« The Joe Rogan Experience

#779 - Andrew Dice Clay & Joey Diaz

2016-03-29 | 🔗
Andrew Dice Clay is a comedian and actor. His new show "Dice" premieres on Showtime on Sunday, April 10. Joey Diaz is a Cuban-American stand up comedian and actor. Joey also hosts his own podcast called “The Church of What’s Happening Now”
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
hey what's up april eighth which is two weeks almost a week in a couple of days from now from the table doing this april eighth i'm going to be at the arlington theater in santa barbara with joey diaz and tony hinchcliffe and santa barbara is one of the like if there's like this one city that people don't know about i probably shut the fuck up not tell people it's a sweet spot it's like it hasn't overflown with people yet overflown anyway april eighth santa barbara april 20th four hundred and twenty get it be in seattle at the moore theater with tony first show sold out but we have a second show two
uh my guest today before i get into that is the great dice clay and joey motherfuckin diaz together in one podcast folks this podcast was brought to you by legalzoom if you don't know what legalism is if you never heard me talk about it before it's a website where you could take care of a lot of legal matters that you would ordinarily would have have to gone to a lawyer's office make appointment park your car all that bullshit you could take care of a lot of stuff that you would normally have to go to a lawyer for your own take care of it by yourself on your own on at legalzoom you do things like form corporation form an llc make a last will or living trust all that shit can be done by you online it's simple it's easy to do they have an a plus from the better business bureau they've been around forever i say bureau in my voice
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defensive like anybody ever says sunday you are trying to be offensive boy that's ineffective you should try another word 'cause that's not that's not hurting anybody's feelings were also brought to you by stamps dot com stamp dot com if you have a small business and you send packages through the mail you know what a pain in the ass it is to get to the post office i have a ton of friends that use stamps dot com for this very solution bert kreischer my man part when he sends those machine shirts those fuckers go through stamp dot com when you buy things more red face billy burr he buy posters and shit from him that shit all goes through stamps dot com everybody i know use it brian redband use it for death dot tv original artwork all his kitty cats the hats and the teacher it's all that jazz at brian makes all that gets sent through stamps dot com it's so fucking easy with my code so when you go to stamps dot com
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dot com type in j r e for your hundred ten dollar bonus mother phone can all stay we're also brought to each and every episode by on a dot com you go to and and i t use the code word broken at check out you'll say fifty percent no that's not true ten percent template josh making up a cancer that soul and it makes him like i said that we are this if you say boy just ramble a lot during these commercials we got stupid high during this podcast and this is after some doing the ads after the podcasting trying to collect my brain joey diaz is some form of alien life that absorbs cannabis instead of oxygen on a
com o n and i t use the code word rogan save ten percent off any and all supplements or what on it is is a total human optimization websites what we try to sell is either supplements that we find that can enhance your memory things like alpha brain things that can enhance your mood like new mood or strength and conditioning equipment kettle bells battle ropes all the usual suspects abh wheels all stuff that promotes functional strength if you don't know now you know we also have an academy link and that's the most important aspect of the site i think is 'cause it sort of defines went on it really is all about what we're trying to do when you click on the on academy link it's just a bunch of articles and cool videos and articles about strength and conditioning methodologies different sorts of strategies that people use in regard to eating healthy different kinds of workouts of the day and
a lot of it is about the science of nutrition in the science of exercise physiology just really cool aspect to the website and it's a great resource resource for interesting information the cutting edge of training and we're also having an it academy that's in austin tx which has tenth planet jujitsu and just awesome state of the art facility if you're in austin that's your spot bitch you know i talk too much but i'm done talking now ladies and gentlemen andrew dice clay and joey motherfucking diaz the joe rogan experience the what are you doing right now but your neighborhood he gave me a bag of red that he gave me a ride he gave me a bag of purple debt
these are two which is which is the least brownies or one hundred and eighty for two brownies or ninety apiece and you got visa one hundred and twenty five 'cause my kid loves edibles were live will lie well much you won't want these guys to put no no expo what's going on in there doing this is this is the fourth one right he's a star these are the four stars a debt for these purple ones are two hundred milligrams this is what you know this is i think one was asleep for three days this is one this is too hard like it's a milk sure fucking thinking deal we could not how many how many milligrams are in those two hundred in this one you just threw a two hundred down there i want some to go you gotta go i don't know if you know but like an effective doses twenty at what is papa's pop to two hundred and
without calf will drive well well i kid i kid i can smoke actually reads i got the i can open up with three of these i can open up with six hundred milligrams that's so insane right after you have no idea i'm saying bed at night like a baby i put that mask on i sleep like a fucking baby sometimes i get paranoid in my sleep and i wake up at three hundred in the morning my heart pound my wife up go to the living room i tell you what i'll tell you why i stay away from the edibles like i like to smoke at night right right right second high one night and when i was at this one place they they gave me some edibles they gave me a bag of popcorn ok so almost stoned out and i just want something to eat i opened up the popcorn okay now wednesday valerie is she config about why i'm not waking up i slept for nineteen hours
and she found the wrapper under the bed you start to panic like what happened to i slept till midnight the next day she goes you wait for so big i said i didn't know i was stoned out i just want to some need it was popcorn i didn't think they really like hadley you can get it in the popcorn they make you with the butter the no no cannabis butter they pop it in the butter and then they might even sp michael some butter on top of it some cannabis butter on talk you up they got fruit loops now some guys they had a benefit apart benefit at the store and they were handed out those bags bags of that popcorn it was fucking death set it up it smells like pure we've cared pure fucking weed i felt so vulnerable i just love how open it is now not great we could talk about a pop and i'm like tic tacs but dice not everywhere else if you try to do this and
it's still fucking dark clothes waiting for you outside yeah but i have no reason to be in texas you don't do shows in texas i don't believe in it no georgia like you know in vegas it's great now they're opening up places yeah they got five stores right they sure haven't content of a normally bring my own stuff you know but you know if i go to new york i bring my own stuff it's one of the easiest businesses and that the bar at the end of the day businessman wanted the businessman they want to make some money and they they look at this thing in the oh hey do much fucking money they're making in colorado they make more money in taxes in colorado from weed and they did alcohol that's never happen anywhere that's definitely take we over alcohol and need to one percent because you know what i always say like with weeds like a stone does you are let's say god forbid there's some kind of emergency you know i mean right you just throw water in your face it's gone it's not like alcohol
right we know where you don't know what you doing right right right you know what i mean you could perform on the weed you bang on the weed you could bang more on the week feels better listen to even keep dying on the way you eat one of these stars ain't no water going to help you to fucking find apartments that you're eating like a pint of this stuff yeah you talking about smoking pot it selecting a marillion watch till i got i go home at night after doing comma and so far it up your own thing that kills me down is one of these age bombs and a fucking joint of death like how smoke tree pipe laws of god guide it's hysterical he ever seen his periscope show no the best thing i do it eight hundred and thirty in the morning i just go out there and start giving him guys this doesn't get in trouble for doing bowl i was doing a periscope with wheels and i get a call from bruce he's going what are you guys doing because we got
stoned out and now we're in the bathroom of my hotel room he turned it like into a steam room and you could hardly see us you see my fogged up fucking glasses and i to call from him he's going what what do you get he's doing out there like oh no it's it's a new show i'm doing the paris coloscopy pickle thing you know and he goes this spending millions of dollars from showtime to film this and you're doing it for nothing get it off the air you know ripe roasted i got a whole thing happen that's ridiculous advice what would you take that off the air because we were first going to fill my series you know and they're writing episodes about this you can't just periscope it who let the manager in here you got understand this guy's got a history you would love you december one he he built the whole career again it was
but you can't tell someone to not do periscope or the not do twitter not don't have fly understood way not more and when a network splitting up millions of dollars the first film a show about these things i do you don't just get up on the air fuck yeah of course get people excited about the only bad part was like was i had this this this fight with wheels where thakeham in the room and we'll just gone you know i go he goes you know i'm a wrestler you know like yeah ok you know i'm not worried about it and i'm having eleanor through the filming where come into the room and i jump 'em on his bed and he actually got me he flipped me out like a professional wrestler he legitimately got me do you know how angry they got me i'll clicking here salty tap you out or did you just pen no he pinned me i was done like he really knows how to do that shit he's like a genius with certain things like i would
understand if you could do it i get what you can do but i'm going to feels there's no way he's on the bottom already i got it and he just flipped maine like a toy see now if you that and put that on youtube that i put it on the periscope pickle thing why would you ever take something like that down because i got yelled at uh i always get a pattern of thinking i know the way of thinking but the more view the better it's just going to make people want to it was funny fucking shit yeah it was fun it's crazy what you were doing that sorry i was really doing that filming at the store you were doing that fucking years and years and years and years ago you do little sketches no i want to take all that stuff now and just cut it up and do like little three mini things and put it on that funny and i stuff yeah because everybody is it you are in it everybody everybody played up but we usually our mission theater deal would be far in comic
that was jabroni we called the far in comic you know and it was just these crazy are you coming over to me one night and you got days k ask you something because i was using the comedy store like a set you know i'd be filming i changed all the lighting in the kitchen i put the red lights blue lights for filming i was doing it for a year and waitresses would come in to get like bring quarters and i go i can have you in right now with filming you champion you're in my shot everybody is asking like manage is like what show is this that was no show but everybody was did steve rannazzisi was in it like black was mike burke you know how i become friends with my fucking black so for whatever reason i come over to this guy he's sitting in the booth in the kitchen and i go hey
like you want you want to be in the show and he's going what you i go it's it's a real holiday show in reality wasn't really happening yet it just wasn't happening so people like well what is i go you just do what i tell you to do just say what i tell you say and do what i said so he goes yeah i want to be in it you know i go ok we're going to go to the top of the belize the belly room the steps and i'm going to throw you down the steps and i gotta get a couple angles so we'll have to do it two or three times you know he goes wait a minute goes what do you mean you're going to throw me down the steps i go yet from the top so you just go with it you know just fall down the steps and he goes i don't want you to do that to me like uh why not what's the big deal what you do because what do you mean it's what i do i go aren't you goes ant the comics told me that that's what you do besides how many years because i'm not a stuntman i don't want to be thrown
but i want to be in it but i can't have you just toss me down a full flight of steps like that i'm going to get hurt so we had to do it in pieces yeah i wish i would you like a fake fall well no he would go like half way and then i go to the bottom of the steps to get the rest of the fall and then i try to like kill him with a chair in arisha fear jumps on me at the right moment to stop me from pulling this guy there's only so i could do much just so uh could do a line from a bra next tale where i'm on top of him now and i go i did the steel and it goes what will that mean oh don't worry about it when it's edited you'll see the whole series the image yeah i just do what i tell you this could go over to comics and go alright look that way and in four seconds say that guy is going to have a fucking problem
and it goes but there's nobody to echo don't worry about that part now be somebody on the other end it another time and that's how i would piece though so i want to take these tapes just have some editor do like three minute because it was i did it for two years they come to my house for a barbecue it wow fighting eleanor gets into a fist fight with steve rannazzisi's wife where he screaming knock the shit out of a she's got her up again is the garage be cause she said the ellen or like you know like the house is filthy you know and eleanor was screaming at me in the kitchen go and she said that when i'm so fucking nice to her i'll handle this right now in illinois it comes out of the backyard now the com like sitting there don't notice is going to and she does hey bitch this this team's wife right and she chases this lambs are against the garage slots beating the shit out there was a problem is mike black and dave taylor and steve simone and my own kid
screaming keller just fuck and kill her ann the end of that episode is dave taylor you know at night sitting around going to understand do you know why eleanor did that because girls like tracy but taking guys like you from eleanor or life and everybody's gotten steve simmons going near the way eleanor was hitting her like you could just feel it you know like raging bull like she really wanted a damage yeah it's hysterical that's why would have barbecues just to film it was non stop and he comes over to me at the stalling what are you doing exactly you know show my show what show where is it where can i see it i don't know it'll be around and you still have the footage all of it honey does it take of hours
so fucking poorly sure you know so stops me at the comedy store you know 'cause my kids were in the show and they were like seven hundred and eleven at the time it's when i first broke up at their mom so they be at the comedy store with maine you know pulley short comes over and i'm phil woman this fight between arisha fear and bobby lee where aris like throwing boxes of you know bottles over bobby's head and everybody's cheering to kill bobby you know in so it comes out because how many times i gotta tell you get these fucking kids out in the comedy store he says it in front of dylan was a kid site else steve samoan i said take down outside 'cause that's a v remain you know so i figured i might have to really damage this kid attack but i'd be yeah i was going to hurt him yeah but i i'm going all right then i'll get sued so i just lay into a home and i to
so a glass at the wall you know to throw into the garbage and i leave the next time it she calls she i was just banned me from the comedy store she bands by children i call you the youngest kids never if you've never store it's not a good thing and you're the youngest to get banned you not even eight years old you know how good this is feel but we're not allowed to go back in i go don't worry it'll all be straightened out you know who hasn't been banned from the store exactly it's the greatest of edge of armor been banned after the shit you got what to fight you had a couple weeks ago i would fuck open on him and for that you don't talk about that at all 'cause i heard fucking alone did you almost get into a wild willy parsons way back in the day he said who shit in the main room my you know he was just it was
it's crazy the connection call me is that here's here's the problem that now i see when we got there we were young guys and some of the older guys were on the way out they didn't like that right so once in a while there was something with something will happen you know and the same thing it was like guys that would have for ten years and nothing happened yes there was a a few of those and i'll tell you great coco story over here so we just became friends like the first year i know this guy you know an he would tell me about every restaurant in the united states i don't know he knows every red around where it is what they serve if it's good bad but one night come outside and he's getting into it with some customer ok and he sitting on back stairs you know i'm just watching 'cause i wouldn't want to really see anybody get hurt you know but you know he thinks differently joey think
a little differently but he doesn't just want to hurt the guy what he does he gets all heated up and he everyone of those tool like glasses from the comedy store and he breaks it like he's still in the middle of cuba with the sharp edge it'll go joey what are you doing i could put the glass down do put the clinton he really wants to like stab the guy in the throat with the he's a customer is just a fucking customer and he starts laughing and he throws the glass sort of fight was over thing 'cause i'm going to discard the hospital because they i said something about his act you know their stupid custom i seen you will go away if the cut it's the funny as in the world i saw in there is like i don't know what to say what you would do and it was not we would like trying to get to this guy over the crowd outside on the side that was the guy that came through something happen
do some rhyming so you know he came up to the stage came up to the stage threaten me and he said he's going wait for me outside that guy was an asshole here's heckling he was heckling somebody before me to someone who's real maine is somebody before me i remember who it was it's just the violence involved in comedy now is a sterile this was twenty years ago or whatever it was yeah but it's been going on that long and it's been a nice build there's always going to be drunks there's always going to be i can't say i can't take the drunks does some people that had rock in fun they're great and there's other people that it this belligerent are gone they're gone with knuckle knuckle stephanie you do a ten o'clock show vegas you're asking for fucking trouble how long do amid remember those riviera shows people that call my god that's that's yeah now i just if somebody is really like that i just throw them data room yeah you know whether to do it no but i'll say really i go
i'm not making believe i don't like you yeah i go this is my real emotion i go i have a hatred for you now i go you gotta leave this room now and then they think it's a joke in this two security guards stand behind it i remember one guy looking gone you kidding right i'm getting thrown out for what i go you talked there is no talking in here like it's a classroom it's just all in effect i know how you perform and i know how you perform but but i really get mad when they don't care what what's going on with the performer on stage chappelle was with the store the other night and some kid was yelling adam interrupted yelling shit out in am just jealous to see ellen show what about this what about that just different questions at him and finally people just started going shut the fuck up like one i yelled and then it happened to be me there's some other people in the room yelled it and it got to this point where people would like stop this but it should never get to that point the management should step in
the the the the hall door guidance is comedy yeah that's what i want to fight a war the one thing about the store it's always been amazing is how many people who work there who eventually became comics joey are you rather dunkin but be i loved russell with the fucking popper when people go running from the room does he still do the fucking thing with the way where he's like starting to pray yeah don't give the better way not given the bid away i'm just saying what happens to people does not nothing better than sitting in the back of the room when people start getting frightened because of the puppets was happening through the puppet and they start running from from that's it's to leave the store it's the greatest moments in smash my head against toward those moments somewhere out there someone as the original puppet family stolen stolen we have looked up it really yeah
original public us to the new ones actually better than the old one though so you know the whole bobo who knows that puppet did to this fucking i already it's got a problem you up there so you don't make it pop it are you fucking kidding me with this year over here now that little pop it was fucking scary guy number that twilight zone episode or guy a pop it pop it was fucking evil it was great who's creeping the who is the who was the actor wasn't burgess meredith he did the live prairie with the glasses when the end his glasses break yeah they can't who is the guy from the odd couple jack klugman jack klugman did the pool hustler yes he did and jonathan winters played the other guy the dead guy who comes back to life to play 'em that's that isn't good
so far that's a really good but that dummy one was one of the most disturbing ones you know 'cause the dummy would like wait for everybody to leave and go command you could rob a the purse is just right over there just tell your showered like whoa who did it i change the language a little areas yeah so are we shown in the student yeah so people know him on right we look forward to yeah i'm dice anyway just in case they know who you are the greatest show you is getting it i've done this before you just get in it yeah it's well like opie and anthony's to do this show is not around yeah just have some funny but i love it i love more people asking questions and shit interview one interview yeah i just have phone not i i'd do you well i don't think we have a really good a formal interview i wouldn't know where to start yeah me too friendly in two influential
yeah we became good friends through the years for sure why are you up so early into joe rogan no serious like from the time you came to the store like you were figuring it all out and you became this i remember coming over to joey has a hit fucking sit come on the air and i'd always see him at the comedy store echo all the time one night and i go how come you're here like you have a hitch so like why aren't you on the road i was gonna yeah and i got there's a lot of fucking money on the road for a guy that has a hit show you know and that's i think when you started doing the road one hundred percent i also told it to what's his face the guy who's that works with a yeah so you know i would see deleted like in the coffee bean all the time an yeah he crushes on stage and go don't you go on the road who
there's no i'm writing material this i got the road do you have a hit shell like what's wrong with people yeah i i will start however was still do instantly with a goal for a lot of guys was always to get a tv show well your fear ice cream at on the phone like what he started doing his show now on comedy central among the phone with them this is like the first season at the beginning so i call my congratulate on my so so do you know your next two or three moves you know if the show like starts taking off those now i haven't really thought why not you waiting fifteen years for this you talk to me about not having money to pay your fucking rent now you for show i don't know maybe maybe a club tour maybe record an album maybe the comedy central special after that you know something like that so if they happen to take the show in flushing the toilet after the first season you
you have a career because now people know you don't like fucking retarded the retarded well are you does a lot of standup me so now we have everybody called me recently in a tall meals should you still and it was a high percent because u s or down the road you know under percent do you remember where we were we were because it was you know i don't even want to go back that far 'cause you've done an come so far since then but it was like whenever i see a coming to him well i'll always look to like go look this is what you gotta do like you nuts if you don't do it well it meant a lot maybe because when i was a kid way before i got into comedy i was fan of yours and i was listening to you with this girl that i was dating once we're in the car and we are listening to it on a cassette and you're how old and we were howling and this girl thought you were the funniest thing ever and that was what made a cool like she wasn't up tight because a lot of people back then you know the people that don't realize like sort of the core your career is gone like dice was
unquestionably a different thing i do the biggest comic ever when i was a kid one hundred percent like when you were filling up arenas there was a different thing going on where people could repeat your shit they could say what's in the bowl bitch and you would see fifteen thousand and people going watts anapol batch it's uh fucking crap that's a different thing so you know frustrates me when it when i talk about the arenas with anybody you know like you know they always bring up the garden which was an honor you know to play it's the most famous arena ever and i did the two nights there but but i always tell these interviews i gotta you understand i did over three hundred so i got the first tour alone was twenty six cities over three hundred of these and they be gone in a matter of a couple hours before the facebook before twitter before fucking follow is like old people did was follow me into the fucking arenas i go i wasn't tweeting
and arguing with fans on twitter you know it all became a thing you became a thing from ronnie dangerfield change went back quick it was so fast it was gigantic but this is all word of mouth but my point being then you use a lot of backlash against you it was so it's starting again it's nuts really like i'm doing some interviews and like this one guy i don't want to say what newspaper yeah cause it's all giant papers that doing these profile those are me now i'm going to new york next week i got to sit down the new york times it's like crazy shit again this is like the buildups yes i started doing yourself from entourage to you know to the woody one thing in that square sesean now my own show it's like you know number one working with you know guys like woody in scorsese was unreal an yeah those are too crazy
but this one guy doing a profile piece comes in he sees maine in vegas at the laugh factory where i've been doing like little residency to stay like sort of low key till this hits now an i'll announce dates later on the show where i'm performing but anyway so and i really i wanted to give this guy a real show and the way i perform now is very very theatrical it's all acted out you know i sit in a chair i'll stare to guide that for gay goes a married thirty two years i'll actually fall down onto a chair and just look at him like you're kidding me right with i been married also a lot but not to the same one like i break it up you were ready getting to a brunette in for eight years the same thing i go you know we might be common friends now but i gotta tell you as your friend
in a lot of ways you hate yourself and i don't hate myself i go you don't eat yourself you fucking the same girl for thirty two years what does that tell you you would read it to me you never had an affair who does that in life who doesn't want to go out there and stick every fucking wet box they could get their hands on on the tip of your fucking dick to the roots of your balls just for a goof and even if you get caught you flip the switch on your chick you go i did this for you you were busy with the kids you were busy with new business i want to stay wet every reload she took i was thinking to you now go make me a fucking steak i don't want to talk about there's no more so that it starts like this what's at the reporter sees this yeah and guess so after the show he says to me but obviously my shows a goof its comedy it's it's and he goes obvious he goes dice now
they are being looked at it like this like great actor now why would you perform and i'm like you kidding me right i go it's what i do it's what i love to do i loved affect people i like people to walk out of the room go and i never seen anything like that you know you know when you're looking at a guy in the crowd who sitting with his wife and his with his best friend ok double date and so limited that you got a best friend and he goes it is gay and friends with him for twenty five years is your best friend did your best friend ever call you one time 'cause you gotta hot looking wife she's got them big terrible fucking tits hanging down every holiday he gets the hug a little too close maybe when was the last time your best friend ever called you and said let this night i jerked off thinking about your wife then again i go never right cause he's really active fry
i would call you i would tell you last night i wheel barrel fuck this animal she's walking on their hands picking up water with the teeth for maine i go and then you bang hardaway i tell you when it works out like my scenario i give you the next scenario that's a friend not a by hugging your wife never turns around says i love your wife's fucking ass the way those pants split up fuck increased between the legs you might think your wife is ugly because your friend never takes the time to tell you how many loads he drops just thinking about her so don't tell me he's your best friend is your worst fucking enemy in the world under friend it all makes sense and you get negative feedback from this that didn't make any sense well because i don't because it's all done as a goof of course like the guys going well why would you do that material i go what should i go in
say jingle you been together with a woman thirty two years obviously you love your family you raise beautiful don't nobody wants to hear that but here's a question why did why does it have to make sense why can't just be funny that's my whole what i'd like i'd like that you know i've always said that like when people ask what's your favorite kind of comedy like i just want to laugh like when joey is saying the most ridiculous shit i laugh harder than anything i've ever heard in my life it does information that he's in a coma but it's not fine but it's like nothing that's how come how come movies can be ridiculous ridiculous in what they're showing ridiculous that's right especially violent we think about any violent movies rock every fucking couple months or some crap the movie where one hundred people get shot it's constant right but a guy on stage talking but even in the comedy is just absurd ways about sex whi is there pissing people off but it
even in comedies and it really started around the time they came they came with what i said with those glasses on glasses exactly it's beautiful but but the thing is like it started with the that that marry movie that matt dillon did years ago was she's gotta load dripping off my head come on everybody's hysterically laughing that's ok but if you say is a comic it's like why would you say that especially the way this is what i do but the way you are i mean it's so it's so over the top it's easier it's started i don't understand why people don't just think it's ridiculous like the last time i went to see a comic is me and norton an anthony cumia and bobby kelly and uh red band you there we and we i want to see you at the riv it was awesome i had a fucking blast i had a great time just sitting there as an audience members watching and this is something that you're talking about is so preposterous
it almost makes me angry that anybody would have an argument with you up like saying something wrong with what you're saying because you're saying that so over it like you're talking about is shot someone how you your kid could catch ok by the way you bang your wife but also also now getting i'm getting question who's dice who is a and zero so now on the line airs we share the same foot because that way to fingerless gloves time right so i go we share the same closet what am i going to tell you i don't know how to separate the two for you like meant they go crazy from that yeah well they don't want to they don't want to allow that for some reason like there's also to weird art forms that they allow people to act differently acting you become a character and then you are who you are off stage but in com but for some reason they want to combine the two always and sometimes it is
you know like some guys are exactly who they are but like even now i'm self deprecate on stage a talk about getting older this and that all that you know right years ago i never did any self deprecating stuff right you know i mean it's just it just wasn't dices right you know dice was supposed to be just a comedic hero for people that and ice came out of your act where you used to do a bunch of different impressions rolly impressions personally fucking fantastic stallone i don't know you talking about he's got great travolta revolt travolta love check that he got to work with them i got when i saw him in grudge match it was like that's fucking great worked with dual my heroes and you also do a may nasa travolta who was that one of the guys pacino in the the grab know eric roberts eric roberts back when the eric roberts was famous charlie they took my phone
talking tom charge sometimes you got alaykum you say you put your coat on and you don't say goodnight and nobody village green and that's just to humble and there was a great fucking movie i was agree move do me a favor don't cook sense of my ball is on brave you remember that i'm driving by the comedy store one afternoon just looking just looking for a free lunch see maybe so of the sandwich at the comedy store a number nursing in the original room to take to pull in the parking lot kind of bag well these people here one of the afternoon this has to be ninety nine and i walk in and i hear piano and i look in that and it's like twenty old people and jeff is anst explain and ice is on and he's doing this fucking thing so why was i forgot the contents of my balls is on
you're very thick like famous standards oh my god i have in the bank in one hand a tense of my my bowl is on your face can take my cock out of you your box is too good to be true hook if frankie valli really like that one leave and ask me like why would you do that to my most famous you did i go it's hysterical i love you you know it could have been swearing to god but i wanted like about it don't you think that the blowback is less ridiculous now though now one hundred percent maybe when like michael barris by the shit saying about me with the acting see when you sit there go you know when i when you came to know me i was filling out all those arenas and all that shit like i take away
pride in that because i know i said standard for comics that today i see you know like louis they call me before he went on at the forum you know is nervous you can't blame the guy it's eighteen to and people right and go on lewis you don't have to do anything other than who they've come to love don't exaggerate it you don't have to just be you you know because it's so many people you know but what i love is that that some of the guys have filled those places now and i go close i took the heat for you know and i don't mind that history now i didn't mind it back then but i didn't realize the effect it would have on the future of comics will was very important and it was overlooked by a lot of people who are in all the talk about free speech all the time like what would happen when she was really overlooked because
it wasn't that you what you were doing was anything more crazy than anything that was in the movies or anything that was in literature anything of them books or magazines even though you know articles what you were doing was just a really extreme version of stand up comedy that's very good in life x20 poster really fun to watch an some people decided that your character promoted so in the most ridiculous ways promoted miss progeny or hatred hatred against gays and it wasn't and that's the funny it was just funny fucking jokes how it was at a time because i remember when ellen came out of the closet i love that girl you know what i mean i had nothing against gay people but at the time i was doing this act is when they were fighting for their rights when they want to come out of the closet you know when i moved to hollywood here yeah
now you know like you know with uh what is face caitlyn jenner yeah ok now years ago when i would do a joke about that you know i would go and what's with these trans testicles so you meet the girl your dreams right yeah why i know you dyna you take home you put your hand up skirt you hold in a tree trunk that's not hate it's funny right you know and now today every things change so like when that happened with caitlin this year is doing a two hour interview about it you know it so it's all accept it's all good i don't care what anybody does but it's just like like i couldn't believe that backlash cause i'm going i say nothing about hating anybody even with the sexist when they call him sexist echo it's not sexist i happen to love women
and i love having sex with women and i love making fun of how people make such a big deal over sex i go that's all it's about so i like to paint these bigger than life cartoon picture is of people having sex that they laugh at themselves because we put so much on it no just so much on the act of bang can you check you know and it's the one moment in life with everything in the world that goes on i'm sure you guys as i just lose myself in that when my balls bashing into hawaii love for hours on end my own wife has to say i'm only a girl you know but it just take i'm kidding about that but but the point is it's like the one moment in your life you know way
and you're blowing it out from the bottom of your nut bag for more pressure you might have gone through that day you forget the world for those moments the greatest feeling ever if i could laugh hysterically and become at the same time i could die at that moment and i'll be happy the two greatest things ever to laugh as hard as you can from like something the best body would tell you that you can't control that and therefore you go you gotta stop i can't breathe and blowing your load i could take death at that time all good that's a good way to go yeah but how do you get the la gone tricks to make you laugh and come at the same time you have to play a prank on her and then you have to fight off go do you play prank on your chick she looks at you the same prank i do to you that you might laugh hysterical she'll go what why did you say that all right let's go to the mall
are you now we're talking about that yesterday about a say and do the meanest fucking shit to each other and it's hilarious we're talking about guys knocking ari knocked a pill bottle out of subdudes hands sent all his men's flying but there was some valiums out it was or al toids ten and there's like vicodin or something something like that right but that's like that's typical comic shit joey you been with the same girl for a long time though as i feel have you seen little joey yet not complain it's look at few months ago i wanted him to play this bouncer in uh in still rebels first video you know but he was he was out of town so we couldn't use him obviously are you are you having more fun now than you had before thousand percent it's later yeah you seem like you see feel relaxed like even when thing is going great for you it would
you were you were real stressed but you seem like 'cause yeah i had oh i was under microscope that's what it was and you were one of the only guys that was there was kinesthetic lesson died and then you are still alive and you are the guy that people would get mad at and i remember when curtly who is mad at you remember that shit i don't know what was it wasn't mad at you currently everybody was made you do get banned from mtv for talent some jokes about feminine hygiene products another one what happened if you want the little mtv story that they keep throwing at me also what happened was i was booked or sent who was the host and i was booked to bring out share which which which i looked at like that's because i'm a chef fan she she was coming on my show she came to the wilton the empathy at at the la forum you know so when they yes me to bring her out it was like that's great you know mtv awards so now come
minutes before i go out dick clock calls me over backstage and he goes look you might the stretch a little because she is getting dressed then i'm like we mean she's getting dress she wears nothing she wears a thong in some nylons that's the outfit you know and it goes well if if you got gotta stretch arsenio will come over and you'll do something i go no no no no no that's not how it works with me i go i i'm watching this whole show i saw richard lewis come on and just freaking eat it you know pull rise is it try to come out and talk about is to an mtv audience you know six thousand people at the amphitheater poor rises talking about the hats that francs are natural ways crickets you know
and my friend my friend hot tub johnny says to me he goes look you could go out there you could be a teardrop or you could be a title wave is those look what this guys telling me you're going to question so now 'cause he took me on the side and as he takes me on the side after dick clock talks to maine they start introducing me some angry so i come out and i just go into my acct i do the poem was wait the famous palm i think it georgie porgie pudding and pie jerked off in his girlfriends i went awry his giant shut georgie fucked at on a slut oh you know so that was like the poem i did you know and then i was talking about they kill
kill that project you know my manager at the time sandy gallon after after after i came on stage they have all these tents with press and they took me from each tent and not one question was asked to me but i got press for two years after that i mean every day and the arena shows if i was doing one arena show let's say in milwaukee that were three now so it's doing you know sixty thousand people for the weekend rather than twenty it was it was i did over twelve million people in a four year span inner cleaners and then we have to empty it when it got bad i was doing ten thousand people a night so you know this is after they crushed ford fairlanes you know i'd be
walking around new orleans with my father and he'd go you're supposed to be done and you're doing twenty thousand people at the sun dome tonight what is wrong with hollywood you know it was just insanity for many years they had just decided that they were going to black out was it pushes on the outside i remember watching it going this is kind of fucking creepy it's kind of creepy that they all this decide that this isn't a valid art form that the kind of shit it makes me how laughing like if you really mean what you said you really were a bad guy it wouldn't be that funny funny because i know i'm a good guy it's in it's really wyo this little argument with this interview will because if he saw me in vegas the guy was telling a few weeks ago first interviewed me in an la so he got
let max you got to meet dylan and i know you guys know them and the kind of guys they all that great can i actually say that the two nice guys i've ever hung with in my life so well it just not talking about the rock band when they're onstage they all who they are there rock stars onstage that's who they are but when there first stage there the most respectful funny nicest guys i've ever along with not even his sons just as guys 'cause they're both men now twenty one and twenty five and to hang with them as like a privilege to me because that just great guys they could saying they could talk to me about any fucking thing i did i see in your dad but but but that's the beauty of them they know they could come to me with anything of course like that there was just recorded the first full album there's one song called i gotta have and i call that the sex song be cause it's all sexual all the words of sexual and dylan right
all the songs so the night before is going to record it it comes over me in a backyard with smoking a blunt you know and he says dad did you ever really hear the words do i gotta have 'cause we're going to record it tomorrow i go on the clubs it's hard to pick it all up because of the sound systems you know so he does the words and it's all sex it's perfect it couldn't be better i go and what's beautiful about it it's not filthy it's just sexual and it's a great thing coming from a twenty one year old because what should you be talking about right know what i mean so you know about so but i'm saying this guy got to meet my son's hang with my son's hang with valerie hang with the ellen no you know so you got to talk to they just one on one is a human being and then fdc on stage in vegas it's like why would you do that now who's dice
who's andrew ago i've been i've been i'm sorry i ever took that name on you know be but it's like it's the same guy i am from brooklyn i do have an attitude i do so cigarettes you know but who walk around my house you know grabbing my dick oh take that you know it joke it's all a fucking joke it's about want to get meds too early in the ticket don't get real man you know but you know the tv show no dice it's it is a hybrid you get to see different sides of who i am so they but they trying to say in now that you doing these big movies and you're doing tv show secure on that vinyl show to write you get all these legit acting gigs and these legit acting gigs they're saying in why would you go back to what you do best in whatever she loves you from because i never start doing how but think about how crazy that is
people love you for this robin williams then robin williams continuous stand up korea then richie pride continuous stand up real rough when he took a long time off you know but even eddie murphy did to stand up told to whatever happened to you want to stay to do in the big movies he was still doing concert films and stand up so we're doing doing your first love will not only that what's wrong with doing it when you know that's what people want to see it bizarre that i love donut they would decide that this is the movie things more legit you know it's like what everybody's really going for well you know i i love acting i've always loved acting that's why even got on stage is a comic because i didn't want to go acting school once a week i wanted every day training so i put together the act you brought up earlier with jerry lewis and to travel to an eye
took that all the way up to doing don kirshner's rock concert an after that i was thinking well you know at that time a lot of directed would come into the comedy store as a matter of fact the first movie i didn't get but i got close to was the movie diner you know but barry levinson directed and he saw me at that but now i was on stage being dicey so this guy flies me to new york he he puts me in a ski cool to learn to boston accent with a teacher and i was killing with the pot and i obviously i didn't get it in the end but that's why beyond at the comedy store 'cause i just wanted to hold acting chops and then i finally did get you know michael man when he did crime story which was thrilling to maine you know to be in a shell with guys kevin spacey dave
caruso you were fucking great crime what's in your mouth joi why went through another one offer insight into formula reactive on the one hundred and one you gotta loosen up to stress you up another star the act is that were on that show you know that was dennis farina that was tony denison but you know when you're working with guys like kevin spacey who was already starting to get known and just everybody with michael madsen you know just ten lavigne you know that well the buffalo well you know he's done a million movies but the most famous is you know sorry's whatever the fuck you want to do something with you told me that story about how you got crime story and that's everything i do in an audition now how to write when the camera was rolling yeah if they called you while you were rascals and told you guys that you are no no i got it what happened is i got a five months later what happened i went to read for bonnie ten women you know and i feel
the michael mann would be there you know like you know watching but he's not there and she's just filming it so i get mad at michael so i start talking into the camera cause i was reading for the gangsters right yeah i'm like oh so you're a tough guy you don't have to show up for fucking audition what's your problem i'm not big enough for you to sit in an office and watch ok ok so after three days are not hearing anything you figure i didn't get this part five five months later visiting in new york and my mother's waking me up going going your called three times already from william william ours got a call back you know so i set her up and i'm having coffee with my mother but what i'm hearing in the phone i like can't believe she goes you got booked on the show crime story five seasons you know and this is what the pay is i think the pace started me at like two thousand five hundred in episode guaranteed seven out of thirteen abc you know i'm going
and i'm looking at my mush everything right you know it's everything ok and i hang up i go i just got a a tv series i gotta go to chicago sunday nbc you who but that was not so so it was paying off the acting you know and then when did the movie casual sex near the end of that and
and then the rodney special ed and that was it i still remember joe rogan being in the mother fucking halfway house and i had furloughs and they said to maine the new rule is you can't go on on new year's eve even if you have fur los so they had conference rooms at the halfway house and i said let me ask you guys a question what can i do in the conference from new year's eve and they said nothing i go what if i fucking rank it nigga you can rent it what do you want to offer several one hundred dollars and i want the air conditioner on all fucking night 'cause they always turn the air conditioner off i fucking put the airline i brought that there was a tv in there and i rented a vcr and i told all the index i know what you guys need to sing you fucking rooms or you could watch this comedian andrew
basically crazy nobody know who he was and i threw the fucking vhs and and that's why this for new year's eve and at that moment i knew i gotta do this yeah he told me when he say when i first met you would you like to buy a flower for the lady and he goes yeah so i could plant it in your ass i was crying not from funny i was crying 'cause i i had those thoughts this was a voice that was living in my head when i walked around and i saw somebody in people like oh look at that ladies dressed only she's a fucking dirty fucking cunt you know i'm saying but attached to voice i had in my head so i walked this is the view attic thing this is easier to this you have voice do you have a the other point is that i was living in boulder among the gentiles which slip is that thought the world was beautiful and i'm in the back of my head i
at this inner voice that would always look at people when judging though look at this fucking gym what is fuck in bergen socks i bet his wife his wife's a vegan ph is often a pussy when they're vegans the ph is that pussy there's like a carrot who saves feels like fucking breath 'cause they're vegans the ph is off so i would sit there since i would say all these dirty things in my mind so the first time i saw you at that halfway house i know i gotta do this try it because this guy is doing me this guys doing the guy that's living in my head this was who he was not to know that thing about what you know about all the inmates around the country while there's more in it's like joey we just gotta figure out how to get him out common remember when i met joey and he goes you know the back steps like i'm here close to you that's why i'm doing this that's a compliment to me you know it's like
wow well all bullshit aside you were at the front of the line for free speech for comedians you know people can decide whatever that no well it's offensive or no it's this notice that at the end of the day it's a kind of art and you might not like it but i'm not asking you to listen to gangsta rap either you listen what eh fuck you wanna listen to go i'm not saying you should go see a mob movie and watch one people get shot up but if you want to do that to do that and some should be allowed to make them you know you know it yet right now and i'd like to get people i've been getting a lot of cool people coming to see me lately in in vegas i mean it's like people i'd up to that i like the music like god of come way around like this past week and pit bull came with it is whole you know his whole show for twenty people saw send this guy sitting at tommy dice he goes i is watching you before
so you made it 'cause they did like certain tapes that were out there like with red fox and he goes i was watching you he knew when in eighty seven and rodney wasn't till eighty eight because i saw you like before that you know so they told me last night that taken me to see you and this is what i like mr worldwide this guy you know like blows my mind like the the kind of people that he was seven years old watching me you know it's like crazy shit bruno mars a few weeks ago i mean that's i cannot and these are people i look up to that i love there work seats is that place the laugh factory in vegas oh it's small it's three hundred and forty and now i'll come back there in april and then in may that put me in the big show room but i i told harry basil i said you know i'll go the big show room for that night i don't care but i'd rather work three night
it's for the same money in the small room then more money in the big room because i love being on top of the people i'm not out i mean there were certain big things that that are now coming my way there is talk about going into the garden september again because i you have all that to myself and the fans you know because things have built this crescendo again so it's like why not and plus my son things could be there and see it all come down and that's thrilling for me because i feel the reason dead doing really well now is be cause i teach them by example how to go after something an about eight years ago when i had to start gambling again just to pay my mortgage you know i would tell my son's gotta start gambling to pay your mortgage yeah because i just wasn't king enough money in the gigs you know so uh quit gambling for ten years what kind of gambling blackjack
is really good at it well i had thirty grand long story short i turned it into a million one fifty in a couple days ok and i only play alone that's how i play blackjack ann you know i was nice enough to give a lot of it back you know but i'm and but that's what gambling is but through these last few years uh building up again you know trust woody allen didn't go i want i want you my movie here's a couple one million dollars it doesn't work like that you know but it was an honor to do a movie for him so i still had to do to gambolling ann i ended the gambling with getting all the money for them to record their album be cause you know it's still not ridiculous figures i'm paying back taxes i'm taking care of things take a few years to take care of but i also knew rock and roll was coming you know with vine and roadies and
guns and roses back together now jethro toll and all these great rock bands are coming back so i want to my boys prepared so i gamble till i got every dime i needed for them to record like i would call dylan from vegas and go book another week in the studio it's handled you know and then i stopped you know just done goodnight us now i am now i am doing well again i'm doing concert it's happening now how long did you get before well this last run was about eight years that is you but you did it profitable yeah i would lose like any and they show gambling in dice the show you know 'cause hybrid in my life but but that you use as a strategy to figure out how to make money that's what you know what you know when my back's against the wall with him over there you know and when my back is against the wall you know the bottom line is i'm always going to take care of my family that's the way it is and i do what i
up to do you know to handle those things you know so i mean you know bruce over here would say don't gamble this and that you know but you know we i've helped him out i help everybody out that needed to help when we needed it and now we're doing good so i just stop that's just a crazy thing to plan on to like to try to make money by gambling well you know the bottom line is when you sit down to get number one i only play alone with a dealer and you only play blackjack only black just you and the dealer that so whatever you put up in front of you the only way to win is you gotta be willing to lose every penny in front of you with no fear to beat them and a lot of times i one and a lot of times walk outlet not winning but it's now and i recommend you know just like the performer i had a certain feel for it you know i mean i could walk into a casino you know i mean you
user guide play you know half a million at a clip you know that was years when i was doing like the arena shows and that was just like one slash two million dollars in night i could win or lose a half a million and a half hour today i lost a half a million by noon and by five in afternoon i want it all back plus another fifty five thousand it was plays like that but now it was more about win ten grand which to me is pretty simple to do you know because i'm so used to playing gigantic figures from years ago so i lose if i sit down at a table with five grand and i'm down two thousand five hundred i'm not going to sweat that because i know i could get that back in thirty seconds you know most of the time i would get out see you in ten grand you call your kids you go book the studio let's get it done so another one down no no no i gotta go i wish you a lot of luck i'll be there cheering you know that actual you know i love you god reasonably thank you for being here
how do you pass for lunch alright walk one thousand two hundred o'clock jamie i love you want to say thank you for the joe rogan where you at this become embraer so i'm in boston during the wilbur friday and saturday night i love you to make this short but i don't know sir interviews i could say what we've done three hours we could do it again anytime i will come here anytime you have built best your best and joey thank you again for me is honor for real dice the tv show give me a pound get a best pounding alright focus see soon thank you everybody for tune the podcast pre she ate the fuck i love you huarache buy stamps dot com go to stamps dot com use the code word jre when you click on the microphone at the top of the home page type in jre and you get one hundred and ten dollars bonus offer which includes postage and a free digital scale a four week trial were
also brought to you by legalzoom if you go to legalzoom dot com enter the code word rogan at checkout for a discount and we're also brought to you by zip fred croda zip recruiter can you try ziprecruiter for free if you go to ziprecruiter dot com slash rogan that zip recruiter dot com slash rogan were fueled each and every episode as always by caveman coffee caveman coffee co dot com that's caveman coffee with dot com go there and get yourself some of the best fucking coffee on the planet well that was a hell of an episode wasn't in gentlemen i mean what the fuck dice clay is such a unique individual i can never say that i know a guy even remotely like him not one person but he's a good guy i should say he's a great guy he's fun
i enjoy him i'm glad he's around i was a huge fan of his when i was a kid before i ever got a comedy and we talked about it a little bit but it really affected me when i watched everybody getting mad at him and boycotting him over over stand up up so i was how about you give people the opportunity to decide what they like and what they don't they don't like and if they don't like him they won't come to see him and they do you him if you think that is materials offensive by all means talk about it you know say it but there's a difference between that and kind the way i felt he wasn't getting any support it was always it was one side the other doesn't very few people were arguing for free speech and using andrew dice clay is comedy as an example but it it is important because i know him and because i know him i know like how much of it is just him fucking around and what he calls a goof it's a goof it's fun
any shit to me man and the idea that someone would try to take that away from people so annoying it's annoying that's all it is and i feel the same way about joey and joey hasn't experienced any backlash yet but he has a netflix special or something that's going to i mean it's going to come he's just too god damn funny not get it but it's the same thing it's like joeys comedy is so preposterous in over the top and if so actually get mad at his comedy i'm mad at you i'm mad at you for being so dumb like none of the things these guys are saying they really mean it looks like it's a style of art this fucking pie
cast is all over see you fucker soon alright much love
Transcript generated on 2019-10-05.