« The Joe Rogan Experience

#354 - Ari Shaffir, Amy Schumer

2013-05-01 | 🔗
Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and also hosts his own podcasts "Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank" and "Punch Drunk" with Sam Tripoli and Jayson Thibault. Amy Schumer is a stand-up comedian and hosts her own show on Comedy Central called "Inside Amy Schumer"
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
hello hey everybody um what we're doing today is a little thing called the jerome experience podcast and i don't know if you've heard of it before but if you have you would know that we have sponsors in the beginning and this is that part we're sponsored on this episode by square space if you have ever heard us talk about square space before then this commercial will just be a fucking wasted time that we will try to base up with groovy anecdotes and perhaps personal experiences about our our own website yeah amy schumer powerful amy schumer ok she's on our way i'm hurrying to now i be traffic haven't left yet yeah
by the way it is a lot of times it's legit but a lot of times people use as an excuse but whatever i don't give a when she gets here come come along young lady square space you build it's super easy to build website if you've ever tried to master like who is it dream was that for these to have that people used to dream seem weaver yeah did you ever use that yeah yeah it's it's still good software is it really it's it's working for me i'm too stupid for that i don't have the time either i'm way to add but squarespace you can use far easier it's like it's ridiculously easy brian has created many websites during the process of the show like it'll during the process of these ads he takes the time to fill out the forms starts a website an even opened up an online store ok
all this while the show is going on not just while this show is going on while we were doing the fucking commercial i mean it was ridiculous it's it's so easy and most importantly you don't have to spend money to try it when you go there if you register if you go to squarespace dot com slash joe you set it and you don't have to put in a credit card you have to douche it you see what he just did he can design you design you design your own website and then if you decide you like it then you can pay for pay for it and if you use the code name go and the number four altogether joe for you get ten percent off your purchase on new accounts including monthly and annual plants it's really cool check out if you've been thinking about making a website it's it's it makes the whole process so much less strenuous and you can really make some cool websites i mean they really look
task look better than a lot of websites i've paid for different design possibilities you can move and it's usually really fast were streaming it off joey diaz his pager right now internet is still not been fixed thanks att guys are awesome sweetest company ever they are chasm forever to get this done man they have to dig holes and shit and fucking run wires but at the end of the day will have blue access internet connection you want now way stronger than that way stronger than a t one he wants old school i had a t one of my house t one was impressive before cable once cable came out t one is kind of ridiculous and and then fiber optic blue cape out of the water it's really what we have we're gonna have a straight pipe from here to the server it's like it's more than a hundred megabytes up and down so it's less than ten yes internet will be able to easily stream high definition video so
people don't know how ugly you are in real life i'm tired of this sh off flowing like that we get from these functions an idea of how great box real thing get so squarespace what you don't even i mean even with our internet connection it goes up easily it's really about asked check it out and use the code named joe and the the number four and save ten percent so go to squarespace dot com forward slash joe sign up use the code names show for if you decide to use it someone make a of a page already is ugly and then just find weirdo ugly pictures of me blinking and stuff yeah there's some pictures of anybody out there where you're like half sneeze in oregon farting yeah not good we also brought about hover
over is a domain name company that's owned by taking the same people that own tang and much like how if you've ever heard us talk about tang with me you know that are one of the things we love most of things that they like they have it set up so it just seems like a fair deal you know taking like refunds money if you don't use more than you know your allotted amount of service they bump you down and credit you on your next bill and that sort of mentality is what they use hover so for they have a really nice domain name management setup and the way they have it set up is real simple to give you a lot of that people other people charge for like is all like who is domain name privacy take part in your mouth com that was our last one that goes to my website how dare you and our issue fears legs come on man you shouldn't do that 'cause just dudes who will just zhirkov to orange legs they just all you have to do is get it in their head jerk
it's already's legs like ok this new website i made in my square space all about aricia fears the legs to become a complete fetish so if you have some see how that's how easy it is to square space dry creek those legs are not as sexy as are his leg that's bullshit you need to take clifton new model go to hover which is one foot up register and and save some money there you fox you can go there and get your domain name at a discount ten percent off all domain name registrations it's it's it's a real sweet way to do it and that's about it up so you all the time not this company with other companies and if i can get the call forwarding thing up so you on that yeah well they don't do that hover and the thing that a lot of people charge for that domain name privacy that's huge because nobody wants to know where dick part in your mouth is registered i'm saying oh yeah but it's like you wanted to move into a condo and the like can we check on your
really doing the information mister shapiro and they find out that dick party in your mouth com is registered to you it'll be like kind of in here they like what are you going to do going to ruin our with your fucking now i'm gonna have some dick parties we sorry sir help the value of this realestate you can't party in your mouth but you can't go to hover let's go to hover your box i love internet marshalls well there's so much better right when was the last time you heard a commercial where you had dick party in mouth dot com for like tide on cbs no those weak pitches you're scared you say i have a real commercial come on tide yeah you know that model of control boy there fuckedup they fuct up with that their shitz too uninteresting i tried watching late night tv shows and like point after all the podcasts we've done and talking to real people under like long enough i can't do it i can't pretend i can't pretend that conan o'brien is being sincere watch it's unbearably painful i'm like this is the
best way to communicate with people ever it is not a bunch of strangers asking leading questions in front of a bunch of strangers and you know the whole thing is like this big fake fuckin' shut the way you talk is fake you know oh i understand you just got back from the zoo what happened you know and then it's like you know what happened but you wouldn't know to ask do everything about it it's just so awkward seven min interviews in like you barely can talk to people used to say that like when we started open it like that we were doing it too long like why are you guys doing like two hour pod need to edit it you need to change into that not but the but the reality is once you start doing it you realize that it's easy to talk to somebody for three hours and when you really talk to somebody for like an hour and a half or two hours you get to know them like david lee roth we clock got to know that dude we didn't cut to commercial we didn't i didn't say some stuff to him off air
in between the brakes are we going to be back in three to one we're back here with david lee roth the help that all that wins the vibe of a real conversation and radio guy said give us your choice just come on just talk there silly fox there's still a fox yeah i wouldn't fourteen minutes tops since we were getting with somebody they fuckedup the best i ever saw that with rob schneider he was on some show i forget but his show had already gotten cancelled in when they shows promoting emitting when they booked it and i don't really feel like so what do you got to get going to be girls boys behaving badly but that's that's done last week so does your talk man he really funny though that that's a bad thing how weird is that it's like the most insincere setup and then on top of that you'll only come in sincerely when you need something you rigged all these wires to himself but he thought like this stingrays floating up into the sky 'cause like i've got nothing to promote it goes other but in the wire get stuck
they spend the next two seconds just above the other guests have really just like hanging on wires give me down eventually that's actually very funny that's a great way to handle it i forgot about that that's really funny that's a great way to handle it hi i i have been talking on this podcast many times about this dan carlin's hardcore history ever since we had to do it as a guest i've been hooked on his podcast one of our sponsors this days audible and his his podcast is actually available on audible dot com you can go in and he has like he has it set up where you you can get a bunch of them for free you see how bad as they are and then you get hooked and then you're going to want to buy it and you can set it up as a service which a lot of people do because
folks don't realize like we never really talk about it but the the band with that it costs to run like a website and to have downloads available he can get pretty pricey when you have hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people downloading your podcast it's there's a lot of costs involved and it's for us you know we we do have a few advertisers and it all works out but for some folks the way they have it set up is if you really like the show they have it so it's a an option to what to pay for the older episodes alot of guys have it set up like that and it's totally worth it i know that people are weird about buying stuff on the internet but i think it's worth it there's a lot of i know marian has his set up like that and there's quite a few that have an extensive
collection online it really is it has a lot of value this this should have been wild listen to this carlin stuff on the mongols god damn it's interesting yeah who would i talk about in the pocket so interesting i i have to bring up an important point that might it's really valid when it comes to like the way the world is today especially in the middle east anyway go to amazon dot com forward slash joe and you will get one free audio book and you can also try the service for free for thirty days amazon's an amazing service with hundreds of thousands of titles it is something you will absolutely become addicted to if you are the type of person that gets stuck in traffic a lot i've completely abandoned radio i don't listen to any anymore i got a new car and my new card is supposed to have xm radio but it didn't you know and the fed just does not address so supposed to like drop it off at the dealership first world problems anybody but
in the meantime i just started using my iphone in the car because you know it all blew to stop now nowadays and it works flawlessly and i started listening to only the podcasts are really in most of it has been this hardcore history and then i just started doing audio books as well i'm i'm listening to carl sagan's demon haunted world and it's why you know why just sit in your fucking car listening to nonsense listening to dumb deejays and radios you can choose exactly what you listen to even thought about it because i always just relied on the xm 'cause opie and anthony awesome and they're on it you know when i and then i listen to howard and occasionally listen to there's uh anime show that they did you know there's the the guy for oh i think it's pretty funny but other than that that was it i wouldn't you know like what am i doing i'm just just idle like letting things come at me like channel surfing
it's like choosing choosing yeah and the beautiful thing audible is it's very like it's like a really extensive collection of different kinds of book they have the war of art that pressfield book that i talk about all the time they have the stephen king books they have i mean it's just an awesome collection of audiobooks an old shows they have a lot of stand up comedy on it and if you go to audible com ford slash joe you will save yourself some money so go there check out audible it's fucking badass alright so i'll get it so good we're also brought to an end as long as three hours every sponsor and stock market okay so good except were also brought to you by on it dot com that's o n and i t and if you've never been to on it before there's a lot of lot of weirdness about that website you go then you know what the are you doing here what's with the sound different today looks guys you have fitness equipment that looks a lot like weapons you have maces and clubs and
it looks like armor that's not what's going on folks that's not the don't you diet powerful mike dolce with his ultimate grocery guide it's a company that's it especiales cells thing for human performance and i said this so many times that it sounds gross coming out of my mouth but i'm pretending that there's a person out here is never heard it that's where that's where i'm stuck that's my motivation prime is the new total primary care yes the new vitamin packs that is essentially with a healthy diet it's a beautiful supplement we decided to go with a combination of we put a little bit of alpha brain in it lena which is i got so healthy for you really healthy vitamin c the although listing of all the ingredients is on on it dot com as well as new mood so be aware of that if you take ssr eyes i think they have the new mood it let me make sure
because i don't think you're supposed to this is not really like a vitamin pack percell it's both it's vitamins as well it's vitamins as well as other nutrients the idea being that like like for every show i take for brains for show before every ufc i take four before i workout are you i am i'm a big believer and supplementation i think it's like super important what this is is just like a little bit of all the groovy there's like strong bone which is a bone supplement the shroom tech commune which is a fascinating supplement based on the corner subs mushrooms from tech support and from to commute from tech support is based on this course has mushroomed that they they used in high herding high altitude hurting populations noticed that the cows would eat
these mushrooms and be more active so they started experimenting with them and they found out that it i took four of am today before i worked out man it's amazing the difference between when i take it and when i don't take it if i had to tell you one supplement that on its cells that is as you will absolutely feel it it's shroom tech support that shit is incredible you know it's just it's if you're like a hardcore workout person you should check it out and check out the science behind quarter steps mushrooms 'cause there's a bunch of weird quarter subs mushrooms like the type that turn ants into zombies that's a good type of cordyceps mushroom too
i don't want that kind but this shroom tech commune actually your bit tricks your body into thinking it's got a cold and your body develops its immune system to fight off a cold that doesn't exist it's a really interesting trickery that goes on yeah i was impressed for the per per day per month what the bottles their their bottles what is the truck total prime a package that we send which one of the one twenty only for those from type thing oh that's a bottle of 'em you can take one less i take you could tag missy how many's in each bottle thirty capsules in each spot around just just go down well if you look at look at this what if you drink like a cup of coffee at starbucks two bucks right if you want to get some energy before you work out you grab a cup of coffee that's two boxes when one two books right it's a little bit more much my four bucks but i guess trying to the i i guarantee you that you're you know like
amount of effect that you're going to get is a worthwhile effect to the point where you would look at it the same way looking at a cup of coffee before workout which i like to do too it's it has a real impact man this it's it's pretty sweet it's nice to have like there's a lot of supplements like me and my feeling this yeah but when i take from tech my god dam this amazing it's amazing how much more pep you have you know i would like to see it measured we need to do it without measurement it's hard though it's like you do things with athletes you gotta know like if it's the guy you got to know like what was his workout this week did he lift weights this week and not do it the other reason or yesterday how do you know like dafuq all night that he go to sleep it's like it's hard to complete quantify whether or not fitness supplements 'cause the edge they give you is fairly subtle you know at the edge in alpha brain is fairly son
it actually used to be a little stronger in alpha brain it used to be have a little bit more of an effect where i used to only take three or two tolerance when i bought too many people had an intolerance for it don't highlight that womans for judge do that dude that's rudy well maybe it's photoshopped so as well these asian well there's a lot of asian that have those booty genetics let me see your being a rude racist because of stereotypical because of the earthquake the earthquake big booty killer but is that they all asians don't live in japan you fuckhead there's a thing called china there's a million billion asians there i know all about them oriented people
your sound rude as on it dot com and and i t so yeah the stuff that you haven't seen if you've been there before is probably the total primary care the t plus testosterone supplements and all the wall not almond bar or the cash you butter so go check it out using code name rogan and you could save ten percent off any of supplements alright sweet bridges and all yeah if you try supplements you don't like it you there's a ninety day one hundred percent money back guarantee and what that means is you don't even have to return the product you say this stuff shocks trucks show it to you know to say shocks and then you get your money back to fox because
try to rip you off just trying to sell you cool all right the show you can the hon can i say real quick yes criminal punch line yeah segment a punch line this weekend friday and saturday with him tripoli and twenty inch cliff and cobbs sunday and tickets are on sale at the squad that sweet dirty britches but the joe rogan experience full are re we're losing our e he's leaving the west coast to go back to new york for the big flooding party frozen tundra scheduled this summer the flood party of new york it's in the it's in october right oh it's going to and happened on mother fockers going underwater do do you think so yeah tribeca is going to be a wash all those beautiful million dollar apartments or going flocked
underwater man how far up is it going to order is going to be far you guys talking about the is there is without a doubt here there's some raising of the ocean levels and they're going to have an issue with the increased frequency of tropical storms and their impact on the east coast and it's very likely that there's portions of the east coast especially like the lower areas of new york in port cities that are going to get hit hard by this stuff push it we saw in new jersey they called out one hundred year storm but according to shane smith from vice dot com who i quote all the time 'cause he's my man crush he says that those one hundred year storm is going to be placed get taking place two and three times a year two or three times a year straight from nothing from once every one hundred years two or three times a year he said that's the future he said if the climate climate change happens at the
so it's very difficult to well when will find options here i don't know they could it could happen soon but did you mean like one thousand years no no no like within our lifetime the issue is that i could say we've sucked up the atmosphere so much that there's a negative effect that's happening on on the planet because of it now it's very controversial and that's the republicans don't want to even it's like it becomes like a conservative versus liberal talking point why don't they republicans care because they think it's going to inhibit business it's really interesting it's a fascinating study because on one hand they have a point that the climate on the earth has changed radically over the course of its existence
that the you know during the dinosaur era the the climate was very different than it is today and we also know there was an ice age just ten thousand plus years ago or the half of north america was covered in ice so the climate is very so we know that with regardless of how humans have affected it the climate changes all the time so there's a lot of people that don't want to look at some of the mitigating factors and one of 'em is this the heating up due to carbon dioxide and do to floral carbon and all the ship that people use but you know in another one is cow farts farts yeah bad but we have a lot more cows now right we make all the cows probably gestion well if you think back though to like maybe ten thousand years ago who knows how many cows are worth and there was also a mammoth ski imagine what mammoth farts were like heard think about how buffalo
think about that ship herds of buffalo think about how many buffalo new be there farts i had millions of buffalo's just crack and barks all day never talk about the indians the old well you know that's a real it's a real issue in india like this the population like suffers because of like anywhere if you're living around that you're breathing in schitt gas in and it's a contributor to the it's methane sane and it's it's good that there's also there's other kinds of toxins that are carried in and that cast so what happened india is silly he used to be the place known for like free thinking and then and now it's the gang rape place
yeah right they went bad some something went wrong there so the opposite i think it's over population issue i think when humans get to a certain level life almost gets devalued and they just they might just lose their humanity i think that's why in china like with the over population thank we've all heard horrific stories about people drowning female babies and sharp because i can only have one baby you know there's madness that's that's absolute madness you know i mean that is that's the humanities once you've drowned your and baby like where are you going like what what is what is this life about you've drowned joan bay because that earl what is this life you do you are and then we need girls too you fucking crazy asshole but it's it looks like maybe the ones having them but they're also there's so few they need like there's so few resources there i mean in terms of like there's so much poverty that when
a son is born that's fine go to work for you and that sun can like he can take over the business and you know where as they they feel like a woman can't do that what is happening as much now that like times have changed in the last twenty five here is there to get it changed but i don't think it's changed as much as it has here in effect dramas babies per capita because i like now you know he could do accounting work oh man there was a horrible show on hbo by people that were selling their kids because china poor people with so that they would sell them up to like five and six
and that's what this guy was yelling because his brother he was five and i think his brother was younger than five and his dad was selling his brother and he's just said how he never forgave his taxes down souls brother he is younger brother next souls brother months old and it was like to you know sold them off to some white people or something i want a baby that's not even after that take a chance given the money that's what's going on you know what people are buying babies and stealing a baby well i guess the whole thing is just chaos it's just i i think it's the same issue as the india issue obviously different cultures but i think that kind of over population is really bad and might my evidences i feel better when i'm in small towns like when i go to boulder yeah or like i was in that place
in utah where everybody goes skiing fail not the nuts in colorado whatever it was deer valley or someshit we went to utah this is really small to us like so calm everybody's driving nice and slow yeah nothing is getting done there's no there's no chaos there's no craziness is not bad as music club that you can go here bad as new band is coming up there's no comedy clubs up there but there's also like the less of the negative impact of humans but the constant influx of information that we're getting from each other and i think it makes you go crazy when it's too much dehumanized everybody that's how it is in new york yeah look anybody like a person you know we nod your head and say hello yeah new york so odd man
so odd it's it's a it's an experiment and cut condensation snakes perriman and and jamming people into tight places yeah so many per per block this part is ridiculous i looked at some people's apartments on mike how the is that how can you make people pay for that then i went i went i saw a place the shower was just opened into the kitchen but the shower door was just in the room and the bathroom was somewhere else oh my god toilet was somewhere else but the shower is opened right there and i'm like what do you know about taking this place like well it isn't price range right now so stupid so you there may or no i finally found something it's
look at some of them that my friends had when i lived there i didn't live in new york i lived in new rochelle i mean i lived in new york and still live in the city because i had a car when i first came in i couldn't afford to this park it there and i also couldn't i needed to be able to drive to gigs a lot and it was hard to get out of the city it's not that easy so i was like you know i i shouldn't i can't i can't live here but when you would tell people about it was like a thing of shame who is weird that i would tell my lived in new rochelle then like thank you don't live in the city if you don't live in the city like they like would look down on you i i absolutely remember i remember it so much that telling you today like when i said i didn't live in the city i live in new shell it's almost like a feeling of shame yeah yeah definitely i felt the almost like in our inadequacy i have never observed a geographical bias as much as new york to new yorkers it's so weird there's nothing like it is nothing like it
well players if they rate higher at the end of your call yes somewhere else will do forget clean in the zab judah as brooklyn tattooed on his back yeah yeah you know but it's with the the the i for i'm i'm from new york to this claims if you know you were in nam in this shit flying overhead every day yeah please relax there's an issue also with people that can't it up because of the weather you're going to get that they're going to get people cut it up though over population plus insanely ship weather sometimes gets it gets bad just a lot of attitude there i wonder how long it's going to take for you to get your first couple couple days you don't have this tight budget so as soon as bobby leave is i going to talk again click on guys outside yeah that's the best way to get into fights
like after elvis is trying to get hit with big people some people think that getting hits like a badge of courage you know go in there and take one and then i feel my own blood nuts when i get crazy who will make it out of committee seems like you're approaching this this whole endeavor in the wrong way let's just talk and such and when they're not look at it as a whole data sheet in front of you let's go over the numbers here explain where you get benefit versus cost ratio yeah my nose has no blood it's not gonna talk about something because on the podcast yesterday we talked about this website where this guy lawyer friend has this marketing website we're making fun of it and so he called me up today and he was upset them we made fun of it but i told him i said listen we can't make fun of some
let's not stupid and if some looks ridiculous it's me idea insult people's intelligence and that there we becomes humor you know and his attitude is very interesting because he's a very successful marketer and one thing i got to say is like i don't know like the guys had some 'cause i know but i don't know both sides of the story i just know all the bulshit in the rumors here in the internet but as far as like what he's been able to do he's a phenomenal marketer like this guy figured out how to get like way bigger schools than anybody else is ever to do and then teaches people how to do it and it's super he's the whitney of jujitsu the whitney cummings yeah this is she is she you love her dude you like bring her up but as your example of like a hard work yeah yeah
was deathly hard worker but i think in that that that more style of marketing it leaves you so open to be criticized and i'm aware that personally myself because of my involvement with on it because there's been times where the people that have made like an ad or something or said something and add that i thought was ridiculous so i made fun of it on the show i would come on our gas we play the guy with the muscles that was like with the girl member that ad that we played or was it twenty two may talk about kissing mckee are talking yeah they're kissing his biceps but we don't have the other part where there was like girl they might have removed that immediately why can't we get it i'll get i'll get i'll tell rb said well i don't know if that we live to do wanted out an ember his girls past yeah but it i know that we don't talk about laughter met the guy we need everyone knows i'll have obvious that send it over but my point is i i make look i make fun of myself if you didn't you i think
the only reason why someone would not want to be made fun of is first of all you think it would affect your business which is valid but so because you don't want to look at the fact that we're doing is fundamentalists most of it yeah well you making fun of me you should site does what i told him as the other i told boy because i like lloyd you know my interaction with him has always been cool yeah even though i think the marketing insulting i said you need to do this if you're gonna do these things and then give him to somebody to look at somebody who's like a critical person is going to go no no no no no send him to me i'll tell him i'll tell you what the fox wrong with it you can't make people think you think they're stupid you can't because then you're funny 'cause then funny you become a silly person you know write drafts to yourself who wrote uh email to myself i got busted like writing an email and sending back then it was this expert that was emailing him ha ha and his interest in the way he looked at it was very different okay hang out with this he was this is how he looked at it was very fascinating he was like if you
you saw an ad on tv in a celebrities endorsing something do you think they really say those words like they're reading something that someone wrote so i i i thought was interesting like that's how he looked at it so he looked at it like he's creating a bit of fiction but ultimately his product is legitimate that's how he looked at it which is i kind of i see that kind of a leap yeah well not really not really if the product is it legitimate i would say yes but since the i know for a fact that that guy has made a lot of people a lot of money with his techniques i guess marketing techniques he's made them a lot of fucking money so it does work so it's interesting that he sang so what he's saying is it like what do you like what not show disney had that with with people come out of movie and everything i was gray was amazing and they can't find out later they're all disney employees it's like all the people that are saying that it's like you're making people believe that
this person is not of course your mistress honest you might you be treated like their fools and then it becomes funny we guy in our message board brian i don't know if you remember this who was a musician and he started making threads about his music under other names it didn't know that we could find that out loud he didn't understand will that are like not internet savvy they don't understand that that actually happens a lot a lot i don't get called out on that when the okay flap of spam or whatever yeah yeah i know the type of writing and i for just called you on it well we would get that a lot with with and when we still do when your band people you really only band there put in their persona they can always come back and i always like to go through proxies or whatever in the those are like the internet savvy guys they know how to do it but like a guy like this musician guy was just being a douche bag like you're pretending you're music is awesome and you tell anybody oh my gosh that should have ever seen like and maybe he's a good guy but
sometimes people make shit decisions an you might make a ship decision because you grew up with a bunch of fucking idiots alright it's not i'm not blaming you if you decided to write a fucking thread an you know make some shit about your music being awesome when it's really i'm not blaming you i really am not but what i'm saying is you are your look at look at your life as a mathematical equation from birth to the point where you find yourself making read about your own music clearly you're in debt you're in some sort you've not not balance it's not balanced you're in some sort of a debt type situation where you're functioning improperly right and what is that is it because you didn't get enough love is it because you didn't get enough education should get enough or education you were abused you grew up illiterates you up around grew up around religious folk it's something went wrong
are you almost do that too though but they're weak pitching i think it's because i think it's worth whatever you think your talent level is is not met by the by the respective getting and it just drives you crazy now they've got to do something that's a really common thing with comics it was a cop i remember having it myself completely unwarranted when i first started doing comedy hi this is bob smith from the smith agency i'm calling but are you sure fears a great young talent this guy i saw him absolutely kill when when you start off doing comedy you never realize that you're on essentially like four correct ten a ten year path to competence you know and when i when i started out i had done all these are the same like athletic things and i've got a pretty good pretty quick it's stuff like martial arts yeah sounds like i'm just gonna get awesome at this just crush comedy yeah she's out yeah no you need to
in this somewhere along the line you also realize you're you're you're learning yourself to you not just learn and jokes you're learning yourself yeah through life like stand up is a is a an occupation and it's an art form but it's also a path of life like theirs it's like there's in creating anything you're also for finding out about yourself yeah that's my theory on white beginning stance always do jokes or how they cannot get laid how they can't beat any route right they always give over the crowd there were you could you could take me sir or ma'am whatever but then they stop saying that because the whatever age and like oh no i can be a few people up here and i got laid once in awhile i'm not going to like it anymore your style of comedy two is like you never say that someone could beat you up if you thought you could beat them up because that would sort of invalidate everything else you're saying because your whole style of comedy is
well you might not want to hear this but here's the truth you know and is soon as you start pretending one way or the other to sort of plea to someone there well it's also comics always do that and it goes away kind of feel like you have to do because you want to make them like you yeah it's like the old so bad that's the hardest part in the beginning it's like just actually figuring out how to do it how to just get in front of people and not look like a douche back and you don't realize what you you come off either it's hard to figure that out so while it's not yeah in any can i don't blame the people i don't want to talk to them about a comedy very rare that i want to talk to anybody but i don't blame him i don't know it's like it ain't easy it's doesn't make a lot of sense what you're doing you're up there talking and it makes people like laugh like
how the fuck does that work well it's a long process so long process secret yeah i think it is going to be code unlock yeah well that's why classes are gross that's why people teaching those classes or gross because you can't first of all the people that teach almost invariably suck yeah ok amy schumer's pulling up that's the best i almost there check class once i audited it yeah oh jeez and he goes i'll let you audit for free ones like i'll definitely be there firstly potter jokes us you have set up then you have set up then punch line what are you interested in sure that's not yeah stand up stand up punchline why would you have two separate 'cause it's bearable he's the only guy that i've ever actively like cock blocked from going on stage yeah so that story was was auditioning for hey amy schumer chalets german christmas
i was auditioning for mitzi and he was going up at open mic night anne for some reason she thought would be funny to let peter chan host the open mic night like i don't know what the fuck that was all about she's so crazy she was so awesome you know i know i know i don't go to store anymore but she was awesome what mitzi shore did like her just keeping place alive her creating creating fucking place the funny farm some amazing if you have all these men you got to have one of these coco cafe you don't drink coffee as a country drink any caffeine you drink soda nothing lucky you you sexy it takes a you know healthy it tastes like chocolate milk but it's got a little bit of caffeine in it but so delicious they sent us a fuckin' shitload of that stuff yeah you wouldn't let him host when will
i was showcasing yeah i wouldn't i came in and i called up the comic stores and that i'm hosting open mike easily after news radio could have been in fear factor i'm always fairfax provider that has affected that he'll like see also the open mike part talking with people in the room so yeah i started to show off at four hundred in the afternoon or whatever the bucket was yes i was there all night i was there all night so it's not that it's the dregs until till nine and then after them i did like twenty minutes about peter chin about i couldn't let him hey you fuc high places this is the part of the show where amy schumer comes in i get a hug hi powerful amy xun her yeah i have a seat ma'am so i just would have been urging here i would last other
any volume anymore on who or what you pulled up i pulled out here maybe went deaf test test that's weird that died did you hit the mic button did you have any button fucking piece of shit the they sent us these things and they're very nice skullcandy thank you for sending us these things however this fucking button sucks effect talk stupid button they are cute though thanks so you're like sponsored like a poker player now i think so yeah is a magus look more professional totally ok good super look at this place is like this we haven't been to the spot no so we thought i ask 'cause i was going to go when you saw the werewolf did you panic when i saw it i went that's something you know little warning would be cool come on irving or disagree
thing that's ever existed really and so much that's your deli ready to settle on that was so fucking werewolf i'm telling you oh yeah i get it i shot a disappointment baby what you say i'm so hungover did you get your freak on last night what happened how should happen drunk oh shit i was like you know i can't drink tries to do a lot of stuff and i was like oh it'll be funny it would be funny to be hungover tomorrow having to do all this press you think it's funny yeah to be hungover like you i feel like such it i just don't care about anything that's totally like a junkie it's ridiculous ality transversely better for my internet so it's a good move i shoot heroin now they'll know it's only up from here yeah you're right i definitely but like i'm admitting i have a problem so step one done i'm just giving denial did you ever think that as a comic that you can't be completely enlightened or you will stop being funny weight that i would never be
in line for you she really can't be like you have to be a up almost you can't really completely every should together or you will cease to be as impulsive hence cease to be as far i like the idea that i would ever strive to be enlightened like i just tried to not kill myself oh my god i just try to keep out of a depression but maybe that was a grandiose sort of way of explaining it started like getting out of bed in the morning what do you mean you seek you personal improvement right yeah thanks you see the scene clarity so in and ask is doing that is like it's always the pursuit of enlightenment but you just kind of always accept the fact that you're never going to get there that's one of the reasons why people who like claim to be enlightened or really pursuing it like you know yogi style wood beads in robeson shitara so annoying yeah because you know and i know no one's gotten it's not happening yeah i know what i i i one thing a poker so much but i i remember like i think is just pick some jessica was playing poker heads up and let you
obviously i've been reading the secret a ton you know and she was just like secret in it and like it was just getting far and we just saw all of a sudden she one hand it was just like the secret was gone and it was like no you're not you're like everybody else there's no trick you can't control like we're all just going to have to wait so much pain what a weird notion the seeker yeah it's really weird out it's really weird that they promoted that you can just imagine that life would be different and it would become different minutes actually that's the message i mean they obviously there's more to it and that's our own normal talk i go i know what you say because actually lot of good thought what's in there well there is this interesting ideas in there there's also misinterpret quantum physics like the way they misinterpret the way like the observer see i saw that documentary the first one the the secret and then there was another one like through the through the or
yeah something like that but they have this doctor quantum the object of secrets this doctor quantum thing where they show you that in measuring these quantum particles it actually changes the behavior of the particles actually have someone is someone is observing what's happening but that's not what it is it's a lie what it is is the measuring of itself changes the reaction because you're measuring it with something yes so these quantum particles are there somehow another measure dan in measuring them you change their behavior 'cause you're interfering pierced earring by measuring hangover right now well that makes me i was hanging out exactly so all these people that feel like you can change things by looking at them are just crazy they just want to be able to control everything like wizards well they love the idea of things being magic people love the idea of being able to literally wish your way to a dream life
all about control i had a photo of a house three years later i was living in it have you insisted their conversations like that like from real people being like this is a picture of my house i'm going to live in and you're like your barista there was a sweet girl who was oh think friends with kelly kirsten she was friends killed person should come by kelly carson's comic could have been at one point time might have had one of the funniest have ever seen in my life never really make me hit hit the height that i thought she was going to want to do we know that's the book yeah that's it secret number your friend comes around and you know nice person but she's like telling everybody was a weird thing she wasn't bragging she was telling everyone like what was what going to happen you know i'm going to be married i'm going to have a child and i'm going to have a successful
and we were like ok what how is that going to happen do you have a boyfriend she goes no i have just seen the secret and i have decided to live my life through its principles an it totally works it's amazing and i go really she goes already i feel my life getting better well i'm i'm definitely moving in the right direction all this is going to happen i'm completely clear some ready for healthy relationships when you're ready ready for healthy relationship that's when it finds you so she's saying all this stuff on my wow hard really cool alright it was a really which was very nice so it wasn't a negative conversation at all so then i do see her we the last i sure in that conversation that i don't see her again until like maybe a year and a half later she comes to the you should be and i'm doing a set tcby so she comes by and i'm like hey how you doing it shows we came to see your settings now i go i go oh yeah i go thanks for coming i go last time i talk to you
i'm like really into the speaker like what's going on and should i go i would love to hear like your progress just like i don't know why it's not man i tried you're going say like change yet people out of my life i want out of my life and my father got sir and i know i didn't ask for that as you can i'm much for all the world it's like you know just you know like six of them do with you but it was fascinating because like in in the text of my life is like you know how like you you people that come into your life well not seeing this person like i mean are having this conversation with her seeing are a year and a half plus whatever it was later and then here's the results it was like i get to explain the two of them together and yeah but not enough to have a conversation that pouring i think she like a people that are really into get sucked into cults and a lot of people that get sucked into religions or yoga or whatever it's like people they get like some people like me
something to excite them to believe in some new piece of information some it's amazing i didn't all my life i've been living without knowledge that is that i i'm in control of my destiny i create my universe got you just want to tell the people that i've heard you before i've heard people exactly like before i'm sorry i'm not going to get into it yeah but he can't be rude if you do that right it's annoying when people they when they find something that they're they look at you like you're you you yeah or or they feel bad for you that kind of like smirk like you're still where you are but yeah i was doing the meetings to come like that right to your like now that's cool have fun as in this thing for vh vh1
there's a girl who is working there seems so nice it seems so like normal and friendly and her sister was such a like a religious freak that she was actually the first person that i've ever met in my life who believed in satan and she was telling me that the reason why i can't see satan satan scales were over my eye an yeah yeah but you really positions for people while i'm fascinated piece i'm fascinated by people if i get a chance to talk to someone who actually is like that nutty but it was funny i feel bad for you for real i feel bad for you for real you don't believe that wow i can't believe you don't believe that like it was so strange 'cause i was like totally like dead facing the whole thing like as if i was like watching like a show like huh yeah just like serving here because in her mind by making me feel bad like like like whenever anybody laughs
trying to make you feel bad like it's like yeah why do they do little things like that trying to their socially wrestling you're socially wrestling they try to take you down right an whenever someone does that it's like that only works if you don't know what it is like so soon as you know what it is that is just silly it's just like a social cues it's like it's like just the most infuriating thing and that's also their way of saying and i don't think you know what this means yeah yeah cat it really is is it's one of the grossest things ever you know and and and people that pretend that they have secret information you know you're you're pretending what you've got to some secret knowledge anything of this one m c on the road those were going here there is a feature and he would and you come out and he would like take his time and bring his coffee on stage with him before you go before me and but pretend they be like he lay low on this to only be like so would worry from
like he's working the crowd and i'm just like dude come on and he'd come and he'd be like you come to me and be like you'll enjoy them and i'm like what yeah outta here yeah well i think it's gross it's gotta be gross for you to have like these do she guys that trip on the fact that you're headlining everyone thinks that they should be headlining there so annoyed that i am i just i'm just like ok yeah i'm like god you should be headlining like i'll just sometimes you applied yeah do you want to go back if you want me to bring you back up i'll bring you back haha why don't you just bring your own people on the road now now i do that guy learn my list because i kept getting paired with him for ginia be like but you know you try to you try to bring your own person early in the game and they were just like no here's your one thousand dollars for eight shows and we're pairing with the club owner nephew it twice he's do thirty
have you ever had rodax either one of you they tried to sabotage you uh i think every everybody everybody before you is essentially just try it's a really complex plot to sabotage right this is a really they all got together in my that guy and then people who will go up the way they bring you up if somebody wants to sabotage me the most aggressive moves just so i hope you guys are ready for a lady trying to sabotage your just not by the way if i ever bring you up now you know i'm saying you know this is the show just that you can if i ever area position to bring you up right folks are you ready for a lady likes ovaries and the crowd just prepares forward into the bathroom and it's just so mean and when a lot of times you know even some of the girls will do it like yeah this next girl she is a funny
woman just all the words that trigger words for people that make them upset and angry with you before you even girl comics hate morning yes yeah is it just a sign that they're not accepting you better training with differently yeah that well they're trying to be you know well that's aggressive yeah well that's how you taking it i think also they feel like some dude just don't know what the fuck they're saying stammering up there ok there's a lot here ready for a lady like you might not even make it to grass if a girl doesn't it's aggressive because she knows no she knows but there's no people go on after you you know when you like come up the mc and maybe someone you know you'll make a joke about them you know you'll be like all right i agree try if i can whatever it just as it and then you do your whole hour and then they come back up and they make reference to what you said an hour ago yeah yeah and and you're like you've been thinking about saying that's how girls your girl girls
i don't know it's my best friends are female comics so no no i mean it oh you know what it is really competitively in a spa locker or the gym locker room there's just this there's something in the air like all ready to fucking kill each other it's true i'm not i don't know why that easily and then sometimes in the spa or you know but you know what the where i box here you go no no place is christ yeah right girl like we're all like sort of trying to like get ready after we worked out and but then there was like this one big black check in at the end of this other like anyway check and we are yeah and she was just annoying and she's on her phone so anyway she leaves and then i'm like you know trying to bond with the black chick like try and do it i'm just like oh my god that girl right and she's like oh i didn't mind her and i'm like shit
yeah i'm like come on and then she goes yeah she certainly came around but i was like you know that girl was the worst so i'll reach out you know in the locker but there's just like is an air there's just something in the air where you're just like but yeah and is it all girls that are trying to improve themselves as well as like a self improvement place 'cause it's a damn kim is a self improvement but yeah but you know girls that go there they're like they're trying to get my anger out trying to get some stuff out maybe it's not yeah one is a little tension in aggressive environment sure it's all in a spot rely ok that's really really happy that makes more sense than a boxing gym 'cause you're going to get naturally get aggressive women i think at a boxing gym or a higher percentage of like a boxing gym for men like for men yeah mma gyms they there's some aggressive people there for the most part no most part people chill out because they train
yeah when you train a lot you get all your animosity and anger out that way it's like the people that are actually like some of the nicest people i know are martial artists totaly yeah yeah the guys who i know that but chicks in a spot that's weird there's just some or even like in an elevator you can join us so it is it just you is it possible i don't think that's it's totally ignore trust me i've had dogs that i want to be the only pussy smell you say that but the reason why you guys have coinciding menstrual cycles is fair model yeah what's bad but that is you talking to me like you've never talked to a woman before why what's up honey boo bear did you put your toes colored painted nails squares that's ridiculous that's not what your nails look like oh my god
yeah i don't know it's for mona the hormonal thing that the chemical thing yeah the the the the hate that women have for each other is hormonal bomber but my best friends honestly my favorite people beer what about take it or leave it with you guys so rude but true by as well yeah and cords wrapped you out some things going on here i don't know it's hard moving you don't know what you're doing first time in a dreamy help jamie run and take care you just kind of they're gonna sister so this instant hey is don't lie to him works well guys he's the guy who sings employee is that well derogatory term to saying assistant i don't know you feel slighted this is what i think i think that people shouldn't shouldn't have labels they were going to ok ok let's never label anyone anymore no people like like working in a place where you discuss just a worker guy just doing a shift we're all working together
the guys starting the best how are attitude here at the joe rogan experience enterprises see color vision well i don't see female female your car stereo jamie i'll have skim well you're the one who had to go through five fuckin' published a book that i knew it yeah look i know you're busy i know it's really hard to text message and figure it out and she's like she's like just give no you don't understand it's not going to be ok she's like it'll be fine let you wanted my number yeah i was using now i can yeah my publishers are for the most part annoying twats most of them are really brutal i missed the word twatt throw it out there but my is actually really cool guy in my last publicist is actually a very you know i don't like labels i just call my publicist like to taught whites why twice at me
where am i supposed to go at one thousand am i hate what i want to do daily show come on set it up is this not the daily show not anymore he hung or or or we just still influence jon stewart gets here now i don't drink much but i will try to have like i don't drink everyday that's very sad how you rocking it no i can't i have to like schedule when i can drink are you in the jet jack daniels or you just want beer now i wasn't molested by do like like the feeling of being a little buzzed yeah just so bad for your body then i feel like shit like i knew i haven't drank before last night for awhile 'cause i was getting ready for chit chat ready getting ready what's it called inside amy schumer
no they're going and also about my mind did you want to do the mind of amy schumer but that was already used by someone else i wanted i wanted to be called come inside with amy schumer yeah comedycentral that's what the plan i said no we were like look let me tell you something that liz phair song hot white come it's like one of the greatest songs ever there's nothing wrong with the node to come what never heard that less fearsome white come no we don't talk it's basic yeah it is fucking great it's a great song i love really you never heard it now oh is that utilities utilities are blurred out yeah one of them on the internet was it really yeah yeah ok yeah that is big j joke that scene i back out of a gang bank and james like alright later and i'm like wait why are you so cool with leaving he's like you know whitney
oh my god this guy was telling me some of the stuff that you guys brought together it's tough guy yeah he's awesome but he was saying how you have a really good being able to cook with yourself oh yeah yeah yeah i i mean god there is no yeah he's like he's like you're just not my type yeah and then this guy tells me it's a it's on our third date are you are you enjoying the process like tells of making a show yeah yeah i mean it was so much work what is all this work is not being a comic well i thought that was a lot of work this is like ridiculous fuckin' difference or like when you know if you get another season and i'm like when i slit my wrists i'm like i'm so tired
if you want to do it again or would you rather just do stand up i don't know i mean i don't know is that work that much work so much work it is a lot of work to do is show i like really like the show we made though it's so much fun it just to stand up isn't it yeah is your own show though you get busy i'm proud that's awesome but i just like i have nothing left in me i'm like well isn't that why you do so you do and then you take some time off and then go to ok can you picture taken by in your underwear oops i did another photographer that i paid was there why am i in my underwear in the bahamas you want to get some press that would not be smart for me good brows so wrong listen you need to work tyler durden do and i just have like my leg over my head like well i'm at the cash bringing yourself in front of your iphone it's just like a couple fingers
do a vine myself like a bowling ball divide divide we just kissed yourself like with the camera right there but i really don't think that that would i think that would help me with my total your community me your comic you're not some fun yeah some chick that's on the view that chelsea yeah i've been i just guessed hosted are you serious that's not giving are you hilarious is that crazy white lady still on that unfucking wants well i am yeah what's in it lady she's hilarious now she yells when she's in an argument that's the part she yells points angry she sells her i wonder if you know i mean there are booking me more now i wonder if i'll ever get into it with anyone probably i mean i just want to do a good job but listen you haven't gotten into it without elizabeth chick yet now are you being nice or something yeah it's worth
yeah but come on she must have said something that makes you want to like wu no i agree with all of her use an eye of the same views wow include reviews are mexicans i love mexicans we not mexicans what are the ones who live in miami called cuba cubans those are the best again i don't really like any other god listen any other this place feels like mexico this this spot where at just like the decorations like mexico where the fuck you been in mexico red velvet and brick walls and dead let's go let's go like this is like home this is like spring break this is where i stay in cancun did you see that video on the mexican drug lord cut his girlfriend's head off you know yeah show the cutting out all night yeah with a knife was on you too we got pulled off at least on my crime why they
now you don't want to watch it watch it it's super graphic yeah you hold your head up to the camera and everything my point is mexico squawking crazy point is not going to mexico during which i survived yes where they kidnap the guy in mexico and they keep him home for rent ransom is that was called yeah for anthem for like a fucking year and they just make him like they shoot him and they just make him sit in his own piston shitan they'd sleep deprivation is the thing who they play that loud dick oh my god yeah yeah you don't want your kidnapped in mexico now that really must hurt or is it just a little right now good but you die you might not live yeah yeah and people don't want to go to afghanistan ok look at it this way yeah i can only go to afghanistan
you're way more likely to get shot in mexico then you are in afghanistan the amount of american troops have died in afghanistan is not nearly the number of people that have been killed in the drug war in mexico really oh yeah it's way more it's way more it's like ten times more crazy yeah nobody is like taking christmas to go to if you're partying in juarez you fuckedup that sounds like a guy like if you're down coming in amy schumer way in juarez that dude will sucking butt out being band the there's there's got to be some sort of a solution but i don't it's going to be you know like let's just never go to mexico well it's like
there's been times in human history where you know civilizations crumbled and we're essentially watching that happen in mexico or watching our neighbor and and and dot com who oiled in this ridiculous war where the drug dealers have billions of dollars and tanks and and weapons and and they hire mercenary to come over there is it most of the border towns yes yeah it's it's all rolling i don't know where you know they're the to kill a bunch of people in acapulco so i don't think there is yeah hello in a in a resort the winners or and killed a bunch of foreigners yeah yeah really it's that they're touching away think it was actually people from spain there were still silly enough to go to acapulco well you know they deserve it using brazilian list that's just i don't know i don't know what happened i don't know who it was i don't know what the story was but i know that it's you know the especially the border towns are incredibly dangerous yeah i mean this is people going down left to right and you know
headless and fun and i thought he was safe before he wanted to say things are pretty bad but it's interesting when a culture like drastically changes over a fairly short period time i used to go to mexico and we just got us yeah did a spring break think tv and like the late 90s names like maybe even 2000s it was like no big deal yeah well was it was for fear factor the grind yeah we are you and eric around the ground work together we should get our pump on we chat with you sweetie taught me how to shave my chest i believe all of this yeah but dance partners we're going to be the first gay couple on dancing with the stars going to one and i would love to help you guys fight each other just one i sat there for how they say that for how long like an hour i could watch that longer than the head cutting would you you watch two guys easier than i had never seen to go yeah that makes sense i find that hard to believe why mean in real life or on the internet i've never even
it's on the internet won't pull it up for brian it's not i'm not here i think yeah ok so brian the only way this is going to work is take the monitor an don't stream don't stream the show and then on that screen over there you need to show two guys fucking just for amy so well it won't ever show you can do that right i pick the guys i wanted to be earthquakes fires going to find mixmaster flesh go mix master flash i actually invented that name it was flash mixmaster flash there's like bad guys flash you know but she doing people book him by accident that sucks everybody shows up and flings dick my name is cheese cream busy maybe she laughing yeah maybe will be the new porn i get a rap name yeah well my rap name be i always felt like we're going to have a nickname you can't really name self yeah the startling you can always tell when someone tried to push their own nickname they introduce you as their nickname yes i
are you able to call me shrooms something in my volleyball team it didn't really catch june is here for my guest rooms i you know that you down if you made your own nickname up it means you have no friends the only thing it means it doesn't make any sense of you're crazy person you crazy hey guys i'm gonna be t rex you know because i'm always talking like this yeah the fighters it's hilarious fighters come up with some of the silliest nicknames and then they have to stick with it and it's there forever no some guys change ga rory macdonald just because of the water boy yeah and then you change is to aries there is a god of war yeah it's kind of interesting where you're allowed to change your name change
do you like being the water boy but now i feel more like the god of war ok just do whatever you want i guess just the the world is yours starter so like god of war in relation to like so crumbling reading this i'm listening to this podcast that explains what right now fuck is wrong with the middle east and one of the reasons why the middle east is so backwards and fuckedup is gangus khan genghis khan rolled through there in one thousand two hundred something it wasn't getting us it was actually a sons he was already dead and crush baghdad killing everybody he might have killed two million people is that people fucking the gay guys sucking it
talking right there because he just people have two elderly fat guys sucking an i'm not well that's what you know maybe you're right maybe i assumed it was going to be like take it away but like i said right that's not cool we're not going to get an honest reaction as long as she's seen it now we can say that we were the first person to show it to you guys talked about it she's looking right at it right now you know it doesn't right i just got it okay i honestly don't feel bummed out about it away we're good we're good at sex no no that's enough it's not or is it just for playing it's honestly not bothered with mining they're blowing each other like two gentlemen who measure their mouth talking i caught malfunctioning you know what i didn't see them penetrating each other that might have been a different vibe but i didn't mind the sixty nine ing i need to get you know you gotta prove that you see the actual fuqing i seen it right there clearly yeah i thought it was going to bum me out but yeah ok there you go
well thank you guys we got to do this together you're welcome so anyway the cons rolled the mongols rolled through baghdad in the twelve hundred and build everybody apparently baghdad was at one point in time like the most van city in the world like their science their literature that approach in islam itself was responsible initially for like all sorts of like scientific and literary advances and it was like a booming like intellectual city and genghis khan like sent the guy ordered that the car wasn't gangus khan shaka's yeah maybe rocky shaka khan he rocketed solid when i do send this guy some sort of a letter he sent a letter back they didn't like each other so the mongols just came in and stormed the city for weeks they just they would they would hurl human fat that was on fire they would kill people and light them on
fire and then it curl it with like a catapult so with slam onto the roofs and start houses on fire 'cause apparently human fat burns really good for a long time do they would just flay fat off people and like fill up catapults within light it on fire they work fucking crazy these stories of what they did they killed everybody now they killed as many as two million people in baghdad as little as one hundred thousand or as many as two million it's really hard to tell from those days but essentially is everyone who lived there most historians one eight hundred thousand which is an insane amount of amount of humans they killed all these people with everything on fire broke all anything that was made that was any any advancements all the writing in the water and all the people that were there killed everyone they said that the
actually was black from the ink of the books that they had thrown in destroyed all the writing and knowledge hundreds and hundreds of years because they're the mongols they don't give a fuck the mongols were should have given a favor is out for blood under genghis khan genghis khan himself was responsible for as many as seventy deaths seventy million deaths seventy million he came in the mongols and his his invasions and his conquering different parts of the world they they're responsible for as many as seventy million deaths she's trying to get the hype like what we think about like like hitler hitler didn't have shit on this mother fucker 'cause this guy did it all at a horse ok of course does up the annie yes he killed seventy million people on horseback during this lifestyle and kill did he kill more than held twenty million is quite a few really fun yeah they all killed a lot of people have killed one what about right now you're not much of a conqueror zero couple dogs
it's hard to wrap your head around that kind of money i didn't hold on german melts on my gerbil kill it yeah dead like instantly yeah like you feel like your blood was on my fucking huge it was an exit my mom didn't want to get away so we just like put in an empty tub and we were hanging out the new gerbil and i nailed down and killed yeah that's a wrap oh that's more depressing than this seventy million dead people in baghdad or the head chopping somehow if you're like wow amy way to bring it down ok i thought we were just showing me sodomy were so lucky that there's no gangus khan today because this just luck it seems like it's just luck yeah it's like when someone like that comes along it's like damn
calling his name for me because of historical arsonists but like there's very rare that you get an alexander the great you get a king is caller you get in the polling in you know or a caesar when it when these guys come along they just wreck shop for like fifty six in the world to change the world tune in fifty or sixty years the guy killed seventy million people get a drastic change in politics and people do they have like a never again campaign like like we did like the the muslims went into china at the so let's go back and killed everyone i don't forget they didn't know they killed everyone they did they didn't care they not only they kill everyone they would leave and then come back in three days and kill everyone they missed
people that were hiding in basements because they knew that people would hide let's wait till my dad in the israeli army told somebody threw a grenade into a kindergarten once he found out which village was wrong i said kill everything moving oh my god yeah yeah yeah that's how wow holyshit yeah they said that the muslims had taken a crew to go into china for the time to see what china is all about 'cause they heard all these rumors about how much money and riches were in china and they had a gigantic army and the core is mian shah and they were going to go in there we're going to like like they were eventually going to in china they just when they got their christmas where is mian shah hello jw moon so when they go there they saw these white peaks in the background that they thought were snow covered mountains that were actually mountains of bones cousin this term in this town so this is one town they killed two million people
this is one area in china the came in and killed everybody like we do even understand what this kind of carnage must have been like when you're talking about one thousand two hundred lady like when you think about today like there's no group of humans that everyone murdering psychopath like you got one hundred thousand serial killers that's not later on organized serial killers like look it up i mean how many people are in a kind everyone's terrified oct tried it was a thirty dudes are crazy hopes of some bin laden they killed is live with six people don't you know i mean country at least there is raised entire cities just put taking boulders years ago yeah what what city and i was in high school i don't know you should i wait you should've made i was thinking assad
but then i really ok that's the guys they bulldoze we killed they killed everybody in the city's water because they protested destroy the city how many people i don't know why but a lot like thousands and thousands of people wow this is while it's still high school well let's don't let it get out and coincidentally were part of the world is at the same thing for the world when the so that people there this is what happened to raping at the journal he when he came they raped ever all the women they say that the bad boy in one part of the world and that asia that for the world more than five percent of the people that live there have genghis khan's in a in the blues yeah i think for percent meta tomorrow have his own please do your own google search so game of thrones yeah this guy now who's way crazier than game thrones this the craziest guy in human history like everybody wants to talk about hitler genghis khan was way crazier than hitler they would storm into towns and just kill every
out of the blue babies women children rape kill everything kill everybody they would take people and cut their skin off and force feed it to them until they died they would deal on scanned the could you they do that they they killed people in the wondering if they were eating something else this can i think i might rather eat my own skin then a stranger he would set lights up yeah like even you and i know you i think i'd probably still rather eat my own skin it looks delicious though he does like please what about that guy the fact i would be very tender that you barely knew yeah about fat woman i've been more tender now i can't hear you we filled with like a cigarette e taste that smoke smoke flavor you might be right that might sort of helped it out till you try it yeah buying custom skin yeah if we were to cook one of us i would want to cook you mean yeah
mostly i don't know i just wanted my instinct would have what do you think yeah i was going to say brian for most meat but i don't know what makes most meat tough to chew on i know i know i mean we should definitely be game because he wasn't sure yeah if you had to if you had to fuel like trapped in like one of those you con things were got to eat someone university university no what does ask us to make more people in connecticut medium why there's so bore him if it was like the donner party there was a couple we're traveling from north it was from connecticut you could see these mother occurs from a mile away and joey d as in i would look at it but i actually said i go i go look at his connecticut where people i go look at them like that that you could tell he goes he goes i can't tell and i go look at the kids shoes the kid was wearing
a boy a young boys like ten he's wearing boat shoes with shorts with belt on there not very short they don't grow up around enough black people that they have fear in them so they just do whatever they if they have no the missing character no it's worse to portland way worse portland's way better than connecticut the in connecticut you have all these like weird rich dad's that have been stealing money in the stock market the whole life and they pay for these kids to go to private schools where they all stare at each 'cause no ones getting any education at home 'cause your mom's on pills in her face can't move 'cause she shut botox into it and she's fucking dizzy all day 'cause she's gotta max addiction and all we just stare at each other and you wear pants with little whales on them 'cause you think your alternative but really you're just a rich little piece of shitfuck rest on your grazer and you're going to start talking here mail wait a title like entitled life they were all
track traveling this this woman didn't understand why she had to take her shoes off all areas over there yeah i don't know where this pitch has been living but she my shoes are open toed you can see my feet now i know you have to take your shoes off she's like i belong to economic do you understand like literally arguing with her husband she's like it's open toed i think you can wear the over their husband like what's he going to do fokker in the face call parker until at least passes out and just wakes up a learned person well i can't do when did joey diaz say when you pointed him out he was tired at that point we ate breakfast it was about joliet crash dog now they can't i'd like to say well we were in jersey to which is the it's you know it was it was connecticut people in jersey enjoy your going to name
how are you doing at midnight which have been of life that pleases killer that's a great club night may night thursday night ok dude please come on that week the two of you come down that week and will blow it up ok can you do that so it you know it's next week ok come on next week tomorrow you are going to be here in town ok yeah yeah let's blow it up that's right it may already do you need i thought it was just like just turned april like wait what is going on this this winter was a joke it was 'cause we don't really have a winner haha bad with new york suck to this one pm as we go into your he's gonna hate the weather but you're moving uh you're moving their welcome welcome new york you know what he's like decided that lap port
shallow that's how it is but uh do you feel judged what happened he's tired of killing pages bad about about the business out here myself new stages is good and you know new people comics to watch you know new styles in comedy oh sure you said it goes into my train of thought oh yeah here's my little bit of like five percent wants to date a black check for like two months harlem shake here's another party you want you marrying a black man after the black chick doesn't workout it would get the julius long lines up with his long hair your mom we should fear you shoot your pants again i'm not cleaning this my god if i had to introduce my girlfriend to so i would just be ashamed of like here's my girlfriend of eve
what happened hand sanitizer yeah you found have you ever have you ever thought about you know schitt no i'm going to in june of the black guy doing stretching your cock out they get there have it set up early i don't know you have it set up like you said hey listen i'm thinking i want to talk a black chicken your black trick so what's up secret man it's a secret secret into blackboard world he did he used the secret smart that's beautiful thing that secret it really seems to be funny if you instead of a house in a family like you just secret like a huge black where is the blackhawks everyday use it like this for ten minutes and medison guys so one day one day
breaks into your house at the exact moment he's here racist i just assume that guy would have to break in your house at least black people like her a connecticut woman sitting in her home like oh you made it an like she thinks this guys going to poverty rob sir that's great clubs are overhead that's great but your finger off to get a rank as it stuck up fat fingers 'cause she doesn't ever take it off 'cause she's embarrassed it meant that she that's what it means that our finger and washes eats everything was set to go off to a good stock and blood diamond on the us to hack it off with a chainsaw hang lose the weight not not quick enough meanwhile she just wants black cock he didn't even i'm going to give it to her but he's going to take her shift also bendigo fantasy and it's like no it's been working out isn't it funny how they would be horrific for one person but yet another chick would be like
yeah he asked me if i can tag yeah finally some gangster dick do it we don't you know blackjack of you i've never been with a black chick i found it pretty white so far but i hope to branch out what about like any the alternative races have been asians but no i would i'm open to whatever yeah yeah yeah sure no i think have you ever done with anything but white yeah no way wait a minute of all while speak soon she has a such an extensive sexual background because of her she's a cash she seems like the type of gal that guy sits in defrag and gets to know where any hangs out for awhile geez well that seems like she wouldn't have a bunch of different relationship i want to sleep with someone happens real quick like within hours yeah but there's nothing wrong with that no writing we're talking yesterday about the different girls that we dated for like like a long time
yeah actually wind up slept with on the first day that lasted until relationship but you get to use it as a bargaining chip it's just like yeah well you know what that's because you don't have anything else to offer that's usually or maybe i have friends just seriously aren't ready and they need to really trust someone but if i physically am drawn to somebody and i want to sleep with them nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with that with the problem with that is that too many people in the world are assholes and so that doesn't workout well because every now and then you fucking asshole and then you got an asshole in your life yeah she got to know this person better first you know why your mind out right then then you're done with that you know it's it's actually because then you get to know them like you introduce them again you have sex with him again again and then you start hanging out with them and get to know and then you go ok i should get to know you better 'cause i'm not really personally i would rather have known what a piece of sheet you are but i do
yeah that's the worst like chicks getting dressed and she tells a nager joke and he's like oh wow scris like kind of what in the damage was there casually unapologetic lee ok not let's take away rather have already bought them because then at least you can get that in you can't do it after you know that that's a good point that's all for a guy but not for the girl i don't know for girls sounds good point but i mean sometimes you sleep with someone as a girl and you're not you're not interested building something with them they just want some dick yeah nothing wrong with that that person's dick there is nothing wrong with that this apps nothing wrong with that i feel ok about the problem is is too many people that will let you think that something wrong with that because they actually want to you you know so
girls girls take so much grief from guys that really were attracted them like falcon hor she's walking horse is kind of gross right you guys because they're weak they're weak bitchass bodies don't realize that terrible feeling that they're having about this person discuss really just rejection is just rejection the that that's different for you though what happened that ohio queso steubenville case with girls being dragged like on a lot of so many did nothing to help not one perfect that's terrific the competitive nature or something wow the thing about talking about chicks want to kill themselves in an elevator or each other that's how you
doesn't work yeah that's why you can't trust a member when amy said she wanted for herself down elevator shaft on no no my name is killing biches with elevators i wait hold on a minute i don't think it's uh yeah i think is really upset i really was well what is that is that the family is it the people not talking to people about opposite sex being human culture the high school high school it wasn't just one family yeah you're right not only the high school it was actually the people the adults because they were hiding it because they didn't want to suck up the high school football season it really isn't it's so crazy yeah and it's like you know it's everybody in the community making these guys feel invincible and untouchable and you can do whatever you want your gods right now so crazy it was this girl just really drunk is also well it takes over the blackout prone and no one did anything to help her know who jesus christ that's uh then you know when you're so then at that point nature it's not like about this one coach you anything
you see dogville movie i think about that all the time like just if humans are given the chance they will become complete monster i think that's probably true it's certainly possible not fun to think about well look at this mongol thing we're talking about now does not even a thousand years ago this is the heart of darkness is every yeah yeah it made it so yes just it's all about like the particulars inside a packed animal the moral terrified of that i mean it we're altera that's where my these these in mad max my zombie movies essentially the breakdown of society will are terrified of women like well i'm on how to get to that look at look we're just saying about that girl like everyone the girls are scared like if i side with her than the guys are going to turn on me and it's like and i think in the muslim side the way they like cover yourself and you know it's like people have this fear and people get upset about you know somebody saying like yeah i'll sleep with someone when i want to that somehow can make a man feel castrated for
and that i would maybe make my own choice yeah and i i think that it's weak and it's yeah weak beings rare it's being rains bye week too yeah and it's also that i'm a man has to realize when he's growing up that would that not every woman he likes is going to like him and you got to realize that it's not their position to like you you have to suck it up and either of yourself as a person get away whatever deficits you have or find someone who does like yeah you got to be worth something you have to actually have value you have to be fun to be around you have to be enjoyable to talk to you have to be a kind friend have to actually be something but people don't think that in the beginning they want you to like them here my parents liked me they're not thinking like what is this person getting something that's exactly what it is though especially like spoiled people like spoiled shity dudes who like their dad like
we can do no wrong and so these kids they show up and they're fucking assholes in high school it is closing girl say it's just versions i mean let's just call him made a spade here well this is what this guy was talking about this is why it's passing the mungle thing because he said when baghdad was rated by the mongols and they crushed the society they basically started from scratch after that with the people that were the outskirts i mean that is literally what happened with baghdad they had to re populate baghdad rebuild he killed everyone and through all the literature away so that say that today there just go and to the point like culturally of where they were in to sell in in in twelve eighty i bet a lot of people look let's not go in right away the city let's wait another
it is yeah well it's also like the distrust and like the the work that i i started reading about it after listening to this because it's so interesting is like there's just people that equate the whole distrust of foreigners in the outside world to be invaded by the mongols that apparently the muslim religion and islamic culture was completely different back then and it was like the greeks it was like the romans was like people that were like you know actively trying to pursue to education in richmond science was completely different type of culture and they became fodder either where they i mean they thought they had the greater army the walls too yeah they thought they had the greater army they didn't understand how gangster the mongols are the mongols were throwing trees at them they cut all their trees down they took two weeks they cut all their trees out everywhere all around the city and then they say
the mob with giant catapult and world them over the gates destroying everything in the city so imagine tale of the hobbits welling to fly out of the reach of twelve a d and you're sitting there and full sized palm trees the year destroying mosques and they did this by the way for two weeks before they started to go in just a launching fiery at them launching launching things what launching rocks they collected rock launching them into the city so they're basically over the walls everything is pulverized everything's is getting they can't go outside the gates 'cause they can't can get more food they can't get anything and these mother crazy savage bar berrien sociopaths on horses with each the horse and then they had nine extra horses so there hundreds of thousands of animals and people outside your gates and their hurling trees at you just waiting for you to give
then everything's on fire everything's on fire everyone's dying in front of you and then boom they come in when they come in they just caught down everyone running through the streets cutting people in half everybody they find dead everybody hiding dead everybody in any mosque dead just come in robin heads off dead and they they would do this and they would completely down an entire area like the changed the entire course of human history they weren't looking to take so they took no survivors if they took survivors it was only because they were at war with someone else and what they would do is take the survivors and put him in the front lines and use them often times as the front they would push an army into the town and people would be shooting arrows at their own friends 'cause their own friends would be forced to be at the frontline of this me behind them they would see the mongols on their horses and these people with thousands and thousands of people just be forced through
door of a of of the of the gate of of of of the city insane times man of this stuff oh man it's incredible she is so fascinating to know i am i love watching the broad spectrum of people in this life that we encounter but this is this this life it's so interesting to see the people just like you and i we're live that world it's like it's just it's the same species exact same species as why are dealing with all over the world it's just it was one thousand years ago it's the same thing that i think we would have been bad assets then been dead or raise well do you have an extra leading up to all leading up to my rape and yes of course i do how about like on one hundred and ten my post is at twelve and you know it so they would become more of gangus khan's wives could be the funny wife i feel like you guys did you remember when he killed at first
thirty million well listen to this and i don't know and yeah i have a much which is so lucky we live and as the everybody in the world yeah this guy does in the world does suck mean there are things that happen like in boston when these two assholes but there's not one hundred thousand of 'em on horses storming boston showing everyone that mel gibson movie showing everyone he made well i mean you know the gringo get the gringo the beaver the beaver beaver shot and then he went crazy and then like farquhar going to do with this well they had to know he was crazy when they were shooting that nobody so we should have should hang out earlier they should have celebrities are protected while he
had that one a shadow yeah the cops for the moment story ran about jews and i had you know we were all like yeah we kind of see that no matter how good of a real crazy person when you don't if you're get races but straight to jews that's true just like everybody years they have been over you know but even though you're a jew agree with you yeah that's absolutely true you know people might discount that because of the of your your judaism you julie is on the it's true though it's totally true what is something about the conspiracy folks who always goju build a burger jews jews let's build a burger build imagine now controlling the world economy you don't even know i don't like build a bear with hamburgers not build a bear burger that's a good idea pretty good i build a burger like make it look like a bank i've taken call bank and turn into a burger place we build a burger and everybody wears like fucking richard nixon masks
you know when pregnant look like yeah you look like you're in a cult well you ever hear bohemian grove do you know this real thing that they actually do really interesting where all the world's top like fine answers and bankers and world leaders people from all of the world like the bush families been going to this place for ever and ever it it's called it's called well the this call bohemian grove and the other thing that worship is called molech and molech is this how will god and they burn at the end of sacrifice they burned in effigy like alex jones is crazy we all know the options crazy he's a fascinating dude he believes in a conspiracy and everything but he actually snuck in and got video footage of these fucking rituals these people do so you having all these world leaders and they're wearing robes but alex jones slip in one of his guys they didn't know he was back that he was he was nobody back that and i think he actually your call i don't know if you got caught he saw a group doing
oh yeah well they had hidden camera footage of these fucking people going through this this ritual and it's like these people they're they're weird fuckers man they really do do weird but it's like conspiracy theory shed like like this color crossbones yeah like that's real really weird like that you see kubrick's eyes wide shut yes apparently that's like based on real things that some of these weird groups do oh really they're just so rich and bored will do kabbalah also they're like we're gonna do everyone does whatever we say i want human mention that type of checks that you could bang though if you're in one of those mask parties in greenwich ct they give me shape it's the real housewives two year old gigantic fucking huge ballroom that's actually a part of some guys manner and you will show up and give the keys to the valet and put your masks on
see it i can see it seems specially because if they really are complicit in some shady shit whether it's they're doing like scams and stealing money or whatever they're doing you're going to want the person who's with you to like to be all in there now and if you you know that you like there would have been and you're part of some crazy group like your your you guys are those winds and i mean you guys are living everyone's living in this crazy you're going outbound really so power you want to suck your friends wives that too i think i think then you want to take your friend well don't they always whenever someone even yacht when they're trying to get people into elite groups they always like make you douche it that you don't want to do like that's a big part of from the crips to read well it's like if you want to be a part of a group you gotta sacrifice you get some you to prove you're down well recently i have the pleasure looks to me like you it
is the thing in game of thrones where the khaleesi so like could she gets she gets this army and they all tips part of this elite army they all had to kill a baby in front of its mother like those like that that's like standard ship like throughout history were going to be apart of some crazy group you gotta do something nutty so these people that are like rockin rig in the economy and stealing billions of dollars like these easthampton kundtz i want to go to one of those parties i just want to see a dragon i think there's a part of me is like i bet there's a drawing somewhere do you think there's a drag dragons used to exist like why are there so many dragons in human culture all i hope so god yeah yeah 'cause it was dragons not just in like china but there's dragons in the euro at the same time i think there were dragons look i'm not some retard i don't think they were occurrence but there are i know it do you think they breathe fire or is it yes their breath no they breathe fire well the commode
those are not maybe because komodo dragons of they buy you even if you survive like you're gonna die from the saliva listens yeah massive they have botulism initialized yeah they're just they're our server can know where she's festering winning the whole big bacteria i think probably run fast and you know they're the biggest lizard on earth next to i they're actually even hear your picture yourself but we can we start thinking about it like behind the tree when i got him around corners gonna mountain lion you don't make yourself burp and siddhartha lizard a bigger but aren't they bigger than so how is the komodo dragon the biggest drag the biggest lizard tank are they bigger than crocodiles can you guys watch my television show tonight for caribic thirty on comedy central please watch it and it's called later inside amy schumer this is what he said that he had me laughing when you're all doing a spy scene
oh oh these yeah cousin the spy shows they always like the guys get to do cool shit and the girls are always like all right and you just have to suck a dick so here's what we're doing with the mission yeah everyone had a code name michael noodle and it was like it was like all super bass and then mine was butter face is great creepy fuckin' thing eating a deer mister moto dragons are yeah like their mouth their monster there is a lot of your info talk in animal man i better summary of it can people can i get on those look at this with a they're feeding together on a carcass that's like walking dead yeah it's exactly like walking dead i can't they just once getting over the top when i looked at by accident right leaning on it just pulling chunks out of this things ruthless fuckin' animal how many users to ten ten episodes although already they're all done
for now well i'm gonna go to new orleans for a month yeah you are right i i and getting new new new writing with nothing stand up on its hind legs pull deer out of a tree what if you see that there is out there and even though you're coming out of here i don't see that see you i don't know maybe they hung it so whatever the fuck it is maybe they hung it so that people can see it easy let's say right away i do too don't know what i do it yeah blocking me another plan that things chasing after you did see the thing is maybe that's where the idea dragons came from their bread they they'd like fire in the address but it's really just that their their saliva was toxic yeah i feel like i would have found a bone or something fire breathing bone like they breathe fire trust me could you imagine if there was an animal that actually to breathe fire
god dam monsanto would copyright it they would go into the guitars yeah there's like we own it and then they would just have fucking fires and weird cities for no reason i called sudden detroit's on fire and dragons walking through the fucking streets well if you're going to let one city on fire that's a good spot no we know that's not what i was saying please come see me at the magic i think the crocodiles to technically a reptile running well i don't know what the difference in reptile lizard i think there's a different i think that's why because i do believe the crocodiles are larger they are but so is a snake a snake is a reptile as well you know yeah styles crocodiles reptiles so why are we here are you going to eat mushrooms so they just kicked in amy we're here for you we're giddy you're awesome and were around jim lookout might narcissism i will believe that you really mean that
we we we we were giddy to have you here we're very excited i only get to see like once a year so i now but i will i every time i come to the l s please come see you tara let's try to do these things more often he did what one night as a joey diaz is there moon tower a comedy festival yeah it's it don't pay for doing moon tower could stop by sent me something it was like we will pay you no no no no no it said we'll give you a free pass to go see other shows it's worth one thousand five hundred oh yeah they priced that way 'cause they give it out to everybody and they don't give you a companion pass it today with you i thought it was the most take show ever heard of it's not cool and the and the shows are all sold out it was and in return they will give your email address out to everyone well why are still bringing letters saying we love your band mates a bag for hundreds
i would you of your band really minimal i know i you get there there like can you flyer for fans that is why does anybody still do it because it's cool festival but it's becoming less cool way more like this is a real stage now it's coming more corrado rideau st when you're not get as those are delicious i listen i'm not hating on doritos i love the fact they've moved into taco bell started taking over with cool ranch great merger merger mazing and it's always good for you so good for you people don't know that but if you're feeling every austin is the fucking shitposting is it's almost worth dealing with their bullshit just so you can go on stage there i don't like the idea of them my duncan made a whole video about there were pulled up duncan's video
come out without malaria yeah pull up duncan trussell on south by sw 'cause he made a whole video about it which like really kind of encapsulated in a whole area so i realized i was doing it last year and then i mostly i was like i was like you're not doing i thought you were doing stuff because now i switched on the page i was like oh my gosh i mean it's not a greedy thing it's just like it's what is justice yeah what is the festival about it's about art ok how come the artists aren't getting paid like who's getting paid you're making a salad where your you guys make a profit like how is this where people here who paid to get in so it's people paid to get in and where's the money going to charity because it chair
i can't get it but it's got all go to charity that means you can't get paid either oh well i need a salary uh no no not this one not this one this has been done a billion times for the cloud one not this one yeah don't do the fuckin' hitler one it's so stupid it's not even real hitler be one thing if it was like footage of the real hitler getting crazy but it's like an actor playing hitler the best of all those were watching with jeff rossen who else at the parking lot but although killer hitler on that on that scene they just reset title okay crank this they told me i would have to pay for my airfare and so then i wouldn't get paid to perform i decide cool clown an offer her a similar deal that's really funny hello can you hear me yes i can hear you hi there my name is ma cranston
i wanted to find out do you ever do you ever travel out of state to perform uhm i mean i i haven't so far but why well we are throwing a kids party out here in austin tx it's at the fisher house which is a pretty prestigious house and the party is going to be well attended and a lot of the elites austin elites and we've heard great things about you on the internet and we want a clown for the kids party we wanted to see if you'd be interested in performing well i mean it used have you already checked with clowns like in that area once we want we want you we want a clown from out of state and this is a very prestigious party of course
wouldn't be able to pay you or pay for your airfare or for your lodging but we love for you to perform it would be great for your resume i wait but you but you want me to come and not and not pay for anything good for your crown resume we want you to come out we can't pay for lodging airfare or pay you to perform now i don't know if this is a joke phone call or something because this is a little funny because that it would cost me money to do it but it would be good for your resume third party and often when i perform in la well you would you meet them are there to be some are pretty well pretty well known musician
since we are going to be attending this party and also will be able to give you a couple of free tickets for shows while you're in town yeah i'm really not interested in me doesn't seem fair to ask the performer to come all there and then not why'd you do it though right i wonder how they help us out here before are you done with it now he figured it out now now i was going i wanted to go just go and go to south by yeah maybe get a guest but maybe not like why would i go there for that i would just also tell my resume resume normal cars we weren't going to make art form we weren't even going to pay you until we found that you work for free in texas and we like god dam chelsea when they had they realize they only booked one woman or zero women
he was already dead but that offered us all but we just like a number to okay yeah that always gets like now with the they offered it yeah they were like it was a bad press like in the women's like a fox like to call chelsea like hey can you come down to this yeah you're paying me i know yeah and they look fine they say pay some people she demanded it and it was like you know they have the money and i don't larious that is that is so funny wow that her being like but you have other aren't there that's really what we are it's it's actually a speaking opportunity that's how they look at it really is like just total thing is it's like it's a chance to break as a musician itself myself now comedian speaking opportunity man well that's so funny it's forty five minute discussion and you can receive a complimentary gold badge a one thousand three hundred and fifty
dollar value for the film and interactive sessions events is not amazing express yeah i was like we have our rate of one one thousand nine hundred and ninety actually i guess they offered me a hotel as well as hotel access that's a very ambitious thing that's not what it means it means you get first in line for a hotel they have all these people that give hotels too but they only have like two hundred that means you're a lot of pay for the hotel that's hilarious that's why it says hotel access so they can make you get a hotel but you pay for it yourself oh that's so cute cool that's so hilarious it's not cool oh my goodness people are so fucking crazy yeah but montero it's cool it's an interactive session panel i guess it's not even doing stand take me two bit she ain't going nowhere we locked in welsh it were in the valley we are in the valley can't go we're going to go you get somewhere better to go we go there now
go direct to do something mobile shows this is promotion this is helping you now i know the image inside amy schumer tonight or what he said that's live tweeting he's like a life too he just sees acquittal live tweet on lincoln way my god he's playing dumb 'cause he doesn't want to do it now he doesn't know he really is retarded you know he does he does facebook phase one i've ever one i've ever seen facebook our whole area really hilarious just use the funnies you would love him yeah yeah we hung out together in canada we you know that song inflammatory waits for the responsible somebody takes it seriously and then just goes back and forth so then meanwhile starting a new inflammatory post goes back to put them he just on their nonstop isn't working it's working out like jokes and yeah good way to write an he said that you get a fat supply retards he people if i didn't know him and i just
heat we my sugar entertainment weekly and that one of the writers forwarded me that kurt was responding to comments he was actually out we went to that site and was responding to comments like were like he's ill mind chili challenge no it's just fun you know he's alive tweeting wow he's comic is real comic it's not not that many of us let me show more but you know what's really important out of women women comics there's probably only ten ever that are really funny and you're one of 'em thank you that's crazy stop and think about that how many women have been funny ever do you more than ten standups yeah one hundred well i'm out his antenna may have been a being a dick at right i mean we can think of a bunch right now
yeah felicia michaels and rivers yeah this is this is a bunch of pictures of it okay i just matches to lock in areas she's really she's whole arafat girl does not get or do if you're ever yeah you want to go see someone really funny little shock you go see her yeah how does a bunch of girls we never heard yeah i'm sure i'm sure but how many nikki glaser after use entries are hundred nine no no how many what feel how it's working the road is a little bit no that are good seven might there used to be this anytime well you know what seven sweet theory is a random number seven million times like how are we judging funny 'cause like you you're funny you're funny like legit funny he said but he was like i was like oh how it was his sat like to asking about a comic he killed i'm like yeah was he funny goes respect the kill
i was like ok there is a difference in somebody lame that is killing and somebody lane that's bombing i'd rather have somebody like it's doing well i can too much detail like kind of bomb once in a and you're still like this is the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life well he's just always fucking around and coming up with new shed you know if he wanted to exact his classics and just slaughter but i mean he's so freaking funny yeah now is another way it's easy he's a real comic you know yeah it's not so many like real comics there's a lot of like weird people that you have to hang out with what you do in real calmly like the guy was a little where's the guy was open for any of the annoying to the yeah but earlier who got caught by you'll enjoy them you'll enjoy them that's not a real color coffee yeah that guys a dick wadd swirling is coffee like it's lying is opening up no he was probably forty even better is very that's when i feel the worse when it's older guys that are featuring and i'm like who yeah i mean it was like yeah man you're going
then the more they like say they support you the more you just see the venom like now you're great yeah yeah no i might have my kids love you you're like you want me to in the parking lot yeah there's always those weird older dudes used to be at the store that always used to give the venom eyes those guys that have been around a long time and they could barely feature on the road they barely even featured on i was just thinking what dish you're really successful but people don't people aren't mad at you you don't be born does he care oh you catch or well i guess i'm in new york but i never hear of anybody hating on you well i'm pretty nice for yeah but people are nice that's still just get shipped because people are upside i've no idea cancel well i also have an opportunity to talk when you're talking on the podcast people get a chance like if you see somebody yeah you see somebody to move your while you guys are dick jason tatum funk that guy's a piece of shit he catches my friends bar was a dick more before you the right and a more way more of fear factor because people was the fear factor do now
but when you see person like a podcast allows you like ok i see like no i'm not know perfect person there's no perfect person but i'm not a bad guy i try to be nice yeah many is often as i can it's like as many opportunities to be nice as possible i try to take but you're always going to get someone who doesn't like it there's going to be people that are haters no matter what they do you never heard a movement of hate toward you will never at all from anyone on that sweet thank you but it's the truth thanks for not i'm sure some of the other will premiere on but now but i would have heard it i mean point is if you're if you're in the public and someone is always going to hate you but not comics i think we all like care about what comics oh yeah you know well jealousy and whatever yeah you i just realize that hud senior comedy to abstractedly stuff yeah so people never for sure like watch again yeah
yeah i well i do i definitely got that like from the people that were like comedy purists or so but it is also because i was always considered dirty and for a long time that was bad like when i first started out there was a bad distinction that was being he's got he's a dirty like yeah for sure here you are cheap and you were going for cheap why would they say that well because first of all is boston it's kind of conservative a little bit socially and it was also that although the very edge case it was also this is fairly conservative socially and it's also that they had just this movement it just sort of taken place where people have gotten it tonight and then got famous it had with teddy buerger on it happened with steven wright in a big way and that they and on the shows and gotten like this public attention from television so everybody had a nice how to have a nice television set clean people got success when you begin when you start thinking like well that means they should get success
eagles equals clean equals good yeah cleaning was good and dirty equals and i was so confused 'cause i was like well the reason why i got into comedy is 'cause i like richard pryor and i like sam kinison the guy goes you know look you're not like this guy said to me once like you're not dice clay i go you know but but dice clay like became dice clay like he couldn't have been really good when he first started with all these great form jokes but he had style that he enjoyed and like i'm going to style that i enjoy but boston was very suppressive of that they did not yeah no doubt and yeah it must be way worse i've always said it's way harder for a woman to do standup period because i think that first well there's a lot of bigoted man that don't want to see a woman in a position of the center of attention men don't like that show yeah and they want to be able to like stop your clown you or their ego as force them to save
they want to render you powerless and when it's why people attack they likes me but your physical appearance 'cause that just takes away all your power or something yeah but yeah but also girls of way more of an opportunity because there is a shortage of really strong i'm working feel like we don't wanna festival comes up there like who's a killer like running will come out here and just own the room right which which requires going on the road and doing the work for a long time long time and that and and yeah i know a lot of people it just doesn't get get to their yes we were talking about like the arrogance that like a lot of like young comics have like for a female comic it's a way more sleep the slow it's yeah it's really hard give you a chance before you're ready oh girls yeah yeah so security good like the book room yeah i mean it's like because because people they want to have a woman in
they want or whatever and that can i mean just me getting on last comic that early like that that was crazy but it was like how many years were you in before you got a last hour to two years in all my years doing hearing of have asked you to go on one of the year jon reep one way yeah john rose to yeah that was a what year is this known what year was it like a real yeah two thousand seven one one two was it really ever want to that that the first second second third and then who won the first one nam phan kids just make up a name or there's a fat fabulous at ben i'm sorry now i like math i just made fighter i'm a dick i shot those stories other shows some reason it's really nice to see you have a moment of actual shame i've never seen that was i like the guy like damn fan i like dad fan too he's a nice guy definitely there's this one
yeah that was the of the that was the first year that they did last comic standing when they realize that all these guys that were also in the show that made we are also being managed by the producer cats yeah when everybody was like wait a minute watt the people that normally now the voting didn't really count that was just sort of just as a csr moneo voting really didn't matter whether or not you like that's why i drew carey walked off and on for the for butler brett butler walked on yeah because they found out their vote was not really about hey we're trying to make a show we have the ultimate decision who's going to be more entertaining and it just so happens that people going to that are more entertaining i manage amy surprising a lot of people i am the host they manage and the host i managed what a cut face oh god what a fucking parasite on the world comedy what do you mean everyone everyone in who works at the agencies and management companies
most are awesome most of them are also riven by being proud of how they're living in inspiring their kids you know is going to have the original pilot of that on vhs with stand up comedy house hilarious didn't someone else hosted after awhile like bill bellamy or something he was the host when i did it what happened why jay mohr stop doing it i don't know trying to freshen it up a little is that what it was kids like black people that's right in mcdonald's commercial really black occasionally make those frowny ice cube type black people but for the the part we like to keep them on the periphery right there so we're not be scared of me is not scary to me i'll tell you right now if you go to challenge bill bellamy right here to build something in something back i feel like bill bella was back he's really nice she's always he's on the road do i don't know bill bellamy yeah i know he's on the road i see like places where like coasters yeah
friends yeah differently jail yeah you're getting sent to the funny bone next week well see you say that but like i of going like weird little clubs and especially because when i go i'll go with aria brian or dunkin or joey if you can go with friends it's always fun i've never had a bad the road i can't remember youngstown ohio is not all of a sudden yeah you just start brushing your mind to last night in columbus oh is that is that the one at the behind the dance club yeah yeah that place is pretty clear is against cleveland st cleveland chicky because even if it's economically challenged very much so yeah there's there's spots where you know kids are growing up where there's no fucking hope in their town it's like oh my gosh we've got a lot of opportunity joke easier now he goes he goes here's a conversation never here i'm going to detroit ok
he said she always here man i said yeah he just ate up his material he really is going to be now i want to tell you like all of his jokes stop right there right sorry sorry sorry famous for his next special i'm going to detroit have fun have fun shut he's so funny those days old porn yeah i did it it was it was dallas that's a classic like i just like oh cool hang out david impossible jerk off to that two thousand thirteen really now sitting next to a guy that was in it that really took that was funny but i don't remember are you picturing the car wash maybe yeah it's a great show james it's really fun first of all dave so funny like off the cuff any prepares a bunch he so neurotic it's like sheets and sheets of material and he looked pretty watch is the porn stuff and like he really takes it super seriously he is on it and then the accuracy super respect
all and it's kinda nice he gives them a venue to talk about these films that they made that were like iconic he hasn't come back oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah does dallas get with debbie but the guy driving the dude i did it with ginger lynn yeah but no i was on my first ever comedy album in nineteen ninety nine she did it like an introduction to the song that i wrote randomly placed together or no no no i asked her to do it i forget how i got in touch with her i think i think i'd matter through howard stern i think when i did the howard stern show i met her on that was it that or did it was the comedy store that's how i met jen jenna jamison come while watching porn and make a wish say that again if you come while watching her porn make a wish what happens is the way to get in touch somebody a drought is that how it works i disagree uses i want to unlock the what's the project which in my
amy how do you attribute your hard work if you didn't use the secret i mean how would you attribute the success it's not just hard work no goal is that what it is i just did not waste of money i guess all the pain and struggle i was funny as a kid though always my accent yeah yeah but then it was telling me defense mechanism how you funny are what would you like someone says hi funny what what is what is it what started as just do eddie murphy routines button they were my own fourth grade them again until women to get out of the car and you can't do that anymore these days they kick you out of the car that's not your experience at all and we know it is true i was driving like he was driving yesterday you guys weren't even around yeah then i was like i think i gotta i used to tell my friends like richard pryor routines sam kinison routine oh yeah i would like redo am redoing put your own spin
no no no say like the guy did it i didn't try to pass him off as my own when i said like i don't think i did i might have once i don't know i can't remember if you're good at repeating stand up you may like maybe that rhythm and whatever yeah sometimes pennsylvania set on youtube where they're covering my jokes they do that yeah there's too much stuff yeah and my we haven't taken it down it'll be a girl like butchering it you know just like it you spell embarrassing people are thinking that they should be able to do that be like cover bands kind of an audience yeah well mencia that was like his whole thing was essentially is just really good at doing your shed so they're like oh in front of an audience now in front of the camera yeah no it's in front of an audience and they said this isn't a mishima joke i like now they just do it and then they do it but it'll say like you know description like this is but they don't say it while she's being introduced like she's about to do all of
well then just all your ship yeah but she's butchering it i'm like oh can you at least be good at it could you kill with the techniques used for like doing your shift in front of some strangers because the problem is if she doesn't say it and then they that's one hundred people whoever helped many it is who don't know that that's your job right and so if you ever go i saw those jobs in cleveland at that shithole stole those from mindy whitesell yeah yeah that's fuckedup yeah i was just like i just asked my manager can you get thinking of you too no do you member yulan gold yeah yeah well he first started he does impressions of comedians he's a really good impressionist but he would he would do a comedians but he would do it with their material and then people like him
and stop doing that yeah no not okay you have to yeah like this is yeah it was the wizard of oz we did you see a comedian yes what what i was gonna say the rating unknown nine one i got on last there's a guy doing an impression of louis all my god it's great talking detail which is right now put up black lit up pull up is half black yeah those have to choose have black is black sorry yeah right william leaves face starling isn't good if you got me affleck yeah that's what i'm doing talk that black chicken i shoot shoot you do loads will look like the hippest brooklyn couple she's gonna that's the kind of check i want to go to like brazilian music no you put it out there with the secret you're going to get it already yes mug impression is so funny
it's a it's a fake commercial for his next special it's really funny ok he is a modern day he is the most original artist since part was invented and who writes more material on a coffee break than most comedians right in their lifetime i knew how every every hour has filled his most daring special i don't know why the chicken crossed the road i have some sort of doctor dolittle that's right uck is retailing all the greatest classic jokes wow it looks like oh yeah the jail and help him move it's a good time various
even walk this is true this is the inevitable backlash of the avalanche of success gk's expand yeah but this is like the only thing you don't know me because six and he's obviously in july is everything he does is the greatest in the world we can tell it what to do so he's also why is there a devil on the wall i think that's my sister what how does that mean that nothing ever really where is it she looks like a every single comedian so what's the place again the laughing devil brooklyn make that he's in new york and it's in brooklyn thanks so long island long island where's that quizlet for going
different clubs are there in new york now in twenty thirteen eight eight in the city in the city you know how fucking crazy that is stopping about that there's great one of the city in this god damn country as a comedy clubs la doesn't even have a comedy clubs yeah or maybe what is i have let's look at la la the city we got a factory we got to calm the story at the improv and then and when i when i look like they'll pay money okay they don't pay money that's not that's not real comical that's a place for people who are scared a real comic clubs go to coddle they should pay i'll be on the record they should they should pay that least put the door jesus christ play jesus yeah like that maybe i will how how the ha ha ha ha i said i styles flappers
so you checked company member banks seven we're going outside now we're outside putting governor yeah you're right you're right you're right yeah yeah yeah well way off but you can't even include pasadena then we can we can put the ice house this cell thank god we had yeah we we have we are we now you're over there with them now we've sorry already traded would live in new york so you can we give you joe derosa i like new york and i could live in new york but only if i had a place upstate i could live i could live in new york i know cross does that he told me he got like fifty acres i think it was five i'm just gave him ten times as many acres but lot of people do it that way they have a place up there where they can go on the weekend and you go and you see grass and you hear birds on within a mile of your house you know that kind of shit that's adult way to do it yeah my manager is a place i want say what island but he goes out there goes
in and click so shut up bitch fucking ruin everything he has his place on an island and he has to go there like there's no cars he goes everyone ride bikes around and he goes there by ferry and then he has a house there that he goes to and this fuckin' nothing it's just chirp chirp not really a fire yeah i'm gonna cater to fire island yes she's on fire little bit he doesn't have to begin to fire i know i've been there and it's a blast i'm sitting here so i have to be gay i had to get out of here get out of here but i love you guys trying to hug come over here because i want to going to wrap this up with you and oregon continue to talk for another five minutes about you while they're hugging i'll just say friday amid the in full shift here with joe rogan and bill burst my farewell to los angeles i love are you should fear so much that i'm flying in for the show and then
i'm taking the car to the improv did you hear did you hear about what happened on america's got town hold on before you get into that amy schumer inside amy schumer tonight if fox two night the night one thousand and thirty tuesday at one thousand and thirty you know what that means means you're edgy she right after you tosh she's g that's that's a perfect spot that's pretty badass i and that's an awesome spot for you graduations for the sake of you alright come back again alright don't get too big for your britches for us i'm saying don't buy don't mean can't say that for a girl a girl you can't say that a guy you could say don't get too big for your britches and they're like i got it yeah
as a girl joe did you hear what happened on america's got talent with the guy that stole material medium gray yeah the great wilson apparently he stole a bit and it just so happens at the guys bit was the warm yeah yeah the game guy was frank yeah and i guess it's really ridiculous well you know apparently here's what bothered me more information about it greg i've never heard anything about that really joey did joey told me does really yeah but the problem is when anybody does a bit like how do we all notice this then it's like yeah we have right so with some guy who's going to start calming seven years he's also gonna notice he's gonna think he thought of it too yeah right what what me more was project hero said i've been doing this for fifteen year there were like watt years
sure yourself so in a bit yeah what do you do with no fever is never good but what are you doing he's going cats kill style maybe not doing it every maybe he's been doing it for hopefully fun let's beyond crowd warmups but let's be honest a lot of those guys that wind up with that kind of act they do keep like fish we know those guys that don't get like tv spots and now i'm coming central that do the same act and they're like little axe yeah they tore around like like i lesser relapse yeah is that listen when i was in way to think right let you get back when you got your life that no still thinks she later put exact on hbo do know that so then you lose your rank it's worth a lot of money doing works i got it there's a lot of good jokes he won't he won't put it on a special he doesn't release any material think about jay leno jail so it's been a stand up for a long time and my friends used to stand up
my friends in san francisco just saw him he just a corporate event what they think of it was okay but apparently some people said that he was a little bit too risque which are hilarious i was like what are you even saying i don't even know what the fuck word just came out of your mouth alittle tubers but he's doing the same shift i mean he can write jokes if he wants but if you stop and think about the amount of people that have cds and like like think about like what is that just the guy saying i saw frankly that muted fighting couple bit fifteen years ago at the ice house in pasadena it was his clothes or an it killed oh that's what someone said when the guy was on tv yeah yeah well just talking i would say that it television at all respect which at this point we don't know they don't they clearly don't if they all respect to stand up they wouldn't pass the guy to the next round that was the first rack
like well it was finally get into apache next round something i never see a loan to say well we can't take into we haven't worked out audience did it but i thought they kicked him off the show then i think later the cycling so mad and the i can't talk about the like okay let's just not it's not well i think they did you know that it was stolen until he was actually doing it and then while he was doing in the warm up guy came over to the producers and was talking to them was in few in was thinking of interrupting yeah so for them to pass him or to say well he will pass through for now like howard stern was there too right yeah they would have to just say ok we're going to overlook what we think may very well be the truth we're going to overlook did you did well well if you say you've never heard see i don't know anything about the dudes act the greg wilson he calls himself the greg wilson yeah i don't know anything
as i i've not literally never seen him i get a recognized him i've never heard a word out of his mouth but so i can't say yeah so i haven't i haven't but jo we told me that he heard the guy was a thief and that he cleaned up his act or you may have been a seat at one point time clean up its act but that could be a bullshit rumor to if the guy doesn't have a reputation if you're saying he doesn't he's rondelet all the time it is possible the two guys could have a super similar premise not actually want both went down the same exact road and route same places maybe but it watch it wasn't like why is it easier to version two books on his version and the original yeah ok you little bitch
okay so we're gonna watch right now this is the suppose it original frank nicotero and this guy and a girl car fight it's called yeah so for fifteen years thing better be home like a samurai sword every five car between a guy and a girl okay she's doing his impression of it sits on the stool for the folks on itunes the people on you stream like well i can see it starting off as the guide driving then become the girl that i make that clear cliff notes with their shared are you serious you guys are at ucla come on you're loyal american i don't know him i'm starting out as the guy that i become i don't get that joke all right he's a guy going what i'll get it it's in the car so you can't see right that's the idea so he's going watt
and so he's doing all this he gives the finger is going crazy now i could say is doing to hang up i haven't seen the other guys yet grades yet i can't say this is easily so anyone could think of yes when you see a couple got into a fight right yeah yeah yeah absolutely well it's just a bunch of like this guy got turned on the radio to ignore her yeah and he keeps getting really really upset by himself it's really boring he doesn't now is the other girl and now he's like i was given a fangirl i don't know the person he had to push his finger to throw things yeah i don't even know to do it right but it's basically a bunch of like mint mimicking that you're upset all right all right now have you seen this before all right so this
do any like particular cues that would be something that like all right he thought thing like that turn on the radio to drown her out right no it's not the second okay let's see the other guys now well i get it i get with this guy so there's no like yeah a joke that he would at the ascari they both go to like i think you might both go to like a bj at the end mailing may not see that but is no crime in this to this crime and that's why so it is pretty boring he did this for fifteen in price so now like still arguing back and forth i skipped ahead a little bit yeah it's basically for the folks listening to this is fucking torture both on the same time no no no get both done with alright so it's like the girl somebody will do that someone will make it split screen imagine if i keep exactly copies every movement movement today that would be easier to shadow you could shadow over it when the guys
working and i wouldn't go around i think for i don't know he's leaning over that craig doesn't do this is ok come on i can't do this problem this is death to the very end i looked up part yeah okay it's coming he says come on come on what's the matter what ok ok ok god dam maybe maybe just put his hand on her he put her hand on his way
ok yeah he acted like he acted like he's going to push her head down to give a below job he says jeremy hot enjoy german how to enjoy jermell who's mentally ok so now here is great wilsons smash brothers must love this coverage i got there at sign in the back the twins everything i talk about everything that i saw in traffic here we see the color but another car 'cause you can tell exactly what's going on that's exactly what i thought that's what i thought basically the same thing exactly now he's actually being a little bit more animated works kind of wilder
and that is doing the girl a different in the weather but here's the thing if you did see that guy do it then it doesn't matter if it's different he stole it yeah but how do you know how to you know this is something the this could easily be something that someone else thought of it's super possible like here's a perfect example you member went twenty inch lift the other day wrote that joke about how the pope got on twitter yeah wealth makes sense because we're just turned seven yeah will turn that someone else had said that same joke i actually really did it told him that his last thought it was from where i guess i don't know while ago yes or no please tell me you didn't just like yeah i think well he thought that someone else stole it from him you know and it was like this to me well you know we could say even though we know it's not true but the same thing could be said for your wall bit with them and see a thing
this is something a lot of people don't know about this is kind of crazy crazy thing but the wall bit with the crossman see a thing what people say that who build the wall mexicans that that like are you joke with people not realize that when are we came up with that bit there was even really a plan to build a wall source number is just run it was a joke like already made a fake premise and then made a joke about a fake promise and then through the ridiculous of real life they actually did are proposing that we build the wall next to mexico and that's when all these do start stealing it but when are you did it he was actually the lying about a that's how i know that you came up with it first 'cause don't know they don't have that yeah people don't really want to also thinks that like we should get a wall here but then like who would build it it could be a way to go if not for me seeing him in the back laughing at my jokes and well not only that he actually did mirror you exactly
the mere your motions your hands which is like your style like bill with this kind of looks like he's marrying the same touching the legs first right here at the very end of the jokes i the whole same shed and then he's doing the hands and then there's like hangover i didn't get the hidden to the blowjob part now he just looked over everyday handling things like the girl touched his leg yeah well i mean what i'm saying it's the same setup of the exact same ending with that was the punchline i totally say i totally said yeah ok well you know i have your friend nicotero the only one you've been doing this for thirteen years fifteen i'm so yeah great cut demand shortages dedicated greg valentine yes but like it must be tough like what the fuck the only the only one who's ever done that but it's like maybe not maybe other people but if you find out about it and he was doing it first you kind of have to drop it you have to drop it
it's to cost of freddy saint john's about about about something he had some young black comics i did i do that same joke because okay because i'm saying i do that same exact joke incredibly well enjoy it yeah i'm do it too work for you well brendan walsh and i had that situation or brandon was worried that i thought he was stealing right and i said no it's it's a fucking joke about a fleshlight like there's a lot of like obvious connections to like joking around with a flashlight lights in an i told him by the way i'm done with it that was unlike my last special so it's like it's over already i really stop doing it so whatever but you told me once he was like i have something that's real similar to what you're doing and i put it on i was like oh stop yeah if if you do want it now and a guy had been doing it before like i didn't want brandon to stop doing it but i wasn't going to be done
i would i mean i i mean i a reddit reddit rather wasn't doing anymore not that i was gonna stop i wasn't doing anymore so it didn't matter to me i mean it's on a special you know and i think honestly that he absolutely came up with it on his own because it's it's it's a natural primus the best was working the booth one night after that chinese spy plane american spy plane went down almost hit a chinese by plane when they took our spy plane yeah and i watch six comics that night make a joke about his name being long way yeah six comet from the audience is turning around like what's going on here what is the prank on us like what's happening is like i saw the story and yeah
that was so yeah as you apple really yeah yeah i had that a bomb a joke like it about changing as like a brother always trying to get money out of my pocket or something like that and i saw that like am i thinking so jody is doing you that's why i think you lose touch if you don't hang out clubs at all yes you lose touch what everybody's doing it specialty comes a current yeah i mean if it's if there's an issue a big thing that happens automatically gonna to as we had a crocodile hunter joke about limited different situation real people that are dangerous yeah i had that yeah well even dom irara had a fucking crocodile hunter jumper well with the aim squeeze the of this quote could dial like but he had sent a direction yeah do you think that there's also clubs in los angeles that are on like the comics that hang out there i don't ruthless yet they don't police each other
as much as like say like the comedy store i don't think well because i know i'll tell you what there was a situation at the laugh factory for awhile yeah where is like a den of thieves well i heard that also about the ha ha and honestly i think that video you made brian yeah i think that video made comics that hadn't started yet who are now anywhere between seven years in an one year in which would likely the ones who start stealing yeah and the ones that are around clubs all time those people are more likely to lookout for it now yeah those people are all the ones i can't wait to catch somebody so i think it's like it has put a serious dent the ones that have happened since and like the patton oswald one got out and you know there's been a few that have gotten out or people got this but those people are done man they tortured it's over when you steal a joke today in this day like there's a difference between a similar premise is an and parallel think
and then someone who makes it's like obvious man when a guy makes akarere out of doing other people ship because and then they try to do one of their own bits i do one of their own bits is also brutally obvious that they the humor in these pets is impossible for them to have also come up other stuff it's not it's not the same money yeah so i got to go do it once one of the new guys there was like ten years ago struggle struggle struggle if you then cool on a bit about taking up a girls brought that i saw on tonight show like like three six months early it was and i was and that but bom bom bom done because like yeah man still needs to do this one bit about having an argument with an arab guy about whose country is more about i don't like that someone came up to
i said you should be very careful you know like it was so obvious that he wrote that bit 'cause it was so dumb and retarded and clunky and it was like so obviously the person who had been stealing for so long like there's all good here so these are the ones who came up with on your own amazing you would think that he would have the form down it's not a form of it no there's not enough studying it like a scholar they just mina birding schitt repeating things that look like watching directions on your gps you don't know we to get there but also what happens is you don't learn the language there's a real subtle language of comedy you know like there's music yeah well yeah it's very similar because like comedy of black music has a rhythm to it and they're sentient release yes you get away with the worst joke if you made it like a what's so it's the pledge to confront last hard and you would think that someone who knows how to repeat that shit would also know how to create it but it's not it's not because
also the mentality that it takes to steal is the exact opposite mentality that it takes to sort of open up your mind and be creative to like to be like empty and creative like the mentality of a person is steve it's very selfish it's very me me me it's very all about getting it done and you know and getting successful it has nothing to do with the art it is you're not trying to be an artist at all whereas like to be creative you have to have an artist mentality you have to relax you have to let the ideas come to you have to respect the ideas like that stephen press book the war of ours about the muse like whether or not the muse are real thing that's like the concept of like like bring yourself to the whim of the news
yeah working hard and working hard tony stark burr get off stage the store and he was like so awesome new bit and he was like oh man you just keep coming up with new stuff he's like yeah i guess so i guess i'm just so come so easy for you and there's no make no mistake about it this does not come easy for maine snotty but it's but it is easing you know it's not easy and it is easy to get a habit form i think humans are just a form of force of habit i've been writing that much more lately over the last couple months as it kind of weird because i have actually have like last time but i've been in less time i'm busy less time to do that yeah but i'm forcing it in i'm making myself do it because you have that problem on news radio right oh yeah during news radio when i first got on tv i fucking didn't do shit and that was a big jump listeners yeah yeah yeah well i was tired all the time yeah you were on a set especially in the beginning newsradio events
so we got it down to it was where it was like we didn't even have to show up four days a week like sometimes we only did three day weeks yeah we would get the string schedules yeah we would get the but then that would block it the next day and they would shoot it the next day it was like three days yeah it was easy we knew and the right is really good and it was you know it got to good point but we're gonna be going it was long long hours are lazy yeah i i just stopped doing stand up and then doing it well no idea ok but i wasn't i wasn't writing anything new i was like going put the same old over and over and over again for like two years i got in anything new for like two years sounds this is terrible i mean i might of had like a bit here and there were there were dog i just wasn't focusing on khan at all i was working all day doing the show and then after it was over if i did it said it was like a maintenance that i would just go up on the weekend and and just do like do bits that i don just go through the
oceans i wasn't good i had lost my spark and i'd lost the thing that actually got me to the dance in the first place you got it back i can see a lot of people never get back yeah well that's one i told you i saw tim allen once until now i hadn't done stand up in a long time and then he went on stage and it was like it was like a famous guy who never done stand up before you would never believe that he was like this guy who like would dominate a room stand up kaywood damacy good oh yeah for the time he was great is smoothie alex punch lines and it was powerful stuff he was really good at the time you know like he like people wanted to go see that guy like the reason why he got that show yeah it's popular people love them i mean it was fuckking it was working good barely remember him as a stand up it was good it was good people liked it but he was not good when i saw him he was done he was done it was over it was it was a mess he had done you know seven years of home improvement had been living this bel air mention lifestyle and completely out of the loop of comedy
grindin' getting up there and that you lose that field without studio well my set i had one set that i fuckign eight dick in front of the writers of news radio oh yeah one of my friends my friend josh lieb was a writer and a couple other people that were there who i really respect it i like them and they they went out to see we are going to start to you know it was really late to there was no there's no enerji in the room there was no enerji it was like i was getting on the main room at like one hundred am ish and it was like sir don't ever invite ulysses like less of her i didn't know i didn't know i didn't know that come see me when i get to work i'm going to be coming store when i am but it wasn't the one i am 'cause i could do that same one hundred am now yeah and i would kill for whoever's there would be fine 'cause i would prepare but i didn't know
so first of all i had been doing that much stand up and i hadn't written anything new and i just wasn't smooth i was just bad it was awkward and i felt like shit and i remember leaving going god i can't i was really upset with myself because i've had some bombs before but like i could sort rationalize unlike i wasn't ready for that time i wasn't as i i was already a a religion headliner at that point like i could go on the road and kill for an hour you know i wasn't like as good as the stuff i'm doing now but like some of my sex jokes and all that stuff like some of the really old stuff like it would kill it was good it was good stuff you know but i was just i was complete really out of sorts i was saying the words without thinking about him i realized that i had completely left my focus away from stand up and that aerosmith forced me to really gear up so then i started
doubling up in trouble up my stats i started writing again and then within a call yeah within two years i did my first album and it was way better now yeah i was already way better i'd i'd completely turned it around within two years are totally completely turned around but it was one of those things where i realize like i'm a lazy like i i my thing that got need to show business in the first place it's amazing how few then whatever whatever doesn't spark you if you can just push like i am a comic and i'm gonna write this yeah you suddenly put turn out the school great stuff oh yeah yeah i'm a professional yeah that's part of war of art you just hired a professional to write yourself for you yeah this part of the war of art is being a pro and that's his new book it's called going pro going pro yeah right it's really inspirational it's that attitude like i'm professional comic notice like you know yeah day before i i did i show at the state theater in new brunswick ok
we'll probably the best i've ever had in my life one of 'em top ten ever so for my set i'm in my hotel room and i like how this out in like the next three hours i'm going to work on my and i don't do that usually before i show or before i show it's like i did a show last night i know how to do it i don't like sit down and go over all my but i went over all my i i wrote on my laptop i wrote on paper i wrote the bit lestat lists out on paper and i wrote bits out on a lot and i work for hours i dropped joey off at five clock we had eight hundred o'clock show and for two one slash two three hours all i did was write wow yeah so many and it was one of the best shows i've ever had it was my mind was like sparked by the time i got on stage we're working it out already so i'm working you know you gotta there's a certain amount you can pull off just do it like i might have a great set right now you could just give me a microphone and this if it's crowded crowd i can kind of get into a groove right now but to have the best chance of that
you should really sit down and go over your shed an there was a couple of things that i said in the set that i had written down for the first time that day you're going over stuff a turkey in a new angle and that new angle killed there was a cup new bits that i new taglines new angles not just fresh but insightful like i'd hit a nerve like oh here's another vayne also yeah they were doing when you're thinking on stage for doing through a bit like his point a point be points the sports borders on my head was a super quick gas to put a link between the indy yeah i get it but on when you're beforehand hotel room you have somebody to take a hold on you can take forty seconds minutes to think it out yeah and now it's like ok that's i needed that i wouldn't have had on stage you know i like talking about bombing and i think it's it's i like talking about when i was a loser i like talking about my failures in life i like talking about being in secure because i've met some the people that thank me for that that thought that
like oh here's this guys been on tv and he hosts for the ufc comma everything is groovy but there's no groovy man we're just people and it's a weird ride for everyone that baby blowjob joke you suck a dick and not always but sometimes it would alienate crowd yeah they would get upset and what are you doing yeah and then it worked it worked it worked it and it got to where it's just every time i needed figure out a joke to make the biggest taboo ever funny and that was thomas station yeah the most horrible non funny thing what's and people say listen child molestation is never funny it turns out it's ok if the girls high and it's a boy but she said in the interview weather like have you ever seen a rape joke that's funny special
there's a way to work almost everything to the point where it's funny and sometimes it's an exercise just to try to get there yeah just to see if you can do it by the way my special is available right now boom son that's how you market ship that's called passive aggressive and you can get it at arishafear dot com right at the top of the page and by the way i have heard nothing i would not lie to you and i will not bullship but i've heard nothing but compliments about that so many people told me that your best shot ever and so many people told me that they liked it even more than your last special which they like to study the album which we have right here which is also one itunes which is revenge for the holocaust yeah it's the evil free spider going both of those things he's going after hitler bug twitter leave him alone leave it alone better alone revenge for the hawkeyes which was by the way number one on itunes pitches that's that changed everything they really do that changed everything
is when they all woke up and they go oh this guys for real life start getting to clubs more that was like i can just do this they all realize that you have a following you know one you know always open it open it for you is always like oh yeah you're funny but you know it's tough to dow man i told you like at one point in time i told you we were talking about i'm like what you had you were like figure out whether or not you want to do this gig we had some else come up like did people are common to see you like you had a really they're coming to see you too they will eventually follow you somewhere there there's not a lot of opportunities to get in front of one thousand people get in front of especially thousand people specially but then we're doing clubs would be over a and if you're from the south you can make a thousand fans and then it thousand how many of 'em going to remember your name well if they're real fans of ours they're going to be paying ten into this whole loops you enough
don't remember you they saw you we started doing shows and then the real highlight of it was in toronto which i have on my fucking phone somewhere but i'm not going to find it i tried to find it the other day when you weren't here talking about it in chicago i like coming out you went on stage ripley brought me up yeah you went on stage and the fucking place went crazy toronto yeah that's our auto massey hall due date is three thousand four hundred people in there when you went on stage they were cheering for like thirty solid because like i was like holy well that was when you realize like oh my god there my fans too yeah and then you were off to the races and then there it's like all the sudden your headline all these places are selling out all these places and sometimes all it takes is like one tweet who won note let them know like now you know it's yeah well that's the beautiful thing about
my twitter page million yeah and it's like it's like it's a new distribution center it's like oh are she's got a new special out you know d as in montclair you know the brian red bands in sacramento thank you can you can use it and like you you can just bomb everybody up everybody just pushes everybody gets pushed into the mainstream and then everyone's got a career tomorrow so such a good mark i'm going there at the beginning of june torontos mays i'm going outside ontario going to hamilton london it's not like this place is there two hours outside let's go there to torano is this shit that is one of my favorite cities the people it's like a city with nice people doesn't make sense and i know this bags in new york yeah but new york with nice people nobody's angry well i'm sure there's a few but it's like it's a noticeably different phone than the average american gigantic city toronto school city as in chicago
chicago is very much like that in america i know chicago gets a lot of murders but i'll tell you man i fucking love chicago people there's some fun people they're like the nicest kind of people that you find in your drink but there was so hard and they eat hard oh yeah that salary had salad sugar in it sugar all over great pizza for like well what does that do you hold him out this is the best pizza in los angeles isn't chicago where is that it's uh valley california well how's that it is the the guy from chicago he's the one that was brings to wear to the ding dong shows member that guy here eight pizza where's the flight route which monreal valentine's you never like i think it's like it and an hour away from los angeles yeah i just brings up pizzas for us all the time but it's so good hey brian to me favorite put my boston date on the twitter page yeah going to bus i'm going in july there's a ufc there what are you doing the wilbur yeah
or the first show is already sold out that your hometown yeah first show old out but i'm doing another one it's i guess august 16th august yes ma'am they just added that's that's hilarious it's already sold on this in august that's your home home yeah man it almost sold on the first day just just went the tickets just cellular data i don't get to boston enough it's one of the best places that would have performed and maybe i'll fucking record my new ship there so this is a perfect time i'll send it back home yet to show that a theater bill burr damages allowed your stuff right no it's all new it's all new that's it's one hundred percent new from my last special not one but not to do it at comedy works that's not a bad second adam home situation well it's also like the wilbur's a weird theater because it's a thousand people but they're all like right in your face it's like there's there's water level should only a club with yes like chairs and tables yeah and then it goes either end of the balconies fairly low
they're still like right in your face yeah now so if i decide to do it i'll let you guys know if i decide to do that but you know like for emotional reasons it's probably a good place to do it because it's like that is my that's where our story starters hi i will always have a a devotion to boston common in the boston comedy scene in the you know it's like the there was no place like that in the 80s there's no place in the world like that spot and it's not like that i like that anymore i know that austin has a scene and i know that san francisco has a scene and this seems all over the country but boston doesn't have the same scene that it used to have it used to have the scene it was the place was like there was these media centers like new york in la where everybody inspired to go to but then as far as like the place where that would just pumping out savages you know like get all the guys that came from that era anthony clark a lot of people don't respect now watching
he was fucking badass in the 80s i'm telling anthony used to kill louis ck david cross nicked apollo trees patrice o'neal bill burr dude stop and think about that the kelly a bookmark yeah dude these are all boston guys and steven but that was before lenny clarke you can keep going on and on and on that one spot that little shithole city pumped out a fuckload comic silo high level comics man fitzsimmons how do i forget greg dude i did his podcast at cap city they did a live one greg had one yeah but i was there for a month or anyway so this is the it's janeane garofalo andy kindler who yeah in the middle i'm just looking at all but some point i'm like what am i doing here yeah well said simonsen you make sense but all but so when i started put similar like a made guy
what you mean as far as like status wise so you're still trying to accept the fact that you're a legit comic yeah i guess so well your more legit than kindler i love kinder but you much more legit than killer he can't sell out a club for a week i guess it's just that maybe when i shouldn't be mean about that but don't start and i say that yeah i say that because i don't think in there gets the respect he deserves and i think also because killer is kind of like the ultimate back the room crowd his hilarious very very very funny what is garrafa low like political is folk but we also really nice political as fuck yeah she saw when did that stuff yeah it's kind of a silly game right it's shows over folks yeah we love you you love r e to to jump jump are you fox party on prosper godspeed all that
i could tell you about all the podcast sponsors again but i think you probably heard all this ship before i have a spot cast oh he has a podcast called ari shapiro skeptic tank tom rhodes is on this week is not necessarily even skeptical about everything that's just a good name just me questioning is what time roses on kovel road dog time well you know yeah that's in their diner asked me where you living now it goes in these shoes man wow that's legit that spot the spot that's a legit fucking crazy person yeah i couldn't do that but i can't now he met a girl got married he was like if you want to do this you gotta pare down wow yeah and she with that she said she goes with him everywhere on the road ok the whole life oh my god and every weekend as a club or festival wow it's a woman that's willing willing to live your life in about her own life but it's cool yeah the world hey look at dugan bingo shift work sometimes
holler sacramento ladies gentlemen yeah brian redban's going to be doing comedy sacramento this weekend friday and saturday and then sunday in cobbs along with tony the whole area center believe hilarious so it's a good time thank you for everything thanks for coming to shows for all the twitter messages thanks all your fans man thanks for all the love we love them pump tell them set up tell him we love you fam you fuckers like freak out thanks for it real it's a mute exchange you help us be better at everything and we love you all right go fuck yourself
Transcript generated on 2019-11-20.