« The Joe Rogan Experience

#1360 - Nikki Glaser

2019-10-03 | 🔗
Nikki GlaserĀ is a stand-up comedian, podcast host, and television host. Her new stand-up special "Bangin" is now streaming on Netflix.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hello friends this up, so the show is brought to you by whoop. This is so Brock, Tober and all through sober October, I'm wearing a whoop device. Twenty four Or seven I'm actually looking at the information right now, we're all wearing them too sober October, and, oh, my god, right now Tommy super. How did Tom get ahead of me when he burned two thousand seven hundred calories and I burned three thousand three hundred towers. This is bullshit. Actually it's not tell you it's all dependent upon a lot of things, but it measures your heart rate and heart rate variability. It shows you how much you recovering I'm recovering more than any of these fucks see that Jamie eighty percent recovery, which is really not that good. The big thing folks is sleep hours of sleep. I found out that I sleep less than I think I sleep, because you wear this watch, while you're sleeping in it tells you like last night, I thought I got a good night's rest
I sort of did I got six hours and thirty two minutes of Burke out five hours to Are you got more than anybody six hours and forty five, but you think you get more sleep than you do, because sometimes you just laying there in bed you're not actually sleeping well, the whoop device measures, how much you're sleeping measures, everything super, detailed, analytics and very very helpful. It tells you when you recovered and when you're, not so bad, based on heart rate, ability, tells you like how hard you should push it, because a lot of times you just guessing right! Well, you don't have to guess anymore. This whoop strap is this shit. It combines a wearable device with state of the art software to help athletes, high performance operators and even comedians that are going sober for a month, improve recovery, training and sleep and make better lifestyle choices with real time feedback on your body and you can get the whoop strap three when you join. If you go to whoop dot com and used
code Sober October. All one word at checkout. You get the entire month of October free on us what works with the best from the NFL call to Navy seals to sober October crew, but the insights apply to all let's see how your body responds to stress is good and bad and then adjust to live better, get a whoop check out our go sober and watch what happens at whoop dot com? That's w h, o o p whoop dot com. We are also brought, see you bye, Heineken, zero, zero. We actually drank them during this podcast is Nikki doesn't drink, but she drank the Heineken zero zero. I drink these all the time now they taste like Heineken, but without the alcohol, but like it tastes exactly what kind. Again it's hard to tell two of my part Heineken: zero. Zero is a result of ground breaking innovation that won't compromise on taste, because their brood with a different technique that allows the brewers to somehow to some
secret magic gently, remove the alcohol and restore the flavors that other many is lose during the alcohol removal process. So in a world of bullshit non alcoholic beers where you drink me like, I wish I had a real beer. This taste I'm drinking right now here, that's it taste like Fucking Heineken. I love it and you can drink it during sober October with zero problems. You could bring it into your grandmother. You could drink it at work. You could drink while you're driving how about that. It's two thousand and nineteen were leading a more healthy, balanced life folks and do this month of October, I'm not drinking any alcohol, but I'm tricking the out of these kind zero, zero us because they are delicious. You can have one while you're at work. Tiny can, but without the alcohol he's just like a refreshing, Heineken, it's beer, but just as them in alcohol go.
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My guest today is a fucking hilarious, stand up comedian, who has a new special out right now on Netflix. It came out last night come out last night two nights ago. Her name is Nikki Glaser and she's fucking awesome. So please give it up for Nikki the Joe Rogan experience trying my day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day that's it removing her there in it were in motion, Nikki Glaser, a K, Marshall's new best friend, love nice to hear yeah. You definitely is new, but really for short, and you see. Finally, he likes everyone does like everyone. Okay, thank you right now for sure he likes you DS jumped all over you. It was so awesome. I love him. I needed it! So bad is a rare dog. He is weird right. It'll instantly, like he looked, I told you when he came in you.
I hadn't even seen you yet, and you just saw me and it's like we met our eyes, met across the room and he just like bounded towards me. It felt so good He runs you like you're his best friend yeah, like he's seen you again yes, and for ever I had just gotten back from war and he's my child licking my face just so excited he starts whimpering. It was also good to believe you're here. It's so and you let you just hug them. I've never had a golden before I am Retriever there, like the nicest dogs of all time. I've only had months that we've collected from the humane society that didn't you know Houston lefty with them, yes get lucky, but you can also good when you were talking about your dog. Didn't want you to touch it for a year, the is my daughter and all the water had this little tiny dog. It was parts while, while in part, australian, sheep, australian, her dog, Zoomer dog feel with us, but it was, it is delivered, may very much like a two hour very small dog,
and he was terrified to me like a year. Wouldn't let me come anywhere near my come on dude, I'm telling you. I love dogs and it really wasn't it we got Marshall and then with a little tiny puppies like all. This, too, is all right arm and then, like you, want to play with Marshall C, got close to me and I put his head in the next scene, always hop in my lap, and then you know, after that he would just run the man like literally jump in my arms, and it's in that in that super rewarding like see that changes see when a dog finally accepts love and it's just been abused. It's beautiful! It's sad, though, when you're like what happened to you like why you scared of men, I would kill to know what happened to my rescue dogs that I gave to my parents, but I had them for two years. I have quite a few dogs in my life that were rescue dogs and one was one of the best ones. I ever had a friend of a friend found it eating out of garbage cans, and she was covered in Mange like like half her body was like her.
This was really sad yeah, but she was a really sweet. Dog was tough to tell old. She was looked like she was like two or three yeah they on on. I took a random like within, like a month share all here back to is fully plumped up yeah, and that was like the nicest dog like she was like when I started, whoever at Deanna it's my my dad and that I got bit me on the first day and drew blood, and I was just like I'm getting rid of this thing. This isn't going to last. I was just fostering it and then it switched at some point. It love me like learn how to love I just like, then too soon and it just was, it was abused for it came with this whole backstory of like it made the rescue people told me it was found in an alley behind a pizza hut and was living off pizza and a kid tried this whole story. I think a lot of rescue places makeup stories that you're like
first, you are inclined by to get these things because they come with the story because I checked later on to be like which pizza hut was it, because I wanted to bring Luigi my dog back to the pizza hut. It came from just to see if it like with remembered yesterday, I kind of wanted what wanted to see and she goes. I think that was just a story we made uh. I was like oh come on. How could they make up stories? That's so dirty because it moves dogs, man, they gotta, move whatever they can do to move those dogs. Give him names, give him a story. He slept on a pizza crust as a pillow. You know like just any kind of thing that makes some did you know that Peter kills thousands of
sharks? What I've heard anytime my pet post, anything about PETE. I have a bunch of people saying they're the worst well, they're, not the worst, but what they are. Is there the the origins of Peter's the Animal Liberation Organization, the the origins of Peter the people that originally found the p to believe that all animals, including pets, should be free? They don't believe in domesticated animals, okay, am that's and lance preposterous we got, there is have never held me being a pet. Is the actually that if I could be reincarnated, it would be a rich person's golden retriever. I said that I didn't realize your dog is what I want to come back at it's the best life, not best life, That dog is only known, love, yeah, one stress happens in a dog's life. Occasionally he can't go out.
Yes like if I'm injured or something like that. Yes, he can't run for like weeks at a time he gets bombed out. Peta kills animals because they think that their policy is that it's your more free to be dead. Then you are, I don't know, I don't want to put words in there. I think that's it. They definitely kill animals, but they kill him quick, that's the thing and they're, not there kind of fun owners form, that's the knock on them to not. Okay, the animal Liberation Organization. I mean Dave like broken and like to the cut to the people that, like breaking the supermarkets and released the lobsters back to the ocean, be free the free my mind to it. So are you I'm into it? I'm a total vegan. I know you are leading her. I know you are, but those lobsters have always you mean so sad why there bugs do swat mosquitoes. I rarely kill bugs when mosquitoes are fucking you up just let him please divinely
eat me drink of my blood. No, no! You are made now. I am you if you give him areas and so be it, I just okay, maybe not like. I'm not crazy. Come over to your house. Your house is filled with roaches hand, you bug spray. Do you use it? Yes, because, as roaches although I did have an instance in this- is true. I was in the shower and I was it was having I get really vegan and really when I'm depressed I get more vegan than ever. It's like what throws me into I'm just feeling too much and then I feel for every animal and it just gets out of control. So if I'm ever, you know going off about vegan propaganda on my instagram someone to check in on me. I'm not doing well, I'm in a dark place. Yes and one day I was in the shower and there was a dying house centipede like drowning. The grossest bug known to man like it's there, a centipede have spider they're disgusting they've. I I don't hate anything more than that creature and I
like you know what I can't kill it. I want to save it and just take it outside, and I like tell my vegan front like I'll, be like such a good vegan today, so I got outta shower and like you, when you get outta shower, you think you're. Just like you don't that's how I'm gonna grab something in you like traits like a lazy river throughout your house? Yes, I did that made a huge mess, get but how come back in and pick it up and I'm so scared to do it, and I- and I like I'm so proud of myself, so I can't wait until the Vegans and I opened it up and so scared, because I want to see if it's still live and it was a club a few. It wasn't, even I'm well yeah, so I just at that, but which looks exactly like you mine, if user that dark I yeah do, yeah. This is wrong. Fake bottle the bottle model yeah, I mean they're, not like dark dark but centipedes. How soon to be there like blind, they're kind of like dirty block. You know that hair bleach is not vegan right, listen!
I'm making that up by the way, I don't even know if it is, but it seems like things, but it seems like when I said that you, like, oh shit, listen, I know, there's how many I'm not a perfect vegan and I don't claim to be, but I love the idea of veganism. I love the idea of it. The the idea that you love animals and we don't want to cause harm. I love the idea just the practical application and the health implications that doesn't sit with me really protein. Well, it's not protein. There's a lot of diff things. You get from animals load, a mega fatty acids from Grass FED animals salmon, and things like that that are just choline, which is very difficult to get outside of animal products, be twelve, very difficult to get outside animal products. Okay, my problem with. I don't care. If you hunts, I don't care if you
on a farm in the animals are treated well, it's just all about how you track on the farm act rebranding as lame big issue. Ninety percent of all my meat, I kill myself. That's I what that's why, when people's denounced the often cite you as is it cool Joe Joey? Think I'm yes because he's Hyundai at all. I also, if I shoot, if I should like to animals, I eat them the whole year. A guide dog hunt, big animals, yeah elk or deer, like Vita, dear I'll, eat out for four months like for four months on each other, I'm fine with that feed my dog, it my dog, eats mostly roelcke mean really yeah. It's one of the reasons why so healthy yeah it gets dog food is horse. Shit like what the fuck is here like animal dicks and assholes all ground up that dog eats elk eats mostly elk. You can tell he's super healthy beautiful, but yeah I mean that's the problem. I had also a murder yeah, I was a. Murderer,
get him anywhere near a squirrel and everything changes yeah his little eyes rollback in his head and they go black or he's caught, something like a shark. He has, and then he eats that for four months he left out that he doesn't even need him. Just sporks 'em up comes back inside. Yes, he wants you to see it takes pictures. He yeah yeah, we wanna scroll in his mouth. You with that dog. Let me just say Iphone. You have the best your happiness like I was out in your face, some like when you smile. It's, not a fake smile yourself, he's with the dog after a hike. I love them so much yeah so happy. I am he's my buddy you're, so happy. You are right, yeah, I'm pretty happy I want to come back as you re coordinated, complicated it is it's been. Long time to you. Don't people don't shouldn't you, you don't want to be mean you're, a woman. It would be so crazy. It seems pretty good, I think so seems pretty
right to be Joe right. I mean I mean what is the downside of being. I really want to know if the, if someone interested in becoming you what some were some warnings, you give them, you better work, bitch yeah. Otherwise the demons will catch you, the catcher, but you love working out yeah. I love working out for two reasons, one because it makes me feel good and two because I don't want the demons to catch me. What are these demons demons? Tell me the team, Thangar demons, anger, anger demons, most men of anger demons. 'cause most men have a certain amount of there's a requirement that your body has in terms of like the expenditure of energy, and if you don't meet that requirement, you get antsy and then you get agitated. When you see people flipping people off in traffic and going fucking crazy,
road rage and we think that, as for most people, it's this this, like excessive energy, oozing out like an overflowing battery and they don't know what to do with it. You know, and if do you have any sort of a history of violence or extreme like a like code, combat sports or on a contact sports like football or anything athletic? That's involving a lot of aggression, but that's sort of inherently a part of who you are and then, where do you put that when you're not doing that actually gonna exercise that out yeah. You were talking about this with the other day with the the boys talking about sober October, about how, when you work out you don't your. When you were last October, doing th the day on a treadmill or whatever the hell. You were doing a lot of hours. You and you couldn't will anything afterwards there was some kind of residual you were taught. I didn't even comprehend it, because I've never worked out that much. We were talking about how nothing bothers. Nothing bothers you, nothing! Nothing! Because
you're. So tired! No! No, because I'm not that that's the crazy thing is you get in really good shape and then you're not that it's not that you're that tired! It's just that you're, even like all you the way you process things, there's no like well with the fuck. Is this guy think he is there's none of that? None of that! It's like someone flipped. You are phone with that guy flipping me off and like registers, zero, nothing mean that you, you don't love things or get passion about things, but all the internal negative chatter is gone all of it all of the all of the truck pitfall student trumpet psychological traps that your your mind will lay for you. If you don't give it a lot of activity. If you don't occupy it, I think that's a lot of what people go through in their life, with anxiety with Walser to different issues. I think we have like human reward systems that are built in there that helped us serve
live from the fucking Caveman days and those are still a part of our dna and if those athletic requirements or physical movement requirements are met, your body just gets edge, butane in it. Just like fuckin earth just wants to do something. Jesus Christ and you're just watching tv and then and then your neighbors dog, is barking like we shut that fuck anything up. It's just releasing that energy, one of then releasing if by gathering nuts wondering something physical, anything for hiking anything yeah, that's why people are happier and healthier when they use their body. It's just it's not as simple as like a vet and people like look at it like intelligent people. Unfortunately, a lot of them look at it like it's a vanity thing: they don't want to be caught up in a vanity thing: they don't care about the body, but it's not that you're, but you are your body. There are inseparable. Your mind is a part of your body. Your body is a part of your mind it's altogether, but what about your thought
So what are your feelings on thoughts? What are my feelings on them? Yeah like for me thoughts are what cause all of the anxiety and all of the depression and all of the anger. It's not having control of my thoughts, letting my thoughts, control me and as soon as I learn meditation, any idea that my thoughts were not me and that they were these external things that I could chew. Is to either indulge in or bad away, then I is able to really gain like ahold of. For my anxiety and depression that I had not before when I thought my thoughts were just like. Oh I'm thinking this lot, it's true! It's me I created it. Let me keep going with it. Do you do you feel like what How do you? Don't you think meditation helps you with your anger, also for sure for sure. But it's not it's not like anger, like I'm, just randomly angry walking around things. I just have my physical requirements. Yes, some fake beer,
it's so zero! I can't yeah, I mean I don't drink, and this is absurd to me that I would have a beer to think it's not like your. I don't miss the taste of alcohol, we'll let you know this is the no one would drink alcohol? If it didn't get you stop, I would drink these. It is good really now I love it. This tastes, like the St Louis funny bone, which is a great taste it Louis funny bone chip. One thousand and nine, live in my slow. When was the last time you drank too one thousand eleven December ninth Cleveland Polarities, after the show you like I'm done, I well. I just had a couple beers to close out the evening I was by myself you shooting heroin. I don't know what happened I will I will. I was at a point, my life, where it was like this is got a stop, because my hangovers were getting so ridiculous and debilitating
a whole day- and I was just doing you know I would black out from like two drinks, because My mind, John Mulaney, a great joke about it, where he says he would black out very quickly. After a couple drinks His mind was like we know where this is going shutting down early like. If you know it's going to be I got your brain just blacks out earlier right, because every time I drink, I would black out. So I'm I just I look up that Mort the next morning, and I only had a wasn't a hard night of drinking a couple beers, but I was just the sickest I've ever been the thing about hangovers that I really had to look at was like the best part about being sick if you're going to find the best part about being sick. It's that people feel sorry for you give babies a little bit. You get a nurturing from your friends and that you don't get when you're healthy, but when you're hungover, no one gives you that so you're sick and you don't even get the only good thing about being sick, which is people feeling sorry for you, everyone's like piece of shit. You did this to yourself, so I was like,
in the shower in a in the fetal position thinking this is how feel if I'm dying like I really don't to feel this bad? Unless I am on my way out, so I'm not doing this anymore, and I read a book and I was done what was the book the easy way to stop drinking by Alan Carr what's easy way easy way. Is you read this book and then you're done at the end of it and but he does well uses method to stop smoking. The easy way to stop smoking by Allen Carr. So many people read it. It's the one book that when you've tried everything else, nothing else works this book, my quit smoking after thirty five plus years. So many of my friends I heard about it, I think, like Ellen Degeneres and Ashton Kutcher, I heard a bunch of celebrities kind of talking about it. I read the book, can smoke while you read it and then by
in the book. He just promises you he goes go. Have a cigarette and you're just like now, I don't want to, and I don't need to his method is- and this is thing you does with drinking any excuse, you have to do that thing, he talks you out of it. He tells you a reason why your excuses actually bullshit and there's no science behind it that and he he just proves any reason that you have to and we've been brainwashed by tobacco and alcohol industries to believe that quitting is really hard and quitting out it is hard if you have an addiction and you can die from it, obviously, but with tobacco, it's part of their propaganda. To tell you, that it's hard to quit. Smoking they're the ones pushing that must method or message which seems like. Why would they tell people it's hard but they're doing that? Because if it's hard, you won't quit
so that has been their message to be like it's so hard to quit. Smoking. It's so hard. When really it's not Lena that the what the withdrawals symptoms of not smoking. Last up to two weeks, I think it's less than I think it looks then do eleven days and the discomfort caused by wanting a cigarette is the same. Does comfort as being a little bit hungry you're a little it annoying. It's like it's not in Sir out it's it's uncomfortable, but it's it passes after seven till seven days. I think it is, and then it's even when you're it's not that bad, but it's it's the psychological effect of thinking it's hard. That makes it then hard. So once he proves you, it's not that hard and any excuse you have to smoke which is like calms me down. It raises you, blood pressure? So that's inaccurate,
it's me more social. Actually it isolate too. You know. But if you really look at it every time you smoke, you feel kind of bad people, think you stink like it just every excuse. You have and then he did it with drinking tail. I went through this book. I read it. You can drink. While you read the book you have to want to quit to pick up the book you have to want to be like, I want this out of my life. I don't know how to get it out of my life, and I gave this book to how many of my friends and my friends don't drink anymore and uh of them. You know use program or other things to supplement, but all I needed was this book and I was done and I'll tell you. I drink every a single night of my life, and I never thought I could live without it. It was I was just like anyone listening, that's like! No! No now you don't understand all my friends drink. It's my life. It's my social life. It's my work life. It was everything to me. It's all. I look forward to yeah I'll, never go
like this when my friend enters a bar again like I'll I'll. Never do that. I will never greet a friend with she's here. Yes, yes, yes, yeah! That's that you. That was me that that's something I miss I'll, never have that kind of to drink, enthusiasm anymore, but because I don't drink, I am kill in it. My life changed. I can trace my careers before and after, like on the dot. So you know it's not for everyone. If you have a problem, you should maybe look into it, but that book seriously changed my life. That sounds amazing. And there was no like difficulty in quitting. Nine really was easy. I never maybe a couple times. I felt like I'd be nice to have a drink. I you know
eating a guy, though, like just wanted to have a glass of wine with me, I'm like. Why can't? I just have a glass of wine and I've been tempted, and I don't think that I would go off the deep end again, but but but I don't I just I go back to the book and I'm just like. I just any reason I can get myself it's just really. It isn't true. Better without it. Well, it's def not true if you're drinking every night, you're blacking out yeah, but if you just have a couple glasses of wine with dinner feels nice. I know social lubricant, you have fun with friends, start laughing and joking around, but you don't have that ability to stop. There is out I could for a few months and then it would trickle into the exactly the voice you at People are listening, and I know you relate to this of you go and open up to tonight, but then that person and you go promised yourself you're just going to have to, but then you get that voice drunk and that voice,
like another come on. You can't talk to you, you can't plan for how you're gonna feel two drinks and because you get drunk and then you keeps going. I miss that man even have a bit about that about drunk driving the problem is not the problem is not whether or not you can drive drunk. The problem is even thinking that you can drive drunk because when you're drunk you don't know what the fuck you can do or can't do yeah. I think that's why guys get in fights with people way bigger than when they're, drunk and they'd even know how to fight you're stupider still better when you're drunk you're moron when you're drunk. So the idea that you could drive drunk like I'm fine, I can you know if you're fine, that's the problem yeah, the problem is you're drunk and that's a big part of the book is talking to people about this liquid edge that everyone signs I mean like I I needed because I can't go on stage. If I don't have a drink, I need to drink, to talk to the girl and it's not courage what you're doing- is you're making yourself more stupid. Your actually making yourself more. I don't know if the word is correct, but more
retarding yourself and you're, making yourself more of a mentally disabled, careful thrown around that are worth. I know, show seriously on this earth. It's that that's a real old term returning in the real star in even the retarded it has nothing to do with down syndrome, has nothing to do with disease right and we've got a problem with that. Word: yes kind! I can't I'm not going to call a movie. The r word, but I can call a mental state, the r word: that's cool. What about a movement? That's retarding growth. Like yeah, you can say that is it is the masses retarding would not retarded you want to retire. That is not interesting. You get scared. This is so strange, like we can say pussy cat, but we can't say pussy. Imagine if there was like a cunt bird, you know what I mean and lie. You could say cunt burden, everybody like opening. What like called me before. It's a pop.
You are insulting. Word will get us Demonetize from Youtube according to Jamie. Isn't that what you said? Do you say what they say that I've heard also right over someone said the word and that's the reason I see where they said there were two and a half hours in the podcast, so the entire podcast was the monitor is, what's we should go back and beat it see? I think engine go back and put okay. Put a point: when can I love that word? A word I feel empowered by that word with someone calls me a like really yeah. You know why For the same reason when people were saying Hillary was a crook. I was like good, a woman's a bad person. I don't in care like I'm just like yeah. We can do it all. I feel these women that aren't crooks that don't know anything if you're going Have a woman president, let's have one, that's not a murderer truck would be cool if the first one was like impeccable,
saying when people were saying that argument was like good, I don't even fucking care. I, like I like a strong, just a a woman, doing things that men normally do I love it. You know that's the same kind of argument that people use for Trump. What do you mean today's an asshole and he's a thief who cares fuck it he's a man yeah yeah yeah. This is not a politician. Lease is not a man. She's, a crook. She's, not a man, I can do it oh yeah, yeah, that's a good point team team in town. I don't like that. Ok, I take it back, but I did have that feel like the word. Cunt though I just don't If someone calls me a kind, I'm like wow, I, like spoke up, then then tells me I'm doing something right. The real problem is words does not present the real problem. Is people have intent? Their intent is the same no matter what noise comes out of their mouth. Words are just conveying intent when you make words, bannable outlaw words, you are playing a fool's game
that's a fools game, because all words are supposed to be as tools that convey intent. You can't say that that word is exactly the same. Every times it's used without without regard to the context, that's crazy because you could say that to your friend and you could both be laughing love each other. Like you could say you fucking crazy, cut she's like that and you both falling on the ground, howling laughing I got hurt at all or you could it's your mom and in the cut deep hurt her deeply in and it's awful it's an awful use the work, because you just can saying your thoughts in your intent. It's not a king sound that you make with your mouth, that's the problem. The problem is the way people treat each other and this stupid game that people play the outlaw certain words or banned certain words or de monetize videos. For certain words, that is a fool's game. ST your child, A child's game and history will not be kind. You you'll, you'll be looked at as a buffoon. That's a fact will
buffoon will probably be a word in five years that you will get in trouble for using right now, I'm just thinking what words now are we using that are going? Get us cancel in five years. People of color I think people of color is yeah. That's the that's! The mode is that, okay, when you can't say colored interesting impossible interest, nonsense, what nonsense yeah! You can beat the out of you, but if you say people of color the go okay cool, whoa, will you baby? What are we doing here? This is nonsense. Yeah, it's foolish! I'm sick, There were all people of color like what color are we in? hum darker than you and you're, probably darker than Bill Burr. What the fuck! What are we doing? What are we doing? It's crazy. Are you worried? Ever I mean you're your own. You can't get I'm my own boss. That helps a lot in a nice. I know
how much I feel bad person, I'm nice, I'm always nice, I'm nice to everybody. Even if you don't disagree with me I'll talk to you, I work hard on being nice. It means a lot to me. It means a lot for me to have good experiences with people, You are nice and I think people are extremely intimidated by you, as was I, but in the end really really nice. What do you mean you have to work hard on it? I work hard. Being nice, I mean, I think, with your time that you weren't nice in your life when I was young yeah was very mean yeah, but that was because I was competing in martial arts. All time was involved in violent, things, but you should have been like you said before that should have been getting in on your system and then you what would have been planned I was competing. It was before I was doing comedy yeah. I was competing all the time. It was my. I wasn't. I was too young to understand like what was important. What wasn't important so, my
my eyes were entirely on success at all costs I just wanted to dominate. I just want to figure out a way to win always, and so I was just mean I got just you know I was in, I would enjoy hurting people and that's what I was doing when I was knocking people out. I would enjoy it and like it because they were trying to do it to me. What about comedy? Haven't you approached it the same way? No, all you don't care about. I mean you've you've achieved everything that one can achieve doing comp like what is of the would be me no, I mean like you want. You got off on being the best you needed to compete. You and I just try to do my best to common. I just try to do my best. Not looking, I'm not trying to be eaten at the first of all. I think that like awards are rankings or anything like that when it comes to art, is ridiculous, like this? Is the Emmy Award winning movie? This is the Oscar Award winning this. This is the fucking the Grammy award, winning song like shut the fuck up,
This is a business and the business is people to see who's number one, and so all these advertisers pay to watch the show or to to promote on the show and people watch it. I wonder who's going to win best album of the year, it's crazy. There's a million great albums every year, how many thousand of albums are out and how many people subjectively look at those albums and say God. This one really moved me. This one spoke to me in a dark time pm this one really picked up me up at the gym this I've. I love this. One reminds me of my husband or my wife, and this is you know that the idea that one is better than the whether it's like it's so subjective. It's crazy, you're right I mean Liz. Album came out in twenty. Sixteen and everyone slept on it until this year, so you're absolutely right even know who she was until I saw her dance around and some award show, and I'm like that. Little where she bust out the flute like out of where vagina amazing he's! Let I didn't want to let you get to like so much power
or so much power, yeah just get so much enerji sexy like I was just like turned on by the whole thing. I really did you got turned on. I just get like if she grab you by the back here and just stopped you in there would be all good, me down an arm the China Hannah Kind of list. I would go down unless now would you a hundred percent and I've never gone down on a girl, although it is kind of on my bucket list, it's on your but I won't be able to say I've done it. It's not something I crave, but I'm going to do it at some point in life. Good luck whoever you are. I have my eye on a couple: yeah, I'm a no, yeah. It's it's weird because I like do not have The male gaze do what you mean like you have your eye on them
like if a guy has designed a girl could be creepy if the girls got into it. Like oh Jesus, here comes oh right. Now here comes Nikki trying to eat my pussy again I test the waters and I'm like have you ever done anything with girl? 'cause I've never even done anything with the girls. So I mean I made out with my girlfriends in high school, but that was before I even kissed a boy and I just wanted to kiss just want right, yeah, but since then never fooled around with a gun. But there's some that I'm just like. I can't help that I'm I'm attract I'd I'd. Not I don't consider myself gay, but I'm on the spectrum somewhere. I'm on that. I could only I've been like yeah I need I need. I need to eight some plus because I've never done it, and I expect to do it to me. I think I should understand what it's like and and be able to empathize and no guy thinks that is straight about so yeah. I know I know. Maybe I should soccer couple of
just kids. You could see what that's like just taste just lick your own finger. If you get some come on it just to experience it, maybe maybe, but what else is on your bucket list? that's it, and I really hope that I get this accomplished before I'm like dying and like eight eight or something in my grandkids have to like find a nurse to squad over my fucking bed, one thing or like your old and rich and successful. Some lady does not want you eat her pussy, but she does want to gucci bag I'll definitely be able to buy, visit Gucci bag. My face will look like one at that point: yeah bucket list. You have any bucket list now we've already done the mall yeah. I don't have anything. I Everything I'm doing I like to keep doing. I would like to
be in a uh. I would like to be in love and loved back as much as I love. I would like to be in a loving relationship at some point. It doesn't have to last forever, but I know that sounds like sounds good yeah and I don't think it might not have. Then I'm ok with that. Why we happen you're not gonna die, you could, I could totally die young. We did all that we could all get hit in the head by a meteor right. Now, I'm right down something get out the an earthquake like yeah and then I would die without having a Posey Posey in my mouth or anything else. Love in my heart, love you and I'll. You need to be in a relationship with a woman, yeah Yeah I mean I really want a relationship with a man. First, you should take your dog collar on your neck. I mean I want to be a sex slave. I only in the bathroom, so I want to I want. I don't want to be one out in about sex, but in the bedroom yeah, I'm down to be against like this
woman wrote me recently because she knows that I'm into like bondage and stuff like that, so that on your instagram, yeah yeah, I I had, are you going? It was really is I mean I I like it because is forced laziness like I say my joke like it, you can't do anything to a guy and by the way, and it's not that they don't like do when things to man, it's just that I feel like I'm, not good at a lot of those things. I have bad rhythm, select your King Guy Zafour, like sucking dick, I just I'd rather you do it to me sucking Dick makes sense. It's really hard for God, sakes on Dick, but jerking off. I have a joke about it like having a girl, jerk, you off, so I try to brush your teeth with your left and hilarious, no matter what it's like, you can't do it right. Yes, if you're trying to brush your teeth, my right hand knows where every and so true my right hand, just because of the uh yeah. It knows my left hand. I cannot. I gotta move my head to keep up with my yes, that's why I like, when guys grab my head and just like to take, take, take
Take the wheel take the which I don't know what you want, but I'm getting better at it, but I'm I'm trying I've had to like give some blow jobs. Just out of like I need to. Practice when a girl can jerk you off of a girl, jerks off she's, really good at it. Like cheese is how many guys you jerk we can't win, can hill? No, you can't! Now I thought you were gonna go now you can. When you just go now, I felt really good. Thank you for knowledge, ing it no hand, jobs just uh well, I feel like fingering, two girls probably like way better get in there. I love being fingered God in the best. I love difference in girls and guys. Girls have smaller hands yeah thick fingers like a Mason, a guy who is a bricklayer get him up there. I don't know man get 'em all up there. I don't mind it. I just like it, because it's just I've never enjoyed
masturbation with my own hand, because I feel like it's like tickling myself like this, does not make me laugh, but if anyone that to me, I get you know right it. It just predict my own movement, I don't what about toys, I do use toys, but I am- and I talk about one of my special particularly that's amazing- that sucks your by the way your specials out right now right now buying into a netflix right now, right now, bang and bang yeah yeah yeah. Thank you he's a, and I appreciate I worked really hard on it. I wanted to call it fucking men because it's about like fucking men, but it's also like about fucking men, but Netflix was like no we want children. What I'm like George, I mean they were just like. It's gonna make it so like children, not children, but it might be more censored to different demographics of our audience and well. Well, they couldn't handle that title shouldn't be watching it anyway, but whatever I'm glad banging works and also I'm going on tour.
Let's going on tour January for my first theater tour, the banging out tour war tickets are on sale now and I really want people to go 'cause. It's going to be all new material anyway, very excited. When did you film I filmed in May in May? Oh, that's a good yeah and I found another special, the twenty minute special for the degenerates on Netflix that comes out at in December. Damn look into an hour and a twenty minute, one yeah! Well you crazy! Yeah! I got a lot of material man, I'm just on the I'm on the right people go use of so much material. It's like if I didn't there'd be something wrong. I'm on I'd prefer every night, I would be so bored if I wasn't cranking it out. That's the key right. It is now we have last time was here. We went on over all your notes. I think about you all the time 'cause I'm like. I need to organize my jokes better and go over them, and I just I just can't do it I just but I'm going to try I'm going to start. I want to why. Couldn't you
there's absolutely appia. I could may I now, but but it's you know, we would help right yeah you would help or no, but I'm killin it. As is look at you. You know what I mean like why six something that a broke leg yeah my mom. I could be better than that's the thing. No one never know how good I could be if I actually tried as hard as I could I don't try as hard as I can people go Nikki you work so hard and, like you, don't stand, how much I'm not working. I don't write down any joke. It's all a one word in my notes. I don't go. I don't listen to old sets. The only reason I records they record every set it so that if I die tragically, that my parents can use my recordings and like make money from like my lawn tapes, I truly I gave my cellphone password. Well, it's a live in that they can get in there and get them. That is really money off me. You know who are here. It is a crazy, hard workers, Machel Wolf, dear God, yes,
She writes two hours every day. I can't even be here around her because she's always talking about jokes and writing, and it makes me insecure about not writing enough. But and she's hilariously you'd. Your way she doesn't work yeah, it's it's all about how much time and focus you put on stand up and there's probably a point of no return like diminishing returns where too much work into it and it feels flat and stale yes or over writing, I'm sure there are a couple jokes. I did on the degenerates taping that were brand new and I just did them not because I needed to, but because I was like these are more exciting to me than my old stuff. Let me just do it and then the net this weekend. I go in the road in the joke, becomes even better, I add more tags or whatever, but then a week after that, I'm like it's even better I've added more and it's not better. The first version of it was always the best and I'm glad I put that down because sometimes it gets to con.
Looted and you get away from them. I'm glad I got some of that stuff out there, because sometimes the first time you say it is the best sometimes sometimes most the time. For me, it gets better most time. For me, I get better versions of it. Okay, the only the only time that changes when something is like really current, like something happens that day and I go on stage about it- that day right right, yeah, yeah, the first time you say something is usually like if the most energy for a second, because you know it already killed once and then the second is usually yeah. But for me it's the the process always is the getting the bit tighter and better it's a it always gets better I've. Never it's very rare that I have a bit and it's really good in the beginning and then after a few months it flattens out, usually just the tags get better yeah, tighten it up, but especially doing a lot of sets. You get a sense of how it works, how it doesn't work as long as your. Feeling the feeling that you felt when you wrote it because that's when it can, if you can be
in a really long time and then you're, like I'm just learning in this person where this came from anymore, but built I remembered him on that comedian documentary saying that he writes a joke any ads like we one word and then as soon as he gets not funny. He takes that word out and goes back to like and not, but he was also like, raping everyone for, like many years so hard to say what he was really thinking saying that can take him at his word. We were just talking about this that some woman, who is an attorney, was saying that he may very well be the biggest serial rapar in history. Yes, I mean I don't know why. I was excited about that. I know, but it's goddam creates crazy, raise a nature and you know could some of those women possibly have died from od of I mean, so he did a test on them to find out right what health situation conditions they may laugh. Yeah I mean who knows what he's people have adverse reactions to medication?
all the time and back? Then it was it. Who knows what that's? What was in that step? Some women reported wake Not being they didn't know how many days had passed. They were de I'd rate in disorder mean they woke up near death. So I'm guessing here. Maybe it was you know, and she would tell the truth. That he won't he's not capable of it, but I wish she would tell the truth like I would love if, like someone he so old? Now it's going to be really hard because I'm sure he thinks about his legacy and he's full of shit, but I would love it if you could just say like what what was going through his head when he would drug them like did he think they were beneath him like what was
he had, he had two of. I think it's a it's a celebrity thing because he always exhibited the weirdest parts of the celebrity. A situation like that he felt above people improve its. I never forget he was interviewing RON. Wanda Sykes interviewed him at some awards show and he chastised for the way she was talking to him and he was wearing sunglasses inside, and he just had this arrogance about him like here's, one, the slices whole areas, comedian and she's great. He should've been excited to talk to her, but instead he had this feeling that he was like this royalty and didn't you know it didn't appreciate her language or use of language. Well, he breaks like a hundred and fifty m like what in the but that that sort of I am above everyone. You know, I want the work to the casino and they told me that she would eat dinner and he wanted the entire staff in his dressing room to watch him eat what yeah
yeah yeah. The lady was really freaked out by it. She goes. He would have the entire crew like everyone door purple, everyone stand there while he ate curry would eat his food and then at night that was actually more entertaining than the act he was taking around at that time. Because eyes fell sleep, seeing him leave time, which was ironic, I really he came to my college and I fell asleep. This you're in school, though yeah but you're, probably hungover, probably actually be honest, but he will so watch grow. We also had the security Guard document. Well, he said that he wanted the security guard to tuck him into bed and then shut the door and turn the lights out. I mean you must see this, though, when people are thinking that that seems like super extreme, how do you stay, grounded and not
you're better than other piece, pretty easy? First of all, I do just so I get my kicked. A lot of difficult things that I'm not good at, I think that's very important. Yeah, do a lot of difficult things yeah, but also I just don't have that attitude of never thought that I was better than people right, I'm good at certain things, but it's all because time and effort yeah, you know, which is not one of the reasons why it's really important do things that you're not going to do difficult things because it re ignites a party bring when you're learning things and sort of just tightening up what you're reading now. Do you guys remember when you first are doing stand up and you are like so awkward at it like it's? I remember I was terrible, announced clunky and every set like this could be on emotional train, check for me here we go and I was so nervous now, like you know, I did a set Tuesday night at the comedy store. I go there, all my friends. Are they were all laughing and joking. I can't wait to get up there. I mean I got the material already everybody is there to see.
I'm like? Hey everybody. What's up it's easy, so I do difficult stuff a lot of difficult things. That's why sometimes they get violently high before I go on stage three in as a new challenge, I'll be up there like what the are you saying? What do you do you want like violently hung like you know to the point where it's like, I shouldn't be doing, stand up, but it gives me an new challenge because stand up doesn't even raise my heart rate anymore. Don't you beginning really high. When you go on stage, opens up some weird thoughts. Sometimes, yes does come and they become new bets. Yes, all the time. Well, I have people that don't drink will listen to you. Go wait a minute. Wait a minute! You're, not sober, so you get high. What the fuck is that yeah you just substituted. Addiction for another man, I'll you? Yes, I did. Yes, I did beat I can't I got have something I was. I was totally sober for several years and it felt great and I had the stamp of approval from the sober community and- and I don't say I'm sober- I just say I don't drink, I'm very, like
those words are important to me, because people feel so betrayed when you smoke weed. I do it because it makes me happy and I and it doesn't seem to I quit drinking because it was the fact my career, my career is my most important thing in my life and my relationships, and but we does not negatively infected those to the point that I need to quit as soon as it does. I'll be done and I'll read the easy way to stop smoking pot by a guy who's. Now dead, like book doesn't exist, but well, I think the pot is a different thing and for me I like it because it makes me more sensitive, makes me nicer, makes more friends the details have more of a sense of community like I want to hug people yeah and I'm very thoughtful when I'm high, I'm I'm like, you can call apparel, oh yeah, but I'm I'm thoughtful. I'm thinking I want people to be upset. I want everybody to get along. Well, I want to compliment people. I want people to feel good. I like it, but for this whole month
not doing anything, yeah, there's a silver October, so me and ARI and Bert and Tom. We have this thing. You do every October. So it's in your reading a book. That's on right! Now, yeah we read five hundred pages, that's good! What are you writing? Burke can't read like birds sitting down with a bow it is not reading is so hilarious. I don't believe it he's see it's on the honor system, so I think he's probably going to throw an audio book on and just lie. Yeah you now. I heard you guys talk about that. No audio books! Yes, you can space out, you know like listening to a podcast. No, no, no yeah he's got a he's got of ice to page right now. I want to book report. I haven't even started. I would start in the book, I'm I'm listening to a bunch of books on tape which is most the way again soon books.
But can I recommend a book deal? Please, okay, get ready, I'm ready, it's called cupids poisoned Arrow Lou and it's about how orgasms are ruining us and our relationships and our happiness, and it talks about how I'm I'm all for this right now and it's a why The concept and I've only read three pick three chapters of this book. So just I don't have all the information, but what I do know is that orgasms are this rush of like blood to whatever your your limbic system is all fired up when you have an orgasm and everything we do in our lives to like have stability- and you know, kind of lower anxiety and fight. Depression is about balancing that and not spiking it ever so. Orgasms are throwing us off constantly and we're not supposed to be having, this many of them, then men should here's. The thing
know about men in orgasms is that they they want to run right after they come it's in your dna to get the fuck out of there, because, as a caveman there was you can't make something pregnant twice. So once you came on to the next tee pee to fuck the girl's cousin, you just like it wasn't about. You were going to stay in cuddle. So that's why men wanna fucking run me type, something yeah! That's not really true, but it's only true. If you don't, actually like the person, if you only attracted them and horny, if you're only attracted to them and horny, but you don't like them as a person yeah once you call me like: oh my god, I gotta get outta here, but if you like them as a person once you come, you like that was great
they just want to hang out trust me, I am actually a man. I do trust you, but I also think that there you would want to hang out even more. If you didn't come. That's not true! Really, yes, here's! My thing, though, I've had a lot of instances. This book spoke to me because I cannot trace what happens between a guy liking me an not in slow, fading me then, to an orgasm you're, an intense person, nothing you're, very smart. You also very ambitious and without any derogatory intent, saying this at all you're a lot of work, but it doesn't mean you're, bad. It just means you're, Europe, awful person. You got a lot going on yeah, intense yeah, you're thinking all the time. You know your question, my things, you question yourself, your question this and that you're, just you're a lot of work,
and some guys just can't fucking deal and maybe right guy. Then you got to find the right guy. There's like everybody. This is my theory on human beings. Right. No one is for everybody. There's not one person out there, that's a perfect fit for every yeah, but if you find someone who has your the right slots for your hands like it fits in like this, then you're good. But if it lands like this, when they have to things like their big pits- and you know they like to but ibm's- are annoying, they talk too much. You gonna eat it. It's not gonna work, yes, son work, but the problem is a man. What men are all the time their tracks to women right and then sometimes that horning us, not attractiveness. You get confused and think you have to like the person and you try. It seems like you're a liar but you're, not a liar, at the time no come before you come you're being earnest, but then, once you foods like I gotta get the fuck out of here. Just yappy yappy, yep, yep, yep
stock talk, I got to get the fuck away and sometimes when I feel right, but it's your meeting, the wrong people. Some people would be perfect with. I am the way I talk funny funny. Yes, that's the thing I'm like what is between means us hanging out you liked me and then I suck your dick. And now you don't watch my instagram stories anymore. Ok, you can ask someone to wash your instagram, so I'm not I'm not actually asking, but it's like that, an indication of someone like jail. Why? Because I mean it's just it's just means any of my friends, because I love dearly. I don't watch any of their fucking no story because you're not you're not dating in on Instagram, so like I once he what I'm the only one just trust me: okay, I wouldn't maybe you're too busy, but here's here's my But if you like, that's how you show you like someone now in Thrall up? Okay, I won't be people. Yeah hang out with them you're nicer than when see him. I want to watch you eat cake,
on Instagram and watch your fucking boomerangs with a fork full of cake yeah you're right, so not interested in that I'm busy he had shit to do and time is super valuable for Maine, I'm not watching any buddies, fucking Instagram tax, no one and I watched Washington, that's how I know when someone likes me if a guys face keeps popping up underneath my story and I'm like. Oh, my god, he's watching my stuff concept works. I didn't even know this in a lot of times roll that someones watched your Instagram story yeah, so you can flip up on them and see who's watching and I'll speak to your point watching a lot of time. Watch them have watched them now, if a lot of times. I will be too busy or I'll be too busy, but I need I need to let this guy. I know that I, like him so I'll, just flip through a very quick. I won't even watch him, but I want my face to pop up. So he knows I'm interested it's just a way to hey I'm into you, and it's just a way to indicate now that happened. It's happened to me with a couple guys. I really liked that
they're into their interested and then after we hook up, no more in and it's not because I wasn't good at what I was to. I really don't think it's that or like. Why do you have an idea of what it was without asking? Well, I have asked and a lot of times or one time they've said, and then I think it's actually tells me know a couple times. Actually I I get there, too vulnerable with me and then I've seen too much in terms of like they've me in a way emotionally that they've never let a woman in before and then they're like there. I remind them of the fact that they might have cry I'd with me or something, and then they don't want to be around anymore. That sounds like what I would say from trying to get rid of somebody. Really. I don't think that's true how she yeah. I mean if you really love someone and you really love being around them. What care, if vulnerable? Exactly? If you do care about that you're some
of a policy that you're right is are to be in a relationship anyway. Okay, that could be it and they could watch about word. Let's, let's talk about the policy. Yes, someone saying you're a like: that's ridiculous, everybody! That's straight males, love, pull up pussy a lot of girls, love pussy. They love their own pussy. I'm not thinking about a vagina. That's why it's so screwy! It's a screwy word yeah! It's like we were in my earlier, like the with the use of words in kind yeah, yes, Sir, but Brooks is a weird one. So it doesn't make any sense like like the place is not scared of you like it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I think at I think, Pussycat its front came from Pussycat nipple cats. Are smart, they'll get the fuck away from me. I don't know if there's something that makes sense. Yeah they're, not scared as much as their wise. If they were your size, you would be fucked. Fucking
freaked out, like I'm scared, canceled. The reason why cats are scared is 'cause they're little in your big yeah fuck you up like this. I didn't save scaredy cat check account with a squirrel watch what the fuck out yes, cancel servers. Do you know how many animals, domestic cats ill in this country. Every year old home, my God, billions thirds billions zillions, really billions yeah, it's fun. It's a crazy number there. Ruthless little yeah. I love him. I love cat. I do two, I mean I've. Never had them, but I got a sweet little buddy named Prince Oliver he's the best he's a ragdoll cat. Just pick him up and he just goes limp starts on. He's the best and does Marshall Martial get along to his fun yeah, actually, along with everybody, No everybody except squirrels, squirrels squirrels, are is in class and my daughter has a rabbit that you tried to kill once yeah. Not good robber got away, though luckily good, but now that rabbits well, he had to be taught
like hey fuck face. You can't killer out. He thought it was just a rabbit rabbit. I don't know it's a friendly rabbit. I'm going to see some birds after this, where you going to work bird shop just apparent shot. My friend knows about. I was like I need some, so so glad Marshall came in today. I was like I needed some animal animal love it so they're punic, you forget going on with the show he's so is so good. I just want to snuggle with him he's great. Do you have? Any dogs are trying two dogs that I gave to my parents moved to New York, moved to like a tiny apartment for floor, walk and nine. I just started like wishing that they weren't alive, just like crazy to think yeah. I was just presenting them and like finding myself in a little less kind to them, not abusive ever but just not is like. I love you, it's just like every time I see them be like well yeah I mean where walk you like a around them and I
and in my life was unmanageable and so with them, and I was paying so much money for Aug workers. I was even seeing them. People come in and out of my house and then they were barking. When I was gone they were just met, they had didn't, have good live, so I gave them to my parents. My sister I'm going to see them this weekend, but I I love them so much and I wish my I wish I had a job that could have dogs in it. I can't wait to like not be on the road so much or have a family like working in New York, do you like living and working? I do yeah like doing the sets running around doing short sets all over the place yeah. I like it BOM Bom Bom, but I do that here too, and I'm here left actor Improv Comedy store. So I can. I want be here and there I haven't decided yet, but I'm back and forth, but you're here and you could get a yard. I know That's when I had dogs- and I was happy talk with me- she's got a gang of dogs now just couple horses, lunch she's got horses
so many animals yeah. I want what news life that when he was the one that told me about that fucking know Orgasm Book Whitney, save my life with not save my life, but like is changing my life with the book cuz. I ran into her one time backstage and I was like bitch. How did you get engaged Why are you so happy I've known you forever? I've watched you from afar in even though you may, like you were always just when he and I met I moved to town in two thousand six and I found her on my space. Just you had some clip up and I watch I was like she's funny as hell and I reached out was like: let's be friends, we see the open mikes. Get together and then we kind of went our separate ways and I watched her from a r and she was always like kind of struggling with men. In the same way, I was then, all of a sudden engaged and happy and saving horses, and I asked her one night recently What did you do and she's like? I read a book and it wasn't that book. It was this other book called getting to. I do with such a humiliating title, but teaches you as a woman to like stop.
Trying to run because we're so empowered as women now to be like. I can have anything I want. I want that. I'm gonna get it and it really should have don't work that way they sometimes do if you're a more masculine kind of woman which doesn't mean that you're going for a feminine guy. Well, I mean it means you're going for a guy who is comfortable in the receiving role, but most women want to have a guy chase them, but us empowered in a running around. Like hey, ask me out: let's go out and it's like men, don't fucking not that they like to chew. Yes, that's why I'm saying those are the feminine men, but not even feminine men were men like strong women? Yes, that's what I'm can, for I realize that I definitely I can't put anyway this book just talks about how pick a lane feminine masculine figure out what you are and stick with it and don't try to be both in our relationship and it's it's changed a lot of my friends, lives and mine. Yet just by being like okay, I'm not
chase these guys anymore. If a guy is not reaching out to me that he doesn't like me, wait for him to reach out to me. It's pretty much the whole concept of like he's just not that into you kind of stuff, but it's just. Reminding women that men need to chase us in order to feel like they've feel, like men really take the power away from them. They're turned on by that they want to earn our love in our body. They want to earn it, don't just such a generalization. It is, but it's based a lot of science the book getting to I do I really yeah this doctor wrote this book in tie All is fucking terrible, but wait a minute. How could you add science in regards to emotional connections and relationships? Where is there science? I forget, but
I'm. Just give me honestly. I don't know what evolutionary biology these establishes certain roles and there's a reason for certain roles and why people pursue certain things and the studies that are done now, but it's the problem is that these generalizations and they apply to want like of a girls really hot she's, chasing, hi guys are into it. We don't it's not like, maybe at first, but then they end up resenting it. Oh. I don't believe that I do yeah, but I'm a man, but I don't trust me, I'm going to trust I've. What I've I'm not I'm, not lady! That's gonna, guys don't deserve me. I don't! I don't know. If that's what it is. I don't know. If that's what it is, I think you're intense. And I think that's what scares guys off. I think that's what it is, but it's not that you would scare every guy off. You just care these guys that can handle intensity some p.
Can't take spicy food yeah, that's what it is. Okay, that makes me feel better. It's it's all about compatible personalities, it's all about it. I'm also deeply afraid of any end of intimacy, because I have I mean, if you're really breaking it down. I have low self esteem which I'm working on an adverse, now a year. A sound like have low self esteem, you call empowered and hot, and you good things. So, if you're out there killing I'm not as hot as I want to be or could would kill to be litter to kill. I would murder someone to be hotter people a couple if I could get away with. Ok, if you could look like Beyonc how many people would murder do. I have to do it by hand and do I get away with a knife if you do with the um. If it's like Bill, Cosby yeah easy. I could murder him yeah, but I would if I could like the bottom like press a button in five people die if this an episode of black mirror,
It was just a room. You go into a room and Bill Cosby sitting there. That's fucking cataract! Yes, and I give you this this knife and I say: listen. We can make this happen, but I need you to do something for me needs to go in there and take care of this monster yes, the you stab Bill, Cosby, yes, and he literally is probably the only person that I could do that to about Harvey Weinstein. I don't I mean yeah, disgusting and yeah- probably yeah. If I could give me the vanity fair about him, the like. Let me before freshly read all the accusations like I need to have it with bill. Cosby, just there's been so many stories and I've really sunk my teeth into all this thing to different. But if you let me talk to a couple of victims and hear what he did I mean I could do it to so many people. I think I got ten, I don't like violence, and that does free mean I'd rather just
strangle him have his eyes pop out wrangling. Him was less violent than stabbing him. I just don't blood and like like like even like stepping on a cockroach you like to hear a crunch yeah and all that, but if you kill him with a sledgehammer who that's blood too, and that's like blunt for yeah, I could probably do it. Could you oh yeah, ok, good, I just want. I want to be alone looking good bill Cosby. Would you rape on my daughters, oh my god, easy to kill him easy. Easy I'd, probably want to say what I do really do it slow and then I throw him off a roof yeah. I would I would actually.
Like go in and act like. I was like a phantom ruined and the like. Can I won some jokes by you and have him like lecture me, whoa and like just earn a little bit of his trust and then jump on his chest like a monkey, yeah Paul can shine, come just go to town yeah. It's still good is a crazy that five years ago, no one would ever think that oh I did just kidding. This is all pre rate. I feel like no you're right. I mean that would be what an insane conversation to have imagine having this conversation in two thousand and nine. Now I want to kill bill come close. What's up, fuck is wrong with you he's America's dad. There's someone right now that we could be having this conversation about that. We we don't know that we don't. I don't think anybody is like that, not like that 'cause. I heard about that guy in one thousand nine hundred and ninety four, when I was on news radio, when I was on a sitcom, they were talking about bill, Cosby, drugging people, and I forget who is having the conversation, but there were like Bill Cosby Drugs people and I was like
what the gap like it was like inside Hollywood talk like on the set. They were saying that someone knew someone who bill Cosby, drugged he drugs women has sex with him. What he would he wrote jokes about it. Yes, he talked late night tv about road, a spanish fly, some yeah rank. Yes, yeah wrote an episode this show where he was like at a barbecue in like there's something in the barbecue sauce and the girls are kind of like yes, yes, it's crazy. Do you know what's been happening to me? Is that so I like that, I have been numb, like you know, talking with guys text with guys face timing like all these long distance stuff, because I'm scared of intimacy whatever and I've been having these like really intimate moment:
men where it's like our our relationship reaches that like this might be something let's maybe meet up and we make plans and I find out the next day they were. I and I think, they're like maybe on my way to be my boyfriend and they were on the ambient and they don't remember any of it. Whoa I've been ambient a cup times, and I don't think an end by guys that I'm like they are the drinking problem. I'm finally engagingly goes so over relationship or sober ish and then they and they don't remember anything and I'm like we made plan to go to Mexico together, like you, yeah this. I can't get a g define it made dinner when he was on Ambien. Given that thought someone broke into his house like he went to the store and got like a turkey and cooked it made mashed potatoes stuffing graving. They did the whole thing
cooked, yeah and then woke up in the morning and they were like what did you do last night you could suck, but I didn't fucking cook like he really thought someone broke into his house and cook dinner It's horrible yeah, it's so good is waking up in relationships with me and they're like they did it no way they're ready to go to Mexico. What what what's my passport doing out there? I don't like zero like that and then I'm we and I go to sleep with like butterflies in my click God we finally connected the night. Something happened. He finally saw what I saw the full time and the next day all make like all kind of like so last night, like one one guy, we had phones for the first time we were like and it felt like real sex. You know. Sometimes it can feel very connected phone sex or facetime Skype, sex whatever it is, how far away is this guy live? I'm it middle of the country. Yeah and I was in new york- are going to stay. I was
Much is getting an uber. This is crazy, Oh, my god, please, my God midtown yeah and we we finally like, naked together on that- and I was like- oh my god like this is, and it was never. Sexual before that, like there was a little flirty things like when is going to make a buck and move and like and did, but he was on m and out the didn't remember any of it because the next day I was skipping around skipping around like dude. I tell my girlfriends like I met a guy like this guy is like the guy that I talking to them about. I have a radio shows. Every morning I go in and like debrief my producers and like it last night, we like hooked up and it's happening and and then I talked to him later on, and he was just like wait. What are you talking and I was like any
I don't really. I didn't even know we talked last night in his just sucked and then happened to me recently again, there's a lot of people on that shit a recently my friend gave it to me, because I I but I guess I shouldn't say that, but my I took some- and I guess I can say thank you shouldn't say that you just don't say. The friends name ok, alright, ok, so fuck I gave you, I was working with Bill Cosby. He was my friend because I was just having a really rough time. I did the the Roosevelt Baldwin and I was not getting enough sleep, which I know you guys were talking about the other night sleep as yeah, and I had a a meltdown in night at a Netflix taping to do the next night. My friend was like take this a and b and you're not going to sleep otherwise, and I took it and it, and I took Instagram off I've on hook, took twitter on my phone. I cleared my room of food because you know it's going
happen got the best night sleep in my life, though you took all those things off. Your yeah, I was like. I don't know if I'm gonna get racist when I do any what, if that is what causes him I don't know what that is hilarious. If you plan that far ahead, you took instagram of your phone, so my ambient state would have had to go into the app store re download it type. You know like a lot of things, yeah very clever thing. That's very smart of you I want to get canceled yet I mean someday will want to get canceled. Do you think so yeah because that's rise again, like yeah Unix, no, not even rise again to be like good. I'm out, I'm going to go start my bird rescue or whatever the hell. You know, yeah that'll be I'll, be ok, it's very difficult to get comics cancelled in less there doing something. I know you got to get. I mean even Aziz, which I think he got a fucking terrible deal like what happened with him was terrible,
like a bad date, sounds like one person's account of it and he didn't give his account of it, and you know he just tried to stay some. Have me too and all that jazz, but that guy got devastated. That was he got wrecked. By that I mean yeah really wrecked in his special is a great indication of it. You see his recent special ticket, China apology, I have I don't see that yet, but I mean he's a funny guy and he didn't get canceled me still doing, shows everything but, as is Louis CK, he still doing shows, but those guys are old, Louis more so right he's an example, because people are protest, north protesting Izzy's and had a bad day yeah, but no more but Louis to this day, still getting protest like he's still like people show up at the shows,
a print every time he does a show somewhere they print Arnold CARE, he's fine. I do I don't care, you don't care about him or you don't. Like he's fine he'll, be fine yeah, I mean like motion sure you don't care. I just like emotionally, I think he's going to be fun. I think it's all like you're gonna upset some people they're going to protest, but it's not going to affect your ticket sale. How much people love you, and he knows that and he's going to be quite alright. It's not the people to do love it. It's the people that hate him. It's like this go always going to be a certain amount of people that do love you, even if you're a terrible person yeah. If you like look Donald Trump is one of things is fascinating about him. To me. Is that he's the king? Have the assholes like he's a self avowed asshole, it's very obvious that he's an asshole and then other assholes. Finally got an speaking for us and they want to wear sunglasses inside
I mean this. This is what he tracks yeah right. So, even if you're an you're going to get a bunch of people who love you this, just if you're in a per public got people choose cult leaders right, they don't choose them for their positive qualities. They get sucked into this idea of this person, liking them and being on a team with this person, and that person is a strong person. It's even more intoxicating, Donald trumps, a strong person. Celebrities are strong people, celebrities are famous like I, you know I would hate to lose, but I support you you're going to have those right. What you've done? There's people out there that still that show up in our Kelly's trial and they they have a sign in and say we support you. Those know what they're in for, like that that really. This is this is something that's going on right now to this day is because people get incredibly drawn to someone who's in a position of fame and power like like a Donald Trump or or
anybody in Louise one of those two? So it's not that the people who love him, don't always love him and people love Louis before, and they forgive him for what he's done, but there's going to be people that don't and those people that don't and they write articles and just like if he reads them it just like burns on you at her too it's like and he's of super sensitive guy yeah, all this stuff. It's like he's going to be fine, yes, but it's still. It's not devastated yeah, but didn't he because a little bit of devastation in some people's lives, perhaps for sure so for sure I, for nine and- and I really think, like the the women, the angry, people who don't like him and aren't aren't going to shows wouldn't have gone to them anyway, and yet, it's going that Google alert for your name when you know, you got turn off their feet in one at a ten articles is maybe negative about you, but he's doing alright. I mean, like I talked to him after it one night at the comedy cellar when he told me examples of things that have been said to him in public, like
I just ask him was like what is it been like for you. This is right when he came out of hiding an he told me some stories of things that had happened in pub, where a woman wants whispered in his ear. You she had like at a you know, he's at a store or something and then another one where just a woman blatantly in the street was like fuck you, you know, and it was like all my fucking God. This is a nightmare for you walking outside your house and I'm like this is so this is easily oh, no there's only two times of the whole year and I was like ok well, that seems manageable and he goes he says, ten times a day. People are still asking for my picture and autograph so yeah you. So I don't think he's suffering much and I don't think he deserves to suffer that much. I'm just saying I think, as many people hate- and as maybe would have anyway, because no one can be famous for too long without people hating them. You know he said a big one once the big one was that parkland thing, the jokes that I made he got release. He said
that that really no, I fucked him up the response to that 'cause. It was after you know. He had just started to stand up again after ten months off, and then he did that joke about the parkland survivors about like. Why are they interesting? Because you pushed out fat kid in front of you survived I like your laughing, so it's a fucked up thing that someone would say at a comedy club when you take that out of context and then then people angry at it, but that is a classic Louis CK line. I mean that sounds eggs, Zaki like we want to bring them for so four hundred this whole thing, but now he's walking a fine line. He can't also the very beginning so the embryonic stages of a bit in that bit could monster bit totally. Yes, if you're so right. That was the first ten, a nation of that but yeah. I know stand a bit off for ten months. He's got this bit he's working on and he's got an angle. The angle is: why are we the survivors just because
survive doesn't mean they're, interesting, that's that does true. True, it is true great, but it could it's been amazing bit but some head- how to record it and put it on you too, and then you got guys like John, wrap a towel yelling out about it, like is, is if this is like Louise final statement on the subject and it's this attack, especially by other comics, like that, I I found that the whole thing to be so up. It's like you know what a bit is yeah and you know when someone's trying like don't you ever try to be a man. I've said some stuff on stage right, I even say to the crowd: listen that didn't come out right, yeah! I was up first, don't please, don't tell anyone that we will be just cool, of course, so I I definitely understand that, and I understand saying things that make people feel really sad and angry and they feel hurt by it, and they write mean things to me saying that I've heard their feelings and it feels shitty and what people hate you I feel. So I do feel for him. That way. I do- and I
so I asked him like what is it let like you're, the most beloved and then you were hate it I mean. That's got a suck and he said he would have done that he would have gone to Africa to disk or whatever you know somewhere to disappear, but his kids, He couldn't leave him, and so we just had to sit around with it. So I've got to be super hard. I sympathize our. I can empathize with that for sure and that would suck and I'm not immune to getting fucking. I'm sure I've said shit before that. Wait in the research that on that roast God. I'm scared to do the rose. This stuff isn't going well how we're going you know yes as scary,
you, went hard in the paint mode dude I was. I was supposed to go so much harder to yeah. I had to cut a lot of job why you have to cut a lot of jobs. 'cause Caitlin Jenner didn't want us talking about her car crash, so Jesus Christ. That was like the back of my don't be here. I know she didn't even know that it was possible that we were going to do that. Oh my gosh, I was like, I think that comedy sent told me they're like listen, we don't Caitlyn knows that those jokes are coming and I was like we you tell her or will someone give her a heads up like and like we don't want to alert her 'cause. She might not want to do it now. Who decided to not do the jokes, I was doing that around town to get ready for it, like I was Caitlyn Jenner, so to Awful woman, you killed with your car four years ago. You know stuff like that right. I love doing keeping up with the crashing scenes just like different things.
I love that you. I love the arrow woman that can't men straight yet you still manage to have blood on your hands like great jokes and men. You can and straight men through eight menstruation is right: yeah you're, still man that you, you can't get your period, but you still manage to have blood on your hands an and I was doing and they were like my favorite joke. My said they liked in the store like what works. The best was working to set up for like a month before and who told you to not do a what kind central strongly advised me not to. They never said you can't they've, never said it me when I just not to because Caitlyn Jenner her the morning of they had a call with her the morning of the roast that he had heard us. Currently someone's doing jokes about me and my car crash and if they do So if I hear a single that was a very devastating thing that happened, that family and uh lost her life and if there's a
look about it, I will walk and an awesome. That's what I told comedy central there been awesome before, I heard this I was like if she gets upset because they were like if she gets upset. There might be a moment where you know she, the camera is going and the problem is. I was going first and I was doing all the jokes about the car crash. Now if I would have upset her? First off, then, the whole shows thrown off, and it's weird in the room I said, would be great bad press this is good. Press is going to get written up so much more. You guys come on. You should have yeah yeah yeah whatever and just went up and did it. I was going to Josh and I was wondering just don't put the jokes in the prompter because then they haven't signed off on it. I'm going rogue, you know so go rogue, so I am so. I went up or so that more I think I woke up and I was still kind of like maybe I'll do a softy version of those jokes that was going. I was going mess tweak him a little bit. I was going say: Caitlyn Jenner would Beautiful woman, you accidentally killed with your. I was good at the word accidentally just to like saw.
When it is not factual, yeah, yeah and then got coming center called and they said that she had set up so walk and that's when I do side, I'm not going to do it. I don't want this woman to walk off stage. I don't want. I don't want to really. I just think it's so strange that we're calling her a woman really love it. I love the chaos of it like I, this love this woman like yeah. It's not I'm so proud of myself when I don't even have to think about anymore because for a it was like make sure, say one then make sure you say she worst example over because she's such a dummy like when, when she talks, it's just like it's. So it's like disappointing your wish. She had more insight on there's. There's women that transition the other day, just like dumb men, beacon transition to women and then there's suddenly like these amazing when men, women and some guy who's a dumb guy. He was a male Kardashian and then all
a sudden like celebrated Marner, Granish, one more violent crime or wonder woman over the air huh you, but the best purpose that he said she serves for the yes Kyle done against Instagram feed. Oh my gawd childhood. That's another thing that comedy central cut out comedy central is doing a Kyle done again. Shell was all like face, swap shit yeah and he had a bit where, where Caitlin was Fucking Donald Trump and she was on top of Donald Trump, it was God damn hilarious? He was showing it to me. I was in the green room with a calm store crying crime. Let these like comes into cut. That might know, know these. They can do it. What what? What do you, about you got a face swap show naked. He was she was just on Donald rounds. Are war yeah. We still have been so good. He's genius he's genius genius, the funniest part one. You will all ever know for sure the funniest ever Instagram feeds agree sure. Yes, his instagrams
feed Kyle done again yeah. I go to it couple of days because it takes a while for the create yeah. I know I was doing I get so excited when he puts a new one on him and TIM Dillon on there and make me laugh a lot. Yes, yes, yeah. Some people are awesome when does Meghan Mccain, so fucking funny, because TIM is gay. 'cause he's like this. He like he looks like you'd, be a frat boy, but then you find out. If he's gay he's like well, we can get away with a lot more yeah. He really can he's great and he's sober, which is crazy, like this guys gotta be on hard drugs when he's doing that Mccain and who had a drug this and so right, his on air breathing air drinking water, it key no. Now oh yeah easy to my God guys. Well, he got freaked out by a couple of people's health issues. We just got a new one. What is he doing? Oh, my god. This was so graphic Wanna thank beach body. For me,
neither spokesperson I've been using their products since the beginning at my triathlete is lost a lot of weight, though yeah good friend, good Keto. He got scared, you said well, yeah, I mean you know, he's hi, it's very heavy and you know, and he just was realizing too making we can give yeah. Maybe we came please panel, who held up a Boston market this weekend, I'm going to talk a little bit about guns. Ok, a lot of people in the media have never shot about and they certainly never masterbated with one. They have no idea what the fuck they're caught my guns, not for sale, but my pussy is, and the price is Pf Chang's brother and his friends used to hunt me in the backyard. I would run around and they'd shoot at me and my father said: if the only thing that's going to come out as whip cream, he was
yeah. Fifteen is the most popular gun in America, and it's the only thing that's ever made me come tell me what guns I can own or what people it's fucking nuts in his stand up scene that you know it know she seen that poor mega to have seen that yeah yeah my card key he's a we're talking about the so anyway. I just decided not to do the jokes, because I didn't want to upset her and it was it sucks because it would have been nice to know leading up to that because I was preparing but yeah. I just didn't want to one of my people feel bad. I'm going to walk your mind. What do you expect me? You Alec Baldwin's daughter, come up and tell us about what a horrible daddy is right now and you can't you can't own up to the fact he crashed into someone yeah to what did? What did you make a joke
about? Oh yeah, I say the I just made fun of the fact that she was a terrible father at one point like a band and one of our families to go do a reality show. So I really leaned into that. Yes, she you had Brody Jenner and a couple, others is Brody yeah? He is the most famous of her, this man that she had a whole family before the Kardashians that, like she didn't, watch, grow up, even though they were just like down the road down the pch around yeah. Do you know that for fact. Yeah was like an episode of the Kardashians are like I wasn't around for your lives and but she was like so nice. During the when I was doing the job, she was like so happy about all the jokes about her abandoning her family. She was like. I love them. What's the death one that she has a problem? Yeah? Yes, it does what it was we're because it happened during the celebration of her becoming a woman. Yes
is right in the thick of the transition and they had settlement she settled. I think there was some kind of fault. Who knows accidental, but she did not want to relive it. Who would right, but listen. I had a guy with my car. Once did you yeah? I was killed them. It was terrible when you're walking no, he did not walk right after I mean on the street, when you hit a garbage man, picking up collecting across street jumped out from the car didn't seem. I was sixteen and got my license and he flew open the hood in into the grass. I thought I killed them and it was terrifying. Any sued me four years later rain under the statute of limitations and I had to go to court and then it came out on the stand that he was a child. Molester so I one wo kind of karma yeah, yeah, you click the right person. You pick the right fucking person I hit with a car holy shit he's a child molester.
However, almost killed someone no now. Luckily yeah, that's crazy! Yes, may mean a better writer a one time in a in a fight in a martial arts fight. I knock this guy out. He never got up, and I I start thinking that could be me because they they took a more hospital and I went back to talk to my instructor in he was in there. It was in Anaheim, California, and I was living in Boston. We flew back to Boston after the tournament. Any you said to me. I heard you had a really good knock out. You know this thick korean accent and I said yeah I go it was. It was really scary because he never got up a code. I thought he was dead, an eagle's. Sometimes they die. She just walked away, but he said: train troops in Vietnam like he was like an intense guy and I was like sometimes they die holy, I'm them them is me what I could die. I was nineteen and I'm
number. I never thought about the same way again announced it would never thought about hitting someone the same way again. It was one of those but like sometimes you hit someone and it's like a perfect shot. Like the you hit him, they were running that he was running toward he was coming at me and I kicked him with something called a wheel. Kick we. It has a crazy amount of power. We spin around and hit someone with the heel of your foot. It's a heart, my feel hurt for days. She was limping walking from hitting his head. Yeah, it was rough. Have you ever been in a way that you're late like that, could be? No? No, no I've been dropped in the been rocked in the definitely been hit, but I've never been knocked unconscious and not like that. That was a bad one. He was like face. Buffets planted was snoring I've seen a lot of people get knocked out. Did you have you checked on him recently? Who is wow? I've known I've, no idea what happened to him. We gave him CTE, probably murdered his whole family. At this brings one hundred percent. He got brain damage. What's one hundred percent, what
One hundred percent low Jones no way he didn't. God, but could that happen to you? Of course it could have happened. Absolutely, but it happens you now in the way that you're fighting don't do it anymore. I do Jiu Jitsu now right, but it's just it's not striking to this is not like kick, and this was not like spa. This is a fight, is in the US nationals Was the Massachusetts State Champion and he was a champion. I think he was from Illinois, and so he was the Illinois State champion Did you get so much pussy back then for being like, winning fights were there like groupies now, no group. Now no, I got the opposite of pussy. I was always meaning as yeah yeah. I would even have sex my girlfriend in the dojo. I wouldn't.
Like she sacred teaching there so like once, she was horny and she's trying to hook up with me like I was. I had to go up there to do something clean or something I forgot how to do, but she was trying to. I don't like this is not we can't do this here like this is never going to happen here, which is like I would fuck her in a alleyway fucked around a bus. If no one was looking, but not at the dojo, not there it's actually in Korean, it's called dojang. That would call dojang, but now I don't get any pussy the my girlfriend and then, when you start comedy like so much dude, It was. I was the crazy things. It's like all sudden girls, actually like me, like instead of me, liking them and then rejecting me, because I was basically a loser. You know, even though I was like a successful martial artist, I had no money and no future prospects, and there was no promise to me. You know like. Where is this guy going on now see this for yourself. Eventually, like not exact
Lee this many, but like no just being happy. Six just fold, did you really felt like a loser like what am I going to do? Wow? I just have extreme social anxiety, believe it or not. How did that manifest itself? I was telling people about like the bank tower thing was one for me. I got super nervous talking the bank tellers. I got to be in line to like three for people in front of me up like three more people and talk to lady. While more people to talk to lady, you know I get weird it out. I'd get ided heads pretty extreme social anxiety. Thank I just didn't have good self esteem. I just thought it was a loser and then what made you do stand up? Well, I had friends from my martial arts days. The talked me into it and said you are funny and as I would make them laugh when we're on our way to like top competitions, everybody was so nervous. You know because user full contact, tournaments and people got knocked unconscious. All the time like my friends got knocked unconscious. All the I mean which I suck seen so many people get up and everybody would be ten,
so I would be the guy who broke the ice. I would be making lives like gallows, humor, everybody laughs, yes and then my friend Steve, who I'm still dear friends with this day he Steve Graham, he said you should be a comedian and I was like there's no way man, you think, I'm funny because you're my friend I go the things that I think are funny. Everybody else is going to think. I'm an asshole like it's just fucked, my sense of humor is fucked up. But he talked me into it. When I went to an open mic night, and then I realized that oh open mic nights, everyone sucks like you're just trying, start out like we're all amateurs, so my thought was like at least I won't be as bad as the worst guy. You know, I'll, probably better than the worst guy. So maybe I could try this and then I went out, but I did it and then once I did it once I knew I was going to do it. When did you stop feeling like a loser
couple weeks ago here, then I'm not convinced. Do you secretly be it like? Do you do you? Are you in secure it still? Are you still struggle self esteem at all? Currently, not really not now I'm, but I used to definitely have impostor syndrome. You know like even when things are really good like I go to a sold out theater and introduce my name and like as I was walking out and people were cheering. I believe this is not real. This is not seen tricking these people once again, yeah you know, and even when it when it was over a buckle, check them again and now yeah. It's weird it's. I think that's healthy, though, because the idea of being a famous person or being a celebrity it's, it's a crazy state that doesn't it's not supposed to exist, you're not supposed to be able to go to a place where ten thousand people have paid money to hear you talk for an hour. I mean that is fucking bananas that doesn't exist in nature. It's not an
normal state for a human being to be able to manage. So if you thought like that's normal and you deserve it, and it's not special in strange, then I think that that would be weird right. But to think it's special and strange always but appreciate it. I think that's the way to do yes appreciate, so I I mean I know I can do it, but the reason why I know I can do is to do it all the time to work really hard at it yeah. So I know I a show up, then. I know I have my act ready. I know I prepared, I don't take it lightly. Yes, it means a lot to me if you've, yet I feel the same way If I've worked hard enough, I feel like I deserve it, but if I, if I don't I've had a lazy week and I'm performing and I'm making big bucks for a big deal, and I I haven't even looking up look at my set lists, or just I feel guilty, and I feel imposter read this way that I combat imposter syndrome is like I had a therapist on time say who do you think that you are that you can fool all these people? You think these people are that stupid and you're, so smart and your
working all of them. So I try to remind myself of that like when. I think these this audience doesn't fucking know how untalan I am here because they think I'm something I go. Who do you think you Think you're smarter than these people. These are smart people, they know what they like. Well, your audience is smart people, but, let's be honest, there's a lot of dummies out there, big audience they've tapped into whole river of fucking idiot. Yes, that's real to the idea that, just because you have a lot of people come to see that you're really good, that's nonsense! Now you have to be good. People always are like Other comedians are so mad at comedians, who are hacks that have huge followings and I'm like dumb people need to laugh too. It's like dumb movies, yeah sure, dumb movies. Everyone needs entertainment. How many my ETA movies are. There look fucking eighty of 'em right, yeah I've. Never to watch one of those things now give you brain damage. Yeah. You change life
If you have, you actually tried us yeah. We should watch some clips yeah, I mean with this movies that are like look I'm going to pick on that guy I mean just doing great used to be a homeless person. I just got a star on the walk of fame. Congratulations to him! It's not my kind of movie, but obviously a lot of people love it there's a lot of movies that are for little kids, that if you hm they're terrible like I watched kids, I watch movies with my kids and I was like Jesus. Christ is movies awful and the like yeah. So for you it's for nine year old yeah, I think it's hilarious, yeah, not everything's, gonna be for you in anything now yeah I just have to instead of getting mad at like Why is that person so successful? I well there audience needs that. And they're not going to enjoy you they can't and not, because they're, not smart. It's just like I don't know, I don't speak to them and I can't speak to everyone and that's frustrating wonder. And why other people success or wondering why other people are successful is their refuge of losers
Yes, it's a loser mentality. It's a loser, occupation! It's a it's a it's a loser practice because you're wondering why other people are successful like who gives a you can say you think it sucks, but to spend time wondering why someone a successful and hating on some of the Russell it doesn't do any good. It's like what is an old expression that jealousy is it's a poison, the does the opposite of its intended. All right doesn't affect the other person at all, but a poison yourself, yeah waste, your your energy and time it just so it's so indicative that you are insecure. Yes, it's like people, don't realize what a giveaway that is when they are talking you're. Just like this is just showing me that you like and don't like yourself. Well, I figured out there's something that figure out personally and that I I try to relay this and I try to be more clear and more concise way related to wear. A look at is
that your mind you have a certain amount of bandwidth is why I don't read Instagram comments or twitter comments. Our Youtube comments. I don't mean time if I read him, it's accident, but it to seek him out like you have bandwidth. I don't spend time wondering why I hate things are heating? Things are hating on someone of being jealous. You have, let's say: let's call it units you have a high grid units units of bandwidth in your mind. So that means there's a hundred units, so you can spend on things you care about, or you could let your mind be occupied by some stupid to twitter feud that you're in with some idiot, you don't even know, and you could spend thirty percent of your band. What are your your your mind bandwidth on this, and then you only have seventy percent for the things you love and then you're involved in some fucking relationship, but someone is an idiot and you're arguing back and forth.
Well, there's another thirty percent! That's gone! Now! You got you! Forty percent left you, forty percent, for the things you love instead of one hundred percent. But if you only concentrate on the things you care about, that means something to you and learn how to do that, like you were talking about meditation yeah, it's a form of meditate yeah, because you're learning how to avoid the little road Thompson, the ditches on the side of the road that can solve your band with mark your band with you can give them just a little bit and go okay and then and now, but I or you could lean in like. Are you saying when you stop drinking all the sudden your career took off are doing well man with yet more band and less problems. Yes problem, you had it was rotting. You away no longer existed so now, all frees up your time. Then you realize, oh my god, there's so many funny things that I could talk about and I have so much energy and I'm so healthy. I could just go on stage and have fun and then you're killing it. When was the last thing that you go? No, no, like you! Maybe
gave it a little too much bandwidth. Do you still struggle with those things? No, I don't and not really more, but it's been a gradual process like a member of the first to have been a jealous, do in stand up like, you first started out. You had to have hated the guy that was getting ahead like right. I don't know any male comic. I guess it was in the beginning. Yeah and how what happened to that you get successful and it didn't happen. I feel like this is so successful before I was successful. I realized it was stupid long before, because when I was like an amateur I would see guys that were killing and- and I'd be like him like. Why is he doing good like that? Guy socks and discuss socks, and you know what how come he got this and he got that and then I remember thinking like this is a gigantic waste of time, and I got into comedy because I'm a fan of comedy and my concentrating on people that Sucker being jealous about people that are doing,
well does me is zero good, but instead, if someone does well, I can be inspired and I can get fired up by. I mean I figure this out my early twenties. I was like okay, this is, I have a poor way of looking at it, because it's a martial arts thing, as in martial arts, like you, can't be jealous of someone else's ability, you have to realize you might have to fight them some day so by realizing that they're, really good, you're you're forced to be objective about it, and you have to go to work. I just go the guys better than me. I got to get better and you have to go to work right either you can there's no there's no positive benefit in under estimating someone underestimating someone will get you fucking killed like literally a shin smashed in your face, like you, don't want to
inside yourself that the things that you're jealous of them for aren't really that's good right. Can you get that will get you killed yeah? So you? That's brain, that's it dude yeah, totally it because the things that I get jealous of our app and I'm better got now than I've ever been. But you know you see women I mean my jealousies are always with other women. It's just the way it is like. I have to Did it- and I'm really good about it now to be like actually inspired by women who are funnier than me, but that's awesome, but it and to give Was it to be like okay and then I need to be better? I need to get up to that level. I need to go home and write it like fires me up as opposed to like more money, it's powerful for everybody, it's powerful for them, it's powerful for you. Yes, it's like there's, no no negative aspect to it. It's like you should be thankful that these women out there to make you feel uncomfortable yet like. When I see someone just murder onstage, I want to go to work yeah right. I want to
Roman right yeah I want to. I want to go perform like fuck that guy just killed or holy shit. She just crushed she's out there, killing it and he's doing so good and makes me want to work harder and, in that sense, find someone's not doing anything bad. As long as someone is not victimizing someone what they're doing is there they're they're, showing you that it's possible to do better than you doing, yeah, that's good! you need to see you need to know that the second you get comfortable and you think you're the best and there's nothing to well. You I'm sure you've gone into a town and like this local comedians and is like a guy, was like a funny. Local guide is terrible because the community sucks he had 'cause, there's no one there there's no one pushing them, fucking need each other, but no work has so many killer. That's what LA has so many killers, 'cause there's so many of us. Whenever I go back and forth to different coast, it's like you just the I are so different but like when I moved to New York, you you would follow Dave tell your right rise. You have to you have to.
Where you're gonna drown. Yes, so it's I I'm always encouraged by being around better people. I always want to follow. Would you like? I don't want to follow what tell I don't want to follow, Chapelle or whatever it's like? No, I do have to because it's it's a challenge and yeah it's inspiring. I wanted to get back to the fact that I wanted to think about. What's the last thing that derailed you in terms of bands, with you were, but to answer like what something that you had to kind of get out of your life, none of one instance, but it's a slow progression and also my career, like I became successful during the time that the internet came to be yeah, it was all happening like people being able to comment on you and say things that was all in the new completely new thing and everyone had learn how to navigate those waters because the first I would treat people that
saying something online like a heckler like if someone with hackle you and say something, then you'd like what the you and then you would own them right, a yes, the MP in like in the early internet days. That's what people do it I do would have these flame wars that we call we're people just like to go back and forth with each other, and you would like it was a lot more of that yeah. There is now well it's a waste of time. He has always been a waste of time. He then you realize no, this isn't a heckler. This is like you're getting a message. The world can't hear it like. So you have to decide if you're gonna concentrating and put all your energy and broadcast to the world that you're involved in this. This altercation with this other person, it's pointless and we see it all the time with people. People get the look sucked into these traps. I see with leaders like UFC fighters all the time they get in these fights with fans, like someone will say some to them and they'll they'll replying that it will go to go to reply to me and
it's a waste of time and he just a while to realize for me what's positive: what's not, it doesn't mean I'm a Munich criticism or that I don't deserve criticism like everybody does and there's times where you're going to miss, step or you're going to say something: that's not correct or foolish or not as funny as you thought it was when you were thinking you were going to say it yeah, that's just part of being a person but to engage constantly swimming in the waters of other people's credit. Some opinions, random internet people, it's like God, damn it! That's so much bandwidth, it's so much so much! You could use one hundred percent of your bandwidth on that and some people do some people, God damn crazy. I met people that are just like googling themselves and reading their own internet comments all day, long and just going crazy and fighting with
people all day, long and going crazy and it it gets in no matter how much are like fuck, this guy it gets. I was doing like a live instagram yesterday on the way to the airport it's talking to some fans and one guy was like wow. You look a lot better with make up, because I was like no make up on and looked like she, you know, and I'm and I go fuck, you your blood. I got him out of there and I go I'm on I'm going to be honest with you guys going to bother me the rest of the day, Damn day, because this guy just said what I actually think about self that no one actually saying to me and that's when it hurts is. When someone nails something about you. That you're, like I secretly think but is, we just me. No one else sees it and I had to admit like I'm, I was going to think about that and it might make me not do one of these again, because I don't want someone to say something like that and bring it to do it everyone's attention. It's so much I've since the last time was
We talked a lot about my obsession with, looks and being pretty or hot or whatever it is I've. Let a lot of that go, but it's still it's still there it's really hard to overcome in Europe, hot dude. I mean how do you let go of that as you age I mean like you, like, you know, like you, you definitely have some value wrapped up in your looks as someone who is attractive and fit, and I think it's different for a man that is for a woman, because there's a lot of ugly dudes with hot wives, 'cause they're ugly dudes are successful. Yeah, there's very few very few ugly women with hot husbands. The guys are gay, yeah yeah 'cause. Why would it be an adverb it with a woman less attractive than him? Well, this men that are with women that are less attractive with them because they are interested in their personality or their sense of humor. That's real
but the disproportionate love that some disgusting, older men have an with hot women like Lil Duval, okay, You do well. I love that dude he's got something on his instagram pull this up. It's this guy in a tub and he's like this older dude and he's got this young lady sitting on his lap in front of him and he she asking him what she she likes in him. I just play this out, will play this 'cause. It's fucking hilarious
play this watch. This watch is just listen to this. Your personality, your attitude you're physically attractive, and it takes a lot of things to make a person to like somebody. Ok, you, each physical attraction to the base tell your sense of caring person by talking cute, and only I can learn more about us by doing things with you now. Listen, I'm just saying I just want to be taken care of, and right, like the channel store, it's not a problem. I don't wanna bathing suits in Kmart. That was your choice. No no 'cause, there's like we're not too far from from all those stores where there's like better stores, I just
I'm. I'm not gonna find anything that fits me and Caleb. Ok, so you're going to take me shopping right. You got it to get stores. Would you like to learn he's like inside a rather useless asian? Almost seventy. It looks to me and not really a handsome Robert right now so for doing everything to not look at it and she looks like she's about thirty and lean in her tits are floating above the water yeah hollow I'm talking about possible. That's real, that's real ip that, but that in no way doesn't exist doesn't exist anywhere. In your old lady with a hot lean young man, Joe I've been in a lot of young dudes coming after me like when you're young still, I know I'm thirty five. I've having a young guys like a mature woman who still hot who's like physically fit,
yeah and smart in in an interesting like it's a feel weird about it. The lady I know I said I feel status size new rate. Like I'm an old lady. I don't want anyone to be like Cougar, three thousand five hundred and thirty five and I've got like twenty two year olds. Twenty, it's getting pretty low! Basham really get on top Tokom. I think it's. Do you, I don't know whatever you into. No, I don't have a size, but it's not weird. I just don't want to be an old I don't want them to only like me, 'cause. I know why way too much fuck, you think way too much. How do we stop? I don't know, but about that kind of shit like just enjoy it. Who gives a shit? That's also one really positive aspect of drinking that it I mean I'm telling you dude. If I still drink, I would hook up so much. How old are you? Nineteen come meet. Mom's pussy! I really miss drinking for you're. So right
there's so much because man The only way I used to have sex with to drink, and now it's just so difficult for me. I have to find some you actually like and then that's Gary, because that that the intimacy, so I am stuck tweet, intimacy and banging, and it I've been sex and say: whoa it before that even longer I only one person over the past six years- sober it's October, D'Octobre June July August September October, I've months. Five months of my literal, like best looking year of my life wasted- and I understand that eating guys- it's not that I can't have sex it's that. I won't let myself because I get too attached to people and I feel like it's a so. You worry that if you do have sex with them that it's going to be too much
they'll they'll not they'll. Stop watching my instagram sore the next day, and I will be so sad. You should not have an instagram I'll feel that we one of the problem well, they'll, stop texting me, they'll, stop something will stop and I will see ill so so sad and I'm avoiding that's that sadness of the sleeping with someone too soon, I'm a doctor and it just yeah it sucks yeah. I think just you're, just interacting with the wrong people. Yeah I mean, I don't know who's the right person for you. You know no you've, never really can tell no you can't. I mean I know when it happened. Yeah now. How would one of you she is just super nice person? How did you meet her better bar? really where Texas and all gods like Matt Damon, that's how he met his wife. I don't know why I just want to know how people met their wives. You you have to find someone. First of all, it's going to be able to deal with the fact
your comic right- yes, you're dating other comics, which am well that's good. I gas, yeah I was like. Don't do that and like well, how am I not going on securing Christina Paczynski one of the best couples that Moshe Casher and Natasha Ligero, granny and rich? That's great couple great couple: it's possible yeah and obviously there are people that are going to understand you. Yes, I understand what you do, but like regular dude is going to have a problem with you be the funny one like a lot of dudes have a problem. You know, but some some people like are fine with it like allies, allies, husband Jeff. These super chill great. I got is awesome now he really and the Sochi he just like, hangs like the perfect complement to her person yeah, so brash and outrageous- and you know so powerful and he's like MEL. Do you know it was like hanging out? You know it's like they work together and he's not a weak man he's just com,
and they work together right. You gonna to find someone like that. You got to find someone who who complements. Your personality in a way yeah, but it's like I don't know how you meet someone like that when you're a girl comedian, I think women comedians it's a unique requirement that you have for other people because of the thing men always want to be the center of attention right. The man wants to be the alpha. They want to be the one who's talking like clink clink clink, Ladies gentlemen, we have you, know Bob going to give it to and if you want to be that asshole and when you got a wife or a girlfriend who is so fucking. Way funnier than you not only she funnier than you she's, fucking, funny professional yeah, I'm funnier than everyone that isn't a comic and then a lot of comics to like. It's like people like you, need a comedian like I'll be funnier than that to guitar, but it is hard and you're. So right about that, like I see how
much pussy men get thrown at them doing stand up, because even I get wet for stand. Ups like I know the tricks and I'll be watching a guy with like killing there's an there's, someone attraction when you see an audience all like watching this dude on sage commanding them with laughter and telling controlling their emotions. You just get wet for because you're like he's its brain, it's like he's our tribe leader right right, right, the leader I need to him he's gonna, protect me during wartime. Like does see men women, because men don't get that when a woman old Shina this summer, yes, is up again, it could just be in the kitchen yeah. I remember Thea VON telling me recently was like I hated your comedy and like what's what's it like? I did not like you when you F and I go well. I've always been funnies understand in your commute, you're funny scene. Funny, nose funny is it wasn't that it was just like your voice, like reminded me of, like my mom or something this is my mom's always yelling at me. I was like there. It is
even was like. I can't believe I'm saying this to you and I was like I like it because yeah we remind you of your moms female comics. If you bet overbearing mom telling you like it is what it is all the time I would be like shut the fuck up. Ladies, I would hate female comics if I had an overbearing mother, so I empathize with that so crazy, so fucking crazy, so crazy. He's funny, though he's just so he is so funny me. Well he's so funny, like he's so Theo, like I don't know anybody that has his style even remotely styles. So, uniquely him, it's so hard to be that unique and you watch him you're like yeah. This isn't cult hated? This isn't it's just who he is, how he and he was able to that's. Not easy to do is
be as funny as you are with your friends on stage and he's worked really hard at it and he's just he's nailed it man, but he's just. I don't know he's just got this thing that when he's funny like like Brody, had this thing like yeah, like you wrote the things down that they say on paper, it's not funny, but you see them, in person, you fucking dying. They just figure out a rhythm of a rhythm of comedy that just didn't exist before them. Yeah Brody is like it was unfortunate with some of the clips that were going around of him to like that people saw for the first time where he would do like late night. He wasn't the Brody that we all talk, uh as you were saying, for those late night spot. Never no one understands you have to be in the room. First of all, yeah realize that this is a two o'clock in the morning set of a show the start at eight pm. Yes, I mean and also like- and I I don't know if you agree with this, but my my take on stand up is even anybody. That's even the most brilliant comedian when you watch them on
special, it's seventy percent, as funny as if you see them live, maybe always might be less might be less. Maybe sixty percent you're nailing it yeah. I am whenever, like someone more on a special that they have done, that I've seen them line possible when you're there there's a crackling in the air when someone's on stage is a feeling when you're in the room with them and they're saying it live like they're saying like that part of what's stand up. Is it's happening right in front of you when you watch an f special. You know that shit took place in. May I guess someone his bank and I'm sure it's hilarious yeah, but you know it happened in may you're, not in the room. It's a re creation to regression of something you're so right, I forget how great stand up can be sometimes just watch, because I'm just do my set. I leave sometimes you
like hang out and watch you it's good. It's great! It functions all that good. I still love it. You're always watch and get your. Right about that. I will watch it and I try to blow up people that are coming up. Yeah back up and coming yeah same yeah, we were watch How do you, how do you pronounce your last name? Laura beats is at a sale. I it's on my instagram page the other day me and sure we did a set in the main room sold outside the main room, and then how do you say your last name? Jesus Christ, she's funny, though she was performing in front of twelve people in the o, r and Bert NICE, it was and how much income it for awhile and she's, murdering and Adam you get. It been. Tell me about heights. Lara LA are ANC E. I t easy. Okay III, ATC fucking murder is a murderer, and so, while and a while. She was on stage this twelve people, the audience and the audience doubled during the time.
Onstage, L, a r e, I t Z, I love it. I'm telling you that the plate we were done trying murdering- and this is what you did- that thirty one. Thirty am spot to I got to see her. That's what the comedy store is all about. Yeah like one. Day you're going to see that girl she's going to have a Netflix, special and you're going to say where I was at the fucking comedy store. It was one hundred and thirty in the morning that show it like we're. Thinking about leaving this lady went up and murdered stand up, is so great, I'm so lucky. I stumbled into it. If you took that clip and then made a video lot of it and put it on Youtube in a tiny little screen and watch it on your phone, like you're, not going to get the real feeling that Burton I, not sit in the back of the room watching her he's not going to get it gotta go see, comedy live fuck, yeah, that's what basically specials are right there like ads. We're showing people how good we are so they'll come see us live yes, but it's way better live but ads are never see.
It's never a the movie. I We tell people to go to shows alone because I feel like so many people miss out on going to see comedy because people go to shows a little ways. Why? Because dudes? So many people aren't going to your shows because they can't friend friends to go and they feel like losers. If they go alone and really a lot of people? Don't do things like 'cause? They think? Oh, if I can't find a date or it can't find out friend, then I'm not going to go so many people miss out on stuff, and it's like. I encourage people go alone because I think it's so cool thought also better, because you want to check in on whoever you brought with you, sometimes you just sort of like I don't want to go alone, you of people that are like, or what if they don't enjoy it and you're checking in on them, and if you laugh too hard at something, that's the
you're like, oh no, they think I relate to that too much and you're worried they'll time when you go along your faith, but I think to my thinking too much on behalf of people who are missing out on shows because they feel insecure about going alone go alone. It's so cool. I've never thought that once what do you think so much Joe Rogan. I never thought about thinking yeah, but I mean go by yourself with no one wants to go with you, but if not go with your friends, but if you don't have friends, get some friends no, no, no, no, no friends, people don't have. I know they should make friends. Well, I think go to a show alone and make friends with other people going alone boy. How do you find them? Maybe try make friends with someone in there with his wife and locate fuck she's in the bathroom trying to make friends with
well there with somebody else and like hey man. This is a place to make friends sprays to see a show. Well, my shows I just connected to people last night that are going alone to my show, you know has like the record of the most people that buy single tickets Hill Mark Meron. Oh that makes sense, totally makes sense. I want to eclipse this kind of alienated. He's that guy yeah he's alone in a shed connect this past season. The show anymore it on the spot. Okay moving on up, but in the Jefferson, but that's that's what thing like I've had people say hey if I come to your show by myself. My loser, like no I've kind of things by myself. Yes, go to things by yourself, nothing wrong with things by yourself, but also find some friends. It's so hard. Some I don't have friends just need to do something where they'll find camaraderie and what they do is one of things about Jujitsu. That's really wonderful is that people that do Jiu Jitsu they they find friends that also digits you become friends with,
and it is difficult thank listen. I called on Jujitsu, I haven't met a damn person. Who's tried it and doesn't become obsessed with it now, Lawson some and eat good self. Defense for for the ladies, were very good: for the ladies, like the bass in the battle of all of them. Yes, because look awesome on your hands are yeah you're, not gonna punch somebody in the face and hurt them now. It's just too too many men are too big to our, but you can defend yourself what you just so you'll you'll understand grappling if you get a hold of someone's neck. You could talk to my conscious really on a percent yeah yeah. If I let you wrap your arms around my neck and I show you how to do it, I don't resist. You could put me to sleep, really wow, legitimately specially with your legs like women, who, I know how to use their legs correctly and they learn how to choke people with their legs. That guy tries to get on top of. You could strangle him yeah. I don't have any defense technique in my backpack like I have nothing if a guy attacked me
it's just like. Well, I'm just debt like I need to learn something just be annoying to start tolerating him and then it it's work in yeah, that's what I'll do I'll just start talking and trying to psychoanalyze him would be like you're. Only attacking me right now, because your mother didn't love you enough, and you hate women, and I remind you of your mom in some way that set you off and now you're trying to write me if you had a mic, kill it. Now, if you, if you go to just to class yeah, that's where you need a good guy, I think so. I think I think secure that's what I like about your sober October, the challenge to do you a new on class where like it's, not it's, maybe not athletic advent adventure but like what are you going to well yesterday we took we did we, we went Tommy,
I loved your caption about that is really good. Where you said like it's something where I'm like, I got, I got a lot to learn like it was my first time even shooting a pistol in more than ten years. I made a hand shot a pistol since the last time shot one on a range which I think was about ten years ago. I shot rifles, last time, I even shot a rifle that was a few years ago like two or three years ago. Yeah, I think so it was- and I did I mean obviously I'm a real beginner when it comes to that and with pistols and a super beginner. I didn't know anything so all these folks at this Tarrant tactical place for showing Tommy nine, how to do it right. It's like it's! It's a real wake up call like. I really don't know what the fuck doing doing and it's something with all a good giant area that you can improve in like yeah,
knowing nothing like just. I know how to squeeze the trigger. I know the side is here: you line it up, pull the trigger, don't jerk the trigger, just pull it, but learning it correctly from these people and how to hold the gun correctly to stabilize it hi supposed to stand and how you supposed to lean in watch and men and women. Do it correctly and show you? oh, okay, okay, okay, okay are this is good This is something I don't know anything about it so exciting when you get like one does not get in it, just all of a sudden changes. Every thing like I would have never figured that out on my own, with all with millions of years of bright, like citing so good yeah its use on it unlocks it's an ocean of possibilities that, and you just get your toes wet first day, like all my God, there's so much to learn, I'm going to a voice doctor right now, because I don't want to ruin my instrument and which I'm now so I need to look at it as an instrument that I was never taught how to play. I'm just freestyling on this, so saxophone
no like no. I have never. We don't get lessons for our voice. Have you taken any numbers. Good idea, though I mean you talk so much have you ever lost your? Do you lose your voice ever no okay? Well, they and you're probably talking the right way to yeah, but you probably scream in a really efficient way or yell in an efficient way. So you just have strong vocal cords yeah. I mean I'm learning stuff that I'm like Well, I didn't even know like there's places where your voice can come from your throat, your mouth and your nose and I'm talking all throat and that's why I'm getting polyps The I mean I'm getting stuff growth on it, really don't to talk, and it's just my vocal chords or slam. Sing all day and they develop callous is after they slam and those are like the and I'm going to have to have them surgically removed. I'm going to lose my voice. If I don't there like you're here right in the Nick of time, so I do voice. Size every day and I'm loving it I'm I start to go
But when opening up your throat, it's making, you realize that the vibrations in your face cause a lot of your the sound. So what's your those in your mouth that you can focus on creating the sound that comes out of your. That makes your air? Okay, then you go man my mom mom me mom, mom and you're supposed to make a whole face. Vibrate Zealand, you may mean mean mean mean right now. People are screaming at their thing this and you should so yeah, I'm just in my house going never Monday number nine nine number Monday, but it remained in the room and they never money but still little thrown yeah yeah learning it's, but it's like. I never thought about it
changing everything. Do you know how to play an instrument? No, no interest mean either I mean I would like to know, but if I did, I would get into it. That's the problem. Yeah and I don't have anytime, you don't have any. No, let feel like there's a practical application for learning how to shoot people. Yes, yeah is probably good. It's good to know. You're entertaining people enough. You don't need to add a guitar. I just I don't. I don't want to get obsessed. That's my! with me. You can have interest because you don't have time. Why did because you'll get upset? I'm crazy. Like that's my crazy, I'm not a junkie like a if you, like you put here one in front of me and I have no interest. But if there's something that's interesting, that's hard to do the problem. Is I get obsessed with things like really obsessed with they? They they takes over my whole day. What was last story? The last one bow hunting you, still practice it all day. I've got two ranges in the studio. You got a game out. There were you,
the game, content, no hunt game now, I'll show too okay studio, there's a there's. A archery game with is a kevlar screen, and I have these different broadheads that are flat at the end of the head of a nail brought God's. A weird one right like is that a negative, some chicks love it. It's like Reid yeah. It's not negative, like a powerful eighties 80s lady broads not like like with a net I mean other than like slit whole. Never I've heard whole before that's what Opie and Anthony used to call the girl who's on the morning chair, yeah the whole and as a whole, is literally because there was like holes in the show because like when they would talk. The only reason why they were there was there a woman like someone We. We need a woman on the show to get some check and she would just like. I just feel you guys are not letting me talk and yeah there
on shows where there the girl was a whole yeah. I am too but as with the guy was a hole, yeah there's a a lot of just holy shows. Those shows are kind. Dying. I know they're dying morning shows because of this, because there are more interesting people that know how to make people laugh. So there's no reason to listen to them and then every fucking fifteen minutes or some new God, Damn commercial for fucking, Dodge yeah Dodge hey. This is Tom TOMS Vegan Diet and shares yeah you get so bored. You get so board listeners nail. Then you just sold me a dodge, never jags, discount yeah, but those morning shows you would go to those shows and some would be really cool You know some of them would be awesome, but then there was other ones that you could tell. They really wanted to be a comic, but they were scared, but they knew that you needed that.
Sell tickets, so they were kind of with you. Yes, yes, I go in Take those shows over to show him how it is done, I want so you're less what rail comedy as someone like actual jokes are, do you have to go to those anymore and he still do those? I still love doing them. I will I lie. I'm a morning person I get up, I like to make the rounds I like to go and take I've. I've learned from bird cries he was the first person. He was a headliner when I was working with him as a feature act back in like West Virginia. That sorry Virginia Beach, funny Bone Dayton, where Sir we we're all over. I was always working with him randomly Richmond Virginia. He take me to radio which he did not need to do, but you like you, come tomorrow and I'm like as a feature it shore and he would- and I would just how he would walk in and take over a show, yeah and make it his own and they loved him they and they and many would sell more tickets because it was so much he was having fun doing it, and so, when I do morning
tv or do radio. I always just go. I my free yourself and I feel like there was a call she's out of control. You think and thing on there and it's like man dog button. You know yeah, hey yeah, you just go in, I go on tv shows with no make up. I look like faces of math whenever I'm going on to in Margate, I literally look so disgusting. I can't carry more because no one's watching morning tv shows right and I go in with no make up. The lighting is so bright, everyone's wearing. So all the women look. I look like a man because it without make up on as a woman on tv look like a man, and you just do because women wear too much makeup. So by comparison you look like a man and I
just go in, and sometimes I just like to have an open sore on it just like I just I feel so free doing this, so I think I'll do it as long as they asked me really yeah. I like it when you're selling out arenas and should just go better than maybe just some of my favourites, like the good, the good ones, but but I get a kick out of I love Radio Burr Tom know how to take over a morning show yeah earning tv shows yeah member. Would you ever see Tom would go on as this character dj dad mouse, no yeah. He would. He would tell them these poly and bye bye and he would wear sunglasses and for code city we were gold chains and when I was so bored and the shows were already sold out yeah, they were making him do these things because they had like relationships with the local tv station, and this is before you we blew out from his Netflix specials because got this.
Run shut, my god. There's multiple people: do it all the time dj dad mouth has a big announcement. I love this and dj. Dad mouth does the weather he did it everywhere and the people that were working these shows did not know what the fuck he was talking about. It yeah, I'm coming out as poly and poly I'm coming out as non bye. That is so you're right. It's it's completely out of boredom busy shows are so boring fur coat with a hood, the giant rope chain like that he had to hear to travel with this. Yes, it is sunny plan for this, and the fucking interviews were hilarious. 'cause, that is the lowest rung of show business in terms of competency there, the Lee entertaining people in all of show business and they panic. Whenever there's any fucking dead air, they don't know what to do. He, like
say something, but how well I don't even know that millions, it's so bad yeah! It's rough! yeah, you don't that anymore. I don't do anything you don't do. You know you don't? Why don't go on? Talk, shows and just don't care. No design talk too much Everybody wants to know what my opinions are. I'm fucking saying I'm constantly constantly. I don't need any more attention. I want less that I would need ten percent less attention. Ok, new question, new new new directions, being famous going out places what's like for you. Is that what you wanted? Is it what you expected you? Clearly, there is some part of you that want to be famous at some point in your life. I I think you want to be honest. 'cause, you want to be successful. You want like in the beginning, people are paying attention to other people who aren't paying attention to me. Oh look Jerry Seinfeld in their own. Nobody, nobody even cares if I'm alive and wish they
that I was here now yeah, but then that's it yeah that you like your whole. Would then you lose your anonymity and then it's weird and then when people react to you differently, one is my wife said to me: I go. I got. It seems like a nice guy chills, listen everybody's nice to you. She was young and was it like people, I've seen people act like assholes to other people, and then you come in here and they were totally different person and love that she said that she's hilarious. My wife says some funny shit, she's funnier than me like in terms of like social situation, she's the funny one, because I'm not like on funny yeah, but she does like she gets a kick. Cat or in social situations, still have a couple of drinks that she's the one that like takes over, but she's she's just got good timing like one time I was going through this period of time where I was getting massages from dudes, because girls just are not good at getting into the deep muscles yeah. So I'd get these deep tissue massages from dudes, but you know
This is money and we're St Hotel. I got a massage and I came back upstairs and set farkle of my wedding ring back down there. So I went back down the locker room to get my wedding ring and where was it in his ass ha ha ha. But it's the way she said it like. She was like she was at yeah and then she knows she got as in your office good and I'm a die in laugh, and so she thinks it's awesome yeah. Yes, she said she noted, like, if you didn't know better you'd, probably think she's the comedian yeah, but one rounds, but that's good, but that's one of the reasons why it works yeah. You know, but did you need funny, but she doesn't want attention, but she likes being funny like with us. She just like she just gets a kick out of it's fun for it so yeah, it's like she just want to play tennis. Professionally, but you might want to play with a friend that's in a night, so your partner for a comedian, I dearly, but she notices that people are nicer to you and you I mean you have dealt you see and the shifts everyone is nice now suddenly and it's not the world.
We've got nicer, you've just gotten more famous. How do you do what what about when you're in public, and you find people like videotaping you or like you can sense it when they're, when you know that they know who are people do. This is a funny thing that people to hold their camera app, like you, don't know, got there looking down yeah, yeah and you're talking to your friend, do you say anything or do you just let it come home and I'm so human dude as a human of more people? Now it's a total, be weird and it might take a picture. We took a picture together. Yeah, I don't know we just Filmon pertain. Not filming is just too strange, like my friend Sturgill said that up he's an airport and some dude was just holding a phone up on him in his friends were talking and he goes a come on and he goes hey it's a price. You pay is like not not, there's, no, nothing written anywhere price. You pay. As you see me at Starbucks, talking to my friend, you stick a phone in front of us and film us while we're talking it's just weird yeah, but it's just it's also,
so that it's so alien to some people to see a famous person yeah one of the good things about LA is there used to famous people there's so many famous people out here. You see him all the time and it's like you get it. You know they're going to be around so you like, oh there's, Nikki, it's normal sorry right the animals in their natural habitats norm. It is cool to see a cheetah, but there's others, but if you're in the unknown suck in Louisville. And you walking around and you try to go to a bar. It might get weird things might Michael Western. Yes and you under Louisville in a bar and you've had to leave that bar I've had a few of those moments, but most the time people just friendly. You just shake their hand, and you know like the and they might have is like people know me. It's a weird kind of fame. It's like because of the podcast they know me know they know you so well, not like Daniel Day Lewis, where you have no idea. What he's like I'm going to go talk to Amanda what he sounds like I wanted when he talks like it's really good point yeah, they know you
I even have had guys ask me out or feel or like propose that we should date because they're like there's this one guy recently who discovered me in one day and he knew he was going to see me that night at the meeting great at the Show- and I think he had seen my roast kinda- went viral last week or two weeks ago I saw that and was like my god she's in Irvine tonight any to meet and greet ticket and he listen to me all day. I can listen to you on Rogan for three hours. Then I listen to this pocket. I mean he was listening to me all day, so for him we spent at whole day together right where I was telling him all my deepest insecurities. I mean I get real on these things and people feel. Can did to do, and then he comes to the meeting right as energy is so strong and like we should be together. Type enter like he didn't say that, but he's just like it just you could I just go this guys spend all with me, and I don't know him at all and I knew that going in and he and I kind of just like shoot like we the picture was nice, but I was like he came the next night again because you
Kelly went home and was like. I blew it, my one shot and he bought a meet and greet get with him, like you said, for the show again at the same fucking show he second chance- and he tried to touch me like low on my way and I just took his hand like get up now, but they feel like they know you. But that's a weird thing when someone tries to touch you low on your waist like right by your butt and they can't wait. But let me just touch the top of her I am I'm grateful that anyone even thinks I have an ass worthy to touch. Because I have such a flat ass. So when it does get touched, I'm kind of like flattered, but don't do it, I don't like it it. Ultimately makes me feel not good at all, and it at I mean Andrew will be watching me because it's happened so many times were guys casually, just put their hand on my when they're taking a picture right and it's and no one ever he I'll have security guards like watching I'll, be like we just watch from, in touching me in weird places 'cause. It's always weird for me to call out 'cause it's like in front of their wife, and I don't embarrass them and make it up thing right. So I just go like. Rather someone else called out,
and security guards will watch and I'll be a walk out on me like? Did you not see that kind of like no? I was watching like it's sold stealth fleet and subtle the the way that a guy can put his finger just as this is what they they do, your back and then, when they're done with the picture, they'll just go like like their hand, will like I'm just my hands. Just gravity and it'll graze your whole backside and what it does is just like God, man, you don't respect me. I just was on stage you paid to see me he would just sit and be quiet the whole time. I demanded a sort of respect in that moment, I'm just taking that from me just makes me feel gross. I don't know if it's that they don't respect to is that they're trying to get away with it? They think like men, just maybe she won't even notice. I just let my hand go limp and just go but they don't they want me to notice. So I'm, like I don't know, maybe depends on the person yeah.
It's, but it happens all in with women. It happens a ton women. Definitely like you know, grabs me older, ladies. That drunk yes, older, ladies of drunk, will just grab my I've had like not okay, late 40s ladies get a couple pop pops. Ladies night out, they were hot in their twenties. They were like the type of girl that, like I see a feeling, my back to literally squeeze out like a horse like check in the meat. Stop it. Ladies, it's not okay. For you to do the man. I know it's not the same. Let but it's the same could grow sickly threatened by these women. It's grow my tank get out of my ass, but it's not like any man with their musculature at any size. Really overpower me, I'm a week, I'm a old woman, but I'm a weak woman, so any
touching me is like yeah. It's a threat is a threat threat, not the same with women and men, but still get the off men. Women, I'm sorry! Well, it's just people are just and that's another thing about drinking. You know there are many people get drunk and they make stupid choices that they will never make if they were sober, even smart. People smart people with five drinks are stupid, so stupid, nor wanted a smart person, five drinks and I'm like who is the wrong thing like weird falcons, secret desires that never get revealed also can come popping up. Yep the star making with guys. Yeah hey, what's happening, yes, everyone's dumb at seven drinks, everyone, I think, no one's better, two drinks and more like, maybe, and because you have a little bit more tolerance but its around to drink. From, like I love a person up until two drinks, they'll get better and then after two drinks and like I'm kind of slow, there's slow there la
how old there was your face. Would you prefer for drinks or cocaine, see I haven't checked for drinks or Not tell me tell me why? Because I guess I'm not around enough coke heads, they talk too much. They talk too much and they want to get really close to it and they want to keep talking talk fast. So, people think yeah. It's always about them. The about about speed, amphetamines, it's it's! It's always a self serving. Conversation. It's always about. You talked about what you're going. Do it's always about who's? Can you over keeping you from doing this and you're going to do that and you're going? You know this because you're, smart and everybody else is stupid, but you're not, but that's that's coke talk. Did you ever do county, never meet me. There never did
I got lucky. I knew I had a a good buddy of mine, his cousin sold. I watch his whole life. All parts doing coke constantly lost a load, a weight and everything all my guys. Are you got bit by a vampire with this guy got infected and you're like not so scared of it. A few people in my neighborhood would do coke and date it all. We always went bad. It always went back yeah. We did on our side, I recognize a real early. I was like that's a bad one. I did it one time with Doug Stanhope Hollow I didn't mean to, but I was just I really didn't mean to is it the Kansas City, Stanford and sons and can't place you have to do coke there? I think it's part of the contract. I all all week. I didn't talk to Doug, I'm so scared of him. I was emceeing. I was in college still and at the last night Saturday night after the late show, he had like his whole, all hold entourage back to his hotel room. To hang out, I was invited, I went just sitting quietly
in the corner and he has a bunch of coke on the desk that he's doing that and no one else is really doing it. Their doors kind of watching him do it, and then he gets a call from the front desk. It's like a your cars here in an early morning. Flight he's like I'm not taking this with me, did. Does anyone does any? I it, and I was like I'll, bring it back to my friends at it's. Like that's a lot of coke and, like me, I'll sell, I don't know when it's coke, we you talking about it, was like a well pile of it. What does it look like the pile like describe it like a golf ball, yeah golf ball like yeah, it's a lot and I was like I'll take it and he was like Ok and he hands me a rolled up dollar bill and I was like oh, he thought he meant now and I was like twenty and in secure and wanting to be cool so, like I once that's. If you have any just do it so I did it. Then he went home and clean. My apartment did you. I went home and cleaned and, like wrote, an essay that I needed to write and I was like shit good wow. I was just like doing. Ritalin and adderall. You get
get done, but you're there's a price yeah. It's not good! It's a be mine, as of a paper whenever I like have something you know, I've take a nap in terms of creativity. Yes, it's going to suffer Joey Diaz used to be a big coke. It and one of the things he said. He goes, there's no soul in what you say, what you doing: Coke there's, no soul in it. Yeah yeah 'cause! It's all about you, like you, said it's just empty weird to weirdly disconnected! You know, like you know the movie showgirls girls. Well, my favorite yeah time, yeah movie. Thank you tell that people made that we were doing coke. It's a ridiculous movie like who the green let this thing who said: yes, they were doing coke because that was the 90s and in the 90s a lot of people did Coke was a coke movie yeah. I think I mean it's just my opinion or maybe I'm wrong. What was the last
Alec trip, you add any emotions couple months ago, yeah. How will awesome? Where do you don't dilatory on the show? Did him during a podcast, really and you guys start tripping during the podcast yeah, the real fun? What is it? What does it sound like? It was great, but gas is great, wouldn't take too much, but we took enough like you, no one can tell when you're on them, like you can still function normally yeah. He I mean it depends on how far you go. You guys are so funny yeah. You can go down the rabbit hole, though okay, he knew down the rabbit, hole and be incoherent, mushrooms or it's so
dose dependent mean what you're doing is like you getting. You know if you take a little bit you're like shaking hands with the angels but you're not going to Heaven you're not going to visit them. You like hi, how are you, oh, my god, you're so wonderful, but you not like riding on their wings, going go into the other dimension, But if you take enough, that's where you go, if you take enough you're, not talking to anybody and if you done Alliste, yes and good, yes, great experience. Yeah he had a bad experience on it. Now. No, I took it later in life. I don't think it's most of these psychedelics, we have bad experiences. What you're? Having is you
own psychological dilemma and then your battle with whatever the the drug or the psychedelic is trying to do to you versus what your egos trying to control and keep it from happening. I mean I've seen a lot of people have bad trips on some of the worst jobs I've ever seen. People have was from edible pot of medical pot is one of the strongest things that people don't recognize. It's it's a very different drugs and smoking it, and when you know you when you think of things that can take you down the rabbit hole you don't think available pot using a pot is just like. Are you gonna get? I maybe get too high, but you're just getting high, but when you eat it, it's a completely different. Animal yeah, literally, like physiologically, is different and really adds to create something called eleven hydroxy metabolite, that's five times more psychoactive than thc, and what not even cycle active in smoking it it's a different drug.
What does a little totally different drug that makes complete sense to different drug, it's processed by your liver, wow, they called one pass. It passes through your liver and the thc gets processed into eleven hydroxy metabolite Ok, Google is trippy shit. I've way stronger nice. Try, God on some micro, does versions of mushrooms that I've. I've had two of them and they were. It was great. It made things a little bit brighter maintenance and nice. Your micro, since you know, doesn't alter white really run. What's a micro does a mother microdosing, because I'm on this new drugs mushrooms and I just take a little bit every day. Whoa, yeah yeah. I know a lot of people to do that. Yeah, a lot like dozens, dozens of people, Michael does including fighters and a lot of fighters in yeah. I forgot that I was even on any I was like I was. All this room looks like cooler,
oh yeah. I that little piece yeah just feel a little better and you like what is all I took mushrooms. Yes, I forgot yeah: did you hear that ARI spike birds drink with Molly, what they did a podcast together and are dumped Molly and averts drink? Is that why Burt's wife isn't talking to her anymore? We that's wait. One hot gas in his house and burns how one family or soul crazy. I don't trust him for a second, I'm, so scared of ARI Shaffir. He he's fucking crazy, I've seen him just like act. Ask about my life and be like interested now like open up to him and then he'll. Let you use it against me later on. I'm like this guy, I don't yeah hold just for, store up things, use it against not using to get mom to be fun.
I think he's evil. There is a fear secretly evil, secretly evil yeah, I think real yeah. I do, I think, he's a good. I like him, but I I don't trust him, because I spike Burke He gave his friend Molly. That's, not! Ok, okay, but wait that's whole, serious though still hilarious, more that's what it is crazy. But I do like they were both on Molly Kuzari took it himself and then the, podcast going on in our search, dance, he's like sort of dance and can in and birth like. What would you Molly goes. Are you and birds like what and then all of a sudden and then realizes like? What's going on and the hours are put some in your drinks like he's home with his family
no one ARI, despite my drink, and I want them to be. If you don't do Molly, are you ARI? No there it Don't do it again, my dream in trouble, I'm giving you consent to do it to me in a sneaky podcast. I think that would be so fun. I was Joe that's my thing. I need excuse to be bad like that's. Why I like bondage is, Oh no, like I can't do this then forced to do this dirty thing. I don't really want to do this, but okay doing your dancing in a search on. Like you made me, wear the swimsuit turn tv. I cannot be a slut. What's the shoulder thing, it's just like helpless sluts like I need to it be bad to be what I really want to be, which is bloody. Yeah. I mean like roast roast. It's an excuse
to be mean. It's excuse to be evil. I had to do these chunks. What am I going to go to a roasting compliment everyone? I can't do that so there io, so, there's always there's always I had to get it. I get it well, you they've, already excuse and believe me is going to capitalize on. I really do you want to do Molly, I feel like washes. Do it with them, not with him? I mean I guess I've gotten I'm already asking to some recently was like face to face you made No, I actually do. I would do it with someone recommended him to be my shaman on a trip, and I was like what the fuck. I don't trust him to be. My shaman ayawaska he's Donna Wasco? Well whatever so, maybe my friends was like, so I was like try to trust him for that yup that man, okay, but you can trust our our he's just mad a bird. It's not logical the it's not tenable. I don't. I don't agree with these mad at the whole,
What we do sober October was we're trying to get Burt Sober and Burt was. You know we're worried about his health yeah birds. Ridiculously over way he's also on high blood pressure medication, but yet he still drinks every nine really. This is crazy. Man like you, could you got to stop doing this, and so the original reason for sober October was to try to sober burned up it started off four years ago there was a weight loss challenge between Tom and Burt. Yes, during the whole weight loss challenge, Burke kept drinking. This is a fucked up. He is he's trying to win this big thing and at the end of it he only fell short by a few pounds, but he was drinking the whole couldn't help the whole time yeah. So then, the next year we we were like. Okay, we got to figure out a way to get parts over. Let's do this, let's, let's even go so for
the whole month of October and purposely woo hoo. He was hammered in Honda. Didn't want to do it, I said I'll: do it too will all do? It will all be sober. So that's what kicked off so Rocktober number one. That was three years ago we made a challenge, we're going to be sober for the whole month and we're going to have to do fifteen hot yoga classes, which is fun. It was good yeah and you know Burr did it had no problems, he was sober for the whole month and he actually did get healthier and he better. Then and the next year got too crazy? The next year we decide to have a fitness challenge, hi that was so insane that went crazy. That was Hard to watch was crazy, watching you guys just give up your a give up at those points. Seven yeah seven hours a day I was doing- I mean yeah. I talked about that one day that you, like your heart rate, was at maximum. It was eighty percent heart rate MAX for five hours yeah. It was more than that because I I've got a lot. You get one minute for one man,
at eighty percent heart rate, you get one point and I had one thousand one hundred minutes for the dude yeah. Yeah I mean that's torch, I'm so glad you guys pulled back this year. It was so crazy. So I was obsessed is Burt getting sober. Is this working? No? No now, bird right sure he should thinking at all now mean that high blood pressure. She is no joke, that's how people get strokes. Yes, thank you really shouldn't be drinking at all, but he did cut back on sugar, and so he said he had lost. What do you say lost like twenty pounds, something like that crazy can do anything I can really do anything. He needs to stop drinking. Yes, he does, but he loves drink, he loves, going on stage to take a shirt off. He loves being the life of the party, but I don't want to lose the life of the party, because
enabling this lot party would see. The thing is that party thing that he does like it's sort of dependent upon alcohol. Like that's part of the image that he's created and we talked about in the podcast the other day that Kenison had the same problem. They would, Ladies giant lines of code, like wow wow hits ham. Hits. Him may believe that coke outlook to the point where, like no one, could you it goes into a town and isn't down to drink and that's the whole. He invites the audience to go out with now after the show and they all drink together and he's doing double. So she sees having double Tito's and he's drinking like twenty drinks and night I believe how much he's able to accomplish with his drinking habits. Amazing, it's think of what he be able to do without it. I don't know, if that's the case now, but half of what he's accomplished is accomplished because of his stand. Up and half of his stand up is his party. Now it's like he's in he's a funny guy. He would always be a funny comic. Full is whether or not he can accept that
without the alcohol whether or not he can embrace that without the alcohol he's not an alcoholic in the sense that he's not addicted to alcohol, because he did quit two years in a row for a whole month without a problem. He really did do it right and you know, It is not that big deal because I miss it. I like to lead, have a drink, but I'm ok so he's not like he didn't get the shakes and his fucking. It's like I'll. Just was telling him not, do it yeah so called oh really was like this is probably not the thing for you to quit drinking. It was like my fucking trick, told me to stop not to stop, which is crazy. But I just you know I reasoned because quitting drinking. For me it felt like so much of my identity to drink and- and I talked about it on stage I mean it wasn't anywhere- is wrapped up his bird. Is it but he's had enough fun. You've had your whole life of doing this. The party animal since no, no, no, no, no he's just starting to kill it. Going out to you know, I'm done right, he's doing great right now. I know it's specials that
elevated in all, his instagram stuff. Every time we do this sober October things he sells way more tickets. Right now, it's but he funny, no matter what yes he's a common everybody was funny is funny, no matter what they're, so scared if I get on Zoloft. If I does talk to someone about my issues, a fight, hunger money. If I talk about the Bangor, have My father, what are my God, I'm going to be funny on the other side of that? Yes, funny comic. It's a profession! That's going to make you it's one of the rare professions where you think you're dependent upon certain substances yeah, but we do know people that got sober and then got boring. That's true, too! You didn't yeah, you pulled it off, but there are people that got sober and then they start to suck really. I think it's quite a few, but then there's also people who gets over and got even better. Like David tell yes, David, Tell sobered up his joke. Writing just kicked into another level yeah because it got addicted to right.
Mike is just funneled at Albany also had all the and your band more energy, more band yep the delays. We are this up time clock already that crazy system itself, we three hours talking craziness flies by tell Everybody- your special bang ends yeah, that flicks how to get along with you on the instagram. In on that yeah Nikki Glaser on Instagram, I have a radio show on Siriusxm. Every morning, Monday, through Thursday, tended twelve eastern on county central radio. So if you have serious or a rental car check that out- and I have a podcast of the radio show that comes out every Friday, you up podcast and I'm going on tour. Bang it out tour starting January through the spring tickets on you, sell now use code bang and for special pricing and rolling. My first theater tour all right delighted with the thank you thanks. Joe is a good time always by everybody. Thank you the to tune into the show, and thank you to our sponsors. Thank you, too.
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Transcript generated on 2019-10-05.