« The Joe Rogan Experience

#583 - Bill Burr

2014-12-03 | 🔗
Bill Burr is a standup comedian and also hosts his own podcast called "The Monday Morning Podcast" His latest special "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" premieres on Netflix on December 5th, 2014.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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statute for memory i believe it is and they are a very positive results and explains all those results it will eventually be published and eventually be published on our page but if you curious now there is the one pilot study that we did which was only at a twenty people and a few dropped out so i think it was sixteen people in the final study which is very positive as well but it's a small sample group this is much larger this is over sixty people and similar results though which is very encouraging and this is with two pills i take for pills gonna take i owe my guy talk too much when i take our brain oh and an i t use the code word rogan and you can save ten percent off any and all supplements are right that's it i'm done nor i know you listened to this long you fuckin deserve cookie but i'll have one for you but i do have bill bar you fox who won the best working comics today just a great guy
hilarious comedian is very inspirational i love the factories is constantly writing new stuff constantly working around town and insist that all around cool dude and he did he personifies boston comedy the very best of boston comedy in my mind so please ladies and gentlemen given up for mister milburgh logan regions around the block i'm always trying to type faster the net commercial and i always fail some try tweet this live in a moment and then stare at it my way
my ever shitty or eyes i tell you i was acquitted i'm doing this right now dissuaded it i'll do it he had retweet it in that way will be persuaded my eyes are fine until i will i stared my fuckin computer too much now they dates get screwed up and indeed try to look at the tv and jesse what's goin on its guaranteed its age but it's also i dont think screens are good for you now just as you can ever like taking a picture with your cell phone of a screen and then you see those lines that you can't see like whatever the fuck those well that's it's actually just your phones the aperture on the cameras not able to catch up with the ring image zat what it is that it wasn't your eyes so then i found look at you and this means that that doesn't fuck my eyes thing is the actual strain of staring at something that's lit up so close to your face that's really fuckin with you more than anything is correct that it is correct apertures at the quick terminology in your squinting here you're reading your squinting
eyes you don't realize even ass i was talking to talk about the flashing thing the flashing thing like this just your camera can't catch shudder speak out it is like if you watch cars have you see it as of cars that have elsie dean lenses there's something happens the film them it looks like the flashing it's a different refresh rate usually it's we i dont like any of that shit which is why my new special i actually did in black and white as i dont like hdtv i think it's i don't like seeing somebody's pours as their talk hungary like each day at this point was great then it got to a point where it was to its was truly is clearer than real life like i went to a game it down cowboys football stadium and they get this giant fuckin tv classic texas right you got the biggest far can t bay you know right that means where the best and it was clear it looked realer than what was going on in the field and you are i don't pull my
visor down on my my my head because i kept wanted to look at that time we were almost right in front of me the promoter woke me up of these great citys fuckin right there get up further away than he is for me looking up at this giant fucking tv it's also an instinct to look at screens i see that a lot of the u have see people or their babies do it the everybody does it's an instinct to stare because its captivating and were you staring at screens so i give you a sporting event and there's a screen there he does autumn automatically sort gravitating towards debts cream some i'd look at the screens here are you owe you say always just look right here instead of looking right there will you shut your actually one it is supposed to do make sure how things i don't demons behind us we don't know but i'm not a fan of technology like trauma i like somebody it's just i feel like all the benefits of it are taken away and then some with the crashing with the refreshing with these
the fuck just happened with the owl now this is outdated and buy a new one and then i throw this one into the fucking ocean i go back and forth love it in a lot of ways because i'm i'm just fascinated by innovation fascinated by these new things of this new people keep and dying but there's also parliament realises at a certain point terms not benefiting us anymore it's not like making our lives easier it's just making things more connected to electronics it's making you more into like whatever world the electronics create someone the nineties we pretty much cut a flat told you a fine i need a people say what about medical stuff in like helping people out everything album live long a cure disease in everything that basically kills the rest of us to keep that other person alive and in their still live taken a shit that ends up in a river
it just keeps polluting more and more budget work with just for all over the fuckin place and it really needs to shrink down like the technology i don't think would be a problem there weren't so everybody has a fucking lapped are so many people have laptops and shirts and all this shit that we just keep buying and then throw out i gonna pull put litter in its place ever think about that is when they pick it up weighty think it goes to think it leaves earth it just go somewhere else we need to look at it and it's just fuckin sittin there what's gonna happen is it going to figure out way to take everything that we make and turn it into a either a product or turned into fuel like whenever make something and we have to throw it out it'll just become fuel for something else do you know how many people would have to agree just even get that ball even slightly moving they'll do somehow jesus what
we brought up it somehow just something them versus us republican democrat liberal conservative and nothing would get down and they would just sit there screaming at each other maybe or maybe they can figure out a way to actually use whatever the fuck pollution is like whatever carbon goes in the atmosphere pull that out and convert that in the i see i see you there's probably some fucked nerds had already know how to do something along those lines maybe not to that level but at least take the shit from down the dump you know they nodded do it just no money in it just like your checks to figure things out what i now place sharp with hookers fuckin just a fuckin big freight trains money callaghan boys at a party and will do that and we gotta get all new machines it causes a bunch of money just do it the way we do it till we die and then you guys can
what are you gonna do it by then someone else's bought two dios i'm completely pessimistic when it comes to that people think that that's all bullshit that like those kind of conspiracy don't exert come on you guys are just not this is stupid nobody would do that give her the pollution they would but of getting rid of it lucian cost somebody money i care that be some way they try to cock bug it they'll be if there was a guy like that the classic william randolph her story you know this the reason why marijuana became illegal wasn't because there was a problem with people smoke marijuana is william randolph hearst own paper mills and he also own newspapers and so he was gonna have to convert his paper males over the hemp paper because its way easier grow you refill an entire fur forest in like a year like each other down our oh yeah he owned a lot of newspapers may now that's the reason why rosebud was at home that he's got a giant accounting moving up the coast is far use fuckin crazy but here
had so much money in so much power that he could just print fake stories so he wrote these stories about blacks and mexicans sure he didn't write somebody commission them blacks american smoking this new drug called marijuana sexual these white women like that wasn't even what they called marijuana if he actually did that and when i hear people died because of that story i'm sure a lot of people in jail just think about that that was in the nineteen thirties and it's still stuck it was all about hemp it wasn't even about marijuana they warning worried about the drug dealers was commonly used amongst jazz singers always of the people smoke pot it was a normal thing the real issue was the hemp like the common the non psychoactive hemp there were worried about it taking over and having to spend millions of dollars convert always this paper plans to hemp paper you just
smoke we'd like a white people who know people who don't believe a conspiracy is funding to be it's like do you conspire you go to bar you see too hot checks you come up with a game plan there s a conspiracy conspiring to get over there and try and fuck em did this to sit there and like like all advertising the new york it's a cat what the fuck i'm doing here now sellen my special inspire yet you think i just showed up here we conspire we always like knoxville round and got a zillion fuckin followers he's a fan of my shit i know it's gonna come off good this will get me mother i guess i want i want just to keep going who does not and only doing this shit you conspiring yeah but just because i'm not whack and a president in the matter if it doesn't mean it's not a conspiracy while the shit
the enron disaster that went down that was a conspiracy there's a bunch of conspiracy so you could see in clear for that actually did happen by the best thing they did is they they make conspiracy synonymous with moronic thought nevertheless as though you put your ten add ons like this whole country came about through a conspiracy the revolution was not a spontaneous act people sat there is like ok we're gonna rebelled against these fuckers while the begging to hang us is traders if we don't pull this off that came up with a plan if you want to call it that but if if they lost they would they would have been talking about this treasonous conspiracy by all these is that are now on our money site not so drew so drew near by now but then you say you're and any sort of conspiracy that automatically means you think not levin was inside job and that the moon was made out a cheese we'll nine eleven is the best one because the one that i was used my fair one would people rumpling conspiracy says i d
believed that nine eleven happened they say yes well then you believe and conspiracies because people conspired to fuckin hijacked means and flying in buildings there i've i've spent my whole thing with that they know that americans were involved in and that they make me fuckin break of cases are not right i'd rather gate you're gonna be ok so who wants to fly it in dyke think i'd like to do that i made you gotta have an absolute fucking not joe i mean that we are even we ve never had common causes you know i've been able to get a marriage license we think we are even we ve never had kamikaze is either legal marriage today like listen try and fox and people up but if you think you're gonna fly some shit into something or walk into a cafe strapped up with a bomb the fuck out of here you have no americans too that we had guys jump on grenades to save other people yet you run into pizza hut and it's not that
not our sat we're not suicide bombing we were into doing it from sixty thousand calling it freedom for their exports the funny thing about the original suicide bombers the the comic causes they're all messed out i didn't realize until a few years ago i didn't even know that in math like an important part of the diet back then i never saw that mccann burns documentary when i'm getting out information apparently of just a story of fact and even there was a recent report on hitler hitler himself was honour a litany of medication and one of whom was math there were giving a math they would give mess to people by about fault and for that to the amount of energy that that guy during his speech we see the little did something the level off will you forget about it forget about describing in yellow this sitting that still waiting for the
a moment building them into that that frenzy give offset michael jackson documentary rate for he died he drove just freeze actually did a dance move him simmer that's hitler ship rocking chair just get him crazy just one day i see the next day what's he gonna do its timing is fuckin timing so never had longed to do stage the michael x and hitler simmer moment you would have to be do you have noted the comments we we got elvis you gotta have argued if we had some technology could be your ear so let me show you how to keep a straight face after a punch line as you looking down some thought that pose i'm just gonna let it sam that its summer and release so my dad was great but coming comes a village right and it's nothing you know a thing about a guy like michael jackson he's up there doing some shit you can't do
spinning and moon walking in its and acrobatic event but you see a guy you are a guy like me onstage talking now you like a fuckin talk now we all live like an assembly drinks we're gonna do roll call you a couple of drinks for active fuckin talk talk can moon walk like a fucking time so you can't hold those those pauses to them it's like the green light five inquire gets ryan held right to help those big juicy pauses is just as opening they could they could see something funny to what happens in a movie theater mostly its retarded but every now and then someone will yell something on the movie theater it's fuckin whole areas and then that guy you now he becomes a hero for four crown he just killed
is always that load i went and sporting events now we like to take a moment of silence for all the victims the fuckin outhouse fire and everybody shuts up like just we just want you remained quiet for thirty seconds it always guy twenty seconds it is here this guy like less wrap it up i want to see what i came to pay the weighty those fuckin moments of silence lou you know you're doing a ten count at a boxing match if no lewd the bela dies or something like that are one of those what's his name blue there was that the famous gathered by numerous again now sister famous funny some videos dammit wallack marina l centre as an experiment all throughout the grant nineteen abc since he is to train belgic taylor rumour anyway not more put the point is you looked like the most unhealthy guy lou do
that's look do you nailed it pull up a picture of lou duve adjust or bono's to fuck we're talking about but he was in our diet i'm sure they had a ten count for a guy like that attend i know that but the thirty seconds of silence command he had to pay that's wonderful had a hare man you have to see what the students and a member age and i thought that's what you look like you look like an older freddy glassy classy freddy bless you nobody various ludovico monk command seriously that might be the most unhealthy looking man that's ever lived that's right towards the end man even with article twelve for here that elvis here i did have some good did funding here for its whole fuckin life from soldier anyway point in those moments that you do in like that kind of a performance and plus if michael jackson's donatists fuckin thirty thousand people there and now he sorry
the sixty huge numbers there was like the biggest place he's ever dinosaurs hundreds of you know you know that that the original family that on the new england patriots they went bankrupt on the michael jackson victory tour when he went out with the with all of his brothers the sun put the thing together not on all this is true so i got a prefaces but a promoter in boston tommy the scope for ever like mike jackson was gonna go to fox bro stating whether patriots replaying and they promoted the show and all the tickets india that would have pay a play whatever the compliment of what you gonna pay the guy in the town of fox bureau said no we don't shall we know what all these black people coming out all right that's what it wasn't it that's what it was but they do why people got too crazy on monday night and they stop haven't monday night football like twenty years like fox prozac it they will not have this really is a quite little town have you football games day on sunday and then get the fuck audio so they cancelled the show and i thought the the
of money lost on that show they were close enough that that boy a wonderful but what is promoted was claiming was this guy actually promoted the whole tour and when he was doing the finances he didn't take into consideration how big michael jackson stage was and how many seats that that was gonna eat up yet this giant ass fuckin stage that was eating up like tens of thousands of dollars a night times all of these fuckin dates and when you try to get him blame i can just have a smaller stage blah blah i guess he was competing with prince and was saying like now cause if i have a smaller stage prince will have a bigger stage and i are gonna make sure my shit is bigger than his course you said that no false said oh i don't know if this is true for life
is the story this guy told me out it blew my minors i always thought they went broke on just on kosovo one fucking date that he cancel dad and i just figured you know this sixty thousand people than us or minor meantime a sixty thousand people all paid that money and he still had to give him a cut of them they just in have that actually does make sense that this the sizes stage thing that totally makes sense yak as there is a common club did that in new york where they for some reason they moved to stage out away from the wall near this little small clubs moved away from the wall so the waitresses could walk behind the stage behind this wall and light they took out like five or six tables and all the other common clothes were laughing and they figured out how much money they fuck themselves out of over the course of a year you know don't show yeah three shows a night time six seven days like they were fucking themselves out of like three quarters of a million dollars a year so they had it and they they ended up having to move the wall those fucking hilarious everybody from day
just like this is stupid it was already one of those rooms there was kind of shape that sought to celebrate was shaped like the seller words like you're standing sideways and rectangle right so kind of eta angle yourself and they took that shit and moved you further into the crowd so was almost like a year in the round almost yeah but only on the people are two sides there's a place like then san francisco there's a theatre the did that site that's weird you what the stage goes out into the crowd and like so people are behind you and to the left and behind you and to the right is very strange you did that thing yeah that was weird right right i don't ever want to be sitting behind a performance now tuna theatre in the round and in phoenix just celebrity we're just gonna be weird now that that does not define what you do you ve done this before i just start the joke
on this side and then turn and end on that side i just really try to be conscious of sections like dane said the most brilliant thing about the other the theatre in the round goes its fourth theatres just look at it that way it's for theatre just all stuck together you just sort of performing when later than this one and that one over there and then i just think you do it like the that the three card monti just sort of switch it up you don't write magical around but i know i know people that have seen comics i'll do us theatre in the round be like someone so is here and he did move it across commerce commerce it is a market i might stand so they were in the back and the just sitting there in one of them had slow turning stage so eventually decent
do twenty more jokes he's gonna be looking at us so he made the stage turn will not out there they have a stage that turns and i think that's for musical acts we have run riot in lamps planted so they're not moving but it's also full i think like performers who just want to stand there enough verona gets fun or else there are two fucking carousel you did that one very slowly very slowly it spent under item yet than the one it turns the unit it's very scene of this very the same place the celebrity fear that we're talking yeah forgot the returns they asked me the option do want that stage turned on him down besides i'm definitely to say yes i always say now say i don't need you don't need that i wanted to refer to this weird figured speeded up you could literally just be run in place during the whole fucking joke one and against it michael
to do so many shots while monsters that i can't figure out where the stores at any given time can go anywhere move around now say now that i've been drunk to my son state twice twice and twenty sent me yeah it's not the best move every now and then though it's the right thing to do once i was in ireland so that's not my fault and the time i was coming back from a yankees red sox game it didn't know is gonna have a show and somebody called up hey i had a foreigner can you come down to do the show and i thought it was sober when i was again i'll do i just went up to judge for hours this like out shit the slow way down and add a very very so par fuck it i was bad so you had a slow way down just to get your mouth to work right yes which killed the timing of everything so ice i bombed very slowly i see that with that the term punch drunk that's like up trying to people like
that's that's exactly like that same thing where you know you're the little fucked up so you have to struggle to get your words up like you could see than fighters the exact same thing that's why they call it punch trunks not just they sound too drunk but the same thing like you have to struggle to control your situation and then when those guys get drunk that's when you see you guys are really punch trot white guys have been punch drunk get drunk cuz then you say they have a hard time he's ever really hard time controlling the words that that is just a it's a man mass sovereign watch any that that you see the already colony stick around the house and all its ultimate fighter the ultimate fighter and it's all women like honourable last time i did your podcast i was against it like women in the octagon it's like they think jake why would you do that they're beautiful why would you punch each other in the face and oversee jab gi abreast of shit it's just i didn't
see and now i don't even notice it anymore and it's it's unbelievably fucking entertaining you don't knows the girls anymore not know their great fights and its guys already good at talk and shit in fact and not like each other by these women just take it to that extra fuckin level that shit talking and then the fact that they can the fuck are you and in its funding is a guy to be just watching your going like there is not one woman in this house that i could even get on the floor like these women would all just marked the flow with me please hilarious youtube video somebody to did it to mean ida arrive which lasted in the ether it was this girl just start writing was almost six second vireos whatever the fuck and kids column and you know this kid at a little bit of training in this girl had more training and she came item it was like she climbed up his body like stepped on his fuckin thigh and then was behind him in the video ends with them just grabbing like this is its rear naked got you know he was out before
we want the whole party just goes on it ends and i pocket died laughing but going like i will even have lasted is long is that kid dick has it hey mikey newly a little bit of our defence a little bit of difference like i have a great rhonda rosy bit of like would it be like to date her if she was actually physically abusive but i just can't do the platform i want to act like you know her big movies you does that fuckin throw in yugoslavia jesse you fuckin landed on the ground i can in a relationship with their all our bar realm it sure like i know i tat doubt that doesn't make us you're right i don't want my broken and then she comes out you got knocked down the stool to try to have something between you and her i think you should go there probably has to data fighter if i guess she probably has to date some guy who also knows how to do what she does imagine terrified data at the beginning
like an apron dislike maker food and shit i ain't gonna get me look at me sideways you'd fuck me up almost every female fighter does they'll date fighters they just does this seems like you know a girl being in a position like that she's just beat the fuck out of her boyfriend i think chicks like that best i never looked at it that way cuz i always thought it was hilarious like i i i could date somebody like that i would think it was funny that they could kick the shin when my guy friends give me shit i feel like a match kick the shit out of me and you i think it's funny but like i never looked at it like cuz even though they're like like these lethal weapons now there is still there could possibly still i should send would speak form that this female male relationship or that they still want the guide to be able to protect him here and it's just kind of like yeah do that's funny cause then they just sort of rendering you useless is already making a zillion dollars a year on providing i can protect you do like and kick your ass and then i can also have a kid so your basically now like a forty five years
nature gives you a height chair you know what i like about large failing or size selves sustained unit i think it's fuckin also what i like about watch and female fights is that they're more reliant on technique because they don't have overwhelming physical strength to certain guy is that have overwhelming physical strength and an inability to join in through the judges defects against yeah league and muscle things they can they just hit really hard so sometimes they have like shitty technique they throw windmill punches but with a lot of women you're getting is grass techniques can get better this isn't it no one can only be a gentleman what my opponent given plenty of time to see it coming and let him know but as always comes from the same direction every single laughed next ones the right have you see there
the man who were outcome sarka dont get tricky its lending the little story this isn't tarantino were dancing he left right left right but with checks there therefore to use more technically obviously there's there's a curve as far as like physical strength like someone like serena williams savagely very physically strong girl rules that are like matters for extra and she threw me over couch and you know when you hit the window like sideways and thence life ass she so land on sunday jim shoes pressing like her legs in the strength that she has i was that
i was at a party what time some agency i used to be it in and they also represent a her and you forget your agency also represents in athens because they want to like fucking you don't make money of someone to readers illiterate and she was at the party with the basketball player so he was like you know so they were problem apportion couple like i felt like a dwarf do like she was like just like it was taught the gorgeous totally in proportion just like like super athlete marvel comic bodies like on like good you should be wearing a fuckin cape just now it is as you know you just see people like that any disco like area that's why i give you sit there the accurate head as you watch some quarterback that sucks gonna when if i did some more set ups but if i get throw against my body like fuckin bread far but not toward interception than you actually run into the real athletes
russia joe seismic who always look like a little fella you know earnings out they had the one little bar here goes legs broken you jesse always look just so small when he was out there i saw the guy in like in a mall he's like six one unlike still g act i might but almost five ten i'm just gonna like this guy would fuckin drop me how did he did he did his leg fixed they put bars and in pins and shit what haranguing legs facts imagine i am
in fact with the did anybody the hospital to attaining added that his area that was why my court yes it did that was the last lay he watched the sermon what time you said he watched the replay one time and our that was it for him and i actually when silva broke his leg i think about reminded me of that that compound fracture lying all my god oh my god i can't even magic the pain and then going into the shock and then the fact now is east coming back right sylvia genoa is to find a way of asking sit there after you went through that ended just the first time you start throwing kicks with that leg again just like the love of whatever that is i dont have than anywhere in my life like if i ever fuck it broke my leg like that doing stand up that's it i wish i would be quite open a comedy club bill he's got a state and i will do that anymore he's out there not his career he's got a few years left fighting
and he has an opportunity to make a lot of money and i think it's probably just gonna just make as much money as again over the next four years and then get out now what what is the that that rumour that i hear that if you break a bone this as such by real stronger he'll stronger do sort of i mean it's less likely to break in the area where broke it's less likely to break their gifts nodded up and thick but not necessarily short gets save thank you doctor rogan say why am i asked you these fuckin questions i do know a lot about broken this is this is how i learn all of my shit ask people whose who don't have the job ass loud ass you piastres get all those packages to everybody overnight of you ever questions like that you want answers as brian cowen and even if he doesn't know the answer who fuckin keep gone he will come up with something that's a logical
just out of here insecurity chestnut not knowing the answer humphreys has to have an answer they will forget argue about subsidies get it at all i love bronte also has a shitload of fuckin information is heard brian is what one of the best of ever met at being able to pull quotes out of the air about books it is readily constantly is right but what you hang with if one three minutes relays he's out of his pocket mice crazy discuss data everything i love i love but he's out it is out of his fuckin my does deftly crazy he's fucking mind is going like us i was in our pm's constantly always suit whenever i talked to him you just gotta do the alley you lay against the ropes and just let all the information come out yet and then you get him with one and then you come now and by the way we can't we don't even bare shoulders on how would indicate that hanging off you know that you're gonna pisani pisani
hunting with him it was five demeaned of done it three times that with its five days of
data himself in a fish by not shutting out they should be here people having i don't like him i love him i love him i just liked rational hinders what he does is this part of his charm said he likes to make fun of himself did he go out and talk to the bare and ask him when he's doing to get those back muscles he would act on speaks my men find out but we were for five days you think if i walked around on all fours and occasionally stood up like a big be like a bare without all that here five days every time system constantly the brian cowen show diseases winding up pieces tat guy he's always on he's never not fun like he's never never call brian is depressed you know if he is depressed to be depressed for a couple minutes and then i'll just our talk about something else out start out loud lean muscle mass are always built for dance and just go into south that makes you know your life
he doesn't want that uncomfortable silence now he's like what's his face at the end of the hulk filberts beer instead of walking away from the town losers troubles you know that the hawk they check is wanting i just wanna keep trash m until people shown this clip so i get on a show again that they change the hawks aim is land as outlined by the way the piece of salt now that's from the happy whereas the these ideas these salt christoph lamps suppose to somehow another like generally positive ions and salt a five year float through the air and make you feel better they change robert banner was bill bixby characters name on the hulk but the real real name is bruce banner right but they changed it from bruce to robert for tv because they thought bruce's again
bruce browser you angry again i'll get mad right you were little green last night was so embarrassing and you ruined your pants again greece become mckenna it's like bruce for the long long terms like new bruce i was yes it was generally i guess that's a bad example is a good example for years back to that guy what's going on with such a good looking guy i was never anything wrong with his nose he's become good looking old lady though that's what's goin on god bless and if it makes him happy exactly and god bless are moving around and we have a i just i just don't want you people find out no attack in their face yeah it's a weird thing people do they get there want to change it and then they think when they change that looks better to six different from you how much of a hug you need if you staring at your throat in the mirror like sideways hold an american
like my adams apple like i don't think i've area nor madame s apple look i can pick up my adams apple and a fuckin lineup i've ever looked at i think his deal then i'm just guessing is that he's probably transitioning to being a woman if i have a guess i think i think that's a probably a pretty safe estimate at this point cronus hair long his nails or long he had his now do you think he'll come what did original name or do you think he'll just got finger nail polish on now man do you think kill ill he'll kill go with a young a new name like person by yes i'm saying you think he'll go here just make his name a feminist like bill bill arena liability as a fuckin full character that it becomes when it becomes went on i may say but bring a backup ring a back at those nails
mean first while if this is failing so it s kind of us he looks like a jennifer you think so i will say claudia now he's not a cloudy i was gonna say you look so claudia look at him he's a cigarette using our jennifer so he smoking cigarettes too look at my hearing that we all know people there always smoking cigarettes that's what it is that i think that looks at the man that's a pretty good picture of what he probably looks like he has like his lipstick on when no one's looking and he's talking i don't think that's bad looks like you know you look sector an older lead singer of a band and then doing the cassini certain what is its view hearings to it's like he really he seems to becoming a woman you got to address one good family i mean this is a good time to be a lady is a good time to be a transgender woman to people more accepting over than ever before
time is running out its mean another allotted shares should bought should body it should not really should not it should not in our having said that i hate it color was nail polish red is my favorite phil i give you don't feel that i do not believe that type i don't it's too racy for i don't mind he's an olympic medalist what do you think you should have black gogoffs i think you need an edge is this a little too soft guns got his hair blown out i wouldn't if i had to do make over ok less scarves less flowing shit and i he needs an edge meant poor guy lay them he's wearing those visor stars
lady ten advisers if you now hunter s thompson i may not yet have areas on them take their fuckin thing that was the picture of absolute bless the i think he wants to do it that's what he wants to go there but listen he's been with those crazy bitches for so long he became one that's really what it is i think it's a little more i think they took them joe i think that what you in that house and i don't think you're coming out lookin like that that imaginative idea imagine it is proven that if you're in a round women like that many women long enough they slowly but surely abhor masculinity way to want to become a woman of its proven they like we we imitator atmosphere so much the more around the opposite sex for too much while it was one of those people that you are a set psychological word they say the iraqi you're codependent and you know i gotta watch out will you hang out with their pretty soon you doing what they are doing an excellent no europe
people were you wanna pleaded skirt you'd like some eggs partly starts with the eggs i think it starts the feet starts to feed furs headache and then you your work your way up your body if you're ease in india because i am delighted to be able to keep people are going to notice it before i gotta manicure longtime once i'm gonna manicure hill fuckin hated get angry niger i didn't like it i didn't realize well i was i was on the road with charlie murphy and in dan l its acceptable in the who amongst black eyes to get you fuckin nails done great it's i considered some pimp shit you gotta do it so i literally sitting there next still shyly like this man a thing in i'm lab billboard we know he was laughin too because i just kept say and this is the most of feminine fuckin thing i've ever done forget about doing it with you whose is overloaded with testosterone
they charlie you need to do this so you don't windmill chick somebody i dont know in the middle i don't need to do is and i was on states that night i was just go on like this i was self conscious i got that i got the clear i got the clear finish we just like glistening yeah but then what sucks is then it starts to peel so they need as yet is fuckin scratch and analyse gross did you try to prematurely age it do you like maybe just and people out there was doing all i was yes super homophobic about fingers in the dirt smith feasting the dirt try to get the nail polish have found somebody with what those gravel driveways funding you didn't think thing in the afghan american community get your toes and nails done like this picture is a dude i get their toes on the cell phone talkin aubrey with its out today
that wasn't his loses its friends company but the eu is a part of it yet although they are they take being clean to a whole not a level and is generally speaking some of them think why people are pretty filthy many farmers for the longest time was giving their nailed unlike chuckled they'll start now it's funny man howard yet pink and i thought it was done to me that's fucking funny could you can get the shit out of somebody that's it you're way that brutally story what's that he used to walk around whatever the fuck he was from you go into the city and he would act all of feminine so people fuck with them in any way the shit out of him and his friend who say why did you do that and he said because if i just kick his ass he could get over it but if some of them guy kicked his s it's gonna stay with me i want that to be true i can give you the whatever the book is the bruce lee book is it as a red cover academic over the name it in a black and white photo he's like this and just fuck it
read it yet he has approached the all the other brutally photos where he's like twenty pounds of away sorry i would think that he would probably a guy who would come up with a bunch of different real life scenarios just to test as martial arts and to become a feminist guy and have gastro beat your ass simply good move as bad as i think it's a smartphone yet as most people spend their lives right here avoiding physical confrontations disliking once once people really started gain weight and fuckin bloody noses and brought busted i socket
tat thou out i'm until some jokes review the only way to really test it is the test and a real life situation there's a lot of people are really good and jim and then when it comes to an actual fight they just far apart panic they can do it i just think that you need that you gotta have a couple on the ethical problem drinks now you're gonna get a couple of fights for our survival year if you dont have a fight in view of your seeing someone dignified this urban fight poor and don't or for panic now a tale told a story for but those are the common store sitting on the patio and there's this guy this black and white guy they were fighting and further house blues and the yellow each other and it turns physical and as it turns physical the white guy is in full on fuckin panic mode his eyes are closed and it literally was it's me wailing unfinished work like this way not
moving his shoulders but his arms are like like is boxing the guy's ears that's why he's doing right left right left i mean his hands are open east just absolutely in a full panic and then a bus poles in front of him get to see what the fuck happened the bus moves pass the guy's laid out flat out called the black eyes nor to be found the white guys fuckin dead stiff knocked out people freaking out so obviously got hit i have no idea what happened is this bad that's a to do this and have your face right terrible broadway it doesn't hurt your opponent about double time it's the good thing about it is you ve been very like all of you not you not harming your opponent you're involved in a physical education but united to do any damage this one sees you don't hurt your hands punches somebody scum or you don't wanna fuck up your manicure snoopy snoop dog has his nails did he's gets french tips yes hi light black white black
ok he snipped doctors and do it member would take you do now is to have colored nails that whole alpha nail polish thing those disallowed dummies overdue in africa till they all got off of it i worked add here that i think that's a type of shit that like when you almost start dress and like a chick like you actually get more see like more women come like that rock star thing that enjoy what i noticed a bar in their clothes and say no they're blowing you went out with that was really funny is that in point us pray i read it judas pray started a lot of the metal stuff rob how for you know there s an address again as an undressing and people in relation to gaze fuck right here i had no idea rob out from his gaze fucking again all these guys to essentially dress like gay ass an m guys that was what brilliant the luck this brain but that's how much of a bad mother fucker he is here
we know what happened my leg and right yes thanks one of the great front now and then nothing to heat he basically was completely one on a per cent other than friday mercury who is lillian banco queen we're just so dumb recognised i know i always straight he sings good that's all don't be homophobic like it matters time after time defining mercury and that got fuckin guy back they're alive aid set is one of the guy i will put it up against anybody's performance ever or whose a bad mother photo he turned wembley stadium into a fuckin coffee house he had them everybody the havoc and back row the attic i was unbelievable here he was sensational he was a really unique talent like like those no one like him before because he was such a combination of like masculinity end
i'm an entity in x i never noticed any of that i was just like this fuckin guy you can't stop watched impetus is finances is singing was incredible any was better life is good as the albums words when the few guys those actually fuckin better alive i haven't nobody can close second why sense why just try and evade ober anybody you got any body that can fuck fuck and hold a thousand people in the poverty in africa to follow all those other beasts euro strew yet going after robert jimmy page i didn't go up there was and what that was one wants it and go out which is why two thousand seven went so well because it will that we can't do that again they'd put it together last fuckin second than he had like they did they too dramas at the saint people's whisper that my ear
turn my active talk to somebody so hard you were the first guy to call me up you called me up and left a message about zeppelin you called me i'll be like and i got a fucking believe this but you got to go home i'll everything they fuckin i don't say that i was saying that they fuck it is this thing called the song remains the same and it was showing how they do their right now going going to trial on stairway to have an you call me this is many areas to me i love job bottom actually still other music because i still have all because it is still great and i still grey and his childhood memories of where i was when i was going on but like idea said because we think it is homeward isn't true well with
that one thing to me still in a rift rape and women that latest one with a cartoon roads the work that the cause be thing is very different obviously but the thing about zepplin the got me was that every band is info by every other band every band mean they all your you're going back to everybody who your fans with and this guy it sound like guys because that was their music and i think a lot of us is calm ellen emma got those being influenced no one that suits rosemary point though point our my point was but there's a certain line that you cross that they crossed there were still in rifts the opening the stairway to have ends like my god its alleged angel a legit
see i don't want to get in trouble when selling me under a legit allege allegedly vary but it made me less maybe like them less i know the music is still amazing but it made me like the less that was that was devastated there but they still but i have a bootleg it s and they have of them like the whisky or something and they have a song called killing floor that sounds like the lemon sun and then by town it's out on lives up to its called lemon song and then later they get sued for that by the guy who wrote killing floor so that its night they didn't do things or suspected you obviously knew that the colony karen flores a cover then you switch some of the lyrics and they call it lemon song but i don't know if this is to me this is just me is completely uneducated look at this shit just know that you know that just is a little suspect but just you know i was a metal musicians funny and i don't fucking i don't know i don't know
to be sure i don't want to be truly there with that's the same things that cause we stuff nobody wants them into this i was reading is chris rock articles really interesting chris rock article four is talking about people being offended by everything that's why doesn't do colleges anymore it just looking to be offended at things and they just too easy to offend but he was saying that he just doesn't want to be true and i think everybody feels like that except the people that obviously were re pile while they would want it not to be true as anyone be rate right so yes all of like yet you dont want that to happen to somebody and then also this person that you hold is a comedian if we also want to see him too we were gonna were planet
the trip to vegas i saw earlier this year did you were saying i saw a mountain pasadena at a theater and i met him about a year and a half ago fuckin amazing really was amazing fucker amazing i was his set was amazing yet everything if you really want to go see the get me toma guy you know the seventy seven years every six every seven years old was excited about his new special and was very glad i t i shot this thing in that industry uses animated so fuckin excited about his new special was dislike to see a guy that far into it still that excited about stand up why do they get gave me a charge for weeks and so i guess i hope its actual yeah really hope it's not true for the victims more so than but
focusing on him nothing but if you do in that than the victims are crazy lashes allegedly lyman and then you know it's better to be a christian i would rather have a person to be a crazy liar than to be a rape victims and i think they would to being raped by bill caused me this new ones interesting because the girl said says she was fifteen and heat he took her to the playboy mansion and elaborate allegedly but when you go to the play by mansion nay have your name on records like every person it goes there has to put their names down and other information now and brutal it's crazy that this all happen at a hannibal versus joke i came talkin about it on stage now somebody filming the person who put it up should be getting craig has had annabelle didn't do that and he should for that but like napa little and appoint wherever they just fuckin brutal it's crazy that this all happen at a hannibal birth is joke i can't talk about it on stage now somebody filmy the person who put it up should be getting craig has had animal didn't do that and he should be getting a grief either was a fucking great jokes
funny joker joke yeah then it became funny bird possible fact i she felt bathroom goes out of things one and that i think you know i was just telling a joke it due to some of the shit you know that's all that shit has taken out to cut like read everything like these fuckin people who take your share they do the same thing that a news like a biased news channel or like a political add will do like i did this rent make infinite cubs fans versus white socks fans and the reason why did it was because recently chicago had beaten boston team and all i wanted to do was cause in fighting ok i believe a fuckin word of it i see and i went on this whole thing then i paused and in the end i say just fuck you guys are just mac as blah blah blah they locked that part and now it's just a stand alone peace that i'm shit all over cubs fans and defending whites expands and ngos funding was i took a wild guess and actually do this is like pocket dead on the six
we waited till i know that but that is the point of it is that they went up there and they they deliberately lopped off the thing where i say it's just a joke so so there's that and i got a special this friday we really tried to fuck could be interested in their dumpster for the whole time you just all you have now adjustment that's the story bill i don't know where to go with them no i'm thinking about this culture of trying to catch people doing things like that and get upset at them especially when is clearly a joke had a whole bit my act about the difference between jokes the sand stage like being in court giving fuckin affidavit guy allows our whole bit my last special
lying like i lie on stage alla time like if you watch any my act and you go out there i don't see things away this guy i don't either i don't see these things the way i see i'm talking about around i'll say shit that i dont believe in if it's funny and that's i think part of what chris rock with signs of people get offended yet also and i don't like comics comic should apologise unless they actually meant it in the malicious way that the person took like if you gonna go and state in a bad mood newcomer deliberately get in we can hackle you or do something and then you get man you deliberately try to fuckin piss him off and you know you my own somebody an apology then but you're on tv and fuckin apologize to the country people are doing because you're scared that i want to lose their careers then they they also big people of demand apology you're not only when it has gloria member how to say whatever you want desolate true you know you have occur
when i tell you i m going to stand here but the thing is as yet i do not have a tv show once you t better off without it that's where better out fuck you you into this animated show that i don't want your way you wait will you do great stand up though i'm just saying but the animated thing was the perfect waited went righty because he knew where they get you can't offended buddy with these animated people like this what it what message is this going to send two animated children you know what i mean what about all the three fingered fucking yellow headed people out there are they going to what are they gonna think just piss off agents got hurt no yellow headed zoellick square heads examined i was there i was thinking simpsons some of my love was cut it off there and just the pudding
do you always it whenever he say anything on stage is controversial euros gonna open yourself up to opportunistic people they just want click bait there's no such thing as controversy in instead of coming there's no such thing it is is manufactured controversy it's all complete horse shit it's one person in the crowd the amount of time that they have shown clips of comics who said something controversial you literally here the crowd laughing on the fucking tape everybody's laughing taking it as a joke and one fuckin person in there you know and then you just take it out of context which is out of the comedy club i mean i'm trying to think of a joke any of my jokes i could do on the news that wouldn't seem like you know i'm doing this bit about isis now they're not a threat and i'd like to see him try to invade florida were silences or legal how far they fuckin get now that silly and ridiculous and finding a comedy club you then put that on fox news bilbil says ices has not real we're not over there together paypal frayed up what what about
a soldier land where we re turn the controversial table we play what about the soldiers we have a soldier here from florida that actually confronted isis when we return he listens to what bill said and then after that show nancy greater pick it up on the next hour bill blur the stand comedian you might i've seen here man such shows is breaking bad bayard i'm going go on let me say she's a hot shit if you out drag with a few things do you would just laughed big ass a fuckin she'll do you think she's just big
she was a preamble your dynamic my face hurts to pretend to be that mad every episode i left out here smoking it will weaken fuckin gettin relax my eyebrows i twinkies avril give massage does not i think she would be fun is held to hang out with andy actually get into an argument with interest she makes unfortunate faces on tv i think she's probably exactly actually comes off onto me about that now do you tell you right now you me and nancy grace driving a vegas we wouldn't be laughing a fuckin since everyone i will be laugh from our asses offered a private ugly with her how they were i would by the inland empire she would loosen up things which i sell followed you not be recorded just fuckin i was here held hostage by pro fan dave farts outlook show me the shows you do but you have a good time they ear rape me
for four hours now this is what you do like nancy what fucking guest was the worst guessed you ever had the easiest wonder reaches a screen and punishment face that she be telling a funny story then we re in its it would be an you'd ask about the dupe duke lacrosse case whether she was unfairly accusing them of something do i dont want to watch a shovel funny about her she looks like austria is born in like nineteen eighty five after in the ultimate centre like when she wears the black eyeliner sometime i literally a better looking eyes he of course well or more dainty little feminine more bruce jenner ask less hard road yes america in trouble the use of to day to day
you know i saw something i don't know why this reminded me of all i think shaven down your adams apple possess thinking i actually around sometimes so talk about torture or some shit i'm i'm when i parked in somali showing the devices you know the rack the rack were they were the opinion i tell you legs any enable crack it ok and these guys didn't experiment was what gave way was tendons or would have ignored it was they actually discovered it was the bone oh god pony fuckin broke or pulled away they they put like it was a creepy assisting ever where they were just like this is a pig's ankara which is the closest to humans ankle at which point you sit in how gone ok like if they said it was a yak like would argue i've no fucking idea so they put this thing on there and they start late tonight this little hoof with part of its need zeno is just as much like the knee you gotta see this they can they start crank and in your hearing it every time
it gave way your heard a noise they would do an x ray and you know these fuckin scientists are so though this is interesting this is interesting lee patel is still there and you should see the you're calling me fuckin whatever the hell ligaments but what we're see everything is stressing the actual theme which would be a femur and if i can keep doing it and worked but gave way it was yes i was the slowness of it that made the bone break and not the fuckin tendons where if you just get hit quicker set my dad tennyson i'm so fuckin stupid i came on what they came conclusion with but it actually broke fucking bounce it's amazing what inventions people came up with just a fuck you up more i can make you more in pain while they were telling you i sent the two things that i've ever seen this for a few actually maybe cats monkeys in human beings as i'm sailor moses tat some ourselves break in my bones the most sadistic like cats the way they catch a mouse and in fact
but the thing get away in and get it again and give it hope taken away let you get the death penalty that's like somebody beggin for their fuckin life right here i saw this video went timeless chimpanzee liking basic in the last ten twelve years they discovered that like chimpanzees like the occasional steak and want to eat another monkey cause they thought that they were vegetarian so this fuckin monkey trapped as small its chimpanzee trapped as smaller one these basically standing on the fucking thing up in a tree and rather than just snapping it's fucking neck it's taking its finger in its thumb and just digging flesh out of its fucking back and eating it as the monkey is underneath it just screaming yeah bloody fuckin murder and you just sit knife dude i fight a gun i would have blown that thinks fuckin brains out just out of principle i've seen your neck write her i've seen that video i've seen a bunch of those videos with chimps they d they like to mocking hate chimpanzee should the scary animals
therefore it should be respected but they like to eat the organs first that you mother alive grabbed the apparently the organs the most delicious part to them some other holding onto the monkeys and trying to kill him first it is trying to go right to the gods and start eating food issues then get back to you get back to the rack like how could you fucking agony your party somebody threw i couldn't do that can do that to somebody tell anything it was that was during the time would first while people died like way way quicker like people to live very long they live to be like if you're lucky got fifty years in holy shit i lived to be fifty miles for infant mortality it was really high their constant war war was at close range so war involve like swords and arrows and he thinks i'm shot to have the kind of fuck cattle on us fuckin flaming bodies you know these it literally light bodies on fire because human fat is like a good way of lighting buildings on fire because
so disgusting someone they would lead us on fire they would like human bodies on fire launching catapults would they leave roof kill him first probably maybe whenever they wanted to do a great green way to attacks sure people will we be able to do what you were saying where they just going to use all the falcon fuel to figure out a way to have no waste we use the waste and it becomes fuel but that kind of life we're you know your subject of violence and brutality on a regular basis and the idea was that like movies where the movies only show the wars they don't you show that when a hang out plain like a flute you know what there is probably a lot a war going on pretty much all throughout human history i just feel like you can't hide so much easier with zero different woods those here of comedy s year the floor fuckin movin the horse back there you have to figure out a way to get away from the wolves
you are going down the whole food you are hunt your own food you a self sufficient right but you had to have your bow and arrow and all that stuff you like to be close to towns have a fuckin blacksmith nearby we're going out there in the woods by yourself primary pre hard scramble life you're absolutely but you know something anything he's gonna kill you kill kill you a second shoot you and kill you kill it you he's gonna kill you out there is a risk is gonna be all quick they could do if a mile line ever fuckin ran at me i don't fucking just give him a neck i get it over with don't i've gotten scratch by a fuckin how can you think i wanna fuck with you goddamn hundred forty pounds cat and proportionate late there as far as like the strongest house cats or the strongest cats its house cancer with some of the strongest power found and mount lines like right up there with them stronger even then like some other cats at a terrifying to fight off bears owing to my youtube video watching
they devils who is doing all the animal shit now is an animal plan our discovery just when all cars like they don't fuckin do anything anymore discovery nowadays it already animals anymore there's a lot of shows like tell cease to be the learning channel what are they do now reality tat our reality its history gentle that's t i'll see is highly boob you don't happen history channel is that they just ran out of war footage they just regular scott we get nothing and then they had to show like nothing is interesting to anybody anymore unless this footage check i hated would you like even like some of the civil war shift they would have to re enact it because the phone number when your kids they would just have drawings of it they would sort of pan the camera across from it and it would put you to sleep in world war two was the shit because it would just shown planes getting shot down and all that movie they had his reach out a lot of nazi shows there are a bunch of those and then i think after while that israel is is more money in idiots is more money in just three
with tv serve to certain going rather network while i mean what i think happened was that much we will watch in reality and weren't watching their shows in the rise of the third reich whatever in the night of the long knives and what the fuck than just knowing cared anymore and they just like i if that's what you want they have shit on like ancient aliens like their window how many episodes of ancient aliens really done i totally believin aliens but i don't think anybody as figured out a way to travel from planet to play billing and actually live i think it's possible but i think the guy who invest i think they eventually we could figure it up organ to destroy each other first and i think everything can it you destroy yourselves that's gods they think fuckin checks and balances i may distinct smart enough to figure out how to get over to the southern part of people that i made but an egg jealousy and envy and i want credit and i want to producer credit on your fuckin rocket ship and all i should like a prerogative
destroy each other first like all destroyed before we figure even how to get the fuck and mars are by speculating i do what how are you are you are enough air to get to get like in the leg obviously jive something that generates oxygen you'd have to summon the processes carbon dioxide generates oxygen hearted would be you could you could prevent he's gonna last so i guess the question is will plants do that right is i'm a plaster but that's gonna last all away to mars six months last six months you think it takes six months it get the mars faces the same things are said to six months no it doesn't
let me think about how far the mood is a moon it's just that i'm going to need all this shit now take six monthly at the monk does not how long do you think it'll take fucking years now appreciate six months let's say how many months to get to mars he's gonna creepy tone reiner appreciate six months but i could be wrong to those very self ok it's possible precise sixty eight months as far as that is perfectly circular but that's it could just drawn up to actually get a porno now for this for a person is four person there talking about the man space travel to mars mission where they actually have to stay there which is really fucked up these people going it's gonna take about six months to get there two different a fucking balls did that takes
i'm going to another fuckin plan forever and went what once you break the earth's gravitational pull what is stopping you from missing mars when that fucker comes around calculations i know that but i'm insane if those things are off the never arthur jerry speed up we don t towards burgos an excellent saturn jupiter they're pretty girl marjorie venus earth and mars jupiter saturn yeah neptune ukraine is uranos pluto clearly the bringing back there now would you do that i had recently that their consider bringing as a planet did you hear that a rigid how they showed that website this is how they should promote that they should have like this when they bring pluto back they should have the scientists
hasta la belle bottoms and shit like that the fuckin travolta thank you know like that bring it back like disco assumption no regular reporting back tomorrow i was you just seven percent of their knowledge to on the fucking know who on the nose you don't i don't i don't i hate in a joke right or wrong is that's a head on ahead they had i have when you have like a joke within a joke like it's like they say whatever the joke as you fall off the fuckin chair you want to add another layer toward they go that's that's a head on a hat in sussex so what if it's too within einstein like tag ones still funny if it's funny still it's funny but that's funny it's not funny now are you if you have to make it look at the other fuckin had the next summer watch because i don't even notice it if you have a hat on hand that's funny it's funny that's what i think i think you're only
like their acted like funny plus funny equals not funny i think part of that is that their work i think that's just a lack of it's just that the different mentality that a comic has versus there's definitely place you can go words are funny anymore or that a tomb jokes you ruined the original joe but writers have a different perspective and grant the right for living and i do so yeah but there i just think their perspective is seen as opposed to your perspective which is like stand looking at it stand applies not like this is gonna hear districts for dear i think as many layers as you can add to it it just keeps getting funnier and then people don't even get it that's fucking funny like what jeeves hatter why would you fuckin sit there and make that goddamn right i mean i guess i'm going against ali's successful shows so whenever you i just
the different style a writing to don't you think that's different style way like you write for stand up in the way you write or you would write for a television show it's just a different kind of writing i barely know what i'm talking about ever so i just maybe i'm just frustrated pitching jokes and then some go there that's a head on a hat i like i had a hat will see that's why i'm just have to tell you a guy like you and it is you just being you without anybody that you have to pitch it to cuz you know you have a very year from now when i show up with the six episodes of efforts for funding i think again gonna have caballero jargon but a cartoon i'm always a hundred sounds owing to a little my fucking love it animated whatever you call it how can i give you look like the most creative dangerous comedy on tv ever itself park
because they get away without doubt those guys they ve done the best social cometary for like seventeen years and i'll get the credit they deserve near not even close their animals there then there are there so innovative they're just constantly coming up with new shit if everyone genius is fit for their social commentaries because how simplistic the animation is that those guys alike but you they can just turn amount but like how finished and polished it is as a brand new joke coming right out of the gate the first time they air where they just stages
fuckin nail it i think it's got you out there first for whatever reason i feel like they're gonna have to do it for thirty years and then tell people that their leaving before their finally gonna just acknowledge you know they're gonna get that the fuckin mark twain award knowledge stupid shit that you supposed to get well they get acknowledgement just by everybody loved them mean this shows that the maids have taught pretty much total autonomy overcoming centrally get away with whatever they want a naked they could pull off shit on their show that no one could ever pull off or another scientist not think people them enough create new markets change and are you sure i'm with you i don't ever given of credit either but either way to be taken do so much because it's a cartoon and their characters never get old don't have to worry about the carriage j j j from good
times that shit wouldn't even five use eighty have stuff is dying oh my we shut the fuck up like what are you talking about nothing here today from good times we're not pull that what am i whenever he brought up south park i think it can be that funny but i think it's gonna be amusing consuming amusing show yourself yes what's a based on childhood stories or your childhood storage or basically everyone in the restaurant at that point so i just got sick people groaning about my childhood stories comedy has a global phenomenon he had grown at their argument really don't animated yet fuckin annoy while gone in the apples bill it's it's fucking annoying that should gesture that yourself i was set at store that you told last year in the park asked about the guy do you and the airplane question you have gone in what's that my vote was a most fun i rather like the ones
i'm going to push this button as we're taxiing down taxing over to where we're going to take off and i was there i was his eyelids let's see what happens and he was never reach for the fuckin thing and i'm just stimuli sake what happened to push the button so this sum this animal show that you wrote who did you were do it worth you do it all by yourself or did not grant somebody with mike price from the simpsons how great yeah i was just a fuckin force any put up need put together this murderers row of a writing room and the produce that production company is wild west which has been funds company that's how the whole thing like i was just gonna make little five minute vignettes and down but why website and then happen i type i still burn i open for hammer sunlight every working together some shit and vince was there some act
deceive me hey come and take a general and i had no idea no ideas no nothing and it was there i just took a general that we like if you have everything you know about general meeting yea i should allow its general meeting and i was just walking out and as i walked out i was i can i can i get this idea for khartoum and they wanted to do when they waiting lists and three fucking years later while we are one year away from it coming out of it just works slowly slowly what is the harassment and nobody was did want noble one of the idea and everything in this whole thing was dead in the water and events was the guys like let's go over the netflix even neck as an annulment he's in there in the fuckin pitch meeting sullenness fuckin thing in an annex was like ridiculous supported the like i'm doing everyone netflix vigilance oil bush it further and push it further you deceive for marco polo marco polo
a new series of that netflix is doing on marco polo and gingham cards like this huge fuckin epic series of their doing so they have that oranges the new black they're doing stand up calmly specials like their becoming like a real legitimate network right before they are beyond that has their international and there
so i have a game that all you're gonna see is just people trying to rip off their business model is what's gonna happen yeah it's unusual thing like what are these guys don't ah they're not gonna fuckin bottled llanos on ok right and then continued than annexing oh you become the person here and then everybody's like oh that's the way you do it monkey see monkey do and then i just think people try to rip off what they're gonna do but they there at the thereon point here so their cutting their way through the jungle so they still gonna be out in front of everybody so i think it can be very hard for raw maybe the fourth person who tries to rip off there might be room for two other points to try to rip off what they're doing you're gonna have like three like abc nbc cbs of international television who what they're doing this unique is that their taken the money and are making their own shit that's the big thing there they ve been doing it for i did my calmly special them in two thousand
in five those originally on netflix and then it gets sold showtime but they were even back ten minutes nine fucking years ago there were taken chances in funding how many specials and now the dual real originals that kevin spacey show that and carts house of cards in the dual agenda horsemen chestnuts think he'll in it and your show their do a lot of chelsea peretti her stand up is on netflix renew show i think gum chelsea handler doesn't she of work of years of sanctions saddam she left her talk show as far as i know i e money to go to a talk show on networks left the e network you're gonna netflix that's like that would not shoot i now speak for about think that move gets made two three years ago you shoulda how quickly changes in areas like land but i'm on i want television she's got so much fuckin money though she probably does give a fuck
when she she can you make them much money on issues of our external action she's right while she's also it's not just that it's books she saw a lot of books you know she's in that stage two or she has like this giant amount of fans that could just follow her anywhere she goes and i don't know how that works i don't get like that how you like tv show and right of pocket book i don't know any do stands at only that yeah need she does she does allow shit she's is constantly working yeah that's me i'm not i'm never gonna be there is gonna let you i'm too right now i think there's a certain level of busy where you just like you can post you can like keep it keep the fire burned the certain temperature certain our pm's but
up and down because i would think just having a tv show and trying to keep that thing on the rails and have just prevent some from common in fuck it up would be would be hard enough that's a big thing preventing someone from coming a fucking it up right that's a real issue someone could deftly color fuck it up dec credit the agatha they got you have to implement something that i said that's all negative shit i arrived at a good driver whitewash although not an atmosphere as it happens we buy just i dont get it is our old fuckin conversation that everybody knows it that's what happens in every fuckin business you know look at a geek squad there was a great thing than best buys like dirt road model without austin than they fuck it orbit nobody uses what we can and must quite before it was just a bunch of nerds would fuckin say over the city run around fixing you computers they dress like nerds like with the black tie
the white fucking and then just believe hiram and then they bottom and i've never and it was cool they showed up it was funny they will they embracing being nerds is like ten years ago they may have been fuckin glasses and they came they just fixed to shit and i have like this spy vibe to it squad they showed up dressed like nerds but also kind of like a little pulp fiction ask so without the jacket and it was i was for call i wasn't aware them back then then and they drove around and little beetles payment to be your wherever i am our best by bottom yeah yeah yeah i know my fuckin laptop died what happened to use a mac
supper you are the one that i get frustrated honestly i get frustrated i slammed shut was a little apple laptop or windows laptop apple so i would think of you might be one of those guys it goes you know what i'm fuckin circle the sample shit everybody uses apple i'm gonna go windows not being a car now what i do is i just i keep computers forever and i keep iphones forever i'm always at least two numbers behind whenever video says why did you that because when i say hello the person can hear me what does that mean i got it means i dont need a new fuckin phone case i can already takes video you need to eventually enemies and glorious green but how beautiful look how big that stupid as fuckin thing is how dare you first of all how dare you second of all the camera on this
it's fuckin substitute you gotta see the new camera on the phone sex sometime when i point that my dick do you can see why would gain the helmet gregoire them butcher picture joy dears scrape go to impose its two clear its fantastically clearly good that there is download joy does not look like that in real life technology has gone beyond what you ve seen but young billboard he does ain't like that he does doesn't that i'm just you just started looking out i'm gonna try to talk here you phone you ever see love it couldn't have every area you made me feel bad about my purchase i'm happy for you i remember a couple years ago you were still using mapquest you still use mapquest or do you know i use the one that's on that that thing but the the one that i know you know i hate i hate like the fuckin recycled jokes on the internet and people like similar below was this film with a potato for like that
i know your time you're gonna write that and be like can you just pick a different vegetable can you tried it will be a little bit original i do not believe of ever heard someone he's cute i know you had only the potato it's fucking it's like this recycle wait what like those who fuckin the latter james said no one ever it's like t spoken it's like mad lips her saddle whenever it s pretty common but effective if used properly i reserve the right to you said no one ever if i fuckin have to it's right there i gotta admit i was i would definitely you drop a few notches what my advice from looking around mirages from the stratosphere that i have you to build myself back up to feel now once you drop at a certain point you're dead say i'll take them considerably said why wait what
said no one ever within two hours if i got to those tweets from you i would well when people they really stupid shit i saw i can't keep coming include all the people who now going to watch this and then tweet that to mean there's think it's absolutely fuckin genius not realised that like nine thousand people have the exact same idea that water cooler jokes you know those fuckin disruption day you know me you know what should they calling quinn makes one of those fucking scarlet graham yeah where's that people are even knowing joke and like you know one of the beautiful things about knowing ireland and i know he's tweets is it some people arenas tweets and they might not get all demanding demon with the consequent show you had an embassy he had one of the greatest fuckin sketches and it was like it was so but it was like office humor and i remember bobby kelly's was the funniest when it was the high five guy at the office in bari just cause worker by it is i don't got that new jets gay
any fuck just puts his hand up and you have to high five even the way high five was hilarious mine was somehow i went up to greer barnes nuclear barnes i went up to godfrey and and and said some really white shit to him is greer bonds with stamina delivered a package like dude i took a good recommendations unlike godfrey godfrey park was hilarious some really stupid white movie and then greer sidney looking at godfrey like he's a fucking solana whenever an untold butchering this but it just totally tapped into like when you work in those fucking offices the amount of they dislike six jokes and they'll just keep telling them that was in that that those are the only jokes but there's like six jokes it you can just always get count on an account for four alas what was there was on nbc right for how many upso did cancer last it sorted out
he's in re only one sees annex six yeah isn't i ignore liking it was like what tough it was just gonna run our whose what were tough crowd became cause he also had this thing we're patrice in northern ireland we sitting down and just in different areas was actually shot really cool and they would just be talking about obviously having a live thing at sketches thing was a fucking great show so great shall raise a funny dude man i did tough crowd i got to see him warm the crowd obviously does stand up before it i forgot how fuckin funny consequences he's really fucking funny really good the best was when i first got on twitter if you follow them early and nobody knew what the fuck he was doing are you dont gang signs over there are still three episodes out late when here when he first got on twitter and in so many people didn't know what he was doing so fuckin forty they still do if you are still the basic ourselves such an underrated banished to shame they never had a hit
what the fuck is that our capitals but you will you do that you're troll unlike dummy school kids alive i think a lot of adults for were followed for the two when we talk about how famous ie is and how are we to fuck somebody step down and sometime i and our he always he's always good for a fuckin is a funny fuckin comic man like watching him to stand up like you really have to appreciate i think even live he's well i guess you really wanna see alive like when you see i'm like even in film it's like you're missing something you mustn't some path half of bernard s amazing that show should never been cancelled if their smart they bring back tough crowd tough crowd was i'll fuckin great idea it was our great show is speaking to that how weird is it this too shows that have come back that is the combat came back with those who draw year whereas a great shows a sort of ahead of its time
but the weirdest fuckin thing i ever saw was when our scenario show came back to he came back with the same fuckin haircut maybe look ten days older and then had the same guess it will and it was like twenty years never went by it was it was like one of the few times ever wish that i did like hallucinogens because our system like this it was a blow in my mind it blew my fucking mind he had lighting a headline dishonor eddie yours or somebody and it was just like i felt like i was like twenty four and i was just starting out as a comic when i used to watch it gonna buy if i get to do stand upon this how am i gonna homer now how am i going to cross over this crowd in it i don't know it was just the r d took over social media accounts when they did dutcher feasted arson
he's lying cuz he's being to educate don't know that's what they do that's what they do now on a lot of shows they demand to take over your social media and they start tweeting for you crazy that's i told me that in all our signing over power of attorney unlike an exact cyberspace caraway exactly alike citing their name your name and he was trying to get his facebook back and is twitter by like why he was told me he was me that the ice house before kidding me they made here i didn't want to initially but i said you know what i want to be so busy with the show fuck it let him do it now try to get it back with all my god they just take over your cup gather if you let me to say
now exactly night but you gotta we want to say no and it might be a deal breaker socinian go fuck yourself there came to me yeah but do you know if their thinking people want to did they want to be bigger ballplayers you know and i want to work with you like one ignacio at it that's a soothing they don't get sued by you saying some fucking nuts and then if you read the guy's interviews r c users are always great as he doesn't give a shit and he just gonna says what he said so they're looking analyzing yes says while should yet lobbying us i just is honest which does not work when you got a cell toothpick in fact in cars and all that shit in between the comedy so i think that that's that's the having never gotten a show on the agenda this is what i feel is going on behind the scenes for maguire you know chris maguire was the head writer
yeah there's a head right over there so he would you know domino struggle from the beginning but it was also that they were trying to do the same show are trying to do the exact same show they did in the ninety nine these which is really strange possess any as a likeable guy people love it seems like if you found the right vehicle for him he would be a great deal most people is genuinely friendly likeable guy you i mean like i said it was it looked like the exact same fuckin show and i felt like did die
like miss that this thing was still going on in any at all these guess from back then i think that that like i think the whole thing could a healthy i don't i don't you find yourself but i would put it on when it first started maybe just did that the first week ah no no he jumped down they kept or area they grew car that's what they did i mean you might have altered a little bit but those that the central issue targeting those fuckin chose ban i can never economically touch a fuckin why you don't need to choose your guests in our people equate apart gas to adopt well sometimes but think about a podcast cast is you know i like you like i want i want to talk to you today i tasted drew me like i'm saying like i don't have to pretend like if you are some guy that i didn't know that was in here that was pitch and something give a fuck about but the net all i had always dying and then you gotta save him oh how those are the worst right and so would have to jump in
well i wouldn't while i feel i feel bad for when i see a talk show horse and has a guess where they're off or their their stories are working because you see him they seem like glanced down at the card and they get a lake letterman's the best vigour because it is openly mock the situation holds openly mark you it goes wrong decisions let you sit in economic area i remember bill hicks bit on level out the door redo thing yeah the whole thing about haven't joy lawrence on a show and ask enjoy large if he has a girl frere our yeah yeah i know and enjoys is no well yes will shoot think so who write pose a gun out of his drawer and fuckin blows his brains out miss his brain splatter on the wall in the form of an nbc peacock he's a company man to the bitter end
it is true that was word for word nor did i forgot the part about changing clips his he pulls out an using a sucker uzis spray ample is through his hair need changes clips and leyla it's fuckin hard gig loves doing that show that he does now because of that he does that cars online jays garage i got one that all time rate yes fuckin car collection is insane in its in its all like he's got great tasting car then he's got these fuckin crazy was once we get like to shift errors and jim goggles honest he had won a car recently thereby causing
i got obsessed with it if you want to look it up he did it was an early seventies dotson i think five ten and they just a cool this fuckin cars if if you if you put a new engine in the suspension and everything has its like it's like the classic american system sudan but the miniature like asian version of em and what's he gonna get a picture of it right stammering fucking complete black hole here in the sense that it does not just fucking bad ass calm and so they did like a rat stow resto maud version of an old it's an old dotson datsun five ten or something like that little fucking the hearse shift iran and manage a success fuckin fund a drive is my brother had a the smoothest shifting car average we're like an toilets herself and when were changing gears and therefore they adjusts was like butter and it was piece of shit and it was a agates could understand
was that there was a really bad time for american cars where they would deliberately making them to shit the bed it sixty thousand mile soon you would get this perpetual car payment least that's the conspiracy theory of it and all of these fuckin toyota cars that you remember that when they started coming out this predominantly went up to eighty miles an hour in the speed and outlaw the gas crisis in all the mustang became the mustang to me a car like fairer fawcett drove on charlie's angels it was such a hunger shit it went from being one of the most bad ass american muscle cars ever to adjust our total plastic shitty shape ugly they made an ugly to within like five to seven years it became just an absolute and all of those so many of those held over like muscle car names that just became like a shell of themselves cougar become this big fat ass yeah ok
tudor like sudan like what sort of a poor man's like lincoln continental or something but what everybody is his collection of cars is just five fucking credible indices knowledge alone that's really cool he's really passion about it i just showed you when you get a guy doing something actually likes to do like j leno loves cars it becomes an amazing show when you have him hosted tonight show you like he doesn't give a fuck about joy lawrence a tv show he doesn't ass i looked at it like he's he's trying to he's dead always make it somebody get it he's gonna go by some cars now when i was a younger comic i used to judge him and be those folk bullshit back when i thought i was you know i should we weren't a leather jacket on stage and i like i was so anything but now that i've gotten all unlike those fuck he's doing to show the way want to do is show and they must go by some cars what makes money made money did apparently did though the word has always been he doesn't even spanish tonight show money that he'd spends only
stand up comedy money that's where it gets all everything and then the tonight you're money out swept the bank can you imagine that the high collapses look ass we get all that money the cornerstone having that all the bank when you're on your account is ensured up to like fuckin two three hundred grand yes not smart and then it's also it is until it isn't well who knows what it all in the bank means only might have investments you might have put it in bonds mutual knowledge you gotta converted into cash gold stuff it in your fuckin walls and then just but some of the gold and it s got a prey to i haven't all of that fuckin money and trying and that those that book you read or you were unlike fifth grade about the guy catches the big fish and then he's bringing it into this industry in the inland and all those fish had taken a bite out of it by the end he just left with the skeleton that's what it's like having a baton a fuckin cash everybody just gonna fuck send on you you re accounting
those are the sudden two plus two equals for is way much fuckin more difficult they get it i just nine million dollars more for your fuckin taxes why why cause i have it here that's what they do all the oversight everything becomes a big fuckin problem so uses advocate spending it all soon as a kind advocate getting to a certain level of success getting a machete in a pet bull and sit ninety cash yeah but right laid laid out in libya just sit on amount of it you oughta food and have delivered the deliberate inevitably peel bills off the power i have i have no money my whenever
in recital a society goin to shit my my plan is i just embraced the fact that you can only kill me once that's it i'm gonna i'm not gonna survive that i hope but what if it's like groundhog they keep die like but new tom cruise movie the edge of tomorrow we dies overall spoil or what i would just get a gun and then i would just walk around like this in a way for the awful death come in and a girl like that over like i thought this through over male out a really good points you don't i learned it by buying an old house and be the guy lays a shallow grave and waits for people to attack you food supply than you sit up like a zombie me now are we were clever than apart we set up a fake civilization and then be outside that civilization the real civilization like so people come into raid and then
and launch down on these are just words fire what i'm saying yes just words listen i have planned this out now if event that shit it's the fan i hope the where the fan explodes so i think so i give yellowstone blows and we wonder livin in some sort of a perpetual nuclear winter for the next hundred years i hope the lava lands on my fucking had unfortunately worlds absolutely hard scrabble people out there in antarctica china eat seals and stay alive help reinvent the wheel now i don't fight i because what you gonna do then when you gonna do that's like civilization went through a divorce write another guy that gets like the flophouse now that you're just us you're just gonna you're never gonna build it back up in your lifetime so why not leave with a flat screen too
we watch anime share what have you wanna fuck and watch and then the i still bit about that just when the korean vital fatty there over in korea was talking about how to shoot a fuckin warhead and i was nervous until he said allay and as they are you're right it my fucking giant forehead not only apparent even want to know you see that whistling sound like always somebody watch and bugs money what is that whistling sound and then it just fuckin lands right on my house and then that's it you don't wanna be the guy who's sparely survives and has kids and then dies where you kids like standing over you and their aid and you know they can't live on their own your your fuckin you're dying and further eyes you don't wanna be their guy you know you also have to take it consideration that even if the human race survives eventually it won't whether its million or a billion years from now eventually the earth will no longer be able to sustain life because the sun will burn out
oh well that's a lie for ever i'm just talking about like some our lifetime if some bullshit happens i don't want to go back into the world were like boils in shit and warts in the end a your nose or an issue now because there's no more see vs is in shit whatever the benadryl a crap you put on it and then a restart suddenly a which like they live under a fuckin bridge if i didn't know that we're gonna ward other no know what i'm saying oh banking today at the peak of cyprus has access from get more than yet another quota is gone compound w is gone dollar collapses in all that shit everything stops being made its done your best bet is fuck and go down to see vs ie arrayed all those drugs that's what you're doing you take some bread and you leave right you just said women between you fucker leader like a captain crunch sandwich and all the drugs breakfast club yeah i don't think that's a good idea either novels good idea to nobody has a good idea if people were
ok it would be if you join black water actually have like a fortress they are the ones who are really ready my favorite ones when you watch those doomsday papers and their basically reading through there a book that i had that shallow grave like this guy was what i'm gonna do his eminence surrender my property and looked and ill for trade and then also become around and he's like showing like where he's going to hide and as they have to be on a spring like wales murphy beds as is childish crap medical craft matic you bring your legs ended he did love you wanna be a world murphy beds were pops up oh you ve taken dead city see you in the background is your slowly is just slowly coming up here
pointing moilers beds pushing the three stages bed the girl s sick people get stuck in them and they get pinned against the wall martha called murphy bedroom near they see though there was a popular thing the safe space laverne surely all those things would fuckin people gets that you mean by break you fuck about somebody broke their fucking neck and one of those i bet i bet people died the most bizarre ways listen by some as a quarter for yo yo out here yeah we're gone i'm gonna wait y know bill i'm gonna wanna be travelling where you gonna apples bill diabetes traveller try to eat healthy sewing come down when do you show tonight right so bilbil be it the calm restored tonight bill birth special will be on netflix this friday december fifth was a call you i'm sorry phil outweigh the fuckin the previous awesome i like the fact that didn't black white silk
dutch yeah you on old school next when you should do its most signals just now no more nor film i don't i don't like hdtv secret you don't like it it's too far can clear you don't need a tutor fuck you want charity i already know how i'm going to film the next one two and in what you will tell me what's this is over probably in your own little past progressive way did i make one or two those are the latest fucking cameras that are used by the way i find it an amazon stylized our lack of this is that three stooges black away and others and the fact that i've been on this slide cares of around forty five minutes and you do that targeted either languages now i'm sure i love it i'm a fan of a billboard fan ladies gentlemen believe a word of it are they all language haven't b i l l b you are our thanks for being married no come on back thank you for having me and i will see you eight thirty tonight at the comedy store yes my friend right i do the hilarious bilbil is german aright
we'll be back next week until then go fuck yourself given how do we not just i believe for real go go by and i've been watching bill work this material i saw you at ice house recently fucking hilarious set so funny funny funny dude so that's it folks they could see soon but my big kiss thank you my friends thanks return into the broadcast and thanks to our sponsors thank you to zip recruiter dot com go to cruder dot com forts lash rogan and post jobs for free oh thank you also to draft kings dot com just go to draft kings dot com entered a code word rogan now and play for free play for free that's two things for free goddammit how can people still complain jim rogan dotting dotcom go there and enjoy a twenty five dollars savings of
their fantastic new cellular devices and thanks of course to honour dot com that o n n i t use the code word rogan save ten percent of any and all supplements thank here but if tunisia we awesome thanks for all the positive energy positive energy thanks for the centre right back to you big so the world and i will see you next week by my friends
Transcript generated on 2020-03-16.