Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, and hosts his own podcast with his wife, Christina Pazsitzky called "Your Mom's House"
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hello, sweet, bitches, yeah, you know yeah, I'm talking you dude, relax. This app go to Joe Rogan. Experience is brought to you by one eight hundred flowers, Tom Lee, and you need some one. Eight hundred flowers in your life sunflowers look at that got a little hello, Joe Rogan listeners. That's cute is that and we've ever done their commercial, so they're prepared these mother fuckers are there in the game. I want a flower bud like a hotel. He should just have flowers in that I love seeing flowers flowers are beautiful. It's a very feminine thing. Now is very controversial. If you're, a man you go pick, flowers and you live by yourself, you're suspect, at least you're going to fold under pressure. You know, God like that sure, but why 'cause they're idiots flowers are fucking: fantastic, they're, beautiful they're, some of the most amazing creations that nature has to offer. What I do. About something like flowers, dot, com or any florist. I love when you Flowers that are in the section of the grocery store represents to me, like a man, Mister piece of nature. You know
and the fact that you can get them delivered this most ridiculous thing ever incredible: flowers, fantastic. I wish we should all surrounded with flowers were just scared with Ubisoft and you never feel weird about like if you go to like a museum or some hotel, or some really rich persons house that has like guard like well Therefore, you know I mean they have a staff that does their garden those flat. Everybody stands in awe the right of like this, its name, here's color palette, running through their yard and there's crazy flowers everywhere. No one feels weird about that: yeah, that's all Weird things like why don't more men like grow gardens of flowers, amazing we're going to cover this time? It starts this movement we're going to get to the bottom of this. Specially with one eight hundred flowers now being in part of this podcast. One 800flowers dot com is a special offer on their holiday arrangements and fields of Europe. It's the
Most popular bouquet of the seasons is really really beautiful. Stuff it's hand designed unique arrangement of roses, lilies carnations and us all wrapped up in a bright red ribbon the come on the buns. Look at that study. That makes your your table look better, but it makes me happy to walk into your house and see that on the table. But what if my house is all gangster in every other way, that would be even better if I'd like, I was in Millis skinning an animal come on overtime, handle all of the sheer fifteen, so making a fire with Flint. Check out my flowers. Look at my flowers, Tommy Buns, pretty nice. I got him from one eight hundred flowers, my friend, it's really beautiful. You see in the picture? If you watch it on you stream, if you can't see it on, you stream says chicks, dig that shit dude just go buy it, for if not even for yourself, if you can't bring yourself to it, if you too homophobic, are you too scared are Your femininity are you, the yeah? Don't be scared, don't be scared, homie, dot, com,
it's beautiful and uh. If you order fields of Europe, which is that bouquet that we're looking at right there, I don't know why fields of europe- I guess 'cause, all those beautiful flowers grow in Europe. I'll have to ask the money if you order him for Christmas arrangement, you receive ten dollars off, starting at is two thousand nine hundred and ninety nine plus it's available for same day delivery. So, if like fuck. I forgot and checks you can like. Boom cover your ass same day, delivery don't wait to send this impressive Christmas arrangement and save ten dollars off hurried or now sale ends Friday December 13th, which is in two days loosely Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday Friday. So three days, yes beautiful, would you show me beautiful flowers at the MGM Grand I was walking through I saw was like I could take a picture. You fucking beautiful flowers. Maybe we can change people's perception. Maybe people would be nicer if they have flowers in their home. Is that possible? I think so. You can also get one that you can download. The mobile app and
you can order it order, flowers from that which is pretty bad ass, so like on the fly on the on the trolley, as it were, click on the mic. Phone in the upper right hand corner and enter my code, which is J. ARI I'm trying to get everyone to use that hopefully they'll comply, but thank God, wanted flowers did it on their own. That's one 800flowers dot com and enter in the code. Jre on the microphone on the upper right hand corner go there do that enjoy you will. You will like it and it'll make your life like a little sweeter, a little nicer spike, just no just a little nicer, Tommy buns. It's like a pumpkin spice. That is just a little downturn. Just did that some things now, just a little something to make make nice nice, nice everywhere. Big flower advocate guys save the flower advocate, were also broad. Biting dot. Com Tang is one of my
There are companies that we use here on on the podcast and one of the reasons being is I like, when a company does something like this, they gave. You know bullshit cell phone option Sweet Chris Ryan who's on a podcast all the time. The author of a sex at dawn, he loves him. He just started and saving the money and it works. They use Sprint sprint. You can use everywhere. You can get internet on it and do everything he can on a regular cell phone. But you don't have to have a contract. You can cancel anytime, you want! You have to worry about all the bullshit that you usually get when dealing with cell phones. It can be a gigantic fucking pain in the ass
offer top of the line Android Devices, which is what I use now I told you that honey buns I switch to the Samsung Galaxy note. I got off the apple tit, my friend how's. It feel it feels good to be free of that it I thought about using a windows laptop then I woke up. I really did think about. Is you and asking if he'd be like? What's a good windows laptop, I liked changing things up, and even if it's for no fucking reason, I don't know why. But I do I like changing things up. Do miss any of the familiarity of groups, the immense a few apps, but only a couple of 'em like getting on twitter, no problem, Shazam, no problem, there's. Just a few of 'em that you miss just. Learn awesome app today, like the Instagram one sucks, a fat one, if you're out there instagram coders, how dare you? How dare you try to gas, is clunky Android version of a simple and elegant Iphone, app
it just can't be that hard? But if you want to get a bad cellphone soon team has mall, they have the notes. Three. They have the Galaxy S, four, which I probably should have gone, which is pro so the right size. I think the Galaxy phone, the HTC one, which is also very dope. I think that's the right size. I think that's a little too big. I think I'm being I think what that is, is like I'm on the rebound from apple, my fuck you so I dated like this like really blonde guy, and I went right to a fuckin African, just dark as shit, and now I don't know if this is going to workout, I miss some of the characteristics of the blind sure you know missed the lack of bruising. So that's what you're like. I feel it I'm on the rebound yeah. If I was a girl, that's my analogy. That's a big one right there really bad with a big
boy yeah, just fucking. I'm tired of your bullshit thing is one of the nice things about Tang, also, as you can bring over phones, if you have them on spring, if you have a nexus five on sprint just you can order Sprint Sim card from them in order to bring your coverage your device over to Tang. So just go to the bottom of the devices page and he doesn't sell the nexus five, but you can purchase one from the Google play store an easily uh, bring it over to Tang the last thing about it is. You know, like we want to cancel like if your. If your cell phone doesn't work in your house, and sometimes you don't know until you get one, and then you like what the you know eighteen t works here, but the Verizon doesn't or whatever that's annoying. If you, can't get cell phone service at work or at school
wherever the fuck you going. You probably don't want to switch companies. But if you try to do that with a big company, you are fucking doomed. They have to payout the ass. It's because you're not really buying the phone in total by part of it and you sort of financing the rest and they apply that to your bill. That's why you pay one price for a phone. If you know when you sign up for x amount of years, you know it's kind of slippery. It's of a slippery thing. I think it's way better to do it. This way you own your phone done and they have the best. It's all like once I'm like I'm totally done with the idea of being stuck with one company? So that's one thing that I don't like about the apple thing too. I don't getting everything from them. I don't like that yeah. I don't like that either. I don't like that. I can't download stuff like you, can't save movies and files and stuff like that. But this thing you could save files like. I could see
pdf files, I have a is an apple restrictive to flash to write on there, yeah apple and you flash yeah yeah. But this thing does everything you know. I chat that I think I mean Apple's I think the Iphone is a pretty fucking. Amazing, oh and if you have an Iphone four or four s you could bring it over to sync to iphones, are pretty fucking amazing, they're, incredibly well designed, but the difference with them in the Android phones, man, it's really subtle. Now, a youth would be pretty obvious, but now it's pretty God, damn subtle. It's uh It's pretty fucking close in the distance between the difference. Between the experience you get with a larger screen. That's a big difference! The diff! using the quality of them is a small difference in you can't deny apples build quality. It's amazing! They make amazing phones, but the difference Phoenix variance of having a screen that six inches versus five dot, seven inches as opposed to having a screen. It's four there's a big difference that phone sucks a fat
dick. If you're trying to watch a movie. This is we can actually watch videos so early and it looks cool anyway. Ting bitches TG go to Rogan Ting dot com, save yourself twenty five dollars off the off of your first Ting device, when you sign up so Rogan darting dot com and save twenty five bucks off your first Tang device. It's an excellent excellent cell phone company. The way they work you purchase your phone. Get it from Ting you receive in two to five business days. Then you activate your device with Tang. You have the option to select a new phone number or poor an existing one, and ten will break your rates out by minutes text messages, an megabytes and Billy at the end of the month, for what you've used. Why my pausing ninety eight percent of people save money with saying they love it. So
You love it too. Uh we're also brought you by an it onn. If you haven't been on it for a while, we have a lot of new shit, including a digestive act enzymes trying to get involved. And in as many things optimize health as possible and I'm sure, along the way. There's going to be some that I find not worth the effort and just going to be some that I find uh, don't really seem to help, but I am a believer in digestive enzymes uhm, I think that you get enzymes from food. You know when you can get enzymes from I mean from buy milk like raw milk. It's one the reasons why Ronald digests better than pasteurized and homogenized milk, because it has the enzymes in it. It's like it's in a normal thing to eat when you eat milk and it's gone through pasteurization and what is homogenization. Is that what it is there their homogenization, whatever the word is whatever the word is with a boil, the fuck out of and kill everything. That's alive, you're not supposed to eat it.
Is that right when it goes in your system, your systems like what is this fucking dead shit you just threw down the whole. Let me start lifting your cheeks up and cut in horrible milk, farts dude. I was by myself night and I had cookies and milk, and I just laid some of the worst farts of Mycareer yeah, that's nice, I didn't get any suggestive enzymes, I fucked up Tommy, buns, cookies and milk. Did it yeah, cookies and milk, or not good gluten free or whatever. Still, milk, I had carne asada and eggs breakfast with the finest rice and also commissions. Is that stuff out of me was this review and does the reason the Godzilla trailer no Evans in it wait? No, maybe I did is your new one. Does a new one that just drives in the new one makes myself the other one? It makes my monster boner hard, pretty good yeah. It looks pretty bad ass,
there's all kinds of new monsters in here, yeah speaking, a monstrous yeah. We have zombie kettle bells to the newest thing we have if you're like a big walking dead fan- and you like you know- I mean I need to prepare for the invasion. I need to feel it in my bones. Try working out with one are zombie: Kettlebell weights will wait. Do you have seventy two pounds? Fifty four pounds, thirty six pounds in eighteen pounds. If you never, before start with. Eighteen trust me, you can get a really good workout with eighteen year, like that's ridiculous, I'm a fucking, savage man. I know you are. I know you are dude trust me get the key, cover extreme kettlebell, cardio DVD, that they sell, there's one and two that they sell it on it dot com and cardio. Workout will fuck you up, I'm in pretty good shape and that thing fucks me up
thirty five pounds. What is it credible? What's working, it's called the extreme kettlebell cardio workout, it's not like a box thing and you're, not lifting like a lot of weight like I do that. I I seriously do this exercise at thirty five pounds, which is pretty light. You know I can pick that up pretty easing, but when you do it and you know you get five minutes in an your lungs around fire and your fucking legs are burning. You know I can't believe what kind of work are you can get the just nineteen pound cat about. How long do you do that work out for forty minutes, whoa it's hard to contents is brutal yeah, my it's killing me at the end of it. Everything is killing me my hearts, I can't breathe. It's amazing that that's like that. You could do that with a thirty kettle bell. When I was young when I just used to do like weight lifting stuff like bench, press and shit, like that, I said thirty five pounds is for pussies. I wanted to get past that thirty five pounds, quick as possible using the 50s now like that, but it does they want to go to 1500s.
I think somewhere along the line. You realize how much strength mean, especially when it comes to athletic performance, how much thanks you need and how much muscular endurance you need. Muscular endurance is a huge part of anything athletic and choosing doing thirty five pounds, yeah you're, going to develop strength, but you're really going to develop muscular endurance, and you could build my so on body weight exercises with a thirty five pound cat about you could have a rock and sexy body. Tommy bonds were trying to do it sexy sorry, one of my first kick boxing Muay Thai. Did you realize yesterday so good for you, man, that's great, especially good org, which him it's the down in soccer Arkansas? I'll tell you later on it dot com, onn, it user code, name, Rogan, save ten percent off any and all supplements Tommy bonds. Is he here, pom pom pom Oh yeah, uh this Wednesday night where the ice house, it's me
Ian Edwards, Tony Hinchcliffe full charge, yeah the full charge, Matt full Tron the camp and I think that's it. That place is the yeah. It's amazing! It's going to be fun! It's one of the coolest places to form in southern California would have gone. I gotta have dinner with my cousin, Brian there's. Nothing like a thing if you to get out of there and they go to bed early going to be at your house now we have I'm going to be. Kind of east side of town. Maybe it you gotta fucking caught blanched almond bun, thanks bye, anytime. You want appreciate that and December 27th at the garage in Vegas. It's me We d, as my Gary should fear and Bryan Callen full try to put together a great show in history. The universe also Joey D, as are you, should fear, Bryan, Callen and me all after Maraging Vegas can't fucking wait for that. We're going to have so much fun. Getting me yeah, that's going to be. Those people going to walk out of there going to be bleeding from laughing
I spent the weekend with Joey he's the greatest human being. That's ever walked the face of the planet. Oh my god que the music will talk about you either. The Joe Rogan experience trying all day powerful is which Tesco you went with Joey somewhere yeah Joey and I did the Colusa Casino in northern California. And then I California, is out. That's like it's an hour from Sacramento and we did use the Mcdonald theater Eugene Oregon on Saturday. Wow Eugene or must have been fun yeah. They had snow like that no storm the night before an all. We were like yeah it's work in Oregon, like they get snow, big deal get that we haven't had that's known for years. Why they didn't plow any roads, none
so everything was just caked over iced over that becomes a real problem. I find women all the time there remember when they did that New York City, when it Snowden, they didn't put in plow. No, it was a big deal there's a couple of years ago. It was couple years ago there was a huge thing where they didn't budget correctly and they had a big snowstorm and people are trying to get out there like where the fuck are the plows yeah. It's it's funny. There's certain can tell who set up who's used to snow because of because solely because of the roads like when you're in Minneapolis an would be like. You know, eight inches fell last night, you like ooh, I wonder how that'll let you step outside and you just see you see black, like they paved it immediately. You don't see any way as it they're they're, just on top of that chair and then you go like clearly. We were like. Oh you guys. Never we get still here, because the road and then I saw today, people who were at the shows I went to their twitter and they're like RD, still shit like haven't done anything for like three days.
Well, there was a video of famous video from Oregon of these people. Sliding on this icy road, really yeah. It's a famous video, because I guess there notoriously shitty and plowing, because it doesn't snow very often do a fucking thing. This video is ridiculous. It's like ten minutes long of people just crashed into each other, just standing there watching people come down this road and smash into each other too. Funny, is they. The promoter called us a few hours before the show she's like now we've been getting a lot of phone calls of people like I can't I'm not can't drive in this we're not going to make it she's like a lot. So I don't know how many people are going to be at your show. I was like well I mean you know, there's nothing. We can do about that right and then we get there there's still like a great turn out. Ah, everybody who came was a podcast. Listen look at this womb. Look how their sliding all over the place. I mean that it's fucking ice, like I can't stop his car look.
Look is just going to slide in that car behind him. This is ridiculous. Can't stop oh shit boom and that are sliding there all sliding. The whole thing is ice. That is, fucked in terrifying 'cause. What do the right? That's water, oh no, oh yeah! Do that shit is absolute area. Sky bridge is a real problem. Images for some reason: 'cause they're not connected to the earth that ground free is super quick. So if you're in a place it gets, it starts getting cold and you might be an icy rain situation. Stay the fuck off a bridge you, oh my god, look at this thing: man. This is crazy Look at this thing just sliding what part of Oregon is. This doesn't say: uh no Portland! That's Portland! Yeah you rich's got to prepare for it. Okay, that's! This is preposterous, Portland Oregon, frozen rain is what it is. You could see on those like that,
since when you can see that that shit, that's sitting there that looks like snow, it's but it's also a lot of frozen rain. It's like when it gets to be like thirty, two, just thirty two, and it was three thousand three hundred and thirty. Three three hundred and thirty, two three thousand four hundred and thirty two and you get that horrible fucking frozen rain, uhm sunset yeah fuck that noise he still go and slideways. When I was a kid when I was in high school me, and my friend John Jewett, he was uh my sister's boyfriend, we're on the roof of the garage me and him just sitting there drinking beer watching cars slide into each other in our street the best because people couldn't I I lived on a hill and know when do you couldn't tell it was a tall black ice. You couldn't tell yeah, so people are driving like normal, you know and then it would just across from a river and like we, it would start to freeze like I would get it. You know most of the water. You know, I guess maybe it's colder
yeah, if that makes any sense, but the Fucking Tire street just was a giant hockey rink. So we call the cops. Just came down the hill and the cop came down to help his bag and pulled out the came to investigate all Woolsey's guys on on a drive. That's a promise. No that's the whole thing was a hockey rink. Yes, they got images bounced off the curves decision. Mass yeah yeah I was in Newton Newton Upper Falls, Jesus Christ, yeah yeah, it was, it was Horton dude. I gets a d as first of all, he got stopped in three different airports by like eight different people this weekend
by throngs of fans who send fans TSA we're at the airport, and they want to check others balls for we. He first of all, my god. His his tolerance is a it's on dining dude. I took a quarter of a bite of an edible brave quarter. Yeah I mean the very end of it and thirty minutes later, I was just out of my mind. I mean my eyes: weren't even open, and I could tell people were looking at me like they're, like yeah and then there, like, I'm, not hiding the this is bad and he of that he ate an entire one and then he's like saying ridiculous shit like shit that I feel like I get arrested for thinking it like. I can't play it back in my head: active shut the fuck. What was he saying? Cannot I really can't say the main
he was. I can't say it would be would be it was, is not okay. This is, they have to do with ethnic groups and a lot of money. Rachel things say it was awful. So awful I can has been a job that you know I have over in. This is one thing to have been on about lately. I have a real problem. When people do it upset people that say shit that they don't really mean, but that's awful, but hilarious yeah. I agree. I agree because, like look, how hard were laughing at me know if the picture you guys, I don't even know what he said. I don't even know what he said to you and I'm already laughing just thinking about all the shit. He said to me in the past, of course, of course. Well he he turn off about this thing. I'm still
another one at puke, 'cause, I'm laughing so hard 'cause. This is in the airport and he's around people like there is no sense of lies shut up. Did he doesn't give a full? Now I have tears. People looking but and then he's like TSA this guy. I look in the uniform, looks over and he's like. You got to look this guy, I'm like dude, I'm all fucked up like don't bring attention to me right now and then a guy he's like age. The idea is my big fan. Like are you fucking kidding me right now? I turn around and walk away. I was like I'm leaving it's too high for this yeah. I walked away. I leave him any part of the shit and I go I buy a magazine that I leave at the counter. That's how high I might get this magazine and then I walk away from it and I remember thirty minutes later before we board and I go back. And it sitting there and I go death by magazine ladies like ok and I go, I paid for it already and she's. Like ok, like and take that if you want
so out of my mind, but then Then we walked by. We go and guy a fucking pilot comes by you. Like there always have that double look luggage thing right there, one bag on top of the other. Yes, the pilot bag. He fucking walks bias and he's like hey, Joey Diaz and I'm like I used serious right now, he's like is my employer made this airport in like really. This is my airport in Oregon that this was in Burbank, Burbank Airport dog. We then get stopped in we land in Sacramento and people stopping for pictures. Then the baggage handler stops him ask him. One hundred days like these fucking questions, guys asking way too many questions. Ok, So we we leave there. Well he's super high came up just having conversations with people. Then a family stop some a lady with kids stop some for picture they all taken. Together, like it was stop the best
So this is the best part. So I take the quarter bite right and I'm complete. Fuck it out of my mind. He eats an entire one. We sit down on the plane and he starts talking to him like shut up. Man shut the fuck up. I cannot listen to you right now and I'm like shaking like a month, and I I I got. You told me to shut up because your glass and Jeff Hardy- yes, certainly I can't hear you talk, shut up and he's like he's like you, like, literally like anyways, and he opens up. Second one eats the second of the other thing. I have a quarter bite of so he's on doses of Jesus Christ, so we go this fly in every time. He looks at me. I said '
'cause. All I like to have you ever heard the Dunkin story. No, he gives Dunkin a cookie and then he calls him an hour and a half later goes welcome to my world mother, Fucker, dude, wheel and wheel and- and I'm is re landing. I was like man, I go dude I was. I was pretty fucked up man and he goes and I look at him 'cause. All I'm thinking is like. I can't believe how more and just you are, the main you know it's looking like. I can. Not believe you mean tolerance while, yes like it's like, I can't believe I ran a mile and you just ran forty miles like that's crazy to me and we both finished at the same time, and then I go so I'm amazed that he's not affected. I got uh
I believe, how much that fuck man it goes. I almost had three panic attacks on that flight, guys like yes, it made me so happy that he was also fucked up and I was like he doesn't care. He still goes down right back in back in I go, I'm glad it's starting to wear off. It goes not for me. I'm fucked up right yeah. His idea of going deep is so much deeper than your idea. Yes, he's breaking world records are daily basis. All the time he's at the bottom of the Mariana's trench with a shovel he's like there's gotta, be a deep but this is bullshit and the first thing he did as we get off that was like the smoke just. Join us like how you talking about what are you talking about man? We're not smoking? A joint and take a break is Ameno breaks, he's a fucking, maniac Well, he just goes through the whole day like that, and that's where you know people would step in and say that boys got a problem. Yeah
what got, but he doesn't yeah because for a comedian, yeah might be best way to live life. Yeah is a scared on a regular basis and in between laughing your dick off scared laughing you dick off scared laughing. You took off yeah. He he is. The hiring is like even his regular cadence it. It's so is out of the norm for other people that you see, people react to him, it's more fun to even watch people. At the restaurant. Next to us react to him. Then it is almost to watch him like he's talking, and I see them like they're like Jesus like this is like a fucking. It's like you brought in a pit. Bull have lunch here. You know, I mean they've, never seen somebody so intense an animate in saying these crazy things is like you, them react to Joey right right, right, yeah, yeah! I know what you mean man he's just
is that they don't come along that often no he's a rare thing. Is that they're like well? Who is this guy yeah? You know, like you know, guys you go, I get it that guys, like a little bit of this guy little bit, that guys combination of Joe, is just like what is that with that come from, you went out, kill somebody invite him over for dinner. What is this his logic, how to get crimes committed correctly and then my favorite thing is he'll say something to go. You know what the fuck I'm saying that I need to just walks away. I still end on a strong point. You kill somebody invite him over dinner, so what race? Since the time is amazing? It's it's a stand up, timing that he uses like in every day, life a life yeah. It's like real, comes, never doing an act. Yeah this is act is life is life, is, is act yeah? The way he talks is his act totally. That's like, yes, you could ever hope for the best you could ever hope for is like a merging of you.
Your ability to be you off stage and on stage yeah I mean I mean look at like who everybody oral People, let's say, is, like you know, a total master comedian, basically talks in his voice, like Chappelle yeah walks up and is like tells you about his day yeah and that's kind of like the highest form right of being a calm because you're like I'm. This isn't even a thing I'm just talking to you. Yeah, like DS, is like a version of that were, like he's just being DS, yeah, I just be India's, but he also works out. You know he works really hard. He writes he does a lot of sets. Joe does a lot of sets. He he'll go up like four five times a week in town it weird places of travel to Oxnard shouldn't set somewhere like weird sets. He does set up a lot. He was killing a man killing him sherry was man what is Eugene or like besides hippie, and they don't know how to plow. We got to see so little of it.
Because of the weather like it was. It was for real hotel, gig hotel. There was no check anything out, but the people were awesome. I mean I couldn't we've how fun that was the most fun that was the funniest show I've had like. Three show the year. Why have fun, and it was because that whether the only only people that showed up were podcast listeners So they listen to Joey's podcast to listen to mine and they were just all fans so like it was such a doing uh. You know I like uh special event, kind of show yeah these audiences are so different. Now, oh my god, they're like free. Thank you get like the like the amount of cuts that you get there's a lot of all of yeah yeah, it's just nice people yeah is awesome, so it's weird. Isn't it oh yeah? It's you. Could it's changed so much like for me is changed so much in the last few years. Yeah it's changed for everybody, everybody all of us
yeah, it is changed and then the other thing that like we do now is we do our podcast live, and it's like it's. It's like a different type of live performance right now. It's so fun to go, I have a totally different thing going on. You guys have like a live, show yeah, it's like a show. You know an actual performance, but your podcast fits that well, because your podcast has a lot alike. Reoccurring, Skitch, sketches, yeah, kids, yeah. It's that the calls get admins, almost yeah yeah business. Yet it's you. Do you have a bunch reoccurring things you do yeah, but look for today. Look forward to so what we try to do on those live ones is like. If we know they look. Forward to it try to at least to a couple of them and it gay the crowd, so excited so it's like a fun thing. It's like it's almost like the equivalent of being a band, and you have couple hits. You know. I mean like that, where they, you know they like that song, so
want to play this song at some point, because I know that's why you showed up right, yeah, so yeah, it's pretty fun man. It changed everything, though, for for our stand up too yeah, it's weird right, it's so crazy! It's weird that it happened out of the internet to everybody thought they had to get on tv. Everybody thought the way to get a fan. They seem to be on tv, but that's actually the way to get a fan base doesn't really know you exactly like if you sitcom, like MIKE Kamali, Billy, Gardell, very funny guy. If you're going to go, see break, I very good guy, great guy funny guy good for him he's got a a sitcom, it's great yeah, but if you want to go see him, you you're you're, going to see the funny guy that you see on that show how silly s playing a character. It's not I'm doing stand up. If you go to see him doing stand up, you know, like you know him in a form of what he does, but you don't know 'em right when they go to see you.
If I can now, yeah right mean unite, live the way we talk right now is the way we talk when we shut this thing off right. If we set it off, it would be the real similar we talking shit. You tell me what Joey actually said. I said every only difference said the only difference in this conversation, and I think it's the best way get a good crowd or an ass whole crowd if you're an asshole and you promote asshole, ish behavior fuck. Cnet men. Have you seen it absolutely with who? I can't tell you who this is name rhyme window but Somebody is somebody, I don't think you know. Oh yeah yeah. I don't know that dude, you don't know this. Guy yeah I've seen I've seen cream here, real tall yeah, I've seen some people cultivate those and I've also. The other thing I've seen is people who have that problem you type, and I see it as a problem- is that they may be a certain way, though they do. This show that's not like them, and you do. The crowd was like I thought you were going to be. This type of
right, that's a great thing about doing it great I'll. Tell you works out great, for is a guy like Tosh, where he does His style of jokes on zero. If you not responding to what he's doing on that show, if you don't like that, you're going to stand up. But if you like, what that show you, like those jokes, you're going to love seeing Daniel Tosh live, you know, the smartest way to promote his lives is doing that. Show it's and funny too much great so funny. He I'm good writers on that. She does yeah he's a funny. Guy he's a really funny. Guy he's a good by two men. It's a really good guy. It's nice sized good guys make it definite. Now, yeah Jody is talking about Kevin Hart about what a great guy Kevin Hart is because Joe is in the new movie with them. Yeah opportune your own Sylvester Stallone, whatever it is, they're like yeah, a d and they're in a box
do people understand bleeding. They understand like how hard it is to stop blood from you know, poor, out of your fucking brain when you're eighty and you're getting punched in the head like the idea, movies, more preposterous than Godzilla, with the idea that movie that you're going to like the idea is but like former Champs form yeah former boxers and they hate each other looking good. Do you do it one more time and they're like eighty this? It's like it's so irresponsible too, because you know what when you're eighty and you take head injuries, you don't fuckin recover from ever. I mean the suspension of disbelief involved in watching two old guys be the fuck out of each other on tv. This now he would pay for that. It would be sad like if you saw Larry Holmes today and Larry Holmes fought. You know, bone crush Smith. Today I mean it would really be sad to watch and Larry is at least fifteen, maybe even twenty years younger than Stallone. How?
How hurt with these guys? Do you think during the fight when they just they die, they both die. Sylvester Stallone is juiced to the gills. Ok, seventy years old looks fantastic. He I'm sure as well. To be on the sauce for at least a year. Maybe is I mean so many men are on testosterone replacement. Now they have commercials for it on television, but I have feeling that the levels that Sylvester Stallone takes are very high, really low body fat too, I mean we've seen a picture of him walking down Beverly Hills and you see the veins in his forearms, no dude It must still from this movie that looks crazy as shit. We're selling gay Sylvester Stallone right yeah, I'm fine with that. Give me your flavor, the guy. I had an interview am for a spike tv and he couldn't be nicer. Yeah normal, like didn't, give a fuck. He
he's been there done that for so fucking long is the reason why he has like a sense of humor about himself now that maybe he didn't when he was younger, like he is very relaxed. Man he's very like talking to him, could not have been like easier and smoother like when your talk into like someone interview someone allow out of the conversation dipen is on whether or not that person, is relaxed whether or not they're comfortable and if they're, not comfortable man. That conversation is kinda sucked it's hard to do with him, and he says ADDIE he's laughing and joking and you know, make made some joke about his mother's intelligence and just see if it's just funny, man just relaxed, that's cool, but supposed to look like that, like the most new beastly difficult interview well he doesn't want to do it right and he shouldn't. You know.
I think a guy like that, as does he earned the right to talk to whoever he wants to talk to, and that's it, if he doesn't want to be interviewed about things. I don't need to know him tell me about him what he wants to tell me about him. I don't need to know him and I think the the beauty of being an actor there's pro. Probably some there probably Samaritan, some extra power in me not knowing him right and knowing that he can go from being the guy in taxi driver too You know, being you know, fill in the blank being the guy from the godfather to me. He can morph he and change, who is being the guy from Cape fear, he can morph and I think if you know too much of what he's really like, could you imagine if like saved an ear podcast and on the cast every day he's got his glasses overs know they'll lose soon good here and he's he's reading things yeah he's given his opinions on things I like slow when actor start doing that it puts him in a way.
Weird category is true. It's true and it almost like the ideal way to be an actor would be to no press yeah, they do press because they have to times are contractually obligated to do press to pay. What movies to is all about promoting, but it You know the more. You know that person, the order it is to see them playing characters. Absolutely yeah things get weird like that is one of the things that was that people relished about that uh the audio that was leaked of christian Bale, screaming at some guy on the set and a lot of like wow, he's a fucking asshole he's an asshole and yeah he's, definitely obviously very aggressive, but what people? What people liked about that is that to see a human like
with no script? No, ok, I'm going to go sit on the couch with Oprah no chatting here with David Letterman with my legs crossed like I would never do in real life. Is none of that he's like for fucks sake, man you're, a fucking amateur screaming at some lighting guy there's a Sylvester Stallone it like seventy, oh my god, not a joke either he's like seventy. How old is he sixty? Seven? That's like! Seventy! That's amazing Jesus, yeah, my grandpa didn't look like that. Maybe sixty seven matter fact. I think it's around when he died of old age. I think Grandpa died of old age around six thousand seven hundred and seventy, but he didn't look like that at all. Grandpa stop looking like that, like sixty three, so there's just something we heard about that man, the idea that you can have a movie where these two dudes, who were in their late 60s pop each other in the head and their brains, define
sounds when he was young and sexy dear, that that was old days. Let you know that beautiful face very unusual face on your check, I'd. Let send it in yeah? Just for that unusual, for their face is that 70s? Look at the fucking tease tire jacket on the beautiful hair, feathers feathers. Not even here follicles yeah he's he's the canary in the coal mine for all men who don't want to get old. What that's what you can like, you might be: a workout animal sixty seven two, I don't know I don't know if I can keep it up. I don't know you. This face the inevitability of your own demise. At some point in time, I would assume that you can keep up a certain amount, but Buddy Jimmy just had a fucking hip replacement. Are Coleman former UFC Heavyweight Champion the first actually UFC Heavyweight champion just had a hip replacement, the hammer, the hammer, hammer,
guy hip told me. I told me, wasn't fucking pain for a long time and just couldn't do anything about it like the amount of like work You have to do to be like a high level. Amateur wrestler amount of fucking, be feeling that puts on your body the amount stress, the just the intense if those workouts in they're all tough shit, so they all power through injuries all the time and a lot of guys get really long term stuff. Like I know, Coleman said next well. Tito is had to at least two discs fused. She's. Now a Nate Nate Quarry had at least two used as well had artificial disc put in his lower back. They create artificial discs, now screw them into the it's. It's a tough businessman. Now, there's no question that, like guys like that and proof National athletes are obviously like really doing. You know
long term damage where they have a lot of these replacement yeah. But don't you find that even the amateur athlete that does certain sport for a long period of time, inevitably of a percentage of them all needs same thing too. I mean I have an uncle who was not a pro athlete, but a guy who played either. Racquetball handball tennis like six days like one of those just guys who was really into it devoted. You know that was his popro. That he's had two he's in a hip replaced- and I know God I know other guys who are not because he's like seventy two now but other guys in their 60s like this is like friends of parents and stuff like just had need surgery, and these are just guys who played sports like they were active people didn't do anything like you know violent didn't, do combat contact sports, but they all nothing surgeries. You know back knee hip.
I think it's almost inevitable. It's almost inevitable. If you keep beating your body up, if you don't do the proper rehab, if you don't stretch, if you don't keep your joints mobile, that's the focus hi but diet. Is you gotta get your body, the building blocks to to repair tissue. You got to give that two time to repair a lot of injuries come, and this is from my personal experience. The injury that I had on my neck was from getting hurt and just continuing to workout like knowing I was hurt and just just got to get out Jiu. Jitsu is so fun, it's so fun that you don't want to take too much time off and when I would take like two weeks off, like I fuck something up in my neck. I take two weeks off Realistically, I needed several months off, like I had an injury and what I really needed to do was take several months off and rehab the area and make sure it's strong, but I would just again couple months later pop up fuck it hurt again and just kept her
you kept doing it over and over again until I finally got an mri after the worst one. When I started getting numb fingers- and I found out that I had a bulging disc in my neck. But instead of getting surgery. Instead of getting my neck cut open, I started doing what's called spinal, compression. I have this like thing that I harness attached to my neck and I put it to a door, and I like hang myself really yeah. I started doing that and a lot of stretching and then Rolfing I started getting roughed, which is I can really painful super painful, then I started doing this stuff called pro low ozone therapy, like I'm tryin like really hard to make sure that this area is completely healed up for, do anything crazy, yet the smarts that I did that and then the most recent is this rid rid Jenna Kind Ridge what kind is this shit this guy Doctor Peter Welling develop? in Germany. They take your blood, they spin it and any other he up the blood and then it produces. I guess it produces more read more white blood cells and they
centrifuge. That makes us like, yellow serum. That's like one of the most potent anti inflammatory for drugs known to man. It's made by your own blood, I'm doing a terrible job of explaining science, I'm sure I butchered it, but whatever it is, they take this stuff. They take it your blood, then they inject it into where you of injuries or inflammation an people. Feel like they haven't felt in twenty years. It's incredible like he did to my neck, Only a month ago, like they've weeks ago, inject back India, eggs that were gas deadly, the portly admin in very specific areas, where you have the information they inject, that that see your that's created from your blood into that area, where you have the information and it close it so quick, it's like you're in a movie really yeah it's like they. They created some new invention to relieve yourself of information you're. Basically on this is like cutting edge stuff right I mean it's pretty cutting edge, it's not even approved by the FDA. You have to pay for it, pay for it out of pocket yeah. You have to pay for it out of pocket in german
they let you do it, which is why all these athletes are flying at Germany, but now they're starting to set up places in America and they do it's called, I think, off label. I think that's hard to describe off label in which means like they can't guarantee anything that can't tell you it's going to do anything for you. The FDA doesn't approve it. They can't say it's going to help you, but they can do that teacher, it's legal! If you want to get it done, here's all the p would done it and here's how it benefited them. Wow, it fucking dude. My neck feels amazing. It feels so loose. It was like for the longest time. Is this a video of them doing it? Is they they pulled out? Eight ounces of blood out of me today, son, eight ounces, yeah lucky am very hot blooded. I produce blood just sitting here and produce they shoot. It see how they're doing here they put these little holes and then they have this little thing that sticks in the hole and they enjoy check the serum directly into the areas where you have inflammation and people have had our three
yes and also it's a different issues specially like lower back pain, they've experience, some pretty significant benefit from doing stuff and it last for years, that's fascinating, but these dudes that are in combat sports, whether it's mma, or even football, which is kind of like a combat sport, very similar you're, going to get a beating you no matter what you do yeah you matter who we are yeah Peyton Manning, actually had the done done. It was neck. His neck was yeah yeah, probably just like mine yeah, but now he's playing again, it's crazies planks so well is because of the shift manager. It's because is Regina Kind. This is just step one. This mother fucker in Germany, is a year away from developing a shot that makes your body kick start its production of collagen, which means you wrinkles will go away really old. Ladies, can look hot as fuck
we're going to check that too old. Ladies going to want some dicks on how many you imagine if your next door neighbor was like this old lady who was really hot at one point in time and lived for it and then it all fell apart and then she spy self and loan and she starts getting them shots and then, within like a year, she's like a hot milf, a hot forty year old, and you like what the hell is going on. I know some flower flirting with you. You catch her out in the morning she's doing exercises and she's jogging on the front long ago, my god she can workout again, but the fuck it's going on next door speech is going back in time, she's eating babies. She must baby. You didn't know any better. You would think she's a which of course falls sudden. Within a year she looks like a hot forty year old. Give me that baby I want. If it's possible, it's gotta, be there going to do it. If you send a video through the fucking sky in
Contain Ius Lee. You could take a video, you could send it to me from Canada and I would get it within a couple of seconds yeah, that's ridiculous! I believe that that's your neighbor Bro yeah, a look at that and you like ice cube ice cubes already be there very racy not that yeah. Just like that, like that yeah after I get the old lady Tucker right there when, in that scenario, now you get to be tell me months ago, I think you have a better response. Louis dirty, you say: honey yeah! That's what we would everywhere all across the world, we'll have more fucking going on a lot more fucking, the
you guys, would become studs to show guys within a couple years to start looking like Stallone does now. You imagine like successful guys like guys who were real power brokers. Port Murdoch becomes the hulk. Oh, my god literally looks like the hulk. I just dropped dick internationally come to the door with a custom suit on, because his neck is thirty, seven inches wide his heads, enormous and square- and this is Rupert Murdoch becomes, like literally like juggernaut yeah, it becomes the hulk if someone came along and they did have some sort of a genetic fix like the in, especially if you're, an old man, if you six hundred and eighty years old and they say to you, we can give you the shot. They'll turn you into the shape you You are more if you're going to eat all day long. Is it going to be hungry constantly? But if you give tell the required amount of calories to grow. You're going to be this in like a couple months, you just fucking, keep
growing old guys be all over it. Man, no question you did just comes like a Quaker Oats Box, one of those big extra thick Quaker oats boxes. You know what you'd be so charged up and so sexually recharged you just be leaking jizz all day everywhere. You'd have to put a little like a little receiver receptacle at the end of your cock. You have to tie a very sturdy balloon on the end of your dick absolute tape it down. Otherwise it just be shooting loads in your pants all day you just go just literally have to drop him. I think that shits, inevitable they're doing things right now that are the building blocks of creating superheroes, but they have this project, where they're trying to combine spider silk with uh with human skin they're trying to make this synthetic skin, that would be. Are replacement skin, like burn people birthday not like burn victims an and maybe people who just really wanted to redo
full body. One day really look man, they were placing hips. Ok, what is it but hip as a joint? They saw your fucking joint off when you see a hip, replace it's some dark shit. Have you ever watched it online? No! No! Let's do it. Let's watch a hip replacement, it's rough, they saw the end of your femur off son and they say screw this fucking Bolton place. It's gnarly, I all that shit surgery is gnarly. Surgery is gnarly, but replacements of joints, especially seen a face, lift spell yeah, that's darling or nose job. Oh, that's not! I didn't see what my nose looks like, but you saw some of the bloody boogers after I had my nose fixed. I saw you remember, I showed you, those he almost threw up. Just showed you one of them you had when you were put in that water pick up your nose, yeah and it was flesh and stuff out yeah. Let's maybe we should watch this. It looks like a ham,
you open you up and then they cut off the end of your leg and then attach this artificial joint who was the first guy to make a fuckin artificial, hip 'cause. That guy took a God damn chance, he really secure. I would go in there. I mean how many people, how much did his hips suck where he was like cut my fucking leg off yeah, the first guy. Well, my friend who had it done in New York. According to our friend Bryan Callen, he was, he was walking, so bad like he, one leg would bend and the other you would just sort of swing. He would swing it over who keep it attached to his body in like sort of swing, his body sideways and that's how we move for he didn't use his hip was a fighter. No, no. He just played basketball on concrete in New York, city played a lot of basketball and he was like fifty now is like fancy there's another one like have you seen like the way. Some of these old basketball players walk hole.
She is a really big to their masters. Did you think, when you're talking about a seven foot, human yeah Mount of like work that goes on to all these different joints, the animals in the knees and the hips there's so much press sure, 'cause you're dealing with extremely long lever? Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I like long legged and long arm, guys punch so hard. It's also one of the reasons why they are so good at submissions. They have like extra leverage because their limbs are literally longer yeah. They have more better fulcrum. Well, that makes sense, but it also puts tremendous pressure on your joints because have you ever seen, Phil Jackson walk left in recent years. Oh my god, and he was. He was a player for a lot of years. His walk is the most like it's you see the pain when you watch you like the guys walking in pain. Well, As a kid. I worked at the Boston Athletic Club, which is a health club in South Boston, nice place and uh
people would come in there and play racquetball a lot and Bobby or used to come in there all the time, one of the greatest hockey players of all time time, and when I was there, I was about nineteen and uh. I don't know how old Bobby was probably about my age. Now, I'm forty six and he couldn't walk ban. Really. Oh man I mean not only could not walk he. The sides of his legs were cut open, like fish like the the scars that they put on his legs. Like he's probably older than me, now that I think about it. It was probably older than me down. I bet it was probably in his 50s, but the d the old way of doing it, they would just open you up like a fish and then they would take chunks of your
egg like your hamstring and it screw them in place and try to replace ligaments with them, and they would last for a little while and then they blow out so they have to fuck it stitch you up again and Bobby ORR had something insane like seventeen surgeries. So when he walked man he couldn't, he literally couldn't bend his knees. So he would like kind of hop and move is like four put it down and lift up and move is like forward and put it down and there was a machine called a versa climber. Vercel clammy ever seen one of those things great cardio machine get down there in Falcon, go crazy. With this thing he couldn't get on it. We have to help him on it, we have to help lift his legacy, and when you looked at him, if you looked at his face, look like a real healthy guy wasn't out of shape. He wasn't overweight, his just legs were gone hockey is so fucking brutal that oh really think about it. You're sliding around in your
ics Liza, going every which way yeah. You know it is a lesser Canada. You like slamming the miles an hour, yeah yeah, it's crazy yeah and once your knees go, you know they're going to keep going yeah. I know that Dick hasn't been able to like walk normal for so long, while he's he's, probably seventy or something now, but he hasn't been walking normal in fifteen years plus, you know 'cause those guys guys, like body or my dick, and played you know long ago that they would they We really didn't do the most important thing when you're hurt, which is like take time off, it was like nobody did back then. If I can play yeah. You know, and obviously that's especially relevant when it comes to concussions, because they're really just starting to kind of get a grasp on that within the last ten years. What kind of regulations that you just played sure especially if you college everywhere absolutely absolutely like toughen up pussy toughen up yeah
and they were doing, and it was so not about being tough guys so mean those guys should have been not having any in fact, for weeks or months yeah, and they were just rocking their brain for week after week really multiple concussions in the same week, crazy? All these guys are keep buying and shoot themselves in. The hearts of the people can examine their brain just that alone. It's like God, it's so dark early onset of, timers dementia and they're, like four thousand five hundred and fifty, I think, they're very close to being able to figure out how to regenerate human tissue, and I think they're going to be able to turn back there. Yeah, I think within one hundred years it's maybe mean you and I might not see it, but I think they're very close to being able to create literally create superheroes. If you think about what people have accomplished in such a short amount of time, They can do now as far as like gene,
therapy in the using stem cells to heal things like boss, rutin went down to another country to get a stem cell treatment. Some south american country got some stem cell treatment because he's had like significant atrophy of his arm because of which nerve his neck, he had like some serious neck. Series from a fighting a little bit, but really from stunt work that he did after fighting really fell on his neck and fuck himself out bad. They need guys neck fused These discs were bad, so they cut his disks out infuses neck and there's a lot of problems with it. So he went got this day sell thing, then also nice feeling fucking fantastic is talking about how great it feels yeah. It feels great he's talking about his body growing's been doing all this exercise again for the first time, like really intense exercise and he's like not fitting into suits anymore. It's going to change the colors in the suits 'cause. You can workout again wow yeah you have to imagine that, like if they master that all that genetic stuff that
one of those mad scientist is going to be like, let's build the best fighter ever, let's build the best basketball player ever like. Medically make somebody like that. You know I mean yeah and people will abuse that for sure people going to do it for their kids. Of course, their kids are going to be superheroes. It's going to be weird man, I'm telling you were probably one hundred years away from a time where genetic Impr moments are like cell phones, everybody has it Just we just have it: it'll be real expensive at first, and only the elite will be able to afford it. But then, as time goes on, it would be more and more common and prevalent just like a cell phone and then you I wonder what will be the common problem associated with doing it. 'cause there's always a hang up to something like that you know. Well, there's probably going to be people that try. To almost die and bring themselves back and think it's funny they'll. Do it on Youtube right,
will have friends, shoot them with like fifty millimeter guns and then they'll uh, regenerate regenerate haha. How awesome was that fucking shrink back up and he'll just like Wolverine a lot of problems when it comes to technology in the next one hundred years or so? The real promise will never get to a point where the amount of power that people have does doesn't measure up with the amount of possibility they have and the amount of like respect they after that power. It's kind of where we're at right now when it comes to being able to contact people on Youtube like if you find someone puts a video up. Expressing their opinion. You, like you, fucking ugly, can't I want to eat you a lot people. That's a crazy shit like that on Youtube, like they should the ability to communicate with people like that. It should have the ability to just their abusing an incredible power the ability to just in
Titania's Lee communicate with someone anonymously, but the thing is, you should be able to do it with accountability, but even that Ability, like what kind of accountability? If I can't see you- and you know, one is looking at- you know, what's going on you're a piece of shit, you know if you say something to some a person like the way people say something on Youtube. Like say, if you're in the lobby of the hotel- and you see some guy just say some fucking horrible thing too. Another guy there, he was like Well that guys an asshole, but if that happens to you online. If some, some guy just send you something horrible online, you don't see him and I don't see him and nobody knows who this guy is and he's x, p forty nine k on Youtube or whatever his his you to handle this. He does feel that he doesn't feel the repercussions of that. You know it's almost like. You have this little ability, but you don't have any responsibility that comes along with it. You don't have any ethics that go along with it, because you don't
checked it. You didn't develop. It yourself, got online. You know it's like it's so easy to just get online yeah. You know you don't even have to have your own computer, because your computer get online when we gonna kill for Q. You can do anything. You want that that that access is so common that people who don't you know they probably are too stupid for anything now powerful. That's the same argument about guns: it's that's the same argument about not a different thing. That dangerous thing is. Those people are also unhappy right and that's why they're doing so, if your that unhappy, but now your power is genetic mutation, it's a little different than than say go, fuck yourself! Well, you know what it is. Ultimately, all of that and uh not saying that it's not the people's responsibility who do it, but ultimately, all shit behavior is a real reserve. The one of the real results of it is the fact that we don't address that as a culture as being a major issue, that we don't address it as a culture that we
don't have it reinforce, and the kids heads at an early age that the way to get by in life is be as nice to as many people as possible and a lot of times. You have bad feelings and you feel bad or there's anger or jealousy off in times this guy NB, because you need to fix your own life, often times you to get your own life in order. Where you don't feel jealous about someone, you don't feel anger for something that someone has that you want like use it as fuel to fix your life. Nobody teaches do that. Nobody tells you that in school it never gets brought up an, and we also never deal with poor people as if they're, just people that are a part of our community that have a way worse position in life than we do, and we need to fix that because it's, the lowest ring wrong with the chain. Is it would just scroll dying of the trial run, run but runs sing? A ladder like run on the ladder rung of a chain link link link of a chain, but the
lowest rung of the ladder that you know. That's us, that's us just because we don't talk to them. Still us don't they live like a mile from us. Well then, it's us but norm. It's easier, ignore him, but as a society. That should be like one of the first things that a government takes care of extreme poverty, extreme poverty and children growing up in extreme poverty. Yeah. That's the big one, not just being poverty, if you're a fucking guy and you're thirty, five years old, you decide you just love math and just going to mess it up and fucking me. That's that's your decision. If I went from being a lawyer to being a method mean I'm not saying it's not in part based on how fucked up childhood was, it probably was, but you might be too far to fix. But kid you can fix. Kids man yeah catch him early, and I said so. It's so bad for everyone when you have that level of poverty is your resentment, of course A lot of crime is resentment. It's not just need its resentment and need to give everything. I have nothing
no morals, because everybody around you is doing whatever they have. To do to get by deal in an environment where you deal with a lot of people in and out of jail, yeah. So depressing and you don't see any examples of how to get out and there's so many people like people always presume a lot of people and in the United States presume that extreme poverty is, you know the for the does in Brazil which it is, but they don't realize that there is extreme poverty in this country and stream property in LOS Angelus sure, and you can go to Ariana me in the world. We have a lot of extreme poverty. Yeah and I don't know I mean look, I'm not saying that people don't have to themselves up by the bootstraps that people don't have to work hard. In order to be successful, they do absolutely but you can't. Tell me that, like me,
he growing up in Newton Upper Falls and some poor fucking kid who is growing up in the worst area of Compton in his mom's a crackhead and his his dad is nonexistent in everyone. He knows is in and out of jail and they have guns every words and people die around him all the time. That's a reality that we don't have to deal with that. I never had to deal with, but there's pee growing up in that reality that if they had options something to look forward to it could enhance how they develop they. Don't they about that? It's a weirdest thing. It's the weirdest thing about like the money that gets dedicated in this society like where it goes, the fact that we, put so much fucking money into war, and so little money into making sure, but we have a good supply of people who are bad mother, fuckers people who can go their shit together, people who can contribute to society, people who are people who are contributors
the other thing is the percentage of people who make up the portion of income like that. You have so many so few ultra rich that make up such a huge amount of the income so you have. Basically, you know this. This person is five percent people always talk about the was the top two or whatever I percenters one percenters, but, like you have like five percent in the United States that might make up thirty. Some percent of of the to all the income and hold an even bigger percentage of the wealth. You have a very small percentage of people controlling a whole hell of a lot of money. That's at least on some level. It's so it's good that, but like the gates order that giving pledge where they basically try to get the world's billionaires to sign up to give
away ninety five percent of their net worth, but by the time they die so so that are worth five and ten and twenty billion dollars will at least not hold on to that they'll, give it away yeah, because if the thing about growing up in that environment, if you grow your, you know your dad make. He dad is one hundred billion dollars, but what So you just get a trust and you never have work ever ever met those guys, sure, there's just some sad mother fuckers. They always are there some sad mother fuckers. I knew this dude. He had trust and then a backup trust and he went through both women. Now he has a job yeah. He he spent millions thirty something million dollars on real estate development, though, didn't go through and then he backup Trust and that went away too and then his parents family, just they said, get a job bitch and he's like fifty and
he's like. Finally in like the workforce, fifty they cut him loose after just going through all of his buddies. He's the because man like, I think, one of the weakest mental never been around, not surprising just says no, character. No ability to even set it- he was talking to my friend about her kid, and he said if I can, if I could give any piece of advice of what not to do. Never let them think that they don't have to work. Never let them think they don't have to work your lottery winner, yeah, that's the only difference. Is you want your lottery the moment you were born, but isn't it possible to win the lottery and keep it together whenever very rare? It's very it's possible and I'm sure there's we have done it, but there's stories about how this guy fucking fucked everything up as soon as he won the lottery. Then there are wow. This guy, you know, lived a fairy tale life after he won the lottery. Some of it has to do with the amount you win. You can win a lottery. You can win a million dollars. You can win twenty five
five six million dollars when you are talking about somebody that was making thirty five thousand a year in the factory and you get one hundred two hundred three hundred million dollars. I mean there's nothing to prepare you for that. There's nothing there preparing for that, and the of attention you're going to get from that the people going to come into your life. It's overwhelming they're not ready for it would be different. If, like you won a hundred million dollars, because you've achieve success on your own, you know is still going to be a difference for you, but I thought having a foundation of like a career that you've taken on an earned your own, you earn. What you've gotten to have this boost would be different. I think when you haven't had that level of success and you get something like you know, and nine figure check. I think it's really hard to keep it together. There
stories about disaster- and there are about keeping it together, when you talk about those big the- what are the big ones well they're, like mega millions Mega millions, Powerball right yeah do some. We just wanna not like a over three three. Fifty three the fifty five so much now. What do they pay them off there? Like you have options you can get like a monthly here's the year. If you are not a ti, you should all ways take, but no the opposite here the twenty year, because you're essentially on salary for the next twenty twenty five years. So if you want a hundred million dollars right to get twenty payments over the course of that to add up to that amount, you have to pay taxes but you're going to your full amount, the other uh and they do is they go. Alright is three fifty five million you could take that for twenty five years will give you like one hundred and fifty eight million right now and then people I'll take the lumps it's more with all the money, then right, but unless you're
to die like why. Then you just allow yourself to earn like which maybe you would be worried that they would go under and we continue to pay you yeah. I guess that is probably the worry. That's not gonna fucking happen, but you really trust is someone's going to stay alive or a business is going to stay alive for twenty five years or whatever it is. They would still be obligated to make that payment. What I'm saying is, do they go under but the state lottery idle state goes under what, if it did in Detroit, what if you bought the very in Detroit. I still think that we ain't got no money. I still like you would still get money you think! So I do I don't think there's I don't think there's such thing is then, then, then that I'd say take that money. You take that lumps test it in a good business, timely Bruns, perhaps family restaurant. I would definitely do the twenty five year play out. Well, I think you would get ok, let's if you win the lottery and you get three hundred and fifty million dollars right so
is the yearly payout on three hundred and fifty five million? I would say they would probably do it over twenty five years right now. So, let's see, let's say, let's say: you're getting three hundred and fifty five over two twenty five years, that's fourteen million a year man. What want to buy some. It's one of the thing is you can get whatever you want once they like? You have that they know who you are and see. We like there's no way in like what the fuck are your plans. Men. Are you opening the the new St Regis like why you don't need you, we're doing your shit for whatever fifty grand it you're fine. You have fourteen million a year for the next quarters, then so you got to change your phone number and move immediately? Oh, my god, you have too many people are going to hit you up just give me a million.
You could just give me a million. You still have all that money. All the time come on dude friends, you get them fourteen million years, you can't give me a million a year and you have to see Magento, it's kind of people going to ask you to give them one million dollars a year. Do you get fourteen million year? Give me one million a year. Come on man? You have to be like. You know whether it's a really good argument, but I'm gonna have to say no, like you make a good point. What would you do if Matt full Tron one of your good friends play Tommy? You want three hundred million dollars. You can't give me a million a year. Love you Matt! nothing, you give him nothing now. I probably would yeah. I would but I don't think you could let people dictate the terms and how Much, do you have to give whatever you want to give India It's weird when some starts asking you for money at friend. I want to give him a weird number. Would you give him 103rd eight two hundred and sixteen thousand yeah, but that's it, you make three hundred million, he gets uh. Give me one hundred gram all right. Well, I mean Christmas is coming up I give you a phone,
These are business. That much money I think, uhm? Why would you? What do you need to get more make more money? Why would you start a business, so you can lose some of it now. The first thing I would do is move like to the air like the exact whatever area neighborhood home, I desire the most that where would that be, I don't know, maybe Hawaii Hawaii. Maybe we have to travel to see your friends the problem, the wise it's five hours away by plane. I know, but I got the jet now just hop on the jet. Takes five hours in a plane. If you live five hours drive from somewhere, what's five? How annoying would that be? I know, but I mean come on man, I'm sending my jet are going to be a real. Really nice. Ok, how about this? How but I live in the mountains. Five hours drive up the top of mountain, How often are you going to visit Maine, but can I have a second home in Hawaii? Yes, you can have second home in Hawaii. But where are you going to live primary residence? That's a good question which
give up on Hollywood, I mean this motivation here, anymore yeah I mean, but I mean 'cause. You can just stand up from anywhere. If I still like doing stand up, you would need fucking whore money yeah there, God damn. Do whatever I want. That's a great that's! A great actual is just where do you want to live the most? Where would it be I still love California, maybe may he either summer beach? I, like the beaches, so maybe the barbers NICE Santa Barbara, maybe looking relaxed less people, Beachfront Laguna, Beach, kind of thing, Newport that area that's kind of nice, so far, Santa Barbara full, but then I also love I mean I mean if you have one hundred and fifty million dollars, you probably by houses wherever you want by the House and Seattle work where we any where you decide to live caliphate, death row for you, look at you, you love cal, tell of got for you. Do you represent yeah? I do you will get la have hard people know you represent yeah, but I love it. He defended what
people live in shitty places and they have the nerve to shit on where we live. It's it's unbelievable! You do these in dog shit towns in there like you, live in LA I'd, never want to go there. I'm like. Clearly you have shit taste, I'm here because they're paying me, I can't wait to get the fuck out, so you stay then stay here. We don't need you at all. Well, people's ideas of California being bad or never visited. Half the time. They're like since it's their idea of what California, but it's all Kanye West out here, it's like one hundred million Kanye West's. What is yelling and I'm the greatest ever and Christina has the best. The best a story of a it was a baggage baggage handler at the airport in Detroit he's put in tag tag on her bag, and this is lax like you- live in LA and she's like yeah he's like I don't want any part of that shit she's, like you, fucking you
and tags on bags and Detroit. You don't want to check out la like your problem and he's like well at all that celebrity shit. That's the other thing. Is they go? The city is red carpet like. They think that it's like and they think that, because you live in LA was saying you're not a celebrity. There like, you must be obsessed with celebrity culture. Yeah, that's the perception like! Oh you there chasing celebrities like? What are you talking about men, yeah, I've heard guys also say ridiculous. Shit like you know, you could never meet a girl out here. Man 'cause, Girls just want to be famous dudes in LA yeah. How many famous people these things there are a. I just regular guys get laid to out here for sure. What do you talking about like what? What's based on what studies did you funny thing to do? Is for people that don't live here even like weather you're, a performer, whether you're working any type of the entertain busy at all for most part when you're in LA and people spot celebrities. Nobody gives a shit is the opposite.
Outside of la people see celebrities at most I've ever seen as people are like how's it going man big fan, like nobody, people mind business in LA it's, a big difference between that and a place where they don't get to see some of those on tv in a regular basis. Yeah becomes passe on here, like oh there's that guy, which is Prob. The better. You know sure. Definitely better yeah, you stand out. Less Ann, I totally feel like the the cliche weather conversation that we all have is you know people like it's over. It's uh under done. It's it's not spoken about enough. Weather is everything. Don't act like having great weather, isn't one of the greatest perks of where you live or or worst part of where you live? It's we talked about that. Like everybody talked yes 'cause, it's fucking awesome here, It's amazing and it's amazing about ninety six percent of the time and we're going to
like that. Doesn't play a huge part in why this place is great. Of course it is meant it does, but I gotta be honest. I like it when it rains here, but that is it rains. So rarely I like I like that, mixes up, it's fun. Of course you like the change, but the fact like there are people suffering for not a day or a week. Hmu. And months of the year- and you have the fucking top down in your car, like it's, not really something you can ignore it. It's pretty fantastic! It's sunny sunny view not just nice out like temperature, wise, like you get Sun and you feel it and it feels good. Oh yeah there's the ocean with buckets sailboat going by what a nice day it is today it sucks here everything sucks I think for a lot of people that say LA socks. There's a bunch of factors. The traffic is a big one, the fake fakeness, fake communication that you get here, the fake people. You get a lot of fake shit here. Is it
close to like what you get in the east coast. You get you you get more authenticity? I think on in places where people have to deal with weather and people don't deal as much with actors. It's part of the it's one of the down size of this area, but It's not enough of a downside that it makes it suck right. The traffic is enough. That makes it so, but can I say one thing about traffic traffic? there's terrible yeah New York City, Washington, Dc Atlanta, Miami Houston all these cities, have absolutely does disastrous rush hours and traffic all the fucking time yeah. If you want to live in a big metropolitan area, it's just one of the things that comes through. Yeah. If you want to try to drive from long Island into Manhattan. Oh my god, you want to try to do it in the morning. Get toward luck! Good luck! I did that once and I couldn't believe it I believe the line I was like this. I was staying in long island, a driving into New York for something while ago,
and I remember being on the highway going. If I had to do this everyday I'd probably go fucking crazy, yeah 'cause, it was ours and it's because of the Fucking Tolt So that's another level of bullshit that you have to deal with in New York that you don't have to deal with here and everywhere. You go fucking cost you money everywhere. Every fucking bridge the turnpike pike. Are you going to stop all the time you stop and you gotta pay. Aren't those fees now like Craig a great deal of money? Yes, fourteen bucks? That's I mean it like that, not sure and to to drive over a bridge of you back and forth the bridges paid for a long time ago, too. Yeah, that's that's pretty nuts man and then damn it I will say this is my favorite part of the country is like people. Wise is definitely the Midwest. I love p. Will in Wisconsin Minnesota Ohio. I love those people are really authentic. There's nice people assaulted the earth and I think
It's also because they don't have to deal with show business. They don't have to deal with show business, they have less stress, 'cause, there's not so much traffic and they. Of character: 'cause. They have to deal with fucking twenty weather, all the time. Yeah, something about is something about being happy an you know deal with a little bit of struggle. I don't think get there like. I think growing up in California is like winning the lottery. I think what we are dealing with is like in earned respect for the weather here because you're from Cincinnati, and you look at Florida. He lived in a bunch of places where it sucks right, You come here and you like wait a minute. Did you? What are you talking about? This space is perfect, but one of the reasons why you're interesting is 'cause. You didn't grow up here. Alright, it's great to come here once you're a developed human. I agree I agree, and I I do think the other thing too, about reasoning defensive about, like you know, California, Southern California is the amount of people who
go out of their way. To tell you that we weren't even talking about that dude yeah, I mean like science, jokes yeah, you know E. They think it's all the good that Kardashian! Yes, I know it's just for the whole city is keeping up with the Kardashians. Please this a lot of people here, man a lot of good people, this giant number! You know when you think about twenty million plus Mexicans. What does that really boil out to do? They don't even have any idea how many illegal aliens are here. I don't think we have a real idea. I mean how could there there illegally yeah it's like trying to like figure out how dear a patch of land, our state has about forty million people, forty million as pretty crazy, and how many of those people do you think are illegal Mexicans. Probably around fifteen
so you don't have fucked at his man at those people can never go to college, can never get a drivers license, can never vote can never, but they live here with their Basically, American were pretending to not american. Like you not really american? No, no, you didn't do it right. You did but the way we say gotta do it, but they've been here for two thousand and thirty years, but don't they can actually go and get a drivers license right. Can you just go ahead and get that without? Even I don't think he proper paperwork? I think the terminator stop that shit going to do that, but I think he stepped in. That will be the next step pulling your own food, though it's already part of the conversation that'll be the next huge things going to be immig and reform. Well, you know you're not going to stop people from driving by now by telling them they can have a drivers license just going to create a bunch of illegal drivers, they're grown adults if they
a job in a save up some money. They get a car by hook or by crook. They figure out how to get on the road in the drive around, because we got to do when you arrest them and you take the car away you just stealing from them. What you really should do is figure out a way to make them be a paying part of the culture. The other problem is the the the the big and the people don't talk about with illegal aliens is they're not paying taxes because of any paid in cash, and you think about that. What are the odds that people that are getting paid in cash or paying the proper amount? Please? You know if c e you catch some guy and he's a day worker right, he's working on construction sites now paying in cash. Yes, because I got a report in that endeavor largely in it, and you know you say: well, hey he shouldn't have to pay. Taxes doesn't make much money in the first place. Will that's our attitude, then we better go to this people work at Mcdonald's, because they're getting robbed yeah once taken from their paycheck yeah. I have to give the so security. Everybody does no there's there's bill
many billions unaccounted for unaccounted for, that would be, and I'm not saying that it shouldn't be at least difficult to become a citizen. I think you should speak a little bit of English at least a little bit make an effort. You should have no violent criminal history and whatever other crimes, you've done. It should be really decided whether or not we want to include you in our culture and if there, frankly their culture. We get rid of him. This weird thing: we do we just sort of tolerate him. You know we should then, the Americans, that every American is God Damn immigrant, but every one of 'em. Oh, I know I mean the balls to be like, but that's what we are we're a nation of immigrants. That's the whole country, this ridiculous it's it's really taking advantage of the fact that these poor people, you know, they're going to be here, whether we like it or not? So, let's just you know you gotta find a way to make it work. I mean the worst part of that whole thing is is when you have people who came here illegally? Had kids
here who are now an american citizen and we're going to ship the parents out yeah. That's imagine like doing that to your kids like how awful it's awful and for the longest time the kids weren't able to go to college if they were born in another country like if a kid was a baby in another country in the mother said you know what I need to raise my son in America. This is too dangerous where I live, I'm going to take a chance, I'm going to get in a fucking, a cargo car and hide and make it to California, and they do it. They get through all that their kid grow is up in America other kid and then they can't kid can't go to college because it is illegal now they can, but for the longest time that was the dilemma of the children of illegal immigrants who were born in another country that were smuggled over here for their own few for their own safety in people. There are concerned enough about their kids future they're willing to risk their own life to bring it another country. I mean it's, it's a huge which commitment an it's, a political poll,
one is what it becomes. It becomes as political pawns where people are looking at it and if you're on the right, then you support- immigration and you know, strengthen our borders and stop the flow of illegal immigration into this country. Ann. If your soft in your well you're one of those bleeding heart liberals, then you decide well, listen. We need to take care of these people. We need to set up you know and make it so that they can have the access to all the things that we pay for, because their unfortunate somewhere in the middle lies the truth, and I think the idea and these people just are here and then we there illegal immigrants, and we address the issue at all. They just sort of stay here, that's what we do in California. There was. There was an error movie about that. Like the day the Mexicans left LA like a comedy. Is everything shut down? Well, you can better believe, but if you're talking about our city yeah like if you kicked out like
hypothetically every illegal person, this shit would not function shut down, please shut down. So what the fuck kind of game, or we plan were pretending. This thing that they're not a part of us, so it's crazy. They totally whatever your position is there one undeniable truth is that the many functions, ahhhhh which part of it, because we have illegal immigrants working in it and then it's not just for Southern California, that's across the board just the board I mean in other countries or another cities in the country. It's probably less significant, but here it's fucking gigantic. It's a lot! It's a whole lot. The idea that we just lay that stay that way in just that. It's a mess, it's complicated, it's a political issue, because you can't say that you want to do immigration reform, 'cause, you're, going to lose the vote of the Latinos, the Latinos that are here legally. The last thing that they're going to want is you to
that you're gonna make it tough for c gonna lose that vote yeah. So you have to size but vote. But if you say that you're going to you know, he said you gonna, let the men and they're gonna you know will make it easier. Then you go to lose the vote of the hard core right right. You know lose a lot of corporations which are probably benefiting on using immigration, labor and certainly better flavor, certainly benefiting on the shit like they did with the WTO and they started moving factories down to Mexico. There's a lot of God. Damn corporations that benefited from that yeah, it's so fun like how you can always the the corporations support whatever makes them, of course, give a they're, not real. You know to construct Anna construct designed to create more numbers, yeah, that's all they are they the the fact that there's people running it is inconsequential, it's essentially machine on itself, a money making machine like a literally my attic, you machine yeah like this is not labor related but like what Carl I'm trying to do now to apple. What you trying to do well
is a big shareholder and he's a famous corporate raider and so he's trying to get full to do a massive buyback, because, if they're sitting on a horde of cat, yeah over one hundred and forty five billion dollars. That's amazing cash not like that perceived value of a share. Cash money yeah they like bigger than most countries, is bigger than big investment bank Well, the bigger than the United States really, because United States is in debt. Yeah! There's a there. There just ain't worth trillions of dollars in debts best money making coming to la the cash is so this guy is trying to do what he's trying to get them to buy back shares of app. So if you own a lot of yawn stock, basically apple would have to use. Some of that cash to benefit the investor. The guy that owns back in apple will now make money because they're buying back so they would,
back their shares in return. They would be a bit. The share price will go through the roof. So big if you own, stock, you're going to be in, in value and they would be a private company, then well, they wouldn't buy back all of it just some of it and he wants- and basically you know do something for the investor. Yeah do something with all that cash, so that cat, but she apple, doesn't want to bring that cash back it's it's overseas- so that they don't have to pay is crazy. High corporate tax rate already apple. They have so much money, though dirty apple, exactly dirty, dirty apple. Get that money back into circulation conversations with them, but if they are unwilling, then mister I can will bring something to the board of shareholders. Meeting and people will vote on whether or not to go through with this buyback wow, I never thought I'd be on the side of a corporate raider yeah. I know right and he's worth by the way twenty billion dollars himself he's probably want
the biggest yacht ever it's just like damn. If I just make this happen, then I'll get the biggest yacht ever yeah, I mean he's just he just I think he's in he just loves this yeah. He loves it, it's not about. I need you more money, yeah people who say that there's no! I don't need money. I don't need much money. I agree with you you're better having a happy life doing what you want to do then tons of money and being unhappy, however, is something to be said for being a guy. Was twenty billion dollars 'cause? I know me personally. If I I had twenty billion dollars, I could A lot of shit happen, yeah! Ok, I could. I could make a lot of shit happen. Uh. I think I would I would start restructuring society. If I had twenty billion fuck dollars. I would I would make some moves.
You could you could you like? It almost have a responsibility to do to do so. The idea that you couldn't do good with twenty billion dollars. You know kind of community centers. You could set up with twenty billion dollars. You know what kind educational foundations, research foundations, how much money you could give to applied sciences and how much money you can give to the right politicians, twenty million dollars, that's kind of the principle behind that giving pledge. Is there, like you? Have you world changing money. So why don't you you know, do some? You got your houses and yachts and planes, like you, know, let's make change the amount of money those guys have when you really stop and think about the corporate raider took characters. You know those houses, you ever see those houses in the hamptons we fly over and they look like castles and you so. I didn't even know this existed. These thirty acre compounds with these fifty thousand square feet homes and you look at it like. What is that I mean the staff running that home is. It's only
want to be a Vander Holyfield had a house in Atlanta. I remember that it was like one hundred and ten rooms and it costs more than one million dollars a year to run to run a million. It's a lot one million Tommy buns. That means he's paying one hundred thousand dollars a month in his homes, just taking care of his house wow yeah that house him yeah. He had to unload that house or I think he did. I think they took it from it from under the fucks going to buy. That thing. Do you see by the way we're talking we're having a dinner, that's Tyson's House Tyson's house was dog dogshit here to handle Vandersys crates at Tyson's house is that he abandoned in Ohio? Was I don't know why I bought a house in Ohio either by the way? Is he from Ohio no MIKE type? grew up in Brownsville? No, no! He was born. He was born in Brooklyn. Well, let's find out
yeah he's in New York. I well, I know he lived there. I think is Brooklyn born And then you know the training with customers up in training was in at some point, may right, 'cause, Catskills and then maybe later there yeah pretty sure he's born in New York. I don't know it doesn't say here. It just says: he's forty seven does it say his place of birth, wow and looking in his a wiki can't find it yet born in Brooklyn yeah? How are you Jamie got? Damn it Jamie this information doing this my house in Ohio because he will just because someone buys a house in Ohio, doesn't mean they were from Ohio. There's a lot of people. Downgrade grading Ohio Sunnan Year from Ohio. So how dare you he's just reeling off that Buckeyes lost. Don't don't is that what it is and he's a world poor bastard little butt hurt over that.
You guys party sports? You guys are talking shit, I don't know nothing about in and out we're done with it. The Vander Holyfield House pull that shit up. If you can, because it's quite stunning the grounds just the ground. So it's like a giant golf course remember. We were talking about like how crazy You know Mayweather lives, there's like black cock, young fuck Pacquiao's, the one who's going to see how he's having money problems. Well, they took his money, the Gov Don't shut all his money off 'cause. He owes crazy amounts of money right, allegedly yeah. What is this is what he says he paid tax. This is in America on his winnings. They want him to pay taxes again for the Philippines. Oh my god he's like we've already paid and they're saying he owes fifty million dollars, oh my god, so they took all his. They just took it all, so he wanted to help tsunami victims or the typhoon. Holyfield's house- oh my god, and they they close his bank accounts. Look at Holyfield's house, my god.
When you see this house just go back to the outside photo again look at the fucking size of that. That's so crazy! Can you pull back, like in perspective with the ground, see if they have one that shows the grounds it looks like the one hundred and nine rooms Biltmore estate- oh my god, fucking aerial view. Yeah, amazing that within a couple of decades, all that money is gone like that guy is making so much money when he beat like when he beat Nick Bowen back when he was the heavyweight champion, beat MIKE Tyson three thousand and forty million dollar paydays right, like I think I don't know, I would assume that he was like make. I don't think anybody made the kind of money that Floyd Mayweather is making now, Floyd Mayweather is making like a hundred million dollars of fight like he might make a hundred million dollars for the Canelo Alvarez fight. It's because he's also a promoter, and he in nobody sells paper views like that. Fucking guy he's a wizard yeah. He is
he's selling it for seven million. What. One hundred and nine room is that what it says it says sold it for seven million, pull back on that. That is, fucking insane cost more than one million annually to maintain who selling it for seven million. He sold it for seven dot. Five million Oh my God made two hundred and thirty million dollar child support cases in Georgia, Texas and California he's double digit yeah. I like shooting loads and girls. It's fun. It's fun feels good best thing best thing ever he just didn't give a fuck. I guess yes, not man but crazy. With child support payments ate up is two hundred and thirty million dollars. You know you hear stories. You know uh girl, whose sister tried I get a guy pregnant by taking the condom out of the trash and less
squirting it into her body, really yeah. It was like a basketball player or something like that. Yeah. That's, like a big thing in NBA circles is like those show up the guy who works for a team and is like he's like the the the whole patrol like they show up. And always know the hotels and they they make themselves available. These guys, you know like they are wanting to get pregnant, I'm sure they really have to you have to really what are get it man and then they just they know the process they like they have. They have like there are they set up with the lawyer for when they go pregnant? How to the file for child support like it's already ready to go. 'cause. That's just the goal is pregnant well, it's like those those acts then turn easy! You see like late night. Have you been injured? Do you need medical assistance? Did you take come? Are you in pain? Did you take cock? Did you
get pregnant by a basketball player. We have a solution, so they probably just have like. Would you like to sample at two thousand five hundred and thirty five forty five thousand dollars a month just for letting your pussy getting meeting now being called me yeah, that's amazing that people would do that they actually bring a life into the world just for profit just for profit absolutely, but when you think about it, if you got no money and then all sudden the possibility of making thirty five thousand dollars a month and having a kid that you love it so much money to somebody who is not making money, yeah and it'll give you status, you know be carrying around, like some famous guy Allen, Iverson's kid sure get status, but we got some bad news for you. Allen Iverson's kid might not get that check this month. Well, he was another one right: how much money that guy making his career over two hundred million it's gone! It's that we were talking about Lotto winners and how they fucking fall apart guys got earn their money from their skill and it's all gone to it too? Like one hundred million, he lost two hundred million dollars. Do he made crazy money plan
and he had he had significant in Christmas I mean that was a guy making twenty and twenty five million a year year after year after year. This hurts my feelings. Yeah, it's really it's really set. It really. Does it hurts my valence? I can't understand it. I don't in that much. Why would me take like ten million put it somewhere? Then you just you, wish man you wish you had. I'm sure I mean I'm sure that would make that would be so much money to him right now. Where do I got that ten yeah? I just live in a nice neighborhood, you know by a decent house for half a million or whatever just live normal. Live normal lives normal. I think it's so much an like you know: like especially like in basketball, where your money is guaranteed? Yeah? You made like twenty million this year and you spent crazy in there like dude, you got another one hundred and thirty comment: Do you, member IRAN Barkley who IRAN Barkley, Barkley was a world champion. Boxer beat Tommy Hearns.
Roberto, Duran fight, some of the greats was homeless, made millions millions of dollars and one of the things that he said was that there was a problem with him when he was younger. It was a key. Not with all his friends like you with friends with all these rich athletes and they would all like you know. I hey. I got this new Benz hey. I got this new house hey. I got that he would try to keep up with them. You know yeah. They focus on that on the competitive part of athletes with money. On that documentary broke that Billy Corben made what is the Documentary is Billy. Corben is fucking, awesome he's the same guy that did cocaine, cowboys, yeah yeah, so he's done two documentaries for ESPN, Thirty for thirty series one was about is called the you and it's about University of Miami's football pro, dominance and how they basically came from nothing to just crazy heights of just five. You know BC five national championships and then,
the other one he made was called broke and it just it's about. Athletes have basically spend all but one of the parts of that when they're talking about sort of the psychology of how you end up going broke is the guys were saying you know I show up. You show up at the practice facility an like Joe's got. You know a Ferrari F Four hundred and thirty you, like God, damn he's like check this shit out man and then you like that's nice fuck, I gotta top Joe I'm a you get a Lambeau Aventador tomorrow and show up with that man check out my shit and then you, just spent four hundred grand that week. You know. So, if you're always doing that, you know, then you show up with a new chain. Like that's a nice chain, I gotta show with some hot shit. Something about us shooting pool. And racing on the track, and you know hitting the bench press that competitive thing that goes into then the money spending
so you're always and if you're talking about you, know, team, fifty team made you know, you're just competing you're, always competing everybody just buying, bigger and crazier ship, and no one telling you is a really bad idea. Making care families to Bernie Kosar took care of fifty families, fifty families financially five thousand and fifty white. Why did? Why was responsible? He felt very responsible, like this says in this article is about it. It says that they call it the hitting to get a lottery and they felt a responsibility to take care of their friends and family all right as it was taken care of for you, people all my God, because our Say Travis Henry in ways he's the he's the all time Travel Henry is the all time great. As far as making kids with a lot of people and then having. What can you tell this? Is nine kids, with nine moms, for so
fifteen thousand per month? Look at this but hold on sale at this part, but it's not just known friends and families that hound these instant millionaires. It's also young. Ladies with an eye for upward mobility, one restaurant owner in the nation's capital confessed that she had seven thousand women who would receive an automatic text message every time. Michael Jordan, walked into the joint during his stretch as a wizard? Typically Two thousand women would heed the call of course he's rich young ballers aren't exactly turning leaves away either. That is unbelievable, so Jordan, we show up at a place in two thousand. Women would show up to meet him there. Seven thousand women would get the text message. Michael Jerome, I could imagine the pussy that's been thrown at Michael Jordan. It's not even You can't even wrap it. You know it's like it's like locusts, yes, outside. He says multiple suits now for people who, like this, is you kid and he's actually one suits
winning keeps winning them. There's. That's how you know he's so famous. I think there's probably people that did you did fuck means I didn't make a kid with you. Well, there's also, probably I'm sure, but uh there's also, probably people that are like hoping that he'll just pay him Of course she shut up here some three hundred grain of shut up yeah, but you can't keep doing that now. Especially when you're not making money anymore. I mean how much those hanes commercials pay. He makes unbelievable money still doing what well his shoe brand is the absolute crazy, so that's his air Jordans or his. So it's night Nike owns his brand of air Jordan, but he is a huge, huge huge benefactor of Brett and he is the number one chew. Among, like that. You know. Basketball shoes are a huge, huge multibillion dollar business, his shoes still outsell, Lebron and Kobe, which is and he's been done for years. That's uh
Crazy yeah. I would say that Michael Jordan still probably makes probably like forty million dollars a year, God damn he's as far as business goes. He is set up man, it's unbelievable, yeah wow, yeah. I didn't even think about the sneakers, but it is incredible when you hear about a guy who was so awesome, that's still to this day. It's amazing his name rings in the hallowed halls. They do that. Look I'm sorry. I was off by forty million- oh my god yes same, but how many athletes can say that none and he's never wearable. They do that. I think, is like a q rating where they rank the impact of just athletes, in the top ten is like always the craziest list of guys who you all we all know who that Tiger woods right right mean Michael Jordan is number one he's been number one like twenty five years and the lowest he ever dipped he went to like or two once under Tiger.
It's always proud pests, very pissed. I bet he was he. Apparently she beat him in a game of pool I won't talk to you for two weeks. I bet yeah. They just fucking crazy, he's just completely crazy and competitive. Still. They showed him playing at a hotel. He was playing beer pong with like these p. Will a few weeks ago, and you could see him he's fucking phone. Yes, I shot shooting ping pong balls and it seems like it would be unfair. He would know more about the dynamics of things bouncing in the average person. You know He took that shit super seriously. I bet he did he's kind of want to acknowledge and if you want that he was like fuck. That round two is up right now at Dublin: nothing double or nothing, definite, just stacks of money on the table he's bringing in dudes suitcases, apparently he's like. Golf, they say uh in golf he He is a maniac and he he actually there was an article that was written about him. I don't know if it's true or not, but
guy who claimed that he owed millions of dollars or half a million a book about it. There's a book about it. He was a thing. Is that he He is a notorious gambler, he's actually really good. Golf golfer like he has like a real game. You know, and he would that, wouldn't it wasn't uncommon for him, the bet a quarter million on a round of golf. He would also they said like when he goes to Vegas. He does you know that for fun, because Six hundred and eighty million years is not incredible what a weird life that guy has yeah. It's amazing and he's getting married. He got married. He got married yeah, some young hottie too she's, so hot Cuban, I think she's, a half cuban Oracle, even so fuck it, let's give it a little piece, give little piece of this. I think that's a pretty airtight now you get when you marry, Michael Jordan. Oh I imagine it goes through several layers of lawyers.
Looking for any way your lawyer sends it back there like listen. Do you like him? He wants us to work There's no other like this just sign it. You can Don't you don't negotiate you get twenty three and you for life. That's good deal and he's just a maniac gambler just going off with an eighty million a year coming in every year, and that's why you can't say shit about ways: gambling. He lost one million dollars gambling today so ten year. Plus he's making, like one hundred mean think about that, it's so crazy hundred million dollars a year close to it. For ten years I mean how long does it take? Is you have a billion? Do you think he has a billion dollars billion yeah? I mean if you make an eighty million a year, and he was famous for yeah. I don't know if it was him or his agent at the time, but he's famous for being one of the innovators in. That when he was getting these crazy endorsement deals, he was getting stuck as part of his deal so like he would get means of dollars to sponsor you know to be the endorser of Gatorade then
set on owning stock. Well, guess what, when, Michael, Jordan started endorsing Gatorade stock went up be significantly and he made many many more millions and he would have so he's pretty. They live in that sense too. It's incredible anything here, guy like him, and then you hear a guy like Tyson who's, telling his story now on H, B, o yeah doesn't in the Broadway, show how I lost three hundred million dollars. Yeah I mean the difference. In the two: it's it's substantial. It's not you know. Another thing is to basketball you're not getting hit in the fucking head and help Getting hit in the head. Definitely increases your amount of shitty decisions that you make yeah without a doubt. No doubt I mean think about how shitty your brain works. When you're exhausted, oh yeah, now think about it after uh, an exhausting fight, getting fucking thumped in ahead for twelve rounds, now think about doing that over the course of twenty plus years. A lot of
Audi judgment, there's going to be some shitty decision makes yeah, there's some shitty one hundred and nine room houses that you have built and then, like a vendor uhm, you know how much this is going to cost. You would make a lot of money. Comma term, don't worry about, God will provide real deal. Jesus will provide we with my bounty. Ok, he still fighting it fighting yeah, I believe so yeah Thank you just tried to fight recently. He couldn't get a. I think it was. Maybe here's what I wanna know is: Riddick Bowe still fighting 'cause that wasn't good in awhile ago. He fought recently in a moitie fighting. It was really sad. It was really really sad. He got leg, kick to get stopped by leg, kicks and it was just devastating on here fifty one years old and he still fighting still trying to fight. He still looks good. Actually, he is
far like boxers go talks, pretty good e vander yeah, not bad yeah. Yeah, well, people are still talking about him. Fighting I mean who knows wow Holly four hours ago. This is crazy. Four hours ago A Vander, Holyfield Mansion fails to sell at auction failed to sell. Yep back on market is back on the market, son it was six dot. Eight million wow, it's back on the free market for six dot, eight million. They tried so so it was purchased by Jp Morgan Chase last year for seven dot, five million after he defaulted on his debt. So then they try to sell it mark and auction. Nobody wanted it, and now it's on sale for six point: eight million! That is a steel! You got to build this to make money on that. Somehow man, no! No! No!
There's! No! I'm saying make money like if you buy it now, if you were to buy that house, I doubt it yeah now, but the only reason why no ones buying it is 'cause. They can't make money on it mean to have a house like that. You're going to check house is going to sit on the market for a long fucking time and who is going to buy it. Is it going to be some new Lebron James Type, guys the only type of God is going to buy it, and even then they're going to look at the angle of one hundred and nine fucking rooms? Do I need one hundred night? No, I need like twenty twenty. Twenty is good in a basketball court, yeah and then like well, we can get you that, like yeah, let's do you get that and you get like eighty nine other rooms. Why don't you want this estate deal get staph everywhere? Of course, it's good! Do you like living in the shining how's? It should be, it should be like it should. They need to reach out to like some middle, stern. Some baller yeah, if I type dude, was a boxing fan, but it's not seem how meds friend just maybe one day I'll go to Georgia just by that
yeah and will stay there for a paltry six dot. Eight million. You know a guy lot, man, one of those salt number nighttime character, ITALY, by this shit. Up with the quickness son, give me that shit. Did you uh? Did you check about my special bombing episode that I hear? No, you told me about it. We were talking about it before the podcasts. We it's funny well almost three hours, then we're going to really mention it or two hours in what the fuck you were up in Winnipeg is the Winnipeg. I was doing this club that I've done many times called rumors sold club, it's good club Ann and it was a Saturday night and instead of like regular comedy club crowd, it happened to be like private event. People like a group of eighty we're doing their corporate party unite, I mean so it wasn't like it wasn't visuals buying one and two right, which is a giant group giant groups. There was like three groups.
One was like eighty most sixty, so you don't like it. Or like you're, doing a corporate like you're doing a private event. You know, and I break it down if you, if you want to listen to this episode, one hundred and seventy two of your mom's house and I play the audio from this thing falling off the rails, and I mean it is like there was a lady who worked at the club. She's been there twenty years and she told me she could have never seen shit like that. Even close to that. Before what happened, it was. I think it's like a combination of things happening to make it fall apart. That way. Basically, I went up I had one guy in the front row who I fucking you. I hate somebody and you fixate on them, because, like this one guy who was like kind of mumbling talking tagging my everything I said no he's like yeah. I bet you'd like that and you're like what did you just say?
I said I said one of those guys who I fucking. Absolutely lost my shit. I didn't lose my shit on him, but I kind of try to trade him, and then there is one of the groups, one of the groups of like fifty fifty sixty people. Was like being super loud and like the first like really talking loud and I went to talk to them. They were kind of like this so I kind of shitty about it, and the thing is like it's different when you, when you do regular show and you let's say you go after somebody or you after a table you're just working on five people, maybe write a group that more than everybody else in that room has nothing to do with them right. In this case, it was more like mob mentality. Where, when I was like go fuck yourself, then the group like talking to us not just talking to them. You talking my group of eighty.
So, then it was like no fuck. You like butt in unison, is all of them, and then it just went Then I tried to put it back on the rails, which I was like. I'm sure I can I've done this one thousand times. Let me put this back together fuck, you meant like it was like dude. They were booing, in unison for like one thousand five hundred and twenty minutes the eighty people at this point it was more than there so it was probably two hundred people doing that. Oh my god, So is there group and another groups chimed in so doing you too unrelated groups, yes, yes, whoa it was pretty crazy and then there like bring back the. I had a black feature act like bring back the black guy like screaming that screaming it and it went- and I this thing. I resigned to the fact that it was so crazy. It was less emotional, and I talk about this on that episode. Then you're, standard bombing when you're bombing and uh.
Your von we're just not going your way, and you start to sweat and you're like man, this fucking sucks chewing dicks up but like, and that like a motion the affects you. This was different in that I felt like their response to me. Was so outrageous I felt like it was Une warranted, how upset they were that it affected me? less like I was just standing up. There was like alright. Is he ready for some more jokes as they're booing me, you know Not as I wasn't flustered as I've been during a real bomb. Yes, so you were just dealing with a giant group of yes, a school of Cunts, yes swimming your pond yeah. It was why the club do something about that. That's that's the only part. I I take responsibility I try to make it clear on that on that episode that, like I'd, take response, ability for yelling at a guy for in so
meeting people. Like I'm saying I put it on myself that I made things go downhill. The club takes responsibility for four kind of not really policing and they like one part is I tried it. I told the guy that he had to go. I was like you have to go. You're gone, see you later an you know. I've done that before sometimes you have to do that right, you're, outta, here man right and then they were like the club came time. They're like just give me another chance, he's going to be good. Now, when I was like I've already thrown him out like there's, no we're not to go. Shame now right, so the club asked to keep the guy there. Yes, nothing. To do that, I don't know, but they they now realize that that was fucked up like I've talked to them and they're like that was some people. You can give a second chance. I've mostly likely most of the time I've asked clubs to leave people alone like that there. Ok, there ok yeah they just
I've done that do that again it will say that I'm, like you, can't yell shit out too confusing I've done that a bunch of times like he's, ok right, but this time the difference was this time I was saying, get him at him out. What was he saying to you? While this is going on, he was it was the fucking. He was the mumbler that hour and like so. We had the first interaction. We had another interaction. I think the third time. I said something to him. I was like what the fuck did. You say I forget exactly what he said and then I was like. Oh you're, a tough guy he's like you, want to step outside and find out, and I was like you can go outside 'cause, you're outta, here you're done get out of my fucking show it's my show right here. I like Watt and his he goes. We all go. Go great. Have a great night get the fuck outta here. I don't need you here, that's when the crowd ' we felt like we were discussing what happened. I was talking about it with the club. The guy is that a lot
People in that room didn't hear what he was saying he could. He thought I was just attack. Guy for no reason right. That makes I still I take. I was an asshole that night, but you know the guy was clearly he was instigating it he was a fucking cunt. He was a real kind of a guy and I didn't like him at all, and you know I I'd. I think that, like like, I always say I don't have to be like pleasing to the different. Like you know, I'm there doing comedy, you came to see my stand up. If you want you not liking, it that's cool, but if you try to take over the room, no well not just taking over the room. It's interfering, yeah interface, interfering with the performance, an there's hunt, for other people that have to deal with the fact. You have to deal with this guy yeah. It's
It's all in how to do it and not lose your cool and when you lose your cool yeah. Some of the fog and it's bad scene, yeah arable, feeling too it's it's crazy and the audio is in the same I mean I, you probably not heard a how many like that yeah, it's a different. It's not like a standard bombing. I mean there's, there's a lot of aggression from the crowd on it and how does it end well, the best part and then 'cause. I also was bummed that myself for not. I was like you know you always look at moments. Are you like? I wish I had said. Something funnier here right. This was an opportunity to be funny really. You know so I was like a lot of it. I was like I was like you know. I really they want like they defeated me. I was like, but the only thing I'd said was like at one point: the manager came up to this stage and he was like. Are you? Ok, he was checking it. He came onstage and was like 'cause. It was so crazy in yeah you're right. I was like yeah he's like do you want to keep going off like yeah?
he's like ok, so he leaves and they're like yeah, that's right because they think he's telling me get off stage and I go. I go he asked me If you guys wanted me to br back the other guy and they go yeah, I think they scream. Yes, and I go, I told him you guys want more of me so here I am for more junction there like, so they go so crazy at that point, and these are Canadians too yeah. They go for some of the nicest people ever, but in the very end, the lady who was running the one of the private events. That night like she brought her group there she in tears she was crying and they BR put her on stage there like she wants to say something, and I was like ok. My plan was just right stay here, the tire time the motor won't talk about recipes that you want to and just don't think
yeah right. She gets up there and she's like please. I know I've done fundraisers here like I really wanted this to be a good night. I see like how like she's a right way affected by this. Please give him the respect of like some just your your time and like just let him talk. And they're like it's too fucking late for that fuck. It like they're, going crazy right, and I see her like just like she's defeated? It's like someone was beating her up right. You know- and I was like- oh my god I go, you know what this is thirty five minutes in right to which supposed to be like a five thousand and fifty five, set two twenty minutes. Twenty, as I can. What am I? I want her to have a fun night like she like it affected me, but she was so. I was like I'll tell you why Because you're nice lady in blah blah I go I'll, bring back the black guy, so I brought the black guy back on stage and they
fucking. It was like I said, ladies and gentlemen Christmas. They went crazy why I like to tell you he was like Oh my god. I can't believe people actually like black people here, like he excel excited, does he have any more material? yeah. He hadn't had his name. Actually given credit to his name is tricks, that's his whole name. Yes, like silly rabbit, Trix are for kids yeah, wow, but I mean, like you know he got the guys, can pull that off. They could pull shit like that off is tri, double XI. Think so that it's on what episode of your mom's house, one hundred and seventy two? Alright, it's a fun apps! If you did for putting that audio up, that takes balls yeah I wanted to mention in there's tricks. He did a good job. Then I I totally given credit cool, yeah yeah, that's an interesting story. I'm gonna! Listen to the podcast! I got to get out of here. Yeah yeah! I guess. Should I go to do this role? What's what's next for Tommy buns? What is net? Are we going to work together again, man, we gotta, we gotta do some gigs yeah, weird
gonna. Do we're doing something right what we do and we do in New York City in January? Yes, were you in New York, we're doing in the grand ballroom or some like that in Manhattan, the Manhattan center yeah and then oh December 27th through new years Christina and I are apps- were doing new years at the Dc Improv, oh beautiful sorry club will be there of that place. Washington DC called the shit out, so you're going to be in Maryland, it'll be cool pc going to be down there when it's freezing, it's going to move all that fucking cold, very fun, but they don't have like twenty new dates to add to my calendar, so those will be up for you to fourteen so will do we're going to do that together and what else are we doing? We doing something else? Yes, but phoenix January tenth and 11th. Oh that's right! Yes, oh good, googly, Mowgli yeah! So it's
to Phoenix for doing stand up live in Phoenix January. Tenth, eleventh yeah, that's right is there is. There is only like this doing that too? No! No! No! It's just that. We can just just conning Saturday night how much you on all right thanks everybody for tuning in thanks to one eight hundred flowers for sponsoring it. For the first time we we hope you can get offended and our use of bad language and, in our descriptions of your all, flowers, guys by flowers, throws one eight hundred flowers, dot com entering the code, word J r e and get yourself a fields of Europe Christmas arrangement and receive ten bucks off. That's offer code, J, R E, when you click on the little microphone and the right hand corner thanks, also to tango, to Rogan, DOT, teen dot com and get your
twenty five bucks off your first team device when you sign up thanks also to on a dot com. That's and and high tea use code. Word Rogaine save ten percent off any and all supplements will be back next week. Shane Smith and Eddie Wong, both together on one show at the same time, is gonna, be crazy and Lee Camp will be here next week as well. He'll also be Wednesday night. The camp will be with us at the ice house with Tony Hinchcliffe fancy an ad words and other people lots more will cease Tom Evans one one thing: yes, our good friend the mat, the battles rg there too, he has a new album out. That's right, they'll, be here soon too, with, if not next week the week after that, what's called apple transits called this is the part of the job I hate. I think I think it's with golf on a uniform all right. Taliban glaze judgment gossip girl on twitter follow them and learn and grow in.
Transcript generated on 2019-10-04.