Candice Thompson is a comedian, writer, and actor. Check out her podcast called "The Struggle w/ Candice Thompson" here: http://www.candicethompsoncomedy.com/the-struggle-podcast
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ladies and gentlemen how's everybody doing can The city we just added a bunch more seats, that's for August, the tenth at the Starlight amphitheater ooh, wee, there's still few tickets left for Vancouver August 24th and then- and we got two big ones- the the one on September. 13Th is basically everything is basically sold out. There's a few tickets left for the second show, and then Columbus is a big joint on September 14th Friday night at the Schottenstein Steen Steen Schottenstein Schottenstein Center, that's on September 14th than September 29th, Toron Toronto almost sold,
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it's the number one app in finance and what I like about it is it's very versatile. You do a lot of different things with it. First, you pay people back. Second, you can buy and sell Bitcoin, yeah which is like somewhere in the range of seven one thousand dollars as of today, you can deposit your paycheck right into the app woo. And you could order a free custom cash card to spend anywhere. You like the cash It gives you a lot of benefits. One of the things is cash boost. It's there late feature in the cash cards boost program. Lets you get instant discounts every time you swipe your card. Every time you go to coffee shop, you can you use your cash card and you will save a dollar off every purchas and it does not stop there. You can get fifteen percent off chipotle.
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the Joe Rogan experience join my day, Joe Rogan podcast by night all day and will live canvas hi guys. Oh my god! Really! Oh my god. What were you saying about hereditary that supposed to be a terrifying movie right? That's what they said. That's what they say in the media and like Huffington Post. I think so! That's. Why because I'm not scared by anything like in the movies. So I'm constantly in pursuit of actual scary movie. So I went thinking now. This might be the one. It was not damn your that hard that no movies get you. I can't remember the last time I was scared, but I think poltergeist when I was a kid and that's why I'm scared of clowns, nothing as an adult, though no I'm trying to think of the last time. I was really scared. Well see,
see they don't make? Well there fun. I like him, that's how I feel I like, and I also like thinking that something might get me I like the suspense in that, but it never does. I always get is very anti climactic for me. You like thinking that something might get you scared and it done and as nine channels. Last time, you're scared Movie said: jumpscares are at stake: cheap, cheap scares, yeah, that's not doesn't count just to make now wild. It doesn't get that that doesn't count. I I don't go see scary movies at the theater, so so you're always at home, say no, and yeah the strangers that one bothered me a little bit? I was checking the weather. No, I was just hold on. I was just something come in. I was just sending out my instagram. So your instagram story, but you know the strangers. Did you see that one that one was with Liv Tyler
masks on. Yes, they were outside trying to kill people. You know that one rock me a little a little. A little yeah there's something about the dark right, the ever mind yourself and you. You think that this like someone outside. Thank you think here something open your door. You listen and that actually has happened to me. I had a peeping Tom who I had real guy outside my window. I didn't see him. I only heard him my window was cracked and he started whispering to me through my window. I talk. I have a joke, got it now, because it was only way I could deal with it without getting too paranoid about it. So I wrote a joke about it, but I did I did, but every time I so people, like that's terrifying and I'm like yeah? That is terrifying, but at the same time it's like was kind of flattering a flatter handing out of his way to with windows you could guarantee you know so,
but yeah you ever see with the guy looks like I did, but my neighbors a so he came one night and I heard him he started whispering to me. He was like Christ, I called to say what he said: okay, terrifying, I was watching. Also, let me give a set up. I was watching Mulholland Drive. Have you seen? Are you David Lynch, that's what I had on I'm a David Lynch an I had that I was probably like three o'clock in the morning and I sleep with my window open 'cause. My place does not have ac, but I know what what would you live in Montana? Yes, I I just drove in for this to hi I live in LA I let the my place is old and I think what happened was that it was built before AC. Is even invented, so the windows or even old school, so I can't even put like a portable. They crank open the windows, crank open like That's you can't. Even I'd have to probably like get the manager to replace the window installments before I could even put in air conditioning and so you you survive this. I don't know I just leave during the day and then at night I have fans with
Jesus woman. Now I know it's awful or to spend the night at a friends place, that's the move. That is the move and I'll be here now now. I know the address so chilly, it's nice in here right, perfect, it's got its own thermostat. This room does. This is amazing. I hate you, so we're friends, Hunteria Charge, maybe feel bad, don't feel bad for your accomplishments. This is no. This is this is what I want. I want that pink Himalayan salt light right, you can have that one. I could take that you could take that we got extra once we got extra one who just has Rand pink, himalayan salt Rock. We Del Rogan give a stuff werewolf outside in a float tank, but I don't think it's stuffed it's not. It would have to be like a real thing and then you kill it. That is what it is right that wasn't real imagined it was, I guess, a po so bear scarier than that. If any body work, I have a at an actual where Wolf, it would be. You like, I said it's my peeping Tom. Yes, sorry, please could sell.
Well, I heard that it was the summer time. I think it was probably like July of this. Is, I think, like two years ago, yeah it wasn't. It wasn't awful wasn't like it is like now 'cause. This is kind of new. I don't think LA has ever been this hot in like the beginning of July. So this is the end of days. So anyway, I was in my bed watching mall home. Drive and I've been like in and out of, like falling asleep and then all of a sudden I heard like a outside of my window, but I thought at first. I thought it was this: the movie some like David Lynch is a weird dude. I mean this is like a director's choice, elected to creep people out to put like murmuring. In the background, I did, I thought better. First, like you ford it and then, like probably twenty minutes later, I was like somethings telling my gut was like that's not the movie, so I hit mute and all of a sudden I heard so. On the first floor, I'm on the first floor, my duplex problem anyway right
it is well. You know anyone! That's on the first for your upstairs neighbors or problematic 'cause, it sounds like they wear horseshoes and their bowling all the time so yeah the whole yeah. The whole thing living on the first floor is not a good idea, but we have bars, unlike windows. Do you like? I wasn't scared. He was going to come in because the windows open, but then there's bars in front of it. So I wasn't terrified about that. But as soon as that happened funny was that Ian Edwards, you know in where it's very funny comic work with them tonight do I was at the store, no nice House, the ice house. Okay and now he was staying with me at the time because he had just sold his place and risk which isn't far from here and then he was in our extra room at the apartment. So I was like Ian, I think, there's somebody outside can you like? Do you want to get e indigo? Who I would go ahead. What are you saying about you and you don't think you could protect me he's just
I love Ian all my heart, but anyways. Eighteen pound weighs less than Maine yeah, I'm careful when I hug him a hug Do I hug you more firmly than I hug you and I'm trying to get him to eat meat? He told me he leaves on my elk meat. No, he said he will. He said he will you don't believe him he's lying, he's just doing that to appease. No, no he's asked me several times. It's Friday yeah. He wants me to cook Elk form and he'll eat it because he'll know it's hunted animal. You know vegan. He doesn't want to eat anything that was killed like from a factory farm, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I don't meet either like I do. Occasionally. I have fish when I fly every fly together. I take a picture of him five minutes into the flight. 'cause he's always like this,
send my dude. What the is first thing in the morning we're supposed to be. I, like you just woke up. How are you going back to sleep he's? Always so tired- and I do I could do to get your work done. It's your diet. I know it is. You can do that diet right, but you got to be very disciplined. You have to yeah, you have to take all sorts, serve different, some immense right and you have to use algae if take algae, yeah, that's on the best source of b, twelve sons, Bio available as animal sources. You know all what all the facts on people? Vitamins? It's just it's a nightmare. You gotta really be on the ball. Yeah he's not know, now. If he is on the ball, they he was just on my podcast the other day, and he I talk with this call the struggle and struggle the struggle, so I had about life in in LA yet will disappear. Yes, that's
I'm going back to that in my dating struggle. Are the on the only dating dating and I'm not having air conditioning in you have a nice fellow with you at the comic store, the other nine similar, your guy. He has since been parted Yes, we do large them. It was very brief. You seem like a nice fellow, I thought to it's, not that he's not nice guy. He has had a live. The lifestyle that I just can't that we're not we're not compatible will still be friends. I think I think we can get to. The point will be friends because we were friends first, I think we can maintain that mum. If I can't you know the struggle and that everything the struggle is real the struggle is real evidence, that's why have people on? And we just talked about stuff that everyone, everyone struggling with something and multiple things usually well. I find this is just a rationalization, but I'm good at those I find that women wear they're in there, the prime of their life as a like, not not like twenty, but like
as an actual grown woman with a career an if they're, smart and independent, they have a really hard time finding the right man absolutely look it's like if you're doing that, if your in and you'll you'll morph into whatever lifestyle your new boyfriend chooses. Then you can ok, yeah 'cause, you don't know who you are, but it's hard for a girl to find. First of all, it's hard for girl who strong and smart to find a guy who's, not intimidated by that right. It is, I know it into you. This is my life, I know, and I so I know so many women who are in my situation so many who are just likes women and I think that it is yeah. I know what they want. Independent have money and just like Don't need a man, but just want one right, but the dudes can't handle it well top. What's her it's hard both ways, it's hard finding quality. Human beings to spend time lately, mostly in LA friends, girlfriends boyfriends, whoever it is it's hard. It's hard
the mean yeah, especially in LA especially in our line of work. You know we're in the attention business, you know we get attention professionally right and make people laugh. That's the business, so fucking tricky business and uh You're talking about listen, you have, will you will you have one of the healthiest attitudes? But you really do. I always say this about you when, whenever where the store. Like you always have these. You have the grind spots. You get those grind idea store. You get those one thousand two hundred o'clock spots, one thousand one hundred and thirty, so the grind spots that shows on for three one slash two hours by time you get on you know that's rough, but you're always yours have positive attitude. Always happy, always smiling everybody's, always happy to see you people never like. Oh, it's. Ok, you're only select some people do, but those are the haters. I don't know who they are. I don't know I don't associate with those people, but all my friends always happy to see you. You are very happy. I am very happy it's my parents, love me.
There are there. It is well! That's your fuck, then you're never going to make in this town. That's what I talked about. I talk about that all the time I say. If my parents have been just a little bit more abusive, you know I could have five sitcoms by now. My dad had just pulled a Joe Jackson, at least it just once or twice yeah passed away. Our Ip Joe Jackson. We were just reading about him. People have been sending me these things that doctor Conrad Murray says that Michael Jackson was chemically castrated. Oh yeah, I heard about that yeah? I had. I said that a long time ago that I thought he was a castrato to do that word for being castrated. A castrato is something that they used to do to young boys to get them to sing off for better, never heard this before. I wonder if Aaron Neville has I don't think so. I think he's just doing a falsetto, because when you hear him talk, he talks like this document. Michael Jack, also to by the way this when fake, did you hear I'd
Speaking of this Conrad Murray, he taught his voice was like this. Conrad Murray has a recording on his phone that he just played. I just some documentary I just watched- and it was Michael J things like last words like on this- definitely is deep voice, say get the fuck out here. That sounds like a girl. It is not as it does, Tesla girl want. Some dick save that was really still mana. That is not deep. Please stand once it was, but it's not not this. In a company when that is his deep voice, I mean that sounds like he's got a cold sounds like my eight year old, which has a cold. No one said it was deep, but it's not. This is what,
then? Why do all of 'em talk like this? What is JANET talk like this and they all got beaten by their dad, but what is what air so that now they all have this stay low key, so that the talk like to, if you want, do you read the store where is the Chemical Castroville yeah? This play her sound of a real castrato 'cause there's only one recording from the early 1900s was like no, the last of the Qas trados 'cause. They don't do that anymore, but it's not, but they used to do it. It was very common people would give their children to the opera. Will they get us kicked off Youtube James gotta do I'm from England we get kicked out of you too. All the time should things that are other people's copy right yeah. Here this is a boy as a boy yeah. This is what it does me. This look like I mean you know he was castrated. So he had no hormones body did not produce testosterone.
This is a grown adult but like seem like this, why would they just let the women sing it now, because it's a different thing, it's a different, sound like the in sound, beautiful and they sound like women, but there's a sound that a castrato has and that's a Michael Jackson Song, the sound is a extremely feminine. Not look! It's real! you think you see Tito and all the other jacksons they don't sell nothing with Jermaine. Not no one looks or sounds anything like no, he was definitely the standout, but so you think they did this to him when he was a kid. This is what Conrad Murray says and looked. It makes sense if you look at his body, You look at like he didn't have any muscle tone. He was very slender. He look like he had no testosterone. You sound like a girl, he sang like a girl yeah, tell him that it's human nature, why it's not bad think about that. Think about that voice who the fuck sounds like. That's a man no
right when I always thought he. I I never pictured him like four. It took him for a sexual person at all like when people are like they said he was touching little boys. I never believe that I always felt he was a sexual. I didn't get any type of sexual, any chemistry or any type of tension at all from him. Did you come out with detector with device have a gate. You know the. I have the actual, that's true I thought about so we we talked about that for years I was like dude, I'm telling you. I heard those kiss trados. I know about that. I guarantee you Joe Jackson, new about that too. I bet they did that. To that kid, that's all turns out. They did. They used chemical castration. I heard that it happened, but I always thought it was like for some reason. I thought it was when he was an adult. I thought it was like a per Little choice that he made WO. No, I think the idea was his dad was trying to preserve his voice. I didn't I didn't know that
wait. A chemical castration is that that means, but with what like good question, is it something that you take that doesn't like shrivel? your balls, but like something that just makes you in like, like you, don't have the ability to produce testosterone anymore. Well, let's find out here says Alex inside Joe had Michael received hormone Jackson when he was twelve years old in an effort to cure his acting, prevent his voice from deepening an allegation. Marvis merry previously made his two thousand sixteen self published book. This is it the secret life of Dr Conrad Murray and Michael Jackson. Yeah, he said Joe was physically abusive to him. His siblings were growing up, but never mentioned under doing any sort of hormonal treatments, but this is what Conrad Murray says. I just I don't know I mean who eats
Sound, like great reason why I believe it is because of the way sounded right just makes sense and his dad was just a ruthless prick. You have known as being horrible person yeah, but why? Why would would he only do that to one of his sons 'cause? He was the only one that was young enough to do it too. If you look at the Jackson, five, when they were taken off like baby, give me one more right: he was fine. Six years old, everybody else is grown. There was too late. They were all deep, already re in there already grown men, and this was I guess this was the voice. I mean he was the voice ABC Ma'Am, I mean he was so cute too. They try to keep that going forever. That's why I think that's unfortunate. It's scary! Well, he's he's a cautionary tale. You know, and I think, there's a level of fame the you get to where you just up yeah you got to famous yeah, but isn't it isn't it also like the a certain type of person only wants that level of
name right like have you ever thought about like people who get to like, for example, like Donald Trump level, it 'cause it doesn't just apply to like the entertainment industry, but like ceos who these multi billion dollar only's multibillion Other corporations like it takes a certain type of person to even want that type of cloud. You know, and I don't know, I think that there's some meaning that as well, I don't know, I think, there's a pursuit involved in all these things. Where you start, off just chasing money start out, and then you get involved in the game and it's all about numbers. It's all about couldn't scores up. You know, and I think, as those scores continue to pile on, you can to need to get more excited about your progress and you want to keep going further if some six million dollars a year, they don't go. That's good, that's good enough today. I want two million yen make two million I want to mention they could imagine. I want to jet they get a jet on. I want to Fuckin island. I have always wondered like one: is it enough for p
cool, because Lang, I I ii, I'm the type of person. I don't think I would be like that like if I had twenty five million dollars and somebody was like you have to do this- to get another twenty five million dollars depending upon what it is if it was something that I didn't believe in or something that wasn't aligned with my morals? I wouldn't I be like I heard you twenty five million dollars yeah. I don't know that bad well, yeah. I mean that's different though you're saying like if something was not aligned with your morals, but if you're twenty five million dollars an opportunity to make thirty yeah. If it was yes, but there are options to work a couple extra hours weekend. This is that all it takes maybe just a few times five extra hours the next hour day, and we could ramp you up to thirty ten dollars a year. I would do yeah, and then they go listen Candace. We can get you really close to seventy five million dollars a year, but you're going to have to work twelve hours a day.
Sorry, I can't hear people come up to you to go, kill the hours. I can't unless I know what you're saying I know you think it's hard, but listen. We get some adderall and we've got some massage therapist. That will be on staff, and if we do this for a few years, you retire comfortably for the rest, well. If you live in a visa, if I can chill out in a hammock, I don't know never happens. Does the thing that a piece of thing never happened the hammock never never comic you just keep making for me. It would come the the reason I'm working in so I can stop working, oh really, yes, which going to what number I would be fine with I'm going to I'm going to go with a two hundred million. That's all! You need wow, you're, low maintenance, Jesus Christ. How much is it to buy an island depends on where it is. If it's where he said all the time, but you get a cheetah, get it for seventy five somebody Richard Branson bought one last year and right after I bought it, got destroyed literally
the point where there are no living humans for the first time in three hundred years on this island. He didn't do research, well it just unlucky? He just bought and right after he bought it literally the epicenter of the hurricane washed over it and just flat and the entire island. Only if you're listening to this Richard Branson- I'm not, I don't mean to laugh at you, pull up that story. Branson's island. This time we talked about it, Necker Island, the one that he zone for awhile is going to be reopened in a couple of months. So so they redid it yeah it's like network, Necker. I don't like the way that election too close like niggardly. You know that but that's a dangerous. Would you like selfish in changing people? People are saying don't use that word anymore, because it sounds too much like that. It does. But it's not the same word. I know it's not, but it's tricky. It is trick you have to pronounce
every letter, niggardly, niggardly, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a problem. You know it's weird when words are ok, sometimes like Pussycat, yeah you have to have another, but right now, Is the game not the same. Kid say that on daytime talk, that is weird, though right, you could say Pussycat, but if you say pussy, one hundred and twenty three cat, yeah, that's like hey. I don't like what you did there unless you named your cat, Pussy Octopussy. Remember that there was a big deal. Everybody like what is this now. I remember seeing that this is one I think with we lived in New York. It was a movie right, yeah, yeah, seeing it like. I was a kid and I remember seeing it like, and I was like that's a bad word- is about yeah. I wasn't allowed to say it were they doing. That was like a they got a loophole in there yeah yeah
some words that are like that. Well, how about a dude named Dick yeah? I don't know any Cheney. Everyone deserve that name like I, don't I don't know anyone. I don't think I think that's like one of the older school ones like I feel like. No one goes by. If your name is Richard, you go by Richard or rich. Now I don't call me this. One is Jack, a give your John, your nicknames Jack wait. No one's name is Jack yeah, my nephew's name Jack will but John. If you Who is John, just call me jack. The nickname is jack. I never do not like John Kennedy, these com, Jack Cannon, oh yeah. I did know that then his name is John. That's so weird it's the same same amount of letters, is that it isn't it so stupid, are there any ones like that for girls. Well, there's a,
I can't think of one right does not just name in Jack. It's a completely different name. It's a totally different name. Yeah sounds different. Now yeah. Can we talk about since we're on the on the nickname thing? So for you we're not allowed to say tranny anymore right. You just said I know 'cause, I don't I personally, don't fine. Anything wrong with the word and now someone could very well say well, you're, not transgender, can is you're, not bothered by it. You know. Yes, it doesn't affect you, but I don't know anyone that really used it in a derogatory way. You know you know it was just a word that we said to refer to this type of person. But to me sounds adorable like to me it's just the nickname for Trans gender to say, trannies, like Jennifer. You call somebody Jenny. Well, there's a lot of policing of language as of late and it's ramped up because the internet is people could complain more yeah, but I think the problem is that it's not.
Respect on that name. Is that what it is it's a respect. It sounds like it's. A bird man went to Is it Charlamagne put some respect, my name. It's respect, respect put some respect on my name. Did you see that I didn't see that came in apparently Charlamagne had been talking some shit about Birdman, so bird making me with a giant crew, listen respect, my name, and then he got up and left it was. It was the whole conversation and child is going okay. Alright, I love beef. I love is you want to? Yes, please go to flash yeah, let's go stars over his head, but crazy, looked at when my name come out respecting respecting plan, my fucking name, all drill y'all stop playing with my name. I angle said Nomo, hello Aereas. Is it put some respect on my name?
this man, that was were you following the Drake and Pusha t. We tried to not. I try to avoid it. 'cause Jamie brings these up. He comes introduce you, What's happened with trailers turns out Drake as a kid of the parts are yeah yeah. I get it all from Jamie Jamie, the gossip news as the TMZ of this this studio. It gives me so much life. Why do you love that? Just because I love I love her feelings, man, I love. I do. I knew what it's like celebrities like then get their feelings hurt. Of course they can fuck them, because all they do is brag and talk about the money they have. So it's like they would, if they're, not brag, what rapper is not bragging? Rapper yeah yeah, I'm talking about right. So if there's a beep between like Jennifer Lawrence College, my handsome would you like that. I mean that also would be entertained. That's also be entertaining I'm not going to lie. I would like to see one of them crying, I'm here for it. Why do you like hurt feelings?
We are we're all human, we'll get her feelings hurt and it's nice to bring. You know, humbled people sometimes like how do you, if you're happy or in your own life, you wouldn't like hurt feelings as much. You just talked about me being a very happy person happier, I'm not saying you're totally one hundred percent, filled, you were saying earlier that you can't find a good man that doesn't mean I'm not fulfilled my vagina, but the rest of me spiritually and emotionally you're. Happy, even without so you're so happy where I'm a very happy person, I've been single most of my life. I believe it. What do you supposed to mean that you're happy? I I believe you been seeing your life. I've always said that you're happy. Then we just got done you How many years have I known you, but nothing but friendly yeah? No, I mean. What's the the Matter Bell, I'm just a grateful person I wake up every morning and I'm like I'm just happy to be living this life I mean, if you can make a living a stand up. Comedian yeah, that's about as good as it gets
yeah. If that's what you want, but even people who know who don't do stand up want to kind of be standups. They wanted to connect. So a lot of people do lot of deejays to radio deejays they're all secretly want to be comics, they think they're hilarious, there's a lot of them. To do this secretly absolutely that you come in and do morning, radio and like it's like the closest thing to it. I think right, 'cause, I'm trying to have another profession which is like stand up comedy where you can like tell jokes and people listen to you in the mass in the masses. You know, but I think yeah. Probably a radio dj is the closest thing to some radio. Deejays are dicks, you know some of them. They get kind of ego, EI! Think that's what it really what it is. They also want to keep you on your heels, because they know that you could do their job, but they can't do your job
like you could just be a radio dj that shit? Is it hard, yeah we're kind of doing it? Now we are doing it now you host a podcast. You know how to do it. Yeah you can easily take over some fucking radio show tell that dude to music breaks in there till that do to go on your spot, one thousand one hundred and forty five in the fucking or after Joey Diaz Bitch. Good luck, good fucking! Look! That's the find! just in general 'cause. It is mostly dudes. I don't find women like competing with me to be funny most of the time that aren't comics, but even due to aren't comedians like I go on a date with dating it's like they always try to one. They tried to one up you, even though they know your comic yeah 'cause, you know do they always want to be. You know the funny ones, even if they're not comics, they want the the the funny One
have to be, and if you're dating me like it doesn't that doesn't I don't need that. It's always good to have a do that can make me laugh, but I don't expect that. Could you deal with the dude? That's not funny at all, No! No! No! No! No He doesn't know. I don't want to do, has no sense of humor no no at home, and you have no sense of humor at all, but I would like a dude who could like who can riff with me, but also not in timit by me and others like it, be funnier than that's going to be a problem for ever what that? Well, then, I guess I'll just be single forever, forever, getter or whatever, but the target we're making robot girl, I'm going get a sex robot getting robot boyfriend. They can Prince's house the fucking Hulk answers the door every time his eyes movie him like what the fuck Candace. What are you up too? Well, he Couldn't save me the hulk. Will this mean that he stays outside looks out for Petty Tom C stands guard outside my window,
ha ha. I want to have I'm going to get that 'cause. I know guys going to get that one hundred percent did you see X, Makeena I've loved it? lovely loved it before my favorite movies. Ever you know, I watch it every every minute I can yeah. I watched that movie at least three times yeah, but that scene I mean like when that guy, like had those girls that was girlfriends. You know, like the japanese lady, was dancing with my favorite scene. That is one hundred percent going to happen that there's no way they not gonna happen. Of course it's going to happen under percent yeah. I don't want to talk to women. Why the body? Let me with all the dudes You not you. I mean your look at you, you talking to a woman right now, yeah, I just realized, I saw you know be watching the podcast and so you had another black Candace on not too long Candace, Owens yeah, I'm the one that is not in the sunken place, something please
what's the sunken place, you see get out having nothing. No, I haven't seen that yet. Yet what are you before it's not in theaters anymore? Well, most movies? I don't watch in the theaters most movies, well yeah, you're a celebrity. You can't go to go to the movies. Do you? Yes, the? Why do you say you just can't you said you can't go to the movement can't go to all of them, but that was a really good one. You should have gone if I go to one movie a month. It's a lot, so I miss a lot of movies. Ok, I go to little kids movies of kids. I gotta see the incredibles. Do you see incredibles, not yeah? It's really good. I heard it's really good better than the first one, Is it yeah? It's really good. I wanted to see that the other night, but I got talked into going to see. I call it black purge.
It puts blackbird, it's called the first purge. You saw. Did you see the original perch? Yes? Well now, there's a there's, a black one and it supposed to be the first purge. Then it tells the origin of how the purge system started in America and it's with black people I haven't heard of this. Enjoy enjoy the ride. Enjoy it. For many reasons there was acting problems. I felt but there was acting problems. I don't know the names of the people that I felt the acting boss, me, but I didn't enjoy. That and the story I just felt like it's. One of those ones were like the premise is really good, but it's just not executed. Well like the idea oh shit. I want to see that and then you go see it. It was a very let down so so Candace Owens is in the dark places that we sunk in the sunken place. Also, what do you mean how so she's a black chick who's like Cape info?
Trump yeah. What is keeping rooting for never heard that term capon Well, I can't I mean by nature. I don't understand that and she's a woman she's, a black woman. You don't understand it, no I, What is there to understand like someone there, a womanizer who is a bit also accused of rape on numerous occasions, also been you know as a history of racism from his family like as far his father, you sit in his apartment, used to deny renting apartments took to brown and black people so like that he was raised with that so lying and you know calling Mexicans rapist like I can't and there's no, explanation for supporting yeah. I think similar woman she found a niche. She did. I think that actually what it is? I think that I don't even think necessarily. She believes what she says like. I think that she was like. Oh, this is a way for me to get famous, because
how many black you know she is she's. Like the brand new amarosa she's like she's, like New AMA Rosa, I had amarosa, it was on fear factor back in the day. She was she's crazy. She accused me of being on the show yeah. I was talking to her, but she did make any sense, and so, as I was- and I don't understand what you're saying she was Joe you drunk and I go no show us- I look on your breath? No, you don't I'm not drunk. I was high as fuck, but I wasn't drunk I think she's just was like Amaros is out of the picture. I'm a step up. We think so she could be honestly. Have we ever seen Tommy Laren and her in the same room 'cause. I think she could be Tomi Lahren in blackface wow. That's how it feels rough, I mean, I think, he's more than black face and you need to change your name is a little bit there's more to show me your hair. It could have been awake, there's a couple of those girls that are like interchangeable, like this Lauren Southerns and Tomi Lahren. I always get them confused. Oh yeah, yeah, you're right,
I don't! Even I honestly don't even know lawn looks like they look similar, though blonde hair blonde conservatives both market for conservatives. Of course, there is because that's not the norm. Anything that's outside that. I was going to stick out in a minute. This is trendy now like this is what our this is. What our a party now is represented by, which is you know, and they're, expecting that they're gonna track like that number younger demographic, the millennials, and it is, I mean it is working somewhat. Well, it's definitely getting there some attention. I know it's it hard to tell what someone really believes and what they want. You to believe right. It's hard to tell like global warming has wow that one see what that is to me when she said that that's indicative of someone who's trying to follow a line like there's a line and that you're supposed to follow. If you are a hardcore republican supporter and it's like
industry is good. Big business is good. Regulation is bad right, you know, and then the big one is global warming is a hoax for at least global warming is something that's greatly exaggerated by these environmentalists in order to fund Al Gore's blah blah blah blah right, you go down these lines, everybody in the left, police, one thing, and everyone in there certain things where you have to believe here on the right. Actually, you have to leave here on the left, even if it makes you sound bat shit crazy, like denying facts, there's a few of those lipsticks like if you're right wing, you have to be pro life, pretty much very few right wing people that are Pro board. Which is why isn't that what happened with right? Isn't that what happened with Tomi Lahren, though didn't she lose? She lost some In fact she had it made them with Fox. I don't remember, but because she came out as saying she was pro choice, so yeah that was the she suffered yeah. It's interesting. It's interesting when it happened
like you're not allowed to have varying opinions, or you know you know it's like an almost cult like it's very cold like it's definitely a tribe, I mean. That's, that's! Actually what happens? I have watched out my wife's obsessed, it's there's, a new episode that comes out today. I got to watch it, but now it's one episode is like this is just too up it's too real and how to real. You see the parallels like, though the kids getting some created from their moms, and it's just like this is literally happening right now. It's terrifying yeah that to me is one of the darker moments of this error. This knowledge that thousands of kids get separated from their parents as they crossed the border. Like what what the fuck are we doing like what I know there's no excuses, a lot of people, here's a video that I made, it was just a rant the podcast about it. With my friend Duncan you know, Duncan Trussell we've met a only a couple.
But I don't know him very well, but everyone loves him. So we did this rent or ideas around about it and it got made into a video and then all these people are, like you, don't understand the real issue on the order, if the real issue in the border separating parents when their kids- that's not the real issue, fucking Idiot Right supposed to be keeping criminals out, and you think that lady in her baby or criminals, Imagine I mean people can imagine what it be like to live in Mexico right next, United States right, it's right there, you just walk. Over there and get a job you're right there me over here, you're fucked, with a better life right over here you cousin, go killed by the cartel for looking at somebody wrong at a taco stand, you know and then nobody, nobody ever goes to jail for it. Do you know how many fucking politicians they killed in Mexico this year? You know that number somewhere, Just tell me yeah it's more! It's more than one hundred this year, politicians murdered in Mexico. That's the go to
if you're gonna murder, somebody right like it's right there and it's so and they never investigate anything before yeah. Here was a number Jim hundred. Thirty two politicians killed this one hundred and thirty two. How do we know this? Mexico goes to the polls this weekend. One hundred and thirty two politicians have been killed since campaigning began. That is crazy, record violence. That's like this were all because of us. This is all because of the drug war. If we just made drugs legal, there would be The none of this going on yeah this is worse than that one Pablo Escobar was out well Pablo Escobar, very similar situation, yeah. What's all fueled by drug money yeah, all this is drug money. I mean when you make drugs eagle, only criminals are selling drugs and this massive amounts of money because all of the cocaine. Thank you, the two have you ever tried: cocaine, never, never meaning they ever I've.
I tried you know. I won't that's one. I won't try like I prefer, like I've done, shrooms and we'd not set. How often do you do shrooms? Not often coffee do weed. I don't even like the only way that I have is given to me. Like you know, when I'll do like when all judge rose battle, they pay you and we'd there like here the bag of weed, and then it takes me like years to go through it. That's how that's how infrequently like I'll smoke when I'm with like friends, but I'm not, I don't drink by myself, and I I don't like when I go home like I got a bottle of liquor. Vodka, that's been in my freezer over a year now says you're healthy, I'm very healthy for you, I'm very healthy. When you smoke weed ever get paranoid this one time I didn't animal, I ate too much so you know Jamar neighbors sure very funny comic he gave me an edible one time, and this was before, like anybody could just walk into a dispensary like is now you just have to show your id and you can get anything from the dispensary, but this is when you have to have a card. So he
and then got it for me and it was this lemon bar, that's uh award winning on it, maybe and then we'd. Now this I was like. Oh, this is gonna, be award winning because of the taste right. This like I would like this is like a Paula, Deen Recipe, and so I ate like half of it, and I was by myself. Anne I woke up, I was laying down and I was in my bed and I sat up when I said. Am I talking to myself, I'm not talking to myself. Oh my god, I am talking to myself, I'm not talking to myself. I was saying this out loud I had to check. I went on my phone to get on twitter to see, make sure the world was still happening. 'cause I was like I felt like. I was in some weird twilight Zone episode. It was awful, so I got on there and then I made I forced myself to go to sleep because I was like. I can't be awake like this, so I forced myself to go to sleep. I woke up the next morning. I was still
hi for like five more hours, it was awful yeah I gave my friend edible and he called me up a day later said: I'm still high a day yeah. If you don't know what you're doing with it, because I had a conversation with some of the other and they were like I age, may I eight four response. Crispy treats and I was like: why would you eat four of them? He had he called the cops and then check them, so you might want to build that. He thought he was dying. The ever see the one. Where is a? nine hundred and eleven call the cops took weed from these people. They pulled him over and then the cops use the weed to make pot brownies. And then they ate the pot brownies when they called nine one on themselves. They called for them. They said they were dying. Please send help time moving very slowly, but what's hilarious is it's a fucking now one one call from a cop from a cop, the cop is calling to get an ambulance. Can you say the time is moving slowly and they stole the weed from these fucking kid
they pulled over the whole thing is just it's brilliant itself. Funny! Oh it's drugs! Man it's one of my all time, favorite nine hundred and eleven calls 'cause, it's just so so on Youtube, yeah, yeah, can you can you please send help times moving very slowly but play it? I was looking up a article about it. The cop had he resigned before he got in trouble for p resign, taking the weed and be using it. They quit yeah. That's probably good. I mean you're kind of at that point. You kind of have to I called nine hundred and eleven we're talking about in a podcast years later everybody's heard that yeah, but I didn't you never fucking,
see the video is probably been played, a million times easily more than a million. Do you have a Jamie yeah? I just by found this shorter version? Okay, listen this poor fox, just think about this and to save marijuana. I don't know if they had been in it. The plea from right here: even No I'm just I think, we're dying. Did you guys have I don't know we made brownies and I think we're dead time is going by really really really really slow. Lady laughing C pot is something that even when you're having an overdose people laugh at you 'cause. Nobody does I never dies and she's on the news. Those are the stiff. It's fucking. People on the planet
give it a real newscaster real life once they walk around like this once they look to walk around the robot robots, yeah, the like hello. How are you well? That's great. That's wonderful, didn't always scared to say something wrong. It's interesting like it's we're all kind of in the you know that that's considered, entertainment! You know they're on television there you know none of my camera do not entertainers they readers is that is that what it is like people who don't have enough personality? You have zero personnel. Yes, the whole thing: if you have any personality that kick you off the air yeah, the only thing you can have is you could be one of those weather girls with a big ass. Few of those I did note they got fat boobs too. It's not just the essence, sir. I notice that was the first thing when I moved out to LA that was one of the first things things. I notice with the LA weather, people or the weather women I would like their hot hot is full, this back in Cincinnati, yeah yeah. High heels short skirts talking about tornado
Wasn't shit sticking their ass out point weather patterns yeah this one, I think, is South America's one. Famously which is like a famous weathercast she's like one of the hottest woman on the planet, tiny. Always giant ass, big tits probably wears a waist trainer. You hating on yeah I hate, Waist trainers Bobby Lee bought me Bobby Lee, but you a waste training. You know he takes me on the road with him, sometimes an willing one time we were in like a cvs, and I jokingly picked it up, and I was like Bobby by me this and he did like that now, but no there I still have it. I never tried it but they're terrifying. They like their course. It's there, Well, I've read articles that you're not supposed to wear these things. 'cause it binds it's bad for your organs: your your organs around Kardashians, wear them, but yeah yeah. So that's why I'm like I'm not going to be happy and promote that for women hurting ourselves to look good yeah! It was a weird word so thick waist,
any of my neck cold yeah, just farmworker waste yeah. Well, not ok, things. Calm down, I want carries hey. I do. However, I have and I'm like an athletic build, so I don't have a tiny waist, so bother you. No, it doesn't bother me. I, like my body you should is it looks great. You look great thanks Jesus was a conversation. I never get into a guys. I, like my body like dude. You look Do it tell me, like my body, I look good bro, my ok. I got kind of a thick waist, though don't know do. I I'm allowed to say, have a thick waist you're, not listening. I don't understand. I can say it. You can't say growing up thick thighs in the thick ass, but even so like women, we can say that an we know that men, some men or a lot of men like it but being called thick, does never makes us feel good. Ourselves. Even if
have we know that men like it, it still makes it look in the back of our head were like. Does he mean I'm fat? What's all this? We at the end is guaranteed as girls out there that, like being thick yeah, of course, being called tech. A chorus of course. We are saying we but a lot of women because they know I've had conversations with other women that had been like uh. Like I used to be when I was in high school, I was probably two thousand and twenty five pounds heavier than what I am right now we eat lots of carbs. Lot. I didn't know how to eat properly, because so there was a whole low fat craze. You remember this when snack wells was popping. Remember then, and they were like no, no fat high fat is bad, so they started doing. Low fat everything, but then they replaced the fat with sugar, so it would taste palatable. You know, because if you take the fat out, the flavor is going so like. How do we get the flavor back? So they put a bunch of shit, turn stuff so you're eating like thank you know, it's little fat I would come home and eat like a bag of like low fat, pretzels things like
a bag of those Snyders of Hanover threats, a bag of big ones, big ones and below. Why am I gaining weight? 'cause, I didn't know, I thought low fat man. Oh, I would it's low fat. He needs no fat, there's so much of that there's so many those low fat items that is way worse for you yeah, I mean are people I don't even think that's a thing. Now it's gluten free gluten free is what popular gluten free. And that, what's the other thing, I can't think there's another thing: that's kind of training right now, but it's not just not just couldn't keep the Gentiles that we talking about. I don't know what I'm thinking about. I literally had a brain. But there is something else, maybe palaeo a new trendy thing yeah, but it's all like nobody knows what the repercussions of any of these things are like. Palaeo might be good for temporary, but in the long term we don't know the damage is going to be doing well, palios, real, simple: it's not going to do any damage. Paleo was just real food. Paleo just means no grain and no rice. That's all
means it just no preservatives, not artificial flavors, no water social colors, just meat, chicken, fish, vegetables, meat, chicken, fish, vegetables, there's nothing wrong with that. Does not you don't have to worry about that right. Right trend right, like this, is going to be able to like the low fat trend, normal thing for people to eat you efforts to they can the fruits yeah. Okay, yeah find the fruits look this people that he carnival what diet? This is the more most recent one where they only meet. That's it! No! No! No! That's not good. How do you know? That's not good I have a friend with pretty severe autoimmune disease and it's gone is of eating only carnivore diet. His daughter had her hip replaced and her ankle replaced terrible arthritis with carnivore diet gone some people have,
but so no free action to carbohydrates and all fruits and vegetables he's not eating anything and he's been doing. Is a professor yeah, brilliant guy? Let's cholesterol, look like that's a thing, so you people say things like that. Like you just said that that's not where cholesterol comes from dietary cholesterol doesn't have any impact on blood lipids. It doesn't have any impact in your blood cholesterol. This is where cholesterol is bad. And you have cholesterol and high carbohydrates. When your body is burning a lot of carbohydrates, your body is in fat storing mode. So if you eat a bunch of fat and carbohydrates, you ask fat as right, but if you do just that, if you just the family, Then your body loses weight, believe it or not. You actually get slim yeah now. I know about that part, but I didn't know
Lester apart, yeah you're. Not if you are. This is one important thing for people. If you are on a high fat, low, carb diet, you cannot eat large amounts of carbohydrates, because if you do it's just gonna go right to fat, because your your body, just is not the your body, can use. What's gonna, burn the carbohydrates and can take all the fat you take and store it. So you just gonna get fat as well about his body positivity. How do you know it's? Not what I want that you, but I want to get fat. Do you think? So I can be body positive because if that was as it's just embrace the fatness, it's literally just being like if you're fat love your body and that's fine like you- can be fat and love your body, but it's also promoting. You know on healthy behaviors. I think also, and we want to distinguish between the two. Well, we want to give people a free pass by saying be body, positive yeah. I know and don't don't fat, shame right. Click leave people be. I have a black belt in fat. Shaming. Are you gonna kiss?
you know you do taekwondo yeah, I do fat shape now go to dojo, stinky armpits. It used to be easy to fat. Shame now. People have super upset about it. Yeah now I know I'm not sure he's right, I'm really not it's not, but all I mean you should make fun of somebody for the way you look. You know. I don't think that's right, but We shouldn't be promoting an unhealthy lifestyle that too, and also like Tom Segura, said that, like people, making fun of his weight is the reason why I lost weight is like fat. Shaming was very effective on me. Yeah. He lost the weight because people are fat, shaming in a lot of behaviors. A lot of behaviors are because you felt shame and we're we're in a society where, like no shame anymore with anything, I know I know
people that are like proud of their alcoholism. Yeah I've heard people bragging about. Do you eyes wide? I'm not kidding hanging around the wrong people. I they're not my friends, okay, I just heard so. Do you think that's so the scape clause, like they just like they're giving themselves and out like I love being an alcoholic fuck, it yeah, I think to them because of we are accepting everything now that it's just like it's just fun, behavior like I'm fun when I'm drunk and it's just and that's fine, you can be fun, but also you know, there's luebbers take a lift. Why are you driving that's the problem yeah, especially today. There's no excuse for that, especially in Hollywood I mean that Fuckin comedy store parking, You can't get out of it 'cause. It's always jammed up with Lifson uber yeah, which is great, but also is annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying, but it's great that people are taking.
I have only drive them around right still, the whole thing about Uber's as like how much background checking they doing on those freaks yeah. Now I'm, but I'm positive I've gotten into it. Lifter I who's or Huber driver 'cause. I don't I don't I used to do uber and then, but they suck so I started doing left but yeah, I'm sure I got an uber at one point where somebody was drunker than I. Let's. Let me get this yeah they're, not checking them right now, I'm not at all not at all. I just I don't know I feel like being 'cause, you don't drink at all. Do you you doing? Ok, I just feel like I have such a non addictive personality and I feel that most people are addicted to things and that's why it's also tough. For me, like I dating also is because I know I'd see. I know that a lot of people that I have you know been on dates with or whatever, like all this lifestyle is not conducive to what I'm trying to do. So we just don't click in that way, because you find you go on dates of guys are getting up a lot
yeah like a lot a lot a lot so much woo weekend, nights weeknights! Is it Tuesday? Why am I not drunk yet right, yeah, so yeah, Actually, the last app that I got on was like it's called meet. Mindful wanted to like find people who were dude yeah somebody who, we just more present in maybe likes them self, a little bit more, so they don't get drunk all the time to be with them, selves, yeah, how'd that workout. Well, they were like you, gotta pay thirty dollars a month and I was like. Maybe I'm not looking for love right now. I paid I paid before for like Eharmony, that's what I paid for that one. I paid almost two hundred dollars for that one. How would that workout terribly and that's why I'm hesitant to pay again 'cause? I got nothing I've got literally nothing from that, so I'm like actually lies, make any sense. I thought Eharmony like instantly find the love your dreams, and then you sit down with him on the couch and they do a video with you. I knew that as soon as I met Kandice
she was the one I was on there for over a year I called customer service and complained, would you say where's, my dick, where my dick in you promise me dick by month, three or I get a refund, You know I called, and I said I would like a refund. She was like why, and I said these dudes are like force like all of 'em an below they were just all of them were like the worst look and people I'd ever seen and she was like. We have so many messages that you haven't responded to. I said: did you not hear my first complaint like I'm not going to respond any of these dudes looking and not just not just like physically, but just like the like terrifying. Looking like serial killers, like don't know like pictures of just A4 head, you would take a fit the picture properly,
dating APP world's gotta- be fucking, weird now you're so lucky, I know several people that are in the dating app world. If so, let tell me about it or swiping right all the time swiping left apple, which one is white white, if you like him- which one do you say, swipe white right racist mother, there wasn't. There was a phase where I was swiping white didn't workout. Now I've only updated a couple of white dudes in my life, barely barely yeah, just one of them, I think, was gay another one another one that pathological here I've dated two gig gay dude. I think so out of your study group, why people are gay in pathological, liars yeah, and that's it nothing else. The two are not mutually exclusive, you could be gay and a pathological liar either or I'm sure it's possible to have that combination
it will set me up with one of your friends. Ok I'll try to find somebody for you, serious, yeah, I'll, try to find somebody. We sent why not and not I like MMA person. Well, you don't wanna welcome. I don't think I could handle it Mona. It's a lot of muscles. You don't like muscles not that much. Okay, like what you want, what do works like once a week. Voicemail twice twice but doesn't go crazy, go crazy! No one who gets up in the morning and runs early. I mean I can do that like make I'll be meditate while use run, run is running. So that's fine, that'll work out, yeah yeah, but I I want someone who, like might be on steroids, might be, might be, might be I'll. Keep it in mind. It's gonna be hard like when you fill out one m e r. Many things would you have to write. You write what your occupation is. What you're looking for what you write, what you looking for! Do you ever right, I'm just looking for deck. No look the right,
I'm looking for a meaningful relationship with a person of my dreams. Women already have to swap the dicks away. Without writing. I'm looking for Dick Swat walk outside dicks dicks. No, so you know you can't write that if I, that I'd be on tinder. You know Like you don't know about. Any of this tender is the decap. So if you just want some dick yeah his way to go, and even bumble is kind of. Turning into that. Do you think that I don't know, bumble is a new one and not new anymore. A newer one is coffee meets bagel. I was on that one for a minute I was read thing that said that there's a this made me angry. That said is tinder and grinder, are they responsible in any way for the spread of STD's from their apps? Of course, no
course they, don't they don't a god. Damn thing, no three can't be taken there, Dixon the absolutely like they're, not they're, not they should be sued, like that's ridiculous, but they're saying they should they take responsibility. Take responsibility now, but I guarantee that more people are hooking up because of this thing right these these apps and right, it's Dan doing it on safely. So what this is not any of skin off their back now. I know just or like people getting in trouble for things that other people are doing yeah absolutely you want people to be respond, no ones taking personal responsibility for their own mistakes. Like you put a condom on where you talking, when you done I've heard stories about like hey dudes man, they are so trifling looked and a gay dude was telling me about what the behavior and gay uh in gay gyms. How like they have. In the shower.
Somebody to come up in there and just ram use and at home yeah you leave the curtain partially opened and that's kind of like a signal to be like. Ok, if you want to come up in here and get some you can- and I was talking to But if you didn't know that rule- and you accidentally leave the curtain open just 'cause, you didn't close properly Jesus and all of a sudden some due to every time. I've been in gyms around gay people. I used to belong to gold's gym on cold, it's in you know in West Hollywood and that's where we used to film news radio right down the street so yeah. So that was a gym that I worked out. It's a gate disco that Jim is a God. Damn gay disco I would go there not to do anything wrong with that, but when I would go yeah it was the you would get that feeling that a girl gets all the time terra. Right well, yeah, that's something! All these eyes on me were trying to fuck you unsafe right now, it's a different feel like girls hitting on use like if you want you can come over here guys.
He was like you want to come over there. It's a different feeling better, like Michael Jackson, right there today, Michael Jackson is not use. This fall said again this, but it's uncomfortable feeling known the guys, wanna you like, I couldn't imagine being a girl just trying to navigate my way through dudes. It's terrifying, Swat index away, swatting them platinum. You know: crack haven't peeping toms that you win, so that's scary, world out there, so your neighbor when they found that guy was he hot? No, I still don't know what he's hot and he said, I'm sorry hey girl, I'm sorry, I came home from the club was little drunk. I've always had this thing for you, Campbell's whispering hate you pussy is disrespectful
apologize. He said it like that. You like me to take out to a drip for drinks and just a will make up to you, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry controls are well. You know you put it like that who might turn down his money. How many provide I don't know if that's the terrifying part is that I don't know who it was and it could have been. It could be someone I know save my neighbors described him was that it actually the way they describe them did describe someone that I know and consider a friend, but then, when I showed my neighbor, the picture of the person was talking about. They were like. No, I don't think that's him still now in the back of my head, I'm like what, if it was so now, my friendship with this person has been a little straw because of x amount trust you whoa. I know it's weird. Those were the life of a girl. Women have to wear a bunch of the guys enough to worry about. I know so many things yeah. There are no girls out
b window with Sprint. Well, they they are, but they it's because you dated them before and you're wrong. Then you cheated on him or did something and now she's stalking. You or you found other crazy and then again you live now yeah. I love I'm, I'm I'm very interested in all of like, like relationship behavior and like crimes of passion. I, like all of it, I'm very into it, like those Annie shows yeah earlier, like snapped on oxygen, if you're, seeing that it will snap, yes silly women, it's mostly women. Sometimes it's the man's oxygen. It is Austin. The women channel absolutely yeah then lifetime? Why is oxygen? A women's channel oxygen is like air. Everybody needs that. I don't know but yeah we were. I was watching uh snaps. I watch it not so much anymore, but with not for a long time, but every episode is like a different couple and the woman is just like can't put up with the shit anymore,
dude cheating on her or like taking our money or abusing her whatever, and then she snaps and she kills him, Zo is a spoiler alert for every show. You know where it's going, nowhere else can sign and she just couldn't take it any loss in the title she went in which snap and then finally did Wendy's cross the that the only thing I don't want to be a victim of a crime of passion. Just don't you How does break out with me not to kill me yeah, I hear yeah, that's reasonable request. What's the craziest thing, what's the craziest thing, a girl for and as ever done to you, if you got your car key before no I've been pretty good at navigating those waters, I've got I've got pretty good, crazy radar.
Yeah. The problem is when they really hot and the really hot in there also crazy, like damn. This might be worth the risk. That's usually what I guess. I don't know if you've seen this it was on, it was a Youtube clip and the guy do a chart and it was like a chart of crazy to hotness yeah and it's it's like all. All the hot chicks are always crazy, and so you have to enter in basically tells you what range you have to find the normal woman and twenty twenty my friend Tony Serra, has it best he's got a. He said that there is like a Roddick in neurotic and they cross over, like a Venn diagram to hit this. They had this cross so that their elected to interchangeable thing yeah completely closely related psychotic neurotic in a rotten right altogether and if you,
the really erotic women there, almost always psychotic or or neurotic crazy. This is something wrong: yeah red flag, the really fun one yeah, just the ones that really want to rock your world. They're crazy. I've heard that So if you're wondering I'm very normal, in case you're wondering there you go fans, I don't do anal good point. That is a weird thing right. If your parents love you too much, you might not be as ambitious. I I mean that is true like I wish. I thought I like. I think I'm definitely ambitious like I'm. Definitely you know I've been doing this for like like ten years now, and it's like I have come so far, so it's like yeah. No, I definitely have goals and I'm achieving them,
but it's also I'm also not like we talked about earlier, like the ceos of these corporations, like I don't have that kind of drive like I just want to do it alone and make good money doing it to be looking out for ten years would start here at the store that store but like in LA started. The first place I got up, you know doing open, MIC's and stuff, but I didn't want to go to the store at first 'cause I I don't want to go there. If I'm not funny it right, then, who knows going to see me another she's, not funny. Once you get past the store like Dick number of two thousand and fourteen, so almost two thousand and fifteen, so that was right, when I came back yes, it was right when you came back 'cause that was right I was the first me and Earl Skakel, where the first people to Adam past when he promoted to that position, one yeah, because the I don't know if the time he was ever going to pass me- I don't know, I know it's a whole new. So when yeah, when I came
back, then I got to see like the whole new crop, there's a whole new crop of people in the seven years that I was gone, was it seven years young gone for seven years, I thought I'd be gone forever. If Adam Diff TA, and fired and out of building over, I was still been, which is that was the dumbest thing vision for me it was a good decision. It was good. It was healthy to get away from the store for a little bit. Change. My comedy made a little less. Evil is something about that place. That place is so harsh, but had haven't you notice that the energy is change since Adam was taken over it's completely different place, it's different place without Tommy, it's a different place just because of the vibe, the Commies hours now, also fortified by the internet? It's like people who love the place, because this iconic historical landmark it's like
the mecca of comedy and it really is the Mets club in the country. Now it's the real mecca. When I was a kid when I was first starting out, I had heard about the comedy store because SAM Kinison started out there Richard Pryor was always there and I like that, was the place. I need to go to the comic store yeah. When I came out here. I was already on the sitcom- and I would I didn't get past this or I was a non paid regular. So I was able to go on at the end of the shows when I first got here, when I got past as a paid regular, it was like the happiest moment of my life. I was like holy shit yeah, I'm up a dragon at the comedy store like that to me was bigger than being on a television show. Now I know I'm here, but back then the comedy store was a ghost town. It was design. But there was no one there you go on a Friday night to be thirty. People in the audience was just gross and there was a lot of Botak still floating around yeah yeah. So, like something happen, between in the Kinison age, right, Kenison ages, like eighty four to eight thousand seven hundred and eighty eight.
In that time, that guy was just running rampid and destroying, and he was a maniac and he was the top of the world and then he dropped off and then he died and then, when he died, that place is it goes down So I came along right after he died. I came along in ninety four and that there was no one there, so it went from being this jam packed like always here, like all these celebrities come to seek innocent, do spots late at night to be like whoa, that must been nuts John Belushi to be there and Jack Nicholson. All these different people, and then you go there on office John Belushi Frog dead by then when the John Belushi died, he died in eighteen, eighty two yeah. He died earlier than that yeah. I'm a should decide John Belushi amount of made that up, but I know Jack Nicholson, a bunch other celebrity Nc Kennison and a member thinking man. Nobody famous comes here now: yes, please a hole yeah like there's, nobody there
but it's different now noun Solomon made using now notes every show sold out every show every show it's nuts last night was crazy. Yeah. Now I was thinking that the other day I was like I'm like what a time for for me to be like a regular at the store like it just happened to at the. Perfect time like it just 'cause. I know so many people that, like we're door, guys back when like I've heard stories like Bobby, would tell me stories from when he used to work there and like Freddy Lockhart, when they were like door guys and I'm like wow place, without so shitty like what they were getting paid they're getting paid like twenty five dollars for the day eat off that I met Bobby was a door guy at the La Jolla store when I'm at Bobby's, like one thousand nine hundred and ninety four, some shit like that. We went to a Strip club and he
Skype killed. What yeah I mean that sounds about right, like this person like hitting on some girl and apparently she was, is dating some mexican gang banger, this guy, who had long black hair and tattoos on his face in the 90s in the 90s. He had tattoos on his face even popular, and then I, the guy he was looking over at me and then they're talking to his friends are going. We are getting the fuck outta here. I think Jimmy Shubert was with me mean Jimmy Shubert and Bobby Lee. I could we're getting the fuck out of here and Bobby's like those guys. To do shit I go, I will fucking leave you I go, you don't have any idea. What dangerous, like those guys are going to do something you can find. I wasn't fighting, I was worried about getting shot. This is never going to murder MIKE. This is a bad scene. Do we got to get out of here and now and Bob is like two starting to do like who? you are the smallest person. Here he was twenty one years old or whatever the fuck you was. He was out of his mind. He was a child, I mean he's still childlike in many ways.
But yes, in always one wears a man. I tell his girlfriend all the time over here, the most patient woman in the world to deal with him. Yes, the odd couple, it's a very Gotta couple seems to work, though they've been together for awhile it's insane and they met on tender. Kapow yeah, it worked. I know two people, I said it worked 'cause. I know two. People that work for them and also I know a couple- is getting married this weekend who met on tinder. Well, there you go. Maybe it's just you for people. This is here and we need to tender second chance for sure it is me 'cause. I I refuse to settle. I know for sure it is me, how do you think using you vision, board and all of your manifesting. How can you just some dick on my vision, point get someone in your life that you need in your life? How can I honestly honestly honest honestly, jailbroken honestly, every time I think of your name, I think of Tyrone,
Unless you know, sponge around and smoke rocks that there was my fur First, I mean I knew you from fear factor, but I also that was a huge. You know for me, or I even knew I'd be doing stand up when I'm watching the Chappelle Show- and I just remember I it makes me laugh so much Joe Rogan. My feet are strong, doesn't great character. I like have tried to do crack impressions like crackhead impressions for jokes before and I can't because every time I try to do an original crackhead impression like just from my own, you know inspiration and from watching, like other, like real crack heads? I can't do it. I because the default crack head is now Tyrone Biggums and it just I'm like. I can't do it because I can't Tyrone becomes a certain people that create characters that for ever their iconic yeah. That would that that's the crack head yeah for the rest of the time, rest of time, yeah I'll.
Is it amazing that the show was only two seasons and that it was fifteen years in and even more amazing than he just said: fuck it and left and left. We gotta go yeah, I mean I get it though I get it. I get it I was on it that I was on comedy central at the time, and I saw I like the management and how is working there. So is chaos, and it, whenever you tell people that aren't funny that are exact, gives tell them to manage funny. I don't know what the fuck they're doing, They have no idea, let Dave Chappelle, be do they propel trust me he's going to make the most funny him, and Neil Brennan do what they do.
What they're doing and just get out of the way, get out of the way and put ads on it yeah, and you saw the success of what had happened with what they did with that control yeah. You know they try to do a bunch of with him. They tried, first of all, the time that you do get a change language. Stop using the n word, the one stop using is that we get more ads, was all about people not comfortable with advertising with certain kind of sketch, so they wanted to maximize that profits so tone down the show, little maximize their profits and David, like I see where this is going, yeah yeah not lose complete control. He just quit. Yeah. Imagine the executives when they found out, he was really quitting. And he says he's just yeah. There probably will just bluffing. He doesn't like the way you guys are shaping this show so he's going to quit and he's in Africa now by click.
But we were just going to make one hundred and eighty million dollars, but we were just going to make honored Dave just called you guys blew it. You know, people don't remember, but for awhile Davis doing shows and he wasn't getting paid he and do shows where you got paid. He would show up in the park, showed up in Seattle. It was like a big deal. He put up a speaker, he put up his own PA system, started, doing stand up in the park and a crowd gathered round. Of course What do would do would show up places and start doing stand up. I met Dave. I'm a table is like I was twenty one. She was like eighteen, something like that or maybe maybe I was a little older. Maybe I was like twenty four and he was eighteen and he was he would do, shows outside We did a gig in Montreal and then after we did, the Montreal we came. Downstairs outside of club soda and he just started doing stand up on the street.
Those. Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, gather round got some shit to tell you and then you start doing stand up on the street and he learned it from Charlie Barnett, Charlie Barnett, who was he was like cool New York character, did a lot of street comedy. We didn't. I have a video of Charlie Barnett. There's there's one on line. He would do it yeah like this. What he would do, Charlie Barnett, would do comedy like this. We got this giant crowds and would walk around like a park and get everybody gather round and he was such a showman that people would just sit in way. They went to stand here. It is in Washington Square Park. That's insane, I mean look at this. We got a nice mix, trout, I mean look when we got. We got white folks we got black folks
power rangers. We got a lot of funding porrigens, but I'm not gonna fuck with your boy regions, man, 'cause, y'all, born with knives, he was. He would do this. This is how he would do standard anyway. Yell it out in the park. I got a chance to see him a couple. He died of AIDS like somewhere. I think it was in the early 90s. He died but I got to see him NASA when people were dying of AIDS yeah back back when AIDS would kill you now aids like the flu yeah, it's like everybody got it yeah, don't wife got AIDS, my uncle got leukemia, don't even a medication for that broke. Charlie Barnett, influence, Dave and Dave would do, though, kind of stand up, you know, Dave would just do stand up in front of a club. He just just getting people just gather around and why?
hm- and I remember thinking like wow- I I'm doesn't not really me. I could never do that, but yeah and that kind of detachment to be able to just just be free in front of a crowd like that yeah and powerful, and you know, we've performed in all different types of really terrible places. You know when you're coming up in your doing open, MIC's and bars and like coffee shops or whatever an ice tilt this day roll my eyes when someone it's an outdoor venue, because it's ' 'cause, you know, there's nothing to India. Right so, like the laugh just get lost, they just disappear into the Is there a notary knows too, and you do stand up in a really nothing flipped in arena's on my vision board, though, is it yeah right right next to the dick. What's your vision board, we're that's weird: anything crazy vision board a in your vision board. Do you have one
It's actually not on my vision board, but I do visualize it do you. I do visual. How you visualize the visual I meditate to visualize you strolling with a tiny bag with a dog in it, and You got like a cigarette holder, giant glasses figure out. How old are the people just like, like Hunter S, Thompson Jacoboy, stroll on with high heels stilettos and no weight skirt like where's my seat? Where is my seat? I want it to be bitched. This is my plan. Let my dog shit on the floor. It's my play! Mother fucker! No, my private jet is going to be much more basic than then you know I just want to playing with like I can like fart freely and not have to worry about other people. One time I held a fart from Cincinnati to LOS Angeles. That's very polite of you. I know. Thank you just in a plane, a lot of people are sneaking in Plano, but I was like. I can't do this to anybody and I have do thank you person very considerate person, but if it was your plane, let him loose.
What if it was your plan, yet a stewardess, still let loose flight attendants? What's the difference, because you can't make the change to fight a ten, because they're male flight attendant 'cause, you can't call a male. Do they really do this? Do they really have male flight attendant? Haven't I finally really mail. Yes. This is there gay, but there are many more feminine than me, but yes, there still mad at once is Dennis today and I had to fill out one that is on price. Omg were so alike. I had to fill out this form and on the form it said sex. It said male or female, like where's the other yeah, whereas other bitch
where is it? Where is cans were other tenants, other kids yeah in about other candies? No, no! I don't know what that is those people to think they're fox they identify with Fox's like I'm. I'm like an elf can now people think they're fairies. Would I'm a wood, elf mmhm? No other. Can people think that there's something there supposed to be something else there like a person, but really an animal is trapped in a person's body. Now that is crazy? Are there here we go this lady people ask me how's it feel to be a cat, I'm like how does it feel to be human? Well, that's rational. Whoever you are your dad is hey Dude who's, her dad, you lucky did the world the who lives grows, thinks she's a cat yeah. Now, that's that! That's when you
have a that's. That's definitely a mental issue for sure, like Rachel Devil's on yeah. She did you watch her document. I'm obsessed with it was boring right was it doesn't mean I didn't watch was I wanted to why I was just sad, she's she's going crazy. Z: she owes money. She's in debt and she's got kids. I feel bad for the kids yeah, but Who is this dude that she's with who is doing? It is not a baby, not that long ago, some guy works posing see this get a minor epidural the same. How we all the same, because you'll just have sex with anything. Well, it's everything or nothing that you could have got it from somewhere else. He did not! Really, if you fucked her, could have really problem. Did you have pick of the litter getting really old dudes who are unattractive poor,
sleeping on someone else's couch and they're still getting vagina? So yes, well, they must be good. Talkers, yeah women, don't have standards anymore. You do I do because my parents loved Maine, sometimes that's going to be the name of my first special, actually know the name. My first session is going to be on very busy. Maybe a book this book will not be that good, because parents must make this special angle me funny. 'cause, my parents loved me and just finished everything with my pair because my parents love me, but you are very funny so that doesn't work. We know what you're, not you? Not you, not you not crazy, like ambitious to the point where you will in the step: Walker Peoples back, I'm not a sociopath cut people, because my parents loved Maine, that's what that's where that comes from. You know that narcissistic ' personality disorder, soci apathy comes from some type of neglect or abuse in childhood
so in this industry attracts a lot of that. You know people attention, starved and they just want fame. So you have the people who is too types of people in history you got the people who really just love the craft of it. They really are gray actors or a great comics writers, and then you have the kind that just wanna be famous. Who don't give a crap about. You know right what it takes to. Actually you know home that skill and become best at that they just want, and some of them pretend to be the other thing, absolutely yeah, absolutely yeah we're just we're. I mean it's crazy people everywhere, yeah, some of them like pretend to be comics like they pretend to be interested in the craft of comedy. I know- and you know what, when it gets really weird when they become famous- and you see it happens, all the the sea, the dentist does an actor. They were acting like they're comedian yeah. That's not they're, not really yeah MIKE yeah yeah, but then we let them get stage time. Well, it's not!
you and I don't have any ideas all over anybody getting stage time. Yeah now I know, but it's frustrating. So why did you get into it? I have a, I believe, my pain when I was a kid was just feeling like I didn't fit in like out there when you were telling me you're, not black, like that was my pain. 'cause I am black, and so I grew up feeling like I didn't fit in anywhere. You are, you are a certain percent ' Both of my parents are black, and so they are. Someone was white. Well, I know somewhere along the line, but there's mixes, there's black native American and there's white, but yeah. If you saw my family, we like there's no white people in this family. If you saw my family like somebody somewhere along the line selected champ at Timp, somebody fucked yep somebody when they shouldn't have you know, I think this is what I think about my than beastiality in your talents in general. I feel, like you know, people evolve from apes. I think, but I don't believe that
You don't believe that I think somewhere along the line, somebody went back when they should know. If somebody went by Paris? They were like well one so bad. We just fucking these apes over here one last shot at that monkey. She wasn't. She wasn't talking back to me. She know turn my meat over a you know a man and that's all she wanted. She would. Let me stick stuff webroot, where I wanted to stick stuff. He was warm to cuddle with in the winter months, yeah. Well, everyone's african single human. If you trace him all the way back, that's really 23andme shit. I just did it. You know what they say. I don't know I'm waiting after wait. A couple more weeks very excited sounds scary, uh. Now what could it be? A mostly I'm supposed to be most italian, and I have like one slash four Irish in me: that's what it's supposed to be. It sounds downright, let's see if anybody was
in around the idea of maybe a German got in the mix and application and I'm a rock in there who knows you know Nancy got in the mix back in the day whole areas. You know I'm too, I I don't think I'm going to do one of those on one one ' I don't want to know if I find out I'm wider than I am. I think I am utterly walk into traffic Will you pretty your skins lighter than mine? Now I know, but so what like? Ok, don't get defensive cheeses, Candace settle down 'cause, like you have like me, and my sister were from the same parents, but she had a can really different childhood than me, 'cause, no one ever questioned. She never got her hair pulled by like darker skin black girls, whereas I did why did she not get her hair? She don't she's darker than me and her hair is kinkier. So just she just came out different. She came out brown, so yeah, so we had to complete. So that's where that's where my pain came from, like I felt like I didn't fit in. You know so I don't like the
your comedy is sort of like you have like a personality that was kind of compensating for not fitting in yeah. I started being funny because I felt like that, could distract people from like. I want them to like me and accept me, so the one thing that everyone can agree on is that we like jokes, I like laughing. So I became like a class clown and just would sound like oh people like now and I don't have to worry about them- wondering what I am and trying to put me in a box is like on the funny one. That's all that matter! Yeah! put my pain, is not like a mild pain. It's a mild pain, that's exactly how we describe because a lot of comics or like or molested by my father or somebody and it's like. Oh that's awful, I'm sorry to hear that. But that makes sense, but yet people please come to me in there, like you, don't have your not addicted to anything like you devices and you weren't, like touched by an uncle so like. Why are you me and I was like well that's that was that's why I got funny. It was mildly when you first got on stage, will you working with?
we doing for a living, uh first got on stage. I did have a day job at that time. I was working but I had I've had a few jobs. At one point I was working at Sylvan Learning Center and at one point I was working they're doing tutoring. I was a center director or at at Sylvan Learning Center. At one point, so I was in charge of that that facility we just been there for like in Glendale, and I was also in Santa Clarita yeah, but I wasn't. I was an assistant at the assistant or at the Glendale, and I was a full on center director at Santa Clarita. But then, after that I also worked at a nail salon. I worked at a Vietnamese now salon for men doing at the front desk into look alike. Lake at this place called oasis nail spa shout out to my all. My vida meets nail technicians who still work there. They were very nice is right. Next to Bob big boy I used to work. There actually met a lot of people working there, but
by the studio, so, like George Lopez would come in there. George did his whole when he was you married him and his wife and his daughter would come in yeah this middle, get it done, Georgia, drop them off. I think that's what it was yeah, but you know they come and go's nails on David, Alan Grier with his his wife at the time they have since split as well. It's a bad luck, salon, everyone there and there is very get divorced, showbiz on a restaurant. Is this the hard his be in a relationship you manage to make it work? It works. You can make it work. You can. I think it just takes like, but also, I suppose, the type of people, your too yeah one hundred percent. Are your parents still together my step, father and my mother still together to get the since I was a little kid out: okay, yeah! So it's a successful relationship yeah, but it's one that started when I was five, that's commitment, but
it works yeah. There are very friendly. I mean they're very happy with each other very friendly to each other. So I grew up around that yeah. They had a healthy relations. I saw a terrible relationship with my mother and my father terribly briefly: violent, oh wow, dangerous, not good, then that and then, when we moved in with my my mother's parents, we live there for awhile, and then we got an apartment after my mom had you know a scape from my dad and when my mom met my step dad it was a totally different. I should be. He was like this really nice guy he's into crystal and stuff now just he was just use. You know an architect and he was just a different kind of guy smoking pot had long hair, yeah just differ
a person. Do you ever wonder about like how you wouldn't like what your personality like now? If your mom had stayed with your dad like longer yeah yeah, that would have been good. I would have been a dangerous person, yeah yeah for sure I I care about. You know I have a I mean I have a tendency towards violence. 'cause, I'm not a violent person in terms of like actual my actual actions, but I understand it right like it's there, it's always there. I just don't let it out of the box and that's why I got into meeting. That's why so that you could van martial arts, yeah gotta change. My life like having nothing for every boy, especially every boy that grew up. I mean. Obviously, situations could have been way worse than mine. Mine wasn't the worst. Nobody beat me, it wasn't terrible in terms of like I didn't get abused, but I saw it and I saw a lot of. I saw plenty of violence, so it's like I. It was a thing and if I grew
up around. It would eventually started affect me and I would have been a part of it right for sure and the problem. Is you mere that you know like the guys who grow up with dad to be their mom are way more likely to beat their wives or their girlfriends? Or you know absolutely or maybe the opposite may be just hate it. So much because you seen and that you would never allow it right, but I think for young men like having some sort of vent something martial arts, especially because you can actually get out the violence perjure from your system. You have to think about it anymore as giant. Is it really because I have no idea what it's like to be a man? You know I I do. I I think I do have a a decent amount of testosterone for women because I've I was a tomboy when I was a little girl and I was never into like dresses and likes to
like that when I was younger, I never like in vision like getting married and having this huge wedding. Those were my fantasies when I was kid you know. Whenever it was Halloween, I would dress up as a boy. I would be like count Dracula. My sister would be a princess and I'd be like the hulk. So. I've always been kind of like I've, always gravitated towards a more masculine. Even doing stand up with a very masculine thing to do and Maybe that's why I tried gay dudes too, but anyway, that's neither here nor there. So is it like hard like? Are you guys constantly? fighting the urge to be violent. 'cause. I don't know no not constantly This is how I look at it. This is kind of a weird way of looking at. This is the way I look at it that every man every man who has a functional end open system was testosterone has been involved in sports, who is fairly athletic. There's violence in your
head. So if your head was a house there's a room, does a violence room and you can open up that door. The door gets opened. Crazy shit can happen most the time that door is closed, but the more fucked up things that happen in your life, the more your house gets, rocked the more your foundation gets fucked up the more your joy start to creak and move left and right and things are off center and off plum, then that door opens way easier. That door is leaking. That door is like there's gaps like you know, the framing is not is right. Yeah the hinges are loose right and so, for someone has been around a lot of violence like people who grew up in terrible neighborhoods been involved in gang violence. That kind of the door is always ready to pop open. It is always ready to open where someone who grew up. I got my friend Todd likes. One of the nicest guys super sweet guy could imagine a beat anybody up because he just was love
like, maybe even too much like it's all love his door is locked up tight. He would need to get the key from his mom is going to get in there, whereas I have other friends, but if you fucking, if you brush up against that or too much yeah like Joey Diaz Joey Diaz, if If you knock on the door, always ready to fucking punch you in the face. There is violence, red to go and he doesn't do much. But if it happens, if the something happens that door come swinging open right. You know we don't teach all right, we don't teach kids how to deal with their emotions properly, and- and I just did you see- that the Mister Rogers Documentary no some goods on so many things you could say we could take your kids to see them in the middle Watch now wild wild country, I have already seen that. How good is that I love colts yeah. Now it's sad are all cults sects, cults '
'cause. I of course, if there's a dude involve basic. What the fuck support number calls. You don't get some pussy, I don't think Michael, would be a sex cult, 'cause you're, a girl yeah. I know what would you call it be was last time a girl running caught by the way. It might be the first well that noble that chick, who was she was kind of running that the rise in these Perham on our own. That bitch is lossed, ok yeah! I guess so yes, but she just running stuff, while she was there 'cause that dude never left his room. Yeah Sheila was only in power because of Homeboy was name, oh show. How do you say that's what he called that's what he was called after yeah. I don't! Never is that without him and is he had the look you got to have that? Look you gotta love the look of the whole man that yeah yeah yeah, the dead ice have to drive around and Bentleys rolls royces, and that's was crazy, like how many two rolls Royce. So many of these cars, these look curious cars. Do you need yeah? Why do you need twenty? Two, the same. That's like your passport,
this? Is you know, I don't understand that at all try Mercedes, would you say, try Mercedes? yeah. I know you got rolls Royce, get something different. It's very suspicious and my question is like do these people when near going into a cold. Do they know it's a cult or do they think it's lit like a legit religious organization that they're just doing their thing? It's a legit movement. You know like what is a call to write, because Christianity is often will by scholars referred to as a cult yeah. You know like there's certain documentaries on Christianity. The referred to is a cult of Christianity like cult. Is a group of people that follow people? Ideology follow certain way ideology pattern of being so these people are doing. That exact things until someone from the fucking FBI starts? Calling it a cult? You don't need all, surely they're, not gonna self aware of what it is I had a red flag would be is. If like did you know, though, is if your leader is
You know like that that to me is a red flag, because if you look at, if you look at religious organizations in general, like the one thing that's frowned upon in, like all of 'em is like too much sex. There, any sex really any type of like promiscuity so like, and that's a cry thing across the board with religions, just in general, none of them are like this is good there like. You, should have sex to procreate and like that's it with the person that you're married too, but with that there were like this group sex like. I think I think we might be in the code. You know that's a huge red flag yeah as soon as the dude starts fucking. Everybody is why you're like wait, a second. How come he gets to fuck. My wife. Well he's got a direct line to Jesus Bro. Ok, alright yeah! That would interest that. That is the thing though. But that's a thing with men like men when get into power anytime, a man runs, a giant organization has all these followers and he gets to stand on to assist
age out in you know in this grassy field, filled with people yeah Alan to him, yeah that guy's gonna get his dick sucked. Absolutely he's like that. Ha ha! You can't he needs on yeah and everybody is like. Oh sure, yes, come come for a ride. In my rolls Royce Adam you can draw every rose Royce. Seventeen come on for a ride. So do you trust like Joel Osteen Osti? trust him. How do you think he's like a man of his word? One thousand dollars you tell me is not trust bones. Can I will oh, I see it now and then that kind of money guys rich as fuck right I was like well. This was this: he had a kick Well, he is absolutely he's in the language level right right, he's on tv he's he's a shyster there, all shysters, just that's what they address is real nice. He talks about Jesus and
get people excited and they give him their money. They give him their money, it's what he wants and he got fucking million. Think he's getting panties thrown at him. Do you get divorce? Google that is probably getting some serious God love and pleasure. Yeah he's got a direct line. Is Jesus Jesus tell blast from two jobs at jobs at the beginning? Is that last month now it's like he's a leader. You know I mean that that the here's the if it's allows it's obvious like is a con bad. If it's real obvious to his followers he's not a combo to us. It's like duh, but, like you talking with the colts when you're in it, it's like. I don't think that you can see it, but like Jim Baker, like people, follow my throwback yeah. We still around selling food
people are scared. The world going to end. He sells buckets of food. Tammy Faye died. She does. She died long. Suffering to anything she. She died from diet, Coke Diet, Coke dinner and are you seriously think she drank too much drag it all day? What are you doing that stuff's addictive? It is a dick something they're in there they've been studies and proving that there that, whatever that artificial sweeteners, if that's what in there yeah they it's a it because of you, yeah Jesus Jesus and Jim Baker's deck, both those things are addictive. It's Jim Bay, there was like a perfect example the official stupid to buy into that kind of yeah. I don't remember her lose all of it. I don't remember his dad. I remember them. I remember going up and watching like sketches on, like mad tv or whatever, where they would be making fun of yes. Yeah Remember our children. He hair slicked back he's another late night guy. We talk in tongues,
Those borders movie made a speech someone on a high level. He would speak in tongues. There's one thing he said: listen to a star cry and laugh and said: every time you write a check to me. Satan gets a black guy. No it does. He say that every time you write a check to Maine Satan gets a black eye like that kind of shit, laugh that shit should totally be legal if you're so stupid. You like only say nice, might the. When you pull out your checkbook ice. Might you say you are fiction again, a Shannon areas? Look at him! He's gonna speak in tongues. Here me this mess. I don't remember this guy. The devil options said that hello areas
he's aware is now the devil action is that Satan gave me this mess, I'm Faye ten allow the Devil options said there was hey. This is him he he speaks in like tongues, and is he really old? Looking now that I am that him there time such a cruel, even Robert Tilden went down all his money he's still alive, huh, probably, but what he will find his old partner jeez that whatever that is him can be. That's not him it. What happened he's from when that video boy, all that whiskey and pussy and coke, look at him. He looks
coke for Jesus down? Oh now like we done, we wrapped. We were cold underwear, woo, someone, trustworthy jumps at a private jet, fifteen hookers in there waiting for him. So I just down issue the hooker. You know too much stop. It did a remix. It yeah it's a remix of him. I miss agreement. Why are they re mixing stuff anymore? I know right. Remember that different router that was just going to say that they're not doing anymore. I met that guy came to UFC dad's date right they get paid. They may look a lot better, some money yeah he makes money and Dana White brought into UFC. Is this because he was gay right and they and then went to church and said he wasn't gay anymore yeah he was ashamed. Being gay was very sad 'cause. He was saying that you know he was
shame to being gay and that you know what the church is. Gonna, they're, gonna pray, the gay away. One of them deals says. Add that to me makes me so sad. It does it's the s, there's nothing wrong with being gay and this this idea that you could change someone from being gay, so fucking stupid. It's like just beat game and your gang, it's alright! It's ok! You just need better peep around you that tell you were to tell you that they love yeah yeah and that it's okay to be. Define other games. Keep when you like, you like me, were good yeah, you're, good, you're. Fine, you guys going to be fun. All you need to do is move to Atlanta or anywhere else for the La La and let you know find a Gacy may still be in the closet out. Here too, there's a lot of people the claws on IRAN. I don't get it this people in show business that I know that are in the closet. My name and I know how that God, Damn closet, you have a new fan base,
fan baseball and then, when you meet guys like Todd Glass who didn't have a closet was so much happier now it's like it's just a giant burden relief to relieve Dopheide Yak like yeah, yes, be yourself, man and you know stuff plus it's the stigma is so it's it's bad for everybody. It's bad for gay people's bad for straight people, because it's even bad for people. Homophobes 'cause. They don't realize how many people are really gay right and if they did they, probably another movie. This is normal. Yeah like it is normal normal. Yes, yes, beginning of times no diff and then having blue eyes or black hair or what animals are gay. Yes, trust, my dogs, gays, fuck, really yeah. He licks my other dogs, dick every time, my poor Marshall everytime, throwing
bus, maybe more so into it. You don't know well Johnny Cash, my mastiff, when he he'll take a leak. Marshall, come over and lick his dick right after he takes a look. I'm like the market, the fuck away from his Dick man stop doing that dude. So depressing gets right up in there instantly little. How many does he have? Three hundred and thirty two of 'em are on death's door, though, to very very the ready you recommend getting a dog. I love dogs, I love them two. I just never not outdoors just a lot of work. I know I've had dogs, and so I had enough money to have dogs. The moment When I moved to LA and sitcom I'm like ok, I can pay my rent, I'm getting dog yeah. I love dogs. I just want to make sure that I'd be able to have like. I don't want to burden somebody. When I go out of town with a dog sitter places, so we can go there really good. Take care of those even train your dog while they have am. I want one so bad get it all girl. I want one. You should have a dog you told me I had first of all when I came here, you said I look like I have a kid
no, I thought you had a kid. You know why I said it. I think somebody brought it up. Somebody said Candace has a child, I think so is: poinsettias grow hated on you, probably on the bus, probably age, like Kansas as a kid at home, and so like it's something. I should be ashamed. I don't even know where I got it from somebody brought it dog cage. That's why I asked you. I love you- I don't know, but you yes, it would be very good at taking care of a dog. What kind of dog would you get? I, like really small or really big, like an but my place, that I have. I have a nice sized place, but I still would like to have property when I have. If I have a big dog, so I would probably want to smaller one just for the sake of size right and I don't it's limited. So I really, I really do like up plugs. Are you friends of Whitney Cummings, I'm not friends. Other we've met when I when, when I can't say were
friends and talk to her about dogs. She's got a shit load of 'em up. Bitch has a horse yeah. She got a horse wait. What do you mean? She has like that. Of course, No, I get the horse part, but you said she is dogs like she don't give me a dog. No, should we talked look. She go to her she's, very smart and go to her talk to her about dog questions. You talking about you saying like how to deal with dogs. You know what she said. She goes. She was first of all should talk to you like this. Just first of all, I'm in charge of my house. She goes I don't. Around my dogs. I walk through them. She was like on the alpha. She they don't get to get on top. I mean they don't climb on top of Maine. They don't kiss my face. She go. That's what I want. I don't want dogs in my bed. You have to have that you know, but I know so many people think I'm weird, because I want my dog in my base with his dog
yeah here. She let it slip. Yeah does okay, Sir great odds are that's a double bow tie. Adorable. Do it's a cute little tiny went to was a little one. What is that all those bulldog yeah? I like I like bulldogs, I like french bulldogs, but I'm also one as one to like those like little tiny ones. That probably annoy you I like you know. I love you little dogs to you and I have your keys. I, like I like Palmer, like dogs. Yeah, the only dogs I feel bad for those bulldogs with those fat faces. They can't walk and they can't breathe These are like that too. They have really they've nasal problems like what their so cute, the fuck did you do this yeah. They look like I punched in the face so that they're so cute depressing
from all the breeding right. Isn't that how they've got like yeah well, they've made him that way on purpose 'cause. They want their face to be flattened out, so they have like the bread for that characteristic. Get dog that I'm not getting both. No so. If you get a man, then you get rid of those more realistic for me, then getting we get a dog and then you have a man to go well. This is one too many things to kill this dog. It likely killed a man one hundred percent. Let's start art canvas we're going to wrap this up, yeah anything else to say the people. Mister first introduction to you, I'm on my first production. I think this one will. I think it went very well grown, so no one another. We talked about doing this for a while that we finally did it. We did make it happen, we're going to come and do my podcast for sure in Kansas, winning at the comedy store when he on the tour.
Go to canvasthompsoncomedy dot com. I post on my dates: if you're going to do Jfl this year in Montreal, for anyone is going to be in Canada believe on the 26th of July, twenty six, two thousand seven hundred and twenty in there are you doing gala, though the gala No, I don't think I am. Does the the tv thing that they do the giant yeah? Now I don't it's very big in Montreal yeah. No, I don't think of doing that. Japan, for example, all right tennis, so yeah on can't stop and calmly, back calm and just by Candace on Twitter and Instagram all right Candace. Thank you. We did it yeah a thanks, Rogan my pleasure, thank you and thank you to the cash app down. The cash app for free in the app store or the Google play store, use the reward. Joe Rogan. One word you will receive five dollars and the cash app will send five dollars to Justin Brands, fight for the forgotten charity.
Thank you also to policy genius. Stop putting off your fucking life insurance people go to policygenius dot com, Very easy, there's, no sales pressure, zero cancel an it's free when it's this easy If you compare life insurance, why put it off policy genius, dot com? And thank you also to the black tux? show up and style people with zero bullshit attached to it. You get twenty dollars off your first purchase visit the black tux dot com. Forward, Slash Rogan, Remember the black tux dot com forward, Flash Rogan for twenty dollars off your purchase, the Black Tux Preem rental suits and tucks Ito's delivered all right, that's it! We did it. Thank you. Thank you for into to podcast, appreciate you guys and gals and non binary, folk and and
otherkin and that's it will see bye
Transcript generated on 2019-10-05.