Greg Fitzsimmons is an American stand-up comedian. He also hosts his own podcast "FitzDog Radio" available on iTunes and every Monday on Sirius Howard 101.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
See this. I'm pouring my coffee into a Joe Rogan experience. Mug. I got the idea. I stole it from Greg, Fitzsimmons 'cause. I have two not one but two Greg Fit show the Fitzdog Radio show cops at my house. I gladly happy gloriously pour my coffee into these. What's going on with Many things have changed. I think, we're all definitely wondering yeah. Maybe that's what it is. We shot a lot of guns yesterday do do do do this episode of the Joe Rogan experience. Podcast is brought to you by Tang. What Tang is his mobile service company that cuts out all the bullshit that you usually have to deal with. When you get cell phone service, they have excellent coverage because they use sprints backbone. It sounds so weird word. They need a better word than anyway, they use the sprint network. Let's say that, and so you get sprint coverage, but
to do it on Tings terms, which is far more ethical than you're going Yet from any other cell phone, where you can leave you, can Sometimes no contracts, no can't text note early termination fees, there's no. Just just leave. You know you just leave you. Don't you own the phone too? He bought it my phone from another provider. The big name, once more, the time you're not really buying the phone you're sort of leasing it like. If it says the phones ninety nine with a contract. What that means is it's two hundred and ninety nine, but it's really six hundred dollars, so the other three hundred dollars you still owe so when you go to leave depending on say if you have a contract for three years and you only stay for a year, you still so two years of paying off that phone and that's what they hit you with it's stupid it just doesn't make any sense. It's dumb iaccessible feature phone that you grab. My husband asking for the Samsung is a flip phone that telephone telephone
wow, they still have flip phones. Yeah tell has one of those Dana White, Dana White is a four hundred level he's really good with his thumb like he could talk to you like in hill text message, people under the table, while he's like tasking without anybody knowing about it because of the buttons, the actual buttons of the cell phone, is what he likes so like, I've had conversations with him under the table, while he's in the middle of talking about other he'll just be able to text. You. That's great yeah. It's because the you understand the thumb thing. I don't think that's going on with David Tao. I think he's just a function it's out there. Man as a feature found its battery life, is counted in days, not hours. It almost makes me want to really see if I can just like, take an Ipad around and use one of these little baby phones. We certainly could do that. You certainly could use a little flip phone and then do all you're texting and everything else on an Iphone right or Samsung. It is your second phone yeah
because it's just my phone is not just my phone anymore. It's too much connected calendars and let me check my email. Let me see what this is all. Let me put this on Instagram Holy Shutter. I get a picture of this to have that in more than one device, but then again the best way to answer. A phone is STAR track, star. Yeah really is I wish you open and when you're done with someone you snap that bit shot that was I'm not interested. Thank you very much, search boom because you can't slam an Iphone. You can slam a flip phone to slam that shit. You feel good about yourself. You can get one for fifty two bucks, ascanio three thousand eight hundred and ten red. I would to do a side by side comparison of phone sound, and your your ability to get a signal to yeah that interesting anyway. They offer you a bunch of different options? If you don't want one of those bring over an Iphone from Sprint you can also get some of these really intensely cool
right phones, including the lg g flex. You see this thing. It fuqing curves, like your face. They would just demonstrating on television these new screens that are going to be completely flexible, they're going to be able to curl so you're going to be able to have a phone. It's a tube like a scroll and you're going to pull that scroll open and you know I mean it could be a fucking foot long, but then it rolls down to the size of a chapstick. It's an amazing breakthrough, but see update on the malaria vaccine you're coming with something like they're working at that too, there's just not as much money people, malaria tend to train their backgrounds quite quickly. You never get a call from a guy, that's malaria. I need help. It's like well, no wonder were not curing this drawing drop us a line. Meanwhile, malaria kills more people than well. They had this. Graph where they showed how many people killed by mosquitoes how many people have killed by war. Miskito,
this is more than war right, which is harder at your fucking head. I think it's more than family yeah, pull it up. Brian see if you could find that think. It's the number one killer, yeah malaria. There's a chart, a chart that shows how many uh, what what kills humans most like it goes from it goes. And that to show next to a bunch of other shit that kill people which are surprisingly small, spiders insects, types of asian transportation. That's pretty There is a video they're showing on the internet the other day of traffic ins in some african country, where they don't have any any traffic lights at all. Yeah and just people, just going into intersections just freaking out and hitting the brakes and speeding up and crash, knew each other. Don't pull the fucking charges with malaria find it.
We'll be alright here. Malaria church will be over here. Brian will be able to get such an opportunity to see how much you're able to let go yeah, you know because you can do in la you, don't develop, don't skill you're going to have to move. I got this is guy in this giant truck today. Those going super fast and I got in front of him and his horn and my come come on man. ' you want everybody to wait behind you you're going sucking ten miles. Now this stupid big diesel truck pulling a ton of shit. You shouldn't be freaking out. If someone doesn't want to be behind you, it wasn't like. I slowed him down for anything more than half of the second people. Just so weird about that, and you get in front of him at all like yeah, it's not going for Maine race, you cheated, and it's punishment. The horn is there so that you can prevent an accident from happening. It's to warn somebody that something is happening. They don't see it's not after the fact to punish them or it's a twatt alarm
occasionally see people using the horn. Like oh, look, there's a twatt. This reason season, like hey Dykehead, get out of the Fucking RD, look out man what he doing, but there was no look out today. I was sitting in front of us crazy, slow truck that was going below the speed limit yeah that shit's annoying. You know you shouldn't you shouldn't be allowed those big stupid trucks. We ours was a big truck coming on it. It was like some giant and diesel thing yeah, we don't know what they were. I wasn't paying attention. I was like aw on behind this guy was one of those yeah what they should special rules for those things like on the highway, yet there for me out, train tracks, that's where they should ship stuff yeah, just put more train tracks. Will with those guys are messed up to try to stay awake, so they can make long trips. You stay up for hours, Fachman, whenever I'm on the highway. I'm next one of those things in my team together to give the president of order go, go, go it's just like a potential bomb,
girlfriend of mine in high school get hit by one of those in eighteen. Card and he didn't look and see the car. He turned into her line at clip their incentive flying into a ditch and he didn't even stop, but she yeah. No, no, she lived. She was ok, but she freaked out she now yeah correspond out, but it's like this garden. Stop. It keeps going Ryan to ship eighty. Well I mean, though, that those things are you think about how many hours there log in they can't be pain, all possible. It's a possum You go mad to go mad. If that was your job just pay attention to the road over and over again, you start, I would love to well now. I think the record all these guys inside their trucks and they do it for accidents for ensure purposes they can find out. But before these to do that I think guys would just go button. Start singing crazy shift to the browser yelling themselves. Screaming racist shift at the top of their lungs, while they're driving, yeah. Do that anymore. Show me your dance, there's a lot of show me your tits.
Because I think in the 70s that was like there was a point where 'cause we're kind of scene is cool. I remember smokey and the bandit There was a time where, like truckers, Racine is like you know they had the caps and the mall. It was cool, back. Then we can do some kind of CD called. You know this is all on camera. You're doing all this yeah I can't find this malaria. Terry, ok, but there is this chart. Is this code that that more than half of the fifteen thousand ar one thousand five hundred malaria cases in two thousand and seven were in six areas. An it's like New York, California, Temple area in California play. We had a big. We had a big warning in Venice. There were signs all over the trees to look at for malaria. You know what star wars is some forms also fuckin' countries you come over here with the dirty fuckin' diseases right and they get stung by our bugs bugs Let me tell you about our bugs are bugs a day. Gotta fuckin' horn get outta here, wanna, stick to Santana up you fucking ass,
is dirty malaria that I got from some country. You came from. I pronounce you cut you come over, you come over here, I'll, take you. Women put him in a basement in New Jersey will, That's only showing America yeah yeah it's not creating. It doesn't seem like Maryland, suspect being in this list, though, like wine in New York, California, Texas, will listen. I guarantee you most of those people have gotten it from somewhere else and then flew back to America. That's probably what happened I would do about malaria. I know it Justin Wren, the guy who, I guess, we're still doing it. Commercial dot, saying dot, com, save twenty five bucks off awesome yeah. They have Iphone five for two. Forty nine man, yeah crazy, cheap yeah. It's pretty good things! Awesome! The the thing that I love the most about things that they cut all the bullshit. You don't to deal with it. I think that's going to be the future too, like you don't pay, If you go over certain my you know: pay like a penalty.
Pay for what you use all across the board. So if you only use your phone little bit, you have a little bill. You huh that's a fusion. I think tv should be the same way. I just if I watch a tv show charge me a dime. If I watch how I met your mother, so diamond movie a dollar whatever, but it should be like a running bill based on what you want. The problem I have with that is that essentially, what we're dealing with now is the entrance of the internet into the world of television slowly, making its way onto the tv just with Netflix. And also with the different apps that you have on television now that allows you watch you. Two videos mean telephones come with two tv's rather come with apps, and I think that if we start charging more for more content. Then it kind of up will benefit of the internet, the benefit, the internet, being net neutrality, being the idea that everybody should have equal access to the internet and that's a big point of contention right now. So because of the
'cause. The new internet is going to eventually, like the new television is going to be the internet. It's not it's not going to be able to control with NBC Cbs Fox. Only reason why they don't do it so far is because it's a long tradition, but the way they Should things is antiquated, it's stupid, the only reason why you can't rewind and pause this is, This is happening right now, it's absolute only one hundred percent live no delay. This podcast is this van few things on television there like that and so that, because of that, These guys are allowed to put things when they want to, and you have sit through the whole thing, including emerge the recipe on how many commercials I mean it used to be they played in a thirty minute. Sitcom. It was twenty six minutes of sitcom. Now it's down to like twenty one. It's crazy. And it's just because they can make x amount more per year. For that extra minute, Rogan DOT, dot com, save yourself some money, that's it that's it. For ten commercial sewing
company Chris can tell your marginal to? I feel, like those guys on a farm, the person a Tang, and there is somebody in the office that actually has to they do things. Call air checks which I Brian, you send those in gotten complaints about those we've lost clients because of that? Well, I would imagine it because you do the commercial you're away an. I think that that's gotta sell way more than some reading it wrote off the page. You imagine some people like it, though there was some business oriented companies that thought they were gonna. Capitalizes based on numbers- and you know you start talking about giant decks and you know for and where wolves and whatever just took a turn that listing bich covering up her delicious tips with this chair. That's not you know. She's a woman, dudes, nice woman. She looks like MEG Ryan,
She looks like MEG Ryan. If they photoshopped are wasted waist to hips ratio, MEG Ryan and her primary, when she was something special, she was hot and now she said she's nice lady, who had a rough life in the spotlight, I'm over here hanging out with iphones yeah anyway, Rogan darting dot com were also bought. You bionic com, let's onn it on it. We sell a bunch of different Kulesh it, including supplement strength and conditioning equipment. Protein powder made from the fine this canadian hemp is illegal to buy hemp. That's made grown in California? Greg? Did you know that I didn't know that illegal crazy can't grow happy, even though it does not even psychoactive you're not allowed to grow it because it knows marijuana because the, one of the thc it's like its neighbor that call each other like now suck face you're too close or too close to that criminal. It's like knowing a criminal keeps you out of an office right, that's what it's like wow! You know, that's really what it is so
gotta- buy it from Canada. We can't even grow in America. It's totally non cycle. Actually some of that 'cause I gotta put it- will help me put some weight on. I need. I need to bulk up a little bit. Protein powder will certainly helped the best thing for bulking. Up, though, is lifting heavyweight in banning me. Brian will work. Brian will get a a diet and put it together for you, everything that he eats all the olive garden specials. And again the wrong weight lifting weights, though You are going to do it don't put stab actually sets of like eight, I should be doing set. Don't laugh, we're in the middle of a king, commercial in conversation pay attention. What you doing I'm doing sets of like for everything is not helping. Right should be work with trainer, find some dude Brians trainer Mean Bryan Callen workout at the same gym and he's got this trainer got somebody. It's like a twenty minute workout, but they don't stop it's hard core for twenty minutes
Well, that's really a great idea to do it that way. Lot of people- that's one of the things they like about kettle bells- is that it's so intensive use. So much of your body that you could burn out a serious workout in twenty five minutes, yeah like if I only have fifteen minutes to to do something like that. I have to shower and go. I literally can get a workout in fifteen minutes, it's not ideal. I went to workout for like a strong hour plus I like to have enough time, but if I I want to. I could bang out a kettlebell workout in fifteen minutes when you say an hour, is that include Carty or that's all just lifting weights depends depends on where I'm at. If I'm at a gym like say, if I'm staying in a hotel, a lift weights and do cardio a lift weights. First, then I'll do cardio, yeah, always lift weights for '
I don't know out there is the option you'll be you'll, get tired quicker. You will bill put as much work to wait. I thought you wanted to get your heart going to some sweat come well. I do do that, but that don't consider the cardio do a ten minute warm up right, a ten minute warm up, usually on a little machine. It's just. I just do a diesel intervals on elliptical machine just to raise my heart rate is not like real cardio yeah. So do that and then I lift weights and then after lifting weights. I feel. You can push the cardio when your muscles are sore, but you can't really push your muscles when you cardio dead right, just exhausted from a hard half an hour printing, an elliptical machine. So then you go, back on the elliptical lander yeah yeah, that I love the elliptical, what a great working intensively body and there's no trauma is no banging around and no soreness of the joints, and you know it's just and you can a real fucking workout stop focusing on people. Pictures of us yeah, I'm going to get some of that powder and I'm going to go with heavier weights, you're, just focusing on chicks.
I didn't mean that I really do apartment in zoom in on that girl. Every time I just researched this website find things that I didn't know about, like. I didn't know that, for the on it comma. I didn't know that they have this new thing, which shows a bunch of videos that guy on videos! Now that pops up like this thing was left and right and that's how I accidentally hit that video of you talking like right here and we yeah, it's all done in house to the all the stuff Does Dallas diamond page the guy in upper left hand corner form. Wrestler Ease yoga advocate now: oh yeah, CNN has its own, like style of yoga right with the other right brings all these former pro wrestlers and helps me out with yoga. Here it is the son of mine, I think HBO sports or one of those shows, and it's like very allotment, had addictions to barbiturates and
a lot of them were drunks and it's a big part of it is recovery too. They get sober as they deal with huge part of it that Dallas time in page he brings in all those guys that used to be pro wrestlers or current guys that are injured and up and a lot guys, the turn to pills as pain pills are a big problem in a lot of athletes, because you know football players have problem with them. I need this baseball guy who his career fell apart because of pills, hurt himself surgery on something and they got him on pain pills to recover from the surgery and then boom he's off to the races right he just offered. Doesn't take long, though no there's in especially, if you have you know, there's certain people for whatever reason they seem to get addicted quicker? Well, you know I could drink Twenty four years ago, when I first met, you were sober right right when we first met just gotten sober, I had shoulder surgery about five years ago and they gave me you vicodin and all that year year and a half later still popping that should
my prescriptions going with three different doctors and then I went off and it was a dark time going on that ship yeah just turn the show on Watauga. Which is to free form to have an actual opening ' I'm going to kill the opening going to add it in post 'cause, the opening a weird everything outside calls and music plays, and you have to start from scratch, like you kill the momentum. So how are you I do it just like this? No, but and how did used to do it like you, we stop. In in general right right right but like. Why would it while doing that? Because it kind feels like this? I thank. I know it does. I am start you don't it also does, though it kills the momentum of the conversation. That's why don't do it? Sometimes? I feel like we get this group going right away. Why? Because in
future, you might not like taking in the I footing in the US and number, and then you want to just be to cut like cut it off to you that your route, no, no! No. No! Someone asked me if I want to put the other best of the flesh like commercials. Might that seems like that We kind of advertising, you know that doesn't seem like a smart move. 'cause. We don't use them anymore in the promo code. Probably doesn't work anymore, but it wouldn't be funny as fuck Maybe some of them were hilarious. Yeah some of the hardware is made of flashlight once give off and one piece of the action when we bring it back to us for a just for some videos, but so these do Doctors didn't know about each other when you have three different prescriptions. Obviously that's. What's crazy date, sir chance? The date you know know all the same stay one as my general practitioner will was the guy who was who who done the operation and then the other one was the p t guy so and then you know you start Easter
taking pills elsewhere, got damn dude I knew a guy who did that with Oxy's had a back story. So that's that's hardcore and he just he had one in Texas had one down here and got different doctors feeding the pills and he still couldn't, can keep him in the system when his shovel man, it's heroin! Oxy! I mean it's the same exact chemical makeup, yeah and just like you were saying He went dark, you know it was dark. Time could suck as a cloud walking over and we could see him yeah like those snoopy cartoons right I want to do as a cloud right right, it was literally like that yeah poor guy yeah, it's uh, It's tough because you feel I'm not going to lie to you when you are on those pills. You can talk like it's, some mass you run into a comedy club that you would normally avoid. I can engage, age. I can have a long conversation. I was an hour and forty minutes at swear. I was just free form and I could sit and write script
I mean it was just for whatever my chemical makeup is that's up. It righted get back on their own. Just do it. Get back on him? great. My kittens is in heroin, though right vikings is. I don't know a lighter version of it heroin. That bad, if you just don't take a bath, you're, fine, Take a bath yeah when you're on heroin 'cause everyone dies in the past right. Well with the problem with it. Is that your receptors, your happiness, chemical and you, mean Serotonin year. Your serotonin receptors get clogged up by the chemicals in barbiturates. So You no longer are able to receive serotonin because the only thing that is that is making you feel good is the drug, and then you have to when you
off it. It takes a while for those receptors to clean out and be able to accept serotonin again, where you get really dark yeah. Hi. I have a friend that had the same issue coming off Coke was that same thing. Just depleted receptors is just it: just hyper taxes, your system, that's a big deal coming off ecstasy right! That's where start getting into five htp? They started the five ACP, because people coming off axis in the sir tone would be depleted right and they realized, if you take five htp while you're tripping before you tripping like why your trip bank, after tripping it gives your brain. The building blocks to rebuild serotonin quicker right I think you are as a human being. This is the we. This is the thing that people have a hard time wrapping their heads around when it comes to like their diet or when it comes to their. You know what how much nutrients much nutrients to your body, your body, is literally built on food. It's built on food, that's the only way gets built. You have to give it fuel the fuel that you give it
Japan is. It depends entirely on the nutritional properties of that fuel. To give, your body enough to build rebuild itself, an certain circumstances. What you're doing your body, just depletes its reserves of anything like where is serotonin, whether it's dopamine. When you know that's the and it happens to guys when they're on steroids they get off steroids or testicles. Don't work anymore. You get testicular atrophy same thing, so you just please your body's ability to do something. I just wrecked the whole thing, even if you you see some people infected Starbucks and they got the sugar and they just turn it upside down. And you literally, you think, ok crazy amount and then they keep going and- and you realize like, I did a cleanse a couple times, because quickly. Your system needs once in awhile to not have to deal with all this shit and just drain it all out so that it can relax. You know it's like turning off your computer, so your hard I can go to sleep for a little while and if don't! Do that you're just you're fighting all the time
when you introduce something to it like Vicodin or heroin use your upsetting your system in such a crazy way to your your system does know what the going on right. It's like every now and then this guy takes the stuff and we're on this wild ride. And then our deposit reserves are depleted. We've just scrambled to get that wild ride again. Otherwise, we're not going to be even right. Like that's one of the saddest things everyone you see those pill guys that they only take the pills to get even yeah when they run the pills, they're sick. They get that sickness. They just can't deal with and they take the pills to just relax a little yeah. I know well what you're feeling like raw food? That seems to be what people do now. Some raw food is really good for you. Some foods are better when they're cooked yeah there's there's. We had Steve Maxwell, just famous string, conditioning and Nutrition health guy who worked with a lot of mma fighters, and just a really knowledgeable guy, always on top of like health and wellness type stuff, and he was talking.
The cellulose in my broccoli and certain vegetables, like your body, doesn, and process it correctly. Unless it's a cell walls check, you have to cook it in order to get the most out of it to make it the most nutritious, which I thought it was really interesting a lot of people think that most vegetable, it's like eating. Most vegetables, raw raw vegetables is like the way to go, which I think it is. You know why, I think, there's no correct answer some things are better raw. Some things are better cooked. Some you probably should have both you probably should have an protein as well as vegetable protein, like I always make fun of vegans. But if you saw what I eat on the most part, I need a shit ton of vegetables. I eat vegetables all day long. I think it's the most important thing other than like a good quality source of protein. Are you taking your body? I feel different when I a lot of like Greenlee val hell yeah feel different right right and I also
I fart a lot. If I eat vegetables a lot of fruit a lot I fart I fart to the point where I got a hemorrhoid and I got this hemorrhoid and I can't get rid of it and then I notice that, like I fart I don't believe you know what I'm really gone. I probably far twenty times a day and long far and it's hard to find a traveling to get off the plane, I'm cramped up, because I won't for in the plane your sweetie cross country so go to the urinal, and I I was with my son one time we're coming back from a trip from Florida and we went into the men's room and are both of the year and all and the that's right, let it rip- and I mean it's like a crazy comedy fart and he started laughing so hard. His face turn red and he laughed like that. I can't believe you did that I go that's what a gentleman does meant. I didn't do that on the plane: dude good for human right do you take enzymes.
Got some probiotics in the mail very doing a start. Taking that's different now and that is yeah. I mean probiotics are very good. It's very good for intestinal health and studies, the digestive health, but OB man ends I'm really important as well yeah. You can buy enzymes like so that's a good one, I'll. Get you some I'll, give you some on it once the there's, a ton of good ones that are on the market. There's a certain enzymes that are in certain vegetables and certain fruits, especially like Papaya Papaya, is a big one for digestion. That's why you never eat one of those brazilian places. Those fogata chow places yeah there awesome, but one of the best desserts they have. Is this papaya smoothie right right and one of the cool things about it is the papaya actually has. I think it's packed in the remote is one of those some enzyme that helps you digest all the meat. So it's like a good post meal. Thank if you have an it's taste so fucking good, but that's where the farting comes from they say it's because the fruit and then meet together breakdown at different times, so that fruit,
digest immediately, so it forms a bubble behind the big red meat and then, as you as you digest, the red meat it releases, the papaya fart yeah, it's intent. Well, they say that if you're going to eat like one of the best way they I don't know who they are, but people who I've talked to that are health and nutrition. Experts say that you should have like your vegetables should be like one of the first things you eat like eating. A vegetable smoothie or eating a fruit smoothie. Sometimes fruit or vegetable based is like one of the most important things. Because it like opens the pipes up and I'm down yeah and that way when you're reading something else. If you need something, that's a meat based meal later like to tacking you're, already open, and you know, you're ready sent in the troops to clear out the forest, and then you should come flying out. So there is a logic to like the italian six course meal. First, as the anti pasta, which is some raw vegetables, and and then that loosens it up and then you get the heavy carb pass.
As your second meal, because then can you go? I followed because I'm so fucking stuffed I'm irish. So the first the first. You know Dave comes and we just attack it. It's never going to be food again, and then they keep bringing I have my friend, Frank Moretti's Italian. We used to I used to have dinner at his house and they had fuckin' anti pasta pastor, then they'd have shrimp. Then they have like uh ask them to meet, and I was just embarrassed. I couldn't keep eating 'cause I eating too much. Well, you know what important point when it comes to eating that it's not it's about health, like Thank you should eat for health sake. Moe the time, because I think your body of work better and you'll feel better. But that said you, also enjoy food like as a delicious art form and like if you go oh really, jamming italian restaurant. They bring out A5 course meal and it's got ntp just delicious lasagna and then there's a mikros like? Oh my god, like your
awash in like an or ga of sensations, and you should appreciate that for what it is like yeah you're, going to be sleepy afterwards yeah, it's not the best thing for you, yeah yeah yeah, but every now and again it's a great thing to do it. Let's do it me you and Kalin, and our wives, let's go to a good fucking restaurant. Ok, let's do it come on when I get to excited. Don't already got me excited now seriously. Thinking about that, the other day they were do yeah yeah. Let's do it! I'm down one hundred percent So it's going to be right after you, so we'll work it out right here is the answer. When you were asking earlier, the difference between Heroin and Vikingen so heroin. It's Cording to this post online has greater you fork and analgesic property than Viking in it less potent and an oral two milligram basis. So here when is indistinguishable from morphine. If it anyway other than ivy and her is more sedating than hydrocodone by a
notable degree, so it seems that heroin slows you down more, it's more of a sedative, not out. That's probably like when you taking Viking and you felt like really creative, and you got a lot done. I think that the Thank you Dan. It quells your fears in your anxieties seems to be an extreme anti anxiety pill. No okay! creativity once you feel anxious, it tightens up, lose it sometime He didn't hance it with me, though. Yeah yeah, yeah sometimes like when I especially pot like eating pot, for see, there's a there's, often Times period of anxiety or feeling of vulnerability, just a real. Just reality of being person being a finite life form exists shop did weird man, you just you weird out. You know you think, but then afterwards I have I sort of relax from that, and then I have this wave of ideas of terms it's just like a gift
for tolerating all the freak out right like the universe. You got to that good. Ideas right. These gifts, like gifts from the gods. You know right, but I don't get that from Viking. I only took biking in once, and it didn't work with me with my system. It just made me a moron, I was just sitting up. Maybe I was too much. Maybe I I overdose or something like an array here. If you guys want to take some trying, vitamins on yeah. What do you I couldn't have been in this box for like the last year when my operation my teeth, and I don't like just kept. It here keep Viking. How many explain it to cops, then? I'm, like I don't know where the white man came from. I don't even have vikingen. That's not did you plant Viking in the 90S, the Copa plan? If I couldn't wait, so you shoot my dog for no reason. That's where she thought: that's what they do. They shoot dog
videos of cops shooting dog there's, so many cops that actually enjoy. Shooting dogs, though the like Cali's bark. When they come to arrest someone for something the on load on the dog yeah used to it, so it took a fear tactic. That's also to let him know that you know I'm completely control here. I just shot your dog, I'm you're in shock. Now right and it's it's. A tactic of control fabulation control, it happens. All the time clock cop allegedly fought back smile after fatally, shooting friendly dog. Can't it all the time yeah they do it all the time. Yeah. There is a, I mean, there's uh, videos I hate even talking about 'cause. It makes me sick, videos online cops there. Just fucking shooting dogs you know, I get it if you were going over a bad guys house and that bad guy has some dogs and those dogs would sick. You I get it, but there's a a lot of times, they're doing it with that's not the case at all. There was a guy who is a fucking mayor, and then
they shot his dog and they shot um. Another dog ran away and hidden. They chased after the dog was hiding his shot, that they were schitt labs, chocolate, labs and I think they're, chocolate, maybe golden labs, but I remember them being like really like dogs. You never have to worry about, and then They arrest the family because someone had delivered some marijuana to the wrong address. So what it was probably was that this guy was a postman and the postman was working, some sort of a drug deal and do is he would he would be delivering to a certain address so instead of him delivering the package. The package was going to that address. He handles all the packages that go to that address. Instead of that, he picked up the package himself and it was pot, so the all that were in the house were it turned out to actually be a mayor, so they This guy was fucking, haven't pot delivered to this mayor's house, so
This guy, you know the mayor had nothing to do with it yeah, so they breakdown his house. They breakdowns door, shoot his dog chases other dog in hiding, shoot it. So I can zip tie everybody treat him like their drug dealers. It turns out black eye, but I don't remember okay. Let's find this sounds familiar. Yes, I think he was mayor I want to. I want to fuckign want to save DC. Now I remember it was around DC. It might have been a little bit s. You have the dog owners jack? It's way more scary than if a white dog owner No and then the it got big. I think- Gramma on it, or what do you mean right like if it's probably, like if you go to somebody's house and a bunch of dogs are like at the door you're, probably more scared at a black guys house on the White Guys house. Why is white guys have like, like Bich dogs, usually
I think that's a fair. I think that's a fair stereotype. I mean if there is, if you're in, if you're in the hood, there is a there's, a fair chance that those dogs have been bred to fight or at least be very aggressive. It's Maryland and here's the Berwyn Heights and here's the actual story from Wikipedia the Berwyn Heights mayor's residence. Drug raid was a conscience controversial action taken by the George County Maryland Sheriff's office in Police department, the hold of Berwyn Heights Mayor Shea. Cheye Calvo. I don't know how to say that in two thousand and eight the is a combination of investigation, began in Arizona or a package containing thirty. Two pounds of marijuana was intercepted at a warehouse address to the mayor's residence, in spite of excepting the package in transit, the police allowed to package to be delivered and once the Kids, the house, a Swat team raided and
tell the mayor and his mother in law gunpoint shot and killed his two dogs, one attempted to run away the event national and in national media attention. Why calvos? salvos, I guess were cleared of wrongdoing. The police were accused by the cow and silver groups of lacking a proper search warrant, excessive force and failure to conduct a proper background investigation of the home being raided yeah. I think Obama made a statement about it. As a matter of fact, in twenty, ten in August the sheriff's stated we do it again tonight. Do it again tonight. He said you know somewhere else on my god that share of GEO and Phoenix the sheriff It's like I don't know what the checks and balances is on sheriff's, but they seem to be able to say whatever the fuck they want. There's some douche back is out there there's sheriffs, that's for sure I mean
Everything there's cops that are gray and then there's cops that are that suck at it an fucking really hard job, that's part of the problem. They don't get enough respect, it's a really hard job. It's a super dangerous job at development, well paid it's not well paid and they developed this US versus them mentality, which is super dangerous 'cause. They r us now. This idea that you're not us that you could go over guys house and choose Fuckin' Labrador, that's crazy! Man. Be crazy for it's so used to the stress of combat a daily basis. Yeah imagine we have fucking cop everybody you deal with all day is lying to you yeah, my buddy is a cop in the S Bronx and he works at the graveyard shift and he said that they show up. They'll show to help. Somebody and people on rooftops in the tenements will start throwing open paint, cans down the street and anytime. They say uniform there. It's like. If we come into a place to make the arrest and get out of there in less than five minutes. Otherwise, a crowd gathers and it's like
riot situation. If you go into certain tenements you live like that. You know you got to go and you're going in there, because you know you're assisting the fire department, because somebody had a heart attack or are you going to because it was a forty domestic violence, you're trying to help the community and you are under attack. It's like Fuckin', Iraq will. Do you remember what happened during the Ellee Riots after the Oj Simpson trial, where they were shooting firefighters There should be no firefighters, yeah, they were shooting at people, they're, shooting anybody with a university uniform and just white people. In general I mean that whole Reginald anything when they pulled him out of his truck and bashed fuckin'. Off of his head on national television. Do member that's yeah evil, be scary, and you watch the fact that this guy, for no reason other than the fact that the guy was white pulls come out of a truck and then takes a brick and rolls it at his head. Full clip caving his face in that happened just because the guy was white right
and the same thing with lynchings of black people in the S, but what's really fucked yeah, but for sure, but that was a different time. You know it's really fucked that, like that racism like the black against white racism, white people go while you have kind of a comma it. Wasn't me, so he took one for the team. All this fucking think about this owner of this basketball team style stall, he said, was keep people in black people don't take pictures of black people and everybody wants his head. It's over, he said. Come I mean, look, I'm not can obviously do I even need to say we're not condoning it, of course, were not, of course, but dude has a billion dollar team. He has to fucking sell because he made some stupid safe. He didn't prohibit a black. Person from coming on the team. He didn't mistreat a black person, even he just made state yeah, he apparently had a reputation for a
time of being racist and he the guy that RON, Artest didn't run, was sued him in two thousand and nine. To them for racial discrimination, so Obviously the guy was a racist. Does no also he owns buildings, and there was that they were lawsuits brought against him because he was profiling. People into his apartment see wasn't allowing black yeah and he lost millions of dollars in that. In those lawsuits he's obviously a piece of there's no question, no doubt his piece of. However, what do you say that was so awful that I don't know fining him, two million dollars he destroyed the n word. No, he said don't take pictures around black people. 'cause, it makes me look bad You said you can stock up. I was what's even crazier than open minded guy. You know what it was. This is what happened: man. The check was getting sued. I don't know if you know that he has white side showing the check the wife, is suing the side piece which is preposterous, the white
She was a humiliating her husband. That's why she did it yes, but the idea was ridiculous. The idea that you keep you can't take gifts back, the guy gave away some gifts and he got the person yeah. The back, like what kind of ridiculous statement is. I mean it's the whole thing's ridiculous. We were prostitution was nice and legal That relationship could have existed in harmony for a long time if it was just above board out been. I mean he gave her to Bentleys a ferrari and a range rover Ocea, and he bought a this fat fucking crib, it's it's just passed tuition, it's fine, it should be fine and that kind of prostitution girls, like the perfect time you get, relationship with the guy. You don't have to fuck anybody else for money. This guy gives you a ton of cash. I just want to say anything to fuck other guys. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I really don't just like. I don't think, there's anything wrong with someone cleaning your teeth. Is there
you think someone wants to clean your fucking. Specially a chick is been taken hot, thick ones, from a basketball team on it. She she needs her teeth, cleaned their sticky and gummed. Up he's, probably tired that comes out of his death cigarette tar, spiderwebs cigarettes are spider. Webs come out of his mouth. When he comes out like cobwebs, like fogged cobwebs sticking, her hair, he wraps his ball sack around her neck three times. Tmz is a thing that, like he was out last night eating at a restaurant like they were like the balls on this guy Can you imagine how many like eating at a restaurant? Now people are probably putting their pubic hairs in his eyes is like yeah, he's fucked and here's my take on the whole thing. Like the money thing like point five million dollars and to that dude he's eighty years old and he's got one point: nine billion for folks
I would've billionaires, it's one thousand million, so he has one point: nine thousand million dollars. You could take two point: five million he's not going to notice. He has too much money. That's zero point zero, two percent of his money than the interest he's making all his money like you'll, make that back in a week that money comes and goes it's like it's like finding a guy like you, one hundred dollars right like you're, not going to notice one hundred dollars. It's going to be there. It's gone, he doesn't give a fuck, but the public humiliation must be unbearable away to finish out your life, you picture of even in his own country club. That's filled with these reptilian blue bloods, even though keep going to reject your check was good, but she said with a good. She went bankrupt. She was out of line, he don't understand, clip correction people understand that world the world of the, being there Ferrari buyer we will live forever. You know I went to the girls Instagram too, and it's like so many people are so fucking mean it's there's something
it's it's a weird thing: we've got in our culture today with people. You just comment on videos and comment on pictures because there's folks out there that just waiting for someone that they can yell at now, they don't any connection to this woman. Like me, I am. I was curious about the whole thing. I feel bad the woman that she's that woman that has to sleep with his eighty year old man, I feel bad for him that he's in a old racist, I feel bad for the whole situation so life. I feel bad everybody, so I'm looking at it to set of a public curiosity, because here's a store that I can't escape it's all of my twitter feed. But when I go to the dance to Can I see the comments, like the other people's reaction to this scenario that doesn't involve them in the slightest you fucking ugly pig hor, you know get some more plastic surgery. You can you rap piece of shit? You know you did the right. Girl fukking, you shouldn't 'cause Dick off, I mean,
is reading up comment after up come right. What kind of world is this? I know people think that's, okay, to do right, like they have pictures of their dog. They have pictures of them on a hike. They have pictures of their new car that they're washing. Then they have a comment on someone else's pain. You right, you know, Jim this thing will be cut your off you with the wrong guy. He's got a billion dollars. You know just the meanest right, you're right well in and like my Monica Lewinsky boy. Did they, but here's the thing this chick. My words in one year she will have a reality, show she will have it pocketbook line. She will be worth a billion dollars. In that sense, it's good, but it's in another sense, it's bad because they entered the world of hate. Remember when Kelsey Grammer's wife was on that real housewives of Beverly Hills and then they broke up in you know, and then she became famous for being in, like a mean person on the show, but the we
so overwhelming that this wave of hate that came out and you think she afterwards that the first I don't think she knew what she was doing right. I don't think she knew what she was getting into and I thought she was going to try to be controversial. Apparently she's a nice person. I know someone is matter she's, a nice person. She was trying to be controversial and do that show she's trying to think about like Andy Kaufman he going to the reigning any fake fight women in need to call the the the Southerners rednecks in their own, like he was court it and it was taken the That way I mean some people hate him. Some people got it, but nowadays people people going it and they say I'm going to be a fucking pariah. Yeah, I'm going to represent everything. People hate going to make a lot of money from it. Just figure out a way to rationalize it, because the fact that they're you know they're gonna, get paid for it, but you're. Also, to get paid back. You have to rely. You you put out the way you make. People feel that's
actually how the shoot back gotcha right in there some people to take you for no reason, and then you know you see a girl and she's just beautiful and you know you hate or because you could never be here or I hate it because you can never yeah. This is the there's always going to be people that are just really negative for no reason. But what do you think of the Kardashians it's the same thing I mean look at the hate that those those girls get look I mean do they deserve hate. They do this so horrible they do they don't do anything, that's great. They doing. Anything that's interesting represent the worst thing in America. It's not the worst thing in America, it's not even close. It's just shallowness. The worst thing is violence. The worst thing is rape. The worst thing is people, victimizing people, bullying people in school, bullying in the workplace. That's the worst thing is meanness. Is people just
being violent. Hurting people with their doing is just being idiots that are shallow, that run around an they broadcast them in front of you with really clever editing so that you can't take your eyes away from it. You find yourself watching it for no fucking reason, because they're really evil is the reaction to it. I mean kids are watching the ship. They don't know that she got her start by doing internet porn. They just think that she's all they fuckin' know. Everybody knows everybody, and I don't think my kids know that she's famous, because of that your kids know crazy, hold your kids, you should sixteen right now, ten thirty one thousand and thirteen sorry thirteen things out. But about like seven one kid tells another kid. His brother got his dick sucked in like what someone's drink it PETE not on the room. Now. No, no there's no drinking. It feels good. Why you like white and the cover there thanks and then they sit around the school year. They tell each other things
I was going to happen when I heard about a blow job and- and I I remember thinking like- I literally thought you blew on it- yes, I thought I thought these that's so funny. I thought the exact same thing and it it just. It seems crazy Outlook, people say well, it's so gross girls are giving blow jobs left and right in school, and I think good it's better than getting pregnant. Let him suck away no ones going to hurt with that, there's nothing wrong with that. You know I had this conversation with some parents other day this guy was his daughter. Got picture of her phone of her cuddling with her boyfriend. Like sixteen their difference like sixteen to is like you know, you know who knows what else is going on was all upset shaking his head and then the wife was, like you know, talking about how when she was sixty was actually another another mom's was was talking about. How was I know what I was like when I was sixteen, and I was like come on, listen boys, like girls and girls like boys, were being crazy, were like
attaching all the same sentiments that the Puritans had in our parents had their parents had all these we know to be silly now and all the suppression of natural sexuality is what makes so up in the first place right princess. They have a daughter and when she was like one thousand six hundred and seventeen years old. She had a boyfriend. And at first I was like I couldn't believe it. They were letting the boyfriend sleepover You know knowing they were having sex and I thought God that's fucking twisted. But then I thought I was insects that age, but I was in a car cops going to come and the whole aura of it was negative and shameful. Why not Our kids feel that sex is a normal, healthy sang and, if you're doing it responsibly, then wind up having a boy A friend is no different than having a friend, I think Take your hands if you make it different and certainly intense that way, but if you make different. Then it becomes different if you make it like forbidden, you attached this girl that I dated in high school and me and her sister didn't get along her sister.
Just fucking angry and I was probably hungry too. And we, for whatever reason we clashed and part of the reason, was her sister was really hot. Like the so. The one who wasn't so hot was always angry and the hot one like dudes are just bombing on it left and right, and that mean the not so hot one got an argument at school and because of that, like the sister was not supposed to date me? There was like this thing so because I suppose to each was like this like this romance. That could never be you know put to there. It's like the tension or we're meant to be together. You know you would then help parents. Finally, let me dater yeah somewhere along the line, and I was like this is boring. Yes, stupid last like a month by Romeo and Juliet kill themselves like this is good. Is it getting realized? This is good as it gets. You know I mean the real problem that we have is with the tension.
Between males and females. That's the real problem, the anger that men path towards women and the anger that some women have towards men. It's so Dane some pervaiz. I think it's changing. I really do. I think that you know if you've been to Canada or Europe, that they, the that feeling between the genders is very different there much more like friends over there. Yes, I had a special yeah and I'm starting to see. You know, like my like talking on my friend's daughter, like get in no kids of that generation. Three different they we do hang out as a group the men and women are on a even playing like my son just had his for his girlfriend and it was very chill it was like. It was He told us about it, you know and they weren't there wasn't like a big high stakes. It was just like yeah, we hang out, we have lunch together, you know, as a group, we go to movies whatever and He felt like he was getting serious. He broke up with he's like he even said he thirteen
Will the does a great job. We put a lot of like artificial charged the things that matter the don't have to be there. You know this. This artificial, like significance, I think a lot of his I'm watching tv shows and movies were romance is always the fucking central thing ever song that comes at it used to People wrote songs about shit, you know, Hendrix, would write about, you, know purple and hey and weird, and now everything is about loving a breaking up with a girl What was the songs that resonate with people? How many people connect relationships to ask? right, there's a song that I listen to that all I could think of was driving to this girls house in the middle of the night, this radar love golden earring. Somehow right, I that song, this might girl. In high school moved across the state, and I go visit her like we have phone conversation like one thousand o'clock at night, live like a couple hours.
At one thousand o'clock tonight I'll get in my car and drive to visit her and then listen that song radar love. You know like that song to this day I hear it. I think about that. One person is always likes. The weird thing is I get my hands on the wheel, bearing MIRA Nair, it's great fucking tune. Yeah eighty songs. I fuck man, I think that's an eighty song radar love the 90s I think it's earlier than that. I think it's like seventy song. Let's see golden earring radar love, let's see golden earring had like three monster: songs yeah and that was it. But No! I had. I bought a seventy six Volkswagen rabbit in my twenty three. It was. Seventy wow play it Brian golden earring radar, love on. You can remember every fucking song, I got this rabbit and I started driving to school my senior year 'cause, my school was about twenty minutes away and every song burning down the house like, I can name the twenty top songs around the radio. Then everyone of I still will listen to when it comes on today. Just brings me back yeah there.
Songs! You just you just instantly, remember where you were. I was in my car in Boston and it was April, and I was listening to Prince Song sometime when it snows in April and I'm oh wow. This is, I gotta get out of Fuckin' Boston, snow in April, right, Michigan or Minnesota, where Prince lived us just as ridiculous. Sometimes it snows in April will fucking move. It's crazy, that Spring Bich and out and kids go to college there. People go like
We go to Minnesota to go to college before it's like. Did you freaking visit in the spring? You really should have gone around January. Checked it out. You know you go to Arizona State right. It gets fifty yeah. A real cold spell rolls into town which it we went to College in Boston. I don't know what the fund, but it's about in mind. I guess I was drunk the whole time, but it didn't bother me that much well. The town is so great. It almost makes up for the fact that it's fucking cold is dick in the winter when you going to University Wisconsin man there's no reason to be there unless you're really into Wisconsin type checks. Checks would make their own cheese girls, not a farm that fart farting Wisconsin girls. Probably that's why they were skirts in the winter. I lived in Boston, so I went to school in Boston, but I don't know if I would have stayed No. I mean I. If I had an option to go somewhere else to go to school, I probably one somewhere else. I was attracted.
This is the history of it. I just felt like it was an important city, so I'll show the song. So so I felt like it was a good place to learn, but then I stayed because there was a quarter of a million people, my age, all in the city, and that Nrg was crazy and then I ' back around because we're doing comedy and then all of a sudden one day it was like, you said, I woke up one day and I went. What am I doing? I get back out of this freezing cold aggregated weird city, it's a great place to be in the beginning and then we get older, like a special for comic: there's a there's, a trap, there's a trap in Boston. We all were aware of it. There was a app where you could be a local headliner and you can make good money, but you will never work the road, so you'll be trapped in Boston forever. An we all would talk about it, there's certain guys that never got out and those guys
they were, they just showed us. They showed us that there's a flaw in the system. It's awesome in the beginning, it's a great nest, but you got to leave the nest. So it's a great life lesson, because New York becomes the same way you go to New York and you can turn into a comic that does too much crowd work. That's too bitter that does do extended bits? Because you know you Conconne, scrape together a living by being in the city and doing in city spots, but it's real. Important eventually to go like I got a not that you have to come to LA, but you to get out on the road yeah you got to do. Two sets like real headline sets: yeah the new your guys. We would work with them on the road. Sometimes it would come and do like these Bob guns give eggs are Jon Shuler gigs in Connecticut and write the couldn't headline and lead the had these ten minute sets that they would do in the city, so go outside the city. They try to do forty minutes. They just couldn't put it together and it was no close. It was no big deal yeah. They they eat. The overall set just felt like a guy groping in they would talk.
About being on the subway, and when you talk about the on the subway in Connecticut, they are they alienate it's alright to lie down on even the united. Even into this yeah and and again you're used to plan on race and homes sexuality, 'cause, that's the audience in New York, and you go to Connecticut and they're like what This is in our enerji, totally different sort of an environment. Yet so weird and there's a big difference between the comedy that you do when you're, starting to put together your first few minutes, the kind of you do when you want to do a tv set like a Letterman, said or remember, like the half comedy hour, everybody wanted to get on that Mario Joyner Crawl, those and then there's like a real road set. Well, you gotta gonna put on a show, it's got to start somewhere, you take them on a little journey and it's gonna wrap up tight goodnight everybody's got to be confident you're in the market, ST leader, here the AL site you're up there, you had any. It's like look. Nothing is more, I think, of all those things working as a club, comic
New York might be the most important because it forces you to follow guys like Atellan Louis whoever is coming on that night. Keep your shit together, stay cool, learn. It learned that people are biscuit and seated and leave it they're long shows they'll start show eight that goes to one in the morning. There's a lot of activity in the crowd, and you just got it. You got to learn to deal with it, so it's crucial, but it's not the end. Yeah it's good place to around, though it's a good gym right, like the how many stores good gym. For that you know. That's the same sort of scenario where show starts at eight hundred pm goes to two hundred o'clock in the morning. It's just a continuous show working, that's the one club, I don't work, it's dark start, That's why I didn't used to go there 'cause? It was so dark and I thought that people get bumped a lot. But now I hear it's become really better run, yeah, I hear good things. I've been hearing better things so there's, no, no stop talking with God about that yeah yeah. I stopped going there in the Mencia Incident of two thousand and seven it was it for Maine yeah February. I think
was seven years because you're a good fit for the road yeah. Now I like the ice better, it's the same sort of thing, but it's everyone's coolest Falk. When you go there, it's like the whole staff is just super friendly from the by get psyched. When I see bartenders, I get psyched see the manager like everybody wonders cool there. He loves comedy bobsled bus, it's like if I have a choice in place to to work out. I always go with the ice house in the audience. I it's one of the weird we're. Thank you walk on stage. There smiling at you, yeah yeah We talked in the just looking at you like so have you came thanks for thanks for coming down? Well, those crowds that we put together when we do those shows there too, it's like they're, so positive, yeah, they're, so psyched to be there and then you know you're doing a show with this. Like you know, you're, an calenzana on it's like they're killer lineups, so we've been doing them.
For a while instance. It's magical. So when I think about going somewhere else like I do little affect, or sometimes a dom a rare show, yeah that's what I'll do comedy Jews, the improv a around there and I I need to start doing the the flappers in Burbank and inserted a second, it's real good also West Side comedy theaters great we're set up so try to the prom yeah in America. It's sort of it's really weird. You enter it from an alley behind the third, St Promenade Dan. It's this little theater, but I'm telling you man. These crowds are so Looking good he's going there again this Sunday and I'm doing a Sunday night into some weeks. Now, if you would, let me know Manimal yeah with yeah, okay yeah, I want to be on Brendan, runs. Neal Brennan runs a club right. We run the night talk to me about that. Yes, right, no, that's good! He a l, a n l come down. I I'm excited to 'cause. I've always said like why they used to be places on the westside. Well, the improv had a place right on Santa Monica Blvd on the West side, so to the store now known as the original, but it was.
The store had won the west side. Yeah a lot of people, don't know that Kenison didn't really make his beginning in the store in Hollywood. Alot of sets did were in Brentwood. It was a common school right right. Yeah yeah close, I don't know long time before I came around. I came around ninety four. It was already closed, yeah, so um kenison and guys down there like Carl about these like ran the show. It was completely. Was it now, but there was a beast. I could working bees to those dirty, but I was hanging around with Adam for our nice to go with him. We split pool lot and plays really good as a yeah really good and So we went to Ibiza couple of times and he would do a set and then we go play pool afterwards back when would Billiards used to be around. Where is that well it was downtown. It was forget where it was, but there was an earthquake in ninety four,
three whatever it was up the structure they had to condemn the building and was a twenty four hour place then so, then it moved to more Hollywood Hollywood and it was there until recently place was on the second floor knows, stares. Actually you go downstairs to get the Hollywood Billiards yeah. It was a and then there was the Boston. Athletic club was another pool hall that was right off of sunset and it an old athletic club. They turn into a pool hall. It was great you stand over Ferrara was a real Paul yeah. It was a nice pool. I played with a bunch of guys play with Jim Breuer. I used to that's where I met MAX Aberle and that was a sweet spot to at that place, went under as well. That's great yeah there's no pool halls left in Hollywood now, they're all gone, I want to Santa Monica. That's pretty good, a great spot house of Billiards I play at the House of Billiards in Sherman Oaks. I play the tournament there, sometimes on Monday nights. Oh, I think it. I think you took me there once great yeah
does the only places left right, I mean for a game like pool with a popular sing, like Ella twenty million fucking people here right now. The relay is, I don't get la Nate is no late night places the team that are any good there's there's just that. Does a lot of that's just missed? What is a few places that are really good, like canters cancers is gray Cancers is fuqing form solid, New York Deli. It's the best, pastrami and Ella is an you can get that at two hundred o'clock in the morning. You can go there, there's Swinger Swing is a really good and healthy, too yeah. Yeah winners has some really good choices yeah, but for a city as big as LA yeah, I mean I could do a few if I now with my list. It would have been those same two restaurants, you know, that's it! it's not norms, fucking sucks, apparently there's a Pacific, dining cart in downtown. That's twenty four hours a day, yeah yeah the writers on Tosh, were telling me how great it was Pacific, dining
it's like a legit steak house, show yeah and there's one in downtown la that's twenty four hours a day yeah. So you get a steak but like a real live at stake in a restaurant at four am it's. We're. The la doesn't have the twenty four hour thing in general, like in Ohio, every store is open. Twenty four hours every like like we had Myers, I was open. Twenty four hours May department stores walmarts were all open twenty four hours once we all get all our stuff in Ohio is open twenty four hours, but then you go to LA ins like everything close like that, even in a walmart. So here click as to Fort Lauderdale- and I realize this call this night clubs around the hard rock stay open to five, clock in the morning yeah and then and then there's like clubs open till noon, that open at midnight in in Florida, while yeah en LA two o'clock done people, don't even stay up that late anyway, yeah that's
good thing about LA? Why is that? Why is everything close up? So early New York is like four am right. I don't know if it's, because it's like a healthy city of people get up early and high can do yoga and you're like work more grocery stores. That's a good another good example. Our grocery stores are open. Twenty four hours a day like that a good example 'cause people who work the third shift. That's tough action for them. You know you want to get off work. You get off work at four hundred o'clock in the morning. You want, pick up. Some groceries, you can't yeah up. Yeah. That's annoying. That would be annoying Boston, you couldn't buy alcohol on Sundays. Yeah. We used to go to New Hampshire, the blue laws, alright, so stupid, he retired. Jesus doesn't want you drunk you, how to get sober? So you can listen to the fact that the Father, let the father, touch your peepee, don't worry about it. You know higher. We have drive throughs where you can buy alcohol yeah. They have those new Hampshire drivers, the others in Phoenix to remember any size 'em. Yet Louisiana they'll give you a mixed drink, but they have to have to have a top on
the straw and the paper thing has to be covering the top of the straw call it beverage. Louisiana we had a driver once in Louisiana New Orleans, Nawlins, great fucking, guy and after we left. He was in know who's his us around. Rather, he tell us about he. He was what time is in another place in Indiana, Louisiana and he was the. Pull over, had a beer in his hand, and Cops are talking to him and asking him questions and he's answering the cops questions and he finishes the put it down and pops the other beer and the cop goes what the what are you doing and he goes he goes. Where are you from and he's like? New Orleans goes? Ok, ok, ok, listen!
you should there, you can't do anywhere else. You can't just drink a beer in front of me man, that's it that's! Why I'm pulling you over in the first place, and he goes- I wasn't even drunk, he wasn't even drunk, he was just enjoying a beer right driving. Other passenger, don't know he wasn't driving was walking walking on the street He didn't see anything wrong with it. It's not like I mumble, just walking down street cop pulls me over well, what's laws. Are you allowed to smoke pot? smoke here in your studio alleged This is what's going on with pot pies, decriminalized and would decriminalize does not mean legal. So in California, it's decriminalized in Colorado, it's legal in Colorado! You can just smoke weed They were trying to institute a law in Colorado where they would bring out the sensors and they would have things the their nose. They look preposterous. They look from a Dr Seuss book, come to life yeah. It's this thing
literally goes over your nose and looks like a bull horn and they would, through it? And if they could detect parts per million of marijuana outside of your residence. They could go in best. You are fine right, I heard about it, but everybody was everybody was so negative against it, but I'm pretty sure that they dropped it. People are so angry like how stupid that was very one thousand nine hundred and eighty four, not only that it gives people the ability to stand outside. You know what it is. It's people that were for the longest time in force a policy. That's not valid anymore. There's the thing to that guy's nose that should except I pass holy smelted. Looking he's already frowning, I mean well that guy needs weed more than anywhere right right. This smile on his face, which silly bitch but yeah it's in Colorado, and I didn't get a chance to like couple of I talked to. One of them isn't even doing comedy much because he's doing pot tours so in every
he's doing now for money in Colorado, they just do Kamidia pop shops know know that pot tour. Is people come into Colorados, so you drive around. I don't think that they can technically by I think you need to Colorado license to buy in the shops, but you can, walk through the shop and smell it and then buy it for you, and then they go out and smoke it, and it's like full tour and they make their making fuckin' tons of money. Wow, that's interesting, so they probably have material that they do just for the pot tours. Oh I'm sure, they're yeah yeah. They probably have a bunch of like Corning POD jokes, but they said it's great for the economy everybody's making money, it's unbelievable for the economy and that's what that fat, fuck New Jersey that dummy Governor Chris Christie that Fuckin' silly. Can he It will never be there on my watch, yeah yeah, and he cites some unbelievably unscientific study that came out of some major university, which is a great shot foundation. I don't know
put the study was, but it was about abnormalities and marijuana. The abnormalities across is in the brain. What does that mean? Well here's what it means! What's normal? Ok, just There's something has a certain content in it or your mind reacts a certain way without a drug. We The idea that that changing being bad? You have to demonstrate that there's something wrong with the people that it's changing. What are you? What are you demonstrating? That shows that this abnormality is in any way detrimental? What are you showing like, where all these people are smoking pot that have becoming shaking messes, where all these people that are smoking pot, millions upon millions upon millions of people are smoking pot in a daily basis? Why everybody they falling apart. Is everyone losing their job and if you're getting out of drive, are they looking at their phone going with the fuck? Is this? You know this is not happening like you're, not demonstrating any negative affects you're saying the study shows a negative effect, no doubt
The study shows a change. You can commission a study to say anything. You want when you look at the board the language in that study. It's not scientific at all. The language is creepy because the language says and when one of the quotes some I'm paraphrasing. It was something along the lines of you know. People that think that smoking pot even on a casual basis is, is fine. Study showing that it's not good at all. But you can't see it not good at all right because you're, not you're, not demonstrating, not good, you're demonstrating, is change. Just oil changes open personality, your creativity, your compassion, sex, you to to sexual intercourse. The way food taste in your mouth. Your way, you view other people, you're sensitive nipples, going down. There's a lot of things are going on, but these and these are the same people that will disagree with ninety eight percent of the scientists around the world who say there's climate change that are hard he's with real numbers that are scientific, well, this
Christy guys fat as fuck, which is one of the worst things he could be as a person, if you want to be healthy, shows a lack of character. It does. It shows a lack of willpower, it shows a lack focus and determination. You look what do you? How do you view life and you're going around a sloppy meat wagon? that's what you are you're, not an athlete you're, not someone. If you had a choice between being a person who respects their body and treats it well or The person that treats their body like fucking, big MAC dumpster. What's your choice? Well, you went with big MAC dumpster. Well, guess what you don't get to lead, 'cause you're, not a leader, you don't get to decide what's healthy when you're walking around like literally represented you're, going to have a heart attack yeah. I think there was a study that showed that people wouldn't vote for him, because they'd be afraid that he would die in office of a heart attack. He could die of sleep apnea for sure he has sleep apnea when you're that fat, you have sleep, apnea yeah. He probably snores like how I don't know. If you
gives the see pap machine if he doesn't. He should there's a lot of shit going on, but there's that guys proud they got on diapers a CPAC machine he's got a big MAC there's a type. Is that they're selling now told I'm Tony Jerod stuff was a lot of times of men. You you get a little drip, which is a tampon, the work, the front your die, because you directly man, pong and they're trying to sell it as like. A normal thing. Yeah me wants this guy with this Schwall Lynn, inflated caught and filled with on digested, food and feces that has been pushed out. Yet. Yes, it permeates all the different layers of his skin and tissue, not a muscle left under their. The muscles are all gone. I'm here to tell you that my dick broken amid Talian, my dicks leaking Trust, Maine
we're a tampon, keep eating them. Flocking meatball subs that Delicious funkalicious over here with these meatballs meatballs and saw they got Monica got. They got good good, good peppers. They put on the top there. Societies like my mother, God bless her. She died of a heart attack at fifty one. She weighs three hundred pounds, the truck that beat that. May I got ahead of me and I got my pepperidge. She got my meatballs. I know when I walk my the fat on my feet. Spills over the outside of my sneakers I like, and it looks like a little water falls into my heel. We're going step down just it's rolls over. I like to waddle 'cause, my fuckin', my guns,
taken out. My legs can't stay somewhere in the with the back of my head. Looks that they'll have the hot dog world look collect fat sausages that have grown out of the base of my skull to suit hello. Certainly strong grief for a fork in the in the the focus in the a nice assumes source each hello. You look at my face. You see a wrinkle in my face. You see any spider marks by my eyes. No, because the flesh is pushing out against the skin. All the time is pulled tight. It makes me look young and vibrant. I got my chance right all of how to do told me that that was William Shatner's Williams. Actor said this to him. He said he goes well. It was interviewing, apparently, is eighty years old and he goes great? He said I realize that a certain year that if I just put on five pounds a year. I never get really wrinkly 'cause. My face is like pushing fat out right anyways, I'm serious right, apparently like he. It was a strategy to like
stay young, looking like keeping your fake, but I don't think you're supposed to be that fat when you're. Eighty think that's like super bad for you right. That's just bullshit like 'cause he's fat. He just made that change he's working backwards, but it is true. If you get older fat people, they look way better than fat joggers or than older Jogar. No, I started running two years ago and I lost weight in my face and now I look like a fucking skull. I take my eye. Looks like a look at this. When I took my head, I look like a light bulb. There's no light, hits it and there's just like. I just told my face and smoking and you liked it better when you have like a little plump image, see I wasn't plugged, but this is like it. Receipt
it sure looks like it's sticking out and I don't know how to put weight on my face. You know that's once it's gone, it's gone, yeah, that's the thing that happens with women. They get fat injections in their face because you're as you get older, your thin you've tend to send out in the face and makes a lot of them not like the way that looks so they get. Those crazy fillers till you see the fillers. Now that's a regretful decision at his side to do this is not silicon. It's like actually know what it is. Man I mean. Sometimes they do. They do do it with fat, but they use artificial fillers on their faces yeah and when they use filler Eve gives in this, like pull up some images to try to be kind some fine one that is a woman's face, blacked out or something so we don't have to model car, but these poor people they they order these doctors and they get this stuff in did in their face. It makes it look like someone beat them up like their cheeks
puffing out and the cheek puffing out look sort of like diminishes wrinkles, and it gives us like fuller effect, but it looks show monster like yeah there's a lady at my daughter school and she it's been real nice lady, but so that that's a lady did at seven eleven yeah. That's a bad debts are who did it badly? I was wondering, like you know, If you're married an you, get a facelift or a boob job. You really just think, like you get ready leave your husband because he doesn't give a fuck. I bet he gives a phuck. Maybe once maybe it's a womans idea. Maybe it's the man's idea. You know every every situation is different, but some get psyched. Let's say: yeah, my wife get Boob job yeah. I wanna see a picture of you big kid now you want to come over, Bro thought my wife Gladys away that Juicy Posey. She had a couple of babies, but they tighten up nicely tightened up. The undercarriage
We tossed a little bit of a silicon down on the tank strip is all your before and after that feels like a baby's fist. Yeah, let's not show this poor woman. No, that's not a good example. Either people really get away with it. Like I don't know no idea found generous got work done, but she looks. Can you pull up a before after on Ellen I don't know if she's doing exercise of taking vitamins but whatever it is her face, looks twenty years, younger than it used to it's, call having a billion dollars. Yeah yeah, I'm probably as doctors and sing fetus cells into her body on a daily basis and have that kind of cash feet. Sounds she house she just sold recently. The that you know is like it was like on a website that, like the house like, oh my god, can eight million dollar house, so she black Brad, Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's house. They built it and then they could switch used. Now, that's not the example right. You just nailed
look what she used to look like now, it's crazy, but the one on the right would still be there before. There's an after. That shows her face much more filled out, less less deep lines. Do you work there are two after the first two years of the shell but was not like. I want four Emmys, that's really good yeah. What was it like to work? the end user and their gold says my name on it. Let's talk about it, I understand. Made a lot of money. I was an ally, I was I know yeah I was stressed out right yeah. I was just as they they they just grab. People offer this park bench in there like me that just parked hang out of the park. No, no! No, I was I was. I was in Burbank they film in Burbank at and I was driving in in this one twitter, for she first got on Twitter and she
We did something like a meet meet at this bench in the next five minutes stressed up as a super hero, so I was driving a MIKE. That's the bands that, like wow, I was driving by so it's I pulled over real, quick and try to make something out of ship that I had my car, so I just dressed up. All blue, like blue scrubs, was my girlfriend girlfriends like er scrub schitt, and I made myself look like blue guy from what's that movie avatar, Manhattan from even had a dick Also 'cause I sleeve, where did I had to sleep, hi. This is leaving I put like a pillow in it to make it look like a dick, so I like like, walked out with like a fake dick, it's time again on tv, yeah, yeah, I'm very creative and yeah. The fact is this long constructed based on things that he had been lying around this car right, yeah use, condoms, Starbucks CUP yeah show the level of commitment that neither you nor I would have will get as much of it is to pay off. He gets to meet Alan
Did you see the new video of rob? Forgot buses, smoking crack again now yeah, it's great he's going to rehab now. Well, I was just letting the crown it meant. Okay, I love the commitment of a a drug dealer, videotape them who cares? She is there. She got sensing and then the she's talking about how I just got twitter and then I'm sitting at this. Why she went to tighten there's. Wear ties, friends with this guy, also but she's a woman, but she good. Lesbian, oh didn't know that big stupid dick. That's pillow from a terrible superhero that's the dumbest superhero ever did you actually get to meet her in person? Oh yeah, and she gave me a bunch of presence and we are on the whole episode. Like she kept on going back to us and wow She doesn't, but I I'm just like a guy. That's weird
still not that my tweets, my tweets is sure to my babies are real. That's cool you know is great, is we they did this thing for Christmas, the twelve days of Christmas, and so they would like- right, like you, get a car and you get a car, but every day for, like thirty days leading up to Christmas, They gave the audience something huge, and so, as a producer, we got whatever it was every day so one day, I'd come home with like a Dyson vacuum cleaner. The next day it was like a Posturepedic mattress, you know it was like crazy, big gifts. You know at the time and Ipod was a big deal. They just come out got ipods. One day, fucking tv, he said the next day, wow. That's crazy! Yeah! There's a lot of swag promoting stuff on television like if you're on television, you promoting items like to think impact impact have must have the product on the pipe. The price is right, or something like that. That's
you understand with product placement. It's like you know, people probably send you sh it right, and you talk about it on your show. Yeah definitely think about what that's worth you talking about something on the shell. More people should send you stuff, I'm sending it out my laying around here, there's too much stuff, but it's to be able to help people to like you find out about something that you really like get to yeah. This dude is down in Chile. Taking there's so much plastic in the ocean, and so they taking it all in a fisherman of it is fish fish nets Fishermens nets, I take it, they recycle it, make it a skateboards and now they're selling them all over the country, so that dude is going to come in. He sent me a scape you, my son, make skateboards together, so he heard about that. So we see sending me a bunch of nineties and come in and and do the show is doing a tour of the? U S, only skateboards. So how do they were true? How do they extracted from the ocean if the fishermen collected and bring it into the guy? All that's a good move. You make it worth something like can't right. Exactly probably the smartest move when it come
just to figuring out how to do that garbage patch in the middle of the Pacific 'cause. If they could, make it so that it's like a recyclable, like you know, just like cans or worth x amount of dollars. If you could bring in x amount of plastic waste right and then companies would like to develop some sort of it's like here, billion dollars worth of plastic Please just floating around the ocean. To figure out how to extract it. You could profit, so they might spend millions to try to extract billions right right and it some I also like how do you get people to? I think it's the Iphone they have a covering on the on the face of it, that's titanium or some kind of metal. That's really just that in Africa. It's another way thanks where there is mines where people are killing each other thinking cold. Is that what is in it? Yet it's a conductivity item, I think AIDS and kind of activity
it's inside the actual phone itself, yeah they need. They need a better program to recycle phones. Lot of them are getting thrown out, yeah, no, but you're right man. They also Another way to do it when they don't have to use this conflict, minerals, yeah, there's a phone. Came out with just like a karma free phone like that was We call that we start calling the karma free phone, but it was. It was the name of that phone. It did come out. Well once you look it up, it should make it fun phone out of it. It was make a flip phone. There was a phone that it came out. Like a year ago, but the issue about it was that it was only 3g. It wasn't. 4g Lte people like well, I want karma, but I want to get my email really quick to give up anything. Then it's so funny. It is funny yeah I mean we want. We want it all. We can take a step back. It's crazy
and I get caught up in it. I get all the latest yeah. That's a that's a good one, though that's a good one, because it was like a sounds like a test for the human race You know it's a great android phone, it's very beautiful. It's got a nice screen, but it only has 3J Watt I mean that one that they make with babies and there's that amazing 'cause, because it was personal in your life. If somebody said, if you do x your child, will be killed or, if you do ask somebody but their arm cut off by the John Joey somewhere in the Congo to get it, then you wouldn't do it, but but now because it's far away place, we don't take the exact connection that we know about that. If you buy this product you're supporting this, and so now it doesn't mean anything to us. You know I'm talking about myself, no tool, almost everybody. If it's not as good, you don't care you like talking. I want the best show always had the best at the best? It's always what I've been reaching for
the best. It's here and there's this new thing: it's called the fairphone. Let's play the video 'cause, they have a video on there. So do you think that if you knew that every time you masturbate it, you would lose ten minutes from your life? Do you think he would stop masturbating? Or would you do it in a controlled way, or would you just say fuckit? I think you'd so far, 'cause your life without masturbating would be so frustrating it's like. Whatever ten minutes you give up is a lot of ten minutes in a day. If you're a maniac and you zhirkov Everyday five times a day. You're can to have a real problem. But if you wanted those once every need a guy yeah. What are you giving up giving up thirty minutes. A month gives a thirty this What is it we have it but what we don't have a clue, about what's inside the stuff, we don't know where it comes from
or who made it. We know almost nothing about our stuff. That's why we started with an alternative for the thing we can't live without Alice phone
people find this. This is what we're building the smallest is on the phone, which makes it more than a fun it's a beginning in the right direction when making it happen. A small for this main away, we'll already working hard on the first batch and that's where you come in. We need to pre order because owning this fine, you can make a difference. You can change. Don't come, it sounds like a good idea. However. I get my money before I see your fucking products. I want it reviewed before I buy it's gonna suck, I'm not going to
starter at my fucking life. You know, like your whole. Life depends on your phone, you're, going to use the Android operating system, which is you know, nice and established. It works and everything like that. But. I need to know that it's not just a terrible horrible piece of shit before I give you need to make a prototype and put it out to the reviewer, so they can. Let me know if it's worth your money yeah and you also like this. The reason why people invest in companies like you bring. Investors, who don't get it from white. Getting kickstarter style for a phone- that's just that's, not a smart thing for a person to invest in I mean I guess the thinking behind it might be if a corporation comes in they're, going to demand that you use those metals because they want. The pricing It was possible and you know, but what they. Definitely, though I mean, it doesn't seem like to me that it's impossible to find an ethical company right. There's companies out there that would look at
they're doing and say this max another I mean I'm watching a commercial. I'm like I love this. It makes it makes you feel good. I mean I want to buy ship. That makes me feel good. I think a lot of people respond to that now, yeah. I wonder if it's all conflict free to wonder. If he's cold ten, I wonder no said titanium and aluminum conflict. Free, yes, said it's it's so even it's a step in the right direction. It's worth it yeah! Well, it's nice people are thinking that way. They also- and I also realize that there's a market for it. That's the other thing. That's nice is it still blew people away with the Prius and they had no idea. It would be as successful as it was. People felt good buying it. I drive one and I hate I want a Mustang and how to drive. My car, yeah yeah, will drive around the neighborhood after this it'll change life, is it going to be awkward if I get an erection while we're driving now I'll, be fine, just don't get off on my dashboard, period that erection yeah I'll just handle it right there. My friend he is going to be a good ride. Had a buddy jerked his dog off
just on off with his and I go, I guess 'cause. He needs relief to the dogwood line, it's back and he put his foot on a dogs dick and go like this on the dogs dick and target score over a stomach. You don't talk to this friend anymore. I hope. Well, you know it's amazing about that. It's illegal, even though the dog dog every time I pet my dog. He tries to put his dick in my hand, so who the victim who's, the victim of the crime. Is it illegal to jerk your dog off? that which means I was thinking about this. It means that if there's a law against jerking off your dog, that means that some congressman stood, on the floor and said he proposed the bill, saying We can't shirk off your dog and every other congressman lemon went guys, jerking off
yeah these guys angry he's angry his own instinct see only way he thinks he could stop is if there's a law against it, crazy son of a bich. What are you trying to pull? Did your mother Fucking KKK guy who, I think he's one of the ones that shot up a school recently it turned out that busted him years back with a male prostitute, a black male prostitute, This anti gay KKK cat all about family, because the KKK is all the family. They'll tell you. This is so many people that are like that. Just angry at it, because Is there it's in their system and then there's fighting it? There get off the gay or they fighting off the want to fuck dogs right there yeah. Previously busted with blackmail. Grand dragon he killed. Three outside of jewish Center in Kansas, and there tends not even be jewish
so he failed on three counts: number one. He it didn't even kill the people he supposed to hate? Never, he's funny he's not. He could have been a hero if he'd shot real jewish people. But then he have been rejected because then all his brothers, the KKK, know that he was fucking a black male prostitute. Well now really now, but he's going to say that that's just propaganda as soon as the government, Gay STAR news is going to say this is the best website ever what you should do a segment on your show, where every episode you check in on the top stories on Gay STAR News, I'm I'm for it. It's pretty smart, That would be funny on a podcast to find some really obscure specific website and just check on it every week you know like like, You know tulip dot com. We have to be careful with what you promote, though
causeifgaystarnews. If you star news, dot, com turned out to be like propaganda, like the onion for Gay news right out to be. Tyron Mean Satire, yeah, yeah, there's there's so many of these fake news website. I hate like there's that Joe Rogan one that that from UFC. Could you fail your drug test? That's going around right now. They want things, Israel, yeah, so much so that a friend of mine sent me a text saying how much it was bullshit like This is crazy, they're out of their mind, we got the guy came up. That idea got fired like oh Christ. What is it? There's uh website that made a parody thing saying that I got drug tested at the see, and I failed my drug test. He suspended me, oh no shit and then they fired the guy who came up with the idea to drug test me he's now fired like the whole thing is so stupid. It's all fake it someone just made it up, but it's not, funny. It's like that's the thing that people are doing these days. They just make up stories, the onion, will make something up. It be so ridiculous that it's funny, but these
guys aren't doing that they're just making up stories. Creator, Romer yeah, we call themselves a parody website, but most people don't realize the party website. So even if it says in a disclaimer and everything on this side is full of shit, and it says that you don't read that You read the fucking story, because you get a link to the story. Right click on the link you go to it you, oh my god. I can't believe they would do this. You send it to a million other people. They send it to millions of people. You read it on your phone you're on the subway, in the contacts of it, you're, never seeing the disclaimer, even if somebody googles Joe Rogan UFC, that might lead them to that right to the article and seen by hundreds of thousands of people already is Christ and passed I mean it's it hit me on Twitter, who knows how many times hey get a or the mainstream press and anyone all? No! No! No! It's it's pretty obvious. Well do it. I mean they have been duped before right. You know we're people. Didn't do their due diligence, but I think the main the press is a little bit more aware of that. Now so they'll go and look at the source and then say: oh look is a parody site and people look for a parody site like right away. Now
This man's been dupes and it seems like I get caught on something I member id with the Boston bombing member. They pointed down the suspect who was not a suspect, yeah people surrounded his house and his name is probably still ship, because people won't even forget they'll forget it wasn't right right. The Atlanta bomber Olympic Bomber got into anything and they used in, but he was a security guard if I can grow ruined ruined and the stress, thank our comp because of that yeah. I hate that guy got because that must've been unbearable everywhere. You go people I terrorist you get death threats. ' regular basis. Some dude is in his car right now, loading up his gun, driving from Louisiana to your house 'cause. He wants to defend America right. He knows where it is. I know where that motherfucker lives it's time to rock and roll
so I can get in his car and start driving you because of 'cause. It's saying, let's see listening to on the radio, that I love Any word on wheel, Kevin Meaney right after nine hundred and eleven he was the airport in San Francisco with his wife and kid, an like his daughter ran through airport security and she was young. She was like three and he went to go getter and the police grab them and he struggled and he got arrested and it got into the press that he was and he got him Our sense of this was it they wrote it that he was like fucking with airport security and he got blown up. It was brutal. All all over the news you remember I remember that now that you bring it up yeah crazy. The airport security can get really wacky. With the rules and not understanding that it's a fucking three year old, the most ridiculous thing ever like you're, going to try,
person with three year old is not going to be a terrorist. You dipshit, the average person with three year old in the three year old, Saint Daddy, is that daddy yeah relax let the guy go back through everything's, going to be fine, yeah. Well You know it's it's to the point where they you got to have some profiling. I mean that's why I allow the israeli airlines never had a terrorist strike, because why follow their methods, which is take a look. Situations like that and put it lower on the priorities and then take people like yourself with a shaved head, it's kind of bulky you've got that look in. And swat you down me. The cavity search going, I think it's the same thing that leads people to shoot dogs, it's just an abuse of power situation. You know it's the same thing where they know they can get away with it, so they do it and they're, fresh that role just at the wow are you kidding me
oh shet, other padding down these little kids like to play combing through the hair. Look there looking in the hair, that's not real, it's totally real, so high percent real. They do do this riveter as make sure it's a real ask it. Could holyshit, yeah are they middle eastern? Is that why they're doing it, who knows what kind of Middle EAST doesn't matter? doesn't matter, people are crazy and I'm glad coming making videos of this yeah that their parents supposedly did this filmed. It these two kids, this going on forever. Yeah I've never been packed like this. You know so stupid shut it off man. Usually they just grab- they don't grab your dick, but they touch and then they go to they just graze the happiness on the front of your leg to make sure it's on a bullet. You think my penis looks like a bullet ordered missile
I like a missile right right right right little bullet now I thought no like Lego for consoles eg walking dead, he's packing up for the feast San Janeiro. You know we go down a little lately. We get the funding sources, each use the services they put the peppers. You know they got the Mona Geesh and they thought it should bread. They use this like a mama used to make with a yeast infection back at mobile, strong. No, he went with yeast infection. Do you, member that fucking, that festival is on my block? I lived on Mulberry Street. That's right in my lobby. I was like I can't. This is crazy as whole lives. Here right. You lived like in the heart of Little ITALY right, we're basically prints and spring on a five story: walkup which would you choose to live there was that about. Well, you remember Paul Lyons comedian, Paul Lyons, his guy who had an opening. I was moving in New York and he said this is. I can sublet my unit.
And I moved in there for three months and I fell in love with the neighborhood. All like you know, everyone knew each other. An everybody was doctor and I met a couple of nice people in the building so place open. Next door- and it was it was a one bedroom connected to a studio. Ann they'd, illegally popped out the door in between and raised a family there for like forty years, and it was tone leanne Gladys, Reghu, and so they and they met and they had a place around the corner. There, son Tony who in construction lives, a Staten island. Now, nice house. He bought Macondo around the around the corner, 'cause they were too to climb up the steps anymore. So this sub, let it to me- and I mean they sell it like four hundred dollars for this unit, but and they were paying like two hundred dollars- was rent controlled, an every Maybe I was paying like six hundred and every I'd walk around the corner and I had to pay them in cash.
I go around at first. I would they. They make me a cappuccino that have cannolis and I would give four hundred dollars in cash and then, when Tony would leave the room I give Gladys. The other two hundred on site bingo. Money Tony doesn't need to know about that no way and when I first moved in those two different prices, two different prices to his little kick back and then the place was literally one door over and upstairs from from the what was the club that that God along to go yeah yeah? He was arrested yeah, so so social club cost the ship. But Tony says to me anything never happens to you. You tell because you know I know people, I'm not going to say why? No, but I I think you know why new and and so like, and so we I opened up, they left their furniture and it was all like literally the plastic on the couch. It was
everything had like a formica on it and the end table had uh an eavesdropping device on the phone and it had bullet casings wo an it was like. Each everything was just really fucking weird is the Ravenite, the rave I social club exactly apparently they were there. The associates frequented by John Gotti and his associates in the late nineteen seventies and nineteen eighties yeah from nineteen. Ninety federal Bureau of Investigation was able to infiltrate tomorrow if you're, using secret electronic surveillance. You know they did, they couldn't bug the places the bug the place itself and then they found it. So what started. Doing was God in his boys, would walk up and down Mulberry Street and have conversations so what the FBI do was they started parking cars on Mulberry Street and putting easy open devices in the hub caps of the cars, so they would pick it up as
we're moving, they would grab the conversation and that's how they actually put him away: wow yeah wow. That's fascinating! in every shop on the street there was pictures of Gotti up they fucking love, this guy and then at the time there was this one dude who was, he was up front, or just so, he was trying to get insanity pleas, so he'd walk around the neighborhood and Pajamas Vincent the Chin Gauge Anti Anti yeah. Yeah. He you are not only do they do that, but when they would talk about him they would just point to their Chan. They will go. It was PO well good idea, but you know he's gotta know about it. No shit there point to the chin. And they would know who they were talking about it. We didn't allow anybody to use his name and he would pretend to be crazy. Yeah walk around shuffle. I don't think it worked. I think he I think we're talking about him right now, so and we know we're pretty far in the outside, but
and then there was this woman named Gina and she had these three dogs and should walk around. I mean literally did laps of the neighborhood just walking around and she ran the numbers and if you want to bet on the numbers, you give her give her money and then you know how to pick, numbers is the last three numbers of the purse at aqueduct today before those were the three numbers and whatever it was they paid out on it and she was all cash and she would go. Who is the shark bar on the corner, and that was the main place you hung out, but I mean just walking and people walking through shaking her hand given like a dollar like here's, a dollar on three hundred and eighty seven yeah, my grandma used to do that. Had she, my grandmother went to jail for months, what she she's running numbers and They wanted her to rat out the mob. She wouldn't do it. She was running the numbers she was selling. I mean she was moving around. She was doing
for the mom, but you know it works yeah. You know the have someone go and you know place bets and talk to this and Margie once fifty on that Gina, you know thinks this is our numbers and she would collect the numbers and then she would bring them the whole. You know she wasn't like. A ton of money off of it, but they wanted to roll over who's. Your grandmother grandmother went to jail for six months and Solarius. Would you know she was in jail? Not till later I was not until I was like a teenager. I thought that she would She was visiting her all like where's grandma grandmas without Mary. That was always the story So she for six months she was in the pokey shouldn it fuqing sweaters for the guards should you know it just kept her in jail, wow that's hilarious, pretty hard. You never talk to her about it. No she would have never admitted to me anyway. She would my grandmother wore a wig and she crazy and she was always psychic. There was always a ghost
nearby there was like. There was a lot of thought. She was nuts she was a really eccentric woman. That's a fun grandma to have that monkey. She had a monkey daddy name Cici that used to live in the attic and he would bite people watt yeah. She she would chew, gum he give Chia pet stick of gum. He opened up the ticket out of rapper, put his mouth, chew it and look at you all, freaking crazy. Even the kids came near me would start screaming and climb on her and she had a monkey. My fucking Grand Father hated that monkey. Oh, my god, love is in This is fascinating, but The main reason why I was averse to relationships that in my own parents, relationship which was horrific when I was a little kid, my real dad and my step dad is a great guy and he's been with me since I was like seven years old he's a sweetheart like he's, never never hit my mom wants, but the is that my mom and my dad got into before my mom left when I was little was like five years old were horrific. Now
violence screaming it was really really hard to like ever think about wanting to be in a relationship because of that and my grandparents scream at each other. Now grandparents wasn't violent, but my grandmother would they're both named Joe, who is Josephine and my grand father was Joseph Joseppi, but you know in ITALY they would call him that american column Joseph, but they would scream at each other screw down Rashmi Chow and my grandmother is late for everything he would have to tell something was at two hundred o'clock. If it was at six like this pitch was just late right. She was always she wanted to put a wig on again this week doesn't work. I need another week and she put it another wig on it was just craziness yeah. She was always make food together like she was a killer cook, so she'd always like make homemade. Pasta and she would like, if she would like say we all had to meet somewhere, like My grandmother is not going to be ready on time. If there was a family gathering and everybody was meeting at six hundred o'clock, you know my grand father
you're frazzled they would be screaming at each other, so now all I would ever. I would She ate release, Tips was screaming at each other and possibly hitting each other. That's what I saw so far that before seven I mean you know this. Kids. I mean your kids are getting to that age where it's like you, the learning happens in the first. Like Ericsson, you know Freud, they all say the learning happens, the first five six years after that you corralling them. Little bit. Of that mean you certainly changing the way they interact with people, you shape it an I don't totally buy it. I think there's a lot of times. That's when people stop paying attention, they haven't for a first cut, years they do and then they think wow that kids can walk out a kick and talk and they start just let him walk and talking. Well, you know, most of their learning is done within the first couple of years right, so you could say that, because I've learned and grown as an adult, so here you're an exception
you know you really are- I mean I've said this before the show like I've known you I feel like before, and after not that before was bad but you're Energy changed so dramatically an I think, you're If it is, we were young, so we were so hungry to make it that we were just you know, competitive and fucking. Anger was working in a good way, but then you, You changed and that's rare lot of lot of people. Don't change. Most people don't change at all. Where I came from a crazy, the world of martial arts competition going up doing that like forming for my personality through high school competing in mixed martial or in a martial arts tournaments full can't taekwondo tournaments, instead to violent crazy, like that, the idea of that being which shapes your life and then trying to interject yourself into normal society like you're, always on hair trigger you always ready to smash things, always ready to fight like it's like it's.
Weird way to develop as a human being so took long time to calm that down If you were raised with that kind of anger and that kind of physical violence, then the LG was actually taking and putting focus on it and developing it, as opposed to developing other facets of of your personality sort of it's certain. We would certainly controlled, though too, in a way better way than just you know, being angry one which is like training and discipline and focus the carrot. Development of martial arts had a huge impact on just me moving out of where I was when I was a young boy to moving where I was as a young man. So even though I might have been more prone to having violent tendencies because of my background it was way more in control because of martial arts right way more in control, but it's just
I just martial arts was competing. Just the hardcore competition of this national tournaments was just really fucked. It sucks with your brain to cheat- live wires. Your brain in a very strange way, because it would be prepare for a tournament, be terrified fight. Be relieved for a little while little while and then okay when's the next one and then start being terrified. Right. Right start, the stress again start the training, and you know you can't slack off, can't can't get injured you gotta get. You know I was just it was, much of it was like so much. Stressful than just regular life but in a way it made you engage, I mean I think, kids that come from a childhood like yours, have two options: you it's fight or flight. You either get into drugs and fucking up an rejecting everything. Socially or you can focus hyper focus in on something which is it's made you show up for life and made you engage, it. Let's you control that thing. Inside of you, too, you figure out
how to discipline, because if you don't those crazy wild emotions like a lot of people that engage in violent crime and violent activities and make horrible, take socially. A lot of that is. This overwhelming response is overwhelming. Enerji that you've developed from just being raised in a terrible environment and environment was nothing compared to a lot of people's mean my environment up toes five was pretty violent. With my mom and my dad. Would nobody hit me You know I was ok and it was it was it could've been way worse, we hate, we always had food on them, you got to live with my grand father and my grandmother when I was five, so I got to see that my mother was a strong woman and she set a positive example. When someone is abusing you, don't just take it, you got it right. The first time I ever saw it acted you and that's huge. I think one of the most difficult things with domestic abuse is to see that that your mother is now. Fighting back and you see that you become a victim yourself. Yes, You feel, like also you you're, vulnerable human being
that you need to be protected. That's the number one thing a parent is doing and when you feel like you're not being protected, your world is, ok? Well, not only that it was important to me. I think, to see that my mother stood up for herself and she realized. This is no way to live life and no matter what person tells you they tell you, they love you and they hit you. This is not love you gotta get out of there, and so it made sense that we like. I never felt bad that we left my dad. I felt weird aren't together anymore, but I never felt like my mom did the wrong thing. I knew she did really yeah. It was no, not about even at five. I knew we had to get away from them. You know, that's really. Weird, because most kids there's. You know that that relationship with your parents being gather is its life itself. It is sustenance. Its food is protection that units staying together. So for you to feel otherwise is that's very rare. It was pretty obvious man. When you see your dad hit your mother, when you see
and our our. I remember just I remember what those sheets looked like on the bed. I remember the the lay out of the house was five member. The path that I ran to get out of the kitchen. Hit her. I remember all that shut. My mother brought home hamburger and she went out to get something to eat for dinner and my dad got upset that it was just hamburger, so he slapped her in the face just whacked her in the face and she dropped in IRAN. You know, I probably around five somewhere between four and five hundred. I guess and it it's stained, my brain like I'll, never forget it, because sometimes If you see a conflict and you walk in while the conflict is happening, you don't know what happened. You just see: violence,
don't know why someone telling someone it's very confusing, but when you see it from the beginning there was no room for rationalization. It wasn't like my mother, try to stab him and then he slapped- or there was nothing that was just my mom came home. She had hamburger, he hit a he's evil. It was. Like a medieval he's, an animal all I could think of as a little kid was wow my dad's piece of shit. You know that all these ideas that you have about every kid wants to think that his dad is the greatest dad. Superman's dad is the most righteous and the smartest and coolest, but I knew my dad was bees yeah, because my mom was my mom. Sweetheart she's, just my mom is because of the fact with my grandparents screamed at each other. All the time like they yelled constantly. My mom rejected that right. Hardly she never screams. I don't think I've seen my mom scream in her entire life. In the sixty plus years, I've known her that she's rather been alive in the fall
six that I've known her, but she also never seen with Yoshida she's she's great I'm she's a nice person, she's a kind nice person, but well they say if you know, if it no matter how bad your childhood is. If your mother is strong and you have a connection with her you're going to be okay, it. I think it is certainly is way better than not having that for sure, but I think that not having a relationship with your father or having a terrible one, can really a yeah yeah. I know a lot of Mander grown men that will, you know, still complain about the relationship they have with their father about the Father. Did this and you didn't encourage me, did that and a certain time. It's like you gotta, let all that chit guy, like you, got to move past that an it's. To move past that that guy still in your life, you know I have a friend who it's a bad relationship with his dad, and you know his dad's and sold things that blames him for his own childhood and they have this crazy. Flare ups and then
cut him off and won't talk to me anymore and then his dad will send a long, email apologizing. Then let him back in yeah and nothing's changed using the father. Staying the same, so it's really about your it's always at your weakest point, eleven bag. In again yeah I mean there was a divorce at an early age, and you know they would split time between the dad in the mom and It's hard, you know 'cause. My advice is like cut him off his cancer man. Fuckem move, changer change, number move, don't let him know just get that dude out of your life, just just that Idiot sixty years old and still stupid, yeah you still dumb asshole that ruins everything just move on. Yeah, I'm not hitting, is not coming from a place like you said you saw your mother did nothing, and so you realize that anytime somebody is hitting a child or a spouse. It's there. Anger, something's happening in their life that they are out of control and their venting it. It's not like especially
the kids and they were well kids, I love in comics talk about that like when I was a kid. There was no time outs, there was a smack. It was a one off show. There was a knock out and it was yeah and that was really fuckedup. It's so don't be nostalgic about child abuse. It meant that the dad didn't know what the fuck he was doing and he was letting off steam its affective. It definitely puts you in line, but it also ruins you write flux, your head up, the idea That's a beneficial thing, so stupid right. It's never good to kids! Nope you! You know, but You know the nostalgia for shity parenting. The way their parents were raised people get past that get past. All that. That's the number one problem with humans today is there raised poorly the Hume. In body and mind together as a cohesive unit, is like the most complicated of machinery in the world and developing. It is
free anybody can do it, there's no one can tell you how to do it and it's the most important resource in our entire society is new human beings, nice, human beings and they're all being developed by a flock in idiots, shitheads and idiots responsible for a great percentage of the world's population like as far like how many they're shipping out and there is, there's no training, no travel like you know they would be parent parenthood with Keanu Reeves, where he said like it was. It was great line about like a any can. If you want to get. Fishing license. You have to take a test, but any asphalt can have a kid, and it's like It really is amazing that there is not more and they're starting to see more and more than I just did this benefit for this amazing place in Cleveland the off I think of it, but you
take families in when they're in crisis. If the mother feels like she's going to be here, she's had her kid, she doesn't want him again they're about to get thrown out because they don't have rent money. They get Providence they come in and they can how's the kids. You know for two three it's sort of a buffer before you go into like a homeless shelter and they give coaching to the parents. Here's how you deal with it when you're freaking out, you think you're going to hit your kid here's. Some substance, abuse problems, here's parenting classes At the same time, the kids are being taken care of and they're being given tools, It's amazing. I you start to see more and more of these kind of stopgap agencies coming up that can get get in there where there's a problem- and you know reformat the hard drive so that parents are getting what they should have gotten when they were younger, which is an instruction manual. And even as their older, it's like the amount of time. We spend doing things that are important like,
food and exercise and making money and having a career. Those are all important things right, spend a tremendous amount of time doing those. But managing your mind and you're standing, how your mind works and understanding the bad patterns that your brain can get into and giving yourself tools whether it's meditation whether it's yoga self help. Books can be profound sure without a doubt, without a doubt, but time focus on improving the quality of your thinking right, proving the quality of the way you interact, a relationship that you have with other human beings, Tom, spent on that is so I'm under emphasized right right and it should be a core part of what it means to be a part of a civilization yeah. We should have come unity groups where we meet together and we all like exchange ideas. An re emphasize the idea That's important to have community re emphasize the idea that it's important to treat each other well to the kids.
Each other well that all this should be passed down, that those aren't enemies out there in the street through all your friends that we're all in this together right in the big problem, is that we no longer have communities, I mean you suck, but italy- and you know I read this piece about these- these people that live really long in the small village in ITALY and it's not just the diet. It's the fact that there is. You know two hundred people in village, and every day you walk to your job and you stop along the way you talk to. You know, MRS. I got it what's going on with your husband and and there's interconnection that makes people feel and, like you said, you see things get in perspective. You know you eat the balance of your life Is there an and when you lose that and you move to cities may think it look at us We live on the other coast from our family. You know people- I don't know the people in my neighborhood and it's just like The am I, and so it's like you do have to create. You have to like. Let's go to dinner, you know, let's get
side, there's mommy and me groups where you know Mommy's in their kids, at that. That was a really great experience for my wife having that, but you know creating what what we're lacking now, which is the groups of people communicating and supporting without a doubt, one of the most important things is a human being to have to be like a lone wolf. Every a dick. This is construal dick right like that was always like the thing that everybody wanted. The guy could just get on his motorcycle ride across the country. Bob if you need any better I've off into the sunset. Is Clint Eastwood not have one hundred friends like what's going on? Why is this guy just hopping horse showing up in town, shooting everybody 'cause he's an asshole is fuqing Lonerider Zadik Head right right is forty years old, we're just friends right the flux going on his horses out front. He sits down or does a shot of whiskey flick, cynical. The bar fax, a leaves and medical and for a glass of whiskey. I need
dumped, a hot load that horse is gonna, have a baby. Why you riding a horse across the country in one thousand and fourteen your friends, man, you would've got a flip phone for you, gotta get in touch with people now that's a fun thing that we always romanticize the lone Wolf right. Those guys are almost always idiots. It's the Marlboro man. Look at him, smoking, those guys all died. Everyone of those dia guys in the ads died. Don can't add the dog a bad way. It's smoking. Is it it's a fuck? It's a way of saying stay away from me. I'm blowing afucking. Pink cloud around my face. My breath is schitt. My teeth are brown Attell smokes Pax days on some level, two packs yeah, that's alot, sandals, probably close. My dad- three one slash two packs a day drop dead at fifty one of a heart attack from it boom wow three one slash two Axa Diana Hashtag used to get up in the morning. That's like one, every seven minutes or something isn't it
yeah yeah. That's I figured out so about five seven minutes. He would light a cigarette and smoke it on the edge of his bed, throw it in the toy cuz I was, I would remember, I guess you wouldn't flush. Should I come down and to be yellow water and there would be a cigarette just floating in that would like another one. He put it on the basin of the shower, get in the shower half through lean out. Take a couple drags a cigarette, well hi, and he was in radio. He would just sit there and just when you were yeah yeah I I had asthma as a kid. My mother smoked a pack a day and this is New York. Our windows are closed most of the year because it's cold and they smoke driving in the car smoking. Yes, you in the right, amazing, you don't smoke for you know you know typical teenager early 20s and then asthma? It would give me fucking asthma, that's crazy, that they would like, leave you in the house with all their smoke. There's no way get.
Now it's just, you would smoke you're smoking. When you read it, do you recognize it or not? You were a smoker right, wow and I remember we at least have to change the carpets and again the couch every once in awhile, because it would it would stink from all the smoke being- oh, my god was a chain smoker dance a chain smoker and the kids are just suffering and they don't even care right. They don't even pay attention affect the blowing smoke in their babies for taking the kids taking the kids to the doctor's office once a week to get shots for that. As my all my connection, there whatsoever see you soon. He was not. That makes me so that's why I try to watch mad men, but I get so bummed out with all the smoking. It starts to really bother me wow. What a fucking amazing trick they pulled on the american people or people in general. Get them poison themselves, make it acceptable to not this poison themselves, but poison themselves in a way where your babies get exposed to your ignorance.
We didn't know it was bad for you I will let flame that you're inhaling The fire got you smoking cools in those bad for bad, for you, small cools to black now. It's time, though, a Santa Maria. Is it talk about marketing? Look at how many black people smoke Kools white people. It's like you could pick a race and I can tell you what fuqing cigarettes they smoked summer italian smoke, Kools in Japanese yeah, my mom, Currently in the seventies you lived in the city, though right, Nork yeah. That's why she smoke cools a lot of around smoke. Well, was it confused neighborhood man, when it was when my grandparents, my grandparents, moved this place called North ninth Street in Newark New Jersey, which in this day is more of like a south American or maybe two minute cans and some some other spanish speaking people, but when they, for
first moved there. It was all Italians, it was in italian neighborhood. The italian immigrants would come in, my grandparents came in from ITALY when they were children, their grandparents were full grown, took their family brought him over to ITALY, so both my mother and my grand father will both born in ITALY on my mom side, and so they they come over to America. They all moved to this north ninth street neighborhood. They they have a family and then, when my mom and her brothers were young, they did a thing called block busting and that's well. They got people to move out of neighborhoods realestate people too. Generate sales. Would sell a house to a black right right right and then tell everybody: hey the blacks are moving in property. Values are going to go down you Bellsouth, so people would sell in a panic, but grandfathers, like I, like black people, get the funk off. My lawn give me some cool kick them out of their. My grand father would like that's one thing. You know We think of old italian peoples being racist. My
father. I never saw him ever say a racist thing in his life. Never his next door. Neighbor was black. There's a black family, live next door like all throughout my childhood. This kid I would play I'm gonna start play with them. Was this this black family that that move next door? And my grandfather and the the guy who live next door, they would hang on the fence. You know the guys would like saying the fans. They were like hanging arms over. So what's going on with Bobby how's, he doing up Bobby School, it was like they would have. Bond so like racism to me, was completely alien, but because of my gram, parents, but it's actually very empowering for a child to see there It's interact with different races, because you what you're getting different that that child is seeing other messages out there, that are racist, and when you see your parent have a relationship, but it really makes you feel like wow life isn't bad. It can be. You know this is well. There was a really poor neighborhood, but uhm
Grandparents neighbors were very friendly and they got along great, but the neighbor on the other side was a crack dealer and he was a kid. When I met him, he was just a young. Kid were around the same age like it yeah and then, when I went back um they didn't, live there anymore or do they they did live. But anyway the kid next door was selling crack. This was when I was like. Maybe in my 20s, I came back to stay with my grand father for awhile, when first move from Boston, New York and the battering ram does door and they fucking broke door down like right. When I was moving in and they broke his door down to rest me, an Audi in the driveway did so I've had changed radically and went from being italian to black and a few signs that held out like my grandparents and then there was like this bakery that was down the corner that have been there since, like one thousand nine hundred and twenty that was all italian and then you know, my grandparents would walk to the bakery and get the bread every day, but
they sold the black folks sold and left to, and then it became like to many cans and porter rican rights like sort of like, but again a lot of countries. You have waves of ma'am immigrants yeah, the Dominicans have been there, not the This recent wave- I now you got eastern Europeans coming in, but I mean the when the Dominicans came in man they fuckin' came in you talk about like I was. In the Bronx in this neighborhood called Throgs neck. I live a child like five and mom grew up. That's where my my wife's mother went to the same high school as my mom wow Saint Helena's in the Bronx and the pocket of solidly irish people an Italians an to this day, you walk through that neighborhood. It's all irish Italian still still, minicons wow. They got in there. But it's like it didn't change. Still got like you go to the meat store. Do you go to the
cheese shop? It's all you know. There's ice cream parlor from way back when it's all it's like Fucking Europe. That's the for people to understand like like Spike Lee, was trying to fight against gentrification Brooklyn. You know he's talking about how so crazy that you know they. They all these people move in and then they make these rants expensive in the people that have lived there for years and years can't live there anymore right and he The way he's talking about like people are like well, do you know? Do you live there anymore and he was like well, I can't live there anymore 'cause I did will get ringing. My doorbell, you know the newer MIKE Lee lives in a normal place. They just ring his doorbell yellows bike and he goes my I've made me leave like you could tell when he was saying that it was true. He goes, but I still have love for that city, but that cities like those especially Brooklyn is areas of Brooklyn to just, but It's moving people then, and it becomes trendy to live in this once quiet neighborhood and then the real estate just doubles.
Changes, Venice right, I listen. I'm gonna House in Venice last thirteen years, and we mean when we moved in it was like ten years earlier was the number one homicide place in the country was all gangs, and then they got the gangs out and they're cute house is not big, but you know craftsman style houses, but all walks great, so you got a sidewalk with house on either side Mcallen used to live there right exactly so. You know that neighbors, if I can beautiful great neighborhood. So all the sudden, though it's getting to the point where my buddy was renting an apartment three doors down from this guy who I live next door to and when I was talking to neighbors, I was friends with a mulberry ST this guy my gay guy. I became really good friends with he moved out to Venice, so we bought. We bought a house three doors down from him best friends he's got move their fucking terror department they're putting up like luxury duplexes, and he's like I can't afford to live in this neighborhood doesn't make any money. He said, back to New York
sold his place just when they turned the neighborhood turned because Google opened up an office there, as Google was setting up shop there, a bunch of people started looking for places to buy like executives and stuff and counted it really place and he made this is insane properties like I just when I put on the market. That's when the property values went crazy and it, but it's still down up, I get I get offers all the time I get unsolicited offers on my house for like two and a half times what I pay wow but you're hanging on to it it's got. It's got. I I think we're gonna retire in that house some day yeah, but but the front it's we outgrew. It say you know, there's a front house with. Like a you know, a big bonus house in the back, but it's got a two bedroom. Partement above that and a studio next to it. So we rent out three units in the house and that's going to put the kids through college and then we're going to live in it when when they move out, that's a good idea. That's a good move,
a community like this. I I have a an affinity to beat for beach communities yeah. I think there's something about living in the ocean that has this sort, uns, login maleness to it, just comes from being next to something so humbling right. Now we can't I think you're really important to get the our life is so powerful, you when you standing next to the most insane body of water known to man. Surfers it's really seem to be the happiest most balanced people you made their priorities just are different. They get up early in the morning, go ride some waves and then nothing seems to matter. I don't get it. I mean I do get. But I'm scare sharks. So I think yes, Sir things that it's a pretty intense thing. I mean I I've done it my daughter's really into it. So we go a lot really yeah we get last summer. We would go like three four days a week. And she big Fuckin', eight foot, Long Board and she's tiny and she gets on that. She got great balance and she gets on it and she just jumps
up and ride. These waves not chosen tried the big waves like once they crash, there's like that giant foam rides that, but but actually riding a wave is a whole different story. I've tried a bunch of times and manifest front tip of the board, goes down you just flip and that ships flying over your head. It's like fuck this. Where do you guys go fantasy which no shared straight out. Everybody thinks Venice Beach is it's got this reputation, being dirty and whatever that was years ago, there's this thing called heal the bay that does. The big celebrities like Julia, Louise Dreyfus and what's her name was married to Schwarzenegger Maria Shriver Shriver, there Dave spend all this ship for twenty years and the beach is. They have a rating on. If you go to heal the bay dot com it the rating on the cleanliness of the water from Malibu all the way down to Marina Del Rey and Venice Beach, a plus all the time
wow, that's amazing. I didn't know that I had no idea. Does there ever any assholes surfing 'cause? That's one thing: I have friends served yeah, let's say: there's a lot of arguments right. It's very! because it's trendy, you got all these guys. These new bees come in and they get their board at Costco and they don't know what the fuck they're doing and it's all about. When you drop into the wave, other guys already on the wave you can't get in his path or he's going to get fuckin'. Piston yeah. There's like this, It's out there yeah some. I have a friend who would go surfing. I always tell some new story, but almost getting into a fight. Oh Teddy EFT, but anyhow yeah right. He tells a story about almost getting in a fight everywhere. It goes over the fucking supermarket an I'm telling this guy fuck you and fuck your mother. How about that right? I know it's true. He's always got a story about almost getting to fight yeah, I'm certain point, I'm son, it might be you yeah. What's the
the nominator here little wired little wired up, yeah bucking tense young man. Alright, that's a dangerous way to go through life man. I realized this times where I'm from I'm on my head so hard that I'm scared, because I know if somebody cuts me off or whatever Gonna go to and I got a really breed like ours temper. I got a power of now it down yeah. It is a nice guy to make any sense. You know, he'll he'll tell the stories you are what we were, what ma'am at going on my interaction with him, which is never been anything other than pleasant. Fun like I love hanging out with a guy love, have Iman podcast doing comedy shows with them is always been fun, he's a fun guy, but I'll tell you the stories about to a store by, bar retold, some woman you're, the worst fucking human being I've ever met in my life. I hope you die in a fire all these horrible things in the fucking bars These are chasing him out into the parking lot and like
do any skill at what is that what's causing this yeah, I know like see comics that are like otherwise nice cherry comics and they can't packers an they just go to a fuckin' like member, Frank, Santorelli, oh yeah, great comic one of the most underrated comic talk about guys that didn't leave Boston that were phenomenal the timing on that guy and his writing and everything, but he did leave for awhile. Didn't he didn't. He was proud of Prodnose, yes, bartender, but he didn't leave, beat him up number yeah, I beat the shit out of, but he would Batman when he got heckled that dude God dark side. He get back into his act, because when you show the crowd that side of you, you can't suddenly start so and you ever notice pigeons or it now you just fucking, almost killed somebody, Frank yeah. There was some dudes it just didn't. Not only could they not handle it, they just they're cool, would just evaporate right before your eyes.
He'd see what's going on really the and then you couldn't you couldn't take their acts, seriously anymore now 'cause, it would seem like. So that's not I want to see that other guy back. I was calling make him funding, I mean that's our people of Hixson Kennison. It took the two things are brought together. We figured out a way and I the Hicks thing where he some Womans hacking him in Chicago and he starts screaming at her corner, look at me. I'm a can't. It's working great, Heart Blanche. 'cause I've got a Pussey, it's hilarious yeah screaming is some woman whose heckling it's a good ACE man anytime, it happens. I just make sure I tee it up. If there's, if chocolate, mirror some guy. I just make sure we've given him wrote. Keep even rub. So the crowd starts. Looking at you like, hey you gotta, do it now and then
You can just take all the anger. This pandemic society when on leashes on this modify, that is the key, is and then you got to play the bow. He got a like pulled. The bow go back all the way before you shoot the arrow. If you just pull it back a little bit and shoot the arrow like what you do and they're like he's. One of us turn this up, pull it out, see here, yeah
Thank you. Man be my little echo. We saw yes, my mother and you suck he's talking, can't get the truck out of here right now
well that's back then, but people started, doing that yeah hi, sir, going after the after hackers in the audience, in a in a better way. After I saw things like that, you're lazy, you using it doesn't have to be nice, so you can get away with some right as long as it's got enough of a build up as long as the audience is on your side, yeah give it contacts, put a black hat. On that mother, pull out your revolver and just starts here, and the thing is it's like you, you have to gauge at any given any given interaction, the audience you gauge who that you got elected, figured out,
fast. Are they going to? Are they going to charge the stage? Are they going to keep heckling? Are they going to leave you gotta? You gotta figure it out stitches, which is in Boston's, you got in, like sucking attacked, you got a wrestling match with some dude wrestling match. Now the guy came up, he took a swing at Maine Oct. I hit him in the head with the microphone and then from the israeli Army he's a cab driver who is there isn't a simple guy? I still remember that, as I said, and the same with the village idiot and Woody Allen's movie, love and death right and so He came up and he got me in a fuckin' headlock and that do with spin me around the stage and knock. Down tables I couldn't get out and about stitches? It's it's. The stage is surrounded by the crowd somewhere. Somebody stands out 'cause. They want to see the fight and the bouncers can't get up there, and so it just went on for a while and then. Finally, the bouncers came up into my buddies. You know my givens MIKE Mike and it could at the bar and they're trying to get up there. They can't get out there.
And they got him out and then the owner. You remember that guy. Harry Little Dude Harry yeah. He goes Irene, Susie yeah Harry could forty. He goes, okay, yeah, okay, you got. You got ten minutes left and they re introduced me like what how got fucking dead. I go up and I get on stage and I got a standing ovation because they would they rather Boston. They rather see a fight that his comedy show my first standing ovation in my life and then I went to the chiropractor. My neck was Fuct. Do remember what you said to the audience yeah. I walked out and- and they clapped once they calm down. I looked around and I go right I remember that I wasn't there for it, but I remember you telling me that- and everybody else is talking about how you said that too- and I was like that's hilarious. Actually Brian Fraser gave me the line he was in the audience yeah Brian Fraser. He was fucking funny too
He was a guy that I had to tell stop wearing t shirts on stage. How big he was when he body doing Bodybuilding he was, and he was like ridiculously huge- giant, giant arms and you go on stage and was wearing like a golf shirt on light. Colored golf shirt. I told him dude, you can't wear that he's. I go it's too all anybody is doing, is looking at the size of your fucking arms right, you're, intimidating and you're angry, and you like. What is this that's exactly he's getting all fired up that big giant, fuckin' arms right, almost a tactic club owner in Vermont with me, I took him up there to Vermont did a get together and Brian has Sore Throat and he was he had really good set, but he was real conscientious, you know, and so he was apologizing to the the owner at his throat. Sore, you know, like you just you know, just being a good guy You know feeling bad that he didn't. You know, do the performance that he
because it throws a little sore. Meanwhile, is still great, and so the club owners like relax like why? What do you apologizing about? Why you complaining about it? Do you, jewish he didn't look jewish because looked like he was irish. Yes, who is jewish? He was big giant guy. Blond blonde curly hair. So you didn't expect him to be jewish, but he was jewish and he really sensitive to anti semitic, stuff this guy calls him. You know what are jewish, he I am jewish and he got really Angry and you know, he's fucking huge screaming at the guy with his hoarse voice. I'm out Joanna Hockey like whoa yeah. I saw him snap a few times He was wired tight, he was yeah, he had a hair trigger. I didn't know what was going to happen. 'cause he was like leaning over this guy's desk how is this you know fat middle age dude? Wasn't at all and Brian was,
a friend in the I had to figure out like what would I do if the went down, because he was way stronger than me, Fraser was like way bigger than me so like this could get crazy. Now this is what the I want to deal with talking out of it. Yeah, I'm not going to him. You know he's my friend. I hope he doesn't kill this guy is this if he does kills guy? How? What does that make me an accomplice like house where I got to drive home after that? It makes me look up taking a fugitive across state lines right, he didn't do anything. I mean boys get the out of that dude. The guy never expected him to be June. And also never expected him to be fucking crazy either. So when he's angry, not just anti, you know not just angry about the anti Semitism, but like violently angry plus he was, he was frustrated. He hadn't had a good set so he's already pisteis. That was fine. That was what he was saying about it. He was just being conscious.
Thank you Matt, it wasn't a bad set at all. You know wasn't a said that you would ever be and there's prime Holy yeah when I was a little kid It was so impatient. I would actually just take my slinky and brought down the stairs could even make it down see you never imagine that guys, jewish people, that's pretty My hobby now bothering people I like to go to laundromat and hide in the washing machines. Someone opens up the link to put their clothes and I pop out and go I'm using this. One. Here is a funny dude because the game rider, I think, yeah. He wrote on some shows. I think I wrote with him on one show, but never popped as a writer. I don't know why, but he's doing some other shit now it's like. I don't know if he's doing alright or uh, he got into something else as well as comedy yeah. He was always dude, with a lot of other interests, this guy, my next door, neighbor in Venice, this guy Danny he became
the actor one of these dudes that I'm telling you for last twelve years. He said development deals or landed a pilot. Every single. Good, looking guy good actor funny, not a stand up, but just made for sitcoms and yet it hasn't really been in a show. That's been on the air really at all. I was on one show that was on for like four five episodes and that's it in twelve years, but the Czechs Fuckin' role in it so he got somehow involved, but he grew up in LAN. He knows a lot of famous people. I mean he went to school with, like you know, Jared Letto at Lido or let oh, I'm not sure, but he's like his best friend and anyway. So you know that artist Banksy, he became the rap for banks, his work in LOS Angelus, so he off and he is selling Banksy ART to did you know he's got a couple dozen big celebrities that by our
and you know the commissions on these million dollar pieces are fucking, and then he started getting into other other artists, other gallery's approach, and he came over my house last night telling me all this shit and he is moving expensive art com. And he's like he just landed on the pilot he's like yeah. I hope it goes by doesn't mean what it used to that's in yeah. What a weird! Well, it's it's smart to diversify man, especially in that business, hell, yeah, business of auditioning and trying to get someone to accept you to put you on a show like there's a reason why the culture of l is so fucking wacky, and it's not just because actors, are shallow. It's not just because the the pursuit of fame is sort of a frivolous and ultimately like it's a pretty selfish pursuit right. It's not just that by nature. It's promoting yourself! Yeah Did that just encourages? Do she behavior, but then
factor in the fact are always trying to get accepted. So you take people who are most likely damaged is why they want all this additional acceptance in the first place like. Why do they want to be considered to be set, exceptional or or uh they want to be the one person everybody looks at when they walked on the street usual 'cause. They weren't they didn't feel like they were worth anything when they were young right. So then you take that. Then you have auditioning for things all the time and constantly being Jack did and seeing other people get things realizing. The network is important, so you got to develop your own personality so that you you you you fit into the established parent. You want to be what they want. You're, no longer trying to be yourself. Yeah, you have to a spire to it would ever political ideals that they have you have to adopt. Those like how many people are these? But down. Liberals in in Hollywood that have literally never thought about any of the issue, and so you have discussions with them, whether it's discussion about affirmative action with discussion about global warming,
with that whatever it is, you find out how woefully uninformed they are and how awkward it is when you hold opinions that are different than their as yet, because it's really about, let's all sit together and pile on the right side of an issue together. If you're not on that side, it gets weird yeah it's like that conversation we had about the owner of the clippers, try having that in the in the lobby of the improv with a bunch at you, know, comics that are showcasing for something you're right, you're, right, yeah without a doubt yeah you can't you can't they're all panicked shop yeah, it really is it's not that the people are shallow, it's bringing the shallow part out of people, and it really is, if you put yourself like you moving to Colorado or you move an outside la the way, you did it choice, to try to get your balance. Back and try to work against what you ultimately have to feed into to some degree. But if you, like people live in Hollywood? I just think you don't have a fucking chance,
you're swarmed you're in the cult of personality in the middle of the wave, trying to keep your head above welded a Ralph to get groceries you're going to bump into another actor and aging and you're just always thinking about what am I wearing and yeah but there also just not that fascinating people themselves, like the pursuit of fame, the ultimate pursuit of fame like what talking about the Kim Kardashian thing is one of the best examples, because it's the remember suit of frame with no context behind there's, no there's no sense. There's, no music, there's, no literature, there's no! There's no art, there's just a person just a person, that's not exceptional, getting attention and that the ultimate in shallow pursuits, if it's around by all that it becomes a competitive thing where other people want to be a part of it. They want to do the same thing they want to get in there too, and if you you're in that you step into that soup
ah is loud. Noise nothing's happening here in the noise is contagious. It's contagious. Suddenly you find your values changing, because the way you get to be, Kardashian. Is you make alignments with people like Paris, Hilton? I mean that's how she got there. They were best friends and then you start to realize is a person in Hollywood, every convo station. You have every relationship. There's a power structure and somebody's trying to get something from the other person, and you start to think that way. When you're around that all the time you can't you especially if here's, what the payoff of fame is every person that coming to you. You know that we have an agenda yeah. That's your life! That's a lot of people's lives for sure! especially if you're like say, if you're an actor in urine movies all the time. Imagine if you were Brad Pitt an you go and anything
doing your running into people in various walks of life. How many of 'em are bringing you scripts? How many of them have an idea? How many of 'em want you to set up a meeting for them? How many of them want to now. You know if you have any pull in your next film with getting my brothers actor and he's really trying hard to to get his first big break, trying to be put in when your movies, when that must put, if or they just want a little piece of you, they want to be able to take a picture. They want a story that they're going to the rest of their life about when they met Brad Pitt. It's not going to be like you meeting somebody on neutral ground and saying hey. What's up, who are you get? so each other? No it's! This is Brad Pitt. I'm going to grab a little piece of Brad Pitt that I'm going to carry with and I'm going to ship, and you want and that's why people love to say add pits Anasol or anyone's asshole, because that's a bet story, then I walked up to him on the street. He was busy. He took a second out. He had things to do
right. So we moved on it's much. It's a much better story got and now he's full is League Nord me, and you know so every but he's collecting those stories. Well there's always weak weak people that you're going to run into that. For whatever reason choose to say that you're, an asshole because of their interaction with you yeah, if you're a guy like a brown, pit in your. You know. You have some weird magic trick where everywhere you go. Everybody wants pay attention to an as another purse then who values being themselves? Who thinks of them most highly and one, why you know who's Brad Pitt. What's so special about him, you know and then you meet me. I Ke Bratt, I don't like hey Dick, sucking dick she's too good for US folk and dick. You're, concentrating on him why he concentrated on him. 'cause he's got weird magic trick, can you would you think that magic trick should be yours, right, you're, the one being a deck, because is your walk he's having dinner with his family and you're, walking up to his table. That's a dick move. That is a dick move. That's the one time I never take pictures of people people do that. The
Is it able to take pictures, move it's like come on man right? It's so do she people, don't realize it. They feel like anybody they run into they run into someone famous. They can imagine that that person gets run into people all day long right. They think hey. This is my chance. Matching me Kim Kardashian, omg Kim you're, one of my personal heroes. Can I take a photo with you and whoever it is. You say: yeah you're my role model, I'm a big fan, love your shoes, you them, whatever you think is going to make a connection with them, but you're really good after shows at meeting people, look him in the eye. You shake their hand, you take the picture, but yet you're able to fuckin' keep him moving. That's really hard because people want to latch on. Can I take a picture? Give the wife the camera. She has no how to work and also- and you you- I see your lines, it shows you get fifty or a hundred people wait to say hi to you and it's hard to keep those people move and sometimes it is the
the problem is when people aren't even thinking about the other people behind them right line like there's a bunch of the people waiting, they want to tell you some stories that you can't tell me that story, man right so many people or than some people, wait to the very end. They want to be last in a line yeah, and then they want to tell you this long, stupid thing the grabbing some project that I'm not going to invest. In my dude, no I'm not not she did busy. Well, listen! You can make a lot of money. Stop stop! I'm not doing it, I'm not investing some fucking. It's not happening What do you do if somebody halfway through the line starts digging into a long story? Tom there's a lot of people behind them. It's like you know you can. You're rude you're being folks, you know really rude, it's not going to happen yeah, but it's it's the people that do it. The people that really want to take the long dumb story like invest in my idea, my my company, my thing they're, always there always like sort of like so bullheaded and go like really obsessed. With getting someone else involved in whatever idea that their pitching but they're, not thinking about it,
thinking about the other people in the line and thinking about you, your attention span is thinking about their idea. Here's my shot! Let me get it out there, you know talking: Dave about this guy who gave me his fucking movie script and wanted me to read his movie script and then get it to producers. You know I really need a break and you got your break and go look dude, I'm not even movie business right. You can't you can't just give me scripts and tell me I read them. I don't know you yeah. I don't know the script you're asking for an hour and a half out of a person's top look bro. It's really good. It's really good! Okay, the ticket so far, book agent taking it that's easy for you to say it's easy for you to say you help me and also I get people that send me pitches for sit. Or whatever, and I always I don't read it as soon as I see that's what it is. I reply and I go look up in the writers guild. I am pitching my own shyt. If this is, I didn't read it
If it's similar to what I'm doing, I don't want to be in a position where then you're claiming that it was your idea, of course, I'm very polite, but I say it's just as a rule. I can't read people's patches yeah. I've talked to people who say they're suing someone because they sent them something, and then this person had an idea that similar and they, the sir doing. I know they stole my idea and what did they solicit? That idea? No, you just send it to them doing sending people ideas well when send it to the email. It's like you patent it like. Okay, alright, that ain't the way to do it and in this weird day and age, it's there's more distribution methods for ideas than ever before. And if you have some really cool ideas, you could put your new ideas on a website. You know, if you want to start writing books, When you start, writing is make a blog people think is popular that people like, ideas and then then sell a book from there. Yeah make something where people can share to people for, for with other people, for free yeah and it's a matter.
Tok'ra see. I would say this about, especially about stand up. If you're a funny stand. I don't hear anybody complain that they can't get it can't get seen if you are working hard, Ann, you're, funny you will be found because there's money in it there's agents and managers and producers and studios that are looking for the next in name, a star they equity in that so just focus, in your fucking working the same thing with writing and, like you said, put it out there. If it's good, it will be found. And stand up as an interesting thing for women to, because, although it's harder, I think, to be a woman and be a stand up comic. I think there's like more subjects that they have a hard time covering we have a hard time audience getting the to accept them. Talking about things like have an opinion on politics or having opinion on certain socialist or is it made in yeah that may be controversial wears a guy can maybe guys other guys will listen to a guy
bing opinions on those things before they listen to a woman, but if the girl can be funny, the possibilities are giant, for a really funny woman, like doors just open up like there's. So many really fine. Now you look at Chelsea Handler and Whitney and um uh. What Cinema comedy central as such Amy Schumer, I mean It is a time when the industry is looking for strong female voices and they're getting ratings and You get it. You write the book. Yeah stand up, You get the shell, I mean Whitney on three fuckin' shows on last year, Kathy Griffin. This is the ones that were really good. Sarah Silverman, the ones that are really good. They just become. You know it's there's a huge market for a really funny. There's also like their comedy, relates, two women in a lot of ways that are common, is just not going to just like muse.
Just like I am writing, like anything else like women. Have a lot of women have a very different sense of humor than men do well and also they say that women are the ones that primarily decide when and if you're going to a comedy show and who you're going to go, see because think about it. You sit at home on a Friday after work and your wife goes. What do you do not. I don't know well there's this, and then you do what she says I think, maybe thirty percent of the people that come see me or women. That's it! No, maybe probably about thirty minutes, mostly dudes yeah. Nothing. You can do about a comedy central show at one of the highest male percentage audiences they've ever seen that's what the network wants. Seventy five percent may want that yeah. Or the sought after demographic well, the women is Assad after demographic too, I look at Chelsea handler. Look at you know, like you, said, Amy Schumer, the game, and now they both have huge gay male populations
and those guys are great because they have disposable income. 'cause majority. We don't have kids right. Now babies and they don't have to impress each other the same way that men have to impress women they're both men, that you want to walk dogs going to ask you if you wanted to fuck, let's fuck both did not each other like sucking headbutting right, fuckfuck, you man, I was about to ask you. I said it first. I was thinking that you read minds. I wonder if you get to fuck the guy, if you ask first, maybe that's that's really really horrible thing and say it's not a horrible thing to say the only. The only reason why it's a horrible thing to say is because really culture sensitive progressives have made such a big deal out of gay people. Yeah, you think it's a horrible thing to say you know is around listed as theirs. That's, for
they probably are massively gets to suck cock first yeah. Maybe it's like Dick condom balls. There's something wrong with that idea. It's probably likely, but you gotta be real sensitive, but even cracking a joke about gay men, lest you be considered home yeah. It's it's a weird thing, man, you know just because you make fun of gay people doesn't mean you're homophobic gay people are men or men, are hilarious, were hilarious in our pursuit to dump find people to help us release loads yeah, help me please and gay guy.
It's just it's hilarious as we are well under. The beautiful thing is like with women. You really gotta gauge their mood their cycle there. You know what conversations you've had lately. Just kick back. Full freedom like meet men want to be treated like treated like there's no emotions here I gotta I gotta sack that needs emptying Anura human. Let's do it. I think I wish I was gay man. I really do they got holes, you got options damn especially if you could date a guy who's into sports that just hangs out, and then you just happen to dump loads in each other. I just Scott Kennedy still is joke around about Scott Campbell. God bless him rest, his soul. He shows joke about it, because he was like a real gay guy, but he was like this real life jock. Gay guy, really big, always worked football, Jersey, yeah and just gate Ashley Gay as fuck and he would let the audience know like quite a few minutes into his actually. If you can find any Scott Kennedy on line he
Let the audience know like or will he would wait a while and Izak before you ever? Let him know that he was gay and you and they never. Even when he was saying you thought he was kidding, for example, while this thing again yeah, I saw him in Houston I for some in Houston he was a huge comic right and he was a part of that wave of really good guys. That came out of laugh, stop in river oaks, yeah Sean rouse yep. John wessling came out of here. Matt Kirsch There is look at that. Guy is gay You know you can be honest every day it would be like yes, snickers or three for a dollar but you're fat as doesn't eat through. Do I have a supervisor yeah he'll be back in like an hour, so tick, tock, tick, tock you gotta go. I read this in the paper today made me feel really old. The show cops. The tv show cops has now been on the air for twenty,
years I know, but you know why it's been there for twenty years. It makes us feel better about our lives. Don't you think 'cause, I don't care how messed up your family is never quite as screwed up as the people on cops. You know what show is he hung this. Obviously some television right Ferguson who, by the way he just he just quit ran out of money, Well, there's some real time. This is done. There's some real estate out there right now. You know there's some empty time slots comedy central and dumb. With Letterman leaving that's, why he retired to go over there, at least maybe who knows, if there's a deal in the works, I mean they got it. They gotta replace a bunch of spots now right
Well, he does a lot of stand up. I know that and he probably also makes a lot of money- and probably maybe it got to a certain point time does once it kicked back a little bit. I don't think he makes Shitan that Shell either. I know it's. I know the Kilborn wasn't making shittin this time spot yeah, it's a Letterman owned piece of property. It's worldwide pants! They control that hour after Letterman's market sale. Wasn't making shit like what do you mean? I'm talking ten grand a week watt. Wait or when the show started out member when Kilborn left they had auditions member, they rotated people in they had like five six people come and Jeff Ross did a week my clean black did a week and Ferguson did a week. It was like five of them and then they chose the host based on that and I happen, I would I had access to what those people were being paid for that week and the standing was that's what you're going to make for the series and the money was like ten grand a week.
And even some servant renegotiation. While I was sure I definitely is gone up, but when you started that pay scale- and you know the. I don't know what his ratings were, but you know you look at these. I mean Letterman, make any year twenty million. I don't know. I never paid attention but I bet it was a lot more in ten grand a week. Holyshit, so I think he was anytime touring on the weekends while he's got his own nationally, syndicated nightly shell things are a little light Why doesn't he like live in New York? Awesome like fly in right before the show every day in the fly backwards. He doesn't once I heard something. Much rule isn't yet just don't speculate yeah. Why, and then he has some books. That did extremely well really well he's huge, and you know the United Kingdom isn't yeah and always has been yeah before darted out use big over there as a comic yeah, good comic, that's injured, I think he's gotten better. I think he was you know a lot of these
Comics have a hard time translating to american crowds yeah. I think he made the adjustment over the last few years. Yeah I've I've done gigs right after he was there, you know, like he's done like some of the same letters that I've done and they say here comes in just leaves. Does this show and bolts? He said he's in right before land private jet takes off, George should I do if I was, were you know how much how how hard is do it daily, flocking, Shem and then on the weekend you're flying out I'd be in and out you got, I mean guys going to sleep yeah. That's interesting, It's interesting because those, I think those shows those night talk, shows the way in the format they're currently stuck in. I think that's like it's, like old movies, It's like watching like a silent movie rights like why,
Anybody want to come on and talk for five minutes will be right back and you put it. The band played you out here. Why is there a band play? What the fuck is going just keeping my attention? It's just got banned in the band, and it cuts to Tide is the best thing. I've ever had it getting the ship stains out of my diaper. Look it I ship, my pants I know I was thinking about that this morning. I was thinking about Kimmel and about his great 90s friend of mine, an I think about what he puts himself through on a weekly basis. You gotta get there in the morning, starting from match your going to do a show in eight hours it's going to be an hour, long, packed with jokes topics, opinions interviews tape. Pieces. You gotta shoot during the day proving stuff. You got network notes, you've got
it goes on and on every day week after we why? What the fuck that's crazy, I mean it's one thing: you're doing a podcast. This is you with very little prep. Good support and the expectation that you know what you're going to do is free and loose and honest is so formulated. It's very formulated. Very time intensive requires a lot of pr, a lot of people to book things and scheduled things. You gotta get the network behind everything you have to commercials, you have to have promotion and you have to have support who's on before you what's your lead in you know, will you if this guy does Kim all they won't? Let him do for Alan and I got a deal with the policy. One radio interviews around the country every day to promote the shell. I mean I used to think that it was the dream that that was the job I wanted, but I think I'd only want it. For, like a year,
that you could do it online. You can do almost exact same thing. If you look at some of the lineups that you see like even on Letterman, you see some of the people that are on letter burning, like how's that different, a podcast is really I mean occasionally they get like you two or like that. You know you can't get that. I think you probably would be really hard to get you to play on your podcast, but it might. I've been the year from now mean look. We have ever last place on the podcast Pain is one of my all time, favorite rap bands and have them Everlast Everlast, put on a bunch, but he plays he play. Acoustic songs on here all the time. So you know we've had we've had. Forget Dave, Navarro, interesting people hit you and Dave. Had little Fudan came buddies. Yeah talking ship. Well, I did the porn it's not hosted the porn awards must it was just a dream of my mother's and, and so I went off- and I was in Africa with my family were in South Africa on vacation for like three weeks and they were still
another week and I had to go home to go. I flew They control the story along with the joke, but you said your wife, I say to my wife: at the airport- who's more likely get aids this weekend may are you and sell out. So I go there and I'm I'm doing my. You know you do like ten fifteen minutes at the beginning and is five thousand coke that porn stars they're. All you they got a camera, the audience and the chicks are showing their tits and you know porn stars. It's all about and and you got to make it all about you, so it was tough and then I got him and I couldn't Dave Navarro. He sit in the front row and the dude is just like. Looking down not making Dante's gets sunglasses on and I start to feel like. It's you know how it is a comic you that one persons out laughing it others you now make it a big celebrity and now make it. You feel Everybody is looking at him. Looking at you, 'cause he's a big star, an that's affecting how they are laughing, so I go
stir in the next week, and I start talking about it and I went too far. I call them and do Lucian whatever I called him, the mexican prince and so anyway. So then he went on stern. Of course, turned pulled up the clip and played it for Dave and Dave. He called me a continent Then, when I was doing Corolla's podcast, I talked and it would I can for mostly mostly me, and then I was I was the head writer on David tells show the gong show and the east bring celebrity judges, so Navarro is one of the three celebrity judges its triumph so dog comic and I forget, the other guy, Andy, Dick and Dave Navarro, and so before the show. One of my as was we had jokes prepared for each of the acts that they were going to see and we would base We put 'em all up in the board and say who want swat they'd, read and they pull the index card down like right. I got this one on the guy on stilts and Anti Dick's got to
they're, all picking the jokes and then Navarre is there and were standing there and and he's looking at the jokes and I got this is anything you need he goes. So would I we kick his ass. On the air yeah and he goes say you still want to kick my ass, but he said it This little glint in his eye and we both just started laughing. It's fine just laughed and then by the end of the show he gave number I started texting with him. He came on my radio show my podcast and wheat please come back a bunch of time since great fucking, God, that's hilarious, did you apologize? Did he yeah? I apologize? Oh that's fun I said I was out of line so he goes. You know. The worst part is truth is, I thought your for hilarious. I told my friends about how funny where he goes. I just he goes. I had had a gig the night before I flew to Vegas. I did red carpet all day and then I was so tired of that thing. Yeah.
I stopped doing that I used to I used to and call people out all the time. It's not worth it anymore, you're wrong. Most of the time. It's also negative. Just ignore him. They're off ignoring. I mean it's one thing to make fun like if David Navarro, something really silly feet does start, dresses, you know which he might you could start MA, There's nothing wrong with that, but to just get angry lock that douche, like that kind of that's encouraged in a lot of radio, shows like that's a big thing with radio like these and call outs for PBS is, are ranting bring about someone who's, not there and shiting all over them unless they really fuckedup and let's just something really wrong with that or they did something really offensive. Muscle time start worth it yeah I've done it to comics and then you're in a green room. If I can show you know like in EL a shell and you just kind of like I had experience with the comic like that, yeah yeah, I just I apologize
how and then I should on carrot top one time once turn you know when you were young coming like when I first started, starting? I would still like that. You know that, should I carrot top. That makes me edgy and so I'm making on a carrot top and then like about a month later, at the improv and I'm waiting at the valet parking for my car and then he walks out and he's waiting and and eye look at him and he looks at me and then I go. Uh I go hey man, I'm sorry about what I said on stern. And he goes. I don't worry about it. Man we're comics, we just fuck around. It's just jokes totaly. Let me off the hook with so cool that it made me feel even worse. We apparently Scott something you need just parent Lee, it's just the nicest guy in the world and you get older and he realized who the fuck am. I carry top is really really good at what he does like no ones doing prop she'd anymore, I'm watching this, like it's clever, his audience loves it. He ain't taken asses out of my seats. My
things aren't going to see, even if he was who cares, cares, yeah yeah, he excuse to shed on carrot top. Of course, I saw him do a whole bit where you started reading off of like who's going to be there at the upcoming, like things in the pamphlet that they would move on the desk and he picks up his their top sets people think AL gives too gallery, but I don't understand all the reference Greg is your prince among men. It's been a fun podcast. We just did three ours is at three. Can I give you dates. Are you going to give you the website? First now fits dog dot com podcast fits Fitzdog Radio twice a week. Twitter twitter is at Greg, Fitz show and check
and also got some dates. Indianapolis Morty's, comedy joint is going to be may eighth through the tenth other that place. How is it good place? I've never done it great setup. Did you do a Bob and Tom when you're in town. Yes, I did. I love that nice guys, yeah, good laughers? and then I'm going to be coming out to a soccer match June. Fifth, good nights and rally in North Carolina he's not sure, okay nights anymore, it's down, which is good. That is good and like John Cougar Mellencamp Numb and I'm a sock, who, in Connecticut on June 12th through the teen. Those gonna be the day that I call you have to try to give you Marshall support, and I will not do that or able to start doing that. These are seen as a dark. That's the dark is the dark ones. Yeah, that's the one! You don't want to do, that's the one! Allen called me up the other day and he was there and he explained to Maine the will talk to him after this show
will talk. He's coming in next will talk to him about foxwoods, no disrespect foxwoods. If you're out there, I did it once I've been to a fight two I'll leave it at that. But you know I'm going to love that will cheer me up is Addison Tx June 19th 21st at six year round. That's a fucking gig right there, yeah Dallas, Improv, yeah and then other dates coming up. Phoenix Seattle go to the website. What's the website, there fits dog dot com or Greg Fitzsimmons dot com and also my one hour. Special life on stage is on Netflix a big guy pause. It reviews on yeah, I love that man, I listen to it. In my car, I downloaded it off Amazon MP. Three I got in like three minutes. I was driving I listen to at home, coming from the Irvine Improv, when I was careful thanks. Man Greg Fitzsimmons thanks to team for supporting our pot ask, go to Rogan dot, dot com and save twenty five bucks off of any of their new and awesome devices thanks
go to onnit dot com go to Onn, it use the code, Word Rogan and save ten percent off any all supplements will be back in it is right. Now will be back in about an hour and a half with Brian down in Brendan Schaub we're do the UFC breakdown. From from this past weekend's fights the this week, Friday night, the Lobero Theater in Santa Barbara is sold out. There by decent tickets available at the door the day of if we release some of the comps but other than go find yourselves. We love you big, kiss and see you soon.
Transcript generated on 2019-11-06.