« The Joe Rogan Experience

#1039 - Iliza Shlesinger

2017-11-14 | 🔗
Iliza Shlesinger is a comedian, host, and writer. She was the 2008 winner of NBC's Last Comic Standing and went on to host the dating show Excused and also Separation Anxiety on TBS. Her new book "Girl Logic: The Genius and the Absurdity" is available now on Amazon.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
hey laid his judgment well the going on i got a bunch new comedy days are going to be announced well i announced in today i am headed to austin texas in january 25th houston on the 26th durham carolina on the 27th february 15th bakersfield for any given yes some love bakersfield fresno on the 16th santa barbara on the 17th and then march on the fifteen i'm in new orleans i haven't been in new orleans and forever ever sixteenth miami and then march 17th orlando this is not the end this is just the last dates before i fill my next netflix troll then nam she's in april may and june i'm going to roll out a bunch of other ones so a lot of place
like chicago and toronto on that are not on the list that i said they were going to do i'm still doing it's hard to book these things in that most theaters and places that i book there da way way in advance so it's it's it's hard to go to the places that you want to go especially the larger venues so i'm doing my best but that's all going to be tomorrow which is wednesday november the 15th that's when everything goes live that's when all of these dates go on sale pre sale i don't know what the difference between pre sale and sale is i don't get it i don't understand it i don't think there code either i don't know if there's a code they haven't told me yet but i'm not announce everything tomorrow i'll tweet it i'll put it up on facebook and i'll put the code up but these things go quick so that's
joerogan dot net slash tour for all that stuff in this episode the podcast it's brought you buy stamps dot com you don't have to go to the post office you don't you might think you do but you don't all you need to do is go to stamps dot com the us post service ladies and gentlemen allows you to buy and print official us postage for letters or packages at your convenience twenty four slash seven with stamps dot com you can print postage any class of mail right from your own computer the exact amount of postage every time never under pay again stamps dot com if you time and money which allows you to grow your business it's convenient it's z it's reliable and efficient and you can buy and print official us postage for any letter any package any class of mail using your own computer and printer it's very easy stamps dot com what they do is they
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enter the code word rogan in the referral box at checkout that's legalzoom dot com use the code word rogan and we're also brought to you by square space square space which is the answer to the question only the website one why new lot of people didn't know what to do until square space came along square space has made it super fucking convenient an it an awesome platform to build websites if you know how to use a computer like doing regular but you can make an awesome website with square space i'm telling you it's fucking simple drag and drop easy to use user interface no nonsense no bullshit so simple if you can attach a photograph to an email if you can move files around on your computer you can use square space and you can make a killer professional website they have beautiful designer templates and a ton of different looks
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twenty four slash seven award winning customer support an nothing to patch or upgrade ever make a recess god damn it you can do it make it stand out make a beautiful website with square space again go to squarespace dot com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer mojo to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain yes we did it my i guess today is a young aliza's lessenger she has a new book out it's called girl logic and we had a wonderful conversation i know her very well from the comedy store and from the comedy scene and we had a great talk so i hope you enjoy
please give it up for aliza the joe rogan experience trying my day joe rogan podcast by night all day so tell me about your bull wow it's about feminism i just want women to feel good i got it here girl logic what is the difference between grow that genius in the absurdity was a different girl logic and boy logic or do you know 'cause i don't know i can't tell you exactly the way men think 'cause i think if i did that would be like slow your roll the this book is about me he sort of noticing that women are always called crazy psycho psycho pass like a you know which she's insane we'll be right off women is crazy and women are ex did to be so many things to so many people at once and if these expectations that sort of have to take into account all of this and we try to be so many things at once and we have to take in so much stimuli to process
all that so our logic is sort of it's sort of it's like circum accuses way of thinking that seems insane slow that were down what was that sir come closer to sort of like you know like going around in circles right at work sitting in circle of coaches who big bird however i that i mean i've never heard that before so it's like i never heard of them mad cow thing you were telling me about that and i was like oh my god i was as you were talking about i was like please don't make me look stupid i don't know about l kevin crazy brains but i just be the boilerplate example is you know you say to a girl what do you want to eat and that's always an argument it's like this common trope like my wife could never figured out it has less to do with women wanting to be difficult and more pressure on just that one decision if i say pizza am i doing a diet do i have to be in a bathing suit later did i go to the gym already am i expected to be thin in the society and we take all of this into account for every make a decision and it's all but processing how we don't let everyone including ourselves down and all the thought that goes into it
well now this is you specifically like obviously you're not speaking for all women but i actually had the title i got the rights to it hold ten women they're like it's cool so we need here's honoring the fact that we get painted with these broad brush strokes and there's so many and there's just so much that goes into the littlest things because we have to take into account how other people feel so it easy to say oh just be yourself but when you're a woman other peoples perception you can have detrimental effects on your future on your safety on your health she seems like so she deserved it she seems like a bitch i don't want to give her a chance you know so our versus the way that we are we're we're constantly wrestling with these two sort of realities yeah yeah i i've often wondered like if you could like i believe that one day they're going to be able to you know
we have transgender people right we have people who decide to have operations decide to take hormones but i think one day they're going to be able to literally turn a person into a woman with like a yeah well not with some sort of treatment i just feel like it sounds crazy to say today people say no you can't change your chromosomes well today you can't change your chromosomes but two hundred years ago the idea of sending a video to someone in australia would be ridiculous right so what we've been able to do just over a short period of time relatively is pretty staggering and if you look like what they're doing with crisper you crisper is gene editing tools that they keep evolving there they've they've gotten them to the point where they're starting to work on human embryos nonviable human embryos in there they're changing the expressions of certain changes change jeans august in jeans for certain diseases and there's
this chair i knew was expensive the chair but it can drop if you want to yellow rose to my heart interesting but the idea is that they're going to be able to like make designer people sure right this this is less this is you know you're a woman obviously with by genetics and your i but this book is all about experiences in this is more societal base this is less about what you're born as that's what i was going to say i was saying if if you could like i've wondered like if that was a possibility they could reverse it what i want to be a woman for like a week for a week but i mean see just to six to play with us just writing stuff up there but i think that like we don't don't know about the closest you come to understanding a man or a woman if your manner if you're the opposite sex i think is living with one sure or
having one having one yeah yeah that's a big one for me was having daughters and just get to seeing how they interact sure from time there one until you know they're older it's some of its by yeah you know this whole you know when we have talked about someone else but still the sort of women excluding other women so this goes back to when we were hunters and gatherers if you didn't want someone to live you turn your back on them and you wouldn't share information and then you in your offspring will die right so some of you see is a little girls like their means they're mean to each other now and as you go how you know you're taking in all of this stimuli from society all the messages and we have to process these things and then eventually get old enough for like it i'm gonna do it my own way but there's still expectations place and a lot of them are conflicting like polar opposites like you have to be sexy but also do me outgoing but too pushy and two pushing outgoing their relatives did
on who's in your path so and women to take these things into account because we got to do everything second we didn't create professional or or corporations were late to the game for everything so it's a man's world and you do have to take into a those rules and it sucks but these are all the things that we have to factor in making decisions and there's always going to be a certain amount of resentment if someone tries to do it a woman's way rather than a man's are yet to issue so it's it's never gonna stop running you you have allergies i don't know my nose is always run a little mmhm to cope much i hate i hate when people don't so much from you yeah i know so little i don't know how you get coke up there you have coke rocks and get stuck in your nose holes are still stuck up there like i've wondered like i will i don't work right i don't have a shop a real job and i haven't had one in a long long time so the idea
like having a boss is alien to me and had a female boss is even more you want to make sure so i was talking to someone who has a woman boss and we were saying that there is an entry the thing that happens where a woman can do the exact same thing and she's a or is it the guy does it he's stern or as a hard or the no it's a it's all this it's a you know as women age their gross and men are austere the regal sex you know and right that's those are kind of basic examples you know and i think we're moving away from that more nuanced things i like you really can't identify with workplace issues i talked to some friends of mine are like i hate that i have to dumb things down or people and in my domain like i work very hard to be the one in charge and don't speak to me that way because they're opening for me
right right right it just i don't have that hierarchy so were there the manager of the club or in your opinion anyway so but it doesn't mean that i don't have a sort of sympathy for that and i don't understand what it feels like to be discounted so last time you had a job job oh my god job job our job job was probably two thousand four five clicks relatively recently and twelve years fifteen years ago yeah i wasn't mentally isn't that much for it was kind of relaxed you know but it wasn't like i wasn't trying to get ahead at that job two thousand and six that being eleven years ago that it's like you're like a base maybe seven year maybe maybe two thousand and seven ok so ten years ago or whatever yeah you really are different human so like d remember it very well like what was the job i was the last job i had i was an assistant in the marketing department of a large company that dealt with like blackjack it was a
actually it was like a new kind of blackjack interesting and so but this like now jewish guy hired me and i was just there to answer the phone if anyone ever called make some press kits like it was donkey work and you were obviously doing standup was doing stand up at night and i would like spend the days sort of like soliciting people if i could get a spot on the show making flyers like i just use it as my own office and i didn't have also the environment like i could wear pajamas to work like no one ever came to our office also it's barely barely a regular yeah there's definitely i was like i'm in the workforce now i think that regular jobs there dobby see huge problem with the nine dynamic that men and women have a regular jobs but there's a problem with men and men in regular jobs like i don't think that it's normal for people to be working on top of each other is doing something you don't want to do not for long stretches of time i think it's very difficult to be yourself you if all these restrictions on your language and the way you're allowed to communicate with each other and then you're obviously doing something
all day that you would rather not be doing so i have to thoughts on that one it's interesting because we have this corporate structure which is really designed to minimize suing and to minimize issues but since humans aren't meant to be put in these boxes i think it perhaps creates more problems were two confined but it's interesting i open a lot of my snaps on snapchat and you'll always get ones that are like four hundred and forty i can't wait for this day to be over hate work don't want to go into work it's all about hating your job which i don't understand 'cause i love my job and i work very hard to have a job that i enjoy but i don't know with everybody i talked in my book about your passion and finding it and whenever you can find it not everybody is meant for greatness not everybody is meant to be happy and some people are dumb and i this sounds terrible like i'm designing some master plan but some people need to just go and do this shitty job
contributing issue not everybody is meant like just goes like some hitler eugenics shit your break here make my fucking phone be quiet because if you think about the majority of people you talk to like some people are not bright and no you don't have the mental wherewithal to carve out your own happiness so you feel like that's a genetic thing or is that an environmental thing i don't think it's a religious thing no i don't know i don't know it just it's all kinds right it does take all kinds but i will always wonder like is it what i have experience in their life is at the family environment they grew up in is it just there straight raw genetics some people are just dumb i know but what is nature versus nurture fix that well i will see this i do think it's more furniture than anything because i they go and i read the kids at this elementary school and they're all latino paul speaks about every there's not a blonde kid in the group and i
it's very easy to write off minorities you know they don't speak their parents don't speak english whatever and the kids are so fucking smart and like they're like four years old and their reading an there guessing things and they speak two languages and you it chills 'cause you're like i don't know if you to have the opportunities i had and that kills me 'cause i can see that you're smart and you want like take one which is illegal and like put them in a good school but i mean just the way the world i suppose i think it's diet too i think diet is a huge part of plays a huge part in the way a child's mind and body develops i read this article i want to say i was in the atlantic but it was about sort of the language surrounding and propaganda surrounding clean eating and how that term shames people who are poor because you're suggesting that their food is dirty which it is too it is an extent but how clean is for rich people that's a silly way of describing it no
it's not that's not what it means it means a lack of preservatives right and bullshit but that's all in twinkies are afford people were filled with garbage yeah but let us is affordable too i mean it's not expensive to eat clean no in terms of its expensive you want to go to whole foods but you have to define clean to everyone is different right so it's a weird it is and this is just one interesting just one take on it i don't know if i totally agree with it but like i did the ordering the kettle genic diet and my father isn't do everybody takes these exo kita gens i guess and he's like my mind is sharp i'm focused and i think there was a have a power suggestion but i definitely don't have an enerji dip and i feel like my body burning clean field very legit i mean there's a lot of science behind it there's a podcast i did pretty reese with a guy named tom dogs you know who's a scientist and doesn't a lot of clinical research on key to jack diet and he he
can give you like real raw hard data but there's a there's a big issue with your body burning off car hydrates especially in particular refined carbohydrates and then spy of insulin and then the dips that you just feel terrible and you need a nap in the middle of the day i had been operating that way for so long i'm not saying i'm in light now on this will be it for ever but i was like yeah you just take a nap president takes an out people most of europe takes a nap you take a nap and i started doing this and i was just on this press tour and i went into it and this is time is just knowing that a change is possible is almost more important than the outcome i went on this thing in new york and every time you do presents like you're up at six a dot m you're done at seven p dot m and it's a gauntlet and i always feel disgusting and tired and bloated and this time i was like i'm just going to i'm going to do the ketogenic diet go out and i never needed a nap i didn't feel i outgrew my clothes like i felt like a human and i felt city which is such a weird thing but like there's nothing worse bloated as a girl and it's got to be the diet
burning clean fuel and there's no dips if you think about every time you reach for a snack which is so easy or piece of candy in a green room you're doing that to you the spikes and that's exhausting that's why you're napping at four hundred o'clock everyday yeah it's not good for you and we're not designed to consume food like that just not all these refined carbohydrates it's a massive part of the modern diet and it's a really recent last few hunt years humans have had in the last one hundred years it's changed pretty radically i went to this thing called the summit which is kind of a giant ted talk and i did some stand up there and so it's just end up at it yeah i just went how many people did stand up there is just meet ben glebe invited me and so i went what is ben doing there he did some sand before and so i after you know it's fosters this environment of sort of open mindedness and just talking you can just talk to people and it was the first week of the
diet so i have the keto flu and i believe the comedy store one i had a second show and i was talking to steve simone about cheese and i almost threw up and i was like i have to go home because like my own diet it was making me so nauseous 'cause that's part of it you get sick at the beginning i never got i just got tired i got it too point where it was fucking with my workout so my workouts felt flat butt exogeneous ketones are the way to kill that so i was taking those two but it's also your kind of like you're reading stuff so you're kind of sussing out what works for you and trying to find the right balance anyways but i was feeling well but i was talking to everyone about this diet i was like this could not be more la i'm like hi analyzed i'm on a diet check it out like on the keto diet and the keto diet puts bigger and it's also like an intense thing like you're changing everything so when you say you have a diet people want to tell you what's wrong with it and i was like my fave
part of it is people telling me how wrong i am for spending all this money in doing this and this one guy came up and you look move vegan i was like ok and he starts explaining why he's basically a better person and uh but your shoes are leather so fuck you i was like okay you he's like you're impacting the world in a negative way i'm like okay but do you recycle no like we all do what we can and you're not a better person just because you happen to eat only herbs and maybe you don't drive a prius like who knows where you're making your sugar problem is the desire to project that on people absolutely like this i don't i'm not telling anyone to do it i was just saying what i'm doing i'm going to mean you're not saying you're a better person no but him saying he's a better person for that i didn't say who is acting like you know i'm saying that's one of the reasons why people do this is moral high ground that they take that being said that being said when i see people eating garbage i do feel superior i'm not what you realize they're doing something bad with their body it's the way i feel when i see if someone smoking cigarettes man but
i'm going to say something to you you should walk up to him and start coughing ok can i tell you yes i was at starbucks the other day and i just was in the grab an espresso shot 'cause i have one every time i work out an we're going and there's a girl there and like we're comics so a big part of our job is you're scanning people identifying what they are making assumptions 'cause we're usually right so it's good in front of me and she's standing there holding a snacks would usually right we're usually right that's why we're successful and she's holding her snacks and can see that she's kind of weighing her options when i see your example yeah i see your grab a banana so to me for the most part when women do that it is about a dietary thing you're trying to lose weight she look like she was maybe going to gym i don't know so just to be a good girl to another girl i just i thought she was making like a sugar based decision i go bananas full of sugar
just i didn't know that i did it because someone told that too because your think bananas healthy you put in this movie or shake i don't know it so much sugar so i just said it just as a like a girlfriend i don't know this either and so she and and oh god what she says she looked at me and she said something and shoes and then the the the poorest alike gotta tune she goes fruit has a lot of sugar i go well blueberries have a load by cemic index and just bananas have more i just didn't know that was it i was just trying to be cool i leave i'm walking through courtyard and i hear this excuse me and it's the girl for instance she goes did you know dying your hair causes cancer over those it in the place i go the banana sugar she goes but it has potassium and i go but we don't really potassium does doing i mean we know it's in bananas like i was just trying to be funny right now i leave and she comes across as you guys do you know the dying her causes cancer jokes but she was talking with and i go yeah but there's a lot of potassium and hair dye
and she goes you really shouldn't tell people what they should and shouldn't eat you don't know what i'm going through and i was like i do now crazy so crazy yeah she was that is crazy that is crazy is crazy girls are crazy oh for sure oh yeah some people are fucking if you're going to like your tickle me in a courtyard and tell me to go fuck myself 'cause i just said bananas have she got like so offended well you are slim and maybe she was not she was fine she was fine with fine yes fine maybe she has a body image thing who doesn't my pie thing is if you can't suss out but i was just making tommy super comfortable his body yeah but the point is and i asked everyone else like was i wrong and so sometimes you just catch someone like i've always described it this way like most people all day long if you're lucky people are at it like a two or three at a ten on the outrage scale but you might run into someone who's out of nine they might have just got dumped their car might be
getting repossessed they might have just got fired they not just got yelled at by their mom there might be like a whole series of things and then you were behind her with the fucking banana banana sugar this bitch if you're listening which i doubt it 'cause you don't seem like the kind of person that wants to be enlightened but if you're listening this is not get apology she knows about cancer in hair dye and that's what she wanted to tell you well i'm not going to not be blonde walk around with like roots just because it causes cancer and maybe i'm sorry if i offended you i'm so free banana lady banana ladies do you need a hug does hair dye acts cause cancer i've never read what doesn't like what doesn't invite while living in a city causes cancer for sure oh my god's got a big time they say they say they say that living near a highway i give you live within a certain distance of a highway can shave ten years off your life i believe
but not just from smog but anxiety i believe twitter is slowly killing us to really do and i have a foil help to prove i the amount of anxiety it causes i think the bad far outweighs the good do you do you like read comments and talk back to people in a conversation now and i had a conversation at the improv where you are france like a year ago you were getting into it with someone god damn it i wish i could remember what it was about but you are fucking pissed and you were frantic we've been going at it with all these people and they were pissed at you team member what it was meant to make america great again thing that i went through which was horrible but i could have been something about racism sounds like my running with magga maybe that's what it was but we were in the front of the improv and you are so fucking frantic and angry and frustrated and i said let's just don't read that stuff just don't don't
don't engage like you would engage those people in real life no you like to write but i have so i'll have to talking to him 'cause they say this i can generally tell you this i gave it up i had like my own thing i did this interview and some girls go like butt hurt over something and it then that i was like you know what i'm done i'm done reading all of this so i'll skim it once in awhile for like like a re tweet about something or someone's posting something but i if you look at my tweets there all sort of self generating there's there's no responses anymore i just decided like you're following me for a reason so what i say is is what i'm saying and i don't need to backtrack and that's just the stance that i've again because it really is like screaming into a pillow that's all it is like
with all and by the way don't you find interesting things you find interesting things and then tweet him out to people like hey look at this cool article i just read and i will retweet peoples things if i think someone's brilliant there's this girl just to work who i can't stop talking about who she's like single handedly upend the trump administration like her tweets are so brilliant in just to whack how is this for a i think its d w e c k i think our phone she's just so good and i just believe in if something's good perpetuating it and it out there so retweet hers if somebody says something funny every tweet it but and but i don't answer people d w fifty w e c k just get ready for a boost yeah they're just hot fire but she does a good job so i like to read we don't need to work the drawback is her her name she was on a show i did let night i did a women only invite show and she did it yeah could i go if i wore drag no i'm not allowed to know
can i be like what if identifies woman says people ask that and i just like you you can come but no one did that you can come identify if you're a trans woman i'm not going to be the one to tell you if you just figured it out like five minutes before this year here's why you can't because a lifetime as a woman you were always a man you probably just aren't going through the same things that a woman who is a woman was born a woman in but you can come i'm not going to be the one to say no what's your stand transracialism the oh oh sorry no no yeah that like the rachel dawes all your sins i don't think it works you can't be another race well how can you be a woman then how can a man be a woman what if you really if a man feels like he's a woman why is that different than a man feeling keys like there was one i tweeted yesterday a guy believes he's filipino he was born
i think he's trans gender as well he's got both things going on you there's people that don't like who they are and they feel like a radical shift there is let me see the racial man born white says he feels filipino and by the way that makes it into usa today is he a nurse dressed in scrubs maybe that's why he feels filipino that scrubs it's like tie dye it looks like scrubs this is where he has purple highlights in his hair can i just say that it seems to the issue is when white wants to be another color everybody has been forced to sort of take on white characteristics black girls fly in their hair nose jobs about sammy sosa yeah and getting like do you know what he looks like now yes i do because he looks like you he looks just like the nose he doesn't he knows but he has like literally your color skin so my best friend her wife is dominican and she put send a picture of it and she was like this is not a joke it's so sad that he feels that he
to do this yeah holy shit just look at that he's that white concert the gerber baby i'm i guess he got off the steroids and that's where his body sort of started getting up and doesn't work out anymore so pretty he's big now globally white is outraged when you try to be white i think people of color get angry when it goes the other way right because they're like you don't get to just take on our look as a costume but i think that's the social issue yeah not for sure but that's that's i guess that's my only answer right but what if that's what you really feel like you would be happy maybe it do it do it privately where is there a dominican day parade costume under your overcoat we can get away with some of it right like affectations like you can get away with like if your rapper you could sort of talk for mc search i think it's like teetering on that line whose empty search you don't remember base he's the have a tv show in it was horror
football it was a talk show but he was going to keep it real and white yeah it was so bad that opie and anthony used to play clips mc searches show him yes that's him is jewish 'cause we do this we love hip hop yes yeah that comment from back in the day i was a big fan of third base i love them as a band but his shop you know what his show here's a difference between his show and what his show could be yeah he that's awful but he he's being choked out by key result he was also wearing makeup and he's also being i'm sure produced you gotta be yourself and you can't be yourself if you wanna fucking network you just can't they're not going to let you they're going to force you into some boxer going to going to figure
way to sell yeah like this what you're gonna be you're gonna be the this guy i did a pilot for him hey he search i think it was oxygen and they were like we need you to say things like keep it one hundred who can you say that for me keep it one hundred i like it all keep the one i was like this nobody says that you stupid it was awhile ago but this is so dumb they are people right that they don't fuck and say it no one says keep it one hundred you dumb cunt who are you who are you i don't have a pilot with them but it's always that i was watching tv and the appetizing is always one step removed from what's like cool now right because by the time they push it through corporate it's too late it's like yeah it was at like guess what no one saying it anymore right remember was i remember that one guy that had that great video where it was like him call his friend was at translate was up it was hilarious that was like the 90s right here's another in the bothers me when people say i almost threw up in my mouth you didn't invent it stop using it commercial yeah that's not good
yeah there's a bunch of those that they use they go ooh this will connect with the kids will be able to sell more things well the worst when execs go we but we want to make a viral video like you can't becomes viral it goes viral will make of uh world video and then was the other one when people it's bingeable when i was on freeform what's been your but we want everyone to binge and like you don't decide that you're going to binge it just because you put all your content out there yeah you binge things because you decide bingeable taught now it's fresh oh god how can you be in that industry and keep it real that's what i wanna know can you keep it real can you keep one and look at that lady what is she doing is she the or she are you sure she's dabbing she just doing tai chi in the park on dead definitely says on assured that she doesn't know she's wearing didn't realize i can't read the long wind no one hundred fifty thousand years old hashtag keep pounding we think it's
so funny when old people talk as if they never young and fucking like as if they've never had sex right like that lady probably at one point in time was a dick conness sore and now she's out there in the park not knowing what the fuck she's wearing so we had to kind of sore in the park that's probably the best place probably to be sampling deck probably hard to get a good one now when the at that age sprite real tough because it's all about and through the azam dues are pretty down with the old ladies like old dudes yeah oh yeah well that's an issue a friend of mine on one of his buddies worked at a old folks home and said that one of the big issues was these old guys would get vi aggre yeah and these old ladies they didn't give a fuck and a lot of them are on antidepressants so that like la la who gives a shit like there on xanax and getting std's will
oh that that's something that i heard about like it's rampant because that's happening that's probably really bad when your old right my god like your body doesn't heal oh good no i mean if you left when your fucking ninety eight well herpes is like an attack on your immune system there goes the new erotic frontier sex in nursing homes and more recently nursing homes frowned on sex now increasingly they smile so it makes sense why why shouldn't have fun look at this when aubrey davidson age eighty five met a special guy hi at the hebrew home in riverdale in the bronx ny they did more than sit next to each other in the dining room then he invited her to his room they hung a do not disturb sign on the door and at breakfast the next morning and they both sported broad smiles terrable writing that is right but also called what is the top say the you see the new erotic frontier tycoon it's like sex in nursing homes like up there goes the boner
so it sounded so hot yeah that's not it's not exciting for me but there's a whole category on youporn for that so old people they some people do like watching old people you know when i watch the other day i'm not proud of it but i will admit to you i watched an old my special for i iwatch and old porn stars still at stop highlighting i don't care provides exercise where this topic and at the time of life when many elderly feel cold sleeping is a pair provides warmth that's cute i look at this though go back to go back to that relation chips make people happier in the happiness reduces stress and irritability and improves mood appetite sleep associates lillian immune function so do plants read that first so how dare you read them for senses the hebrew home that first one at the bottom bye the hebrew home does more than tolerate resident nookie who wrote this the faculty
whole probably someone who works at the heb home propaganda the faculty holds reg we are happy hours dance is an even organized a dating service for residents g date jefe or grandparents i like it that's great whatever no ones getting hurt cares and they're enjoying them people fought for our country then probably did learn fuck this is like an age like it might have been a few draft dodgers from vietnam and that makes everybody about korea but by the way forgotten war by the way neither one of those wars but they really fighting for our country but no but they still went they still went to vietnam is a draft that was a horrible thing but they still went they still went this not their fault it was a bullshit war is bullshit war for sure but it's not their fault was the most bullshit war the most bullshit war was the most bullshit war because it was literally founded on bullshit do you know about the gulf of tonkin i know about the vietnam war of you know as a false flag that got us into
mom never happened this gulf gulf of tonkin incident as i'll take it a step further i think the threat of communism is something that we like to do to scare americans anne the poor laotians just got caught in the middle of all of this went to vietnam and they still have sorry i went to cambodia and they still have like active minds 'cause they drop we dropped you think more bombs it was several million or something and it's still an active thing like people are still losing body parts to this sure farmers so we're just like whoops a daisy sorry and they're not an angry people i don't know if the threat of communism was pursue leave does real because i think if you look the rest the world like we're obviously in conflict with the soviet union they were worried about china that you know that marxism in mile and all the did the various issues that people are overcome i think they were worried that communism was going to spread i think it's just one of those things where once a witch
don't start yeah like the mccarthyism error that's that's really fucking scary that shit where they were and after people and ruining their lives they went to a meeting sure like if you went to but communist meeting i mean we definitely blacklisting people you know and it's a fine line 'cause it like well you're an american so you have these rights and like who is deciding that line i wonder if we're kind of getting into that now with what we're able to say online with the whole sexual predator thing which you want to draining a swamp like it's great it's happening now but then you're going get guys were like i never did anything it's like well sorry now no one wants to work with you but there's people that are absolutely multi that are getting caught and then there's people for sure they're going to get accused by people who i just want attention you're going to that too but i think you're going to have way less of that i think you have less of that 'cause i think the stakes are so high that
you do that for you to be the type of person that accuses someone just for your own personal gain right i feel like it's not going to happen as much just because it's such a serious thing right now is that just your thing but there's so much weirdness to a george the car right a guy says he grew dick in one thousand nine hundred and eighty one hey dude he let it go walked at off walk it off i'm sorry it's also it's not as damaging as it is when a man does it to a young woman percent thank you for saying that is so that's so true i've been saying this on stage and i have a bit i don't want to reveal it here but there's a big difference between being threatened for your life like if your deal sing with a situation like all right this is not to throw louis ck under the bus but someone was saying like what's the big deal someone masturbating in front of you this is this is what i said they've never had it happen you're a man a woman was masturbating in front of me i would not be worried not threaten for your safety i would exactly that would be like ok
i you want to do that high but if a man is doing it and they're blocking the door and it's a man that fit look i was in the the green room now the room the uh the bar the comedy store little narrow pathway in this guy walked by about three month go and he was six foot seven three hundred plus pounds and he when he walked by me i just looked at him he looked at me i got physically nervous yeah physically nerve sure like i was thinking ok if this guy decided he was going to kill me is going to smash me there's almost nothing i could but he's so much bigger than me that is how almost every woman fields around a large man this is the thesis for my last special for confirmed kills i talk about it at length how
all goes back to the fact all of the suppression all of your nervousness is a woman all of it goes back to the fact that men are physically stronger than women in my whole joke is if we were stronger women were stronger we wouldn't have waited for the right to vote we've been like i'm going to the poles out of the way jedediah like it just so it all goes back to that an i think for some guys it's hard to grasp what that feels like to feel physically inferior because it's not mental mentally inferior it's not someone's funnier your life is threatened when a guy blocks the or when a guys in your weight when you're in some guys home and maybe he doesn't want to hear no he can kill you that's all the guy that's not that much bigger than me is still exponentially stronger than me and that's just the they were designed it's not every woman is not every man but women live with that fear so it's so insane you know they're like he jerked off in front of them and at the time you know this is a very valid thing like at the time i didn't know it was happening because
brain isn't designed to handle like a famous comedians in front of me i'll file this away well not only that how about it comes out of the blue how about you about you trying to process that you and i are friends we've been friends for long time if we in some hotel room somewhere and i said can i jerk off in front of you you feel be like what you probably would this is not like a rational request like hey do you want to get some food hey right let's let's go to the bar hey there's no neurological path to this works like this will go to the food bar and get food you just open the door and dropped off a cliff and you're just grabbing on to anything so they giggle they laugh 'cause that's a natural reaction you're like ok you can't it's happening a lot of girls like alley reisman just came out the gym nest heard the olympic dr was molesting her and another well yes friend the guys already in prison for child porn which is so insane i think at the time
especially when you're younger i have good friends who are like i was basically raped or assaulted and at the time you're laughing going along with it because you don't know your brain is like almost shutting down you're like i don't know that it's not okay most but if you're really young right shore mean your you a young kid and you're not exactly sure you don't have a context for this action right so so that's happening you don't know just don't you don't understand i almost got scooped buy child molester once when i was really young i was like i guess so eight or nine i was in the library and i was looking at these books and this guy came up to me i was looking i was it really wasn't in a monster books like monster movies and this guy came up to me like you like you like monster books and i go yeah and he goes i've got some monster books in my car you want to see him so ok got a monster in my pants i didn't know any better fucking eight years older windows so i start walking out to his car in the library and see
him and me and start screaming said joseph you keep away from that man he just got out of jail i was brian and i ran to her the guy ran away but i think to myself like i no idea i didn't know what a child molester was sure i didn't understand you don't know and even if you tried to touch you you're like the feels weird i know i don't like this it's just it's a great area and our our sexuality dr right for a doctor to like abuse abs and you think maybe he's touching me he needs to be doing i don't know right what went on but you sexuality especially you're younger is so vulnerable like if you want to up a girl's life all you gotta do is go over and like grab oops as an adult and like that's it just go up and grab some young kids deck like touch is and you're like it's such a precious vulnerable thing fact that any of us get out unscathed is a i had another one when i was fourteen not thirteen wasn't in high school yet this was like the year before high school i used to go fishing at this lake and
this old dude used to come by the like he was jogging all the time me and my buddies would fish there and he was a former professor and he and talk to us he's always like really smart and articulate and interesting to talk to and it would sit with us well fishing and talk to us is was always super friendly in the drought drive drive off runoff and then one day i went over his house and i didn't think anything of it 'cause i've been around the sky all the time and he he he watched me pee in the bathroom then think anything of that either like grown man watch me p like normal and then in like maybe a week later he showed up at the pond where would fish and he was drunk and he told me he loved me and i remember thinking like uh i don't know yeah ok i like you too so we come fishing at the time i was like what the fuck is this car going on about an we're in
weird area of the pond it was like no one around and was like out trees and bush and it was sketchy and i remember i said this to me said something about something along the lines of you can't have love without sex just out of the blue opening yeah he said he loved me and he said you know you can't be any love without sex and i why it and i had a nice remember i had a knife and i put my hand in my pocket i like a little folding knife and i held onto it in my pocket and i told him he had to get away main i'm leaving and he told me overreacting and i reeled in my line and got out of there but i was like this guy one to do something to me i'm thirteen no i can't do anything about it maybe i might be able to stab i'm probably not you know it's definitely i think about that because
especially as a girl i hate to keep saying that but it really does like it does affect us the most and you know you get in these boomers like you like i'll just get in with this dude i'll just get in this cab and i hope that he's not going to snap today you know even a cab it's a guy's actual car right so it's even more whatever argument or just walking or it's basically you're at the you know you have to keep if we vigilant about it because like if somebody just decide this is what i'm going to do and we're all going well to rescind that decides to take out an a k forty seven or drive his car into groups were all just sitting ducks right now all the prep in the world you can't fight a gun with your fist you can't outweigh a man with your body mass as a woman in a row the girl and you know i don't know i think about those things and so that's why it's tough
walking in your girl and some guys like smile you're like i'm just trying to survive just a smile and that such a bully move because those guys who do that they're only doing that because they're bigger and stronger than you and by the way smiling because as we cause of wrinkles where if you have met game tomorrow i don't know about that but if you like the reason why guy will do that is 'cause he can like a guy is not going to do that to a bigger man you know i'm saying like the bigger man walks by hey smile fuck you you know what i'm saying like rape your ordering someone to do something you ordered but moreover i'm is trying to i'm putting on a face just saying i don't to be bothered because i'm scared and i'm trying to get from point a to point b yeah and your preying on the vulnerability thinking that i want that if i want to see your dick i'll tell you if i want to talk to you i'll look at your not thinking that you want that what they're doing is they're realizing that you don't want to have anything to do with them and by saying that they have like this power to affect you well what's scary launch smile wouldn't look like such a right and we
scary is then if you don't i don't know wrath that's going to occur when say off right now i'm on the other the street right and it street funny 'cause i and i talk about the special so not trying to do a bit this is such a common conversation we have this thing more a guy says something doing who sweetheart and you're like fuck offen you get tough immediately followed by twenty always are not like oh my god please don't don't follow me of course we came out of the show last night this girls night in showing everybody was feeling great walk outside like dude anybody got a loader you're walking to a group of five girls having a lively conversation you put yourself in the middle and i walked i i'm not doing that and he likes started chirping at me with your problem who the lawyer and my fucking dumb friends like i think i do sir and i'm like this is not the time to demonstrate how compassionate you are don't give him a light like there's no reason to go anywhere else your ob
i see a crazy person but that's another incidents were instance rather wear a guy will do that because he's bigger because you can get away the guys not going to do that to a group of know i that's this is the reason why he's doing he's doing it because he's is imposing for like the big dog jerking to room in this case and sometimes you know for shows like i have security there after and it's not you know not be and say it's not like people are throwing themselves at me but i've found just having uh large man even if it's a friend of mine standing to me deterrence even the beginnings the inklings of a let me step to her and see what's going to happen must for having one there that's going to be a thing with girls that's different with god like got people get obsessed with people got upset girl girls get obsessed with guys there's a lot of out there that are unstable and they lock on someone to get obsessed with them short but if a man gets obsessed with you sexually that becomes a giant issue
there is no separation by the way you can't just be obsessed with me because you're like oh i just she's brilliant i'm totally normal like now they want relationship with you right had that happen i had a stalker it was a couple years ago and i did a show in michigan was at michigan now university of delaware and i was going again the next day and and the it was a college obviously and the woman working there there which goes hey there's a guy here he says your cousin and i was like i don't have a cousin in delaware so she leaves she comes back she goes says he's a comic from la and i'm like i don't know any comics from delaware also and then she leaves she comes back she goes he says i go stop stop coming back to me this is obviously several attempts i security has to walk me out to the car so we do that and so i had it kind of in my mind like somebody did something so i can go to michigan and i'm in you can there festival the next day and the sick and i i mentioned it just kind of mention
this happened yesterday and secure god comes over and he was like yeah there was a guy waiting in the hallway after we cleared it and when i talked we kind of ran away and i i got his name i think he likes size id for a second but i was like trying to get him but he was creepy enough that security like caught it so they showed me the surveillance tapes you see nothing but a grainy face and like a black leather jacket and what they thought his name was so a couple weeks i had i was going to play south by southwest so i told my manager about it so she tells he there my buddy i'm not going to say his name because he's very shy is ex army ranger and works for the contract with the government and so i told him so he called the fbi and they gave him with just the grainy photo and we thought his name was and they found who he was just some nut who of course has guns and has a record and lives office family money somewhere in rural whatever and i was at south by sw and i given and i felt
bad and this is goes to women feeling bad for taking up space there were way more famous other than me but here i am i can't pick up my badge i go talk to the police like i had to have an escort everywhere i'm doing like a bar show no i'm just there to hang out with my friends and i had to have somebody all three shows and i i felt embarrassed because i have this police escort and like huge movie stars are there and they don't even have that and i didn't want anyone to look at me like who does she think she is but i was scared and he and so was the last show and i thought it was in the clear i go why do my set and one of cops comes over there like he showed up and we caught him but had they not been there and they talked him i guess they put the fear god in him 'cause they're like she doesn't want to talk to you and he goes oh i don't want to hurt her and i'm changing your version of her and mine are very different like i need my skin you probably don't think it hurts to take it off of me we'll put up hope how about you don't want to talk to him period like
i don't want to hurt her but i do i need to talk to our looking never need now to some we don't need that and it's texas cop so it like they look they get super or are you in the fucking desert and they scare him off and i've never had to deal with him but for months at the improv at the store we had this guys picture up jesus christ and i did nothing you know it's just you decide like he goes she's communicate with me through meditation and kabbalah alright let him in like jewish meditation do that i think i was doing that for awhile jewish mysticism wasn't donna like tissues and their allies which all these people that are like koalas that have studied it for ever she's trying to like hackett yeah well it she is madonna she gets a velvet rope to the front of the line was janet jackson tour the velvet rope tour you're making a 90s pop reference no saying like she gets vip to the kabbalah sense
red swearing in the water what is kaballah like what what do you know anything about that is the study of jewish mysticism right so judaism is actually a very ancient sort of mystical spiritual religion and this a goes sort of back to its roots and it's something that you can't i've always been interested it you can't just pick up a book like it's law studying lot of like deep seated dice acting hebrew numbers you know it's not so you just decide you're going to do but i don't know much about it is it from ancient hebrew ancient before it gets yeah it's thank you for that weird language i would love to go it's like i'd love looking at old languages because you're looking at like some weird art form that way was the first forms of communication like if you look at you know ancient hebrew or ancient arabic kerr aramaic or something like that like that just the way those things are structured to with the senses
is now out have this some it's several hundred years old but it's a tie my bible and it's on my wall like i have it's written on these palm they they they took like palm wood and flattened it out and painted it so it's like this really like artistic weird it's framed but i just go buy it i look at it i'm like this is like i have no idea what the fuck it says but it's just cool to look at like sure weird way of writing and communicating people was also fascinating because like they had the urge that we do to record sure thanks people are gonna look at ours in a million years me like why are there all these egg plant emerges why is everything up and plays a role in that order why is everyone yellow but they but this say i was wonder did they have i mean obviously they don't have the same advances but like ancient greece like did they have like what were young people
going like was it what was your fun besides vomiting kind of a mature and wrestling right yeah well i would just love to be a fly on the wall back then i mean when you're talking about people that very little understanding of how the universe worked or their rudimentary understanding science just to hear the wisest of the wise amongst them try to figure out what makes every tick tock about how acne is the devil yeah we want to talk about how women were treated then that's what's really weird is like women have always been treated like shit always it's always been some weird sort of relationship between men and women 'cause we can get away with it that's real the bottom line about at all it's like what's have today i think is that because of the ability to express now like it's almost like some thing could happen to you in a bad way no one could know about it right right now everyone can know about it if you express it yeah if you express that everyone can know about everyone can know
sure and now everybody's realizing that and there's like a shift what it's like when black lives matter really came to the forefront you know when all these white people are like oh my god i didn't realize america was racist and black people like really cuz we did so all these women now like yeah the ship goes on all the time and i think about in comedy you know and i went on this like twitter rant the other day about it this idea it's an art comedy is art and people feel ownership over it so you get these like boys clubs you know i'm very lucky in that i have absolutely no like you get like it's a group of dudes that run the show and they don't like girls whatever it is or the way a lot of guys make women feel and it's so insane i'm like so because you moved to la a year before me and you and your at the same jerk off jokes you somehow do you own this art form that i've always felt a connection to my whole life just because you because i'm not only that i mean i don't mean to get it like you
stand but i mean does it happen to me is it happening no and the truth is i was a to avoid it because of what i did in my career early on because like winning a show like that makes you get headline so i never i see a respected it's not even that as much as i just was never in the trenches as much because i got to line which is always the goal like i just had a different path how much how much three years where you doing stand up before you one last comic standing wow that's crazy right so for me i'm even more firmly i planted in my in my convictions about sympathizing advertising with women who didn't have the same advantage and i wanted or anyone being bullied but i see it you know at club what we do in these are my home clubs and i love it coming up last ten years i've watched no he's a good guy and this guy cyst like systematically daily harasses women and all the guys like no he's more cool he's front were friends with him you know
looks like you've seen i've seen that i'm not going to say names but there are people who go out of their way to be horiffic and i never see the guys around us and these are all contemporaries say anything 'cause it's like now he's a good guy he's our friend and women will dm me female comics will send me messages this is happening to me he said this to me what do i do and i'm like all you can do is be kind work on your jokes that guy doesn't mean anything but it isn't it does mean something psychologically if you have to go to a club and you see that guy and if you see him right before you have a set all my god oh my god i've had no disagreement i was nervous this is a one night when you and i had that this is the thing about your new phone number i was like i want to run into joe chauffeured of but not us but someone as a friend of mine you know it's already such a weird thing to go to work but the girls like oh yeah i he told me i was funny he told me i was a slut he told me this he told me i was too xyz to this and just as if the guy
owns the art form when breaks my heart is like real comics like you are like sebastian like people i or mark merrin like guys that i look up to that i think are so brilliant they don't have time to it there and get in the head of a girl who's just trying to make fifteen box you know not your mo its own losers well i always feel that were on the same boat together and that if you the vagina and i have a penis it doesn't it were all comics like i think the really i mean that's got it sounds like even to be sincere sounds like such horseshit shipments this weird day and age because you feel like you're trying to cover up and try not those guys hey yeah but i'm not that harvey weinstein guy different unless you come with me yeah i'm a sweetie we could sleep on the couch together when you bother me but you know i mean like there's but i think it's very important that all of us that that work together look i can learn shit from comedy about from you i can learn
it from anybody i mean i've seen people do do stand they've seen you do stand up they do it different than maine we talk you got do method than i do there there might be something you see it's always brought peers it's art and we're players but you look i feel like that with friends and i feel like that with peers and i feel like that you gotta gotta be open and if you're not open you going to miss stuff you're also very secure and i really do believe that in security whether you're a woman hating another woman whether you're a dude trying to like step to another guy it all comes from and security yeah so when you're over run the show with my buddies or you know i've been doing three years i'm the world if you're told that you're that you're owed more right concord show but i should have more from this insecurity of if she get something that i deserve and it comes this place if you think you deserve something and that was a big thing for me after i did the show the men that
the tour with were horrific like me mental scars indelible marks on my brain horrific because there was this into i don't like how dare she take that you know how dare you win the show how dare you not roll over and die but so i see that and i i have to deal with it as much but my heart brakes because i wish that these girls five years later could look could realize from like a bird's eye view when it's happening like the tech has got nothing like if you really are going to be that mean fellow comic you obviously hate yourself so much yeah but you don't see that like i wouldn't see that sony hated me even if they were loser when someone hates you it's sucks no not hate yourself hate seems like if you're going to give someone hates on you because they themselves are still sucks i had a guy when i started i was doing these like comedy contest and like orange county which were total racket but i don't even know the guy i think he was another comic and he was like a middle aged dad and he would on a weekly basis right me hate email
calling me names that i never been called in my life i was like twenty three or something you are fucking bitch like just not me i didn't like someone being you don't know how to handle that no one i've never had a woman be that mean to me and so i took it i wrote back a couple times like what's your problem and it was cuz he was just a crazy person firing off at someone year later he wrote me an email to like i mean we have now i'm so sorry i've got a wife i've got kids so you enter into this art form and into the city with the best of intentions trying to keep your soul as clean as possible and you have no control over the crazy that's going to be in your path you only have control over how you heal from it i am yeah and i think every comic is crazy in a certain way sure is just no way around if you're funny never met a single funny one that wasn't fucking crazy they're all crazy it's just everyone's crazy is a different crazy well here's the other side of it so you get women and
and my whole thing is like you should be fired from your job for not being funny not because you didn't like fuck someone but i think some people take step further like more more for women like no no no do the jokes be funny get the gauges 'cause your you're you should get a chance and you have a chance to prove yourself and not have one stand on the way but this like more women in comedy right the jokes be fucking funny i will i will fight for you to get that chance but i'm not going to hire you because you're a woman yeah the more women in comedy thing is like i just want humans yes the it added i want good funny people yeah and i think there are more women in comedy now than ever before but i think there's more people in comedy now than ever before so saturated it's so saturated but i think it's a good thing there's a lot of competition and there's a lot of support like one of the things that bothers me the most about any sort of weird shit that goes on with comedians whether it's boy girl shit or anything else is that
there's a camaraderie that we share that is very unusual in affair competitive art form competitive in that i don't think competitive anymore and what i mean by this is that i don't think that the idea of like getting a sitcom or being the host of the tonight show or you know these these limited number of gigs that are available i don't think that's it's out anymore i think there's more people like do doing netflix specials in me and we both do podcast like that kind of thing i think is way more open to people and it's way easy for us all to be supportive of each other and supportive of each other in the art form of stand up like what's important in our world is don't steal don't be an asshole to your fellow comedian support each other and i'm going to be there for you if you're there for me i think there's things to that i agree i think it's also easier to be supportive when someone's undeniable i think you're first starting out when you're kind of in the clubs and your kind of fighting for to figure out what you have
someone genuinely funny man or woman i'm the first one to be like yes love that visibly fell over sebastian when i bring them on stage and i'm sure he like doesn't love it but i'm like he's there is something we can and and you are i mean this sounds like a like stroking your e but it's true like you single handedly i think chain is the sort of landscape in the way that we consume comedy like you have this massive podcast you guys don't know we're in a studio that is at least two million square feet and there are stuffed animals everywhere like what ones were not teddy bears and there's corns and there's an interactive dinosaur exhibit like it's huge like a monster drink fountain it's crazy but you having this podcast and then people see what's possible so what's funny is you did this and you built this podcast empire and there's other big ones too but this is definitely
of the most consumed on the planet so then it sort of opens up this new avenues then you get all these other comments on the podcast too and not everybody is equipped to do it and there is a got a glory in being one of the originals because you kind of pave the way and also i never tires up a lot in the beginning and got better at it sure i was having a conversation with a good buddy of mine this morning about it in the he was asking me about conversations were just talking about conversations about leading figure there's like an art form to leading p gold talk in a way that's easy to consume for the people that are listening we are very good listener and i think a lot of i when i saw my podcast i did it so i could work on my listening skills i know you were and that was so nice talk about support and you did not have to do that and i think and i i don't do a lot of podcast i beg to do year so it's not like you asked me i was like i'm busy joe but do a lot of because not every comic is a good listener or quipped but we were taught to do for the show start about some bad interviews you've done you know and there's
there's always going to be that it's like you got to want to talk to people yeah i like talking to people like this is one of the reasons why podcast is a good fit for me is because i'm curious you're very curious very curious i like the people i want out like when when i was saying would i be a woman for i want to know how the fuck your brain works i know i know you don't know how mine works and i know i don't know how yours works i'm fascinated and i think that we trying to see men and women try to figure out our interactions with each other through trial and error and when sexual harassment sexual saw and stuff like this what's coming out in the news with harvey weinstein and and other and even the kevin spacey stuff what you we're starting to see the chemist based stuff not very applicable to what i'm talking about 'cause it's men doing it to men but the harvey wines thing is so if someone is not even trying to think about how women think not only that he was trying to think how can i how can i do
is the most had like a network of people helping him exact that and this wasn't like i'm drunk touch my dick this was my this is going to score you win yeah i'm gonna send spies to try to cover this up later like it's maniacal did you ever see that article from one thousand nine hundred and forty five with what that womans name i'll send it to you again joe oh yeah the lady where you know her and the irish lately the actress that was like if this is holy war easy jamie i'll again put this up on the on the big screen you know i got a better version over where it's not cut off hollywood is probably yeah goodbye yeah this is one thousand nine hundred and forty five she was complaining that people were trying to fuck all the time she she couldn't get any work they said said she was cold she was like the get work i have to like leave my husband get rid of my kids and be just of all this irish film star maureen o'hara sorry today charge hollywood producers and directors of calling her a cold potato without sex appeal of an irish insure a few cold potato hot today for
uses to let them make love to her says the mirror new york correspondent can i read it can you read it in her irish accent i'm so upset which is that i'm ready to quit hollywood marine says it's so about a hit to come to work in the morning i'm helpless victim a helpless victim of a hollywood whispering campaign because i don't let the producer and director kiss me every morning or tell them or let them call me and have them spread of words around town that i'm not a woman that i am a cold piece of marble statuary statuary where i guess hollywood will consider me as anything except a cold hunka marble until i divorced my husband my husband give me baby away and take my name and photograph on all the newspapers if that hollywood's idea of being a woman i'm ready to quit now i will crazy have an accident yeah it's very good but nineteen it's real but this is what i've always said about hollywood and this is one of the real problems with the people that are involved the business not just in terms of like the way it's set up but the problems for the person that's doing it
trying to be an actor and actress here's the problem you have to get picked so because you have to get picked you have to go into place please like me you're already fucking insecure which is why you're in actress in the first place the reason why you're an actor in the first place is because you want an exorbitant amount of attention you probably did get when you were younger there's thing missing people like daniel day lewis or use a different cat the christian bale there's a few of those okay thanks out there like this a few tricks especially daniel day lewis is been working last two years the cobbler yeah shoes he's my favorite that guy such a weirdo and you watch him in some movies you know like there will be blood you know like oh ok this is like your you're not even really acting you just become new people yeah yeah that he becomes the guy on the set all the ties that the guy all day i don't want to spend that much i'm outside of my body i don't either but the problem that i faced when i first came here was i got
first of all i never wanted act i had zero intention i wanted to be a comic but then i started getting these development deals i will two auditions in my very first early days of being an actor i got both shows does i got this show called hardball and then i got news radio those are the two first two objections that i ever went on i got lucky i mean i got his fucking lucky as a person can get yeah part of it is because i didn't want to do acting nervous about it that is a thing and also i was coming from fighting so used to like really being nervous she wasn't things were so low for you yes i could go in there like hey what's up how you guys doing right i was fine because there's a kick in the nose now that's fine yeah i'm not going to get a concussion and bleed out of my ears this but this inv environment where you're always wanting to get picked that's hi everybody out here is fucking left wing it's not
and there really left wing they have to be you have to wear a pink pussy hat you have to say you know all the things that you need to say you're literally formulating an act and you bring that act into auditions you bring that act on to the red carpet that's why you're seeing these people like harvey weinstein who would donate to the clinton campaign and and do all this but it seems to be like very left wing stuff you know and he was the darling of left wingers miramax which is like right really kind of a progressive studio people thought meanwhile is mister house of sexual assault i mean i think allegedly you a total pervert and have good politics bad politics i don't think but that's not a pervert right is it he's difference from what he is in a perverse fine as it already psychopath right predator and it's interesting too because look donald trump's a fucking he's the worst that being
said we're going out of where attacking people there are people like i don't speak to my parents they voted for drop it i'm like cool well when they're dead you can we can rethink that those four years you know and we out actors like he's a republic again like what are you doing some of revel in it right like james woods that guys hilarious he's on twitter all day long fighting with liberals but he also was not of the best world ground here's something interesting on my book there is a weinstein logo my boo is the last one to be published give the focus on the back or it's in the series on the spine uh and what i've been liking it you too and i feel like the people now it's a shit like they got absorbed weinstein books was only two women it wasn't a huge company i'd never met him or anything i like it too like when your grandpa comes back from world war two and he brings back like a plate with a nazi insignia on it like
so they had they made their own shit like nazis had like a whole home goods line he brings up thing back that's what that book is like like one of the last ones with the w now they don't have anymore well look before this it happened anybody would have done a miramax movie he was the guy mean the fucking movies that they put together they put together some of the greatest movies of all time i think it's crazy i think we're going to a place now where we're realizing oh yeah for every everything there's an upside down upside down world there's you know stranger thing yeah there is an underbelly to everything every business you can think of there is a cd whore double side of it with horrible people and most just choose to live in the light and think think things are good every history has that and is that a place now we're like we're kind of shaking it out and people are coming forward but this has all existed and it's rampant in every business
do you think there's also there's like there's systems right and sister systems of power where someone gets too position where they have this massive amount of power almost like royalty yeah an what a guy like harvey weinstein was essentially like a royal in some ways right like play royalty massive power massive money all these people terrified over this big booming figure almost like a king it would cut your head off right when you i have that kind of power it's such a unrealistic position to be in that i think it's human nature to exploit those unrealistic positions that's why this maureen o'hara articles fascinating to me this is always been the case unrealistic positions where someone has to get chosen there's one person who is
million dollars and makes one hundred movies a year and everything people have to be chosen to be the chosen ones to be in those movies so you have a whole ecosystem and then you have people that are depending on that ecosystem for their own survival and nobody even if they know something wants to say anything it's like well i didn't know what you can't be the first one and then get fired and then your fucked right that's what they're thinking sure you don't want to be the first so that's the other thing you don't want to be first because rose magallon was talking about this stuff forever and they're like whatever she's crazy nobody want especially for women nobody wants to listen to that woman an historically you know like monica lowinski her life got wrecked she was a young woman with the most powerful man in the world and we love bill clinton and she gets called a whore you know so there's uh paradigm shift where people are now speaking and in terms of like you're talking about exalting one position and someone getting chosen that's shifting two people
fuck it i got a cell phone i don't need your movie i've eight billion followers on instagram i just show my but i'll just show my but i'll just make a video about me eating pizza some relatable now and so every the shifting everything shaking out i don't think this is we're going to go away because if you're the kind of guy that does that that's just some you're going to go wrong i think it's going away i don't i don't see how i don't think you can get away with it anymore well it's for sure going to get watered down there's a is going to be some amount of influence powerful people have that are in position with a choosing people but you're implying that if you are that kind of crazy where you're assaulting women that you're choosing good over evil you just do if your predator you prey on right but he couldn't do that when he was twenty and he didn't have any money and nobody might have done it a different way think so he might be that it's just who he is i think sometimes it's who you are so this whole
to rehab i'm apologizing i'm going to listen i'm so sorry it's like it's who you are and you and maybe stop but that i do believe that that we like to think i'll just go ahead go reflect for a little bit i love they have a rehab that they all go to if it's in break for arizona we can fix his at canyon ranch i don't know it's not a big go there with that seven spacey there right now to go for a week but i will say you know absolute power corrupts absolutely so dave becky gave the whole get road of fall letter to louis ck's which i thought was it sounded very genuine and there is some sing to you know we have these le was that you exist on you know and you can can't be aware i feel like i'm going to put my foot in my mouth but you can't be aware of everything that's going on all the time some people think he was aware of it but when you're dealing with these high level deals in your at a certain dollar amount in your flying high above everyone else
genuinely might not know what's going on but you almost have a responsibility when you are that powerful and someone tells you something about your client till like maybe take it seriously if i go twitter and my manager calls like you're acting like a maniac right ok but let's let's follow that up then what does one do so someone is a day becky and you think that this woman might be telling the truth and i don't know what luis said today becky but we know but lewis told mark meron a lie is mark meron talked about it on his podcast and he said that he asked him hey many jerking off girls he said no i'm not it's a rumor it's bullshit he goes why don't you just talk about this rumor and you i can't you can't do that it then it'll it credence which yes i guess i kind understand if it wasn't true but i don't think i have an answer yeah i don't have one i definitely don't i don't want to seem like i'm going on one side or the other it's disgusting it's horrible but there's also when you hear inklings of rumors you hear like little things everybody always
this is like when their kid ends up killing a bunch of people there like i didn't know and as the public were like how could do not know he exhibited xy and z you know he did all this he had a gun in his room he decapitated rabbits how could you not know maybe sometimes when you're too close to something and you don't want it to be true what about that vegas shooter oh my god like that guy had nothing he had no for criminal background and no one had any idea he gave his girlfriend one hundred thousand dollars she thought he was breaking up with her and he thought he was giving her money right he was just giving her money to get by while he was going to murder fifty fucking people or fifty eight people and kill himself can't my rationale to an irrational thing we don't know any sort of situation like that school shooters did you see that most armed man in america piece that went out no can you pull this up there's a guy who's the most god lives in colorado his last name is burr so as a jew i was like why are we profiling the one due that's a gun nut great he lives
most are many is like three million dollars worth of artillery you gotta watch this he has several shooting ranges shit bernie but wait said name bernie it's bernie like epstein thing it's terrible is good tanks he's got tanks he's got skype flamethrowers but so its first yeah until i do want to tell you going as house nope percent of americans well according to a recent study over fifty percent of guns you bright ball into the group yeah i do you think so few people have such a large concentration of weapon do you get addicted to him you know catching your blood would driving up my property now and there's all kinds of warning signs as you could see if anybody comes on your property and threatens you with bodily harm it's legal to shoot 'em cala rado law they should have sound like my dad this is one of the first signs they see when there was a registered democrat it says he's got old cars laid out with dolls
bullet holes all over the cars remember you want to party with him you'll see want to party with them if if you're going isn't it there's not a lot just like one should i tell you what happens at the end or do you want to watch it what happens he dies now when he talks about their like so your wife died oh jesus he killed his wife now look this is got man he's got dolls he has me kids dressed up in women's clothing he changes their underwear when it gets cold outside mail and this guy is the most heavily armed man in america it legally you know we talk about machine guns and hot rods and the you know stop by white i don't really care what you like if you have a sense on the net i'm real nice to a twenty get cold you know in the winter i even put on there he's got a new york accent yeah he's a jewish guy from like the bronx or something lives on a ranch in colorado that's filled with bullets and guns and americans anne he's got his own firewood his died in an explosion but the way
he described it is like we should to show i think for like any an the la last day some they were walking through open one of the smoke canisters turn into like a rocket just went through her he did tribes it is if i was describing what i had for lunch is it went through and they cancel the show through it all the not a tear now something about the wife this is more like in the show's over it's a crazy clip flow that guys probably waiting for someone to trust pass like polysat please he's like pudding out like chocolate and money like on a string and these old too so he's got like now not much left you know sometimes i have left but his girlfriend just got girl from the mannequins mean yeah do you would you want to meet him an interview him oh how about a show
go on netflix called aliza interview cycle path is just all comics comics shows me at the store just laughing whoever watches you with this guy you with like preppers it would just be cut back to me just staring at him with my mouth open with his all the soldiers in plastic than other video on another channel i found he just loves mannequins oh this guy so creepy maybe doesn't like people and this is like how he sort of there's a lot of holy shit look at the size of his fucking house it's got rocket launchers this guys is it getting the money for all this stuff this city sells guns to to who i don't know by one of his guns we can contribute to this it's too late yeah he was like in the last couple of weeks we've sold more guns then we have the whole year well here's the thing if this guy dies where's all this fucking weapon going i just hope this state swoop in in colorado yeah
but it was the wrong place to pull out a gun fucking everybody's arm yeah everyone armed and now everyone's high comparing two things we've got samurai swords jesus christ was out of the science arts and shit this fucking guy interesting character yeah there's a lot of people out there like that in texas texas is crazy i grew up shooting not all the time but we will go my best friends pair once we do these sort of not reenactment shootings but they would dress up in period costumes like late 19th century and we would go out to the country and they would have these like little fake town set up and it was like timed event shootings and they uh names like boy name sue and they had like their cowboy names and you shoot nude win like an antique coin or something but they gohan mister hewitt had all the rifles in the guns and would you shoot at you that there was like tar it's like that i remember one was like just the sort of outline of like
fake saloon town kind of thing and it's like time you try to get your targets and we would just drink doctor pepper and watch but i didn't shotguns a couple times it doesn't do much for me something i mean he had a lot of i don't even like huh sing with them do you i feel like you are so masculine that you see an elk you're like time me and you just run alongside at tackle it by the neck and you just punch it into submission no you can't even get close to him know system they can't even know you're really joe you can't you can't tackle in elk ok cool might be able to tackle ogre calf no he's brand new baby cow elk do you wanna hear something crazy a baby crazy a pony is not a baby horse it's not not crazy what's a baby horse akola foale a full what's occult then a horse how cold is like a full grown horse so pony is like a type of horse is its own kind of horse is
not crazy see how much data pony that's right i should know that i love telling people that fact noon i should know the pony it's not a baby and registers yeah you know it yeah what is so a donkey what's the difference mule and a donkey one of them is like no one of them is a hybrid time is a hybrid between a whore donkey is a horse in uh nope emule i think fiona donkey at the same thing well one of them is a hybrid in its non viable i know that would mean non viable meaning hybrids a lot of hybrids can't breathe can't maybe use produce when you breed a male donkey with a female horse that's it notice a mayor it's also an ugly type of shoe a hiney mean why file is a mules and ugly kind of shoe for women it's like a slip on put that up enough with the folks of mule mule shoe by the way so
hunter fans who like living in rural areas or like i can't believe these people don't know fucking idiots look at it it's just ugly but that one but if you really hot you could pull that off guys don't give a fuck they don't but that's a hub does seem like satanic sort of thing that you're part goat now not even close in the reason why i know this is because we got mule come for fear factor it's cheaper to make people drink meal come 'cause meal come doesn't really become anything it's just it's not good how do say that on the show mule emissions we said sperm oh my we said sperm it wasn't my idea who got the show cancelled though i want a few people in show business that has a show cancelled because we made people drink com i think the only one maybe ever i feel like there's a lot more than you think yeah this problem
some behind the scenes behind off camera there's no way they drank as much guarantee that one your call because millions on the video on you too done mmhm jews interesting well yeah that's it that's what girls have to go through the well that was what's interesting they choose between come and urine going to drink like a vat of urine an evad of uh come and a lot of the girls chose that come over the urine because at least it's a similar beast you been there before oh my god yeah i don't want to watch yeah amazing i love her running eyeliner that's how the show got cancelled right there ladies and gentlemen that kill you i think drinking you're fine now you is nothing urine is just like you can only drink your own year and i think eight times i love that she's got a hanging it's like doing the acid do it more than eight times you come and say is that true
but it's a fact about drinking you can only drink if you're like stranded you can only drink your urine a certain amount of times before it becomes toxic did you read about those two women that got they got suck it see for like five months their dog yeah no they didn't leave the dogs they had like a year supply of food on the boat but apparently it's falling apart the stories falling apart and now people don't even believe they were really stranded as long as they were like apparently people suspicious right away 'cause they were too well capped yeah so and now their story i've been reading it i should shouldn't really comment on it until i see if you could find out i don't know how much how much falling apart because i was reading something about how it continues to fall apart the story continues it like they might have just pretended to be at sea for five months 'cause you would eat that you would eat that dog also like you might not if you have a year supply of food you can have
those like alex jones supplies those fucking buckets the jim bakker pushes have you ever seen that i like the end times microphone rescued stay with their story you would say this same thing i did ok well there's an easy way to fact check this like what port did you leave who's last person you saw right yes they're having some issues there's some people that think it's bullshit they claimed daily distress calls were unanswered and at one point tiger sharks bumped against the boat might be real well you can fact check users dress colosseum tiger sharks live in that area they do yeah that's around hawaii that's where they're at alibi that's one of the one of the real problems with hawaii is tiger sharks tiger shark so one of the most aggressive sharks and they get people all the time i think second only to bull sharks let us say indicating they had like an emergency beacon that
if they would have activated it would have alerted this coast guard that would have been found really fast but they didn't they for some reason didn't maybe they didn't know about it nasa said there is no storms recorded on satellite images that would have like i supposedly also with what they said caused their disappearance allies alexis stick up for girls though and host that i have not read the story i'm just looking at you know when i was honestly thinking now i was just like of course the two lesbians have like a giant dog like of course those i'm assuming one of 'em is like forty six one of those twenty five so i think they're probably lesbians who knows think that's such a lesbian like he's a pit mix but we love him yeah because like the big disparity in age that's the difference between like a guy with a yacht and his hot girlfriend who knows maybe she's she's her instructor you know what i love most about lesbian couples is that there's almost always like a male and a female yeah sometimes yeah sometimes
well a lot of the time my best friend and her wife said focus of their merit and so you're bi you are so diversified but she would notice if there were three and so she is did you know she was a lesbian when she was three no she did is like the quarterback in high school like that's probably under i think she kind of just figured it out i mean he was a psychopath but so they're married and they want to have a baby and michelle sorry michelle oh shit your name up we're both jewish white she's half my body weight she's the tiniest and kind of sickly she's like planters fasciitis she's got her own issues right so she wants to the baby and her wife is american but dominican an like strong she's like that want carry the baby i'm like no no are our people have like tay sachs ann like just diseases like passed out it's like a jewish thing genetic mutation that only like jewish babies get but the point is due
just have to deal with that i'm like her people are given birth left right and going back to work the same day there i don't care the baby i'm like trying to encourage are only let the other don't do it you know i just want to i want go through his she's i guess one is the boy but show wants to do it i'm like you're going to get snapped in how you're going to kick yourself and you're going to just be a puddle of jewish skin and bones but the other one do it are you going to have babies i think about that i'm going i'm going to married in may and then i was talking to your boyfriend's a very nice guy fiance he loves he loves come in the store he's a good dude he's a good guy just like i guess i could get married we're going home and i was like i guess we have those when you got him yeah that was like finally it's going to stick this one is going to stick it i get rid of the yale story and that one
i was so it was like three years ago i was quite awhile ago it was a great story thank you when you brought him around a like well i don't want to be too friendly with them you don't want to warm up it's like war yeah i know you know the new guy might get shot listen but then after a couple months is like hey you're still here what's up man and then we became more more friendly yeah like i want to be called to this guy she might get rid of a maritime museum hug he loves you we love seeing it was watching all the call you just these a fan of comedy anyway not a weird way but like he listens to your podcast i think it's cool for him and he's super supportive but i was like i guess we just have a baby like i guess you do that are viable don't know how many more here's got i don't kind of i don't know how many check my stack cards you get x ray i only have to watch for your exit cook him i have one big one giant one like an ostrich i keep in the back have yourself a little radiator baby like some strongman baby i've always wanted that do you think you have a boy or girl you have a feeling
yeah so i didn't know that when i was eighteen and which by sub i mean that's why your nose is so tiny would you know is used to look like it had a little bit of a bump there are worse things didn't shrink your nostril holes no i always had small nostril holes they can't shrink down so you just got rid of the bump bump talking about it's not like a huge revelation i'm jewish like that we do this but he's half italian half jewish and he's got a big nose and i remember looking at it the other day and i was like our kid had better be fucking brilliant or amazing it sports 'cause if a girl has a combination of our noses it's over for her so interesting fingers crossed that she get someone else is now is maybe by the time you guys decide to have babies crisper will be totally dialed in get a nice little chris he brinkley nose out of that yeah maybe will have it be a nap at that point or if it's a dude of big nose this gives you like character big
astrid is fine and i'm praying 'cause he's very tall if it's a girl maybe she's just like a brilliant athlete and then it's like who cares right but probably not going to happen probably kind of funny and smart knows who knows that's the the interesting thing about having children that i found is that they come out of the box their own little mind little personality you just kind of nurture that personality along the way but you know my too young starters could not be different they're so similar to each other well there there's so dissimilar rather to each other yeah that happen my brother and i are where he's from the planet zepia and we just i don't know it's just my sister not yeah it just there it's a weird combination of like we're talking nurture and nature and do but see the thing is about a woman having a baby go on is that you especially as a comic it would be much more difficult for you to do the road i think i think
i don't know anything about it i don't know you know i know that i workout a lot and so obviously the more mobile and healthy or it's easier you know there's a couple of months where you can't but there's also a couple months of the year where i don't do the road anyway i think i could tail the schedule around it and we certainly good because you're successful because you make enough money to hire help and hire people to help you when you travel oh my god absolutely i don't know but your whole life i think about that a lot at night it's one o'clock let's go grab dinner you know you can't do that so i don't know i guess that's like the next step but you just adjust life yeah it so much comes very strange hang out with your own kids it's it's very odd 'cause the love that you feel for them is so intense and so weird it's like this this war and cuddly love but it's also
like while you're doing it you're cuddling with your kid you know talking with and while you're talking with them for me at least i'm hidden believe you're real yeah i can't believe this is a daughter if i have a daughter and you're in charge of her forever and we're talking yeah what do you think about them i know what do you think about that and we're having little convo i think it be word that they're thinking at all you're like you were just a puddle of mush so i don't know but i'm open to i think a big problem in our society is that we expect women like you've got to have this career have this bot we have this family but why do we do that we do that because it's always been that way who is we write it like this group how many people do that how many people do expect you to have all these things i think it's uh projection obviously when you get down to it nobody cares what you actually do but it's what's put out there as what looks like happiness even talk about this 'cause i never i'm not trying to and what i'm saying is something i'm thinking about right now i've thought about it i wrote about it it you do have to do this
begging to be like what does my happiness actually look like and it might not be the cookie cutter image that kind of put on all of us like i have a very your job but if i couldn't do this job i would i would be the saddest person in stand up comedy gives me the most joy and that is a huge i'm in a relationship with that and i have to factor everything sort of around it yeah until i have a kid and then who knows you have it does change hate to say louis tk gaming seem to have any kid which is very odd what he said lee and it change you and i don't know louis very well i should say this too because people please give me a hard time about not commenting on it and my thought was like first of all i want to gather my thoughts absolutely and second of all i don't know him that well i don't even have his phone number i've never had a phone call conversations with him i've had change emails maybe three times ever and he and i have
run into each other at clubs and said hi we've never gone out and hung out together i'm not good friends with them so when all this was going down it's not like i had information like if joey d did something fucked up and people wanted me to comment first of all i would never say anything bad no matter what joy ideas did sorry that's just the way it is there's just no way around if you knew he raped someone this is horrible it's going to grab the sound bites so sorry that he did that but when you know i mean i i would never i would never throw him under the bus you know i'm saying i think there's like there's bus throwing them there's bus throwing there's a comma after sort of conduct condemning it and then there is of course like there's a guy who was in that movie baby driver he added is facing now it was like an out of the four eight lead or something and he went on some show and just went off about kevin in so everyone's and like it was like it look like
way to get attention like yeah when i was on said he didn't seem that cool and it was so much in retrospect but he's nothing that's when the walking dead the punisher guy i don't know isn't that him i just saw that yeah i think it's that guy who's pretty successful he's the new punisher in that netflix just seemed very like bandwagon jumping when the louis ck thing happened i can speak some perspective a woman who's seen this kind of stuff i don't know i've brought him up twice at the store that's my knowledge of him but you get these emails from the new york times or if you have anything you want to say or if you know any other things i'm like i don't and i don't want to attach myself i don't want to be like i don't want to be part of that story just for the sake of it right 'cause then you look like a fame whore well that's also the problem that you get caught up in something where you become inexorably connected to this awful event and you didn't do anything sure am so joe we didn't do anything it was just dislike on and not joey joey book but oddly enough
is crazy as joey is he's a very gentle person he giant attack is puerto rican he's cuban sorry giant cuban teddy bear is right 'cause he seems so tough and he loves saying cock sucker but just is like so kind and he's got these eyes like a whale like they're just action big like the camel eyelashes he's got these like lovely i and you kenny smiles at you like a toddler i love him he's the best i exchange emails with him maybe once every three or four years we've text each other maybe ten times ever all only phone calls calls me every couple days what's up soccer what are you doing brother what's going on is she wants to talk to you so joey wants to talk to you if i haven't ever text him because to send an address to him you know he's got i put it in his navigation system that's it he he calls you the lovely yeah he's he's beautiful person yeah
and you know he he and i were talking about this whole louis ck thing is he was like you know he goes you know it's fucking crazy he's like i held somebody at gunpoint he goes he goes it goes for armed fucking kidnapping and everybody's like i you are crazy but he goes this is the kind of thing this is the kind of thing that sticks cuz he that one of us right like if you in our world but we are all the same we are all the same one thing i mean there's going to be some weird pettiness and bullshit and there's going to be some prejudices and it's going to be some individuals that are not supportive overall among the good eggs the ones that you and i associate with we are all well consider each other the same thing
we we understand each others hearts and we know how hard it is and what it's like and we all know that it's us even though the audiences are friends it's us versus them it's the club versus you know you're trying to do a job and we know exactly what this very weird job entails and we know the way the other person thinks like we have fucked up thoughts and it's ok ada admit these thoughts to each other and that's a very special bond and you can't just be i'm a comic i get it like you have to kinda earn it and there's a respect there and so it's did is deplorable and it was with other comics and i feel bad because i feel bad because everybody gets so angry at women that like wine now and like 'cause there's safety in numbers and no one would and before but people knew they know in some people knew they knew to a degree like i knew would agree i knew the girls names but i didn't know if it was true it was a rumor you don't know and you don't want to be the one that's running out there like with a little
fortune you're wrong this is going to sound fucked up but i'm going to take a chance with in any way have you put yourself i put myself in harvey feinstein's brain not really but i said shut down and i try to think like what what what would this guy like how his brain work as he just like lost in the throes of the addiction of power and sex in this chase of getting all these super starts to suck his dick which is apparently what a lot of them did i mean i've talked to women that know people in the business and it was like negotiating tactic like yeah he would give them roles if they did and he always followed up the always honored his words wondered about that yeah we wanted like how do you ensure someone gives you a part no no i mean he had a reputation for doing it you know the the i think that he had you know the thing his contract with with miramax
with the weinstein group it was like a sexual harassment like a clause yeah but covering up to what they had it like in tears yeah like one would be worth two slash five they knew would fuck crazy rain now mean that is if that's not complicit then what is but have you have you tried to put yourself in the louis c k spring yes and no because i definitely have had this thought i think you get to a certain level and i see there's a he at that level then this is the thing true i did awhile and it was a long time ago let me find forget the level i found and with a lot of male comics there's a certain like a lot of perverts whatever there's a certain set of blinders what i can do whatever i want there's almost like a lack of accountability you show up hunger high or fucked up and like oh creative it's a certain allowance we give to men and then people when they get famous like girls do whatever you want i
pride myself always on time i don't show up anywhere drunk like i just take it a little bit more seriously because i know i have to work a little bit harder whether being helps or not at times it just depends on the day i do think that there is a lack of awareness about other people and i do think at a certain level there is a instead of like because i've seen this in lower tiered comics she doesn't matter what i say to you when i call you a bitch or piece of shit or i harass you you don't because you're not going to make it you're not going to make it got talent that you don't matter i do i've seen this i'm not going to go into names i've heard things that other women will can fighting me that men say to them i remember starting at the store things that were said to me by men who probably i don't remember they said it because there's like a cavalier just i'll just say it fucking whatever i her i want her to hurt fuck you you're a your body bodies thank you don't matter your body is disgusting that's though that's the
we were right like i hurt so i want her to hurt there's a comic at the store all the guys are friends with all of 'em me i don't know maybe what's up it's not their ton anymore it was definitely he was definitely like a fixture there in the early years when i was there i we were at another comics house for a party i was standing there and he walked up to me and said a word he said something rude to a girlfriend of mine he was hitting on her and that didn't go well and just looked at me you better keep working your body's is not going like that forever and i was like hi and the only other thing he ever said to me was like ten years he yelled at me because i brought my dog to the store but body does look like that forever but also like stupid thing to say stupid and it's so it's meant to for me to be like why did you say that we should go fuck that will help images that have does that work it must work on the most depraved girls and he's picked the wrong one but it of course but but doesn't it does that work
on like the girls with the lowest self esteem does that ever work it must or they might think it work for you engage in and it turns out he's a nice guy i don't know maybe it's like one of those hey you should smile like it never works but cells do i think it's more of like i don't know how to cook to talk so you start with that and the girls like i was smiling musical who and it's just like an opening right for someone as i was a ticket what awkward opening from i was like i say the state so we'll just say was california but it wasn't i was headlining a club says years and years and years ago 'cause the club is not that great and there was a guy who is opening for me and it's weird my power dynamic is different 'cause i'm the headliner i've now i told the guy he has to like sleep with me to get a gig or something like that and when dealers view did all my just like licking my purse land right my box okay it okay so he was the opener and he
can i show you around which as the opener behooves you like to be nice the headline is like if i like you i have plenty of friends that i just take with because they were cool so like hung out we got coffee we just the show me around his like shitty city and then on saturday night i had like a friend in town is like a guy and i left with we went to a bar and i left with the guy that i was friends with in this comic lost his shit started sending me text like how could you i spent all this time with you do you know who i am like just losing it and i'm like and i left i was out of the city i was going somewhere else and he's harassing me and eye contact friend of ours is a mutual friend and i was like you better check your boy like what is his problem he's like no he's a good guy he's my friend like did nothing to defend me and this guy's just like this viewing this victory garbage truck i think so but you could be right i don't know and the other hey i was at the improv and this piece of shit was the host and i was like closing
show out and i hadn't seen in years and i wasn't but the satisfaction or anything and i go on and he bomb he died thousand deaths and i was just sitting there watching and i know that he knew that i was there and he knew what he had done so like shit felt like and then he was on stage i'm not i can tell the rest with no matter but he like left his phone on stage and i may even come back up and get it i was like hey he's calling himself like he had like a cool nickname for himself and i called him back and he didn't come get his phone and i fucking wrecked it but it was more like you thought i was no you thought you could treat me like that but why did he think that he was the opening act because he probably thought i didn't deserve it or is a crazy person or because i was in his is city but i'd never behavior like that exhibited by someone who is opening for me but it was just like so that's just a male female shit that's like he was courting you he saw
the young man i left for someone else he thought the you and him were hanging out and that you liked him is eventually going to lead to him bang the check one last comic standing despite being before i have after yet not been after and i'm sure that if you were heading was after for sure but i'm sure that girls like i've heard you know male friends of mine like you i my open you know like guys do that i've never had the luxury seems like a is super gross practice but i think a lot of guys do it just doesn't seem smart i was told price not well i should never say don't fuck other yes because like tom securing christina possess keys they're great that worked out that worked out like moshe kasher natasha zero that worked out i think it either works out splendidly or is a nightmare right i don't know yeah both one thing would be that the person would understand what you do because very few people do
and i would think as a girl it's got to be hard when you're the funny one i give you the funny one and you're dating a guy and maybe that will you you see that's the thing is your fiance is so chill like he's so funny yeah but he doesn't know his engine any attention that's the that's the dynamic there is one of us you know and i don't really seek it out outside of stand up i'm not get it all out yeah get it out of your system i don't want to be great about it and sometimes you don't know you know you don't know you start dating someone then you realize oh they can't handle this other gels but it takes a minute and with comic it's interesting you rarely see a super successful female comic with like a guy that's like middling at the chuckle bucket never never can you think of one i don't know any of them i don't know any like headliners that fuck tour opening acts
girls no and i mean maybe they do i don't know cool they do is a cool no i that's cool i think that's cool that's yeah flip the script yeah yeah was it like skip back this business of comedy what was it like headlining after three years as i did little bit of that but i had had a manager who is really i when i i got my manager one is about three years and and i headlined a bunch of places where i really did not deserve yeah like you got me a bunch of gigs and i'd but i do and have any pressure on me the way you did winning last comic standing i was just sort of just starting out so you go on this tour right after here last comic standing today and your i think i could've been doing much time because there was like four of us okay so i just close it out how much time you think you're doing like irony i want a one thousand five hundred and so you finish that it's
testing because you went something like that and it's like okay figure it out now so i am and some people saying some people's one after winning that show most science most sank and i being said get some of these guys already had careers like john heffron was alonzo boden like they're good right and they were fine in the woods and there they do find on a so solid those yeah all those guys i just kind of scrape together what you have even on the tour i don't know if i was always the best one of the night but people are still there to see you or their favorite once you're just coming from this i'm scared but also you have confidence but also humble places like i hope that i can stretch since enough and so you have about forty five minutes at least i did when you were done when you're ready to headline and i think that's a lot of the energy that i put toward it was like i'm going talk really fast so if you don't live doesn't matter you don't know you left i got another job right here right and that has sort of become
a style for now now it's not about a fear it's more of i'm so excited to talk we did mean some other comics this ray romano charity event a couple weeks ago and mark marron was on it with me and we went downstairs to watch ray to kind of here with the crowd sound like and so he was doing well and mark turns to me this is the funniest thing ever and he goes there fine i know yeah they're good because you'll be fine i go yeah he was just do what you always do steamroll over the crowd don't wait for applause do your voices and get off stage and i almost cried from laughing 'cause it was like no one ever breaks my balls like that and it's true i do that and that's from that competitive situation like that sort of enerji yeah well you have that hard hard ass exterior so i don't think a lot of people take a chance once breaking your balls you know which is a shame because i think it's the best way to show that you love someone and it
best way to know that somebody loves you is if they do that you can tell the intention that shield also keeps you from getting harassed by creeps to don't think they can get away with it maybe and that's think so for sure right i mean we been harassed but i think if you the more vulnerable you probably been harassed more maybe i don't know i mean you try not to give people a chance you know right a meet and greet after you're saying your fans and specially after i was talking about with other comics but yeah after for sure with other comics i think for the other comics i you when the show three years in and this year like a certain level kind of level all by myself i didn't have a lot of other women i related to because no one else was out there i didn't know any other women right you're kind lonely out there and so i would look up to people like you and i consider myself a colleague of yours now but at the time i was just like what i don't you're so much higher than me you know
i didn't know you wouldn't know any of these guys so it's just i don't know i don't any of the comics would step to me because they were eating are around comics a lot remember when we met i think i knew we knew each other like it took time i was always at the store but i mean i think it was you i think you were around though in the days that i wasn't at the store like what what year did you win last comic standing two thousand and eight see i wasn't there then yeah you weren't there but obviously i wonder who you were it's weird talking like steve simone about this like there are people you know your whole career but you may not start talking to them until easily and then it's as if you were always friends yeah so now i consider myself like an upperclassman there i'm also i really try to just be kind to the other comics door guys younger com as always give and you're like this to give someone the time of day if you're going to be respectful and nice i have no problem giving it back yeah well a lot of those door guys like got
you start out as door guys duncan and are here to my best friends they're both door guys live people started or guys jessica wellington the only girl and i have her come feature for me my show last night that's the kind of girl need chance 'cause she is like in a boys club within a boys club how's i work we she's a dog guy she's a girl so it's all dude and she's honest at the store now that someone needs to be nice to this girl fuckin shitty job is tough yeah but round comedy all the time i mean you're you're at the world series of comedy on a daily basis i mean imagine you're you're covered with person the with a chance to sit there and watch some of the best shows holy shit dave chappelle just showed up holy fuck and you're sitting there from that cover booth watching dave chappelle things most deaf on stage with or something right i mean that should have been there all the time yeah i'm a god is bringing up chris rock yeah your heads ready to explode
and i mean there's a there's a reality of working there that doesn't exist anywhere i go over the laugh factory you know you that reality ucla stand up comic showcase night cool that place can burn i guess i tell you what you know you know i say that right you know about this right well there's a bunch of i could tell you things to you i'm sam from there yeah i am banned from the laugh factory a club that i've been a regular at forever i've told you this i won't repeat it if you well you told to me but no not that i stop going there under the idea that i should support the club because i don't want it wonder and then i don't want to go under so sad why i found record all your sets yeah i will say i get you know the store is i always say that the comedy store the or in particular is like abusive boyfriend like you're like this hurts all my god
and then when you don't go for a like i need you i need this like stock home center training doing a set with a giant weight vest on so if we yeah but sometimes it's great if you can if you can compete or hang rather in that environment go anywhere else you be killin it's so true and you know you get comics that kind of get the vibe of the store a couple years ago when it wasn't the friendliest place and it has that reputation but i take great all and knowing that like my home is an intimidating environment and i love whatever space i've out there and i don't take it for granted and i try to check the shows respect the audience and you know i'm so proud to be store comic it's not the kindest of lovers all the time it's not always the most supportive but i'm very proud of that upbringing because that's made me the comic that i am that or you know the main room where it's all swedish taurus and you want me to talk and it just
so you can go anywhere in comic shit on and i'm like you just sound jealous 'cause you can't hang sits on the store all the time all those are going to like this clinics i i didn't say i just regular comics you to i don't like that's 'cause they don't like bomb but anybody who makes fun of something that you're afraid of yeah well then there's things to make fun of just 'cause they suck bombing there feels so good though like it's like pushing into a bruise your like yes i need this interesting well you got a good attitude about it i still do the improv i'm doing the improv tonight and prep school the stores got it so there's something about it though yeah a grading too and i'm very proud of it and then probs
never been anything but lovely to me is the first class that still great club in the comedy def fucking stupid piano off the stage oh my god and they seat people behind it behind the fuck companion apologize to those people every time i'm like someone send them a drink 'cause you can only see my feet but if you have to do something physical and you're doing it behind the piano so for the one time owen benjamin drops then we have a whole piano exactly what i told oh and i said you need to bring your own fucking piano you and craig robinson bring a keyboard asshole fuck it's just like one of those old school things that nobody ever got rid of i think i'm there's a lot of things that i talked him into it i think i would like to change the world we use an email to the the club honor i i know people i guess my email address i could send you talk about this offline we gonna talk about a bunch of things of i what i need to remember all the different people that said up things to you you don't let's say i have name on the tip of my tongue i'm gonna say the second turn try i can't wait now so your book was with around it now
uh a lisa slesinger girl logic about available right now probably the last harvey weinstein approved book ever right i wrote you something i did you i won't read it then very small i don't want to be want to europe please buy my book go buy a book you and because you're on tour she's very funny and where are you at working people get your tour dates of nonstop so little lies about com and we just announced my fourth netflix special is going to be on the uss hornet off the coast of san francisco and the bay you can go to any third stand up special on a boat on a aircraft carrier holy we announce that today that's badass if you ever done it before your performance i have aircraft carrier i did on the ss dennis in the in the persian gulf on a uso tour solely shift all the idea that's a great idea to do a special there were going to wear red white and blue bikini i know i just wear a white bodysuit ora camo bodysuit animal now i'm talking right like that i like that i like that alright thank you lisa thank you
see you tomorrow you by i don't i would say please give it up so i can bring in someone on stage i hope you guys enjoyed that like i did i had a wonderful time and i'd like to talk to you about things is she she gave a a balanced female perspective i thank i hope you do too thank you to the sponsors thank you to squarespace go to squarespace dot com a free trial then when you ready launch use the offer code joe to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or a domain thank you to stay champs dot com never go to the fucking post office i tan thursday dot com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in jre that stamps dot com and their j r and you can get this four week trial plus postage and a digital scale
it's an amazing service leaves and gentlemen and last but not least we are brought to buy legalzoom go to legalzoom or right now get your shit together they can help you grow your business and when you go to legalzoom dot com make sure you use the code rogan in the referral box at checkout to save yourself some cash legalzoom dot com and use the code word rogan downtown tomorrow the great and power well brian regan will be here i love that dude he's off he's hilarious and he will be here tomorrow then on thursday dan carlin the host of hardcore history the great fucking history podcast in the hill three of the known universe see what i did there i double history do you
right up there with daniel bellies there so close it's almost impossible to discern the difference but that again is on thursday okay and then friday i'll see you fuckers in denver denver two shows friday night oh shit i can't wait and then saturday night phoenix the comerica theater is hold the fuck out so two shows on friday he number first show i think is all all sold out second shows so almost sold out this more tickets available the second shock see you soon thanks body and bubba
Transcript generated on 2019-10-14.