« The Joe Rogan Experience

#210 - Joey Diaz, Brian Redban

2012-04-27 | 🔗
Joey Diaz, Brian Redban - Date: 04/26/2012
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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Do you take melatonin? If you can go to sleep? I used to I used to well done is nice but it lasts. You know eight days, you I'll do it. You got to start a new cycle every like ten days or it right. You have the too many of them, but it does work. What's in Turkey, Turkey Strip Defense Trip to France, okay, I'm sorry. I think right now, anyway, go to on a dot com, blah blah blah and in the code name, Rogue and save yourself, ten percent any and all orders. Are you dirty freaks the funny she? What on earth is here, mad flavor, a k, H, o d as let's go, the party started Logan experience trying my day, Joe Rogan podcast by night all day. Damn, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only the king of swing.
Remember when uh Mitzi was calling you fat baby for a while a long time I loved on. I would walk past her and she blow my stomach up with her fingers. She make believe it was a needle. You remember that in her own world I would walk by. It should stop me all fat baby and she poked me You got a needle in my hand and by yourself she go like if the air was coming out of my stomach in her own head she would giggle to us so that I may do that for the rest of my life may be until she had a fortieth anniversary on sat yeah. I heard the club, which part of me got sentimental the jerked off on my pillow, but the comedy store, always a part of our lives. It's like Vietnam for some people, they went they'll, never go back. It's there. Good goodwill, just leave it there that memory yeah. It's a regulation. There was a huge part of our lives. No doubt about that. Man was that I was a real workshop, but you know what I'm still recovering from Atlanta. I just got rested yet
from Atlanta bitches, especially Friday night. Thank you very much. If you came out to the shows this, Joe Rogan is taping. It was fucking brilliant. I mean when we in Duncan stuck, I head a seriously. You know, I don't do that shit. I didn't go on stage and try to be cute. I just stuck my head out to see what was out there. I had never been in this deal and before you know before you Bungie, you talk a lot of shit before you do anything in life. You talk a lot of shit, then you're there and you look in that's what it felt like to me guys It was like going yeah I'll jump off the diving board. You run up to the top and when you get up there Look over your that was but more when I looked into that Tabernacle Jackal, fucking theater, and it just there's one level. It was too low. In that third level guys and they started cheering and you ran in with Jeff, and you like what did you go on stage. I go on stage me and Duncan just popped. Their fucking heads out there at that point. I knew it was all fucking uphill 'cause. The she was was alive. We we have to do we just say, say a word cock, sucking, though being cute. We just went like that to
look just to see if everybody was seated so if you came out to the Tabernacle, you rock my mother world last week right first, I was nervous as fuck, and uh, you know I love it man. I love getting nervous. Still like a little kid, that's what it's all about. So I had to wait time. Atlanta downtown was great. Thank you very much for taking this job thanks what a great fucking you know, I've always been in the suburbs. Whenever we do the punch line and laugh and whatever you always on the fuck suburbs. I was the first time I was in the heart of Atlanta Chocolate City that hot black chicks hot chicks. I sat there were more than fucking making believe I was smoking, fucking weed and I'm just watching these women walked by me. Oh, my god, they were hot in the morning is going to work and shit was fucking. Amazing guys it really was super cool. Was the limo driver how far you're? Right, though yeah number. Is there an eligible when I'm at right? Tackle this I'm just listen. The that was funny that you said cause is because for some he's got a lot of concussions? You don't act like it, because the crazy is overcome the concussion who, for me no
roman, roman downstate, like some people, you see him after they got twenty concussions and their little fucking robots. But this guy, how many concussions do you think you've had I stories at that mother fucker. No, you you you've had me yeah. I had walked to twenty to nothing from violence football four and a motorcycle accident where the hell's is both pretty violent? No, you know the stack bro. Sometimes you just tackle something you think you're doing your job and I will send you walk away and you're like I know, but listen to what you just said. Nothing from football or motorcycle racing. Two super violent things your mother, what people think I got hit in the head right right to sell by about a person by at one time I was on Xr one. Twenty five, when I was well run racing by the swamps right. They built the meadow lands and I turned my head and there was a pipe sticking out. My just lead not even believe I just it's want to hit the floor. So it wasn't a bad. Is cheese, listen bro, those concussions, those
Will you show me by the limo driver? Remember the limo driver within you were talking about weed or something like that, and you were just like smell this nug memory. That's right! That's right! You video that we had such a good time with the last time we can put that out there, because you only get him in trouble right if the audio we can play right now, if you're black you just stop going to Africa. Remember we went off on that shit in the car, go to Saint Louis yeah. I mean this is true. If you black stuff going to fuck in africa- and you can just going to get scared, it gets too real go to Saint Louis, where they keep it moderate their own brothers of people model. That's the was Richard Pryor from Peoria Peoria IL's those areas there. That's where Malcolm X and all those brothers are from. That's the heartbeat of Africa right there, just keep it to that right there. I think Red Fox grew up with Malcolm X, one of those guys it was either red, Fox or or which, I think was Red Foxx, I'm sorry, red foxes, Malcolm X, grew up together. What about to do now? but that caused all the problems he was so the store manager is someone's new James Brown store manager. What's the black guy
always gets involved with somebody black gets in trouble? You just lost a lot of way these controversial, how Sharpton housewrap them yeah yeah he's name is Browns tournament. Somebody yeah look at his resume somewhere along the line. He was involved with some that's how he got his claim to fame effort somebody how Sharpton get is kind of a look and see. I may be wrong, but I could be wrong, but how Sharpton did something with James Brown or somebody that? You need your own google search engines, idle hyphen like like something out of this house, served I'm sorry, God. So, okay, I'm just kind of James Brown, but no put out shot. So you see what it yeah. It became a tour manager for James Brown in nineteen. Seventy three wow wow. How fucking you never do that. I never do that to get up. Hey he's hustling man he's out. There hustling like a lot people shit on Al Sharpton. As far as I can tell Al Sharpton, hurting anybody and guess why, even though maybe sometimes he's imbalanced
his his his racialism. You know the way he goes after the racial angle and every sort of story. Even though he's imbalanced, I think we probably need a little bit in balance to check some of the white people in America, that's a fact. I really think that, knowing that a Jesse Jackson or an Al Sharpton out is out there, these bulldogs of of anti black racism- I mean I can. The necessary. I don't you know. I don't think Jesse is the Saint. I don't think Al Sharpton is a saint, but think they play a necessary role. I know that sounds ridiculous, but how are they anymore ridiculous than Newt Ganggu Ridge, or this guide, John David's, that was running for president with his name Davis? I don't know right now. We talked about him yesterday, God goddamnit FUCK is his name. Is that his name thirty minutes and then no? This is just you know. The problem is seriously there's only so much room in the God. Damn hard drive, yeah and there's more information coming in every day. What the is the do
him he's in the news right now we need to upgrade our brains. We need that be able to do that. They need to figure that out where we can start putting more dead people's brains, bodies or something dead, people's swapping out or just adding to it. You know it's really hard to get your body to absorb other peoples stuff in organs and with that hand, transplants and most of them fail, but isn't he rejects them is in your brain, really, just electricity is there a way that we can maybe like put it on a battery of some kind and then just you know, put it in the back here head. This might be the double size. The science is listening to this right now leg. I know Doctor Steve, listen to the podcast of times. If he's listened to us right now, I'd like you heated wildly, it's four or he's just like holy. You figured it out battery brain battery. You know, I don't I don't hate anybody out there, who's successful John Edwards John Edward! Thank you, John thank you have fun yeah nice, beautiful yeah
John Edwards I mean he's. He's got damn ridiculous to everyone's ridiculous. There, no more ridiculous than Al Sharpton he's just like them. They're all the same. It's no big deal, it's not not bad. It's just it is what it is. Is anybody to put themselves into the app sort of knowledge- and you know how you get rid of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson- will double that's what I'm yeah? They come up black this mother well they just preaching: that's his well! Thank you. What do I need to do away. They did so peer. I don't blame legal shop I'll, be I'll, yell and scream until some big book of his me yeah they get contracts. As for I don't have any problem with that man. It's a extortion Part of the game? It's that's what it is. It's a part of the game. You know if you want his endorsement, that's what he it's a business. Nobody,
two free! He like shrimp cocktail who likes flying first class zero. San Juan in Washington, is a is a man of culture use and he's he's so famous that he sort of given up on completely. Like saying all those words he's like you, have given up pronouncing them? Everybody else is way like they used to play that on what Conway and Steckler, I think yeah, Conway and Steckler in L in LA to have this thing, what we called it would be game call. What would Jesse Jackson said? I apologize if it wasn't them if it was someone else and I'm crediting to them, because my memory, but I believe, was Conway and Steckler were really guys who had a radio show in LA and I think they might still do on on, am but who play a Jesse Jackson Clip and then you would try to try to figure out what the fuck he said,
You know the people would call up and they would give up their guests and everybody was wrong and then didn't. He would say what he acts. What the actual words were. It was hilarious. It was like people really couldn't understand. That's what badass just accidents, he says his own words is away. You know like Tyson in law. Everybody does fucking. No, I would really want to talk about this. What is it J morph going off on me on his twitter, but you still doing yeah. Alright, all check out Jim Morrison, he's saying all these things right now may like one. He said, I offered you a job, you lied and said. I ask you to buy me shit. This is weird obsession. Actually more has with you Jay Mohr just attacked you outta. Nowhere on twitter, I wasn't for higher, maybe is not talking about in the comics leave you because of you, you're not respected by your peers, change your label name to exodus. Put down why you respond that? What why even respond to that? Because
it's weird it's certainly weird it's you know it's the weirdest thing ever you grow up, you know watching Jake, Moore and movies. You've never met the guy once and now, there's a guy's obsessed, the value. Well. I don't know why he is you know. I don't think Js a bad guy. You know, I know what you're thinking of had. I don't know, no people that issues with jay- and I know you that issues of Jack- and I know I and I have never had an issue a check. So as as far as is I'm concerned, you know means a more cool. I I don't like that. He does this. I don't like, but people are crazy, people that are comedians are crazy, as a percentage of whatever the
it's going on your hand, that's just not right, because you see you shouldn't say it causes you to react to what has you so you can come into your impulsive person. I mean these are. There's things the comedians, though that are right here right to say I might sit right here. You know it's radio, how many of them that's the beauty of the animals. It's in perfect wasn't what he he's, not a bad guy, though radio station. No, I don't know if you wanted to talk about. I don't know, I don't know if it's true, so I can't say, What else gonna, but but here's my point, if you like, spend spending this time and effort lation Ality, like that, you know it's not helping yeah, but that other thing is true. Then he's doing it to you. Also, I don't know if it's true Florida state Fair. I don't even care
if it isn't like you for connecting him the guys going crazy on me- and I haven't said one thing, though: I'm not protected him, I'm just let him be himself, I'm letting everybody be themself. Man, no judgement sort of that. The week thing to say no judgment. Is he better judge things stupid, do you a lot of things that you need to judge. You can't just walk around saying: hey man, no judgement you're being uh fly right now you look cutie. I try to be a butterfly as much as I can, but it's not in my nature when I was a more if you are listening to this right now. I don't know why you freaking out more was there is let's just yeah a big hug, I think you're. Very talented actor and a very find stand up comedian there's no and for all this nonsense. What he just posed tell
he's pro. If he's listening right now, he is you may be very well, will object, get it together, hey Jay! Here's the interesting thing that, though, the month before you going into history, no, no the money four times occurring, Christina presence. Is it scary left desk what I said hey we should get Jay Mohr on a podcast and Tom was like really do that yeah. Ask him so ask him about that. Have no with DJ. So I don't know why you're freaking out okay, so let's do a podcast with them. If maybe he wants to do a podcast, we can do like a east coast. West Coast Comic, be that would be cool. I've tape. Fletcher comes with me. That would be awesome. I don't want no fucking Jay Mohr Karate. That's all areas 'cause! That's works right, Jay, Mohr Karate would still work. Yeah, yeah I've been doing karate in Malibu at this place, Yellow Bell
What just want to yell about the high it's for a little girl? Okay! Is it really little kids get yellow bow it? Really, it's not a real thing. It is It depends it every the belts, different ranking systems, but in Jujitsu, yellow and green or just for children. Well, then, that was an awesome joke. It was the best silly belt you come up with with you know in karate. This is different ones like some of them. Go like yellow legal white. Always light to yellow the window would go. Is white to yellow to green, to Blue too red Red stop alarm yeah? no. There was no brown was no brown was red to black in Thai Kwando Buckaroo.
And now the extra added to two extra belts to milk it to your fucking. Ninety yeah. This is not, they got automon polenta and they got all different fucking magenta. What's that color Magenta Tisha Yama Magenta belt, now in Jiu Jitsu they had all these belts. They get you for an extra yard. Stick those cock, suckers yeah! it's hysterical when you join most especially specially kwando. Is that Greens figured out this and fuck this shit. Let me know slipping here, but there's a g. Wilshire Wilshire and by Labrea you have to pay them so you're, a black belt up front, don't take monthly pay. They have the three year acceleration program where you pay. For three years and suckers walked and then give him? You know eight thousand and nine thousand with a check and they joined for three years in front, not knowing the unknown, not knowing them. Planes are showing up in fucking six months or whoever the fuck they pay for three years. When accelerated plan that the three years they get a fucking black belt, they have Today that exists.
It's kind of crazy. You even Greg Jackson added the fucking color belt system to is is gone. Jutsu and shit like yeah will guide you choose yeah, everybody is adding a color belt. You know fuck it it's an extra yard. Stick. How do you I don't know so we have a legal for actually, I'm sorry great yeah. No, I'm just tight window. That was a big thing, then was the charging for belts all yeah? They charge you for testing belts. If you fail the patch, you know they were those Koreans, ain't fucking around no more. They got federations, they put the their federations of associations and they bang it yeah upbringing, and you know what you ever seen like when they come over and all these white kids get the other than bound at the grand master and the guy don't speak, no Jap He is a no no English. You know I'm saying yeah he's got like a translator, though you know, welcome to school. You know thank him for coming in fucking Koreans like suck. My dick was my check. You don't say I didn't fly here to fucking, give you a yell about you, fucking suck is given to look on their faces and they fly over there like. I can't believe I did this for the small fuck.
Nick come over here to see these little ugly, kids, kids doing form three. I need this shit. They would always bring masters yeah. They always bring masters, they don't speak, no English and we as a society we buy like there was a big deal in our target no school when korean master would come on? Please those fucking people lose their minds to master. We work on our form and we polish mirrors so they're, all shiny shit that dude don't give a Frenchman's fuck he's miles, need I'd, be fucking. Does everything the way out. You see him get a big old envelope. It's interesting? How, when we were kids that martial arts became practically connected with uh asian men like asian men, these asian men, were like super respected as being like the greatest martial artists. Ever you know, that's like that's an interesting thing to say about their culture that before anybody had ever figured out fighting everybody was terrified of like black belts. Everybody was terrified
karate, but get a bolo yeah yeah. It was fun. Hello mark have a trying to become an actor with a blackjack table. Look ahead traps. I you know that mother fucker still walking around Hollywood yoked. I've heard that a couple times that he still looks he hasn't aged. He still does movies from time they still paying them to go to Bulgaria and shit while still get to check the other guys. How do I heard the guy, though the cut on his face when that Bruce Lee kicks through the fucking wall? Yeah he's around to yeah Bob would come out. The super foot Wallace Bob Wall is a real estate guy. He. Ah he owns the building that my dentist has his practicing, and so I I met him at a couple of different. It was good yeah. It looks great, very nice, guy very yeah. I tell you you'll, tell you the old days about karate. You know you know about a spinning back
Kick you know all things guys doing wrong doing wrong MA. It's awesome to hear you know it's very. When I talk to you about it, your receptive to what we talked about. You know Roger and how I went to his father. When I went to his father this way the success of the green hornet and me get hit in the head in central Park ' 'cause when the green hornet came on american kids start to lose than mine people, don't remember I go deep with this shit go deep and all of a sudden it was Bruce Lee was a movie by the name of five fingers of death that the guys Palm would get red at the end. He would hit you with the you know, with the iron palm technique. That was the first one and then which, we're going to start arguing fist of fury with the American whatever the fuck, that first one came out when he's in the factory and it's in Thailand, and that was it like, I remember like even then, there was maybe a Jiu Jitsu school in a tri state area, but it was base,
Clea goes you karate gushing rule wing. Cheung run foo and it just blew up. Well, he he blew up. It just made a bunch of people. He made a bunch people want to be like that solemn quiet, guy who's is nothing and sit in the back and waits for trouble to come to him. You know, there's like a a silent, mysterious, he'd use this quality yeah. What was the biggest martial artists, the biggest add the and all the kids magazine. Winds, don't get sand kicked in your face, yeah, alright, Joe Wieder, for a dollar twenty nine Joe Weiner would send you a poster that you hang on your wall with all the techniques you had to do the lift and and be strong fourteen fourteen days plus he sent you a trophy additional dollar of a guy like this check hanging off him at the beach. You don't think I ordered that mother fuck at that time. You want me to bullshit you Ipad of those posters. Joe Wieder was this shit when we were kids when I was in high school before I had taken Taekwondo there was this one dude and I'll never forget this guy. He was
this girl, he was from another school and he had a girl that he was dating from our school. That was really pretty. She was one. Those pretty girls, didn't get recognized as being pretty she sort of snuck through 'cause. She was kind of nerdy, but she was really pretty, and so this food came by to pick her up at school and he was obviously like being looked at by all kids from this school that you know he didn't belong to. So he had adopted this. Like really intense sort of posture- and you know he had a like a Jean jacket on and he was practicing karate practice- sing karate like on our in our School, This is like a little patio area. You know, there's like a little little breezeway in between buildings as you're, walking from building the building to go to your class is not a patio, but you know just so. I can open grassy area this mother fuckers out there throwing kicks and kicking his hands and shit doing a lot of these like side, crescent, kicks kicking his hands and making this loud noise and looking really intense and
like thinking like wow. What a weird guy and thinking. I wonder if you really can fight 'cause, I didn't know, and I hadn't figured anything out yet at that time. You know. I didn't really done like very little martial arts, so I was, I was maybe sort of kind of impressed by him, maybe this guys, like some crazy, martial arts master, but I might, but why is he smoking cigarettes? and this is weird. But I that guy I'll never forget that guy because, as I got older- and I would go through my database of things that I saw in my life and sing how I saw people behave and whether or not that makes sense that and always stands out is like a glaring one like little weird God Jeckel, because somebody would just go up to him and smack. You know, that's what happens in those things. Some dumb motherfucker comes out of the bad days. I know you're fighting yet, let's see I went to a very easy high school was it wasn't dangerous at all? Is Newton South High School in Newton Chusetts, and they
just in a lot of kids from uh from other schools, but the kids were pretty happy to be there from the bad, neighborhoods and they're. Usually pretty cool 'cause, it was a nice neighborhood. It was in Newton was like real quiet. So like this The kids are dealing with today and high schools, especially in cities, I mean that's just like a prison yard, craziness going on in high schools today, man and we're doing to try to combat it. I mean we talked about that one place in Connecticut that done that raid on the kids classes and pretended there was a shooter in the building they. They were looking for drugs. So they tell the kids that there's a shooter in the building and again the corner of your classrooms in huddle up Why didn't they just say something like hey we're having a fire drill? Yeah, I should have said they should have said, sit down. We're searching your you know your researching for pot. Let's be honest, let's be honest, what we're doing, but just saying that you have ah shooters, but that's how crazy they are now they mean. This is the kind of shit that you know:
we. We never had to deal with that kind of shit where kids, what was lost when we were growing up, there's no school shooters. There is no one like go into schools and shoot anybody up til Columbine. That was like unheard of and we've been some mass shootings at the one that was in Austin the guy in the tower. What was that was a sniper? I forget the that case, I forget what it was. But this has been some you know mass shootings and shit like that before, but never like at schools. I never had problems like that at my school now in hindsight, I'll tell you what my for school was alive and kicking, and I had two kids and my seventh week lasted today or in prison for murder, one with Charlie Gizzy, and I should have known that, because, whenever a plane go by, he would always get on top of the desk and shoot it down like you go to in when him and his brother killed the guy with their bare hands on this neighborhood that we know five corners got five corners. I always do, knew kids like kids, like that, we
school. They would hold you and grams. What are you a sixteen, so these mother Fucker just looking to quit, so they would just sit in the back but in reality it would just gangsters. You know they would tell at fuck off and shit. The teachers could really get it together when they're sixteen and they was called the pilot program. Driving into the eighth grade. They had a fucking, send you the high school, but these kids were in no danger going high school. They haven't seen a you have to be eighteen with the consent you pair have to sign you out of school. It's tough to quit fucking school. Today it wasn't tough. When we went to school, You just have a finding yourself. Sixteen prime isn't even after sign yeah, so it's a different fucking world. Now have to be involved free to drop out. You don't see. No commercials with dropouts know more. When we were kids, you seen a lot of commercials to drop out,
in hemophilia would have the hemophiliacs they just move the fuck on. When I was a kid there was a hemophiliac bleeding on tv. Every ten minutes. Remember that commercial with himself with a needle. I am a hemophilia. What the fuck happened to those people done, just don't want people feel that they would just bleed to death yeah. I was always asking my mother and I have my own hemophiliacs. I don't want nobody bumping into the chinese restaurant I'm eating sushi. Next to you, don't believe the fucking that Control Manzon remember that would I'm gonna hemophiliac, they just passed the fuck. What the fuck that shit disease to have just walk around like a water balloon. You know just hoping that nobody pricks your skin or you'll you'll leak out, and you can't stop it. You do what do they do when they left at all. I don't know what I have some some, what it vob member that was, that was a treat, should get money and like that. Thanks for but yeah KITT schools and J, listen man, I'm scared of high schools. Right now. If I was a parent, I would
be scared. If I was at home, but what am I fucking options school and then what then? My kids are fuck mobile? We don't now nowadays. Nowadays I bet you their software that can home school year where you every day he said, I know they're ready to your clients over the raise you kids gonna get dragged into it, one of my social that what about socializing with kids this summer, you do yeah. You can socialize with your brother and sisters all your life. That's not a school learning relationships! Learning I'll agree! Yes, I agree with whatever I would go on dates with my kids. You know it's like you were talking about a Altadena. I have a friend that in Argentina has a beautiful home and his wife have three children. Nice family My wife works with the wife. I go over there from time to time. They have read. If you gotta see this block Joe Rogan you when I would do as kids to have this block, we would kill. You know those blocks with a little slant. Just a little one, not a deeply. You could make ramps
right, you can do one thousand things dog. You know how many times I've gone over the barbeque there's, not one kid on the street yeah, so I would knock on all the doors if I was a stay at home parent like as a panago every all the kids got to get out of the house, I don't want play stickball put it operation for this black just block. Don't fucking work in the afternoon. Get these kids out of the house to learn social skills, which is computers, gray great, and you learn a lot. You know when I was kid they said. If you read the New York Times for four years, you've got a better, a better education. If you went to college, that was the big thing for college. Read the news of the WAR Street journal for four years. Every day you will more on the New York Times. I'm sorry! Now you get the kids out, there's no kids Archer road driver on your day, but I'll give you a five dollar for every kid you see. You'll come home broke, but a kid outside, not the best leave a paper route to teach the kids, how to flip a block which is the most of
Morton thing. When a kid is thirteen and fourteen yeah, it is a weird time that we live in the you. Can't just have your kids running around in your strong plan. You gotta monitor them like a hawk like a hawk it when, when we we got lucky really made my day, not all think it's just knowing that all highly and it's now they feel kids on the southern plains. Still normal, I mean now. Here's completely different, really yeah Ohio is just like the big actually how it was. When I was a kid I was like. The nineteen fifties- America, it's like a Tom Hanks movie. Why it's like an old sweater that you put on sit before the fire place in most places. You know yeah when I was a kid and We had a fucking Gonna Britannica. Encyclopedia looks up much remember that shit, Joe Rogan do Britannica. We had to steal the page out of the library bringing home into one slash three paper now with a flip of a button Michael. If I'm thirteen I'll find out what a blowjob is yeah
that with a fucking explosive is and how to make C4, and I can learn it on fucking line. You know we didn't have that shit. I don't want these kids in the Fucking house. They gotta get some vitamin d dog. They got to get some sunlight, these fucking kids and now you become a vampire I think it's unhealthy. Certainly it's the way we did. It was healthier, but it was also more dangerous just to be able to wander around the street. What how old were you when you weren't monitoring anymore? When you can just leave the house, I mean I think it's safer now in some ways, with cell phones. How old were you five five o in front of the house, I'm tonio. They call you. Where are you stay right? There yeah, I remember, you know, don't cross Broadway, ok, remember clearly get in a fistfight with my cousin, when I was five and he lived down the street. So I was wondering on the street when I was five years old. Now I wasn't even five. I don't think I was like somewhere four and five okay, but remember when you one hundred down the street MRS broken down, rogue and your mom was friends with Mister Marry MAGIC Ocho. They had the third block down the corner and she had a boy and three door.
Suppose you have MRS Wilson and she had a boy. So all those mobs will watching him. There was app look up moms member case Whatsapp. To raise a village? You had people that were watching you right, so I could save you eight you're, going to go over by Joes House. Yet tell when you get over to Joes. Have his mother called my house and it was a scam. We still put a scam together. He's coming to my house, I'm going to your house right. There was more, I see, kids, that I don't see him outside that concerns me the next gen this is going to be our computers, yeah they're, going to be very intelligent. They don't know how to fucking reprogram a ibom if they need to but the social aspect of it we're going to get lost socially baby. I don't know I hate to say I don't know, but you can't fucking old school, a child. I wish I could full time so he wouldn't be out. You know the kids leave to go to school. You have to have a fucking doubt, but so there are parents, anything can happen. I think of fucking happened. We just Joe. We were so lucky. We were so fucking lucky.
I could sit here and tell you have never been fucking one time a guy went for my dick. When I was in the eighth grade. I could tell you all the times that she could happen, though, no worries. I took about peep show stick in my head. That thing I was in the eighth grade, brother yeah. I would hate. Now 42nd street. So we could just grab me and took me in the back and me today I mean I was playing three card Monte on 42Nd St Street, the return of the a swash. We turned it on to do the interview with the computer guy. It's just it's very fucking, weird how I was just very lucky compared to a lot of people. Both of you. You've got a call from it was hard to engage Oh, have you seen these photos of Rihanna cutting lines of cocaine on our bodyguards head check? This out, It's uh, it's on a lb times, dot com and supposedly
three on and like doing had his email is about it she's like sitting on what is it called when you're sitting on the person's back? Thank you. Thank you. Backing, take you back and shoulders and he's a bald head guy and there's this photos of her like the big pile cocaine on his head and she just cutting up behind. So I don't, allegedly it also looks like it could be like she is, and she's got a the rideau chip in our hands. We have many she's eating some chili con k, as in a lot of our kind of the bottom, looks like she's having funny that's cheese, Jody as they thought. He's no matter how you look at it. You know I'm saying fucking rear. She went back with that. Fucking dude with Chris Brown, yeah yeah, their friends again or something that's crazy. I don't think that's.
Well, he fucked up for sure. He fucked up for sure, but I think yeah, but I think he may be learned from that. Fuck up, you know, she's got a great fucking ass. She really does yeah, who knows man. Why speculate? I speculate way too much on this God. Damn show that life Jodi is too much cut down. Fuck fuck. We should have a drawing podcast we just draw. I was talking to the fuck. Are you talking about? That is the dumbest idea ever we should have a podcast people. Listen to what we just drawn show these things to the people. How does that bunch of one part of the job local experiment is to let people know about higher consciousness? You showed me a little pendant you had so I want to show people how we do it is the camera on, and then I have a little fucking sticker. You had the day, there's going on right now, and I didn't know about this job with these guys gotta turn me on to vapor using it, and I didn't like it 'cause you gotta cut the weed with a scissor and put a little fucking thing, and you had a smoked
and then my it turned me on body charm. Beyond for this, the Eureka Fucking Vapor gun right. It comes little package is an eighth of weed in this tube. We can show you actually. Smoking is a severe I can't open, and you go like this. You take this off and you take this fucking tool. People You put it here. This is like you're, putting together a silent, and you go like that. Jesus Christ, Lee that contraption. We were looking at lean line on right there like a tiny light. Saber do that ha ha ha ha ha, that's how we're doing it bitches. So, while you're waiting for that Canadian, but to come down, I'm smoking Scott, walk og and it's an indica. They haven't fucking team to boot. To to listen, I'm gonna blow at the store. This is face next week and I'm saying that's how I'm rolling.
It doesn't seem like anything, nothing, nothing dog. This is the fucking future and I'll. Tell you why I'm here with this fucking thing, I'd be a strictly honest with you. I suffer from high blood pressure. When I had the knee swelling, I had to go to the doctor every day, so let me fuck with his dog, So I was just smoking that before I will go to the doctor dog when I walk in, I was one hundred and thirty over eighty like a fucker, so this vapor isn't really affecting like my smoker. When I would smoke in the morning walk into the doctor, woman at one hundred and sixty over one hundred percent. I'm smoking their heavy duty boy. Here's my here's my problem with them is that that it does doesn't still, it seems for price wise. It just doesn't seem like I'd rather have joint thirty dollars. Thirty dollars, I get an eighth. The last web smoke that last me a week was was the last time in eight even last day day at. Is it actually it in pot thing the it's? It's hash oil dirty twenty seven percent to have a thirty one percent for Og to have a twenty seven percent for Skywalker. This is like
talking with without the stems in the seats. Did you see what Obama said recently, what we say Uncle Joey smoking from the fucking vaporizer bastards? He was talking to the rolling stone article where the interview am- and they asked him about- pot- asked him about, what's up with the crackdowns on pot, and he said that, although we're not going to go after the person who's using it, to alleviate some symptoms for a legitimate medical condition, we're not going to go after them. We're certainly not going to allow large scale marijuana operations and that it's still illegal federal drug Federer. Really it's illegal, even though it's medicine in think it's like sixteen different states. Now right, isn't it anybody Brian, I haven't tried to censor your stream, so we don't get paid yeah Joey that you can't can't smoke that thing on the right spoke about that matters.
They've mad at us Jesus that don't sit here for an hour. The thing is we I'm friends with the duty owns? I love to I respect right across local of them. Just you know telling the truth is the Joe Rogan Park. Is this a copy, this Cuba, a medical marijuana, license what what what speaking to come? Is Cuba that Hector Lombard signing come to the OC? That's going to be crazy! I do the bombshell I will always all of his fights in Bellator MMA and he was supposed to come to the UFC a long time ago, but there's some they couldn't work out, damn that God is good, he's scary, scary, dude. He throws bombs men or your mom's call on he's fast too he's fast he's got fucking hammers in his hands. And is real good judo. Guy to real hard to take down he's an interesting fight It's interesting to see him step into the high levels of the you know the
seahorses for middle weight division agent. I don't know they don't think they've decided yet but it's going to be someone good, I'm sure you know to put him right in with someone real good he's a bad mother fucker, though there's a A few guys over there and Bela Tor that really good Eddie Alvarez, that girl really just been okay, yeah, okay and MIKE Chandler, the dude, who beat him he's fucking good to man that kid's a beast that kid's really good he's. Ah, his fight with any Alvarez. What's crazy. That was not and they caused Alvarez and is the o fight to leave go to camp, you know, so I wouldn't be distracted when they stuff from you his home life, to really dedicate himself for six weeks, so he down it. He was. I think he did some training with the black zillions and he. He looked fucking tremendous he was just so focused against Aoki become a tremendous card Saturday night what a great card!
How good was you look at it from a Lizzie from Travis Brown onto the FUCK yeah Matt Brown fight yeah? You know to Fucking Matt Harmonik, Mark Hominick, getting big jump like that by the Filipino when they had him on the side, with a q tip in his nose. He look like my friend would say awhile with a this mouth, he really fucking did. I call me right. They are you watching this Filipino he's like yeah that mother Fucker took it the Homnick I mean there. Great Rory Macdonald. I mean that which is great fucking fights you know. So I thank you very much taking this Jon Jones against our boy was shot Evans. We have a great time but we're not read back yeah. That was awesome. That was awesome now John Jones ever fought Silva and her sense of him. No, no he's. Definitely not, but seems like those two together would be like watching the matrix I mean they both seem very calculated how they fight very like a couple steps of
faster than the other guy almost well yeah I mean I, I see what you're saying a lot of people want to see that fight, but Anderson in him there's a bunch of issues. One Anderson is one hundred and eighty five pounder is no problem. Making hundred hundred and five pounds that's his weight, that's the way. Klaus he's been a champion and although he's had a cup fights at two hundred and five, you know we fought for it two hundred and five, and he also fought James Irvin, two hundred and five knocked both guys out. It's not as natural way. What is he akheron? Can you just can't have not really wants out a wall around around that about tool find? Maybe even bulked up a little bit to get up there for James Irvine and then for for as Griffin, but He definitely looked like a little thicker The issue is like he's, really a much smaller guy if they were really the same size. When he's when he's fighting a two hundred and five, that's really what he's waiting he might wait. Two hundred and ten gets done with, and five John Jones is like lean two hundred and thirty. He's a lean athletic two hundred and thirty and he died.
Shut down and then you know he's very disciplined and cuts the way and then gets on the scale and then he's good, and he can make two hundred and five, but Anderson Silva is never going to be a lean two hundred and thirty. You know they're just different frames. That said it still exciting, because Anderson is dangerous off his back. He finished his guys off his back with triangles and things along those lines we need get to chill son in he did it to Travis Looter, who is a fucking killer. Man, Travis Lueder, is a vicious to Jitsu guy, like one of the best in the at at the time like in one of his um. When Travis was going overseas and who's competing like Abu Dhabi and those he's like one of the best Americans at the time like Travis, lose, has really high level Jiu, Jitsu and Anna. Can a triangle. I don't care, how tired he is. I'm not catching him in the triangle? You know you know saying I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams: catch Travis, lunar entitlement, Anderson, KEN Anderson
catch really good high level, guys he's a legit black belt. I think people sleep on you know kids. His ground game is fucking good, even though child son was on top of him for four rounds, beat him up, he never got fucked his face was never cut. If you look at him like he rolls with shit, he turns with things he's got good defense. Now, Anderson Silva is a threat to any man. I just If you look at like the size and you look at the attributes like John Jones, is such a good wrestler he's so good at getting guys down, I mean even the way he was shot Evan. He grabbed her shot Evans by his neck and tripped him almost like disrespect silly, almost like disdainfully, you know the way grab like choked him grab his neck and tripped him at the same time. He's done Some nasty shit is getting better all the time and his style is like the worst style for a guy.
Anderson like stylistically he's a really tall. Long guy was hard to hit, who throws a lot of kicks, separates himself by a lot of distance and he's a new nasty wrestler. Let me ask you this. That said, I will to fight, for you was love to see it close to type two g. Two, have you taught me this? Did you two and is a major kids correctly. You know, like we discussed this thing, so this shit He does is basically as high level as it gets, because I never look at it that way. He was on the bottom for four rounds. Even get cut yeah. So in basic this fucking MMA Jiu Jitsu, is really, but he knows how to take a shot to man. He knows how to roll with things. You there's a video of him and Jorge hey Rivera when they in cage rage and Anderson in him. They tie up and horny can fucking punch man punches heart, and he hit Anderson in the type of like four or five Teen punches Anderson just looked at him. Stared at him stand out
took the shots. Kind of creepy. How good is ever really dumb stupid? What if I'm a question for you, what if Anderson Silva, put on before the way- and he put on like really heavy mercury fillings in his mouth- is that legally. Like why would you do that just so, he could beat make weight without no I mean we could. You know, make those feelings. You know I mean if you had to buy one ultimate overrated moment no like. If you have Mercury T thank all round they way. I don't know because one little touch up with a lie and he only needs to make what fifteen pounds twenty pounds and he had all mercury in his mouth like fillings, first of all, silly This is just a real question courses on their own, I mean, would it be legal? Would it be legal down like right lead in in your head, because it would be a filling if he had mercury fillings
look? No one can stop you from taking a big lead, pipe and stuff it up your ass to make weight. So if you can help so I don't think that led up your ass because nobody wants to get heavier, they want to be lighter. But if somebody like that that doesn't want to put on the I guess, you're talking about Brian
refused this shit out of me because you're posing this is if it's a real question tonight is first of all, you didn't have mercury in your fucking mouth. It's poisonous like. Why not say you know if you could go to the surface Ludo and come about, isn't that more of like a long, a long term effect like being around murky for long periods of time, like I think, you're getting knocked in the head. I think, like a week at having mercury in your face is probably a horrible idea, but don't first of all, if you had enough weight in your mouth to actually make you heavier your fucking head wouldn't be able to move right. It would take you a year to get used to the new dynamics. You would take it out right after weighing that night here. Could you take it? Why are you watching him, Joe Rogan? What the fuck is wrong with you, someday you're gonna shoot this fucking kid on. The cops are gonna come and you go. I shot him. They're gonna go. We heard the podcast we're here, shooting put another fucking bullet. Why you, after that, but I wouldn't be legal like to do that or would be legal to do that if they wanted to so they don't put your fucking mom for you love to hurt my sigaty whatever's bird. Must you open your mouth you're looking at a feeling? No, he touches your fucking dies. You touch your honor muslin, whatever fucking the other cop stuff that showed up with his cousin last week. Remember that was too
who is the same name memorial, yeah yeah he showed up in a cousin. Like Dane, I got bad news. I gotta show up with my fucking cousin he's on the ball here. So now, yeah. I don't think they open your mouth Redmond yet here that I have feelings, you're allowed to have Phillies, but not when you look like fuck not the guy that used to catch twenty two bullets and wild world of sports. When we were kids did that guy really catch both of his face. I don't know fucking put the video on they used. To put it, that's how we fucking die. You you fuck, that's how he died, they put the mouthpiece of his mouth and he would catch that only two weeks put in the fucking frying. But how is it possible that night bro everything's fucking possible? Could you imagine letting a guy twenty two you and your fucking mouth How do your job options slipped out, hit Brian, go to Youtube and find the guy from the wild world of sports nineteen twenty, three 'cause, that's in the! old days. He was the guy that close the big karate tournaments in New York City. It was.
Really close by getting shot in amount in Madison Square Garden? Aaron banks, whatever his name, is daddy- was the cross to have a huge thing on a Saturday in July and were closed it the closer the headliner was it and then they put on a lot? Well, the sports when you, so it's got to be a you. Do I'm not making this up? I do not know how to had died. I thought somebody finally caught him with a fuck BB guns up broken heart. He was practicing. It no was a real legit karate guy, a lot of people. Don't don't don't really appreciate Billy blanks Billy blanks is a real legit point karate guy 'cause, I grew up in Boston and everybody thinks of him is like that. I Bogi. To see him fight live a bunch of times, especially back. Then he was so wall. These po, great fighting guys would get giant. Do they were fucking huge? They were They would like NFL running backs like like to uh. You got there. Buddy love rose with the guy shoots. Its way to is
Hello does that look like in Bryan? That's that's fucking, but you asked for it. I want you to watch the answer to this first request here with a very sharp eye, and I'm going to see how long it takes you to figure it out this. From William Harrison of Waterbury Connecticut? Would you turn that off? Please that's! Not hediger! I read an hour day. It says you ask for catching a bullet with no, no, no it's gotta be in color was a seven. Why? Why does anybody do that? Once that compress with you catching a bullet. With your teeth, I mean. How does that? How does someone's life go down? That path who swallows a sword who wait one morning and says you know what today, I'm going to swallow a fucking sword and be a magician and turn around. How does that work? You know to jewel store. Where is it go? It's just you how you position your how you position your neck just makes it completely straight tunnel all the way down. As of right, when you had somebody just fucking ran out of crowd tackled. You right in the sword was deep in your head, who watched the fuck of HBO about the war lenders, but the grandson
talk to more lenders and the guy I killed himself in Puerto Rico. He was gone and the that grant will end up to dude is going back to Puerto Rico. He went back to do with his grandfather died doing better. Yet he took his mom but meet him halfway up the rope. It was on HBO sports. If you don't watch HBO sports, you gotta fucking problem because they can make weight They could make ice skating. Look interesting on HBO sports. To do what did you just say his mom and go hit? The fucking Youtube the flying will end is on HBO's scared, fucking great, it's a family business they show showed they would practice without a net. The grandfather stress that you practice without a net because that's the only way you really fucking learn. The lenders are fucking interesting as shit interesting red bottom years ago. Only fucking much you know, climb and put in a fucking war, Myers in places where they just had the gray grandson or the grandson to the mother. Went to put and they show the footage on HBO. They show
one thousand eight hundred and seventy three San Juan Pr Rico. What and he midway the up. Shitty fucking dies so the grandson been doing it for years. So now he's gone. He went back to Puerto Rico to the same building at the Hilton Hotel and he got one side, his mother, going on the other side and they met in the middle and then they crossed each other with one fucking rope Jerome I got some other almost lost it over after in the middle battle watch it tonight, it's been on all fucking week, flying will in the same fucking around Doug in there like the Wu Tang clan. That is insane the mother and the fucking Son. Each other on the wire Christ. She started to lose it and he held oh, my hell that told it was you fine home.
He went the other way. He went the other fucking way to prove a boy, Gowron fences that that isn't doesn't let people have a hard time at a stop sign, and I'm saying these fucking will Ender's. Imagine if we all lives on wires. There would be the baddest mother fuckers of all time, the world was just a series of wires and platform, see the family practicing Joe RD, taking the whole the whole put to work outside in the yard of walking across on ropes, hole after that has to be your whole life. Your whole life, your whole life. You can't fuck around with that very brilliant, so good, it's standing on a wire, a terrifying fuck. What makes you wake up in the morning? Go I'm gonna live on what I'm gonna know that he is okay, Laurie! Listen you want to at the yard and get a tree and tied to the fucking rain gutter and walk across I'm, which you but to go to Atlanta check into a hotel entire fucking shrink across the street walk across.
Well, where do you get your balls where the fuck you get your balls from tell me it is some people just always want to take things to the next level next level, but even so point where it's not it's not a smart thing, but we want to find out what people can d'oh. I know where you your boss, from where that's right
mother fucking way to get you looking at you got, you can't show it on the stream Brian and now obviously know Google, and did you see that did obviously, no. The new cover to put the new one up tool dancing is the first cover Joey put up on. Facebook was his balls, and the title is where I got my balls. That's the title of his documentary. One of those veins that garrison thick blood in some big fucking looks like like, like it was a road they've been shut down in the 50s, but those is Carl there, normally never motherfucker right. There have a name on the fall over shit, fucking, pumping and sure they're very fiery man's idea. You don't need that stuff. That's on the flavor going through your body. You know how we do it flavor if you've had more nicknames in anybody. I've ever met my entire life and they were the only ones that I ever allowed a man to have their self imposed. Friends have try to call themselves something like shut the fuck up, you're, not the black hornet or whatever you know, whatever the fuck you're trying to be
with Joey Diaz. It was always mad flavor planet, He was planet rock for a little bit fat babies here you know maybe yeah Mitzi with your fam painting home, so handsome my nuts, I love you that was a Yeah, it was it's really too bad. We couldn't do that. 40Th anniversary thing. I just wish you guys would go there once can't man, no one there that you would even know it doesn't matter. It's not my place anymore, that my spot to hang out. I just the African I didn't take to do it again and it's not. I have no idea what much animosity with the the people that, because that issue this you know, there's there's always a problem whenever club is legitimately in in the wrong. In a situation like that, where someone is trying to step in and stop some shit from happening, that's been,
happening a lot. That's it's really obviously bad, and this is also going to get a lot of attention and it's going to be good for the club 'cause people going to want to come down to the club, like all the things are in place for them to do the right thing. I could never go back there, I'm done done. I would I wouldn't even consider you, but I'm happy about anything yeah, I'm happy for them and I hope it stays open forever. It's a great club means in nineteen seventy two. They would do it. I think you know which you have to really appreciate what you did what you put after, but you know people have to move on the left. I yes exactly. I feel great that I put in my time, walk yeah. It was a very important for my development as a comedian, but after that's over it's over, you know I I think it's important to have chapters in your life. I would never, I can see
about a month ago. Just stopping in, I think, are you. Was there a red band and I was like you know what you can't go back. I always feel like I I paid my tribute yet we're not willing to repost minarets. We did a lot of time there. I did a lot of free shows there. I did. A lot of free shows will be pumped up on Myspace, never got a penny from them and I refer place the sound system so I've. But I did I was like I pay. I died. I gave to what the calmest or was to me, so it's it's I can lead, I can leave, it appears. You're peaceful is show you watch, I know, wish them ill. My soul is still one of the greatest club just to go in in all of the world. As far as like the history of stand up comedy, there's only to places like the comedy magic Club in Hermoso, that's a crazy one. When you walk around those walls in the back and he's got first, that guy MIKE Lacey owns a comedy magic club is the nicest she was going on the face of the amazing guy and he's got a back room where the comics it and
and feed you gourmet salmon with mashed potatoes, delicious desserts there in there so generous, so kind that all the writing on the walls have brick. Walls were comedians sign it. They ask you to sign it. The first time you work there all the writing is positive. All of it that's crazy, like most clubs you go to, and it's like you know, Fox Arctic. You know like all like all these. Like the reasons the punch line in Atlanta I took a photo of, it is my favorite thing ever written on a green room said: stay stop trying to be Hicks yeah. Whoever you are out there bless. You, Sir God bless you, sir. There is very few things more annoying than when you see it, dude trying to be hexie like ooh. No, you smell it come and find your own way house love about their trying. Your own way laugh with so sad that have been at the store hosted for the one thousand o'clock Show a year or two Joe knows is you know how many hits one because I see walking, there's always there, the night that you were there, that Holtzman referred the kid and the kid came.
Actually his second joke was. Why would Is this come back the lab where people were crosses around their neck right? He went right into the what right, but the second job, usually by sergeant city of like a bank, yet Rice told a joke right. What the jump band I'm in the mid to gold gave him the out light and he got off and went up to try to be cute. Like you also referred me, but he's right, I shouldn't belong here. You just did a stolen joke, an obvious one. You didn't even fucking, try to hide it in a basket yeah! Well, that's! That's! That's always gonna be the case. You have people like that, but the amount of people that wanted to be Hicks because he he had such a weird impact on comedians, more so than any comedian. Then I've ever seen, 'cause, no one, no community and made you want to change your behavior. The way Hicks tit like Hicks, was so charismatic and so confident in what he was doing and his material was so unique, like this uh matter was so unique that all the
dudes wanted to start acting like him. They wanted to start. They literally adopted his philosophies. You could see it when you talk to them, they were like. They were like The church of Hicks and I but, unlike Kenison, never did never did that who you laugh, but it was always ridiculous. Shit about like cadavers, getting fucked and Jesus screaming screaming, is on across. It was ridiculous, fun stuff, but it's literally, almost into taste a school of thought. A noob people started being like. He is that's where you can have the same thing. Well, it's a very different ob. I mean I I've unquestionably was influenced by a guy. There's, no question that I would never deny it. I think I see every person influences every person around them. You know I've been influenced by Joey I've. Influenced by Dunkin, I've been influenced by ARI, I mean, I think we all influence each other, but your style of comedy. I remember when I first saw you was very very like
ever heard. Anyone talk this kind of way about certain topics and it was kind of like the whole, almost like a religion almost where that was. It was so different than seeing. You know like fucking, Steve Martin, with a fucking banjo on the stage, which is what I thought comedy was right after my first series of mushroom trips is when I started writing shit about the d evolution of human beings and where the pyramids came from, and you know where societies like I started- writing shit. There was just so much different than anything I've ever written before, but it was a direct result of my own psychedelic experiences before that everything I was talking about, which is like simple base shit. That's really all I was thinking about it. I mean I I might have had complex thoughts bouncing around in back in my brain that I couldn't figure out how to put together and to anything, you know a coherent that I could bring on stage, but once I once I started doing mushrooms once I start smoking pot to that you could just completely changed my comedy one hundred percent uh. I think
that's been, if I had to say, what's the biggest influence in my career at pot. It's funny that you know people don't want to admit that. But I think you have to be honest. To be honest, I mean for for sure, have done the work myself for sure. I've set many an hour in front of the computer in front of a notepad and many times on stage performing and many many travels on many different airplanes. I've done all that stuff too, but God damn Weed helps. You know you can do a lot of the work, but we we most certainly helps it's comedy it's steroids for comedy. Rather we should but it's amazing how I was gonna. Tell you this we're on the phone about a month ago. We talking and we were talking about the success of the pod, you know, and if you really watch comma, if you're real student, a comedy and you're going to agree with me, we forget about this. The fucking take that changed comedy forever was Rodney Dangerfield's too special.
With those ten killers from Doctor Aaron Hicks to guys look at what those ten guys did in history of comedy, Robert Townsend Roseanne Barr, DOM Irrera Bill Hicks many Clark, fucking Bob Nelson. You look, but those ten guys did they change the yeah. So I thought was that was a really yes, he did the joke with their. How does the hair get on the the shower? It of his own life generator. Nobody could reach in the shower. People. Try to call you in the shower. He can talk he's in the shower. You know all that day, yeah look at look at look at the two lineups, the line of brilliance. Lenny Bruce TIM Allen on one. No dice follows fucking Bill fix, follows dice yeah. I remember that it is the most if your comedian and you come to me with the way much do. I learn just get that tape of watch it over and over watch change of energy of dice clay. Talking about, I have a mic this moment we discovered jerking off, which is a great bit, because my mother has a mic that has a move the years. You know
you want what do you want for dinner spinach? I came already that whole bit yeah. He destroy and Bill Hicks went up there for a with this demeanor. How you doing my name is Bill Hicks, I'm from Houston, Texas. That means I play in places like what his Enid, ok, yeah. I give you my impersonation of Enid Oklahoma Woo, it's inside the club. You know just goes on, but that's the one where he did. One of my all time. This to me is my they're, a joke when he goes fucking, Vincent Gogh, cut his ear off to send to a woman that makes like a dozen roses seemed like a booger. Is it for? That was he goes? He goes. It's really events, what Susie called that to me what he says, what Susie call that he way that he goes into being. Well listen to how material that was hot. He talked about working at at at horror movie on Hollywood Boulevard and how
will come and sit behind them. I remember when I chopped off that guy said that he talks about when he used to work at the shoe store, woman, shoe store and try open shoes on it, but then he went into the bed about you know. I had a love and she dumped me day when the kids are bringing home rickets and animals, animals that bit and he'll be fucking, earns via the phlegm be coming over her face I'll, be on tv doing this show yeah. He took it. He took infallible position because most How much are the whites dice clay ingo? Go? Forget I'm not going up and he took that energy. Each as just. Did it right in front of you to me as a comic that is Most. You said I've ever seen because he took he. He didn't take a good set watch. It yeah took he. He took a guy up there talking about pussy and cock.
And fuck you up the ass and Ricky Ricky. What was the nursery rhymes I mean DIA fired or he was on fire for that it was Lenny Clarke and before that it was DOM Irrera. Dom Irrera was Larry. You know those guys that can be missing an arm, but there still tough they'll fight. You on you talking to me I'll fight. You one army, never saying that's when he does that bit. I love DOM Irrera how you doing pretty you know me. I got. I got this my ass alert that wife she won't bust. My balls, you know me, I don't complain. I can't go back on that. Shit is priceless. That Lenny Clarke opens up member. He comes out doing. My name is whatever he does know one of my first first time I ever got paid was opening for letting come on my second professional gig, but I always lie and say it was wet, but because it was working with Lenny. You know Joe. He took a bunch of comic
that were big in their regions, because at that time vice was selling out rascals. Grandpas ice was killed, him in New York Signs Ville was killing him. Hicks was key live in Houston yeah. I had all come up to the comedy store now and they will all the killers from their everyday they're involved in a word of mouth killers is what it was. Candice said. Yeah I was like. I was a part of the Boston word right. I got. I got a chance to see what it was like. You would kill if the yeah, but you know what, if you look at it, that's a saint in the podcast is doing for us and I got a I gotta. Thank you, Rodney Dangerfield, at the age fifty two. He had nothing and he took these comics that were right there on the break bro and he made them stars because the next day they called fuck Kennison the tonight show it was seven minutes that he gave them light and look with those ten comics there with their lives.
Think about it. I mean the only guy that really didn't bust. A tv show is DOM Irrera he's still a damn good fucking coming down. There are some children Bob Nelson on that my name is what my name is: what shut the fuck up? Tennessee amateur commercial over here, that's brilliant, but I think he does this well. This is the connection with me there too, 'cause guess what, if it wasn't for Bob Nelson, I would have never had such as my manager. How fucking crazy is that my manager used to manage Bob Nelson and Bob Nelson decided to heed I'm a Christian and he had decided to have his prayer partner, become his manager, and so My manager is said: well, alright. Well, I gotta go out and find new clients, so he came to Boston and By luck. I was going on stage that night I wasn't even scheduled. I went onstage that night 'cause. I had a joke that I wrote that day, that I to try out. So I asked him if I could get five minutes. I don't have the comedy for like two years I was still like a scrub will still like a rank amateur
so if it wasn't for him, I would have that's where I would have been. You know the hardest thing with comedians is that, ah someone who's got that comic mind. That's not the best marketer, that's not the best person for getting their name out there you know they usually like some of the really funny people we know like Brian Holtzman. You know, I fear a world that doesn't know about Brian Holtzman. I fear I fear. I fear that. Doesn't that never saw the brilliance of that guy right after Susan Smith drowned her kids, that guy on stage a week after that, lady drowned her fucking kids and it was a huge case all across the country he goes onstage goes. I had to a bad kids I heard they didn't put away their blocks or they spilled their milk. They sat that close to the tv. Those kids won't be missed and you like the shit. I've tried to get him on so many podcasts like there's. So many people like that. That's why I love doing podcast 'cause. I love getting
people to see people like Brian Brody, Stevens yeah. Well, The certainly exposed Brody, you know and know, and chronicles have ice, and you know having him on this. Podcast has Galifianakis loves, Brody, Brody, Brody's, just uh he's to me, like just one of those little brilliant works of art that you see, out there in the world where you just like you, stumble upon something. That's not like anything else. And you know you gotta learn to appreciate it, but when I get out of Brody is all positive. You know especially now that he's he's really feeling healthy. Again, you know I get out of Brody is a nice guy who has funny shit to say you know, the chimes in some really really like personal funny shit he's just a gem. Is a gem of a good guy. Normally I know that mother from Seattle and he's a guy hey, isn't it amazing, a great guy but he's also a guy- that's not the best at marketing himself,
and that's the only reason why of the world. That was the last thing I gotTA fucking funny Comic that market we did Richard Pryor went home and got on Myspace at night. You know you had to be funny bye. Making the ranks in the old days you gotta, bang it out. You know very interesting couple weeks ago you were saying you talk to Steven Perry, Joe Perry on Twitter yeah. You would think it'd get them on the show ticket Aerosmith. It was nice teen, seventy fucking four. The Boston Red Sox, where everything check, one thousand nine hundred and seventy four Boston. The hockey team was up there, the south What can I tell you about them to seventy four? They own the world, and he is five hundred and thirty fuckers rocking it, and also for two hours on after to get your wings, the rumor was that they were on heroin, you'll, never see him perform again and they released an album named rocks the first Callie out. He comes out yells arm back and he destroy music forever. There was,
it was the way they should. They should shop that up for a there was still a winner great. It was no facebook e d that there will not think Joe Rogan. You have to do with talent. You have to make that much of an explosion in New Hampshire, for these mother fuckers to conflict and watch. You you think about what Aerosmith now is. I've always been a huge announcement power. You have a minute, you call home, but you put on rocks. Look it up in a fucking rocks diamonds, five diamonds, five guys at with talk to themselves. Two guys split, I opposite sides of the house and the Drummer in the bass player talked everybody else. Didn't talk, sign your name, because now they want the fucking age. You had a I name to book the studio which is the basement. So you imagine me and you live in the same house. We hate each other, but still in a band the rocks rocks and they this for rocks toys in the attic's and something else 'cause. Got five hours or draw the line, they got five five hours that I put up against anybody, get
windows are put up against rocks. I put up against anybody, bring it I'll, put it up against any Floyd rocks when they and when Joe very takes those heroin. Fucking put on nobody's fault. Listen to oh yeah, listen to fucking up, oh my god, to listen to all kings and queens so yeah when he not that not the not the version on the greatest hits they chopped. I want to talk a long version. I knew he'd call Perry. Fucking you sold taps Joe Perry was a bad mother. You know there was a time when Kurt Cobain killed himself. There was something going on between Aeros. It was like Steven Tyler and Goldthwaite Goldthwait we're having some back and forth thing we're Steven Tyler was talking about pretty sure it was Aerosmith and they were saying that like Nirvana like it was you know that the last thing they would give a shit about was was, and I remember, again: how can anyone say that, like Aerosmith
became ballads for movies. They became balance for movies, but there was a period of time. You know walk this way. I mean come on man public of eighty four rocking back, but they came back to they would guys that was strong, so much on heroin, even the ruts, which was worn by the critics. If you put it on it's a great fucking out it's great down, that's when he left and I'm in, I went to see him. I want to see the Joe Perry Project open up. Heart opened up, she's, not radio. Right again, I wasn't a quaaludes. I grabbed the bomb by the ankle security. Almost you don't have to do. The guitar line grab that this really like that, and I wanna and love the bits to play me to you. You know it's it's funny, because I read that after Tyler went on american Idol, Aerosmith sold a bunch albums, but the only sold them's up to love in an elevator and all that shit there fucking are rich,
so the bloodline these kids can't handle it. You put on get your wings train kept a rolling live they mix into 'cause. If you, to train, kept a rolling. That's never been done before it starts studio, but what were they doing? What was heart doing that made them so good? Were they doing here? One? I don't see that first, walk into a three hour was little. What adult day and a great little Barracuda is a great man Barbara. What about? Well all homeschooled girl. Listen to the words of that bro. It's about a girl, who's get drilled yeah. She loves the as a couple, although more well for a lot of trying to understand Charlie. One of this thing right, right right on the sands of such Angie List, how she says that he's a magic band bubble, Dick is driving Mama Crap, damn it no shit
that's a dude who's, just sending home the good! That's when you're eighteen and you run into a twenty two year old, that's been slinging. Dickinson was thirsty. Just massive, you been like fucking, a cub scout, we just bang, just straight men loves he do that too, and love to you op just leave a devastating impression like it's almost like getting off stage yeah dice going to follow that being sixteen and fucking a girl and getting out of school she's right there ready to carry your books. That made you laid some pipe on that bitch. That's an important thing to do to in a relationship you gotta rock that check. He never understood. If, in that again, Then it really goes back to the golden principle of life. The more things you do that make other people feel good. The better you feel good, maybe just had a card trick that was really cool. We, rock you gotta right here, like cool, but we're married to a woman. After six or seven years you lose that spark every once in awhile you get when you need weed you get a piece of ass. That's like every other week! That's like just a piece ass, but every two months or every month you come home. One night you pull up by the hair ripped the pan.
You get down! You have rocket. You gotta, like Anderson Silva, he's, going to smack somebody every ninety days you gotta smack somebody every ninety days. You don't saying that, and this is silver did you say that who did Anderson Silva? So please make somebody every ninety days. Don't wanna get attribute that to him via Joey. Even if we visit wasn't going well you're going to understand our pop up blocker smack in the face, you don't know what the fucking saying: back somebody in the face every ninety days. That's what he does and is itself is living in life, man that's a fascinating cat right, they're, not we missed out. I I, like you, know they're going to have the fight in Vegas. Now I know you got off the hope you be, but a book I want to go to the I had a great time and realize what a great time the real, but if she has a lot of that's what I was worried about you, they will what I will do you like. What's that, Charles
once the from people don't know animals compare, is going to be a fight in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in an eighty thousand seats soccer arena, Anderson Silva and she'll son of the most anticipated rematch, maybe in the history of say, the first fight four rounds of complete domination, much else on and took him down, always on time, ground and pound a drop of punches down and then the fifth round Anderson catches him with a triangle and come from behind victory, incredible fight, right, okay, so they were gonna fight there in a rematch in the soccer stadium, but all jail sudden does is talk about Brazil he's coming on the week of May seventh, while working on the day, but he's going to be on because he's got a book out and if it's a jail signing book. I guarantee with tremendous that dude is funny mother. He, in my opinion, is the best shit, the best fight promoter of any sport. If you knew that, if you knew that guy, you know what he's really like and then you see like ruckus kind can rock up he how much clever- and he comes up with how great he is and great questions of those questions and those QA's off the cuff.
I still don't see her ticket for Brazil, so it all went over to yeah. Well went down that this is what happened. The UN has Amino the first couple days. Let's be your position actually to Joe no not take place in my life. I want to see it. I don't want to see the that's dangerous to prove a point. Well, you should decide not to patients in the most. Certainly should the said something bad about the country, Brazil, because we try so I've never seen a country as fiercely loyal readers as Brazil, you talk now. You got a lot. I love Channel nine. I don't so that we know of the
Brazilians love being brazilian men and their because there is so much pride in Brazil. It's could fail. It's like. He knows a lot like. That, too, is Canadians, there's a lot of Canadians who will come down here. They find out you're comedian and they are really excited to tell you about real funny. Canadian comedians, like we've got, you know, can can really good comic. You know, Jim Carrey came from Canada, you know like they. They like to be proud of yeah, Canadian, but not as nutty as the Brazilians members lanes update. I've never seen anything like. I seen guys fight in Canada against Canadians the Canadians, even though they were rooting for the canadian fighter for sure polite for the most
to the american fighter, whoever the fighter was from whatever country in Brazil, they're chanting out. You're going to die there chanting, I'm talking about a whole crowd. The guy gets on the scale for the way in and they're chanting out this thing. So I don't. I don't know what the fuck they're saying, and so I asked the lady I said: what are they saying she was they're, saying you're going to die wow I was like the whole crowd, the whole crowd, seeing you got dying and so then we're at the fight, and it was one of the dudes from from Brazil FUCK. I can't remember his name fought MIKE Pyle MIKE Pyle, Goddamnit Ricardo
Yes, Ricardo funds were quite a few. Actually, I was trying to get confused oaks connecting him with guns, Agah 'cause. I know it rains a team link in western Massachusetts with Gun, Zaga and MIKE Pyle Knox. Mountain MIKE Pyle is like Boeing to everybody trying to bow and their booing like at the top of their fucking lungs man, they're going crazy by the time I get into the octagon he's saying. I just want to say that I love Brazil, it's an honor to be in this and that and there printing out something, so it sounds like Cigano see gyno, and so I asked the lady I said: what do they chanting out? She goes out there chanting out for junior dos Santos Cigano, and so oh ok that wasn't what they were saying they were saying fee. I don't know, I think, is how you say it, which means faggot, wow
oh eighteen thousand people which allowed faggot to a guy who is bowling to them and saying. Thank you. I love Brazil. I love it here. Thank you very much like they were just mad that he beat it brazilian they're so passionate and national instinct that if Shale Sonnen one my God, that's the only reason why I was worried about you, the only one. Where was you and Goldie, yeah. Well, they had a wall of security around him he's just in Brazil recently and they had a wall of security around him and seeds of Robin Hood wearing armor. Yes, would have been just like that. The way or you would have thought that noise yeah well, it could have been man. We could have seen him get assassinated, that's not a joke! That's all! You are. What happens? I gotta tile, no yeah, that's all you would have. I think from now on, all USC should be Superman. Yeah it was very polite. Japan was the most polite place. I've ever been in my life, so you have you been following this shit lately about the re.
Actor yeah it is I've been following what appears to be an article, that's written on one of those fear sites. It's like the end of the world's coming, and apparently according to a lot of people that read it on Twitter. The science is not correct and it doesn't make sense, but that said, I'm just repeating shit that I read. I don't really have any. I hope, not man, knowledge whatsoever, but it doesn't seem like it's good. I mean what's going on with that fourth reactor. Is that thing melting down too? I read something about the fourth reactor was like Jesus Christ. Is that a possibility does that? Imagine the four reactors that meltdown and turn that whole place in just a radio. I would be so two people are saying that fear thing. They were saying that California was already getting yeah well they're saying that we have higher levels of radiation than than ever before and the attribute into Fukushima they're saying it's getting its in to Colorado, they're saying it's, it's essentially all over the country. You can't stop it. You know it
it just flows over the question is how much of it can we absorb before it becomes dangerous? That's the question I don't know I don't know, but they are saying that we are experiencing higher levels of radiation than usual because of these japanese reactor is think. It's the any kind of like on it type shit that help you yes, potassium, iodine potassium iodine is it offers protection to different parts of body, especially your your thyroid gland can be adversely affected by radiation. Wow there's been a lot of thyroid cancers lately and and thyroid disease. Saddam knows exactly that's been since the reactor, but I mean there's a lot of environmental factors and genetic factors that can contribute to that. So right, do you need to have a zombie away for on it? That's just that only away yeah! Yes, keep you from getting fucked by radiation, yeah. Well that ship it so yeah. Maybe I don't know, I don't know what the fuck the future of energy is man, but it's real scary that something like that Fukushima Shit can ever happen because
looking at such a small time frame. Okay, we're looking at here's the earth in twenty twelve right picture, this two thousand and twelve one hundred years ago there was no nuclear power at all. There was nothing like it. Okay, that's one hundred years ago, they had not figured that out. Yet just the idea that in one hundred years you can have sure noble you can have three mile island you can have Kashima you could have all those take place, huge gigantic disasters that fuck those areas beyond repair for, ah one hundred thousand plus years, just the fact you can have three of those inside one hundred year period where nuclear power exists. How long do you think nuclear power is gonna? Last you motherfuckers nuclear power is gonna last for thousands of thousands years. You can accumulate a certain amount of these fucking disasters and the more you do. The more you're gonna have unlivable spots everywhere in the world. If you want your disaster, there's your fucking disaster, but there's an almost inevitable disaster about the ones we don't know about yeah. What do you think that? Well, how about the stew
bridge of this stuff. That's the real issue. I don't know they don't know where to store the waste they stored in Nevada, and that's one of the reasons why you get gambling in Nevada as they did a lot of tests. They did a lot of nuclear tests and they also do a lot of nuclear storage, and so deals? They've made right on top of the Mandalay love in return that should look at Van Nuys. We might be breeding at right now, what's great about Saddam, bold, you guys see that the kid from we have Japan in Alaska yeah. They found the soccer ball that she's already there already there that's a knockout Walters show by itself. We will them of it's a hundred percent proof that radiation has had no choice because should not sure they've said they've said that they've already, you know they can actually track in the Gulf stream. They know where the radio you know, because they had a poor millions of gallons of ocean water on the reactor school. More often they're still doing that they're still doing the same thing, so they just
wantonly polluting a huge area of ocean to stop their issue and there's no other solution. I don't know how else they're going to cool it off. I don't know what the fuck good that mean mean it's almost like. They need science to come up with some incredible innovation to stop the meltdown. This thing who would have ever thought That's how a reactor is. Is that there's no way to stop it? Is that once you run out of power, like literally, you can't contain the Energi and then just eat through its containment cell, and it becomes incredibly toxic like what, if every thought that they would make something that seems so likely to fail. So likely, but if it buy a meteor, we're fucked, you know really. You know. Why would anybody let them build that it's almost it's almost like they had something, and they were sure that they would have it completely harnessed in twenty years, which is launch it today and cross surfing to the power doesn't go out for twenty years, but in twenty years from now we're going to know how to deal with this stuff. The fact we are,
you may not ever be able to figure out how to deal with nuclear waste. It might be just one of those are a lot of time. You know the the offer, but maybe not really start talking half flights of with a hundred thousand years talk and not to mention that, or so we have all these radioactive shit. What about all the oil? That's been in the ocean? What about that that happened last year, all this should accumulate. This is all this is all effects are fucking cheat one way or another, this all this shit pollution oil in the water. When I catching a break from any fucking direction, the only ones we catch a break is limited, Fucking Montana, where they found the teeth of those dinosaurs. That's it I mean where else can we? You can't drink ocean water, fucking? Twenty, we don't know it would drink it. Two years, but I do think that there's drugs in the water that you drink, you know small, ten thousand you know fucking valium or whatever the fuck they found you it doesn't affect me. I don't give a fuck. It adds to my party, but I'm just talking about this twenty shit out there that we don't even know about that's what we know about. We know. But what about all these? What about when we talk about rocky Flats in Colorado, with those people out there
then making that up those people are really intelligent and they say that shit was Lincoln for years. They had proof from Rocky Flats We sit here for hours and talk about bold and all this shit out graders, but those people had proof that there was leakage up there in that beautiful fucking area. We have you ever gone to rocky flats when drive to rocky flats. You know you somewhere that you're not supposed to be member that show the hitchhiker on HBO. He bitching and there's nothing up there just flat land. That's it! How beauty this Colorado! One! Have you ever seen a flat part of Colorado when you hit rocky flats, the mountains fall the fuck away and whole Larry just flat. Very the air is thinner like there's a little fucking guy security thing, but like an army jeep by himself, this is the entrance like a Stephen King movie. It's like a it's like it's like, the continuation of the shiny, like it's Graham.
Where would you go out there? Colorado, Saudi it like I've, told you before boulder gets as much. Sunshine is Hawaii a little hawaiian area. When you go out to Rocky fly, it even feels great. It's probably the government man they prob at harps. Now, where is the place where you go underneath? What's the name of that in Colorado Jeff was has a norm I'm sorry, Nora Moran's in Colorado. Where is it not NORAD in Colorado, commission sure sure this law, in Colorado, you know like when you go in boulder, ignore what the fuck is nor at exactly. We have a place, the devil stomach, bold, north american Aerospace, Defense command house at norad- I don't know defense command, in a is ugly. So that's why they always said if you live in boulder in Colorado, it's great, but the first this is really going to get bombed is going to be Colorado because tried to destroy NORAD, even it's just a fucking, they have twenty NORAD's and we have more higher fucking,
whatever ones. Now I was built. God knows when I mean right now, we must have other caves in a fucking stronger, but they've always said that NORAD is well first places they'll take out. Look at it read about Nora, for the first place in Colorado. Springs is located at Patterson AIR Force base if you've ever been in Colorado springs. Colorado springs is like all military man, it's all military in nineteen. Eighty five number one growing city in the country and number three for crime at the same time cars when their Colorado Springs is no fucking joke in any fight 'cause. I almost moved there. That's how I ended up in boulder on the plane. Somebody said you don't want to go to Colorado Springs the GI town dog, get you boulder with some bitches, it's it's agii! It's a gi talents also, really religious town, very religious, very religious springs is where TED Haggard is from a dude that crazy mister and was winded up doing crystal meth and probably
to get religious when he lived there, just because all the beauty around you, you know you probably like. Yes, there is a maker of this. This is amazing and gorgeous, and this it's also easy to get religious and I an army town. You know it's just a Vaccaro military towns. You know, there's no, there's no atheists in foxholes rational when I got the Colorado daughter, maybe want to smoke more reef. Yeah subway system. I became a reefer head professionally. I was always a reef ahead. Once I moved to Colorado MIKE, I get it now to hearing God's wild, fuck really is God's country. You know when you're driving through the mountains, like I I just described the the feeling that you get is just like something. If you're looking at the most incredible work of art, if you're looking at a beautiful edible work of art like that feeling of awe and inspiration, and just a
really a wave of happiness washed over your body. That's what it's like when you're driving around in boulder and that's how crazy it is. No! That's! Not seen quarterly in Idaho yeah I've been there long, yes, Jesus Jesus CORE Weiss is a beautifully affair for all my God dude. I looked at some photos online them like this doesn't even look real. These people is a town up there and apparently it's like a lot of like fat cats, and it's like where's that one place in Wyoming is like a famous place in Wyoming White. Dick Cheney's got a ranch, and Cheyenne. I don't know where the Riverton. Nothing like that. No, no! Well! How about this I'll, just type in a rich people Wyoming but they all have this. They have like a town up there, where it's like all like bankers and billionaires and shit like that come on. I can't find it. Rich people live in Wyoming, but and Wyoming bottle.
Jackson, Hole Jackson, Hole, Jackson, hole the flight, is beautiful, beautiful spot, we're rich people. If that's what that's, what they did, they pieced it together. There was a spot where it's like, it's all like mansions and ranches, and she ever look. You go online just just for goof and like look at real estate in different sounds amazing. I like to do that. I like this. I I to to you. I went to Jackson Hole Wyoming in my room, not my room, but the guy that lives next door to me in Snowmass village in eighty three his father died, so he came through and then he goes out of the bind. I really need like six hundred bucks in my plane ticket. I gave it too much. Don't worry about your father died when he came back because I really want to do something nice for you. He was the manager of Sport, Kaylin Sport, gallons of a big ski shop in ask the time right, I used to get demos he's the guy that first taught me how to ski this guy did a lot for me and one day he goes. I want to take you on a trip to uh him and his wife. We would take me to a trip to ah Jackson's whole escape at the time.
I was pretty decent one hundred and eighty five, but I wasn't fucking good at all. One hundred and eighty five, such a hundred. You know your skis one of the five thousand two hundred and five, so it is ok. These mother, fuckers, took Millie Jackson. Home present was to go on the helicopter and jump out of a helicopter in slowing guys, eyeing a straight or God. I could do it that you couldn't do it and I wouldn't do for you you're smart fuck, you I should have done it all. Fuck yeah, I shouldn't eat mushrooms and she was just twenty foot drop. It was just a forty foot drop and you're dropping into you know Doctor Steve my Buddy, Steve Grande inject him this morning, you jumping into one hundred and eighty inch base of snow. So you basically landing in thirty feet of snow. Nothing is going to happen to you, you're just going to go down a little bit and then the mountains dissuade you shoot, but that's the point
you're thirty feet of snow and you're in the top of it. You know how fucking much baster is in the top of a mountain of snow dirty feet. There's gotta be twenty feet, it snows all fucking. You know when you look at look right now. What's the basin aspen, don't give you one hundred and fourteen inches whatever the fuck, they give you baseball, what does it feel like to be in an avalanche? Imagine that Could leave this one recently. Where would you look back on that shit chasing you, but you know when you ski and even ski. Like I listen three years ago, I shot a movie in a collar and I went up there and they gave me a ski pass for the day and it was great I got the gondola I skis on. I skied around the top, and I was up for too long legal Axigen sickness. You know high level where it was too far poxi as I want whatever it was, you get dizzy and shit, so I went down, but my skiing days are over, but if you ever get the chance and you're young and your knees and whatever you need to much is that those people do they have mushrooms and go skiing. Apparently snowboarding is easier to like snowboard. It's easy. It's great really is great. I don't think so.
Would you went this last time? Did you see your children ski, not your children, ski their table too young? I thought you say that they they call him ski bunnies and they take them with their three really ski, and here you are. Twenty years old, you been lifting weights drinking protein shakes And here you are walking like a zombie in these little fucking four year olds. Go by you doing nicely. Do that fuck, you, you feel like a fucking moron, you like look at the at the lower clawed, their lower gravity. So it's easier for them to talk, but this would be easier for me to
you know I or gravity me is three hours to walk from sport, cable into the lift. I grew up in the air for three hours because I put the skis on. I thought I was to be. Like I don't know, I can't fall and inform you were walking with the skis on mobile. You know what you find a price you have ski poles yeah, so you were doing like off. Ross country tries yeah, that's a different type of ski. I would go skiing with you guys, anytime. You want dog, no, no, no! No! Really you ski! I! I grew up skiing, rusty club. I would get I still like a walking either. He did what he was shocked to see when you slow, but are you even just give you have a only after we left the right yeah? It's not that big of a deal with you go see if you'd be so not to get caught with just strong every man's wrong. You just bounce like I said you don't twist it when you get older, that toll skis cross your fucking history. I never thought with anything when I was growing up that involve the cold.
Play hockey and I want to fuck you. I hate the cold ski. I really enjoy this amazing. I really enjoyed that. I had never done it Jersey, because why would you do it in Jersey? Any problems says it's like close to sex. It is you're flying and that hear that windows and then you realize it you, your body is like a car just going to realize it. You ask, and you see like all this thing here in the forest. I think it's, I don't trust myself, man, I'm too fucking impulsive to be Joe Rogan, how we go jump off the gondola and I would start skiing and go and talk you know a Brian. I would talk and get great stance and I'd be balanced and all of a sudden I realized I'm going a little yeah, and I would fucking crashing on my own like I'd, be scared. I scared myself meter like I'm, going to fucking fast. Why not? can plow and take I told you I would take out ski lines. I would just take out of line suck my fucking head and go for broke
really yeah, no, no wait times. You do all couple done embarrassing, but it's easy to freak yourself sees a freak yourself. You freak yourself out you like what should people next to you and like they start gold faster? like on a little because you know what the results are. How many times have you fall in your ski is two miles up the flip app as you gotta fucking climb up with those boots and go get you don't know how many times I've gotten a gondola with like three older. Gondolas, I'm sorry to lift you don't know. What's the difference, the Granville has a hot and it's warm and you could hold open air and people so like a little house, yeah house a little house, so you don't know how many times I swear to God. I got God I got in a gondola Brian out. You might not come on where you guys from Texas NICE, where you from Jersey, What do you got going on with doctors and also right before you're, ready at tip off there? Like you mind if we spoke enjoy, are you a come on yet with this part with
does it. Do you think? That's still going on like that people sex servers vacation they go to lose their fucking well yeah and by the way it's going to make it feel better know make room, stayed mushrooms of able to apparate skiing, in which you said in the jacuzzi and talk to people from finance. I've had a good actor. I don't do he's really weird with a jacuzzi, no not mean I'm just saying that's what they do up there. You sketo for, and it's called app whiskey skiing is where people go when they mango and they talk shit and they sit around. You have, and you have a waitress who comes and brings you drink. That's what I pray skiing is it's nothing bad, I'm not into jacuzzi, but I, like this game bar, you don't have a ski pass at work that I'm not into cool yeah. I worked at Mister Video, so he gave me a ski pass, so the video store wouldn't open till twelve. So I hit, the slopes from nine to about one thousand, one hundred and thirty go home. He just sandwich go to work. I had a three mountain, slow, I would never go to Ajax. Ajax is like this dog. That's not for Uncle Joey in you. Ajax is like this with
So you don't know what so you like is feel like you know, Rock Legend Ajax's like this, like this mother with loss, so people jump off and land that type of shit. No, no. I went one time. I told stop this right now, get me back what Diana Lion afraid to tell you. I spent Mount Naked Ski it's still best. I was the king because have you ever seen videos of those guys going down the side of a mountain and avalanches chasing whoa? That's a fucking, crazy thing to do with your time, Joe Rogan. One time I was living in aspen, I was planning a jewelry heist that was a jewelry store. It's the old mass village fried destroy the Snowmass village mall Christmas. If you can look up that paper, look up snowmass! but whatever it is, one thousand nine hundred and eighty three.
When I was thirty years ago, it's going to be thirty years. It has the statue limitations right. The the statue of limitations ran out on me page right sauce. I was up Aspen mountain one night and I and I got a kick you I just thought- opening up doors and the next day in the paper Christmas day. They had a thing that said more burglarize Christmas Eve, so I would like there's a jewelry store, Minne rob up. Then they went there for years, I'm going to ride these mother fuckers and at the time I had a guy that I was an electrician. I was an apprentice electrician. I bet I was a red, ventu. I am, and I also bet pipe for the fucking, the commercial guys so I asked the other. Can you help me fuckin get this virus. So he looked at eagles. We could do it, you could cut the wire and the alarm. Won't go also the cops and their reactor, so I had two weeks to go to. I went back to Jersey and I went up to him on Monday and the blizzard it was a perfect night. It's a fucking blessing. The cops can't get up to that. To me. I get up that cut the fucking wire I break
last and something makes me turn around and I see the cop cars and Audis they had not out being sobs sobs. Then I seen the lights, but they don't have the sirens, but they were down away from me. There Donna what is just to show you how smart you brother Uncle Joey is they were down away from so it's a blizzard. They can't catch so I put my hold on the jewelry stores, but they come in. So I start running. I start running fucking fall down. The slope cut around. There was back ways to get into my house. I lived on twelve Creek Creekside. I climb into the apart: I take my clothes off my fucking, I'm sitting there and went in an hour. I gotta knock on the door and I opened the door. That's two shares and they're like hi. How you doing now have you anything suspicious and I'm like not not really nilly? Yes, I we tried to rob the jewelry store time me, fucking genius. I walked in the snow and made a path right to my fucking door, so the guy says to me: you
been out all night, I'm like not been home all night watching tv and he's like who Boo, Tillerson, might look down and you can see the snow falling off a melting right in the heat. I don't like that my boots, they go so you haven't been out and I got. I got the car to get the fucking cassette, the car whatever he goes. Well, it's funny 'cause the path and that juries thought leads right to that. Fucking you silly bitch. They had me, but they had no charges on, had disappeared to ysleta. So before the cops came knocking for me two, we It takes that long to bring you to court. They had nothing. They had no fingerprints, how they just had time. It was about twenty fucking that they can't they had a mix of men having the last time I'll, get Barry Scheck that no tools and then, by the time they remember for them to come in your house. Unless you let him they have to have a warrant, so they couldn't get you I'm just a foot from a charity or house. I could act. As I told him I went to the car. I couldn't mixed into somebody else. What the fuck I get defenses, what the fuck don't make me call back.
How clean with these footprints. With these last time, the footprints of snow had fallen over like silent night, but there still yet there was still over whole. We die is depressing times for some reason: man, a lot of people ice themselves around Christmas, yeah that song, that song that's the fucking properties, is what is it about people that ice themselves around holidays? Is it just? They don't feel loved and they just get for some people nowadays, a lot of pressure. Somebody leaves somebody, you really love. There's a lot of that. I wish in my life I got to love somebody that once they were gone, I would die like over here like dies. Nearly the husband dying happens all the time. We happens all the time, 'cause she's having my grandparents we talked about yesterday. Actually, it's very sad, but I never thought about.
Do you know Joe and all this shit, but I went through. I never thought about ice and myself. I just always considered. If I am white Christmas, though it seems like there's like high expectations of love, and then you measure yourself up to that. You don't have to press you Christmas yeah, especially in Ohio. You can't usually can't leave the house 'cause of the weather, you're broken. You have to buy something for your girlfriend, your mom and your just like. How am I going to do this so you're working more trying to make up enough money to pay? For I remember when people get Christmas jobs extra jobs like high school high school kids would get Christmas jobs. I Chris yeah. It's a lot of pressure day because I don't have a mother will give a fuck about gifts and all that shit, the press, because you her birthday family, my Momma fact my mother's birthday, or in New York. I gotta bring flowers to the fucking cemetery fry where's, the cemetery Jersey,
anything special when you live out here. You can't see your family so you're sitting here by yourself. You don't have a girlfriend. Your fucking sitting lean, I don't know like last two christmases habit: eight lean pie you know. Instead of fucking difficult, get some healthy food yeah, I could not even makes it worse lean pockets number one man fucking parade, even if I'm alone on Christmas, that mother Fucker APP, I got weed, I got pot cookies. I go to Boston market and get a turkey with stuffing in the trimmings, the soul, mate things you could do like. I really been fucking depressed on holidays, not to the extent alike. Kill myself, but I don't have a fucking family, you don't Christmas and your birthday is when you we think about your family. You say you know before I came here tonight. I did something I showed Joe and bread band my family in Cuba, and I cry When I watch the video, I never met these people dog. How would you feel that's? How would you feel if you are forty, nine years old and you Zhenya, fucking cousins will come a record album Burbank and my uncle called me
because your cousins are coming from Cuba. They want to meet. You they've seen your movies in Cuba and they watch Youtube in Cuba, so they want to meet me and they land that fucking X and the Private says: do you guys want to drive in LA and see what LA is about to go yeah and they go Melrose in my name is on the wall at the improv. To do is show that might want to tell me what chances are again shit. It's typing what the chances are again, they stop and they go in, and thank God, reader was there A really goes. I know who Joey Diaz is a arena Columbia. She goes on standing around your cousins right now. How amazing is that how far out of the podcast with with Duncan or something and the band is in the hands and both of us and and the and I going to have bad I'd meet them at one one side of families. Why didn't meet him? His sister is black and we gotta cantors to eat and what we're? What is Joe Rogan? You know. Every morning I played music on twitter and sometimes give me shit you're, a comedian I don't play them is if I play the music, because it's an energy
new it or I'm sitting with my cousins. They can't speak a word of English, but they do the work stairway to Heaven. Do the words to thirty eight? What's that song, Mr Saturday night, when you in cuban people save the the words they don't know what those words mean. They told me that but sing I, they sang Lynyrd Skynyrd Saturday night. Special though with the means don't know what Saturday night means but lately the satellite added you beautiful David because of their head coach wow, even the bike, because the black with the with the car, let's play a little bit of them, there's a guy and a girl there to to one thousand fold. First put the v Osaka, because God damn this is like some rage against the machine yeah. Why old and this right to know I got high with how most of the lyrics I don't understand what they're saying when I was greatly greatly. It's just the revolution and they sing about the revolution. It be free thanks
at what company told me how they opened up for audio slave and when they sang fucking. Yes, probably knows: yes, roundabout, normally and being around the battle, and I wanna take you out enough. They say that that's when I had to go outside to smoke pot? I was like so you got it's just live off american music and hear the flock of maggots put it down in this in this, so that that was everything Aubrey was that the black keys, I guess he was in Austin, the black keys or not, and for- and he sent me a video from his Iphone to fuck The place is huge and it's packed and people are going. Fucking, crazy and black keys are rocking out and I talk to myself. I don't remember who it was. I think it might have been Doug Benson. They told us
then he saw them at a place like in San Diego years ago, and the place is like half full yeah and you know why they sold out Madison Square Garden. Fifteen minutes. You know why, because they're badass after undeniable that at every campaign, stop if you lose, we keep it alive right, that's that's it! Then the mutual he knew was there. That is real music. There's! No there's! No more, not music man. That's that, then, there's a reason why they just exploded with it right. So here's it is is because if you went on you tube inside the letter x and in a space funds and that's a l, f o n s o- and this is the song called video and see it's not ph- it's not off onto the piano
by the way. Yes, we're gonna buy some sophisticated equipment that allows us to feed this straight through government. Fucking communist government way translate, I'm not lying. I tell you that I'm living out my fucking three wait. I don't want things: oh yeah, they are fucking. They opened the audio slave. They opened up also motley of the on Itunes there on Itunes, I think, but the classic thing they did that fucking had me crying. Was
when they told me that Fidel's assistant went to them and said when we do statue of John Lennon because don't have a lot of respect for John Lennon, you know John Lennon was was half economy. It would parts of that guy used to beat the fuck out of Yoko First, what he did yeah he's a crazy John Lennon, John Lennon beat the fucking Jonathan was violent, should he's crazy? Would you read this along time? A lot of people know he would need to give up by ten tricks. You know, Jimi Hendrix, who beat up his girlfriend day excludes a fucking nuts bro, but that was one of the things I guess it was already experienced. One of the books where I was reading, because I had a conversation about whether or not Jimi Hendrix did Heroin. You know when everybody always said it was acid or was heroin, and what was it and I've always attributed heroin to great music and some people have corrected Maine. Then I found out that Jimi Hendrix had tested who had been arrested for heroin in Toronto. So so it like okay, no, he definitely did heroin, but it apparently was after he had released all of his studio albums. That's when he started doing heroin- and
in this story, where this guy was one of his bandmates was talking, you know describing their life one. Things was about Jimmy beating up one of his girlfriends, and I read it. I was like whoa, oh man, that's fucked up like that. I don't want to believe that I don't want to believe that Jimi Hendrix has beaten up his fucking girlfriend. You know after the beating is John Lennon was fucking an animal. I mean there's a co writer of fame by David Bowie, which is a bang and fucking song. He was the co writer Bennie and the jets, and he put imagine it you know it has all those great fucking songs on that that imagine Almas, fucking, deep, deeper, deep, you gotta be be you fucking somewhere. I mean the motherfucker live at the Dakota in the middle of New York City and walked around without a bodyguard wow. I had kredible now your cousin sister is also has their own and there's another badass musician in your family, and her name is MRE Alfonso.
A l f, o N, like just if you thought that shit was badass, then you have this which is just giving crazy. Her voice is amazing, said on CNN, so the flavor just runs in your whole entire family. Just about that side, that's not! The the Diaz is their rich from comma wake you, but they would doctors. The
out this side is just too fucking overwhelming. You know we sat at cancers and they were telling me how, when they see me on that. You know they love that Alex Jones. Thank you, and even though it's only a lot of jokes, echoing pilot, they will fuck like they don't even know what I was saying, but they know I was crazy, but what they told me when they watch me on stage at the improv and it killed me said that you've never been around your family, but your them that if you went back to Cuba and got in the middle of the, the house started telling stories you be about it's like they still get together and they went visited my sister that I never met you. My left, Cuba. I was three. I never really remember her and she's ten years older mean me. They told my sister that they were going to find me when they came to the fucking states, so they just got back to Cuba and I just emailed them yesterday and then we're probably going to talk my sister for the first time next week since one hundred by the by eighteen. Seventy nine. As our reason all talking crazy but they're all you see their parents, then my second causes my first causes. Their father is also a big
the cuban musician he's got a house. The government gives a mouse he's, got surfboards that given for the food, you know e fat and they take good care of him. You know, but uh it's amazing, seeing those people, because I know my family was about. I had no fucking idea and there were even like dog well musicians how to fuck. Did you end up with this? How to fuck? Did you do this? But they all said you, your grandfather, you father your gram, one of the same mother fucker even months. Amazing. You look like him, your forehead, your face and just your hustle the way he raised his kids I'm about it's so weird when you really see where you come from As much as I thought my mother was crazy. They vowed that she stabbed a dude. She had an alias and came to the states. I didn't get social security among the earliest, like red band, has a stage name: yeah yeah man fuck you in your stage name, but she told the bar in her anus man. She owned a business under Alias Sofia, the serial so when the people are coming
Sofia, I don't know fucking Sofia. My mother como me hit me in the head up Sophia, get it together. You supposed to know that I didn't know that and then I found out she's like when I'm at work. You know I'm Sophia, Cecilia, that's really funny, but when my mother died, I couldn't collect social security because she had never worked on the real fucking name. So she worked on the alias and have all those business on their alias. So something always comes back to bite, but it's really weird. When you put together your fucking family, did you grow up being around your mom's bar all over every day? That's why I don't drink yeah, really yeah drink because it was there for me the time hours from the time I was three to twelve. I was at the bar really. Is that the way to have kids like learn alcohol? Do you have around it?
have around so it's not some sacred thing that they can't get a hold of what I would have it when they're young they're, really italian, bottle of wines with the foot the fucking shit on it. You know one of those want Cappie. Okay, can't be what I was like for. My mother told me a story that she was drinking Chianti and after she what the bet I got up a drink, half the bottle. She got up and call the cops. I was missing that could find me like what the fuck is he Coquito is. She called the cops the cops found in the closet, with beautiful shit all over. So after that dog there was no drinking for my ass. You know I'm saying there was just no fucking drink it. I puked in a cab once when I was fourteen. My pal Jimmy Lawless went to some party we're all listening to bad company drinking
Acting is really fourteen drink Jack Daniels, not having any clues that how much I could drink. Just completely experimenting hammered stumbling into things: men boy, but I was a mess back then I I when I look back and I'm like so grateful that anybody was willing to be my friend I couldn't look back when I was young. You know you ever do that look back when you were young going God. Imagine what had to be my friend when I was fourteen, oh and then if the reporter killed the guy we were talking about today, who interview he has his own podcast he's thirteen and that kids got his shit together is like many little he's little band, you know he's beautiful he's in prodigy, yeah, that's his name. Reporter kid at it on twitter, kid great soccer for him. The you know when you open yourself up nine million, do is going to ask you to be on the part of the house, hey man. I did because that gets cool, but I do Hey man hit me up in the DC I'll do the podcast! You know. If I have time I try to do it in there and I try to help people out every week, but, like I have some people
technique for Saturdays and Sundays, I can't do it on Saturdays and Sundays, but during a fucking week now people hit me up in the kicking. Do my pockets at nine hundred o'clock at night? You don't want me at your house now clock and I've smoked. Eighty fucking joints I'm birth, the fuck out by nine hundred o'clock. Jacks me early, I'm saying cock sucking when are you at your best? In the day, six hundred am six, am six hundred am throwing heat giggling by myself, fucking when you're you're on and all the best music, please I get so fucking fired it up in the morning. Still when I hit that first bond lately, I've been doing this in the morning just to keep it then this vapor fucks me up in the morning, but it doesn't fuck me up in the afternoon. So it's like it's a tv for me. I only smoke in early in the morning and then after like two, I got to go back to the fucking heavy duty boy. That was the last time you took a day off a week. Do you ever do two days before the surgery yeah I'll, try? Two days before you, then I went off for a week. I went off for a week. I, like December yeah you have to you have to you know this date listed dad wake up on my today, I'm not going to smoke, but I wake
and my house is like a fuckin opium den. I got bombs. I got the device this is. I got you know so you, like, I open up my draw going. The computer I find loose, join some containers, a hash, hi FI, so much shit out. So this day is like. If I'm going to doctor, I don't want my blood pressure. I won't smoke till two or three like this week, going on it just to give you blood pressure, fucking break. You know these days on the one hundred and one and I gotta get high as soon as possible. You know like some days, I gotta get fucking high as possible. Bro you driving around the one hundred and one of them you get so frustrated in traffic. I've never seen anybody more frustrating or no. No! No! No! No! It's not worth the aggravation. So this is my proposal. Let's all get a series of houses together somewhere in Colorado done. Let's
do it I'll buy, though you have to become the landlord. Oh, no, you don't have to buy fucking around I buy a whole box is broken, is not gonna fucking go so I'm going to have to deal with a reluctant witness. Listen at the end of this is broken at the end of the day, she's going to have to realize that California is not going to get any better, it's going to get more and more over populated. What are traffic is more more some complaints for sure there's. First of all, when you're dealing with this amount of people there's always going to deal with the massive amount of traffic and potential for crime, uh. You know shit just shit along those lines. You know car accidents, drunk drivers, texting people being fast and rude, there's late way, fast cars man is way more of that in a big city. Then there is in a small towns yeah, but way you move. Mrs Rogan, before you took her out of the loop, a lot of civilization. You can't do that to my girl. You see that's yeah, that's the problem with being married. Is that if it was
it's up to make it, I would be living in like Batman, would drive up to a fucking cave and the walls would open up and I go inside and and I'd be somewhere. If my house would just clearly reflected my first shore, I'd be living in the mountains, one hundred percent- I would have some crazy s- military style, home v. They can just get through any kind of snow, so I could get home no matter. What and that's what I would drive in the winter periods, and I would I would I would relish that, and I would deal with the fact that it's going to be sometimes we're stuck is going. Sometimes we get snowed in is going to be it. Sometimes we gonna have to shoot a a shot gun off to get a pair of your back porch. You know those. You know that go along, as you know, they're going to lose. You know that you you, you live like a doomsday preppers right is that shot? I would you want that? You know what isn't doomsday preppers on discover now guys
why my my field is not need to wise. Yes, you do yes about people to get ready for the apocalypse the card table like have already for enough economic downfall of the country. It's with people, it's crazy, Joe Rogan, a bill flipped out and we just went at it. If you are easy as Dell because of that leads world of DR. I now have you really. I know people that are doing that man. I people here yeah, you know family raise house, they have a thing outside their house and underwater underground. Rather, bunker out in the desert out near palm springs, there's like a place where you pay and you could buy like an underground apartment several layers, deep under the ground like like floors, deep and stocking up
who they're stocking on. Well, I don't want to live if it gets to that this fucking guy had the nuclear bomb hits and ninety percent of us are dead. I hope I'm in that will be out. Let's, let's see what comes with my fucking look I'll, be in the weeds store with the bomblets and when I walk out everybody's dead except me now I'm walking around like fucking, I am Legend like Will Smith, you know, what's really fucked up that I've been trying to wrap my head around lately I mean it's something. I've always known for second, take a little smoke break. What you know something I've been thinking about lately that I've been trying to wrap my head around. But it's really hard to you. Remember that Crosby Stills and NASH Nash, Song Woodstock. It goes we are stars, we are. We are stardust, we are golden. We are billion year old, carbon and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden. You know I always like wood
this. Is that, like a, why would a cool lyric? We are stardust and then, as I got older, I actually like did a little bit of research on carbon based lifeforms and really like the the elements that are needed to create human beings actually come from stars like we really are exploded stars and how fucked is that that you take? This is most hilarious like talking in here yeah exactly it's like a Cheech and Chong Album he took this starts from speakers were talking about stars mean a human being literally cannot exist until a star explodes and then I believe that's probably the next cycle that human beings make the stars explode all over again. We get not fucking nutty like we're doing with this japa. Is thing. We have these fucking huge nuclear power plants that can't be shut off or whether it's something else that we're creating with the large hadron collider or the next level shit anti matter, experiments whatever fucking crazy
thing that the half life video games style shit that they are actually working on right now, they're, not telling us about. I think It's probably the reason why human beings exist. I think that's what we do by the word. The end of the line before we blow the whole thing up and it starts all over again and then it has to become stars and stars has to explode, and that has to create certain elements and then those elements have to combine and they have to be water, and next thing you know, there's life and that life has to evolve and get more and more complex and figure more shit out until boom. It blows things up all over that is that possible it seems like it yeah. It seems like that really might be what it is. It sounds ridiculous, but it might be really what it is. Stardust need star to explode, to make a person what the fuck sounds like a hallmark.
Doesn't it yes starts to explode and make you really is impossible to wrap your head around the amount of time involved in all that it's impossible, it's impossible to to put it into perspective, where what you're saying is not just some abstract noise. You know what I'm specially me because of my limited amount of education and comes to astronomy, astrology and stars, and I mean everything. I've known about is just from watching, documentaries and and reading stuff in from books. I've never really formally studied in college or anything along. You know the, The brightest astronomers of the world or anything like that. So when I talk about it, it's all abstract, but you don't need to. You could put two and two together have your own. Take out what really happened that we all feel something different happened. We don't nobody. Fucking actually knows holy fuck those nobody fucking knows they can sell here, books, dot IR telescopes. Nobody
and those would happen where we here we just have ideas of what was there before. They found the fucking two to the fucking thing in Montana. So obviously there was water in Montana three hundred thousand years ago. That's all we know we can make a hypothesis from all. But nobody fucking knows nobody, love God. Clearly, nobody knows this. By Adam W as a stock grated hello. I came down from the flock and stars and made it with a check in the fall and spring well things on the water. How they say if they have to read every week is different. You know whether it's Adams, whatever it's very interesting and we each have our own take on it. You know that that nobody's right nobody's role right world hobbies right nobody's for it's impossible to know. I think it's fascinating, fascinating though it seems like what human the human race is is a race that woke up in the
you have something in the middle of an adventure. That's what I feel like, since we all have these temporary lives, but yet we're all connected to the lives and to the actions of everyone that came before us and everyone that surround us. It really is like we're waking up in the middle of a journey like we are that this is an analogy that I've used before that were on a starship, and we woke up four minutes before we slam into a planet and the like, it's going on here. What we doing, where are you going? We? We are riding the momentum of all these people that have existed before us, but we didn't study what they study. We didn't father what they followed. We didn't learn what went through their mind to get to their conclusions were just riding on their innovation were riding on there. If they're, if they're in experiments and the results of them and and their inventions, there got electricity, their cars, their airplanes were riding on all their and we just keep it moving in the same direction. I kind of feel like that's a natural thing. I gotta feel like that's when I look at all the other life forms on earth and everything destructive or constructive that they do from building dams to create. Beehives whatever the fuck. They do. It's all natural,
Why would we assume that? What we're doing is not the same? Why wouldn't we assume that the reason why we're so conflicted in weird is 'cause. That's the proper mechanism that needs to be in place for people to move forward in the direction that we're moving forward to be the be constantly chasing technology without any real clear sort of a rational approach to using our resources and looking at the problems that we have 'cause we're like a bunch of little kids that have like shit all over their house, but instead were outside working on the garden. Planting trees, planning, not cleaning up the that we piled up in the middle of the living room and keeps piling up. It keeps to the point where we can't even live. We our house anymore, we're concentrating on some shit. That's not even ours. Do you think you could you you probably could, but probably couldn't maybe Maybe it's a like a meeting. Do you have kids in for a big family? So do you think you could ever live in like one of those Airstream trailers by myself? Okay,
yeah 'cause. I was recently went to you know a tree in one of those, and I was thinking like really. This is all I really need and I could take my whole fucking house anywhere. I want in the new ones. Have like nice. Wood floors have some of expand out. You know there there's been. You know, a lot of people that are moving towards minimalist house is really small houses, but there's a bunch of online that show like how certain people live. It's kind of interesting. You know, like one guy, figured out a way to have like this little tiny, cooking area and it pulls the bed out in the bed comes out of the wall. He lives by himself and he was like some storage up in top like toilet paper and things along those lines. But it's a tie any tiny little house in a little kitchen, dinette area. And you know the idea. Is that like really? Why do we have to have this giant fucking footprint of house that we live in this 'cause you're getting paid bitch? If I want to
wanna fuck itself, I live in a fucking cell like a monkey, I'm going to live in a fold up bed like I'm James Bond, like some fucking border rican. That gets a check on the fifth go fuck, your mother. If you can pay, you live in a fucking house, I'm going to live in the Micro Fucking House with a little kitchen to cook. Like I got a black guy back at me in the fucking ass. I don't need that you spread out evenly, I'm no millionaire. I got a big fucking kitchen, a micro. What do you fucking people talking about? I just not out of it or you can take me into those deep waters that Eureka fucking kill the brother right now, a fucking house the bed upside down, thought that shit to say vantage of fuck? You you get paid, you fucking live like a normal person, go to Trump, it's a wig. Moving to a fucking thing, hey by the digital text? Slappy it. If you don't have a russian bitch slapping in the fucking mail fired the fuck. Are these people micro houses in the fucking, you play it out to the world ends like a doctor. Like a doctor you your fucking life you're right, doomsday, I'm going to put up,
can a tomato soup under my stairs to wait for the Martians to come when it's uh, over it's over. You go out with a with your dick out. You take your fucking chances like a man. I'm gonna live, like I thought, no twenty dollars to a bookmaker downstairs in my house get the fuck out of my face. I want to live in one this. The Airstream with Brians down Joe, is not, I think we have a real clear line in the sand. Fire people even feel like you're in one when you're in there, it's pretty late, so somebody farts and you're in for fucking, speak freezer and you like, I paid ten thousand dollars, so I can smell your asshole. Get the fuck out of here. 'cause everything
thanks to somebody blows a for you walk into a back to back to some real but others. You even tell your mother, you look at the MIKE you dirty pop up. That's light a candle talk to either of you know, let alone, so you don't want to live in, not that pros, missed behind you, I'm never home, though you know, like I work so much. I I'm never high you always I'm going to sleep and here's a technical question when you light a fart when a match in a bathroom after someone took a does it burn up all the methane in the air or it's just the smell of the match Mass one of my most of my clients guys, but I don't know you just because the colors scandal, the the it's just covers this now, is that all it is. Is that I like it like. I simply wrong, but that's what I always thought. No, I get good candles on the air with ones I like two of them. I light will, I'm going to shit 'cause, it's fucking, but I have a bathroom and a half the I like to have Joe broken lives. If you don't have a bathroom, have you miss not a fucking life. That's what I'm doing. I have one big bathroom, that's what your girl goes and puts some makeup on, and you tell the
you see that little corner right there, it's a toilet in three feet of luck in area. That's my yeah! That's why shit and let my boy now there saying, can I fucking pop pimples on my nut sack and I fucking whatever you're on the phone? They got your jerk off material. You know, there's only all these things that people are successful and they miss and it's always bought. Like if I was filthy rich, I would get a car get a rickshaw and have and have drive near That's quite simply have a limo or first choice. You gotta fuck, so. Do you around fuck yeah. You show up in the premiership with a rich or you show up here with a rich or you show up for the premiere with a rich or like what bitch every show with their limo. You got a little fucking guy that sweat that you come off. The ship that you need that people talk about when you feel bad for that dude, I don't I've always on gays. All these get paid. If you want billions and you could you a guy looking at you,
the drive thru for up in North Hollywood to say the eagle is going to be around, but they get cannot tell you what, if you were an mma fighter. That would be a great idea Bush for training, a great night of conditioning for your legs. You can really get some good conditioning. They still have done shit like that, like they have people who don't my business, they started Hollywood, where, if you didn't want to drive drunk somebody would pick a motor scooter full of you. Do you want to drive drunk so we'll pick you up, and you know what, if you don't like, they have all these little. It only has a try like that, but that's pretty smart news on the la sake you home and it's cheaper than cabs yeah. The things you miss out on a like if I was filter, which I have a big battle just for myself, one of the day and at what those these things where the water comes out wash, is your asshole for you. What would you have in your fucking bathroom that success having shit that me having an Iphone I don't do deck for me and if you are at war machine gun yeah a knife,
that turns into a machine? That's what I want you did this to him. You know what happened that way found out how much weed it takes before Joey starts and O'Brien, and he picks up Brian's energy bolt for the guild yeah you're beyond. That's no! But I've never heard you go that deep into the crazy bull. Oh please! I only the bottom of the bowl and scraping the tongue of dog about the broken pieces of pasta for the bottom out of my fucking tits of the crazy bull, all the shit. We do. We don't focus on. Like I love to me, the best part of me there's that little batter might have that's my world. I I I hate minutes. You got to be one of the Japanese. I don't like we don't my point, I'm one of those guys, don't my total piss out, but the triangle yeah, that's what I'm when James Brown, when he got arrested by the cops from ruse, if you shoot at the cops what high speed chase the blue as wires, because he came out with a shotgun some dude was using his bathroom went crazy.
Oh that's! Some do. Is this respect to took a shit in James somebody comes to the house and dumps producing it battle it like take them to shoot that shoot. You know what comes out of a task. That's tear gas, you imagine tape melting, your fucking toilet with that way. Fucking protein asked yeah, that's terrible! I have. I have one bathroom it's right. Next to my bedroom, oh anytime, I have a new girl come over even or an ex girlfriend or girlfriend at the time, like you sitting there and she's trying to cover up the sound with the water and the humming and whatever she's trying to do to make, and you just hear like a plop and you're. Just like it's the the growth this thing ever. I think living with one bathroom is one of the worst things in my whole entire operated too. I hate it. I fucking hate. I want my old gross. I want my own.
I think I got my own shit in my own toilet paper. Like magazines message, I need to fucking leave I'm moving even when you touch a magazine or somebody else breed them with their shitty fucking head like that shitty. That's why I'll touch nothing! I don't like shit. People, don't like shit at airports. I had a shit bad on that. Next text Gina when I held that motherfuking, like a soldier This is because I roll life. Nobody would ship the back. That's no clash of the back to my lip. What what you gotta do is gonna. Do a lot of fun to show the fun not fun to keep it should inside my body, a guy live in Barras dog, but you know what comes out of my ass. It's impossible to wipe to other to flush. That's the problem. Joey will leave these landlocked shits on top
because, especially when you were even bigger, when you are bigger, you couldn't sit on a toilet normally, so you had to be like the end of the toilet, so he would drive land. Do it on purpose, he's like my balls off site. Listen you, like your balls outside like it outside 'cause. I don't like your room for error. Is so small. I don't give a fuck. I don't want my balls rubbing up against some of the other guys balls. Then your wife, with your girlfriend at the Lincoln, it's everybody's board toilet. I always hold my balls in my hand. I protective case that Nazis drop a bomb. I got my fucking nuts in my hand, but when I it. Just goes long. I was
it's time to go yesterday. You would take a shit, you look at it. You like, I could take it up the ass. If I had to look at the side, you should have twenty two inch piece of shit. I put my asshole. It always dawns on you, for him feels good baby. I'm in the room you like what the fuck just came out of my some people. Clearly like things in their ass, can make a living on Youtube. Coming out of a couple comes out of your reach. Is it illegal? You'd have to go to Youporn. Look at what comes out your ever looked at your shit like you look at it from it, you like you, shake your head and then, when you flush it and that shit breaks in half of the full puts, while your asshole, because this shit is hidden in the stick once that piece of SH breaks in half it's like one of those fucking things That way with the cops come like a flip when you break that one without water hits that shit and breaks in half. That's. Why full essence of your asshole comes out, you put the thing: the toilet down then come back and I will let him pick it up, even if the bathroom don't smell that last,
but one of your asshole, those fumes and all those gaps that was stuck in that fucking milky way, if coming out, feels good then, but sex is fifty percent great yeah. If it's about one percent grade four, if you can get over the fact that guys, fucking in your ass is probably like trannies are the new blonde. Would you do time and you like in county jail, you gotta shit in front everybody yeah, I'm going to imagine I let me tell you something: you shit the first and they say they like gangsters. Looking go flush that mother Fucker dog the water that but fuck, of course, but you can't even leave this shit in there for a minute. I gotta take a shit and flush. It comes brotha, start yelling put some water in that mothers, money I'll make a tweet about something that I think it's crazy. Some news scientific find some giant thirty foot bird that was like, dinosaur. Looking thing that ran around on two legs didn't fly,
You get like a couple of responses, but just last night I tweet that my piss smells like tuna fish because it did oddly like tuna fish with celery, I don't know what it was fun healthy, bitch. But it's my own, allow you to have a sandwich. I got more retweets and more more responses than I am. You have a yeast infection, well that we crazy now doesn't smoke that much it's in a slight essence, yeah how much do small little like tuner, really yeah, how much mine? If you rub it, sometimes you rub. Your help in the middle of night sounds like it's lifted helmet. You like it smells like rotten, fucking pussy, like all the push by the eighties and nineties call. You would like to sell us and you'll you'll not want that. Well, I I one time I had some horrible farts and I was like my farts smell like war, or something like that. I put that up on twitter and
Do is just kept. It became a hashtag, was pound sign, my farts smell like, and it was the most response of anything I've ever put up onto it. I mean it was like for hours and hours. It would just get my farts smell like in a hashtag. I came up like ten of them. People the craziest shit. That's real! You know it's fucking, real man. We all look at that created, so it's so funny how willing we are to delve into silliness it there at night with a sleep apnea mask is I'm a fat fucking. I sleep, apnea the sleep, apnea mask tiny, tiny, tiny little exhaust hole in the front, tiny like sometime the cats will come in front of it. So the air blows on him and they, like it and stuff. My goal at night is to far to smell that fart. Come into that. If I could smell that fart that tiny hole. I know my job is fucking soldier, I'm a fucking soldier. You understand me, you don't know how many times I'll flat like a two in the morning and I'm moving I'll smell it and I'll get Do you take the mask off and now
goodwill, not an hour sometime less. It's tremendous when you cup your ass and put it to your face like thing. Fifth grade shit when you cos you're a grown man that should never goes away. Does it no one ever goes. You know the people stopped playing is not because playing isn't fun. It's because you got too many fucking responsibilities. You got no time to play. That's not good yeah! Well, it's also because, you feel like you have to do. You have to be a man I yeah man, I'm so tired. He I mean I've. I've seen so many people, like I've, been like one things that I I get criticized lawns like. You dress like a high school kid. You know who you are gonna Bruce Lee T shirt on like what this was a dry usual struck. What would you give a how a person dresses I mean in West? Someone is like going away. I look great today. I've just bear shorts on just normal. The chair gym shorts, the other little I got. Some cattle see the ship, it's nothing spectacular, but that's just what I wear minutes. It's there's nothing arranged about knowing I'm wearing skinny leather pants and for it, but people who are always looking to find some standard
you know, they're always looking to find some like you're, not supposed to act like this you're not supposed to dress like this you're supposed to be like this. Why don't you grow up to yes, what do you do there? You smoking weed every day, yeah, that's great! What kind of a message you're sending the chip, the kids of the world huh? I don't want to grow up if this means that growing up this goes away. I don't want to do it an only child. I got a parade in my head when I put when I smoke dope, it's like give it in the engine. Just enhance myself. You don't say it. When you write at night, you get to the zone where you actually a giggle like for you yeah many times. That's what success is making yourself giggle like that as a comedian. Sometimes If you can't do that, love go, I was about to tell you something before Brian one of the silliest nights me and this man had he's gonna remember he came to the comedy store. Seven hundred o'clock. This was way before Fairfax that were giggling and italian. Kid went up on stage and menu was sitting on chairs just watching. People do three minutes and some guy came on stage and it goes how you doing with big italian family, is the picture of the porch. Remember you went you.
You I die and I'm like what I'm like That was a funny. Yes, it fucking was you know it's a picture like what things come out of court people take a picture. I, like the hands of all he said was this is a picture, my husband and we were sitting back there high. You know what you feed up waiting watching three. Serve everybody and all of a sudden this kid, because of because of the time his impersonation of my family portrait, I have a need for Kenya lost yeah. We were just being silly. That's I love that. I love you know, What's the Indian my is. You know the old Indian from Michigan that used to be at the store sweetheart of a guy yeah Cc Hill. Yes, you know how you doing. My name is Charlie Hill. My original name was MAO but I got to shorten come on. Are you saying? That's that's. The kind of look that you're walking by you like one of these and say what is that
that came out of his mouth sounds good. I live how you doing yeah, it's everything. Brian says every. If you're originally from all day to do your, we had to leave because we have a small, real estate problem, but it's so solid, so stupid? I like that she is a native woman that was in the room, so need, I think, is up north if I'm correct they that is related to your. I don't know he was bloody on May the tribe of Manasseh, I know a New York Why would New York is the most ridiculous? Most ridiculous example of stuff in other people into a small area like that apparently they're going out they're trying to figure out how to finance more bridges and tunnels to get people back far from New York to New Jersey and the governor Christie wants the New York. To pay, and you know I don't know some discrepancy, but I was thinking about him like what easy spot? Where there's like people? How many millions live in New York City look up, especially the Bronx and all the bribes Barros Brooklyn is,
but most people don't even know that you know what is the number four largest city in the country was twenty years ago. The problems book was, you have about the luncheon at New York City. Yes, since you're used to cover done, the proper Brooklyn is the fourth largest city in the country, and it's a melting now? What people don't understand is that you have a see like you have. The Bronx Brooklyn was a eight dot one, seven. Five million pick up you five barrels. Correct. You've got, let's name real quick, so I don't Staten, Island, Staten, island, long island, long island not allowed the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens, Staten, Island and Manhattan, five barrels, not to mention across a bridge. You got New Jersey, not the men, you got long island in Connecticut, a lot of people are driving in every day from Connecticut people that you don't need people that fucking is congested
that and how many people would drive in from like Greenwich in places like that didn't like Glenn Beck and all those guys they drive in everyday. How long is that drives, at an hour hour, drive back and forth forty five minutes, a lot of them take car services to make life a lot easier, but that still creates a lot more 'cause you're. Only going back one person in the fucking car right, but at least you could read and shit when you're in the car. If you have a car service for the other angle, but hey just amazing that still you got to afford a car service knuckleheads do you have in those five barrow's car service is fucking, expensive. Now thinking about thinking about pain of her car service every day, how many people get that fucking day six days a Debian really grind on you, you, after a while, you feel like you know why my pain so much money. This I could go out to eat at a nice restaurant every day, but you probably don't have a car right, so not paying insurance, which is high in that area on. Why would you not have a car and live in Connecticut, that's crazy car Let's say you you from a family, your wife has a car. You have one car, you sold your car and you have a car service. First officer right off into New York, the back
maybe the the company you work for picks up half the probably very few people like especially about living in New York like trying to rock it like that, where you just not going to have a car, if you're a young guy and in new in New York, happen just to cab the cab everywhere getting on the subway, that's one one. The few cities is very few cities where you can live with. Car. I have a friend that had forty eight just gave up his car. He goes up to three years. I realized what am I doing, I'm paying this I'm leasing right now. I just get a rental if he wants to go somewhere to go someplace, I just get a rental which is now that that is small, it just makes fucking sense. Now I wonder what the percentage of people in New York City don't have cars. I bet it's giant well, if you're young, let's pretend you're under thirty, your insurance starts at like two thousand a year, two, twenty four thousand one hundred and twenty four love your insurance means you're, paying an extra two hundred dollars a month. On top of your carpet, yeah, which, if you lease or whatever for six hundred you know
This is four hours just to have a car and then a parking spot, fucking dollars plus you know people someday game and we were talking about values. You know you buy a car. Last night, a car Cadillac dealer came to the show just a kid whose parents on the Cadillac deal we were talking about the car you like seventy five thousand dollars car he goes a lot of people are doing. Is that buying the lease returns because it knocks twenty five thousand off the price. Are you still get the same car with five thousand? Because about that Cadillac that you have a guy like that? Use t s easy? Yes, that's a animal house today. Now they have a place in the markets kind! It's put, let's fix them! Yeah! I can leave a fast. That's great, you don't need which I don't understand you. I write. The cts V's have something like five hundred and fifty plus horsepower. Sorry. Used cars so You you look at all these things. Is America you and eventually times again rough and you look at you. What do I need? And what can I live without
Minimalist House, John Jairo Stream, trailer? How lazy a week I mean all right, but look at the way they have a great train set. You know it. Nobody wants take that nobody wants to take it but broke you. How to deal with that shit. You could take the train by my house. Hollywood. Invite him be downtown for a late game and staples and come back for a concert. It's really fun. It's not New York, it's not twenty people, I think the real issue, though, is also going to have to deal with all the other people that are on that train in California. That's a god. Damn makes bag and we're not used to interacting with each other like we are in New York yeah, but it's only like what five minute in five minutes, but in New York, when Euro everybody goes out everywhere, like if you're walking around in New York, everybody is interacting with everybody. That's not happening in LA one of the reasons why there's a lot of racism in a lot of weirdness in our is that we don't interact with with people of all sorts of different nationalities and all sorts of different. You know household incomes, we don't they don't like really coexist in one big melting pot. The way New York is New York.
You'll see subways and there's a dude with the fuckin five thousand dollars suit. Next, to like a homeless guy and there's a homeless guy sit with the training next to the homeless. Guy there's a young kid with his walkman and everybody is just interacting together. You know they avoid the homeless guy if at all possible, but in La nobody's ride anywhere with no homeless people. You know, that's just that's not happening for you off and you're, not always around them. New York, you're, always around them, and your New York you're, always around all sorts of young black kids. Young chinese kids is a bunch of different people in a acting with each other words. In L, a everybody is in their little box, the little metal box on little rubber tires and it's rolling around in those self contained environment where they give people the finger and text each other. You know so it's did that that lack of person, the person interaction, is one of the problems with the way people act in LA one of the number. One problem is the way people act in LA is that they they're not interacting with people like all kinds of different people are real melting pot. They get in their own niche and they stick their and they stay and they
they surround themselves with. Like minded folks like we do, you know it's so we new Yorkers scares the shit outta like I always read about terra things like that was the New York because gotta tap everybody's fucking phone into your everybody's fault, sap in New York, because that's the only way they're going to find out about these terror things and it's How is that possible, though? Someone listening to every call for years to start the for year algorithm for using that? I want it bad things for years before nine hundred and eleven, if you said different words, something with tape like if you said bomb more eight ball right, hold it with. I I guarantee now they have more. You know a amazing ways to tape you, but we're really baffles me, Joe really you seen it will have a seat next week is what, if I mean you have to really one of is a disaster New York at five hundred o'clock? Yet so it would be something that I can't even wrapped my head around, but you can't rap yet around the stars and all that shit, that's great. I couldn't wrapped my head around
there's another nine hundred and eleven and p in five in the afternoon. I was there at ninety four when the guys from Jersey city works to blow up the World Trade Center, and I know what that was like I'm. I was pissed because they knock one of the towers down. I couldn't get no coke, so you couldn't pay nobody, because they not that I was down that thing went down there is no communication. You mean the power, not the, not the power down, they blew a bomb up, but it didn't I'm sorry that cell phone towers on top of the World Trade Center or something- and they have to do something happens to all the fold. Systems in New York are fucked up in those days it was paid. Is ninety four pages wall, fucked up people, weren't get pages, I drove a limbo right. I remember that that was the big thing, but you think about what I fucking four hundred and thirty in the afternoon. Something happened, those people underground in the subway. I think about the people here in the subway. You know 'cause. I take the fucking thing to language. If you ever want pastrami, I think the bucket language downtown Alvarado. I think the worst neighborhood in the world is the best pastrami
enjoy having California have the second best. Thank you and I take a look at it and I think that could have been the Langer's you can't with cameras. No, I fought to Canada. We cannot, as last week from both the people that work, listen This is not working candles at night. Work at wag is the big time without thought. You so drop that she's out there with a lot. I was wrong in this land just having bad read this rusty. I went to camp this last week, dog the next day I shit and it smell, so rotten a pastrami was old and red, but once it comes through your asshole, that's how you go to fucking lag is at one thousand two hundred o'clock and you see the most because that pull up that take out window that okay. You know we should do jubilation. We should do a a take. A stand off. Please up a line. This is Rob yeah logs in the valleys very good too, but the problem mark said is that they don't have the bread langers got dog language gives you cry.
That's the same. Astronomy had at my wedding built double that that's the first thing that popped a what so the land is this town now somewhere, where what street is lingers on lack is, is on our route all across from that part, whatever part of America Park, whatever I walked in there. What time the first person I came up to me said you want to buy a passport id. That's how real that areas d'you deli from nineteen forty at the area, grew up, but it didn't we stayed there. I know the daughter, I know the father and I know what they fucking served and I know the mother fuckers that go in there. That's the old school fuck Canis Canis is nasty. It's filthy tony. This is your brother candles is good years ago, yet
Bro, you gotta language, you get that mother, this guy don't know each other pavilions like this, I'm so shocked at how three hundred and fifteen pounds of fucking mother fucking New York ain't. Nobody in this room going to tell me my mother, fucking pastrami cats- is nobody. Really. Cats is the best in the world. That is very good, but I've been to other players. Listen, I'm good thing about New York. Cats is for tourists. Let's get out away. Catch is good, but it's for tourists like this hot dog place with all these dumb fucks Tomkat. I know there, but it's for tourists. It's for tourists. I know it's. I know I know I'll. Take you to a fucking I'll, take it to the Landsea street I'll, get your pastrami. That just is good! I'm telling you that's the truth. That's a fucking tourist pot! Now I'm telling you as your brother, I grew up in New York. Okay, you know what I strive for thirty years. I grew up in New York when New York, New York, no mother, I'm going to come and tell me no motherfucking have meant the rails. I've been to that fucking place where you walk the bridge for a steak. That's one of the best take place in the country,
but strong, because what the a top pockets- maybe it's fun at this- got, pull us little real food. You know he knows food, I mean that's God's got as we would like to you. Try going to bed sheets. You sent me for that matter, the place on which recognition that pizza joint with the bell with the Jedi Tony, that's terrible. No you to set up long says great, lift anything. They Tony's needs to show the top right rest in peace and let us back, I wanted little Tony. Did you get the stuff pizza? It's about? God, stop people on a regular pizza blows! No, because I'm telling that's a very different story of anal stop. I won't I don yeah. That's some ridiculous! I, which I won't go to anything name Tony's at a resume greasy tony Tony, is the only the only as far as I'm concerned. Group General John respect. I love that rescue dot died, recipes, greasy, telling greasy to
from Tempe Arizona, but people, people via New Jersey is they've, gone and done. These shows on the discovery channel. They open you up these restaurants, but now the first thing when p come from Tennessee is they want to go to catches, so they kind of off a little bit I want to catch two years ago was good, but I don't leave much minimum for consent which got all see. I just need a little push trying to get my disagree. I know I make sure I, even if I mean that cats as I try to do it on a squat day. I try to do squats the day I eat so I buy, but the deep desire for flash. Why do school? That's your body's depleted! All! That's great! That's great! A lot of the cats, at least a particular now I know I know that what I know how to handle that Joe it's called salads. No, I know I know you got to try this kill sick that I'm doing. I know that you don't get too much into that crazy, but it's easy it's easy to drink. I got the book. I don't like that menu. I love Bob Dole check. Try follow like what all K.
I don't actually believe that him lies with the tell tale, does not taste good on its own if you just eat it. I like it has out, though I've had in a salad, would like some lemon juice on and stuff, but await you drink it in a shake. It tastes good, because it's got a pair in a pair to pair. Keep I put garlic in it too. I put four cloves of garlic raw garlic, so I'm eating all the super. It makes me feel really good role, garlic, everything but the scale celery raw garlic
Ginger Roger, like a big hunk of it. It's easy to drink and it's like super healthy and your shit comes out like it's on a waterslide whip show know that something like my shit comes out anyway, nice and smooth no residue on my Asshole dog Miami. Like nine fucking apples before I go to bed, I make sure before I hit the water. I don't like that struck apple. I sit down dog out of corner laid on that toilet by five. Two, I'm done white fucking. Second, why is it? You don't need nap when you got a second wipe, your ass all fucking day I gotta, pull over on the fucking apple. Your friend of mine had a real good point. He was talking about dogs goes if you're serious dog take a shit Agnes. How long does it take to go? It doesn't take long at all. He goes well if you think of shit and I'm like a lot longer than that he was yeah. That's not good! he goes if you're healthy. You should be taking a shit. Just like a dog. You open your asshole. Most of it comes out in the first garage and then maybe there's a couple. Little plop, plop plop's the end where it stick into the walls and
I don't know, sit and taking a shit and that shit takes three hours of soap on your asshole about people pick up, it's good for your asshole. I've never understood it! Now. If you get the non, I don't sit down till that asshole is ready to blow once I smell that last fucking shit fart, that comes out of your belly button that very black the muffler. It comes out of your fucking but you see now that ass on one cheek, and then you do that fucking ass, spread to the other. That asshole opens up like fucking one of those porn chicks and that It comes out like sorcery body kind of like the way it should be. I gotta find out what the weed was that we smoke today. 'cause that shit was ridiculous. Was that shit? ridiculous. That is it. Thank you. How many? How many hits did you have like nineteen? How many kids? You have four for think I don't know that we crack me man, I I was on delay for the first hour we were talking like I was cognizant of what I was saying was like hearing it on echoes are well. We death
Do you know I smoke some? I think you smoke my smoke, some normal pr from this new fucking place. I found fifteen a gram and they have the fucking we tested at stat labs. Com station. There's a weed testing lab, oh yeah, oh yeah, it's all over at the bulls get tested that so, when you sit down on the car they'll tell you it's twenty one percent, this uh an Oc Cpr. I think I see is twenty eight percent to what's Matts Og Kush is the highest thirty one, but I haven't been on in about three months of four months, so I don't know everybody change. Did you see thirty, four thousand one hundred and thirty one to thirty two? It was pretty, I had the paperwork you gave those magazine, but now they had a new company. That's doing this for the valley. These guys are the state decent. So when the cops come on problems, we're going to try to show him that what they're doing so, these guys have. When you go get the weed now there's a card, it sign the phone number. If you want to call the labs- and it has,
did you read what you're getting it also has a for the other? We have teams one sorry. It seems that a bomb is trying to do. Is they're trying to cut off the big scale operations they just end it there. I think it was shiny, they'll give their it up inside. They know what okay! Thank you not that I buy. We did the same, but the place. The last war. There was a big I know, but the play Is that a legal? If you go, with decent place. I've been going to the same place for two fucking years. Then he shut nothing. Let's not enough. These are all rumors. I don't do our story o just bad place. Yeah. This is bullshit. They should look exactly the fucking. Does this look like this lower listed up Joe Rogan? Does death? Look like Obama, slower processor, he ain't doing dick people. So stop quitting me when you're done shit Obama is going to close the stores in thirty days he ain't doing shit because you see occupy LA and occupies failed. You fucking, lock up the.
We stored now and see the problem these mother fuckers are going to head downtown. This will be really got people you got a billion people with drug licenses. Now, through a million, do you take it going down when they're, making a fucking pen that has ash oil in it? At thirty percent, yeah been really shocked about all wow. Let's annex you stupid, mop up top. That is. Are you going to understand that monies super size is everything you stop mother flop? There's no good going to sit there, a Washington state law, let those hippies out they grow. We fought, you have bacon billiards, it's cheap and stayed alive. It's keeping stayed alive. These are a launch a loses running this state. They are close and dick. So for all you idiots at get me every time. An article comes out closing one store a week and these and the reason why they closed this, because there out there basically pedaling the weeding, give it away
probably uh. So I don't think they did that at Oaksterdam. I think it also down there teaching people how to grow weed. That folks are damn. There's a bunch of you know what happens is folks. It down. Gotta bunch of white kids that got big. Fucking mouth shut, your fucking mouth, that's what the problem is shut. Your fucking mouth, everybody wants to be a hippie in a dead head shut. Your fucking mouth, ok shut your fucking mouth, stop with the butane and everything this is we so there's just look like Obama, slowly, shut down service. I take attack wolf and fucking hit it. Does this look like it? You stupid, mother fuckers. They shutting button down it's keeping the lights on in this state. It's not doing anything so for that there's no war on drugs, the war on drugs is thirty years ago and they and their shipping in what nineteen metric tons of cocaine by the here into this country, so war on drugs. You people talking, I heard some very interesting. Last week I listen to the Graham Hancock Parker he was on here yeah. He talked about that. Will locking people up
raising our consciousness that the lunch meat is locking people. Was he talking about yeah? What you talk, we're locking up drug dealers, okay, I'ma smoke, adult for thirty fucking years. I never got pop. It's bullshit show we call it the user. What do they do to specially if you're, using like acid or something along those lines? I want you in jail, for I don't know a lot for acid. When was the last time you read it by the national. There was a big bus recently to college, where kids were selling it predicted sold by quarter million dollars with the assets who makes the asses the college town. If it wasn't for college kids, we wouldn't have those drugs still, it would just we blow in her when they get their own alive, but you readership. But what killed me when I was in danger? He made a lot of great points. He made a lot of great points in his in his thing, but I was like what is he talking about? We gotta put drug deal. We have laws and we have to drug dealers in jail. They put me in jail and go. I get coffee kidnap, but it started by raising my consciousness right. You know something
which is this you have to raise. You know I was telling these guys at the ice house last night, but I did Heroin three times in a two thousand and seven before I quit doing low and I didn't do blow that whole summer, and here I was thinking that the Helman cured my blow I already called CALL Dr Drew and go you're a dumb cunt, ok over the hypnotising white kids, and I just three seven dollar bags of heroin touching low. I'm sorry what happened I haven't touched a haven't touched blow the whole summer. It raised my consciousness red bad to the all that I didn't snort coke. You follow me. I mean it was still bad. Can you imagine you gotta quit Coke by doing heroin, but it? is MIKE anything that raises your constant. Let you know something is bad like that whole summer I kept going mad. Thank God did. I will let me feel how bad cocaine is. You know they like, but Joe, I'm cured. I never did it again, so it raised my consciousness. Nobody put me jail. I didn't understand what he was tapping it I uh
stand somebody there's something wrong? You get caught selling drugs, but I really never met nobody who got thrown in jail because he got pulled over. So what you're saying is that he's making his exaggerating, not people living out of jail, the dealers not to use well, maybe one guy, that's in jail for doing drugs, find them online. Well, okay, the go rested recently and in Texas and he had his medical marijuana on. It was just his and he's going to trial right now, they're taking him to trial, and he faces a possible a certain amount of years. I forget what the the exact numbers, but they're gonna, put him in jail. They want to put him in jail to make an example of the fact that you can't have medical marijuana and take it with you to Texas and think that your state's laws all from an online or texas- yes, so I think it's a it's a precedent, setting law. So in that kids case it's I mean it wraps around the idea of the laws, the medical marijuana laws and whether or not they are even legitimate. States it won't even consider it. They don't think it's legitimate! That's why I'll stay here?
Yeah it's so it's so archaic! It's sore kick to this I mean. Is there? Is a God, Damn mountain of information now and eat the information to tell you that it's relatively harmless, and then you compare it to all. The things that are legal, no one should ever get hassled for it. No one should ever get pulled over for it. No one should ever get arrested for no one should ever get fined, for it is relatively innocuous to our society. Should children be able to use it? No, they shouldn't, but guess what they shouldn't be able to use alcohol. They shouldn't be able to use heroin, they shouldn't be able to use any conscious altering thing before they get their fucking shit together. I agree with this two thousand and thirteen, and what you mean to tell me is that somebody would get arrested for smoking pot. They still can twenty thousand towards the twenty twelve two thousand and thirteen I'm fucking stoned and people are still. How sad is that it's all the problems We really have in this country. Yeah you're going to come and fucking handcuff me for fucking having uh
around. Well, look what's going on in Florida, I mean that thing in Florida that we talked about where the kid was arrested by his girlfriend. He thought he was. He thought he was in love with some chick turns out. She was an undercover cop. She went to her. High school twenty five year old woman went to high school and pretended to be friends with kids yeah, but there's gotta be a by the way that we're going to get something's got to overturn that a good attorney they're going to overturn good attorney would overturn some of the fact that this kid has to go to court and that anybody would raised resources going after a fifteen year old kid. But we didn't even sell her the weed the kid didn't sell it or you got it to her for free she can, ask him about. We didn't even smoke weed the kid was an honor roll student. Let me tell you something today is a perfect story. I've been involved in drugs for thirty fucking years at all levels, and if you can't look at somebody and put a cop uniform on him and know, there are fucking undercover cop, you shouldn't be doing drugs, because when you smoke a joint, you should be a light to see this shit. I know
expel a cop fifteen year old kid with a boner. You think should be able to tell it to you know: five year old hot check, I was around kill. It is to imagine that it would even be something that someone would get it instead of doing. That's why I don't not even sweating, I would sue not only overturned that but uh which su that fucking bitch and that police department in that fucking jurisdiction for everything they got, that fucking townhouse will call big. Joey D is memorial Memorial, and with that, ladies and gentlemen, suckers, let's pull this fucking boat into the beach docket gentleman. Once again, Joey Diaz has provided hours a free, entertainment, your God, Damn classic comes here, so you're going to do the ice house Friday. What are you doing Friday? I got some fucking gig, I'm gonna open up a cool in the gang or some shit. I guess where I told you they have that disco series bro somebody. Where is it? How do I
How does he will have a buy tickets, how they find out of wedlock he bought. I just got to get to go. They just email it'll be on your twitter right yeah, but I add flavor is, is to it Adelaide. Nine sat not have an arch for joke at the M one thousand o'clock tickets on brown paper of the brown paper tickets go on there going to Columbus Tickets Columbus tickets, almost sold on Columbus tickets, almost sold out in Pittsburgh and we're halfway and fucking three slash four in Cleveland May 17th 18th 19th brownpapertickets, joke program where I fucking New York at the theater is sold out already. Yes, every fucking Thursday Friday night for whatever the five four. What else When is that? How many weeks is it Thursday? Next week, next Thursday foul yeah we're in the grand ball your grand ballroom in New York City? Friday, which sweetener what's the address brother? I do not know, can you check it for you uncle Joey? So it's
it's at the Manhattan center, where the hell that is defined it's Manhattan Center and it's on West thirty, W Street yeah is going to be fun? We and we haven't been back to New York and least a year, and then, on top of that you know the not that Atlanta TRAP man. I can't wait to get out to do another show that was fun. It's so relieving having. Film the special get it out there and you know, haven't just done. You have it in off my back right, Joey, woody tweeting I'm not doing nothing. I was listening to you. I swear to God. I don't wait, one door sleepwalking, I'm not in Hello, all thank all you fuck. As for making that cd number one, it still number two, the only thing that's in front of us is a podcast today. As a matter of fact, today I got the email officially from billboard, it's a number
Don't call me I'm on billboard, magazine's serial check that Mullen thirty one on the whatever heatseeker we ain't fucking around, but thanks to all these mother fuckers. That gave me a chance. I tools guy hit me up today, and he goes. Can you do me a favor? You dropped in the states but you're on fire again in the UK, and they will stories. I'm gonna start put stories up there once a month on Itunes. Stories. Things put the ice house two dollars, apiece down. Ninety nine you been on in prison and I got the drug stories. I did last night, you been number one, your number one for weeks, two weeks. How crazy did that feel? What was that like? It didn't feel like nothing, because I didn't expect it. So I tell you the truth, but it felt like something I mean you called me up. You are so happy what would it fuck? It feel like to do that when nobody's giving you a chance in your underdog, an uber Read me, you put me your podcast. I did the rest of the fucking working here. We are you know want to go out as death squad, but that's not my dream,
but all of us destroyed headline and we're all in a different fucking club we're going to shut down the system. What you did for us me, ARI Duncan Brian Afraid, black hard. You know, Jason T, boat and Tripoli. The original desk Wildwood done for us is give us the same light. Rodney gave us and look what happened and as far as I'm alive, I'm never going to. Let you down I'm going to work on that. Next year, mother fuckers, what we got coming at you you might have will stop listening to everybody else right now, I'm telling you because we're only going to get better, and I give you my word that speech that Ben Rothwell made was one of the most. I felt fucking Is that how I feel I had nothing until I got these people on Twitter and Facebook, and all I dream about is to give him funny shit now, when I get up at six in the morning, all I want to do. I don't tweet on the is fucking gold stop doing that and I do it for you guys and I think so feels the same- a red band, but
his number one hour, Joe. How long you know me, I'm not until I don't give a fuck about more people. Think this is overwhelming to be a better person, even not even better comic. This is teaching me to be a better pre, because you gave me a chance in life with somebody you a chance in life dog, it's the best feeling in the world. I can't this. I don't care about the money. I don't care about CD being number one. It's just a thing that these people put me there. Well, you can put myself there Joe, you know I didn't put they put me that dog yeah yeah. Well, you know you what you're doing is the right thing we are doing. Is your your comic, your real comic you're out there bust your kansi doing shows currently writing kansi have a fun you're, the you're, the life of the party never went to Montreal know Comedy Central special, no love barely got a manager. You've got an agent I so saw all because it you guys, because I don't fuck I've, never given a fuck
That's what but will love it now you mother, fuck, is now you got problems of your my facebook, twitter page, and you come to one of my shows. I swear on my mother's grave. You mother, fuckers, have created a Frankenstein, don't come crying to me when I fucking die on a stage one night dropping knowledge, because you brought it out of me, Joe Rogan, with all my heart I mean what you did. Bro for least comedians. Not just me is Rodney did and with that special he changed. Well, it was for me it was just a matter of we like. I said we all enhance each other and it it makes me better to be around all you guys. It's makes me better to be around when I listen to you guys, go on stage and crush, and I know I'm going up later. It's like it makes me feel good, I'm having fun, I'm being a part of a fun thing and does the
Experience is a hundred times more fun than just doing it on your own, and you don't want to be the man that there's no there's. No, the man thought a man's nonsense. Is this going to be a part of a group of brothers? You know you want to be a part of a brotherhood, not brotherhood extends from the stage into the crowd and that's where it gets crazy. You can tell me that there wasn't some crazy, deep connection with that crowd in Atlanta, because of this show, when I land they know us about fucking, Wisconsin yeah, everyone went to Milwaukee went to Chicago. I will want that Houston. We didn't get out of that Fort Lauderdale way. Have we got that we've gotten somewhere after the show we have in Chicago when we and there was a line around three fucking step, yeah- and I wish I was like count- was definition what it was two three and it went, and I remember King back there, I'm not the only one, I'm saying what's really insane as we go on stage to that many people and you like whoa. This is nuts. This is a crazy number of fucking human beings
going on. I went on. I did these mad flavor world. When I went on to twitter and facebook- and, I said, listen, I want I got fourteen dollars that I saved up. Can you guys help me out, and I got three thousand one hundred hours sent to me on Twitter and Facebook my wife was like: where were these bitches ten years ago? We need the money. Now they send you dirty. When I took that forty five hundred dollars and I went. I've got two plane tickets. I took my friend in New York and we take this documentary about just where I grew drop the people I was around. I've never done that for nobody and no it's been ready since January? But I wanted to be so perfect for these people that we've been making cuts and and just just just to show I what them to see where I came from, whether they like it or not, and I'm going to put it up, sell for books, like everything else, who donate is a fucking producer on this thing and they all have. Where do you think this is all going where we Orange roughy we're going to get our network on Youtube because when they come to offer something from the network, what are we going to do on a network? Take orders at this point.
The real thing to do would be to start a podcast network, a real podcast network online in all of us be connected. All of us be independent, but all connected. That's just the beginning. I want to connect cameras all over me. I wanna show I want to show people the shit that comes out of my ass. I want to get it. No. I want to give these people everything. Bro they've been there for us. What don't they give us very unusual? What these fuckers? These people come to the shows that by posting you would travel six deep. Now now would Bring in the dj. Can you, is this shit? Any prob with dj gigs like fucking, he wants to MC he's. Gonna start Mcmc Show, but I just want to thank everybody for file. After twenty is making me a comedian? The reason your appreciated that series or you're appreciative is because you're thinking the right way, yeah, we all be on the board, where it's not a they did, and you know what were all extremely lucky and we
extremely lucky that we have an audience like this were extremely lucky that the internet exists that us dumb can get some wires to box it's in a fuck. Cable that's in the ground and somehow or another. It gets to everybody all over the world who the fuck figured that out. That's amazing, we're lucky did that exist, we're lucky. We know each other we're lucky we're in this crazy business of stand up comedy with lucky with do podcasts and travel and do the UFC and I'm lucky most of all for the abundance of cool people that I have in my life and thanks to this podcast you all get the hang with us. You get to hang with Joey you get to hang with Freddie Lockhart. You could sit down and shoot the shit with Bryan Callen and you get to meet the machine. Bert Kreischer we're all in this together. Folks. This is a crazy ride, we're all living in and we can enhance each other's experience on this crazy fucked up ride just enjoy the shit out of it. Listen to the
wonderful world of Joey Dheas by buying is new CD on Itunes. It's me or the priest that worry for composers from its. Maybe you with the priest, see the you are the Pres they already bought it. I got to give props to give me a chance, that's it so, while I'm everybody the came to Atlanta, thank you very much. You could have been any better was. It was literally the perfect experience. I I never recorded anything this any better and it comes out soon as we get around to editing it, and we have to set up the infrastructure to put it out for release. So it'll be a little bit a little bit, but it's it. I could have been happier and it's because you guys thank you very much and we'll see you next week Monday. We got ours, you fear, I think we might do Bryan Callen sometime real soon too he's trying to figure, and I got some other people coming up some some special guests, lots of cool shit. I've been in touch with the dude from finding Bigfoot Bobo is going to do the podcast. The big sky guy yeah, that's right! Bitches! He claims that there's fucking dna evidence. He claims that they've apparently there's some there's dna from Bigfoot, poop and poop
and stuff. I hope he's it it'll, be my dream. If that show, finding Bigfoot actually find yard, you gotta watch this at a south park. I is this: a good is a guy's guy. Well, alright, ladies down, we love you and we'll see if we'll see very soon, the top Friday ICE House chronicles. It will be on this. You stream page, which is you stream dot tv forward. Slash Joe Rogan used DOT tv that what is yeah and the ice House chronicles this Friday night is at Pat Idina. It will sell out. It's me who else is on it that little Esther Esther powerful little esters ma tell us and we got off the mark, elders, eyes, glaze kid all. She yes max and to be there max the over was ago bus over sting yeah nice, a twenty inch clip Ani kids to like something yeah, we're gonna get dies that that kid is DIS, ease, dices, kid and he's doing well he's. Actually the love stand up comedy, which you know is thinking. What else could he do?
Bad, well, you have to do something I'm saying like you have to be in a band or some people drop. It teacher is like I forget what the video piece that's. Why Our story was the rights to a bad, and if you want the year, we could go to and ole Organic and Burbank a like a ship is a one, the the the closes, but just how this the D A's and remarked that the well. Would you really say that a ladies and gentlemen? This is not the opinions or yeah. I love it. Yeah we need to close down medical hoax got mother. Do with us would be a you got to do with us. Six I've got anxiety. You got an asshole that hurts and Brians fucked up from olive garden. That's why marijuana I love you Deanna. I love the government stay black, that the government did mushrooms it'll, be on our side. It's that simple we'd all be together in this fucking thing. Maybe maybe not! Maybe I'm just talking shit and see you soon, bye, flashlight
and then well and it would. It would couple sponsors right. We have a new one that we're talking about today, we're talking on the phone and it'll start in June. It's a video game company, we're we're super excited about it because they got some bad video yeah. They look. They look so amazing. It's pretty crazy. How awesome the graphics now are on these ipads. It's really cool you. Can you maneuver the Ipad? The gyroscope? Can you can make you a drive in movie yeah? We live in the far future. That's is it a euro scope? That's a sandwich! Tonight you fucking freaks thanks to the flashlight for sponsoring our podcast and you thinking about doing one not from the flashlight say something crazy girl used to work. So crazy about we have like a one in seventy five people, the cliques by the flood yeah. We have the best click the buy ratio. To make its could shocking. Yeah. They said our click to buy ratio is off the chain. So we appreciate the fuck out of that lazy. Gentlemen. We really do- and I knew that was the perfect sponsor for I mean it really is
It's a really solid product man. It's perfect sex toy yeah. It really works. What you doing you doing very seconds signs thirty seconds. Okay, anybody good job of not not quite a length of less light in the corner. Reading you save yourself, fifteen south thanks to on a dot com, go to and- and I t makers of alpha brain shoot to exports from to commune other good stuff go check it out and first thirty pills, one percent back entry. That's it
Transcript generated on 2019-10-04.