right. Jokes. Every night constitutes old workbook. I haven't used for swift list. Twenty five, your favorite jokes different duty, joke writing. Books. Go you mean, like my own stuff, no, don't know it just like books. The teacher had a right. I learned how to break. I will not when I first started like the very first time but a fucking around withstand stand up was in college and I had to Carter's book, but there I like it people make fun of it, but when you're, when Europe, like you, know eighteen years old- and it tells you too well listening to hate listening to love, it can get you to think yea. I get to do other coms how to write off by Sidney Resnick. I bought a whole that is about Richard Builders. How to be a centre. Comedian book then realize it was about making fun of people who would buy books media, and I was so same personally that I never bought another one yeah there's another
there I think anything to get you to start. Writing is good, yet swaggering was twenty five, my favorite jobs and I looked at him and every single one of them was dirty. It wasn't one clean to accept the moon. The cow joke right now is that the only clean joke on their everything else was dirty or had like a sexual thing to it, including like like the kid with the welding man, had not really a welder that one with it ass. Well, for you fucked it up now. I thought you knew a kid does walking finds a well there's mask. He picks up he's playing with it and go Ghana. Cadillac pulls up Katy one around gets a shirt get in the car play with the well there's masking. The guy goes hey kid. You know one fraud judges he does not have heard of its play with the logs mask negroes. You know what I want, but some of the sexual too high Karl. You know what a hot Carla's dirty sanchez-
never heard of it. Never here, man, boy, love society and kicks hey Buddy, I'm not really a welder would yet think like three like obscure sexual things, fraud We all agree that no one has ever done dirty Sanchez known ever made a gradual master, but no one has ever made a big old mustache poop adipose, that's never in the history of sex either one I've known about. When I heard about dirty Sanchez, as I just like I was, I was a cigar putting his own figures up, but they just wiping it across. As the crime that two beard when I was doing brush, I was going to see you so tour. Everybody was given a shocker symbol. You know I take pictures with them, like everybody
and against a shocker, you know and the cheap. Your third finger is then, in with your thumbs, right pinky in the top to think red showing its freely at me. The joke is one of the pink and to understand yes or to the system and the pink in one of the things. Yes- and I was talking when those who stand up, I go. I like a shocker like tried doing that. Get home fuck, you do it's, the shocker honey get the fuck, but I just got back from my right out of my favorite jobs. I'd say it's not so much gross as it is just creepy in its man and a boy or walking through the forest and worker yeah. Now on my fair ones, your answer,
enjoying Joe toward the worse comedy. Do, oh, he just says they drew their use. Either we get their own dont. Let anyone know that unless they had another forty five minute you're talking about that now it, but it's a manageable our work in the forest and the voices of the man whilst is really scary and the Maghreb, you tell me: I gotta walked back by myself, the classic. Do you know the one the total boy now martini and goes to a guy's knocks on that door in the door open, there's a twelve or a boy standing there. Any swearing is women's, his mom's, bra and panties, and he's drinking a martini and smoking a cigar, and the salesman says scuse me a man of your parents the guy goes. The kids has what the fuck do, you think that could secure kidnaps ass, a joke. It wasn't dead, putting on a kind of king Gos. What are you doing? in the final vote,
This is to build mousetrap, so I'm going to catch a mouse gives is going to do when you catch it. Fuck it this is a really bad when they could catch his dad haven't sexes, mom, whose parents have insects eggs what to do in the case of a dead person. Nothing would do nothing to get out of here later on the dad's walking around the opposite. Dorani sees the kid: has his grandmother bent over the table? Is the dresser and is better Manys fucking should ever from behind? is what he doing the kids his. Oh, I get it. It's ok for you to fuck, my mother, but if I fuck you, So this ever the jug announced their Jamaica's dirty. So do we because we were talking about like writing. Yes, it's a challenge, work.
And then there's the non sequitur according to Sydney Resnick how to write your. So all the second, the forties are fifty. Next, there is the non sequitur. By definition, the punchline of this type of gag bears very little logic to the build up. Scientist, the secret formula is hd S or policies. We seven divided by energy. Five Hs three comic yes in New Jersey, the phone number is Bigelow for seventy folly, what a good folly, Lebed's good scientists just murders the area. That's pretty funny! Actually that role after that yeah life, I'm a friend of mine who owes me money- and he has a lot of old, comedy stuff room, so everyone swells and get this book for you. You know, So these are legal or the bug. You still owe me money. This was just interests that it gets earnestly prison. What you know we ve I prefer a little bit about your writing process, but I call them what besides penguins
comedy writing as a great springboard for advancement and to show business. Many of our best radio and tv producers used to and still do, turnout comedy material, for example, MAX Lehman Park Levy, Frank Galen, El Louis and Health Limburg, among many many of you MAX However, from nineteen fifty four, this it's a pamphlet, actually survey I, those to say we ve talked a little bit about your priorities. Process, and you know you have a thing about the gray ten jokes a day and if you wrote again a joke that didn't count towards attaining childhoods. That's my! If that's one Romagna started today, I'm a friend and I are doing it back and forth in the emu. Join us but he right ten jokes. I came up with the ten because only one out of ten was ever any good, like that's my writing ratio and even then, like fortunate.
So you try to get one joke a day. Five days a week s hotel requirements really golden former one joke a day, five days a week so one of the five one of the ten whatever takes you, but it can't be dirty. That's be clean enough to do on that. Were television like tonight shower muttered something and then it can't be topical, so can't be about the Olympics or whatever, and you can write jokes about what just happened in tat. Little jokes and you can write dirty jobs, but it is come count towards the ten and, if you do that, every day, five days a week, fifty we see aerial have about forty five minutes, A year attended up: well, that's a good formula delivery, the punchline and laugh I'll take a certain amount of time times. Added, plus you figure out stage going to add to it, and you know at tags and staff, and you know any ways stuff like that: it'll kill a few seconds How can I look up about forty five minutes? How completer your jokes, jokes,
done now. I like do you how much come? How much do you two jokes grow after you get a month's day, I would draw foolish. It might ask a trailing awful that argument. Jokes man, it's a gift to write down. I would despite would like ten things and dislike one kind of funny thing and nine thoughts about could be funny? Maybe you know, but funny. Maybe you do those on stage to figure it out further. Already just wait till now have our finance them. When I think of the job you Eric Eddie notes, So many and there's no one way like so many different comic, said something like some alike. He can't we like. I get an idea and I discovered workin out on stage. I might I can't do that. I've tried I've tried that before it sometimes eloquence here I'll get a swagger rumbling of governments, to see? What happens? I got a couple ideas: deathlike instant death could have.
Little more planned out for me. If I was you have, I think it's there can be a little area in the middle. Maybe, but as long as you haven't out as long as you have something to punch out with like of an idea, you can kind of maybe play with it love I have like. I just put it in between two strong pits, and I know I have something to save a unified, doesn't work and discover and he's going to the next fun thing. I'm ever what time I was working at a club on a road, and I came up with the meanest. Other comic were hired a kite and we came up with a wine lower your high, and we were laugh and sorrow. Rolling on the floor and I was like I can't get a pen. I gotta get a pen, you know I gotta right this down. I wrote it down so forget like the gist of it as a colleague Carlos money. We still an odyssey. Tears came into her cheeks relations are rolling on the ground on the carp on this filthy comedy condos, like you know, breaking the furniture lessons hard and then I got a funny
the next night I did it and he could I heard a tender about- is the audience needs ivy. All I ever get a job for the otter could overcome driving. Only laugh, I heard was the other comic back for the largest fishing himself, the. Back there. You know that I will do that job, member gibberish e commerce and only make the bar tenders, laugh area, yes, John, and I I mean I yes yes, yes I don't wanna gimme the free drinks that are so that's all I care about. Sometimes I mean you know we sort of came up and what's more known as the her native comedy seemed so a lot of those jobs are just for. Other comments will undergo andreotti in
a bit. I do a thing in Chicago was called stay out all night club and that's sign out sites it stay out and then we'll small letters at all night. The so called Erika stay out those I write a passage back then in Chicago he had to do to stay out of pay fifty bucks and was like on a Sunday night, eleven o clock at night or some like that's crazy hours and what it was, this big, huge discotheque and those like fourteen people there in the hope that having massive mammals like big, huge, clumsy and I just wide open and there's only like fourteen people there- and these folks welcome, accommodated the stay out, and it was this, having to do fifteen minutes infernal like six couples that were see seated, not next to each other and we always the best that Africa Comedy I just gotta, be they wide open place like and the stairs forehead like a brass ring, in front of it even better the sick, the worse, but all I can do is I just looked at the other comics that were there
everybody would show up at the friends to watch him bomb at the state like he had to go and see. If you could, you never saw like you'd see like the funniest guide and gonna stay. I was watching struggles that there's nothin funnier been watching a friend of your struggle on states, what I'm just like you ve tied waits to them and throw him in the water, nothing funnier. Ike, honestly like I could see you now, the good guys unnoticed get up there and is bombing and So let us look for some of the colony store was the one of the worst sets I've ever had in my life and as after my fur, job is always my open aren't always worked. I use it every time, and this is my first time it's easier and trying to it. I do the first. And I was so appalled that got nothing while delegate accident. I actually just like. Was it then I heard a guy in the back and might have been our interferes. Someone just going
I got balls. I just have one at that: guy, we're it worthy into the our really yeah. There was reason this is superfine woke me. Maybe you know every week nobody really fun. If you want to do is sometimes we regulate, we can do this, and if it is, if we feel like it doesn't work out, we don't have to run it, but we should come. Bring our notebooks in if you just want to go through, like all the interesting just clean out just clean out of work, You know I'm in some of its not gonna, be great, but as an actual drawer full of voice tat. One of my I've, the next two weeks off and when my things to go through that draw my old jokes into Go through everything on the run, the old on the possible on the original incorrect and irrational, put politically correct and company centrally subdue that, like in the last chunk of the show, a bit more come out in his rider were come out. They would clean other no books, and I we love that about that show. We will come back some time you little if incorrect was great. What there was also a phenomenal I like the new one, but that alone is great
will they always comedy central, so is more focused on comedy necessarily even politics. You know, there's no. Eight nine years before coming centre was like the kind of had that daily. No political myself was really more about comedy than it was about. You know about events and it was a superbly Superfund show they re seriousness, I did I did it when I went to a busy. I did it a bunch of times and it was always kind of fun, but there was yet would you get these heeded? like there's the head of the Asia, you and you know, Rick's interim in their going at each other factors that I could say anything boobs. You know that's hard to get a word I get near. I did that show just lately. They each bill when they got so nervous. A canoe like I didn't want to say. First of all everyone, everyone is loaded with facts in their head and look at these giant brains come out with a really afraid as they can hold their heads up. Their tilted desire is therefore comes out of this house are over the north wind to find it doesn't have to be exactly an hour, but it but an hour's. You is. It is pretty good, pretty good time for protest pretty
rather the guy's George Coffee. I had your breakfast listen to this part cast during anymore, tiring. I hope the traffic is light. I hope the boss, a given you no more work. You gotta do all he's a real hot head ache boy. He sure is ride. My hope that is something that people say jobs. But drew thank you so much for letting us come to your. How I say thank you for being here, but were excellent. Our house, which is awesome and Gautier humped, arise that area of up. My dad had on a hunchback once PS its along longer story, but my dad Melick yeah In and she shot him down our still doing all Joel one of the hundred active you know sometimes truth is little stranger than fiction methods. While wait, wait on the show I damn had embody and his friend was like I'm going out with this girl she's bringing a friend her cousin. Will you please in my deadlock, sure and they shot the first girls really hot and second girls, literally a hunchback, so my dad's, like I'm dance,
with her, and I just I just have my hand on the hump. I don't know where to put it and he was and my dad coming out of the drugs there is like when I try to go for it, so we went to kiss her at the end of the day and also of all issues from Montreal, didn't speaking, English, so afraid of french Hunchback Forum for when the worst kind of contract law, and it s with a hundred. I guess article you drink exactly, let's what an american hunchback wouldn't put his Budweiser right on top and with that We take it to the end of the show the end you probably such has been taken advantage of recent you think yeah like there's got to be some joke the next day. I don't blame her. For that more than tat. I blame her. I blame her for not wanting my dad now being noticed.
Transcript generated on 2020-07-16.