« The Joe Rogan Experience

#617 - Brian Regan

2015-02-25 | 🔗
Brian Regan is one of the top stand-up comedians working today, find him touring all over the country at BrianRegan.com
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
hello ladies and gentlemen we ha we going two podcast day today very excited the first podcast this is what the one and only mister brian regan oh shit ok and awesome claire stand up comedian and this one is excuse me for clearing my throat into the microphone how rude i won't do that again i know that's gross here on the subway somewhere you like fuck dude should my ear should have sorry i slept i slept on you youtube what a dick anyway club dot com is bonser and dollar shave club dot com is an awesome hook up ladies and gentlemen there plant start just three dollars and here's how it work so they send you handle for free and then every month they send replacement braid blades braids all said braids but i caught myself replacement shaving blades their excellent they they they work as good as any brasier i've ever used to handles excellence like a firm quality thick
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everything they need to make their body and their mind perform at its optimum level there's ways you can do that with nutrients there's ways you can do that with exercise and there's ways you could do that with motivation and that's what we're trying to do want to go to onn it use the code word rogan you'll save ten percent off any and all supplements yeah alright without any further ado the wonderful and talented mister brian regan experience train by day joe rogan podcast my name all day hello everybody brian regan's here ladies and gentlemen long time friend slash stand up comedian extraordinaire slash international man of mystery that's how i look at you wow i like that intro good people i'm going to start asking him to go with that intro plus you're the only comic i know that works outside of vegas but lives in vegas yes everybody else is the opposite
or they live in vegas only because they want to work in vegas like a carrot top type individual yes i do do i do life and show business backwards i would and a long commute i want to go to an airport and get on a plane and fly more than one thousand i was away from my home and do my work but you work every i mean you work were do reno right now eggs i mean i might at one point you know i mean like those residencies seem kind of intriguing you known carrot top rita rudner i i think she's doing another one i'm not sure yeah the people that but not yet you know i mean i still like being on the road i to me for now that's what i want to be as a comedian as a traveling comedian yeah the residencies are very strange
because they're intriguing in some way i had a conversation with george wallace about it i ran into him at the comedy and magic club and he's done with his he used to do one and the way he described it it sounded like a lot of fucking work like a lot more work than you would think like you would think well hey for him it's great he just has to stay there and he just kind of like does it show there is no big deal now they you know they call four walling it i guess you know so like you have to fill that place you have to fill it all the time so you're always doing promotions you're always doing this and that and you know like i you know how much of that he has to pay for but i believe a lot of it comes out of his pocket and so he's constantly trying to fill the place up and constantly trying to put billboards up and keep the place pop in and he has to do things in order to get people to remember him 'cause he's not out there like when your aunt or you're out there you know you're in cincinnati you know brian regan's in boston brian regan's and maryland when you're in vegas you're just in vegas
right so there's a lot more clutter you know and when you're in 'cause there's a lot of comedians doing that and a lot of other shows in las vegas i didn't realize it was that much work so changing my mind i never want to do a residency yeah i'm out i've thought about like partial not never as an nc i don't really want to live there but a partial sort of a situation we do like a once a month show there i think right once my show that would be kind of fun yeah yeah i've been doing maraj pretty recent pre regularly like i did twice in january but that's just because i'm in there anyway for the of say right now well george wallace has a has a big billboard up says best one thousand pm show in las vegas and i love the qualification on there if i did a residency i would put a billboard right next to that best one thousand and five show
no three best one thousand and three show in las vegas yeah that's a weird qualification right best ten pm show by some silly magazine it's always like vegas best magazine like where do i find this bug in vegas pass magazine the las vegas review journal every year poll everybody in las vegas to ask them what they think the best everything is in las vegas the best italian restaurant the best mexican restaurant and um las vegas is kind of like a hodgepodge image people like from all over and then it's not the most cultured place so like the best mexican restaurant is always like i'm trying to think of i mean it's not taco bell but it's like a bit shaky yeah you know it's like a chain and the best the italian restaurant is like something you go now that's not the best italian restaurant so the las vegas the journal always has to say well these are good
choices but here's some suggestions we make like they're trying to push the culture a little bit oh that's good yeah they have some pretty decent restaurants in vegas that's one thing that vegas has by far like that's the most impressive is the restaurants they have in the casinos like if you get a stake in vegas at a big casino it's going to be a bangin stag i've never had a bad steak and like craft steak or strip steak places in the mgm mandalay bay or nine at the palms like some of the best steaks in the world yeah i haven't done a lot of those deals i mean i'm pretty much like a home guy i mean i'll go hit those places every now and then if i've got friends in town but that guy that really knows las vegas inside and out you know it's embarrassing when friends come in a tangle where we go and brian and i'm like you know it really is this tree down the street they got it they got a happy hour there and then we'll go get a draft somewhere i'm not that guy at all yeah we
at the ufc this last month which is january yeah january and you almost looks like out of sorts and like this where you live man yeah it was that was my first ufc fight ever hannibal burris was in town and texted me had seen him out on the road six months ago or something like that and said hey you want to fight tonight and i never i've never been to a boxing match or a ufc fight so make sure you know it seems like something fun to do and i started googling what boxing matches were not i thought it was a boxing match that he invited me to oh that's hilarious so i couldn't find any boxing matches i'm like i don't know what flight is talking about and he said will just meet me at the will call window it's at the mgm right yeah so i made him will call window he gets the ticket to go let's go inside i didn't know until we were walking in when i saw that cage i don't even know what i was walking into it was like oh man is one of these deals
that's funny define oh man it was really fun but it was so much different than what and i've only seen like little i i'm i i don't follow that you know i've only seen like what i've seen in sports you know write stuff but it there's much more art to it and then i expected and i was thinking was just can be brutal a brutal match you know just two guys just going at it until blood start squirting but it's actually the there's art and and there's a there's a science to it you know it's more interesting than i think somebody somebody who not a fan wouldn't realize that there's more to it than what they might think yeah there's definitely a lot a lot of technique to yes but the ultimate goal is the first part the brutal stuff yes
but they don't they don't just go out right at it they have to figure each there there's a chat it's chess and fighting yes yeah it is it's a bit to do it the both of those things are going on there not just the bell doesn't mean they don't just start running at each other to starbound each other in the face they're waiting sometimes it goes like that and sometimes there waiting and looking at each other and figuring out well what's this guy is this guy to be on defense you know what i mean that there's more mental stuff then i think people might think i would like to watch it as someone as a completely uninitiated untrained person i would want i would like to see what that feels like 'cause i've been watch it so long i kind of like have lost touch with what it must look like on the outside but to see like i would like to sit down with you and watch it i think that you know 'cause i was nowhere near you i was over by the commentator brooke but right
why was in comedy comedian row man yeah you yeah tom rhodes and tom rhodes myself hannibal burris russell russell's there us feeders yeah i mean it was kind of cool and and i appreciate the tickets not knowing from brother russell's there all the time he has a he keeps the place in vegas because he's there cation only and i guess it's one of those tax deals like vegas as some pretty sweet tax deals you know if you live in vegas you you pay no state taxes right correct so like for your income that's that's pretty big yeah when i moved from california to nevada do it for that reason but it was certainly a nice byproduct you know it's weird when you think about because that's like a lot of money you know i think it's ten percent of your in
right then some somebody like that what state taxes that i don't know i don't even know if it's from eight to seven depending on where you live eight to set goals now only around i mean it goes in or were up for two ten but average it's around eight is state income tax st year now okay yeah so that's that's a lot of money if you're making good money you know that's a big percentage like having manager the reason i know that there are no state taxes is at night you look in the sky over at the airport and you see a string of pearls there about fifteen little white lights there all airplanes and they're all coming in and their land in one and every one of those little white dots is filled with people and all of their pockets are filled with money and they're coming to leave it in las vegas yeah i mean it's it's amazing what whenever i'm flying home flights are usually packed people want to go to las vegas so they're bringing you know most
people are not going to win you know so money just keeps coming into that town yeah it's ridiculous in that way i mean it's one of the only places that we could think of where you're guaranteed you're going to have a bunch of people going to be risking their money like an then spending it and then going on i mean like it's a weird place when you think about it it's based on gambling right and i saw an ad for a slot you know some cusi i was saying we give ninety seven percent of the money back on slots and that was like is like a a selling point and i think can you imagine if your bank told you that they would give you ninety twenty percent of your money back we only take three percent of your money yeah like that's uh thing that just come in here and will give you ninety seven percent of your money but how do i how do i say that that's not true 'cause it's just not true i mean there's no way they give they only make three percent there's no way i don't know i don't know if they could you know i'm sure
they can't lie so there's probably some technical way that that's true but it's he truly i think it's one of those like you know there's like a house advantage you know like the house is like a fifty four percent advantage you know echo fifty four to you know you're forty six you know i mean it's like one of those deals so that's probably how they get away with saying it you know i don't but but you know even if that even if it was only three percent that's still guaranteed money for the casino right you're going to lose three percent of your money but every time which not not every person but i mean overall if people one hundred thousand dollars they only have to give ninety seven thousand that back there was a weird case recently in new jersey where a bunch of people was rue all they had to give their money back because they won lot of money playing this game and the dealer had forgot to shuffle
the cards had come pre shuffled and so somewhere along the line these players realized that the dealer had forgot to shovel and so they just jump their bets up higher and higher and higher every time and then they want it winning like over one million dollars and then it was revealed the dealers had made a mistake in some way shape or form and that the players by real sizing the dealers had made this mistake were somehow or another it was invalid that they want which is fucking hilarious yeah i don't i don't get how some of that stuff is fair like the counting cards thing i don't i don't understand why you're not allowed to do things in your head you're not allowed to think i mean first how do you know what i'm doing in my head exactly just based my bedding and an even if even if you're correct and what i'm doing in my head while i can do that in my head that blows my and that you're not they they can just come up to and go no
no we we don't want you in here because it is your will you're winning and you're smart yeah you're smart you think ben affleck did that right i think he got trouble kicked out of a place for counting cards well dana white the president he gets kicked out all the time he doesn't even count cards he just wins we just met alot of money if he wins do much to kick him out they kick you out if you win wait a minute if i lose that's why there's no that's why there's no state income tax that's also why those places are fucking gigantic and when you walk in to you know whatever the venetian you know for a name a casino and you see how opulent it is and i'll be beautiful decor and there's a lot of money man spent a lot of money in those fountains that you're passing their shooting what are one hundred feet into the sky beautiful show of wealth i i like watching occasion they'll have one of these you know tv goes where they show how people cheat at the casinos and one i thought was pretty in tree
being the dealer what it was like a blackjack table or something dealer was in on it with his friend who showed up and his friends his was a cheater they were both cheaters so his friend put a black a cup of black coffee down on the green felt right so the dealer who's got a black chip or two in his hand in the palm of his hand puts his hand on the top of the cup like this and drops the black chips into the coffee cup and says you can't put that drink here and hand it back to the guy and the guy goes out ok and that takes his coffee cup back that's five dollars loses wins whatever and then walks away that's real cheating now
that seems to be we are not of course yeah that's that's out right yeah that's not right the counting thing being cheating is ridiculous it's like when the game the game is yours is there's fifty what is the fifty two cards yes thirty two cards right you get fifty two guards you you're watching the not the cards they get dealt they're all shuffled up and you just do like a mathematical calculation probability in your head that seems to me to be like a thing that you should do all the time in life of course yeah what are the odds if i run this red light with the odds i get hit by a car well sorry in the morning there's not as many people driving it's probably it's absurd going to a golfer who just stitched a shot from the fairway and said hey you knew that was one hundred and forty eight yards you thought about that we figured out that that was one hundred and forty eight yards away you're not allowed to do that you just have to guess you hit it as hard as you should for one hundred and forty eight yards and that's bullshit
yeah you're not allowed to be knowing that stuff i just i've never been in ambling i guy like gambling on sports like i like gambling on fights particularly that's the only sport i really gamble on i don't really know i've no f i gambler baseball game it would just be like who serve but on you know detroit okay go in but it's makes it exciting you know i really think it should be legal everywhere i really do i think gambling should be legal ever but i think they should be able to count cards i mean i think if you're if you're smart you should be able to count cards and if you can count cards you're gonna win and that the fatal flaw in the casino system like you're you're gonna win consistently well i think i what little i know about i don't know how to count cards but what little i know about it you have to be perfect you have to you can't make a mistake you have to count every are you going to know exactly what's going on yeah and then you might end up with like a one percent or something advantage or one and a half percent or something like that if you have to be absolutely perfect i i i would think i'm guessing i don't know the the the fact on that but
because it's already a pretty even game blackjack yeah yeah it's pretty even as far as all those games they say that the games that like people really like are like craps and blackjack because craps is just like fucking chaos just rolling those dice who the fuck you got to kind of know how to bet and went to bed and when you're feeling hot and when it's wanted to go in your favor i've only played craps a couple times one one time was there were bunch of comedians in vegas including drew hastings drew hastings was he brought us the craps table and he was going to show me how to play crabs and i'm standing next and i bet on something that little i knew i could tell that it lost to you know sort of right to get started though but the guy didn't do the the stick thing to pull it like he left it there and
i was like confused so like a moron i yelled at the dealer you know to explain to that he should be taking my money and i said excuse maine excuse me a second and then i feel this pressure on my foot due hastings stepping on the top of my foot like really hard and he's trying to tell what is this is it he knows what i'm doing so he's like stepping on my foot like would you shut up what was wrong with what you're doing i was going to he drew felt they made a mistake i should take the my go back even though even though i had lost it or just leave it out there and bet on that same thing the next time it's their error or so it was an error yeah they were supposed to take my they were supposed to take my money and i i was trying to explain that to them that i lost that
fair and square take it away and that's funny i thought you just didn't understand like what was going on 'cause craps is one of those weird games where i've sat and watched people play craps for like ten minutes you know just as an observer and i had no idea what the fuck was going on the hard softcon still don't know you can come like what is it like there's a come right like that's like part of that's a bet i don't even know i don't know i don't know what any of it means i know sevens are good elevens is good seven hundred and eleven but then they become bad if you get a seven first thing it's good but then you roll an eight on the first thing now you want to get an eight before seven that's all i know how do they assume that people know how to play that fucking game again how do they get new kids involved you know like there's certain games it like used to be like super popular with the old folks domino's and shit like that how do you get people involved in craps maybe that's why they these big giant fountains is because i got a bunch of people like me
making sure that they take my losses away i don't think that's how but i think that there's there is some weirdness to that game that just like it seems way too complicated richard jeni have a bit about craps i think he did about how no one knows like like everybody thinks you're an expert in certain games what he likes about craps is no one knows what the hell's going on everyone just concedes that no one knows what the hell's going on richer jenny has an album that just came out obviously he really yeah he you know he i think it just came out when did he died about five six years ago right yeah something like that so i don't if somebody had some soundtracks of some stuff that he had recorded but i downloaded it and listen to it it's really good man he was great yeah i took that one hard that would bum me out alot yeah i didn't know him that new like a man what's up how you doing you know barn last like month before he died
that month somewhere in there i was with them on a plane just randomly and he was just have to be set right from me while we chatted a little bit yeah who's always you know pleasant but i know he was troubled hi this is that once they hit me hard because when i was a kid he was a big influence he was one of my favorites when i was first starting out and he was was on tonight show back then i believe as johnny carson's johnny carson tonight show and you nice to watch on tv on all those evening at the improv type shows or whatever it was hbo and and then i got to see him a couple times live and who's really good yeah really really such a good joke writer and when he died and it's just it just bombed me out it's just a bum's mail when people don't feel appreciated and you think they're awesome you know and he's he was one of those guys just he always wanted to be like jim carrey you want always wanted to be like some
jerry seinfeld type guide had his own show image instead he was you know is a big time headliner on the road right allen out cedars in clubs doing a lot of the stuff that you're doing you know essentially but for whatever reason he wasn't appreciated or you didn't feel that he was appreciated on you know but it was depression that led to what he did and it's hard to know what whether it was a career related depression or just something so much deeper that people who don't have depression can even relate to yeah that's a good point because when you know you see someone that's getting depressed about their career in other really depressed about the career or they really i mean these careers successful as hell you know it's like why would he be depressed about all that success i mean look at robin williams i mean could not have a more successful career than robin williams and he kills himself because of depression so clearly it's not necessary
the career related it's a much deeper thing that people have difficulty understanding i don't i don't understand yeah he was another one that was like wow how is that possible how is it possible that robin williams wanted to kill himself i guess i imagine you remember good morning vietnam and popeye and like this guy was on top of the fucking world did you ever meet him yeah i mean it was weird how i met him i didn't know i was medium until like five minutes into our conversation he was indeed he came to the improv to see me and he was in line with everybody else to take pictures you had a baseball hat on at a beard and glasses and he came up to me and he was talking about a very particular bit that i did about how much he loved it and this is not an couple minutes into talking to mike holy shit wow you didn't even know that i had no idea i just talked was talking some background wow you know we're talking and you know but he was like real i was like wow this guys real comedy
is like really into like the specific aspects of the joker let's kainos comedy is like i love him i like that because you really put yourself out there with that but it was like so you like the way you did it was so this and that and i go oh thanks man i'm glad you oh shit wow it was like i met a may i don't that day i i was nobody he do you what it was like he was meeting me but i just met him at the improv in new york when there were a number of comedians and wrap around and i met him at the outdoor comedy day in san francisco you know when there's like twenty comedians on the show and he was one of them outdoor comedy day it's uh i don't know what it's called but it's like big comedy festival in one of the parks in the san francisco outdoor comedy or something but he was very like sweet and low key and unassuming like so different from what you know of him on stage you know like he was almost like reverie
sold to other comedians it's a man yeah he was that's how i felt when i met him too and he's a guy that had this horrible reputation as being a joke the fan you know and i think in his case you know talking to people that were victims of what you know of him doing that in his case that guy just had this deep desire to be loved and deep desire to please and deep desire to kill and like some comedians is get kind of addicted to that that the killing and they're just trying to figure out one of the buttons i have to present get this audience to right right right as opposed to say guide like pryor who what he was trying to do was expressed himself in this way that you would think what's funny now you saying robin williams or prior now prior prior was trying to express himself he was trying to like get whatever it was in his head whatever thoughts that he had whatever feelings that
he was trying to get you to understand them so you would see like what what was so funny about this crazy tragedy a ridiculousness of it right is life hello kitty completely different need you know like both guys well every comic wants to be loved every comic wants to be appreciated for what they're doing but i think with robin it was i don't think like when you here and talk i don't think you have the same sort of attachment to what he was talking about it right prior did and so in that sense it was easier for him to just incorporate other peoples ideas just trying to push those buttons trying to push a button that was his styles just like trying to get you to and i used to feel bad add for robin williams whenever he was doing little interviews whether it was on the local level you know or promo ing a movie i think he felt like he had to be funny in every moment anan i used to feel for him thinking he's created this
monster right that when he's doing little local not that that's a bad thing to do local interviews but whatever whenever he was being interviewed i felt like he felt he had his foot on the gas one hundred percent and it's like i kind of wish he felt he could just be real and you come down and just answer without having to go you know what i mean so i don't know that just and that's why i like the the way things progressing i love this podcast concept i love the fact that these kinds of atmospheres are allowing people to relax you know be funny within not having to be funny you know and i think up until the transition started happening there was a lot of pressure iran comedians doing morning radio and stuff like that to just all right lights on b
yeah well it's also when you do morning radio and no one knows you and you're going into these local stations like how many times you have done a station where they go ok what bits you wanted to set up no i like i say i brian i hear you're just got back from those you want to tell us about your trip to the zoo it was so forth yeah i'd fucking man i've been on i was on one just a couple of years ago it wasn't uh longo where this fucking guy man this producer guy came back i would imagine what it would be like to be a young comic than to deal with this guy so the guy comes back with a clipboard is it alright the guys want to know what bits you want to set up what topics you want to discuss i go do it i'm not doing bits it goes you looked at me like what do you plan on doing
on the radio i go we're gonna i guess we're gonna talk is that okay of a conversation you know these microphones in the in ages rolls his eyes and walks out of the room like in disgust you like look too you know what do you what do you bitch you know you live in in nineteen ninety one you have no idea what radio is these days sometimes i do radio interview along time ago and you know i was trying to play the game and it's like i set the guy up on a bit and it was this is all bit i used to do say i went through the burger king drive through i feel like an idiot i wanted a cheeseburger they drive around so i drove now for about one slash two an hour that's the joke alright so so i'm in the radio station the guy goes i understand you like to go fast food place is you know like a southern guy so i said yeah i said i went to burger king now they ordered a cheeseburger
and guy said drive around and he went will be after this like wow that's that's going to move a lot of tickets there's a lot of and it's going to sell a lot of tickets out there is a lot of good guys out there doing radio there's a lot of good guys they're just they're cool they like happy to have you in their their azure too but there also a lot of heads that wish they were comedians and there's a lot of heads that like they kind of like the they will either wanted to be comedians in of the bow calls to do it or they're judging comedians like well whatever it is you'll see them like trying to fuck with you while you're on the air is also some people to think that there not the only one way to get attention is to conflict get those guys too i've been on those morning shows much fucking god it's just like
that's just what happens when you're out there on the road when you're you know you're doing these local shows trying to pump up your performances and everybody who different skill sets you know that was never my skill set you know i'm not a go to so kind of guy and if i get into an atmosphere where i feel it's a verse aerial or they're trying to i don't know push buttons see if i can you know come back blake little light hearted insults or whatever i i i just i kind of shut down you know i mean i i just like to be a fairly decent guy guy don't do my comedy you know i mean i i don't want to hurt anybody and i don't want to be into those awkward situations will say the live off that but that's the whole thing the whole thing's conflicts constant conflict create artificial drama looking we're gonna get into one of the and this one guy like we're gonna have a fake fight about all this guy was about carl's mincio we're gonna fictive fake fight who pretend that i'm i'm in his hide and i'm like ok well let's see how this works go ahead we're going to do a play
yeah exactly like we're doing an improvised play just like that whole genre was so limited the john rhe of radio itself is so dead like when you have instant access to podcast on your on your car like right from your the car stereo like right for the facts which are starting to see now would like stitcher and you're starting to see these integrated apps and i know i'm pretty aware that is quite a few other companies that are interested in getting into it and they're starting to prepare to integrate themselves with with radios and a lot of cars come with wi fi in the car like like cellular white like i've rented a cadillac one of those escalades loved it big fucking giant american monster real comfortable and handles really well too i was really impressed the new one is pretty bad ass but one of the things that
crazy was the guy was explaining to me that it has built in cellular connection for wi fi so you could set up a wi fi hotspot in your car you could work from your back seat with your car acting as a wi fi spot so like if your kids are in the back see they you know if it has a rear entertainment system or they have an ipad they want to download apps or a movie or whatever you can download it from your car as you're driving i i don't i don't all this technology stuff from adding to just get some further and further away from understanding what's going on you know like a poem no no no i i've gotten i've got an iphone but uh it ellen arisha fear both have flip phone no way are we just recently went back to a flip phone i don't think they've ever left well the car i just got you know the guy was explaining you know you just buy the phone becomes your radio by through bluetooth
i don't even know what that means so easy that so easy so i do this get in my car and i'm driving off the you know the law and then my my the starts ringing you know like i don't know it my phone it was my phone through the blue limit how long ago was yesterday i don't know but the whole months ago a few months ago you didn't know i don't know what's going on i can ring no you're not that old man this is crazy no i i i figured out my mom knows that but i didn't know how to answer it i don't know how to you know normally start yelling hello that's what i did i just opened a window whoever it's trying to communicate with maine meet you at the next red light what did you do i just kept i was looking at the steering wheel and i saw a little thing that said that had a button with the phone
the phone icon so i just press that button and i'm like saying hello it felt weird i'm like saying hello out loud in a car by myself and then i hear somebody talking to me and i'm like god this is strange you know so i had a conversation at a convo station out loud to somebody that wasn't there yeah those bluetooth microphones again pretty god damn good now some cars like really like high end cars it almost sounds like you're talking to someone just on a regular handset but i had an old one band sound like i was in the middle of like madison square garden and my phone was like fifty feet away and i was screaming at it i think it sounded like it would be horrible like people going to record you so you can hear how bad you sound to maine is it normal to you now like i do use it everyday we still are scared of it when it ring i've still only had like two or three phone calls that way through the car because you know
supposed to activate i don't turn on the bluetooth part of my phone sometimes i think of it and sometimes i don't so usually i don't even have that on but everyone the alternate blue too thing on a case i get a phone call and then and i hope for a phone call because they can now i'm ready i know will you pair pair it to your car i picture you driving like a nineteen seventy eight seville one of them big long ones nice and slow wave and everybody that's one of them modern uv deals you drive regular car yeah anti lock brakes the whole deal navigation system use that i don't use maps mapquest print it out that's why i need red light so that's where you stop and go where is such and such you know remember those thomas guys we have to fucking g2 you sank my battleship you had to fucking grow down like people would tell you on the thomas guy like where the address was remembered triptychs where you get a trip away and like
now your whole entire trip to like it are going somewhere and i turn the page i got five more pages left till i get there i remember the first time i rented a rented a car that had that gps thing when it first coming out and it shows would like on a map while you were driving it had like a little triangle which represented your car right and then it's showing a map as you're going and i had never seen that this is what fifteen years ago when they first came out and i was like wow that's amazing and i wanted to see what would happen if i drove in circles so i got off the highway and went into like a holiday inn parking lot and just start driving in circles 'cause i to see if the triangle went in circles or if the whole map shifted you know and i forget what the answer was but it's either or i mean depending on you can do it either way yeah how high in the navigation systems you can actually change it you can change it so it follows the direc you're traveling or where the map is always facing north so if you
you left your arrows going left isomap stay straight or you could take you could do it so no matter where you're going the arrows going straight and then the world adjusts around you i like i like the world adjust to me i remember i'm going that way it's about me and my trapped in this world needs to factor in where my era was go away when it needs to suck there is some of them are really good man like the cadillac one that i that i just rented was amazing because the screen was a laptop it's huge the cadillac now location screen an the screen that's on the like the dashboard screen like it's not a dashboard anymore like it's an lcd screen so like all the different shit like your tack and your speedometer it's not real virtual so it's all flat screen and you're looking at a digital image of a speedometer that shows you like it looks like us
regular analog speedometer right now goes like you could see the dial moving but it's not all just all digital a lot of cars are doing that now pretty hard to fuck with like ways though i don't know if you use ways yeah ways is great i mean that's saved me so many like oh shit there's a cop well tony and i rented when we're up in portland we rented this cadillac an talking to the cattle back i would start screaming at you fucking bitch you know what i'm saying like you know there's a button like take me to helium comedy club tonight star it didn't know what the fuck to do but check this out navigate to healing in common
i just press siri and siri goes navigating to helium comedy club bed sure the best and i throw my phone down i just listen to the phone like fuck this navigation system in the car they're just not as good i want to try apple play which is where it pretty much just takes your apple screen on the gps so you have all the spotify or whatever you have on your phone is that it's called apple plates and some cars already and you could also do it like i'm thinking about getting my forever like an old ford edge and they take out the screen and they put in like an ipad add in it so then it's just an ipad who's doing that a lot of car places are doing that nowadays really custom car places through an ipad that's way better what about the you mean separate from
the speedometer and all that stuff yes gated middle part like the middle part where the navigation is yeah like mine is that got two thousand eight and that's the thing and there's just so outdated and stuff that's been pointless even how yeah they just take that out when an ipad in there with like three g r r forty ld or whatever and i see you have internet you can make hot spots you also have an ipad in there that's way better way better the problem is a lot of those things you have a lot of integrated into those screens like they have like you're you're my allegiance yeah no you're like you're you're did you know like the the temperature of the car in air conditioning and all that jazz my god i was integrated into the screen use of the phone bluetooth this that the other thing like they have these adapters now for like cars so like a lot of like like mine has like my health reports are built into my stereo so we're like health reports it's like you're dead but
yeah you're not you look green right where where it tells you need like because you're driving i don't know that i want to health records shit son left did you sleep last night is this real how much cocaine was crazy it takes your blood from the well yeah it gives you a little pinprick that's coming right like when you're grabbing on the steering well it should have your heart rate already displayed in or you're going to will that give you the the gonna be able to give you a scanned with an app you know the look for sure it is going to be able to have an app where you could scan someone to find out what's wrong with them i mean it's not going to happen tomorrow but it will probably happen within a decade it'll probably be something
i have to wear you know like people wear those fit bits those risk things in the risk things tell you like how much you slept like they'll tell your sleep cycle like people are really into those men finding out how deep they slept and how much rem sleep you got yeah and those things are pretty slick 'cause they show up on your compute you can like read the read outs like this week i've been getting much more sleep and my heart rate is lower and this is that my fitness level my body that all that jazz you can add all that a fan and and you you know you look at like your life is like you look at your body like the health of your body what you would look at the you know analysis of a car like when they plug a car into a computer now if you go to get a tune up a lot of these newer cars there it's everything is done by computer so they're doing everything there checking your smog there checking the way the engine works all that shit is just being analyzed by a computer you
you talk about the cadillac escalade i had one of those as my previous car and somehow on my email i would be sent a monthly status report of my car like if a tire was low on pressure or something like that it would come in email how 'bout tell me now i don't know why i thought that was amazing that is pretty cool you know it seems like technology things get things get easier to use like more user friendly and then they and then they go to another level where they get more challenging again you know like when computers first came out you couldn't work a computer unless you took a computer class and figured out of work those deals and then they became user friendly where they're very visual and you just click click click click click but talk about televisions televisions have gotten so complicated
i don't even know how to work my tv inputs and every single fit you know it's like whyy here like nine different configuration of the screen you want letter box do you want widescreen you want normal screen you want five to two i showed three to seven ratio i don't even know why is it there's just one thing right now you just plug the tv in and it comes on you know why because there's a lot of people that are real tek tek geeks they love that shit like when they do that ces show in vegas have you ever gone into that no you didn't need to go to that you want to blow your fucking brains out i don't i don't need to go to that i really did not go to that what's fascinating it's fastening to see like all the gadgets that they're working on like one of the podcast sponsors what what is that jamie pull that up if you to that that one thing that won the ces best show smart things it's one
sponsors for this podcast and it allows you to do everything from your phone turn your lights on change your heat fucking crazy you do it from your phone not even there i i have something like smartthings dot com is eight one c e s best new whatever the it is best app some some bad award yeah it's pretty slick yeah we're in the future right here this podcast in the future like if i ask you to put some up here you just photo do we're in hd to can you put a tricaster that thing crashes every ten show powerful so we can do them really does crash every ten shows is this something that plugs into like an outlet that has like a wi fi connection to it so it turns on and off another everything does everything i'm not my whole house with this they sent it to me i'm setting my whole house up with this so it all works from an app it's fucking sweet and then someone can hack it in the middle of the night your house turns into a funky
stroke and they start playing like taylor swift really check it out and you can't stop it it is pretty crazy like drop am i i didn't those those low cameras i put one in my bed so i can record myself sleeping to see how many times i wake up because it's got like motion controls that will show when you move or when you make a noise it's rick crazy how many times i will wake up and say something and then go back to bed so that body fighting off that there's twenty four hours in a day adam you're your and other eight you're watchin you sleeping yes he leaves for that leaves eight to actually try to accomplish something no he's not trying to convert you don't know right and just having fun but the the the this like one of those poltergeist movies like you would see the fucking goes to hovering over in the middle of the night fucking your face while you're sleeping rewind it like one of those
the paranormal it is crazy because it like there like i talk a lot in my sleep i guess and when you do talk it's like somebody else is talking but using your mouth invoice and you what you have no recollection in like you were doing it somebody else is controlling your body is what it seems like we're the same to you i don't know like i wake up and just take why do i hate my life something work for it and i'm just looking at them but yeah it's weird it's creepy sing yourself silly waken talking this whole sleeping is very fucking strange one of them kelly starr is one of the guys been on the podcast for is a fitness expert he's sending me this thing you're supposed to it's like a pad that you put under bad data are you put on your your sheets and it it chills you down to like it shows your body like it's it's very cold like you're sleeping in it and it is i think it's gets down to like fifty eight fifty between five thousand eight hundred and sixty two degrees you plug it in yeah and you sleep like essentially air conditioned and uh
i'm like i'm looking down like why the fuck would you do that like i want to be warm what's the purpose apparently your body gets the deepest sleep if it's a little girl in a chili environment joey diaz we said that joey diaz sleeps like you go his room i've got into his room but or like when we're on the road together and i'm like what is fucking wins wadala nothing here it's ridiculous like he takes his ac and he cranks it to the bottom he will take it like if you go to a hotel and it gives you like thirty degrees or he will literally try to get his hotel down to thirty degrees he's fucking crazy well i've always start because he's he's very overweight and i always say like it's probably like you're walking around everywhere where in like ten jackets like you would want everything to be colder in your room so that's what he's doing he just covered in no i think it's your fat bizarre that the hume in body needs this weird recharge mode the sleeping thing you know for like
one slash three of the time you're alive you that would be in some bed just regrouping and you know i wonder if medical people at some point would ever be able to eliminate that worked on and they're very close they there's actually some some various work that's been done on creating some sort of a pill that makes it like where your body completely resets and you don't need it anymore there's a bunch of different options of the people worked on but i don't think they totally understand what's going on during sleep yeah i think people that don't sleep like they've they've done some some tests on people with a forced him to not sleep for like three or four days in a row he becomes psychotic you start seeing shit you hallucinate you become completely out of it but that's what you're doing when you're sleeping you're dreaming you're seeing things that aren't really there so it's either going to take place while your sleep
bing or if you don't sleep while you're awake i wonder if it's the same effect of one of the like if they measure your chemicals the chemicals in your brain one over the same thing that's going on when they do those sleep deprivation studies as people just get like close to heart attacks they look ready to die you will die if you don't get enough sleep yeah i just wonder what the i i'm sure there are dream experts who work on this but i'm fascinated with what's going on when someone is dreaming what is the purpose of the dream and what is what is it helping you with when you're awake you know if you have a dream has anxiety in it or if you have a dream where you're being chased or any of these typical dreams that people have what i just wonder what is that what is the purpose of that your
pain in your body is doing that for a reason well i have work related dreams sometimes i do to those work related dreams are almost always related to actual concerns that i have in real life like i'll have work related dreams that i forget my material and it might be because i have i'm working like i took a week off or something like that an although i know like extra only i know like i shouldn't say externally like i know consciously that like if i'm going to do a show like say on friday and i haven't worked for a week or so i'll do a few tuneup shows i'll do a show on wednesday or show on thursday i'll go over my material listen to recordings but my brain doesn't trust that i'm actually going to do that so if i haven't worked for a week my brain good you don't even remember your new shoes on stage bunch of people here to see you i don't even remember this new shit you're working on you know in my brain like kind of remember my new shit stop
but i've got i've written down i got recordings but you bring this one here that your brains like listen fucker you better stay on the ball constantly any little weird thing that you might have in the back of your head that could possibly go wrong that'll be brought forefront way sleeping for some reason i have a lot of dreams about shows but they're always pre show there never there never me on stage it's all is assessing a assessing the situation it's always looking at the crowd looking at where that how the tables are set looking at the lighting and it's all sorry i don't know why i don't know why those are the dreams that i never hit the stage in the dreams how many dreams do you have pre show i've probably had i don't know gosh one hundred in my life really now that's strange and they're all pre show walking around while the other guys on stage and peeking out the side and trying to see if people are focused and and yet in real life i don't really have that anxiety
you know it is a part of my maybe a little bit but not to the degree that it happens in my dreams that's so strange yeah they had as dream dictionaries our bibles where like you for flying that means you're trying to reach something in your life that's the you know it's hard to get to and stop the river looked at one of those tried to i don't buy that well some of it i do kind of it and those flying one i do but drowning maybe i i used to have the flying dreams which i don't have anymore when i was young i used to have this very bizarre recurring dream that i was the only one that figured out how to fly and it was all about no no no it was a very gentle flight it was trusting a gentle breeze so bizarre i was the only one that knew it could be like a three four mile an hour breeze i knew how to face it and trust it i had
lean forward into it and then just lift my feet and then i would just start kind of going up like a balloon very gently and every you go what the hell's going on here is strange but i was the only one that knew how to do it like no one else could figure it out but it was a trust i had to trust that i could do it that's so strange would've bizarre during yeah i always try to i always had the flying one but it was always very violent trying to bird flapping wing type thing so wants to fly anybody wants to be able to breathe underwater those are two big ones i don't have that brandon i don't have the water one now i've had that one i've had the flying one and the breathe underwater one yeah it's those are like recurring archetypes or themes to dreams that i want to sex do also you guys have reoccurring occuring like like how you get that soundtrack in your in your
so i picked up the bone to get you guys get reoccuring like like houses that what's that sound you get here that did i do something what is that what happened you don't hear that jamie ok that's not good i think that your castor but the shit in our mouth you're about to have a sex dream minutes soundtrack starting to warm up well that's that's an awful sound is that coming through would you just do it's that your laptop look at that weird no sound laptops on the microphone cable that's weird yeah it's on the mike did you guys do you guys have re occuring like what the fuck did you just do their did you hear that
apple whoa was only my side oh i did hear that when we got ghosts in this fucking studio that was your spine i just don't like this crazy crackle power do you guys have re occuring places in your dreams that don't even have a place that every time i go to i'm like oh met this place again but it's not my house it's not a place i've been to it's just reoccuring environment like what is the weather bug it's a hotel that's really really tall in the elevator is really fast and it's just like this old haunted hotel and i always go to the same hotel and it's not a real hotel at that i think of but ever since i was a kid exact same hotel and i'll have that dream like can see where i go to this weirdo to that hotel is in my dream but i'm gently gently floating past done a breeze and i just look over and i kind of wave at you down there and you're flying
that's right it's like ten year terrorist is near terrorized i can see you terrorized over there but i'm just gently enjoying life have you ever done that tower of terror at disneyland california adventures have fucking awesome that's what is the haunted hotel there yeah that's what i was thinking when you were describing it that's the tower of terror maybe it's a dope elevator ride if you ever done it yeah it's really fun not the haunted mansion album stretches no tower of terror it said california great adventure california adventures whatever the fuck it is and you you get on the elevator and it tells you the story chose it's like some rod sterling type dude pretending to be the twilight zone guy right and he tells the whole story about these people the gods out by electricity and they they'll mall in a lightning bolt came and hit the elevator and killed them and turn them into ghosts and now they're haunted in the elevators hotter
you go flying up flying down yeah you literally harass comes off to see you have to strap in but your ass literally comes up off the seat because you go down so quickly you go down faster than grab yeah you should do that now i don't do that it's fun what if dreams are the real world and this is the actual fake but if ice cream is actually hot show me love what ifs what do you talk about that's one we dreams of the real world well there's no uh idea there's no no one has any idea what the fuck is going on when you close your eyes you wake up in the morning and you got a whole new day that consciousness whatever it is you know unconscious consciousness that state of mind while you're sleeping is very very like poorly understood we know that there's all sorts of chemicals floating around inside the brain while that's happening there's rem sleep and all these different neurotransmitters that are buzzing around your
your system but we don't really know what's going on we don't you know when you have like deep we assume that it's connected to various anxieties and wants and needs and those are like the source of your dreams but at the end of the day it's a lot of fuckin speculating the lot of speculating as to what's happening while you're dreaming software updates it could be it could be that there could be that we have this idea this is where it gets really weird right we have this idea that like everything is in this world we touch things and you pick things up and you weigh things you measure things but that's the only way things can be real the only way things could be real is if you can measure them weigh them and put him put him in a box and carry them around but that's our own pro
just because that's how we live most of our conscious life we live most of our conscious life with very hard physical things but if you could just abandon that for a moment just imagine a world where you don't have physical things that you pick up would it be possible to exist only in the state of qatar would it would be possible that the mind is another environment or war or what you're thinking about in your imagination is another environment it's just you don't there's no such followed things there yeah i mean that's really what's going on key well here's one you know you talk about what's real and what's not real i've had many moments in my dreams where i'm trying to decide if it's real or not and i come to the conclusion that it is real okay in my dream to do and then when i wake up you know we're in a different place meaning of existence where i go ok that was a dream but why wasn't that real while it was happening yes i made dick if i can
the conclusion that that was real while i was in very and sing it i mean that was as real at that time as later when i'm awake yeah why are you not trusting your dream self and only trusting your this self well because itself is there all the time anyway i'm going to be able to chuckle hut saturday i got two shows friday to saturday it is a weird world the world of dreams it's a world and weird world all these people analyze them all these people debate what's going i feel like i gave away my breeze dream now everyone's going to be now now when i'm dreaming it i'm going to look around who is going to be around me floating around going hey thanks for the tip we didn't realize you just had to trust it i'm gonna die and now it's all crowded up here man one of these days i'm going to figure out how to do
lucid dreaming i'm going to sit down with someone who actually is a real legit lucid dreamer and have a conversation with him about it because the people there are techniques that you could practice in their states of mind that you can get yourself into allegedly i've never experienced it other than accidental e but when you have dreams you can control those dreams and that you could navigate and create things that happen in your dreams be aware of the fact that like that it's a skill and that you could develop it yeah i've never i've had dreams that are lucid dreams but totally accidentally and one the ways that i learned was one of those movies whacking movies like what the bleep do we know one of those through the rabbit hole or something like that but the guy was talking about lucid dreams and he was saying
that you have them all the time you don't just don't realize you're having him one way to determine is in your real life in conscious state when you walk through a doorway knock on the side of the door and say am i dreaming like every time you walk through a doorway am i dreaming and because you do it consciously all the time if you do it all the time am i dreaming am i dreaming you're going to do it in your sleep and your sleep you're going to get to a doorway and you gotta go am i dreaming on my card you gonna it's gonna go right through it but you're gonna stay awake i did it once she wants the only did that once i never really most of time i'm tired like i'm going to sleep you know i just i don't i don't deal but if you are one of those people that practice is that on a daily basis apparently you can get really good at it and you can make all sorts of crazy things happen you live in like these wild sex orgy dreams where you can do whatever you want you fly around you
even space you hang out with robots you do whatever the fuck you i want to get in an orgy with robots well there's enough people talking about lucid dreaming that's not bullshit i mean this is freddie does it freddy lockhart doesn't he reads all the books and he practices it what time i remember talking to somebody years ago who said she could astral project and if i'm pronouncing don't right a s t r a l from the but yes excuse me i have to go astral project i'll be back in a couple minutes so this was right word go get it wrong she said she would go somewhere in her head but like leave her physical body and would be above her body and go somewhere else and be aware of it and then she could come back into her body was this while she was awake i think well she was awake maybe that was it this probably similar is too ill
it's a dream you know you're creating this artificial reality or maybe look you're seeing things right just because you can't again put those things on a scale and weigh them and measuring doesn't mean not having that actual experience so when you're closing your eyes you meditating and you project yourself above your body who knows what the fuck is really going on obviously we think that you're just imagining shit and the shit that you're imagining is not real but it might a well be that we're just so enamored by this state of things being solid that we we don't think that unless you could touch something and feel it and put it on a scale of measure with a ruler it's not real i am interested in the concept to that most things are a facade like we are enjoying or experiencing something that isn't there when we watch a football game on a big screen tv those football players
there there at another location but we are experiencing it as if we were there you talk about the car and the fake the fake gauges you know you're looking at a facade and it's you get right down to human beings i mean we have the the skin and muscles and eyes but like right past that is this bizarre skull and muscle thing and so what is you know i mean what we're looking at a facade that we're comfortable with but what is an inch beyond that it's it's very scary thing but i think we need facades that we can be comfortable with to be able experience life in a way that isn't scary yeah like i think about you brian regan i oh you i know your personality but deep in your head there's this bunch of weird synapse is it firing your life experiences is all like manifesting self in your actions and your behavior and it's a very weird thing to be a person
very very weird thing yeah but that's a really good way of looking at it it's like you're projecting it that's why we're just out when whenever someone like does weird shit with their face and i like whenever someone gets their lips done or gets their cheeks puffed up with that weird shit that they do man that freaks me out that freaks me out more than almost anything when i wouldn't people get stuff put in her face and nurture refer like it's like what do you eat with us you're confusing me can't i'm used to this certain things yeah it doesn't mind i don't mind aging i don't mind if it changes over time that all seems normal we start putting stuff in there and pumping things up and and botoxing shit and stuff that weird people out because it's like man this is the signals all fucking rare it's like if you can't have the normal facial reactions to express' the proper emotion
yeah the signals are getting all cross that is a weird one when they have the rubber in their face and their face doesn't move right like i remember we were at the brea improv and joan rivers rest her soul was on television to shed a reality show with her and her daughter and it was me and joey and ari and we were barbequed where were way too high to be watching the joan rivers thing and i was freaking out about our face nose like looking at this weird frozen kabo key mask thing that is her her field of expression you know was just very bizarre like everything was like pushed up and filled in frozen it which is wasn't moving right and i was like oh my god like it's way better to be old than to be that well
right i can test that in the sense that people want to do things to make themselves feel better and sometimes they feel if they look better they're going to feel better nobody questions somebody when they comb their hair or brush their hair or wear contacts instead of glasses or shave their beer you know those those are things that you know could be considered selfish in vain but having your beard well i mean you know like trimming it i mean you know and some people will go to extra extremes and want to put stuff in their face and it makes them feel better i agree with you it could look kind of strange but if it makes them feel better hey you know free will well is nice to feel better that's true but when you see someone and their face is no longer a human face it's like a weird mask frozen mask that doesn't communicate right it's just a gives us it gives you a creepy feeling
is it the signals are all wrong are you talk someone and you talk to like a really old person and there's lines all over their face and you're talking to them you realize why this guys lived ninety years ninety years on this planet like you could see it in his face but if you talk to that same guy and he just frozen mask with so economies lips everything like it's fucking strange 'cause you're not getting in there you're not seeing it's like it's like you're talking to him through a really thickly tinted window like i could see there's a person in there and they're talking to me but on not exactly sure what kind of expressions are making you know you know that weird is weird
things that people do when they shut off the expressions of that phrase or isn't he can't talk and moving around anymore if you see see someone we know what their super alter well he's is he up yeah his face and his face looks pretty pretty worked on my maybe he's old i mean it's not that i know he doesn't he doesn't joan rivers at did you hear that that thing recently like this is like a day before the the oscars that you added he guy he was at a gym at three in the morning and hollywood this guy was way now and then we'll just comes up and just like energy says that hey how's it going i'm john has gone it wasn't no with the week before i was a long time ago i was yeah i was a store that went around like a non stories like what do you do said hi to a guy in the morning yeah so who knows what he really did that guys were taking that guy's word for it is probably trying to get his dick sucked you're right probably probably
does you know three hundred o'clock in the morning you never know maybe it's like rest stops like that's where gay dudes me to try to hook it equinox you never know you never know but is that what the gist of the story was it raining again i said that it was really awkward 'cause it through the morning this guys comes up to him and like hold out his hand starts like introducing himself and the guy was like you know i felt what he was doing but i was well i read the story it was i mean the guy was just saying there was odd to talk to john but it's a nonstory guy said it was a guy said hi i mean it could be you yeah brian red brown came into the falcon equinox three hundred o'clock in the morning was weird out to maine and real strange no ok let's print a story imagine there's a story it became a story every time you said hi to someone at the jim you know what it is every so celebrity encounter is a story not necessarily something that you know gets into the media but i remember living in new york and taking a train out to
chuckles in mineola yeah and they put you in a place where they put you in a cab you know it's like five people have to share a cab from the train station to the town so the route three p i guess so we're in the cab and the guy goes so we had a ninety and said i'm going to chuckles and it you comedian yeah you know you know that awkward conversation and so this cab driver says i had rose roseanne barr in the in the car and i remember driving by and she was and out the window and she was intrigued by a mailbox that she saw in front of one of the houses and you know so there's like a nothing story but i'm thinking roseanne barr doesn't remember this story but this guy that's his rosin will roseanne arnold now but i mean that's his story so like if anybody gets into an elevator with a celebrity they
they will tell that story for the rest of their life the celebrities not going to remember that particular elevator ride but if you have to be in an elevator one time in your life with paul newman anytime paul newman's mentioned your that's your story and it's weird that every every encounter is a story to somebody that story that i talked about on the podcast 'cause a guy in an elevator me and my friend anywhere in an elevator and some guy was in the elevator and apparently when the guy left the elevator he said take it easy or something like that and we didn't respond you know i or if he i did respond you didn't hear me i don't know what happened but he wrote this long crazy post on this
message board about what a douche bag i am damn i mean i literally i mean it was like a it's up to get in the elevator when i left and you know and i thought that was it there's a guy in an elevator and that's it but in his mind he was slighted i have some strange what which is if some of those items i always and i'm not the type of person that says get take it easy i i'll say i take it easy you know always always trying to be cordial i'm i'm just not that guy so reading that this like artificial creation in this guys mind like any apologize for and then it got really weird like you know like people he got called out on it and so that was so you you you responded in the way and then he on and that's your dollar guys and that is a message board that i go to so it's like it's really strange like what are you talking about and so then he backed off of it apologized cities and secure it was like it was very very very strange but to see someone just create this artificial verse
june of an encounter in in their mouth i mean his mind who knows me i don't know what issues this guy had obviously has some otherwise he wouldn't ever made a post like that quick quick but even if you had slighted him why is that what you know what's the big deal to him and the rest of his existence and if it was a slight i mean it wasn't but in his version of a slight right it was as minor as it gets yeah like take it easy that's what i mean no one says anything back that's it and this diatribe women's several paragraphs of of by all like spewed by this guy but in some people's minds like these encounters like you talking to roseanne barr about a mailbox like its signet roseanne bar shits on peoples mailboxes like what kind of mailbox you gotten bellaire you fucking cunt like for whatever what has a strange mailbox maybe she's trying to make small talk you fucking know he wasn't saying it negatively he was just saying that that was his
counter was so that was his story but it could be naked i mean there's a lot of those i've had conversations with people i always get in when i get in limos i always ask who is the biggest shit head you ever had to drive around do that all the time there's a few few people where we've done that a bunch of times we hear that i believe it's him again smoking fire yeah there's definitely that well everybody everybody should get one pass i mean like everybody's gonna have a bad thing or something that's confused but if it's a recurring thing then there's probably some truth to it abs i was in an elevator one time with a guy and he recognized me as a comedian and he wanted to do one of my bit to me but he got it wrong and the bit was just old bit i used to do about saying you too at the wrong time your getting out of a cab at the airport in the drivers have a nice flight and you go you too so that's the so i'm in the elevator with them this guy and he so you're not a comedian right he said yeah yeah how you doing you know when he goes you
guide it says and you all the time so i'm not going to call him out on i'm honored even those who i am so i'm not going to embarrass him i said yeah that's me that's me and he goes yeah he goes i do not all the time i'm always saying and you at the wrong time and i'm like no i shouldn't i should have corrected that you know i mean he goes yeah this is probably not a day goes by that i don't yell and and you and i'm thinking this is kitten off the tracks so the l the door opens its in a casino at with a bunch of people and we walk out the elevator i'm going one way and he goes the other way so he starts yelling to me thinking it's going to be fun what he thinks is my bit in a casino now with hundreds of people and he's going and yo hey and you and i'm thinking i i'm the only guy here who knows what this guy is talking about and i don't know what he's talking about
this is very very strange you could run into people man and just use zig when you shit is ag and you run into someone who is completely out of their fuck in mine and then they become a part of your life i mean that can happen you could definitely run into the wrong people especially if a girl especially if you're single he just for whatever reason start talking to someone and it turns out that there fucking crazy and then you know that's the problem with men men are willing to be willing to look past a lot of shade of a chicks hot like i know a lot of guys that got involved with girls that are just completely out of their fucking minds but they're pretty and they just like she's a little period but no if she was a guy you would be running from from her can you imagine if that was a gal and she peed she had jai tits i'd be running back towards exactly yeah that's me i'm that good hey wouldn't guardian where new anime man let's do it up take it to a restaurant filling out an you
and you then but then she is your act and then like she sees an old recording she sees that bitch i was telling them didn't even tell me you had me making an asshole on myself you fucking selfish piece of shit you brian or you do it like during the wedding vows and she says and you and you go i gotta tell you that ain't a joke the people that you meet in this wacky life i've gotta think the people you meet living in vegas is well you're in henderson right well i want too late i'm not i'm not there anyway good beautiful you're in now i'm one of those suburban towns you outside of the vegas and are you actually further than that you're like deep in the woods in a secret underground compound entrance costs yeah but the
being that like if you're you're actually in a real normal town that just happens to be next to the death star like you're like you're like in the vicinity of the death star but you could probably drive you can get to the strip in a reasonable amount of time but the people that you live with are they like affected at all by the fact that they live in vegas or do they seem like regular folks in a regular town well i used to live in a house in a cold a sack and so there was more interaction with the neighbors and now i live in one of those you know condo kind of deal so now i have less interaction with other people in the condo but in the cul de sac you know one thing i liked a things i liked about it and didn't like about neighbor thing one i'm not the kind of guy that just wants to have a conversation when somebody else feels kelvin conversation i was felt weird about pulling up into the driveway and then
will blow wants to just walk up and just start talking about the water pump or something that has to do with the cul de sac or even small talk it's like well i don't want to do that right now but one thing i did like about it is because it it was so non show busy you know i've got a lot of friends show business and i love him and of course they're going to be interested in there beers and that's what people are going to tend to talk about when i lived in la there was just a disproportionate conversations about auditions that people went to a but they're up for and how they feel about an agent or this or that and that's ok but it's nice to be away from that you know one thing i loved about this just very suburban kind of cold a sack in las vegas was you know i'd i'm back from the road right so i'm just i'm when comedy and i'm doing show business and i come back from the road and there's nay her kids riding their bikes in the cold a sack in the dad's saying yeah i put her bike together
here yesterday and it's very real and i liked i liked having the showbiz life balanced with the real grounded kind of world we're not everything is about you know first careers yeah that's that's a big thing that a lot of people experiencing any sort of environment like a hollywood words just so based on one industry he just gets so wrapped up in that world that it's exhausting when i was living in las vegas i've been in las vegas over ten years now and was out here doing something and i met a guy on the street i didn't know who he was but he was a comedian and said hey man he knew who i was so so
hey how's it going and he said well i've got an audition for this i got it and he started telling me things you he was up to show biz wise and i'm thinking that's not what i meant by how are you doing right i meant like you know how are things that you feel like there's a guy that i won't name but i i can't talk to anymore because every time i talk to on that happens i ran into him we were both working the same venue he was doing he really shows only show and i ran into him and as a man what's up well i've got a bowl of blood deal with a bubble i mean just starts reading a resume the search reading off his deal that he's gone is back up deal with these guys i mean he went on for several minutes it was fucking exhausting and i went good to see you're doing well yeah well i took a deep breath like i don't know what to say like i was stuck in this fucking hallway talking to this guy there was no way to get out there was no one there but me and him and he just rattles off this fucking crazy resume of
bullshit just nonsense that by the way never happened none of it happened mean here we are years later and then those things took place but he's telling me that in a backup dylan this sitcom if this didn't go he has a backup deal they're gonna pay him and this amount of money are by my mom and then it was just nonsense just but that happens never had a look up deal man i want i want to get where i'm i'm in that place where have a deal and a backup deal yeah i guess i don't have a deal i don't anything he has a back up to i think it's just a i don't even use a bull artist i think you know let's just what he wanted when he wanted so just like telling me that he's doing great for some people they run in you you know you run into certain guys and you want to prove to them that you're you're doing well you know like they maybe have some weird thing about them like they're all the stars doing better than me i'm gonna tell him i'm doing awesome
i'm going to let him know right away that we are on even ground so that's where this you know if he was running into some open miker no say hey man how you doing you like your good how you doing like that would be normal because he would already feel like he has the advantage right and i know i'm guilty of having and i there are times when i think you know i have the proper amount of just low key thing but i know there's a little piece of me that little league part of me that that needs to participate it like comes out of me sometimes if like if it has the wrong idea of maybe what i've able to do as a comedian right you know like you meet somebody at a party or something and i will never say what i do in less than point blank asked and what what do you do so then now i'm going to be honest as i'm a comedian and and they oh you do like open mic nights and stuff like that is that what you do and then that little e
so part of me is like now how do i write a reply to this yeah this person has the raw idea of where what i do you know or where i'm at but you can't be bragging but bragg he you know but so so what at what level do you answer a question like that you know does i do i do i just say no i don't do open mike nights and let it go at that or do i get home throw something out there that i could well i used to you could say maybe i used to do open mic night there you go yeah i had this guy run i ran into this guy to fuck and gun store for all places and the first words that i said this guy never met him before first words he hey you're joe rogan right i go yeah he goes how's your career we're doing that's his first words go i goes good
i'm not doing that fear factor show huh put some of that michael nope the us top business good luck but it was so do she the way he is doing it it was so do she but those are the only words i said my alright like literally it ended right there i was i was under the influence of the sacred plant at the time which allowed me to relax more but it was like i was going to get in an argument with the guy about it or or correct him but i was taken aback hi how's your career well the first words out of his mouth you know you could have said will you just said my name yeah so yes we you know who i am yeah but he's trying to paint me as a has been yeah you know that's what there's people that will do that to you the try to paint you as a has been hey it's like a guy did it to me at cvs once a guy that it's working behind the counter at cvs this is guys i don't know what countries from but he's a super he doesn't work anymore he was like super like aggro is like
this this face like and he goes hey you don't have that show anymore like that's the words he said and i go what you know i if you don't have that show anymore and i go now on the show anymore i also don't work cvs fucking idiot like what are you talking i can anytime i want mother you you gotta stay till your shift over i had how much could you possibly make it cbs that you want to get he was someone who comes in that used to be on a tv show like he just the way we say it was just trying to put me on the defensive like make me feel bad because he didn't but it didn't think it out much like you probably didn't think his life out which is why he was the fucking late night guy at cvs work there's a lot of i'm fortunate in that my the people that come out to see my show very cool people man you know i like meeting them after the show and they're nice people you know so i
i have no complaints there but every once in a while you're going to get a curveball and i will working at the improv down in irvine and i remember i had a pretty strong set felt pretty good i walked off stage and this guy like walks like just beat find back to me who was in the middle of the audience and i felt i just said i just made people laugh for an hour you know it felt like i did my job and he goes hey didn't i see you bomb on arsenio like ten years ago it's like yeah yeah i had a rough one did you see tonight show we're in the middle of tonight i just did an hour tonight we're not talking about that i'm talking about ten year to go yeah that people want to make you feel rough set plus people see you like this
and things you something special i'm going to let him know i'm going to knock him down a pig i saw money wasn't at his best som that weird environment of the those shows doing end up on one of those fucking shows is so brutal it's so hard to first of all i don't know like if you feel comfortable doing like a real short set but i always feel really weird when i would do five minutes like five minutes to me is like i have long bits like five minutes to me it's just a boring a premise it's a whole different animal you know i i like the challenge of it but it's it's so different from doing an hour set especially our set in front of people who you know where they are there to see you do yeah and if i do letterman or something like that i'm walking out to a group of people who have no clue who i am maybe a handful of people in the audience too but for the most part it's like so here's a comedian and you're walking out
and on letterman you get four and a half minutes and you know it it's a very be very challenging thing too yeah i describe it to people's people think of money is knocking down the pins well the hard part is setting up the pins there's no pin set up walking out to nothing in walking out to nothing and you have to set up pins quickly and then now come down yeah and people don't realize that that's part of the art form and part of the challenge is coming out to nothing it's whites virgin snow and you have to quickly talk about something and set up something and then start getting p pull into that and it's a lot more challenging than people might think it's one the harder jobs in as far as standup goes is doing talk show set it's one of the harder gigs it's like opening up because
when you when you go on stage cold and there's no one who warms up the crowd before you you have to everybody into the mindset there's like there's a thing going on the way i describe it is it's like almost like a mass hypnosis like when i'm watching a brian regan show when you're killing i'm thinking the way you're thinking you're i'm not thinking in my mind like man he's doing if i was in my own head is like not like the way with dresses this guys fucking walks weird you know i mean like if you have like that you're going to get out of the mindset when a guy is killing when you're up there and you're letting it loose and everything is flowing thinking like you you're i'm allowing you to sort of control where my thoughts go and you're surprising me with your statements and those surprises are often really funny and that's how you kind of get com
you don't but when you're just starting out like ready go and you doing four minutes don't get a chance to hypnotize anybody he just kind of got a hope that they're kind and they're receptive and then the big big thank your first few words are reasonable enough to allow you a certain amount of access to their funny thought i remember so many years ago and i wish i could remember who it was before i had ever done a tv set say that you have to get it into your head that the first joke is going to be a foul ball and don't let it throw you because you're not going to get the reaction that you get in front of your fans your first set on a tv your first joke and a tv audience they don't know you there who is this guy you know they're usually trying friendly they want to like you so your first joke is there absolute first
clue of how you think as a comedian so they're not going to be all in yet so it it's it might get a laugh but it might not get the laugh that you're used to it getting but you have to understand and go i know this first one is a foul ball it's just going to go off and if it does get a bigger laugh okay that's a bonus now i can ride it but i think it's best to go out there assuming that it it might get nothing a little laugh because if you go uh you're thinking this is going to kill in a dozen it could throw you for the whole set yeah i've seen i've seen that in regular shows i've seen guys go out there that never have opened up before you know or haven't done in a long time and then they'll go out and try to rush it they'll try to rush the first joke like before like settle down folks what's up how's every doing thanks for coming out tonight they just immediately go into right when you immediately going a bit that doesn't work then you're like on defense of motor tailspin mode you're driving cover and i i i i you know i i'm it's a kind
instant quest to try to figure out how to learn how to do comedy both in front fans or in front of tv audiences and stuff like that and that's one thing i love about it that you're always learning you're always learning sometimes you can prepare too much sometimes you can prepare too little it's like it's a never ending process i think it would be a mistake to get to the point where go ok i got this figured out i never wanna feel like that i want to feel like i'm learning every time i hit the stage and that's one of those things that a blast about doing like a tv set you know i've kind of learned over the years after the foul ball it's it's animals man it's like you have to let that audience know you are comfortable you got let them know smell your week yes you got to let them know i got this and uh and it's a cool feeling because that's the moment
you're either going to go s or you're going to get him you know i mean and it's a fun i don't know it's fun it's it's like hunting i guess you know i mean no i love it i love it to the same for same reason because it's constantly challenging yeah yeah you never you never have it down you just don't you know you have it good enough and you can go out there like i'm confident like i did some shows this in portland every show is amazing great crowd had a great time but before every show i'm going over my notes some thinking about what bits i want to do and we can this and tweaking that and i'm i'm getting the right you can't you can't disrespect it yeah now can ever get cocky you can ever think that you know for whatever reason that there's the learning process is over it's never over especially when you're constantly creating new material and it's really never over like i did till november abandoned all the material once it was done one i was on tv i'm done now i have
whole new funk an hour i have to hone and sharpen and add two and that's always terrifying always terror when you trying out new shit and add a new shit to it and tweaking it and changing it but that's what's exciting about it that's what's so fun about it it's so fun that you've got all this new stuff that's in your it's like the saddest thing about comedies watching those guys have been doing comedy forever to do the same jokes they did twenty years ago that's one of the saddest things you could ever say yeah i i work with a guy one time and he had a bit and is pretty good bit i remember thinking that's a good idea and he needs to work on that you know tighten it up and then get to that point a little bit quicker whatever and and i work with a guy like two years later and he did the same joke word for word like no tightening of the screws
yeah at all and i remember kind of being disappointed i guess a fellow comedian saying will i mean i didn't say that to him but thinking why aren't you working on this you know well is delusion he's delusional easy the delusional or is lazy those are the two options right it's like you the delay really you think it's good enough and you don't have to change it or you're lazy and that you don't want to work you don't want to fuck with it you don't want to tweak it you have to there's no way you get good years ago i started at the comic strip in fort lauderdale and rodney dangerfield was performing at the sunrise musical theater and he came into the comic strip to do a guest set like warming up for the his big thing you know down down the road so of course the small comedy club in fort lauderdale were honored to have him he goes on stage crowd those nuts you know it's a small audience you know two hundred people or whatever he's like a further i want to work some stuff out and i appreciate it you know he takes his glasses out and i'd
doing comedy like six months at this point you know i worked as a busboy and they let me go on late at night now here i get to watch rodney dangerfield he goes on stage tells the audience that he wants to work on some jokes he takes glasses reading glasses out he takes out about twenty little three by five cards any read some half performing them half reading them you know going i just want to get a feel for these things you know and any does am and some laugh some work don't work and then he leaves and i'm like wow that was interesting you know he's working on it is working on his act had never seen a star comedian work on his act he came in the next night and said hey you know what can i do against that of course he goes on now there's no glasses there's no three by five cards of the twenty jokes he's doing about eight of 'em and their tighter versions of what he had done the night before and it i'm getting goosebumps just thinking
it it's it's like when it dawned on me this is a this is a an art form this is a craft and you can work at this you can anybody could watch rodney dangerfield and reza hilton just laugh now that was fun but i got to watch him i got to watch figure this out take stuff trim out fat and figure out how to make a set and like from that moment on i realized you know just go on stage and go home and and just chill you know you work on it and so i love process i love the off stage process i love working on jokes man making uh one percent better that's always my philosophy i just if i can and one word and make that joke one percent better why not or cut cut words out and get to a quicker and it has more
impact right and that doesn't mean you know that every joke need you know some jokes yeah it's better to stretch something out if it's a free or form kind of thing to me it's like an accordion you know some stuff you're you're pulling out and other stuff you squeeze and all that stuff is happening simultaneously or like maybe music where sometimes you have this is like really slow buildup and sometimes it's like really fast really loud it all varies and it all depends on the subject matter it depends on lee of the what you're trying to do do and what that bit leads into when you write do you write on paper do you write on a computer you write like you sit down and say i'm going to write jokes today or do you just have an idea and just start writing about it i don't know how to sit down in front of a blank piece of paper or a blank computer screen and come up with stuff i don't know how to do that you know the original inspiration has to be external you know i just have to experience something or see something or read something so i just go through my
normal day or life the way i normally would and things jump up and down it's like a kid in gym class you know pick me to be on the basketball team something in jumps up and down and you go oh that's weird and then you have your initial weird comedic view of it so the inspiration comes from an external so and then all right now i have the nucleus then i can write that and it's like ok now i know i know what the thought is the idea now what words am i going to apply to it to get from beginning to middle to end and then that part will could take a year or longer going on every night and changing the words changing it the tightening it switching it you know things like and you don't go necessarily to comedy clips to workout you kind of workout your bits in between like bits that are already established yeah most of the time you're doing these big theaters and your detour like four
five days in a row or do you just do weekends like how do you set it up i do two weekends a month and those weekends are four one nighters i do thursday friday saturday sunday you will be only too much to do every other due to an or it's it's well it depends it the hi i work half the weekends of the year and you do this so that you can hang out with the kids and spend your time yeah that's cool and when you do it do you like you purposely say like ok i've got you know a bunch of bits i'm going to do in the beginning that i know are rock solid i get everybody talking and then i'll slide this new stuff in there and see how it works i try not i i don't want to have that overly figured out either you know it's like you know i i i want to i don't want to lose that weirdness of getting something right off the bat that i don't know if it's going to work or not you know it's it's a temptation to go to a sure fire laugh and i usually do but everyone
i'll say to myself i need to go out and do something relatively new that i've never opened with and and and see how it flies because i want to keep exercising every muscle you know i mean there's a lot of guys out there who just always open with the same thing always close with the same thing and it's like i want to switching that up you know you are also in this place where you're doing these big crowds and you don't do other stuff like you're not doing a lot of television shows as far as like sitcoms or you're not doing a lot of movies you're doing a lot of these things so it's like you're constantly performing you're constantly performing you constantly like adding to this is sort of this database of jokes material you know yeah i like what you doing man i think it's really cool 'cause you were like trying to do the sitcom
thing for a while like everybody else and then you just like what the this just to size and shaded you know i mean heck you know you can argue with somebody getting a sitcom and then in other will be set for life for whatever and and i but but i have always like to stand up and i always thought you needed to get a sit com to get to the point where you could play in theaters right so that was why i wanted a sitcom so that i could get my exposure up to then i could continue doing stand up but now in front of fans we thought that in the 90s everybody thought that i i didn't realize will i kind of not there without having to do that you know it's like wow i'm building the fall doing just from the stand up at the stand up thing just kept kind of getting bigger and bigger and bigger and so i was able to make that jump from comedy clubs to theaters and so now you know i still i'd be lying if i
but i wouldn't want to do a tv thing but i would i would want it to be around my creative vision and i'm not just in being a star i'm interested in my comedy being a star right well that's one of the cool things about what you've been able to achieve what you do these really big places but you're in his reasonable celebrity mode it's very reasonable yearly i've hung out with you you walk around the casinos in occasionally people will recognize you and everything in there but it's not in weird you know you don't have to i do not get overwhelmed you don't get chased and hawked but you're packing these giant fuck in places like you have these fans there's like just hard core group of dedicated fans that will come to see you because you've run them by traveling over and over again back and forth the same spots and packing these same places it's a very unique thing you've done it it's a very bizarre situation because i don't know what the percentages are but i truly feel like if you pulled one hundred americans just at rand
i swear i think ninety eight of them and showed him a picture of me or something like that ninety eight of them not know who i may be ninety nine yet i do have enough people that will want to go to these venues i'm not exaggerating when i say how strange it is for me to be in a theater say there's two thousand people there and i do my show i could go ahead a mile down the street to a burger king afterwards and walk in and nobody in there knows who i am and i'm like how do these two disparate things how can i be big man on campus a half a mile that way and in here nobody knows nobody knows who i am well you've done it by the best hours in this like really loyal fan base you ever it's very unique what you've done so the people that know you love you but you know maybe it's only one percent but if you look at that one percent if there's
one hundred and fifty million people it means three dot five million people fucking love you i'm i'm not bothered by i like it in fact i eat i'm not saying that you are but i'm saying it's it's very unique i i it and i realize too that anonymity is commodity you know there but there are celebrities who probably might not why no be as famous as they are in terms of just being able to go out and having a meal or something like that and it's like that issue man yeah so i have i have this career in show business with the following and nobody knows who i am and you kind of we can do that you kind of engineered it too i mean i remember when you first started like really going on the road hard
then you started moving from clubs to theaters it was all based on repeat customers it's all based on people going to see you really loving your material really laughing having a great time and then ceo brian regan's back in town and then boom boom boom boom boom and then it's slowly started building up and then you know had heard i mean i don't know how many years ago you started like packing these large theaters but i kept hearing like dude brian regan is just fucking killing it on the road the difference being that if you had a sitcom but maybe you would get people to come see you but you would not have nearly as much time to perform in to work on your material and you sets probably wouldn't be the same it probably wouldn't have the same level of competency onstage that you do now because you been hammering that samurai sword for fucking you know decades now buying back skies and i don't want any names but it's sad when you see a guy who took seven eight years off to do a successful sitcom and then they started doing stand up again and you realize they got softap
not just soft but is atrophy just the waste this is not this the number do they not get better they got worse get the whatever that muscle is that allows you to do comedy and hypnotize those four thousand people in the theaters that you're performing and they don't have that muscle and just not it doesn't exist anymore it's all just sort of like slipped away from them and there's like a ghost of what used to be that they're trying to reestablish he's embers are trying to blow on it you know i had a good analogy yeah i mean that's really what it is i mean we we were talked into believing that the only way to be successful as a comic let's do it the way rosanna don ad or the way seinfeld the done it is take that set stand up and use it to parlay it into a sit com there's nothing wrong with that i'm not you know there's nothing wrong with the cash i applaud anybody that can get a network to want to build a show around them and you know if you can have some creative fun with it
better and you know make your make your money for the rest of your life given all that day you know i don't do bounce any of that but you know i i like comedy as an end result you know some people want compu stand up comedy as a stepping stone to get to something beyond that that they think is better and i'm like well i don't think there's anything better yeah i like it you know yeah we just talked into a long time ago i guess that especially in the 90s were talked into thinking that this is not it this is is it that gets you something else because that's something else like a lot of times a lot of fucking money more money than you're ever making doing stand up at the time like they put you in a sitcom like when i was on news radio like all the sudden i was on sitcom and that was a great grants for me but this being on a great sitcom is even though it's a lot of money this is not nearly as much fun as doing stand up it just never will be it's just it's not
it's also not nearly as much fun to watch like if i would to choose which i'm going to see you doing stand up or watching you in a sitcom there's no comparison like and even though this stuff that you do especially like your act is squeaky clean so one of the one of the rare guys it's universally like respected as being one of the most hilarious guys out there as stan yeah pretty comics but your squeaky clean like i could take my mom to see you and not feel weird i could take my daughter to see you and not feel we well thank you i did a show somewhere in this family came backstage including their grandmother like this eighty year old woman and she i said so how long have you been involved ville the vodvil when like this vad really i don't even know but yeah i think i guess i started around one thousand nine hundred and twenty i don't i don't know wagwan those expressions that i never really bothered to figure out what it meant so
old kind of showbiz there right where there was a singer in a comedian in a magician or something i'm guessing i don't know yeah more of a variety thing they used to have to do that yeah imagine if you had to do it lenny bruce tyler used to the fucking i don't see other night i don't know if you know if i had to start like if i was born in nineteen thirty or forty and one comedian i don't know if i would have made it i got fortunate in that when i wanted to be a comedian there was a such thing as a comedy club where people are there to watch comedy only yeah an open mic nights that's the big one is open mic nights like training wheels like before open mic nights like how the fuck did you ever get onstage the first time right that's why a lot of those guys do joke jokes like if you talk to like some of the old comics that will be honest with you
like what was going on like in the early days they would all share material you know they would all do jokes they would look like they would go to these places the people never see them again you know and they would do a joke and then like their name would get out there that this guy is hilarious and you go see him and they were like doing looks like two guys walk into a bar like literally they would do like street jokes and they would have certain amount of them that they like jackie the joke man martling perfect example jackie martling like literally knows every fuckin joke that's ever he has he is a segment that he does called stump the joke man or he's doing radio where people would call him up with a joke and he would know how the joke goes 'cause he literally knows every joke i've worked with him a number of times over the years and you know it's interesting the way he i mean i like that there are different people doing different things and he's like a joke joke guy
it's a lot of pride in that and that's fun to watch it's like ok that's what he's doing joke jokes two guys walk into a bar kind of jokes but i also like the fact that you know there's other people doing bizarre lior weirdly different kinds of comedy right you know that's what's so cool about comedies there's so many different things happening under that under that big umbrella you know one thing you don't see anymore prop axe carrot top killed the prop acts this so few propac it's weird when i was starting out there was a lot of properties like you go to open mic night and on average open mic night maybe one guy would have props and you don't see them anymore carrot top murdered that name is no more it's like you like i like him when i used to work in charlotte he used to live there he would come out and he was always very cool and
friendly and you know he was a college act at that time and you know i think he kind of knew the rap you know of how many people like some people think about prop stuff but i don't know i like to feel like hey man there's all different ways of doing comma sure you know and it's funny yeah he does he does props great he's great at that and if you want to go there and just buy into that experience he's going to be holding things up and it's going to be silly and funny that's fine i think that's oh yeah no i'm not criticizing it at all you know i don't have any problem with what he does by all accounts he's a very nice guy but it's interesting that that genre doesn't exist in that is interesting is very few puppet acts these days to very few puppet acts it's like jeff dunham and those whatever characters that he has he's kind of like nailed that down there's like a few guys like there's terry fade or he does those impressions like he has
terry fade or theater in at the garage but other than those two guys that used to be auto in george did you ever get a chance yes i used to love watching george i'm using my favorite of all time when it comes to pop attacks 'cause he had a crazy rap like the puppet would say fucked up shit and then he would go i can't believe you're saying that the public will fuck you he got the public eye stabbed once so legendary story some guy that he was shitting on some guy in the audience the guy jumped up and stab the puppet like ceased that's gonna be the ultimate compliment you're stabbing my puppet i know i'm good at this i worked with him once and these kids were heckling we see your lips moving we see your lips will like that you missing the point courses lips are moving you think the dummies really fucking talking why looking at his lips but you know
people want like especially dumb people they want the ventral costa rica lightweight totaly listen i got news for you you can't you know they want your mouth to be completely still there's one thing i never understood his people into work people say they could throw their voice does that mean it means you're an idiot where you throwing it to really you you have the ability to have your voice coming from another place outside of your mouth he threw his came out of the other person to jutro voice son she's remind you you are underoath yeah there's no that's a thing that people used to think people could do they used to think people could throw their voice thing as a kid i thought that i would actually try like on the side of my mouth look for or come over here now it's probably away i'm not over here i'm over here you could kind
like suddenly make it seem like it's not coming from you like it may be coming from the side over you you're blowing off the phone yeah i hope there's somebody there who does that for a living and they follow cellarium slamming his crack you will you support karacabey don't support me you fuck you it's a good comedy hypnotist i i've yeah yeah i'm not big on the hypnosis thing because i you know i think you can be real good at that i i just i've maybe this is a very i don't know i don't believe the people that are doing these things are really hypnotized wow maybe i'm naive or i don't know but you name is the wrong we need to see someone is really good at it there's people and i don't know why i don't know what it is i'm not saying that no one can be
now i'm not saying these people that no one can hypnotize because i've never tried to be hypnotized never sat down with a really good hypnotist tried to be hypnotized i have friends that have and they swear by it and i know fighters that have done it and they say it helps their their career help their mind set but there are certain people for whatever reason that are really really susceptible to hypnosis and there was a guy named frank santos and he used to do the show back at stitches in boston and he would do it every week frank santos the r rated hypnotist and it was amazing i mean the staff would get this staff of the comical comics who come down to watch it because it was just the most bizarre thing you would see these people and they really believed what he was saying like there would be people they thought they were having sex they'd be people they thought they were kid but how do you know that how do you know they but if that how do you know question how do you know that you know
halloween isn't it fun to dress up like a vampire on halloween because it's ok to act crazy on halloween night maybe when you going to one of these comedy hypnosis shows maybe you have the green invite to act silly on stage you know it's like oh wow i can do this and no one is going to hold hold me accountable to acting goofy on stage i can say i was hypnotized so maybe they just enjoy being in the limelight and acting goofy it is possible but there were people that he would tell then i'm going to say i'm going to count at three hundred and when i count to three you're going to realize you're naked in front of all these people are going to be terrified one hundred and twenty three and you would see them like too good there's some people that were just too good at acting like you would think they would be fucking confused they weren't me and up they weren't going over the top and he would talk to them and question him you have to batman because he would also know when people weren't under he would know when people weren't under we remove them from the stage he would know they were faking it would look at them i think there's some people that are really fucking stupid
they are open to suggestion i will say this the i'll open the door to the possibility hypnosis in the sense that you know how like when you're watching a football game and all of a sudden the other team has the ball and you're like i don't remember them punting yet i've been staring at this tv screen for minutes obviously my brain went somewhere i i missed the a few plays so maybe in life that can happen where somebody has the power to make your brain go away for a while i don't know i used to think was total bullshit until i watch this guy do it over and over and over again week after week after week and then i became friends with him and talk to him and explain how would he started out as a he was hypnotizing people like like weight loss and quitting smoking and along those lines he just knew how to do it he just knew how to do it and done it it'll
timely knew when people were under when they weren't under this thing to some you i don't think you are but i think there's some people that is a really open to suggestion and i think there's also something that happens when you put him on stage because i think people like if they get really weird it out by the fact on stage lights are on them and it makes it may maybe perhaps some people even more vulnerable right so i understand your lack of belief in the art form i'm trying to be more oh open minded about everything so i will i will say that it is possible i wish there was a good with you i would love to have like the best back come here and right on maybe jamie or somebody you want to speak for the comedy shows you know jamie if you want to see it live you really want to see it live i just wish there was more i was doing that i know his son frank santos junior doesn't now in new england by i i just wish there were more those comedy hypnotist out there not that man i did
show one time out on the road like a fill in date and they didn't tell the the club i was filling in for a pretty hip hypnotist but they didn't tell the audience oh no and i had a bad set i get off so age and then i see table tents and all the tables you know comedy hypnosis night and people were coming up to me go and how come you didn't make us act like chickens you know and i'm like that's when i found out that you thought i was a comedy hypnotist i did an hour of total confusion for this audience so there waiting to be hypnotized that's what they thought the show us that's hilarious so you're eating dick up there
talking about socks and right and they're just waiting to start bringing a thought stage yeah they're just waiting if like you're warming them up for the comedy hypnosis thing and then i say goodnight and they were like what the hell happened here you just say you don't remember 'cause i hit i hypnotize you you were all up here and you pregnant you're all up here and you were all feeling like you were naked goodnight weird what's the worst gig you ever had to do do you have a i had one show where i walked all the entire audience i filled in for a comedian he called me up and said you know adam leslie know adam leslie no longer with us but he had a headline gig at some place called the comedy barn in jackson
mississippi i think it was the the town down in the south he goes i can't do the date would you fill in in headline for me is very new to headlining so i said sure and somehow the club was ok with him bringing somebody else instead of him so i go on stage on a friday night and just did not get my foot in the door and flat line and you know how you know how it is like there's a point where you know this is over this is not happening and i was at that point did nothing not know savers were work and nothing was working and then a foursome at the front got up like you know when i had like thirty minutes left and just put your coats on i mean how since for their jackets and steven and just walked away so i'm thinking well maybe you know they have the babysitter or something and then another
for some and then a two some and then everybody just thought well i guess it's okay to leave and every every buddy just got up and walked out i probably had twenty people left when i was done it was the most humiliating one of the simulating nights of my career how long ago was this is last week leslie died after you cut the phone call from the book the book are killed him do you fucking know i read it to my clock he murdered unless my money we're losing our mortgage now now this was twenty five years ago i don't know those moments when you're fucking tailspinning those are some of the most painful and confusing into comics career but in my opinion those are like really important 'cause they have all the big growth moments of my early career came after i bombed by london then said ok i never want to fucking experience that again i gotta figure out what did i do wrong like why did i did i open with
it's sock did i not get him right off the bat did it wears up was i not loose enough was i'm not comfortable enough was i not having enough fun like what the hell was it what what was i to cocky was i too meek like what what are the what's the what's the numbers you know do you sometimes because the audience completely the audience like this that you know that it's friday night ten o'clock show these people all just in that kind of of the the audience can play a part in whether or not you have a good set or great set but the audience can not play a part if you are if you are really in less it's just the worst horrendous group of fun and convicts route on parole all on meth is possible but a lot of times you have a bad audience but you could still get him and you'll have a good set you can still have a good set sometimes you just go out there and it's magic sometimes you go out there and you just feel so loose in the audience is so ready right off the bat that everything is just flowing
an amazing like that was this weekend in portland i did helium the comedy club i'm trying to work on some new material and tighten things up so i'd like to go to comedy clubs when i do that i like to do a whole weekend in a common club doing those two shows on friday too goes on saturday it was just so fun it had been sold out for months it was like the energy in the air and everything is great but then i did the comedy store like two wednesdays ago it was just like there was no enerji in a room right marion was before me he was saying the same thing he got off stage i think even said something like guys you were there you know like i think you said that like saying goodnight it's just there's a weird lack up it was almost like one of these cross armed audiences weather like they're not going to put out too much energy it's a wednesday night at one thousand and thirty there's not much there but you still get like i had a good that was still good still went you know all the stuff that's funny got laughs i always i always felt like my job was
b1 better than the audience you know there are many comedians and do as well as the audience if it's a great crowd they do crate if it's a good crowd they do good it's a bad crowd they do bad i always wanted to be one like i wanted to be where like if they were bad i would do so so if they so so i would do good if they were good i would do great and if they were great i would do great that's a beautiful philosophy to one up you know i mean i goes my job to bring them to in higher level of what their situations i was at the improv one night and it was a late show is like a one thousand pm show on a friday and the crowd was kind of tired and brody stevens went on and he was on like last and he took his shirt off and started run through the credit then play music he took his shirt off started running through the crowd and he was taking a shirt and spinning it over his head like a helicopter
he's like we have energee in here where a lot this is happening this israel were in hollywood and he starts like clapping and put his arms together and getting over to clap along and he transformed the entire room and he went on stage transform i mean there's a video on my instagram page of brody it's late night pull pull it up the late night video of him drumming he does these closer spots at the at the comedy store where you know the show starts the main room show starts at nine hundred o'clock and it goes on till two hundred o'clock in the morning and is a point of no return there's a nomansland time somewhere after like one thousand one hundred and thirty with the audience is like ok let's just get the fuck outta here and like a lot of people leaving it was packed and then when brody goes on there's like me maybe twenty five or thirty people so this is
this is brody on stage playing drums check this out we hear this through our headphones fuck it playing drums and it doesn't even make it he said he's got a guy next to look at it again the middle you get back there the guide to his left that you can't see he's got symbols those things have symbols symbols right tambourine what tambourine tambourine he gave it to migos you back me up you got the tambourine i mean i watched him for an hour and he went from there i have to do and stand up he's talking to the crowd he there was points see photo is photos
where you can see him walking around the crowd he put the microphone down and started doing stand up just walking around just walking around friday nights kenison spot in the main room is usually when it but he just doesn't hour he starts off the drums you it's great it's a great this two guys that nail that's by brian holzman and brody stevens because they're both just freeform maniacs they just can just free ball and brody especially because he does so many warm ups he warm up for like sit coms and talk shows and he's really good at it so they have him come in we had to do it when i did the man show you he was is amazing on it just create the comedy out of nowhere he just goes in there starts talking to people and the next thing you know i couldn't yeah i i don't have that ability i don't have that ability at all i i've seen a couple of sitcom tapings and watched committee does have to warm up that that is
a skill that is an amazing skill an i could not accomplish it it's an act it's a different kind of act it's like and uh facet of stand up comedy i wouldn't say it's my favorite facet but don't i'm but does the this thing about brody is that that's facit even though i don't necessarily like like watching warmups that much brody turn that into like approving or not proving ground like a training ground for him like he's so comfortable just freeballing about anything and everything and he knows how to like hit it and turned into comedy very unusual talent brody stevens and that is really good at that that late night spot since i i'm back at the comedy store i've seen him do four or five those late night spots are particularly i just waited around waited so i could watch brody michael keaton was there last night by the way it was reaching there at kimberly condom when the roast battle academy award winner michael keaton
i'm moving won the academy awards art it sucks we still worse maybe i watched it three times are you guys joking jamie liked it you checked it jamie liked it i haven't seen it but i hear it i've heard quite a few people today is good you don't have to watch quit bothering me is there's all there's this video going around of michael keaton putting what some people are relating as an acceptance speech for best actor back into his pocket and the vibe is how embarrassing is that why is that embarrassing you know that the guy the guy was up for the best actor at appointments karere career where you know it's been awhile since he's done anything i this negativity you know to take that moment and just blow the up as something that he be ashamed of or embarrassed so what he had an acceptance speech he was up for the academy award didn't icu baumann arsenio without you how's your career business you know there's just i don't know there's too much there's too much
each unhappy people is what i like i don't i don't like to slam in people's dresses and all that stuff you know it's like that that they didn't work in their ass off for their career to finally get a role where they're getting a little they're getting some attention and they get to go to this big fun academy award they put everything they in two and put in this dress on and some guy or woman just gets to go i think it looks ugly but you know why that exists though because of people like kanye west because people their egos are so blown out of proportion you want to shoot them down there so goofy so then you start looking at other people's fun shooting him down let me look and see who else is fucking floss and then i don't like and you start looking for them it's like we don't like people that think their bed everybody else and when someone thinks they're better than everybody else they are a justifiable target so then it becomes like a genre like picking on people that are celebrities it becomes like a thing so then you start looking for all these other people that are successful only and michael
it was stupid fucking yeah batman oh i'm sorry you're not batman anymore this fucking movie have you got me award you cunt but that's death people there's a lot of unbalanced unhappy people and because of the internet and people making comments unfortunately you know it it's like honking a car horn you can do it in the safety of your car because you know it's unlikely that that guy's going to come over and actually have a physical confrontation i i i think i could comments to me horn hungers they're they're just they're just people hunky there sitting in their underwear at home and they're just going to honk their little horn the little negativity out there i don't know what to get out of it though i i ate at psychologically what what is it what what do you get out of just typing some mean spirited bull crap i don't get it get anything out of it but there not balanced people they're not thinking about what they get out of it they're not looking at their life objectively like what is the f to reward ratio to one i'm accomplishing here or am i accomplishing anything no they just
or if we go back to their ship back job on monday morning some place that they hate were nobody like something good to see michael keaton come barrett frank frank back and pocket one of shock a little dot that's that's the world we live in and then it's also the world where people have a voice that never had a voice before used to have to earn your voice you know if you were a great writer or great critic you are respected by all these people that went in the league sought out your opinions on things and so when they read your pain non something was like oh this guy is a very thoughtful well measured person and his opinion on blank will be interesting to read right now everybody goes to your opinion everybody can have an opinion about everything i think i like it though i like it 'cause i think it's ultimately balancing and i think that the cult of personality that comes along with celebrity i think is ridiculous and i think this chip sit down it brings it back down
look this is a weird time that we live in is a time where someone can hack into jennifer lawrence is phone and find pictures of her asshole and then put those on the internet that never existed before well listen i i do understand that you know it's a different bing yes now any joe blow can have a comment i'm cool with that but i think there should be accountability i hate these troll rules that hide behind fake names and there evan they're not if you want to be negative or positive you you should own who you are yeah it should be you you that that should be held to the person that you're slamming should be able to confront you i think there well i don't know about that do you really want to confront everybody if you person that's in the public id or ignore it confront all those different people that can talk to you you'll wait entire life dealing with no no i'm not saying that you need to confront people who are being but i'm saying that the person who wants to be negative out there it should be that person's name
own own own your negativity well there's a little bit of that that's happening i mean that's a facebook thing you know in in facebook is very difficult to have a fake name but i think that ultimately where this is leading is going to be this a dissolving of all the boundaries between people people can reach you they can contact brian ring with never could before people can reach you know someone and make fun of their celebrity speak their acceptance speech people can do things that you get closer to you than they've ever been able to do some for and i think ultimately the good thing about that is things like podcasts and things like that they could have existed before they they they they take down this like boundary between people expressing themselves and then expression being reached by other people you know if someone has really
any tweets the really funny twitter person that does really funny tweets can get spread around and also they have a hundred thousand followers is a lot of people like that they're just regular folks regular jobs but they're really funny and so this is this this just by quality as by people their their ideas resonating with people they have a vehicle that never existed before so it doesn't always have to be negative i think it's just so many people are disenchanted and they just don't like life and they're just depressed and they don't like their existence and so they are looking to like shit on people and spread negativity as much as possible but what it shows is just that this vehicle exists and it doesn't just exist for that exists for positive too it's just it's just people aren't aware this is a new thing man this is something navigating for the first time in human history and this is never existed before the the ability to leave a you tube comment the ability to have a a fake twitter handle is just an egg the kid should
over brian regan after a show yeah you don't think hypnotising israel you asshole how do you think i lost fucking fifty pounds of west morgan that's just that's it's it's a symptom of this new age that we live in that this this stage where technology as it's advancing its advance this completely new realm that never existed before where the ability to communicate with people is unprecedented the ability to
each people is unprecedented and were navigating it we don't know we don't know we don't know how to manage it yet and there's a lot of people that you know they're not thinking about what the impact of their words are they just being idiots and and there do you know they're not the thoughtful they're not they're not really considering it this is a part of the weird world that we're living in the world of connectivity and it's gonna get crazier and crazier this is one step this is one step there's going to be a time in the future where i believe we're going to be able to communicate not just with words on a screen but with the the someone people going to be able to express feelings to you they're gonna be able specs emotions to you without even knowing you without being around you in a second here real weird over the next few years
real weird they're not going to slow down there going to speed up we're not going to move to log cabin start chopping our own firewood it's going to get weirder and weirder goodnight everybody brian regan ladies and gentlemen brian regan comic on twitter where show this weekend i'm at the door movie theater in la this saturday night what time is this show eight hundred pm that's the same time is the ufc there's a ufc in la at the staple center i'm not saying it's bad i mean people are going to see you like a dvr the u of c yeah i brought up dlc either either way the dobie theater ladies and gentlemen that's the place to be on saturday night fucked you are saying i said it i work for them i'll be there dobie theater saturday night on twitter brian regan comma talk to people on twitter do you do interact with the folks from your car
station i might need to adjust my my a way of doing it right now it's it's been it's been kinda one side i don't tweet a lot but it's just me tweeting out he but you don't usually like read the tweets and then respond now no probably smarter very smart way to do it my ways pro ridiculous no i i just tweet out and then and they go make a milkshake here's was important you're fucking hilarious you're great thank you thank you pleasure to hang out with you always a pleasure to have you on the podcast kind never seen brian regan live please go check him out he's fucking absolutely one of the best in the country nice thank you so much to brian regan ladies and gentlemen dobie theater los angeles ca saturday night be there goodnight see ya bye thank you everybody for tuning the podcast thanks to our sponsors thanks to on it go to onn it use the code word rogan save ten percent off any an all supplements i usually
i'm supposed to like tell dates comedy dates that i have coming up i'll do that on the next one we're also brought to you by nature box right yeah that's on this one nature bodies nature box good nature box dot com no date your box dot com forward slash rogan and you will get your first order for fifty percent off so it's nature box dot com forward slash were logan were also brought to you by dollar shave club oh shit bitches get that sweet shave and dollar shave club dot com slash rogan that's dollar shave club dot com forward slash rogan pp powell powell and that left just legalzoom the last one right and last but not least were also brought you by legalzoom
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Transcript generated on 2019-10-05.