« The Joe Rogan Experience

#215 - Andrew Dice Clay, Max Silverstein, Brian Redban

2012-05-12 | 🔗
Andrew Dice Clay, Max Silverstein, Brian Redban - Date: 05/11/2012
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
To Joe Rogan experience, podcast is brought to you by the flesh light. If you go to Joerogan dot net and click on the link for the flashlight and enter in the code, Name Rogan, you will save yourself. Fifteen percent off the number one sex toy for men. You hear that light, which is Sandra Dice Clay in the background right respect and it's also a loophole Joe. It's a loophole: Brian yeah 'cause. That means I can also use the light. Oh yeah, you can loophole, you can smoke while Tice's here, yes for potential smoking and look at my your let is a man's land. It's a zippo! That's how you do it! That's real! That's legit! That's like some HBO special type, shit. We're also brought to you by on IT makers of alpha brain new mood, shrimp tech support, Shroom tech, immune all different nootropics, Google, it if you're interested in it, don't just go by and stuff and if you're, if you're interested in nutrition, you should really in multi vitamins and look into eating a clean diet,
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woman, Andrew Motherfucking, Dice clay is in the house, respect Que the music Brian. We have to do this experience trying my day, Joe Rogan podcast by night all day, it's not official to the music begins. I like the music, Sir Andrew Dice Clay and his son MAX is here as well. It's happening and Andrew. When I was a kid man when I was like nineteen years old, I had this girl from this high. Dirty little latina girl that I dated for awhile and she fuckin loved your com. We would sit in my car and we would play your cassette and this chick would fuckin how she would try and crawl up in a ball and Iram for being a teenager, a kid so sitting there listening to how fucking funny this stuff
was and how dirty and different than anything there was ever. You had broken a total new barrier for comedy to me when I was a kid there was every comedian like you before. There was like that. Had this sort of uh really recive sort of attitude about it and it was, it was fun and it was like you could repeat the shit with you, It was a weird phenomenon man, so for me to go from like listening your stuff. You know before I even got into an open mic and then be able to hang out with you at the store and getting advice from you with the story. You're. The first one ever told me to go on the road. What you know what that, because it was so driving me a little nuts with you, because you were a new guy at the store and you know, you had a big career already. I mean I don't know what people listening to snow of your whole Korea, but you had a hit sitcom on at the time. This is before the effect that it wasn't really hit. It was only
it when it got off the air, but what came, but it was on foot five years yeah and I would like why isn't this guy on the road like it would bother me. I always liked you know comics that were into their career. And obviously you are- and you know I saw you on stage doing your thing and I'm like. Why isn't this down the road? I mean that's what this is all about, yeah, you know, and I saw that you loved you know if this in, like one three hours set, you know that you did I'm going. Obviously he likes being up there, but why be up there for twenty five dollars for three hours, when you could be on the road making? All this, when I remember the conversation and the best out, there was a back near that little and I was like you got to go the road now? Is that moment you know and because, even though you know I love, but I do. I also think business wise and when I started out when I saw how you know
me how boring comics was you're, not one of them. Obviously you know, but now how funny they were. I would also get like bored with them. After, like five or six minutes Bic, they knew nothing about performance that's even how the whole dice thing started because I decided, if I'm to stay in comedy at my name was never even comedy. I couldn't give a fuck about comics or comedy. I use the comedy stage cause I wanted to get into acting an when I decided. Ok, I'm going to do this 'cause. I had a different act way before you knew Maine. I would do like impressions of Travolta used to close close the dice man yet yeah, no know what would happen is my. My initial act was coming on stage. Is jerry? Lewis is nutty professor, you know with the glasses and actually laying from gentlemen and doing all that and would take my magic potion, and I would tell into John Travolta from Greece because Travolta
time I started, my act was the biggest thing in the world because he had sadly night fever and he did grease and when I saw grease I mean Travolta could've been brothers back then, when I was like seventeen so when I, so Greece. I was like if I could sing and dance like this guy. I could put together this act that just won't miss. And so I went to a studio in Brooklyn took the album from Greece. They took the lead vocal at a grease, lightning and I started doing this act. I mean the first time I went up and pips in Brooklyn or audition night came up with Jerry Lewis and it's a Brooklyn crowd. You know I'm up there with a giant tuxedo shirt covering the leather and my pants are rolled up under the tuxedo shirt and I'm on it's going actually only human pity, ladies and gentlemen, and you know it Brooklyn audience and that my whole family is there. You know and
buddies yelling get the fuck off you fucking suck fuck you scumbag, and now I take the magic potion and they shut the lights and they turned like did the music on which was my intro. I turn around his Travolta from Greece and the place when insane and now come up to the mic, because it was like the post you could turn you into that kind of as Jerry Lewis Hotel this polishing. Ladies and gentlemen, that's there throwing shit at main can turn into that kind of macho Manala FI, three woman or both you know so, take the potion and I turn into Travolta they go now. I come up to the MIKE and I go to so. You thought it couldn't be done right and there crazy. Now I, the grease lightning number c,
dancing and everything I do. I do. The whole thing choreographed, I you know- is music playing yeah the whole Greece number with a dance in the middle that I had cut in between fever and Greece and the place goes nuts and on the way out, the to own is Mardi. Incestuous go wait a minute. You going because they wrecked the they started, throwing tables over 'cause. I'm doing jokes is Travolta like so missed, not assist system. Vinny did do your homework. What you know I was doing that whole barbarino thing you know so He was so hot at the time vault and there was such a resemblance and impression was so dead on they go. We want you to headline this weekend, so who's your manager and I go out and I look my dad I go, he is Niger. Well, it's only fifty dollars, but you know he gets to headline and I'm like great. We could I'm fucking believe what happened. So when I came out to
comedy store, you know Mitchell Walters yeah. I know yeah, okay, so Mitchell. Walters was a comedy, store comic books from Brooklyn, so he was back in Brooklyn about four months into my career. When he saw me on stage he goes over to my father. He goes he's gotta not tell it to do the comedy store and I'm like you know I wasn't even into comedy. I couldn't care less, you know and he kept calling it goes. Talk to the owner. The comedy store she site from to come out there. So I come out and I do the They do a twenty eight minute, audition on you know the Monday night, whatever it was, where you know the MC starts screaming at me when I come on stage this guy. What was his I'm Rob Aguayo and and I'm looking at the guy. I go. Are you to manage you know know I got. Are you the owner here and he goes now when I go, then why we even talk- and I got I didn't across the country to do three minutes and of course, Mitzi and I got the call I was in you know
and you know I total at that point. You know what I was in the point for about six months, but from the night I went on stage at pips. I never came off because I was really driven to become this humongous star, whether it's a movie star or get my own show and so when missing met me, she goes you're an absolute movie star. You know, you know, you know I had more hair back then no but uh. She goes you're going to stay here and your hone your craft, the whole thing just like you know about, and actually I took the Travolta act all the way to Don Kirshner's rock concert and after Kirsten is right concert I was like well movie producer, but I'm going to buy me to be Jerry Lewis, a John Travolta to be myself on stage and that's where the whole dice type of character started.
And when Mitzi sort for the first time it was so great. She goes. It's never going to work. She goes it's too tough. It's angry! It's tough! So I told it just keep me at the Westwood comedy store. I go, don't worry about it and when she said that I knew how wrong she was, and I it went to work. You know. Westwood was where she put all the newer guys like myself and Kenison, and you know Roseanne people like that. That would know like the sunset part of town was that that was a w right off right on Westwood Boulevard and that's where got to see like this. First, this guy stabbed the guy in the alley there that had a a knife fight. It was nuts disguised as stabbing a guy's cry like they like like this. I don't know what that I had to run into the comedy store and get a stool to him wow, so I'm not going to get stabbed, but I wanted to save the guy without the knife you know Jesus Christ, and so I stayed at Westwood and I developed the character and
you know, the rest became history, because what I was trying I'm going the long way, but when I would see the com that was my whole point on stage it, whether it was you know, Leno or Richard Lewis, so you know these to clean a guys, but they would bore me the like five or six minutes ago, go that funny, but that blur they don't perform. It there's no danger in it. Well, I decided I'm going to become the most exciting stand up ever in history. If I'm going to do this, I want to give people something they know so with the comedian it and growing up, like I said, I'm really study comics, I studied big personalities, whether it be Elvis whether it was Mohammed Ali in movies. It was everybody from Stallone to when as a kid James, Dean and Brando, and I said, give him that I'm from Brooklyn, given that because produces, will buy that for films
that how like the acting stuff started. No- and you know, through the years I developed it, and then you know when the career took off, that's where the tickets became more elaborate like from everything learn from Elvis growing up his performances style, and I said well, I don't want to be Elvis, but I want to give people the Elvis comedy, you know and how the whole thing happened. You know when Rodney gave me two shot on his special. That was the best, because I would watch all these fucking bozo comics at the store, not working their ass off for that special and they know who they are. You know what I mean, so I don't eat, but something like on those nights where you got three people in the audience there going. Up and fucking around, and they were to be on the same special with Maine and I'm going. I don't give a fuck if the room is empty. I just need to rehearse what I'm going to do Bic
I know when I'd be in front of the cameras, how nerve racking it is, and I don't want to have to think about material. I just want to think about perform for the, tree. Let them see what you've been working on all these years and you know three once later, I'm in you know Nassau call Asim. You know it was that quick Jesus Christ, yeah yeah, I did over three hundred sold out arena, shows at twenty thousand people a night and nobody had ever done anything well that went on through night from eighty eight to ninety five, and then it was the cut down arenas like ten thousand people a night. I just kept going wow. You know, and and nobody had ever seen that kind of comedy before the difference? I mean what you were doing with everybody else is doing. Is it wasn't just that it was, big stuff and it was funny and people were enjoying it and laugh, and they could also do the rhymes along with you and people fucking love that well,
You know what those rhymes I still close with the the mother goose stuff, because it's almost like hits yeah like that. We're working on this special now even max like, even though he's a lot greener, you know in the business. He knows a lot about it and he goes dad. You gotta pull the hits. He goes. You got all this make new stuff, but you how to give him some of those hits, because I made a twenty five years ago. It's not just that! Your stuff is more like a song like it's it's great to hear it again. You know yeah. If I don't, if I don't do this roams, if I don't do the poems the audience is the matter right. Yeah yeah does what like, why did you do to Pune it's like going to the Lynyrd Skynyrd they'll to free bird? That's right, yeah, yeah, yeah! We I well you know I. I can't tell how many times in my life I've heard what's in the bowl bitch, it just became this gigantic thing that you know even
yeah since entourage. That was the resurgence that I've. I did a southern tour recently and I don't know go on. You know, because I haven't really been out there in a decade and was with Don Jamieson, Jim Florentine from that metal show and they open for me for years before they got the metal show and they would come over to me and they go. It's just happening all over again Bic, as the mania of the crowds. Now it might have well be one thousand nine hundred and eighty eight- and I didn't see that comment you know I just didn't see it coming again. You know but I'm also that type. You know what I think got that in you that fighter instinct, that that defend yourself, that you can you can overcome anything. You know an it like you know what to do. This special I'm going, give them something once again where they think they can't be
shocked anymore, where they think it's all been done and it's not be cause. I don't care, but what anybody does onstage. I take my thoughts and I create these fucking pictures in their head that alike caught tunes because I'm not a political comic. I talk about you know from talking about. Technology. I'm base really talking about Even if you get on your computer to make believe you're going to your email. We know your head for the porn sites. We know we people are going, that's what it's all about know like even this new generation of women. You know it's like they grew a porn. You know I didn't come on here to do my material, but that's what it is like. I've had a friend come to me and go, not with this chick. I really liked her and and you know I wound up like doing everything with her the first night. You know Yes, I'm not going to call her again, 'cause she's a real pig, and I don't you know I go, but she did what you wanted her to do.
Maybe you're the only fucking guy she ever did. That with. Did you ever think of that? you know, maybe she doesn't do that with every fucking guy and she liked you enough to do it and the guy went up marrying her strong, yes, No, but but I'm saying you know you can't you know I is love sex? I always you know the re I even got out to the women's stuff like with with what I do on stage is because when I grew up in Brooklyn I always had a girlfriend, but you know is treating them with a lot of respect. I wouldn't even think of touching that it for the first couple months. You know it was. I just wouldn't do it. You know unless they push the issue, but when I move to LA in eighty. It wasn't even eighty nine. Yet it wasn't even seventy nine. Yet it was a whole different fuckin rules out here like I would try like if I met a girl, why don't we go over to Ben franked? Well, where you live, I don't know you will go for about what we could just go up to your house and hang out, and then it was
one have any other and that's where the material would come from because girls that another I would be writing a love letter to you know is now you know licking my balls like she's, the House dog, you know an then I was like this is the subs matter right here you know, that's where lines like treat me like the pig that I am because that's how they want it to be true, but back then, when my career, turn an eighty eight, and I did my special and I would do you know that wearing the heels in the hair with that attitude treat me like the pig that I am and men would get insulted from that back. Then they knew what fucking slobs they want. They just admit it today did the most aggressive fuck. Generation I've ever come to know think it was like sex in the city. Don't start that yeah definitely yeah
with the little piglets on there like it's, ok, okay, be a hooker yeah and that's what that was a smart show because they didn't put. You know women on there, that with tens right, you know They were. Okay, I do a bit on. You know the sex in the city with Sarah Jessica got a face. It looks like it did, fucking prison time. You know what I mean, but the one that always got me was uh murdered a short red hair, whatever fucking name is and That was an episode where she was talking about. You know licking a guy's ask calling it in a cute way touch your Lingus and I watch this going even the girl wanted to do that. To me now I wouldn't want it, because I'm gonna picture this little pigeon face coming out of my ass with a face full of shit. You know with no TED's con cave that I'm going. What do you do with Khan Cave tits with a scoop of ice cream in each fucking one you know what I mean so, but but it was a smart show because women in America, you know you know that warrant that,
great looking, could look at that show and go well if they could get all that cock so can I did you go through a period of time in your career, where there was like so much push back again your material and against, like, like you, know what but they were calling. You know misogynist comedy that didn't you like you, like kind of cleaned it up a little for a right. I never cleaned it up. What I did when I did a news for CBS called Bless this have they want to me? That's the fuck. That thing would do in a network show they wanted to like like on that show, they won't even put the credit, is Andrew Dice Clay was Andrew Clay and I'll. Never forget my booking agent going. What do they think people are? I know who it is. You know what I mean and and that's what it didn't told me down, because this, thank God the show got canceled when it did cause. I was so fucking bored everyday. I put on like forty
one three months play the postman and you know when, when I when the show got cancelled. This is the the max loves this the day the show got canceled like I was there be a sky in the world that came home and I ran three miles. You know my wife goes uh. What's the matter why you home early uncle shell, cancelled, I go go and running. I gotta get ready for the special because I booked the special with H for three months down the road and I had to get in shape to do the special and the next day after the show was canceled. I went to Cannon drive in Beverly Hills, where Cathy Moriarty, who starred with me in the show on the pizza place in the whole cast, is sitting or on this table outside, like with their head in their hands like houses, everybody when I get out of the truck or some coming to get dinner. For you know, my family
well. You know I go yeah. I know I gotta grab a pizza, I gotta get outta here. I was just thrilled this. You know thrilled today. That I didn't have to show up at that studio anymore is one. That's one of the worst prisons for a comic is doing some, that's not funny. Well, they really tied my hands. I mean yeah, you I would have fights with the producer overlines you know, especially when they make you say to wear freaking, which I we hate. I hate that word too yeah, I'm going, you know, like people, don't know what you say just write. Something else goes well we're not a joke. Bookstore. I got in just send me to fuck home, you know one time I did a line on that show. We had this director, the guy that did the pilot, got the job correct in the season, and you know it was the opening of an episode and I walk in and the kids are watching tv and I come in Godaddy made it through another day and I look at the tv I go by the way they never get off the island and you shut the tv right. So I come in
it's a full audience. You know studio audience, you know about it and. You know cycle, I go, you know they never get off the island and before I click the thing I go I'll tell you that ginger keeps getting better looking and the director comes off, he goes. What are you playing to a bunch of fucking skinheads And I look at this guy and I go. You know what you play my part, I'm going home. I leave the studio and at that time I was with Michael Rotenberg was my manager, but he was also producer of that show and I get a call from him and he goes. Where are you and I go, I'm going home? He goes. You can't go home. The street hundred people here you you're going home. I go the guy. Fucking said this and I don't want work with him anymore. I don't want to do this. Show because you gotta come back. Please come back, will straighten it out tomorrow and I gotta because, like a five year old case, stop and get a
Slurpee first he goes get the fucking Slurpee and get back you know, and then they fired the director the next day and then they canceled the show like four weeks later, and I was really happy about it. My first show was ever on got canceled pretty quickly and is real similar thing. There's a producer was completely out of his read, who rewrote everything himself, really take it from the writers really funny guys the guy. Tyrod, the Simpsons they wrote, married with children, ok hold on a baseball, show called Hardball yeah that one I don't know bout terribles, only one for like six So it's, but it's useful to LA and get series yeah. I well. It's amazing. I came out here for that show it was living in New York and I did the MTV Half hour comedy hour and when I do and I started getting all these development deal offers out of. Nowhere was crazy. I just did
This one one day only go to one little seven. Seven minute thing you get a tv show and I get banned for life from Anti that I'd never done any acting and I didn't know anything about. Are you still banned today? Like? Could you what You know what they invited me this this past MTV awards to be in the audience. You know so is the banning is over now, but it was banned for life. So ridiculous and then I'm watching Chris Brown, who beat a girl to a pulp. You know flying so. In other words, you know, I other say you know a couple say you know a couple little the 'cause PA that got me band was the Jack Jack track? Could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, so ignore the flabby tits and lick their asshole clean and the reason I even did that material on the awards is because, before I came out,
you know, Arsenio was hosting it in Dick Clark, I'm supposed to bring on share. That was my job and what comes over to me, he goes look. If you gotta stretch your shares, not ready. Neo will come over and I go. How can she be? ready she's putting on a thong. What won't you be ready? You know I right don't send any over. We don't prepare anything here and ad he's doing this he's gone now. You'll go! Please don't tell me what the fucking do when I'm out there. You know, and I'm thinking this is Dick Clark and I love the guy. You know but now they introduce me and I came out angry and there were a couple other comics that were on that night Paul Reiser came out there and you know, as a comic he's a good comic, but he talking about the hats that Sinatra: war and I'm sitting in the crowd going nobody's paying attention, and I had all this heat from the Rodney special. I'm not gonna go out. We're in bomb I'm going to let him fucking have it writes it yeah, that's so
after woods when they would take me into the press, tents, not one Quest Jim was asked. It was a mess using to see and then the next day it was dice banned for life from MTV. And then you know silly, it was silly, but it also you know up the career even more than the arenas was selling even crazier and You may not happening now, though, being banned from MTV. No god yeah point about Chris Brown is such a good one. No doubt we need to start an internet campaign dice back to MTV, we don't know, Would you be interested in a show if they, if they were smart, they'd, have me host, because since that, since that award show nothing, exciting is happening with. Would you list nothing that you don't understand? I don't get pressed for a week. I got press.
Three years from that empty. They didn't even mention the fuckin. When is when it happened, I was in every newspaper on every news show and I'm going I'm a fucking comic like it was so overwhelming. Would you would you live with a snooki or loader if you have if they wanted you to know Do that show you know I watch that show you know, but you know you know, I don't need Snooki in my life is fun. Do you know what I'm a snooki, though yeah I mean you know, could imagine living with Kurt Loder the loader. I was at its name date he's the got there there. We do know that your current lotus they got. I had to talk about me being here from and who is it that got really pissy about it, though somebody really just I was really disappointing. They were like misogyny is not funny, and now I hate every room. The now organization like over unrealistic expectations. You know these people, have
you also got on the comedy you gotta understand. That was when the whole of the gays were coming out of the closet. When I hit- and I would do all the jokes like you know, by sight- actual and I'm like. What do you mean you with the suck dick or you don't suck dick? You know you know- and it wasn't it wasn't hateful jokes it just on the money you know and then the rest of the joke was: what do you do? Wake up in the more flip a coin to decide. You know to John yeah: you know it's offensive comedy is a legitimate genre of comedy does not get the respect it deserves. Well, it's like. I tell MAX, be truthful on snow to talk about your life. It's the funniest shit and it's proof positive that, despite the fact that look thinking, he could never put any of your stuff that you did. They could never put it on the tonight, show never put it on. You know any any sort of mainstream show, but yet you sold out arena after arena like no other comic. So it's really ridiculous, but even with the talk shows, I used to look at them like you,
you got a guy, his cell in eighty thousand seats a weekend. You know, and it's like Letterman and leno- that wasn't good enough for them. You know what I mean. But in your own talk show you know what I want to do. A talk show uh, you know what about on the internet. Would you be interested in doing like a podcast, not really you know what I'm saying you could get one anytime, you want what I'm gonna to I'm gonna. Do this special you know You know I see what's going on on the road and then I'm going to go into these big places again. I want to do the type of tour that fan. Have been wanting from me for years again so making damn sure that this special you know Joe. This is a sledgehammer over people's heads you know when I got all that negative press. I wasn't expecting that when my career took off, I didn't grow up going. I want to a controversial comic. I didn't even think of this shit, but the day after my for especially the Diceman Cometh, the New York time, with the demise of western civilization and that's
started all that shit but and it bothered me, you know it was like wait a minute. Don't they get it, I'm a comic, but today you know I got all this history like. Who cares what anybody thinks about me You know what I mean as long as my kids know what I am, and my wife knows what I am you know, that's what it to me if they want to write bad shit right. It cause. What I'm talk. About? There was truthful, it might be in a cartoon sense. When I'm talking about crazy sex. You know I'm talking about this new generation, I'm talking about you know, years ago you go out on a first date. Would you do you made out the girl little? Maybe you got some site it through her coat that tell your friends the next day I go, generation of women? When you go out on a first date, feud come all over her
I think you don't fucking like I go. I went on a second date with a girl. She goes. I didn't even think you were going to call because you didn't come on I'm going hunting. I got tonight it's going to be like I put your head under a fucking yogurt machine and pulled the nozzle. I go that's what it is today. So why not be truthful about it, and let people laugh over what fucking animals they become. One favorite things that I know about you is that you always have a camcorder and you're, always documenting everything, and, like myself, I did the exact same thing. Are you ever going to take all that footage? digitize, it do a document. Well, well now, there's people that want to do. You know dice documentary dice, a documentary king with the you know, George Gallo was the writer he did movies like midnight run with the net he's done. A lot of you know. You've got a twenty. What what was the twenty ninth street? The guy was in midnight run with grodin. We never happened. I don't know what,
the fuck. I don't care. If you fell off a cliff, you know I don't get it she sitting there going. I wonder where dices you gotta, do you care about John Travolta? This whole story but you know what I think they should just leave fuckin Travolta alone. You know, I mean because I'm a fan, I've always been a fan, and you know, personal license personal life who gives a fuck what he does yeah. It's weird that at least people are willing to jump on board now, like Numa Suisses, now are coming out and saying that he tried to grope them to like well. Why not just revolted isn't an expected anyways? Well, it's just revolted, and you know why I said like I said I don't want to do all this material, I'm gonna on the special. You know when they make such a big deal. You know this new presidential race and these guys is it coming up that shouldn't be gay marriage. I'm going wait a minute
The countries falling apart. Nobody could even fill their fucking gas tank without getting angry and you're worried of two guys. One at Wanna put a ring on each other's finger and say I fucking love you. I would love to see a twenty four hour. Camera on true vault is lovely. Come on he must be living like a savage. I think it must be to charge just to get guys like if he's getting massages he's John Travolta a bit many guys, you think he probably got to jerk him off like that. Most of 'em right, you know, I'm not I'm not staying on it. I'm a fan, I'm a fan too. You know it's a fucking great, but what I'm saying is Pelham one hundred and twenty three, whatever the fuck. It was the one
Denzel Washington in the remake of the move, he's so fucking great bad guy. I mean you forget sometimes what a bad mother Fucker John Travel, but he also said he did swordfish. She was bad and you know what I mean. He was a bad guy in that yeah yeah. I forgot all fixed pulp fiction. Was the resurgence just Pelham, one hundred and twenty three or whatever the numbers where I think he was fucking? It was a stellar Peru comments I mean he really comes off like a real psycho. Yes, he does what the does as a mother. I was watching grease last night, I I I I love that. Maybe that's a stupid to save it, it's it. It feels like try to knock a guy down this done and accomplished what he's done in his life. I I would like the guy to be free. I would like to to be able to just come out and say: look I like girls, and sometimes I like guys too. Would you give a fuck give me alone? That's one say we live in twenty twelve. Like remember time, I was on how it's turned he goes. This was over a couple of years. It goes the truth days. You know, did you ever like you know like you?
like he plays like did you ever go gay or anything? I don't. Let me tell you something. I'm in my early fifth Please do you think if I wanted to suck dick I'd be afraid to fucking, say it You know what I mean. If that's what I wanted, if I wanted some guys balls rolling around my face, you text fucking, have it be shy about it? I won't care what they fucking said about it. That's what I'd like to do something as you become a man you really come to grips with, that DOM Irrera was on the podcast. They said I wish I was gay just so I could come out it's a little little little of a. I give. You know, you know, you've got a you know what it is you will you get this one life you what with the self to be what you want to days. I just happen to love the box, I always did since I'm a kid. That's what I like so good yeah. I would a guy like Travolta just to be in a society where it wouldn't even be an issue. It's always
gonna be an issue that has some really all about it's so silly, it's just so darn, okay, marriage, what people people k it being thrown out of the homes they wanna talk about gay men and I think they talk about it because there sucking dick them asking? How great would a document that MIKE Tyson documentary MIKE Tyson just sat down and he started talking about life yeah. I sure that how great would it documentary just Travolta sitting in a room just on a chair by himself talking about how many different less, who says he's to suck his dick and just going over how he breaks him down he's not going to leave he's not going to is not. I don't know disrespect. I think the guys are beautiful actor. I think he's fucking fantastic. I don't care what it does, but I would think that would be a brilliant thing to watch. 'cause I gotta think he probably seduce is a lot of those guys. A lot of those guys are probably true. Guys. I don't know I don't have the answer, something for whatever reason: that's something that a lot of gay guys get a kick out of. Supposedly you see
jerking me off right now we only got a minute apparel he was telling dude shit like I actually admired his game was telling dude shit like I don't like elbows, and I don't like forearms only hands and work exclusively on the Buttocks ox and you know All I want is elbows and fucking it right. I'm constantly getting my bag. I got the worst fucking back in history, yeah I've just gotten over a back injury. I gotta pack injury in Jujitsu that it took like months to heal when you get old. Second Telmex, the only guy in comedy I'd, never wanna have a fight with Joe Rogan you're, the only guy give it up to it. I got any comic. That's ever fucked with Maine I like get them and go. Why would you want to do this to yourself because I'm an animal? You know what I mean Rogan is the real deal ago. You going to be an asshole to come over to him and Rogan. I seem Rogan go if his fans outside the comedy club he would have an argument in the fucking
he's having an argument with this guy I'll. Tell you another argument, which was even funny. He has an argument with this guy MAX and the guy walks out and then, after a show, he comes out and continues with like twenty people between he's going for fuck you what the fuck you're going to do and he's like spinning get the guy to them so much well. He has written one of the other comedians. No, I I I know I know to deal, but it it was just so great to see because you have a temple like fine. I go fucking nuts. I got a bad temper and then one night you got mad. This wasn't about a physical thing. We were sitting out back and just talking and this woman just said the wrong thing to you about salt, like salt good for you and you went What the fuck you talking about? Salt, there's a fucking. What you say: it's a mineral yeah! It's uh! fucking mineral, but I'm like like it was
most important thing in your mind. You understand you don't know what the fuck you're even fucking, talking about I'm going he's not even on stage and he's going Bazaar HQ on I'm like getting the show and it went on for a good ten minutes and she's gone now. Assaulted. You don't know what the fuck you don't know anything about the body. You don't know anything about trick in it's a fucking mineral, oh you went insane over it and I'm going you know the man needs a couch. He needs to talk to somebody. That's all you know, but it was hysterical. You know any time. I've seen you blow up like that. Take it like I'd rather watch you outside screaming at somebody to watch any ten comics on stage. You know what I mean it's so entertained. That's why you love what you do. Could you know you go nuts? You know you know you. You know when you're on stage how you get you know it's fucking crazy. I love it. That's what I watch.
I can't sit there and go it's not good enough. Haha just doesn't fucking work not today that mineral threw a cigarette at me. Did she. I don't remember that that was before that. Well, look at you screaming at her. She was scared to death. No was before that she threw a cigarette at me before that That's why I was pissed. I was like. Why are you even here? What are you doing? You're, just some crazy person hanging out back here, real interrupting conversations, a much better. Now I've caught myself dramatically over. Have you about onstage, oh yeah. Well I mean stage are going to slow until something ridiculous happens, but I always try to be friendly about it as much as possible, even while they're getting kicked out should be interviewing because I kind of like I'll come over to Joe with the store logo, which I do for this muscle of that muscle, because you know Is there anything you want to know about working out? That's when you talk to MAX what happened at the river couple nights ago when the guy got thrown out, and then you Mount yeah I want. I want to fight this guy 'cause. I what I
so you know somebody talks during my show, or I see a phone I'll, throw him out. I actually throw them out you know, and the funniest part of the whole thing like. I want him. One time go. Let me tell you something: you're going to have to face the back Wolf at ten minutes. You know if you do that, one more time with the fuck this part is when I decided to throw him out and security comes over the look in their face like what are you kidding and like when they're thrown out? What was it doing it? You were fucking talking. I was good time, it's a comedy. You were fucking talking and he told you, don't talk so anyway. I was on stage at Eleanor. Was you know and all of a son. Going what the fuck is your problem. I gave you eight fucking minutes already, so I stop screaming at the the the producer of the show. I go get that fucking guy added his fucking room before I go up I'll, kill this fucking guy.
So now and I I've never done this, I'm in the back dressing room and I come out of the back and the guys out there now who's going to see me right and is being read the riot ACT and being told to leave you mother fucker, and he look. Does it mean he goes dice? I just want. I go. I would've fucking thrown you out you just you're, drunk and fucking cock, sucker and he's gone, but I so I said I want to tell you down that fucking fly to steps. Do you understand me I go. I don't you will be my fan. I fucking hate you fucking guts
and he's like he goes. Oh yeah you want to make some max. Is that you know, and I go yeah, throw you down that Fucking Escalade e understand me and now my wife comes running over Valerie and she's gone. Please go in the back, that's what he wants. I go. I don't give a fuck what he wants. I want to get my hands around his fucking throat. That's what I fucking want and then then I'm here in Eleanor start to introduce Maine from the showroom and then I just come out to my music. Like nothing fucking happened, you know, and I notice guys in his cough ling in my cds out the fucking window. You know and MAX was like. I don't give a fuck. That was like the greatest thing that we do live comedy. You can run across your share. A fucking drunk, retards trunk, Rita and assholes and crazy people to show. But you know one things about working at the store was we were guaranteed to have confrontations. The stew this a time of crazy funniest shows I ever saw was
you just attacking people the audience. Well, you know you came up with something that I've been using for years. That I don't know if you know from you. You were sitting with Eleanor one night in the back of the store and I was ripping some guy apart and you L annoy you go, I love when he turns into dice mean yeah. You know because a lot of them, I actually the minute they talk. I just hate that guts, but it's for real. Like a stage persona thing, I just turned into myself: now, I'm just from Brooklyn again and it's like I want that person to know how much I fucking hate them. You know it like. I know you brought up at the beginning. You know this. Pithead whatever the fuck. His name is the fuck with MAX. You know, because you know he. And the reason he fucked with MAX was because he just had talk more on your show. He wanted more. You know TI the time whatever the fuck this computer is. You know? No, I don't really know about the technological world that much, but
that's why he opened his fucking mouth. You know what I mean, and you know I'm not going to rip apart. You know You know, I know the guy he's a nice guy, but he shut his fucking mouth when somebody else is talking just shut your fucking mouth because nobody cares what the fuck you got to say people that have no idea. What any of this is about. There was a show that we did with a good friend of ours Mark Ellis and He was sitting there with MAX and MAX was telling uh up passionate the tale of Youth Apache. The tale of discovery and getting laid as a band member and this guy kind of his tail saying. Well, that's you're supposed to do when you're in a band. I wouldn't it would be cool except your understand. Only he wasn't was this guy fourteen years old that the fuckin are whiskey, You know what I mean. If you ever heard the music you'd be blown out 'cause. They were offered record deals that second time at the whiskey and
My other son Dylan, who is four years younger to MAX, was only fourteen at the time I would it would max or with what rather would Mark said was to totally blown out of proportion and
who's talking, yeah yeah. I know I don't give a fuck patient that taught you know it was. He was just know. I I'm glad you're friends with him. He was strictly when you got a face. That looks like a squeezed all that your eyes nose and conquered pop out. You should shut your fucking mouth when somebody is telling his story, but now I'm going to end up running into him. So it's going to be fine. It's going to it's going! Fine! You put a picture of my line, you motherfucker Brian, how dare you? How should just keep his mouth shut? I, like the guy he's a good guy die, so I got nothing against literally joking. Around right max will tell you. It was totally just one thousand and one and even there's no I'll handle this guy. When I see him at the store at the store is going to be long handle this fucking guy doesn't have a malicious bone in his body. I'll get the pipe for this rocking guy he's a great up, bang his head through his fucking shoes and we'll see if he ever talks again we're going to be funny with DINA, I'm just I'm just goofing around I like waffles, I'm just kidding, you know I would you know. I never pick my hands up
nice guy puppet head. It's it's! It's amazing to get through Mark the Puppet Ellis. Let's see how he gets laid with that name. When a girl goes. Aren't you mark the puppet? you know I mean that's, you get. That should be the that quote on the cover quote on the cover of his. What mark, if you're right use that as a clear mark, the puppet like am I got nothing against the guys. Seem every night at the store name, I those stories about now, when I give a nickname, it sticks, that's it! Anybody ever gave an impromptu. I think that stores about to get caved in by that mountain in the back. You know where you, everyone goes to smoke, pot and lighting did big. Huge chunks are now falling from it like the other day. Something hit the wall and get it that's going on for thirty years. Has there that's it yeah, that's a really good one is always going on. Amount is going to fall into the store right now. So, if it does
will perform on the street. It is a is kind of a crazy thing to have one of those houses up there above it I lived there for six years, so yeah it was a beautiful place. Nobody lived in that house longer than Maine really yeah almost you want to hear the funniest story, yeah a bunch of waves. I had. I got a brand new wife. Now they just got an. My first wife, when, when married her, you know we back to LA and she had an apartment like like off fountain somewhere. So we take a cab to her apartment. We come from New York and she goes ok tomorrow. We'll go, will pack all your stuff up and you know you're move here in a standin, I go, I'm I'm not moving out. She goes, what do you mean you're not moving out, I got. I got stay in Crest Hill till I make it
I got I'm not going to live with you. She goes you married Maine. Yet, but it's not like. I won't see you, you know I'll come over a lot. She actually used to come by my house, seven hundred o'clock in the morning on her way to work 'cause. I like in the maid's room in Crest Hill, and I sleep with the windows open. It had those out to spanish House with the boss and she really Andrew and yeah and she goes. I just want to stop by I'm going to work. I go yeah I'll call. You later will go out tonight. You know because you know it was like an emergency wedding and because she thought she pregnant at the time whatever, and I wouldn't move in with her, so she moved into she wants up moving into Crest Hill. You know she moves into crest. Tell and I said, don't tell anybody were married. Nobody and she goes when I go what your parents can no, but I go on building a certain image you don't want. You know I was like twenty six. You know I got. You know- and I married you for you- you know not really for me,
You know so you know when you have this baby, you know it'll be legitimate whatever and she go. So nobody could even know we're married. We know we're married and obviously that marriage fell apart. She moved into Crest Hill and committee, threw us out, you know 'cause. She don't want girlfriends up there, God, but you know I got married and but I was in crest of over six years admits he ever give you advice, yay, not to do the act. I was doing because because she couldn't figure it out, you know she left to go when she couldn't figure it out. I go, it's never been seen. That's why I know it would work. It was almost like taking the kind of car. Does you would see like trivia the doing movies? Like you know, Tony Minero, those kind and putting on a comedy stage? That was my idea: wow. That was interesting time to Mitzi another time, Tommy right, he
Another time I knew I was going through the roof. My second album, which was called the data laughter died, was a double cd with like no people in the audience from Dangerfield yeah. So you know the albums, no okay, well, so well yeah. I was introduced to it by a guy named MIKE Donovan, who was a top notch. Boston comic relief able to look local guy, those guys just never leaves, and he is in fucking tears cry. In in the back of the comedy connection, and it's into this cassette and he's crying. Here's are coming on the guy, can't breathe and you're doing this thing about doing Nixon in a girl's ass like doing makes an impression why eating the girl says, and I'm telling you might not even his fucking crying it goes. This is the greatest cd I've ever heard in my life and he goes to fucking. Guy just goes into a club. No one knows he's going to be. That is ten people in the fucking audience and he has no
no nothing planned, does whatever the fuck you want talks about whatever he wants. He walks the whole crowd there screaming in the online Amigos, it's fucking brilliant and he goes and he put it on a cd he's. This kind was crying tears were coming down his eyes. His face is red. You do know what happened with that album is. I was doing the arenas at the time First, album was like a high powered album and Of course we also recorded the God, and that was an album dice rules. But then I do I wanted to do a concept of the ultimate late night set. So Rick Rude is the producer, but David Gay would put out the albums. So first I get a call from David Geffen going. I the new album and I go yeah. He goes, he goes. I don't get it what's not forget. He goes. There's no people
when you hit people walking out on you and I go well. It's a concept. That's the ultimate late night said he goes okay, but why does it have to be a day? lcd because it's like two one slash two hours, two one slash two hours and I go because it's never been nobody's ever done. Anything like that. He goes okay your career. You know now Mitzi wants to hear some of the new album. So comes up to my house like late at night, I'm with my friend and we stopped in it for her and she's sitting there listening and she smoking. You know she smokes cigarettes at the and she goes. This is going to ruin your career. I go you don't like it. You know I'm like golf and honest. She goes. No, I don't like it. She goes playing the LA forum. Why would put this out? I go. It's never been done. Why don't people understand that shit?
So the album comes out. It goes gold in four days and to the today it's the favor album of any of my fans. It's the that I actually did a sequel. The data laughter died part two, because people loved it so much. Well it such a real moment. You know when that guy you're about as funny as a glass of milk and other comic would have cut that out of the album I want that reaction. It was on its was in you know. It was like a late night. Terrorists crash not expecting to a perfect. You know I had like some bachelorette party there. You know I'm telling him. You know I forgot. What's even on the album cause, I was making it up. You know I had some notes in my pocket. That said, like Bette Midler shit yodels, nobody believes me. You know that people when they run into me they go. What did that mean exactly? What is your back mean? You know I'll call you in an hour back get it, but you keep saying it like why? What's the meaning and I never
talk about it that I never give up on my own goofs. You know- and you know- and I just never will that's a goofed to fucking very high scale, though yeah that album double him, you know I mean, but the speed of the sales and how much people loved it like. If it was the computer age, it would have just been a million tweets and a million people loved it. What what they loved about his first of all, there was nothing like it. No one ever put a cd out of one thousand five hundred and twenty percent audience and half the people even yelling at them, and no one's ever done. Well, the second one ends with I gotta fight this guy. You know I was looking on the second on the second day to laugh the died is no beginning middle or end I'm looking. How am I going to end this and these like two apples come in and they're drunk and not what they were even saying, but I get into it with the guy and I dropped the mic to go after him in the AL
goes to nothing, that's how the top men's, because at that time, club soda Kenny, who was my bodyguard. He jumped on me as I running to jump on the guy. But you want me to have a multi million dollar lawsuit. You know I love club, Soda Kenny yeah, but yeah all stuff like that would always go on, but this was recorded. That's why it was so great, and then those people was still there. When I was done recording and I went over to the guy getting me angry and lane to the guy, because I had no end for the album and now I do so. I bought the guy a drink but I caught him coming over now to fight him 'cause exactly at a bar right. I want to fight you that was great inside the album happened. I now have a great ending nobody's going to know what happened once I drop the mic
cause. I really got crazy. Like I lose it, I don't know what happened it's. What always happened to me you know well, also in that enhanced environment. When you're on stage, you know you're when you're jacked up like that on stage in the middle of something. Was guy heckling yeah, just yelling shit, you know when I get somebody to drunk in an audience. That's when I lose it, because I make no excuses for adults. I just don't That's why you know with the puppet. You know: yeah he's an adult. They don't make an excuse for mark. Markets now he's a good guy. I love the guy he fucked up, yet he did fuck up, though now he knows yet now. He knows a record. I guess yeah yeah and when he sees me at the storage and even bring it up. That would be the smaller, the smart things correct. Yes, yeah, don't even talk about. I don't want to get man save it. I've been trying to you know, maybe say hello, sir. Some that might be now yeah how you doing
play. I'm doing now have to have a conversation. Just let him know it's cool I love that MAX is doing in the comedy he actually works beautifully last in Vegas. He did hit down here at the ice house couple weeks ago. Killed everybody awesome came back, was right what towards so much? It's amazing man! It's it's beautiful! To see! I mean you are the son of what one of the all time these comics mean. That's a fact. Dices without a doubt. One of the all time greats in my book he's right up there is, is only a few comics there's only like the room for if you had room for top five, like five greatest comics of all time, he's in there for sure one hundred percent, You are the son of that dude, stop and think about it, but it's not a big deal. I don't make it a big deal with them. I know, but it should no no, but but he does now he knows the history. He knows it all, but I always taught MAX and Owen. They know who I am, but it's always make your own road. You know what I mean. You know
not to live in my shadow. If you do comedy, do your own Kinda comedy well, remember I ran into you at the improv and you were telling me how he was doing comedy and you were so proud of him man. It was really cool to see. Well, if you were, you were so happy that it was working out well for me just how to set and just killed, and you could see you had this like just a real, genuine, appreciation of it. Also has the work ethic you know what I mean he's added every night. He doesn't even let me come where he forms performs unless he's working with me- and I employment, because awesome man, you don't need that pressure in the crowd of me watching you, but in Vegas. I would make mental notes, and we talk about like come home like two in the morning and I'll be out like on the curb
I'm in Brooklyn smoking. Cigarettes will first all comedy till four o'clock. All that's awesome, you know, and also you know so I mean he knows what he's doing and he'll be on the special too. Does it give you an extra like an extra push senior son going through the whole beginning stages? You know and was seen him you know, put together an act. Is it like charge you up for like make you more creative, a more more more excited about it? You know, I always believed in teaching. Kids by example. Like I'm one of those fathers that actually raise my kids and. A big part of what I'm doing now and it's a personal thing: it's like it's a job, that's unfinished, and that's why this special is going to be my last special. I'm actually going to do it at the little theater in Boston, and cause Boston's always been great with me. It's like a second home, Brooklyn, Great Boston, Philadelphia. You know so I'm going
with their max is going to be part of that show, and you know, he's going to show what he's got on that show. That's beautiful and but always taught them by example, and by me doing this by me: training, physically and mentally and being on stage every night shows him that, even after all, these years of comedy, I'm not take this special going. Alright I'll do the little special and see what happens. I'm making sure that every com watching this thing: specially the haters sit there and go fuck. Why? Why does he still have that fucking thing? You know what I mean because cause you know I'll be honest about right before I got entourage I was to forty two waist okay, then I got entourage on like all right. I can't beat the fat die in the entourage, so I started training and I got in good enough shape to do the show and then I kept going because
I don't just think of well, let's see what happens from entourage, I did wait for the phone to ring? I'm ten steps ahead. Thinking okay start touring build up to the special then do it I was with rich last night he's going to do my autobiography he's dumb people. Did Don Rickles. As far as comics done Marvin Gaye. He did a wow. What's the movie Jamie Foxx, starting a Ray Charles, Ray Charles, he wrote that book he's written a ton of books and now he wants to do mine and Gallo wants to do the movie. You know we would play you. Well, I let MAX tell you how that came about. You could tell the story who should play may well uh. The name that I guess we've all been discussing is a James Franco, I met with Franco about two one slash two years ago to discuss the movie
because he would have that look of me like in the 30s like when I was in my 30s. He can act his fucking asshole yeah. He can do it by the time we met for about three hours. By the time left my hotel. He is doing that dice. He was doing Andrew. I mean he's a really method actor. He would know how to play that role. Perfectly yeah he's a he's, a really fucking actor yeah. I mean you do a role like it there. He is, you know, and you know he's type of guy that, like he'll move in with you to learn every thing you do. Did you see, fear and loathing in LAS Vegas, where Johnny Depp played Hunter S Thompson enough? He lived with Hunter S. Thompson lived in his basement for like six months now that crazy old asshole, while he was like shooting guns off his back
orginal Hunter Hearst Thompson, was gone. Well. That step is incredible. That is, you know yeah. I I did a movie with Johnny Depp need Johnny, Depp and Rob Morrow. You know Rob Morrow, he starting Quiz show yeah had no, it did the show northern exposure and we did this movie called private resort. It was one of Johnny Depp, this a funny story, So it's me. Johnny death am and Rob Morrow and even the producer said, the three of you guys are going to be major stars and then I met you know. Okay so I was with Jimmy Shubert back then, and I would and Jimmy Shubert thought he was going to be James Dean, okay and, I would say well you're not going to be James Dean, but on top of that you know, Johnny, Depp, and he would laugh because he didn't know who Johnny Depp was yet you know John Depp was unknown and it goes fucking Johnny Yep got Johnny Depp is James Dean. Trust me, you know and then jump street
in twenty one Jump Street and Schubert sounds to me goes really is Johnny Depp. That was a name you made up like one of your names. You know I'm telling you this is the real deal and Johnny obviously has had an incredible acting career. You know every time I see him. It's like I did that movie with that guy Who's done all these great. You know it's like another. When you get to work with somebody that blew up like he did, yeah he's. Yeah, he's amazing but frank, is the right age to play main part of that movie, and he be doing all your material. So would you would you coach going to gonna it yeah? He that's a guy that moves in with you learns about your whole life. You know from what you will off stage to what you are on stage because he's got play at all. You know fascinating. What is what part of your life is going to cover when you explode well, no from childhood. On, but not much about childhood because a lot
That movie would show what really went on with the controversy, how you know how they pulled premier of Ford Fairlane, which was going to be at the play forum. You know, I mean a lot went down. The studio heads lives were being threatened by the, a community, you know Barry Diller with they would tell him they're going to blow up his house with a pipe bomb. You know I mean that was all there were plastering up. You know I was. But Sandy Gal was my manager, David Geffen, about the albums and Barry Diller was the movie studio, so that you know the gay community were posting them on all the like telephone poles. In Hollywood, saying how they have to get rid of this guy- and you know it wound up a mess it wound up. You know I got black bold, I got banned, I got banned from everything, including my cousin. A Herschel mix that Leonard's in long island I had when I was we're starting out. I was dirty. You know
open my guys, the open mic host would always tell you know you gotta clean it up, gotta clean it up and they would say like what do you think dice clay you dice Clay, no you're, not so clean it up, but how to dice clay get to be dice. Clay when it doesn't that's right, If it's funny is not enough, you know what the first time I did Vegas with the dunes were missing at the dunes there I got fired second night, because what she would do she would rehearse the comics act. You had a purse for her and do the jokes exactly the way. You rehearsed, it just hurts crowd yeah, just her So now the show happens and now it's a live crowd. So ofc Yes, I just go into you know all my game material and you know I'm doing what I have to do to kill the crowd. 'cause, I'm closing the show. So after the show she goes, I told you to stick to the I'm not a puppet. Did we say that word today, yeah anyway.
Fucking, I I'm not a puppet and I got Mitzi. You know got talent. You know how to pick talent, but you don't know the feeling on stage when you got an audience, you have go the way the audience is going so second night after my set, I actually come over to 'cause. I know I'm going to get fired and I got look, don't feel bad about sending me home and she goes. I don't get out and it was funny because I sat in that show math. Then I go. You know what they're just not ready for you yet and was funny outside right across the street was Bally's and the market add Tom Jones is here, that's how he you know, have it on the marquee and I go that's where I'm going to be, and two years later you know day is my name up at Bally's. You know, I just know they weren't ready for me yet, But- stuck to my guns? I did my material the way I thought I should.
And I always have- and I still do it's one of those things. If you compromise and just tried to make everybody happy from the beginning, you would've never found that audience that I'll be back in a clothing store going. What are you a forty two regular? That's why you're doing it's amazing how you just sort of calculate it all out, though. Well I'm doing it again, though yeah like I know the day, the new years- and this is not you know- you have the career you have which is to me. Incredible Korea I mean you've gone, I mean between fear factor and why you did how you took it back to the martial arts and doing your comedy that way. You know, get my respect. If you don't, I won't even be here. Thank you very much man. I think you're great. I was watching you when you first came to the store. That's why I would even take the time to give you some advice. Hi. I really appreciated yeah. That was huge. It was, it meant a lot to me. Well, you know what, when I, when I met, Dane Cook and he was doing the bigger places, you know I actually met him day. His father passed away an abet in Beverly Hills
and he was telling me how I influenced him and I felt good that I've been sticking up for the guy go. I never knew who the guy was till he took off and you know just like all these scumbag comics. That's why I hate these guys. They all stab you. You know how they are and they're on the back of the comedy stood there, not even on that night. You know taking nothing going on he's a fucking thief he's. This is that he took my. I go Why don't you go over and smack him in the face with five years ago for taking your bed, but not a the guys doing great he's, not funny he's no good in the time. Is drawn ten fifteen thousand people a night yeah. You know and you're not making twenty dollars tonight. He had some rare find air. That's why you know so, but yeah. I would always back. You know when Eminem took off how people would come down on him and I became friends with him over that actually Eminem was going to do seven albums with me. He gave me a deal for seven cds that he gonna produce and
that time I had no heat on May and he was with, I think e M and they said not giving him the deal, because there's no heat right now, but I how I became friendly with Eminem and it was all of a sudden would actually at the story with Eminem what year would you say there was no heat I had nothing going on. From around. Two thousand on We and when till So his entourage, you think one hundred percent. For I those what happened is. Obviously I went to divorce and it was my personal, is always been more important to me than you know, a career life so yeah. I would do the road and I would do my gigs, but I did the management I didn't. Have the publish the publicist out there. All I really cared about was when I left boys with seven and eleven years old. So it was
more important for me to be around and raise them the right way and the both live with me and you, and then I always, but I prepared you know through the this whole past decade as bad as it was. I would work on the new material and say it my time I'm going to. Again, you know because If you walk around telling people you're the understudy did comedy king well. If you do another special, you better prove that you know and that's the bottom line, and so you like challenging yourself like completely make yourself rise. The occasion you know MAX could tell you how I trained for this thing. You know what goes on in the church. If you look at Louis C K, does that too Louis told me that he trains for special like a fight okey Dokey gears up when you get in shape? Now you explain my dad really. He train like a bodybuilder it's not even like I gotta lose five pounds. It's like no. I gotta put on ten pounds of muscle and drop twenty pounds of whatever, but
yeah, we're always in the gym, always training yeah it, the guy that actually tray Stallone for Rocky. When I was getting ready to do Ford Fairlane, I became friends. Just alone, and he introduced me to his tray The guy's name is George Peppard Sick and the guy was from Czechoslovakia and- and he was he was missed- Czechoslovakia four years in a row and then steroids came into the business. He quit and moved America and he built he didn't just open a private gym. He bill every. He was also a machinist and bill every machine in that gym and when this guy really taught me at a change, my body when I have to change it, simplify any muscle, you know so with this special. You know I am fifty four years old when I walk out there. It's almost like
when I see certain guys in the crowd that are my age are old and I ask how old they on they go. You know fifty five years old and I'm looking at the guy like seventy five, so it's like almost want to be hopeful to those people, because even as you get older one of one of the other things I would call myself is like the rocky of comedy like I watch, Rocky six and go. It's where I am and that's who I am you know, and You know his messages in those movies about making your life and reaching your potential is what I always use so yeah. I could just throw on a leather and walk out there and have a belly sticking out. You know, but it's like wow, do that when I'm more than capable of completely structuring my body, giving the fans exactly what they want from it and it makes you feel like you're gearing up for something yeah it does. You know I go up the mountains, I got it a gym and you know MAX had the funniest line. That was this produce
in the gym the other day that you know I'm going to get on the treadmill and he got on one of these bouncing things. You know and I don't want you do to work out with me. You know, and he goes you know why am I going to workout with you and MAX is stand there, but this other guy comes over. It works in golds, his is Travis and it goes because he knows what he's doing in this guy Travis is what, like thirty years old and he's Compl Letley ripped these like six two, and it goes when I train with dice. I shake when I'm writing the next day. He goes. That's how hard he trains and what he does to each muscle. So when MAC It gets me alone. He goes because in the gym like you could be in a tank top you're in different clothing and max goes. Why would do? producer even question you. You have worked out it
on you and you know it. Just cracked me up, because you know people, you know, look looked, instead of building up, they always look to knock it down, and I always use those negatives too now myself see before walk out onstage give I gave Chris Rock the same advice before he did bring the pain, and it's it's a really funny story, because I came into the comedy store. And Chris was on stage rehearsing his material and he came to the back, and I mean Chris. We, our bonding, is with both from Brooklyn, To the same high school ten years older than him, but we always had that bond so Chris ago you know what what's going on with your life because well you know I'm getting ready to do this special for HBO. You know how many are going to give me and look at him and I go. Let me ask you something: I go with friends right and he goes yeah I go
Does it bother you at all that when you leave this club, every comic looks at you like a fucking, zero. And he's looking at me going: why would you say that, because that's how they look at you you're a fucking zero in their eyes you done nothing unlimited, Eddie Murphy did for you. How does that sound? That's what they think of you because. Why would you say I go because Justin and talking about a special like it's just another special ago, when a network like HBO or Showtime, that give you a special that giving it to you, because that's they think you are you treat it with the attitude. You just said it to me with that's. What's going to happen, nothing I go when you are behind the stage and you're thinking, you're going out there in two minutes. Think of every comic watching go, he's a fucking zero and
but the other side of your brain should be thinking about the family. That's been back in your ass all these years and there praying for you and you use both those things and stay moving around on stage a little pushy stand. There, like a fucking soldier and as good as material is people, are going to fall asleep watching you and that's We developed that crazy walk back and forth, so you coached him into that. I coached him with that nothing about his material. He gave me a thank you on this special an that's all and he scored and became a big star 'cause. He listened Becaus what I do. No, he listened because what I do understand Joe, is about performance because I studied rock stars. I studied the greatest. Of the greats. If it was with the drums, it was buddy rich. You know what I mean the greatest Drummer Devil in buddy. Doing doing shows when he was two years old. You know I studied the greats. I didn't study comics because, like I keep telling you
bored me to fucking tears. You know what I mean the only one like Rodney Dangerfield, with Don Rickles. When I watch Don Rickles I'm on slaw banging my hands laughing because he's a fucking animal. He gets it. You know what I mean other guys come out there. Well, you know I started dating. I go just fuckin move, you know with MAX when he's performing in Vegas ago, just grab that MIKE stop pacing a little and they will follow you and I'll be with you. But if you stand in one spot there going to get find start nodding off just to the sound of a voice through it's excellent advice, is you message? Joey Diaz, Joey Diaz? Just stands. There yeah look at him, Manza Human mountain screaming at an audience you're going to I love ten. You know what's so funny about so funny. You know my new wife, she's, she's, half latin and half
italian, jewish, whatever she is but years. Well, you know. Diaz was talking about girls, and you know he's talking about latin girls. He goes you don't want that latin pussy, you never want latin pussy. You know like oh how come you know. He goes because she get out. You know, yeah, because you never get out there fucking crazy. It's the hottest shit on the fucking planet. The understand you don't want to go near that this is you know. Twenty years before I met my wife, but now I know what the fuck he's talking about Classic Joey Diaz. Oh no, he was on those bad forget out dog, never give up. No, he was on the back staircase talking about cuban food and every other fucking food fucking stab you while you're coming yeah. You know what he's right: yeah yeah right I was talking about a latina girl that I was dating when I first listen to your cassette when I was nineteen that bitch was off
chart, nothing like it. Nothing like it. You know. I married my wife within a years time, wow and we've been happy ever since you just said I'll. Take it other, then, when we're breaking the house apart, because at the beginning you know you know it was always funny cause. You know. If we into a fade, I'm fucking leaving here, go to bags of rolling out. I'm throwing him down the stairs x is looking and it got to a point where my sons would be like you know, but we're going to pay attention to this anymore, how we breaking up at the beginning a lot you know like every other day there was a couple months stretch, but she's the only girl. You know number one. My wife knows more about me than Maine and she's a. Younger than me and she has studied it now and so she was a dice fan. No, she wasn't a dice fan her friend when I met her friend, know everything about me, but she didn't even know who I was so
once we started going out. She started on the internet and studying it and she watches every show I do and she's the one that got me into the social media with the Fucking Twitter shit years ago when people would go days. Do you tweet? I go. You know what a pussy that's as far as they take it. You know, but but she got me into all that stuff and you know she's good with the material. I never listened to any. Really about material, You know in my whole life any woman. I went with any any friend, but she actually knows she gets it and she'll give me like little things to say and it kills you know she really just gets what I do and really studies it that this whole area so she's almost like she can be a writer too, because she knows you so well. She she's my number one fan she's my groupie and she's, the only one. I want trust me yeah you met married him. Yes, she's great she's, great
Valerie. I hope you listen and so she's also on Twitter under Miss Dice Clay yeah. She loves being MRS Dice Clay. She loves it, get out yeah she. So she does the merchandise at the shows out. There see yeah, that's awesome and, like I'll talk about my latin wife, I go yeah. You know that the day after we got married, a mother moves in that in the father in the ninety cousins idea come ninety cousins care for them are in cousins and I'm going all I know is half my fucking truck is missing. You know, but she's got the greatest family account picture of a mother which is a that was my big. I got to show him this. I don't have a picture of my wife on me. So your twitter is the real dice clay, the real dice clay. Anything having anything else is not. Is that your fanny pack,
yeah. I have one is my little love fag bag yeah. I enjoy the Fanny Pack and I'm proud of you for sporting one as well. For years the list yeah great way in a nice picture. I carry of a mother. Look it up, you know, wait where's, a mother is the mommy. This is the senior look for. My wife will see that you took out the wrinkles. Picture Ford Fairlane used to be I got to tell you this to cause. Obviously you're friends with Eleanor. You know Ellen Noise, like my extra wife, Anne you know, so she also opens the shows for me. So anytime is a problem with me and Eleanor Eleanor goes my wife and now I got to get. In the dressing room from the two of them max witnesses, it's hysterical gang up on him. They do Does he enjoy it a little bit yeah yeah
yeah because you know they both have different talents. Like you know, I told you about my neck right, my wife's, a little lazy about it. 'cause she's got like fingernails like longer than your foot, you know and they're, always like different things. Whatever she does, but Eleanor she South Philly, so she gets in with the elbows, you know what it means to be. Like l annoy you gotta work on me tonight you know what I mean and she'll like dig in for a good hour. So it's all different style is that from lifting your back yeah I just always had a bad neck, and back do you stretch a lot now? stretch enough. I know I bet you told me that yeah, it's also your hamstrings a lot of times and people are experiencing pain and tightness in their back. It really is a lot to do with your hamstrings. You know if you don't have a flexible back, you know you gotta think about all the different ways you back. I do stretch I just don't stretch as strong as I should go, search alot. So much as you get older. I think of you in one of the martial arts. Magazines when the split yeah,
could do that. You know and that's when I decided never have a prob, never have a problem with him. He knows too much. Flexibility is one of the most important things as you get older, especially you gotta, really it's it's something you have to do like brushing your teeth. If you don't brush your teeth, you know you can go to bed and not brush your teeth for a few fucking months and nothing really will happen except you get bad breath, but you gotta think about stretching like that. It's like it's, portent piece of body maintenance, especially as you get older and as you're younger, especially you're, younger and you're lifting weights? There's a lot of people have your body up, because they lift weight to they don't stretch out uh, you gotta make sure you get a full range of motion. Do you still talking about that? Do you actually still fight? I still did you get so I did you just sparring. You know, I know I don't know any kickboxing anymore, because I hit the bag and I worked with trainers and hit the pads and stuff. But sparring is not for your brain, 'cause you're, an interesting guy I mean you went. I mean that to low What degree are you
I stopped taking Taekwondo Kwando, which was the martial arts that I first got my black belt in when I was a second degree and I stopped 'cause, I started getting into kickboxing I started getting into moitie so I missed mixed all this other stuff in with the Thai Kwando and sort of changed my whole style at kicking. So that was the last time I was over. Ranked was a second degree, so let me ask you 'cause. She will also do like an aggressive show, is a comic? Do you get because people know that about you? Do you get with like that? No met my wife, the people to come to the shows are so friendly. I I have no problems everyone, so nice man, we have a a friendly podcast, it's a fun podcast, you know and I do. Martial arts and I've started doing martial arts for two reasons, one because I was picked when I was younger and I didn't like it and I didn't have an older brother and my stepfather was hardly ever around. So I had a fight and I didn't like it. I didn't like people fucking with so I learned how to fight. It was really that simple then, once I got really good at it, I did it because I think martial arts is
the most dangerous, challenging and character building path for human development. I think to really know about yourself. There's two ways you could go to war. You could find out about yourself: shooting people overseas, fighting hand to hand, combat and fucking. Ditch and stab a guy with a knife. You can find out a lot about yourself in that situation or You could travel around the country and fighting martial arts tournaments. You can do that. You can find out an incredible amount about Utah Insta pain, you're willing to push through adversities. That's what would get me nuts with you, though. That's what the joke was for Maine, because with martial arts, it's all the mind and body yeah. So when I would see you like, lose it yeah I'd be like isn't this guy's post to be like, then, you know when I'm started it embedded effort with two one from drinking and someone is just talking shit and they're being aggressive, but that's what they teach you to just be my better at it now way better at it now, but the real problem. I would always have two problems in the biggest one
was when I saw someone bullying someone that shit would drive me fucking crazy. It drives me crazy when I see someone bully, so you know what that's how I am too. I was never like me. Fucking hate it, you know it was never about like being being a bully, it was just being able to protect myself. And I would also hate when I saw a people get fucked with like I understand where you're coming from that dad was the hot point. The one store that you were talking about were screaming at this guy in front of the club. He was threatening that he was gonna kill. One of the guys that worked there, who just just- there were. There were kicking him out of the club 'cause he was drunk and he was saying he was going to kick my ass and I didn't think anything of it. But then I got off stage and my friends, reading, is in the front of the club- is like that. Fucking guy still out here, man he's saying he's going to kill me saying he just got back from Iraq, and I just I just this: couldn't not you lost, I saw red and I was like I'm gonna be yeah. I I I so you were going to hit him or anything, but I just found those trying to get him to hit me, but
but now I know that also I get that I just want to know. I was there for that. I was there for them in see if I eat well, that was totally different. That was, I didn't want to hurt. It was no, I know that, but it was so beautiful 'cause. You would like if the it was his nose. You were right here, it was so enjoy. You know, and everybody know that when see it was a different case he's a guy who, unfortunately, has some sort of a psychological issue. I don't know what it was, but we this guy. That was around the comedy community that wasn't like everybody else, and he was. He would literally go right on before you do your best bit say if you had a get about. You know fucking, hitting your computer with a hammer. He would open with him version of your hitting the computer with a hammer bit I mean it was just he was is aggressive in it. It wasn't just that he was trying to do good for himself. He was also trying to shut you down is trying to step on your material. It was real real fucking, big problem, but he
and still, then I never tried to hit that guy. Never! No. I know that I know I was there at night with. The argument was so crazy is MAX that night it was like, can see it like they advertise them that he's going to be performing there. So it's that's, that's the Youtube there yeah, but I was there when it happened. You know what I mean was well every you know this. Only comics in the road that were backing me up, I felt like I was representing them as much as he was anyway see what it was It was. We were so sick and tired of it. By that time you know, and if it for. You know Brian catching it on video that I probably probably have pulled that off another couple of years and victimized a bunch of, and it ain't good for him. Either man he's a talented perform. You know what I do is own. Well, you know what I always tell MAX. I go if you're truthful up there and get your own material. You got Korea yeah, you don't want to depend on other people to immaterial. So just use your mind and when you on stage just let it go, you know that
you got to do and he's getting better and better at it and you know actually is going to do something else, but you know: did you talk to Joe it drama? and I brought up the drums on the last day. You know some, you know some of the writing, but you're gonna have a minute to a podcast sometime like maybe play some songs or something we had. No, no but it'll be on the special he's. Gonna do a huge thing on the drums because he easily untouchable You had a podcast dices view on the world. I would subscribe to. But I guarantee you millions of people, you probably the number one podcast in the country. I would. I would
People need to go, get it yeah. I don't know. If I get the discipline to do this, it's amazing! No, you do not have or you want a cigarette. You drink a cup of coffee. They just are talking about Chris Brown, simple. It's that simple! You press record! You can have an engineer, come to your house yeah back, so so you know what I should start. The podcast messed up, my dad on how bout you two guys do a podcast together Brian will produce it and they'll put it out for you. Yeah just come here once twice a week or once a week once every two weeks easy. What do you do on the world, though, while on the road and I'll do anything I just promote my gigs, though I don't you do radio anymore radio when they're, my friends, radio shows how do people know when you're going to be on on the podcast wild podcast is at least two or three times a week. We do it. We put it out on Twitter, would tell people in advance. You know, hey Monday is going to be shale son in Tuesday's going to be Michael Ruppert, that's the schedule for next week and if they miss it, they can download it on Itunes and one of the things I was thinking that you should do 'cause. I know that Ford Fairlane
have a dvd commentary and it would be really funny if you just did a podcast. Why watching Ford Fairlanes, so people at home could hit start at the same time and you just talking about the movie, and I think they ask. I wouldn't do the commentary for it whatever you did it, though not, but why? Because for yourself this was a movie that could have gone through the roof and they pulled it in a week and it was doing big numbers and because of what happened with Fox 20Th Century Fox put it out they, they played the movie for a week. I had to go see it on Hollywood Boulevard that I saw Ford Failing, so it was doing really well and they pulled their chest at times. You gotta understand this thing came out in one thousand nine hundred and ninety, so now an opening weekend for that today would be like you know, forty five million dollars. You know back then it was like an eighteen million dollar opening weekend cause. You know the price it cost to went to a movie theater and it got this big hit, even though they didn't do the premier and then they
hold it in a week and what happened that movie is then they added all around the world. So they a ton of money with it, then it that time there were no dvds, it was just tapes, it was just videotapes and the month that it came out for you know how years ago it was like two house to rent the tape. But if you kept the tape, it was like one hundred dollars. The first month that came out they sold at the one hundred dollars price four hundred thousand units wow, so it was like by the time they called me years later do commentary. I was like you know what pulled my movie I'd the theaters? Why would I do commentary about it? You know I don't care yeah. No, I can see it from that point of view, but from a fan's point of you, people would love it especially did it for yourself and said we only for them still talk about a sequel to it, because it has the audience it always
at the. What do you do a podcast? I guarantee you how many people would watch that thing with with you doing so? Well, I don't give me all your information. Would you be able to play legally play for your mailing out on over it? You don't even have to just like, because what you watch it at home, you and you just have it in the background playing so like you know, I sincerely so you get people to press play at the same time lately, so they have his commentary on the laptop or some yeah. Exactly absolutely that's alter craftily organising. I had a lot less. We've done all we do it with the UFC Drunk Castle. Now, that's right! That's yeah! I had a blast doing that movie I'll, tell you that much. That was a fun movie to date by the way Brian before I say anything, there's a UFC coming up soon and we should do that yeah because I'm not doing it. It's one of those fx shows. Let's do a draw the australian one. No, it's not Australia. Let me find out what card is, I think it think it's soon. I think it's like Tuesday. Let's do it. Let's next Tuesday,
in high school, that was my favorite movie ever, and I had your poster above for the movie above my bed, because I used to work at a movie theater and one of my favorite ship was it like just the ridiculousness of it like when you fell off of the the building up, my hair, my hair, it's silly, I would quote all the quote: you might most of my life. I know what they let me do my thing in the movie as a fun movie, to though I thought it was a great movie, but you know with with everything surrounding it, it wasn't fun yeah, you know even like you know they had me. Go on a Saturday night live before the movie came out and you know that everybody was walking off the show. You know I don't even want to say to stupid girls name and uh. You know it like nothing. I got to do was a pleasant experience you know, so you know that's, but that was then in the beauty of being around today and still doing, what I do is that I survived all that stuff. You know, because
a lot of people would have followed folded. I don't fall for anything. I always just keep going, you Know- and I always find the way back, one way or another. We were talking about like the period where you had nothing going on until entourage. Put you back on again, you know: did you try stuff that didn't work, or did you like what I did a reality show about seven years ago it and you know with all these tapes. You know produces a fox tv, they saw my tea and they said this is a show. You know so they sell the vh1 and then when and the way I would fill myself is that it could be cut together and they got picked up for seven shows, and I said, don't you guys just take these tapes and put it together, but they had a budget. It was like they got like three hundred and fifteen grand an episode, and I said all you need is editors I'll, do some voice of I go you the show I have filled my life. You know
just filming, which you saw me all the time you know and they go now. We have ideas and as their shooting these ideas, even my kids were like what are they doing they came over with this episode of rough cut, of what they called the image episode, and you know they, but like a grill in my mouth and dressed me like a rap and I hated, you know, I hated it, but I was young and I forgot if it was either MAX it Dylan that looked at, produces and said. If you we're doing a show with Axel Rose, just let him be axle yeah. So why you just let dice be dice instead of taking up all this bullshit, I just remembered you were in foolish auditor, that's right, my favorite, crazy, Eddie, Griffin Movies, in full prime crazy form, those uh about. He played a comic named foolish ways. You were like the club owner right, yeah, Griffin man. There was a kid who had some fucking tal.
There's there's moments with that kid would be on stage is crushing like I I I I thought, Eddie Griffin at one point I was going to be one of the biggest acts like ever in the country without any Griffin. You know I sort of found at eight and You found him well, what happened was. I was at the comedy store one night and he walks over to Maine and it goes I'm open for you one day, and you know you know we talk for two minutes and then a couple weeks I was getting ready to go on tour and I already had opening acts and Eddie was on stage and he had like you know, percent material, but what he had he was exciting to watch. You know what I mean so more stage, and I said you know come over here. You know. Did you know what I saw you on stage tonight and I said you really do have that potential you're going to be great, I said So why don't you go pack your bags and we leave in the morning. It was the dice rules store. You know,
and the next thing you know we're in Philadelphia. I'm doing I was going to do. I think two nights at the spectrum and and you know I see it. He doesn't have a coat, no socks, and the snow on the ground. I go wiz please stuff, he goes. I don't have anything so next thing you know we're on a shopping spree and he gives me the nickname uncle dice to this day because I just saw him in Vegas last week and yeah. I bought him all these clothes and he did a lot with. Was he in the movie? He isn't dice rules yeah. He was seen in dice rules and it was great. You know he do. This take way he's yelling at me in a gas station. I was like doing you know. I turned into so I'm doing like my own version of like a nerd, but I was really doing my impersonation of MAX who was a baby at the time. You know- and you know, Eddie Griffin screaming at me. Indiana
the gas station rips off like with the windshield wiper, is going. Mother, FUCK is arguing just taking him away from a black man and I'm sitting here Ok, take it easy, you know, and you gotta say what mother fucker it gets in the car and he screaming at me, and it was great he great in Deuce Bigalow it can act as fuck. Not dead. He's got a lot of time, a lot of town, a lot of crazy and a lot of talent but Hillary to that yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, it's it's! It's fun to be around yeah he's a great guy you know he is a great, a great town. You know, and you know at that time- he'd come on stage, but Tom with a big top hat top hat. You know making the crowd going:
hey, mother, Fucker, hey mother, Fucker, hey and then he didn't know what he was going to do once the music stop. You know, but he had a couple bits and he would kill the crowd. He did great he's a great performer. I remember his first special that he did say he did. I think he did an HBO half hour and he was like had shorts on yeah, that's what he would do, the Michael Jackson and Prince, and you know it was a half an hour. So I don't know if that was a half hour you're talking about the one where he's wearing. Like the big yellow- yes, yes yeah, that was good. In a strong fucking, strong, yeah yeah, and then I did try to train him for another special like one hour, HBO thing and he didn't. Listen, you know and and because I I said first we trained physically. Then we train mentally. You wanna work out yeah. So so he went up the mountain. He went up this mountain with me and goes alright after the mountain we're going to go to the gym, you know and then halfway up the mountain is like fucked
and then the next day, when I'm calling him you know he's not even returning the call is right. There is Can they hear? Did you could make do it yesterday, Anna knows camera couldn't shut the shit. All quick enough. You could see what the mother Fucker was taken, his brains hit. Ground? I said: look at him. He was thinking about killing himself you're dead, dumb mother fucker. Only white people do silly shit like that. You know they have problems and shit flip and like how you get the camera in the background, great job directory and make you fuckhead you're fired, but a stupid shot that stupid, shot. I've ever seen in comedy special talk about a shot. That brings you away from the special see that guy with the fucking head the camera behind him. That's so stupid. They have a shot of the audience. I could have used there
are panda weigh the Calgary. Here it comes a shit added, a quick look at what's making you mad today, your banners. This is the first moment of you like getting heated up. You want to hurt that cash for God, I want to hurt them show director. I want to talk to direct the violent test. Did you see the New Avengers movie Joe? Did you like a hawk in that? Was fucking amazing when the hulk grabs that guy it smashes into the ground, told me I didn't see him over yet it doesn't matter. I won't say anymore, but it's fucking tremendous. The hulk is amazing man they got to do a new Hulk movie and what's the guys name that plays the hulk, was the actors I don't know his name. I still can't get is good. In that moment, I still can't get past how friendly your audience is on other, the nicest audiences ever they're super friendly and you're a mosque a you go visit, but I I'm I'm a nice guy. Still you know I'm not! I just. I know you were nice guy, but when you're doing your stage thing, I've seen it enough times to know, because my audience is the most
aggressive audience I've ever seen from anybody ever like mean I'm not even talking about comics, I'm talking even rock, shows yeah. They're the go nuts! You know there there to go crazy. That's why about controlling the crowd? Half of it dad's audience is the only audience that ever heckles may I never get call Denny where people are always cool. Whenever I open for my dad, I I have to do a dirty yourself has to a more set in just their hard just is out of respect. The the name is Mark Ruffalo, that's the guy, who plays the Hulk fucking tremendous actor. Yeah I would imagine you have pretty aggressive crowds that well events going to see a die show is not just going to see a regular comedy show like that testosterone in the room must be pretty it's insanity. It's like he's, leading an angry mob of people. It's not even like about laughter. Tell out tell bitch
tell him. I was playing this set for him because, like I said, I'm going around the country testing everything and was playing the set from. I just did the Bergen Center in Jersey, and so we sat down late at night to listen to the set for a few minutes and we shut it off. The max goes Now I know why the government and Everybody else had a problem with you. He goes. It sounds like the angry mob and it would be scary to government. Becaus of what he's saying and the way they're reacting to it, and that's why government officials can be like. I don't know with this and it's the dumbest shit. I could think I mean some of it that there is no thought that goes into it as far as you know, certain bits, like I don't do my homework. I just want to do the bit. In the funniest way. I can I don't care if it's if
it's got any kind of truth to it. Sometimes you know it's just gotta be there are certain bits that truthful but sir and bits I'm doing just to affect them and make them laugh their balls off that when I see a guy banging his fists on the stage in his heads laying on the stage that he can laugh anymore? I know I'm doing my job right, that that's how I look at that and I come off when I go did you see them? You know an it great. Is the crowds might be in Vegas? It's it's the road crowds that are really insane because Vegas there's a lot of things that come into it. In gambling to drinking too. You know fighting with your wife of it losing the money. You know yes right thing was tense, but when you come to a concert on the road there coming just for that, so I could really drive them and I want them to leave their going. I've never seen anything like that or witness that The crowd is half of it.
You know when I do this thing about. You know that been doing for years where, where I pick on a guy in the crowd- and you know- and I turned it around and go but look what we've been through now being you were fucking friends right, you know fucking best. I want to take my glass. I want to see you, I don't know. I want everybody to raise their glasses to this guy and then MAX goes you make them get up, so I'm in Vegas last time forget about everybody shut, the fuck up. You know up for this man, some just guy sitting there and I go so I want to say to you right now: he Thio and then everybody go suck getting my dick. Oh, you know it's just the most ridiculous stuff. You know so, and it's just so enjoyable for me, because I go they've gotten to leave their life for an hour.
Right, 'cause, you know I might I might say you know I hate going up there some night, but once I'm out there, I just That's my freedom to just go nuts. You know uh even told the crowd like you know why I'm up here right now, 'cause. Sometimes I get into a fight with Eleanor on the stage I go because she just went to tell my wife what happened here and when I come off this stage that both going to let me fuck and have it so I'm just hang out here with you for a little more, you know I mean I used to sit in the back of the comic store. With that the back porch is, you know, there's a there's. A steps were the idea is always smokes cigarettes, the steps. Where belly is and we could be back there and dice be on stage your dad will be on stage and all the sudden we were just here screaming just screaming you fucking dummy you dumb,
okay and where to go main dices up mean dies, but we're right in the back of dice meet in the back and we would sit and watch you torture. People you've had some of them might be the funniest brutalization of people. I've ever is and there's not even a big there's, a bunch of people deal with hecklers that are on on the internet. I don't think there's any of you take any of you of those like comedy store sets. I don't know, I don't even know, but so summer someone Vegas, you know. Obviously MAX is single and he's out there. Looking for girls. So can we tell Melissa sure yeah you did Well I'll start it. You could finish it so. This is, but I just want to preface this by saying the story. I told last time that Ellis said nothing now this story blows that story away. Okay, that's how you should post. Do you learned well from your father? It's so much harder, strong and then build up well well. This is the thing so
this girl in the front and she's a ten and she's alone, a blonde girl. Just you know ten from head to toe, you know with the big tit: a nice big fat ass, the right package. So I'm look into a you know about what she does a dominatrix is in the way she put it. She said she's in the fetish yeah. She goes I'm in the fetish world. You know and you know. I go how all these she's only twenty one years old. You know- and you know so go twenty one! I go you like young guys. You know she's going to so so now, I'm at of the show 'cause. Now it's all about getting MAX hooked up and going MAX. I think I got one for you here so the next thing you know here comes MAX with the girl. After the show backstage to get the picture
off the stage. When he's talking to her. I don't know what she looks like all I know is he's going. You know, I have a son, you should meet him. Well, I didn't say I have a son, I go, he was up here. You know he was up in a you know. Half hour ago, whatever some like, I got to me, this girl, but I don't know what she looks like. So I now to hang out near the t, shirt, rack and you know, meet this girl. One comes out, and so this she is literally the last person out of the place because she was right in the front row yeah. She went to the bathroom or something she's, the last person Eleanor. You know, showings of the girl out to me and I'm like hey Sup yeah. You know I'm like your number I was on. He was talking about Maine, so I'm like alright, you know you want to get a drink or whatever you should write right so well, the first it was first. It was. I want to get a picture so he comes back, but what's funny is you know you gotta tell Joe what you tell people that want to meet me. You know because he's always out there, if the shell, with my wife and Eleanor, you know
You tell them like he's, not another great yeah. What have you yeah like? I was going to have to let people know before so I don't like. I don't like meeting people. No, I don't I'm not I'm not no, and the reason is because a lot of these guys will come backstage. When I try to put me like in a headlock and I get physical about it, you know, I'm not gonna lie to you and it's not about being tough or anything that you have had luck so yeah. That was just one guy. This was asshole months ago. I thought I was going to break his arm when he did that, because I just react, I don't like take your hands off way. I react to it, and a lot of these guys are a lot bigger than Maine right. But when I'm in that frame of mind you don't see it, it's like. Don't fucking put your hands on me. 'cause I'll break his shoulder. You know so he knows not to bring people battle, because I hate people know people. You know ninety nine percent of people. We just tell him that you know, but so he left, but they asked him like.
Why can't I meet him right? Am I just can't take you back there because he's just not great socially yeah. I try to let the hell, like you're, not going to get the experience that you want, like it's awesome to watch the shell. But if you meet him, you probably going to. I don't know if you're not going to have a favorite things you did. I don't know if you want to talk about this, but one of my favorite things you did. Is you started taking less and less shirts with you when you would go to shows yeah? I heard about this Will you shirts the ones we yeah yeah yeah? That was last time we auctions yeah. What I is what to bring one hundred shirts when I could bring ten and just have MIKE Black? Was the opener back then, and my kids will with me on the road so like black, was the baka
the auctioneer, you know, and we would you know, sell the shirts. He would start like a hundred and fifty dollars. You know- and you know- and we were selling like between anywhere from one fifty to five hundred dollars a shirt get out, and you know what you know. Of course, with that I would take a picture and sign the show or whatever. What was funny is my son. Dylan at the time was twelve and he's taken the money you know and may in the change with MAX who is fifteen, you know and like that was my crew, MIKE Black in these two little kids, that's hilarious. So from the time you were like eleven, you were watching him to stand up. I wouldn't really ok! Well! The first am I ever really saw my dad to stand up was in two thousand, when I was ten, because my dad went back to Madison Square Garden. This is an inch I gotta tell. This story, I thought, there's a lot of there's a lot of stories.
Is there an ending on this? So that's a problem in a lot of shows right. You worry about running out of time. Well, I also want to keep it interesting for you. This is very interesting. So You know, since my kids were born. I always thought about. How do I explain what what I do as the Father plus? They can't really see it right. You know so from early age like I groom them into the business is like understanding. You know what I do and sort of how big it was. But it's not that big of deal to me because I'm daddy, you know what I mean when they were kids. So now MAX was ten Dylan was six and a that time this was the two thousand and nothing going on. I didn't have any tv shows a specials, so
I decided how did doing Opie and Anthony on the afternoons and that time I was in a war with Howard Stern. We weren't talking and they were the same. There were the same network yeah. You know, so I don't give a fuck, I would go on their show and they were pretty new it and the audience started, building pretty rapidly between them in May, and I would call in three days a week if I was in New York I'd go in and that was a who is drama ahead this huge fucking thing happened with Jay Mohr, dead. He was calling you to boo. Yeah but I don't want to go. I gotTA fucking single comment that hasn't had a problem with that's what I was saying. It was a simple thing would happen.
Went to that, but if it was a simple thing that he could have said, he was sorry I have a problem with, but what? But he wanted to be a tough guy over the yeah, and I was in LA really you know, and he goes hey dice, I'm not afraid of you. What happened is you went like on Letterman and did like a very close the of Pacino to mine. So when we were the air I said you know Jay ago you did, Pacino thing on Letterman, and he started in rather than go. Well, you know it was like no, it wasn't letting it was Conan and I said well that's my thing. You know what I mean it's my day. And- and he got forgot, how it got out of control, but then he got into like, You know I'm from Jersey, you know I'm not afraid EO I go. Okay, we've got a little little bit, Jay Mohr oppression. You got a little bit of a Jay. Mohr impression. Do I want to do it either was well, it was. It was a huge fight because I would hate what would he say to you? Well now, I'm thinking about, but he goes well not afraid to you. You know I'm from Jersey and I go
J. You know it's not about that. It's about being tough and I'm really fucking tough, ok, but there aren't too many guys that scare me, no, but you from, but you gotta understand. You know I was put in the hospital a bunch of times when I was a kid. I've had my nose busted my head split up in my face split up, and you know so. I know what it is to lose like, when you lost your first fight. You want try to fight again 'cause, you know what it is to get hit. You know what I mean so the LA person on earth it's going to frighten me is a guy. The beige sweater and his sleeves rolled up. Jay Mohr. It doesn't scare me at all, but if you're going to tell me in front of millions of people, you're not afraid of Maine. Well now you got a problem: you're not going to be able to fucking handle, so I told him over to yeah. I can remember you telling me this because now, when you get back to LA you better come to find me at the comedy store because of had to come and look for you
going to be even fucking. Worse, I'm warning you so What happens is if I get off the air Ralphie make calls me 'cause. He had my phone number and he you know, Jay was just fucking around. I go you're not involved in this go to opened his mouth and in fucking apologize to Maine, and now you know he's going to have a problem. If he come look for me I'll, look for him! It's that z, that his wife even called me they all. Then I get a call from a detective. I thought it was joke. It was at night. Is this Andrew Clayton and and I go yeah. He goes well actually a fan yours. I can't believe I'm calling you, but we had a complaint, this to police station like what his wife at the time and the was even tell me it felt more like a domestic dispute than anything else and I said
we're having a radio fight. We were arguing on on the Opie and Anthony and we wound up making up whatever minute wait a minute we will put on a you listed the police and fire. Like I come back, I think dispute yeah. That was between him and his wife. I don't you know what would happened. He made like a Jew reference to May that's. When I snapped out. You know on the on the radio and even the New York Post wrote, it was one of the only times I got protected. You know in you know that they rode up what he he said. That was very wrong hello Larry. This is the news in jail or send a Jew joke, but you, but you getting you getting you off right happen with the God and what happened so you the full story, but at that time you know I was doing. I was back to clubs. You know my agents do that. So I decided that instead
of telling my kids about my history. I want to show them one doing arena that I knew there were young, but at Lee they would have that picture in their heads something in years to come. That's all I really looked at. It would licking their minds that they didn't just hear about. Their father. They got to see it. You know in that big of a place So I decided to do an album, put the album out the first day edged out. My agent calls me up and he goes. What do you think the movies? I go. I say you should book the garden and he goes book God and he goes Last time you did westberry you did half a house now explain the people listening. The different way Sperry sold out is about three thousand seats. So if I did hear a house, one thousand five hundred seats Why would I be thinking? I could be it matter? square garden. Now you know what I mean, because I hadn't done arenas in a and she is so.
I'm telling you Dennis I've been doing this. This radio show you know in New York, Opie and Anthony. He goes. Do you still have a radio show you doing you think you saw in the garden. He goes. Why don't we do that beacon, theater? I go I'll, sell the beak in twenty minutes which the beacons like three thousand five hundred seat. He goes well. If you sell it in twenty minutes, we could always move it to the garden 'cause there's no way he didn't they. Any way possible You know that I'm going to sell the beacon in twenty minutes bottom and I'm telling you the story short. I say beacon out in thirty five minutes. So my agent calls me up and he goes. I don't get it. But obviously that's something you know, and- and I don't so, on Dell's. Who did my first arena with me? Is a very famous promoter, he works under the umbrella now of live nation, the heat, said the same thing to my agent goes. Obviously Ice know something we don't so they put ten thousand seats on sale at the garden. Okay,
first day we do seven thousand seats which, if I didn't have do the beacon the beacon was on the 20th of October two thousand and the garden was now going to be on the twenty six. Not even a week later, Holysh I sell seven thousand seats, and now the ticket sales slow down, because the subway series was announced, the Yankees and the Mets, so ticket sales slowdown, but bottom line of what happened is the day. The garden. I get a call the reason I even stopped doing arenas. I would get claustrophobic from the all thing being sold and people around me, so I couldn't take anymore. So I get a call from my agent knowing if Delsener could open up the back, which was incredible because it was going the the last night of the World Series, the Yankees playing the Mets, and we did thirteen thousand people at the garden that night MAC this was allowed to such as much of the show is he he knew when
start getting too filthy leave. Leave that part of the arena and then come back when it's not that bad. You know what I mean. You know 'cause, it's not even eleven mags. I was like ten. He was ten years old. What was the feeling that you had when you watch your dad go up there in front of thirteen thousand screaming animals? Who was that like when you realized mean what was the realization? Well, I guess the way I thought about it at that time. I just I thought it was really cool. Is ten years old and the language didn't really phase me, because even at that age I knew it was just a joke, because my dad was never like that with Maine when he was off stage. I just knew all right when my dad goes on stage he's like that when he comes off he's some but normal, you know. Yes, I'm just as I just saw it as a ten year old kid just thinking. Well, that's
so cool that my dad is doing that and that there's all these people here. You know I wasn't thinking in terms of well what this means to stay. End up and what my dad has done, I didn't have that mindset at the time. I just thought it was awesome and my whole thing was, like I told you, I always teach my kids by example. I want to show them that, with hard work and with belief, and with that drive that that that's built into you that you could accomplish anything you want to accomplish. That's always been with you know when I do certain things and people talk to me like you made all these millions and then you lost it and went to divorce and gamble. Then you bought shit. I go. It's never be about money to me I could always make a yeah making money again now, but the point is that you know it. What you do with your life, what you could accomplish with your life and I didn't really know starting out what it would become when I made it, you know you're never prepared for what fame brings.
I know, even when I saw a rocky one with farther in Brooklyn when I left at the so I told my father was sixteen years old. I said I'm going, do with my life and my other goes what you can become boxer. You know I go I'm going to. I have that thing in me where I could really accomplish my own life, not sure how I'm going to go about it yet and that's what it's always been too for me. It's always been like reach your highest potential in what you do, give the very best and show people what you got to offer them, and I always myself- and I know my history- you know- and I know you know that that I mean I don't know who the guy will come around, that I did the rose bowl with guns and roses. You know uh did things like that. You know it takes a certain person in my mind that God puts you at a certain time to do these.
Different things. I always felt like. I was born when I was born to do exactly what I'm doing now and that's It is for me an you know, where I believe, if you believe something like that, if you truly believe something like that, it's incredibly empowering and it becomes real police then become real. When I used to come off at the comedy store at two hundred in the morning. You know when there's four people- and you know the asshole comic. However, it would be where did go to good I'd. Look at that guy go on the biggest in the world. They just don't know it yet, and this is when I was a struggling comic and that comics can handle with me. It was the the real part of who I am forget about onstage, the the jokes. Everything was this new believable confidence that I was given. You know it's always been inside me like just a complete belief in I concho. Whatever I have to conquer that's completely different than most comedians yeah,
most comics. If you think of comics years ago I mean you know, I'm no fag or anything, but you are nice. Looking guy, I'm a nice looking guy my son tonight what I'm saying good comics years ago. Think of what Buddy Hackett look like that guy did, walk around look in the mirror and go. I could bang anything. I want yeah, you know what I mean. There's comics were goofy looking fucking guy. I think it comes to the point where you can't really define comedy. It's either comedy or it's not comedy and there's a fucking billion different examples. There's Mitch Hedberg, there's you! This is one million different version and that's why I never understood why comics had no camaraderie between them, because everybody just an individual everybody. You know there were guys that do prop comment. That's why I hate when guys pick on carrot top, because I go, I could own Fucking LAS Vegas. Okay, he's cook you know only seems like a nice guy he's one of the nicest guys you'd ever meet carrot top and yeah and I did I did this fucking roast for a kiss for gene Simmons and
I'm downstairs waiting to go on. Gene Simmons didn't even know I'm gonna do to roast. I came from the front doors and rule picking on fucking carrot top, and I came up to annihilate these fucking guys for doing that. You know and when I got the carrot top, he thought I was going to destroy him. And I said, and your rule is sitting here and you're, picking on fucking carrot top and he gave me like twenty calls after this because I was like it was. It was It was the bully effect. They were bullying this guy and I was I could shred anyone at this, this fucking guy that hosts the show, that's ugly motherfucker who's. Ah Ross Jeff Jeff Ross, This'Ll Fuckin little piece of come that came from his dead whoa. You know! Well now, the guy the guy introduced, remember from the eighties Andrew Dice Clay, and I mean that's what he said. Yes, you respect. What that's what I'm saying it's like did his day.
Fuck even knows him, you know Just this little fucking roly Poli cock. You know they couldn't fucking lick the fucking dirt from under my toenails. You know what I mean, there's a vision yeah. Well, that's what he is in my well. You know Jeff things the roast he's an asshole human being this nothing better than that Brooklyn version of Asshole he's in a so it's an asshole. He got Semble's a fucking asshole, you understand, I'm not calling him in I'm saying he's got an asshole face. Oh I see what you say. So what I'm saying is he's gotta faced it on a lot of levels, resembles a fuckin asshole. It's always been nice.
Anime anybody looking to knock me down. You know they get knocked down. Well, welcome. We re breeze, it's unnecessary and, and first of all, you got it. I mean nice guy, yeah yeah. I got nothing against them. He's got just you want to open your mouth. You know about me, you got an enemy for life and when you don't want, why are you in an office with op right now? Are you still in it? No, no! No! No we're good yeah! I thought that was not what I got mad at them from was when MAX was a kid, and I was, and I was going to do, the garden MAX was in the studio and they had a problem with this show guy cow out of Chicago, and they were pressing the issue, and I didn't even know what happened, and I was looking at Opie like end this. You know what I mean my kids here right. You know and he didn't end it, and
you know and we became enemies for a little while, but we made up. You know that good guys. We have a good time max. You were coming out. She was the last one out of the audience. The dominatrix tricks that we were story talk about anything on them, Fucking box. How did we even get that so weird? Thank God, Brian is here to bring this back around. So what happened? Ok, so after the after the show, rather okay, so I made her a t, shirt stand and just yeah bring up backstage, and this is the kid that uh, the young man. I should say that tells everybody it's impossible, he's not good with people with the minute, as a girl here comes MAX so which I loved yeah. And my dad was really cool with their super friendly because he knew he knew what I was going for. Someone who to you know so they take the picture get out of there go downstairs, and then here comes my wife. You know
latino wife with Eleanor right and I'm going because my wife Valerie, you know the one the one get yeah. We don't want anybody getting the wrong idea like she's back there from a you know, right, okay, I'm not going to give every detail. You don't have so we go downstairs have a couple. We ended up having some. More drinks and I really thought we were going to have like four piece or whatever and I'm not even sure how to tell it just basically, the next day when it was the greatest night of my life, that's the only way to say it was single handedly greatest night of my life, any peacock feathers, any dominatrix stuff involved, because it's what she does. She was just so relaxed and open about anything sexually that it just made me completely relax and feel completely at ease, because it's what she does it's our job when pushing backstage. I had a question her a little bit. 'cause I still
to look out from right now is looking to have a lot of course yeah. So I'm like asking like what she does and you sent me that text messages telling me about different things. Like I do smoking fetish, I go what's a smoking, she goes. Geisel this comment just smoke cigarettes around them and act tough. Well, you know crazy shit you know, but wind up dating this girl doll hope was when I went down. To the bar. I got a text of my dad in all capitals because my dad likes to text in all capitals. So it sounds like you know. I got a problem with my left dies, so I don't see the phone is good and it was like stay in the hotel. Don't give her any money and have fun. That's awesome, so yeah look at yet look at odds Joe. Has your job changed the that screen size? Actually, so it yeah yeah. I nearly did to you yesterday that I texting
capital letters because of my own. You do all caps. Also, no, no! No that's his idea. I've made the text larger, so I could see it yet. It's any option. Yet. Okay sounds like you know who the taxpayer, so I don't know, do you have an Iphone now I don't believe in two thousand twelve. You should look at one of those they exist. I super awesome. What do you believe? You don't believe it I phone, but it's rare, but it's, but it's really up to. I just don't believe it. I think it's too much like an upper cons. What Is it about that? You don't believe in them. Well you know how much do I need to do with you know what I mean right. I don't know for me, I'm a I'm a technological junkie. But my wife has the Iphone we use for the twitter and everything. Ok, you know I use commando, do you tell her what to do and she she does it for you command. I love the fan.
That's actually a very nice one where'd you get that roots roots roots as the best one. Oh look at this I'm making a note right now: roots Fanny Pack, I just love fellow Fanny Pack. This is commando just to sum up the rest of the story, real quick one are. You could fall on the ground in the sense that, like a super three hundred one, eight on the water, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, all right! Well, that's more like if you have a fight with somebody right on the beach you go on the water and you call it's like was it needs to go on the war? What we're doing on the war? I got a text, somebody while I'm swimming. Could you really call someone under water? It's amazing, it's a great, Is it fun? I love it though yeah there's a bunch of those they're making this. I nickname a commander style yeah that This is yeah yeah. They make those tough book two Panasonic makes those were my brother in law. Is a navy seal? Oh really yeah?
This is real deal. So do you have like that kind of computer that everything you could just fucking with an ocean man though he doesn't even have it, doesn't even have an Iphone. I love when people when people show you deaf phone and go you can't even get this. I go well how to fuck. Did you get from NASA who the fuck do you know what you can get today? If that's what people do with that with their electronics, so you can't get well who the fuck? You got a note to get this yeah exactly assholes, I'm telling you. I do a whole thing on that now I can take with that technology. Like you know, when you parties it's all they talk about, you know. Instead of party should be fucking the ugly guy girl on everybody's jackets. You know what I mean. That's a party member, that, God, you move your jacket out of the pile go yeah coming here. That's a nice dark world come here, chubby is coming with pockets. First thing I would do when I go to a party years ago, and it was like one thousand seven hundred and eighteen, you spot the
ugly girl in the corner. Gona. If that don't work out, be there yeah, I nothing like a fat girl. I told the MAX all the time what it what else happens. Anything else happen to the dump excerpts the best way to search the flight. You know you can't explain what happened with the with the condoms. Oh, this is a really cool story. I hope so anyways 'cause when I think about it's cool, but let's see how it comes out. How old you max I'm twenty one. So I did any condoms on May zombie and I figured she would because that Jesus so everything's just about to go down, and this is after you know, we go to the hotel room. I play her my rock dance music, which there's really nothing better to do with the girl that play her your own band on, like an ipod or whatever so she's, really to the music everything's about to go down and we how many condoms so she starts going. You know, I feel everything opens for a reason. Maybe we're not supposed to get together and I go
so a panic because I'm like there's no way we're in the bed. It has to go down. There is no way. This is not happening. Riced she goes to the bathroom. I pick up the phone call the operator and my Can we get some condoms up to room five thousand two hundred and forty five? Please and they send delivered condom. They send up like this classic bellman like something years old, full headed s gray gives the condoms. I give him the money and I did they would do that. So I would be the guy running out in the lobby trying to get it take, for I don't know there now. He know if he left the game is own. That's a strong mood is as strong as I had read it once in an article that said, like Michael Jordan, did that once he called down add condoms brought up once a week for whatever reason that came into my mind and I'm like just call down and ask for the dude really hooked it up is awesome, and then this girl she showed me like the sexual light and,
still hasn't texted me back so really looking it's hit it and quit it uh. You know it's what you want to know that that's another thing with guys today, like um. I was talking to this this this pro. You said this guy. One of the guys that was on a name is rob. Wise is really funny guy an he was telling me that a story of a girl he was with, and you know they did everything, and then you know like the next day, how you would call how you doin, let's get together again and the girl like blue morph in a minute and I'll call you right back, and it goes now. I'm sitting there, like the fucking girls, used to do waiting to call back that never comes. You know I mean it's. The funniest thing this generation of women, we could go out, bang a guy all night and then just you know forget They say that when the birth control pill came along, the whole fucking world now. When the internet came along, it changed again.
Check one more time. In sense just and it's like a strange thing that I can't figure out like if you really hit it off with someone, why not you know one not staying in touch or whatever, but you know I can't figure out. You know her mind. How quick did you come to be honest? I'm not going to give you about the exact amount of time, but it was, it was so much fun. You know what you are talking a lot about his music. You know, music. Play one of your songs. If they got that, You could play one of the songs of the. What should we want to know how the it tell him what to go to? Okay? What's everyone laughs, your favorite upset? It was all my space last, so no, it doesn't matter, but my speech was diligent. No, but but the point and and they're revamping my space anyway, but just making a comeback. Yeah space is making a comeback. If you don't tell my myspace dot com official LA rocks, that's where we could official LA rocks, because there was an la rocks, but don't play the song till it till I set this up for you. You got.
Understand when these songs were recorded number on MAX, I don't even know if he was seventeen yet he's on the drums Dylan was how old three hundred and fourteen, if Dylan was like thirty He was thirteen years old, Dylan wrote the music, the the plays the lead. We could Todd the base, the Lee Vocal, the words so people listening to this got to realize this is a thirteen. Girl kid only vocal and guitar grave. He was only playing guitar about a year and a half wow okay and you know It just happened as a fluke because I was going to use which song gonna play rotten core. All right don't play rottenecards when we went into the studio. They would just going to lay the music down from my album that I still never put out and Dylan. Yes, can I sing it? This is the before and I go well yeah sure you could sing. I don't know you could sing. You know
so, but you know, I would never put anything on an album that would embarrass you. So if it doesn't sound right will just use the music, so they go. And they lay the track. The music track down in one take then Dilla, the baseline in one take and then the engineer goes. You know if you want 'cause he's a little kid he goes, you could I'm back tomorrow and do the local and he goes rock and roll opens at night. Okay, that's the first! So now now with that being said, this is you know a couple years ago. So do the one that junk yard, so you thirteen? How old is this time difference? There
mean I'm seventy thirteen, seventeen being at best rusted and gay bythe for thirteen seventeen? This is fucking unbelievable. If you you guys Alice in chains fans, oh yeah, yeah, it's fucking good! It's really great! That's literally! Let me okay, so he gets better smooth. I get a big fucking Joe, wouldn't make what great drumming you know what else I like? It's, not some boy van bullshit thing! This is adult rock yeah. They want. They want to be like a to ban guns and roses. Will you get talented kids man? That's gotta feel great. How many songs you got up there. I think there's only like three years
for on the actual on where they going to people at home. Wanna! Listen to this! If you go to my space dot com, slash Gilera Fishel LA rocks. What other songs about? What do you dedicate your time to more stand up with that? Well, I've really been when the doing the stand up, mostly because the band actually broke up. You and your brother broke up well what happened with real short when these wreck companies came at them Dylan got a little overwhelmed and I couldn't blame him thirteen an hour. I would actually tell my go. Look, I'm not Joe Jackson, I'm not gonna force you into to stardom, good for you, but but now he's like back into it and uh they're actually going to open my special for me. That's fucking, awesome, that's really, uh? That's going to be so cool man? Have your kids doing something like that? You know and the reality. Is the regular life sucks having a good job being some fucking dude working in an office. When you see your dad live in the way he lives and doing what he wants to do and being free. It's really,
not that many other paths for you grew up with it. You know you see it. It's the greatest way to make a living in the history of the fucking universe, creating your own shit, put it out there and people love with that, come to see, they give you money and you fucking to have a great time, and you live this life like the big fat stupid party that is supposed to be, but You do it, you can do with it. You know he already realizes what assholes people could be. So he goes. I can't wait to become famous so I could just get a house and put big Wall Queen main and the rest of the world. You know like when he'll come home like from the comedy store at night. Because of everything he sees out there. You know it's just the funniest way. Now we put the to make it's weird watching kids, like MAX B and raised he said the internet is whole life to know they're different kids. Today, the twenty one year old. You are much more mature, advanced aware than I was when I was twenty one.
When I was twenty one, I was a fucking idiot when I first start stand up. I didn't know what the fuck was going on the world. I didn't care, you know one of the reasons why I like I like dirty jokes 'cause, that's the only shit that I thought was actually funny. You know. That's all I care was twenty one years old? What do I care about care about like fucking? That's why Donna gave us runs a third of world and it is that's why in any doubt, good that's what I I initially started off like trying to be like a really clean comic, and it just has not really gone that way, because it's really hard to just be one to be clean now it because you're well Jerry Seinfeld as a craftsman, I admire him as a man who crafts jokes. If you go and you listen to his phenomenal yeah he's a craftsman I mean he knows. How is pacing is delivery. Is right is the best clean comic. There is my dad We uses a Seinfeld African is another great example. Gaffigan is a God, damn craftsman and he likes doing that kind of comedy. You hang out talk to the guy, that's how he talks, but to me
me, you know, what's always been the funniest to me. Is people just get fucking crazy? I don't. I don't want to go, see I will I love comedy period. I mean I'll, go to see a clean comic. If he's really funny, I would love to go, see Gaffigan or some like that. But if I really, if I had my choice, Let's just watch see some what people live in it we're in a dirty world. We live in reality with with a lot of dirty things going on. So if you're on stage is a comic our whole job is commentary on the world yeah, you know yeah, you need to address every unturned rock and it's like to be.
A new comic in the year twenty twelve, you know Seinfeld even came up in the early 80s. You know it seemed like it might have been a little easier to be gained or at clean sheets done son. The internet came along once Goatse was around with that. Some people call it apart their asshole with a wedding ring in your hand, and you see that picture. Of course you have how about top girl. You ever see tub girl, degree, weather asshole in the fountain spray of diarrhea is splattering. On her face. Has a cheese, clock overacted, look at those things, it's incredible! This is make fun of it. Have you seen the Mister hands I haven't seen a lot. I've heard of a lot of things that I had seen mister hands the guy that gets fucked to death by a horse interesting. He was a guy, they started. They change the law in Washington State about this guy. They made a documentary about it called zoo, apparently for the longtime Washington state. It was legal to have sex with animals, so people would fly to Washington, state and move in and make farms together and have sex and make videos so ridiculous.
I did see that video to say this. This was around one and when your dad was around when he was young, this is our one. Why we, you were growing up in it and it in the area of exposure a different world than anything that I I saw when I was twenty one legal to just was not anymore. They changed. It was just old law that you know was on the books forever, and so they were, they were found. This loophole. It's actually like a a clinical. Psychological disorder, it's called zoophilia, so like in Washington, like if you ask somebody like you seeing anybody yeah, I'm living with a ferret right there, bring the horses. They weren't things get fucking them. The guy had a perforated Colin bled out the this. The you know, what is the price will see. Is I get on stage you know and I get filthy yeah like that's the kind of. If I can't even look at, do you, what would you go on the internet and around and let go to message boards and now I don't know, I don't know. If and I don't you know, and I and I even you
because I knew they grew up with you know the computer generation even when they were kids, I would say like look, I know it's that you know the one good thing about having me as a father is you know you could talk to me about anything, your act, you know you don't have to watch your language you're talking about a girl. You know right right, you know you. Could you could talk straight to me. Just tell me straight out how it is let's go, and I would always tell my kids. Do yourselves a favor stay away from from the on the internet? I go you're gonna go. If you're going to start dating girls, you don't what your mind twisted and bent that badly too late at night. Too late now, but but but it's the truth- and you know MAX was honest enough at that time to yet a friend that went to it a few times as it would stay away. But this is also when I was like twelve, but what that's? What I'm saying? That's the age where, like you know like you, could see a thing like you know some chick blowing, a hole us and think. Oh,
what you supposed to do. You know, kids, don't get it. You know what I mean early. I don't know it's fucking sick in the head, especially like early exposure to like really graphic sexual images like video in porn. It probably can't be good for again. It's probably not no the ship? It can't be good, it's impossible for MAX hardcore type shit. You know when that guy is he's one of these. Only one of the only guys in recent memory that has been arrested for obscenity, they took him to the tip of a trial and flow. His videos are so obscene that they took this guy to trial one state because they knew they can get him if they went in Florida, has very strict obs any laws, that's how they got. Two live crew in Florida. Remember that shit when they got arrested, did you ever do an issue in Florida? Did you ever have another Florida? I had it in Cleveland, though yeah where, where my the entire dread Don't forget, you know 'cause management. They try to keep you out of it and I come in my dressing room and well there's a problem. You know. What's I'm, like you know an arena in Cleveland
and all the sun, the dressing room is flooded with cops. You know telling me if anybody complains anybody you're going jail on, and I was like year. Are we living got I'll? Tell you what you tell me what words. You don't want me to say. As long as I step on that stage, I get my check I'll. Do five fucking minutes, I don't care, I go, but who would complain? That's buying a dice ticket. You know and obviously hadn't gone go to jail. What year was you know? This was probably around ninety three holy yeah yeah. I went through some stuff You know you know with in Canada. You know where they were really detain you on the boss and really go through everything and go and look we're not doggies on this bus with just doing comedy shows It can be rough. They can be rough when you cross the border to Montreal, but I've been with a male, take a walk in the snow, but I had
take a nap afterwards? It was so hard it. At four in the morning and you walk in the snow all the way to this thing where their office was wow and all of us on the bus. You know I traveled with a band. They traveled with my guys. That's why Canada so nice to have a zero douche bag rule if you're even remotely douche bag issue at the the the border patrol that I get the outta here. Man, if you have a do you I get the out of here. If you have an assault at the office, raise it, if you can, you are, you can go to Canada Wide Camarasaurus ever goes it's why Canada is so off they just because they want they want let in any american douche bags. Does it mean this one there's a a smart thing to that. You know you really think about what you do. You live in Canada, you, like a bunch of nice people in this frozen country, that's connected to the craziest savages they've ever existed on the face of the planet. There's! No, no crazier country! If you look a like total impact on the world that America, Black Rome, Rome can suck our dick were in one
in forty different countries with fucking nuclear arms, bring up bombs and tanks and jets and drones. Everybody should sit the fuck down Canada's like above us and every now, and then one of us is running from the law and they try to get into Canada. So course you have to have like really strict laws. Yet any criminal tendencies any condition as they saw it coming a long time ago. I shut it down. I sure appreciate it right and I that's why I have such a great time up in Canada because they do that they're so stringent. It is great that he is also amazing. I'm I'm at the River Cree Casino in June you're gonna, you're gonna, love that place. I yeah I've been to a bunch of times yeah I got on a weight limit, gigs yeah. I got it right here for you. So next Wednesday dice will be at Westbury, music, fair, and that is a long we're on Long Island Westbury pie. That's next Wednesday and then Friday and Saturday he's at the Joker's wild in New Haven CT my old stuff
club? I used to do that club when I lived in New Rochelle and that should be a lot of and then the next one bushel. This is the big one Asbury Park, New Jersey, Bamboozle and who are you working with their well I'm going on right before Bon Jovi Holwell should do my show an I'll. Do it. I don't know what stage him on, but my show is the one right before I met Bon Jovi and he was met him a couple times I opened for them once in queens. Do this MTV theater in the round? They were very nice guys, but I always had a you know pinning up just real friendly guys, but then I read this thing with him and his wife. They own a restaurant and they have a restaurant where the people that go to the restaurant pay whatever they can afford to pay. So instead of like it being a soup kitchen. People can go with dignity and just pay whatever little money they have for for a nice meal and some really compassion. It nice people, I've heard about that. There's a wild concept. That's a beautiful concept! It's a beautiful thing that they do, especially in this fucked up economy, so props to bond
and you'll, be here with him. That's next Sunday Asbury Park New Jersey at Bamboozle. That should be fucking crazy, dude. Thank you much been an honor for me. As a comic, like I said when I came up man, you were one of the guys that I really looked up to and so have. The podcast is like a crazy experience for me, not a super. How do it again with thanks thanks again for back in the day, giving me advice, and you really didn't you're the reason why I decide to go on the road I listen to of it. I was like yeah. Why don't I go on the road? Maybe a better comic too. You know all the did just going up the store, only thing kinda make year yeah. Well, that is my monster. You can become that you can get sucked into his demonic spell a real fucking creep. Thank you, everybody for tuning in to the podcast, and we will see you next week. We've got a lot of show coming up next week. Next week we got Michael Rupert, he's gay
will be here on Tuesday in jail son in the day before on Monday, and then Shane Smith will be the week after that we got a lot of shit going on a lot of new people that I'm put in John Anthony W and I are exchanging emails. So we're going to be doing that as well, to which I'm fucking super psyched about thanks the flashlight for sponsoring us always our first sponsor when nobody would take a seriously they've, been there beginning and they're they're they're solid and it's a fucking solid product as well go to Joe dot net click on the link for the flashlight in the code name Rogan and save yourself. Fifteen percent and thank you too, on it dot com. That's I t makers of alpha rain in various Nutro pics like Shroom tech texts and tech, immune and five htp enhance. New mood of check that shit out and one hundred percent money back guarantee on the first thirty pills you order, you don't even have to Bruce Illness, stuff back to us to say it sucks and you get your money back is the code name, Rogan Save
ten percent on any and all orders, all right, you dirty bitches! This is the end of this show, but it is Friday and it's seven o'clock in AM two hours, two hours, will be doing the ICE House chronicles and that takes place right here at the ice House in Pasadena. You can only listen to it on desk. One so subscribe to the desk. What on I tunes- or you can watch it on my you stream page tonight this one here, Joe Rogan, you stream, dot tv forts last Joe wrote a Joe. I got t shirts on sale to always say and that's what she started pretty bad we're going to get these! That's what the tv that's, what I tt cook on death squad, shopping or stickers and shirts yeah, and for all you rumor mongering cut faces out there at that thought for some reason, because me and Brian did a couple of podcast away from each other. I was with my little snuggle bunny to be some sort of bridge or gap between us. This is not true and he is my and Brian will always be the Joe Rogan experience as long as he wants to unless he gets really fucking crazy.
How deep Messi blows a fuse or gets AIDS Alright, that's it see you soon. You dirty bitches ice house. Chronicles nine hundred o'clock follow Dice Clay, the real dice clay on twitter and anything else dies I'm all good and filmax great beautiful, great, beautiful, pre shield and fall MAX had it was MAX, is a met MAX Duzz Comedy man Duzz comedy? That's it follow MAX, followed. Fall red band r e d b, a n love you dirty bitches will see you soon.
Transcript generated on 2019-10-04.