« The Joe Rogan Experience

#1310 - Sober October 2019 Preview

2019-06-05 | 🔗
Joe is joined by Ari Shaffir, Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer to discuss this year's Sober October challenge.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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and uh. I hope you enjoy it. So please welcome the sober October crew experience Joe Rogan right now. How how so? What have you tell me about the tour bus, this tour bus, Champ chance. No, no, no! No he's! Not! Let's label still hear the story. Only one. Only victory in this whole thing who's a tour bus. He came, so close to the weight loss Then then we have one year, but it was like socialists. It was like marxist. No one could lose yeah. Even if you lost it didn't matter I like that that would come Ottery yeah. It was a good this year, this year is going to be a good one. Listen last year almost killed myself yeah, we gotta do it differently than that. Your ping fucking purple, wasn't verbal, but it wasn't the right color. What color I was worried about ground I would
read, but it wasn't was just dehydration, severe dehydration. There was day is where I would drink literally, like fucking gallons of water. You don't want ice, try it without personally crazy I was drinking so much. I was drinking water hose adding salt to it was that in himalayan salt to the water just 'cause, I know I was dehydrated myself so much. I would have puddles on the ground and you still if there wasn't sufficient, like that, I set up a set off an alarm I remember that set off a fire alarm in the gym from my sweat I've never heard of that. I still have PTSD from last year, so year, sober October. Text from you guys a panic sets in my heart. I wait. What is my wife gets it? She thinks I'm crazy, but for sure I moved other sets. Wives you're the only one who local in the home life yeah. If I come in New York. It would have been coming to LA would would've been terrible being for next month, but, like I saw that fucking stupid device,
it's moving. I opened the door and anymore I was like get it out get out here. I want Chucky Chucky. Little yeah, I'm coming for you, I think and push your going podcast. This entire sober October, just so, threw you he, the you under the bus in the fucking radio station, didn't hear that story. You hear that story, you guys should story they were asking about drugs and how hard I party talking shit and I was like you know I go. I go. I smoke a little bit of weed every now and then of cocaine's on a switch plate, I'll hit it, but for the most part I only I only do mushrooms once a year and we can just heard me and she's making breakfast for the girl scouts. He doesn't do mushrooms and he doesn't do cocaine. He's got high blood pressure like bitch, I'm try
move tickets in Dayton, where you under the bus body s Phillips WAR fault, dates available now. Is it available right now, dude yeah right now, right now, right now, right now, per per part dot com is weird. You sound like you're, coming off a coke bender. Or in hard food, but same thing, Tom, like when you first started going on the road with me. Your way, far further ahead now he was a trend feature right when he was opening for me. We don't theatres yeah, we were doing. Clubs were doing all clubs. We started. Do Thi is when you started to headline your own places. That's true, yeah, that's pretty crazy! It was quick. I was thinking about it about that level. You were at the we all thought was like damn. Well yeah I mean I don't know because, like you, you know someone like it's accessible, yeah right from a right. It's it seems normal rate like sense like all. I could sell out this whole weekend too yeah and then, when you do your Oh shit like what one fucking the median number of real comedian. I sell data club and it's just because we got in shape. I don't even think about it,
just because it's over, because I didn't think about theaters back then When we were all right in the club. I don't know we were just doing. Clubs like I had done a couple of theaters here and there, but for the most part it was just about just working yeah. That's what I said was like: what do you wanna do with careers? I can I'd like to have clubs. It was one of theater like I couldn't do theater, because what? Because you said you could do whatever you want. I was like all right. Dice got me to go on the road. He really planted a fucking seat. I had one day in the back parking lot of the comedy store. So why don't you do the road I don't know. I don't fucking just hang around here and he's like you could make a good living because you don't need these fucking tv guys and I was like wow he's right, I was thinking about it. I was like he's right. Does change my life. Said this a million times, but you and Bill Burr in the back of the store telling me you shows not that good. You should just stick with stand up for the clock. Right yeah knew that you were way better than that. I'm, like you know
Even doing your stand up. Justice know, I see you do stand up. It's like you, hadn't done in five months. You've been in Thailand, or some shit swinging off of a tree by your dick roller coaster, with special, so I was worried. You're gonna get killed. You're doing so many different things in so many different places. I called them up once he was drunk on a motorcycle in Vietnam is like what he's doing. Is Vietnam trunk also learned all these? You learn these on completely unnecessary life skills. Donor unicycle is like I learned in Rome. Is that harder than Wyndham hoverboards? What's harder? do those hoverboards for in the in the in the ocean, on the No, I don't mean that I mean the things that the kids roller out on just a wheel, the middle, the new deals with those wheel in the middle rich rebuilds that Youtube Channel do you know, is
when. Why he's a he's a Youtube host and he also he fixed? Is he like the first guy to ever build a Tesla? He bought a John tesla that somebody had let get flooded with water and he's just a really smart guy and he's a tech guy she's. Okay, what the fuck is in that thing like how do I fix this like so all the wires were fucked up the batteries toast so they bought it crashed one and he took the battery in the engine of the crashed one and put it in the one that he owned and then rewired and went through this crazy. Easy process to get a test, little work that he eventually did and now He has his own garage. It's what's called the electric garage in Massachusetts where he rebuilt these Tesla's, but was my point. He had one of those with a big ass fat. Tire we riding on it like a skateboard, that's hard! That looks hard that's hard to do time was killed someone on a on a segway one time I was in Rome we're on segways- and I was
screwing around and then I just hopped off and then realize. When you hop off you're, leaning forward, it's keeps going and this whipping around me just, and we're in like a big piazza? And I let just let go of it didn't hit. Anyone but everyone around us was standing dead still like Oh, my god, I would have embodied right there you supposed to dive on it. Look like a good hero. Do you know where fun they made there's no way you're doing that time on it no way you'd have to take the fifteen played. Fifteen people die just walk out casually. What happened? I don't know whatever those hover, those hoverboards that are contested jet skis where you go like forty feet up in the air. Those are crazies are fun as far I want to say that all those do look cool. I like the guys who get it turned over and then it starts to go down and they just with extra. Just shoot out of my car. What are they
those things- are fun. As fuck legit yeah. I could do back flip on one all you gotta do is like fall backwards and then take your feet around. I picked up on that one quick. There's a lot of useless skills. I have from travel channel traveled so much. Oh, my god, they're always bothered me. You know why bother me because I would have probably done it too. If I was you and I was like God, damn it, how do you get out of that 'cause. I know that feeling like it's. You have the best job ever you're on a tv show like. Oh, my god, I have the best job Give me a mother, fucking tv show, but yet you're still like fuck, I gotta get out of this yeah. It's weird 'cause you do get to go to really cool places and get paid before it yeah. That was cool, but you also mean you weren't thrilled realtor. You miss stand up more. I missed. I missed any well what was happening in toms career was exploding at the top hey. I fell off a waterfall. Remember that yeah? I was in aspen and push called me she's, like I'm talking to Tom he's talking about these one nighters, but I want to do the funny bones was so far
from stand up. I didn't even I didn't even know you could do one nighters. I didn't know that theaters were option store a week later and you were like you know, Tom's doing like legit, theaters and uh just going. I missed what, if I just missed it entirely, would have in some people. Do you all know guys that were really funny back in the day and then they somehow another quit it fell? Apart do what? If you had lived like I'm going to lean into travel channel dude I was I was. I was when he became a Christian like Super Christian gotta cross tattoo your arm just to let them know you're really down with them. I'm sure your reps told you all those church with a fucking golf shirt on uh when I got fired from fired from travel channel world melted down. That was right when we were gay. Fat shamed. I was getting fat shamed, Leanne Schedule uh another case like we were getting, such as, if you guys want in on the bachelorette right hold on a second, you saying you, you saying you were getting fat shamed, but you gotta Let people know like you, don't really believe in fat, shaming, you weren't really getting
Bachelor. No doubt that time it was very one sided deal thing at the time I got fired from travel channel I was die. Definitely was one sided and I felt it hardest, but your friend was fucking with you 'cause. He was worried, you're going to die. He wanted to do it, though major platform there wasn't like morning. Radio is on another level, you put it on his fucking special on Netflix. Imagine taking a Conan appearance which is massive at the time, and you go up now. I'm going to use this for fun. Try to promote myself dj dad mouth is my favorite character that everybody's ever blocked him or the movie show. That was that that was so fun love that you were doing that because I hated those shows I was like. Why would he do? Those shows on tv? Is that when you do morning, tv dressed up like a fake rapper, she's No no cigarette Segura created a character called dj, dad Mouth and he would just show up places and the people did not know what the fuck to do with him, because the lowest?
in all of show business is morning television morning, television, I'm! So sorry, if you listen to this in your a local morning, television host, like ice, delivered newspapers, okay way better than morning host. It's it's one of the lowest rungs in all of show. It's a weird wrong where you're trapped. It's like it's like your broadcast. Sing out of like a christian convenience store or something it's very strange. The worst part two is the four of us plus like Ninety percent of the axe working those clubs do not have a fan base watching that show you put it together. You're like this is definitely a waste of time like we're wasting our time right yeah. And then, if that's the only one that morning when you woke me up a fucking six to do this to do good morning, Hartford, it only works when you, when you get in trouble yeah, let you get I remember one time I got shirtless and went up in the in the weather and started saying: there's thunderstorms Tom did
ever seen. Mark Normans Normans is great. He just goes up and she goes how you doing is kind of gay. Let's get this started, hungover horny, look at you, I mean he just destroys, but totally ruined the relationship for the club, one hundred percent. Now I went in there after we see Morgan Tracy Morgans is my first won the fucking legend going. That's that's the one he talks going, get pregnant, that's my main Cole. There Ryan they are dying when he does that big one in shaky. He was in Chicago for sure, but I know you bulls. Just to give him like in the middle of it just dump yeah, just crashes, two million dollar Bugatti today today Yep the Honda side, swiped him Hell's kitchen, come got hit, driving savage ran in
a two dollars million italian sports car. I thought I did a show with him like a year and one slash two ago, one of the oddball shows, and he came in a all white rolls Royce. With a professor. Like with a driver. You know like a chauffeur- and he came in all white and had like a fucking enormous gold chain, with Medallion TM, T M letting looks great he's like six hundred thousand some, yeah look at this. Look, this guy Sideswipe Tracy Morgan's, convert two to million dollar Bugatti. What he's letting people know well, what's see the higher the hondas defense, it's a very low car. He is a high car. He probably looked over saw nothing. Fuck, you know is the car that was like two feet off the ground. It's a small car just so hard to see if you're right next to him? What is What does insurance say when he calls you want? One hundred
fuck. They probably they probably like the final straw. Yeah kick him off. The contract for or would that Tracy Morgan Interview that was kind of how to be an inspiration and doing the DJ dad mouth right to me. That was the first remember like. Well, I guess I mean someone could fuck with you could fuck with them. In that way I mean yeah. I mean it was funny because would be really into having fun with you like that. Tracy Morgan people with a laugh and have a good time and then some people, meat, like I could see how relationship could because we left one of the clubs. When I told him I was coming out as nonbinary and the lady was like what this is like on the air. Now there's a different genders and she was like alright, turn the tv and she was like she's and then she called in, like we called the pr person that drove us to the or to the head, didn't realize she's in the car, which is what the fuck was that she was like. That. Was that guys, so weird don't bring
laugh like that in here. I think. That's the whole point: we don't want to come in here. They. They think that what they're doing is serious, we're providing a wonderful morning show for downtown pittsbirgh you showing them how to make fucking. I tried straw the sandwich is exactly so so dumb great sandwich, hey thanks a lot we've got. A christian youth group is going to sing for us next, I tried shitting on the last moments of Cleveland. It was the normal that's what otherwise ship still fine, but I was like there was a doctor, but for me I was like. Why does he wear his fuckin, Dr Outfit, to do this on the way they put a sweater on in left. That be him, and it's like I don't know it feels like you're stepping into like Truman, show stuff so contrived. There's nothing really special. When there's like a twenty two year, old, PA or or music producer. One time I went in, and I said, yeah I'm already drunk from doing radio. You just put the mic My necklace and she goes. Why going to take my shirt off she was. You will not be doing that and I said you don't tell me what to do. Excuse me I'll be right back
came back and she goes what is in your cup? Whiskey he's drinking his drinking, he told on you- oh my god, and I was just like I was like we should probably leave see just left left left. I was like I don't want to get anyone fired, she's telling you you can take your shirt off so have a drink or have a drink. How is actually telling me like she found something out like I was poured in front of everybody. I don't want to check out the bottle. I think she's at an insurance company to larries and people, don't know what job there in does it take there is one of those morning shows off like that. We were talking about be like the best morning show. There is so much green had a great great when I memory now back when he was like, I don't like access yeah, I try to propose public access, though yeah the Tom Green Show, and he just took over, he did some crazy high in the yeah, that's amazing is like him and then that'll do Jamie Kennedy. They did their best shit where they were like pranking people check out, and then they just stopped yeah man but TOMS blew up. So
crazy, so crazy, I couldn't stuff, I couldn't even believe Tom Green did Oprah wow oh, yes, Oprah was like we're going like this. It was such a phenomenal. What was going on show was so big he milk, that cow with his mouth, but he puts slow Mobile on his dad, my god parents and then he, in the Bush is yeah. He didn't just. Let me fuck with random people. Like my mommy and daddy people. Forget. Did people forget Tom Green? What happened to, but for now he ball. Cancer had to take a break, came back and try to do like a more serious show, with Humperdink with this guy and there. But what I'm saying is people forgot how big it used to be? They may have forgotten how to deal with what he in all fairness, one of them and what he did was. He did what we're all doing way before any of us, but was when bandwidth was too expensive. He did he had his own podcast did it. You did,
I did it. His house was part of the inspiration for me doing one yeah and I even talk to his. Yes, I even talk to his company. They were based in Denver, it was in Denver doing the comedy works and I talked to the company that was doing it for him, and I was seriously considering doing something like that, but the problem was that it like bandwidth, is crazy. Expensive. He had cables running from the desk. All the way, through his living room into a server room, had a server room with his house, and it was crazy. I know how much money is involved now he's like a fuck load of money and he was like. I have to have all these people running it too. That was Tom, Green green, and so but essentially it was. Was he decided to try tried to do a talk, show host? I remember that Joe Rogan, the fucking long sleeve under the short sleeve Joe Rogan, and I look for a with the torn jeans you like Hollywood given up
he. That was all based on one car once which he had this house. I know he did it on and flip a switch and the show went on when life is so me and red band looked at it and we're like well how much is involved in this, like? What would we have to do to do something like this? And then you know eventually it's it does lead to with that and MIA Anthony Cumia was. That was a big thing. Yeah he had a live from the car Compound in his basement and then the way that Opie and Anthony ran their show was an inspiration to because it was just a hang out and it was my favorite show to listen to yeah. It was just a bunch of guys hanging out talking. It was like that's like that's what I want to d'oh. Four hours of them eating oatmeal. I remember they just eat oatmeal, would be like. Oh yeah, I was a big fan back the old mill you tune in early, no one, and they just be eating breakfast I just going Jim would take it shouldn't be gone for thirty minutes and even though many at the, but when it first started- and I didn't have a faction more day back in the day, I didn't have any advertisers, so they had to fill four hours of content, so
it literally- I mean everything- went yeah when they first started on Sirius x M they had to fill for our, I can't oh yeah, no commercial, there's, no commercials. That was the pitch crazy. That serious said: hey. We don't have commercials and then you pay, for it, and then they just start solid commercials like wait a minute. And you get commercials ask is how we gotta get to paper here. So weird They have no fucking integrity. What goes down he gets kicked up still, no matter how I mean he's, he's locked up in a contract for Liz life son does not to come up whatever he wants more money. I'm sure that's what Howard would do you know, but he makes up ass load of money. You know nah, there's! No one even close is no. No second places. He is just a huge. Like he's. A huge shareholder drive that loss to to to do that. If we can get over it, let's say
number was one hundred million subscribers. I get this gigantic bonus when they bought serious, serious and know like got some sixty under forty is one hundred, so I get it so we acquired that pay. Mother, fuckers and I don't know what happened with it. But well I think, if his move, I think is, is respect. You guys are done with your beef, be with him. I just think if you're tired But the point the point is: what is, he did a good thing for this, but he base really. What he was saying was that the only reason that deal took place at all was because he was was it serious or Xm he was seen. He was serious. They were were excellent. Right right, so the only reason why serious was kicking ass at all was because of how are fuckin stern period. There was nothing on serious other than wired, not would have acquired and also acquired. The model was like, so you know suck
back to the time the rest radio deal right and go to a place where people have to pay for the just turn on he deserves it. Here's why I'm? No one else could have carried that. No, no one else. He was radio and especially at that time. During that transition, a satellite, no one else would have got people to commit to having a looking can satellite dish in your car. Remember you had those stupid, fucking antennas that you to put in your car to get to get Syria, the wire went all the way through your cars gross this fucking stupid thing. They would stick up like a pig tail out of the roof of your car and that shit, yeah yeah and how I would cut out for because every turn any corner and its value as a building in New York City building, something fucking tunnel tunnel is dead. The city that existed it yeah never money that country that company makes the only. Is still still is ours, Howard Stern sure, only reason, yeah for sure this Xm and it was until Bennington and
being and Anthony showed up. It was painful. I would listen to yacht rock yeah oh yeah, it was cool, though you like 90's rock three different channels of one hundred different channels is awesome. Yeah it was worth a dollar a year. A great dude he's been doing, page lately. I need to my story. Teller show two recently did the same thing. Just talk about the good old days. Fucking drug addiction, New York get down. He describes the city that you're like oh, my god. I want to be there well my favorite. What year first time in the city I went, I left. I went there six years. First, I have ever been there yeah see Times square when it was time square yeah, yeah yeah, but I was like, what's up woman wearing a bra whatever what they did at Times Square, they turn square like Disney Mall. It is it's New York's version of like of like Disneyland it's disgusting, and it's a nightmare whenever you're visiting and also you know like when you're visiting your in a car, and we need to go to this and all of a sudden,
look up and you're. Like can fuck in times like you driving through time, we gotta get outta here, man right like the chaos, the band, it's just like it's too commercialized, no commercial. It feels like you're. Everything that makes New York. Amazing is like gone. Can you do a funny joke about it that you go for a meeting and then, like you, walk in and people just looking up and he's like? Why is it so fucking Time Square who says that Jim Gaffigan funny that's funny? Well, it's like it's very Vegas esque. It's like walking down the strip. Yes, it is like the lights in the face. There's no Eminem's, that's not where is invented, so why is that a giant mm store and when you knew used to know what it was like like peep shows and x x, x everywhere, and it was a cd and we yeah, but dangerous was legitimately Dane You mean the worst time. What seventies eighties right. I was like the worst crime time late seventies into the in the late eighties. I was hanging out in New York in the 80s when I was there
my pool hustling days and I was doing a lot of gigs Yes, it was in the 80s, it was the 90s. The early 90s comes by. Ninety one was, I think, the first time I performed in New York, nineteen one and him really yeah. This is like she is just starting out, though kind of yeah. Your answer, Billiards yeah, was it what was also Chelsea Chelsea Billiards Chelsea are losers, where we would go to answer but and stands on the West side back, then it was on it was removed. That's why it's called instead since it was on the West side, it was an awesome place, I'm so that's where I became friends with DOM Irrera played with him in ninety four at Amsterdam Billiards, I didn't know we played like when meet at pool player like a comical actually plays like DOM, could play. He called me today. I can't wait. I'm going to talk about that guy. I love him so much, but New York was a different place. And I was around a lot of these, like weirdo, homeless, grifter type characters a lot of dudes to get arrested for doing three card. My
deploy the like the best education of like street culture like people who live on the street I mean home. People are basically homeless, like sometimes it's to hear they're. Like my Johnny was always like staying in people say state in my house, for sometimes he would stay in these weird little hostels and flop houses in New York and places it didn't have a roof like you have walls, but everybody here. I remember like this as a kid in that era, the perception that you had of New York is like. This is not the crime right there. How is the dangerous you're not allowed Giuliani? You know you clamp down on all that. I remember I'm. When I moved and I I I found a place. I came back to get my stuff and I told Neil Brands accounted have bars, my back when it or need that it goes on to read the crime stats. It's it's a different city to
it's just not that city anymore city in the world. Already. Ninety seven- I was I mean I don't remember any crime. What's, although I did get taken in three card Monte a number of times, but that enforced anytime, I saw three card Monte. You know my brain, I'm like I fucking got this, don't put money down Larry, it's so that in the east of this game, where they had a a nail, in a piece of board and you yet a hammer, and you had three shots get the nail in that they have that in Thailand dude. I did over every. The fucking time so hard? There was so much so hardness, there's so many hustlers right back in those days in New York, so many people trying to get off some kind of scam. Yeah I've been scanned by a driver in New York, What like this was not even that long ago I mean it's probably like seven, eight years where it no like you get in the cab and you're. Like you know, if you don't live
there, but you kind of know like the layout you just like. Basically, I want to go up. You know twenty blocks this way right and the guy just goes across town starts going up. Like the opposite highway from where we, where I'm like. What are we doing exactly this already? Does you could track herself for me. I'm just looking at it like what are we doing he's like going up to the Lego, couldn't have just gone up that ave that we were on and he was like. I don't know, what's going on there I like this is fucking outrageous and then we pull up. I see like the meter going going like this is crazy. That was supposed to be a ten minute drive, and it's taken forty minutes ago, just pay me you you want to pay me what yeah I go. Okay, because you want to get caught yeah. I got a notice that so I go like it in the the things that, like sixty eight dollars- and I was like his twenty bucks- is it that's it which number one pays for work pay I'll see man yeah I it was. He was totally yeah because he told-
this guy. Do yes, yeah yeah yeah, I done is Israel wants in Jerusalem when I got there, I took a. I was like take me to play Brock and it was I didn't realize I was three blocks Over- could told me that it's right there do, but it took me around the city and then let me off I don't. I want to go home after afterwards. Look what try to hear Bob find out after you. I found out on my way on that cab ride because I started texting. People at the next place is like I was just leaving here and I'm going to see you should I be on the fucking Highway. Do I need my passport like? No, so you did from c I I would to spanish language that makes me feel powerful Nigerian pocketed in in Florence, and I went into russian everything. Every word I knew in Russia might yell at the guy and he ran because like was like into fucking animals yelled out America. You fucking traitor should yell
America and take your shirt off and said on the machine and so run after the one yeah more scared, you the write that down. You should write that down that you should write the whole thing down about you talking about on the radio, this whole areas and then only one on stage then, because the audience is gonna be like so wait. What do you do? Then? You pull out coke? Can you do about gas, and then you start making no sense and then fly. It comes out of your nose. So it's an awesome show yeah. You could do math if you want, if you don't want to do the coke that night, you take your high blood pressure, medication, onstage matter out, yeah I would. I would. I would love to know what I'd love to Matt start growing is cocoa plants that I'm with just choose to leave something you can here climate suitable. You can get there.
If you can make it, you could like organize a like a a closet with some heat lamps and you think yeah yeah for sure, and I just have just alike to a. Well, we got a free job. Let's find out how many people are growing, their own coca leaves in the United States. I don't think anyone want to. Why do not? Why, wouldn't you I would love to think you need so much of it. That's why those female cocaine right now just make those peruvian leaves a woman elected one of those bears. I would love tongue Aubrey, Marcus. The crazy thing is when you chew those leaves it's actually not bad for you at all right and the team. The coca tea's grave had that will settle your nausea? You know when you special you get to like I'm serious like everyone starts drinking it signed yup, it's great! It's crazy that everybody just thinks this. One thing is the processed chemical, Ized, fuckin version that scarface and I mean how many people have died because of cocaine. Oh my god,
good. How many murders is there another drug on the planet that is fired, more murders in cocaine, yeah right I would, I would love to know murders versus number of dicks sucked for it. That makes way more. It's Mettmann! If everybody got murdered every time they did coke, they don't, but a lot of people get their dick. So don't croak like it might not be everybody, but it's like thirty percent 'cause girls ' Fort Coke too, if their young, their party in there out and some fucking guy, comes along with uh fat Tracy Morgan like gold chain? That's how good coke is, though Yeah, that's how good it is right that that people are like for sure I'll just blow. This stranger single? It's so would so. Coke get coke do didn't do coke, they would get so they have coke so how around for those four women girls wanted Co.
'cause some girls when they want coke there, like. I am calling somebody and I'm going to get some fucking coke and I'm gonna leave here hold on hold on. We had some cokes. She knows that God, Damn orgy going on yeah somebody just girl. Like oh, I know my blow. Job is worse stuff. So what can I get out of it? What am I looking for? My brother told me that he was a Woodstock too. You know like what twenty years ago, whatever was- and he said this guy got out one of his It's kind of a long like this in orthodox joke. I have, along with a bunch of food that took forever to get through concessions. And you just look at my way to a I'll blow you for that food. Let's do it wow absolutely sucked his dick for food, food security, a little extra protein pow how we had be real from Cypress Hill, he was showing us the footage of him onstage crowd surfing. He was on stage in front of Inwood Stock, half a million people in the and then and then goes out into the crowd crowd service and they stole a sneakers.
Your sneakers and both both people left and the right sneaker. They came to his one of his shows and he signed it. In the future. I got your shoe from was talk, resigned as it is for any sign, that's crazy! Well, it's the video of him on stage in front of half a million people. It is since I love how they the flanges and have not wavered at all from their day. One We spoke this shit all day. Like if you open their instagram, right now it's just like check it out. Yeah can thirty years deep in this, like they don't around two grand instead Cypress Hill's Instagram, like half of it, is we'd videos with like Cyprus, so music. In the background yeah, the story is a is videos of people doing wax and dabs and and bong hits with Cypress Hill about that first, album so good, so They get high the way we get ours up to I know they do. I went with them. They give you a hard, the no, no, no, but I'm saying to the like. Are they out of it?
Now man looking fine, I did. I did. I just got that show called the smoke box. You can see that in the car get a car by the way can I just say I thought you had all chinese guy barbecue there wasn't. Even there are you serious another dimension c, just have a picture of you and it looked like you were like we smoke so much before we ever got in the car was like. I can't believe we're going to keep going and he's like totally normal, always normal, as can be done this guys, professional stoner, then dog mugs there just fine. It's not me. That's me with booze, oh yeah, Definitely I could definitely probably like I was. I was trying to think of like the celebrity. I could go beard a beer for and then really hurt them. Yeah, most of them hello, Post Malone. Be taken down to where you could take the torture. Who do you think young guy with scribbles on his face he's an awesome he's a great fucking musician.
Great musicians, awesome his tattoos are questionable. There are, It is a really fucking. Take it down yeah. You know I mean like drinking heavily and I think if you know this is I thought about this a lot. If I go for their cocktail and I got a match them cocktail cocktail, I can keep pace with Stan Home. That's that's a big one. Keep paste and Jesus sandals doesn't drink as much as everyone thinks he just drink every day. Yeah I like it. I can simply system, but he's not like he's not like a lot of it's one of your notes: right, yeah, James Longley, beer sales. Oddly enough a lot healthier than I think people assume RON White would be a tough one. Oh yeah RON White goes. He gets fucked up every night of the week, that's possible like every night of the week. Every night I every night every night. That's all! I know how to do Damn please it looks like a million dollars better now than he did ten years ago. Happy man I'll tell you that it's a happy day. It looks great, is thirty, eight years old,
oh boy, were brought here for a reason not just to talk shit, we're trying to figure out how to do sober October this year What are we going to do about our are you already have the answer and I think it's early for me to say it now so I'll, wait till the end. I thought I have, I know exactly what we're doing, but the social part is happening now right. The silver part is so we're going to close over Tom, aggressive schedule. I think we should go. No coffee really step it up, stop sobriety but wanted coffee, because I think we should make it harder. No, who's no alcohol is easy. Something who no water, it's not so bad, it's so here in a mild stimulant. I think it's cheating. I think we should no coffee. I like no coffee. I like no coffee, no coffee,
wait. You can only drink water the whole month, no other other, so I'm fucking in no other drinks sparse water, but you found out you fucking ever carbonated water, broken heart carbonated, why it's just water, but I'm saying that works I like, where you have this job, I'm ramping up, I'm ready to go to war, Onley, water and carbonated water, yeah I'll. Do that I'll? Do that I'll? Do that I was so no coffee. So what you didn't have milk in your coffee? yeah. No, we should go carnivore diet all month, nothing but high stakes alright relax? Why not because, because I fucking tell you, I'm willing to negotiate I'm willing to negotiate with what I think our challenge should be for You think our restrictions should be. What do you think that
I know I know I have an idea what's on today. What was yours is about health right. Yes, yeah, health, it's not what you want to be right. I think it should be of mental health. Is a is a legit part of health. You should give up your dopamine. Directions yourself, your social media? For a month? but why you wouldn't do it 'cause your career? You can email your fucking, ladies to fucking, post it for you, ladies night, enjoy social media yeah. I know all join Bros this is not about it, not enjoying it. I think you have a good point with this. I do. I really do I think about you. Sometimes, when I feel like I've been on like a flight, in a hotel room and I'd like to have a look at my phone for like yeah. I think I haven't gone out being yeah yeah yeah, it's just being like just think it takes the the connective tissue away from this this challenge to the people that enjoy watching this challenge. Think,
people enjoy your show that will be up. That will be a problem. I mean there might be able to join the phone with a rock. Let's do it and then November. First, everyone's, like yeah, you guys did some rock to a record out about that. I could get each of you and all that. So I can, I know I understand, I'm not like Joe who's to do what I do and then I'll just have an easy time of it. I will go with no cell phones. Okay, I will do beyond what I already okay, let's let's let's I didn't do what you guys did, even though I already doing yoga, that was I'm saying it wasn't challenging that like there was no contest if it was I had to do yoga the most like I all right right right right, that's it! That's it! Maybe most ninety minute yoga class
How many kills the most Elks to have to go to war ever kills? The most Alton can reverse tear them to go. You hear his mental health. It's a good point. We definitely look at the You fucking! You can also get a like a legit real camera. If you wanted film stuff, give it to your phone assistance and have it so you could have it post to figure this out and post whatever you need to would be how about this? How about this we run the most miles in a month track it track. Let me just go for a base, right now how many miles a month. Do you run right now? It's up there, man okay. What about yogurt? It has to be real running. I wanted only yes, I don't want that. Bullshit on a fucking treadmill with rocks, got new shoes with a bluetooth capability in them. Yeah. Where rust under eye issues, so we're gonna run for miles. It's not fair. She already doing
Brian Hillsman? How many? How many miles do you love when you go for a run? Now, it's no more than an hour hour and fifteen minutes a marathon right there? No no just by running six miles yeah- and I know why don't you go. I'm runs steep, it's more like it's it's more sprinting! It's like there's a lot of plyometrics, it's more like that. Like you're, not just flat running, steady pace, so you sprint run out. I'm changing my dog to where I am I'm trying to make it hard to make a pretend things: chasing mail, playable games, yeah, that's nice! I pretend I have to get the top. Everyone know dies, yeah, good, This yeah just give me a hint of that brain whatever you got in your brain, give it to me a little bit when I workout, you don't want it. Stop the ramps up. I think we we listen crazy. We were going guys. We were working out like six seven hours a day is terrible man, but the
full time I was like I do zero working out. So this is. Did you look great when you were here when we were like two weeks into the mods, and you were here- we did a podcast together and use my fuckin rower. You did our on the rower and you were ripped. You have a six pack, Look at this motherfucker and that was pretty impressive. An hour on the rower is real work. That's real work! You were not going to not get second it was not going to go last, that's why would you not want to here's what here's, what here's? What I'm hearing already wants to do, a challenge that he already excels, that I get it? No! No! No! But you already offer, but you do and your complain about Joe, is that he keeps logging in things that he is good at. So I will take care of this sister ready this year settlement for October physical challenge like you're, presenting it like a presidential candidate, it's like a apple can be good
updates. Okay, Joe here it's been, let me saw so you'd. Let me softly okay, we get a choreographer and we work dance classes as much as we can dance classes are. Would we leave it to the audience to vote here. Listen hear me out. Let me when I like that idea Joe. We can do that now hear me out starting each first of October. That's what you do in a pinch. You make him think it was their idea. Yeah! That's a great idea! I want you once you look over it that belt you never getting. That will hold on hold on guys, hear me out. Everyone listed him, you should wear for this shit put in them, Oh, okay right! I haven't even touched this thing since October. Same as me with any sort of no belt man, we each kind of go to dance classes to get our skill set up. We each work with the choreographer to create our own dance to the exact same song. Let me know when you're done
at the end, at the end, at the end, by the way, I'm selling this to the room where threading them through your jeans, popped, selects naps in the bag at the gym. At the end of the r W mills onto it at the end of the month November first, we each submit our one minute hip hop that's choreographer, choreography video and the fans vote on who the winner of sober October is. Gentlemen. I would like your bottle, starting with Tom Segura. I gotta tell you he let her watch in this era. Bottles, okay, poke holes in that you put your view, but you surmised that here's! What I'll tell you what I like about? It is easy to say what I don't like about: anything that comes out of your mouth yeah. So what I don't like about it or what I do like about it is that no, it is great at it. I do like that. It is a work out because those those dancers are unbelievable. I think, is that one that's a right now I mean I'm gonna go now first to Joe's
it's not even close. What are you talking about? It's definitely what I'm way better dancer than you guys. Are you out of your fucking mind just 'cause, you speak Spanish doesn't mean you're better than I do not advance now, but I'm not better dancer than you guys. First of all, I would fucking bitch. I would know that show up there with that. Listening to a lot of crazy shit with my body, you guys can't do that's true, but I'm saying rhythm, do you have rhythm? Yes, all right! You, you have rhythm, I know I do I'm fucking phenomenal at dancing. Keep poking holes in my thigh idea is ok, but no, no you get. The closest thing is that nobody excels Why isn't better than you, but nobody excels. So I like the idea. Working at something that you know no one's great at and
and others yes will be. I was in the: U keeper yeah, I I I I took dance classes all right against my off. I love all the movies make. It seem normal that back, I can get back. I know right here, so I will wait hold on hold on. Let's see, do okay! Well, I live like legitimately I mean I'm not good, the rain, so this is hip hop dance- were talking to look at his face. Yeah dance, Oh yeah, you do pretty good that. Actually I took fucking dance lessons. I did do it for weeks or you dance with the Glazer Leslie Bibb, these uh from Talla Dega nights, yeah, she's, great she's, great, very, very funny. Person
but I think that sounds like a done deal or anyone else anyways. So at last year's last week, the last thing that is great, so everybody gets to work at it. Nobody excels too much at it. I think it's funny that we're comics and we get to look silly doing something. I did not look great at it and I'm on board with. I think it's fun that people that watch that we get really into it would have a say in it. Ok, I'm the only one of the three of us just not obese, so it would look lovely silly permitted to doing it. You going Joe for medically I'll be so I think that's about to be. My son yeah. It's all of them, I might be eyes off the tree as you say that you are into it or not. I'm saying I would. I would look really silly just in terms of that, but you gotta get why you look silly just moving at We also need selling. No, I'm not I'm not a fucking fat break yourself? Always always breaking break yourself before a break ankle,
elbows and share your own breaking. I am break without that. Skin super vulnerable. The idea and it's good point what a injury which is really not doing only no, no, no dance classes are intense. Do you really think you? The current best answer, usually I think one is that a parcel post yeah I dent the most out of all of us. I agree: and so and so the dance classes are tough. We get each get ourselves choreographers and we create our own dance to the executive. Hypes up. Wait for me to talk about this, but the amount of Molly I would have to do to enjoy that dancing, but you can't be so but you can't November first is that when we posted hole, ideas that dance party over browns, true true sober fanciest over here's, here's problems with it probably number one- it's subjective can have something subjective. You can have I think Tom Dance, better, really think over dance, better can have a bunch of morons. Vote for you. Okay, let me break this down finish up. I'm write what, if what, if what dance pros, got together, that's what I
perfect, professional prefetch, judge? Well, yeah they better they like me better! You don't want that. Judges are the most corrupt people in all of sports. They, you go to jail, but so we have do a great job riding the bike, improbable olympic judges, no, no, nothing subjective! We gotta grind going to make it there make it super uncomfortable. It's pretty uncomfortable dance classes and so right fifteen dance, dance classes, hip hop this, something something about the fitness challenges that are more exciting to me, because this whole time wonder what that is, something you guys don't do a fitness challenge, you guys don't do yep or that I don't do rather write that. Okay, that's your trying to say!
that I don't ever do I'll ride bikes and go thanks. Ride bikes everywhere everywhere are store. Iaccessible ride, bikes becomes in Europe. Ride a bike. You, your in Europe in October, for a lot of those countries. Have you scheduled australian sort of cancel music? is coming up and then out to get you know when you can so when you cancel it cancel close, I'm going to cancel it and I've cancelled before before. Just once, I think it was dry a couple times you get sick, What Australia, the time is it in Australia, I would also another time I did the Melbourne festival yeah.
Hey I'm in Auckland June. Fifth, this money is given out. Well, that's all right! That's where I will be in Columbus. I know, there's a bunch of people or do we will be. We want to be able to vote. Well, that's what I heard. No one stealing, this you're gonna have to earn this mother. Do you say this you're thinking this hip hop, and this is mine, so the floor. I, like it yeah I like it, I'm gonna keep it I'm going to keep this. This is mine. The flaw he saying is that there's not likely right, that's yeah! You can't leave your hands. The judges get the fuck outta here, that's rule number one for fighting, never leave it in the hands of the judges. Rule number one. It's probably rule number
down there. First smile of celebrities in the audience do your cardio don't eat like share our love. Is hell got day one of jitters like? Can you believe it's for the judges? Like you just worry about half guard. Don't leave it to the judges. I need to know uh. Oh my god, that's funny, huh! I was really behind your dance idea. Hip hop dancing would be tough. I do have a gym for you there's a place right near by me Jojo, I think you're overestimating your dance skills, hip hop dance, dance skills will learn them. Would it be amount of time, not my body, better I'll learn them. You know move your body better for sure you know, I don't know how to lose. Move move. My body better than you can move yours do that we get stuck here at your job. You see that as he would even say that you do not a crazy. It is for you to say that my
physical dexterity in your physical you're talking about Joe. I also can you reboot wobble. If I got through that challenge- and you didn't you came in last, like you did with this last, one is not not that we put a sock in a fucking with a lock in it like a bike, lock beat your ass cooling punishment for this uncle with good? That's a good idea. Real punishment, like full metal, jacket, real code. You out with a bar of soap in a sock and hip hop dance. I think that even Matthew Modine got in on this number yeah. I did that's right, you felt bad by being. I don't know if this is the real thing, so you know what I think you need to accomplish how you think hip hop challenge. Little work, you, like the judges, say I could see us going through all these fucking things and birds like well, you guys beat me, I couldn't believe it like you, mother, fucker, you're, talking shit.
The whole month talking shit the whole month and you came in last. That's my game plan. That's a good point of sand bags. Next channel is no sandbags, saying Factoral Fucking October fell apart. Did I fell apart? When are you started posting these on the bike for four hours like? Why that would Why fuck my head up Tom, so bad fucking? we slow. We start over. Like two hundred points was a good day. It was like it was that scene in big when When love, it's is telling. What's his name like a something you make us look better yeah. The world easy. We easy! You know crazy. Anybody was going crazy. Take it, I'm not sure how we hated each other. That really drive us to each other.
We well. I don't know how you looked at it, but I love you guys. I love you guys, so we just thought it was a fun competition. She's already put the fuck are Y stand by it. I was the most amount of points you ever put in a day. My biggest point day was: you ran thirteen miles broken up. No! No! I just I mean like just going. Oh yeah, I did in the hills and you know just kept. A ran like to another city came bags yeah. He ran thirteen fucking wow that was after I was sick for a week that we almost dropped off Houston cool. We got when we took the photo gas pedal. Turn photos get sandbagged uh. So why did you take the foot off the gas pedal? We should've waited till we try to make for sure Tom was like I'm sick. So I was like times in less, I don't worry, I'm not last I was that we were worried about I was competing with Tom and I were neck and neck or he was a fucking Clint and we just post number. In the middle, the night you go to sleep at like two slash. Three in Egypt start like that. I posted the moment.
My gym blink. Fitness would allow me to workout twenty four hours a day, so I get off work this fucking you get off the comedy clubs and I fucking go workout together yeah that would fuck my head up. Man I'd wait if you wake up and play nasty play, thank you for giving me late spots. It's not my fault said it's all ST yeah a lot of gameplay, but here's what I just realized you guys woke up like what yeah I'm not in first this like this here's. What okay, I think you to do a dance off anyway. Well, he does have that incredible physical dexterity. Do we need a way for judge the site, but that's not about eking out the right, hip, hop, dancing, hip, hop dancing if you're going to get good you're going to be dancing every single day.
Ok, I will tell you I don't like doing it with that. That reaction was a good Roswell is. Is that so we felt about everything Joe? So we show me a tweet I made recently year ago, I'm like how do we get from Bert, kept on a marathon to all going to go straight edge for a month what the fuck happens exactly what we got from that is true. It could run a marathon, he couldn't do it faster than your dad did suddenly were all straight US holocaust survivor and then he was, but he was also like. I could run a marathon tomorrow. It's easily technically kind of did yeah you did. I technically did I did blow the doors off you guys. You really were amazed, but I think the real test was that Tom was going try to roller skating marathon that's right, but he didn't take into account going uphill or the fact there's. Never roller skated yeah, but that's easy to learn. Kids are flat. Four wheel like it's like fucking, stop us, but do you think what happened on the roller skating part of it
marathon. We crushed. Thank you probably beat me. There was a fly, Hold hold on LA marathon was uphill downtown, but once you, I passed the store you have been hauling fucking ass down La Cienega yeah. It would never caught from from seller to get involved. He want to hurt you a couple of roller skating people reached out for me and they were like no, they were said like your feet are going to be in rough. I can like that it was a blow out his cap hold on to a couple. Okay, dude! I was lightly we're we're warriors. I get from people that have been doing it for years and also like what is that the roller derby people they were like yeah, you gotta, be careful, just think about ski and for five hours. If you call it great. Yes, that would be yeah if you had a ski for five hours straight, without going up, lift hills going up the lift up the hills, if you just need all we only on your feet for five hours. I bet you would be hurting yeah,
you got any way its muscles, all sore yeah you have my feet are always hurting. After a day of skiing, early yeah. Now I would have been, I would have fucked up for you, you get fucked up. Did you see me crash Burt Yeah no yeah I did I did and then I pulled up and you were like. Oh, I don't think it's broken a surge in is it I, I would put it put a pin in it. This is Kathy, so you we have the big one of him. Now it's down to this. Now we show up yeah pin in there like a metal man he's broke off, I have some sort of pin. You know what's good about that, give one more reason to fuck with the people at TSA going we're fucking. Did that like how come something's going off there and then you're talking about a vasectomy is like anything, your pocket might vasectomy what about belt vasectomy? And what do you think? It's time I had my dick cut and you're fucking stupid thing that you're the head of this company decided. We need to buy.
It points out that I got upset to me really. How does it know you're out of a sect of it, because it's a little, it consists. It's like a hard thing and they're not gonna, feel now yep. Your choice, interesting so calcified. You got that rock new hole with fucking terrorist threat. So I want to ask you one thing about your challenge. You say no we're not doing our no! No! No! I just want to the systems, but like that's Papa that yeah there's not a enough of. It has to be a second part to that right for the month. What you mean like, yes, there's nothing, physical, really, good point. You know I mean Is there a would be it would that would we would need a second part right? That is just a mental problem. Yeah the it would guys until you're not going to do it. I know how addicted you're never going to greater this dancing videos. It would make your lives. You be happier, and you wouldn't know why. Now I've been off twitter pretty much
and it's I'm a exponentially opportunity. Twitter just makes me sad and angry reading people fighting is not fun uh. Can I show you something yeah, I'm looking for him for me. I won't do anything, but just I'm not getting it to me. I swear. I won't do anything bad to you. I haven't thought about her. Okay, riders on the storm. I didn't know terrified with what I just gave you what I'm going to do? No look up your time. Usage screen. It's going to be up there. So is today and tour dates, bro. Ok, so, to day of your life, you have a family. You have two kids. I have started morning radio at five in the morning until eleven hold that thought so, while you're on morning, radio you're not using it. No, I was using entirely to look up who, going to where I was at while you're on there yeah you're, not doing it. What time is it right? Now? It's four hundred and twenty six three hours and nine minutes average today.
Press press for the body shop's World war should last seven days starts in September and Shoot November, twenty third I'll be in Auckland. The actually surprised me thirty minutes a day yeah, I don't I do I fuck with Instagram a lot is that on here eighteen minutes with Instagram a lot? That's it! What do you do? That's it! I don't Don't touch twitter. I kind of stay away from everything that's years now, how bad is it it's today is not that bad look up screen time for the week Are there totally days I'm totally off my phone. Touch with all the stuff and post it, but I don't read comments and stuff that can fuck your head up. Twitter can be aggressive. Sometimes it wouldn't find out great used. Baby, how can't never that fun jokes cool things about, I only use stuff to promote tour dates. That's it really tour dates like like
uh. I did I did an hour of social networking. It says yeah and then seven days, seven seven day, I am pretty rumors. Ok, wait how we gotta fucking switch him over the fucking hip, hop dance slowly slowly it starts with me- is a lot better. How much, how much you're out right now way way way that we can, but I let me kind of the same. I was on a bus for the last seven days sure so that it'd. Definitely I'm saying not home, not home, were checking your checking or amount of usage online on. Our phones does legitimate right now minus thirty minutes ago, on a bus, but that's probably why this time could be Reid, Interlock, or doing something, but thirty minutes a day. No thirty minutes, I think, is pretty low
spell wow sounds with TOMS six hours and thirty four minutes a day. Lastly, on a bus, I'm on a bus, but that is I get. I get your bored but there's a far better way to your time, you're right, but you know it, but you know what I've been here, but you have to kind of look at it like this too. I'm sitting on this bus with fuckin one thousand movies you can choose from, and I do this all the time where row through, like I'm, going to watch a movie which is like a normal thing to kill an hour and a half two hours and I'm like none of these interest me I'm going to spend that time. Do this looking at emails, looking a social media looking at Youtube videos, if I'm saying that knock off easily two hours. Hours spent just mindless staring at something else, or they wouldn't be- have a record of writing or thinking that's true or like, but you're saying that none of that occured or learning hip hop dance noobs. I will say this when you're bored and you're looking
a window on a tour bus, eventually not the first ten minutes but maybe puts in ten minutes thirty minute. Forty, your minds like fuck, we're so bored and you start writing bit ideas. You eat this point true and you're, just not even thinking about those times because you're on there, that's true, it's one hundred percent, true wait. So what's yours eight minutes, I would have to get my Ipad out. You know what yours is. This is surprisingly high because he uses when he's not at launcher seven data. I have no idea it was thirty minutes. Today was hours and one slash two, but to seven day was thirty ago average. Thirty minutes a day, my hands up on It's under the second, use the search party split screen test, but it makes sense mathematica the others. I go good job, Tommy you're, absolutely right!
thirty. Five minutes today would be all you would have to only abuse that all day as a brand new phone. That's why? Even when you said thirty minutes, I was like I'm not fuck. Is that possible two hours and six minutes? That's too much It's too much of you today, okay! Well, I want a front of this. What is it uh? Fuck? No what'd, you do what'd you get the fuck in here. I love the one guy that doesn't have a high phones, walking you through your Iphone, that's not true five hours and thirty minutes for fifty one. When is the day wow so lot four hours and fifty one minutes of your day. Love love your sixteen hour, waking day in Joe's defense, not but like he's, got to review new people all the time and I'm sure there's times he's like tell me about that: guy dot, dot, dot
Ok, ok! I keep hearing in my defense in my defense, but I'm never in my offense. That's too much. It is too much. It is too much you do do some work on your phone, but more more than that you fuck off. I have every note transcribed in my on all my notes from my writing. The tops on my phone. All my sets from shows your productivity on there yeah. What using that time on yeah, it will be a new one. It's not like it's gonna be four hours and thirty five minutes a productivity into. It's a off. No, no a lot of it is also watching stuff. You want to have real fun to get to so far in let's take a let's play, a game where I can go head to tell me about dot dot dot, what you googled earlier fun fucking game. I god my computer, give me a phone. I got my computer I'll. Give me your phone. No This can give while mine,
I have my computer here. You can use them a lot of time when you look at it when you see that store hours, a lot of waking time spent looking at a screen instead of your surroundings. What is last things I your driving part of that you you're not using it me and it's you and then it's just some how much do they only like anal scenes you beating off every day? No, I just started again interesting. Take some time off. Yeah. I took some time off. I was having a hard time with it and now I'm now about his phone. This is always fun. It brings up school. I gotta call you back he's got a laptop that has a cd drive; no, it doesn't that's the right year to buy honestly because a keyboard yeah all the ones that they got now are fucking or the problem is with that. You can do the same things on Instagram. We can't post stuff from your fucking computer. No, I have to send it to my lady. You can't post it forum an Ipad. Yes, you probably could so. I can't have
out of my account? Smart, it is not does not make for a great sober October challenge. In my opinion, just what I'll do nothing is not an official still get knows, he's saying that it would still get posted. Everything is like a post. It note now by you each a good out of a camera. Jet like digital strength of this challenge is that people enjoy like following along in terms of what we're doing, but that is not our normal thing broke. Clearly the is the working out, so he doesn't have to change his life that much all you do, is promote it wouldn't be the worst for you to not have what you already doing is promoting nonstop as his hip hop dancing. Did you knock something over again just wrong on purpose so then, once Tom bad at being a fall. Obviously
so we've got it. Would we switch kids? How do you? How do you handle this yeah? What do you do? How do you handle this How do we do this? I didn't say what I can hear you, but I mean one of those pronouns you mean me, I'm saying like I like: The idea of some sort of social media challenge like staying off social media could be bad with something that's the thing We're missing the second point. One hundred percent you're dead on dead on with that Berkeley go go himself. This hip hop and shit. So Joe. I do have a hip hop. That's place right near my apartment that I could go to all the time. I told you, I'm in your in your ear. Do you think so? Hip hop dance would be a good one. I think I think, let's put a pin in that, I think for right. Ok, ok, put up internet, we opened it. That would be at some level of acceptable. We'd have to get judge challenge who don't fit? No one had active know. Judges judges can go fuck themselves when you want real,
no hard numbers. Ok, let's put in parameters. You can't have ah decision that causes a riot amongst our fans. I feel like I'm living if one family got the belt. Even if we don't do this, there was something so Riel about how good you know. You said, you're a better mover, then him that I would love to see. I feel like part of the month. You have to do something with that. You know I mean I think the audience it makes sense. It's gotta! Here's the deal put parameters on where server is going to be taking place. Tom is touring through Europe in a whore for part of it, yet for board. Really how many days, ten days that will cripple you going to get sick to do what we got a lot of the fitness. I'm already laying it down forget about any fitness challenge. Son ten days in Europe. All that traveling but with those weird european diseases
that's how they wiped out most of the american that your people yeah did you find there is what's kind of wiped out your people. Graham Hancock, says that at one point in the Amazon Jungle had twenty million people and thriving civilizations, beautiful cities and that the Europeans they're dirty diseases came over wiped buddy out thousands! Actually, your parents, twenty million people, your dad was one of those channels and run away from a virus. True can rid of his dirty bug. Your mom was down washing or laundry next to a caiman alligator, and he came up with these different pussy. Tell me this the creek in the caves, the legion thanks for not doing what the fuck they're not doing the show at the creek in the cave anymore. First of all,
You guys coming to me on this is worse than ensling being coming to you about the comedy store, but in other languages done with Milo. I think it's directly related. I think it wasn't a quick in the cave right, but that's why they know they were trying to do it at the creek in the cave in the lady freaked out right. She buckled under pressure, That's not why they're moving they're already going to move it there already gonna move it and was opening up. Though they'll use this as an excuse, maybe or people will say, that's the reason they were already going to move. It wait start from the beginning for someone who doesn't know what you're talking about is that people made a books. They just can't. You know who they are quite legit, people who failed and Louise Louise Louise Gomez, Gomez and Dave Smith and they're hardcore guys guys come on come on this kind of out, but like hardcore guys for the most part, and so they booked their they were.
Will you make? I don't understand that we just had a conversation yeah, but no better. There you go now. You understand, that's fucking, imagine jackass in the heyday of jackass and then, while sitting here politely and not trying to fucking shave their heads, it's like come on dude. Obviously they need a second. It's this podcast, not now I wouldn't give I will these expectations are going to come up and do something crazy. I had a good time with you yeah. It was fun. Let's cut nice car Was the process line, one of my little, you know Bliss and Milo said they cooked out. So now are you running with Meredith and out of this it so they booked my low? Well, I we have this guy who's been talking whatever and then and then everyone start going doing the thing with the attack. The venue, if you have the problem, is not enough that they can miss Anna. Why is the person do with that guy. Then. If you put,
come up then you're. The issue, a woman who gave birth to tons of fucking great, LG, Ba and fucking black performers she's an issue because she's not stopping a performance from happening and then soon it'll be like if you perform in that venue, then you're an ass right right right now? It's nonsense. When was when that's happening eh, what the a c or a lesbian gay, bisexual alliance- oh, they have a lot more since I love college, but that's what I was told that the problem is when you look at L g B, t which is like the accepted yes of those letters, we don't have yeah the a and the and we were like. Oh a is not a sexual and Taylor does a great joke where it's like they're included, because the reality is the asexuals hate. The other ones like your discussed, ok well for having a lot of lesbians, are not really excited about Trans, transgender men or transgendered women. Rather there's that turfs. You know Trans exclusionary, radical feminist. No, I don't know the
live my life. For now to yeah you try it on try to dominate yeah, I didn't know you were trying down and we can. You fill me in more on this, though, so tell me about Tommaso with weight, not leave dominating hunter at that down, but it was a pick up for a lot of comedians started. Trying to like show how they were woken up in there like. I don't think you should do it. Quipping were but very publicly quit putting a back in this position telling in Opelousas was going to be in here. So I could tell someone is a white knight virtue signaller when they don't go? Did you say hey Tom I'll, tell you the phone got to the but I get it. I might have your number. So if I'm tweeting at you I'll just right at Tom Segura, don't do this! If I really want to purchase a go I'll go dot at the Hey at Tom, Segura, it's, not just me and your followers and everybody anytime, Anybody sees if you're listening. Somebody not start with the act. That is them virtue, signaling on purpose at all comics, unless they're saying something positive. They just want to o.
Yeah yeah. Absolutely that's right! Good point! Like hey everybody come see, you don't say Steve supposed racial fear. I love your new Netflix special yeah. I love the Jew hour. Yeah, it's coming, it's great, it's! our everyone is Sally. I saw some of it working so hard to your Jew, Buddy, Milo, he's going to appear on the show yeah, all the comics. All these people start saying I'll, never go to the creek against it, put unbelievable pressure on her the call and not some club owner Jewish and he's also married to a game man whose Lasko Who- black roshes. His ass opens up legitly, so a minute. What ends up
happening so they go. We're not gonna have okay, so they said we're doing this, we're not talking. They started going to war with these fucking virtuous signal of comics, okay and then at some point but Barreca I talked to her, but it is not my thing. I don't even want to do it and I'm like Rebecca what you do is you stand by your comics and so you let them do whatever they want. Obviously, I've been there. I've me I've been on the wrong side. I've had venues, canceled may yeah because of shit like this, so I'm like you, don't want to be involved. Then Milos people said oh guys you put out the time and date of where I'm going to be. I can't go anymore, so they moved. Did it and still did it somewhere else? We did it, then music, will shout out to her for not caving. Then yeah considering names that the aquatic. So they had go out yeah it's out now: okay, yeah, it's it's! It's all! Much
but the part with you and Milo Porn, but it was, it was pretty funny the next time somebody calls Milo a Nazi and me a nazi sympathizer. They said to my face: maybe I'm just weird 'cause. I just saw my dad speak at the memorial, but, like it Tell me the people who took his father and so you need to take a body, your son, and so you gotta, take care of the family now and watch the rest of your family. Fucking disappear and death is the same. Is that political analyst I'm gonna slap you should slow yeah. I should be it's it's, so it's so so do a lot of Tory Offensive in a way that I'm I'm not! Okay with that. So you can say that away from me. But if you say to me, I'm gonna, there's a lot of should bring the sharks or saying that yeah there's not enough of those guys. You get smacked. Yes what they say. This is not gonna it's with the, as always that they really gets to leave this delirious? What is completely ridiculous? It's insane it was crazy to hear, is Provoca tour. He fucks with people he pushes button, and he does so in the age of the internet,
yeah had some great troll the thing that they got him on, which is where it all got. Really, weird was essentially him saying that it should be okay. What happened to him when he was molested, though He was abused sexually molested by and this priest he he would joke around say that He was the one who pursued the priest that he was trust me. I was the predator like that. They said it's hilarious. Talking about that on my show, and then talking about it on this other show was The amazing atheist show was right. The point is anybody who says like you shouldn't, be allowed to put that person's can't be heard anymore. That's what you're saying, but that's what it was. But it was just is harsh critiques of liberals and feminists that were so biting, and then you know he actually did a podcast with Jordan Peterson. Recently we talked about
the the molestation. I didn't see it, but from Jordan's explanation is like he's understanding now, as he's getting older that yeah, he was a victim of this thing. Making it was making it well yeah that he was giving This guy like like a pass that he did it to em almost yeah anyway, the cricket cave is uh. A place for your comments in New York. I have nothing but great, it's a massive following it's it's like they. They may bring together young comics and like given plus former no one, because it's it's it is, it is with a comic store, was if you take away the side exit fifty twelve plus year career, how many seats isn't at on top of Fifteen hundred and twenty in the bottom Jesus guy walked in I walked in this my impression of his place in one time. I walked in machines only skank fest. Then I walked past already throwing piss on somebody. Nice yeah and I walked downstairs to a roomful
people with their shirts off Chan. Nothing. Do you remember that ARI did you? Did you shit in Tupper Ware there? That's when you open up the topper, wear his shit in a Tupper Ware and then opened it up in the room Tackle Box Fishing Tackle Box there missing person Michael CHE was outside Randy Smell, different down the street, I'm starting to gag just. And these guys were offended by my love for the longer, but it was much I'll just shit into it, and so whatever happened happened. It was a pile up it, oh my question, I'm not sure exactly sometimes when you shit smells awful and you realize you've shit so much. It's broken water, it's rising like mine looking woman, why he out of the fucking toilet bowl, you know it's like the Kona Coast,
You you water smell like why is it smell, so bad human, human shit, so bad? My dogs, shit doesn't smell nearly as bad that even nearly as bad as people that say that discussed it smells like hate crime, dog shit. Once in between your toes smells worse I don't believe that dogs aren't drinking, that's what it is, not drinking whiskey, eating subway. I thought you were going to do anything on dog hydration water manage their shit good guys on it. Dog has a new product, real problem with dogs. You see my water in their shit dehydrate your dog lucky nearly as bad, nothing as bad as human shit. Human shit is so nasty man. You know what you're walking like in a city to see shit and then say it. So if you just come over here in San Francisco, if you smell it, it's like a fuckin. Ninety percent.
Does Human said. You know they told me in Hong Kong. They like listen if you see hold on not every man lander from mainland China shits in malls. But if you see shit in the mall, that's the main lander yeah They are disgusting, they just shit in the mall. They just shit mainly chinese people. Just in the mall like children, I thought you meant the bathroom so the ground, the Grasso case, you're walking through the mall, and you see human shit on earth, they don't know how to be chinese doors, aren't underrated worst Torrance in the world these doors are the wars. Tourists when there side that Trump going to hold the tourism back. All the fucking travelers like please they are so they just some folks who live in rural. China is aligned to the shelter every people the children you've been there, but they have. These shorts is wide shorts, with a cut down the middle. So when you open stand up that comes together when you squad, so you don't have to fuckin, lift your shorts out
comes comes out and then just shit away, they're walking ten year ten year olds, I get those. For Sunday's. What is this, why kids, keep crapping in public and child are their culture shit and you can find anything online these days, that's true. That's very right wing like it burnt with the fucking common sense T O. I have put up signs acid chinese tourists and not poop on the grounds. Oh, my God rolled down that first, five or stores chinese foreign away number one like like fucking Richard Pryor Chinese, replace Americans is the worst tourists in the world. We never were there obnoxious, oh, my god. This is a terrible article. Yeah, although, although have you ever been a shit in public, apparently, oh, my god, this is on Vice UK vice Uk Vice, but the so we're reading this folks, if you hear those words, I have not said that
I'm reading something off of the the title of the records people. If you record in Malaysia, if you're listening already did say everything I did say, alright I'll stand by chinese stores are by far the worst tourists next is, I don't know what to say. This is real and Russians tide. Why? Israelis I'm missing Australians the Bogans all the worst. Are you serious, fucking inflicting them into the world like go, learn on their turf, wow bogans? Why don't get I don't know the army and they think they can fucking go nuts yeah I don't know, but people don't like israeli tourists, really yeah, they got a reputation about him. I know that Americans are way down the line. No Americans are not sellable, waited in a lot of parts where you travel time and we are celebrating a lot of. You were the only ones who tipped consistently hard people like our money.
To travel or not the fucking fat rednecks. I I guess, that's true gone and gone to the world, but sometimes they are that's the that's sure, sometimes, This lot, America, they say, there's plenty of noxious traveling yeah, but we're not in this top five really interesting. I would have followed assumed normally shitting at the mall shooting on those around town. It's a big doors. Is insanity like for you to think that other people are going to be like oh yeah. I just gotta take a shit, just direct your life. I did work. I gotta piss in public at other things like block me, make block me guys around that time. So you know there's going to shit real, quick it's like we're in the woods I gotta piss, there's no like embarrassment level, that's how they feel, since I don't feel good. They don't even worry about who cleans it up. 'cause they're, very thinking about it to let it stay there. Define Mars, know wiping. Imagine everybody everybody that if, if everywhere you look to him, associate Jesus everywhere, you walking. So if you were to confer
Can somebody like right after look the fuck? Did you just do they be like talking to you? Think that the way they would confront. You would like what you started. Your car like what undress yeah. Do you think that it's where they're living is so overrun with people that they just get anywhere and they don't think that anybody has another look at the environment will now you're asking just in expert and I will not lie, but this is all my interpretation and yeah. I think they have no expectation of privacy because there's so fucking on top of each other, their homes extremely clean. Take off your shoes before you come inside. Really the homes are asking about? Is this thing like my current I'm not on what I'm saying main but there's been on the mainly you know, Chai's over a billion people. Yeah do you have a lot of like really poor, uneducated rural parts and like say, that somebody in that area, does this I'd be like yeah? Are you saying that, like and somebody that lives in Beijing Shanghai who the job well shit? Now they don't know they don't. So that's what I said. Not mainlanders we sit malls right, but if you see
shit in mall, it's amazing. Let's, let's be clear when they say kids, what age group is it high, cool kids are trying to fuck or is it like that is a shit highway? How long were you in China? For I wasn't in China? I was in Hong Kong, Singapore and Macau. So now that was funny when you're in Macau, which is obviously big, casino kind of tourist destination. All the people there they. I ball immediately. Who will tell you who's like a a mainland chinese person? You know because they can help out with us. That's a different type of thing where, if there's of somebody's like do you see dudes in Macau in like Versace shades and like a trendy and connection, I like I mean if it's all crazy outfits you, like God, help was a protected in the be like that's just a mainland dude who a new money, he just got I know it's all over Macau. We just know, and then you see the The understated person to like that's a Hong Kong guy, that's old money, yeah
it looks like England, almost yeah, yeah yeah? like. You never like you know, like England, they got those guys that are like, like uh like the like, like OASIS, who are like track suits, and why I like this, and then you got the old posh money all right, all right.
Does all the accents accent! No name! Don't forget that Florida, part country, you do the exit without saying the words: okay, okay, okay, okay, we go Russia, don't say the words just make the noises they may go to done. The smile, I'm not great accents all it does not do any worse, diligent any words that we've done. That was stuff. Goes you just the samurai speaking Sasquatch footage? No, no one of the dumbest things that Duncan and I did were doing the usual story. No, no. We went and studied big foot well The dumbest things that are already did the show with being, and
one of the things that we did when we Bigfoot Bigfoot talk to a bigfoot bigfoot that those playing us some audio and some of the audio it sounds like a samurai. It sounds like we will put that in the guy was claim, meaning that this was like a secret recording of Bigfoot. Really, oh, my god, it was the dumbest fucking thing. I've ever heard in my life did anything by the wave in your can Chrissy theories yeah and like what you challenge was there anything that you ended up going like good question, not Yes, really yeah Morgellons Disease Once disease is a disease, where people isn't more challenges, I was called, but your sexy do you think before yeah, I thought it was bullshit before 'cause I had read that it was bullshit and what I read was that the the people that they had things growing out of their skin, so they'd be scratching themselves and they would add, fiber to their skin and take pictures of it and say look I've got things growing out of my skin and then that it was a hoax, but then it talking to a doctor who had more Jones who
plain to me that there's some sort of neurotoxic effect of Lyme Disease and that Everyone who has more jealous also has Lyme Disease and he was a legitimate doctor in a very smart guy. He was essentially saying that mainstream signs in its rush to it the person that we ought to start it started messages already started, come on man, but you're going to get us kicked off of Youtube with your dick out balls, just cut straight to his day anyway. Metallica jeez is that that is a real disease that there's more gel disease is what it is, is is Lyme Disease there's a bunch of pathogens that come with Lyme disease. You know it's not just the Lyme Disease is not like up you. One or one or zero either. However, you don't it's a dirty tick, that is a bunch of fucking horrible.
Diseases inside was nasty little body. Would you know if you had Lyme disease? Yes, you get a bull's eye like like looking red. Mark around the area and the area hurts, and then you start experiencing terrible symptoms like flu like symptoms, Ok, you gotta carry dropping of the Reeves supposed to catch it. Quick on your. My community wondered brushes teeth and he's like he couldn't go back and forth like what the fuck my friends kid got bells palsy where his face went. Numb get me start over the teacher that that had bells palsy in high school and they kept him. Now and then he came back and he was okay, no, but he he came back while you still had face: paralysis on all like looking at this dude,
the student a year older than me are bells palsy and we mock them relentlessly like we should have brought Proprotein year Old, John Henry John Heffron counted on stage no onstage and his face started going on him and he had to hold his cheek over to finish his jokes. His brother in law goes, I think, I'm having a stroke, I'm about to get on a plane. Amount stroke. The next morning his face is numb and drew on his brother, just go to the fucking doctor right now. He means you're. Having a twenty hour stroke, it was Bell's palsy, and so what do they do about that? nothing fucking! Nothing Just wait! A wait anyway, if that it dude, I I wake up Eddie. If and it too, I think it's a virus you be good at it. Do you think about bells palsy every fucking morning? Why, the morning every morning, don't you think of that's my richard
every morning I wake up and really left. I thought he was doing still own impression. He Doesn't he but when is young and sometimes it doesn't go away wo, and so he wrote so we're about three months. Does it affect the spelling or yeah, I don't know what you well. If you don't know how to spell it doesn't help. Two elves and basically he looks better now. I saw hung out with him. This weekend, but so easy, on stage he's back on stage. He spent like three weeks in his sister's basement, just being like Never gonna come back. My career's over, I can't go on stage like he tried to do a show, and he said everyone was just staring at it like that's like, oh, so what do they do to fix? It? Nothing you just wait. You just wait till it starts coming back. I think he said a reboot was like right. Your face really gotta get get O'D wait! So why do you think about this every morning too, especially when I'm getting ready
special? I think like what, if I got bells, what do I get the morning? God jokes to town the morning the morning of my special that secret time I woke up- and I smiled and I went- I beat bells Palsy first thought I had Jesus Christ, how my involved. In this conversation, I can't believe I'm involved in this conversation. We frequently palsy. You know what else I forget, I think of alopecia here failure. Everyone gets up. Every morning I was little every comma at the store. Had it burn hat it Amenemhet had it, everyone got it at one point and I just was like giving the hair fell out. Just in a song, CALL Norman, had it comics getting yeah yeah yeah I'll make skin it. I had it in my head when I was a kid yeah, I think about alopecia too, and so Tyson had it member. That's why I thought so Tyson like a weird circle in his head for awhile. I did not yeah what you said you were going to dominate
earlier. Just don't like to dominate the context again. I know if you're gonna get id like dominating, or so that's all my life that made life yeah yeah the cost. That's you've had time to dominate you. Don't you know on your phone? That's what yeah how you dominate. I can masturbate multiple times a day, instead of just once, like you guys I could you move in with the lady, though right do do do do. Do we honestly guys it might not be this year about if I get home your merrill, should media attention is tough. Your wedding is next. You gonna take that. What are you Iggy should tape back up, I got a like. I may just gather a rocket somebody's lines of it. I may have shoot some hot ones in. Do you. I love you so much. I got my dick fix. That's really how much you might as we can yeah. They pull the straw out of one of those group of cedar his noses
and they use it to fix my dick. You know this drop video. The sea turtles knows the most horrific video. It's a reason why they don't have plastic stuff. If you like why the fuck do we have plastic cups to lids, so we have plastic you're going to show automotive, don't look, I don't. We have plastic straws. The reason. Why is 'cause there's a fucking video of a turtle and they have a clamp? I don't know if this is the main reason, but it is for a lot of people, the lamp, this straw in this turtles mouth and they eventually pulled in his turtles nose. Rather, it was deep in his know what it is. Yes, you can hi. This is. I am one of those so see. That's a that's! A strong gonna tell you. They got stuck in his sea turtle, much harder. It is so much harder to what actually happened to animals into people. How do we not? No? This wasn't a night of cocaine gone wrong. Look at that poor turtle, so he inhaled yeah good one, so they realize that the straw was stuck in a pair. This is not in leading it. Isn't
is not an unusual thing, so they have to put away fucking tweezer guy get a real tweezer, guys, scared. He scared and got little hands too. It's got little fucking thai hands. Grab it and pull the allies out there and even the fucking thing. The about this person's hand. The poor turtles going to look at it. It looks like Jim Norton Norton's going. No, don't do it he's in a pocket knife. Well, that's always got Oh just so you know, why would you get it out? I would bite it with my face and I would pull it out with my neck as you, warrior. Someone hold its funk in about the animals they care about the animals, I'm a warrior for sea creatures. There we go. This has got to get it get the fuck out over the other man or that it is like no, not this guy horrible horrible. I never wanna play operations, this guy. It takes time, but it's worth it at the end. Oh he's trying to bite. The shit is like. What are you guys doing to me is behind is better before leave me alone, he's bleeding out of his fucking nose.
How did they get the sea turtle on the boats and notice in the first place? Guy you stop being a bitch traffic, stop being efficient lighting issues here it goes lost, trying to fucking pull it just be eventually gets. It eventually gets US where to go. Show me so I'm getting it this the whole, which ones are okay, if almost on. So this is hard. The Oh my god, they're going to take that out and they're going to stick it in ARI's Dick hold fixes broken pipe even that turtle, that's what they should do. They should recycle it and use that to open up your dick pipe with the flu. So this is what they do. They take that rock out that calcified Dick rock and ice sing for the little lady. That is really ready to. That would be romantic dick pipe with the actual tube that they pulled out of that turtles knows, there are some diamonds in there too, but you're dead pipes on ling, ling it out yeah
what if we each raise a dire wolf like something like someone's drug- I, oh my god, it's funny. I can't leave my car here yeah? For sure? Do you have a car here, for if you want have a car here, do we gotta we gotta get your car straight put were to put like all those jokes on the side of your car. Like do you like? Do you like to laugh? That's right, yeah we're going to do that. Yeah we're going to change. I don't have a car, so it's tough, but if rental car I would be in on getting you a core veiled number corner black. Whatever happens to it happens to it. Yeah we put a silver October rap on that bitch. I said we all Parker is a certain person, so bright Tober. Do you already have extra rap? It's hip. There are a rabb. Are you ready rather I'd? Rather, a bunch I just bought lap ten wraps of my face. It's so much fun. I put my face everything the bus champ. I think the tape are you the bus samper's as ours, the door.
So what are you doing right? Is that limes disease? What is that that's across to what's happening is wrong with you. So what's wrong with here? Is that poison ivy the uh poison hey! Oh, you know what I bet would help you. I bet some Cbd oil rub some Cbd oil in that how did you get poison ivy on your camping trip with Bobby, How do you put that down? Yeah yeah yeah, give it to us shut up, that's what but it was about catchy catching everybody with the folders like no catchy it, what you say are white coffin man. Why? The guy? Next to you start coughing, so fucked up thing about diseases to like they try to spread themselves like trying to get out like alien. I did a meet and greet in Spokane and I'm doing it and the guy next to me, the next guy rips his shirt off, puts his armor. I mean he is burning on fire and I go will Bro, you are hot.
Yeah I got a pretty bad fever. I go really was like yeah man. Sorry, I think you're going to get to that is the perfect Bert fan. I'm sick. I was going to try and stand, but I'm taking my shirt off your taking years off too, and then he probably hate you might have weakest bird. That's one of the things you remember the other night we were talking. I was drunk. I was talking about how my inner dialogue, if you think I'm weak, oh yeah, so one of the ones is when guys go home at like it's always like big italian guys picture you kiss me on the cheek kiss me and always go now man, because of my here. My brain: do you think I'm fucking weak- and I got hard to kiss me on the cheek- is with team suck, my dick, hey, I'm gonna. Look your fucking nipples! You run into a lot of weird people off dude. You with bells palsy for an hour would be a great special would be great. You should get about Botox in your face for a month, because that does
it's a good challenge for that challenge. The challenge and raise it wears awareness from old lady who shot too much like affected our eyelid yeah, be careful you get to the wrong doctor no idea, one more shot. A little more me too no system work anymore, my let women just to make sure I have bells palsy. Imagine if he knows is running and you don't even know it for Constance this all numb, how my God dude I just by doing that so quickly. I'm trying to know I wouldn't mind a tiny face tattoo yeah. This is what we do. We're gonna all get BO talk, so we can't move our face. You have to do your act. You have to do your act like Joan Rivers like with the frozen expression. Do this a show start doing shit with our voices? Only human only have you you'll have at all. You can't raise your eyebrows at all. There's a show rivers had bits about. It really so much yes, everyone knew about a surgery should jump off a hide. It was like a man.
Asks you like a surprise catfish, that's it what's the name Joseph who is the lawyer, the roller draw the mexican lawyer or affect the best way. He told he told flavor Flave. You look like a skeleton, with duct tape, wrapped around him. I don't know, I forgot anyway, we will have. Our challenge is going to be much lobster. Challenge should be hit, but it would be some joy. We have another hour. We have another will be some fun when you start getting to move down your like. Oh, It should be something that we can do on the road all gonna be on the road barefoot running I'm telling you this. It might not be this year and it might not be next year, but eventually you guys will come into my idea of metal I've met. I like your idea, but I would Joe is saying I don't think this is a bad idea. I'm saying you're saying this obviously there's a conversation. I don't know if you want to say this, but then we're backstage and he was like it's not had to do another one of these halfway in.
If you want to another one like do like a may, so brought I'm a so thing with May and you're. Listening absolutely should do that on your own terms. I'm cool with think we decide. I just think it should be hip, hop dancing and we should do it twice a year. Okay, Wait wait, wait! One other thing! You are saying earlier how your body moves. So I want to know like. Are you flexible or you super flexible, very yeah, show really how flexible you please do this. We touch your hands behind behind your course, not behind yourself this way behind joking? You, let's see it, can you can you do splits? You can just put show us the table right now. Can you do it? Yes, I can you can you can do a split? He only buys jeans and have like we're in there. So let me show me how to do a split first and then I'll show you. If I can do a split, listen, I don't want to get
a muscle, pull so I'll go down. As far as I can go with same same same here same here, yeah you do the same while you guys just save time in touch dicks now. Ok, here we go me in every other way. Only his own yeah Dick is about that far off the ground, and I think, if you do that, the the I think, if you have jeans on the okay, the gravity, Take a stick all it. Okay, all right, all right, legit yeah and you want go that far. I want to yeah. Further. If you can't so now, wait a minute pockets, yeah yeah. So now, if I was at the end of your, I definitely think it's a. We want to go all the way down like you to yes, yeah, okay, ready, Burt, yes, okay, those pants are not even designed for that. Issues that don't hurt yourself, I'm hurting myself. I gotta tell you that was really close
this is conversation we had all month last October need are Look: here's the deal. What's the deal, I'm not going into sober October, half past, I'm definitely charging everyone you mother, just like I did last year. You can't you can't follow up one of the shittiest all time special of all time without me even sit here, yeah yeah, but we got a like. What do you say something better. What are you saying? Whatever we decide to do, I'm still going full tilt said you did that last year. I don't know know, know, know, know know. Last year I thought she did. She did is awful and he's going to come back strong, but he was saying he's going to come after us like you did last year. I think so. We rewind that unless I'm drunk, listen, hear me. Ok, to say I'm going to talk to you, I'm not going to not talk shit. This year, interesting well, you know it can't work anymore right, but that's why When I do it is so effective. Mickey mantle card debt, Mickey is better,
an element of history. Literally literal Mickey mantle is exam. Could. I have the Mickey mantle gene, What does that mean during my dad spoke at them? royal in the Holocaust memorial and I so badly Mickey mantle. Now I wanted to other people who died of disease and stuff like that. There's a lot of people and I wanted to yell out they didn't have the Mickey metal g. Oh my god, I did I did a date. I don't know recently, and there was with the promoters that you work with now and so you work with. One promoter he's in you yeah, we all do keep going. So I was you've got more than one for motors. What he's trying to say yeah so it's like a single guy. We go again. We were hanging out with your girlfriends.
She's got a lot of break up. He's got this one guy with a promising talking he's got this one guy and he's gonna get a call. I guess I'm your promoter, Burke, oh yeah, you work with. I want to tell you. I heard Tom talking about promoters and it may be proud that I'm your promoter- oh they know they fucking know that There was someone else you would. I mean you wouldn't be that hurtful that you would be referring to someone else. Is your poor motorized? So I know you're talking about me. I don't want to be presumptuous, fucking, sweating, peridot. I want to be punctual. They brought up the gene and they're like I've done. I've done a bunch of dates would have try to hang out people days there like. I can't do it now: who's yeah they're, like
very few people can keep up with my pace on the road mark. Meron Mark Moore, Norman N is worried about. I don't know if I can come up and don't try to ignore drink you broke up. Is it naughty? Try I don't know it It's just. I don't even know party follow. No, no I'm saying why did he try like? Why would he try to go move? I said you go on your pace, just be with one hundred percent. Just like guys name the promoter. You're, the one that works without saying anything. I think so. I think we all agreed that the surfing challenge was too crazy right. That was dumb.
I was. I was thinking it might be, a fun idea. The like the word, no matter. If I know it is the thing it's like. I don't live anywhere near a park and you're gonna be in the in general. This is true only if you live near New York and you live near l at long Beach, but that you're gonna be on the road work for whatever other people we really york this be dancing so we're to dance. I don't know that fucking somewhere there think about you, walk on stage, the lights come behind. You write, another light comes down, the music starts and you start boom boom boom and then oh shit and then the beat breaks and you go into something else, and you do it. You learn how to flip. In this month now you've already bought Lebed cafeteria forty five minutes left a gift. Capital, a joke. You know yeah in you, bang out a split.
Splits in did I I'm. I usually does the Amer, but I I really didn't think you could do a split. That's talking about. No, I didn't. I will because that's what I do so yeah, you really don't think you could do is put the oh. No, I didn't know I mean to split a grown up, doing splits, tough yeah. You got pretty not that close, but it was good. Do you think any less, because pictures of me doing the split yeah, multiple one Who's posting can use that crisscross apple applesauce in your legs, art, yes, Is it raining there by the way it looks fucking spasm, ing to the one big toes way way all ears that recently, that's not what I'm doing I'm pulling my feet up so that I can push down with my tips. How come the washer says my audio and the other to say yeah zoom in a quadrant four look. How far away is doing this? I'm doing this I'm spreading. If I spread my feet out like really more lifting my toes up, instead of pointing them down that could be.
We're doing that. So I can lean in with my crotch. So you stretch the adducteur adducteur muscle, guys guys gymnastics Good luck. This guy breaks his hip every time he fucking gets out of the shower yeah. I would like to try as israeli gymnastics can't do gymnastics idea. He won't be able to do anything with that hand for like a year, the second squeeze a ball about nineteen months yeah. I used to, I don't know where where's your break where's the break. It is okay, so, on this site it's the phone here, ships offer just free fall on her arts, Tom, petty there, the other one on here. They have a set up like a push in break that they're, the only only see in like young children. I told my a lot of got me related products in Does that might be that could for sure that part of it so two different brakes, and this is from a fall there's a pretty good! Isn't it usually in one children and then young children they have unformed their bones are done developing its
If you need so much sugar, your bones. Don't form right possible that my daughter never break at thirteen months old yeah. Everybody was hauling. Gymnast gymnastics is out. This is good challenge. Let's were there when he broke his arm. Yeah ski challenge, fucking shredding shit in front of him should nor would be the challenge. If we had a ski challenge, we couldn't do it in October. I guess how much you guys could eat my dust and black diamonds. Do you go down the whole time? Yeah you like a legit skier, no answer this for you ARI. ARI is already in the wood is fearless and he can go down anything, but it looks disgusting. It's like It's like watching your parents fuck, it is like he
Snow plows, the entire time, just like pizza pie like this really, but he hauls fucking ass. U haul ass, no plans sixty miles an hour, sixty miles an hour to see it, but like I'm hitting there and I fuckin jump get air. That's why I always breaking things yeah. Doesn't help you called pico pure notes again yeah. What did the last note, I said, dominate yeah thanks, so you broken broken ankle and a broken years wrist toe chase your dog that didn't count at something it and I'd be chasing it like this He knows a six year like a badass Kirakos to know that promote a bird. Work with We have to. We have to figure what out man. I really think that that
direction. I'm going in with hip hop dance is the right direction. 'cause it put. You are playing field, what your plane. Play dance movie, there's no one's playing field. I don't like that. It's something someone's already done! That's why? Even if I did this, I would have to go further. I was the only thing I don't like about the hip hop dance. No, I like that one. We play that again, The running one yeah I feel like we're, are already know it's going to go. We know it's gonna, go to it, you're gonna talk, shit idiot problem. We would just track miles. We do right. Yes, we get the rocks very nervous. I know it's going to go so way. Wait. How do you guys think there is no thinking very going to go? Thank you nope.
Psycho over here would fucking do he'd logs two thousand one hundred miles and then everyone's going to die, and then he weighs a fucking buck. Thirty, five! So halfway through the month he'd be like you know, I can actually do ten out of fucking all these miles and then you'd break down, and then I would get mad at me for doing steroids for the comedy store said that was the Lance Armstrong of Comedy way so rocked over contest 'cause. He was on steroids. How was your introduction that much on the main room is this comics so funny you want to? He recently won a fitness challenge by on steroids with his friends with you bring me to finish college host, I remember being with already when he realized you were using steroids,
the car and he goes on steroids, testosterone replacement therapy. On top of that, if I actually use steroids, it would be even more reduced by the way. What are you a fucking chick bacon over here. Let's do this come on. I need some confidence. I think we doing archery challenge now hear me out. Oh, my god well at least amount of time spent with your kids that ARI wins. I probably beat him she's. Obviously, true with your kids okay, I'm gonna see all for real for real, no joke. I really don't mind the phone thing and stuff not catching on. I don't mind the fitness hip, hop, challenge rule. It would be a good weight loss thing just same as yoga was like a
ridiculous thinking about doing it to get you actually want to lose weight, lose weight where we say what you said to the yoga my skin and it's probably a lot because the booze too, and whatever else I do but, like my skin look good, I look would. I look good. I didn't hate the yoga before you I'll. Tell you that another component. You mentioned earlier. That was, I did this for, like maybe twelve day stretch at the end of the weight I found nothing but water, and that makes you feel amazing. After a good meal- because I was I just was we were doing a weight loss, product battle and I just didn't drink anything but water for like almost two weeks and like everything, changes the way you look the way you feel yeah, only drank water trick, terrible things. Oh we bring him right now should see. I want I was making a joke about my my right arm. Just put shit in my body that I don't want to do is have
and it is only just like what the fuck you doing: asshole drinking diet, Coke, Coke Orange juice, anything but water right, most people, yeah I mean you're you're, usually, for me I mean I can get by on a lot of combination of coffee and water yeah, I don't have a water, be fine yeah, I don't I mean I still will have some other things, but I don't do it a lot just because when you just do water, though we just drink water, you definitely after you get over the what's it called like the withdrawal, okay, whatever the other thing is, he doesn't feel good. I went a day without caffeine by the and the dad a headache I'll get I get. I I have a headache, yeah, a real headache, straw sectors. We got up yeah, that's exactly what it is. I'm telling you not this year next year, whatever, when, when you do get off your phones, you get you're going to have the same, which symptoms, no you're right, you're right! I got back on my phone. I was on the tour bus off my phone. We were texting about some bullshit and then I was like I'm hopping on Twitter and I got on Twitter.
And just it became my life right again like it just like dipping. I cannot dip tobacco. Why? Because, if I do you're right back in right, back you for a long time, yeah, oh yeah! I miss it so much Florida will do it to you. I do miss her. That's why I started walking to it, but you drink, stop dipping three then then federal way. Definitely a good for you. We have an active for years nationals. I love that burn right, the burners all now on you any thinking that good, it's a nice little signal so flag, you've, you've, you've got a big fat and fat lip adept you let people know you're, making it rain. Let people know you're strong, you're, ready for anything. Zach Galphin Ackiss used to go on stage at the improv that dip in his mouth Is Carolina? Go fucking away? What do you really? I swear to God he going with a big dip and it's not just spit and he tell the people.
So the idea is, I didn't, give a fuck 'cause. It was so much fucking fun. He was a great can't. Imagine that I miss him as a key is hilarious image. You see Emma Brody's, oh my god. No, he abroad at a party already gone pretty fast. I got a lot in this summer's Zach to both handed maze and he was out walking. Yes, yeah, hello, Larry and up this go ahead. No his I mean his stand up was it was amazing. I to love watching a super tight with Brody yeah. This air attack, my wife, my wife, doesn't think anything's funny Galphin is headed looks like to this day. I think it's just a great joke. You know it's time to get you know it's time to do laundry when you get out of the shower and dry off with that shoe it just great. Yeah one I'll, never forget where he was like during crab works like what's your name, Joe Kowan, it's like. What's your name bird,
fuck you later, but I didn't know where the improv Shat He was funny it separately ceremony, not as funny Jeff Jeff, Ross Shiprock home with my God, Jeff well Jeff, but but well. Zax was liked uh itching and sweet and funny, and it was like everything you'd want at Ross. Just came up there and just Everybody was so kind of sad, intense and emotional opened. His opening joke was so savage and Brody's Brody's cels, all Brody's high school friends had gone up like seven of them and they all told and then friends from baseball like telling all these. So there was you see, Zack and then like three of these friends and then another comic and then like three of these friends. And then Jeff just went up and he goes you know after hearing, so many of birdies high school friends come up and speak about him. I know I kill.
Self, looking for a room with the place just enough, I was in the room. We hear the way like thirty. Second right, everybody just and it was was right, yeah, that's that's the that's. What really comedy is best at yeah, definitely, and while he Jeff is he's so good at so so far right that too, this is world world. The best he's the best at it best at so no pop dancing boys, I don't know dude. I honestly that we were going to see Joe is going to see an onslaught of people online going Joe hip. Hop dancing is not. This is where you and I differ, I'm not going to see shit, that's why I'm so happy go ahead and give him a good movie, stills popping in lock him. Let me see pop and lock you want to get away at the door. Like vanilla ice skater. I take my
much about a lot with you, so it should be some. None of us are happy with no I'm not happy with this show I think that the fun thing about Supper October, when we first did it, was that we were all miserable together, Joe wasn't so miserable, but, like me, you and Tom would all just commiserate. That was fun. Well, I didn't like being so over. It was, weird and I didn't like um uh, the weird dreams I was having when I was going through T F, T, H, C withdrawals when my rem sleep was kicking in that's when I realized that that ta see definitely suppresses Ramsey Definitely you think it does hundred percents proven it's proven it does. It does something weird your sleep and Math Dr Matthew, Walker's. Asleep sleep best way to describe it.
So I listened that protest. Crazy podcast, but you know he disk. You talked about it, the mechanism. What what th see does it helps people go to sleep, but there's certain parts of the sleep that you know Getting booed I'd love to unless there's there's an argument that it either that not getting it that not getting that sleep is ok that you're getting plenty of sleep. You're you're. The reason why th he puts you in that drink you recovering, and you get there's an argument that somebody made online that I don't know if it's correct some someone wrote an article about it that that that is okay to not get that good point. Whatever kind of delete that came from the thc. Let's see you can sleep the most in October, I think love. That idea hours sleep you take Ambien. No, no! No do you take anything to go to sleep, now I'll take a xanax every now and then my cardiologist told me never to take him so I'll get a prescription. Thirty four year and I won't use them tell
take a fairly clear here. No, no! No! He gave me a prescription for third world, but you didn't use mostly goes, don't take him. They melt your brain. Oh my god. How do you know it's so funny? Is they do melt your brain? You can also, if you take one the next two days You know when you I remember morning, radio, like old school morning, radio when you go in you have to be on on to go to the next subject and slide so again, and you remember like leaving God dammit. I'm sharp take a xanax and that does for two days you can't jump in and conversation like that, so I notice ticks. I was taking him and I just stopped and I was like: oh I'm a lot sharper just fucking, nothing so If you would go on stage and have to ad lib something you just wouldn't have it in your first time ever took when I got on a plane. Thinking like I used to have a drink on the plane. To start writing, jokes I took a xanax. These are going to flow out of me and I just sat there staring at the paper going like my brains turned off all the fucking scary thoughts are gone.
Thank you want, so it is an extra. The great one can leave after p again for real. Now I do twenty podcasts in a row. Where do two in a row I drink, like eighteen bottles of water, I'm in love with Lance Armstrong, Coffee, Hamilton's collar- this call is, is a drug yeah, that's Khafaji's! Overlooking right is gonna, be I've ever had how's, he is likely so to route to its its axis and are in their turmeric turmeric. American. What else is it I didn't know it and are in there until like a week to work yeah, it's always sounds like tumeric, so I thought it was turning her Brooke. I thought it was two meric I combine the morning coffee and take off. Is that cool? yeah. Let's, let's put parameters from that there's so many times I want to come over and just do bench press come over anytime. You want more real here. Yes, Joe says that and then every once in awhile someone take advantage
work up. Do you see whatever you wanted something that can I get every single one this year like fuck, but that's abuse that happened. People who abuse things like I've had people to say I want to come. Ufc, oh yeah sure. Can I get eight tickets like was eight cents for eight fucking tickets reunion now file coming. I wish there was a gym membership here. Had to run to run enterprises. Let me know, let me know ahead now, but you know it's not just need you can do it if what, during a podcast like the guys, the security guys they workout, this go workout see them on there. It's like bucket. It's like watching alien here, where you like. Where are they in the ship? Remember, it's so cool here man, This rad. I want to increase this for myself. You can. I help you. I'm talking about promoter about it that what's his name again, Roger Roger
Great, that's that's his his name. You know what this place is a mess, a gun range. Holy yeah? I'm gonna go one like one of them. Gun ranges where the fucking paper comes out. Yeah, we there's a there's a place here, It does. What's it called. No, no, no place it does It does a full training, tactical training, yeah yeah, yeah, well, edgy Watts, you're, going with Reggie Reggie Miller, going yeah and Simi Valley. You guys want this yeah. I think that might be the place. I just talked to somebody with no training. That might be any bad, but that's it yeah Reggie and I are going to do it and then we're going to do a podcast, so want he do it from Montana. He's like knows. Can I tell you something have ever seen perform live it's crazy. His music just performed yeah just like that.
Sinam, you ever seem to show crazy. You will feel like what you do is. Nothing is not a town, like is not a skill. I'm not kidding yeah I've seen I saw All this dude do a this is years ago. This is like at least seven years ago maybe eight years ago he did at ten to at most fifteen minutes, set and it was so unbelievable that he got a like a pro long standing ovation. Fucking ten minutes set know how crazy are ten minutes that has to be. Was he doing dude? He was like just in revising songs on the spot, and then you know he did. He would do that thing where he would make a certain sound and with the machine you tap it and then loops and start building it, and he would do that and then he would just have like a funny aside about something then take it back, but the the songs he was building in the moment. We're so,
like it wasn't like. He was going like you like that I mean it was like a call or kiss yes, it was like you see it, and you go there's something about musicians that when you can see a certain musician where you like, you, don't view a comedian where you go like oh, my fucking God they cannot believe the level of talent of that person. You might think they're really funny or laugh a lot, but you're not going to be like I've, never seen something like right, right, right, music. I think that happening he's that everybody up at Bonnaroo a place where everybody was bombing just a tent. It's not for comedy anyway got everybody in their feet like he has yeah yeah he's like he's like that yeah too super busy, but it like he puts you in the crowd. Like he's not talking to you, you just you also like now, you're standing up and doing whatever yeah yeah. I talked to somebody that went on a tour with him like around that time, and it was like four four of them
night. You know like doing like ten cities together, I was like what order do you guys pick like what do you can think that did not last year every night and also seem long. Everyone file someone who's like really good at music 'cause. It makes you know you just talk. Yeah yeah, I used to have a problem with that with middle acts, feeling music that was one of the things that happened with with Mitch Hedberg so Mitch? Hedberg was on the road and he added the Middle ACT was a guy was doing like wraps here like rap apps and songs and saying things that were saying it was crushing and then Hedberg would go on. Words and your hair is like super deadpan. That is the worst. Scheduling, Beverly, who fucking book or you ever have a middle act who, in a club who just stayed a middle act but for, like fifteen,
here's but became super proficient at two in twenty minutes and your electronics tricks. I can do later right. Yeah, it would be. A guy who's like you know, he came and older guys. You know what I'm talking about man, but it's like two, ladies and you know it's in Roy Johnson. How is it gonna say, Roy Johnson in Tampa, bridal things not standing in the morning was the name. What's your motorcycle road Johnson was a monster on stage in Tampa and you could not fucking follow that guy. Really he was a monster e quit doing comedy, sell cars in Tulsa now dude he was you would not follow that Lee SAM Tripoli in him at beef because they did a show and there was a secret shopper in the in the audience. He's higher secret shoppers to rate the comedian Tampa and yeah. I remember the Roy Dust rose. I mean yeah
I remember I had a bm and for well. It was hard not to follow you work with them and those guys with those guys, I'm better the headliner, and you know I do. I can't disagree with you- a hundred percent yeah. Well, here's the thing. I go right right when you keyed into that like when you get in and on Thursday. You see that it definitely raise your game for the whole week for sure yeah for sure. Could you see it and like I will have that he'll be the guy that stayed in that city fuck? Did he quit and start selling cars of he's that funny? 'cause there's a feature hundred dollars. I think we have company- probably he probably, if I remember I probably didn't start at like twenty Twenty two, I think, he's a little older. We start much kind of, and he also it's like want to stay in town. Well, I think I think, a relationship friends always make it happen, I'm friends with Roy, but no. I think that it was the thing that you get addicted to murdering and you don't grow past, murdering and you and you don't go like I'm gonna go up and take chances because I I want go. There headliner on stage shitting on Roy, but he just destroyed, but I don't think I ever took the answers. Like I'm going
tonight and see if I can figure something out. You know I think that, ultimately what happens to the features there's a lot of the men. I worked with all of them. Yes, a pro open cloud feature. I had one. I remember who he was. He he's the story of the guy who was headlining in those clubs. For a decade or more didn't like break out but obviously he was like a proficient comedian. Right then, like you know, has like it always has like somebody has like personal stuff happened, and then it's like family stuff. You know for whatever reason, then there like still in it but now, they've been doing it like twenty five years and then just needed the work, so it would take middle weeks. I mean you know those dudes would fucking. Hurt, you know, yeah dude for sure has a really knew how to crush basically, they nude local references and then they're. Just like they've been doing for imagine twenty five years and just do twenty, and and do it for like ten weeks in a row I guess that arms yeah we care if you're like tired material. Those like I'm just here to kill
it's all the killer, Headliners in Boston, yeah, the Boston guys all they did for sure 'cause those guys do fifteen or twenty and night. They would do one thousand five hundred and twenty and night, and then they would do it like three, four of them in a row and then bring up Billy Crystal I'm, not joking Billy, crystal age. Shit next comedy! Stop that way, a lot of guys did they set them up. It's rude. Yeah. They set up these like big name headlines for sale in a lot of it was like jealousy this regard, she can come here yeah and they would they would set him up. Bang Bang, bang they will put their biggest hitters Steve Sweeney Kevin knocks Don Gavin bag during Bang, Lenny Clarke Boom boom boom, and then these poor bastards would come in from out of town, and these guys were talking all this Boston talk and then you've got a bullshit ass act anyway, you know you just yeah kind of drifting on you just in between movies that you do a little comedy. Make yourself feel good. Go up, Sierra do bring fans. Hey yeah, I'm just going to fuck around in Boston
go down there and I don't really have an act right now. Yes, your son now he's in it together, yeah and he wants to have and slash actions. Sweeney's ration, the room is falling apart. He sees for guys like the look in their eye, knowing they were going to certain death, nothing worse, nothing worse than following a crossover black act, crossover like black guys can play to play to white audiences, where you just go up and and you're young you're, like thirty. Two feels really taken marketing feels feels races. I don't know if it is, but I'm still missing I'll just say its name. The crossover at VT would fucking destroy. I can't hold my piss anymore. Bitch. Piss, sorry can't push it battle right. There do you. Do you think the hardest that you like the hardest active fault would be like BT, bt- was hard, guys, ok, hardest active all these memories, always this, but also the place so just to give you an example of talking about
following MIKE Marino. I got a five k on out. I got a call convention right. I got okay, go I'm to tell you the hardest and I ever had in my entire fucking life. Yes, I go to I go to Miami. I believe you no, I don't because, like I always saw him fucking like he's one of the guys that could just at least kill Do well have swords it's my first headlining week for the improvs and I don't sell take and they give me a call and they said we need to bring in another who's already in town to help you sell tickets, read right now. Well done just take my shoes off your socks off, I don't know, do Can mushrooms be serious orders? I thought they were. I don't know that's right
forget it. I mean what am I doing? I'm like oh yeah, shoot right now your pissing table you taking the fucking socks off. Alright, sorry, so you're in Miami. I do wanna hear this. I have a super distracted, you're in Miami yeah. What happens they go another another comic in town and you got it and he's gonna co headline with you, but the problem is he's already brought his own feature. He was he thought he was going to headline so who was it I'll, give you the line there. Ok, so they go so we've cut the host, so we got your feature his feature him. Then you in Miami in the Hague, Miami yeah, the today. I don't know him: I've never met. This is like eighty five yep they go. The breakdown the host is going to do fifteen. The feature is going to do fifteen he's going to in forty you're going to do forty right this along to your life. This is the internet
and imagine how hard this guy was to follow, especially in Miami where everyone, spanish speaking, ladies in put your hands together for the crew. Do you take cookie, Steve Trash Signor and then you Bert Kreischer dude? I bombed hard I've ever been in my life? I mean Miami sweat dripping off my chin on my shirt that too had to bring my trailer. I failed on that whole set and I bought a black idol stage and I brought a cuban guy on stage. Then I fuck Really. I pulled his dick out. This is a different night, but I said, oh, my god, I'm going to just people understand so I'll, say the joke and you translated your people. So then there sitting on stage with me. So I was talking to this girl and the black guy goes and then a spin game at this bitch and the place went nuts, and I said it to the guy. He just said in Spanish mean up blah blah blah, whatever
It's fucking destroyed my whole act. That way, whenever I did joke I'd, have them trans but they start and stay with you the whole time I saved with thirty five minutes and drink tequila with me. That's good figured out mother fucker you're not going to figure it out. Man see Travino destroy course. He made, of course, is droid number that set. You have are you bond and you played it for everybody the TOMS kind of have one slash two memory of that. You know the hard, but I mean I played like you like Thomas the bomb better than anybody. I don't think it was good best bomb you've ever sat in the back of the room with that was how about how 'bout Sacramento, welcome worse. That was the father, but uh the fun bunch what it what is now it was called the laugh. I'm in I'm in it. That's the one yeah like that, but yeah
spot it when I was there. I was like this and you know the worst thing about about like a bomb. What a bomb on a Friday night is and that you bomb on the early show, and you can't believe how hard you just quietly. Life altering the bomb harder on the late show when they're both sold out. So it's not like eight people, think I'm I've had to the gills and what was the catalyst catalyst. I mean he got me out 'cause. I remember that I was like I I'm rethink my life tonight like after you know, Jesus who is that bad, but then What was what started it would start the boat started. The bomb was the opening joke, because I was just like by the way before you tell your opening joke. Tom is great with feel I'm comfortable in a moment and taking it to the next level were in Hawaii with Russell Peters. The one thing they say is do not mention
give a shit about the hawaiian TOMS opening joke. Do you remember so man? They said island life slow? I didn't know they were talking about your metabolism's holy shit. You guys are fat, you do the same shit in Australia. Don't mention opportunities like that. First word: don't mention japanese people, man? I got lost on base today. Luckily I ran into a japanese guy. He pointed me out. They know everything about this base is over there drinking his own piss it. Oh my god, you got me for a fraction of a second. I was like no, he didn't you looked at it I was like he's, really lost his fucking mind vertices drink his own piss. So wait Did your mom go in Sacramento to the Sacramento bomb was dirt. It was the month after the month after Hurricane Katrina, so I opened with a joke. I don't remember the wording of it, but it was like how there were those reports of people raping people
in the aftermath, and I was like yeah I was like I opened. I was just like you know nothing like seeing dead bodies float by. That makes me wanna fuck somebody, you know and then I just kind of like Woodriff about like you know, then people like now one like and it would eat so much shit on that. I would go. You know you have the thing you likewise go to my act. Now please go to like because it was like yeah. I guess that didn't work. It was already too late and I would bomb for the full. The actually. The funny thing is all shows two thirty minutes seconds. Are you a letter? I know this time to. This is funny yeah, I'm gonna turn. This is the worst and nothing like seeing a good person on a tv floating by the work to be going up on timing. The timing enough I'll get in the SAT Faq in the club Leslie. You don't like your new feature at a club membership. Remember she came out. She goes
the bomb feels so bad, then you're sweating so hard and your man is emotionally just taxing right, you're. Just like right, I walk off stage and I run like indoor. She goes. I thought supposed to be funny next to me, because you can't read and I go what she's like you're supposed to do. Twenty five, you did twenty three and I was like I fucking alright and then that's the first show. In the second show, literally, is worse in an inconceivable way. Is worse say that joke again or you have tried to open within a gram right now. This joke works, this works and then I ate it so hard, then drove to eat it so hard that I'm middling and the Mcs like damn dude you fucking suck like he's like he's like he was just like. It was a big
yeah. He was like he was just like God. Damn I've never seen anything like this in a fun way to follow my big job yeah. He was jovial god damn you fail like big lots, yeah it wasn't like and then the next day I was like. I don't know how I'm going to do this man and Bert Coast kind of you, one piece of advice and I go just open different just do whatever you want, but just opened on a different joke. I was like right men and at the time I swear to you that fucking first show Saturday by the best set that I've ever had like unbelievable set. Did the lady go okay, no! No! No, she goes. I was I felt redeemed. I destroy, and I want I mean like the Mcs is like Jesus 'cause. I've never seen a turn around like that. You like I'm like this, feels like this. I walk and I see her and I go like, and she goes what I didn't hear anything when I go
right like she she pretended like she didn't know she does she watched. I remember 'cause. I grabbed her she kept coming up to me going. You said he was funny. You brought him with you and I wouldn't trust me. The best part about his bomb was Tom just about lost amount of weight, I lost during the sweating longer hair, an income it back, so it would be up right and, as he armed it starts to fall and then it starts to get wet and then it starts to run down and I was soaking wet. It was great jumped in a pool like I was fucking suck looking wet that feel when you're eating shit, it's not like anything else on earth. I remember that I remember that, like he was up on stage and somebody yelled at him. Like some late he's like well you're a fucking cunt You said that and in the room was like I've done a lot really turned on it yeah they called any welcome back. I remember him winning the back. I was like God, damn. I used to have some some uh, quick coaches on that favors,
hey honey! Your mouth! God made your mouth for one thing and it's not talking God was that mean. That's a joke, that's a it's irreproachable I'll do here, like a family. What if you say that too and uh things flashing, their true fashion read this one is too oh, there was always on, but you guys both that mushroom said no. They don't usually flash. He took his much didn't really do much are off his shoes off said the mushrooms to be sure some. Then they got me a little bit, but you need them during the show on right before the show right right. No, I wasn't enough that would like such an unknown. It's nice! It gives you like a little nice thing, but, like my palms are sweaty and I'm out of a yeah, deaf and sweating. Is that what is you get your problem?
guys farm, spaghetti, rap battle, RAP Battle, RAP Battle, RAP Battle, rap battle for help now, listen guys, I'm serious it's either. It's either techno hip, hop challenge. If challenges not physically difficult, though it's not totally different, nobody is not the fund or did someone do nothing? That's the point You want to watch. People do stuff, have your payment, since when is it about anybody else other than us? No, but people Is it too and in if they like it, they like it, but you don't do it for other people like yeah hold on joke? Wasn't too and r is talking, shut, the first, the first watch it note watching video, don't use instagram challenges watching a holding your breath challenge really holding his breath. I don't fucking, know everyone
doesn't have to be in on every God. Damn thing you do every day up to you to shoot, he going to bring your shit to be honest to shift. I just took a shit on Instagram. First, ever probably best buy this shit about what are the girls say when you're posting when I pose like dad. It's mom in the background like shut the fuck up dad, so you see on word girlfriend just trying to stream and provide for the family yeah fuck them. They don't realize, have leverage their futures for our income right now. Yes, that's what it is you paid hefty price. My kids do not like that. I've talked.
About them! Well, you should probably not have done that like twenty fucking twenty Joe early on, he was like really much of your kids. You like what I was doing away with your long time with my kids are fucking stupid. He said, that's what he said. He said there not even gonna know I go what if people come out to win the mall and they say hey you dad was talking about my god- call George on the phone on stage the other day, the island island. I know I'm George of the smart ones, it don't don't look a Oscars either. Two thousand and twenty. I was being uh to stand up know another way. I get it up yeah you do it. One way is fine for most of the world. That's the thing like most things are fine for most of the world. It's just a small percentage, people that are just wired all fucked up, because we got
If he gets here, we gotta go. I gotta go soon to five hundred and fifty yeah we gotta go now. I think you're going to see the online community. I'm not going to see anything. Them to you, I'm not to look. They were number one has the answers to when I look at it: no music, okay to show her because someone may instances. If we don't do it, we should break dance, go to stance, elements, zero, tolerance and what was what some of these guys doing? He was very easily. I start take a look at Chet Faker talk. This is great yeah, some death look of a real dance D. Glaser, I'm telling you this. How will shoot it? I'm a fan of this girl? D Glazer's, her name, she's choreographer. She got blonde hair, give her Nelly Nelly uh from the Luana Bradley. Can't we can't going to play the music just watch her dance, let's watch it
I think this might be doing Joe and I really think you're gonna, like what you selling this look at this, I'm already out no yeah right here, who is this deed, Glazer car? That's where country grammar for us! This is us, Joe anything that doesn't require you to lose weight. I'm I'm not to look at her body's been fucking great. This is us doing. These names see Glaser her name's Di Glaser, okay, she's good he's she's great she's great, and this will be us. Imagine how much fun it would be. When you do it, though 'cause you're fat yeah, outlook. Do you think you could learn to do this? One hundred percent? You? You horrible things you can do a fucking split. You remember that thing like look like this is like you could try it. If you hold on you think you could do this. I could get my body to move that way. If someone taught me- and I spent the amount of time- maybe not in a month one month, no, not as good as you think in one month you could be better than all of us. Oh, I would definitely be better than you and that's all that
that's right Joe Joe Joe come on. This is me and Tom, and you and Nunre. We do a one altogether: he likes about brown eggs from what's it called in the back. Alright, do you think you could learn to do this look over here? no mine not getting rid of this. What tell me a challenge that you think is fair for anybody. Everybody should weigh in right now. What do you think it should be? You know how embarrassing this is that place that place like that is right near my apartment. I walked by on the way home from not working out, and I looked through the window at them. Doing crazy dances like that understand. This challenge would be I'm crazy, Instagram Mobile moment. I'm going to keep this. This is mine. I like this, I like to have an what could happen for at that. He never get this part, I'm getting it. If we do have a
and now, if you think so, you now are you in okay yeah, it was a weight loss challenge you Bob and by the way you should get a weight loss challenge belt. I think we should probably make that be great ideas all over the idea. It's a great idea get on it, Jamie Tour, bus champ too. I want marathon belt okay to try that and everyone could do it, and I will they give you like a button or something when you in America? Are you run it? You know why 'cause you're promoter had one. I saw him when I was shut, the fuck they give you one of them, erasers that go on top of a pencil that nobody ever you triangle through writing. Pencils are so crazy and you use up that eraser boy. You need an external razor, get campaigns on the phone call campaigns right now, he'll be he'll, tell ya expiry arm to listen. What about what about
hold on calculated the fucking gross idea, he had the greatest yeah whole break it. When you remember, if we do with the hip hop challenge, we need no one's going to be there. Start to cheer anybody and queer that the judge is it has to be just us, you can fill in if you want edges, You can take with you. Let us say that anymore yeah, I think that's a line which I don't know. Well, it's in the queue that my friend on Mir, I'm not komodo, snacks, snack, Emoto stacks up, so just us and then get actual. Does you don't know us to decide your? You have to really make a manual place where three people Joe, I think, he's going to say, alternative gift alternative. Let's come up with something where we don't need judges. I don't want to bring judges in because then we have other people like it's going. Then it's gonna get gross.
It's a bad idea and judges, one eight judge because he doesn't have the power over to other people in our organization. To I don't want even talk to other people. Okay, I make sure that I'm trying to cut people out of my life, I'm not trying to add to his aunt's judges. Now I I don't have time the only death like his idea. I, like ours, idea no social media for year, except I haven't been for a run. You know you could run it just go the post it. We have a new video and post it. I don't trust him know you you have to give. You might be in charge my own message. I got him over there. He sneaky he's sneaky. He checked my Why don't you the best, see that come in my way. Yeah the judges is a real thing. You're right judges is a real thing, but I think we're in the right direction with hip hop dance. Why 'cause
your invention? No! No! No! We just think. I just think it's something silly you lose again. There should be a real penalty for having somewhat career penalty would be a real repercussion for you. You've already talk the first place, I don't like Joey, lap, dance and will put in other words is a good one. You come in last, you give us spread it collectively, a million dollars you doing better. Now it's robust champ yeah. We got tour bus champ. You have to think about that. You just sign up for you're not going to lose. If those are the stakes, what is there, wait, hold on hold on one second, just let's let aside talk her champ comes at a price. My budget is sick. You can't just be to our best chance, for it was his million dollars in his final two. I was service to listen to him, doesn't but Purdue I understand that this is strange that you keep failing.
Things, and yet you keep bragging every time we get together and contemplated so much success when it comes to you guys that I think sometimes you guys forget about it. I was told by Cher Do you not admit admit it just admit it? You know we have a Middle EAST really Nelson alive. Don't you? What do you don't touch me? Not the tour bus champ to busted I was on this week is better than anybody when the Doorbell championship was going on. Are you mean just give him his two best jump? Let's say why it's me. Of course I have the better bus. Did you ever take a picture of your bus input, one yeah, oh really, yeah you had it fucking photoshopped one hundred times. No, that was my butt. The outside of your boss doesn't count Tom. The insider bus that look prison yard a prison? Did it not did not have a broken transmission? No internet tv that didn't work. You know internet store bus, want you to pause for a second and imagine a world where the thing that you're
bragging about when you have been called out for failing to chat. I'm just in a row hard as it makes a great day? The first thing you're talking about is this: some were not even in the shape of the boss that you drive around in I didn't start the ship started toward as to how much is prepared woods. It was the transmission bad will. Then I win yeah your point. You get a flat tire. I I'm Leonardo Dicaprio way had a challenge. You came at last, you're deflecting okay. So what Tony? Nobody was. What are the repercussions for you fucking pushing out? Well, I'm not putting out the fucking. One of the reasons why I have this right here is because I I read about you saying that going to put it on your mantle piece like
Never Mickey mantle piece of their mind. He's joking, you energy! You! Can you entertain a circumstance in which you think Burke could be to how may I make a good like the old hustler making even game, making me anybody at this point like a pool game is always no, no, no, no, we're not playing pool but like invited for some other challenge that works like you, gotta make it. You have to have to have some form of lymphoma. Really wrong a physical thing he moves so well. Maybe you move like the wind, This is something I've seen you move that Christopher Cross Song, Terry Shiloh, couldn't move better than you, you really can move man. But there was days where I was like man, I'm tired and I thought about
you: did we middle ARI standing? Now you took your socks off you, fucking mushrooms, we took mushrooms and you forget, I gotta go man feels good. What do we do in a month agreement that we should and also you do, need some repercussions for fucking blowing it down. Forget I'm the only one that ran a marathon important that money too. But it doesn't seem like you are willing to face reality. Tell me what reality is off. Exit well of reality is Arisha fear didn't workout at all the other way, and even though you did Wanna Marathon Orisha Feerick out didn't workout at all my fire a decade. I decade he smoke Do you like fucken deadline Segar? Why are you stressing anything in life? Not just like
How are you talking shit to ARI? You know sorry didn't workout. For ten years I mean only one that came in with the channels other than get off our fucking photo. You sorry, Matt. Ten years but the problem. What did you sit down for the video of him on my fucking rowing machine or so it you guys teamed up against me? I get it. Here's the deal we teamed up existed, listened on my second place guy. Let him use my. How do we team up? I literally he's convinced he was gone. My closest competitor I took the day off, that's true. I did at I've said I've said I've said ad nauseum we're not likely recovering this. I was at nauseum tugging on Joe tigers, tails, a big mistake, ARI was massively surprising and Tom was a fair, fair competitor. Now I will say I am just giving up idea:
of what to do next October, and I need ideas, and I believe that ARI's idea was, I think us not doing something is not fun. To follow. If you are a fan of the podcast us now not doing it like hey guys, let's sleep wouldn't be real fun it would be. It would be how many hours of hip hop dancing. We put in there we go now we're talking about why hip hop something you guys want to river river that fuck no, just dance it sucked when it was invented dancing. It just hit me right now, every fast forwarding to find one leg say another idea say another idea, I'm in I'm in but like I like What we did was with a hot bowl of the easiest thing to do is something that you don't need a lot to like take with you or you know, I mean like running running is not bad. I'm not.
Like running a lot, I do write them running, but I don't want to be the one sitting here. Promoting running, I'm trying to think out of the box runs a great idea. Everyone is great about running. Is that if we did do it for the whole total miles of the month. It would get savage Could you do what I will seriously lose like forty pounds. It might be already gone on your own one, most guys that you just had to do a marathon today, Joe well. I think it's physically possible to do a marathon day. I know well. That would be way easier for me than for you very much easier once again at noon, I'm too drunk to by the way that you looked at me like you're, like I'm, going to do that, Are you going to marathon today? It's not.
That is not healthy for you to keep living in this world. You've created, but doesn't even make sense. What are you talking about my drinking or my? No? No! That's normal drinking along with this proclamation of awesomeness. You know? I'm saying it's like this: it's not the drink, the is fun it's fun, you are fun to running. You know my Michelle. Well thing is you need to be punished if you lose word injuries. Did you want some makes sense? We got way more, there's a whole table full of whiskey over there, and then we got gas monkeys tequila here too. Let's do running then. If everyone is, everyone agrees on running and running some kind of get ugly guys gonna get ugly, I'm going to do a marathon. What are we going to wear to track are so that everybody has the same thing to track them out issue. Well, where the rock shoe or you can just get apple watch. No, no! No, but that way we could use up there watch only for a phone call.
Pause and then talk into it if you ever send text messages and then will do always challenge at the same time. So what are we it's our need, for? social media for the month. Wait hold on running on an Iphone will do as many miles as we can for the month. The whole thing would be how many miles, can you run in a month, and I tell you I'm going to open up the first day with thirty the thirty mile days in the open that up yeah. I I will now. Are we talking thirty miles in a day a donut day, Duke where you miles, can you right? Here's the thing because they're already did earlier. This was meant day that that part. I believe I do believe that I believe that here's, what I wanted this makes a huge difference. Yeah can you, because if tracking those miles we ought to track miles. We ought to track them out with the same anyway. It's ok and thirty miles work well to track the the
with the same app no comer for any of us. To give the green note, growth hormone test are also great great, should all get out, but you should get off high blood pressure medication before you get on anything, but you should kill yourself first and then figure out the rest? Worship cd as large as you are hold on. You got all the way down to like two hundred and twelve or something like that. How did you way? I have an impulse problem with you guys, and then you get research. Why did you get up to on this tour Tom five hundred Such a close, not tell you a secret talking about Statistique. We don't act like I'm. Devoting asleep picture showed it was such a fucking disgusting picture. Burton Burgos was a shellfish reaction, Denmark, Shellfish reaction and Denmark. That's hilarious! Ok, wait! Wait! Here's the way! Now! This is important for the challenge, so we I think we all have to track the miles. The same way right is: is there going to be a
stipulation that these miles can only be tracked outdoors on pavement. Yes, who is Jenna Treadmill if GPS treadmill is not gonna show anything on GPS. Srt movement, okay, okay, actually is there is a move made we're talking about? No, no, this distance, I'm so distant, run. First, walk. If there's an app, I saw everything that tracks walking, and you know it takes a lot longer to walk, call them to run a mile in kilometers, walk off baseball there, because you know you should be if you're, tired and you're running, and you want to walk for a mile. That's fine, you, member, the Silver Lake, Walker, all distance! You can walk around overlooked over that guy, no Silver Lake Walker. This dude looks like a fucking lizard. You just walk around soberly dude good walk, I'm not kidding use all from from like six hundred am, and you would see him at eight hundred pm schizophrenic. He was a doctor yes? He was like a little scandal that he died in this hot tub, so you would say
see this guide in a hot gas somewhere there was a gun at MO, so he would just walk around trying to sling Dick. I don't know that go slings did he would hold the newspaper. I see this dude and when you walked around like that yes all day and he would read, you would read, it said- click on that lower picture again. It said he killed himself. Look at that killed himself. Oh, my god. That's Wow this is unclear, killed himself. La corner concludes yeah, see other, but that wasn't initially the The report of story was original that that it was the mystery. Had this guy had died. There was mystery solved it in the newspaper yeah. I guess about rumors yeah yeah. Can I tell says the corner. Okay, you did there.
Can I tell you this lane? I was late. Yes, I am yeah they're, pretty mmhm. Here's his toenails painted there are pretty go like it's really beautiful I'll, take a picture with Kathleen and Kathleen Madigan click. It would be yeah I can ogre. Can I just tell you that I was late for the standards like about a year ago in the stands still open and I was like fucking I started running. How was it second? I was one slash. Sixteen street and second ave. I started running it eventually. I was like I was out of steam. I had to like stop and only stop there was a 16th ST, not yet to Third Avenue I tire out under a block,
so, but that's just enjoying the idea of going into this is just starting to run a point. I think that you know. Last year you took you got into like a fucking zone. You got in the zone, you have a runner. What do you think you're gonna win at one point, a runner's body there was there was a moment somewhere around week. When you said I gotta go. No. When you said I gotta go hunting, I'm off line for a second yeah. Oh I'm close yeah. I had to go hunting for, but I shot Elk on the second tries, you came back way have been a little more like you think it had been little easier on us. If you had hunted for five days yeah, but I was wearing my thing- so it's hiking, I was. I got six hundred points one day you just working out hiking, he wasn't gonna yeah, I'm guessing you're, hiking men, your heart rate, didn't you fuck up you're going came back from hunting. You did more than that crazy. Can you just put yourself as one thousand in a day on one day it's going to
one hundred I did nine hundred and then I came in here and worked out for another hour after I was done. So I did right. I was hurting that last thing. Can you guys should remember ok, October 18th, you are going to wake up and you go fuck just run a bunch now Kristina's like let's hang nice. I know I know I know yeah not to be bad month and you're all going to die. I'm cool with it. Does that too, what place do you think you'll come in probably first second, first second, first yeah one together, I mean probably first, but maybe second, if something spectacular seems outrageous, I'm going to be getting on growth growth and we just got this right now. So I'd love to do growth. I gotta go, do that, but you sign up to that. You should definitely some weight and just get on stuff. You should stop drinking so much without the children part. You know what that's going to be easy to do. What Australia
get all my return about two hundred and fifteen to twenty twenty. When you're over there, you definitely won't drink. I mean they. Don't even like drinking in Australia may set a good example dog can't now that are except you're, not drinking those people go hard over there. Maybe you're not doing this fucking cut up coke were doing tonight. We are for sure, try it you're going to have to do Chuy's over there going to drink beer. Do you ever see me do the shoe is on tv? I don't even want to know just pull up virtually it's still uniform picture you've seen that you've seen it yeah yeah. I like running, I just I'm cool with it What's so I'm cool with the social media, you let this one into his own thing again, yeah the I'm. By the way, I'm the only one that came up with an idea that was, I thought it was. I jumped on board with that man. I think it's a good idea. I terrible. I like it. I like the hip. I do like it in terms of none of us. Have any experience. That's the funny part with Champ break. That's great! The judging part is a true problem. It's a real problem. It's an untenable issue! You're going to bring in
people in going to the Wats up part one get the fuck outta here, you're right about that is that fuck outta. Here I see your team from different starting point, so I gave a mixture points for that fuck. You bluebird fuck you! You can't win like that. If you're going to win it's going to be, you have to win and that's why scared of but you're scared of visually straight up running things, something per wins for sure. Sure one hundred I love that you have Hollywood redline into my brain or you can tell you, can see what gets my heart rate see anxiety forming. I could forming in the air above. You is the order. If we do the running thing go ahead, you get first, okay, your promoter get. Second, let's get. What's the promoters name again. One guy? The only use only I came in here today. Thinking I was gonna. Tell you guys, like
I'm out really you're doing it you're too large. Shortly doing it all right, we did mushrooms, you can't go. You are doing that you guys doing mushrooms with, for the show might have been the fucking best way. To start. This show feels good November. My my whole, it's like a nice from high, it's it makes you realize what you really like about mushrooms in November third offer. We are we gonna. Do it k together the four of us? Yes, I'm sure I will be here we're going to be what the five fry back in November November. Fourth and New York, always you know what we should do in your wet. Let's go to New York all week. We could put people down Are you still doing winters out here are still still doing the winner. I could do it New York jobs. I could do it new show. I know York show what
you know. Eventually you find us about your suggest Christ. So are you not coming out this way at all? No, I I I come in. You know it would be fun if we decide like the four decided to a destination like I was just thinking Vegas, but that's not like really, though, like Saskatoon, you know we should summer do some that's like that. You don't normally get on a tour like somewhere in Wyoming yeah I mean I I yeah yeah yeah yeah, I don't know, is the I love boys yeah. We could do something in like so I got a boy the bring his actual co yeah yeah, Mexico, New Mexico, no, not Mexico, Mexico kill pro New Mexico. I had Ed RON, on the podcast. That's where I got this yeah. Oh yeah he's Superman, and was always border patrol guys who describing the whole cartel
wars and how it all went down while and it all was happening right when he signed up to be a cop and he basically became a paramilitary operator like Jesus just trying to fucking deal with shit. That was going down the border to take that and you want to space it out so about my montana we about just November, like that's. When people go there for Montana season, yeah for sure Tommy in New York, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, ever known in big sky Saturday, you're to be there anywhere Saturday, it snowing in big sky he's to be so we can anyway, in November New York, going to be and I got November. Third off is my only weekend off from stand up all fall great right. All weekend. You come back well, hang out an email we and by the way we could just do a comedy club to who gives a fuck
yeah that might be really fun man. It's a book o'clock it charged so much weaker than normal amount of bird charges. Usually cash, listen! I know I have your promoter. I've never charged shake my hand, you don't do that anymore, never charge! For me greeting my entire life. That's fair! Is I've never once I do, I do a raffle. They just never charge both people that do that. I think, is gross too. But you know what each is own friends that do it. I get it yeah we had a ring on running. Is it really going to be as easy as grounds what we did last time? No got it one time now is: you will have to agree to some dog just because it's like a time is running out of pocket. Okay, I like learning about dancing and obviously my for sure I fighting it's weird yeah. Let's leave this room today believe this right here. All right show I do from now on, like it really is so pretty.
Burt uh. Would you do nothing? You got hypnotized by the way that it's, like God, wants it that way who made that job? What is the company that made it pro and pro am Can you add an add on that shows a bunch of pills the side 'cause. I just have no weed no booze like that's all there anything they just try to keep it clean. Keep it looks nice. It looks nice. I can't wait to him about you're going to have it probably have it November first. For sure. Listen, I'm! I'm well aware of with the training that these go into this. If we do running no, I personally think something sillier would be benefit us, but I'm cool with whatever you guys pick, and I don't because you're happy coming in last, with no consequences. Learn how to board. Are you are single win, either way, no matter what it is he just comes in last it doesn't matter, that's the thing talks all this shit, he rows up, and I'm saying this is a guy who won it's? Not it's not it's not right!
Is it would wait, do wait? How about the million dollar payout are you going to do the million dollar plan? I gotta talk to promote it's not right. It's not right! It's not right. It's like fake bragging, not sure I believe in my own fucking abilities. That's the truth! That's horrific! I believe a moment ability, Riffic things thing you in my One abilities, I believe in myself. Las Vegas will open the action on this this year, which we might be. To get them to do I no I'm betting. How many be honest? No better handle winter running challenge. He just want every day he's running hot got separated today, not three wins seven miles: four: three: seven hundred Jesus Christ on that fucking bullshit, fucking machine yard that fucking awesome right. Got it so hard running the air runners assault runner. I used to hate it now. I think this thing is that's going to get you in shape for the real running that you have to do when you come in last,
because that is that is harder than I wait. Wait, wait! Those things are harder than running. It's like fifteen. Thirteen percent think you do think so get crazy. You're doing the thing you are. I know it better than you guys know, because ARI and I have done Ju Jitsu together, so I know how competitive he gets when you, when you fighting for you, life, which is what you're doing when you do what you. So you know what a guy's got inside of them are spheres, a little savage Your life and running is a little different. I don't know no, no, no, it's his mind That's what I wanna it. I knew he was gonna come in second, when we did this so rock to. I was just yeah it's too far and running. Of course he gets crazy with stuff let's go, I'm gonna, take my brain I'll, switch it over there by Q, Bert he doesn't. He doesn't give up, don't oh now you got a real it doesn't fold. This is already set up. What I feel like the only thing- that's not settled, but it is what it is you're right. That's not good for you good! It's not good to talk, show
and then talk shit, never back it up, listen, talk, shit and then just to say, wait. What is the? What is the weight of big numbers right, comma, really dollars? What is the progression? I am Conor Mcgregor now, sometimes you talk shit. You lose if you want to talk about three years. Hi. Sometimes you talk shit and you lose what you just said: I'm Conor Mcgregor what kind of getting knocked out Josie, although it's one Conor Mcgregor, was going to pick one person on this podcast to get behind. Who do you think will be real? It is yeah that was weird. He comes to us as my guy about my only what he would do. What I can I tell me when he was a year and you it seems less how this is, what color would they got him on mushrooms? If there was a fucking? If there was an audience he would get them? all going about? How it's you and then, when it's like press the button, the vote right, then he would go Joe
yeah. He won't do that. Money was on he's betting on Rogan. If he's talking about your showmanship, he likes you just like him. Do you think you would lose money just 'cause? He likes that you get drunk, it's good point good question. Do you he loses money because he loves that you brag and then fall down and then get my God get him back. I've got out of a man who doesn't think with his liver. You know I think with my heart bird. What is the punishment way. Punishment group, but I'm saying let's say: let's start with you come in last. What is the pun shipment coming in for coming in us name it a one million Kimberly so happy right now, ok, comprehend the coming in skating ring my turn around coming in laughing. Believe it's no he's happy he's looking forward to it. Looking for you being comfortable is looking forward to coming in last in front of a fireplace curled.
No, no, not him do this Whatever is wrong with me, but ever got me in the comedy all the things that are wrong with me. This is the base of it. Here, I said my therapist on there. Does that mean because content, I believe genuinely I genuinely believe in myself in this moment that's great it genuinely believe in myself. I believe that you do that. I do believe that you believe yeah one hundred percent to one hundred points. I think you also know on some level coming forth in anything. I don't know if it's worth but I'll tell you I'll, be very honest. Please much as I believe in myself. I know something wrong with Joe. I know that ARI has this fuckin,
which New Gehrig's disease, but I was already disease. That's already deserve whatever it is Mickey mantle, and I know that Tom is going to call me on the last tango you're done running right, you're, not going to throw me out of the box on this one that we could do in the last day you called, I called him on a treadmill from the gym and I was like moving I was like. Are you doing? He was like I swear you and then he's like he goes on with my family right now. I'm with my kids, I heard like kids laughing and please like hosting a thing say date on that trip. I was like I still on some part of my mind doesn't believe you believe. So I stayed on. I stayed on and he goes I sweaty. I'm done, and I stayed in that gym. Probably forty minutes, he still put up good that day, but I did go like I couldn't do it. It was a weird thing: that's playing that great about it until you guys are gone. I flew across the country that yeah no. He didn't tell me that I tell you that, yes,
So I was like oh shit. What I loved about it is that we were seeing everybody's numbers he's high on mushrooms, I just think it's so I can't we start slow it had like. Are you did five miles call the day? It's you not out, no not, I thought I we're going to the dark place. Here's what I'm well aware of the cards in my hand right now, I've run. Six miles in a day yeah and I know that Joe's first day of run, twenty six miles is going to put him back. For a couple really really hard to go right into that. Now he's going to try it ahead of time. And I know I know start in October. First, you moron! No, I know I know I know I know I know, but I know for a fact right now. I know for gonna leave this place and start if we make running. If that's the agreement, I'm going to get down to one hundred and eighty pounds, I'm going to lose twenty right now. Two hundred can do that. No, but I mean like like in
ahead twenty pounds, it's already done. Yeah, I'm going to. Lose twenty pounds and I'm going to run I will start off ten I'll do like ten every other day and then by the time Tober ramps around I'll be doing a marathon a day. It's suck. It's suck, Go. Do you think you'll do that every day, yeah I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to show Bert what the fuck is up and then I'm not going to talk to many I don't like how the end of no no no fucking works at last, I'm going to block his number I'm just like. I can't do this anymore. Hip, hop, dance, hip, hop dance is so much more fun This should be fun. I gotta pee, this shouldn't be fun, it shouldn't be fun should be terrifying. Last year Terrified I'm saying is if I come in last this year and there's all these repercussions, and then he came in last night had nothing wrong with that super unfair. It's unfair right right! I don't know because someone should punish you, you should be punished Bert. What how did I get it?
could you Kate coming in last, so give me a punishment, I'm cool. Now we can you change your own parchment app eat your own shit. How much spoonful Jesus Christ? You eat your own shit. What happens? I don't know Why don't you just give us each three hundred grand it's settled? fuck. Can I just say that I'm going to be in Columbus next weekend, so you may as well come outside with the funny part. I love that place, not even bigger right yeah, but don't destroy it. When you come to see my short just fucking with such a great club, Columbus yeah, it's great club, it's a great town for stand up to this is not as good as met July 27th of Philly Philly, my God, I'm announcing a shit load dates tomorrow. Are you yeah now so now I can't. I don't know where I'm going Cardiff, Wales June 25th Are you on archer dot com, all of 'em? will be announced tomorrow, I'll put it, but I'm I got some dates coming into your pre sales. So there's some there's still one hundred tickets left for Chicago this weekend to where you are
cargo, some arena Jesus to Grogan and I were in Chicago eating salads and they were like. This is fucking super sweet, the salad, and then we asked some lady, like you couldn't believe more. Like did you put sugar on the salad she was like? Is it too three for you? Why But how did your gonna solid and we looked around the finish? First, look like Burt: it was like everybody. There was massive day, love that fat, deep dish, pizza hardy Midwest folk love go yeah, I love trouble yeah, but they put sugar on their salad. Sugar in the staff list from one moment take a break no get into it for one extra pop with your pop yeah, more more sugar in your challenge, where you playing their massive place enough gas and big ass, please Is it different than just like how different is it in the store is different never seen a small one hundred seat room and fifty six
but but but here's the problem is the same material you're, going to put on a special yeah deliver when you deliver to six thousand people realize your dilemma. To one person on the couch. Is it like? Do you different kind of show? you find yourself talking, louder or like stuff. Like that, it's different I mean, if you're there it's fun, but I don't think it would translate correctly if you're at home, and that's one of the reasons why I think, like I did my last one at the Wilbur, which is pretty tight. It's like three comedy club stacked on top of each other. It's one thousand one hundred seats, but it's pretty intimate like the people are on top of you think that's how you're supposed to do comedy at a special because specials, it's hard to be in that room. And I've been saying this. I wanna see if you agree with me, I think that Aspx Special is only at its best. Like may maybe eighty percent of what it's like to actually be in the room, because you miss the feeling of being in a crowd, and I try to get
My wife shoots and I haven't ever got as close as possible to allow the experience, but you can see a show at a mexican restaurant on a Tuesday with a bunch of amateurs and you'll laugh you'll, laugh harder and watching any of our special loan in your apartment, yeah comedy how you you really in being there live. It's amazing. I think a lot of comics mess up and they do their special for the room and they got call what's up what's up here the place I'm at that over Katt Williams, the best part of a special was the ten minutes he did on Tallahassee or Jackson Jacksonville. I would hard disagree. Big fucking, Katt Williams, fan that the very best that William stuff, but we talk, about that about doing it, not for the room. You gotta do it for the people, you don't shoot a special for Fucking Jackson, but it is well you guys, especially ordering these massive. These massive
of room, but then, when people are going to see your special, almost all of them are watching like in a really tight doing my special in a big room. Do it's like less than one thousand I'm thinking to do in my head to icehouse thinking about doing revealed that for awhile already far out and doing a special I'm, the least a year away from even thinking about it. I think the important thing about special is doing in a place that has not seen you do stand up. That's the number one most important day. I would do a special at the store. I would find that to be a mistake because you're there, all the time you've been working on this material from of those people. If it fucks your head up, what about the people well, I get it on the level of like some of the jokes. Surprise ending and they kind of like no it's going there right right, want to, especially for people that have seen this material ever you want those people to never have seen this material. The same the people that are home, never seen that one, the million people in a labor. You have a job with a lot of
we'll show up a lot of your friends who may have show up gonna show up go to adjust like six months ago. I want to come and see it well. What's interesting about the store right now is that you get comedy tourism there. When you get a lot of people that come to visit the store from all over the world. Let's see, I met some dudes there, just the other day from England, and I they flew in for the week. That's wild and stories massive right, craze or everywhere it is, but I'm the two things I have in my head is like a rock venue, and I like a place I been done. I haven't done this material in front of have you yet we're doing or no Cleveland 23rd November everybody, you found it special, oh shit, in Cleveland. You can keep your shirt on I'm going to short on on super skinny after this marathon. So you doing it shirts off on Bro. I remember fucking, knee brace on
find orthopedic shares, challenge submerged underwater. Do like given arms around like Forrest Gump your butt up in a running when around around open, open up a kombucha, you instinctively smell it. First move that it I got it I would. I could do an entire podcast on specials, because I feel like I'm obsessed with how they the good ones like what makes a great special yeah and it just makes first chasing the best joke. I've heard and felt like this first jokes that come out really strong. You gotta have a first joke man and a problem. Anyone says hi any of that bullshit fucking walk like Norm Macdonald Telephone Joe you see it now, like no man, I'd like Katt Williams, God Jack, sound, they'll, I'd like that He's really great, is really great, but he um. When you can be a real man, I'm coming, I'm not a
I'm being really. I did this for a limited capital, pussy foot, the guy. Are you being really really like? I didn't like it, man, I'm not from Jacksonville, and I had been to Jackson- and I, and I know I know come on. Williams is fucking, brilliant man. You know what Michael Jackson had he had this this this. You know what I got. I got this I'm trying to fuck bitches man. It doesn't matter where it doesn't matter where he is to die. Doesn't I want to hear your new goo vow, but he now I live in this part, but no conclusion great otherwise, we'll be right with your clock in the morning cat ninety days, the youth Rock at Ccac Stevens is a Muslim, don't get in a fight with him. It's a lot of people because back What's wrong open your special strong, I'm being followed by a moon shadow, Moonshadow Moonshadow? This is a rap german sober October. We accomplished nothing Cockrum one.
Real quick. If you guys have ever wanted an excuse to do mushrooms. There's a mushroom festival happening in just two weeks June: 15th, 16th and 17th. All you gotta do is take mushrooms. Wherever you are, it's called shoe, fest in Falcon, join in by taking mushroom, listen. This is fun is a good time. It was good time. I love you. I love you too. I talk. I love you guys! Ok, yeah! I talk to me again. Fucking late October, yeah you'll get ugly again guys topcigarette dot com, fucking asshole Thank you. Everyone for tuning into the mother show and thank you to the cash app the number one finance app in the app store, download the cash app from app store or Google play market today, and when you download the cash app enter the referral code job Logan all one word: five dollars goes to you and five dollars goes to support our good friend, Justin Wren's fight for the forgotten charity, which is building wells for the
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Transcript generated on 2019-09-24.